#and then. got offered hot chocolate and cupcake and refused and then accepted in one breath and then knocked amother cup of hot drink over | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

adonis-koo · 3 years

Text

ghostin him

Summary: Life is nothing more than dull colors for you, your world shattered and laying in the shards of what once was rather than focusing on what is. That is until you meet Kim Namjoon, who is immediately taken by you without realizing you’re a girl with a whole lot of baggage, through tears and many sleepless nights you’re faced with a choice of hanging on with bleeding hands, or accepting what is, and letting go.

‘What did you do?’

‘I ruined everything. I kissed her and she looked at me like I was a ghost.’

Pairing: Namjoon/Reader, Taehyung/reader

Word Count: 26k

Genre: hurt and comfort, angst with a happy ending, whew this one is gonna hurt y’all, bakery!AU, one sided pining, unrequited feelings, some more angst, Jungkook just really loves his Noona, Namjoon is a mess, but so is MC,

Warning: this fic deals with major character death, mourning and suicidal thoughts, please read with caution!

Note: whew, I’m not gonna lie guys this is a pretty heavy fic! I poured a lot of sad feelings into this as just a way to vent out my sadness! I’d also like to mention I am fine lmao! I often get bouts of sadness and all of it went into this so I hope you enjoy! Last but not least a big big big thank you to @tiny-onecx for beta reading this when it was a giant mess and helping me turn it into the bittersweet story it is today! <3

“Baby, come on, wake up,” His deep, dulcet voice quietly called out, a whine escaping you as you flopped onto your stomach, your face buried. Large hands grabbing your waist as his fingertips dragged against the open skin, “C’mon, you missed your alarm clock.” You felt his nose rub against your neck, hair tickling your skin and his body was so warm.

Rolling over you groaned as you glanced at the man who laid beside you, Taehyung’s smile lit up like the sun as he let his fingers gently brush over the skin of your face, “Morning.”

Adoration filled your whole chest, butterflies swarming in your stomach with giddy happiness you couldn’t ever adequately describe as a shy smile tugged on your lips, “Morning.” His fingers dragging down to your lips, thumbing the soft subtle lower lip. His forehead pressing against yours as he smiled once more, “Come on baby, let’s get up.”

“Get up.”

“Y/n, you’re gonna be late for work, what the hell!?”

Your eyes cracked open as you groaned, your roommate Jimin was already dressed and had probably already eaten breakfast as he sighed, frowning at your somewhat confused figure as your head snapped to the other side of the bed. It was like a sucker punch in the gut, seeing the other side of the bed empty. Tears already threatened to spill, the butterflies in your stomach were gone, his deep voice along with it as you realized Taehyung, the man you had woken up with was just a cruel dream, “I’ll be up in a minute.” You muttered, covering your face with your pillow as you choked back a crack in your voice.

You could feel Jimin’s presence stay in the room at the sound of your muffled sob, refusing to show your face from your pillow as you curled up away from him. You didn’t want to talk about it, he knew it, but it still hurt to watch you. Even after a year it was like time had stopped, would it ever heal? Your door quietly shut after a minute as you pressed your face into your pillow to quiet your sobs, hugging it close and praying maybe if you tried hard enough you’d fall back asleep where you’d be with Taehyung again.

It didn’t matter how much sleep you got, your body was permanently lethargic and tired, getting out of bed every day was always a difficult task. Tears stained your face as you grabbed your phone, sniffling as you muttered, “Shit.” You dropped your phone into your lap as you pressed your hands to your face. You were late. Again. Your boss had been understanding the first six months, but now? Not so much.

You got up, hurriedly wiping your face as you sniffled once more, fumbling with your clothes as you changed. Tying up your hair as you grabbed your phone before hurrying out the door, Jimin long gone for work so at the very least he wasn’t going to nag you for being late. It didn’t matter what you did, you tried everything, a new hobby, crafts, drawing, baking, nothing worked. Nothing filled the void in you. You could find Taehyung in everything you did, always.

Straightening yourself out you opened the door to the cafe you worked in. The only thing that made you feel better was working, filling your life with nothing but endless busy work to keep your thoughts off of him. It worked until you got off shift and rinse repeat. That was all your life had become now.

It used to be filled with vivid hues and rose colored glasses with Taehyung, he found beauty in everything and he showered you in all of it, he taught you optimism and love in a way you never thought you could feel it. You had gotten so used to his presence you didn’t even realize how much you radiate happiness when he was with you. Now your life is a bleak endless void; work, cry, sleep.

It’s all the energy you had to do anymore, what was the point in doing anything else? You’d never get to experience life in the beautiful eyes of Taehyung again. You sucked a sharp breath of air in as a voice called out, “Hey! There you are Noona.” Like a blessing from above your coworker called out with a big bunny-like smile.

“Thank’s Jungkook.” He hadn’t even said anything but you couldn’t help but give a weak smile in compensation for him not ratting you out to your boss who luckily wasn’t in today. He knew what happened, but he rarely ever brings it up, perhaps sensing you were still grieving and would prefer to keep your mind off it.

But you knew you couldn’t fool anyone, your smile always seemed sadder these days, Jungkook more than anyone could sense it. Rounding the counter you set your bag down as he asked softly, “Are you good?” That was all he ever asked, an open invitation that if you ever wanted to talk about it he’d be more than happy to listen. Many people in your life were like this, bless all of them.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You mumbled, refusing to look at him as you dug through your things, pretending as if you were looking for something when you genuinely couldn’t look at him, few words could cause you to burst into a faucet of tears and you refused to cry at work.

If you turned around to look up at Jungkook’s stupid, soft, doe like eyes that were always so understanding you’d surely start crying. You didn’t have to look at your coworker to know he was frowning but said no more, just like always.

You didn’t mean to push all of your friends away, but you simply needed time alone, by yourself to get through this. If ever. Some days you couldn’t help but wonder if you’d ever get over it, if you’d ever love someone the way you loved Taehyung again. Pulling the apron on you pushed all of your sad thoughts to the back of your head and got to work.

Work was your happy place, as happy as it could be at least. You could pretend, just for a little while. That everything was okay, “Hey, where did the flour go?” Yoongi came out of the back complaining as he glared at Jungkook, “You closed last night.” His eyes narrowed into daggers at the younger boy who impishly smiled in response,

“Hyung it’s where it always is, didn’t you check the top shelf? It should be there.” Jungkook insisted as he followed Yoongi to the back who was grumbling, said-baker not liking his ingredients misplaced. You felt a small smile tug on your lips as you watched them bicker as the door to the back shut.

Turning away you walked up to the register where a customer had been scanning over the menu before ordering. Fixing coffee, getting a croissant, it was quaint work but something about it made you feel happy. Reminded you of simpler times.

The bell against the door rang as you popped up from your crouched position, setting the plate and coffee on the counter as you called out the customer's name before going back up to the register, carefully watching the man whose eyes met with yours suddenly smack right into a table.

You winced a little as he grunted in pain, rubbing his thigh that hit the hard edge of the table, his face looking oddly red as he rubbed his neck, unable to hold your stare for a even a short period of time as he awkwardly coughed, frantically looking over the menu, “Uh, you can take your time sir.” You raised an eyebrow as you glanced away, why was he making this feel so awkward?

“O-okay, thank you.” He offered a sincere yet somewhat odd smile, your eyes immediately flickering to the pretty dimples that poked into his cheeks before he quickly looked back up at the menu as you turned around to wipe down the counters that had gotten crumbs all over it. Presumably from Jungkook eating yesterday's leftover pastries that didn’t sell.

Casually you glanced at the stranger, sure you had a few new people every day but generally the cafe only had regulars come in or people that stopped in a few times a week. It was a trendy little place and was close to the city’s college campus making it a hot spot for friends to study at.

“You don’t look like you’ve been here before.” You commented causing him to jump, his eyes flicking to your figure before immediately back to the menu.

“I uh- Probably because I haven’t,” He gave an awkward smile as he closed his eyes, without even fully realizing it you felt your lips tug into a tiny smile as he began to relax a little at your observation, “My friend constantly talks about how amazing the pastries here are so I figured I’d come by and try them, just the smell is making my mouth water.”

Letting your arms rest against the counter you hummed, “You should try the coco cream cupcakes if you like chocolate oh! Or the sugar glazed puff pastries if you want something light and low on the sweetness.” Sugar glazed pastries were your favorite, Yoongi would always let you take leftovers home if they didn’t all sell that day. You always loved sharing them with-

“Alright! I’ll have two of the sugar glazed pastries then! Oh, can I get an americano to go with it?” He asked, seemingly confident in your choice of sweets or maybe just a little overwhelmed at how much was crammed onto the small menu.

To be fair Yoongi was always whipping out new recipes and they always tasted delicious, he eventually had to keep some limited edition due to the limited space on the menu and sometimes he’d put up seasonal sweets as well. Your favorite was never pumpkin spice but nutmeg and cider cinnamon rolls, it tasted like october. October would be coming around again soon, it was hard to believe it would be a year soon…

“Of course.” You coughed out, hands fumbling somewhat as you tried to keep your mind from sinking into a place where it would not return if you let it, “Name?”

“U-uh what?” He asked, looking somewhat sheepish and caught off guard as you glanced up from the register, tilting your head at the sight of his flushed face and eyes that kept jumping between you and the menu over ahead as if to appear like he wasn’t staring at you.

“For the order…” You replied somewhat hesitantly, a frown on your face as he suddenly laughed, looking mildly relieved as he rubbed the back of his neck. Still refusing to meet your gaze as if he seemed a little embarrassed.

“O-oh right. Namjoon.” He offered a weak smile as you wrote it down on his cup. Ringing him up you gave him his receipt before working on his americano. Jungkook just then opened the door to the back, the front of his black shirt completely covered in flour and his face looked as if he just sucked on a lemon.

“...Do I wanna ask?” You frowned though you felt your lips threatening to tug into a smile at his exasperated expression, turning to face the register as he mumbled something about accidentally putting the flour in the pantry. Setting the sugar glazed pastry neatly on a plate before placing the plate and drink on the counter calling Namjoon’s name who appeared to be typing very passionately on his phone before glancing up.

“Thank you- ah…” He paused for a moment, his eyes dropping to your shirt before he smiled brightly at you, “Y/n.” Your name tag was a little crooked today, making it stick out from your clothes in an annoying way but you couldn’t be bothered to adjust it.

You gave a small nod as you turned around, glancing at Jungkook who seemed to watch both you and the man- Namjoon like a hawk as you asked, “What?”

“Nothing.” He shrugged but it definitely did not look like nothing, before you could interrogate the younger boy he was already taking a customer's order. Sighing, you shook your head before you began working on the next order.

The day went by quickly as always, the only thing that stuck out was when Namjoon left, waving at you before accidentally smacking against a chair that had been left unpushed by a table, causing him to stumble. You weren’t sure why but something just seemed….

“He likes you.”

Your head whipped back over to Jungkook who was finished the last of cleaning before taking off as if his shift ended an hour earlier than yours. You couldn’t help but scoff as you rolled your eyes.

“I’m being serious Noona!” Jungkook frowned, waving his hand to the door where Namjoon had long since left, “He kept smiling like an idiot while glancing over at you working.” You crossed your arms as you tilted your head.

“You were watching him eat?” You raised a brow, Jungkook’s face flushing somewhat as he glanced away, mumbling a no despite knowing for a fact he definitely was, “He’s just a customer Jungkook.” You dismissed him making a cute pout tug on his lips. You...you couldn’t even think about someone liking you.

It wasn’t possible. Not right now at least. Jungkook sighed, his lips still tugged into a pout and those dumb doe eyes of his always getting the better of you as you scowled looking away, he was so stubborn when he wanted to be, “You might not be ready to move on Noona but that doesn’t mean other people can see that.”

Your jaw clenched and your eyes glared against the counter, refusing to look at him as he sighed, “Bye Noona, see you friday.” You mumbled a goodbye as you sighed, closing your eyes as you rubbed your forehead. Just keep breathing.

“Awh don’t cry baby,” Your cheeks squished and lips peppered against your face as you sniffled, trying your best not to cry at the sad scene in the movie but failing as a small whimper escaped your lips, “You’re so cute.”

You shoved him causing laughter to erupt from his lips as you scowled while sniffling, “Tae shut up!” He gave you a playful nip on the neck as he hauled you into his lap, pressing little kisses against your head as he wrapped his arms around you.

“Don’t worry baby, I’ll always be here to wipe those tears away.” He thumbed a tear against your cheek before his hands suddenly grabbed at your waist, a squeal leaving your lips as he ruthlessly tickled you, giggles escaping you as he pushed you down against the bed, “There’s that pretty smile.” He cooed, that playful boxy grin of his on his face as you squirmed beneath him, tears pricking in your eyes at how hard you were laughing.

Now your eyes were blurring out of sadness, funny how you took those moments for granted when you still had him. Your fingers traced the image of his face on your phone, it was a dumb selfie you had took one morning together when you were half asleep.

What you’d give to be with him again, have him beside you in bed telling you to get off your phone while whining to hold you. You could almost picture him beside you, his hair in a multitude of colors but your favorite was always that stupid blueberry dye he had insisted was indigo.

His hands would be cupping your face, your hand gently grabbing your cheek as you closed your eyes. He’d always thumb your bottom lip before letting his pads delicately trace up your cheekbone. Opening your eyes the bed was still empty, the hand on your face was not his, but your own.

Tears began to pool in your eyes as you rolled onto your back, closing your eyes as you felt a wet tear roll down. Sniffling as you sat up, you couldn’t be here alone tonight. Not surrounded by everything, wearing his old hoodie he’d always give you when you were cold, surrounded by memories of what could have been. What was supposed to be.

Fumbling you stood up, ignoring all the pictures framed of your smiling figure hugging the love of your life. Covering your mouth to keep yourself from sobbing, Jimin would have to be up early tomorrow and you didn’t want him to feel obligated to deal with you. Putting on your shoes you sniffled as you wiped your cheeks.

How late was it? Two in the morning? Maybe even three, you could never truly sleep anymore, not when you weren’t in his arms, not when every moment you breathed the ache filled you. Your feet took you to the only place opened this late; the convenient store. During nights when you didn’t have to work the next day Taehyung loved taking you here when you had a stressful day.

Always rambling about how nothing could cheer you up like a nice hot bowl of ramen. You couldn’t help but smile at the irony as the tears dripped down your cheeks. Wiping them as you entered the store. The cashier looked bored, headphones in and reading a magazine not even acknowledging your presence as you walked to where the ramen was held.

What you didn’t expect to do was ram into what felt like a brick, “Ah!” You stumbled as the man quickly grabbed you by the arms to keep you steady, taking a moment to steady yourself you glanced up only to feel your lips part, “Namjoon?”

“Y/n?” Namjoon hurriedly let you go, looking at you in somewhat disbelief as you flusteredly rubbed your eyes, realizing they were still wet with tears, “Are...are you okay?” He asked somewhat hesitantly as you turned away from him, tears flooding your eyes as your shoulders bobbed.

“Y-yeah.” You sniffled, trying to keep your breathing under control, “I’m okay.” You forced it out as you covered your mouth. Rubbing your eyes once more as you hesitantly took a peep at him, his expression said it all. Truthfully, anyone who had seen you like this always gave you that same expression. Pity. His brows pressed together and lips parted but frowning slightly, “I’m fine!” You forced a smile as another tear trickled down your face, turning away from him again you let out a soft sob as you closed your eyes.

“...Maybe we should get some ramen and sit down?” Namjoon offered while rubbing his neck, “I’m assuming that’s why you’re here?”

....

Glancing down at your cup of steaming warm ramen you sniffled, refusing to look up at the somewhat skittish man who seemed genuinely worried for you.

‘Come on baby, eat up, it’ll make you feel better’

Tears already blurred your eyes again as you closed them, letting out a soft sob, lips trembling as you chopsticks shook, slurping on your noodles as you suppressed your cries. The warm broth making you realize how hungry you were as you swallowed.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Namjoon offered, his expression sad, unsure of how to help you or even if he could, but it seemed he wasn’t leaving anytime soon as he began eating his own noodles.

You stayed silent as tears dripped down your face, clenching your cup with a death grasp as you forced the noodles into your mouth, closing your eyes as you savored them. Unable to even speak as you shook your head. You couldn’t talk about it...it was too soon. Even coming up on a year and it was still too soon.

You felt pathetic living like this, you were crying in front of a stranger while eating cup noodles at a gas station at three in the morning. Where would you be if Taehyung was still here? At home, asleep in his arms. Closing your eyes you let the tears slide down your face as you surrendered to the hurt you had been drowning in the moment your life was turned upside down.

For the first time, you were grateful to have company, even if you didn’t speak a word to Namjoon he made one sided conversation, rambling about how he had stayed up too late studying for an exam and how he was hungry but didn’t have anything at his dorm.

“I’ve been trying to keep my Bonsai tree alive but...gardening is kind of hard to learn,” Namjoon continued rambling on, confessing as he looked a little embarrassed, awkwardly leaning his seat as he mustered a weak smile while looking down at his cup.

His voice was...soothing to listen to admittedly. Namjoon was oddly poetic in the most unexpected way, he told you he loved philosophy and going to the art museum in his free time. He seemed to be able to find anything to talk about even if you weren’t receptive, but oddly enough he didn’t seem bothered by it.

You were curled up, your knees against your chest and hood burying your face as you listened to him intently, your eyes undoubtedly bloodshot but you had stopped crying a good ten minutes ago, sniffling as he sighed, “But from what I’ve read basically if it doesn’t vibe with the dirt it just dies.”

The snort that escape you made his eyes shoot up to look at you, a giggle breaking out on your lips as you stared at your noodles which had become lukewarm, sniffling a little as a tiny smile tugged on your lips, shaking your head as you mumbled, “That’s not exactly how gardening works. You wanna make sure the soil is good quality and damp, dry soil kills plants fast when they transfer pots, you also need to make sure the roots aren’t overgrown when you transfer it to a bigger pot.”

“Oh? I didn’t take you for a plant expert.” Namjoon quipped playfully, that pretty dimpled smile on his lips, obviously happy to get a not just a smile but also a laugh from you.

You glanced at him for a moment, your lips quirking a little as you raised a brow, shaking your head as you smiled back at your cup again, “I consider myself a bit of dirt viber.” You couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped you as Namjoon joined in. After a moment you paused as you exhaled softly, your smile eventually melting off your face as you meekly glanced at your cup.

“I should get home...work in the morning.” You mumbled as you glanced at your phone, it was already 3:30 in the morning and you needed to be up by seven...the latest if you didn’t want to be late again.

Namjoon nodded understandingly, giving you one last smile when you left. Once again alone, yet for the first time in what felt like a long time, your mind lingered on those pretty dimples.

“You look tired Noona.” You glared at Jungkook who was sucking on a lollipop, giving you a bratty smile as he tried to ruffle your hair only to earn a slap in return, a pout forming on his lip, “Did you think about what I asked?”

Bless the little brats heart, Jungkook was genuinely trying to get you out there again but you had become a shell. You didn’t want to go to parties, you didn’t want to go to the park, you didn’t even want to get groceries anymore. You just wanted to lay in bed for a very long time.

“I’m not interested in going out Jungkook.” You glanced at him tiredly, truthfully you had a good excuse, you were running on three hours of sleep and caffeine could only carry you so far for eight hours, rubbing your eyes you sighed as he whined with a groan.

“You always say that!” Jungkook pouted, much to your surprise Yoongi had shown himself out from his cave as he pushed the door open, a fresh platter of sugar glazed pastries on rack as Jungkook huffed, “Just this once, please?”

“Jungkook,” Yoongi warned as he glanced at the younger boy, taking a glance at you as he frowned, setting down the platter he picked up a pastry as he handed it to you.

Glancing down at the fresh baked soft flaky treat you sighed, “Is this what’s my life come too?” Both boys glanced at you as you stared at the pastry, “Pity pastries and being dragged to parties?”

You shoved the sweet treat into your mouth as you chomped down on the soft doughy material, the sweet crisp sugar glaze was crunchy against the soft warm dough of the pastry. “Well hey, if you don’t appreciate my pastries...” Yoongi tried to snatch the half eaten treat from you but you hurriedly shoved it into your mouth as you glared him down.

The door suddenly jingled, catching all of your attention only to see the bright smile of only the most genuine and sweet person you had ever met, much to your surprise a more bashful person was being dragged behind him, “Hey Y/n! Kook, Yoongi!” Hoseok waved happily as he bounced up to the counter, Namjoon rubbing his neck as he gave you a somewhat sheepish smile before hurriedly looking at the menu.

“Lemme get a caramel macchiato with a carrot cake bomb and...oh! Are those fresh sugar glazed pastries…!” Hoseok’s eyes practically sparkled as Yoongi cleared his throat, ears looking somewhat pink.

“Fresh out of the oven…” He mumbled causing Jungkook to snort- as if he was any better around guys or girls for that matter. You found it all amusing as you already began working on the macchiato.

“And Namjoon?” You turned to glance at him as he perked at the sound of his name, he glanced up at the menu as he hummed.

“Could I try the mystic mountain tea? It sounds really good…Oh, with a chocolate stuffed croissant.” Namjoon answered as Jungkook rang them up, Hoseok’s attention was solely on Yoongi and you could tell he was excited by the way his voice became all fluttery. Yoongi rarely ever left the back room where all the baking was done.

“It is,” Your back was turned from Namjoon as you spoke, “It’s made with mint, pine needles and chamomile but we use cane sugar with it to give it a nice sweet flavor. It’s one of my favorites.” You smiled as you turned to face him, setting down the macchiato as you grabbed another cup. Namjoon’s smile seemed automatic, his somewhat slouched figure before straightening and it seemed as if he didn’t even realize it.

“Oh so you like gardening and tea?” He playfully quipped, rolling your eyes you turned to face the brewer again as you felt a smile tug on your lips, “You seem like a woman of many weird talents.”

Pouring the hot water into the cup you set it down as you glanced over your shoulder, “Says the one that’s struggling to keep his Bonsai tree alive.”

“Hey!” Namjoon’s brows pressed together and his dimples popped out making you laugh, “It’s not my fault it’s petty and sensitive to literally everything.” You waved a dismissive hand as you walked to the door to the back, intending to get the jar of tea leaves that somehow made their way back there, “Keep telling yourself that.”

Your figure disappeared as Jungkook tilted his head, a mischievous smile on his lips as he hummed, glancing between the door and Namjoon’s lopsided smile as he commented, “You know, that’s the first I think I’ve seen her smile in the past two months.”

Namjoon glanced at him as he frowned, “What...do you mean?” He asked carefully, his thoughts going back to last night, your eyes bloodshot and tears staining your cheeks, he would be lying if he said he wasn’t curious. But a part of him was worried at the way you seemed so melancholy. He could see it in your eyes with every interaction he had. They always seemed so sad. Namjoon was happy, grateful even though he had gotten a few glimpses at what your smile looked like happy, bright, beautiful even…

Jungkook shrugged, not answering as you reappeared, opening the door with tea leave jar in hand as you scooped the leaves up into a metal steeper, “Alright this should be done in a few minutes.” Jungkook had meanwhile set out their pastries but it seemed like Hoseok had Yoongi trapped, his ears were pink and he looked ready to crawl back into his little hole once more.

“So you’re coming tonight, right Yoongi?” Hoseok flashed a bright charming smile at the brooding male who shifted away from him, “It’ll be a lot of fun, Jungkook is going.” To which Jungkook enthusiastically nodded.

“...I need to go check on my pastry puffs.” Yoongi mumbled, his cheeks bright pink as he hurried back into the kitchen as you snorted, an amused smile tugging on your lips as the doors rocked back and forth.

Hoseok’s lips tugging into a pout as he sighed, “Do you think he hates me?” He shoved the pastry into his mouth as he glanced at his plate depressively.

“Uh no, he’s just a panicked gay,” Jungkook clacked his tongue, “I wouldn’t take it personal. If I can’t get miss broody here to go I’ll make sure he does.” Jungkook wrapped an arm around you as you glared at him, making a cheeky smile tug on his lips.

“You won’t go Y/n?” Hoseok shot you puppy eyes as you sighed. Hoseok was a regular at the cafe and chummy with just about everyone, if he was a sim character you just knew for a fact he’d be a friend to the world trait to a T.

He had been coming here for the past month straight which made you wonder if Hoseok was the one who recommended Namjoon come here.

You shook your head, offering a weak, tired smile as you shrugged, “Not my cup of tea. Speaking of.” You whirled around, pulling the steeper out of the cup before dropping in three sugar cubes before popping on the lid, “Here you go.” You handed it over to Namjoon who looked excited to try, something subtle yet innocent in his expression as he poked his straw through and gave it a sip.

“You were right! No wonder it’s your favorite, it’s delicious.” Namjoon complimented, something about his sincere tone of voice, or maybe it was those stupid dimples of his. Whatever it was your lips tugged into a smile and yet, you felt...bashful? Lowering your gaze a little as you rubbed the back of your neck.

“You should try the lavender dream next time if you really like tea, it’s another good one.” You offered meekly, suddenly feeling a little timid under his gaze as you fumbled with your apron. A sudden well of feelings dowsing you. Insecurity, guilt, shame. Why did you feel so bashful in front of Namjoon...how could you when...When Taehyung…

It felt like a stab in your heart as you inhaled sharply, “I-I should go check stock real quick for pastries.” You mumbled, leaving all three boys dumbfound. Entering the back you grabbed your head as you felt your hands tremble.

Guilt

How could you betray Taehyung like this?

You shouldn’t feel this way.

You don’t deserve to.

Taehyung would’ve never done this to you.

How could you do this to him?

Your heart was beating frantically as your hands trembled as tears began to trickle down your face, “Hey, hey, hey.” Yoongi’s voice felt far away as your breathing became quick, thoughts racing and your hands shaking.

Unworthy

How dare you ever think about replacing Taehyung.

“Yoongi said you had a panic attack.”

You felt like a child being scolded, wrapped in three different blankets and four pillows surrounding you while you sat on the couch in front of Jimin who frowned in disappointment. Of course he was disappointed.

“It wasn’t that bad…” You mumbled, glancing down as you tugged the blanket around you further making Jimin sigh, sitting down next to you as he pulled you close.

“Why do you always lie?” He asked quietly as you curled against him, letting your head rest against his shoulder, the kdrama you both had been watching long forgotten. When you woke up you were home, comfortable and warm. And for a half a second, you thought maybe it was Taehyung who you were laying against. Much to your heartache it was Jimin when you opened your eyes.

You had been expecting this conversation for the past hour, and lo and behold, here you were, “It’s easier.” You mumbled, eyes beginning to blur as you scoffed a bitter smile, “I’m so pathetic, I can’t even face my own feelings. It’s just easier to keep it to myself.”

Jimin’s grip tightened around you and even though you couldn't see him you knew he was frowning, “But that isn’t healthy Y/n, you know it just as well as I do. I worry about you, everyone does. You aren’t a burden to anyone. It hurts watching you go through this alone when we all want is to help.”

And here it was the tears dripping down your cheeks as you shook your head, a weak sob escaping your lips as you mumbled, “If I talk about it, that means I have to accept he’s gone.” You choked out, “And I can’t do that Jimin. I can’t.” You sobbed as you glanced up at him, tears streaming down your face as you pleaded, “I can’t.” Almost a whole year and you were still in denial just as much as you were when you first got the phone call.

You were still just as devastated as you sobbed into his shoulder, his arms wrapped tight around you as he stroked your hair. It seemed like everyone had moved on by now. Taehyung was just a name in the past. A ghost you couldn’t let go of. Jimin was the bridge between you both, he was the reason you had met Taehyung at all, this man was like a brother to him. But even the pain for him had lessened with time.

“I miss him too Y/n. I do. But you’re going to have to let him go,” You rapidly shook your head, your breath becoming uneven as sobs escaped you, tears staining his shirt as he murmured gently, “Taehyung wouldn’t want you to be like this.” Tears couldn’t stop pouring from your eyes, you knew he was right. But you couldn’t let him go, not yet. Just a little longer. Just a little longer.

Taehyung was a ghost and you were desperately clinging to every remnant you had left of him. This man was the love of your life, your soulmate, you needed him. You needed him. How were you supposed to move on with your life when you had to live with the knowledge of what could’ve been. Your body violently trembled as you drown yourself in tears next to Jimin who was always so strong.

The only time you ever saw him lose it was when you bursted into the hallway in the hospital, his eyes were bloodshot and all it took was one exchanged look before a dam was released in his eyes. Maybe he had numbed himself to the pain, it was difficult to tell. Jimin let his nose bury into your hair as he inhaled softly, tenderly stroking your hair in the same way Taehyung always would in these moments.

‘Baby, hey…Shhh…Come on don’t cry. What’s going on?” You shook your head rapidly as you tugged away from Taehyung’s grip, his hands keeping you in place and his face twisted into worry before he cupped your cheeks, “Sweetheart.” He pressed his forehead against yours.

“i-I-It’s stupid…” You whimpered as you closed your eyes, shaking your head as he pressed a kiss against your nose encouragingly, sucking in a harsh breath you sobbed out, “I-I overheard your conversation with Hyuna.”

Taehyung immediately frowned as he sighed softly, his thumbs soothingly rubbing your cheeks as he mumbled, “Baby don’t listen to her. She’s just a jealous old ex.”

“She’s right.” You laughed bitterly as you refused to look at him, “I don’t deserve to be with somebody like you-”

“Hey.” Taehyung’s voice was stern, his hands making you look at him as he pressed his forehead back against yours as he mumbled, “Don’t you ever say that about yourself, okay? I love you Y/n, you’re my girl okay? I would never take anyone else over you.” You closed your eyes as your lips trembled, his lips soothingly pressing against yours as his thumbs stroked your cheekbones.

It was a gentle kiss, your favorite as you complied, chasing his lips as he tried to pull back, making him chuckle against your mouth as he pressed multiple little kisses on your lips before breaking away making you whine with a sniffle, “Come on baby, let’s go get you some noodles, I’m sure it’ll make you feel better.” He gave you a warm smile as he brushed your tears away.

Smiling you giggled a little as you wrapped your arms around his waist, hugging him tight as you mumbled, “What would I ever do without you?”

“Crash and burn probably.” Taehyung joked with that adorable boxy smile of his as you smacked his arm, leaning on your tiptoes as you puckered your lips. Tutting he leaned down pressing one more chaste kiss on your lips.

Crash and burn, you wanted to laugh, he wasn’t wrong. He never was.

Jimin had eventually gotten you to calm down, a cup of hot chocolate in your hands and your legs over his lap, still curled close, but enough away to keep your grip on your warm drink, “How has work been, hm?” Jimin asked, brushing a few strands of hair out of your face as you sighed.

Shrugging a little you sipped the sweet liquid as you mumbled, “Same as always. Met one of Hoseok’s friends recently, he seems...interesting.” You rubbed your forehead, trying not to think about what happened earlier that day.

“Oh? Well it’s good you’re making new friends. Maybe he’ll be good for you.” Jimin smiled, patting your head as you tried to swat it, “Friends always come into your life when you need them the most.”

You didn’t comment on that, choosing to drink your hot chocolate as you glanced at the TV. Maybe he was right, maybe he was wrong. You didn’t know, but you needed to be careful around Namjoon. If anything you knew that as sure as day.

You kept mainly in your thoughts the rest of the evening but Jimin kept you company the whole time, stroking your hair calmly while watching kdramas together. For the first time, you fell asleep easier tonight then you had in the last eight months.

——

You sharply inhaled as you clenched your fists, you were going to do this…! You could do this. You glanced up at the art museum in determination before stepping up the stone stairs towards the entrance doors. It was crowded today and usually you liked shying away from large crowds. But he never cared, always tugging you along with encouragement and laughter, somehow, he always made it so much fun.

