#and i'm recently vaccinated like. by two or three months and we have masks at work and all that so . im doing everything i can | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

speedyslothboi · 1 month

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I spent an hour making a flower crown today. I'd never made one before. It didn't turn out very good; clumsy knots and and sticky fingers and broken petals but I still put it on and smiled. I never got that kind of childhood. I wondered if this is what healing feels like: sitting on a picnic table, gently warmed by the sun, breathing in the world. I have so much to do (an ap psych test in three days, ethics bowl nationals and science olympiad state to prepare for, a read through for the play on Monday) and instead I went outside and listened to the birds.

Then I got home and cried. Because 30,000 people will never get to make a flower crown again (and how many never had? It took me 17 years. That's more time than many of them ever got). I haven't breathed clearly in 6 months; a weight on my chest and a pit in my stomach but for one hour, I felt like I could breathe, the smell of grass unfamiliar but comfortable (and how many died in that time? Trapped under rubble? The weight on their chests real).

I feel like I've been sitting Shiva for strangers halfway across the world but I'll die before I finish mourning (575 years is a lot to ask of this body). I'm not doing a very good job. But what else can I do but remember? I don't know know what to do with myself. I'm heartbroken and horrified and I am so angry. I go to school and hear kids talk about tik tok drama and I want to grab them and shake them and yell "how can you think about anything else? How can breathe around your guilt well enough to speak?" I feel like I know to much and too little, never informed fast enough. I feel like I'm grieving and like I have no right to grieve. I'm tired. I'm not doing well (I can't remember the last time I brushed my teeth and I still need to schedule my fillings and do my laundry and change my sheets) but I feel so selfish doing anything to make myself happy, like I'm stealing joy I don't deserve. And I know that I'm burnt-out (years into it) and that I have to take care of myself too but I just don't know how to carry all this grief. And this isn't about me (I'm making it about me, aren't I?)

This will be the first presidential election I get to vote in and I can't vote for him, I can't. And I'm scared. People keep saying it's selfish not to but I'm the one who will face the consequences. I'm one of the "vulnerable" people (does that make it self-sacrificial? Does that make it okay? To risk my communities if I am at risk too?)

Paul Alexander died three weeks ago. I can't stop thinking about him. (Most of the articles won't tell you why though; that one of the most vulnerable members of society was abandoned to a disease that has killed 3 million). I keep seeing inspiration porn articles about how he didn't let his disability "stop him" (I feel like I'm "letting" mine stop me). None of them mention "I love the sun, but I haven't felt it in a long time. It's lonely." (I feel lonely all the time but I didn't feel lonely at the park, with dirt in my fingernails. I don't really believe in heaven but I hope it exists so Paul can sit in the sun again). I think of Paul and I am filled with rage. 5,000 people die of covid every week; that's one person every five minutes (how is that okay? how could you abandon us for "normal"?) and I'm one of three people out of 2200 at my school who still wear a mask. I got the most recent booster two days ago (the one only the "vulnerable" can get as if long covid isn't becoming an increasingly documented mass disabling event. And the genocide is one too. And what about the countries we blocked from getting vaccines with patents. How dare we condemn the global south to suffer without vaccines only to stop getting them). And I need to buy more masks (yet another expense to exist while disabled) and they aren't free anymore so it's another 3 hours of work. Cases keep rising despite the lack of testing and wastewater doesn't lie. And whats the new variant? News isnt reporting on it anymore because "no one cares" (I care. I need to believe others would care if they knew. Maybe thats just wishful thinking) I still have at home tests but their negatives feel like taunts (a positive is a positive though, I remember)

I don't really have any friends. I have acquaintances and people I work with for projects but I don't want them to be my friends. My mom and my therapist keep telling me to reach out and do things with them (I know it would be good for me to socialize but doing so would put me at risk. They can't even wear a mask, and I'm supposed to choose to spend extra time with them?) Neither my mom or therapist wears a mask. (My mom fought for me when doctors didn't believe anything was wrong. Fought for 7 years to get a diagnosis and now she won't protect me.) I go to the doctors and even they aren't wearing masks (didn't you learn your lesson?).

I've seen people complain about "boycott fatigue" and I'm just wonder how you are surprised? I lost faith 2 years ago when people decided that disabled people's lives weren't worth discomfort (I used to value the nuance, how it isnt that simple. Now my compassion is shot. My empathy used up on three million deaths. But it is, isnt it? Simple that is. You just dont care enough). When the accessibility we begged for for years that had been "impossible" was suddenly "easy" when everyone needed and then taken away just as quickly. The second you could leave us behind, you did. So how could I be surprised people would do the same for Falastin? I love theatre, and I'm excited for too much light. But half of them will walk in with Starbucks on Monday (and none of them will be wearing a mask) and I know these people will never truly be my people (I resent them and love them but mostly I'm disappointed.)

I've been crying alot. I never used to cry. Sometimes I feel like that means I'm healing (some of the time I wonder if I have the right to heal right now). It's like this grief keeps overflowing but the world keeps turning (and how can everyone keep living right now?) and homework keeps coming and the genocide keeps happening and I need to get back to making my magma composition notes. (I left the flower crown at the park. I felt guilty about picking the flowers; that must be bad for the environment, right? How selfish, to kill things just to make a silly crown, and I didnt even do it very well. It fell apart within a minute. An hour of work crumpled in my hands. A moment of enjoyment stolen at the cost of life, what a bad vegan I am. Anyway, i left the flowers there, to decompose where they were born)

#free palestine #from the river to the sea #free gaza #covid #long covid #wear a mask #poetry #?#does this count?#poem #i guess #vent #also the 575 year number is real #i did the math and started crying #and then i wrote this

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arctic-hands · 1 year

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I've been asked by multiple people for my medical BuJo setup, so here are the important parts @justcaytlin you were one of them I believe?

This is the first page after the Index, which since my Artist's Loft journal comes with two bookmark ribbons I keep one here for easy access

[Image Description: a page from a dot grid journal. On the top it says Emergency Info, and in the upper right corner is a little heart that says "organ donor". Beneath that is a section that says "Name:", "DOB:", and "Address:", the pertinent info to that has been redacted. Then beneath that to the left is a box for Emergency Contacts, with a primary and secondary name and their phone numbers, also all redacted. Beneath that is a box labeled "Allergies/Do Not Give", listing medications and allergies with what happens if I take them in parentheses. Beneath that is a box labeled Dietary Restrictions, listing mine. Then to the right of those is a larger box labeled "Medical Conditions", followed by a list of mine. Beneath that is a tiny rectangle that says "Blood Type:" followed by mine which has been redacted so the Sycorax don't get me. Beneath that is a box with the name of my insurance, and then finally is a box for my vaccinations (on that note get your covid bivalent booster and flu shot). In the lower left corner in big letters it says "I do not consent to a DNR" because that's the world we deal with now. End I.D.]

It should be noted that I just now after taking this photo decided to write at the very bottom "Medications/Implants/Surgeries on next page" with an arrow, which leads me to the next page

[Image Description: the next page. On the top it says "Medications", with a table, listing the medications, dosage, what it's for, and when I take it. Beneath that is a (currently blank) table for "Implants/Devices", with a list section for a device and then what it's for. Beneath that is a table listing "Surgeries/Procedures", listing the surgery, when it happened, and where it was done. There's room for future surgeries. End I.D.]

[Image Description: a page entitled "Doctors/Pharmacy", with separate boxes labeled with the types of doctors I see (Primary care, neurologist, gastroenterologist, et cetera). All of the contact info has been redacted, but each box includes the name of the doctor, the facility they work at, the address, and phone number. At the bottom is a similar box for my pharmacy info. The info continues onto the next page, but you get the gist. End I.D.]

[Image Description: a page entitled "Recent Hospitalizations", with a page-long table (with six rows filled out so far), with columns for the "Date", "Hospital", "For?", and "Admitted?". In the one visit that answers yes, it also says how long I was admitted for. End I.D.]

