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#wanna try actually talking on here more again so
golden-moony · 2 days
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king of my heart | pt. 4
part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4
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yourusername
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liked by maxverstappen1, carlossainz55, landonorris, and 74,922 others!
yourusername life lately 💌
user1 swiftie, romcom lover and f1 fan... she's really one of us🩷
user2 and that's why she's the girlies' bestie
user3 QUEEN WE MISSED U SO MUCH
user4 as pretty as always 😍
user5 i'm probably reaching here but posting THAT movie feels like a statement's being made 👀
user6 right?? after all the drama she goes and posts that movie title and i just don't know how to feel user7 user6 thank god she just posted the title cause if she'd posted the "you can't lose something you never had" line, i would've lost my mind 😥 user8 or maybe yn just likes the movie??? user9 user8 THIS!! people act like there's a secret meaning to everything and i'm tired of that crap
user10 i'm a simple girl: i see yn and taylor swift in the same post, i like
user11 so what happened? were you starting to lose relevance and decided to come back?😂😂
user12 she needs to pay the bills somehow 😂 user13 girlie came back to keep playing the victim lol user14 y'all need to get a life asap.
user15 YOU DROP THIS QUEEN 👑
carmenmmundt gorgeous woman 😍
yourusername you are💗 user16 OMG MY FAV GIRLS INTERACTING user17 carmen please please please stay away from this problematic woman😕
user18 soooo are we gonna talk about lando liking the post or what
user19 girl i can't do this again user20 can't believe lando is back again with this bitch😒 user21 user20 wtf??? it's just a like omfg chill.
user22 yn please don't leave us again 🥺
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📞 calling Pato
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[yn; normal] [pato; cursive]
"Hi-"
"I'm not gonna lie, you are either very brave or very stupid for calling me right after the videos of your little date with Lando are going viral. Did you get tired of hiding your relationship?"
"...Guess I deserve that."
"[sights] What do you want, yn?"
"I swear I won't take up much of your time. I just want to talk... well, apologize, actually. I'd prefer to do it face to face rather than over the phone but I know that right now I'm probably the last person you wanna see. At least this way, if you don't wanna keep listening to me, you can just end the call."
"Well, I'm very tempted to end the call right now."
"Pato, I-"
"However, I'm also very curious about what you have to say."
"So...?"
"So I'll give you a chance to talk. But I promise you yn, if I hear any lame excuses, I will hang up and block you. Are we clear?"
"Hundred percent clear."
"Then talk."
"Well... first of all, I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I promise it was never my intention to hurt you, even if I ended up doing it anyway. I should've told you from the beginning the kind of relationship I had with Lando and I should've been honest with you, especially when my feelings towards you changed to something deeper. I kno-"
"Hold on. What?"
"What do you mean what?"
"What did you just say?"
"That I'm sorry I lied to yo-"
"No, no. The part about your feelings."
"Oh. Well... you heard me. And I don't know why you sound so surprised. I mean, what happened between me and Lando in Spain was a stupid and terrible decision I made, and I should've known better cause my feelings for you were getting stronger."
"Then why did you sleep with him?"
"I... [sights]. I've thought about it a lot in the last few weeks, you know? I was trying to put all the blame on Lando when in the end I was the one who took the initiative. We were just going to talk to end that situationship once and for all, and then I kissed him. And instead of stopping him when he was going for more, I just let it happen cause in my head it was a form of goodbye. Clearly I ended up feeling guilty but the damage was done. And when I could've made things right by telling you the truth about what happened, I didn't. I was embarrassed, but mostly scared of losing the best man I've ever known... but that ended up happening anyway, and I'm to blame for that."
"..."
"Pato?"
"Did you love him?"
"No. We started out as friends and one day I realized I was attracted to him, one night one thing led to another and we became friends with benefits ever since. He didn't want a relationship at that time and neither did I. But in the last few months that changed for me. I wanted a partner, a committed relationship. Lando wasn't that and I was tired of being just a "casual thing". So no. I liked him, but I never loved him."
"So what was that date night about?"
"Just us being adults and having a real and necessary conversation. I had things to apologize for and so did he. I think Lando and I finally found common ground and are ready to move forward... not with each other, just to be clear. Just friends and nothing else."
"For real this time?"
"For real this time. My priorities and my heart are elsewhere."
"Oh, really? Where?"
"I could tell you or I could show you. To be honest, and if you let me, I'd rather show you. You know, actions speak louder than words."
"Yeah, I've heard that. You have any idea?"
"It depends. What are you doing on Friday?"
pacers
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liked by elbaoward, tyresehaliburton, arrowmclaren, and 43,942 others!
pacers We had some motorsport representation in the house tonight!
user1 ynpato being hard launched (again?) by the pacers was not on my bingo card but i appreciate it🫶
user2 this is so random and i love it!! user3 the pacers earned my respect after this 🫡 user4 pacers stonks after this hard launch📈📈📈
user5 YNPATO BASKETBALL DATE? WE WON FR
user6 this is like straight out of a movie 😻 user7 THEY'RE SO ROMCOM CODED
user8 NOOO PATO NOT HER AGAIN 😫😫
user9 right? my week has been ruined. user10 keep cryin' haters 😘
indycar Hi yn and pato!! 👋
user11 basket date a few days after her post? she's an icon AND the mastermind fr 💅
user12 context?? user13 user12 her last ig post included a pic of "how to lose a guy in 10 days" and some people were speculating it could mean something, now yn goes with pato to a basketball game just like in the movie 😂 user14 SHE MANIFESTED IT AS THE QUEEN SHE IS🙌
user15 real question is: yourusername did Pato get you a soda?
patriciooward of course i did! 🙄 yourusername not only that but he also got his head in the game😏🏀 user16 I'M LIVING FOR THIS REFERENCES
user17 they make such a beautiful couple omg🥹
user18 are y'all forgetting she was in a date with lando just a few days ago????
user19 she belongs to the streets fr user20 the day y'all understand yn can be friends with lando or anyone is when you'll finally grow up.
user21 not related but she always slays with her outfits🔥
user22 fashion icon for real 🤩 user23 i want her wardrobe so bad😩
user24 YNPATO CONFIRMED 🚀🚀🚀
user25 i just wanna know if pato can fight 🤺
user26 i wanna be her so badly 😩
user27 same girl, same
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yourusername posted to their story!
