#and it's just sigh inducing and eyerolling at best to have to listen to them or

[mousebetterhavemymoney]

Gangnam Style (Chapter Seven)

September 18, 1999

I rub my eyes tiredly as i watch the news.

As usual, some reporter was complaining about me. That wasn't anything new, but there's something misery-inducing about sitting by the Tv, Soju in hand while someone talks about how you are apparently "damaging America's youth."

The reporter, a pretty blonde with a shaggy bob, is going into a tirade about "Split" and the negative affect it's having on young girls.

"These songs are so, so damaging for young women. The music video for Good 4 u contains such graphic violence! I mean, Jamie literally lights a house on fire, with her boyfriend inside. Is this the kind of person we want our girls to become?!"

I scoff and take another swig from the bottle.

Does she mean strong women who won't allow men to disrespect them? Because, personally, i think every mother would want that for their child...

"And don't even get me started on the cuss words." She sighed deeply, as if trying to calm herself from her panic. "Vampire? Gasoline? Nightmare? They all have so many explicit words and references that growing girls really shouldn't be hearing. She claims she wants to inspire women to be there best selves, but all she wants to do is drag them down with her. Has anyone listened to Gasoline? It's like she's encouraging us to join her in her insanity. Well, i for one, want to stay out of it."

I bite my lip. I can't deny it, her words sting. And for the hundreth time, i wondered if it had all been a mistake.

Was i wrong in returning to music? Was i truly inspiring anyone, or was i just pulling my fans into my darkness?

I didn't know for sure, but Soju always clears the mind.

I'm about to take another swig, when i get a call.

"Jamie, hi! How are you, we haven't talked since before you went to the VMA's! We should have a girls night and you can tell me all about it!" I hold back an eyeroll at the sound of Brittany's cheerful voice. I love her like a sister, but she's just so... positive.

Before i get a chance to make a flimsy excuse, she starts protesting.

 "C'mon, you did so well at the Vmas. You deserve it!"

I sigh with a soft smile. It never takes much for her to convince me...

"Ok, ok, you got me. But i'm not in the mood for another media circus. We'll order a pizza food, and you can come over and we'll watch a movie. Deal?"

"Perfect. See you then."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm not really sure what to wear, but it's only a girls night in, so i settle for a dark satin robe and pair of hideous looking bunny slippers that Brittany got for my birthday. They were supposed to be a "joke" gift, but i had liked them enough to keep them. I use a claw clip to style my hair into a messy bun, I look into the mirror with an accepting sigh.

I'm disgusting. I look 100% disgusting.

Before i can sink further into self-hate, the doorbell rings, and i smile to myself. It must be her. That's my Brittany, always swooping in when i need her the most.

I try not to seem too excited as i open the door and embrace her.

She shoots me a big smile. "Thanks for sending Miguel to pick me up. It's great to see you, you look amazing!"

I smirk with false bravado.

"Always."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Brittany lays her head on my shoulder as we snuggle up on the couch and watch "Titanic." I think it's a little boring, but the acting is good, and it makes for good background noise as we pass the bottle around and talk about our lives. Besides, it's one of Brittany's favorite movies... but i'm positive she doesn't watch it for the plot. And i've got no problem telling her so.

Brittany lets out a soft chuckle at my comment. "Of course I watch it for the content...well, most of it" she adds, flashing me a quick grin. "Okay, maybe your right and it's mostly for the eye candy. What can I say, I'm a sucker for a good looking man. And so are you, i hear." I roll my eyes.

"What did Miguel tell you?"

"Nothing... i just heard you had some fun with Eminem."

I bite my black nails at the mention of the hookup, and avoid eye contact. Damn Miguel. Of course he told.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

September 10, 1999

The morning after.

I try to ignore my driver's grin as i crawl into the limo.

Miguel looks back at me with a devilish smile on his face. "You wanna talk about last night?"

"Shut up. My plane won't wait forever." He shrugs and finally starts the car.

"So, you really just hit it and quit it on him, huh? I thought you were a little classier than that. He's probably pretty sore right now, I mean who were you trying to please, exactly? Him or yourself?"

"Eyes on the road, Ramirez." I snap irritably, rubbing my tired eyes.

Miguel stares at me through the rearview mirror for a moment longer before shrugging and turning his attention back to the road. We ride in silence for a while and a few minutes later, I finally break the silence. "So, for future reference, how much time do I need to spend with a guy before I sleep with him for you to think it is classy?"

Miguel answered the question without skipping a beat. "I'm thinking at least 3 hours." he replied, the side of his mouth curving up in a smirk.

I roll my eyes.

"Nevermind. Why do i ask you anything?"

Miguel laughs quietly as he keeps driving. "Because i'm so damn wise, of course."

"Wisecracking maybe."

He sniggers.

"I'll take it."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Present Time

I snapped out of my daydream to see Brittany squeezing my shoulder with a soft smile.

She can always read my body language with ease. "Hey, look at me," she says softly, waiting for that eye contact again. "I know you're going through a lot right now- that can't be easy. The way I see it, Eminem was just a little fun to help you take your mind off things, right?"

I smile faintly, squeezing her hand in mine. "Thanks Brit. For understanding. and for... well, everything."

"No worries, that's what friends are for, right?" Brittany leans towards me and gives her a reassuring hug. "Besides, we all gotta have a little fun now and then."

"True. And i did have a lot of fun, to be honest. It's been a while since i slept with someone." Brittany smirks at me.

"And let's be honest, if you had to pick someone to break your dry spell with, you couldn't have picked someone better than Eminem." She adds." That's like, the ultimate fantasy come true. Now you're back on top both in the music scene and in the bedroom. Just don't get too attached to him, I don't think he's the kind of guy who wants anything long term. Maybe you can have a little fun with him a few more times and then move on." I curl up my nose is distaste.

"Oh, i'm not planning on seeing his face again, trust me."

She shrugs. "Okay, so just a one time thing. I get it. No judgement. How was he? I mean he seems like he would be really good at this kind of thing." I roll my eyes and take another swig from the bottle of Soju.

"Let's not talk about any more men tonight." Brittany rolls her eyes.

"Buzzkill. Just promise me one thing: I want to know everything when you finally meet a guy you actually like."

Oh, yeah, like that's ever gonna happen.

"You will. I promise." I say, mostly to reassure her.

Brit smiles and lets out a sigh of relief. She plops her head back on my shoulder. "Okay, good. I'm here for you Jamie, you know that, right?" I smile softly.

"Of course. Now let's watch this stupid movie."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/n

Stop writing, i told myself. You have more important tasks, i told myself. But i kept writing and stepped right in the next cypher, best beli-

I'm sorry, i'll stop here. Thanks for reading. Idk when i'll be back... cause i have really no idea where the next chapter is gonna go. But i will try to dust the cobwebs in my head and brainstorm.

Until then?

Enjoy the chapter! ❤

#eminem #eminem x reader #slim shady #marshall mathers #eminem fanfiction #slim shady x reader #eminem imagine #gangnam style series #marshall mathers fanfiction #marshall mathers headcanons #eminem headcanons #marshall mathers imagine

[heleneplays]

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars (I could use a wish right now)

Summary: Brain said Patricia/Helene (Adler) & María/Helene (Spillane) angst so I wrote a little thing about them during the missing time.

Fandom: Relics of the Lost Age & HPHM (rewrite!) fusion aka I'm stealing characters (Patricia Rakepick & Helene Adler my beloved) and adding them to this to spice up life <3

Characters: Helene Spillane, Patricia Rakepick Sánchez, María García Pérez, Helene Margarethe Adler

Pairing: Helene Spillane/Patricia Sánchez, Helene Spillane/María García Pérez (Mentioned), María García Pérez&Helene Adler, Patricia Sánchez/Helene Adler (Mentioned)

---

"I still want her."

The whispered confession broke the silence between them.

"Of course, Spillane. I know."

"Sánchez..."

"No, listen."

Patricia moves to face Helene in the eyes.

"You've got a big heart, Spillane. But you've already given it to her. And that's fine, because... I also have-- had someone else."

