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punkbirdwitch · 5 years

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Sweet Mother Sappho

A longer poem about learning through history, self-discovery, etc. It’s a rough draft-- I’m not 100% satisfied with the storyline-- but, eh, here ya go.

---

Oh, Mother Sappho, though I’m not sure who you are,

I just found you in the trunk of my dad’s old beat-up car,

In a pile full of other stuff he used to want but doesn’t,

So I figured now would be the time to give myself a present.

I must admit that I’m not well-versed with verses,

Haven’t seen stanzas since Kwanzaa, and my rhymes could use work-- but!

Your face is on the cover and you look like you’re nice, so

I think I’ll come and read you-- only once or twice, I swear!--

And only when I’m curious about Aphrodite’s weaving,

Or carpenters and roofbeams or Gods who like deceiving!

I’d hate to be a bother with all of my incessant reading,

There’s just something ‘bout your passages I can’t help but find intriguing--

But maybe it’s just that my curiosity took

When I noticed finely scrawled within the tiny nook

Between the front cover and the page--

Faded some with age--

In graphite on the page, it reads, “Steph…

...

I hope you like the book.”

… My name’s Chris, by the way.

Oh, Mother Sappho, I know it’s only been one day,

But after our first meeting I can’t tear myself away!

And on top of that I realized that I’ve been a little flippant.

Dad always says that when I talk, my brain gets sorta distant.

My name is Chris, as I surely said before,

I’m 15 years old, born in the year Two Thousand and Four,

Which to you must seem like, I dunno, a billion years away--

If only you could see all of the stuff we have today!

My dad’s a docent-- uh, which means he works in a museum,

And I remind him he’s a nerd just about every time I see ‘im.

He takes folks ‘round to see the history, the time when you lived--

And money can be tight, so sometimes he works the graveyard shift.

I guess they save some headache by keeping the same guy

To glide across the floors by day and scrub ‘em by night.

But hey! I’m not complaining, and neither is he,

‘Cuz Empty Halls + Father/Son = Happy Memories.

I spent a lot of nights playing next to history,

Though how I (almost) never broke stuff still remains a mystery.

I played tag with the Huns, roshambo with Tommie Smith,

(A game I always won since he would always raise his fist).

My father told me tales from ancient times-- (Never quite PG)--

Then quizzed me on Mythology ‘til my mind was at its apogee!--

I’d hunt with Davy Crockett and paint with Vince van Gogh--

Might explain why a dead poet makes the second-best friend that I know. Ha!

But my favorite-- yes, the best-and-kindest figures of all

Were the warriors whispered about in the Women’s History Hall.

This was before they spread the female figures throughout the exhibits,

But in that hallway you could sense there was rebellious spirit.

Wollstonecraft and Curie, Shelley, Earhart and d’Arc,

I danced with Josie Baker, had some chats with Rosa Parks--

I fought entire wars with them as a tactician of sorts,

Then settled it with kindness, like you read about in books--

And it’s true that my childhood would have been less sleep-deprived

If I stayed at home while daddy made the money to survive,

But I’m a night owl through and through, a real child of Nyx-- (Still got it!)--

Which is why I’m sitting here with you at, like… 3:06.

… A.M. Yikes-- Mother Sappho! I’ve got to get to bed,

But thank you oh-so-kindly for the poetry I’ve read.

I hope that you don’t mind if this becomes a regular thing,

Like when I used to read soliloquies to Dr. Martin Luther King (‘s statue)--

God, with all that museum time, it’s weird I never met you.

But without further ado,

I’ll say good night to you.

… But Mother Sappho-- one thing keeps me awake,

A little shred of curiosity that I have yet to slake.

It pulls me in like the aroma from the master dish of a chef,

Oh, Mother Sappho…

… Who’s Steph?

Oh, Mother Sappho! Julie’s coming by tonight,

And whenever she comes over she just has to steal the spotlight!

Not that I mind-- I’m cool with being quiet at the table

While my childhood friend fills my open head with fables.

Our Hellish Elementary formed our crucible as friends,

And though it sucked, we only came out stronger in the end.

A nerdy girl, a “cissy” guy, playing sci-fi with dolls--

Didn’t really resonate within those tiny halls.

And of course I’d be remiss to not show her my new find--

I always try to have a new conversation topic each time

That she comes over-- Which she’s done quite regularly

Since she became my friend when no one else

Would hang out with me.

… But anyway-- She says she loves you, which is not a surprise,

It’s always been dead-dramatic ladies for whom she’s had eyes--

Not saying you’re dramatic, Sappho, I’m just trying to say,

That I’ve recently been wondering if you might’ve been gay?

I’m just saying! that’s the conclusion that I came to next

When the subtextual did floweth over into the text.

(O it makes my panicked heart go fluttering in my chest,

for the moment I catch sight of you there is no speech left

in me--) You see? You can’t blame me for thinking

That it was rainbow-colored nectar you and your friends were drinking.