Today a Degas exhibit was in town, the one Taehyung had been so excited about seeing, you still vividly remembered his bouncing figure as he shoved the flyer in your face. Your hands trembled as you opened the door. You wanted to see it today, for him. Clutching the Polaroid camera in hand tightly as your fingers traced against its smooth surface. He loved using this damn thing every chance he got.

He’d take at least a dozen photos of all the art pieces, even going as far as to shove the camera in your hands to pose in that dumb artsy way he always did. You felt the distinct smile tug on your lips imaging that brown burette on his head and those dark raven locks. Boxy smile reflecting back at you as he grabbed your hand tugging you along while spouting off random knowledge about whatever you were looking at.

You paused for a second, looking beside you as you felt a well in your throat at the sight of the crowd instead of your someone beside you. Closing your eyes you swallowed thickly as you forced yourself to breathe, trying to compose yourself.

With determination you walked up to the counter, purchasing a ticket to the exhibit before making your way down the massive lobby, artwork displayed on either sides of the walls and your shoes echoing against the smooth glossy floor. The exhibit was packed as expected but you stopped at each painting, letting your eyes draw over the dreamy muted yet colorful painting.

The Dancer On Pointe was the one Taehyung was looking forward to the most. Ignoring the ‘No Pictures’ sign you lifted up the polaroid camera, clicking it as the photo began to develop. Giving the photo a wave you smiled as you glanced at it. This was perfect.

Putting the camera and photo into your bag you made your way through the exhibit.

You looked at every painting intensively, hoping maybe the lense of your old lover would bless your vision and you’d be able to see it in the way he once showed you every single time. But to no avail, paintings were just paint, colors were just pigment. The magic was no longer there. Sighing you turned away from the paintings displayed beautifully, intending to leave before you smacked into someone, “Ah!”

“Oh I’m sorry!” The voice which had become all too familiar grabbed ahold of you to steady you as you glanced up to meet the eyes of Kim Namjoon, round specs between you and his gaze as he pushed them up against his nose, lips parting before twisting into a brilliant smile, “Y/n! Sorry I didn’t see you there!”

“O-oh...Hey.” You stepped away from him awkwardly, your gaze lowering as you tugged on a strand of hair, your heart beating faster but you could hardly tell if it was from anxiety or something else. You had been…you didn’t want to say you had been avoiding Namjoon but, he made you feel weird. In a way you weren’t sure you liked and you couldn’t even fully describe it.

“I didn’t know you liked going to the art museum! It’s nice seeing you here, I’ve missed you at work-” Namjoon suddenly coughed, immediately glancing away as he fumbled, “Not-uh- not miss, miss you but...you know…” He looked awkward and his eyes widened as he refused to look at you as if you’d turn him to stone if he did.��

You snorted, unable to keep the smile off your face as you replied lowly, “No I get it, just bad timing,” Or you purposely scrambled into the back leaving Jungkook on his own everytime you caught sight of Namjoon opening the cafe door, “But uh, I’m...not actually a fan of going here.” You shrugged as you glanced down at your feet.

“Oh?” He tilted his head in curiosity, “Then...can I ask why you’re here? Or did you just wanna bump into me?” There was something...light -playful- in Namjoon’s voice as he flashed those dimples at you.

You kept your expression reserved this time making his smile dim a little as you glanced back at the painting, “I just came...for someone who couldn’t…” Your expression casted more gloomy this time as you wrapped your arms around yourself, looking back at Namjoon who seemed somewhat confused at your cryptic words, “I’ve never been a big art person.” You offered a weak smile.

“Well,” Namjoon hummed, giving you a small smile in return, “I hope that someone was able to enjoy your visit for them.” Your heart clenched as you glanced at his shoes, timberlands that blurred in your vision as you gave a bittersweet smile.

“Yeah…” You nodded as you glanced up at Namjoon, a frown immediately on his face at your glassy eyes and sad smile as you nodded, “He did.” You hadn’t even said his name and yet sadness had swept through your whole body like an ache you’d never cure. The longing you had for your soulmate who was gone, who you’d never wake up beside, who would never hold your hand again, who’s smile you’d never see as he pointed out all of his favorite paintings.

But Taehyung would be proud of you, wouldn’t he? Perhaps, if there was an afterlife, he would be an angel that was smiling while looking down upon you.

“Y/n…” You felt your lurch in your throat, as if it felt physically difficult to speak as Namjoon called your name softly, tufts of warm brown hair falling against his eyebrows as he asked with sincerity, “Do you wanna get lunch together? I know a great artisan cafe nearby.”

It was silent between you both for what felt like an eternity in nothing but a short second as you glanced back at the painting, and for a brief moment your eyes caught onto a sight of raven shaggy hair and an oversized brown cardigan. It looked all too familiar and your heart fluttered for just a brief moment until he turned around, not the face of your lover, but a stranger who embraced his girlfriend with a laugh.

Sighing, you turned to face Namjoon as you offered a weak smile, “No thank you, I actually have somewhere I’m supposed to be.” You couldn’t bear to look at him any longer, rather you chose to step aside and brush past him, feeling a melancholy gaze against your back but you refused to turn around.

Not when your heart ached and you felt so tired.

Stopping by the quaint little flowershop you had picked out a small bouquet of tiger lilies, his favorite, he used to love decorating the apartment to the brim with them, walking out of the shop you took a shaky breath of the cool air.

The evening sky was brilliant, Taehyung often remarked it was like God personally painted the sky every evening, always different from the previous day but just as beautiful in it’s own right. Your feet felt heavy on the pavement as you sighed, stopping at the arched gateway, glancing to your right where the sunset was shielded by the silhouettes of willow tree’s that gently swayed in a slow dance with the wind.

Stepping through you weave your way around the grassy corridors of walkways before you were near the middle of the cemetery, pausing in front of the gravestone where wilted flowers laid and dirt from the lawn mower had sputtered up against.

Kneeling down you gently wiped off the stone as your fingers gently traced the name of your lover, “I went to the art museum today,” Your eyes were already blurry as you smiled endearingly at Taehyung’s name printed on the stone, setting down the blossom of tiger lilies as you crossed your legs, “To go see that Degas exhibit we had made plans to see last Autumn. Ha…” You let out a short laugh as tears trickled down your face, “Do you remember when we got the catalogue in the mail? You knocked over your mug of coffee and it stained over half the pages,” You tried to keep your voice steady as a sob escaped you, rubbing your eyes as you gave a broken laugh, “You freaked out about it because it was hard to make out the dates but I told you to calm down and looked up the dates on the website.”

You wiped your face with your arms as you opened your bag up, grabbing the polaroid as more tears immediately dripped down your cheeks, “Here! Don’t you like it?” You asked as you set down the photo with the flowers, smiling despite the tears that welled in your eyes, “I know it’s your favorite, you wouldn’t stop gushing about it when you first saw the exhibit advertisement.”

It was quiet for a moment as you lowered your gaze, a whimper escaping you at the expected silence, tears dripping down your chin and splattering onto your hand as you sobbed, “Please come back.”

Your breath was trembling and desperate as you grabbed the gravestone, pressing your forehead against it as you tried to vividly imagine it was your lovers warm skin as your tears dampened the stone, “Please come back to me Taehyung. Don’t leave me alone. Please.”

Alone, you cried in the cemetery where your lover would permanently stay asleep.

“Just think about it Noona!” Jungkook whined as he grabbed your arm making you sigh as you turned to face him, “It’s a camping trip! We’ll be in nature, maybe you’ll feel better! I get worried about you sometimes.”

That wasn’t fair!

You crossed your arms as you sighed again, looking away from him as you felt guilty, not wanting to worry anyone but, you just needed time to yourself. You didn’t know when it would go away, if ever, but you just wanted to be by yourself. Alone were you could mourn in peace, where your heart could ache and tears could fill your eyes with zero shame.

Everyday that you spent ever since had become more and more painful. The ache became that much harder to deal, “Jungkook...you know I don’t like camping…” You mumbled as you turned away from him, rearranging some of the tea canisters to look busy.

“But you love gardening!” Jungkook whined again, fluttering beside you with those sweet doe eyes of his that always seemed to get you.

“There’ll be a log cabin,” Yoongi added as he appeared from the kitchen, setting down a fresh platter of bakery goods, “So it really isn’t camping, unless you’re gonna be Jungkook and set up a tent anyways.”

Jungkook flailed his hands as he glared at his elder, “What’s the point in calling it a camping trip if we aren’t going to camp?” Always the stubborn and hardheaded person he was, Jungkook insisted on his words as he crossed his arms with that pouty expression of his.

“Nobody called it a camping trip except you.” Yoongi turned to face him deadpan, Jungkook’s lips parted several times before defeatingly closing them as Yoongi snorted, “Yeah, exactly. Anyways, you should go. Shop is going to be closed anyways since Bang is going out of town to visit his parents. Unless you really wanna sulk in your apartment all week…” He shrugged as you sharply inhaled.

“I’ll think about it…” Jungkook immediately jumped, wrapping his arms around you as he smushed you against him making you squirm, “Thank you Noona! You’ll camp with me right?” He bounced in excitement as you pushed him away from you. Jungkook always had a lack of boundaries especially when he got excited.

“No.” You replied promptly as you turned around making him cross his arms with a humph, “Be happy I’m at least considering, you ungrateful brat.” To which Jungkook smiled cheekily. Sighing you leaned against the counter top with a hum. Maybe this would be good for you. You knew if Taehyung was here he’d be thrilled to go, immediately begging you to go with him and even saying he refused to go without you. You could never deprive him of something he loved and enjoyed.

Maybe...just maybe…

The doors just as always at twelve thirty rang as you all glanced up to see the embodiment of the sun wave and his moon beside him who was always more reserved, “Hey! You guys are going on the trip up to the cabin right?” Hoseok bounced up to the register as he set his hands up on it and leaned forward.

“Yes and we’re camping!” Jungkook wrapped an arm around your neck, squeezing it causing you to gag as you jammed your elbow into his stomach causing him to grunt before whining.

“No we are not!” You whipped around as you glared at him, your lips tugging into a pout of your own as you glared at the younger boy who stubbornly crossed his arms once more.

“Oh you’re going Y/n?” Hoseok clapped his hands in excitement as you glanced at the two men, instinctively lowering your gaze a little when you felt Namjoon’s eyes on you. They seemed sadder than normal.

Which wasn’t normal at all. Namjoon was- he always smiled, so why didn’t he today when your eyes met his?

“I might,” You admitted reluctantly, “I need to think it over.” Was he still thinking about your rejection at the art museum? Or your cryptic and weird words? Did he assume you were just a sad freak. A part of you desperately wondered why you didn’t see those sweet dimples today.

“Well don’t take too long,” Hoseok winked playfully as he grinned brightly, “We’re leaving Friday and we sure could use the company. Right Namjoon?” He elbowed the quiet man a little causing him to jolt before harshly glaring at Hoseok who seemed like a little boy who had a secret he was dying to tell.

Namjoon glanced back at you as he mustered a weak smile, but you could see in his eyes they weren’t glowing like they were before, “Of course we’d like you to come. But don’t feel pressured.” You nodded as you glanced back at the counter top. Unable to bear his gaze anymore. Trying not to overthink why he seemed so melancholy today.

Or perhaps he was always like this and your head had just played tricks on you? No...No you could remember Namjoon’s smile as clear as day, it was bright and lovely, his eyes glowed not like the sun- not burning and harsh- but like the moon, soft and almost nostalgic as if he lived every moment of his life with gratitude and peace.

So what happened? The only thing you could recall was what had previously happened. But surely he wasn’t upset about that? After all, he shouldn’t want to deal with a heartbroken girl who only knew how to cry.

Unless....No…”Well I better go get more chocolate bombs for the holder.” You mumbled as you turned around, pushing the door to the back open as you shoved your thoughts to the back of your head. You wouldn’t let your mind go there.

----

You couldn’t help but feel like this was a mistake, no matter how crisp and fresh the air was, the lake view was gorgeous and reflection off the water made it look like diamonds trickled against its surface. The car ride was over four hours and you were grateful to be on your feet with all the greenery.

You were definitely tired, not used to being around people so long outside of work after the past year. Feeling semi lethargic you let out a yawn as you rubbed your eyes, “Aren’t you excited Noona?” Jungkook curled his fists, his nose scrunched up like a bunny as he grinned like a child, “I told you it would be pretty here!”

You were tired, definitely, but you mustered a smile, a small one as you replied, “Yeah...it is.” You glanced back out over the lake before fixing your bag over your shoulder. Like Jungkook said, this would be good for you...hopefully...The cabin was fairly big and everyone, even you helped pitched in the rent for it for the next two days. Jimin was excited for you, telling you to try and enjoy yourself and if all else failed he’d come and pick you up.

You would certainly try your best to not let that happen though, of course Jimin would be willing to drive eight hours for you on a work day. Everyone was still outside, you could hear shouts and laughter, water splashing as you stepped inside the cabin.

It was warm and cozy, buried in neutrals and warm colors, blankets piled on the couch that sat in front of the fireplace. Walking around you examined each room before smiling a little, choosing the one that had a lake view, Taehyung would certainly love it. Pulling the polaroid camera out of your bag you lifted it up before taking a photo of the window. You’d make sure to bring it to show him when you came back home.

“I didn’t take you for polaroids.”

You jumped as your gaze snapped to the person who seemed to become all too familiar with you the past month now. Pulling the photograph out of the dispenser you gave it a little wave as silence sat between you both, “I’m not.” You mumbled as you carefully set the camera back in your bag, your thumbs edging the sharp stiff ends of the photo.

“Y/n,” You didn’t look up at him despite his voice sounding soft, feet gently padding against the floor and he was surely right behind you now, Namjoon’s voice soft, maybe even a little sad as he murmured, “Why do you always seem so sad when I ask?”

Letting your fingers trace against the photocard you let a small melancholy smile tug on your lips, “Because,” Your eyes blurred a little and your throat felt tight as you mumbled, “These things I do, going to art museums, taking polaroids, I do them because,” You turned to face Namjoon as a tear slid down your cheek, “He loved it. Even if I never did. I do it for him..”

Namjoon’s expression had hardened a little, he seemed lost, maybe even angry, maybe he was tired of constantly seeing tears in your eyes, he bowed his head a little, eyes seeming somewhat broody as he muttered, “I see…I’ll leave you to it, I guess…”

You weren’t sure why your heart clenched at the way his face seemed so forlorn, broody as he turned on his heels. Your throat squeezing and his name never reached your lips like you instinctively wanted too.

You thought that, maybe when he left you’d feel better, more at peace. But that broody expression haunted you as you sat up in the window seal loft, letting your knee’s curl against your chest as a dull ache came from your heart.

This ache was different, it wasn’t like the one you had anytime you thought of your soulmate. This was...different. New. Like something was wilted but still had a chance. Your chest felt heavy and your mind was telling you to go after Namjoon, to get him to smile and clear up whatever misunderstanding there was. You didn’t understand either, truthfully, what did you say to make him look like that?

You had opened yourself up and told him a little and he...he acted gloomy, as if life was sucked from his body. You didn’t understand but...but you’d like too...Watching everyone splash and muffled screams from the window you let your head press against the glass as you sighed. Closing your eyes, even in the crowdest places you always felt so lonely.

-----

It was a full moon out tonight, glossy and incandescent to anything you had ever seen. Oftentimes when you felt lonely Taehyung used to always tell you, ‘Just look at the moon whenever you feel lonely. Someone at that exact moment is looking at it as well. You’re never truly alone’

It always made you feel better, even now. Someone was probably looking at this same moon as you right now and you couldn’t help but wonder. What were they thinking? Was there a reason they were admiring such a beautiful sight as the sky? Carefully you slipped on your shoes, curling the cardigan around your body as you opened the main door of the cabin before walking outside.

Grassing brushing softly against your feet and crickets cooed with the rustle of trees and cool air, it was a little humid out but not hot enough to make you want to shed your cozy layer. Walking down the path you glanced up at the sky were the stars speckled across the deep midnight blue horizon.

You paused on your walk when you noticed a little wooden bridge, it wasn’t the cute sight itself but the person who stood on it, “Namjoon?” You called out softly to the man who was leaning over the railing, observing the moon that sat in the painted sky. He jolted before whipping around as you approached slowly.

“Y/n…?” He seemed surprised, of course he was, it was only two in the morning after all. You were supposed to be the only one out here right here, trying to clear your head, let go of what your heart didn’t want too.

Wrapping your arms around yourself you stepped onto the bridge as you murmured softly, “May I join you?” It was hard making out his facial expressions in the moonlight, but you thought maybe you saw hesitation on his face for a brief moment.

“Of course,” Even in the dark you could spot those pretty dimples, leaning back against the railing he hummed, “You’re always a pleasant company to have.” For some reason, his words took you off guard. They seemed...sincere, yet, distant perhaps? They seemed odd given the last time you had spoken.

You let your arms rest against the railing beside him, crickets sounding and the water gently lapped, even in the dark though the moonlight reflected against the water making it sparkle with assorted gems. It was quiet between you both yet the pressure in your chest swelled, the sudden need to apologize for earlier today. You weren’t sure why it felt imperative to do so. Or as if it was even necessary.

“I’m sorry if I said something wrong earlier-” “I’m sorry about what I said earlier-”

It seemed you were not the only one to have an apology on your mind. Both you and Namjoon had bursted at the same time before pausing, tripping over one anothers words before you stopped altogether. Glancing at him briefly before you both began to laugh softly.

“I’m sorry- uh you can go first!” You squeaked, glancing away from him as you looked back out over the water, letting your body lean against the old wooden grooves that scraped lightly against your skin.

Namjoon was silent for a moment before he replied, somewhat quiet, maybe even shy? “Well…” He drawled, “I just...wanted to apologize about earlier. My words were unnecessary and I shouldn’t have asked you such a personal question. You have every right to feel the way you do and it wasn’t my place to ask something like that.”

It was silent for another moment before you let your eyes flit to Namjoon’s figure, you could make out the silhouette of his face which seemed almost forlorn, in deep thought as he looked out over the moon, “Oh…” You mumbled, as you glanced back at your hands, fingers tracing the dry harsh groove of the wooden railing, “Well...I just wanted to say I’m sorry for…” You paused for a moment, what were you apologising for? “...being me I guess.”

You didn’t mean for it to sound depressing, but you supposed it was the truth, you felt like you had become nothing but a shell of a person since what had happened. Like you had become closed off, difficult to get to know, moody, temperamental. It was no wonder Namjoon was so fed up with your constant switch in behavior, “I know I’m...me...but...thank you for tolerating it. It’s nice having someone outside of my friends to talk to.”

“Don’t apologize for that.” Your gaze jumped to Namjoon, a little startled at how stern his voice was, you couldn’t necessarily see him but you could feel his sharp, judgmental gaze on your figure, “I’m sure you have your reasons. And truthfully, like I said. I just… had clouded judgment,” Namjoon murmured cryptically, “I let my emotions get in the way when I talked to you earlier today. I’m more than happy to be your friend Y/n! You aren’t a burden or something I’m just tolerating, I talk to you because I like you.”

You felt better but....something still felt withered inside you...you mustered a smile as you shrugged, “I guess so...I know I’m not always responsive sometimes...but...if we’re okay then let’s not talk about what happened anymore! What are you doing out here so late?” You didn’t want to dwell on what happened, it made you feel icky and gross inside even after clearing things up with Namjoon, you still didn’t understand why it wouldn’t go away.

Namjoon laughed a little as he shrugged, “To think, I’ve always been a bit of a moon child honestly. Looking up at the sky always helps me clear my head. I should be asking you what you’re doing out this late.”

You rubbed the back of your neck bashfully as you shrugged, “I couldn’t sleep tonight, I like going out on walks, get out of my room, my head.” You glanced down at the rippling water, a frown on your face as you held in a sigh. Truthfully, you couldn’t sleep because Namjoon’s expression kept playing in your head. The way he seemed so distant and cold earlier, it bothered you to no end yet you didn’t understand why.

So you came out here to look at the moon in the open, feel the warm air on your skin and maybe you’d find whatever you were looking for. It seemed, what you had been looking for was Namjoon, and of course there he was, on this bridge. You didn’t know what this meant or what to take away from it. But you were happy you found him regardless.

“I can understand that,” Namjoon chuckled softly, his expression soft as he glanced up at the night sky, gaze still somewhat muted compared to before but...it still seemed sad, maybe the kind of sad where you just accept a situation for what it was, “Well, at least the moon brought us together.”

His gaze met yours as you mirrored his smile, a little bashful as you rubbed your cheek, looking out over the rippling water as you mumbled, “I guess it did…” Letting your chin rest against your arms as you stretched out your back. There was something… oddly comforting about Namjoon’s presence? You weren’t sure, but you liked it…

You really liked it.

“Have you ever considered that Plato was just on drugs the whole time he was writing?” You slurped on your noodles as you glanced up to meet Namjoon’s exasperated expression making you smile as you snorted.

“Dualism?”

“Drugs. Who the fuck thinks about the mind and body being seperated in like 11 AD?” You snorted again as Namjoon groaned, sinking into his seat. He had been trying to talk about his latest readings to you and you had been...not making fun of it! Just...making the conversation interesting, “No seriously, didn’t they burn women back then for just knowing how to read? It just seems so...primitive for philosophy to be introduced so early in time with all things considering back then….”

Namjoon rubbed his face as he sighed, unable to resist the smile that tugged on his lips as he clacked his tongue, “Alright fair enough, what do you suggest we talk about then if you refuse to talk philosophy.”

You puckered your lips, holding your chopsticks animately as you replied, “We could talk about how corrupt the patriarchy was throughout time and how men used religion as a way to justify the oppression of women and slavery?”

You snorted at the way Namjoon, for the first time in your friendship seemed speechless, perhaps impressed, or simply just stunned before he sighed with a shrug, “Alright fine, but first of all some women actually did have some say in different cultures. But it had a lot more to do with classism then gender. Take a look at the Spartans as examples.”

You held up a finger as you replied, “Except the only reason women received burials was because they gave birth to Spartans? I mean A for effort I guess,” You rolled your eyes, “But that doesn’t change the fact that women were only honored for giving birth to men, still seems like a convoluted way of saying women weren’t worth even burials unless they were of some use to men.”

Namjoon hummed as he rubbed his chin, “Fair point, really I think because-”

“Well look who it is!”

Both you and Namjoon jumped at the sound of a chipper loud voice, your lips twisted into a mild frown at the sight of Jungkook and Hoseok’s shit eating grins, without invitation immediately plopping down in the booth, Jungkook sitting beside you and Hoseok mirroring him, “So what are you two doing on this fine day?”

There was something in Jungkook’s tone that made you shift awkwardly, why did he sound like you both were up to something when you weren’t, rubbing the back of your neck you mumbled, somewhat reluctantly, “Well we were just having lunch…?”

“Oh, you mean like-” Hoseok suddenly grunted in pain, Namjoon harshly elbowing him as he cut his eyes at his best friend. You glanced between the both of them, it seemed like they were having a conversation by only facial expressions before Namjoon spoke up, “We were just talking about the oppression of women through history. Thoughts?”

Both Hoseok and Jungkook wrinkled their noses, never ones to get involved in these kinds of discussions no matter how true they may be. Rather than talk about that, it seemed they had come over to, what? Stir the pot?

“Nah,” Jungkook attempted to wrap an arm around your neck as you shoved him away, a grin on his face as he hummed, “I just haven’t seen Noona getting out as of late, it’s good to see you both together.” Now you were feeling weird. Rubbing the back of your neck you looked away from all of them, well aware of your expression becoming flatter by the moment.

Namjoon was beginning to look apprehensive as well as he coughed, “Uh, well, we were just eating…?” He seemed somewhat sheepish and even if it was unsaid you could tell he was trying to make it clear this wasn’t a date...Right? You had paused mentally for a moment, but...this did kind of seem like a date…

No, friends could hang out! You nodded to yourself silently, Namjoon was a friend and you needed friends, and in order to make friends you had to hang out! And even so, it wasn’t like Namjoon was interested in you and...you...you....a lump in your throat formed as you pucker your lips on your cup. No you weren’t gonna go there.

“Right…!” Hoseok gave a bright yet odd smile as him and Jungkook shared a laugh, as if they knew something you didn’t, “Well, we’ll just ah...let you two get back to it.” He winked as Jungkook wiggled a brow at you before they both got up.

You felt confusion wash over you as you watched them both walk away, frowning a little as you sank back in your seat, “That was weird.” Were the first words that tumbled out of your lips. On one hand you wanted to ask why they were acting like that but...wasn’t it obvious…?

Namjoon offered a weak smile as he rubbed the back of his neck, “Yeah…” His reply was hardly a murmur though as he looked down at his pork bulgogi looking not nearly as hungry as he proclaimed he was twenty minutes ago.

The rest of your lunch had become...stale...no matter how hard you or Namjoon tried the air of what had happened with Hoseok and Jungkook lingered and continued to pester the back of your head. What were they trying to insinuate? That it was a date? Because it wasn’t…! You weren’t…! You could feel frustration tug inside your subconscious but you didn’t understand why.

Namjoon and you were currently walking on the sidewalk, namely back to your apartment which just so happened to be on the same path as one of Namjoon’s acqtuance’s house where he had promised he would help them study. The weather was nice today, the wind was blowing a cool breeze and the sun was warm on your skin. On harder days you often tried to sunbathe, to soak in it’s rays and feel it’s warmth. You had read somewhere that if you soaked up enough warmth that it would manifest into positivity.

Or maybe that was just something you made up to make yourself feel better? On dimmer days you like grounding yourself in your five senses, even if they seemed dull and void. Today was not a bad day though. Not for the weather and neither for you. In fact, it was perfect. The air was fresh and you could smell the lavender bushes on the sidewalk that had been planted waft with each blow of breeze.

“I’m really sorry for what happened.” You opened your eyes as you paused, looking at Namjoon who walked beside you, his cheeks looked a little red and he wouldn’t meet your gaze as you tilted your head, unsure of what there was to be sorry for. His gaze flicked to yours, seeing your confusion before immediately following up, “About Hoseok and Jungkook...ah…” He gave a somewhat weak smile as he looked away, hesitation in his eyes, “It feels like they made things weird…”

“No..!” You immediately shook your head, not wanting to make him feel worse by admitting they really did make you feel odd, but you were positive that was your own self projection, after all you had that tendency with Namjoon since you first met… “It’s fine, you don’t need to apologize.” You offered a soft smile as you began to walk again, Namjoon following along said to you as you continued, “It was weird yeah, but, I mean we’re still friends so…” Pausing in front of the entrance of your apartment complex you shrugged as you smiled, “Don’t worry about it! They’re just being dumb. Anyways, i’ll see you later.”

You offered one last smile before heading into your apartment, Namjoon deflating somewhat as he sighed, watching you walk away once again as he rubbed the back of his neck, kicking a small pebble that had surfaced from the pebble surface of the resident sign, “Yeah...friends…”

Namjoon decided to not linger on your words, the more he thought about it the more it stung and he didn’t want to act like a kicked puppy, you didn’t owe him anything other then your friendship he just...He sighed as he began walking to his friends home, surely he’d give good advice. After all, Seokjin was highly popular with women.

After arriving at his apartment Namjoon hadn’t intended on letting out as much as he did, but it was admittedly nice to unload all of his feelings without feeling obligated to hold back, if he told his best friend he knew Hoseok would only make things worse despite having good intentions.

“So,” Seokjin plopped the sucker into his mouth, leaning back on the bed as his eyes glazed over the textbook, “You what…? Wanna bang her? What’s the deal?”

“No!” Namjoon immediately objected before groaning as he sank back in his seat, unsure of how to explain, “I don’t just want to sleep with her…” He muttered, “I just...want to get to know her. But it feels like there's this…” He waved his hand around, “Invisible wall, like she doesn’t want me to get to know her. I don’t think I’ve ever done anything to make her like this though…” He paused a moment, evaluating all of his past actions. Namjoon was positive he was a nice guy, you owed him nothing but, he had hoped maybe at least his behavior would explain why you were like this yet...He genuinely couldn’t think of anything.

Well except maybe back last month at the cabin when he had gotten cold, the memory made him wince but...you had been even worse before then...So what was it…? Namjoon felt helpless as he glanced at his elder who shrugged loosely, pulling the sucker from his mouth as he replied, “Maybe it’s just her Namjoon. Regardless she doesn’t sound interested so you shouldn’t get your hopes up.”

Namjoon paused, could it just be you…? He never actually thought about it before, always assuming he was the problem. Not that you were the problem but, “I just wish things weren’t so easy to become awkward between us.” He sighed as he flipped the page of his book.

Seokjin eyed him curiously as he hummed, “Well what do you mean? Awkward how?” Seokjin didn’t consider himself a playboy like many would dub him but he had definitely gotten around enough to at least get an idea of how women worked emotionally, when to pursue and when to back off.

Namjoon shrugged as he replied, “It’s just...weird...I can tell she starts overthinking and questioning. Like it’s difficult for her to even go out for just lunch with me. Awkward like, just the idea of being on a date with me makes her wanna bail...that kind of awkward…” He slumped in his seat, “Am I really that unlikeable?”

Seokjin snorted, curving a brow at his friend who looked rather pathetic at the moment, “I think,” Tapping his lip Seokjin hummed, “She has some stuff she’s sorting out, and it’s not you. It’s just her, I’m sure if you asked her that, she’d say the same. If you haven’t been an ass to her in any way shape or form, it sounds like she’s just working through some stuff. Sucks but hey, you won’t know if you don’t ask…”

Namjoon groaned, he knew Seokjin was right, if he’d just got the balls and asked you he was positive you’d give him an answer...well- doubt filled his mind, “I think her last boyfriend left her, or...maybe he hurt her? I don’t know.”

This perked Seokjin’s attention, straightening a little as he curved a brow, “Oh?”

Rubbing his neck he shrugged as he weakly replied, “Yeah, she mentions some guy sometimes, whenever I ask about the things she does which she doesn’t enjoy. Like that polaroid she carries around, or she sometimes goes out to museums. I don’t know.” Jealousy oozed despite Namjoon knowing he had no right to feel jealous.

Just the idea of someone hurting you deeply upset and angered him though, especially if it was to the point of you closing your heart to anyone else, Seokjin pressed his lips together, “Huh...that is kind of weird. Well…” Seokjin rose a brow as he emphasised his words while glaring Namjoon down, “Guess you’ll never know if you don’t ask.” Namjoon could only muster a groan. Asking you had to be the worst idea ever.

----

“Come on! Noona it’ll be a fun way for you to get out!” You sighed in exasperation, looking away from Jungkook’s big puppy eyes that were just begging you to go with him, it was already hard enough to get yourself out of bed by noon today just to meet up with him for lunch let alone going to a party tonight.

“Jungkook,” You pressed your lips together, trying to look at him only for him to whine as he shifted in his seat, the food court in the mall was packed today with life and energy, you had promised Jungkook you’d help him shop for more dressy clothes today as he was...attempting to pursue someone. Whoever that may be as he was too shy to say, “You know I’m not into parties…”

“Just this once!” Jungkook begged as he laced his fingers together, sitting up in his seat with his lips jutted into a pitiful pout, “I’ll stay with you the whole time Noona! I think it’ll be fun! And if it isn’t we can go home the moment you say and- and I’ll buy you some kimbap and we can watch a movie of your choice!”

He drove a hard bargain, you sighed as you sunk into your seat, crossing your arms in thought, you supposed...there couldn’t be any harm in going…? You pressed your lips together as you closed your eyes briefly, just thinking about this made you exhausted but you knew Jimin would be ecstatic if you had went out tonight, he had been encouraging you to get out more and….”Okay let’s say, I went to this party...who would be there?”