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yourusername
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liked by arrowmclaren, oscarpiastri, frosenqvist, and 79,889 others!
yourusername And all at once, you are the one I have been waiting for. King of my heart, body and soul 🧡
user1 MOM AND DAD ARE THRIVING 😍
user2 and we love to see it! user3 this is their world and we're just living in it
user4 yn is stronger than me cause if Pato looked at me like in the second pic... 😳😳
user5 IKR??? I'M DEAD user6 i was not ready for that, i'm currently on the floor user7 i meaaaan she's dating him, she already won in life
user8 THE CAPTION???? omg they're so cute🥹
user9 YNPATO AND TAYLOR GANG WE WON
user10 relationship goals for real ❤️‍🔥
user11 tired of being a spectator, I WANT WHAT THEY HAVE😭
landonorris if you three weren't that cute i'd try to steal Norbi from you
patriciooward back off, Norris 🤺 landonorris watch out, O'Ward 🤺 yourusername oh hell no mclaren arrowmclaren may i have permission to ground these kids? mclaren you may proceed 😉 patriciooward WHAT landonorris THE BETRAYAL user12 i used to pray for interactions like these 😭😭 user13 user12 we've come so far 😭 user14 WAAAAR IS OOOOVER
user15 yn's living her best life and i'm so happy for her 🤧
elbaoward I don't appreciate being left out of the photo, but I love you lovebirds anyway 💘
yourusername imma post a dump of just beautiful pics of you😘 love u elbaoward i'll be waiting then ☺️ patriciooward i also want a photo dump🥺 yourusername no 😚 user16 i want to belong to this family so bad, do you need a nanny for Norbi or anything?
user17 atp I'm just waiting for the engagement announcement
user18 same but i don't think i'll survive it user19 CAN U IMAGINE? OMG
user20 tag yourself i'm Norbi in the last pic
patriciooward te amo, preciosa ❤️
yourusername love u more, handsome 🥰 user21 AND I LOVE YOU BOTH
taglist: @drunkinthemiddleoftheday @evie-119 @evans-dejong @minkyungseokie @noneofyourfbusinessworld @bernelflo @eiaaasamantha @ijustgomessitupx @honethatty12 @daemyratwst @f1fan65 @littlexscarletxwitch @sheslikeacurse @charlottejpg @lichterfee @callsignwidow @phantomxoxo @stinkyjax @rubywingsracing @willowpains @urfavsgf @biitch-with-wifi @lightdragonrayne @illicitverstappen @herebereblogs @tvdtw4ever @nataliambc @norwayxo
author's note: AND THAT'S A WRAP! Thank you so much for giving this story a chance💖 To my Lando girlies, don't be mad! He was a jerk in this story but I'll post another one where he gets the love he actually deserves. And to my Pato girlies, stay tuned! I plan to post more stories with him cause it's what our lovely man deserves. And if you want me to write about some other driver, feel free to send me a request! I'll see what I can do🧡 See y'all soon!
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teddybeartoji · 2 days
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lays down and kicks my feet, tell me some thoughts you have about satoru, draws circles on your blog with my finger
HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII JAZZ HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII:3333333333 IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU HEREE HEHEHEHHEEE i have a bunch of smaller headcanons for him i hope that's what you were looking for!!!!!!!!
HE DROOLS WHEN HE SLEEPS!!!!!!!! like actually drools. he also snores but the snoring is so fucking cute??????????? i hate him why is everything he does always so perfect?????????? bro can't even fucking drool and snore in a bad way smhhhhhhhhh
HE LOVES WATCHING YOU DO "HARD WORK"!!!!!!!!! and by "hard work" i mean shit like carrying around heavy things and idk putting together furniture or smth lmao. it most definitely turns him on too.......... there's just smth abt your dirty clothes and your sweat and your concentrated face and he loooooves when you tell him that you don't want his help!!! he always offers bc he's a Gentleman like that even though he knows you don't necessarily need it. but the way you just go "no-no, i got it." gets him going!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he wants youu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he's bringing you drinks like he's a proper malewife and then proceeds to just admire you while you work lmao.
HE LOVES CALLING YOU!!!!!!!!! calls you over the smallest things. he just wants to talk to you and he wants to hear your voice!!!!!! some of the calls are literally just minute long (and that's only bc he spends 30seconds on saying that he loves you), while some calls are hours long. oh and he absolutely adores if you do the same. he wants you to call and send voice messages!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOSES HIS SOCKS ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and he steals yours btw. he's constantly going "baaaaaaaabee! have you seen my sock?!" while the said sock is literally sitting on the chair right next to him SMHHH ok but when you show it to him he just turns to you with a dopey smile and gives you a sloppy, haste little kiss, mumbling how he doesn't know what he'd do without you............... i wanna marry him jazz i wanna marry him
LOVES KISSING YOUR TUMMYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he's always smiling while doing it too. you could just be lazing on the couch, scrolling on the phone and he's crawling on top of you. he pushes up your shirt just so he can see and feel your skin before pressing light, gentle kisses on you. if you peek at him from under your phone, you'd just find him staring back at you with sparkling eyes.
HE DOESN'T LIKE TEA???????? idk this just feels right okay... don't judge me i am an avid tea drinker so i am upset abt this too. no matter how much honey or sugar you put on it, he's always scrunching his nose at the taste. he is willing to try different ones just for you but i really feel like he's not a fan of any of the flavours. (FLAVOUR???? TEA FLAVOUR???? idk english is weird ok)
(he knows exactly how you like yours though. suguru has taught him how to make good tea, so satoru relishes in making you smile whenever he surprises you with a cup!!!! he knows when you want it too; he's a bit of a mind reader honestly. you sit down on the couch and he's already marching into the kitchen with a mission. it's his love language<33)
SHOWERS EVERY MORNING!!!!!!!!!! i think he loves showering. just overall. it gives him so much energy and it makes him feel so good, so fresh - it's the best way to start his day!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also sings in the shower. or more like yells in the shower. a lot. he's dumb and i love him. and then he always steps out of the bathroom with wet hair and just like a pair of pyjama pants on and he smells so fucking good aaaand it makes you wanna get him all dirty again!!!!! i said what i said.
(he sometimes just leans on the doorframe as he's brushing his teeth and just grins at you knowing full well that you wanna EAT HIMMM)
OKE I THINK I'M GONNA STOP HERE BEFORE I FULLY LOSE IT!!!!!!! BUT WAHHH I LOVE TALKING ABT HIM SOOO SO MUCH THANK YOU FOR DROPPING BY AND THANK YOU FOR INDULGING ME JAZZ<333333333333333 I HOPE YOU'RE HAVING AN AMAZING DAY MY LOVEE MWAH MWAH MWAHMWAH!!!!!
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hockybish · 2 days
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MIA
l hughes sister au l lola hughes l masterlist
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"Lola hasn't shown up yet has she?" Maisie asked. She was missing her future sister-in that she had gotten to know well as she was now of the only influential females in Luke's life that actually liked her.
"Her flight should be landing in a couple of hours. Once we get unloaded I'll go pick her up." Luke set a timer, to make sure he would have enough time to get there on time. "Wanna come with?"
Luke and Maisie got there with plenty of time to spare, so they took the time to just talk since they were still working things out in their own relationship.
"Shouldn't she be out by now? It's been a couple of hours."
"Yeah. She should be" Luke looked around from the spot where they were sitting. It was a high traffic day and there were quite a few people milling about.
Luke stood up to get a better look. He scanned though the crowd, only to come up empty. "Watch for her, I'm going to stand in line at the desk over there, maybe they know something?"
He stood there for what seemed like for forever. In the meantime, Luke had a chance to shoot a message to Jack and called Mason.
“No I haven’t really seen her in a week” Mason admitted to the frustrated Luke.
“Shit” Luke mumbled. The desk attendant was beckoning him forward it was his turn. “Look I gotta go. Can you look around? Maybe Z knows. Call me if you find anything”
“Likewise” mason was worried about the girl he was in love with.