And while Julie’s father has a chat with my dad,

I tell my lifelong friend about the conversations we’ve had--

And I can’t help but hear our fathers talking in the afternoon air,

Two strong voices rising through wood and laughing as a pair…

Though what they talk about’s a mystery-- dad says it’s “Nothing much--”

It’s rare for friends to have their dads like each other this much,

Aaaand I just rhymed “much” with “much”-- I told you I’m rusty!

But I think I’m getting better, you’ll-- just have to… Trust me?

Ugh.

Oh, Mother Sappho, I’m addling my brain--

If I don’t find out who this “Steph” is, I might just go insane--

Short for Stephanie, I’m sure, but why is it in my father’s hands?

And why would he discard in the back of our sedan?

Is there some pain within my father’s past he’d rather I not know?

...

You know-- I never had a mother, Mother Sappho.

Oh, Mother Sappho.

I spoke with Julie today, Oh, Mother Sappho.

Sweet Mother Sappho.

I had something to say, “Oh--

“You know,” I said, “I think that I would like to be a girl,

Even if not for forever, I’d still give it a whirl.

I’m unversed in verses-- It’s hard

To explain in the wrong key

But I get the feeling that not everything

Is quite all right with me.”

And she turned to me and smiled and said “Silly-- you can be.”

Oh, Mother, Sappho.

I’m addling my brain.

There’s something here inside my heart that I just cannot contain.

It doesn’t feel right--

And yet

It doesn’t feel wrong.

It just feels like I’ve

Never quite

Belonged.

And now I’m not sure where I’m at or what to do.

Mother Sappho, I don’t know what to do.

Oh, Mother Sappho…

…

Sweet Mother Sappho…

(Oh, darling daughter, I hope you know that you are strong

And that as you sat there rambling, I was listening all along.

Please pardon my language-- I’m afraid I’ve not rehearsed.

In this meter, I’m afraid that I’m the one unversed.

(You’re green and dainty, child-- what better thing to be?

And though your heart is violet, you’re as sturdy as the tree.

I hope you know I love you, no matter who you are,

For your soul is far more radiant than all the highest stars--

Now show them who you are--

My child, show them you are.

...

(And know

That you have nothing to fear.

You’ll know

When you understand how near you were

And are

To people just like you.

To people who love you.)

Oh, Mother Sappho, I hope you know you haven’t been misread,

And I think I found the meaning in that thing that you last said.

I realized what before I would not have believed in, ‘cuz--

“Steph” is short for Stephanie-- but is also short for “Stephen.”

I think my dad and I might need to have a talk--

In the morning. It’s 2:04, and I’m still sort of in shock.

Maybe once I tell ‘im, I can help him get a date.

Ha! Maybe…

It’s late.

Thank you, Mother Sappho, and just to set things straight-- (Which I guess I’m not, now, huh, Ms. Sapphic?)

You can still call me Chris-- it’s gender-neutral, yeah? It almost feels like fate.

Oh, Mother Sappho, I think that this feels right.

Thanks, and-- good night, Mother Sappho.

(Good night.)

#my stuff #my poetry #sapphic stuff #ocs

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wingedbouquets-blog1 · 5 years

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Elderlywomanbehindthecounterofasmalltown Syndrome

Small town syndrome - Yeezy said it best when he said “ain’t nobody fresher then my m*f* clique” ...

What is small town syndrome to me... it is when one moves to a small town ...friends get harder to make.... as most people in said small town have lived here for a long time and have their base of friends from school, life etc... not that they don’t let you into their circle, its just harder to kind of be a regular part of that circle. I spoke to a friend recently about this and they said they had another friend say exactly the same thing about moving to said home town.

Now I have never had trouble making friends wherever I go.. actually lets use the word acquaintances for most of the people I met in my early 20′s, as my good friends don’t out number the limbs I have on my body - including fingers and toes.

I am now back in the town where I started.... I have moved cities quiet regularly since I was 18, from moving to different towns in my home state, to inter state, to overseas and back again. I am what you would call a gypsy when it comes to houses, I have moved houses more times then the age I am.. and that is saying something now ;) ... So being in the same place as my good base of friends anywhere has been hard for me cause I just got up and left when the feelings hit that it was time for a change. So my own doing hahaha.

I went to a small country school, where we were ALL friends. I don’t think I stayed in too much of a particular group, from memory, I kinda went from one group to the next, catching up with each of them and I guess it was the same for most of us in that class. I left town like I said at 18 and fast forward 20years and here I am back in my home town.. single, a solo parent and never been married.