Jungkook’s lips parted in excitement as you cut him off, “That I know.”

His lips immediately snapped shut once more, as his eyes dropped to the table somewhat sheepishly, “Look, Noona...Think of it like this, it’s a great opportunity to meet new people! Hoseok and Namjoon will be there! You know them! And they know people you could meet too! I’ll be there for what it’s worse…” He gave a bright bunny smile as you looked away from him, “Hey! Don’t give me that look!” He cried out with another pout on his face.

Taehyung and you both never enjoyed parties, he was a social butterfly sure but he always said he hated the taste of alcohol and besides, what was the point in going out when he could just stay in with you. It felt like a bitter prick against your heart at the bitter reminder. Right, you were gonna stay in tonight, maybe cry in the shower, wear that set of pajamas that used to match with his while watching a stupid romcom he loved.

“Woah, woah, woah! Hey Y/n.”

You closed your eyes as you put your hands on your face trying to cover the tears that rolled down your cheeks, “Sorry.” You sniffed as you felt both shame and embarrassment coil inside your body, all this time and you can hardly even think about him without crying still. It’s no wonder Jungkook probably doesn’t want to hang out with you.

“Noona!” Jungkook cried out, “You have nothing to apologize for, look,” He fumbled somewhat frantically as he gathered up the trash of your left over food, “You don’t have to go, it was just a suggestion! I don’t want you to be sad though so let’s go over to the Gap and I want your opinion on these two shirts okay?”

You sniffled as you rubbed your watery eyes, a snort escaping you as you replied, “The Gap has ugly clothing Jungkook.” To which he gasped in offense as you stood up with him.

“First of all don’t judge until you see, second of all you have horrible taste Noona, no offense.” You rolled your eyes despite the tiny smile tugging on your lips as you wrapped your arms around yourself. Maybe, Jungkook was right, and after all…he said he’d take you home if you weren’t having fun...

This was an awful idea. There was no backing out of this idea once you expressed your interest to Jungkook and he dragged you from store to store because this outing was no longer about him as it was finding something new for you to wear, he had even insisted on paying for it himself.

Jungkook was no longer in sight nor on your mind as he had been talking to Hoseok last you had seen him, who was cheerifully talking to him despite the shy look on his face. Of course he had gotten your permission, not wanting to leave you by yourself, just as he promised he wouldn’t. For as much of annoying brat as he was, he was also truly a sweetheart.

“Are you okay?” Your concern however, wasn’t on Jungkook right now given you were no longer downstairs as you paused and turned towards Namjoon who looked like he was having a mid life crisis despite being twenty four and at a frat party- but you supposed being younger than twenty one at something like this could cause that.

Namjoon’s eyes darted at the closed door and his mouth felt dry, opting to nod instead as you sat down on the bed. Truthfully you had made the pack to just stick to Jungkook tonight and let him do the talking but it was by chance you bumped into Namjoon here who had also been dragged to this party by his friend- Seokjin who was apparently a frat brother at this fraternity.

It was loud and the whole place reeked of weed, whoever wasn’t locked in a haze was definitely drunk and it had been over all unpleasant.

The one saving grace you had found was Namjoon, it was too loud downstairs and with Jungkook off with Hoseok you kept getting interrupted by other people asking for him. Finally asking if Namjoon would like to go upstairs where it would be more quiet.

And here you were, “It’s nice up here.” You glanced around the semi clean room, “At least it smells like Axe.” Which wasn’t much better than marijuana but you’d take it.

Namjoon snorted as he plopped down on the bed, a humored smile on his lips as he replied, “Yeah it just smells like a middle school boys locker room.” He laid back against the bed as he stretched out, closing his eyes as he soaked in the atmosphere, today felt...different...he wasn’t sure how but, he liked it.

You seemed happy today, or at least you looked happy. And you were smiling more at work. Namjoon really liked your smile, “Hey,” He hummed as he opened his eyes and glanced at your upright figure, “Why did you come tonight? I thought you didn’t like parties?”

You gave a somewhat sheepish laugh as you shrugged, running a hand through your hair as you replied, “Ah well…” You seemed a little flustered as you glanced away from him- not wanting to admit that Jungkook had nearly cried from begging you to come because he really wanted you to at least try it just once, all in the name of getting yourself back out there, but the one leading motivate that he continuously brought up, was Namjoon, “Jungkook wanted someone to come with him. He gets worried about me occasionally.” You rolled your eyes briefly despite the small smile on your face, “Says he doesn’t want me to become a hermit.”

Namjoon’s expression softened a little, that was something else he never quite understood, were your friends just that caring…? It seemed a bit unnormal the way they always eyed you with concern despite you brushing them off, “It just shows he cares.” Namjoon offered a smile as you sighed, flopping down onto your back next to him as you glanced up at the ceiling.

“I know,” You admitted as your smile slowly formed into a frown, your gaze hardened at the dirty ceiling as your brows pinched together, “I just…” You inhaled sharply, sounding somewhat frustrated as you sighed, “I just wish they’d treat me normal sometimes...you know? It’s nice knowing everyone supports me but…” You felt a bitter smile curl on your lips, “I can always see the pity, like I’m just a kicked puppy that needs a little love…They all mean well but…”

“I can understand why you’d feel frustrated,” Namjoon spoke up, rolling over to face you, sincerity in his eyes as he spoke, “I wouldn’t want to be treated like that either. It’s hard being in a room full of people who all look at you like you’re broken when you aren’t.”

His words hit deeper then you wanted to admit, your throat suddenly feeling restricted as you glowered at the ceiling trying to blink back tears. Perhaps it was the realization that people do look at you like you're broken. Maybe you were, afterall, you weren’t the same anymore. You could barely hold a smile on your face anymore.

You suffered long nights full of dreams of torment and tears in your waking hour to numbness and wondering why life was even worth living. You had debated on the fall from your window and you had even wondered about the knives in the kitchen drawers. You felt your lips twitch into a bitter smile as you laughed, feeling tears drip down as you replied, “I’d think the same if I were them. I don’t even blame them.”

Namjoon sat up as he frowned, looking resentful at your words as you wiped your face, “Hey.” You sniffed a little as you sat up, wiping your tears on your sleeve, “You aren’t broken, people shouldn’t be so quick to judge.”

“You’re just saying that because you're nice.” You scoffed as you glanced down at the bed, your eyes glaring despite the blur, you fought with yourself at night on why Namjoon was even friends with you, surely he just thought you needed help. Needed friends. Why did it hurt to think of it like that? It’s what you wanted, right?

You squeaked in surprise at Namjoon’s large hands suddenly cupping your face, forcing you to look him in the eyes as you were taken back on how intense his stare was, anger evident on his face as his jaw clenched, “Don’t assume that. You aren’t broken and I don’t look at you like you need to be fixed okay?” His expression softened a little as he watched your eyes begin to blur again, your shoulders shaking as sniffled, trying your damnedest to not cry as you gritted your teeth.

Defeatedly you closed your eyes as you let your tears fall, why couldn’t you stop crying? Why was everything so confusing and why did it all have to hurt? Namjoon let his thumb rub across your cheekbone, wiping away the tears that dripped down as you closed your eyes, “I don’t care what’s happened okay? I just want to help you be happy again.”

“I don’t deserve it,” You spat out as you choked on your tears, unable to even look at him, you felt so useless, worthless, all of the life left your body with Taehyung when he- your breath escaped you, catching yourself as you nearly choked on the influx of tears. It didn’t matter anymore, nothing mattered anymore. He was gone and he wasn’t coming back.

Namjoon could feel his heart crumble with every tear that dropped down your face, his thumbs soothingly wiping every drop away, “Yes you do. Please, don’t say that about yourself.” Namjoon felt like a faucet and he couldn’t stop the overflow of emotions, unable to keep it to himself any longer when you were so obviously in pain. When you hated yourself for reasons unknown to him, “You will always be worth it to me, okay?” He pressed his forehead against yours, his smile pained as you squeezed your eyes tightly shut, “There will never be a day I don’t think that?” He said breathlessly, his eyes dulled and pained at your sobs, “Don’t cry love.” He spoke softly, closing his eyes, letting the warmth of your skin seep against his as he rubbed his thumbs over your cheeks.

“I don’t know how. I-I’m sorry....” You mumbled as you sharply sniffled, trying to calm yourself down as your heart ached. You thought for sure you had gotten better, but it became apparent you were just trying to block Taehyung out, and you couldn’t do that. He didn’t deserve it. Taehyung absolutely did not deserve to be blocked out of your memory or forgotten.

“Shhh.” Namjoon hummed soothingly, his nose rubbing against yours, his fingers tracing down your jawline, “You don’t have anything to apologize for.” Your lips trembled at the feeling of his warm breath against your skin, you could feel the hesitation from him, just a ghost of brush from his lips as you sniffled before he fully pressed his lips against yours.

The kiss was wet, not in a very pleasant way, tears beginning to stream down your cheeks as his lips began to tenderly stroke against yours, his hands so warm against your face as you sobbed against his mouth, parting your lips at the feeling of his soft lips that felt so right against yours. It was like intimacy and warmth you craved.

The kiss which was gentle quickly turned more heated, your body immediately crawling closer to his as your lips parted for him, his tongue immediately pushing past to enter your mouth as dominance was immediately one, a soft moan escaped you as long fingers trailed down your face to your neck. Your body was lighting up at the memory of those long fingers wrapped around your throat, the heat of his body against yours.

All the sleepless nights you spent together moaning in passion. Taehyung’s hands trailed down your waist, squeezing tight making you whimper as you crawled into his lap, seeking the comfort only he could bring as you let his tongue lap and force yours into submission in a sloppy wet kiss.

The knock on the door immediately made you jolt, opening your eyes only to let out a yelp. This was not Taehyung- but Namjoon. You frantically fell out of his lap, all too aware of your shocked expression and tear stained face as you wiped your mouth...You just...kissed Namjoon...The twist of betrayal in your heart wouldn’t stop stabbing as the door opened.

Namjoon’s lips had parted, looking somewhat frantic to apologize and explain himself when he saw how devastated your expression was, “Oh- uh sorry.” Seokjin looked somewhat sheepish to see the both of you, a girl peeping behind his shoulder looking somewhat embarrassed herself, “Were we um…?”

“No!” You sharply replied, getting off the bed as you felt your hands violently tremble. You just...you just kissed...you imagined...you thought…“You didn’t.” You rushed past the both of them as you the music pounded into your head and it was like the lights became blurred but not from tears anymore. All of your senses were on overload as your mind sneered at you, you just kissed someone who wasn’t Taehyung, as if he didn’t exist, it didn’t matter whether or not you thought it was him. It wasn’t. It wasn’t Taehyung, how were you ever supposed to forgive yourself?

“Y/n! Y/n!”

You didn’t stop until you were suddenly yanked back, “Y/n please,” Namjoon looked at you pleading, “I’m sorry, I overstepped my boundaries and I shouldn’t-”

“I don’t like you Namjoon.” Your heart was frantically beating out of your chest as tears began to blur in your eyes, shaking your head as you pulled from his grip, “This- it wouldn’t work. Don’t waste your time.” Your voice was ice cold despite the tears dripping down your face as you glared at him, the hurt in his eyes was unmistakable as you turned around.

Your body in shock as you closed your eyes, letting the tears slide down your cheeks. Walking downstairs you bumped into the person you were just looking for. Jungkook had first smiled upon seeing you before his expression immediately became worried, “What happened?” He was by your side instantly.

Sobbing you covered your ears, the music and lights too much as guilt ate you alive, “I wanna go home Jungkook.” You felt like a child as you wrapped your arms around yourself, Jungkook immediately wrapping an arm around you as he guided you out of the house.

How could you ever function after this…?

“Y/n please, we’re worried.” Jimin kneeled down in front of you as your body trembled, burying further into your blanket curled up on the couch as you shook your head. You couldn’t even speak about what happened without feeling the violent urge to throw up.

How could you ever do that to Taehyung? What would he think? Closing your eyes you sobbed once more as you heard Jimin demand, “What happened? What do you mean she came downstairs crying?”

Jungkook sat beside you and had refused to leave your house despite it being three in the morning, concern washed on his expression as he replied, “I don’t know! She and Namjoon went upstairs for a while and then she came back down crying and asked to come home. She wouldn’t talk the whole way home.”

Just the sound of his name sickened you, your fists curling against the blanket. You couldn’t be angry at him, after all, you had enjoyed it. You craved it. You were the one who was disgusting. Jimin rested his hands on the couch as he looked at you with a frown, “Y/n…” His heart broke at the sight of your crumpled figure buried in blankets, “Did he take advantage of you? What happened?”

“I imagined him…” You sobbed as you whispered, lips trembling at just the mental imagine in your head, looking up at them with tears welling as you confessed, “I kissed him and all I could see was Taehyung.” You buried back into the blankets as you sobbed, tears staining the warm cotton as you closed your eyes, “I miss him so fucking much. It hurts, it hurts to even breathe knowing he's dead. What’s the point in even being alive if he isn’t here with me? I’d do anything to be with him again. I can’t fucking do this anymore.”

You curled up as you squeezed your eyes shut, confessing every single thought that had built in your head, “I can’t…!” You couldn’t even register who was hugging you or who was saying what anymore, it was all a blur.

You weren’t even sure when you fell asleep.

Waking up your head was groggy and you groaned, when did you get in bed and... why was Jungkook here? Jungkook was curled up next to you, his breath in a soft rhythm as you sat up, rubbing your head as you began to recall the night before, your suddenly squeezing as you swallowed back the shame and guilt.

Stupid

Stupid.

You should’ve kept it to yourself- you were never supposed to say anything you said last night…”Hey…” You coiled away from Jungkook’s soft voice, deeper than normal as he had obviously just woke up, if he didn’t think you were a kicked puppy before he definitely does now, “Hey…:” His voice was considerably softer as he sat up, a frown on his lips as he spoke, “You don’t need to feel ashamed for last night Noona...it’s good to get that stuff out…”

Pressing your hands against your face you felt absolutely mortified as you remembered in vivid detail what happened at the party, “I kissed Namjoon,” You whispered under your breath, “And all I could see was him.” You swallowed the thick knot that squeezed in your throat as you felt Jungkook comfortingly press his hand on your shoulder.

“It’s a process Noona,” Jungkook felt his lips quiver a little, not liking seeing you in such despair, you often hid it well but overtones always lingered, it hurt seeing you like this, “Don’t be so hard on yourself.” A soft knock on the door sounded through the room before it opened, Jimin poking his head in as his eyes turned sad at the way your body curled into itself.

“How are you feeling?” Jimin sat on the edge of the bed as you snorted.

“Like crap.”

You could hear them both chuckle and you even felt your lips tug into a smile briefly before they quivered back into a frown, “God, I’m sorry guys…” You felt awful, you ruined both of their nights and probably their sleep, just to listen to you cry.

They both were immediately objecting as you inhaled slowly, sinking into yourself as Jimin sighed as well, his gaze soft as he pressed his lips together, silence taking over the room before he slowly spoke, “Y/n...I don’t want you to take this the wrong way but...I think maybe, we should get you help…” You parted your lips, wanting to object but he continued, “You need help. Y/n,” His lips quivered a little, “I lost my best friend,” His eyes looked glossy as he forced a smile, “I can’t lose you too. Please, at least for a week, for me.”

You lowered your gaze as you rubbed your face, maybe it would be for the best, you were beginning to see things that weren’t there, Taehyung was everywhere you looked, you could never escape the ghost of him no matter how hard you tried, “I…” You glanced at the sheets in resignation as you sighed, “Okay…” You mumbled, “I’ll give it a try.”

Only because you didn’t want them to worry over you.

----

Namjoon couldn’t say for sure what had happened, but he knew, deep down, he had fucked up. Running a hand through his hair he groaned as he paused at the shop in front of him. He knew seeing you now was a bad idea, you’d probably go to the back room and you wouldn’t want to talk to him.

But he just…! He just needed to know why. Why couldn’t he be with you? He never meant to fall in love with you, but he loved your smile you rarely showed, or the way you’d give witty comments to every subject he’d try to be serious about. And for once, he loved being not serious. With you. Did he go too fast? Should he have waited?

Namjoon almost didn’t want to go inside, he wasn’t sure if he was ready to handle the rejection, sometimes, it doesn’t matter how long you wait, some people are just not interested. But he was so sure you were, your eyes always seemed so bright and lit up when you laughed together, or how it would soften and you’d listen intently to his worries. He just needed to know…!

Determined he opened the door to the shop where his lips immediately quirked into a frown. Jungkook had just finished serving a customer when their eyes met, a frown also on his lips as he looked away, “Jungkook…! Where is she?” Namjoon must have looked pathetic, his eyes pleading as he hurried to the counter where Jungkook shied away from him, straightening out some of the coffee canisters as he turned his back to Namjoon, “Hyung….I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He mumbled, somewhat meekly as he figidied.

Namjoon pressed his hands against the counter as his gaze hardened, “Is she not here?” Of course you weren’t here, he should’ve known you’d take the day off to avoid him. If the need to speak to you wasn’t imperative before it certainly was now, “Jungkook please, I just need to know.”

Jungkook pressed his lips together as he turned around, frowning as his big doe eyes searched his elder, unsure if you’d appreciate him spilling what had been going on. And truthfully it wasn’t his place either, Jungkook sighed as he spoke reluctantly, “It’s not you Hyung, it’s her...She knows that better than anyone. I won’t say anything because It’s not my story to tell...I’ll talk to her about it and if she says it’s okay I’ll let you know where she is. Okay?”

Namjoon could feel his lips tremble a little before lowering his head in defeat, Jungkook’s expression was serious and if this was the best he could get then he’d just have to take it, Namjoon felt pathetic and desperate but he just needed to see you. To at least know you were okay. Your expression wasn’t just shocked at the party...you looked devastated. He didn’t understand and he wanted to, he needed to so badly.

“Thanks Jungkook.” He muttered with a sigh as he rubbed the back of his head, his phone vibrated in his pocket for the fifth time, Seokjin had been blowing up his phone the whole morning, apologies and questions had been spammed and he supposed, he’d stop by the frat house and sulk.

Jungkook offered an apologetic smile as Namjoon sighed, trudging out the door in defeat as he stuffed his hands into his pockets, the frat house was a short walk from the cafe and he had spent the majority of the time trying to gather his thoughts into something comprehensible for his friend to dissect.

“You could’ve at least sent me a text!” Seokjin scolded as he opened his bedroom door letting Namjoon walk in, the bitter reminder of the same bed he had sat on not too long ago and let his emotions get the better of him. He couldn’t help himself though, he couldn’t stand watching you cry much less sob, and he had seen you in that state so many times. He just wanted to help, he wanted to make you feel better.

Seokjin frowned as he paused from his scolding at the way Namjoon dejected collapsed on his bed, walking over he searched the man’s empty expression as he sighed, “What did you do?”

“I ruined everything.” Namjoon sulked as he pressed his hands to his face, “I kissed her and she looked at me like I was a ghost. I asked Jungkook where she was but he won’t say anything.”

Seokjin hummed as he sat on the edge of the bed next to his friend, “Maybe she just needs time to sort out her feelings. I talked about it before but it’s pretty apparent now that she obviously has a lot going on, Namjoon.”

Namjoon knew that had to be the case, otherwise you’d already be apologizing when you didn’t even need too, right? You’d be trying to fix whatever that was last night, and hey, he’d rather have you as a friend then not at all. He loved talking to you, hearing your thoughts on life and the way you perceived the world.

When you first began talking, your world seemed dim, as if you filtered the world in only shades of grey. But the more you spoke and the longer things went on, the more Namjoon noticed you opened up, color began to flood into your world again in soft tones and smiles. He adored it.

“I just wish she’d let me help her.” Namjoon mumbled as he rubbed his eyes, “I hate seeing her cry, and I hate seeing her push me away, and it would be one thing if she didn’t like me, but you want to know the worst part Seokjin?”

Hurt quivered in his veins as he sat up, glaring down at the ground as he felt a bitter smile twist on his lips, “I can tell she does, why else would she want to talk to me after everything that’s happened? So why won’t she let herself just…! It’s so frustarting!”

Seokjin sighed, unable to help but feel a little bad for him, it was obvious somewhere down the line friendship and something more had become blurred, “I know man,” Seokjin consoled, “Just give it time. She’ll come around when she’s ready.

Three weeks.

That’s how long Namjoon had spent sulking, lectures he once listened to eagerly had become background noise, flavors seemed less vibrant and nothing was the same without you. By the sixteenth day mark he had almost given up, feeling despondent, he had stopped by the shop a few times only for Jungkook to shake his head in apology.

That was until today. Namjoon’s eyebrows shot up and his heartbeat felt like it was going to burst out of his chest, “Ah...well, we can go after I get off shift, if that’s okay?” Jungkook offered a small smile, happy to see his Hyung looking a little more upbeat then he had before. It was truly a sad sight not only seeing Namjoon but you look like kicked puppies the past few weeks.

“Yes! Yeah that’ll work…! Jungkook, thank you so much, you- you have no idea how much this means to me…!” Namjoon fumbled over his words, his smile bright and lit up, excited to see you again even if it was to just apologize over and over again.

Jungkook smiled a little as he shrugged, “I haven’t done anything, Noona is doing a lot better and she asked when I visited yesterday if you could come.”

Namjoon nodded taking in his information before pausing….visited? As in, at her house? He didn’t quite understand but regardless he was glad to hear you didn’t hate him, or at the very least you still wanted to talk to him. Namjoon would take almost anything you handed him now. Some may find it sad but he was desperate, for closure at least.

Sitting down on your bed you hummed, letting your fingers drag against the pages of the book you had been reading during quiet time for the past two weeks, Jimin and Jungkook visited you nearly every day for visitor hour but when you got the chance you’d try to read, like now.

Perhaps you were just trying to calm your nerves, you had asked Jungkook yesterday if you could see Namjoon...the past month had been...long...filled with tears and exhausting nights. You hated group therapy and the nurses constantly battled you when it came to any sort of physical activities. But as the weeks went on you reluctantly began to open up more, particularly during your singular therapy sessions, which helped the most.

‘Tell me Y/n, you said earlier that Taehyung was the most and loving man you ever met,’ you nodded at her words as she spoke, ‘And you have also said that you can’t allow yourself to fall in love because you’d of your fear of forgetting him.’

You looked at your lap as you didn’t comment, unable too, it felt good...to be able to just spill everything to someone who was listening objectively, your therapist wasn’t looking at you like a kicked puppy, her eyes weren’t dripping with pity, she simply was listening, ‘Yeah…’ you mumbled as you folded your hands together.

“Have you ever considered that, if Taehyung is truly as lovely as you describe him to be, that he’d genuinely want you to move on? That he would always want you to be happy? If he’s as kind as you say. Acceptance is never easy Y/n, especially when you’re grieving the love of your life.”

You hung your head as you felt your eyes water, a sniffle escaping you as she pushes the tissue box over to you as she gave a gentle smile, “But Taehyung would want you to be happy. I want us to target why you feel this guilt every time you try to open up to Namjoon,” She clicked her pen, “You’ve said in the past, you feel guilty because you feel as though Taehyung is judging you, but in reality Y/n, the only person who is judging you, is yourself. The only person who is stopping you from receiving this love, is you.”

Grabbing a tissue you wiped your eyes as you sniffled while shaking your head, unable to speak no matter how much you wanted too as she continued, “These things you’re talking about are symptoms of depression, the guilt you feel is your superego saying you don’t deserve to be loved because you would be betraying someone who is no longer here. This doesn’t make your feelings invalid, but,” She clacked her tongue, “I’d like us to work together to rein in the superego and get back to the root of your consciousness. On your own time, I’d like you to have Namjoon pay a visit and talk with him, but in the moments of doubt, when you’re mind is telling you to pull away or that you don’t deserve something, I want you to consciously and actively tell yourself that it’s okay to love again. It’s okay to move on, it’s okay to let someone else in’

‘What if I’m not ready to face him?” You sniffled, somewhat horrified at the idea of seeing Namjoon again, how could you ever face him after something so embarrassing?

‘You’ll never fully be ready to face someone Y/n,” She replied, ‘But the first step to letting go, in your case, is telling yourself, that it’s okay to be loved again. It’s okay that you’re exploring love again. The only way to accept your feelings and your loss is by moving on. Let yourself open up to Namjoon, tell him the reason your like this and it will make you feel a lot better.’

You weren’t sure if you were ready to see Namjoon but...you felt guilty, guilty for lashing out at him when he didn’t deserve anything and...your fist curled as you inhaled sharply ‘it’s okay to love again’ that’s what your therapist told you and told you to repeat to yourself anytime you were flooded with any feelings of guilt.

Leaning against the wall your fingers dragged along the line of words, trying to read but your mind wouldn’t focus. Jungkook would be here soon with Namjoon, your roommate, a young eighteen year old girl was out in the dining area with her boyfriend right now. She had been emitted by her parents due to her depression but she told you the only time she felt excitement was at six o’clock every day, knowing he’d be here.

Love really could heal, couldn’t it?

The knock on your door made you jump, the nurse Kang Min Soo opened the door, she was the one who shuffled you from activity to activity during the day, offering a small smile she said, “You have visitors Y/n.” Straightened a little you nodded as she opened the door, your heart beating wildly in your chest as your eyes first met with Jungkook who offered a gentle smile, the taller figure of Namjoon behind him, eyes curiously searching his surroundings before meeting yours.

Unable to hold his gaze you dropped it to your book, closing it as you set it on the bed, “Hey guys…” You mumbled, feeling a little shy as you shifted a little.

“I know you wanted to talk,” Jungkook hummed, looking a little brighter today then he had within the past weeks, “So I’ll give you both a few minutes. Jimin should be here in about fifteen minutes.” You nodded, murmuring a thank you as he nodded, offering a smile to the both of you before he exited, shutting the door.

It was quiet for a few seconds as you curled your knees into your chest, “...I’m really sorry…” You mumbled, feeling somewhat pathetic at being unable to even meet his gaze, Namjoon was still quiet and you weren’t sure if that was a good sign or not, “...I know I haven’t been the most transparent…”

The bed shifted a little as you glanced up meekly to see Namjoon sit down a good distance from you, looking a little careful in his expression before he suddenly blurted out, “There’s another guy...isn’t there?” He looked sullied all of a sudden, casting his expression on the ground, “You don’t have to tell me. It’s obvious you’re in love with someone else.”

“He’s dead.”

Namjoon’s gaze up shot so fast he could hardly process your words, his lips parting as he searched your broken expression, eyes watering as you laughed a little, a smile tugging on your lips as you continued, “Namjoon- I loved him, so much.” You glanced up at him sincerely as the tears trickled down your cheeks, the smile looked so bright yet so sad as you sniffed, “He was my soulmate.”

Closing your eyes you rubbed them as the wet substance stained your skin, “I’ll never forget that night. It was so stupid. Taehyung- he- he had worked overtime that day and got off shift late. Kept texting me saying how excited he was to get home and eat what I had made.” Your soft gaze became a fiery glare as you mumbled, “But by eleven he wasn’t home...and I waited...and waited...and then I began to get worried. It wasn’t until 11:30 that I got a call.”

Squeezing your eyes shut you forced a laugh, “It was an accident, a stupid fucking accident. Neither made it. The car pulled out too soon without enough time for him to stop, the car ended up flipped and they rushed him to the hospital, by the time I got there they had to rush him into surgery.”

It was quiet for a moment as tears streamed down your face, covering your sob with your mouth as you shook your head, “Three hours and I never even got to say goodbye. Jimin was against the wall in tears and I don’t even remember what the doctor told me. Just saw a glance of his body in the hospital bed before the door shut…. Sometimes I still wonder, if I had just told him to not worry about the extra hours, if he’d still be here. He would’ve listened, he’d do anything to make me happy…” Pressing your hands against your eyes you bit your lip to keep down the sob as you muttered, “But it doesn’t matter now, he’s gone…” Wiping your tears away you took a shaky breath, “I’ve been in denial, not wanting to accept reality for what it is. That he’s gone...that he’s...dead...that he isn’t coming back. When I kissed you,” You felt new tears already welling in your eyes as you lowered your head in shame, “You made me feel better, and I loved that feeling so much. But all I could imagine was him. It’s not your fault...you don’t deserve to be dragged along because of me.”

“Hey…” You covered your face as you felt arms wrap around you pulling you into a hug, you couldn’t help but crave the warmth of Namjoon, his steady heartbeat of still being alive, did it make you a sinner to crave his touch? “I...I’m so sorry Y/n, I had no idea...that was what you were going through.” He squeezed his arms around you as you curled against him, too weak to try and fight what you wanted so badly, “But I’m not going to leave you just because of this.”

Covering your eyes you tried to stifle your sob, guilt eating away at you at the idea of leading Namjoon on, he deserved to be loved by someone who could give him their all.

You couldn’t.

“Don’t cry,” Namjoon’s lips coiled endearingly, those dimples poking out as he tenderly stroked a hand through your hair soothingly, “We’ll get through this, and we can go as slow as you want. But I’m not going to leave you. Not now, not ever. Okay?”

He leaned down, pressing a kiss against your forehead as you closed your eyes, tears trickling down your face as you tried your best to push the toxic thoughts that invaded your mind away. Taehyung would want this, wouldn’t he? Right? Remembering what your therapist said you repeated the words mentally, it was okay to be loved again. It was okay to move on.

“Are you sure you really wanna try this?” You sniffed, rubbing the tears from your eyes as you looked up at him, lips quivering as you tried to smile, your mouth faltering as you choked out, “I’m a girl with a whole lot of baggage Namjoon.”

Namjoon let his hands cup your cheeks, his thumbs pushing away the tears as he gave you a soft reassuring smile, “We’ll get past this, okay? You’ll always be worth the wait.” He closed his eyes as he pressed his forehead against yours. You couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, closing your eyes as you felt the small smile tug on your lips.

Maybe...maybe you could get past this.

You had spent another two weeks at the mental institute before you had felt good enough to sign yourself out and try to pick up your life where you left off, the past month had been...interesting to say the least. Namjoon, much like Jungkook and Jimin, visited you every day.

Some days were good...others were not so much...But if you learned anything in therapy was to take things a step at a time. Your therapist thought it was wonderful that you had developed feelings for Namjoon, even if it didn’t feel that way. But she had encouraged you saying that it was a sign your heart was ready to move on and heal.

“I’m so glad you’re back Noona!”

Right now however, you were trying to push Jungkook’s large figure away from you, damn why does this kid have to be so strong? Jungkook was practically like a little boy, running around in excitement when he saw you were put back on your work schedule and has since hugged you for three minutes straight when you walked in, “Jungkook we saw each other Friday.” You complained.

“Yeah but…! You were in ugly scrubs yesterday and your hair was really greasy,” Jungkook gave you a sheepish grin as you glared at him before pushing him away as he whined, “Besides! It’s your first day back at work!” He clapped his hands, “And you look a lot better! Not as tired anymore, did you sleep well?”

You sighed as you finished tying your apron, unable to stop the small smile tugging on your lips, Jungkook used to be a lot more reserved in what questions he asked, but having since visited you every day it seems those barriers have long past melted, “Yes, I’ve been sleeping a lot better, but it’s probably because of the medicine I’ve been prescribed to help.” Your smile felt a little weak, but regardless, at least you were sleeping.

And truthfully, you did feel somewhat, renewed. Like you were no longer strapped to a heavy weight and sinking to the bottom of the ocean. You weren’t sure how to describe it, but you felt lighter these days. Of course you wouldn’t deny how much your being still ached for the man you once loved. You still saw Taehyung in the colors that painted the walls, in the sea you always drove past on your way to work.