"Oh."

"This arrangement we have... it's fine. It's just two women seeking comfort with each other. God knows there's little trust to find ourselves good trysts these days."

Silence reigns for a few moments before Helene inevitably wisecracks.

"Which part am I good with, then?"

The brunette waggles her eyebrows, and the redhead supresses an eyeroll. Instead she just moves again to be on top, pinning Helene down.

"Why don't you be a good girl and remind me, then?"

---

Much, much later, Helene and Patricia lie back, satisfied.

"So..."

"So?"

"Don't make this weirder than it has to, Patty-dearest."

The redhead sighs, and runs a hand through her hair.

"You're lucky you're cute."

"I know. My looks are my second best asset."

"What's the first?"

"My boobs or ass, take a pick."

Patricia laughs, not expecting that answer.

"Very crass, Spillane."

"Fine, you spoilsport. Sharp mind, alright? You can pick with it later. Now spill!"

"Ugh, fine. Her name's Helene--"

Helene immediately interrupts.

"I have so many things I want to say about that right now--"

Patricia takes a hand and lazily slaps it on to the brunette's lips.

"Let me finish, damn."

Helene's eyes crinkle in delight, nodding once to let the redhead know she'll be quiet now.

"Alright, as I was saying. Her name's Helene. Helene Adler."

///

"Adler."

"García."

Hazel and Cerulean orbs clash. Both women tense, before forcibly calming themselves.

"We are not speaking of this to anyone, is that clear?"

"Crystal. That said, would you like breakfast, or would you rather leave now?"

María stares at Helene, calculating.

"What's your angle, Adler? Why be so... nice to me?"

"None as much as basic courtesy drilled by a... former partner."

The redhead knits her eyebrows for a moment, before her face smoothes over.

"Then I suppose there's no harm with breakfast before I go."

Helene moves out of bed and pads to the closet to take a robe from its hook.

"Very well. You can wash up on the baths to the left of this room."

The blonde leaves without a second glance, most likely to the kitchen. María sighs as she leans into the pillows, groaning quietly as the alcohol-induced, emotion-filled night turned into an overnight cuddle session between her and the scientist fills her mind.

[Flashback]

"Long night, García?"

"Is it ever. Can't complain about the pay, though."

The blonde snorts, rolling her eyes.

"As you always say."

She orders herself a whiskey neat, more for show than anything. Nearby, a group of soldiers let out mixed cheers and groans as someone lays down their playing cards, ending their game.

"Why are you pestering me, Adler? Don't you have some sort of mission or analysis to take care of? Or were you bored playing scientist with a bunch of fanciful loons?"

"Oh they're as tedious as ever. Don't have to remind me of that."

"Just checking."

"Hah!"

Helene sips before continuing.

"New assignments and all, but it's cute that you noticed. Sadly it seems i'm travelling with the circus next."

The redhead looks at her for a long time... then makes a face.

"Oh god, don't tell me you're--"

"Oh I am. Orders from the top, apparently. You're getting the official notice tomorrow. Forewarned is forearmed and all that."

"Is this a punishment for you or me? God."

"God long left, María."

Helene's deadpan delivery has the redhead snorting into her drink, which she should've really stopped with, 4 glasses ago.

Nearby, the soldiers have started singing and making a ruckus, agitating a nearby patron. Both women slide their gaze to the scene, before looking at one another. The blonde places her half-finished drink alongside her payment and tip to the bartender, while the redhead sighs and shrugs on her jacket.

"I'm leaving. No need to get caught up on what's coming."

"Nightcap? No strings if you're worried about that."

"Mmm."

Helene and María leave together for the night.

---

"What are we doing, García?"

"Oh shut up and take off your clothes, Adler."

"María, you're drunk, I'm not going to--"

Hazel eyes glared at her.

"I know, which is why I'm giving you the privellege of just going to sleep together."

"Gee, a whole honor it is, your highness."

"Thank you. For my first order, you can shut up and get in bed."

"Kinky. I don't suppose you'd be the small spoon, then?"

"I don't trust you."

"Fair enough. Spoon me, then. It's been so long since s-"

"...Oh?"

"Seriously. I get cold, you know. You're the closest approximate substitute."

"Fine then."

Helene settles in, her back turned on María. The redhead sighs and moves her arm to wrap around the blonde.

"So who did you use to do this for?"

"Hm?"

"You're not fidgeting, nor is you distance off, which suggest it's not your first time spooning someone."

"None of your business, but you're right that this isn't my first time spooning for whiny little brats. You're lucky I'm in a giving mood, Adler."

"Well, the more you know."

Privately, Helene thought about a certain brunette in a ponytail, who she's 99% sure was the one the redhead used to do it for.

"...Who did this for you?"

"Hm? Oh, just someone from my past. P- She's much like you, to be honest."

"No one's like me, Adler."

"Yeah. You're one of a kind."

...She's fucked.

"What is it with all the Helenes that come into my life..."

---

Helene wakes up alone, as per usual with Patricia's schedule. On the nightstand lies the brass statuette she's been looking for for months, and she finally breathes a sigh of mixed annoyance and relief.

"Well played, Sánchez. Well played."

---

On the other side of the ocean, Doctor García and Doctor Adler enter a conference room filled with officers, researchers, and most importantly, a certain cruel, straw-haired operative.

It was time.

#and i mrrp #did i mention i wrote this in two hours? bc i can't believe i did #smh girl help the escapism is prompting me to add elements into an established story #nonetheless i am out here clowning #fanfic #my fic #relics series #relics series my beloved #relics mc #helene spillane #helene adler #patricia rakepick #maría garcía pérez #patlene #patricia x helene #maría x helene #and technically a complicated ot4 tbh #but im not going into it. they WILL yearn tho #lee makes stuff #lee writes #relics of the lost age #maría garcía pérez my beloved #long post

[randomvarious]

Today’s compilation:

The Best of Metal Blade Volume 3 1988 Heavy Metal / Thrash Metal / Speed Metal / Doom Metal / Power Metal

Alright, so, pretty much everything I had to say yesterday about how I was totally blown away by this crop and type of 80s metal applies to this retrospective comp I listened to today too. I'm still not a metalhead, but this brief exploration of LA's Metal Blade label I've been doing the past couple days shows me my prior assumptions of 80s metal as a whole have been pretty misguided, thanks in large part to the commercially dominant strain of 80s hair bands like Poison, Ratt, Warrant, Twisted Sister, Mötley Crüe, etc. that presented a brand of pop-infused metal which tended to blend absurd excess with absolute mindlessness. And while some of that stuff is certainly fun to listen to, a vast majority of it is by no means what I'd consider to be "good" music.

But don't get me wrong, the type of 80s metal that I've quite unexpectedly found myself liking to kick off this week definitely has its own silly and cringeworthy elements to it too. The preoccupation with hell, Satan, demons, blood, violence, skulls, medieval swordplay, and the like is certainly eyeroll-inducing. But behind all of that stuff are types of flat-out, unmistakable talent as well.

And it's talent that you're far less likely to run into if you just end up scratching that commercial "80s metal" surface, which is apparently the mistake I've been making for years on end now 😬. While we've collectively acknowledged that the big four of Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer, and Anthrax have proven themselves as the cream of the 80s metal crop, when we actually hear that term, "80s metal," our minds still tend to revert to "Unskinny Bop" and "Pour Some Sugar on Me." Or maybe this is just a "me problem” 🤷‍♂️🤔.

But really, I just can't get over how much more advanced and intense the guitar solos are on a lot of these tracks when compared to the ridiculous bands that ended up outselling them by a mile. It's simply wild to me. But of course that's just how the music industry has tended to be for decades now, and for a multitude of different reasons. It's not just the case with metal; it's the case for nearly every genre that gets its chance to break commercially. C'est la vie. *sigh*

P.S.: Be forewarned if you decide to check out "Concrete Jungle" by Anvil. Lead vocalist sings the N word, with a hard R, no less 👎👎👎. Doesn't seem to be out of malice, but it's there and it's both glaring and highly unfortunate. Social norms were different back in 1987 when this song came out, but it kicks total ass otherwise.