I moved back here 8 months pregnant and that in itself bought a whole world of anxiety for me before my move. To me I was moving back to a town i had despised, as it was a hard town to find work in (the reason I first left, it felt like a not what you know but who). That and back then, there was really nothing much to do here, and the city lights drew me to them, Sydney here I come.. where you had basically 24 hour entertainment and things to explore, see and do.. the choices were endless. In my 8 years there, I made a handful of great life long friends, then O/S called ..same deal.... So having to swallow my pride to come back to be near family to help raise my daughter and once again leaving behind very genuine friends, I had made in my 8 year reign in the Sunny Coast, Gold Coast and Brisbane area. Those one, the ones that were there when I first uttered my words “hey guess what... I’m pregnant” you know who you all are. I am no longer in my carefree 20′s where making friends was easy breezy, then being late 30′s. Knowing most of the people I had originally left behind, were still in my home town were now married and already had kids of varying ages. Who had their family routine down.

Very few of my old school friends actually live here in my home town anymore. I had moved away from these old school friends and stayed in touch intermittently, so I honestly get that trying to come back and pick up where we left off was not going to be easy, as so much of their lives and mine had gone on. I had missed bdays, births and marriages, and they had their base of friends whom had seen most of this etc etc... you get what I am saying.

Now add to this my anxiety of not liking the way I looked after having a child... silly right.. damn straight it was... but that was where I was at... I had been invited to my school reunion only months after giving birth, was still finding my feet in being a mother and working out my routine, and I didn’t go because I was like what if they judge me... I’m a single mum, not married, no job (I was on maternity leave) I really felt stuff that not one of them would have in all honestly cared about, but in my head I had made it unbearable to even contemplate catching up with old school mates. I look back now and think they would have all been so happy to see me and my young baby.

I really reverted into myself back then ..........I probably unwittingly pushed some of these friends away, as when you are not honest with how you were allowing anxiety to rule you, they would take it quiet rightfully that you just didn’t want to catch up,......It was not until I found happiness in the way I looked, did I start catching up with people when they asked us out for catch ups. I really let the glamour and vain part of life rule me, as so many pictures of so many women and friends (I’m talking instagram, facebook) of them bouncing back days after giving birth and throw into the mix my mum (bless her misplaced encouragement) of “oh they bound me after birth and I had a flat tummy again days after”. So people would ask to catch up in the early days and I would decline, so I get that you know you do give up on asking. Which leads me to how I felt last year when my rock bottom happened it all hit me...

I just don't have my clique.

I felt weird toward the end of last year, like I sometimes felt ..(was not always the case) ..like I was the one always texting asking to catch up, sending a Hi how are you or hey are you free/busy, would you like a play date, coffee catch up etc... it started feeling like I was a “needy” friend.. like I am always doing the asking.... so you decide to back off and wait to see if someone will text you, but life gets busy and thoughts cross our minds of like you know what, I need to text so an so.. and next thing its two weeks, two months later because life happens.. and that is life....

Oh don’t get me wrong I have friends here now :) ... people i know care about me and most importantly care about my daughter, and I know life is busy i get all that i truly do, this is just me putting my thoughts to print, but I miss my old clique of taking holidays together, the planning nights out, just planning things most weeks, ...(as this is only for me, my thoughts, my journey of getting back to me) but as a solo parent I really do enjoy my time with my daughter and I try to explore, holiday etc with her, but it does get.... lonely.... MY GOD IT GETS LONELY AT TIMES, when you want to share moments and experiences with people, I know this poor child of mine must get bored with hanging out with her old mama bear constantly. I care so much about her I don’t want her to feel lonely, I have spent so many of my years single - as in - no really long term partners.. and I was happy with that as I had my friends.. (now that is another blog for another time)

But when you move to a small town, these new friends have their group/their crew and it is harder to try and make those connections. I mean there is the rainbow...the best part, I have been crab potted and I love it, my daughter loves the true love she feels when she goes there, they welcome her as if family, Same when our dear friends invited us on a camping holiday, I appreciate it especially at the time the invite came.. MORE THEN YOU KNOW... the little invites...for coffee and play dates.. etc... to all those that have extended their hearts and kindness and friendship branch to the two of us... its lovely that you opened your hearts and home... to the both of us and made it easier to fit in once my barriers came down.... thank you for hanging in there for me.

And forgive me please forgive me for the invites I have not accepted, its not that I didn’t want to go, things may just have not felt right at that time to do those things, so please don’t give up on us.