[Image Description: this page is labeled Hospital Checklist, and it's just a reminder of what I personally like to bring when I'm headed to the ER and might be admitted. My list includes this planner, my phone, phone charger and brick, medications (obvs the hospital will give you your meds if you're admitted, but sometimes I'm in the lobby long enough that it's medication time and I need them on hand), laptop, laptop charger, underwear, masks, diary, pens, wallet and cards, sketchbook and pencil/pens, hand sanitizer, earbuds, MP3 player. End I.D.]

Then this is how I plan my schedule. I did the entire year from December Twenty Twenty-two to December Twenty Twenty-three, so I don't have to keep making calendars at the beginning of each month.

[Image Description: a calendar of December Twenty Twenty-two, with a space off to the side divided between Tasks up top and Notes down below. The calendar has appointments (signified by a triangle) here and there, and other important dates.

Now after the calendar is when I start doing things month-by-month, like symptom tracking:

[Image Description: a page entitled "December Twenty Twenty-two Symptoms/Concerns, Period Tracker". The symptoms have all been redacted, but their are page-long columns for each of my specialists. To the right is a section that says "Period Started:" followed by "Period Ended:". There ends up being a blank section beneath that, but I could always just use that if I fill up one of the columns. End I.D.]

I also added pockets to the covers in case I need to add a loose paper

[Image Description: the insides of the front and back covers. Each has a triangular pocket made of manila folder pasted on. The front pocket is labeled "Labs/Test orders, and the back pocket is labeled "Misc. Notes/Discharge Orders". End I.D.]

I also made a page ahead of time for today's Neurosurgery consult, with the new doctor's name, address, and time I needed to be there, with half the paste dedicated to questions and concerns I had, followed by the rest of the page being appointment notes.

Other that that my BuJo is dedicated to other things, like my cats' and their illnesses, their vet info and medications and a log for when they need to see the vet, a spread dedicated to the GoFundMe for their cancer treatments and a list of charities I'm trying to contact, and other less important things I need to keep track of.

Anyway hope this helps/inspires my fellows who need to keep track of this stuff!

#medical binder #medical journal #medical tracker #just chronic illness things #chronic illness #disability #spoonie planner #medical planner #bullet journal #bujo

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lostinprocrastination · 2 years

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I had my second shot of AZ four months ago. I still practice social distancing just like before and didn't stop wearing masks in open spaces. Hand sanitizers inside my purse for use outside of home at all times. Sure, I've been to a couple of gatherings in restaurants and friends' homes, both open-air, and still wore my mask when I wasn't eating or drinking, save for right before Christmas, when we were all vaccinated.

All this time, I never felt safe enough to be inside a movie theater for two hours +, an enclosed space with air conditioning circulating the same, well, the same air all the time, with people who would definitely use the dark and unsupervised environment to take off their masks even if they didn't have popcorn or a drink.

Now keep in mind, I was always someone who would go to the movies every single chance I got. Blockbusters, indies, national (Brazilian, in my case), Latin American (especially Argentinian and, most recently, Chilean), European, Asian, Australian/NZ, like, really, EVERYTHING. Then, all of a sudden, I couldn't go anymore. I don't mind staying home, seriously, but not being able to go to the cinema was especially hard on me. Not so much not watching the movies because most went to streaming right away, but it is a completely different experience and...yeah. But, even when theaters started to reopen, I was scared, and still am. I did get my Pfizer booster shot, but it was only yesterday, so it hasn't really taken effect.

But then Marvel went and released No way home. Spidey's always been my favorite, since I was a kid, and WandaVision made the whole multiverse thing seem really awesome. Peter's the Morty to Stranger's Rick? C'mon. Also, Tobey and especially Andrew. At first, though, I didn't care that much, because Encanto was supposed to have been released "only in cinemas" and I watched it the other day on Disney+. But then it made like a gazillion dollars, more than many or even most MCU releases from before the pandemic and yeah, this isn't gonna be available anywhere for a while.

So yeah, less than three hours from now, after at least twenty months, I will be inside a movie theater watching something on the big screen for the first time. Would I be doing that for any Marvel movie? Hell no. Maybe the upcoming Thor (because of Taika Waititi exclusively...by the way, I'm pretty sure the last movie I watched on the big screen before the pandemic was JoJo Rabbit and that actually makes me smile). Maybe. This was the only one I would definitely find myself 100% willing, so there you go.

Make it worth my while, No way home. I'm placing my trust in my friendly neighborhood boys. Let's go.

#overly dramatic i know #but that's how i feel #spider-man #spider-man: no way home #andrew garfield #tobey maguire #tom holland

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weekendwarriorblog · 3 years

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The Weekend Warrior 9/10/21 - MALIGNANT, THE CARD COUNTER, TIFF 2021, LANGUAGE LESSONS, THE ALPINIST, EVERYBODY’S TALKING ABOUT JAMIE, FAUCI, and More!

Before we get to this week’s releases-- and there are a lot of them, though not necessarily wide releases -- I probably should mention that the Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF) is beginning this week up North across the board. I was unable to go in person, more due to the money than any worries about COVID. (Honestly, I have no idea what’s going on at the border right now between America and Canada, but I figured I better wait it out before attending TIFF in person… until I can actually afford it.)

This year’s TIFF offers a lot of premieres, most of them taking place in physical theaters in Toronto, such as Edgar Wright’s, Last Night in Soho, (which just premiered in Venice) and Universal’s musical, Dear Evan Hansen, as well as David Gordon Green’s horror sequel, Halloween Kills (which also just played in Venice oddly). Other movies playing TIFF include Jane Campion’s The Power of the Dog, and The Electrical Life of Louis Wain, both which star Benedict Cumberbatch. Mihael Peace's Encounter, starring Riz Ahmed and Octavia Spencer, and docs like Julia (as in "Child") and Attica. There’s even a doc about the Canadian rock band, Triumph! (I’m looking forward to that one.) Antoine Fuqua’s remake of the German film, The Guilty, starring TIFF regular Jake Gyllenhaal, will have its premiere, and many, many more. Too many to watch, let alone write about, but I’ll try to review a few of these over at Below the Line and maybe some here. (There are also lots of movies that premiered at Cannes in July that will play at TIFF, and some of those will also play at New York Film Festival later this month, which is where I’ll see them.)

A movie that I’ve been looking forward to for quite some time and is finally seeing the light of day is James Wan’s return to horror, MALIGNANT (Warner Bros.). Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll have a chance to see this before Friday, which is a bit of a bummer, but I’ll look forward to seeing it with the common people in a theater. Because I’m looking forward to this movie so much, I haven’t even watched the latest trailer, so I really don’t know too much about it, which may be for the better.

Of course, you know Wan’s name from some of the most successful horror franchises of the past two decades, starting with Saw in 2004. After a few movies that didn’t do quite so well, Wan reteamed with his Saw collaborator Leigh Whannell for Insidious in 2010, which also did very well and created a similarly successful franchise. (Whannell would go on to direct the third movie in the series, the respectable sci-fi thriller Upgrade, and then he directed 2020’s The Invisible Man for Universal, which was also a substantial hit.) Meanwhile Wan went on to direct The Conjuring in 2013 and its 2016 sequel, The Conjuring 2, based on the true case files of supernatural investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren, played by regular Wan collaborator Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga. Both of those “Conjuring” movies opened with $40 million+, and you guessed it, they also led to hugely successful franchises for Warner Bros with spin-offs galore.

Although Wan has been making big studio mega-blockbusters like Furious 7 and Aquaman in recent years -- and he’s hard at work on a sequel to the latter -- Malignant is his return to horror after a whole five years, which certainly is exciting for horror fans and those who love Wan’s style of horror particularly.

One thing that’s become fairly obvious from writing about box office over the past couple decades is that horror movies are rarely sold on the names of their stars, although Wan has a fine lead in the form of Annabelle Wallis, who just so happened to have starred in the 2014 The Conjuring prequel called Annabelle, which did quite well. (No, she did not play the title doll Annabelle, if you haven't seen it.) And that’s about it. The fact that Wan can do whatever he wants these days, and he decides to return to the horror genre without stacking the deck with all sorts of name actor, is pretty impressive. Even Saw had bigger names actors like Carey Elwes and Danny Glover!