Highlights:

Anvil - "Concrete Jungle" Trouble - "The Misery Shows" Hallow's Eve - "Speed Freak" Slayer - "Die By the Sword (live)" Diamond Head - "Am I Evil?"

#heavy metal #thrash metal #thrash #thrash rock #rock #speed metal #power metal #doom metal #metal #music #80s #80s music #80's #80's music

[xmxisxforxmaybe]

Hey there, I'm not sure if you're taking requesting ATM. But if you are, I would love to see something with Ahk x reader. I was thinking, with remnants how you mentioned them just showing up one day at Larry's with Ahk mortal. But instead Ahk shows up at YOUR place in the middle of the day, having kept his becoming moral a secret?! Like the reader opens the door thinking it's girl scouts selling cookies, but there on her door step is Ahky! Hi, Yes I am soft for this man...

This ended up being SO SOFT that it needs a warning—WILL induce sighs and evoke feelings of disgustingly, achingly, so soft, so sweet love. Hope you like it!

A thousand times.

A thousand different ways.

Every day, I imagine what it would be like to walk through these city streets with the man I love by my side, the sunlight warm but the air cold as fall creeps up on us. A particularly chilly gust of wind would blow into our faces, tossing my hair wildly and ruffling his mop of brown curls, so I would press into him and he would wrap his arm around my waist, leaning over to press his cold nose onto my cheek, emphasizing that this weather was not his weather.

I would giggle and nudge him with my shoulder before wrapping my arm around his waist to hold on to him even tighter, like he’d slip through my grasp if I dared to let him go, and he would suddenly stop walking, not caring if the people behind us nearly collided into our backs. He would stop just to turn me to face him, and the sunlight would caress his brown skin as if in remembrance that he was an actual child of Ra, a god-king who once ruled the most powerful nation on earth and who once worshipped the sun properly with a reverence only possessed by the pharaohs of old. The sunlight could not forget his face, would not forget his face.

And how could I blame the sun?

As he would look into my eyes, I would smile because I couldn’t help it either, my eyes caressing his face with a tenderness to rival the sun’s, and his eyes would fill with a joy that flushed over his skin, cementing his face into my mind as the most beautiful thing I would ever behold.

“Heathcliff is an embodiment of the Moor, just like Cathy is. When she wishes to be “a girl again, half-savage and hardy, and free,” she’s really only wishing for the release that only Heathcliff can give her.”

I sighed, pulled away from my daydream by classmates’ voices.

It was funny to sit in this class, listening to the conversations going on around me about one of the greatest fictional love stories of all time. If only they knew just how many more layers there were to what we perceived as our reality. If only they knew what it was like to truly love someone who could never be completely yours.

A quick glance at my phone told me my corpse of a boyfriend would be fully reanimated in about eight more hours.

The love story of Heathcliff and Cathy had nothing on us.

“Hey, Y/N. Wanna grab an early lunch?”

I smiled at my friend and shook my head. I was feeling too melancholy for company.

“Sorry—my afternoon class was cancelled, so I’m just going to head home. I need to catch up on my reading for Gamal’s class.”

“Like that’s even possible,” my friend said with an eyeroll and a smile.

I packed my books away and shouldered my backpack, savoring the crisp air of fall as I crunched through the leaves on the sidewalk outside of my university. I soon found myself lost in another hazy fantasy about Ahkmenrah as I navigated the familiar path between my school and my apartment.

I pulled open the door to the tiny lobby of my building, my eyes adjusting to the dim, indoor lights. I pressed for the elevator, glancing again at my phone to countdown the hours left until I could see Ahk again. I was missing him today, my mind seeing him in every brown-haired stranger, hearing him in every chitter of masculine laughter, and feeling him in every graze of sunlight.  

I stepped off the elevator, my head down, my eyes focused on my fingers as they found the key that unlocked my apartment door, and my body came to a halt as a pair of shoes popped into my line of vision.

“Oh, excuse—”

My mouth fell open and my fingers lost all control as my keys tumbled loose and clanged obscenely on the wood of the hallway floor.  

“Hello, Y/N,” Ahk said slowly as if he were trying not to startle a newly captured wild horse.

My eyes grew wide as my lips opened and closed, my mind unable to calm the rapid disconnect between itself and my senses.  

“Ahk—Ahkmenrah?” I said, my voice riddled with uncertainty, rising to an awkward pitch with the inflection of my question.

“I wanted to surprise you,” Ahk began, his hands shoved awkwardly in pockets he wasn’t used to having. “But perhaps this was not the best idea.”

I finally blinked, Ahkmenrah sharpening even further into focus, his stark beauty such a contrast to the faded paint that covered the walls of the hallway. I looked him over, clad in the clothes he wore when we ventured from the museum and into the city.

“How?” I breathed, unable to move.

“Perhaps we should go inside?” Ahkmenrah said, his eyes glancing at the elevator doors before they shifted back to me.

He bent to pick up my dropped keys, and I stepped back from him, shaking my head, blinking again to see if the image before me would dissipate like the figure in my daydreams.

Ahk straightened and hesitated, his face filled with hurt at the distance I put between us.  

For so long, I had warred with myself over the practicality of having a half-dead, 4,000-year-old boyfriend that my sanity was precariously based on routine—I lived my normal life during the day, and at night, always at night, I stepped into his world.

And now, in the middle of the day when he was supposed to be dead, he was here, very much alive. Or at least alive enough to put my keys in the lock and open my apartment door.

Ahkmenrah pushed the door open from the hallway, waiting for me to go inside.

I willed my body to move, to at least get the hell out of the hallway, and I brushed by him in a rush. He stood in the hall, clearly giving me the option to slam the door in his face and pretend this wasn’t happening, but when I made no such movement, he entered, quietly latching the door behind him.

I shrugged off my backpack, letting it fall to the floor with a thud, an echo of the obscene noise my keys had made in the nearly empty hallway moments ago.

“How?” I repeated as I sank onto my couch and tried to still my trembling hands by shoving them between my knees.

Ahkmenrah moved to sit next to me and his scent washed over me—that same smell of papyrus and the sand at the ocean, warm and comforting. I closed my eyes and my mind shot to the museum.

I fell asleep. Wouldn’t be the first time. I’m at the museum.

But when I opened my eyes, I was still in my apartment, sitting on my sofa, Ahkmenrah’s eyes bright and filled with such concern as he watched me; I could see the sunlight of the day still sliding in between the shades in my kitchen, and I watched the dust motes float in the air around Ahk’s head.

I blinked slowly, waiting.

“The tablet, my tablet,” Ahk began, clearing his throat, “is gone.”

“Gone?”

“In exchange for my heart once my mortal life has passed, Khonsu restored me. ‘The heart of a great king,’ he said, ‘is worth such a wait.’”

“Ahk—you can’t do this. You can’t—”

“It is done, Y/N. Please,” Ahkmenrah’s eyes filled with tears as he searched my face. “Please tell me this is what you want. Please tell me you meant all the things you said. Tell me you love me.”

“Please,” Ahk choked out before tears began to fall from his eyes.

I felt my own eyes fill with tears under the assault of his loving gaze, at the desperation in his voice as it broke caused my stupid inability to believe he was really here.

“Yes, I love you,” I breathed, my own tears spilling onto my cheeks.

“I love you,” I repeated as I finally, finally reached out to touch Ahkmenrah, my breath escaping my mouth when I connected with his warm skin, my thumb tracing over the wet marks on his cheeks.

I started to smile, a quick upturn of my lips as a laugh of disbelief escaped.

“You’re really here.”

Ahkmenrah returned my smile and reached up to grasp my hand that was still resting on his cheek. His large hand covered mine and he pulled it away, pressing a kiss to my palm.

“I’m here.”

My smile finally broke free, and I knew by the expression on Ahk’s face that my eyes were lit with happiness.