Luke pocketed his phone, stepping up to talk to the lady. He grabbed the paper that had Lola’s flight itinerary on it and showed it to her.
“Can you tell me anything about this flight my sister’s on? I thought it landed a while ago but I haven’t been able to find her and she’s not answering her phone.”
The lady nodded and started typing and clicking away on her computer coming up with answer for the desperate brother.
“Well I can’t tell you whether she’s on the flight. But that plane did get in on time about an hour ago and everyone should be off by now. I’m sorry there’s not much more I can do. Maybe check baggage claim?
--
"Hey man, please tell me Lola is in Vancouver with you. And she's not missing again." Luke asked into the phone.
He raced back to the lake house, only to find Jack was the only one there. Luke dreaded calling his eldest brother, but he knew it was for the best if he did, just to check that box off.
"What do you mean, she hasn't shown up yet?!" Quinn was trying to keep his cool. He was the one to deal with their sister the last time she decided to run away.
He didn't have time for it this time.
"I don't know Q. I went to the airport to pick her up and she wasn't there. I thought maybe her flight got in early and she didn't want to wait for us, so she got a ride home. But she isn't here!"
"Fucking find her. And whatever you do, don't tell mom or dad, yet" Quinn grumbled hanging up on his brother.
He wasn't worried or at least he tried to convince himself of that. He had complete faith his brothers would find her. But just incase he started making a few phone calls of his own.
--
"Lola Clementine Hughes if you are here you better fucking come out right now! There are people worried sick about you." Trevor barged into the place where Leo had been staying.
"Guys I told you yesterday she isn't here anymore. She left." Leo jumped at the loud voice.
"She left? So she was here at some point in time?" Mason frowned. When they were there yesterday, the rookie failed to mention Lola had been there. "Do you have any idea where she went?"
"Shit. I wasn't supposed to say that." Leo looked at the ground not wanting to make direct eye contact with either of his teammates. He started picking at the skin on his thumb, his nerves starting to get the best of him.
"Carlsson tell us everything you know right now, and we'll help protect you from her brothers, who probably kill you if they knew she was at your place and you let her slide right through your fingers."
"Clem asked me not too."
"Dude. Her family is just worried about her. That's all."
He shouldn't have been so scared of her brothers or her extended family like that. but he was because that family included a lot of guys who were bigger than he was. And the thought of something happening to her brought out his stutter again.
"Uh. I ran into her in the hall before the flight to Vegas. She asked if she could stay at my place while we were gone. I told her sure. And she left a few days later. I honestly don't know where she is now. I swear!" Leo spilled the beans on what he knew.
After they interrogated the child a little more, Mason and Trevor were satisfied that he really didn't know anything more and was telling the truth.
“Where do we go now?” Mason climbed back to Trevor’s car.
“Alex” Trevor replied taking off.
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"Lola what are you doing here?" Matty asked the girl who had just shown up at his door unexpectedly at three am.
He had gotten back from Boston early that morning. They had a game the next and he needed sleep if he was going to do well so they could stay alive.
"I need a place to stay for a bit. I promise you won't even know I'm here." Lola looked around the simple apartment, it could a little more furnishings, but at the same time seemed very Matty.
"Aren't you supposed to be in Michigan?" He cocked an eyebrow and pursed his lips.
Matty could tell she was running away again, he didn't care though. His home would always be open to Lola.
"I can't. Jack-" She wasn't going to get into it right now and Matt could tell and wasn't going to press the matter any further for now.
"You want to go to my game tonight, if you're not to sick of hockey. We can dress you up in Leafs' gear, no one will ever know you're there."
Lola shrugged, it could be fun
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danieyells · 14 hours
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@mayoigotokurousagi LAST ONE OF YOURS here's Jin!!!
Jin is. . .he's a lot sweeter than you'd expect once his affinity gets high lol. . . . I FEEL LIKE I ENDED UP WITH A LOT OF COMMENTARY HERE. . .he just acts very different as affinity goes up, i have to point shit out haha
If you've got a message(no affinity required):
"Hey, you've got mail. Don't tell me you're not going to open it. What if it was for me?" おい、手紙。放っとくつもりじゃねぇだろうな。 俺宛があったらどうすんだ? あ?
Jin, why would your mail be in my. . .whatever
No affinity required:
"Kneel! Tsk... Where's {PC}? Bring her to my room." 跪け! ……チッ。あの女はどこだ。今すぐ俺の部屋に連れてこい
"What? Your schedule's not my problem. Just arrange it around me." あ? お前の都合なんて知らねぇ。黙って俺に合わせてりゃいいんだよ
Affinity 1:
"...Huh? I don't want to see your face at the crack of dawn. Get out." ……あ?寝起きから、その面見せんな…… 下がってろ
given how vulgar his speech is sometimes i'm surprised he didn't say "asscrack of dawn"
Affinity 2
"Tell the chef I'm not in the mood for meat today." ……シェフに伝えろ。今日は肉の気分じゃねぇってな
Affinity 4:
"Put my dinner over there. I'll eat later if I feel like it." ディナーはそこに置いておけ。気が向いたら食っておく
i am once again asking the ghouls to FUCKING EAT PROPER MEALS.
Affinity 6
"A Class C anomaly? Miss me with that weak shit. Why do you think we have a Vice Captain?" あ? C級怪異? つまんねぇことに俺を巻き込むな。 何のために副寮長がいるんだ?
MISS ME WITH THAT WEAK SHIT I AM IN TEARS WHO TAUGHT YOU TO TALK LIKE THAT. . . .
Affinity 7
"What about class? Ha. What makes you think you can lecture me? Worry about yourself." ……授業の時間? ハッ、俺に説教とはいい度胸じゃねぇか。お前は自分の心配でもしてろ
Affinity 9
"Bianerus! ...I'm not feeling it today. You can go." <ビアネルス> …………チッ。調子が悪い。今日はもう下がれ
Affinity 12
"...I'm hungry. Go order lunch. For two." ……腹が減ったな。おい、ランチの手配をしろ。2人分だ
i guarantee you the pc did not consider that he meant "i want to eat lunch with you" the first time this happened. she probably just thought "damn jin's hungry today."
Affinity 13
"You have plans? Take a second and really think about whether your plans are more important than me before you open that mouth again." 今日は都合が悪い? ……俺より優先する価値があるか、よく考えてから口を開け
Affinity 16
"Why do you look so worn out? If you're going to serve me, learn how to take better care of yourself. Tohma, take her to the infirmary." おい下僕、なんだその顔色は。俺に仕えるなら体調管理は万全にしろ。 塔真、こいつを保健室に運んでこい
why the infirmary. . .i don't think she needs a doctor i think she needs a nap. You're overworking her didn't Taiga tell you not to break her you donut
Affinity 17
"It's still early... You want to practice the waltz? Bold, aren't you? You're going to be sore tomorrow." まだこんな時間か。 ワルツの練習?……生意気に催促しやがって。 覚悟しろよ。お前は明日、筋肉痛だ
are we still. . .talking about the. . .dancing. . . .