Although I don’t know much about Malignant, it’s definitely giving me vibes of Sam Raimi’s Drag Me To Hell, the horror master’s return to horror after making three “Spider-Man” movies. Although it’s well-loved by horror fans, it ended up opening with just $15.8 million in the summer of 2009. That’s a little daunting when you figure that Malignant is opening in September and in the second weekend of a huge blockbuster like Marvel’s Shang-Chi.

But there’s something else that’s been bugging me, as excited as I am to see the movie. I’ve been doing this a long time, and Warner Bros. has become almost legendary for screening all their movies in advance… every single one. I can maybe think of two examples of movies that didn’t get advance critics screenings. Malignant is screening for critics but only on Thursday night with an embargo Thursday at 10pm. That is not the move of a studio confident in a movie they’re releasing. Maybe it’s to avoid spoilers or maybe it’s ‘cause Malignant returns Wan to the craziness of the Insidious movies rather than the more commercial and mainstream horror of The Conjuring movies. I don’t know, cause I haven’t seen it, but I'm still gonna go see it on Friday night, ‘cause I like James and want to fully support his movie.

But that adds another layer of foreboding to the horror movie that will also be on HBO Max Friday, and it’ll be so easy for the curious to just hit “play” on their remote to watch it that way, which is what I think most people will do. Because of this, I’m struggling to find a way that Malignant makes more than $13 million, taking quite a distant second place to Shang-Chi in its second weekend.

Opening in roughly 500 theaters Friday is Paul Schrader’s THE CARD COUNTER (Focus Features), which stars Oscar Isaac as former prison inmate and professional gambler, “William Tell,” who drives around the casino circuit making money by playing blackjack and poker. He meets two people on his journey that changes the course of his path, the first being Tye Sheridan’s Cirk (Yes, with a “C”), a young man whose father ended up killing himself after serving time in military prison for crimes at Abu Ghraib. Tiffany Haddish plays La Lina, a woman who sees Will’s talent playing cards and wants to put him in her stable of players. The relationship between these three characters is what keeps the movie interesting even when there are only a few minor dramatic fireworks.

If there’s any doubt that Schrader, a significant Hollywood player in the ‘70s and ‘80s, is firing on all cylinders then The Card Counter confirms that 2017’s First Reformed was no fluke, as Schrader remains valid and important well into his 70s. Like First Reformed, this film features an undeniably solid performance from Isaac, who plays such a subdued character, an enigma who every so often truly explodes.

Sheridan's sheepish Cirk seems like an odd choice in road companion, although Haddish proves to be quite a counter (pun intended) to Isaac, as she seems far more comfortable in Will's world. Trying to understand Will and what he sees in Cirk and why he joins the World Poker Tour circuit despite wanting to remain anonymous is what keeps The Card Counter so invigorating. (One odd thing is that despite the title and the opening which literally teaches the viewer how to count cards while playing Blackjack, in most of the movie he’s actually playing poker.)

Folks who enjoy poker movies and the intricacies of Vegas and the gambling community in general should really enjoy The Card Counter for that aspect alone, but then there's the past of the main character, which ties into Abu Ghraib and the horrors of the tortures committed there. Some might feel that two decades after 9/11 isn't the best time to bring those crimes back to the forefront, but Schrader ably explores what it must have been like for the military torturers after they were convicted.

Few screenwriters and filmmakers could pull off what Schrader does in terms of combining these elements, as the story weaves itself through these very different worlds. Frequent Schrader collaborator, Willem Dafoe, takes on a smaller but still significant role as “Gordo,” Will’s commanding officer who trained him to torture. Even so, one of my favorite moments is a scene in a diner where Will performs a card trick for Cirk that would make the late Ricky Jay proud just adds to one's enjoyment.

I will say that I wasn’t as thrilled by the movie’s last ten minutes, as it feels like Schrader ran out of steam in terms of how to resolve all the pieces of a puzzle, leaving a couple pieces out before completion. Regardless, The Card Counter is a constantly compelling film that keeps you invested in the different characters’ behavior as things happen to and around them.

As far as box office, The Card Counter isn't getting a very wide release but with so many movies in the top 10 quickly dropping away leaving movies like Shang-Chi at the top, it should leave room for Schrader's film to inch its way into the top 10 and maybe even the top 5!

A movie I’m unlikely to see and know very little… okay… nothing… about is the faith-based SHOW ME THE FATHER (Sony/AFFIRM Films), which will open in about 1,000 theaters on Friday. Okay, fine, you twisted my arm, and I looked it up. This is a new documentary about fatherhood from the Kendrick Brothers, the duo behind faith-based hits like War Room, Courageous, and Fireproof. I've seen none of those movies, though I know all of them exceeded expectations, but this is also a doc, and those rarely do as well at the box office. I wish I could give you a definitive number for this, but something makes me think it won’t make more than $2 million, even if the religious right seem less worried about COVID and vaccines and wearing masks in movie theaters than everyone else. Expect it to end up in the bottom of the Top 10 with lots of confused movie writers not knowing what it is.

Kristen Bell and Kirby Howell-Baptiste (who have appeared both on The Good Place and in Veronica Mars together) co-star in the comedy QUEENPINS (STXfilms), which is being released straight to Cinemark Theaters on Friday and then it will be on Paramount+ on Sept. 30.

In the movie, based on a true story, Bell plays Connie Kominski, a suburban Phoenix housewife who thrills to saving money with coupons, hatches a scheme with her best friend JoJo (Howell-Baptiste) to sell coupons via mail, not realizing that what they’re doing is illegal as they rack up millions of dollars. Unfortunately, they have Paul Walter Hauser’s Loss Prevention Manager Ken Miller on their tail, and he teams with postal inspector Simon Kilmurry (Vince Vaughn) to try to catch them women trying to scam the supermarkets.

This movie, written and directed by Aron Gaudet and Gita Pullapilly, actually is based on a true story, but it took me a little while to get into it, and it definitely had its ups and downs. The first thing one has to get past is the fact that this is essentially a heist film that involves illicit coupons, and at first, Connie writing letters of complaint to companies comes across a bit like a Greenberg for middle-aged women. (Note: that film's star, Ben Stiller is one of the movie's exec. producers.) On the other hand, Kristen Bell tends to be great in this kind of role and you can tell she's worked with Ms. Howell-Baptiste from their organic chemistry as best friends. Joel McHale has a tougher time fitting in as Connie's husband Rick, but that actually works in this case. (A little trivia fact: McHale, Howell-Baptiste and Natalie Morales, whose directorial debut is reviewed below, all appeared in BenDavid Grabinski's Happily, as did Stephen Root, who has a small role in Queenpins.)

Queenpins eventually falls into a steadier pace with the introduction of Hauser's character and then bringing Vaughn into the mix, although the two of them have very little interaction with the two female leads, as the film instead cuts between the two duos. Hauser essentially seems to be playing a jokier version of Richard Jewell here, constantly trying to get more involved in the case and wanting to be deputized by Vaughn. The two of them work well together, and there's only one unfortunate scene involving… it's too disgusting to mention, but it's where the film needlessly delves into gross-out humor, and that's also where it falters.

As much as the law in this movie act like buffoons, the two ladies don't seem very much smarter, doing idiotic things like buying Lamborghinis and guns in order to "clean” the illicit money from the coupon-selling scam. Because of that, Queenpins gets sillier and sillier and feels less like any sort of possible true story as it goes along. The movie basically comes across like a less skilled version of Butter, but in that case, it was a movie that shouldn't have worked but did. In this case, it's the exact opposite.

Cinemark Theaters only has about 331 theaters across America, including a lot in Texas, California, and Ohio, but honestly, I don't think awareness is high enough for Queenpins for it to make much of a mark, but even if it makes less than a million, it could theoretically break into the top 10 this weekend, but I think it will fall just short.

The movies above are the only ones that may be going even remotely wide, so because of that, this weekend’s box office will look something like this with Shang-Chi remaining #1 with relative ease, Malignant taking a distant second, and Candyman and Free Guy fighting it out for #3.

1. Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (Marvel/Disney) - $33.5 million -56%

2. Malignant (Warner Bros.) - $13.6 million N/A

3. Candyman (Universal) - $4.8 million -53%

4. Free Guy (20th Century/Disney) - $4.5 million -42%

5. The Card Counter (Focus) - $2.2 million N/A

6. Jungle Cruise (Walt Disney Pictures) - $2.1 million -48%

7. Paw Patrol: The Movie (Paramount) - $2 million -50%

8. Show Me the Father (Sony/AFFIRM) - $2 million N/A

9. Don’t Breathe 2 (Sony/Screen Gems) - $2 million -30%

10. Respect (MGM) - $600,000 -57%

--- Queenpins (STXfilms) - $445,000 N/A

It was tough to pick a “Chosen One” this week, because there are a few decent films, but I had to go with Natalie Morales’ directorial debut, LANGUAGE LESSONS (Shout! Studios!), which she co-wrote and co-stars in with Mark Duplass. I saw it at SXSW back in March, and I loved it just as much a second time around, due to the simplicity of the premise and just how much Morales and her co-star do using similar Zoom technology we’ve all been using for the past 18 months. Duplass plays wealthy Californian Adam, whose husband buys him a series of Spanish lessons, given over Zoom by Morales’ character Cariño, who lives in Costa Rica.

You might think after over a year of mostly communicating with family and friends via Zoom, we’d be so sick of it that a movie that uses that as a conceit would be absolutely horrible, but maybe that’s why it’s easier to connect with what Morales and Duplass were attempting with this terrific piece of work. How these two people from different backgrounds interact begins slowly as might be the case while getting online language lessons from a new teacher. As they become more comfortable with each other, there’s more playfulness, as they begin to open up to each other. (Adam's Spanish teacher definitely has a dark side that comes out as things go along.)

I’m not sure if there was a lot of improvisation involved with the script as with some of the films Duplass did with the wonderful Lynn Shelton, but however they put this film together, it works in a similar way where it’s charming and funny, even during some of the more emotional moments. Because Duplass’ character is declared as gay fairly on, there's none of the attempts at making this some sort of meet-cute romance, as may have been the case with a studio movie. There's also never anything lascivious or creepy about their relationship, which makes some of the moments a little confounding, but ultimately, it all pays off.

Even though there’s a certain aspect of the movie that makes you want it to be kept organic and authentic-feeling, there is some gentle scoring by Gaby Moren that’s kept far behind the dialogue that does add something subliminal to the film.

Language Lessons is absolutely delightful -- definitely one of my favorite films of the year -- maybe because it thrives on its own simplicity by just having two actors doing what they do best.

Another great movie coming out in select theaters Friday is EVERYBODY’S TALKING ABOUT JAMIE (Amazon), starring Max Harwood as Jamie New, a fairly normal gay 16-year-old from Sheffield, England… other than the fact that he wants to be a drag queen. His mother Margaret (Sarah Lancashire) supports him, as does his best friend Pritti (Lauren Patel) but Jamie risks the ridicule and mocking and bullying of his entire Year 11 class as he proclaims his desire to attend prom in drag. This is the feature debut by Jonathan Butterell, a choreographer who directed the original stageplay.

I honestly wasn't really sure what to expect when I went to a theater to see this with a real audience. For one thing, I had no idea it was a musical. I had seen Max on some morning show talking about the movie and how it was based on the true story of Jamie Campbell, a British teen who wanted to be a drag queen, but I don’t remember him saying anything about singing or dancing. And the music and performances are all terrific, including all the young actors playing Jamie’s schoolmates, who have more than a few spectacular numbers to show off their own skills. (They’re kind of like the Greek chorus for the film.)

Harwood is exceedingly likeable, which is why he can carry this film, but it’s then an even bigger joy when Richard E. Grant shows up in a mentor role, as former drag queen “Loco Channel.” Grant has proven countless times he can do anything, and though his singing voice takes some adjusting to, it also leads to two absolutely amazing moments. Same with Lauren Patel and Sarah Lancashire, who each have numbers that would bring down the house on a Broadway stage but just gets the tears flowing as you’re watching on the screen. Sharon Horgan, who was just in the recent drama Together, plays more of the antagonist role as Jamie’s disapproving teacher, and her one number does not show that singing is one of her talents. (She does okay, and gets through it, at least.)

That aside, Everybody’s Talking About Jamie is a truly wonderful musical (and movie), one that took me quite by surprise, since I wasn't expecting something a bit more "Free to Be You and Me” (look it up). In fact, Harwood shines, and the cast around him does as well; the fact this musical was able to bring out so many emotions from me offers proof positive that it's a true winner.

Jamie is opening in select theaters this Friday, and then it will stream on Amazon Prime Video starting Sept. 17. I recommend going out and seeing it in a theater if it’s playing near you; it’s a real crowdpleaser, for sure.

Also launching on Amazon this Friday is the series, THE VOYEURS (Amazon), starring the terrific Sidney Sweeney (who many will know from Mike White’s The White Lotus on HBO Max) and Justice Smith as a young couple who move into a loft apartment in Downtown Montreal after which they become interested in the sex life of their neighbors across the street (played by Ben Hardy and Natash Liu Bordizzo).

I’ve really been looking forward to the action-thriller KATE (Netflix), starring Mary Elizabeth Winstead, who I love, so sue me. It also stars Woody Harrelson, who I’m also a fan of. Directed by Cedric Nicholas-Troyan (The Huntsman: Winter’s War), it has Winstead playing Kate, a kick-ass assassin who has 24 hours to get revenge on the man who tries to kill her, eventually teaming with the daughter of one of her targets. Harrelson plays her handler.

The fact that this movie, starring one of my favorite actresses playing an assassin and doing a bit more action than we've seen from Winstead in a while (Birds of Prey being an exception), comes so soon after The Protégé with Maggie Q may only be a coincidence, but whoever is making these movies clearly knows what I'm all about. This one also has a very tiny sci-fi angle as well, and much of it is set in Tokyo, so it has both those things going for it, too.

Is this Winstead's best role or movie? No, probably not, but it does show her versatility, the fact that she can do something like Scott Pilgrim and other types of genre, but also do serious drama, and this is much stronger a venture into a Japanese yakuza thriller by a Westerner than last week's Yakuza Princess. Much of that comes down to Winstead and Harrelson, who do a much better job selling even the weaker dialogue, because you can tell they're both taking it very seriously. Like Yakuza Princess (and Kill Bill, a model for both of them) Nicholas-Troyan leans heavily on his soundtrack and on some of the more stylish visuals, but at least this one offers other things beyond the constantly-circling camera in certain scenes.

Let's face it that watching Winstead taking part in some pretty impressive and violent fight and stunt sequences would probably be more than enough for me to enjoy this even, if there are moments that rip-off Kill Bill so obviously but again, better than other similar rip-offs. Eventually, Kate gets sidled with a young teen girl, Ani (Miku Martineau), the daughter of one of her victims, and that does take away from the "sole assassin” aspect but does give it more of the feel of The Professional. Maybe that would work better if Martineau didn’t seem much older than the teenager she was meant to be playing, which might be due to the fact that she swears more than Samuel L. Jackson. In some ways, Ani offers something more akin to Black Widow with a third act twist that few will see coming.

Ultimately, the movie works well as an action movie, if not slightly marred by its overuse of clichés. It probably will come as no surprise that I prefer seeing action movies like this on the biggest screen possible in a theater, and in fact, this did get a nominal theatrical run last week before streaming on Netflix Friday. Winstead's badassery does wonders at making sure that fans of her and the genre won't be disappointed by its few flaws.

Also hitting Netflix this week (today, in fact) is the doc BLOOD BROTHERS: MALCOLM X & MUHAMMAD ALI (Netflix), which has a fairly self-explanatory title. I haven't seen it yet.

A movie that people who liked the Oscar-winning Free Solo will also want to check out is Peter Mortimer and Nick Rosen’s THE ALPINIST (Red Bull Media/Roadside Attractions/Universal), a documentary about the 23-year-old solo mountain climber Marc-André Leclerc, whose amazing climbs were counterbalanced by his elusive behavior that kept him mostly under the radar for so many years.

This is a very different movie from Free Solo, though. That was about Alex Honnold's determination to make one singular climb, while Leclerc was already making just as many impressive climbs at a younger age. It's pretty obvious that Leclerc was destined to climb even bigger rock faces as Mortimer (whose previous film, The Dawn Wall, was sadly overlooked with all the push behind Free Solo) and Rosen finally catch up with him.