My ex always told me hang in there once your daughter goes to school you will make mum friends, and those will be the ones that you will have stuff in common with ... and you know what he was right.. last year I did, I got the opportunity to meet some wonderful lovely and vibrant parents, and it was great, the spanner in the works now is my full time job, requires my daughter to be in before and after school care, so my actually getting to see these wonderful people will be few and far between. But facebook is a wonderful thing :)

Recently I spoke to someone about all the feelings I had been having about life since twenty ohhhhh one eight...and on this topic they gave me the best advice, she said don’t you dare hold back.... go into a relationship of friendship with all you got ...with all that you are. When you do this you set the basis for that “ship”..they will be the real friendships, the ones that last, the true friendships, if you want just surface friendships with just the hi’s etc and superficial-ness, then try never being the real you and holding the real you back in fear, then that is what that relationship of friendship will be... just superficial .. she said just go in and be you don't you dare hold back. :)

Im going to try and make new friends this year, and also be a better friend, make time for those I also haven’t seen in ages, and if you read this make sure you tell your friends you care, make plans, make dates, be silly with each other, love them, be there for them even when its for the little things.. send a quick hi, as you never know when they may not be here... This ones for you Kate.. Fly high fluffy duck you comedic genius #Haga xxxxxx

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frostironficrecs · 7 years

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Hi so i have a few requests if thats okay. 1. Evil! Tony where he has secretly been working with loki or something like that. 2. teen AU theres still the avengers and all but they are teens, and lokis good. 3. avengers meeting lokis kids with frostiron. Sorry if thats too much I'm just having trouble finding these things. Thank you

Me when I first got this ask: this is totally not too much, you are fine, this gives me more opportunities to readMe now: This! Took! So! Fucking! Long! I’m! So! Sorry!

Anyway!

*cracks knuckles* alright friend, ive got at least a couple recs on here with that first request- dark tony working with loki in this rec list, particularly 3, 6, 7, and 9.

Now! teen/hs aus w/ the avengers. those are gonna be a bit harder lol. All of these don’t necessarily have the Avengers, but then I would have virtually no fics for this part of the rec ajkdhlfa

And Everyone Knew Except Them- miaao3, G or T, No Warnings. It started as a stupid joke; Tony smacked a kiss on Loki to freak out a homophobe, except everything went belly up as soon as Loki started kissing back. I loved this?? So Much???? I’m so sad mia isn’t writing anymore :(

What? Wait… What?- msMynx, Mature, No Warnings. Loki is entirely too busy to even think about prom. Prom is what other people did, not him.Hilarious, honestly. Totally something that could happen in canon, imo.

I’m Your Guy- STARSdidathing, G, No Warnings. “You might be gay, but he likes girls, Loki.”Thor is a bad bro sometimes, and Tony is awesome.

It Just Sort Of Happened- Potrix, T, No Warnings Apply (Mentions of drug abuse, mentions of attempted suicide, mentions of overdosing)Sometimes, Loki learns, getting in trouble is just the first step of something new and wonderful.Buddy,,,, this was,,,,,,,,, angsty and wonderful

This one was difficult and annoying, bc I found Loki’s kids meeting Avengers with frostiron, but it was badly written, or gross, or some kind of shit imo. Then I found meeting Loki’s kids with frostiron! But barely any Avengers, SO, Buddy, I Tried. Honestly, this was the section that took the longest alsdkjf. (A note, I didnt go as in depth for this tag as i have for others bc i thought i spent enough time on it, but here is the link to the search terms i used. Therefore, a lot of the fics on this sec are pretty new, and im sure there are plenty of other good ones in the tag, i simply kinda didnt feel like reading them)

Loki’s Brood (series)- Raven_Ehtar, T, (Past) Rape/Non-con, (Flashback) Graphic Violence (IMO violence is not that bad, and to me the non-con was glossed over)After the trial in Asgard for his various crimes, Loki Laufeyson walks away estranged from his people and burdened with tasks to amend his past wrongs. In so doing he also walks away with his three children - Fenrir, Hela and Jörmungandr - taking them out of the hands of the Æsir. He entrusts them to Tony Stark, much to everyone’s surprise, and what could have been a disaster turns out to work out remarkably well for everyone involved. At least most of the time.This entire series was amazing, I loved it, I want more right now, thank you very much. (This one has the most kids+avengers)

Crossing the Line (series)- pristineungift, M, No Warnings/Graphic Violence.Tony Stark may not know it, but he is Loki’s.Not in a creepy way tho! Imo, at least lkasdf. I really loved this series honestly. Also, Angst :’> (More... adult ‘kids’, and mostly avengers tbh)

Hel is Other People- Moosepelheim, M, Graphic Violence.“So what if I ate the cheeseburger?” Tony shouts, throwing a wrench at Loki’s head. The bastard dodges it easily as he stalks closer. “That doesn’t mean I belong to you!”“Oh, not to me,” Loki says lowly, a smile like honey slowly spreading its way across his face. “But with me? Surely you’ve heard of Persephone.”“A cheeseburger isn’t some fucking mystical pomegranate, you smirking lunatic.” It isn’t, it just isn’t. Not even close. "You aren't even Greek!" he adds, throwing another wrench which is dodged just as easily.Loki spreads his hands wide, posing like the showman he is. “I think you’ll find that a pomegranate symbolizes the fruit of the dead. Your cheeseburger, made of dead flesh, was topped with fruit. It’s close enough for the symbolism to bind.”“Ah-hah! There’s no fucking fruit on a cheeseburger,” Tony says triumphantly, finger pointing accusingly at Loki. “I fucking win, no going back to crazy town with you. I stay here in my workshop, and you fucking leave before I call the Avengers.”“Oh Stark,” Loki murmurs, almost affectionately. “A tomato is a berry, you ignorant fool.”I’m fucking counting this bc this is one of my faves and Im justifying it by the fact that Loki’s kids are in it, albeit as adults, and more towards the end than anything else.