But everything seemed so far away now, as if the life you had with Taehyung was just a fuzzy dream. Sometimes late at night you wondered if it was real at all. Yesterday had been painful no doubt, when you arrived home the first thing you did was throw away all of Taehyung’s old clothes you had been keeping. Even his old favorite shirt you always wore to bed. Just the memory almost made your eyes well with tears but you contained yourself.

Clothes were just clothes, and they wouldn’t make Taehyung come back, would they?

“Well at least the medicine is helping Noona, sleep is sleep you can’t be picky.” Jungkook was buzzing in happiness before his eyes darted to the girl who was standing at the cash register ready to order, flitting over he began to take her order as you peered from behind. Snorting at the way she flirtatiously smiled and Jungkook fumbled, ears going red as he looked away and rang up her order.

You couldn’t help but smile as you began working on her flat white, “She likes you.” You stated as Jungkook leaned against the counter, crossing his arms as you began to laugh, watching the way his cheeks lit up like little tomatoes.

“So!? I’m not interested in her.” He mumbled defensively as you clacked your tongue, shaking your head as you set her coffee down at the end of the counter. Of course cupid only liked playing in your love life. As if the universe heard your thoughts the doorbell chimed as your gaze shot up. Two all too familiar figures walked in, well the other bounced in excitement, “Hey guys! It’s good to see you back Y/n! How have you been?” Hoseok practically flew to the counter in excitement. Given his words you doubt he knew what you had been up too but you appreciated the sentiment regardless, offering a small smile as you shrugged, “Just needed a break to clear my head. I’m doing good. Word is you finally bagged someone.”

Hoseok’s lips parted before he prominently closed them, his cheeks looking red before the door to the back suddenly opened, Yoongi looking around before Hoseok flailed a little, “What!? W-who told you that…?” You looked between them as you raised your brows, unable to keep the smile off your face.

“Awh, gay is okay guys. You don’t have to be shy.” You could hear Jungkook trying to cover his snort as he turned away to grab the convenient tray of pastries from Yoongi who suddenly looked perturbed and embarrassed, his ears were red as he mumbled something before quickly pushing back into the back room. Hoseok puckering his lips before he caved, a bright smile on his lips as he leaned over, “Hey…you mind if I go back there?” You snorted as you waved your hand.

“Knock yourself out. Just don’t cum all over the stove.” “Y/n!” “Sorry!”

You laughed as Hoseok sped around the counter and bolted into the backroom as you shook your head. At least some things changed for the better over the month you had been gone. Shaking your head you hummed, “Someone looks like they’re in a good mood.” His words made your lips tug into a smile as you turned to face Namjoon who had been passively watching the whole situation unfold.

“You don’t know how long I’ve watched them pine for one another,” You replied, looking down as you wiped down the counter to try and keep your gaze from meeting his, it was weird, this warm burning sensation that tickled your insides, it almost felt like butterflies, “It’s nice to see them finally admit it. So are you just here to watch the gays or are you gonna order something?” You looked up, a weird half smile quirked on your lips and you probably looked stupid.

Namjoon leaned down against the counter as he shrugged, a smile on his lips and those pretty dimples on display, “What should I get?”

These feelings, constantly repeating to yourself that they were okay, it was all so new. It was hard not to get flustered at his innocent words as you turned to look at the menu before shrugging, “Well you like tea, what about Tropic Blossom? It’s main notes are orange blossom and hibiscus so it’s naturally sweet unless you want stevia in it?” You turned back to face him only to awkwardly look away, feeling your face begin to burn at the way he was looking at you.

It wasn’t provocative or anything sensual, but his eyes were lit up in a warm glow and his lips were constantly curved upwards in a smile, “Sure, with a chocolate scone too! Hey do you think you could convince Yoongi to make blueberry scones?”

You rang up Namjoon as you snorted, curving a brow with an amused look before replying, “You could’ve got one back in spring if you had just come with Hoseok earlier. He doesn’t take requests though so no.”

“Not even for me? Come on, you could convince him.” Namjoon leaned in a little, his lips quirking into a smirk as he hummed, “Just once.” You turned away from him as you tried to ignore the way your face burned. Jungkook had a shit eating grin on his face as he minded his own business, or at least he pretended to as he began making the Tropic Blossom.

“Just once Noona?” He couldn’t help himself as he gave you patronizing puppy eyes as you glared at him before he snickered, you shoved his shoulder though he hardly budged as you huffed.

“I will, in the spring.” You clacked your tongue as you tried to control the smile that tugged on your lips as you leaned down as you pulled out the scone, placing it on the plate as you set up the napkin, “Until then you’re just gonna have to live with chocolate.” You stood up, looking up at his figure as you felt a smile tug on your lips once more as you handed him his plate.

“Can I take you somewhere tonight?”

Your eyebrows shot up at his abrupt words, Jungkook set his tea down as he immediately spoke for you, “She’d love to- Ow!” You jammed your elbow into his rib as he squeaked, suddenly looking at you with sullied eyes like a kicked puppy as he trailed back to the register where a small line had formed.

Take you somewhere…? Like a date…? You weren’t sure if that’s what he meant but...you felt a little at war with yourself, you knew you should be excited but, “Only if you want to,” Namjoon could immediately sense the shift in your demeanor, offering a small smile, “Remember what I said? We can take this at your pace.”

Well...he was right, you could always head home early if things took an odd turn or...the guilt had faded but you couldn’t help but feel like you were doing something wrong, mustering a smile you nodded, “It’s fine! I get off work at seven though…”

“Perfect! It’s nothing special,” Namjoon’s smile brightened as he held his cup up, “I’ll see you after work then…” He tipped his drink to you as he gave it a sip, the doors to the backroom suddenly swinging up as you whirled around.

“What did I say Hoseok?” You couldn’t help the amusement you felt at the sight of Hoseok’s ruffled hair and the suspicious bruises on his neck that were absolutely hickies, he sent you a semi embarrassed and unappreciative look as he replied, “Just get my sugar glaze pastry…”

You couldn’t stop the shit eating grin on your face as you and Jungkook exchanged looks before ringing him up, “And a cumin shot to go?” His glare was worth the joke.

The rest of the day had come and gone, some hours slow and others fast, Jungkook and you would often go bug Yoongi when things were slow- well it was mainly Jungkook, but you were glad to be back. Things almost seemed...normal?

Was this what life was really like before....you felt a small lump in your throat form. Before Taehyung? The ache in your heart was still there, but it was no longer the force that would always cause you to topple. Maybe this was the worst part of it all.

The fact that the once beautiful life you had with Taehyung was over now. You felt a smile tug on your lips and your eyes gloss a little, but for the first time, it wasn’t out of sadness. But happiness, that at the very least, you had Taehyung in your life for as long as you did. Some things just weren’t meant to be. In this lifetime at least.

Taking a deep breath you pulled yourself from your thoughts as you finished cleaning the counters, Jungkook had already finished taking out all the old pastries and Yoongi had finished cleaning up the back, “You ready to go Noona?” Jungkook called out as he untied his apron.

“Yeah, gimme a second.” You called back as you tossed your rag into the sink, walking over to the coat rack as you untied your own apron. You glanced out the shop door to see a familiar figure standing out front waiting as you looked back down, suddenly feeling semi embarrassed.

Jungkook and Yoongi were exchanging glances and you could tell on both of their faces they thought this was both endearing and hilarious, all it took was one glare from you to keep them both from spouting any kind of bullshit.

Wrapping your jacket around yourself you snuggled up against the warm fabric that fought against the cold air as you walked outside, offering a meek smile to Namjoon who’s eyes lit up at the sight of you, “Hey…” You murmured, trying to calm your heart rate that spiked rapidly for no reason.

Keeping his hands inside his coat pocket Namjoon greeted you with a brighter smile, “Hey, are you ready to go?” You gave a small nod as you began walking beside him. The sun setting and the air was getting colder at night these days, soon autumn would be here and color would flourish in all the trees.

Warily, you couldn’t help but feel a small part of yourself that was…looking forward to autumn. It was always a welcomed time of year for you, when cinnamon was strong in the air and you could bake anything with apples in it. Bundling up next to a small campfire and the only time you could wear flannel without feeling self conscious.

“Where are we going?” You asked softly as you glanced up at Namjoon who peered down at you with a small playful smile, as if he wasn’t going to answer, but he thought it was cute you’d ask regardless.

“Somewhere.” Namjoon’s smile became bigger as he watched the pout quirk on your lips as you hummed, looking back out at the darkening sky, “It’s nothing special, just something I like doing when I have the next day off.” You tilted your head in curiosity as to where he was taking you.

You only felt more confused when you stood at the gates of the park, turning to look at Namjoon as you felt a smile curl on your lips, unsure of what to make of this, “Not even a hint?”

“Well,” Namjoon drawled, pressing his lips together briefly in thought before smiling once more, “We’ll be sitting down. I can’t say anything without giving it away.”

Sitting down? There was a playground here, would you be sitting on the swings? You hadn’t done that in a long time, but much to your surprise Namjoon walked right past only for your eyes to set on a blanket that looked to already be spread out and a...telescope? Namjoon sat down as he gestured at you with a laugh, “What’s with that expression?”

“Nothing!” You hurriedly replied, sitting down on the other side of the blanket, “I just…” You looked around before looking up at the sky, lips parting a little only to notice the dark sky blanketed with bright stars, “Didn’t expect this…” You murmured as your eyes darted from star to star, it was a clear night, perfect for stargazing, how long had it been since you even looked up?

Had you truly forgotten the stars existed before this moment?

Namjoon’s expression was warm as he gestured you over, “They look even better up close, you can see Pisces from here.” Leaning down you peeped through the lense as Namjoon guided the telescope as you let out a little gasp, “Oh! I think I see it!” You zoomed the lense out a little bit as you pressed your lips together, “Wait, I don’t think that’s it.”

You had never been good with astronomy but...something about Namjoon laughing softly as you straightened up, something about the way he passionately pointed to each constellation, the way the deep midnight sky melted between the flicks of white that all seemed so...alive…

You really liked this.

You must’ve spent the whole night, looking at the stars laying down, talking about whatever came to mind, you couldn’t take your eyes off the sky for hardly a second. It truly was beautiful.

“Hey, Y/n.” You hummed as Namjoon spoke up softly, “Do mind, if I ask...about him…” You stiffened a little, your dreamy gaze snapping to Namjoon, more awake now then you had been all evening.

As if noticing the semi spooked expression Namjoon quickly added, “Only if you’re up to it...I’m sure it isn’t easy to talk about it...But I just…” He seemed a little self conscious as his eyes flickered back to the sky, “I just wanted to know about him, what he was like, what did you do together.”

You felt a weak smile tug on your lips before closing your eyes, the night sky was no longer in your vision, but it was the warmth of your old home, the apartment you shared with Taehyung, his face which you hadn’t seen in so long was so clear, “He was…” You trailed off for a second before you felt your eyes water as a smile tugged on your lips, “Childish,” You laughed, memories of his pouty expression whenever you reprimanded him, “Playful definitely…” You sniffed as you wiped your eyes, the way he’d smirk and grab you by the waist, murmuring less than appropriate things in your ear, “God he was…” Opening your eyes you laughed again while shaking your head, “Everything I could’ve ever wanted. He made me see colors that don’t exist, noise became music, clouds weren’t just particles anymore,” Tears trickled down your face as you smiled, looking up at the stars, “He told me they were god’s canvas that he painted on every day. Taehyung, he saw beauty in everything.”

You paused as your smile slowly faded, closing your eyes as the pain washed over you, the dull ache in your heart returned as you rubbed your eyes of the tears you had shed, “It’s just…” You felt pathetic, still crying, still missing what once was, “Hard to believe it’s all over, y’know?”

You felt fingers tug at your hair before gently combing through as you covered your mouth, trying to stifle down the sobs that bubbled in your throat, “He sounds like a one of a kind.” Namjoon offered a small smile as you turned to face him, rubbing the warm tears from your face as you felt a smile tug on your lips.

“He was terrible! He’d start singing trot off tune and he always made such a fucking mess in the kitchen without cleaning it up!” Memories flashed by in your mind, flour all over the floor and Taehyung's voice low and raspy as he’d cough while trying to sing, the large boxy smile he’d give when you’d wake up to breakfast already made, “And he always left his clothes all over the floor because he never did laundry because he knew i’d do it for him if he waited long enough.”

“Oh? And how bad were the road trips?” Namjoon’s lips were tugged in a soft smile, laying on his side to look at you as his fingers tangled against your roots.

“Don’t even get me started,” You both laughed as continued, “Jazz was always a must and it was so boring to listen to for five hours straight and he always bought too many snacks! We went camping one time and...god!” You let out a breathy laugh, “Never again, we forgot to bring bug repellent in the middle of the most humid time of the year and apparently there was like this- retreat? For nudists at the campgrounds at the time and they kept coming over asking if we wanted to take LSD with them and it ended up raining the whole time!”

Namjoon was snorting out a laugh, humored as he asked, “What did you guys do? I don’t think I can imagine my camping neighbors as nudists.”

“We had rented out this shitty old camper van so we could keep all of our supplies in the back but, after a long day of being miserable and arguing half the time we packed up and intended on leaving,” You closed your eyes as your fingers traced against the soft blanket, “But when we were driving back we ended up taking a wrong turn and found a cliff side camping spot that was just gorgeous. So we ended up clearing out the back of the van and setting up a ton of blankets and pillows and we enjoyed the view.”

You could still feel the hard car floorboard against your body with just a few blankets for comfort, curled up against Taehyung with his arms wrapped around you looked out over the valley, that awful weekend ended up being one of your favorite memories, “We turned off our phones, worked through our problems, shared laughs and ate those stupid hostess powdered donuts, and he said it. That first I love you.”

Tears dripped down your face as you forced yourself to pause, you hated doing this to Namjoon, who obviously held back saying those same words, why was he even doing this to himself? He couldn’t have actually wanted to hear about him. You could see the way his heart always crumbled with every tear you cried, “I miss him so much. I’m sorry.” You whispered in overwhelm, memories you had forgotten resurfacing and you pressed your hands into your face.

“Shhh,” You were pulled against Namjoon, his arms comfortingly wrapped around you as he held you close, “It’s okay to miss him.”

-----

“I’m gonna hurt the roots if I just rip it out!”

You curved a brow as you snorted, Namjoon looked utterly distressed as he attempted to repot his newest set of flowers, mums in shades of deep burnt orange and burgundy, perfect for autumn, “The roots are overgrown!” You argued, “We’re gonna have to cut them down to put less stress on the plants for the love of god just listen to me!”

You pushed the powdered donut into your mouth before sitting down with him on the wooden picnic table, “Who’s the expert here?”

“You.” Namjoon unenthusiastically hmphed as he rolled his eyes, but curiously peered down at your hands that pushed down through the soil, carefully extracting the small square of mums as you swallowed the large clump of donut, “Alright we gotta clip these before you can repot them, it’ll promote more growth and they won’t die as quick.”

“It just seems…” Namjoon watched warily as you clipped the roots with zero hesitation, “...Counter intuitive. Isn’t this like ripping out their lungs?”

You snorted again, turning to look at him as you pouted animatedly, “Awh you think plants feel? I mean if you wanna get that graphic it’s more like...shaving their lungs…” You watched Namjoon’s nose crinkle in dismay as you laughed, “Seriously though, they won’t get as much nourishment from the soil if you just keep this big ass clump. Root pruning is kind of essential when you’re repotting store bought plants.”

“Alright but if my flowers die-”

“Which they won't.” You handed him the pruners as you gave him a cheeky smile, “Well go on, they won’t trim themselves.” You grabbed the bag of mini donuts before plopping another into your mouth, as you inhaled sharply. It was such a beautiful day out, the sun was shining and clouds big and fluffy.

It was the perfect day to be outside, which is why you were sitting on the picnic table that was one of many sitting outside behind your apartment building. Things with Namjoon have been...good...they’ve been great. It’s been nearly a month of consistently seeing one another, hanging out.

The pain is still there but, it’s gradually faded with time, you still go see your therapist once a week to talk over things in hopes of not pouring too much out onto Namjoon who was always so patient and kind. You frequented the park at night with him to stargaze and planting and taking care of any greenery had become a thing with you both.

You weren’t sure what it was but, being able to be open and honest about your past relationship with Taehyung, being able to talk about your adventures together, the things you loved and annoyed you about him. Somehow having Namjoon earnestly listen to it all brought you closer to him. You felt safe with him, like he’d wipe your every tear away.

You really didn’t deserve him.

Your fists curled in frustration having not caught the words in your mind. Your therapist had been really getting on you as of late to try and redirect your thoughts to more positive affirmations anytime you mentally said you didn’t deserve him. Like...you deserved to have his kindness in your life.

You could even step into the art museum now without much fear, only because Namjoon loved art and he often contemplated his love of philosophy alongside it. You really were thankful for him. But you couldn’t help but notice something lingering…something you couldn’t quite put your finger on.

“So I was thinking.” Namjoon hummed, his eyes purposely looking down at the soil that crumbled beneath his fingers as he pruned the roots carefully, “Why not attend that gala tonight? For Modernism?”

You tilted your head as you shoved another donut in your mouth, “Gala?” Your voice was muffled as you chewed before swallowing, “I thought you said it was stupid because they should’ve chosen to represent Baroque?” He had done things like this in the past before, it would be one thing if you were an art person and he was doing it for you, but you weren’t.

Namjoon looked a little apprehensive as he shrugged, gaining your attention more as his eyes stayed on the mums, “Well...I know you both used to like doing...you know, things like that…” He mumbled, making your mouth fall open. Oh...oh no…! You were afraid of something like this happening.

“Namjoon,” Your lips tugged into a pout, your voice gaining his attention as he peeked up a little, obviously embarrassed when he shouldn’t be, grabbing the plant from him tenderly you set it into the pot before grabbing his soil covered hands, his eyes anywhere but yours, “Those were things me and him liked to do Namjoon…”

“I- I just…” Namjoon fumbled a little, “I know you miss doing those things so…”

Your expression twisted sadly, had you said too much to him about Taehyung? You didn’t want Namjoon to feel insecure about your relationship...not that you were together but...things were obviously headed in that direction, weren’t they?

“I don’t miss doing those things Namjoon, I miss it because it was with him,” You watched the way he frowned, his shoulder’s slumping as he stared down at the table, “And you aren’t him. And I don’t want you to be him,” His gaze suddenly shot up to your expression that hardened, “Namjoon I don’t want to live in the past trying to make old memories new again when we already have something. I wanna create new memories that are just as happy,” You felt a little shy as you looked away, “With you, and with the things we like to do together. So don’t worry about it, let’s just stick with a plans to go to the park tonight, besides didn’t you say a meteor shower was happening,”

You were casual in your words, trying to play off your heartfelt confession on not wanting him to compare himself to your old lover, that wasn’t the kind of relationship you wanted and it wouldn't be Namjoon if he did things the way Taehyung did. They were two very different men with similar hobbies but for vastly different reasons, but you’d always love them both.

Wait…

“Draconids, but it’ll be a boring show. They say there’s only five meteors an hour” Namjoon smiled, his chin resting against his arm as he gave you a dopey smile making you laugh as you shook your head. His fingers playing with yours as you replied, “I’d rather be there then at a stuffy art gala.”

“Noona! Hyung! Oh did we interrupt?”

You clacked your tongue in annoyance as your hand, still intertwined with Namjoon’s dropped to table to see both Jungkook and Jimin waving, “No you didn’t, asshole!” You added as you yelled back, watching both Jimin and Jungkook belt out with laughter as a smile tugged on your lips.

It was originally planned as just a lunch outside but you and Namjoon had made more plans on top of that.

Jimin waved the bag of takeout he had gotten for everyone as they both sat down, grabbing the towel that was laid out Namjoon wiped his hands along yours as he groaned, “Ah I’m starving, why did it take you guys so long?”

“No reason,” Jungkook hummed, sounding oddly...content…? Your furrowed your brows as you looked between them both, Jimin’s eyes immediately shooting down to the bag of food as he coughed loudly, “Here’s your kebabs you wanted.”

You ignored whatever subtext was lingering in the air at the sight of you lamb kebabs, hands immediately sticking out with a smile, “Thank you!” When was the last time you had enjoyed food like this?

You could feel the warm rays of sunshine on your face and the cool breeze that passed over your body occasionally, was this what it was like to feel again? It was hard to keep Namjoon’s bright gaze that looked more and more like love these days, the way he’d just stare at you with that small smile and those dimples of his. You supposed, these days, maybe you really could fall in love with someone else.

And after all...that’s what Taehyung would want, wouldn’t it? Something continuously held you back though and...suddenly everything became so clear, you knew exactly what you needed to do. And you knew you didn’t need to do it alone. Watching Jungkook and Jimin bid their farewell after lunch your throat became dry as your heartbeat became faster.

“Namjoon,” You asked before you convinced yourself maybe this wasn’t as good of an idea as you thought it was.

He hummed, turning to face you, that bright smile on his lips again as he listened endearingly, somehow making it harder to speak and had the sun always been this hot? “...Would you mind going with me...to visit him?”

Namjoon’s pupils widened a little and his lips parted as if not expecting those words, he sincerely took a moment to ponder them and you appreciated more then if had unwillingly said yes, after a moment he gave you another reassuring smile as he grabbed your hands, “Of course Y/n.” You felt relieved as you gave a small smile in return, you knew exactly what you needed to do.

It wasn’t until the evening that you went to the flower shop, grabbing a small bouquet of tiger lilies before walking towards the cemetery, Namjoon doing a double take when you shyly grabbed his hand. Touches were innocent still, hand holding still new and it was admittedly welcomed.

The sunset was vivid today and it seemed just like yesterday you had rejected Namjoon’s offer for lunch in turn to come here, had that really been three months ago? You looked up at his figure that was looking ahead as a smile tugged on your lips.

The cemetery looked as it always did, serene, carefully walking in the passage ways and making sure to not step onto any graves you paused at the willow tree. Your heart still squeezed as you glanced down.

Kim Taehyung

1995 - 2018

‘For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream’

Sitting down you pulled out the rag you had packed, gently wiping off his gravestone as your eyes waters, a soft smile tugging on your lips as your fingers traced against the engraved name, “Oh there’s so many things I wish I could tell you Tae.” You murmured softly, closing your eyes as the tears slid down, the smile still on your face as you sat back, placing the flowers down as an arm comfortingly wrapped around you.

Sniffing you wiped your eyes as you leaned against Namjoon, your head resting against his shoulder as you closed your eyes, “I’ve struggled for so long to let you go. To let myself be okay with letting you go.” You could imagine Taehyung’s face, his dark locks of hair covering his eyebrows and his soft smile, hands cupping your cheeks, “And I’ll always love you. But I know you wouldn’t want me to go on the way I had been…So I’ve come here to say goodbye I suppose.”

There was an ache in your jaw and your heart throbbed with that familiar dull ache, Namjoon’s head laying on top of yours as he pressed a kiss against your hair, “You’ll always be with me, and I’ll always cherish the time I had with you. But it’s time that I let myself be happy again. I know you understand. So thank you for...everything. And leading me to the person I belong with now.”

You squeezed your eyes shut as the tears trickled down your cheeks, pressing into Namjoon’s shoulder, even despite your tears you felt, at peace? As if this was meant to be, accepting things for what they were, and that no, you weren’t completely over Taehyung, but this was a good start to letting him go fully.

Namjoon wrapped his arms around you as you sniffled, scooting against him as you curled up against the warmth he radiated, “I promise I’ll take care of her,” He spoke softly, a gentle smile on his lips as he looked down at your curled up figure, knowing this couldn’t be easy for you to do, “I know we never met, but thank you for making her happy. And I’ll continue to do the same.” He pressed another kiss against your head as he rested his head a top of yours once more.

Sniffles escaped you as the wind blew through the trees, a soft rustle being the only noise outside your tears as the willow tree swayed in contentment. And if you really wanted to reach, maybe this was Taehyung’s spirit giving his blessing.

For the first time, leaving the cemetery was like a breath of relief, it was as if you had learned to walk on your own for the first time in a very long time. The sun had already set and hand in hand with Namjoon you both walked to the park where you set out the blanket as the moon rose.

“Thanks by the way,” You turned to face Namjoon in confusion as he offered a small shy smile, “For taking me to visit him today. I know it wasn’t easy to do.” Your heart felt like it was doing little backflips as you crawled out to snuggle up against him, for the first time, craving his touch against you.

“Of course, but I’m ready to focus on us.” You still felt a little shy yourself but you wanted more than anything to get to know Namjoon, he knew everything there was to know about you by now in terms of your past relationship. There was an unquenchable inferno inside you that wanted to know everything you could about this man.

Laying down curled up against him Namjoon let his fingers tenderly run against your hair as he whispered, “I’m okay with that.” Your heart for the first time felt content, warm and fuzzy, all the hurt and all the tears you had spent crying felt like just a distant memory in the arms of your lover now.

Your eyes felt lost in the inky blue sky above the were speckles with stars that gleamed brightly, and there it was the first meteor that passed making you squeak in excitement, Namjoon smiled as he looked down at your expression that seemed so excited at the flashes of light that streaked across the sky.

Glancing at the sky Namjoon was surprised at the next few meteors that passed, and a few more before they came in dozens and dozens and soon the whole sky was lit up in light and the stars the seemed so muted before looked like gems that danced across the sky, light blues mixed with deepers shades of indigo and the streaks of white painted across the sky as he whispered, “This only happens once every few hundred years, where hundreds appear in the sky.”

Namjoon couldn’t look at the rare sight in the sky though, not when he could look at your eyes that reflected the whole sky in them, all the stars that surfed in your gaze and your lips open in awe at the sight and for the first time in his life, he understood what that saying meant.

‘For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream’

Namjoon would never leave your side for a single second, he pledged to himself, you’d both get through this together and you’d build a strong relationship. And he’d cherish you just as much as Kim Taehyung did, he’d devote his whole life to you if needed.”

“Namjoon,” Your eyes looked dreamy while you turned to face him, he seemed distant as he stared at you as you gave a bashful smile, for the first time able to say what you always felt, “I love you.”

#bts #kim namjoon #namjoon #namjoon x reader #namjoon x y/n #namjoon angst #bts angst #namjoon imagine #taehyung angst #kim taehyung #taehyung x reader #im so sorry yall #this is sad as hell

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cozywritings · 4 years

Text

Coffee Cake

Moving to Canada, escaping your hometown, and opening your own bakery was a dream of yours since you were a teenager. Now, at 23 years old, you’re able to do exactly that. However, what’s to happen when you open up next to a coffee shop owned by the most handsome and sweetest person you’ve ever met?

-----

“Okay guys, thank you so much for putting up the flowers. I really appreciate it.” You smiled as the men left, taking their baked goods and waving goodbye. You’d finally closed on your little shop and were starting to decorate. Deciding to go with a floral look, you went with flowers that would cascade the building but also were low maintenance. As you looked over to the coffee shop next door you chucked, the difference in design was funny. Your little shop was white and colourful while this one was black and the interior was full of dark stained wood.

Walking into the door you hummed at the smell of coffee and spices, a tall man with dark curls smiled at you. “Oh hi, how may I help you on this lovely afternoon?” His voice was like velvet as you walked up to the counter.

You smiled at him, waving. “I just wanted to come say hi, I just bought the shop next door. It’s going to be my first real bakery and I just wanted to come meet my neighbors!” Your voice light and cheery as you bounced on your toes.

The curly haired man smiled and held his hand out. “Well I’m Raul. This is my little coffee shop, I hope you’re up for a little competition. James here is quite the pastry man.” He chuckled, pointing at a shorter man that looked like a frat boy.

You waved at each other and looked back to Raul, he was staring at you with a smile that could stop traffic. “Well I mainly do cakes and cupcakes, special orders, cookies and muffins.” At the mention of muffins, his eyes lit up.

“You do muffins?” Hes asked excitedly, you nodded, a proud smile on your face. They were your best seller back home.

“Everyone loves my double chocolate ones. And then of course the classic blueberry and banana nut. I’m working on some more recipes currently.” You told him, reminding yourself to finish up the pumpkin recipe soon for the fall.

Raul was now leaning against the counter, a serious look on his face. “When can I test the muffins?” His tone making you giggle before you pointed next door to your own shop.

“I have a couple right now. I’ve been using them to thank the guys helping me get all moved in. Some of them are accepting them as payment when they are really just a thank you.” You smiled, thankful for all the help and how nice everyone was during your set up.

Raul tossed his hand towel on the counter, turning back to the crew behind him. “Guys, I’m going next door for a taste test. Be back later!” There was a collective “okay” and a few asking if they could come too and you giggled at their eagerness.

Walking into the shop, he looked around at your little lobby, glass cases and an order book on the counter. “It still needs some work but I’m hoping to be open by the end of next week. I’m doing a few private orders for now.” He smiled at you as you spoke, looking through the book of cakes and cupcakes you’ve done throughout the past few years.

Suddenly he shut the book and crossed his arms. “What about a little deal?” He asked, an eyebrow cocked as you walked back into the room, muffins in hand.

“What kind of deal?” You asked as you placed the baked goods on the counter, digging into a double chocolate muffin with a fork.

“How do you feel about coffee?” He asked, before taking a bite of his own muffin and letting out a satisfied hum. His eyes closed for a second and you realized how truly beautiful this man was.

“Well, I’m not a huge coffee person honestly I’m more of a tea and hot cocoa girl, but I love the smell of coffee. Why?” You laughed as he tried to swallow his mouthful of muffin, seeing as he shoved the whole thing in his mouth.

He blushed at his struggle. “Sorry, that was just so good. Anyways. I would honestly love one of your baked goods every morning and in return you could maybe be my taste tester for new drinks? I’m exploring new flavours and the guys aren’t really into it. They like what they like and that’s it.” You thought about it for a moment. You didn’t mind giving away treats, and you got free drinks out of the deal. Plus, having a gorgeous man hand deliver your breakfast to you every day didn’t sound too bad.

“Deal.” You smiled, sticking out your hand to close the deal. He grabbed your hand and you noticed how large he was. His hand engulfed yours as he shook it, you also noticed what looked like a whole sleeve peeking out of the sleeve of his shirt.

“Alright m’lady. What will it be today?” His sweet smile melting you. You already knew this man would be the death of you.

“Well, let’s see. It’s 5 in the evening, so let’s go with a nice iced tea. I don’t really have a preference but it has to be sweet. None of that ‘no sugar’ garbage.” He nodded, taking a mental note of your order.

“Okay, I’ll go whip something up and be right back.” He saluted you, closing the door gently behind him. As soon as Raul left, you let out a squeal. You swear you couldn’t have picked a better location. You were just down the street from your apartment, and you were right next door to a cafe run by the sweetest, most attractive guy you’d ever known, and your mind was full of him. You couldn’t help but think about how cute he looked, mouth full of muffin, trying to talk. He was obviously already comfortable with you. Or maybe that was his nature, but you couldn’t stay in your thoughts long. The bell above the door rang and in he walked, a glass of reddish tea in his massive hand.

“Here you go! I pegged you as a hibiscus tea girl, so I decided on that. There’s a little lemonade in it as well, since it’s so hot out today.” You blushed, taking the glass from him and looking at the cup. It was a thick glass jar. The shops name etched into the side.

You ran your fingers over the logo, the unique woman’s eyes with coffee steam framing her face intriguing you. “This is a fancy glass you’ve got here.” You spoke, looking at him over the rim on the glass.

“Oh, we got those done last Christmas for the employees and we’ve become pretty popular in the area so we started selling them. We also have a few shirts and around Christmas we sell hot cocoa bundles with mugs.” You smiled as you watched him talk about his business, taking sips of tea and humming.