I don't really want to say too much more about the film or Leclerc, since it's best to learn about him through the movie and the amazing interviews compiled by the filmmaking duo. There's a good reason why mountain climbing continues to be of interest to the casual non-climbers like myself. Great films like The Alpinist find ways to glorify these amazing climbers without glossing over how dangerous mountain climbing can be as a sport or hobby.

The Alpinist had a Fathom Event on Tuesday night, but it will also be getting a moderately wide release in theaters through Roadside this Friday as well. You can read my interviews with the filmmakers over at Below the Line, too. Also, I mentioned another Universal doc, Under the Volcano, a few weeks back, and I have an interview with those filmmakers over at Below the Line, as well.

Another doc of note out this week is FAUCI (NatGeo Documentary/Magnolia) from directors John Hoffman and Janet Tobias, which looks at the life and career of NIH Director Dr. Anthony Fauci, but it doesn't deal with the last year and a half where Fauci's main focus was fighting COVID. No, this goes back to earlier in his career, to when he started at NIH, meeting, working with and eventually marrying his wife, Dr. Christine Grady. (Nope, I had no idea he was married either.)

More importantly, the movie follows Fauci's role in the discovery of HIV and AIDs and the conflicts between the government and protest groups like ACT UP who didn't think Fauci and the government did enough to help the gay community fight against AIDS and certainly not fast enough to make a difference.

Hoffman and Tobias’ doc has a fantastic interview with Fauci at its core that sometimes gets a little cutesy, but also allows him to talk candidly about his efforts in fighting disease, including the efforts to help fight Ebola in Africa where it was so debilitating for those who couldn't afford medicine that the USA had to step in.

But AIDS is really the crux of the film's exploration of Fauci's past achievements (and partial failures), and watching a younger Fauci talking to the AIDS activists in a rousing speech is one of the highlights, as is watching the present-day Fauci tearing up while talking about an AIDS patient who died.

I’ve always had a bit of a skewed perspective on epidemiologists and infectious disease doctors due to a few incidents when I was fighting cancer, and Fauci has annoyed me for the good part of the year by being so wishy-washy and negative towards movie theaters (which led to a full-year of closings in NYC with no major super-spreader cases since they reopened). But this documentary definitely helped change my mind about Fauci, maybe because the general public really never had a chance to meet or know him or his work before COVID hit.

Fauci is quite a fantastic doc in terms of shining the spotlight on a needlessly controversial figure who has been politicized despite having held his position through six administrations. I would definitely point someone to this doc if they still feel negatively towards the country’s top epidemiologist. It helps to humanize Fauci much like the RBG doc did for the late Supreme Court Justice.

Seriously, there are so many movies this week that there’s no way I’m gonna review everything, but you can read about a few of them below.

A music doc hitting New York on Friday and then opening in L.A. on Sept. 17 is Tom Surgals's FIRE MUSIC: The Story of Free Jazz (Submarine Deluxe), exec. produced by Nels Cline and Thurston Moore (who happens to be playing his first NYC show in a couple years this Sunday). It covers the free jazz movement of the '60s and '70s that produced the likes of Ornette Coleman, Cecil Taylor, Sun Ra, Albert Ayler, and John Coltrane. The movie features archival footage from the '60s jazz scene and interviews with key players, including critic Gary Giddins. I'm not going to review this, but it's pretty good, because I definitely had a phase when I was really into this type of jazz, basically all-improvisational with less structure than the jazz that uses charts and such. I know that a lot of people hate or misunderstand the musical style but it's quite stirring, as is Surgal's film. I do feel you'll already have to be a fan of the musical genre to enjoy the movie, though.

Hitting Apple TV+ on Friday is the filmed version of the Broadway musical, COME FROM AWAY (Apple TV+) -- similar to last year’s Hamilton and David Byrne’s American Utopia -- which is being released on the streamer to coincide with the 20th anniversary of 9/11, since the musical is loosely based on the events. It was filmed earlier this year, 14 months into the pandemic that shut down Broadway with a fully-masked audience watching Broadway’s first live performance since the shut-down. This is one of the MANY musicals on Broadway that I’ve never gotten around to seeing but it involves a town in Newfoundland, Canada where a plane lands on 9/11 as they’ve been diverted following the terrorist attack on the World Trade Center.

Claire Lewins’ doc THE WONDERFUL: STORIES FROM THE SPACE STATION (Dog Star Films/Universal Home Entertainment) features footage from the International Space Station and interviews with the astronauts who have been involved with the extraordinary space project. I hope to watch this over the weekend, but it sounds like my kind of movie.

Already on Apple TV+ (it debuted Tuesday!) is Bailie Walsh’s BEING JAMES BOND, a documentary about Daniel Craig’s run as 007 over the past decade plus, which you can rent for FREE on Apple, so go do that!

On Monday, FX and FX on Hulu will debut the first few episodes of Y THE LAST MAN, the new series based on the Vertigo comic series by Brian K. Vaughn and Pia Guerra that I absolutely loved. Set in a world where every single male human and animal has died, it stars Ben Schnetzer (Pride, Warcraft) as Yorick, who is -- you guessed it-- the last man on earth. He’s also an escape artist/magician, trying to survive with his pet capuchin monkey, Ampersand, as he goes across country trying to find his girlfriend Beth who left for Australia before the event. It also stars Diane Lane (as Yorick’s mother, who becomes the President), Olivia Thirlby (as his sister Hero), Ashley Romans (as Agent 355), Missi Pyle, and lots of other actresses (because all the men are dead). I’m slowly making my way through the series, and I like what I've seen so far, but the first three episodes will premiere on Monday.

A few other movies, a couple that I’ve seen, which I just don’t have time to review…

Nicholas Cage stars in Sion Sono's PRISONERS OF THE GHOSTLAND (RLJEfilms), which opens at the IFC Center this Friday. He plays a bank robber who is sprung from jail by Bill Moseley's "Governor" whose adopted granddaughter (Sofia Boutella) has gone missing. Cage's character is allowed to go free to find her, but he's put in a suit that will self-destruct in three days if he doesn't return. So it's kind of like The Suicide Squad, and though it has an interesting cast (including Nick Cassavetes, who also appears in Queenpins this week), I don't remember liking this much at Sundance earlier this year. (I actually don't thnk I got through the movie.)

John Pollono adapts his own stageplay SMALL ENGINE REPAIR (Vertical) to the screen with John Bernthal and Shea Whigham playing life-long friends Terrance and Packie with Pollono’s Frank, who are overly protective of Terrance’s teen daughter, Crystal (Ciaro Bravo). A chance encounter turns into a night that spins out of control as the friends have to make a tough decision about how to resolve the situation. I was pretty mixed on this movie even though Bernthal and Whigham continue to be great in everything they do. (I just think Whigham's recent movie, The Gateway, was better.)

Hitting the horror-streaming network Shudder (I have a subscription, because I’m a fan) on Thursday is Ruth Platt’s MARTYR’S LANE, a ghost story about a 10-year-old girl named Leah (Kiera Thompson) who lives in an old house with her family but whose mother has grown distant. At night, she’s visited by a guest who challenges Leah in exchange for more information about the house and her family.

Saul Williams stars and writes the score for Charles Officer’s AKILLA’S ESCAPE (Vertical), a crime noir about an urban child soldier set in Toronto and New York with Williams playing Akilla, a 40-year-old with a covert cannabis operation that goes legit. As he’s ready to cash out, he’s robbed by a group of masked youths. Akilla captures one of them, a mute 15-year-old named Sheppard that is associated with the Jamaican crime syndicate founded by his grandfather.