I wiggled my hand from his grasp and swiped at my cheeks, drying my tears, and he followed my lead, smiling softly at me. I leaned toward him and pressed my forehead to his, my hands resting on his shoulders. He placed his hands on my waist and I could feel a slight tremble as he grasped at me, almost as if it were his turn to make sure I was real.

Ahkmenrah moved first, angling his face so he could capture my lips in a soft kiss that quickly deepened, neither one of us able to keep our feelings at bay.

His lips moved against mine with intensity and I opened for him in a gesture that was beyond an invitation to only deepen a kiss. When I parted my lips for Ahkmenrah, it was to bare my soul, to give myself to him in a way I had never been able to when I knew he would return to dust with the first dawn of morning light.

Ahkmenrah’s body pressed into mine, his mouth dominating mine and it was clear he knew that despite all the times we had kissed before, this was truly our first kiss.

Our lips closed together again, reluctantly sliding apart as we breathed, neither of us daring to let the other get too far from our grasp.

“What do we do now?” Ahkmenrah asked, pulling back just far enough to watch my eyes slide open and refocus on his.

My mind swirled with possibilities, anything, everything, running through in a blurry mess of images.

I smiled and bit my lip as I ran a shaky hand through his soft hair.

“Let’s go for a walk.”

Ahkmenrah smiled so dazzlingly that I knew, even though his fate was now tied to Khonsu, he would always be favored by Ra, his smile a remnant from the sun-god himself.

“That sounds perfect,” he said, standing and proffering his hand.

I took Ahk’s hand and let him pull me to my feet, then I let him continue to pull me into a tight hug, his nose pressed into my hair, his chest expanding as he breathed me in.

* * * * *

The leaves crunched under our feet as the wind continuously swirled them onto our path, our bodies nestled tightly against one another as we walked, the sunlight wrapping its loving arms around us, blessing us with a gift I could scarcely believe was real.

#ahkmenrah imagine #ahkmenrah x reader #female reader #Ahkmenrah #rami malek character #rami malek

[byungchaan]

friends to lovers!au subin

your literature professor had instructed the class to share your favorite poems with the student sitting next to you

“you can share the title, name of the poet, give a little summary, or if you can even recite a few lines that would be great!” the professor, who was a balding man in his early 50s with tiny circular reading glasses perched on top of his nose, exclaimed with much excitement, clapping his hands together

his enthusiasm seemed to make up for the lackluster atmosphere that was currently enveloping the classroom

idle chatter began to fill the room as students started their verbal assignment

the boy next to you finally shifted his gaze shyly onto his desk and in a small voice said, “i guess i’ll go first. i don’t remember the entire poem, just this one line.”

to your surprise he actually began to recite a poem in a small, calm voice: “just then, i am like newton’s apple. i rolled toward them without stopping until i fell on them with a thump, with a thump.”

you snickered as you realized what poem he was reciting

his semi-serious expression transformed into a small smile when he notices that you caught him. “i was binge-watching goblin last night and ‘physics of love’ by kim inyook has been stuck in my head,” he explains sheepishly, offering you a reason why he seemed to know the poem word-for-word

“don’t worry, it’s a good poem. and i’ve watched goblin quite a few times myself,” you replied with a goodnatured laugh, which made him feel slightly more at ease. “my heart keeps bouncing between the sky and the ground. it was my first love,” you finish the poem for him.

his smile widens into a grin. “you’re good. my name’s subin by the way!”

that was the start of your casual friendship

you and subin often worked together in class projects out of convenience because your desks were right next to each other

with these projects, the two of you grew closer at a fast pace

even outside of class, you and subin would hang out to go on coffee runs (during which he would only get a green tea latte), trips to the aquarium, or visits to eateries that just opened around campus

during exam season, there was one night where you were particularly exhausted and he showed up at your house when you were studying with some snacks and your favorite drink

“don’t overwork yourself okay?” he had told you with a smile, setting the items down on your desk

it was after this little act of care he showed you that you guys became INSEPARABLE

you promised to protect and cherish subin no matter what because... he really DID care so much about you, enough to remember what your favorite snacks were

maybe that little act of kindness tugged at something in your heart? but at the time you just thought, i am forever indebted to this guy, my BEST FRIEND SUBIN

anyway fast forward a year and the two of you are as close as ever

there’s this cute boy in one of your classes, and you find out his name is sejun and he’s a graduate student

of course subin is the first person you tell

“his name is lim sejun and i gotta say.............. HOTTIE ALERT”

“god can you close your mouth y/n you’re drooling a little bit”

he has to deal with your constant gushing about this sejun for weeks on end

“he dropped his pencil today and gUESS WHAT????”

subin is just absentmindedly on his phone, barely listening as he says, “you picked it up for him?”

“n-no......... i was too far away to pick it up for him so he picked it up himself but HE LOOKED SO GOOD DOING IT LIKE HOW???”

cue subin eyerolling so hard his eyes go back into his head

you find out sejun also works at this coffee shop near campus and you make note of what shifts he has so you can drop by and catch a glimpse of him

you drop by WITHOUT subin of course because you have a feeling subin would just ruin it for you by marching right up to sejun and being like “my friend thinks you’re cute so....... are you going to give them your number or what”

sejun is VERY popular it seems as whenever he’s around the coffee shop seems to be twice as crowded

but you don’t mind sitting at a table in the back and just catching glimpses of this god who has descended upon earth

subin is always a little annoyed whenever you bring up sejun and you attribute it to him being jealous of sejun’s popularity

“it’s okay subin, we can’t all be angels like sejun”

“..... i hate you”

you, texting subin as soon as the clock strikes three on thursday afternoons: i’m gonna go get coffee, do you want anything?

subin: yes, a green tea latte WITHOUT your sejun-induced drool in it pLEASE

you: shut up subin i’ll do what i want

one day, you’re walking through the halls after your class just ended when you feel a light hand on your shoulder

when you turn, you see a familiar face; you think his name is heo chan and he’s in one of your classes. he’s also one of subin’s friends

“hi, you’re y/n right? are you going to see subin anytime soon? sejun told me he left something important over at subin’s house but subin hasn’t been answering his texts,” chan explains to you, slightly out of breath

at first you’re like, “oh sure i’m on my way to see him right now! i think his phone is off because he has an exam---” and then you realize that chan had said SEJUN and SEJUN left something at SUBIN’S house and--- they KNOW each other??????

you tell chan that you’ll pass on the message to subin and chan thanks you before scurrying away

you’re not mad at subin but you’re just confused why he’s been pretending like he doesn’t know sejun this whole time??? when (it seems like) they’re friends????

you bump into subin right as he’s leaving his classroom and cut to the chase immediately: “chan told me to tell you that sejun left something important at your house?” you don’t miss the way subin’s face hardens immediately. “i didn’t know you and sejun were friends. why didn’t you tell me?”

subin runs a hand through his hair in exasperation and lets out a sigh. he answers your question with another question. “why, so you can ask me for his number?”