“This is amazing by the way. And you were right about me being a hibiscus girl. So, how long have you had the cafe?” You asked, using any excuse to keep him in your presence as long as possible.

He ran his hands through those soft looking curls. “I opened it 5 years ago when I was 18. It sounds kind of stupid, but I always wanted my own cafe. My mom is British and always had tea in the house and during snow days I’d be in charge of hot cocoa and one day I just decided that I was going to have my own shop. I even designed to logo, with my brother’s help. What about you?”

You placed the now empty glass on the counter before explaining that you had always had a thing for baking and when it came time to go to college you went into to culinary. “This is my first real shop. I used to just take orders online and do local things back home in the states.” You blushed, looking at your shoes.

“You’re from the states?” You nodded. “What made you want to move up here?” You just shrugged, wiping some dust off the glass case.

“I wanted something different I guess. And where I lived it was always ungodly hot and I hated it. So I moved up here to escape the heat. And before you say anything, I know the winters are harsher, but I’m okay with that. My apartment has a fireplace and I live in fuzzy socks. Besides, being hot sometimes makes me uncomfortable and anxious.”

The two of you talked for a few more hours while Raul helped you clean up a little bit since the rest of the equipment and the decor would be in tomorrow. “Well, I should let you go. Thank you so much for your help, and the tea. It was amazing.” You smiled over at him, handing him a box of cupcakes for the guys at the cafe.

“I’ll see you tomorrow with a new drink. It was nice meeting you, and I’m glad we’re going to be work neighbors.” And that was all he said before waving goodbye and walking back to his own store to lock up and clean for tomorrow.

You stayed back a little longer, packing up the rest of the goodies before making your way home. You were now even more excited to come into the shop tomorrow to get set up. Raul had offered his help in the heavy lifting and how could you say no to those eyes, or those muscles. So you settled into bed, eagerly awaiting the morning.

-----

The next few days were full of hard work. Between setting everything up and baking for the people helping you, you were exhausted every night. You were so grateful for Raul, as he would periodically come over, that same glass filled with a different cold beverage. He even got the cup personalized with your name on it.

Tomorrow was opening day. You were extremely excited, and equally nervous, but you were confident in your little shop. You’d worked so hard for this and you’d refuse to let this go bad. “Hey there sugar!” Raul shouted, the nickname making you blush as you walked up to the counter and asked for a raspberry lemonade. “Tomorrow is the big day. Are you nervous?” You nodded, chewing on your bottom lip. “Don’t worry, the guys and I will be there to support you. We’ll even wear your shirts.” he said and you blushed.

A few days ago you’d ordered a few shirts as a joke for the guys at the cafe. Pastel pink and blue with your logo on the front. The back had the saying “Have your cake and eat it too.” The thought of 5 men standing in public in those shirts made you laugh. “Thank you for all the support Raul. It means a lot to me.”

“Of course! I remember how nervous I was when I opened RM Coffee, and you’re doing this all by yourself? It’s impressive.” He placed a hand on your shoulder before handing you your cup. He was wearing a short sleeve today, and you could see almost all of his sleeve, it made you wonder what other tattoos he had.

You slid him a $5 bill and got up. “Okay guys, I’m gonna go get some rest before tomorrow. I’ll see you all in the morning!” You waved goodbye to the boys in the shop before walking home. You were half way down the street when you heard someone behind you, and whipped back around to find Raul.

He had his hand out, holding something. “You left your notebook!” He shouted, the book stretched out to you.

“Oh, thank you! That had all my new recipes in it. I’d die if I lost it.” You sighed, taking it from him. Your hands brushed and you didn’t miss the way way his breathing picked up at the contact.

“Also, I was uhh, I was wondering if after the grand opening tomorrow, you’d let me take you out to dinner? You know, after closing. Of course.” His cheeks were red as he rubbed the back of his neck.

Your face heated up, before nodding. “I’d really like that. Maybe you can show me the places to eat here.” He smiled, hands now shoved in his pockets.

“I’ll come by around 7 and we’ll go to dinner then. I-I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight and good luck.” You hugged him gently, he was warm and you didn’t want to let go of him.

“Goodnight Raul. Thank you for all your help.” And off you went, mind racing over tomorrow. Did the hot guy next door really just ask you out?

---

Curling your hair and adding the finishing touches to your makeup, you were ready for the day. You’d chosen a simple pink cotton dress and nude heels. Seeing as this was an important day, you decided to dress nicer than your jeans and a ‘Sugar Cakes’ shirt you would usually wear. Plus, you had a date tonight. You needed to look amazing, even if your date had already seen you sweating and in sweatpants.

As you made the short walk to the shop, you noticed a crowd of people around the bakery. They were all chattering and taking photos in front of the flowers cascading over the window, and a smile graced your features, being one for the perfect photo, you were glad people were taking advantage of the beautiful backdrop you’d created.

“Good morning Sugar.” Raul greeted, a chai tea in his hands with your name on it. “You ready for this? You’ve got quite a crowd, I’m impressed.” You nodded, taking the drink and looking at him, pastel pink shirt pulled tight across his chest.

“You look good in pink.” You giggled, before turning to look at the boys. Mike, Brian, Geoff, and Ian all wearing pink and blue shirts.

“James was going to be here too but he caught his girlfriends stomach bug.” He said, answering your unasked question, you shook your head, wishing him well before walking towards the front of your shop.

Taking your spot in front of the door with that gorgeous red ribbon across it, the nerves set in. “Good morning everyone. Thank you all so much for coming to the opening for Sugar Cakes, it means a lot to me. This is my first storefront and I’m so excited to share my creations with you! In light of today, I have mini cupcake samples inside waiting for you all!” They all clapped and cheered for you. “Also, a special thank you to the boys of RM Coffee for all the late night help and personal supply of caffeine while I prepared for today. And for the support, I mean come on. Don’t those men look fabulous in those pastel shirts!” You laughed, motioning to the group of baristas.

“So, who’s ready for cupcakes?” You shouted, scissors in hand. While everyone cheered, you snipped the ribbon, smiling as you watched it fall to the floor. “Sugar Cakes is officially open!” You smiled as Raul pulled you in for a hug and kissed your cheek.

“You’re gonna be quite busy today Sugar. I understand if you wanna call a rain check on tonight.” You shook your head, taking your tea from him

“Of course not. Maybe just something casual.” You suggested, there was no way you were cancelling your night with this man.

He smiled and nodded. “I know just the thing.” There was a smirk on his face as he placed a kiss to your temple before walking into his own shop.

The day went by fast. You’d sold 15 dozen cupcakes, had an order for a birthday cake, and an office asked if you’d provide muffins for their Monday morning meeting. You were so ecstatic all day you didn’t care that you hadn’t changed the heels that were now killing your feet.

There was a ding as someone entered the store before they spoke. “Excuse me, miss, do you have a moment to spare?” You looked up to see Raul, a bag in his hand.

“For you? Always.” You grinned, motioning him to come behind the counter with you.

He was quick to get to you. “I um, I noticed you looked uncomfortable in those shoes and I felt really bad you didn’t bring anything to change into. So I went to the shop down the street and got you some sneakers. They aren’t the most fashionable but at least your feel won’t hurt.” He blushed, handing you the plastic bag with a pair of white sneakers and half a sandwhich. “Figured you be hungry and since James isn’t here we had the extra half from lunch.”

You smiled at him, hugging his waist tightly “Oh my god you’re the best.” You sighed, slipping off your heels and putting on the shoes. “Oh my god that feels so much better. Thank you so much Raul.” He nodded, exchanging a few details about tonight before letting you get back to the customers.

The afternoon was a lot calmer than this morning, but you were still constantly busy. You had another order for macaroons to make and cupcakes for a baby’s first birthday. How you were going to do all of this alone, you weren’t sure, but you knew you’d get it done.

At exactly 7:00, Raul was outside, the pastel pink shirt was replaced with a nice navy button down and he looked amazing. “You ready for your night of no customers?” That smile he flashed you making you want to melt.

“What did you have in mind?” You asked as he opened the door to his own business

“Well, since you expressed to me that you have a deep, burning passion for hot chocolate, but you only know how to make the packaged kind. I thought,” he waved towards the counter “I could teach you how to make it from scratch.” You gasped at the assortment of chocolate and flavors to add and all the mugs to chose from, all laid out on the counter.

“That actually sounds amazing.” you sighed, leaning against his side, the day finally taking it’s toll on you.

You learned that you can do milk chocolate, dark chocolate, and even a white chocolate. And that milk is so much better than water. “I can’t believe that you’re a baker, yet you struggle with a simple drink.” Raul chucked, boping your nose and smearing whipped cream on it.

“Hey, don’t judge. I watched you shove a whole muffin in your mouth like you hadn’t eaten a real meal in days.” You pointed out, referring to that first day.

He threw his hands up in defense. “That wasn’t my fault. I’ve been living off of coffee and James danishes for weeks now.” You smiled, grabbing a chocolate cookie and pushing it into your mug. “Beautiful!” He shouted, throwing his hands into the air “Ladies and Gentlemen she has done it!” You bursted into a fit of giggles, holding your stomach as you laughed. “Now you’ve gotta drink it, while we watch How the Grinch Stole Christmas.” You let out a louder laugh at his choice.

“Why that? It’s not Christmas babe.” He smiled at the nickname you let slip, opening his laptop and turning off all the lights in the shop, pulling out a blanket. “Christmas in July was a few days ago. I figured it was fitting.” You shrugged, his reasoning making sense as you curled up under the blanket, mug of cocoa in your hand.

As the movie came to an end, you had your head on Raul’s shoulder, your body tired from the days excitement. “Hey, do you want me to drive you home honey? It’s too late to walk and you seem kinda tired.” You nodded, thanking him before folding up the fuzzy blue blanket and setting your now empty mug on the counter. “I’ll wash the muga in the morning. Let’s just get you home.” You smiled, grabbing your purse and making your way out the door and to the black BMW he had pointed out to you.

“You know, I may steal your hot cocoa recipe and name it after you.” He said as you pulled up to your apartment.

“That’s fine. As long as I can make the double chocolate muffin with extra chocolate chips the Raul Special” you retorted, looking at the side of his face. He was handsome from every angle.

“I’d love that idea. Makes me feel special.” He smiled, walking you to your door. The pristine white door had pastel pink numbers on it and he chuckled. It was very you to have already made the place your own.

“Thank you for tonight Raul. It was amazing and exactly what I needed.” Your hands were shaking now. This was the sacred doorstep moment. Would he kiss you? Go for the cheek? Maybe just walk away.

Your question was answered when he cupped your face, plump lips grazing yours before you reached up on your tiptoes, closing the gap. His lips tasted like mint and chocolate, and you couldn’t help but let out a soft moan. “Do you um, do you wanna go out again tomorrow?” He whispered against your lips, smiling as you nodded. “Good. Pick you up at 7. Dress nice. I’m gonna make up for missing dinner tonight.”

You leaned in for another kiss, and he wasn’t complaining. Pushing you up against the door and hands holding your waist. “I gotta go honey. I’ll see you tomorrow, and I’ll have something special for you.”

And with that, he left, eyes droopy as he watched you blush before touching your fingertips to your swollen lips before disappearing behind your door. You’d never felt so strongly about someone so quickly, but Raul seemed like that kind of person who drew you in and didn’t make you regret it.

So you crawled into bed, all too excited for tomorrow and your second date. The only worry you had was what he planned on giving you in the morning.

---

You woke up to someone pounding on your door at 5am. “Who the fuck could that be?” You groaned, wrapping up in your silk robe and walking to the front of your apartment. You looked through the peephole to find Raul. Hands behind his back.

Slowly, you opened the door, the sun barely brightening the sky. “Fuck, did I wake you,?” His smile dropping at your robe clad body and ruffled hair.

You shook your head, opening the door further. “It’s fine. Just an hour early. Come in, what are you hiding?” He blushed, stepping into the apartment and pulling a bouquet of roses from behind his back, a thermos in his other hand.

“I told you I’d have something special for you, I made a few adjustments to your hot chocolate and I’m ready to add it to the menu, after your approval.” His cheeks bright pink as he handed you the matte black thermos. You took a sip, closing your eyes and humming at the taste.

“It’s absolutely amazing. What did you do?” Taking another sip, you hopped onto the counter and looked at him. His hair was messy and his shirt was unbuttoned more than usual. He looked amazing for it being so early in the morning.

Raul smiled, setting the roses on the counter. “Well, I added a little more of the milk chocolate and that hazelnut flavor you liked. And a dash a cinnamon.” He smiled proudly as you took another large sip, cursing yourself for burning your tongue.

“I was thinking of calling it the “Hazelnut Sugar” in honour of the fact you made it after your love of Nutella” a blush creeped up your cheeks as he tucked your bed ruined curls behind your ears. “I’ll let you get ready for work, don’t forget we have a date tonight.” He placed a kiss to your lips before walking out the front door, leaving you sitting in your kitchen with a stupid smile on your face and the coffee cup in your hand.

------

It’s been a few weeks since your redo date with Raul. Over a month actually. He took you out to a wonderful dinner and then out for ice cream before taking you home. Leaving you with another heated front porch makout session. You were hesitant to jump into anything intimate. You’d already told him about your ex and he understood why you want to take things slow. But the two of you were already so loving.

Everyone now knew you were official, you both spent your mornings in the coffee shop and lunch in the bakery. Raul would drive you home after closing and stay until well into the night. Every greeting started with a kiss, no matter where you were.

You were now seated at one of the tables in the cafe, since it opened an hour before you so you usually brought Raul his muffins and sat with him while he ate. And you always had your special drink of the day. If he didn’t have anything new for you to try, he’d give you a favorite of yours. Today you were drinking your hibiscus tea with lemonade when the bell above the door rang and you turned. Your face turning white at the figure in front of you.

Walking through the doorway was your ex himself. His black hair slicked back and his sunshades clipped to the front of his shirt. “Oh, hey there doll face. What are you doing here?” His voice low as he sat next to you. You looked around for Raul or any of the guys, but they were all in the back laughing at something. “So sweetheart. You settled in nicely?? Don’t worry, I’m not here long. Just up to visit Scott for a few days and I’m headed back to New York.”

You stared at the side of Raul’s face through the window as Nate spoke “You should stay. In New York. No one wants you here.” He slung an arm over your shoulder, letting out a fake gasp “Oh baby, you want me to stay.” As he leaned in to kiss your cheek, your face green and scrunched up, you wondered how none of the other customers weren’t concerned. Raul walked back into the front, staring at you two. You looked at him, eyes begging for him to stop this, tears brimming your eyes in fear and embarrassment.

He had your thermos of hot cocoa in his hands, “Hey babygirl, you should get to work. I made you your favorite” He smiled, setting down the cup and leaning in, hands cupping your face before placing a deep and passionate kiss to your lips.

“Thank you.” You mumbled against his lips before he pulled away to look at Nate.

If looks could kill, Nate would be six feet under already. “Good morning sir. How may I help you today?” he asked, keeping him distracted while you made your way next door.

---

At lunch, Raul came in, a soft look on his face. “Hey, what happened this morning. You looked terrified and I’m so sorry I wasn’t out there.” You were glad you didn’t have any customers or special orders to make as you walked over to him, falling into his embrace and letting out a few tears.

“That was Nate. My ex. He, he said he was here for a few days and oh god. He knows I live near by.” Raul rubbed your back slowly, pressing his lips to your head as you swayed gently in the entryway.

“Hey, you’re okay baby. It’s okay. He doesn’t know where you live. I’m only 15 feet away from you almost all day. And uh, if you’d like. I’ll stay with you late tonight if it’ll make you feel safer.” You nodded quickly. Fear of the last time Nate wanted to find you, and ended up breaking down your door and searching your apartment for you, taking over. You were now having a panic attack in your small lobby.

“Shhh baby, it’s okay. You’re going to be safe. How about you close down the shop, and I’ll put Brian in charge for the rest of the day and we go to my apartment instead. You can sleep easy in my bed and I can sleep on the couch tonight.” You sniffled, nodding and reaching into your pocket to grab the keys to the shop.

“Thank you, babe. I just really need to lay down.” He nodded, pressing a kiss to your head before he left to go inform Brian. You felt bad pulling him away from his work, but he offered, and how could you say no to cuddling with Raul.

You got the bakery closed up, placing a handmade sign in the window reading “Closed due to personal illness”. Raul was waiting for you in his car to go pack a bag and head to his place. “You’re gonna be safe. Today was the last time you’ll ever have to see him okay? I won’t let him hurt you again.” You smiled as he placed a hand on your thigh, rubbing small circles to keep you calm.

“Welcome to my cozy home.” He announced, motioning to the inside of his house, causing you to let out a giggle.

“It’s very cozy looking.” You noted. Taking in the soft couch and blankets. It was surprisingly clean and smelled amazing, like the inside of his shop.

You heard him clear his throat behind you. “My uhh. My room is down the hall, you can put your stuff in there. Do you want anything to drink?” You shook your head, walking towards the door he’d pointed at.

The room was simple, a large wooden framed bed with a grey comforter, a matching dresser and bedside table and a tv. Nothing extravagant, but it was cozy. You set your bag on the end of the bed, looking for your pajamas when Raul came up behind you, arms around your waist. “Hey, I’m gonna go get something for dinner tonight. Do you want to take a shower? Wash off the morning and then when I get back you can teach me how to make those cute little macaroons you have at the bakery?”

You leaned your head back against his shoulder, biting your lip “Macaroons take a long time to make sweetie, how about we cheat and you get some ice cream instead?” He chuckled, nodding his head. “Or maybe, you could just call in a pizza later and you join me in the shower?” You smirked and his eyes widened.

“How about I run a bath? You’ve had a stressful week and it’ll be good for you.” You nodded, sighing and turning to face him.

There was a playful grin on your face as you spoke. “Will this relaxing bath include my boyfriend?” Raul leaned down, kissing you softly.

“If that’s what you want. Of course. But I promise I won’t try anything funny.” You let out a giggle, kissing his chest gently. What a fucking gentleman.

---

The warm water felt good on your skin as you leaned back against Raul’s chest. His chest that had a sparrow tattoo that he said matches his brothers and a very beautiful floral piece on his shoulder. His hands rested on your thighs, rubbing small circles. “So, what kind of pizza do you want? Or would you rather I order you a pasta?” his voice was low as he mumbled against your heated skin.

“Are you really asking me about dinner right now? You’ve got a naked girl in your lap and you’re asking about food??” you giggled, placing your hands on his forearms.

He kissed your shoulder gently, wrapping his arms around your waist tightly. “What would you rather talk about my love?” Shrugging, you leaned your head back for a kiss and he happily obliged. You reached back and tugged a little on those soft curls, earning a groan. “You’re supposed to be relaxing.” He warned, kissing along your shoulder.

“Right, right” You smiled, relaxing back against his chest and closing your eyes. “Raul? Will you sleep with me tonight? I just don’t feel safe and I’d feel a lot better if you were there with me.” He smiled, nodding and burying his nose in your hair.

“Of course. It’s whatever you want. I’m here to keep you safe.” He emphasized his point by squeezing you tightly, pulling you closer to him.

——

Now sat on the couch in one of Raul’s shirts and the shorts you brought, you heard the doorbell ring and Raul let out a groan. “Fuck I forgot it’s Wednesday. I always have dinner with my brothers on Wednesday here.” He looked over at you with an apologetic smile. “I can tell them to go home. You have already delt with enough today, you don’t need the stress of meeting my brothers for the first time.” You just shook your head and rubbed his thigh. “No it’s okay, I’d love to meet them. I guess it’s a good thing we didn’t order dinner yet.” He smiled at you, getting up to open the door for his siblings.

You heard them walk into the house and your nerves picked up. Here you were, meeting your boyfriend’s family for the first time and you were wearing his clothes and no makeup. “Oh shit, we didn’t know you had company Raul.” you looked up prepared for younger brothers, but instead saw two men that looked exactly like Raul. To an extent.

“Oh yeah, uh remember when I told you I was seeing someone?” they nodded, staring at you on the couch, in what was obviously their brother’s shirt. “This is my girlfriend, she uh, needed to stay here for the night because of some personal stuff. Be fucking nice.” He growled at them and you giggled.

The brother that noticed you first spoke, “Hi, I’m Shawn.” he smiled, holding his hand out for you to shake. He was almost as big as Raul, but his hair was slightly shorter and he had way less tattoos, but you saw the sparrow on his hand that matched Raul’s. “I’m sorry we barged in on you two, we always have dinner on Wednesday and we never think to call first.”

You shook your head, “Oh no, it’s perfectly fine, we were actually about to order some pizza, I think. I hope that’s okay with you guys.” He smiled, sitting on the smaller couch and looking at the third triplet who was talking to Raul about some new building coming up in town.

“Hey, I’m Peter.” he finally said, noticing you and Shawn were done with introductions. “It’s really nice to meet you, Raul never has girls over.” he smirks and Raul smacks the back of Peter’s head. Opposite of Shawn, Peter’s hair was longer than Raul’s and from what you can see, other than the sparrow you can see peeking out from the cuff of his jeans, he doesn’t have any other tattoos.

All four of you sat in the living room and talked while you waited for the delivery driver to arrive, you learned that Shawn was a business owner as well. He owned a music shop and taught guitar to kids and performed at the coffee shop on occasion. Peter was an architect, hence why he was talking to Raul about a new building. You were already very comfortable with the guys and you were grateful for that.

The doorbell rang for the second time and you got up to get the food, letting the guys catch up. “Hey, I have an order for Mendes?” the guy said, looking at the receipt and you nodded when he looked over at you. “It was paid for online.” he blubbered, obviously nervous when you took the boxes and handed him some cash.

“I know, here. Thanks for coming out here.” you smiled at him and he blushed, he couldn’t have been older than seventeen. “Have a nice night.” you waved at him and closed the door. Turning to the kitchen you heard Raul talking to his brothers.

You couldn’t help but listen in. “I know but she was so stressed after he showed up, I couldn’t let her sit at home alone. She was scared enough in the shop. I’m taking it slow, I really like her and you guys know I’m not usually one to be affectionate, but there’s something about her.” You blushed, taking the paper plates and joining them in the living room again.

---

Crawling into bed, happy and full of takeout pasta and ice cream, you curled up next to Raul. He was wearing some fuzzy plaid pajama pants and his torso was bare. “Hey, he’ll be gone in a few days and you’ll be free of him. I’m going to take care of you sugar” You laughed and nudged his arm at the nickname.

“I know you will. Thank you, you’re the most amazing person.” You whispered against his skin before he placed a finger under your chin and brought your face to his, kissing you softly. His lips were soft and tasted like his mint toothpaste. His oversized shirt raised above your hips as you reached up to play with his hair.

He let out a hum at the feeling. “They like you, ya know. They think you’re good for me, good to me. And coming from them, that’s a compliment.” You hummed, pressing a lazy kiss to his jaw. There was something about Raul that made you feel comfortable, like you could do anything and he’d love it. You pulled your hand away to scratch your wrist and he let out a whine. “Play with my hair again?” he asked and nuzzledinto your neck.

How in the hell were you supposed to deny him when he looked so soft? So you threaded your fingers into his hair and kissed his forehead gently. Eventually he decided you needed to stop or he’d fall asleep, so you switched places, Raul playing with your hair until you finally fell asleep, curled into his side. Your head on his chest and thigh resting lazily over his hip. Pressing a kiss to your forehead, he whispered a soft goodnight to you before lowering the volume on the tv and shutting off the lamp.

----

When you woke up, Raul was gone, but you could smell something from the kitchen. As you sat up to follow the smell, you felt a piece of paper on the sheets. Picking it up you read

“Stay in bed. I’ll be back soon. Don’t go anywhere!”

You laughed at the note, he was excited about something and plus, he was just so damn cute. The something was revealed to you when he walked into the bedroom, a tray covered in breakfast food in his large hands. “Good morning gorgeous. Did you sleep okay?” You mumbled a yes as he crawled into bed next to you, handing you your plate of bacon and cheese covered eggs and cup of tea.

“So I was thinking. Maybe I should call the guys and have them run the shop today, and we can have our own day? Just resting and watching movies or something. I mean. You’ve already got the sign up at the shop.” he asked, looking at you like he was praying for you to say yes. You knew he was just worried about you.

You thought about it for a moment, taking a sip of your tea. “I guess one day out of the bakery couldn’t hurt. As long as there is cuddling involved.”

Raul smiled widely as he nuzzled his face into your neck. “Good. Because I already called the boys to cover.”

You gasped, gently hitting his shoulder. “You planned this!” He just chuckled, kissing along your neck before stealing a piece of your bacon. His curls tickling your cheek as he held you. “Okay, do you want to learn how to make my new pumpkin recipe for the fall?” he nodded quickly, always eager to try something new. He had become your personal taste tester for you new recipes.

---

Looking at all the ingredients on the counter, you smiled. This was the first time you’d be sharing a recipe with someone, and it was a new one.

“You know.” Raul said, settling against the counter next to you, “I was thinking, it’s about time you made a menu item for me.” That cheesy grin on his face.

“Raul. You already do have one. The double chocolate muffins with extra chocolate chips.” He pouted, pulling up his phone.

“But I’ve already started on another one for you. I was thinking a special blend of your hibiscus tea with that lemonade you like. I never put lemonades in my tea unless it’s a special order.” He stated, looking at his phone, very obviously taking photos of you.

Your cheeks now a soft pink. He wanted to add another special to the menu just for you. “I’ll think about it.” You giggled, kissing his chest.

You were currently making the brown sugar and cinnamon frosting, a bowl of fresh cinnamon sticks waiting on the counter. “Babe? Can I help with anything?” He asked, coming up behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist.

You shook your head, grating some cinnamon into the bowl. “Nope. You made my breakfast this morning. I’ll make your dessert tonight.”

“But I was thinking of a different treat for dessert this evening.” He smirked, watching as you took a taste of the frosting.

Your eyes widened at his statement and he bit his lip. “Hey, if you’re planning on doing that, you might wanna get to work on dinner. I usually have wine with mine.”

He raised his eyebrows. “A wine drinker?” He asked and you nodded.

“I have been since I was 18.” You informed him, placing the frosting into the fridge and checking the timer on the cupcakes.

He tilted his head at you. “Babe, the legal age in the states is 21.”

You put a finger over your lips. “Shhhhh. Mom was very easy going.” You laughed, picking up a kitchen rag and cleaning up the counters to start on the chicken you were planning on making for dinner.

“Those smell amazing by the way. I haven’t had real cooking in my kitchen in a long time. Like I said. I’ve kinda been living off of coffee and your muffins. Dinner usually consists of takeout or a sandwich.”

You smiled, finishing your cleaning and reaching for the glass of water. “Well, if you keep be around there will be real dinners.” You smirked, walking over to take the dirty utensils to the sink.

“I’ll wash the dishes. Why don’t you open that cabinet there and make a choice.” You looked at him, face twisted in confusion before opening the door to see a small room full of wine.

“Are you kidding me? I swear you’re perfect.” You sighed, searching to see if he had that sweet red you enjoyed so much. “Ah. Yes!” You squealed, pulling out the bottle and walking back into the kitchen.

Raul had already washed all the dishes, and grabbed two wine glasses and was now waiting for you in the living room. “You’ve made a good choice.” He commented as he saw the bottle in your hands.

“It’s my favorite. I always prefer a sweeter wine. Never was a fan of the dryer ones.” You shrugged, sitting next to him and popping the cork before pouring you both a good sized glass.

——

”Don’t go wasting your emotions. Lay all your love on me!” You shouted along with the song, Raul down on his knees as he serenades you from the floor, looking up at you standing on the coffee table and singing into your wine glass. You both were now 4 glasses and a whole bottle of wine in, doing impromptu karaoke in the living room. The idea of dinner was long forgotten after you ate the cupcakes. You were grateful Raul didn’t have neighbors so far out into the woods here.

As the song came to an end, Raul stood up, grabbing your waist and lifting you off the table. Ed Sheeran’s “Barcelona” blasting through the house. He began spinning you around, singing to you. You had to admit that he was an excellent singer, you assume he learned from Shawn. Maybe it ran in the family. He even got the Spanish correct. But the whole mood changed when Elvis’ “Can’t Help Falling In Love” started playing.

You were now swaying drunkenly around the living room, Raul holding tightly to your waist and your arms resting on his shoulders. “Mmm move in with me.” He mumbled, burying his face in your neck.

“Babe, we’ve been dating for a little over a month.” you giggled, finding his offer funny.

He shook his head, laughing at his own words “Oh. Haha I guess so. Just seems so natural with you.” You weren’t sure if this was drunken talk or his sober thoughts finally coming out, so you kissed his chest and smiled as the intimate song ended and a more upbeat tune started.

In your wine drunken state, you spun around, pressing yourself against his groin and started grinding your hips to the beat. His hands instantly flying to your hips and pressing his semi against you. “Fuck. Babe you can’t do that. We are taking things slow.” You laughed, turning back around and pulling him towards the couch. He took a seat on the couch, expecting you to lay next to him, not straddle him and place a kiss to his neck.

“Just wanna have a drunk make out session with my boyfriend.” You breathed, cupping his face and kissing him. It was hungry and sloppy but it was perfect. His hands instantly gripping at your hips, grinding you down into him as he tugged on your bottom lip. “You should stay here again tonight. Can’t have you home alone and we aren’t in a state to drive. Plus, I like having you in my bed.” You nodded, now suddenly tired as the alcohol runs it’s usual course.

Raul laughed at your sudden change in mood, carrying you to bed. “You know, I really do like you. I might even love you.” You admitted as you crawled up to the pillow and stripped off the shirt that was now too hot. You didn’t care. He’d seen you naked in the tub the night before.

“I might love you too. Now get some sleep. We’ve got work in the morning.” He reminded you, pulling you into his chest and running his fingers along your back to ease you to sleep.

——-

You heard Raul’s phone ring twice before he answered. “Hello? Babe are you okay? Why are you calling me if you’re right next door.”

You laughed on your side of the phone “Raul can you come over please? I have something to show you.” You were all too excited to show him the new creation you’d made. It was a mocha flavoured cupcake with a white chocolate icing. You had made a whole dozen of them and they were waiting on the counter.

“What is it honey?” He asked as he walked in the door, the teenage girls at the table eating their cupcakes blushing at the gorgeous man in front of them.

“I made that second item you’d asked for.” You smiled, motioning to the cupcakes on the counter. “They’re mocha cupcakes.” You informed him as he picked one up.

He looked over at you, eyes bright and full of adoration. “Like my favorite drink flavour. But what ever shall we call this?” He asked in a mocking tone.

“Well, I was thinking of calling it the”Mendes Mocha” a wide smile on his face told you that was a good choice. “You’re so cute, oh my god I love you.” That was the first time he’d said that. However, you knew by the way his smile never faltered, that he meant it.

You giggled as you heard the two girls gasp. “I- I love you too.” And without saying anything else, Raul leaned across the counter for a kiss.

“I love you.” He mumbled again, brushing your hair behind your ear and stealing another kiss.

“You’re coming over tonight. No questions asked. I’m ready.” He pulled back, looking at you with a questioning face. “I am. Now get back to the shop. And take these cupcakes! I made them for you and the guys.” You handed him the plate and smiled as you watched him leave the bakery. Tonight would be perfect.

———

The sun was already low when Raul knocked on your door, takeout burgers in the bag he was holding. You let him in, smiling at the tattooed man and giving him a kiss. “Thought I’d bring you some of the best burgers in the area. It’s my favourite place to go for curly fries.”

You snatched the bag from his hands “Mendes if there are no curly fries in this bag, I’m sending you home and tonight will be cancelled.”