Affinity 18
"You want to dine with me? Ha. All right. Show me if you've learned anything." お前と俺が、ディナーを一緒に? ハッ、面白ぇ。お手並み拝見といこうか
Affinity 19
"It's quiet tonight... Sit here, next to me. We're playing a duet. Don't give me that look. You'll know this song." 今夜は静かだな……隣に座れ。 連弾だ。そんな顔すんじゃねぇよ。 ……お前も知ってる曲だ
i would like to add that the expression he makes during this one is described as pouting and acting like a spoiled child. He's holding your wrist and pulling you a bit, trying to get you to sit next to him. . .telling you you're going to play piano together. . .he wants to play a song you know. Maybe even a song you like. So. . .please spend time with him. Together. Not under his command, but. . .with him.
Please?
Affinity 20
"Waking me up every morning was your idea, so I'd better see you here tomorrow too. That's an order." ルーティンにしたのはお前だろ。責任取って、明日も起こしに来い。 ……これは命令だ
how quickly we go from "i don't wanna see your face first thing in the morning" to "i had better see your face every morning". . . . (it's not quickly at all. it's actually an incredibly slow process getting affinity up.)
Affinity 21
"...I was too active yesterday. Massage me, servant. ...What the hell was that? Put some muscle into it." チッ。昨日は体を動かしすぎたな。 下僕、次はマッサージだ。 ……足りねぇよ。もっと強く押せ
i love this one he's just like bitch what the fuck kinda weak ass massage is that put some back into it?????
Affinity 22
"You don't know about dining etiquette? I don't have time for this... If you want me to teach you, I better see that nose on the grindstone." テーブルマナーがわからない? 面倒くせぇ……俺に教わるからにはそれ相応の覚悟があんだろうな?
we are reaching critical levels of "i need to make you presentable so you can meet my father"
Affinity 23
"What's that? My helicopter, obviously. Quit gawking and get in." 俺のヘリだ。見たらわかんだろ。……いいから、さっさと乗れ
get in servant idk where we're going but you are going with me
Affinity 24
"I've got plans early tomorrow. Your house is too far. Stay here tonight." 明日は早朝から用事がある。お前が寝泊まりしてる寮からじゃ間に合わねぇかもな。 今夜は、ここに泊まれ
another expression note. . .he's looking away and putting his hand on the back of his neck here. He's shy, almost. Because he's not asking you to stay over to perform some task. It's not your usual master-servant dynamic. He just wants you close to him. As close as possible. He really is rather sweet.
Affinity 25(max)
"Never learn, do you? I don't take you being here for granted. I know it won't last forever. That's all I'm going to say." 懲りないやつだな。言っておくが、こうやってお前が隣にいること…… 俺は、永遠に続くとは思ってねぇぞ
Jin makes a sad face when he says it won't last forever. Now if only I had the means to see that expression. Someday. Maybe. He knows that once your curse is broken you'll probably go back to your ordinary life. If your curse can't be broken you'll die. And if you, for some reason, continue to stay at Darkwick even after being cured, he'll be a fourth year next year--he's gonna go off to do field work. Eventually he'll work in the highest levels of Darkwick's industrial complex and eventually he'll take his father's place as the president. With all of this, there's no way you'll be able to be together, no matter what. This is a short lived burst of happiness and attachment for him. It means a lot more to him than you realize.
Spring
"(yawn) What's with that look? I'm not allowed to yawn?" ふぁっ…… あ? 何だその顔は。俺があくびして悪ぃか?
"The flowers you can see from the balcony? Yeah, I had them planted. ...My mother liked them." バルコニーから見える花……?ああ、俺が植えさせた。 …………お袋が好きだった花だ
"Sunset's supposed to be nice this time of year. Come on, servant. Before I change my mind." 春茜か……おい下僕、少し外に出る。 俺の気が変わる前に付き合えよ
"You're going to see the cherry blossoms tonight with the brats? Suit yourself. I doubt any of you can appreciate them." あ? ガキどもと夜桜を見に行く? 勝手にしろ。お前らに、あの風情がわかるとは思えねぇけどな
Summer
"Those little shits are so loud this morning... They're worse than the cicadas. Tohma, go exterminate them." クソ、朝からガキどもがうるせぇ。 塔真、あのセミより鬱陶しい奴らを駆除してこい
MODS, PUT 'EM IN THE BLENDER.
"What kind of moron chooses to go out in the sun this time of year? Unless you want your brain to melt, stay here with me." わざわざこの時期、日を浴びようなんて奴は馬鹿しかいねぇ。 お前も脳みそ溶かしたくなきゃ、ここにいろ
jin. . .this is frostheim. it is PERMANENTLY WINTER here, even to the point of that the day-night timing doesn't change. It's not hot unless we leave the boundaries of frostheim. . . .
"You've got tickets to a fireworks festival? The view's better from a helicopter. ...You've got guts thinking you can show me a good time, peasant." あ? 花火大会の観覧席チケット? 花火はヘリから見るもんだろ。庶民の分際で俺を誘いやがって……
'peasant' is worse than 'servant' in my opinion. . . .
"Haven't heard the sound of waves for a while... Get the speedboat. I'll drive." しばらく波の音も聞いてねぇな…… おい、今すぐクルーザーを出せ。操縦は俺がする
jin just shoving you into various vehicles to take you places is really funny to me for some reason. you're like his purse dog. he just wants to take you everywhere even if it doesn't really benefit him to do so.
Autumn
"I overworked myself. Go get Tohma. I was right having him get that PT license. I should have you get one too." 塔真を��べ、オーバーワークした。 あいつに整体の資格を取らせたのは正解だったな。 下僕、お前も取るか
. . .doesn't that take like three years minimum in japan. . .how did you get him to get that. . .didn't he only meet you like two and a half years ago and you weren't even in the same house then. . .is that a darkwick offered course. . . .
"A pumpkin spice latte? I'm not drinking this saccharine garbage. Give the rest to the brats." あ? パンプキンスパイスラテ? こんな甘ったるい茶は飲まねぇよ。残りはガキどもにやっとけ
what do you think he is, a basic bitch like you?
"My favorite family vacation? Don't have one. This conversation is over." 行楽の思い出?そんなもんねぇよ。 ……この話は終わりだ
"I don't play the piano because I like it. It's just force of habit." 別に、ピアノが好きで弾いてるわけじゃねぇよ。ただの惰性だ
Winter
"...Don't fucking wake me up. Come back later." ……起こすんじゃねぇ。話なら後にしろ
he hates the heat he hates the cold. . .well he also hates mornings in general. . . .
"Why is my name on this snowman? Tohma, give me your gloves. Whichever half-wit made this has shit for eyes." なんで雪だるまに、俺の名前が? ……塔真、手袋を貸せ。これ作った奴の目は、確実に腐ってやがんな
"is that supposed to be me. . .? aw hell no i am fixing this shit"
"Tell the chef and the brats we're having a roast dinner tomorrow. Kobe beef. They know how I like it." 明日はローストディナーだ、シェフとガキどもに言っとけ。 肉は神戸牛でな。焼き加減はわかってるはずだ
i like that the frostheim ghouls eat dinner together like a family. . .jin looks at Kaito and Lucas and goes 'those are my idiot sons. i cannot stand them.'