“no, but---it kind of feels like you were hiding this from me...?” you have no idea why everything is coming out as a question now but you were just honestly so confused

subin leads you to a quieter place where he can explain himself, under a big tree out on campus

“i didn’t tell you because i didn’t want to be replaced,” he admits at last, looking down at the ground. “i didn’t want you to forget about me if i introduced you and sejun because i KNOW how much you like sejun”

you breathe out a tiny sigh of relief because is THAT what this is all about? “subin, i would never do that to you. i just think sejun is attractive and that’s all. you mean a lot to me. a lot more than i can put into words.” and it suddenly hits you that subin means a lot more to you than you were admitting to yourself

subin rubs the back of his neck awkwardly at the depth of your words, looking anywhere but you, but he can feel your gaze still on him and it makes him turn red. “listen, i-i---” he starts, finally meeting your eyes, and he laughs a little at how awkward he’s being and everything’s so awkward AWKWARD AWKWARD “i might regret this later, but you really mean a lot to me too. m-more than just a friend. i like you, y/n”

you know he’s putting on a brave face but over the course of your friendship you know he’s more vulnerable than he lets on. and the fact that he stepped out of his comfort zone to confess to you really allows you to release your feelings that you had locked deep inside you for who knows how long. you reach for his hand, cheeks red

when you first start dating he’s a little awkward to start skinship....... even though you guys were friends before everything’s so DIFFERENT now like.... when his hand accidentally brushes against yours suddenly his heartrate is up like 200bpm?? which is unhealthy, he’s sure

whenever he tries to hold your hand you notice his hand trembling just the slightest bit even though he pretends like it isn’t--but the way you intertwine your fingers with his gives him reassurance, so he grips your hand tighter

the early stages of your relationship start out like this: he’s a bit cautious of doing something because what if you don’t like it??? but when you give him a positive reaction it gives him a more courage

he REALLY appreciates these silent acts of confirmation that you give him

at this time he’s shy about asking his friends for advice, even though at some point he starts wondering when would be a good time to kis--

“so, have you kissed them yet?” sejun texts him one day in their group chat with chan and some others

“no i’m waiting for the right time” he wants it to be PERFECT because that’s what you deserve...... 

but one day when the two of you are at the park, watching the sunset while eating snacks from the convenience store, he’s suddenly overwhelmed with so much feeling

maybe it’s the way you laughed at some lame joke he just told??? and even though it wasn’t THAT funny you laughed so genuinely and it made him feel so so important. and he just realllyy wants to kiss you

you feel him kind of fidgeting next to you so you turn to give him a look but he’s already looking at you with this determined expression. “can i kiss you?”

so you let him (because to be honest, you’ve been waiting for him for the longestttttt time)

and the kiss is so so soft and the tiniest bit hesitant on his part but when you lean the slightest bit toward him, he gains enough confidence to cup your cheek with his hand and just GOES FOR IT

after the initial awkward stage of dating he literally won’t stop boasting about you to his friends: “did you know they can do this and this and this?” “i have a date with them tomorrow night so if any of you wanted to hang out with me you’re out of luck” 

byungchan: we get it subin, you’re dating

subin: also on the 3rd of next month we’re busy because we’re going to see a movie

hanse: .....anyway can y’all do any cool tricks with your toes

but really, subin’s friends love you because you treat him so well! you end up telling sejun about how you used to have a mild infatuation with him and you all had a good laugh about it

they always jokingly call him young master (because they’re whipped for him) so now that you’re in the picture, you’re the young master’s lover

he’s extremely protective of you, so when the others tease you for whatever reason he glares DAGGERS and they all run away like scared puppies

subin will tease you himself though, like he’s always done throughout your friendship

he’ll pretend to buy you an ice cream cone and then be like “this is mine, haha” and proceed to eat it right in front of you...... but then he buys you another one immediately because he feels bad

he can be shy when it comes to compliments from you! like whenever you call him handsome he just grins and says “i know” but the blush on his cheeks just tells you all you need to know

he will REALLY appreciate if you’re a good listener, and he’ll tell you everything; it’s not uncommon for the two of you to have late night conversations about your worries until you both fall asleep

he remembers all the little things you say; when you mention something about your feet being cold, he’ll buy you three pairs of socks the next day. when you tell him your back has been hurting lately, he buys you a pillow for your lower back when you sleep.

he secretly loves when you baby him and he acts extra cute around you..... his friends are lowkey crying because they didn’t know he could get even CUTER

he’s kind of shy about PDA in public but when you guys are alone he’ll whine for your attention

his favorite thing is resting his head on your lap

or resting his head on your shoulder whenever you’re doing something

his name in your contacts is “binnie 🐱💕” and he tells you that he has you in his contacts as just your name with a heart emoji at the end but you SWEAR one time you texted him and the notification on his phone showed up as “baby 💕💕💕”

speaking of cats, the two of you could play with his cats for HOURS

also cat cafe dates?? his heart pounds so hard when he sees you smiling and feeding a cat...... then when you glance up at him and your smile widens even more, he knows he’s in l*ve

meanwhile you notice at him staring at you dreamily and you’re just like ummm???? earth to subin???? 

“i love you,” he says in a soft voice that only you can hear, and your heart jumps into your throat as the cat you were playing with slinks away

my heart keeps bouncing between the sky and the ground. it was my first love.

#victon #victon scenarios #jung subin #victon imagines #mywriting #OOOF this is my first time doing these type of bulleted thingies EVER so i apologize if it's too long or too short

[ethospathoslogan]

undeniably illogical; a sanders sides/logicality fic

A/N: this fic took me so much longer than i thought it would omg but!!! here is some pining!logan!!!

summary: Most of all though, what terrified Logan -more than the irrationality of feelings, more than the thought of losing himself- was that, for once, he was faced with a problem that he didn’t know how to solve. To feel something for someone, for Patton of all people, was a realm that Logan very rarely ventured into. Now that he was in it, he didn’t know how to navigate it and find a way out. Even more terrifying, he didn’t know if he wanted to find a way out. Patton was everything warm and supportive, and Logan found himself basking in his radiance, relieved to finally have the comfort and security that he didn’t realize he desired until he had a taste of it.

ships: logicality

WC: 5,575 words of pining!logan

content: roman and virgil as wing-men, overthinking, pining, confessions

read on ao3!!!

Logan, of all four of the Sides, was not the feelings type. He didn’t particularly do feelings; they weren’t a key aspect of who he was. Feelings went more-so hand-in-hand with Patton, who was the heart and all its touchy human emotions, and Roman, who was every fanciful dream and hope that Thomas could have. Even Virgil was more feelings than Logan, because, despite Virgil not having such exaggerated eccentricities, he was still every suspicious and anxious feeling felt.

Therefore, that left Logan as the levelheaded mediator. He sifted through the nonsense and was the one to look at a situation objectively. When they all were faced with a problem, it was Logan’s job to find the correct, logical solution with nothing emotionally-charged tacked on. He guided Virgil through his anxieties by presenting facts to combat his worries, Roman through his dream-laced hopes by presenting the realities (even if they were harsh), and Patton through his times of high and intense emotion by presenting the truths in their lives that demonstrate that, yes, situations can improve.

Logan accepted his role among the four of them and knew that he had to live with being the stoic one. It typically wasn’t an issue. Even if Logan was faced with a personal problem, the others were usually dealing with something much worse, which meant that Logan had to help even out their emotions and work methodically through whatever problem that was sitting on their shoulders.

Completely hypothetical, of course, but even if Logan was faced with the problem of feeling something, he would have to swallow it down anyway because feeling things was not who he was. Even if he wanted to look at something with a more emotionally-charged viewpoint, it would only further add to his stress to have such a drastic change in who he was, who he was supposed to be.

(Completely hypothetical, of course.)

Then, however, Patton began to happen. No matter how much he tried, Logan realized that he could no longer look at Patton with only objectivity. Patton, sweet Patton, compassionate Patton… how could Logan look at him with anything but subjectivity? Patton, who cared for Logan and looked out for his well-being, even in times when Logan didn’t quite deserve it. Patton, who stood as a beam of comfort and positivity when the rest of them were shaken to the core by the manipulation Deceit had put onto them. Patton, who tried his hardest to listen to what Logan had to offer when it seemed like everyone else wished he would be silent (again).

Logan looked to Patton with a certain type of fondness that threw objectivity out the window and let subjectivity in, along with thoughts that fit more into Roman’s room and plans for how to properly work through his thoughts and receive a proper “happy ending”.

That subjectivity, however, was illogical. And that terrified Logan. Subjectivity was everything Logan was not. And if he started to become what he wasn’t, then who was he? What was the point of being Logic if he could not stick to his core values? Roman was the one who dealt with a racing pulse and a pounding heart, the one who dealt with fanciful illusions of people fitting together neatly because of (non scientific) chemistry, not Logan.

Most of all though, what terrified Logan -more than the irrationality of feelings, more than the thought of losing himself- was that, for once, he was faced with a problem that he didn’t know how to solve. To feel something for someone, for Patton of all people, was a realm that Logan very rarely ventured into. Now that he was in it, he didn’t know how to navigate it and find a way out. Even more terrifying, he didn’t know if he wanted to find a way out. Patton was everything warm and supportive, and Logan found himself basking in his radiance, relieved to finally have the comfort and security that he didn’t realize he desired until he had a taste of it.