He let out a laugh, pressing a kiss to your head. “There’s extra curly fries in the bag. Special just for you.” You hummed in satisfaction as you popped a fry into your mouth.

They were Cajun seasoned, your favorite. “You may stay.” You stated, pulling out the food and taking a seat on the couch. “Are we gonna finish ‘Nailed It’ or do we wanna watch a movie?” You asked, clicking to Netflix as Raul sat next to you, pulling your feet into his lap.

You looked over at him, waiting for an answer. “I was thinking Dirty Dancing. You seem to really like that one.” You gave him a look, raising your eyebrows as if to ask “are you really gonna watch this movie?” He nodded, taking the remote from you and pressing play on it.

“This is my favorite part!” You squealed, as it cuts to the final scene. All the talent show acts singing on stage before Johnny comes back for the final dance. “You know. I know how to do that.” Raul blurted out, taking a sip of water.

Raising your eyebrows, you turned to face him. “Do what?” You looked down at his chest, his button down unbuttoned completely and just hanging on his shoulders.

He just shrugged, “The lift they are about to do. I can do that. The hockey team lost a bet in high school with the dance team, me and my brothers were on the team, and we had to learn this. We ended up being their partners for the spring show. If we had won, they were gonna learn to play hockey.”

You just stared at him. “Show me.” He nodded, standing up and walking in front of the couch.

You got up and stood on the opposite side of the living room, staring at him skeptically. “Come on baby. I’ll catch you.” You laughed, not sure if he was referencing the movie or really calling you the nickname, but still stood up. However, you didn’t doubt he would catch you.

You bit your lip nervously, you’d always wanted to do this. When you were younger you danced and always hoped you’d get to have that perfect lift but you quit before you made it that far. “You got this babe.” He cheered as it was time for the lift and you ran towards him, your toes pointing the second he lifted you off the wood flooring and held you above his head.

You new the form pretty well so you held it for a few seconds before he was sliding you down his body. Your legs wrapping around his waist, stopping you from going any further.

He looked at you, your body flush against his, gasping as you leaned down for a hungry kiss, lips crashing into his. “You sure you’re ready baby?” You nodded, tugging the open button down off his shoulders as he walked the two of you to your bedroom.

He stumbled a little over the towels on the floor, causing you to let out a giggle. “I should pick those up.” You mumbled into his mouth before pulling away to tug your shirt off your heated body, tossing it onto the floor next to the towels.

Laying you down carefully, he hooked his fingers into the band of your leggings . “Baby are you sure you want this? We can stop if you want.” You shook your head, lifting up your hips.

“I want this Raul. Please do something.” He didn’t need any more confirmation before he slowly slid the fabric down your thighs. His eyes widening at your half naked body, you bit your lip, his eyes making you self conscious.

“No no baby, you look amazing.” He reassured you before ridding you of your panties and tugging down his boxers, joining you in your naked state. “I- uh, I have a condom in my jeans. I’ve got to go get it.” You nodded your head, watching the way he opened the package. “I love you so much. I promise I’ll be gentle.” You smiled at now nervous he suddenly sounded, and ran a hand through his curls. “Hey, you okay Raul?” He nodded, kissing your lips softly.

“Just, it’s been a while and, god I just love you so much. Wanna make you feel so good.” Letting out a chuckle you mumbled an “I love you too.”

—

“Come here baby.” He said as he leaned back on the bed, arms open for you to curl into. And that’s exactly what you did. Your head on his chest, listening to his heart rate slow down as he held you tightly to him. “I love you Raul.” You hummed out before your eyes closed and sleep took over. “I love you too.”

Raul’s lips on your shoulder woke you up. “Wake up baby, gotta get ready for work.” You let out a groan before rolling over and pressing your lips against his gently. “Just a few more minutes. Wanna be with my boyfriend.”

He chucked against your lips. “You see me all day honey.” He reminded you, hand coming up to rest on your jaw. This thumb was pressing against your pulse point gently and your jaw went slack.

“S’ not the same though” you pouted as he sat up and put on his jeans.

“I’m taking my white shirt back for the day.” He announced as he took the shirt off the hanger to wear. You’d kept it after a date that ended up at your apartment in the bath. You just laid there and watched him get dressed, muscles contracting as he moved. “You’re staring.” He stated.

You blushed, having being caught and looked down at your rings. “You’re pretty.” You mumbled, looking back up at him and letting the sheets fall off your chest and settle at your hips.

He walked back over to you, kissing your nose softly. “Be at the cafe in 30 minutes?? I’ve got something new for you to try.” You nodded, crawling out of bed to get ready for the day as Raul let himself out.

Last night was better than you’d imagined. And you hoped there’d be more. Simply because Raul was so gentle with you, but you were still sore. So you settled for wearing a sundress today, as jeans wouldn’t help the situation. “He’s gonna be the death of me.” You mumbled as you made your way to the cafe.

——-

October

Working all alone in the bakery got really stressful around holidays. Lots of people wanted cupcakes and cakes made for Halloween back home and since you were still shipping, you had at least 10 orders to make. So here you were, hair in a messy bun, running around putting cupcake tins in the large ovens and setting other tins to cool in the blast chiller, while also trying to decorate the desserts correctly and exactly the same.

“Honey! I’m here for lunch!” Raul announced, holding a bag of paninis from the shop down the street and a lemonade for you.

You poked your head out of the kitchen, frosting on your forehead and he smiled at you. “I’ll be out in just a minute baby, I’ve gotta finish these cupcakes.” You rushed the words out before returning to the baked goods on the counters, picking up the bag of orange frosting and icing the jumbo cupcakes in front of you.

They were supposed to have orange frosting and a small fondant hat. You made this kind every year for a family that lived next to you back home. Along with a few other specific orders, like the coffin cake the Briggs’ wanted and the double bunt cake that was made to be a pumpkin.

Raul nodded, taking a seat on the counter behind you and licking the batter off of a bowl. “The dark chocolate batter is really good babe.” He mumbled over the finger in his mouth as he licked the batter off of it.

“Thanks, I revamped it with some chilli powder for a family back home. It’s a special order.” Finally setting down the frosting bag, you leaned in for a kiss and tasted the batter on his tongue.

You moaned into his mouth when his hand came up to your neck. “I got you that ham and cheese panini you love. With the spinach.” He smiled at you, handing you your sandwich.

“You’re the absolute best.” You praised over a mouth full of food. Raul laughed at you, taking a large bite of his own lunch before stealing a sip of your lemonade. “That’s mine Mendes.”

He flashed you a cheesy grin, handing you the cup. “I think you need to hire some help baby. You work in here all day by yourself and I know you’re really stressed right now.” The worry evident in his voice. “Yes, but if I do, I’ll lose the excuse for nightly back rubs and stress induced sex.” He let out a chuckle, arms open in a silent plea for you to stand between his parted legs.

He spun you around and placed a kiss to the back on your neck. “How about this.” He proposed, his thumbs digging into your shoulders. “You hire some help, and then you can close up shop earlier and we can have more dates and then wine induced sex.”

The offer was reasonable. And you were in need of some extra hands around the kitchen anyways. Holiday orders would soon be approaching and you’d definitely need help. “That works, I’ll start looking for some extra help.” He smiled against your neck before placing another gentle kiss to the skin.

“The boys have things handled at the cafe. Why don’t I help for the rest of the day?” His arms wrapping around your waist as you walked to the sink to wash your hands.

You giggled at his clinginess. For someone so large and tattooed and pierced, he was the softest person you’d ever met. “Hmmmm I could use some help. As long as I get periodic kisses. I’ve been so busy lately and I’ve missed my boyfriend.”

Turning around to dry your hands, Raul grabbed your face and planted a sloppy kiss to your lips. “I missed you too baby. How about you come over after work today and I’ll set up a bath for you. It’s been two weeks since I’ve had any time with you.”

You nodded, kissing him again softly before getting back to work. “Come on lover boy. I’m going to teach you how to properly frost a cupcake.”

——

A month later.

It all happened so fast, you aren’t exactly sure how it happened. One second you were opening the oven to get the cupcakes out, and the next you were on the floor screaming. Raul heard you from next door and came sprinting through the shop. “Baby? Baby what happened!” His voice frantic as you laid on the floor, clutching your arm before you passed out from the pain.

You’d been awake for 2 days straight, and in your exhausted state, your hand slipped and landed on the oven grate. Burns raising on your skin as Raul carried you to the car, he yelled at James to cover your shop and clean up the kitchen for you. “Fuck, baby it’s okay. I’m gonna take you to the hospital.”

You were now set up in a hospital bed. Your left arm burning as you tried to remember what happened to your arm. “Raul?” You croaked, and he shot up from the chair.

“Oh good you’re up. How’s your arm?” His fingers resting on your shoulder.

“Fucking hurts.” You chuckled, looking at the bandages running from your fingertips to your elbow. They were a pale pink color and you're sure he’d asked them for that color wrapping.

“You took a bit of a fall there babe. Third degree burns on your hand and forearm.” He told you, grabbing your hand and kissing your knuckles.

“Here’s the cream for the burns.” The doctor announced as he walked in the room. “Your paperwork has been done and you are good to go home. You’ve got to rest and relax for a few days and keep that arm away from the heat. I’ve got some topical cooling cream for you in a bag and you should apply it twice a day. It’ll draw out the heat and heal it quicker.” You nodded at the instructions before thanking him and being discharged.

However, the ride home was anything but relaxing. “I just can’t fucking understand why you don’t have extra help yet. You fucking burned up your arm baby! And all because you were too caught up in work to even fucking sleep. That’s it. You’re staying with me now. I’m making sure that you sleep. And that your arm is healed. Then I’m calling a few of the college students who sometimes help me during the holidays and they are going to take over. Because you’re not getting hurt again!”

The yelling was anticipated, Raul was always protective of you. But you weren’t prepared for him to be this angry. “Raul I didn’t do it on purpose! I was tired and I slipped. It could’ve happened to anyone.”

At that, his face softened at the next comment. “But it didn’t happen to anyone. It happened to you, and now you’re hurt badly. Please stay with me. Let me take care of you.”

“Raul are you suggesting I move in with you?” You asked, trying to lighten the situation and change the topic.

There was a brief moment of silence, aside from the radio before he spoke “Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m suggesting. Move in with me. Please?” There was another pause before he stopped at a stop light and you leaned over, gently grabbing his hand.

“I will. Of course I will.” He looked over at you wide eyed, speeding to your apartment.

The moving in started right away. Literally. Raul made that stop at your apartment where you both packed up all you possibly could. You were taking a while, only able to use one hand really, but you were able to pack an over night bag while He loaded up everything he could into the back of his car and the trunk . “You ready baby??” He asked as you made your way to him.

“I am!” You smiled, hopping into the front seat and resting your feet on the dashboard. “I’ve never lived with a boyfriend before.” You admitted as he pulled into his own driveway.

“I have never lived with a girlfriend before.” He told you, grabbing your things and letting you into the house. “I’ll unpack your stuff okay? You lay down and get some rest. I’m planning a movie date tonight.”

—-

You woke up about 11, the sun was long gone and the house was illuminated by a few lamps. “Good morning sleeping beauty.” Raul whispered as he looked at you in his lap, his fingers carding through your hair. “You sleep okay?” A small hum left your chest as you nuzzled into his side. “I’ve got some soup on the counter for you. Broccoli cheddar.”

You smiled up at him. “That’s my favourite kind.” You sighed, still groggy from sleep. Before you laid down, you took one of the sleep aids the doctor prescribed since you were sleep deprived.

He nodded, turning down the tv. “I know honey. You’ve told me. I just figured it’d be best. You sounded a little sick too. I think it’s the lack of sleep your getting. Making you sick sweetheart.”

You looked down at your left arm, frowning at the ugly bandages. “I’m going to stay with you for a few days okay? The boys have the cafe and I called a few of my holiday helpers to to cover the orders for you. They have very specific instructions, so they will make sure it’s done properly and all the orders go out.” You leaned up, pressing a lazy kiss to his chapped lips. “You’re amazing. Did you know that?” You asked, sitting up and straddling him to get a good look at his face. You noticed a small hole in the top of his ear and smiled. “You used to have an industrial?” You asked, reaching up to touch the hole.

He nodded, laughing. “Yeah, I took it out when I was seeing this one girl who said she thought it was stupid.” He looked at you, your face contorted in a weird expression. “What? You don’t like that I’ve seen other girls before you?”

You laughed and shook your head. “No, I just think it’s stupid you took it out. It would be so hot. I’ve actually been thinking of getting some modifications myself.” You stated proudly, looking at your lap. “When I was graduating college, all my friends got tattoos and nipple piercings and I was nervous but I still wanna do it.”

At the mention of nipple piercings, Raul let out a moan. “I can call Lex, of the the artists at the shop I go to if you really want to.” He suggested and you nodded.

—

The two of you watched Deadpool 2 as you ate. Raul feeding you because he claimed the bowl was too hot for you to hold. Protective Raul was always present and so was his cuddly side. The way he pulled you into his lap and nuzzled into your neck made you realize that you were head over heels in love with them man, and it had only been 4 months.

You’d never lived with someone before, and you were always convinced you’d be nervous as hell. But this felt comfortable. You practically lived with Raul anyways, so it only made sense. And if you were being honest with yourself, you could see yourself with him forever. But what you didn’t know. Is that he could see that too.

—-

December

The orders were all reds and whites and greens. Peppermint was everywhere. In the frosting, as decoration, in your hot cocoa Raul brought you during the day. There were orders for Santa hat cupcakes and cupcakes like wreaths. Red and green macaroons with white filling, and you couldn’t have been happier about it all. Eli, Conner, and Britt were all such a huge help in the kitchen.

“Sweetheart. I have your hot cocoa here. There’s also a gift for you.” You walked out of the kitchen to see Raul, his grey knit sweater hugging his biceps perfectly.

You looked down at the box on your counter “Baby Christmas isn’t for a few more days. What is this for?” He just shrugged, sliding the box towards you.

“Open it and see. I think you’ll love it.” His face now a bright red as the nerves set in.

You gently tore off the pretty blue paper, placing the bow on top of your steaming cup, before lifting off the top of the box and letting out a gasp. “Oh, Raul!” You sighed, holding up the soft red silk dress and a pair of black heels.

“I figured you could wear it to dinner tonight. You said you wanted to look nice for this evening and I wanted to get you the best.” He was beaming at your excitement.

The dress was dropped into the box as you hugged him tightly. “It’s amazing. Oh my god! I can’t wait to wear it and it’ll go amazing with the black purse I just got for my birthday!”

He smiled that cheesy grin you loved before placing a kiss to your lips. “I’ll come get you about 4 and we can go home to get ready. You’ve got this today, right guys?” He leaned back to look at the 18 year olds in the kitchen and got a collective “yeah!”

��-

“Oh fuck you look so good.” He breathed as you came out to the living room where he was waiting for you. He had already put on his black slacks, his button down was the same color as your dress and you smiled. You did a quick spin so he could see everything. “Compliments to my stylist.” You laughed, taking his hand before he led you to the car. Both of you wrapped in big coats to combat the cold air.

Finally arriving to the restaurant, Raul ran over to your door, opening it for you and helping you across the snow covered parking lot. “I’ve never seen this much snow before.” You commented, looking at the white streets glittering in the lights of the building. “It’s so beautiful I could just cry.”

He just looked at you and smiled, pressing a kiss to your head. “You’re just so perfect baby. I love you so much.” You hummed, looking up at him and asking for his that he happily gave you.

The restaurant was warm and there was a small tree in the foyer and some garland here and there. “It’s a special night for us. Why don’t you bring us a bottle of your best wine. Make sure it’s a sweet wine please. That’s my girl’s favourite.” Raul spoke to the waiter, a smile on his face the whole time.

“Ooh, what’s he special occasion?” The boy’s face lit up, glad he was involved in something special.

Raul sat up straighter, grabbing your hand and noticing you were wearing the bracelet he got you for your birthday. “Well. It’s my 6 month anniversary with this gorgeous angel. And she just recently decided to move in with me.”

The boy smiled, sending you a “congratulations” as he left to get the wine and stumbled over his feet a little. “I think someone has a little admirer.” he laughed, pressing a soft kiss to your hand. “You really do look amazing sugar. That color looks so good on you. I just knew it would.” A blush crept up your cheeks as you squeezed his hand.

“Well you don’t look too bad yourself. I’ve never seen you in a suit before.” You sat back to look at him. The black suit fitting him perfectly and that red button down making you have impure thoughts at the dinner table.

“Here you go guys, this one is on the house. Happy anniversary.” Archie, your waiter smiled as he placed a plate with a large brownie and a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top in front of you. On the plate, written in chocolate sauce was “Happy Anniversary” with a little heart. You looked over at Raul and smiled, thanking Archie before grabbing and spoon and taking a bite, Raul doing the same.

Walking back to the car, you made a small snowball and threw it at Raul who was fishing for his keys in the pocket of his jacket, hitting him in the shoulder. “Oh you’re in for it now babygirl!” He laughed, throwing a snowball back at you and getting you in the back.

The two of you had a small snowball fight in the parking lot before the cold got to your fingers and you needed to go warm up.

—-

“Oh baby they’re freezing!” He scolded as he held your hands in front of the fireplace back at the house. You were both wrapped up in a blue blanket, clad in your pajamas and mugs of hot cocoa on the table

“I love you so much. And I’m so grateful that you decided to move up here and open up shop right next to me.” He mumbled against your fingers.

You noticed he was paying extra attention to your ring finger. “I am too. It’s like fate knew we’d be perfect for each other.” As you spoke, you leaned your head against his shoulder, your eyes drooping as your body went slack against Raul’s.

“Get some sleep, love. We can stay right here tonight. We don’t have work tomorrow.” He reminded you, rubbing your back gently as you grabbed a pillow from the couch and curled up in his lap.

“I love you, Raul.” Your body giving in to the sleep.

“I love you too.” He smiled, laying down next to you, his face nuzzled into your neck. His thoughts riddled of the memory of you tonight, and the ring, sitting in a black velvet box in the glove box of his car. Waiting for that soon approaching day

—-

You woke up on the floor, forgetting you’d fallen asleep in front of the fire the night before. Raul was pressed against your back, already awake. “Morning darling. You ready?” He asked, pressing a kiss to the back for your head.

“Ready for wh- oh fuck. I forgot. Yeah.” You chuckled nervously, remembering today was your appointment with Lex. For Christmas Raul decided he was gonna pay for your piercings and then if you wanted a tattoo.

“You don’t have to babe. I can always cancel it if you wanna back out.” You shook your head, determined to do this. “Alright, let's go then babe.” He swatted your butt and you got up to get dressed.

You decided on a bodysuit and a pair of jeans, just in case you decided on a tattoo as well. “Well sugar, you ready?” Raul asked as you walked into the shop. You were shaking in anticipation.

“Morning Raul!” A guy waved at you two from behind the counter. “You have an appointment?” He asked, looking at the schedule book on the counter.

“She does.” He smiled, nudging you and walking you to the guy at the counter. “She’s got a piercing and a possible tattoo with Lex.”

The man held out his hand and smiled at you. “Hey, I’m Will. You can follow me back here.” He said and waived you and Raul back to a room in the back for privacy.

“Morning gorgeous.” A lady, you assumed was Lex, smiled at you from her chair. “If you’re ready, you can pull the top down and settle into the chair.” She said, pulling on a pair of latex gloves.

You looked over at Raul, who was smiling at you, while Will put on a pair of gloves as well. He just grabbed your hand as you laid down and pulled the top below your chest. “Okay I’m ready.” You announced and dropped Raul’s hand tightly.

“Okay honey, close your eyes and take a deep breath.” Lex told you after she’d applied the clamp. You did as you were told, letting out a soft whimper as the needle pierced your flesh. “This one will hurt a little more. But you’re doing just fine. Will, you ready?” She asked looking at Will who was standing by Raul’s head. He nodded and at the same time she pierced your second side, Will pushed a needle through Raul’s closed up industrial.

You let out a scream but stayed still as Lex screwed the barbell together. “Oh baby, that looks so sexy.” Raul said, looking over at you after Will had secured the stud. “Do you wanna do a tattoo too? Christmas gifts galore?”

Lex handed you a mirror so you could look for yourself and you let out an excited squeal. “Oh these are so cute!” You smiled, handing the mirror back, pulling your top back up and looking over at Raul to see his stud. “You look sexy too babe.” He smiled, pulling out his phone to take a photo of his ear to send to Shawn and Peter.

“Well, would you like to do a tattoo as well? Raul says he’s paying, so do whatever you’d like.” You bit your lip, remembering the floral piece your friend sent you that you wanted. You wanted to get it because it had your parents and yours favorite flowers. She’d done it after your parents passed away two years ago in a car accident.

You nodded your head, pulling up the photo, but not showing Raul. “Can we do that?” You asked Lex, nervous she’d be hesitant since it’s not her own work. “My best friend did it and it’s really personal. I have the rights to the piece.”

She nodded and smiled, waving the guys out of her room. “What does it mean?” She asked as she shut the door and started disinfecting everything for the tattoo.

“When I was 21, my parents got into a car crash. They didn’t make it. The roses were my dad’s favorite, well at least for every Valentine’s Day he gave me pink roses. My mom loved tropical flowers, hence the hibiscus, then my favorite is the peony.” You smiled at the memory of your parents.

She hugged you gently, careful of the new jewellery and pulled back to trace the photo that you sent her. “Where do we wanna put this masterpiece?” She asked, motioning to your body.

“I was thinking my thigh, so that way I can see it, but it’s covered for my wedding day.” You had made the choice a long time ago that no tattoos would be visible until after your wedding.

She looked over at you, eyes wide. “I didn’t know you and rail were getting married!” You laughed and shook your head.

“No no, it’s just a rule I have. No visible tattoos until I’m married. For photos.” She nodded in understanding and apologised for the assumption. “Oh you’re fine. I can see where the confusion came from.”

—-

A little over an hour later you were ready to go. The tattoo was bandaged and finished, and you thanked Lex profusely for the beautiful work. She even added a little color to it to make it special.

“You all ready my little rebel?” Raul asked as you met him in the lobby. He also had a bandage on his opposite bicep.

“Oh finally working on the blank arm?” You asked, looking at the cling wrap. It was covered by a black piece so you couldn’t see it. “Why can’t I see?” You pouted, looking up at him.

He smiled, pulling out his wallet and making his way to the counter to pay for your new additions. “It’s a surprise babe. I’ll show you later. Here.” He handed you the keys. “Go start the car okay? I’ll be there in a minute.” So you made your way to the car, careful of the seatbelt as you got settled in and scanned the radio.

Raul got in shortly after, smiling at you. “Merry Christmas my love.” He hummed, pulling out of the parking lot and making his way to the house. “So when are you gonna show me what you got?”

You looked down at your thigh and smiled. “When we get home. When can I see yours?” You quipped, tapping his arm and smiling.

“When we get home.” He smiled, holding his hand out for you to take. “I’m proud of you for today. And you look really hot. But you also looked really hot before.” He winked at you, pulling into the driveway. “Let’s go do our reveal.” He grinned, turning off the car.

Now sat on the bed, the sheets covering the masterpiece on your leg. “Now before you say anything, this is a really special tattoo. And I don’t want you to look at me all sad, I’m okay.” You warned, tossing the sheet off your body to show the bouquet.

“That’s beautiful, darling. What’s it for?” He asked, fingers brushing against your thigh before grabbing your hand.

You squeezed it gently. “Two years ago my parents died in a car crash. They were going to a bed and breakfast and there was an accident on the slippery roads. These are mine and my parents favorite flowers.” You looked down at them, leaning against his side.

“I’m sorry baby. I’m glad you could do something to memorialize them.” He kissed the top of your head. “Would you like to see what I did?” He asked, pulling the tape off his arm.

You nodded eagerly, eyes glued to the spot on his bicep. He pulled his covering away to reveal a small peony flower in the steam coming off of a cup of coffee. “It’s uh, it’s for you.” He blushed, watching as you years up at the gesture.

“Did you know that I love you, Raul Mendes?” You asked, launching yourself over and into his lap to cup his cheeks. He nodded, pressing his his against yours feverishly.

——————

New Year’s Eve

You were back in that red dress, a glass of champagne in your hand as you talked to Peter. You were all at a party on top of a building, and there was about 10 minutes until midnight. You were on your second glass of champagne, but you were still very aware of what was going on.

Raul had been nervous all day, almost forgetting his shoes before you left for the party, taking a wrong turn and making you 20 minutes late to the party.

He was in that black suit again, this time wearing a crisp white button down and a navy blue tie. He looked like an absolute dream, and while the party was black tie, he seemed very dressed up. “Baby your macarons and champagne cupcakes are a huge hit tonight!” He smiled, placing a kiss to your cheek.

“Well, they were in high demand this season so I figured they’d be the best option and James’s wife Avery was so excited to pick them up this afternoon.” You smiled, wiping some frosting off the corner of his lip.

As the clock ticked closer to midnight, the more nervous Raul looked. His face looked flushed and his hands were shaking. You figured he was nervous about driving home after the party or maybe he wasn’t so comfortable around this many people.

Raul’s hands wrapped around your waist as you watched the tick down the seconds. “5, 4, 3, 2, 1!” And you were spun around, Raul’s lips crashing against yours as he held you close to him.

“Partner with me.” He mumbled against your lips “break down the wall between our shops. I wanna see you all day every day.” You giggled at his proposal, nodding as confetti and glitter rained down on you.

“You will?” He asked, his pink cheeks making you smile.

“Of course I will!” And he kissed you again. His plan was falling perfectly into place.

——

8 months later

“Baby should we paint the walls grey or what?” You asked, looking at the swatches from the contractor. Raul popped his head in from around the corner and you giggled. “Maybe a nice grey. That way it’s still pretty for your cupcakes and still fits my coffee shop.” You nodded, picking out a neutral grey color and sending it to Ricky.

The painting was the last thing to do before you could reopen your shop, and you were so excited you couldn’t handle it. You’d been only doing orders, making them from home and you’d been itching to get back into your kitchen at the bakery. “Hey honey, I was thinking we could use these little metal chairs, since they are white it could mesh well.”

You looked over at his laptop at the new stuff for the floor, smiling at the cute little chairs and pressing your lips to his bicep against the healed tattoo. “You know. I think we’ve done enough for today. Why don’t we go back to the house and relax.” As you spoke, you kissed along his shoulder, your fingers slipping under his shirt and running over his abs. He couldn’t have moved fast enough, tugging you along behind him to the car and speeding the already short drive to the house.

Laying there, tangled up in the sheets, Raul drew little patterns on your back with the pads on his fingers. You swore you felt him write “marry me” across your shoulders, but thought you were imagining things. “You think we can open by the end of this month?” You asked, looking up at his peaceful face.

“We just had sex, and you’re wondering when we can open?” He chucked, running his fingers through your hair.

“I guess that isn’t the best pillow talk.” You yawned, nuzzling into his neck. You could lay there with him forever, nuzzled against his warm skin and breathing in that smell that you could only describe as Raul.

You laid in silence for a few minutes. “Baby, do you ever think about our future?” He finally spoke, but you were already sleeping peacefully on his chest. Your even breathing fanning across his bare chest slowly pulling him into dreamland with you.

——-

The shop was finally ready, all the chairs and tables set up, your display case clean and ready for you to fill it in the morning before the grand opening. Raul was wiping down the cappuccino machine as you went around making sure all the artwork on the walls were hanging straight and the flowers you'd placed accordingly were still perfect.

“I think it’s all ready for tomorrow honey. You ready to go home and have dinner? I’ll make that pasta you like in exchange for a shoulder massage.” He propositioned, throwing the towel over his shoulder and running a hand through his curls.

“I think that’s a fair deal.” You smiled, looking over at him. Sweaty and sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He was a sight to be seen.

He nodded, tossing you the car keys. “Go start the car and I’ll lock up okay?” You smiled, tightening your ponytail and walking off to the parking lot out back to cool off the car.

Raul stayed back, making sure everything was perfect for tomorrow. It was a big day. Even bigger than you were ready for, and he’d be damned if anything went wrong.

——

When Raul came back from the gym, you were just waking up, his button down open and hanging off your body as you brushed your teeth. “Raul, darling you’re staring.” You laughed, rinsing out your mouth and starting the shower. “You gonna join me or am I gonna have to be in there all alone on this wonderful morning?” It was a wonderful morning indeed.

He was quick to strip out of his gym clothes, sliding in behind you under the stream of water. His hands instantly grabbing the shampoo bottle and squeezing it into his palm. You closed your eyes as he massaged the gel into your scalp, your arms wrapped around his waist and cheek pressed against his chest.

It was such an intimate moment and you wished it would never end, while he was praying for it to be over, so he could do what he’s been wanting to do since day one.

Now clean and dressed in a nice black dress, you were curling your hair. Raul stood behind you, watching you with so much love and adoration in his eyes you wanted to cry. “Haven’t you been told it's rude to stare, Mendes.” The way his last name slipped off your tongue so effortlessly, he almost dropped to his knees right there.

“Honey we’ve got to go, you look perfect. We are going to be late to our own opening.” He laughed, placing a large hand on your lower back as you walked out the door.

There were reporters everywhere. Photographers covering the opening of the new merged shop. And of course the boys who would now be working for the both of you. The customers, who were thrilled to see the shops open again and missed the goodies they’ve been missing since it was under renovation were all buzzing with excitement.

The two of you stood in front of the building, Raul had one hand in his pocket and you figured it was his nerves. But as the cameras started flashing and you both held a scissor handle, he let go. Dropping to his knee and pulling his hand out of his pocket finally, he spoke. Words shakey as he tried to keep himself together.

“When you opened up next to me a year ago, I never thought we’d become what we are. And now here we are, and as we join our two babies together. Why not join our lives as well. What do you say?” The tears were freely falling down your face as you nodded. Pulling him up to give him a kiss you sobbed out a “yes!” And the crowds of people cheered.

“Now that the hard part is over! Welcome to Coffee Cake cafe and bakery!” Raul cheered, slipping the ring on your finger and pulling you in for another kiss

—-

Somehow you managed to pull through the day. Many congratulations being thrown at the two of you when a familiar face walked in. It was Archie, your waiter from the night you went to dinner for your anniversary. “Hey guys! I just heard. I’m so excited for you guys!” He beamed, dropping a takeout bag on the counter before ordering a coffee and a blueberry muffin.

“This one is on us Achie.” You smiled, looking into the bag and seeing another brownie, this time with the words “congratulations” in chocolate. He waved a goodbye before leaving and you got back to work, But all day you wanted to be with Raul. Your fiancé.

You don’t know how he pulled it off, but he did it. The excitement radiated off of you in waves at the thought of spending the rest of your life with this man. And you couldn’t wait to see what else the world had in store for the two of you. “I love you sugar.” He whispered in your ear, kissing your neck now that the traffic had stopped and the shop was empty, seeing as it was almost closing time.

“I love you too Mendes.” Your smile was evident in your voice.

You felt him smile against your skin. “That’s gonna be your name soon.” His lips trailing down your neck as you gasped

“Hurry and close up baby. I wanna show you just how much I love you.” You mumbled, grabbing his hand and feeling his fingers brush your ring. And you swore you’d never seen him happier. Or move that fast.

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes au #shawn peter raul mendes #raul mendes #shawn au #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn writing #raul mendes writing #coffee cake #my fic

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softjeon · 5 years

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Cinnamon and fairy dust | Pt. 6

• Pairing: elf!Jungkook x Taehyung • Genre: Fluff (with a little bit of angst) | elf!AU ( → Gifset Trailer) • Words: 16k | Co-Writer: Cat @cassiavioletblue • Disclaimer: mentioning of violence / smut

↳ There are no things such as fairy tales, magical reindeers that could fly, fairies and Christmas elves - at least Taehyung believed so. But everything was about to change, when Jungkook offered him shelter from a snowstorm and a sweet, hot cocoa, wondering about the boy who hated Christmas so much. Nothing that a bit of fairy dust couldn’t fix, right?