Jonah Feingold’s DATING & NEW YORK (IFC Films), which premiered at the Tribeca Festival a few months back, stars Francesca Reale (Stranger Things) and Jaboukie Young-White (The Daily Show) as Wendy and Milo, two Millennials who are thrown together at the worst time in their lives for romance, as they meet on an app called Meet Cute, have a first date, and then ghost each other before being thrown back together into an unconventional romance. I’m usually a fan of the rom-com genre, and I often can even withstand one that takes place in New York City and uses my town in a completely unrealistic way to show how romance can flourish here. (*koff*BULLSHIT*koff*) But then you throw in the M-word (Millennials), and this grouchy old man could barely get through this movie, though I’m not even remotely surprised it premiered at Tribeca. It seems very much like a Tribeca movie, and yes, that was meant in a pejorative way as the former “Film” festival has lost its way over the years. I’m half-kidding, the movie is entertaining enough, and I’m sure younger people will enjoy it more than I did.

A few other films I didn't get to this week…

DOGS (Dekanalog) AZOR (MUBI) BAD CANDY (Dread)

That’s it for this week. Do we have any new movies next week? I think Clint Eastwood has Cry Macho

#Movies #reviews #The Weekend Warrior #box office #Malignant #Queenpins #Everyone's Talking about Jamie #Kate #Fauci #The Alpinist

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docmary · 3 years

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Mea Culpa

It’s been about 50 years since I went to confession. I am not looking for absolution. I just want to get this off my chest. When SARS CoV-2, the virus that causes COVID-19, reached our shores (literally, as I live not far from Kirkland, Washington), and anti-masking became political theatre, I had two thoughts almost simultaneously about these anti-maskers:

Gee, if there were only more people in the world like you, there would be fewer people in the world like you.

And

Nature’s way of thinning the radishes.

I was too polite to ever say such things out loud.

Of course, the vast majority of people who have endured intubation, COVID-19 long-haul, the death of a loved one, or any of the many complications of the virus, did not earn my impure thoughts. Whether becoming ill was because of living or working in a congregate living facility such as a nursing home, or a consequence being a frontline worker, or just because of bad luck, I apologize to these individuals and their loved ones.

Yes, in fact, I was the person who was quoting John Donne just a couple of months ago: “Any man’s death diminishes me…”. (from my post "The politics of a pandemic, how not to manage coronavirus") But that was when it seemed like we were turning the corner in the United States in terms of morbidity and mortality and the economic disaster that resulted from the pandemic. We needed to set our sights on other hot spots like India and Brazil. We still do. With a fast-moving pandemic, nobody is safe unless everyone is safe.

Now we are in our fourth wave of the virus and since July 1, 2021:

Cases and hospitalizations have soared: both hit six-month peaks last week.

The stock market has dropped from record highs.

Consumer confidence had the sharpest 3-week decline since November 2020 when the third wave of the coronavirus was roaring through much of the US.[1]

Delta Blues:

The COVID-19 Delta variant is now the dominant strain of coronavirus in the US. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), in the week ending 8/7/2021, we have, on average, 210 new cases per 100,000 population.[2] The CDC also reports that each person with the Delta variant will transmit the virus to an average of five unvaccinated people-more than twice the rate of infections caused by the original strain. In Washington state, the Department of Health reports that 94% of recent cases, hospitalizations, and deaths from COVID-19 are among those that are not fully vaccinated.[3]

In other news, the Biden administration hit it’s target of getting 70% of adults in the US having received at least one vaccine shot on August 2, almost a month past the original target date of July 4.[4] In a surprise to no one, states with the lowest vaccination rates are experiencing the biggest surge in COVID cases, hospitalizations, and deaths. This has, no doubt, led to an increase in the number of people who have gotten the jab in the last month or so.

Multisystem Inflammatory Syndrome in Children (MIS-C)

While children continue to have low rates of severe illness, hospitalization, and death associated with COVID-19, those numbers are increasing. MIS-C is a rare but serious complication associated with SARS CoV-2 infection in children. As of October, 2020, there had been 1,000 cases of MIS-C reported to the CDC. As of 8/13/2021, that number is 4,404, with 37 deaths reported. The median age is nine years old. Sixty-three percent of cases in which race and ethnicity are reported occur in Hispanic/Latino or Black/non-Hispanic children. These demographics are associated with more severe illness in adults as well. Ninety-nine percent of children with MIS-C test positive for SARS CoV-2, the other 1% have had exposure to COVID-19.

Reported MIS-C Case Ranges by Jurisdiction, on or before July 30, 2021

retrieved from: https://covid.cdc.gov/covid-data-tracker/#mis-national-surveillance

Carrots and Sticks

At present there are approximately 90 million people in the US who have held off on getting vaccinated. There are probably three main reasons for this:

1. People who lead a very healthy lifestyle. Let’s be honest. That is not most of us. But as long as they follow other public health guidelines like wearing masks, staying away from vulnerable people and children that are not eligible for the vaccine, they might be able to do that for as long as it takes. Let’s face it, social isolation is not a hardship for some of us.

2. People who just haven’t made it a priority to get vaccinated but don’t have strong beliefs one way or the other on the relative risks of getting COVID vs. the COVID vaccines.

3. Freedom. I don’t understand this one, but I am told it’s a thing. They are certainly the most vocal and probably the least likely to have the “we are all in this together” attitude. My parents, who went through the rationing of World War II as well as my father's service in the army to defeat Hitler, would no doubt laugh at these folks if their ideas didn’t result in such tragic consequences. These “freedom fighters” are putting a tremendous strain on a healthcare system that wasn’t all that great, especially in terms of equity, to begin with. It gives me no joy to know that these are the radishes that nature will thin most aggressively.

If not being intubated or putting your loved ones at risk is not incentive enough to get vaccinated, some states have tried other incentives like a million dollar lottery and marijuana (joints for jabs) as "carrots" to encourage the unvaccinated to close the vaccination gap.

The stick approach involves mandates. Federal, state, and local government does not like to use the M-word, and corporations are even less inclined to make people either get vaccinated or submit to nasal exploration 1-2 times per week as a requirement for employment, but they are warming up to the idea. Many school districts will no doubt follow suit. This may also give some people cover if they were initially anti-vaxxers or vaccine hesitant but have since become more open to the idea of the COVID vaccine.

There is no shame in admitting that you were previously speaking from a less informed place.

- Kelly Hayes, author from the Menominee nation

My Take:

It is beginning to dawn on me that I may not live to see a post-pandemic world. I hope I'm wrong but in case I'm not, how do I manage this new reality?

The wise adapt themselves to circumstances, as water molds itself to the pitcher. – Chinese Proverb

There will be those that won’t get vaccinated no matter what. Their choice. Despite our differences, we are going to have to find a way to live with each other and coronavirus. I would like to believe that we could unite against this existential crisis but we are not there-yet. In the meantime, we have to find a way of communicating our own needs and boundaries while accepting the needs and boundaries of others in a respectful way.

We also have to look at the wider picture. Wealthier nations should send the extra vaccines that we have scarfed up to COVAX, an initiative dedicated to equitable access to vaccines, particularly to healthcare workers and those most at risk who live live in less affluent countries. For more information on COVAX, see my previous post; "The politics of a pandemic" This organization is ready to get more vaccines and the ability to administer them to countries that would love to get the jabs that our citizens have decided, for whatever reason, to refuse. This is not just white savior complex, it is enlightened self-interest.

Less affluent nations are huge reservoirs of virus that continue to produce more variants. Not only does COVID cause a tremendous disease burden, it also takes a bite out of limited resources that are used to combat other deadly diseases like tuberculosis (TB). I heard a story out of Africa that when local clinics send people with respiratory symptoms to get tested for COVID, if those tests come back negative, the patient doesn’t necessarily get sent back to get screened for TB. That is not good.

As John Donne recommended 500 years ago, “do not send to know for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.”

[1] Keckley, P. 2021. Delta variant exposes two flaws that could undermine recovery, The Keckley Report, 8/2/2021.