Which lead to another problem: Logan, now feeling something that felt like fluttering in his heart, had no clue what he was doing. Logic had no clue what he was doing. The physical embodiment of problem solving had no clue how to solve this particular problem.

Logan, who was sitting at his desk with a whiteboard laid in front of him, crossed off Ask Roman for help. It was the fourth time he had written the suggestion down only to cross it out. To ask Roman for help somehow simultaneously was probably the best and worst thing Logan could do. On one hand, Roman was Creativity, along with Thomas’ romantic and fanciful side. If anyone knew how to navigate romance, it was Roman. On the other hand, however, it was Roman and Roman, for lack of a better word in this time of stress, was very extra. Logan didn’t know if he could count on Roman to give him sound advice, let alone keep his mouth shut around Patton.

But Roman could probably give better advice than Logan could think of.

But it was Roman.

But Roman knew what to do in these types of situations.

But it was Roman. Don’t get him wrong, Logan was very close with the fanciful side, he just didn’t think he could handle Roman’s eccentricities at the moment.

But that only left-

Logan almost sent the whiteboard flying off his desk when there was sudden loud, quick pounding on his door. “Hey Specs, open up!” None other than Roman called on the other side.

Logan steadied himself, taking a deep, slow breath. If he was going to face Roman and not mention his situation, he had to maintain the facade that everything Logan thought he knew about himself was being burnt to the ground. Metaphorically, of course. At least Logan hoped that it remained metaphorical; if his room, the Center for Logic, was set ablaze, he was sure he would be, to quote Virgil, “thoroughly fucked”.

He finally stood and approached his door. His hand hesitated on the doorknob before pulling it open. Roman stood there with a grin and, behind him, Logan’s next worse option after Roman, Virgil.

Logan mentally ran through multiple expletives as he forced a smile onto his face. “Do you two require something?”

Virgil shrugged. “Just here for a chat,” he said, and it probably wasn’t anything foreboding, but Logan, in his state, took it as very ominous.

Still, Logan arched an eyebrow. “About what?” he cautiously asked.

Roman was beaming and leaned back on his heels before pushing himself up on his toes. He was too excited for Logan to let his guard down. “Let us in and we’ll tell you,” he said.

Logan narrowed his eyes as they flicked between the two before him. He had a feeling that they weren’t just here for a casual chat, but he also believed that to bar them from his room would make things more suspicious. Finally, he let out a resigned sigh and took a step back, opening up his door wider so that they could walk through.

Roman might as well have skipped into Logan’s room as Virgil followed slowly in behind him. Virgil gave Logan a steady look that he only returned.

“So,” Logan said as he shut the door behind the three of them. “What is it?”

Roman still had a wide grin on his face. “Me and Virgil here were feeling a lot of feelings,” he said.

“We should probably mention that they were feelings that weren’t ours,” Virgil added on.

Logan’s heart might as well have leapt up to his throat. He should’ve expected this to happen. An abundance of anything -analytical thinking, worry, dreaming, heightened emotions- was bound to alert the governing side. As his own fanciful thoughts and worries increased in their intensity, Roman and Virgil would have felt them more and more, and would have realized that they were not the ones feeling them.

Logan cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses. “Oh?” he questioned, trying to act as oblivious as he could. “Would you care to explain?”

“Well,” Roman began. “It started with me. I suddenly started getting all these overwhelming thoughts of hopes and dreams and fantasies and, I mean, yes, I am the dreamy, fantasy guy, but I knew that they weren’t mine! These dreams were too analytical, too full of calculations and things that could go wrong. So, I thought that maybe Sunshine over here was getting a little too lost in his own room with all that dark edginess and loud music and I, being an amazing person, went to go check on him!”

“Which is when I had left my room to go check on Princey,” Virgil explained, taking the opportunity to tell his own part of the story before Roman could. “Because I was getting all of these sudden gross feelings-y thoughts that were, frankly, incredibly anxiety inducing and exhausting. I went to go see what was going on with Roman only to find him right outside my room.”

“Like how you found us,” Roman quickly interjected.

Virgil and Logan both shared an eyeroll and Virgil continued, “So then we worried that something was going on with Patton. We thought, you know, maybe he got too caught up in his room or something and that we would have to go get him out. But-”

“-But it wasn’t Patton!” Roman interrupted, his excitement bursting out of him. Virgil shot him a dirty look but Roman didn’t falter, “Patton is in the Commons having the time of his life because I released some puppies about and-”

“You did what?” Logan’s eyebrows went to his hairline.

“-and even we could feel his happiness radiating from there!” Roman continued. “So, now we are here in your room! Because it seems that you are finally unlocking the cage you have trapped around your emotions and we are here to help!”

“We should have known it was you from the start,” Virgil said with a shrug. “The thoughts were too thought-out. But, you know, we don’t really apply anything remotely fanciful to you.” A pause. “So… what gives?”

Logan sighed and sat down at his desk chair. “You didn’t figure out from the thoughts you received?”

Virgil shook his head and sat down on Logan’s bed, Roman following suit. “Whatever you were feeling didn’t give us super specific ideas,” he explained. “Mostly just this makes no sense and what if it’s not reciprocated and I have no clue what I’m doing. Very not you, Lo.”

“And besides,” Roman said, leaning back on his hands. “We figured you would feel better if you told us yourself instead of us barging in here and screaming out your feelings.”

Logan arched an eyebrow. “Isn’t that exactly what you two did?”

Roman waved his hand dismissively. “Okay, maybe, but we didn’t shout any specifics. That has to count for something.”

Logan sighed with a shrug. “Perhaps.”

“So,” Roman said. “What’s bothering you, Specs?”

Logan didn’t answer. He didn’t even know where to start. Instead, he turned back to his desk and ran his eyes over the whiteboard again. Ask Roman for help written four times and crossed off four times. Write a poem written twice and crossed off twice (if he couldn’t verbalize his thoughts, how could writing them be any better?). Tell Patton written first and ferociously scribbled out. Don’t say anything written once and never crossed out.

“Patton, huh?”

Logan nearly jumped out of his skin upon realizing that Virgil was shadowing him. He flipped the whiteboard over and slammed it back face-down, jostling everything else on his desk.

Roman arched an eyebrow. “Patton?”

“You know,” Virgil said. “I think we made a video that fits a situation just like this and I’m pretty sure I said some bullshit like ‘be yourself’ and it ended up being the best idea of the night.”

Logan felt his stomach drop further and further as he watched Roman quickly put the pieces together in his head. “Oh, that’s adorable!” Roman exclaimed. “You like Patton!”

Logan shushed Roman for fear of any heightened emotions catering to the heart (literally) would just call Patton here. And Logan was not ready to deal with that. Roman clamped his hands over his mouth but Logan could still tell that there was a grin behind them.

“I don’t know, I don’t know,” Logan rushed out. “I have no clue what’s going on and I have no clue what I’m doing.”

The grin fell off Roman’s face into a frown and his hands into his lap. Virgil furrowed his eyebrows. “That’s… not you.”

“Yes, Virgil, I am well aware of that,” Logan snapped. Virgil shifted his eyes and took a small step back. Logan then sighed and adjusted his glasses, pushing them back up the bridge of his nose. “I apologize for snapping at you, I just… this makes no sense.” He flipped back over the whiteboard, this time displaying it to his two companions. “Doesn’t none of this make any sense?”

Roman read over the mostly crossed off list before sliding a glare that contained little bite to Logan. “Just letting you know that I’m extremely offended that I was crossed off that list not once, not twice, but four times.”

“I’m sorry, I just cannot think of a good idea,” Logan said, absent minded, as he read the list back over.

“Another blow to my ego, but it’s okay, I’ll live,” Roman said. “Because we are here to help! Even J.D-lightful over here!”