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When Jungkook awoke it was way past lunchtime and the sun was high in the sky. From where he lied on the floor it looked like a creamy milk glass pane hanging somewhere surrounded by frosty whites. The rays were almost too bright, but they made the snow glitter whenever the two of them met. Jungkook felt light headed and wobbly for a second, then his mind re-centered again and he was fully there.

The elf turned to look at Tae to see if he was still sleeping. What he saw almost made him coo. There were fairies lying all over him, resting in edge nook and corner, the dip of his back, the edge of his shoulder blade… and in the curve of his elbow, pretty close to his face, there was Yoongi, curled up like a squirrel in its nest.

Taehyung was feeling the lack of warmth next to him immediately, blinking his eyes open sleepily. He yawned, pulling his arm in and therefore Yoongi even further towards is face. The fairy stirred awake and just then both opened their eyes.

A loud scream echoed through the room and Yoongi soared up and over to Jungkook, waking all the fairies in the process. He mumbled something about falling asleep on Jungkook and how that wasn’t possible to himself, sitting down on the elf’s shoulder. Taehyung chuckled low and got up on his elbows to look at Jungkook. “Hey,” He murmured quietly, leaning over to kiss Jungkook’s collar bone that was exposed a little, “How are you feeling?”

“Better. Way better. A bit guilty though for not opening the bakery because the customers can't possibly know what happened and maybe they needed something for a really important event and...” He sighed and slowed down his thoughts when Yoongi pinched him. “Alright, alright, I’ll focus back on myself. I’m fine. Or as fine as one can be after yesterday. But I’ll be up and about in no time. And you? How's your nose? It looks pretty discolored.” He compassionately turned his mouth into a frown.

“Don’t worry about me and you have enough time to open the bakery. It’s the day before Christmas and no one can be mad about a bit of stress and that you needed to take care of things.” Taehyung reassured Jungkook, reaching out for his cheek, “You still have enough from yesterday and the fairies can help you bake a little. They can do a bit of cookies…and since they don’t have much fairy dust, it won’t be too much in the dough if it comes off their skin, right?” Taehyung smiled and nodded confidently. “You take care of the bakery and I’ll take care of the rest, okay?” Getting up from the bed, he reached out for Jungkook’s hand to pull the younger up, “As long as you’re free tonight…because I got something for you!” When Jungkook looked at him with a confused expression, Tae only laughed, “It’s Christmas after all…right?”

Jungkook laughed. “Oh, that’s a bad idea! You know that fairies have a thing for sweet smelling flowers? They actually love everything sweet. Fruits, chocolate, sugar… so asking them to help bake is like telling a magpie to guard shiny things. They’d steal it right away. But yeah, we can try. They must be full eventually and maybe then they could make some cookies. They have a talent for delicate crafting after all,” He answered thoughtfully.

“Hey, flutter bees...”, It was kind of a pet name for them that he used every once in a while. “Do you want to help in the kitchen - or sleep a while longer while Tae and I will be working?” Some of the fairies were fluttering excitedly towards Jungkook, nodding their little heads, while some were just waving the elf off, falling asleep again. Even Yoongi was trying to slowly walk off Jungkook’s shoulder, but he knew it was a game he would lose the second the elf would notice. He was the only fairy, who knew all the recipes. So, he had to stay and help.

Jungkook just held Yoongi back with casually gripping the hem of his pants, neither saying anything nor really looking at him, knowing that Yoongi would give in the second he realized he had lost. Which he did.

When all the fairies that wanted to help, got an instruction from Jungkook, Tae and Yoongi were preparing the ingredients they needed, as well as the shop for Jungkook to open. There were customers already waiting outside.

Just to be sure Jungkook prepared enough so that the fairies could snack on everything and there would be still something left. For creatures that, tiny they could be incredibly hungry. Or... not ‘hungry’ but rather indulge themselves in sweet stuff for fun.

Back in the storage room, Tae kissed Jungkook on top of his head who was just tying the apron tight around his waist. The younger had put on some makeup on his cheek, hiding the bruise that was forming there.

“You got this! Just one more day,” Taehyung whispered against Jungkook’s lips, kissing him deeply. Wrapping his arms around the younger, he just couldn’t stop, deepening the kiss a little more. “’m so proud…’f you,” He mumbled in-between kisses, “The bravest elf…I know.” An annoyed sigh and a little pull from Yoongi at Tae’s ear later, he finally let go of Jungkook. A few of the fairies that had refused to bake, flew up to Tae and settled in the pockets of his jacket.

To be honest Jungkook dreaded the day after Christmas a little. He loved Christmas time, the atmosphere, the joy, the fairy lights all around and the peoples heightened acceptance of magic. His sales would definitely go down after this time as would his ability to bring the humans happiness and contentment through his baked goods. He hoped that he could still go along with what the future would bring for him.

When Jungkook had vanished to the front of the shop, being busy with customers, Tae grabbed the toolbox and headed out of the door. He hadn’t told the elf, what he was about to do. He had the idea last night on his way to the bakery, and since he didn’t want Jungkook to worry much more (which he probably already was), Tae decided that he needed to find a new place for the fairies. Something safer, that wasn’t as visible as a clearing and still close enough for Jungkook to reach. “Okay, boys,” He said and corrected himself quickly, when a little squeaky voice was reminding him that there was also a little fairy-girl hiding in his pocket, “Sorry and girls…let’s find you a wonderful new hide-out…”

Jungkook was immediately wrapped up in his work, there were so many people, asking for his special cupcakes and chocolate cranberry buns and the Christmas cookies apparently only he was able to make just right. But they also asked where he had been, most of them actually concerned and caring and it warmed his heart that strangers took it upon them to look after him. He handed out free cinnamon sugar cookies to make up for it, telling them he’s had a family issue (which wasn’t even a lie, the fairies basically were his family) and just being his usually kind and smiley and busy-but-still-friendly self.

It took Taehyung all day to prepare a new home for the fairies. First, they were searching a long time, until they found an old tree which was big enough to shield them perfectly and which was located deep in the forest. Taehyung had started working on a few new things for their homes quick, the little fairies helping him. He even had to walk back to the store a few times to get more stuff, giving Jungkook kisses in between, before he headed back into the forest. Biting his lip, Tae was just preparing Yoongi’s new home, placing the teapot he had found unused in his mom’s storage and hiding it under a root that stood up a little, making it the perfect hideout for Yoongi. The fairies let moss grew over it with their magic, perfectly fitting it in to the scenery.

As it was getting darker, Taehyung said goodbye to the fairies, who were already busy with settling into their new home. The smile on Taehyung’s face was big and only turned bigger, when he saw that Jungkook was hanging his apron on the little hook. Walking over to him, he wrapped his arm around his waist, lifting him and swirling the younger one around.

Jungkook laughed happily, completely carefree, the tension of the day seeping out of his shoulders. “What have you been up to all day? Did you think I wouldn’t notice how you and the fairies have been putting your heads together, whispering? What were you planning, hu? You trying to kidnap me or something?” He joked, curiosity shining in his big bright doe eyes.

When Tae set him down Jungkook leaned in naturally, kissing him softly without really thinking, blushing a bit when he realized that this time he had been the one to initiate it. Although he loved their intimacy he still got a little shy sometimes.

Taehyung kissed the top of Jungkook’s nose sweetly and shook his head. “No, I just was out, looking for a new home for the little ones,” Tae shrugged his shoulders, “I told Yoongi where it is, so he’s on his way with the others now and settling in to their new home. I can’t let them go back to the clearing. It was way too much in the open, though it definitely was beautiful there…but I need them to be safe, so you don’t have to worry anymore.” His hands caressed over Jungkook’s back and settled on the other’s waist.

“Oh! We have to visit them right away tomorrow! I want to see what you made,” He placed a thankful kiss on Taehyung's cheek. “Thank you so much. They must have been really happy and excited to move in there when they left without telling me where they would go.” He leaned into Tae’s caress, their bodies fitting together so easily and naturally.

“But I’m not done, yet,” Taehyung said and pulled Jungkook off him a little to grab his hand. “I see, then they probably will only allow me to see their new homes when they’re all perfectly decorated,” He chuckled as he imagined the fairies swarming around busy like bees, carrying dried berries and mistletoes and pine cones for decoration.

Taehyung was biting his lip to keep from smiling as he sat down on Jungkook’s mattress, pulling the other down and in between his legs. Only when Jungkook settled into his embrace, Taehyung kissed his cheek sweetly and whispered, “Do you trust me? I need you to close your eyes for me, please.”

“Hu? What will you do?” He asked innocently, missing the point that he wouldn't have to close his eyes if Tae would just tell him and spoil the surprise. “Of course, I trust you.” Obediently he closed his eyes, shuffling back a little so his back was completely pressed to Tae’s front, simply taking in the others body heat.

When Jungkook had his eyes closed, Taehyung reached behind him quick, getting something out of his bag. “Don’t peak,” He said again, even though he couldn’t hide his own nervousness. “The fairies got their presents today already…and you know…I don’t like this, but I thought it’s not really Christmas, yet so it doesn’t count as such…,” Taehyung sounded a little bit out of breath, when he opened a little box. Very carefully, he reached around Jungkook to place a necklace around him, leaning back a little so he could close the lock.

“I…I hope you like it,” He whispered, biting his lip anxiously, waiting for Jungkook’s response. Tae had never gotten any presents for his ex-lovers or boyfriends. This was special to him.

Jungkook could feel something cool settling into the dip between his collarbones and his breath quickened a bit when his instinct told him to rip away the metal around his throat (as all fae he had a natural fear of iron as it could render his magic useless and effectively cage him in if there was enough of it) but his trust in Tae was stronger than his fear so he safely kept his eyes shut. Only his hand come up, fingers feeling around until they wrapped around a delicate pendant hanging from an even more fragile necklace made from a metal that definitely wasn’t iron. “A... a gift?” He never would have thought that Tae would give him a present. “Can I open my eyes now?”

Taehyung leaned in to kiss Jungkook’s ear, before he answered, “Yes you can…and please, if you don’t like it…then just tell me. I can…I can still give it back or something.” Tae was getting nervous. He was hoping Jungkook would like it and not find it too cliché or anything…and then there was the second gift that he had, still in his hand, but he was too scared to show it to Jungkook. The elf shivered slightly when Tae’s lips met his ears as his still closed eyes heightened his other senses and made him immensely sensitive. “I…I mean…you really don’t have to keep it if you don’t like it…or we can go and look for something else… I just wanted you to have something from me…it’s not like a real Christmas present.”

When he opened his eyes, a quiet gasp fell from his lips. The silver pendant was absolutely stunning, carefully twisted antlers imitated that of a little deer’s, but the metal was shiny and silver. “Oh Tae, it’s beautiful! Thank you so much!” He turned as much as their constant position allowed to wrap his arms around the older and kiss him sweetly, full on the lips. Tae smiled against Jungkook’s lips, holding him tight against his own body. He didn’t want to let go of the younger, but there was just a little bit more Tae wanted to give Jungkook. So, he pulled off him and let Jungkook settle back against him. While the younger was busy, looking at his necklace, Tae wrapped his arms around him, a little box in his hands.

“There’s more…It’s just…a few of the drawings I made, and I thought…you would like them,” He handed the little box over to Jungkook, his shaking hands giving away about how nervous he was. The older had never shown his art to anyone else, even though he worked with artists every day, curating their work and making sure their piece looked perfect in the museum. It was his dream job and he loved it, but sometimes he wished that he could hang one of his own art pieces up there. Maybe one day. But one thing he was sure of: he loved drawing Jungkook, especially when the younger was so immersed in collecting fairy dust or playing with the little magical creatures.

“What?” Jungkook looked at him offended “You never told me that you liked to draw!” He pouted but couldn’t stay mad for long, too curious as to what kind of moments Tae would have deemed worthy to preserve on paper forever. He opened the box and stared at what was within with awe. The drawing came in all kinds of sizes and shapes, different papers and colors splayed out all over Jungkooks legs when he carefully took each and every one of them out of the little box. They were good, but it wasn’t really the technical aspect that took Jungkook’s breath away, it was the emotion that was weaved into the pictures and scenes. And the portraits. Mainly of him.

He only realized that he had been tearing up when the first droplet fell, right on one of the papers (luckily just hitting the edge were no color could blur from it). With utmost care Jungkook placed all of them securely back into the box, putting it aside and then turning until he was facing Tae, taking the humans face in his hand. “You are an amazing being, Tae, did I ever tell you that? Despite you having the same genetic components than all of these other people out there you are so utterly, utterly caring and full of emotions and softness and... I love you for all of it. You are my very special human. And I never want to let you go.” The last words were breathed quietly against Tae’s soft, plush lip before Jungkook closed the distance again. He couldn’t get enough of him. Without thinking he climbed on Tae’s lap, shuffling close until there was absolutely no space left between them, soaking up the warmth, the closeness, the sheer intimacy of it and getting drunk on its sweetness.

“Don’t expose me like this and never say that to my mother or my friends, please,” Taehyung was blushing lightly, but he didn’t need to worry for Jungkook to see, when his lips met his already. He was wrapping his arms around Jungkook’s waist, pulling him even closer. Jungkook tasted like the sweetest sin to Taehyung each time. He let his hands caress over the younger’s thigh, letting it wander up towards the hem of his shirt and under it, tracing the sweet, soft skin underneath. Tae pulled Jungkook’s shirt up a little more, kissing down the youngers neck. His eyes fell onto the necklace and Taehyung couldn’t hide the smile, looking up at Jungkook, “I’m glad you like it…I was worried.” He bit his lip cheekily, his hand caressing Jungkook’s soft skin and along his back, before he held the younger tight to him and with one swift movement, he pushed him, hovering over Jungkook. “But don’t think…that I like Christmas now…I still hate it…I just love you and what you mean to me…not that stupid Christmas fest,” He was kissing Jungkook’s lips, then his nose and cheeks, mumbling the words in between each kiss.

“Why n..” He broke off with a surprised little sound when the world tilted on its axis, giggling when he realized that Tae had tipped them over, placing his hands under Jungkook's back to make sure he didn’t hit the floor to hard. Tae’s hand under his shirt was making his skin feel hot and cold at the same time and he writhed a little, intrigued by all these new feelings. “Tae, what are you doing?” He giggled again when the other hovered over him, looking at him as if he wanted to devour him. Jungkook wasn’t scared at all. It was like an exciting game that he never played before and he threw himself into it completely, wrapping his legs around Tae’s waist to keep him from going too far and reaching up to reclaim Tae’s mouth and kiss his sweet lips again and again.

“I want to kiss you forever,” Taehyung said, kissing Jungkook eagerly and passionately, giving him no time to take a deep breath. He was moving down further, kissing Jungkook’s collarbones, then the necklace as he let his hand wander over his chest until he could gaze up at the younger. It was almost as far as they had gone before. Jungkook had let him pull his shirt up before but not like this. Tae was ever so lightly, tracing Jungkook’s abs with his fingers, before leaning in to kiss him on his soft skin. Jungkook’s shirt was up to his chest, while Tae was careful to look out for any signs of the younger’s discomfort, but Tae loved kissing Jungkook’s abs way too much, feeling the younger twitch with every delicate touch of his underneath. It made him go crazy with want and need. His hands ran up and down Jungkook’s body, moving from kissing up his stomach to his lips and neck again. One hand underneath Jungkook’s shirt, while the other was cupping his cheek softly. He was kissing him hard, desperate to know the feel of the elf’s skin against his own. Tae was possessing his mouth with his, tasting, touching with his tongue, leaving a wet trail along Jungkook’s jawline towards his ear, nibbling on it sweetly.

Tae made his skin tingle all over and Jungkook just got lost in the feeling. He was completely inexperienced and therefore had no idea what he was doing to Tae - or rather what the other was doing to him exactly. However, he was way too open to new things to fear what he was feeling, enjoying the new sensations freely and arching his body into Tae without holding back.

Jungkook was moving underneath him, pulling Taehyung in with his legs and onto Jungkook’s waist, which made Taehyung moan unabashed from the sudden friction that send a jolt of pleasure through him. He froze right away, his whole body shaking from the sudden desire that was rippling through him. Tae was propping himself up on his elbows, as he hid in Jungkook’s neck. “Fuck,” He breathed out, feeling the heat spread all over his chest, face and in his crotch, “I…’m sorry…didn’t…I…just….”

“Hu?” Tae’s sudden moan made him stop and then the older behaved as if something was wrong. He didn’t quite understand because he thought that when he was feeling this good then Tae was feeling similarly. He gentle carded his fingers through Tae’s hair, brushing it back, feeling how sweaty the other was. It must be from working so hard on the fairies new homes.

He smiled fondly, holding Tae closer to him and making their bodies collide again. “Are you okay? I’m sorry I don’t have a present for you in return. If I had known that you wanted to exchange presents then I would have got you something, really. I just never did it with the fairies as... you know, everything you own is just a burden if you have to move around a lot especially when you are so small like them so instead we just got together for music and light and joy for celebration. But I can get you something if you tell me what you want?” He smiled at Tae, thinking that maybe that’s what was nagging the human.

Taehyung chuckled low, hesitating a bit to let Jungkook pull him in. “No…no, ah,” Tae was trying to keep his crotch area from touching Jungkook, feeling a tad awkward while doing so, but the heat wasn’t slowing down, instead he could feel the desire pulsating right where he didn’t need it right now. He groaned in desperation, leaning his head onto the elf’s shoulder, before explaining, “No…I don’t want no present, babe. It’s fine.” Gazing up at Jungkook, he smiled, feeling the other’s sweet caresses on his body. They were meant to soothe him, but Taehyung’s mind and body wasn’t on his soft side right now.

Jungkook was a little confused, instead of helping to calm Tae down his little kisses and touches only seemed to make him more tense. He wasn't really sure what he did wrong, so he was looking at Tae more carefully, observing the older’s body language. Tae looked almost... ashamed. But for what?

“Listen…you…just turn me on so much and when…you just pulled me down like that…I,” He stuttered, “I…ehm…I know you have no experience in this and it’s fine. I don’t care but fuck, you just turn me on so much. I can’t help myself. My body just reacts whenever you move just right against me and I’m sorry.” He moved a bit away from Jungkook, as he pulled his jeans a little, as it felt a tad too tight right now.

Jungkook cocked his head, following Tae up instinctively because it had just felt so nice to be so close to him, their bodies moving together.

“Turn you on? You mean...sexually? As in you want to sleep with me?” He asked, completely honest and oblivious. To his defense Yoongi hadn’t really done that much of a sex ed in which all the nuances of your feelings were involved, he had just presented all the facts and expressions to the younger when he deemed it right, explained their meaning and told Jungkook about the biology but the fairy had hoped that they would run into another elf someday by accident, that Jungkook would fall in love with one of his kind and that all of the emotional part would be explained to him by someone of his own race who knew best. Because Yoongi knew that elves were different from humans or even fairies regarding sex and he had warned Jungkook about it, had even tried to do research and get a book but it wasn’t as if there were sex ed books for elves specifically.

“I eh…yeah, of course…I mean, look at you…you’re so damn hot and…I…want you,” Taehyung was stuttering the words, still way too close to Jungkook that he was scared that the other could feel how hard he was by now but moving away from him further was also not the best idea without running into the bathroom right away and leaving a scared Jungkook behind who probably thinks he did something wrong.

“I know you never slept with someone, so I wouldn’t take advantage of you of course, so I would…only…if you tell me…if you would want it too,” He was blushing hard, looking everywhere but Jungkook, “But if you don’t then that’s fine, too….but then…you just have to live with me getting turned on by you and I need to…maybe get to the bathroom sometimes…to you know…”

“I know what?” Jungkook looked at him with big doe eyes, trying to make sense of Taehyung’s stutters. Sometimes it was difficult to decipher what the human was telling him even when he was speaking properly, just stemming from the fact that their lives had been completely different and that Jungkook only knew those things about humans that he had picked up on the way, not living in between them all the time. But right now, he could only guess what Tae was up to. “But if you do want to sleep with me but won’t do it because of me not...having done it before then why can’t we just continue to do what we just did? I like it. The making out and touching and the way you kiss my skin. It makes me all…tingly. And … I like your lips a lot. Can’t we just do that please?”

“Of course,…we can, that’s all I want to do…but,” Taehyung groaned desperately, not sure how to explain it to someone who had absolutely no idea of how this all works.

“Okay, listen,” Tae rolled off Jungkook, propping himself up on one elbow while still staying close to the younger. He took Jungkook’s wrist and simply placed his hand onto his crotch. Just like that. “There…you feel that? That’s what you do! You make me hard…and that just doesn’t go away,” He brought Jungkook’s hand back, kissing the palm sweetly before he explained further, “If a man gets turned on like that…he goes hard and there’s most likely only one way to resolve the problem. Either way you have sex, or you jerk yourself of. That’s what I meant with taking care of it in the bathroom. So…I…ehm…just let me do that real quick…because you were moving around a lot…and then I promise, just kissing!”

“I know that, I’m not stupid!” The elf answered with a pout and then added a little more quietly, “I just didn’t know about the jerking off thing. Is this what you do if you don’t…,” He broke off, biting his lip. He almost gave away too much. He remembered his talk with Yoongi when he had been really young and had been asking about love and relationships for the first time. And he also remembered the more recent talk with the fairy, blushing a little when he thought about what Yoongi would say if he knew what he was doing right now. He knew he shouldn’t push Tae further, but he was just so curious, and he never had the opportunity to get to know intimate details before so he really would have liked to touch Tae again. But that would probably make it even more difficult for Tae, he had gotten that much at least. “Then I’ll just stay here while you jerk yourself off? Or can I help?” He blinked a little when Tae almost choked at his question. Maybe it was considered impolite to offer help with that, who knew.

Tae coughed, shaking his head, “I…I don’t think you want this right now…you can help me out next time, okay?” He chuckled a little too nervous, leaning in to kiss Jungkook on top of his head, before he got up. In the bathroom, Tae leaned against the cold tile wall, his eyes closed, heart beating heavy.

Jungkook sat up into a more comfortable position, wondering what Tae was doing right now. He was excited that Tae had said he could help him next time - but then he remembered something. Maybe helping to jerk someone off was considered sex too. And he wasn't supposed to do that. Unless he was fine with the consequences of course. Hopefully Tae wouldn't be too disappointed if he changed his mind. But the human seemed to be very keen on making sure that he was absolutely comfortable, so he would probably understand. Hopefully he didn't ask for an explanation though or else he didn't really know what to say. Because the truth was off limits…

It took him a little while to get back to Jungkook, not because it took him long to come, but he needed a bit of time to calm down again. He had splashed a bit of water into his face, freshen himself up, before Taehyung walked back.

Jungkook smiled at Tae when the older came back, happy to continue where they had left off. But Tae looked quite tired all of a sudden. Maybe it was energy consuming what he had done. So, he got up, reaching for Tae’s hand. “You look tired. Do you want to go to sleep? I don’t mind if we just cuddle. We’ve got all the time in the world to do everything else we want to do after Christmas when there won’t be so much work to do.”

Taehyung nodded, raking through Jungkook’s hair softly, “Yeah…let’s cuddle, okay?” Tae got out of his shirt quickly, still feeling way too hot from everything and got out of his jeans to cuddle back into Jungkook’s bed. The younger had quickly gotten into his cute little pajama that he loved to wear, making Tae smile sweetly, before pulling him in and on him.

He was tracing little lines along Jungkook’s arm, while the elf was resting his head on Taehyung’s chest, closing his eyes. But before he would doze off, Tae hooked a finger under Jungkook’s chin, kissing him on his lips softly. “Just…so you know, I wouldn’t care if I had to get myself off for the rest of my life if it meant I could stay with you,” Kissing Jungkook’s forehead, he closed his eyes. He didn’t need a response, he only wanted him to know this. It was true. Never in his life had Tae, felt so deeply for someone. It was scary but so exciting at the same time.

“Thank you,” Jungkook whispered back, not sure of Tae had heard him or if he had dozed off already. He wasn’t moving much. But that also made him the perfect ‘plushy’. Jungkook maneuvered himself as close to Tae as possible, burying his face into Tae’s neck and slotting his knee in between Tae’s thighs so there wouldn’t be too much unnecessary space between them. He loved to feel Tae’s arms all around him. It felt a little like sleeping in a nest just warmer and even more perfect. It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep as well.

Unfortunately for Taehyung, what Jungkook did to him tonight, was still haunting (or pleasuring) him in his sleep. He wasn’t dreaming often, but when he did, Tae’s dream were so vivid and lively that he sometimes wasn’t sure if they were real or not. His body acting on his, moving around and pulling Jungkook closer to him. His lips parted, Jungkook’s name coming from his lips in a whisper, before he moaned low, arching his back in his sleep. Jungkook only registered Tae’s moans halfway but he enjoyed the tight grip on his waist, pressing back because of warmth and comfort. Before he finally fell asleep he thought of that time when he had come into the kitchen to find Yoongi sitting on top of his whisker, arms crossed, and wings spread out in a kind of ‘notice me’ posture;

His frown was obvious when Jungkook looked at him. The elf bit his lip, not sure what could have soured the fairies mood like that. “What's wrong? He finally asked after Yoongi didn‘t start on his own. The fairy looked at him with reproachfully and simply stated, “I saw you and Tae kissing.“

„Oh,“ Jungkook blushed a little, now wishing he hadn’t asked. But Yoongi wasn’t finished yet. “I hope you know what you are doing? Because humans… he’s going to want more than that. Like... your body. All of it. And I really, really hope that you’re not stupid enough to actually consider giving it to him.“ Jungkook shook his head violently.

„Good,“ The fairy smiled at him again, relief visible when he reached out to pat Jungkook's head. „I‘m just worried about you, Kook. You know that, right?“ Jungkook nodded, avoiding Yoongi’s gaze.

The thing was, there was a tiny little difference between humans and elves. If an elf crossed that final line with someone they loved and let them take their innocence, then their heart would be bound to that person forever. He would never be able to fall in love with someone else again. Of course, there were all kinds of love, friendship and trust and the love that didn‘t include physical desire. Those kinds of love wouldn‘t be fazed by it. But he would never want someone else, the combination of romantic love and physical desire would forever be limited to the first person they had sex with alone. And Taehyung had no idea about what it could mean to him. Of course, it meant a lot for him as well, but he wouldn’t be bound to Jungkook in a magical way. It would only be the other way around and that alone was a very scary thought. If Taehyung ever decided to walk away from him, then Jungkook would still be bound to him forever. It was a decision, that the elf wasn’t sure if he wanted to make it.

The sun was rising on the horizon, when Taehyung was still tossing and turning in his sleep, pulling Jungkook closer and holding him tight. Just when he was out of his deep sleep phase, the dreams began again and Jungkook was over him, kissing him so deeply, moving just right against his own body that Taehyung moaned louder. His chest was heaving heavily and even in his dream, he tried to keep from going further. “We…can’t,” He mumbled, arching his back and moving his hips just a little to get a bit of tension out of his body. “Jungkook, please,” Taehyung moaned, his voice barely a whisper, when he pushed the elf closer on his own body in his sleep.

It woke up the elf and he blinked sleepily, rubbing over his eyes to wake up fully. “What did you say?” He licked his dry lips, trying to stretch when he realized how tightly Tae had wrapped himself around him. Like a cuddly version of an octopus. He laughed, quietly, because he didn’t want to wake the other up. Apparently talking in his sleep was a thing for Tae. He lied still, listening closely to maybe get what Tae was dreaming about, when he noticed something uncomfortably on his ass. He reached behind him and felt around until…

“Oh,” He blushed when he realized that Tae was hard again. It was easy to feel through the thin cloth that was Tae’s boxer (as the human never wore much to sleep). And that this must mean that he was dreaming of something that turned him on. Hopefully it was him and not something else. He wondered what Tae’s unconscious made him do to make Tae feel like that. he was dying to know!

Taehyung was moving restlessly, unconsciously trying to get a bit of friction to get rid of the tension in his body. “Jun-jungkook,” He whispered, his breath fanning hot against the elf’s neck. Taehyung was placing open mouth kisses on Jungkook’s skin mindlessly, before it all got too much. He was feeling so hot, so Tae moved and, turned on his back, turning his face away from Jungkook. His breathing got a bit steadier again, but in his haste to get away from the heat, Tae had pushed the blanket off his body.

Jungkook pouted when Tae had let go of him, so he turned around. Tae was lying on his back, covers pushed aside and boxer shorts tented by his hard on. He still didn’t know if helping someone jerk off was considered sex and therefore would trigger the binding... actually he had no idea how it would be. Or what it really entailed. All he knew was that he did love Tae and that he wanted to experience this and...Tae already owned his heart. Completely. Not loving Tae felt like it was impossible already so what bad would it do to go all the way and give his heart over to him for real?

He trusted Tae. He was sure the human would take care of him. With nothing holding him back he reached out for Tae. And as he had no real knowledge about this he also didn’t have a concept of what he was doing and that he should have asked before touching Tae in his sleep. For him Tae’s comment about how he was allowed to help next time was exactly what this was right now: Him helping.

Taehyung couldn’t decipher what was dream or reality, just feeling the pleasure rippling through him, when something or someone touched him right where he needed it the most. “Hmmm, Jungkookie,” He moaned sweetly, moving his hips, so he could get more friction, because solely Jungkook’s hand palming him wouldn’t get him off – even if he didn’t notice it was him. He was still gone and deeply in his dream, letting his Dream Jungkook kiss all over his body and making him feel so good.

It was nice to experiment like this, to feel how hard Tae’s cock was. All because of him if Tae’s velvety, low moans of his name were any indication. He just explored, getting a good feel of it, wondering if his own body would react like this too if Tae would touch him like that. Elves didn't really go through puberty the same way humans did so there were many experiences that Jungkook did not have and he didn't know his body as well as Tae did. He liked to elicit those breathy moans from Tae or make his body shudder because he knew that it made the older feel good. And he liked making the person he loved feel good, details be damned.

Taehyung could feel the pressure heighten, could feel something feel him up and looking up at his dream Jungkook only made him realize that he couldn’t be it, because he was hovering over him, his two hands feeling up his chest…and if Jungkook didn’t grow a third hand in his dream…He let his own hand wander down his own body, when his fingers wrapped around someone’s delicate wrist. Taehyung snapped his eyes open, a gasp fell from his lips when he quickly realized the situation he was in. Tae jerked away a little, still holding on tightly to Jungkook’s hand. “Wha-what are you…doing…why am…oh, god, I am so sorry,” He stammered the words.

Jungkook flinched when Taehyung moved so suddenly, the grip on his wrist keeping him from jerking his hand away completely. The older was stammering again, just like last time and just like then Jungkook could make absolutely no sense of it.

“Hu, I was just helping. You said I could help next time it would happen.” He took in Tae’s horrified stare and his flushed cheeks, wondering what he was missing. “I did something wrong, right? But... why are you apologizing then if it was my fault? Is this something that I should know? Where you supposed to tell me something first? I just went with what made you moan. I thought this would be what you liked. I’m sorry if I hurt you or if... there’s something else... that is wrong?” He really was out of his depth here.

Taehyung was blinking his eyes fast, trying to get a hold of what just happened, when he notices Jungkook’s nervousness. He quickly let go of his wrist and intertwined his hand with his instead. “Oh no, babe, please…you didn’t hurt me…and yes, I said you could but…ehm, I didn’t think it would happen like this,” He yawned a little in between words, raking his hands through his messy hair while sitting up, “You didn’t hurt me…you made me feel good, I guess…I was dreaming about you. I didn’t know you…were doing this to me now…I just don’t want you to do anything that you don’t want to.” Ignoring his hard on the best he could, Tae leaned in to kiss Jungkook.