These last three are pretty much Loki+kids+Tony, no Avengers. But they’re all lovely nonetheless, and I would love more of these kinds of fics

Hidden Within- Lynds (Incomplete, updating regularly), T, Chose No Warnings.Tony's on the verge of giving up when he stumbles into Lucas and his large brood of troubled children. He knows they're on the run, but frankly, he's not going to live very much longer, so he doesn't care. He just wants to hang out with the hot guy with stunning green eyes and crazy kids, and maybe fall in love with all of them. Just a little.When Loki finds out he isn't Odin's son, he washes his hands of the lot of them. He steals his children back from their prison and takes them on the run, hiding their true nature and magic in a mortal form. But then Tony comes to their aid one day, and he has to choose between keeping his children safe and hidden, and releasing his magic to save the life of a man he might be falling for.This is the best of the ones I read, no lie, and even tho its super new it deserves to be on this list.

Late Again- andquitefrankly, G, No Warnings.Single dad’s Tony and Loki always bring their kids late to school. And those kids see something that they don’t: love.Def Loki’s kids, and... kinda an oc for Tony’s kid? However, this was delightful, and light, and fluffy. Exactly what I needed after some of the other angst heavy ones on this list.

Forming a Family- siver_drip, T, No Warnings.Odin cast Loki’s children through space and time. Tony finds Hela.Seeing dad!Tony was amazing, I loved it, and Hela was a wonderful little hellion, whom I adore. More pre-slash than anything during the story

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soobadnoonecanstopher · 7 years

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Yo Lori, im in need of your wisdom, I used to have a thing w this guy but that didn't work out. We still hang out regularly and just last night he came over to my house and we smoked while watching a movie. It was all comfy, we were snuggling on the couch, until I turned towards him and like we had one of those awkward 'lips too close to each other' moments. After that there was a lot of sexual tension, so he left. Now I think I want to get down with him but...

...He's also been trying to help me get w his best friend(whom I'm also friends with) who I've liked for a while now and I just feel like when he comes over again it's gonna be too weird but we have a nice vibe going right now that I don't want to complicate but I also want to make out with him.. AHH I DONT KNOW HELP! GIVE ME ADVICE!-------I need to know about the thing you had with him before to be sure, but the fact that he didn't move in during that lips too close, not quite sober, extra sexual tension situation makes me think hes not going to. That plus the fact that hes trying to hook you up with his friend means 1. He sees you as a friend only or 2. He loves his friend more than the idea of you in a romantic way and his friend must be really into you.

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perfectionistincrisis · 7 years

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Updates

The reason I am taking a break from blogging is because i dont feel comfortable anymore talking about my life here. I am not such an open person; I prefer keepimg things to myself. It is only him who id talk to and a few bits and bites with other people rarely maybe! Although everything I have blogged about till now, I am cool with it and if i ever feel like somethings worth making a post about and havung it engraved online over here I sure will I guess

Few things have been stuck in my head. One is that in one of my old posts I said that it just feels like we stopped talking and nothing else. Well i dont think it is as simple as it sounds. Because its not just that. Not talking comes with a lot of other situations which are handled way too diffetently. Many of which pierces through my heart and is way too painful to have to accept. But long story short, we are not what we are anymore, atleast not right now. He is not ‘mine’ to call and literally everyone else in his life is technically closer to him and more accessible for him than I am. And God, that makes me feel so jealous.. Its so hard to be okay with this fact. I find myself almost at the verge of questioning life as to what have i done to be at this place but.. It is for Allah’s sake so yes I should leave it to Him and just pray and have patience.

Another thing is that. There is really not much I can do about us.. Other than to wait for him. I really can’t think of something i could possible do for us; even if there is anything, I think there is more to what he should take care of.

BUT, here is what I think i should do. Infact I think it is my responsibility/ duty. I owe it. NOT to him only though but to everyone else who loves me. Definitely my family. And I think also people like my friends and others at uni I will have to encounter on a daily basis.

So let’s come to the point. I think I should thrive to be a better humanbeing. That includes improving on a religious level, improving academically, improving my personality in general. As for friends and colleagues, it is about team work and helping each other out, being there for someone in need if within your capability. As for family, it is letting my parents know that they have raised a good person and so much more. As for him, it is not being any less than what he deserves, what I want him to have in life, of being responsible for whom his kids may call mom one day inshaAllah and.. So much more again! I feel like i should always thrive to get better. This means being hard-working, acquiring more skills, contributing in a positive way around you.