"You're staying here tonight, servant. I'll show you an aurora you couldn't even dream of." 下僕、今夜は泊まれ。最上級のオーロラを見せてやる
see how this is worded differently from when he asks you to stay over because 'your house is too far away'? even when he's trying to be sweet to you, as long as he maintains your power imbalance he feels comfortable--he has something over you here--but trying to lay his feelings bare, just saying 'i want you to stay with me', that's so much more than he's used to saying.
His birthday
"A birthday party? This has Tohma written all over it, that asshole's always using me to— You're planning it? ...I'll think about it." 誕生日パーティー? 塔真の奴、また俺を客寄せに使って…… 違う?お前が主催? ……気が向いたらな
Your birthday
"The song I just played? It's G. F. Handel. He wrote it for the queen's birthday." さっき弾いた曲?……G.F.ヘンデルが、女王の誕生日に送った曲だ
in case you don't get the significance of what he's saying here. . .lemme fetch one of Tohma's lines for you--
"I'm no more than a servant. Frostheim is ruled by a king, you see." 私はあくまで小間使いですよ。フロストハイムには、キングがいますから
my dude I think jin just called you his queen--only for your birthday though don't get cocky, servant
New Years
"Hope you're ready for another year being at beck and call, servant. First up, my New Year's courtesy calls. Go do them for me." おい、下僕。今年も俺専用の女中として必死に尽くせよ。 まずは新年の挨拶回りだ。代わりに行ってこい
'happy new year! your purpose is still serving me.'
Valentine's Day
"What's that sad-looking box you're holding? ...Oh. No, don't throw it away. I'll take it." なんだ? この貧相な包みは。 ……ああ、そういうことか。 捨てなくていい。受け取ってやるよ
jin is one of those characters who probably gets a mountain of chocolates given to him by admirers, all brand name and like from famous confectioners and shit. real nice fancy packages. so he sees your shitty little unprofessional homemade thing and is like 'tf is that' before he realizes it's for him and it's made with love and he just. . .ah. no, i want that, actually.
April Fool's Day
"Hey, are you all right? ...Tsk. If that was a joke, it wasn't fucking funny. I've changed my mind. Cancel all my plans for the day." おい、お前大丈夫か?  ……チッ。質の悪ぃ嘘だな…… 気が変わった。今日の��定はすべてキャンセルだ
i feel like Jin is about to put together the most elaborate prank and it's gonna hurt someone's feelings or get somebody hurt and no one will find it funny and he'll end up feeling super shitty. like that one spongebob episode.
Halloween
"Where the hell's Tohma? Asshole sent the brats to my room to beg for candy. Next time I see him I'm going to wring his fucking neck." クソ……塔真はどこだ。俺の部屋に籠持ったガキども寄こしやがって。 あいつ……ぶっ殺すぞ……
okay but did you give them candy?
Christmas
"Go tell Tohma what color dress you're wearing tonight. Why? Maybe I'll wear a matching ascot tie. If I feel like it." 今夜着るドレスの色を塔真に伝えておけ。 あ? 理由? 気が向いたらアスコットタイの色を合わせてやる
Idle
"Shit... This is throwing me off. Who does that servant think she is?" ……クソ……調子が狂う。 下僕の分際で、舐めやがって……
he feels so wrong without you next to him aw
Absent for an extended period of time?
"...You've got guts abandoning your place at my back, servant. I'm going to have to retrain you." …………っ、おい……下僕は常に主人の後ろにいるもんだろうが。 お前は再教育だ
ONCE AGAIN IT FEELS LIKE I PUT NEARLY ALL OF THEM IN. . .the way he treats the pc in so many different ways but it makes sense with his character and feelings. . .as far as the home screen lines go, Jin definitely loves you in some capacity. He's actually quite clingy. . .i'm a little too sleepy for more coherent thought haha
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aayakashii · 1 day
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I'm going through the Sinostra chapter right now and I can't stop making theories omg there might be spoilers below so be careful, although I'm just enumerating my questions tbh lol
According to one of Taiga's home screen dialogs, there might be some sort of time loop happening which he's KINDA aware of? Or maybe just aware when triggered somehow.
He said "long time no see! You decide to ditch this future too? Sorry I'm not dead yet" which is INCREDIBLY ooc as to how he behaves during the story which leads me to
His extreme memory loss, which apparently lasts less than 24 hours. Why is that? Did he go through so many time loops that it started affecting his memory? There was one small moment in which he remembered Ritsu because he saw the MC face though...
The Clash. What the fuck was it
What's Taiga relationship to Haru? Haru sounds eerily nonchalant regarding Taiga even though the man keeps on threatening Peekaboo. And aftewards, Rui briefly mentions that Taiga has a "destroying what others hold dear" schtick, which leads me to believe that Taiga is seeking revenge for losing something important maybe???? Is the fanfic brainrot too big rn
WHY DOES HE HATE LIKE DOVES??????? I dont wanna go full romantic mode, but is he just resentful of seeing a bird that is the physical representation of someone else's feelings or something......
The spy. Honestly no idea. There's some theories floating around that Haku is the spy, but I would rather see him during the Hotarubi episode before jumping to conclusions, but it's understandable how people might think that I guess...? He IS very nice and helpful and randomly finding the MC fleeing by train was way too much of a coincidence... he does seem to always tie the MC to Darkwick somehow, firstly by KIDNAPPING her and then by talking her into staying. If the MC is the trigger to a bigger event, then one could see that as suspicious. But I would like a bit more evidence first lol
Back to Taiga, why is he. Like why
Okay no but seriously. If we take the timeloop thing seriously + Haku being a spy, here's the theory:
Taiga knows the MC is the trigger for an awful event and tried killing them back in the Prologue in order to cut the problem on its roots. Haku, if we consider him as the spy, WANTS the event to happen (considering he could also be aware of the loop), which is why he saved us and took us to Darkwick, therefore letting it all play out once again.
If Haku isn't the spy, then we would have to chalk it up as Taiga knowing and trying to kill us, but destiny (???) being a bitch, therefore putting Haku there as a pawn to make things play out again
Maybe the spy can control other ghouls? Who know tbh
Finally, what is going on during the first scene we see in the game? Darkwick on fire and the first character we choose jumping off of the building? I wonder what would happen if we choose Taiga as our first card....... maybe I should create a sub acc
Anyway if anyone has more questions/theories PLEASE SEND THEM MY WAY IM OBSESSED WITH THIS GAME I NEED TO THINK ABT IT
There is also a good theory on reddit made by u/imonlybr16 that states this:
"Before the prologue, when you open the game for the first time, you're greeted with the opening scene involving MC running through the halls of a ruined Darkwick. The question is asked "When the world is collapsing around you, whose hand will you take?"
There you're taken to your character choice screen. The guy you choose is later shown on the railing of a balcony, about to jump off.
Now I think I have a very far fetched and vague idea as to what is going on.
In chapter 2, we learn that the person that Alan killed was Dante or at least he thought he did. But we meet Dante and he's very much alive.