[2] https://covid.cdc.gov/covid-data-tracker/#cases_casesper100klast7days

[3] Olympia, WA (AP). Report: 94% of COVID-19 deaths among not fully vaccinated, 7/30/2021. Retrieved from: https://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/955761?src=WNL_mdpls_210806_mscpedit_wir&uac=81725MZ&spon=17&impID=3551586&faf=1

[4]Kalter, L. 2021. US hits 70% of adults with at least one vaccine dose, Web MD Health News, 8/2/2021. Retrieved from: https://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/955884?src=WNL_mdpls_210806_mscpedit_wir&uac=81725MZ&spon=17&impID=3551586&faf=1,

#COVID-19 #covax initiative #pandemic fatigue #vaccination

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losbella · 4 years

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jennymanrique · 3 years

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Diary Of A Pandemic: The Caregivers

Nurses have carried the weight of 16 months of pandemic care in nursing homes and assisted living facilities. Photo by Shutterstock

In Texas, at least 10,500 people died in Nursing Homes and Assisted Living Facilities during the worst of the pandemic. Through it all, nurses have had to fight the virus twice as hard - on the job and among their families at home.

Through the worst days of the COVID-19 pandemic, many nurses in Texas assisted living facilities, hospitals and nursing homes were diligent in taking care of elderly residents and patients, even as their own relatives were battling the virus at home.

Yes, vaccinations have recently helped stem the unprecedented health crisis in these facilities, where Latinos are a significant portion of the frontline workers. But it will be some time before these essential workers can overcome the emotional toll of the experience.

Texas Health and Human Services Commission data shows that between April 2020 and April 2021, nearly 9,000 Texans died in nursing homes -- a rate of 175 per week. Another 1,550 died in assisted living facilities. These figures account for roughly one of every five COVID-19 deaths reported in Texas.

Nationwide, such centers have long reported problems. The Center for Health and Community at the University of California, San Francisco, found that in the last 20 years, nursing homes have had serious problems with patient care. Even before the virus, 75% had shortages in staffing registered nurses. And 63% were found with infection control violations.

“Nurses are part of high-risk (for COVID) minority groups due to lack of tests, face masks, gowns or personal protection equipment (PPE),” said Charlene Harrington, emeritus professor of nursing and sociology at UCSF and the study’s leader. “Since some receive low salaries and hold several jobs, they cannot stay home if they are sick.”

Experts recommend minimum staffing of one nursing assistant for every seven residents. Some facilities employed one nursing assistant for every 10 or even 15 residents during the pandemic, Harrington said. “This was emotionally hard for everyone as they couldn’t bring outside help.”

“Nurses are part of high-risk (for COVID) minority groups due to lack of tests, face masks, gowns or personal protection equipment. Since some receive low salaries and hold several jobs, they cannot stay home if they are sick.”

With the vaccine rollout, Texas lawmakers unanimously approved Senate Bill 25 to allow residents in nursing homes to add an "essential caregiver" -- anyone who can spend at least two hours a day with them in registered facilities.

The initiative followed recent Texas Health and Human Services Commission recommendations to expand visitation statewide in nursing facilities and other long-term care settings.

“The forced isolation was particularly hard on residents with dementia and their families,” said state Sen. Lois Kolkhorst, the bill’s author.

Groups like Texas Caregivers for Compromise pushed for the legislation and are now anxious to see it implemented. “The reopening is not optional,” said Mary Nichols, one of the group’s advocates. “While we should be cooperative as facilities get implementation of the guidelines in place, they should be able to give relatives some specifics about when they will comply.”

palabra. spoke with many Latinos on the front lines, in care facilities and COVID units, during the pandemic. While performing essential work, many were also caring for elderly relatives at home, helping them through COVID infections, quarantines, isolation and depression.

We’re highlighting here the personal accounts of a few who speak for many:

“I was afraid the virus would clot my blood or clog my lungs and I would die”

Rosario Passmore

Until three months ago I was working at the Windcrest Nursing & Rehabilitation Center in Fredericksburg, TX. It is a town where my neighbors are mostly Germans and Hispanics.

Before the pandemic, I worked an 8-hour shift taking care of up to 25 patients. Since I always worked in cardiovascular units or intensive care, I liked working with the elderly in adult daycare, mainly with those who had overcome heart attacks.

But with the arrival of COVID my shifts grew to 12 hours. I was assigned to the COVID unit and I could no longer move freely to other parts of the nursing home. I got a raise of $3 an hour, although, in other COVID units such as the ones in hospitals, nurses like me were paid double. But the admissions were closed at my facility and there was no money. There was room for 120 people, but we had only about 60.

There were many COVID-positive cases and those infected spent at least 10 days in isolation. They closed the entire nursing home. No one could come in. Family members who wanted to see patients did so from the windows. I often brought a tablet (computer) so they could chat with relatives. But when someone was dying there was no possibility of saying goodbye.

The elderly were very desperate. They missed the outside world. Sometimes we let them go for a walk for just half an hour.

At first, the relatives brought food packages and we waited 24 hours before touching or distributing them. But we stopped receiving things from outside for fear of risking a transmission.

Disposable surgical gowns, shoe covers, and N95 masks that we ordered … began to arrive around April. Everything had to be insulated. We looked like astronauts.

I had only one Latina patient who suffered from Alzheimer's and lived with great anxiety. She only found calm when walking in the garden. But when she had COVID, her activities came down to eat in the room and conversations on a tablet with her three children. I was the one helping them to connect. After a few days off, I returned and learned she was gone. Her relatives thanked me for being with her for so long, dressing her, and feeding her.

The Health Department made constant inspections and took weekly COVID tests. They were very annoying for my nose but I got used to it.

When I got home I would undress in a room furthest away from everyone, put my clothes in the washing machine, go in and out through the back door. I would eat in the kitchen.

I live with my 30-year-old son, the oldest of two, who graduated as an electrician in San Antonio. He eventually ended up taking care of me when I got infected. He would leave my food outside the bedroom door.

That was in December. Despite the strict mask policy, some nurse aides and drivers bringing supplies lowered their guard. They no longer kept their distances. A relative of one of them tested positive, and after three days I began to feel the symptoms.

I saw that COVID affected my patients’ lungs. So I kept quarantined but I did breathing exercises. I was afraid that, like it happened to other nurses, the virus would clot my blood or clog my lungs and I would die. COVID was tough: I didn’t want to eat. I still have back pain, a stomach ache that feels like an ulcer.

My brother passed away at that time. Although his test came back negative, he was diagnosed with pneumonia and treated with antibiotics and inhalants. After leaving the hospital, he went missing for two days and we found him dead. We are still waiting for the autopsy results to find out what happened.

A cousin in El Paso also got infected. He died four months ago, but my aunt never received his corpse. The funeral homes there were full, even up to a month ago.

My mother is 81 years old. She was born in Mexico, in Ciudad Juárez and lives in El Paso. She used to visit me for a month every year, but during the pandemic, her doctor would not allow her to come because I am a frontline worker.

I was offered a higher-paying job at a nursing home in Kerrville, Texas, where there are fewer patients and everyone is already vaccinated. There is still a COVID unit here and we are admitting people, but the elderly who come from hospitals are quarantined for 10 days or until they test negative.

I got the Johnson and Johnson shot but I am still wearing PPE.

In June, I'm going to Los Cabos, a trip that I had to cancel last year. I can't wait to spend more time with my family, having a BBQ or going out for a drink with my friends. We Latinos are all about family and hugs. I'm sick of this mask.

“Even though some residents tested positive, they were in denial”

Lupe Weaks

After 20 years of working in nursing homes, I recently decided to join a nursing travel agency. I learned there was a shortage of nurses in San Antonio, and moved there. Since then, I have been helping in the COVID unit of an assisted living facility. I grew up Catholic in a Latino family from Guadalajara, Mexico. My parents always told me: if there are people you can help, don't turn your back on them.

At the beginning of the pandemic, I was working at River Hills Health & Rehabilitation Center at Kerrville. It was a 12 hour shift, three days a week. Then I had four days to relax at home. The lockdown was strict, not allowing any visitors, and testing of all of our employees. The relatives of our residents constantly called late at night saying: “I tested negative, let me in.” There was a lot of explaining, but we were very cautious and held strictly to our rules.

Residents were allowed to watch TV. We encouraged them to learn more about COVID on official COVID sites online, to explain how serious it was, because some believed in conspiracy theories.

Even though some tested positive, they seemed to still be in denial. They suffered from depression and anxiety. They said: “I know I don't have it, I don’t have diarrhea. For keeping me here I am gonna get it.” We were constantly talking to families on the cellphone, explaining the need for quarantine. Connecting them on FaceTime with loved ones cheered them up a lot.