Another thing is that, in one of his blogs he was talking about having problems of directing his blogs towards me, as if he was talking to me. This is something very hard to control and I think no one will understand what he meant more than I will. So to make it easy for both of us, and also to add to that the reasons I put forward as to why Im not so comfortable blogging, I decided to not use tumblr regularly. When we were together, i used to feel the strong -need- to always make sure we maintain communication. As much as communication is a two person thing, I still used to believe that if any one person puts the extra effort and sincerely holds onto every chance of staying in touch, things will be fine. I still believe so. Now, me believing in such an idea does not really mean I fancy it or like it but whatever. Whats inportant to realize over here is that it should not be the case now. We are not together anymore. As much as i want to know every tiny detail about him all the time 24 7; I am not entitled to get all that information anymore. And I should accept it and act like it - whether i like it or not - And like i said, no, i dont like it but yeah.. And the only way I make it easier for myself to accept that is by using tumblr less; not regularly. That way i believe he can blog knowing its uncertain if i am going to read it anytime soon and also I get to realize over and over again, with a heavy heart that things have changed!

Okay so when I was talking about how there’s only so less I think i can do other than to wait, I also had to add to that about how i keep thinking about the past from time to time and it draws a lot, let me repeat, A LOT of emotions. Once again, there is not anything i can do about them and i should pray to Him and leave all these emotions behind and just have Sabr (patience).

Also, today is the first day I am fasting. Yes, like after missing out on 21 days of Ramadan this year and over 4 weeks of not praying. Here i am! So thats why I had to blog. Needed to leave a mark!

Also, this Eid, inshaAllah we might spend it in Makkah. I am looking forward to it!

Finishing the Quran will not be possible I think. I mean its not impossible actually but i dont think i have it in me to do so but inshaAllah lets see. I will keep reciting and giving it my best. One thing i often see is how we often feel like its just these 30 days you get a chance to finish the Quran. Like its now or never typa shit! I mean cmon, Ramadan does end but life goes on. Turn to the next page and keep reciting feom the Quran everyday even after Ramadan. You will finish it eventually. For many of us, we hardly spend enough time reciting if any page at all throughout the year and suring Ramadan wr aim to finish the whole thing -which is not bad though- but what is bad is how IF we arennot able to do so we feel like its the end if the world. Feel like such failures. That is so wrong. Obly people who spend significant amount of their time reciting Quran and finishing it every year might feel bad if specifically during the month of Ramadan they were not able to do so for any reason. Ugh ok enough..

And as for working out, I just worked ou for 2 days so far and I am having all positive vibes in me. InshaAllah I will be able to get very regular at it. The thing with me is this is not new for me. I lose significant amount of weight every vacation. 6 kgs is a minimum! But the thing is that very thought can sometimes make me overconfident! Also another thing is the slow result. From my experience, in the beginning when you start working out you hardly see changes but what is important at this stage is that you go on. Carry on. If you dont see any weught changes, i think it is better to focus on the mental soothing working out brings about. I mean its not all about losing weight. It also cleanses your soul. You get to relax! Its more like at the start, you have the 'stubborn weight’ which doesnt drop but once it DOES, and you carry on, it just keeps dropping way easily. So you just need to hang in there. Working out also teaches patience which i really like and need veing such a perfectionist.

So now to end this post. Good thing i brought the fact about me being a perfectionist up cause this is where i need it. Being a perfectionist, wanting that perfect life. Well, ik this life is not perfect; it is not aupposed to be. But then there is still some sanity you can pray for, you can wish for perfection to an extent. And right now it is the complete opposite of “perfection”. It is like not 'zero’ perfection but more like the scales have moved to the negative markings! And that disturbs me so much..!

Aha. Thats it for now! :)

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themoneybuff-blog · 5 years

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The Balance Between Novelty and Stability - and How That Affects Your Dollars and Cents