“I’m more here to be the realistic one,” Virgil interjected and Logan nodded in agreement.

“Still, it’s helping,” Roman beamed. “But your problem is that you’re being too methodical about it, Logan. Love, attraction-” Roman corrected, which Logan appreciated as it eased his rising anxiety “-isn’t about science and numbers. It’s about how you connect with someone. It doesn’t have to make sense.”

“But it should!” Logan said. “I am Logic. I am supposed to be level headed and I’m not supposed to feel things. Doesn’t it strike either of you as odd that I’m… feeling something?”

Virgil and Roman both shared a look and a frown before turning back to Logan. “Logan,” Virgil said slowly. “You know you’re allowed to, like, feel things right? Just because you’re Logic doesn’t mean that you’re some emotionless robot.”

“It’s what we told Patton,” Roman said. “You don’t have to hold back what you feel. Feel what you feel and don’t apply so much logic to it, Logic!”

Logan sighed with a shake of his head. “Redundant and a pun,” he criticized. “And I don’t even understand how I would go about expressing these feelings.”

“You could tell him,” Roman suggested.

Both Logan and Virgil pointed to the scribbled out Tell Patton.

Roman rolled his eyes. “It does not have to be that difficult. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Everything,” both Virgil and Logan said.

Roman pointed at Logan. “Hey, I can’t lose you to the dark side,” he said. “Try to stay remotely positive, at least.”

“We’re just being realistic,” Logan said. “So many things can go wrong, not that they will happen, but they can and I should be prepared for all outcomes.”

“Well, don’t think so much!” Roman said.

“Roman, I’m Logic, I’m-”

“Oh my god, we are literally about to have the same conversation again,” Virgil said with an eyeroll. “I think we all understand at this point that you’re Logic and you don’t know how to understand the things you feel, we get that part. We also all know that you have no clue what to do, and that Princey over here is ready to get you an engagement ring. So, now here’s a thought, instead of making up ideas that you would never do in the first place, like writing a fucking poem, you take my bullshit advice and just be yourself.”

“But don’t you think that a grand romantic gesture would be nice?” Roman raised an eyebrow.

“Sure, if it was you,” Virgil said. “But it’s not. And this is Patton we’re talking about, you both realize that, right? Patton would probably explode with happiness at anything Logan does.”

Logan opened his mouth to disagree, but then realized that Virgil was most likely right. Out of all of them, Virgil hung around with Patton the most, and would therefore know best what he liked and did not.

Logan sighed and leaned his head back, staring out of his skylight into the sky above him. “Virgil, I cannot believe that you’re the one who figured out a sound and reasonable plan.”

“What can I say,” Virgil said. “I can be surprising.”

--

Logan quickly found that “being himself” was, in his opinion, an awful idea. “Being himself” was vague; it had no real base. What if who Logan was was not someone Patton enjoyed?

(Yes, Logan realized how illogical the statement was. Patton rarely ever showed distaste with who Logan was, but Logan was, frankly, very stressed and not very objective.)

It also did not help that Logan was finally able to put a name to the things he felt upon seeing Patton. Now knowing that it was attraction and not just an unusual, sudden heightened anxiety, Logan became more aware of how nothing made sense.

He could finally admit, at least to himself, that he was, perhaps, attracted to Patton. That much was undeniable; it would be illogical to try to. He felt a type of connection to Patton that drew him in and was different than what he felt towards the other sides. While he did, for the most part, enjoy the other sides’ presence, Patton was more enamoring to Logan.

So, a third of Logan’s problems were solved. He knew what he was feeling and came to accept it. Now it’s just figuring out what he was doing and how to prepare for things when they inevitably go wrong.

Not inevitably, Logan thought from where he currently was on the couch, correcting himself. He had long since stopped paying attention to the book in his hands and was, instead, staring at words while not reading them. While there are things that are inevitable, this is not one of them. My own anxieties have just tricked me into thinking that things will go catastrophically wrong because of how long I have worried about this.

He sighed to himself and finally closed the unread book. He tapped his fingers erratically on the hardcover, staring off into nothingness with his eyebrows furrowed in thought.

This should all be quite simple, he thought. Either Patton reciprocates what I feel, which would be the best outcome, or he does not. It should be an incomplex situation, a fifty-fifty split. Yet, it isn’t. There is a range of what could happen if Patton doesn’t reciprocate. He could distance himself to avoid further awkwardness. He could pity me. He could, rather uncharacteristically, laugh at my failure. There is also a range of what could happen if Patton does reciprocate. I have never dealt with these emotions before. What if I mess everything up? What if Patton is disheartened by my lack of experience? Patton is the heart, the emotions. He knows how to deal with attraction. I, however, do not know what I am doing. I don’t think that I would be good enough for him. I-

“You’ve been staring at that wall for a while.”

Logan’s body jolted and whipped his head to the side to face whoever interrupted him. Virgil stood in the doorway from living room to kitchen, an eyebrow raised at Logan.

“How long have you been standing there?” Logan asked, composing himself. He slowly, carefully, set the book down on the coffee table.

Virgil shrugged. “A while,” he said. “You looked pretty deep in thought.”

“I was,” Logan agreed. “And you interrupted me from it.”

“Because I had a feeling you were about to spiral down into some logic induced methodical break down,” Virgil said. “I’m supposed to be the anxious one here, not you.”

Logan sighed and flicked his hair, which had fallen, out of his eyes. “I thank you for your concern, Virgil, but I was just thinking.”

“About what?” Virgil approached the couch and sat down on the other side of it, leaning against the armrest.

“I think you know what,” Logan said quietly, looking cautiously around. While in his own room, he generally had enough privacy from the others unless he was experiencing heightened emotions. However, in the Commons, others could easily overhear what was going on if they so desired. The last thing Logan wanted was to voice his thoughts, let alone Patton intruding on them while doing so.

“Okay, I know it’s probably really hypocritical coming from me, but you don’t have to be so stressed,” Virgil said.

“You’re right, that was hypocritical coming from you,” Logan noted and Virgil rolled his eyes.

“I just don’t think you need to be so stressed out,” Virgil continued. “I mean, really use that logical brain of yours and think: what’s the worst that could happen?”

Logan narrowed his eyes at the anxious side. Those were words that Roman had thrown at him a couple days back and, then, both Virgil and Roman disputed them. “That’s a very sudden shift from what you thought a couple days ago,” he said suspiciously.

Virgil shrugged. “I just think that the actual worst that could happen isn’t that bad,” he said, picking at a loose thread on his hoodie. “I mean, it’s Patton.”

“It’s Patton what?”

Logan then decided that the most logical thing he could do would be to stay in his room forever.

“Oh, Virgil and I were just having a discussion,” Logan said, suddenly more interested in adjusting his tie and not in Patton, who was in front of the two of them. In an attempt to divert the conversation from anywhere but where it started, he continued with, “So, Patton, what brings you here?”

“Well I just saw that you both were here,” Patton said, taking a seat. “And Roman’s in his room brainstorming away and I didn’t want to disturb him, so I came to see what you two were doing!”

“I was just telling Virgil of a project that I’m working on. Really, I should be getting back to work soon. A lot is to be done,” Logan lied without much thought. He ignored the way that he could feel Virgil’s stare on him.

“Oh, Lo, you gotta make sure to give yourself a break,” Patton said with a frown. “It’s not good for you to constantly be overworking yourself.”

Logan sighed and stood. Despite not looking at him, Logan knew that Virgil’s eyes were still boring into him. “Perhaps,” he said. “But I had actually taken a break for once.” He tapped the hardcover of the book on the coffee table before picking it up.

“Are you sure?” Patton asked, his eyes following Logan’s every move. Logan suddenly felt like his movements were more robotic and willed himself to keep his composure as he gathered his things. “I was thinking of putting on a movie,” Patton continued. “You could rest for a little while longer?”

“I thank you, Patton, but I really must get back to work,” Logan said. “Of course, I will make an attempt to join you the next time.”

Patton nodded at that and gave Logan a smile. “You know you’re always welcome,” he said. “And that we’ll be down here for whenever you need another break!”