I told them: “Stay in your room, you are safe. Practice breathing, drink water, be grateful now until you are tested again.”

We needed to check the temperature, oxygen, and vital signs twice in a shift. We changed uniforms in an isolation room and threw away biohazard uniforms. I had 10 patients on my charge. They got tested once a week.

When the peak of the disease was more intense, I was covered head to toe. I wore my N95 super tight on my face, put on gloves, and wore the big paper suit hoodie (PPE). Some patients appeared to be afraid because they couldn’t recognize us.

We constantly wiped down everything with Lysol -- the doorknobs, the surfaces.

When I would get home from an overnight shift, I undressed right outside my door. Entered in panties and bra and put everything in the washer, and ran to the shower. This was all to protect my husband. I got tested twice a week.

I think the measures in both places I’ve worked were above and beyond. If someone showed signs of respiratory distress, I called 911 immediately and the patient was sent out to an ICU. When they were safe they came back here or went with their families. Some lost their lives because they had underlying conditions like high blood pressure or heart conditions.

I was vaccinated with Johnson & Johnson and so was my husband. Despite that, I am still regularly COVID tested. It doesn't matter, the care continues.

Now that visits are allowed again, we just received two visitors. But they can't stay in the same area. They must wear masks. And they can only see one family member at a time.

Some patients are allowed to walk out of their room, but not to visit other patients in other rooms.

Even though more people are now vaccinated, we will probably go one more year with the mask rules. We check for side effects of the vaccines and tell residents to drink a lot of fluids and if they have symptoms, they have to isolate themselves in their rooms again. So far, they complain about their muscles being sore, and that’s it.

As for my family, I lost my mom to a heart attack. She was from Guadalajara and my dad from San Diego, where I was born. My family lives in California, and nobody contracted COVID. I checked on them constantly and they told me the rate of infection was a lot higher because people from Tijuana come to work and travel back and forth. I just said to them: be careful, right now try not to travel and always wash your hands.

“It was devastating to see how one person dies after another. I had to seek therapy”

Fabiola Merlin

I have been a nurse for five years. During the pandemic, I was working at the University Medical Center in El Paso, the largest hospital in a 250-mile radius in the county. We admit people from El Paso, Ciudad Juárez, in Mexico, from New Mexico, and from around the entire state of Texas.

I was driving up from Juárez to work. At first, I was afraid of not being able to cross the border, but since I was an essential employee, I was allowed to cross daily. The entire hospital ended up being a COVID unit. In March, when everything exploded, nurses and doctors were very scared, always in fear of exposing ourselves and our families.

We did not know how to handle the situation. We lacked PPE. We did not have enough gowns, and the N95 masks were also insufficient. There was a cleaning process we came up with to reuse them five times. It was very uncomfortable because after cleaning the masks, they smelled pretty bad. When we started to receive N95 masks donations, things got better.

We brought in quite a few portable oxygen and BIPAP machines (to push air into the lungs). But we didn't know how to use them, so respiratory therapists had to come to teach us.

When patients lack oxygen they start to get confused because their lungs become too saturated and they need to be oriented. I had to tell them: this is what you need to be alive, if you take off your mask, you can die.

It was easy to become too close to them, getting to know their family through video calls. There is a close relationship with the patient when you see what COVID is doing to their bodies. It is strong and sad. One hopes that something good comes out of all the care you did, but it is not like that.

There was a Code Blue for emergency situations every minute, and it was out of control. The hospital had to order more black bags for the deceased. Several times, after I got home, all I could do was cry. I didn't know how to get that pain out. It was devastating to see one person die right after another. I had to seek therapy.

The unit I was working at had 29 rooms with single beds. But with the COVID wave, the hospital became saturated and we had to double the capacity.

My patients were between 30 and 80 years old, and mostly Hispanic. I think the risk factor in our community is that we have bad diets and bad habits are predominant. Young people have hypertension or chronic diabetes.

I am an only child. My dad passed away many years ago and my mom is 70. I avoided seeing her as much as possible, but I ran errands for her and left fruits and veggies at her door.

I spent so much time with my fellow nurses that it would have been irresponsible to actually visit my mom. I never saw her, and that was very difficult. As Hispanics, we are very tied to family.

I lived with my boyfriend, but in the first months of the pandemic, we began to sleep in separate rooms. I constantly disinfected the house, the doorknobs, and the shower.

Recently, on my days off, I worked registering vaccinated patients on the Texas official website. They were very organized at the beginning vaccinating health personnel, but the doses began to get scarce and many older adults with chronic diseases such as diabetes, hypertension, or immunological problems had to postpone their appointments.

My mom already received the second dose of AstraZeneca a month ago in Juarez, but they are very slow in Juarez covering all the elder population.

Now I work in another hospital and although our challenges continue, I think the biggest lesson I learned was to enjoy life. Being healthy is something I value a lot now.

“No one knows how difficult it is to care for a frail relative, much less if she is depressed.”

Vicky Morales

For eight years I have been seeing my family every Sunday for lunch or to play the lottery. But when COVID hit, my interaction with my parents was limited to running errands for them and seeing them sporadically, always wearing masks.

My father Espiridion, born in Mexico, in Nuevo Laredo, turned 84 and my mother Juanita, from Zacatecas, is 76. My father complained: “take off that mask, we want to see you. You are not going to get infected and you are not going to infect us.” We then decided we would just call them on the phone. They were suffering a lot of anxiety and depression.

A tumor was detected in one of my mother’s kidneys and she had surgery to remove it. I had to quarantine myself before going to take care of her for almost two months.

Her recovery was complex. But perhaps the most difficult thing was taking care of someone who had never had to ask for help with anything. My mom has always been very independent and strong. She always cooked for everyone and was always on the go. In recent years, her knees and heels hurt a lot from surgery on her foot, but except for taking a little more time to rest, she never needed our care.

My sister Irma and my brother Martin came from Fort Worth to visit mom in Laredo. We were in the second wave of COVID and because of New Years' celebrations, we anticipated more cases. Our family did not have dinners or anything. We were taking great care of ourselves. We don't know how, but at the beginning of the year, my mother tested positive.

My dad tested negative, fortunately, they had been sleeping in separate rooms. My dad would leave her food and things at the door, so not seeing anybody caused her even more depression.

At first, she could not breathe and they gave her infusions, but two days later her pressure rose a lot and I had to call 911. They sent some (emergency medical technicians) to check her and her heartbeat was out of control. I followed the ambulance to Laredo Medical Center, but it was very distressing. They didn't let me in.

They kept her there for about three days in intensive care because there were no more beds available in the COVID unit. She was alone in a room but when she left she was very upset because no one had come to see her.

When she was discharged, the nurse told her that she must feel very blessed: Of the seven people who came on the day she did, nobody else went home.

Of the six siblings in our family, I was the only one who could work remotely, so I moved to my parent’s house to take care of mom. Watching my parents lose their routines was very difficult. My dad would go out every morning to have coffee with his friends, run errands home or pay bills. My mom used to hang out at an adult health center where she liked to make coffee for others and play the lottery. With the shutdown, she lost that social life. On top of that, one of her friends died of COVID. That depressed her even more, enough so we had to medicate her. I think she recovered easier from kidney surgery than from COVID.

My 58-year-old brother, our only brother, was infected in winter, at the same time as my mother. He was hospitalized in Fort Worth for two months, and we were not allowed to see him either. The doctors told us to make rosaries because he had fibrosis in his lungs and they couldn't do more for him. But, miraculously, he recovered. He recently got out of the hospital. Finally, in spring, he was able to walk again.

My dad is a Korean War veteran and has received assistance from volunteers at food pantries during COVID. But other than that, I don't think any government agency did anything, even contact tracing, for them.

My father has already received the two doses of the vaccine, Moderna, and my mother just got the OK from her doctor to be vaccinated.

I think this strong experience, which has not ended, made me admire nurses more. No one knows how difficult it is to care for a frail relative, much less to deal with their depression, and much less in a pandemic.

Originally published here

#English #Nursing homes #nurses #assisted living facilities #long term care #hospitals #COVID19 #covid units #elderly #dementia #depresion #anxienty

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