This comes theory number one.
***You can't actually die on campus.***
Note the use of actually here. You can 100% still die, you just end up coming back to life.
If Rui is your home screen he talks about accidentally killing someone else in his dorm and being annoyed with having to lift them back to Obscuary. This struck me as a particularly odd dialogue because Rui's curse causes people to die.
Unless, you can't die on campus.
This would explain Dante pretty much instantly. Yes Alan killed him but yes he's alive.
The campus itself is an anomaly, stopping people from dying doesn't sound too far fetched. I expect this to be revealed with the other two members of Obscuary, as that dorm seems to have a connection to death. One of the things that always pops up is that ghouls aren't immortal, no matter how quickly they heal.
Also explains how Calamari didn't die in chapter 3. Ren ran from the dorm > the caves > the jetty and Calamari was already pretty dehydrated in the beginning.
But OP you might say, aren't all the guys talking like they believe they're going to die.
Luckily, that brings us to vauge and far fetched theory number two.
***The campus is on fire due to a rebellion***
In the very last chapter of the prologue we get to see Kaito's wickhive. There we see three pretty interesting threads.
. There's gonna be an uprising soon
. One of you is a demon
. There's a guy who could see the future
Kaito is surprised at something he sees in this scene but we don't learn what it is. This chapter's 'preview' is one of the scenes we see in the very beginning. Blood and a Lily.
I believe that the first thread is foreshadowing and will . After you meet your chosen guy standing on the railing you get a line of dialogue (or not if you picked Towa) that changes depending on who you picked. Some imply that what they're doing is going to save you(Jiro, Zenji and Sho), some apologize stating that they could protect what they cared about until the very end (Luca,Kaito,Haru and Yuri) but three characters caught my attention
Leo: Life sucks and then you die,right? I just want to make the assholes responsible regret it.
Ren: This is exactly why I didn't to do this! I knew this was how it was going to end.
Subaru: This is all my fault. I don't expect you to forgive me, but this is the least I can do. Please take this as my final act of good faith.
Especially Subaru's and Ren's, that seemingly imply either the MC's (Ren's) or their (Subaru) involvement in the current situation. Now what does this has to do with a potential uprising?
One of the things we learn from the very beginning is the inter-politics of the houses and by extension the ghouls. Especially after the fallout of the clash. Things are pretty tense and an uprising or rebellion seems to be the most likely thing.
As to what happened and why? I have no clue. Though one thing to note is that according to the prophecy, as long as the ghouls are in Darkwick, they prevent a disaster from coming. If Darkwick is destroyed however, the prophecy can't be fulfilled, or can it?"
This is such a good theory too, I really think u/imonlybr16 has probably gotten a lot of things right.
Although it's weird that death is such a big threat to us specifically, but maybe the Academy can't prevent death by curses, much like the Mesmer Matches dont work on someone who's cursed. Hhmm...
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bambifornia · 2 days
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huuUOOoLRgGghh fiinnne I can't stay away from you all
i bring more autobot!swindle. plus my attempt at writing his backstory
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disclaimer : most of the stuff below isn't canon i just wrote this for fun. if u guys wanna make ur own swindle backstories i invite yall to do so :D we will make our own swindle content
swindle came online during cybertron's early years of the age of expansion. the autobots (with their goal to expand cybertron's empire) engineered a set of bots who would serve cybertron as its intergalactic merchants, programmed to be ambitious bots who sought profit. they also came with bigger processors (for storing transactions and whatnot) and versatile frames (so they could withstand organic climates)
shortly after coming online, swindle was assigned a teacher (another merchant) who'd pass down the knowledge of the trade. swindle did his best to keep up with his lessons
as a student, swindle was determined and clever. as a bot, though...eughh...
- he had less of a filter, and didn't know how to keep a poker face
- his little new England accent used to be a lot thicker (think earthspark swindle)
- very friendly, had a lot of amicas back in the day (he was definitely the "I know a bot" guy). it was a struggle for him to keep quiet
- loved hands on activities, hated sitting still
- kept a journal detailing his intergalactic trips. tried to doodle any organics he found interesting
- LOVED shiny stuff. he was like a crow lmao
- his sharp glossa would sometimes get his aft beat
- despite being a chatterbox, he wasn't as suave back then. he'd often get himself in awkward situations, which he'd try to talk himself out of the embarrassment but he'd end up digging a deeper hole for himself
- petty king. also kinda nosy and had a thing for gossip
- loved pranking, and teased the bots he liked
once he was ready, swindle was given a ship and assigned a trading post (as a starting point). from that point, swindle was a rootin tootin merchant and nothing bad ever happened to him again :D...
...
until the quintessa skirmishes
the age of expansion ended with border disputes between cybertron and quintessa. multiple skirmishes sproutted along the border, and while swindle didn't fight in them, he was certainly caught in the crossfire. swindle ended up with a broken ship, a looted inventory, and a bungled up frame. he had to return to cybertron for repairs
back on cybertron, swindle finds a planet wildly different from the one he knows. tensions between autobots and decepticons are rising, and the banks aren't holding up that great. swindle finds himself in a tight spot (financially speaking) since he still has to deal with his losses from quintessa. unable to go back to his actual merchant job, swindle resorts to taking odd jobs to keep himself afloat (yes, even stealing)
when the war breaks out, swindle gets drafted into the front lines (a decision that still baffles him to this day). since he's not much of a fighter, the autobots have swindle work as a spy, ordering him to smuggle weapons out of decepticon servos...
in future hindsight, that was a poor decision
---
wrapping it up here because i don't want this post to get too long LMAO but I still have more ideas for him if yall are interested. just know that this is not the end of swindle lore
ALSO I finally came up with autobot!swindle designations :D I've narrowed it down to 3 and I need help deciding. it's either between
quickdime - cuz. you know. he's always looking to make a quick buck
treasury - his subspace acts like a treasury if you kinda think about it
fortune - idk it sounds cute. besides fortune tends to "favor the bold and clever"
if u made it this far then congrats. thank u for listening to me yap. have a bonus doodle
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unorcadox · 10 months
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it’s kinda crazy how no matter how much positive feedback i get on my work, there’s one negative comment someone made that’s stuck in my mind like glue
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sleepyblr-heart · 1 month
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this'll hurt you more than it'll hurt me
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chrisbangs · 6 days
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i finished thesis, won an award, and have graduated.. hello 👋🥸
#i'm not coming back but :') hello#i forgot i even had tumblr still on my phone djdkdkdkdk#i just opened it for the first time in ??? 5 months or smth i think idk for sure#life is weird :')#remember when i said i wanna drop out every day of my life :') bc i suck at design#welp i won an award for my design thesis :')#jsjdjdkdkdkdj#turns out having friends kinda changes your life 🫂#having friends at school has actually :') made me a happier more normal person lol#i haven't been miserable?? i haven't wanted to kms ... i have been so happy and yes school was shitty but i wanted to go and try hard bc#my friends motivated me to stay and try and that's crazy :') idk#felt really loved and like i belonged somewhere for the first time in my life 🫨 like woah ppl like me and wanna be my friend? me??#:') i'm really happy... isn't that weird#i used to want to kms every other day hsjdndkdkdks lol 😭#now i'm like 😭 every day i look forward to waking up bc i'm happy and i have ppl who love me and i wanna see them again and i wanna spend#time with them again and play games with them again :')#literally stayed up till ??? 4 am yesterday talking to one of them like#😭#god jm djjdkdkdkd idk :')#my life is good...#???? IM NOT MISERABLE IDK GUYS#wild af#even winning the award was such a shock like 🥲 damn . who ? me?#ppl from like :') this big design thing in toronto we're praising it too like djdjdodjdkdj#:') it's kinda crazy.. i was super !#man.. i cant believe how 5 months ago i was gonna kms 🥸👆 and now i'm like erm actually maybe we do need to live#:') anyway#i hope ppl on here are doing good 🫨🔨#it is sad to not be here as much but also 👋😌 i'm happy to be free at the same time so ✨
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luck-of-the-drawings · 11 months
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"You'll never drown if you keep swimming.." very nice words to hear after the stressful ordeal of making a deal with the devil! I REALLY LOVE JAY FERIN. when shes not carrying the team in battle shes very much carrying more emotional luggage than others seem to give her credit for. im cheering for her! go girl, go get the team together!