Recently, I had a face-to-face conversation with a reader (yep, this happens every once in a while; I have a few readers in my local community that Im not close friends with, but they recognize me and seem to always have some sort of question or topic to bring up in conversation) about the idea of having everyday meals for the family, something I mention often as a frugal strategy. For those unclear, an everyday meal is just a meal that Sarah or I can prepare quickly and easily on any given weeknight that our family really likes. You might call it a staple meal or a regular meal. For us, those meals include things like spaghetti with tomato sauce, scrambled eggs and pancakes, chili, and tuna casserole. Both Sarah and I can whip those things out in a jiffy without even a second thought; the recipes are internalized and efficient. This reader was pretty pointed: dont meals like that get boring? My gut instinct was to tell the reader no without really thinking about it, but instead I said, Hmm Ill give that some thought, and suggested a post on the topic might appear soon. Over the next few weeks, I had some conversations with my family about the topic in a roundabout way. I mostly just asked for meal suggestions and asked what meals they liked the best. Our three children were all pretty specific on what meals they liked the best. My youngest loves any sort of pasta and cheese combination if it has pasta and cheese, hes in. My middle child loves taco night above all else. My oldest loves chili and enchiladas above all else. Interestingly, if I have them pick a meal that they think all three of them will like, theyll pick pizza, whether its homemade or picked up somewhere. My wife listed a litany of meals she really likes. I asked them what they thought about trying different meals and the children were all okay with it as long as their favorites remained in regular rotation and I avoided certain specific foods. My wife is more on board with trying new things, but she also still wanted a few favorites in rotation. They all said that they like to try variations on the familiar dishes, like trying a chili variant or experimenting with a pizza, than something radically different. It turns out that Im probably the most adventurous and experimental eater in my family, but even I enjoy our everyday meals. I actually like varying them a little and trying new angles on the same old things (like experimenting with cheeses for the mac and cheese) and, when I have time, making things as from scratch as possible, like making fresh pasta for pasta night or making from-scratch bread or making my own vegetable stock (just soaking vegetable scraps in the slow cooker). This realization, along with some Google searching, led me to this interesting article on Food52 by Amanda Hesser entitled Im the Food Expert, But My Kids Love My Husbands Cooking. Her experience falls right in line with my own: Her family is fine with experimentation, but they end up putting a lot of value on regular repeated family meals. Theyd rather have daddys pasta (rotelle pasta wagon wheels with a simple sauce) than something unusual or complex, and she often would, too: Im an unabashed homebody. A comforting home and stability are things I have an almost desperate need to maintain. And yet, even when I have a home that feels comforting and right, Im always itching to iterate and improve the physical spaceto paint a wall, rearrange the furniture, recover the chairs. The same thing happens in my kitchen. I may love being in the kitchen and cooking for family, but I clearly cant help myself from exploring some new taste, technique, or idea. This urge for newness and evolution worked for me for many years. When I was a full-time writer, whose job was to constantly discover and write about whats next, it was like feeding candy to my pathology. Now that I have kids, though, to whom I feel an intense responsibility to nurture a sense of security not to mention, to establish family traditions my searching ways floundered. The night after the podcast interview, while joking about it over dinner, I asked the kids what dishes of mine they liked. They paused and looked at each other. It was difficult for them to conjure up anything specific. Kids rarely need to be direct for their message to be loud and clear. If I wanted them to remember my cooking, I had to slow down, I had to repeat, I had to make food that they could count on. Like their daddy did with pasta. Over the past few years, Ive done just this. Ive stuck with dishes, and I keep a folder of recipes we like to go back to again and again Robertas garlic dressing, porchetta, and Thai steak salad. This made me think quite a bit about my own change in food habits during my life. When I was growing up, my family definitely had regular meals that we repeated with frequency. Im sure, looking back, that those meals were fairly convenient for my parents to make and that doing so had become, with practice, quite easy for them. There was another factor going on, though: it provided a touchstone of shared experience. There were certain dishes that we would have frequently that I would love to smell coming in the door, not just because they were delicious, but because they made me feel things like family and safety and comfort. When I reached adulthood, that feeling basically went away unless I was visiting family. I either viewed food simply as forgettable fuel or I purely chased novelty by eating at a wide variety of expensive restaurants or preparing really fancy things at home on occasion, like a $30 grilled steak. For all of the expensive meals I ate in my twenties, none of them filled me with the sense of familiarity and comfort that my mothers humble tuna casserole would make me feel, or the smell of a fried egg cooked in just a bit of butter with a lot of black pepper on it. Those things made me feel something beyond mere food they made me feel safe and loved and comfortable. An expensive meal might be delicious, but its usually a one-shot thing simply because of the financial constraints of 99.9% of Americans. Thus, it can never create those feelings of home like humble dishes eaten frequently with loved ones can create. Theres a clip at the end of the movie Ratatouille where the hardened food critic Anton Ego takes a bit of a dish prepared by the humble hero Remy. The dish is the titular ratatouille, a pretty humble dish thats basically just a casserole of sliced vegetables, and Ego initially turns up his nose at it. But when he takes a bite well, watch for yourself: [embedded content] What does this hardened critic think of when he tries the dish? His mind doesnt consider flavors or texture. Rather, he flashes back to his grandmothers kitchen when he was a child. He has feelings of peace and love and comfort and family. Those feelings dont exist the first time you try a dish or even the third or fifth or tenth. Rather, they come from a body of positive experiences over time, and they