“I’ll try to make it down here once in a while, considering that a break is the best for an optimal performance,” he said before sinking down into his own room.

The lie felt heavy and bitter in his mouth and, now, Logan couldn’t quite tell if it was better than expressing what he felt.

--

When Logan returned to his room, he tossed the book onto the foot of his bed with a sigh before sitting against his headrest. He stared up out of his skylight and into the sky bursting blues, dusted with oranges and pinks.

Subjectively, that went terribly.

Objectively, it still went terribly.

Logan decided that he had most definitely did everything wrong, and that while he was still bursting with feelings that he did not understand, he doubted that anything he did made Patton feel something. If anything, Virgil was currently cringing at Logan’s inelegant display, and he feared that he hurt Patton by disappearing so quickly.

He did not know how long he sat there, staring up at the sky slowly changing from the blue of the afternoon to the orange and red hues of dusk. The colors stood stark in contrast against the blues, blacks, and greys of his room, and he was so enthralled with losing himself in the change that his heart actually jumped when there was a knock on his door.

“Logan, it’s me,” Patton said from the other side of the door. “Can I come in?”

Logan hesitated, staring at the door and knowing Patton was on the other side. Patton, after Logan’s display, still came to see him. Even after he rushed out, talking about a project that didn’t exist, Patton still showed up to Logan’s door.

No wonder Logan felt this way.

“Come in,” Logan finally said.

Patton slowly opened the door and stepped inside Logan’s room. He gave Logan a gentle smile.

“I came to see if you were doing alright,” Patton said, quietly shutting the door behind him. “Virgil said that you were really stressed.”

Logan nodded. “Yes, stressed about that project.” He hoped his voice carried enough confidence to make it seem like the discarded book on the foot of his bed was enough to call a project.

“About something that’s actually happening and bothering you,” Patton corrected, his voice soft. Logan felt his cheeks flush at being called out for his lie and he pulled his knees up to his chest.

“I… apologize for the dishonesty, Patton,” Logan said quietly, looking anywhere but at his companion.

“It’s okay, Logan,” Patton smiled at him. He moved the book aside and sat cross-legged in front of Logan. “I’m just,” Patton then sighed and his smile melted away into a frown. “I’m just worried about you, Lo. You’ve seemed really tense lately, and I need you to know that I care about you. You know you can talk to me if something’s bothering you.”

When Logan finally looked to Patton, his words caught in his throat. He opened his mouth only to close it and, instead, push his glasses up the bridge of his nose. His hair fell down into his eyes and, before he could do anything, Patton reached forward and gently combed it out of the way.

The soft touch set every nerve in Logan alive and he sprung up from the bed so ungracefully that he stumbled backwards upon his feet hitting the ground. He felt something sharp and painful spike through his chest at seeing how hurt Patton looked, but any words he wanted to say got lost on their journey from his brain to his mouth.

“I-I’m sorry, Logan,” Patton stammered, his expression desperately concerned. “I didn’t mean to offend you-”

“No,” Logan said perhaps too loudly. He cleared his throat in hopes of calming himself down. “I’m fine, Patton. You’re fine, Patton. I have just been slightly stressed, as sometimes happens. A bit overwhelmed, but I’m fine. It is all things that I can work through as time progresses and then the stress will not be so consuming. I’m fine.”

“Say I’m fine one more time and I might believe you,” Patton said quietly.

“I…” Logan trailed off and ran a hand through his hair. His eyes wandered around his room for something logical, something that would tell him what to do. However, his whiteboards were blank and the setting sun up above him had yet to release the stars for Logan to consult. When his gaze finally fell back upon Patton, he realized that Roman had been right. There’s nothing logical about attraction. Nothing methodical and nothing to be calculated. It was unscientific chemistry and the first time Logan couldn’t make an analytical, foolproof plan. It was all about who the people involved were, and in this case, it was Patton and Logan. It was undeniably illogical, but it would be just the same if Logan refused to say anything.

“I find myself rather attracted to you, Patton,” Logan finally began. “I know that it makes no sense, considering that I am Logic and, therefore, supposed to be the one who doesn’t quite… do emotions. I really do not understand how this works. I believe it’s quite obvious that I’ve never felt anything like his before. But, Patton, you’re different. Typically I am not a fan of change or letting things run off the desired course but… this, I don’t mind. I only ask that, if you don’t reciprocate, you say so now so that proper amends could be made.”

Patton gaped at him and Logan immediately felt the gravity of his mistake. He opened his mouth to continue speaking, to ramble out a messy apology before confining himself to his room because Thomas could do videos without him physically present, Logic isn’t a feeling it’s the physical representation-

His train of thought screeched to a halt when Patton stood and slowly approached Logan. As Patton grew closer, Logan could see the light dusting of a blush on his cheeks and how his eyes practically sparkled under the light from the skylight.

“I can see the gears turning in your head,” Patton said with a light laugh. They were close enough where Patton was whispering, yet Logan had no trouble hearing him.

“It’s what I do,” Logan said, his own voice barely filling his room.

“You do more than that, though,” Patton said. “You can do more than that. You always deny yourself feelings but… you feel Logan, I know you do. Sure, it may not be like the rest of us, but that doesn’t make it any less real. You’ve told yourself for so long that you can’t feel things, but that’s only hurting you further, Lo. You don’t have to hold yourself back, or think that feeling things is stupid or wrong. Take it from me, I mean, bottling up your feelings never leads to good things. You can show emotions around us, Lo, and still be our brainiac!”

Logan shook his head in disbelief, staring at Patton. “I don’t think anyone else sees me like you do.”

Patton beamed. “I just care about you a lot, Logan,” he said. He then offered his hands to Logan and Logan, with minimal hesitation, took them. “But you know that we all care about you, and we all want you to take care of yourself and not be afraid to feel things.” Logan nodded along with Patton’s words and Patton’s smile, somehow, shone brighter and he gently squeezed Logan’s hands. “And yes, I do.”

Logan furrowed his eyebrows. “You do what?”

“Reciprocate.”

Logan blinked at Patton and Patton just stared back. “Oh,” was all Logan could manage out.

Patton leaned his head back with a laugh. “After that whole heartfelt speech you gave, all you can say is oh.” Logan sputtered and felt his face flush, but Patton only continued to laugh and Logan realized that Patton was blushing, too. “Adorable.”

Patton then took one of his hands away from Logan’s and cupped Logan’s cheek. “Can I?” he asked, his voice suddenly soft. Logan, his own voice trapped in his throat and his heart pounding against his ribs, nodded.

Patton smiled before bringing Logan towards him, pressing their lips together in a gentle kiss. Patton’s other hand cupped Logan’s other cheek, both of his hands now carefully framing Logan’s jaw. Logan, after only a moment’s hesitation, lightly latched onto Patton’s shirt, keeping the other close.

When the pair pulled away, Patton rested his forehead on Logan’s.

“Not so scary, right?” Patton asked.

Logan shook his head. “Not at all,” he admitted.

“I know this all is new to you,” Patton continued. “We don’t have to rush any of this. It can all be at your pace.”

Logan let out a small breath of relief and a smile formed. “I appreciate that, Patton. Quite a lot.”

Patton beamed and grabbed Logan’s hands again, squeezing them tightly. “I have to say though, Logan,” he said. “I’ve had a bit of a crush on you for a while. I kinda kept it to myself because I didn’t really want to pressure you? But now things are working out! It’s funny, though, I actually talked to Virgil about this a couple days ago and he was very encouraging. I guess even he had a good sense of intuition for this!”

Logan suddenly, very clearly, understood why Virgil’s plan had suddenly shifted from “everything can go wrong” to “what can go wrong?” and he made a mental note to have some strong words with Virgil.

“Coincidentally enough, I had a very similar experience,” Logan laughed instead. Confronting Virgil about the fact that he could have saved Logan from his own anxieties would just have to be postponed until another day.

Logan had something, someone, much more occupying on his mind.

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #logicality #logan sanders #patton sanders #stuff i write