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dawntheduckrb · 5 months
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I'll stop posting wips eventually but it's been five days since I've said anything and I don't want anyone to think I'm dead/dying/stuck in a ditch and withering away, so here's 10% of the reason I disappeared (the duck is stuck in rendering hell) (and my little baby laptop is screaming at me every time I open up this file)
I might still be mostly lurking for a little bit so please be patient with me in the meantime 🙏🙏
#seriously though I'm sorry for just up and disappearing like that#wanna talk to people and interact with them so bad lately but I just can't bring myself to do it#so the best i can manage is blabbing in the tags like always#i don't know wtf is going on but over the past few days I've just felt like i don't deserve to talk to anyone#tried to reblog posts from mutuals several times but something in my head keeps saying;#'yeah they don't actually care for your input at all and you're being a bother for even trying etc etc'#and i know deep down that's probably not true (i hope) but i can't reason it away you know#and i know the best solution to this is to just talk to someone#let it be known that i *did* make an attempt to#i tried texting someone (and succeeded) but i couldn't keep doing it and I'm back at square one (and now feel worse lmao)#i'm not really putting this here for anybody to see it as much as i am for myself#but i know that (hypothetically) this could be seen by a real human so it still kinda feels like I'm reaching out in a way which feels nice#makes me feel less like I'm shriveling up in my own self imposed solitude#so uh hello person who might be reading the tags (there's six of you guys here now which is crazy cause i post nothing but junk here lol)#((but thanks anyway for following and even more thanks for reading this if you did))#i'll make my way around all the posts i missed soon enough don't worry#i'm sorry i'm really not meaning to ignore anybody#i have drafted quite a few posts from moots that i couldn't finish leaving comments on but i have seen them#everyone here is super cool and talented as always <3 whether that be through art or writing or just finding neat posts to share#this wall of text is long enough and i'm very eeby so thank you again for reading this#tldr; not dead and i'll be okay eventually :)#not rb#hey look i didn't post a picture of my dog this time (a crime)#i'll make sure to share one the next time i get a good one
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arklay · 1 year
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WIP DAY.
tagged by @girlbosselrond @morvaris @aartyom @risingsh0t @phillipsgraves @leviiackrman @indorilnerevarine & @denerims over the past month! sorry it's taken me so long to get to anything at all, i'm sure you guys have heard me address it enough, but thank you all so much for continuing to tag me in things while i've been inactive ♡
tagging @aelyosos @brujah @calenhads @florbelles @jendoe @lightwardens @liurnia @nokstella @nuclearstorms @shadowsofrose @shellibisshe @steelport @swordcoasts @wrymbloods @voerman & all of those who tagged me again cause i'm so behind + anyone else who'd like to share anything they're working on, not just writing! ♡
i haven't written anything since the last wip game i did, but i started trying to put diana's timeline together at the start of january, so i mean... i'll show that instead. as you can see, fatigue hasn't let me do much with it even though i've got all of her timeline already done and strewn about all over the place.
started with 1995 onwards cause it was originally going to be an ewskers timeline situation, but then wanted to include all of her backstory so i went back to the start and still have the late 80s and early 90s to get through before then, but yeah :]
it's going to include like all little moments i've thought of between the ewskers just for me and placing them on the timeline, so you can imagine how long this is going to get if i have to go to 2021 for village... like just 1996-1998 is going to be so much... she's very special to me if you couldn't tell already lmaoo
never sharing this though, it's just for me, and like will help for when i do her timeline page (more in-depth version of what's on her oc page) to just run through canon events and brief descriptions and whatnot. you understand.
everything is blurred out besides 1995 ewskers momence and the years, just cause like idk her i feel weird sharing her in-depth backstory unless it's in dms or something, just cause there's lots going on there and yeah. things. idk
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i also made a carrd for twt if you wanna have a look at that :] there's some cheeky subtle things with the two resi items i used as pics hehe
actually, you know what, i'll give a lil bit from where i left of with that rewrite anyways, even though it's been months since i wrote it. but why not
Wesker left a fleeting kiss behind her ear then reached around her and hooked his fingers beneath her coat, prompting Diana to glance back at him. But all he did was gently pull it from her shoulders. She watched him from out of the corner of her eye as he hung it up on the rack by the door, his movements careful and almost calculated, until he turned back towards her, and the warmth of his body returned once more. He pressed up against her side this time, as opposed to her back, and one of his hands found a home on her waist. The way the arm it belonged to was resting firmly against her as he began leading her towards the kitchen was comforting, secure, yet unmistakably possessive. And she revelled in it. He had quite the knack for handling her just the way she wanted.
#tag games.#keep going to do picrews and just zoning out 😭 i'm so behind on literally everything but it's fine it's okay (lying)#i'm having a day and a half even though i woke up feeling okay but oh well. my last month has just been like watching videos during the day#or playing games when i have a bit more energy but like i can't do anything that requires me to actually read or write things like words#are just not computing in my brain at the moment but it's okay like i'm just exhausted and hoping soon i can get back to writing because i#still have over 30 wips going lmao but yeah it's been a time a half with lots of appointments and seeing specialists again and trying to#sort things out. i've been more active on twitter which i've mentioned before but it's just because like it's easier for me to sort of just#like and rt things and not having to do my organisation tags and things like i know that sounds so just small and simple but that's how#i've been lately like to my brain rn that seems like a really big task. so i just keep coming on here randomly for a few minutes then#disappearing so i'm sorry that i've definitely missed so much and i haven't been around to just show my appreciation and love to your#creations!! also just everything that happened in december and then a bit at the start of january too like i'm just a lil paranoid about#being on here honestly so i'm trying to get back to it and be okay with posting again and i'm going to make a promise to myself to actually#filter more tags i think? just to help me with like not exposing myself to things that do make me feel uncomfortable in any way!! i'm#rambling now but sorry sometimes i just need to lmaooo idk but yes so cute lil subtle things from my carrd i wanna talk about cause why not#i didn't have to change the blue herb from re0 besides making it brighter because it's already teal toned which is so sexy but i shifted#the hue on the spade key like SLIGHTLY like it was so little. but anyways. i use this emoji ✨ on my twitter name and yes cause sparkles but#also. three stars. the s.t.a.r.s. badge and logo :] then blue herb because i will have no poison in my safe space!!!! take a blue herb or#leave please!! only good vibes and safe space here!! spade key because i'm ace <3 i was going to include the diamond one in there as well#because am demiro and like those are the symbols in the community. ace of spades for ace. diamond for demis (both orientations)#but wasn't sure how to weave the pink through the rest of the carrd even though cyan and pink together is so pretty omg
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dadbots · 9 months
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August… time to get spooky.