can be triggered by the most humble of things. You dont need an expensive restaurant meal to feel those feelings; in fact, youll almost never feel that way unless youre a regular at a family-owned restaurant. On the other hand, you can get that feeling from something as simple as an egg fried in a bit of butter with a bit of black pepper on it. Were really talking here about two different values that are at least somewhat in opposition to each other. Novelty comes when you try a new experience. Youre interacting with new people. Youre trying a new meal. Youre going to a new store. Youre going to a new place. Those are enjoyable experiences our brains like novelty. Yet, at the same time, novel experiences dont last. They dont scratch the same itch that familiar experiences do. Stability, on the other hand, comes when you enjoy a familiar experience of some kind. Youre enjoying time with family or close friends. Youre eating a family favorite meal. Youre hanging out at a familiar haunt. Those are also enjoyable experiences and familiarity breeds enjoyment. Such experiences fulfill us in a completely different way than novelty does. Whats really interesting to note here is that novelty is typically more expensive than familiarity. New products come with a price premium. They require additional travel because youre familiar with the things in your area. Restaurants you havent tried before are often the expensive ones because youve already tried all of the regularly priced ones. This is not to say novelty is always more expensive than stability, but that its frequently the case. What does all of this mean in terms of our finances, then? First of all, its easier to be frugal if you have an appreciation for familiar experiences. If you hold familiar experiences in disdain or if your life history has made it difficult to build up familiar experiences, its hard to find appeal in them and youre going to inherently seek novelty. Remember, the psychological benefit of novelty is much easier to enjoy than the psychological benefit of stability and familiarity. Novelty can be experienced at pretty much any moment; stability and familiarity take time and a history of positive similar experiences. So, in a practical sense, there is a great deal of frugal value in finding simple experiences you like and repeating them (or close variations on them) until the familiarity brings additional joy. For example, Ive come to love sitting in the soft brown chair in our house with several windows nearby and just reading a book. It is an experience I indulge in often and I get a great amount of joy out of that experience, not just because it feels good, but because it inherently reminds me of the many moments when it felt good in the past. It feels comforting to sit there with a book in my hand. I feel it when Im playing a familiar board game with close friends, where we all know the rules and we all feel comfortable with each other. I feel it when Im making a pot of chili or a homemade pizza for my family and then we gather around the table and eat it together and talk about our day. I feel that warm stability in many experiences in my life, and Ive come to intentionally notice it and value it. Those types of experiences, because of their repetition, almost have to be very inexpensive or free out of necessity. If there was a significant cost in such a repeated experience, it would cause a great deal of financial damage, which brings me to my second point. Constantly chasing novel experiences is hard on the wallet. If I want to eat at a new restaurant every night, thats going to cost a lot of money over time. If I want to simply have something new for dinner every night, the cost of all of those different ingredients is going to add up (not to mention the time invested in constantly jumping from culinary technique to culinary technique without mastering any of them). If I want to read the latest books constantly, Im going to have to buy them, and popping $15 to $20 for a new hardcover once or twice a week adds up fast. If I want to play the latest board games constantly, I have to routinely spend $30 to $40. If I want to watch the latest movies constantly, I have to routinely spend $10 or $15 at the theater (Id probably buy a movie pass, but it still adds up). You get the idea. A constant stream of novel experiences is expensive. Theres an even bigger problem A costly novel experience that you start to repeat until it takes on some aspects of familiarity is a road to financial disaster. Lets say you go to a coffee shop and its a wonderful novel experience. You decide to go again and again and again. Slowly, it starts to become a familiar and stable experience. You feel a certain comfort in that routine. The problem is that the routine is expensive and engaging in it with frequency is like acid on your budget. Another element Ive personally noticed is that most of the really valuable stable experiences I have in my life things like familiar family dinners, familiar experiences with friends, and so on are incredibly inexpensive ones. The family dinners that are really successful on all cylinders are ones where were gathered around the table with people we love and who love us, eating a food we all enjoy and basking in the afterglow of many such dinners before us that have built a certain bond. You can get some of that while chasing novelty at the latest restaurant, but you miss some of it, too, and youre also hammering your wallet. None of this is to say that novelty doesnt have value. It does have tremendous value. Many of the joys of life are held in new experiences. Yet there are many elements of life that novelty cant bring to the table and cultivating stability often provides those elements. If you take one message home from all of this, its that novelty is fine, but theres a tremendous financial value in appreciating the positive stable experiences in life. Find the small things you actually enjoy (not things that merely pass time), whether theyre shared experiences or solo experiences, and fill your life with them. Repeat them, so that they take on a sense of familiarity and stability. Vary them, so that they dont become boring, either you wouldnt read the same book over and over or watch the same television show over and over, but you might consistently read in your favorite chair or watch a new episode of a beloved program while cuddling with your partner. Dont abandon novelty that would make life dull but dont overlook or abandon the many values of stability and what it can bring, too. Enjoy that simple comfort food with family. Enjoy that comfortable chair and a book from the library from your favorite author. Theres incredible value to be found in that kind of stability and it wont erode your finances. Good luck. Related Articles: https://www.thesimpledollar.com/the-balance-between-novelty-and-stability-and-how-that-affects-your-dollars-and-cents/

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