#dadbots.txt#this has been in my draft for... almost a month. Yikes.#I’ve been dissociating hella hard these past months or something. swear I don’t remember time moving this fast. maybe it’s just me tbh.#idk what to say about July other than… boring? not much happened and I don’t really remember it if I’m honest. just. mm. shrugs.#best way to describe it LOL#been sleeping a LOT lately and I think it’s fatigue again. was it like anything before? no. not at that rate (yet) but just.#where you wanna sleep and sleep and sleep type of fatigue. you never feel rested and just gotta sleep it off kinda.#just one of those moments yknow.#it sucks. all I’m doing is letting the days pass me by and ‘missing out’ on living life when I could be enjoying it. but I lost interest -#- in doing so for months - years now due to personal health matters. And whaddya know - it came back again. after months of healing.#I'm pretty pissed as it does feel like a slap in the face. but you win some - you lose some. Gonna try and fight through it.#I wrote something at the beginning of august but that got deleted. Had a breakdown and thought huh. what a great way to start the month -#and now it's almost september. Just like that. What a month it's been. Stuck on what else to say but that really.#don't want to keep talking about depressing stuff as that's what i used to do and realized hey. maybe you should stop doing that so often#and not use it so casually in humor and/or stuff. Even though I reblog vents here n' all. but yknow.#maybe it is hypocritical. but that's not the point. Just want to reflect and see if i've changed since coming back to the web after a year.#not like it's going bad. just wished this year was a bit more optimistic. Last year was rough & i'm afraid this year will be another repeat#though I did come out to a family member this month and that was like a punch to the gut. Considering my status with them and all.#won't get into that. for now let's just say i'm not too close with them. An impulsive choice on my end but hey. it went well.#and that's what matters tbh. My younger self would've thought i was actually insane. like to even DO that? really?#shocking. I'm still not over that moment. Probably one of my biggest achievements this year.#I'll update this if anything else comes to mind. none of this make sense and that's ok. clearing my mind right now.#let's see what september has in store for me. Hopefully it'll get better as things slow down w/ winter on its way.#hope y'all enjoyed your summer. 🖤🤘🏽
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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#god. ok. so i should really b reading papers rn but my lab mate called me needy today and it just keeps cycling in my head#like ive spent way too much time around him bc of field work and the thing abt me is that i just say whatever tf is in my brain so hes#basically been exposed to a scattershot of anxious thoughts in my head idk wtf he must think of me but today he said#the more i learn abt u the more i realize ur needy in these v specific ways#and i think it bothers me a lot bc needy isnt the right word. im not needy. i dont plead for help. im just a semi non functional person.#i just lay here not dealing with all these problems i have. but i generally try just make it my own problem. im just a bit pathetic like#that. do i need help? maybe but im not like needy. im just semi nonfunctional and rather compulsive and controling over myself. i live in a#world full of invisible walls as dictated by my stupid brain. but its all internal control i can put up with a lot as long as i have ctrl#over myself. its not especially healthy but it makes me pretty easy going i suppose. ugh! needy! he obviously hit a nerve how annoying#whatever im exhausted bc i had to b a scribe all day and i had a phd meeting this morning. the project sounds v cool and apparently im the#most qualified person to approach them so far but idk itll be v competitive and do i really want a uk phd? idk idk#at least this guy conducted it like an actual interview. i was like fuck finally some structure! and he said i talk well lol thanks dude#so he thinks id do ok getting grilled by a pannel. idk i kinda wanna apply just to see how far id get into the process#unrelated#i was also having harrowing nightmares last night abt climbing mt everest. at least i got 8hrs sleep lol fml i leave for sampling again#tomorrow afternoon. this is what i get for trying to have even a tiny bit of a social life rip
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eggmeralda · 1 year
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can you get burnout from doing nothing
#or am i going through a mental breakdown. based on the symptoms matching whatever the past week has had going on#unless it was caused by trying to socialise online#which i am so bad at and i guess seeing other people easily be all friends with each other kind of made my brain go 😨😱😖🤯#<- along with various other surrounding emojis#i'm stuck at uni rn bc my band has 2 gigs coming up + rehearsals so i have to be here. but there is nothing to do except Think#but yeah there was the alienated fandom feeling bc idk it always feels like everyone speaks to each other in dms and has all this like#lore with each other and i have no idea what's going on#and trying to actually interact is soooooooo exhausting and i always feel like i'm too slow or behind everyone else and yeah#and then camp weehawken began and i couldn't even deal with seeing everyone doing that and all knowing each other really well and idk#so i just left tumblr briefly. bc of everything. bc i'm irrational#basically the worst feeling is when you have friends in a fandom but then your hyperfixation starts to wear off and turns out they weren't#close friends they were fandom mutuals. btw this isn't about anyone in particular this has happened for most fandoms i've been in#it was more of a sudden realisation that's been creeping up on me for years. so to deal with the fading hyperfixation i just had to Go#and now i'm obsessed with threads. which has like no fandom. so at least the hyperfixation fadeout will be easier to deal with lol#but yeah it's that sort of feeling when you finish at some place and you make some friends but once you leave you never talk to them again#and knowing you didn't really leave a strong enough impact on them that they still wanna keep in contact with you#pretty much like that#at the same time though there's nothing to do atm so maybe i am just bored and overthinking#but still it's annoying to go through especially when it's happened for almost every experience in my life#also like I'd occasionally log back into tumblr to see what's going on but i'd see people liking posts on the swag archive and it's like#cool at least people like the archives :') but anyone could've done those#idk it's like i have to do something like that for people to actually care and as soon as i'm not contributing anything then i'm just#forgettable or something#i wanna come back to tumblr but idk if my brain is ready for that dsjkljf. i told myself i'd only come back when things feel stable#but also i'm impatient lol#again this isn't about anyone specific my brain just LOVES to malfunction it's actually its favourite pasttime <3#but either way if i seem really negative lately or just. weird. it's just my brain being its classic overdramatic self#i mean the thoughts are very real and based on vaguely true evidence but also my brain loves to exaggerate things to sabotage my life#i'm hitting tag limit so anyway. at least threads isn't happening rn so that's pretty good#ramble
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toestalucia · 9 days
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hi i finished what asks i wanted to send on akira so im making writing a few drafts here the current priority for some days. yippe zzzzzzzzzzzz
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