Jungkook sighed relieved when Tae told him that he hadn’t messed up as much as he thought. “Don’t worry about that, I want to do it, really. Or else I wouldn’t have done it. You’re nice to me, Tae. You are always kind and you protected the fairies. You saved my family. I know that I’m safe with you. And... and I love you so - if you want to then... then I don’t mind you showing me the things that I don’t know yet. All the... physical things.”

Taehyung didn’t get what Jungkook was saying at first, staring at the younger in awe. “Wait…what?” He asked dumbfoundedly, “You…you want me…and you…you want to sleep with me?” He coughed awkwardly, as he could feel his dick twitching with excitement (hoping that Jungkook hadn’t notice). “All…of it? Are you sure, Jungkookie?” Taehyung said and reached out for him, to pull him closer towards him (but not on his lap, he got enough problems there). “You don’t have to do this for me…If you think that’s…something you have to do!” Taehyung reassured him, “I love you, too. No matter if you sleep with me or not. It won’t change anything. So, please. I don’t want to pressure you. Only if you really want this.”

Hearing Tae say that he loved him flushed his mind with pure joy. And it only made him more determined to give himself to Tae despite the risks for him.

“Yes, I want this.” Jungkook barely knew about what happened during sex, he could only rely on what Yoongi told him long ago. The fairy had explained that in the elf world sex with someone that you hadn’t been with forever was kind of out of question. And couples were only one half consisted of a magical creature rarely existed at all. It was deemed too taboo and risky to bind yourself to someone who didn’t have the same way of loving eternally. However, there were a few stories of elves who fell in love with someone non-magical, mostly human, who bound themselves to them and then suffered from a broken heart and eternal longing and loneliness because they were left after a little while or weren’t loved back at all. You could die from that kind of broken heart. And it was a slow, painful, cruel way to die.

Jungkook knew all that, and of course he didn’t take that lightly but Tae... Tae was different. He cared for him, he loved him despite him not being human and he was always so gentle with him. Tae wouldn’t hurt him. Jungkook was sure of that. He just needed to make sure that Tae wouldn’t find out about what them having sex would mean for him - then it would be fine. He didn’t want Tae to shy back from sleeping with him. He wanted... he wanted to feel how it would be to be entirely Tae’s. To be his alone. Forever. But he didn’t want to burden Tae or have him stay afterwards because he thought he owed him. He wanted Tae to stay with him because he loved him. And if it turned out that Tae didn’t love him the same way that Jungkook loved him – then so be it. At least he had tried to be with the person he loved completely.

“Oh-kay,” Taehyung breathed out, his heart beating fast. He wasn’t sure how to approach this, if he needed to teach Jungkook or rather show him, but he decided on the latter for now. Step by step.

With a smile, he leaned into Jungkook kissing the elf on his lips sweetly. “Whenever there is something that doesn’t feel good, or you want me to stop, just say so and we stop!” Taehyung said, hooking a finger under Jungkook’s chin to make the younger listen. When he was sure he had understood, he leaned in again, placing his lips softly onto his, deepening the kiss. This was something Jungkook was familiar with. Their kisses. Taehyung was so nervous, his hands shaking whenever he touched the younger and caressed over his arms, holding him against him.

“Hmmm, okay.” The younger was humming contently against Tae’s lips. “As long as we do what we did yesterday before you had to go to the bathroom then it’ll be fine. Because that felt really nice. Like... your kisses on my skin and your body on me and ... the way you moved...” He was blushing a little now that he knew that all of this was turning Tae on. It was strange that he had just gone with it naturally and shamelessly before when he hadn’t known what it meant. Now however as he knew that it would lead to Tae having him he was getting a little bit shy about it.

“Oh really?” Taehyung chuckled, wrapping his arm around Jungkook’s waist, before he threw him around again, making sure to stay over him. “Then we’ll do what feels good for you,” He said with a low voice, kissing Jungkook passionately, while his hands were exploring Jungkook’s body, slipping underneath his shirt right away. Tae was kissing down the younger’s neck and collarbone, biting him there lightly to suck in a little blooming love bite. “Hmm, I love your taste,” He hummed in satisfaction, not really sure how he had gotten from a dreamy state to this in the matter of minutes. But that’s what Jungkook did to him.

Jungkook simply closed his eyes and melted into the touches, letting Tae do as he pleased.

Hovering over the elf, Tae kissed the tip of his nose, before he pulled Jungkook’s pajama shirt over his head. Then he just froze, looking at the younger beneath him, who was looking so beautiful already. A sculpted chest, abs and a narrow waist.

The little break made him blink his eyes open again but when he looked at Tae he could only see wonder and admiration in his eyes. He batted his lashes shyly when he realized how vulnerable he would be if the older undressed him. He had never been naked in front of anyone else before (excluding the fairies and him taking moon shine baths in the lake) and he felt as if Tae’s stares were almost as intense as his fingertips on his skin. He had been so quick to say yes to this but the more he got into it the more he could feel the nerves starting to show.

Taehyung groaned desperately, before he let himself get pulled into kissing Jungkook more, his hands exploring all of Jungkook’s skin (but the lower region of course – he didn’t want to overwhelm the younger, yet).

“Jungkook,” He breathed out his name softly, propping himself up on one elbow, while he cupped Jungkook’s cheek with the other, “Do you want me to let you feel what I feel each time you move just right? Want to feel the desire?” Leaning in, he placed a soft kiss on his mouth, letting his hand wander down Jungkook’s stomach, following it with his mouth. “We will take this slow, okay?” Taehyung reassured him again, “Let me just show you…a little bit and you decide if you want more.”

With a smile on his face, Taehyung cupped Jungkook’s cheek and devoured the younger’s mouth completely. He was pouring in all the love he felt for the other, his tongue exploring his mouth, not even letting the elf catch a break. Tae was sure, Jungkook could feel everything through the thin layer of clothes and he stopped kissing the younger, a smile forming on his lips.

The younger nodded eagerly, his skin prickling already from where Tae had been touching him. He was so focused his senses felt even sharper than normal and he couldn’t wait for Tae to show him what he had been missing till now. He let Tae maneuver his body into the right position and was about to ask what he meant with his promises when Tae grinded his hips into him and Jungkook was left gasping. Or he would have if Tae didn’t kiss it right out of his mouth. It felt amazing and the minute Tae drew back he wanted to pull the other back on him again. So, he wrapped his legs around Tae’s waist, remembering what it had done to Tae last time and then arched his back into Tae’s body.

Taehyung chuckled into Jungkook’s kiss, loving how eager he got right away and moved against him once more, making the younger gasp and himself moan. Kissing him and moving so sensually against Jungkook was too good, but Taehyung knew that he wouldn’t hold it for too long. He had been hard for quite some time now and Tae wasn’t sure if Jungkook would even let him fuck him this morning already, so…he just asked the other bluntly.

“Do…do you want to try and…jerk me off first?” Taehyung said, biting his lip anxiously in between words, “To…maybe get a feel for it? I don’t want to overwhelm you with everything right away…but I don’t think I can last long if I keep grinding up against you like this…” He reached in between their bodies, palming Jungkook through the thin clothing and caressing him softly. “This feels good right?” He said cheekily, whispering against Jungkook’s lips, “Let me show you…everything.”

Jungkook started writhing under Tae’s touch, unable to keep from moving because every time Tae touched him again there was tension rippling through him together with sweet, sweet pleasure. He was almost a little relieved when Tae gave him a bit of time to catch his breath because although it was definitely pleasant it was also a little... overwhelming.

So, he was thankful for the chance of learning more while also getting a little time out to get his thoughts sorted, “Okay. You just have to show me how.” When Tae began pulling his boxers down Jungkook started tracing the soft skin below his hip bone right away. He followed the little trail of hair downwards, enjoying how it made Tae’s breath hitch in his throat.

Every time he wasn’t sure if he was doing it right he looked up at Tae, searching in his eyes for assurance. He was careful - too careful, because after a while of exploring and touching with just his fingertips Tae put his hand around Jungkook’s and made him grip his length more tightly. Jungkook could feel the muscles in the other’s thighs tightening the second he started moving his hand. It was a little awkward at first, jerky and unstable but he let Tae’s hand guide him willingly, picking up on how to cover the hardened flesh with his palm and how to flick his wrist easily.

“Hm, yes, like this,” Taehyung moaned softly, closing his eyes a little when he let go of Jungkook, trusting him to do this on his own. He moved his hips with each jerk of Jungkook’s hand, loving the friction even if it was still unexperienced. “You…you can grab a little tighter,” He breathed out, reaching out for Jungkook and raking his hand into Jungkook’s curly hair. With the other, he guided the elf, helping him to change his grip. “So good, you’re doing so good, babe,” He said softly, panting into the crook of Jungkook’s neck as he placed a few chaste kisses there. It wasn’t getting easier to hold himself up over Jungkook, so he simply let himself fall onto his back, while still staying close to the younger. This way Jungkook could see what he was doing way better, and Taehyung could lean his head back, while still having his love in his embrace.

Jungkook pouted a little when Tae laid down beside him. He liked the warmth and the closeness when Tae had him beneath him. But it was actually easier to complete his task as he could move his hands more freely. While he continued to hold on tightly and move his hand the way it made Tae jerk up his hips he used his other hand to trace little circles into Tae’s soft skin. Sadly, he had to stop after a while though because he could only concentrate on one thing really. “So, this will make you come?” He asked, not very convinced that this was all it would take to finish Tae off, “Or is there something else I’ll have to do?”

“Well…there’s a lot you can do,” Taehyung breathed out, words mixing with moans, “Hm…you can, aahh variate speed, how tight you grab someone and what else…well.” Tae paused, a moan escaping, and he arched his back beautifully. Whatever Jungkook just did, had made the pleasure ripple through him fast. “There’s something else…but you don’t ah, have to…,” He gulped, looking at Jungkook, before explaining further, “You can also use your mouth…and suck, give someone a blow-job, you know?”

“Oh?” Jungkook chuckled at how chopped off Tae’s sentences were, how much the other had to fight to keep himself conscious enough to answer him. He also loved the way Taehyung moaned, low and sensual, making shivers run down his spine just from hearing it. “What does it taste like to do that?” Tae’s rhythm faltered at that and Jungkook looked at him more closely, “Do you want me to try it?”

Taehyung’s eyes widened, and he held onto Jungkook’s wrist to steady himself. “You…you can try it…but I am not sure if I can … if you lick…ah,” Tae leaned his head back, his chest rising heavily. He grabbed Jungkook’s chin, pulling him down towards him to kiss him once.

It was a little strange to lean down right over Tae’s crotch but if it was something that humans did and if Tae would like it then Jungkook wanted to try. He gave it an experimental lick at first, just a tiny little lap of his tongue. The way Tae was shuddering made up for the slightly bitter taste by far. So, he remembered what Tae had said, that he had to suck on it (although he wondered where the term blowjob came from if he wasn’t blowing on anything) and took Taehyung cock into his mouth.

It was a little bigger than he had expected, the flesh hot and heavy on his tongue. He couldn’t take everything in, but he tried, pushing all the way down until the tip of it hit his throat. He didn’t have much of a gag reflex, so it didn’t bother him much but having something that big in his mouth triggered the urge to swallow. As he feared that it might get uncomfortably for Tae if he did that he tried to ignore it, but he couldn’t do that for long, so he tried to pull off while accidentally swallowing harshly around it, his wet, hot mouth closing Tae’s dick in.

At first Tae had watched the younger in awe at how eager he was to try out all of this. The lick against his length was enough to make him shudder beneath the younger’s touch and when Jungkook had closed his mouth around him, he lost his mind completely. Him swallowing around him, was the last thing Taehyung had needed to stumble over the edge. His muscles were locking up tight and he was just about to warn Jungkook, his hand grabbing the younger’s shoulder, when he jerked up, coming right into his mouth with a loud moan. But he couldn’t help it anymore. Jungkook had unintentionally done all the things that made him go crazy from the pleasure. His whole body shaking, breathy little moans escaping Taehyung's lips.

Jungkook was absolutely oblivious to the signs so when Tae came in his mouth it took him completely by surprise. He swallowed on instinct again, only tightening more around Tae who came hard and shuddering and intense. The elf choked on it getting off and away from Tae’s dick, coughing miserably and gasping out shaky breaths while falling back on his ass.

When he finally caught his breath he wiped his mouth, looking a bit sheepishly at Tae who looked dazed and satisfied, post orgasmic glow making his eyes soft and shiny. “Did I do it right?” His voice was a little hoarse and Jungkook coughed again to get it to function normally which didn’t work as well as he had hoped.

“Oh god, so right,” Taehyung said, trying to catch his breath, “Fuck…if I knew…why did you go for it like this. I didn’t…know, when you swallowed, that’s like my breaking point each time.” He got up on his elbows, getting a water bottle from the nightstand close by and handed it over to Jungkook. Then he cleaned himself up quickly with some tissues, before pulling the younger against his chest and holding him tight. “You did too good,” Taehyung kissed the tip of Jungkook’s nose, “But…are you, alright? I didn’t hurt you right?”

Jungkook leaned his head against Tae’s chest, cuddling into his side and listening to the others heartbeat that slowly turned back to normal. “No, you didn’t hurt me. I just got surprised when you came, and I didn’t really like the taste because I just don’t like bitter stuff. But I guess it’s just like with coffee and you’ll get used to it, right?” He looked up at Tae a sweet smile on his lips. He was happy that he had done it right and determined to learn so that he could be even better for Tae. Then he remembered something and so he asked, “Tae, is this considered sex already?”

Taehyung kissed the top of Jungkook’s hair with a sweet smile. “It depends, I guess…it’s a sexual act for sure, but I guess most people consider sex way more than this,” He said and looked down at the younger, turning a little so he could kiss him again. “Do you want more? Or are you satisfied for today?” Tae asked, biting Jungkook’s lip lightly, while he let his hand travel down his neck and to his nipples. Kissing down, he followed the trail with his mouth, pushing Jungkook over and licking over the sensitive nub, while the other hand was moving down to his thigh. He wasn’t giving Jungkook any friction yet, too far away for that, but close enough to make sure he could feel something. “What do you think, hm?”

That would explain why he didn’t really feel any different so it either needed something else for the bonding to happen - or he had already been so completely in love with Tae before that it didn’t make any difference. “I don’t know, what else is there to show me?” He yelped indignantly when Tae pushed him over like a doll, protesting in between biting kisses - until his back arched of its own accord. His eyes widened when Tae teased his nipples and his stomach tensed as something hot ran down his insides, settling low in his gut. “That’s... that's different.” He blinked, trying to make sense of what he was feeling.

“Hm,” Taehyung hummed in response, sucking on it a little bit more before he looked at Jungkook and blew over it lightly to send a chill down Jungkook’s spine. “You’re sensitive here, baby,” He said with a smile, before playing Jungkook like an instrument, twisting and flicking his hardened nipples with his fingers. He was kissing down Jungkook’s lower stomach, loving how fidgety the younger got under his touch.

“Think I could make you come, just from touching you here?” Taehyung asked, but not really expected an answer from the elf, instead he kissed further down Jungkook’s little happy trail, licking along the hem of Jungkook’s pants. “It’s just like...when I kiss your ears, right?” He said a little out of breath, “My sensitive little baby boy…does it feel good when I touch you here?” Hovering over him, Taehyung kissed Jungkook’s ears softly, before nibbling on them, before asking him again, “Hm...what about here?” Then he kissed his nipples again, playing with him easily.

“Oh! Tae…Taehyung!” He was losing his breath so easily from the older’s teasing, shuddering whenever the rubbed against the perky nubs, sending shockwaves of pleasure through his whole body. He stole the words from his mouth with kisses that were so hot Jungkook was wondering why they didn’t burn on his lips. It was overwhelming - and still, the more Tae gave him the more desperate he got for more. There was a hunger that he had never felt before threading through his mind and soul, something instinctual and so very demanding that he pulled the other down harshly, plundering his mouth because he was suddenly just so... needy.

Feeling Tae’s lips so close to his hips made his stomach do funny little flips as if he was riding a rollercoaster “I.. I don’t know,” He answered honestly, he had no idea what would made him come as he had never done it before but if the tension in his body and the slight tremble in his limbs was any sign to tell, then Tae was doing an amazing job in getting him there. His fingers tightened in the others hair when the older nipped on his ears, eliciting a soft, breathy moan from him. He almost choked on his own sound, surprised by himself, but he could feel every nip and every lick throughout his whole body, like a flame licking on his nerves and filling him with heat.

Taehyung was working Jungkook up easily. It was not hard to find out what the other liked or didn’t like, with the way he beautifully arched his back and moaned with each delicate touch. Teasing him like this, was so rewarding and Taehyung could feel the heat radiating from Jungkook underneath.

The elf felt like he was burning up his hair starting to get sweaty. He completely lost track of time and his surroundings, what Tae did to him made him feel like he was flying, disconnected from reality and lost in pleasure.

Tae sat up in between Jungkook’s legs, letting the younger catch his breath a little, while he traced lines along the elf’s stomach and thighs. “Hm, I think it’s a bit unfair…I’m the only one naked here, don’t you think?” Playing with the hem of Jungkook’s pants, he smiled at him cheekily since Jungkook was giving in to everything he did so easily. Tae simply hooked a finger under it, and pulled it down slowly, revealing Jungkook’s hard on and moving back until he could throw the pants and boxers somewhere into the room.

In Jungkook’s opinion there was something else that was unfair, which was the way Taehyung could play him so easily and casually while Jungkook could only imitate what Tae had shown him. It felt really intimate when Tae was undressing him, slow and without breaking eye contact with him. It was so intense that Jungkook had to look away from being flustered. His cheeks dusted pink as he was finally lying on his back in front of Tae, completely bare and unable to hide anything from his hungry eyes.

Taehyung hummed in satisfaction, kissing up Jungkook’s thighs up until he could kiss the younger’s waist, feeling him twitch underneath. “You’re beautiful like this,” He whispered into Jungkook’s skin and got back over him, moving a little so Jungkook could feel the friction and skin on skin contact. Tae was rutting up against him a few times, breathy low moans escaping his lips, kissing Jungkook sloppily in between. “Babe…, do you,” Tae stopped to let them both catch their breaths, “Do you know what’s going to happen now? Because I need to prepare you and I want you to feel good, so I need you to relax and trust me.”

Feeling Tae’s heated, naked skin on his own felt amazing, and Jungkook wished he could stay like this forever, just feeling, breathing in Tae’s familiar scent, listening to his heartbeat and letting the sweet, sweet kisses calm his mind into a state of absolute bliss. He gasped in surprise when Tae moved his body against him, rolling his hips right in between his legs and making him shudder with the overwhelming sensation of lust that was pooling low in his gut, making him twitch and writhe and whimper with desire. He swallowed harshly when his mind caught up with Tae’s words because trying to answer was turning out to be way more difficult than expected. So, he simply nodded, expression serious before he finally managed to say, “You are going to push your dick inside me.”

Taehyung coughed a little awkwardly, when Jungkook was talking so bluntly about what he would do to him.

“I mean…yeah, but not right away,” He said a little out of breath, hovering over the other. Letting his hand caress over Jungkook’s cheek softly, before explaining, “Before I can do that…I need to prepare you. Stretch you out…” Tae let one hand wander up Jungkook’s thigh and cupped his bottom, squeezing it lightly. “You probably don’t know what I’m talking about at all, right?” He bit his lip in thought, before Tae simply said, “Do you trust me? Because then…just let me show you. It will maybe feel a little strange at first…and I need you to relax, because it can feel so good…and trust me, that I will make sure to prepare you so good, that you can take me and if it still gets too much we can stop anytime you say so.”

Jungkook nodded, feeling a little stupid that he had no idea about the details. Maybe he should have gotten himself a sexual education book for humans. But it hadn’t exactly been on his to do list before to get fucked so this was a bit of a surprise how things had turned serious so quickly. Therefore, he just tried to be as obedient as possible, listening to everything Tae said with wide eyes and determination to follow his words as best as he could.

“Good,” Taehyung kissed Jungkook on his lips, letting the younger take from him what he needed, before he moved along his jawline, leaving a wet trail down Jungkook’s chest. He shifted a little, licking his way over his chest and tasted his nipple, his breath blowing over it before moving down further. Looking up at Jungkook, Tae smiled reassuringly, one hand searching for Jungkook’s, so he could intertwine their hands. The other hand, stroke along Jungkook’s thigh, while Tae was leaving kisses on his hip bone here and there but not quite where the elf needed it the most.

Not knowing where Tae would touch him next was making him twitchy with anticipation and nerves. He was pliant under the older, opening his thighs willingly when Tae nudged them apart. He was so concentrated that he started nibbling on his bottom lip, abusing the flesh until it was plush and red from worrying it too much with his teeth. He wondered what Tae was thinking if he was as excited as Jungkook or if it wasn’t that special anymore if you had done it more often. “Tae?” He sounded young, a little vulnerable. “Did you sleep with lots of other humans?”

Taehyung grabbed a hold of Jungkook’s cock and licked along it right away, feeling the younger shudder beneath him, when he suddenly stopped because of the elf’s question. “Huh?” He looked up at Jungkook, his tongue still pressed tightly on the other’s dick, before he regained his posture a little. Every thought it his head got lost the second Tae’s tongue licked along his cock. The pleasant shock rendered him mute and so it was a bit hard to follow Tae’s words. Only when Tae came up to answer him properly did the haze clear. “No…not really,” Tae came up, to meet Jungkook with a kiss on his lips, “I had boyfriends before, yeah…but it’s been a while. No one made me go crazy like this, though. I don’t think I’ve ever loved someone as much as I love you…” Shocked by his own confession, he averted his gaze a little, biting his lip anxiously, “I just…really want to love you.”

Hearing Tae talk about him like this and knowing that he was as special to Tae as the human was to him made him giddy with joy. He hid his smile behind his hand because he just couldn’t stop, so happy to do anything else but smile stupidly at the other. He was sensitive enough already with all these new impressions so adding this emotional confession to the mix made his eyes shiny with oncoming tears. Tears of joy but Jungkook got flustered nonetheless.

“You’re my baby boy,” Taehyung said and kissed the tip of Jungkook’s nose, “My sweet elf.” With a smile, Tae moved down again, going back to where he had started. He could feel his own lust building and so Taehyung licked along his long shaft back towards his balls. Slowly but sensually, Taehyung was showing Jungkook how the pleasure of a blow-job could feel like, so he took his balls into one hand, gently massaging them, before he took as much as he could of his cock into his mouth. The other hand wrapped around its base, he slid it back and forth, matching the rhythm of his mouth. Taehyung could feel himself getting harder again, while he was pumping Jungkook’s cock a few times, using his tongue and mouth expertly and causing Jungkook to groan with pleasure, which only made himself harder.

The elf was completely helpless under Tae’s skilled mouth. The only thing he could do was shudder and pant and tighten his hold onto the covers until his knuckles turned white. Still he couldn’t get rid of the tension that made his abs clench and teased lustful gasp and trembling moans out of his chest. It felt like nothing he had ever experienced before, as if Tae had found a way to get under his skin and set his nerves ablaze.

Taehyung smiled at the younger, letting him take a breath, using the little break to make Jungkook spread his legs a little further. Where they had their hands intertwined, Taehyung was stroking softly with his thumb over his skin. Then he pressed the tip of his tongue against the space between his balls and hole, flicking it hard multiple times. He wrapped one arm around Jungkook’s thigh to keep it in place, before Tae licked around the curving of Jungkook’s ass cheeks sweetly, letting him feel how close he was, before Tae pressed his mouth right against his hole, letting his tongue slip smoothly around his tight hole, kissing and sucking him.

Jungkook’s eyes snapped open when he realized where exactly Tae was pushing his tongue and he tensed, trying to get up. “What... what are you doing?” His cheeks burned from shame and he felt way too wet down there, afraid that he might be not clean enough or that Tae would find that something wasn’t as it should be on a human’s body.

Wiping over his mouth, Taehyung came up and onto his knees, caressing soothingly over Jungkook’s thigh. “Hey, relax, baby boy…I’m preparing you,” Tae said in a soft, reassuring voice, “Where else do you think my dick fits, baby?” He was squeezing his thigh, leaning down to kiss the elf on his stomach, before gazing up at him, “Didn’t it feel good?”

He was still flushed but Tae’s reaction managed to calm him a little. “Right. I... I’m sorry, I just... didn’t expect this.” He laid back down, closing his eyes but the tension in his body gave away that he was still nervous. He hadn’t really concentrated if it felt good, too shocked by where Tae had put his tongue. Although he absolutely trusted Tae’s intentions he started to worry a little. He had seen Tae’s cock and it... wasn’t small. He wondered if humans might be built a bit differently, afraid that maybe his body wasn‘t meant for this.

“Don’t be sorry, baby,” Taehyung got over him again, gripping Jungkook’s chin to make the younger look at him, “I love you, okay? Just try and relax and trust me…you’re perfect.” This time Taehyung kissed the other heatedly, letting the younger take all of him that he needed to reassure himself, before he pulled away again with a smile. With a teasing wink, Tae was slicking his fingers with his own spit, before he was rubbing sweetly over Jungkook’s hole. Just making the other feel the sensation there a little, without pushing too far, yet. He needed some lube for it to work smoothly, but Taehyung was sure that Jungkook wouldn’t have this lying around, so he had to think quick. He was looking around the storage room, biting his lip in thought.

“I need…something…like…ah,” Tae kissed Jungkook’s knee quick, telling him he would be back in a second, before walking over to one of the many shelfs. Taking out the tin of coconut oil*.

Tae smiled and came back to Jungkook. “I will use this as lube,” He explained, kissing the elf again, “So, I can prepare you perfectly for me.”

“O…okay,” It sounded a little like a question but Jungkook really tried his best to adapt to this and be as good for Tae as the other needed him to be. He wanted this. He just had no idea how to act or what to do to make it work. He felt cold immediately as soon as Tae got up and he only realized that he had held his breath when it rushed out of him in relief when Tae kneeled back down in between his legs, stroking his sides gently and smiling at him in a way that calmed his heart just right.

Taehyung opened it, pouring some of the natural lube onto his fingers, before going back to rub down Jungkook’s hole and preparing him with it. He got back over Jungkook, making sure the younger could reach for him any second if he needed him. With his knees, he pushed Jungkook’s legs open a bit more. “Hold on to me if you need it,” Tae said, his finger moving in a circle around the other’s hole, “Just relax into it.” Placing a soft kiss on the elf’s neck, Taehyung pushed one finger into Jungkook slowly, feeling how the lube was making his finger glide easily.

Jungkook nodded quietly, swallowing harshly against the lump in his throat. The coconut oil warmed easily and so it didn’t really feel that strange - until Tae pushed inside. His grip tightened, fingers digging into Tae’s shoulder as he tensed instinctively before willing himself to relax again. His eyes were wide, heart beating so quickly and heavily that he could feel it all throughout his body.

“You’re doing so good, baby boy,” He soothed the younger, kissing him sweetly, “Relax into it.” He pushed a little more, working his finger in and out slowly so the younger could get a feel for it. “Let me in, baby,” Tae whispered against Jungkook’s ear, nibbling on it.

The teasing of his ears, especially the tips made his muscles go lax in Tae’s embrace. The touch inside of his body barely became a footnote as he was way too occupied to feel the desire and the rush of that that Tae’s gentle caresses evoked. His moans had become downright sinful by now and Jungkook had long forgotten how to be ashamed of his sounds as they spilled out of him so naturally whenever Tae awake the pleasure in his body anew. Taehyung pumped his finger a little faster, feeling Jungkook shiver and his muscles work with the steady press of him pushing in. He kissed the elf on his lip, letting his tongue glide along his bottom lip, swallowing down every breathy moan of him and capturing it with another heated kiss.

“You’re so tight, baby boy,” He breathed out, rutting himself up against Jungkook, desperate for some friction himself. Tae was moving his finger in a circle, lining around Jungkook’s tight hole for a bit, before he kept pushing back in, stretching him out. “Going to make you feel so good,” Tae murmured moving down to play with Jungkook’s nipples again, loving how sensitive the other was there. He was pumping his finger faster, making Jungkook gasp and hum in response and Tae pushed down a little more. “Do you want more, baby?”

Whenever the stretch came close to being uncomfortable or burning Taehyung made sure to distract Jungkook with pure pleasure, blowing his mind with how easily he could make him get lost in this. Before he even noticed Taehyung was three fingers deep inside of him and Jungkook had gotten so used to this that he barely paid it any attention - as long as Tae kept teasing his nipples and rubbing over the sensitive part of his thighs. “Good boy, that’s it,” Taehyung could feel how Jungkook was relaxing, letting him in even more and he patiently pushed his fingers into him and pulled it back out, moving slowly. While he worked him open, he kissed Jungkook again, the younger’s body tensing, when Taehyung pushed more, stretching him out even further. Taehyung held there, adding just a little bit more pressure but not wanting to force it in, until the elf’s body relaxed, and his fingers sank in further, his muscles closing around it.

“Hm..mh?” He blinked his eyes open when his mind registered that Tae was talking to him, possibly expecting an answer. He had no idea what ‘more’ entailed but he knew what he wanted in the end, so he just told Tae, innocently and sweet, in all his elfish honesty, “I want you to take me. Make me yours, please.”

“You’re so good for me, my perfect baby boy,” He whispered and kissed Jungkook with a smile. “I will make you mine now,” Taehyung murmured, not knowing what this sweet promise meant for Jungkook’s life.

He got up a little, taking a bit more of the coconut oil to prepare himself. Tae grunted low, humming in satisfaction, when he pumped himself a few times. He stared down at Jungkook, the muscles playing along his chest and arms, when he played with himself. Laying down next to the elf, he pulled Jungkook into his embrace. His back against his chest. Reaching out for his thigh, he hooked it up and over his leg, placing himself right along Jungkook’s hole. But before he would push in, Tae gazed up at the younger. He was holding him right against his own body and Taehyung was sure that Jungkook could feel his heart beating wildly against his chest. Gripping his chin, he turned the younger to look at him, kissing him a little sloppily, as he lined himself up against the younger’s hole. And then he pushed in, carefully and slow, feeling the resistance and how Jungkook locked up tight, so he kissed him on his shoulder, below his pulse point and on his ear, whispering sweet promises.

“Let me take you, baby boy,” Wrapping his arm around Jungkook’s thigh, he pushed a little harder, “I love you.” Jungkook was practically trembling from the anticipation when Tae pulled him tight against his chest. He had trouble breathing properly because he was so focused on what was about to happen that he almost choked on air. So, he did the only thing he could; he held onto Tae for dear life and hoped that this wasn’t the biggest mistake that he had ever made. His worried melted away like heated wax when Tae turned his head to kiss him, soothing him so sweetly, making sure he felt safe and loved and cared for.

Jungkookie let go, giving himself over to Tae and closing his eyes. He trusted him. He really, really wanted this; wanted to know what it would be like to be one with Tae. When Tae pushed in his muscles still refused him, tightening around the foreign feeling of being entered. It was different from being fingered and for a second Jungkook was about to panic. As if he felt it Tae chose this moment to tell him that he loved him again, reassuring him as best as he could. There was nothing else that Jungkook could ask for. Taehyung loved him, he desired him. He was taking care of him. And Jungkook loved him back. There was nothing he needed to be afraid of.

With a final shuddering breath Jungkook spread his thighs wider for Tae and let him in. Taehyung was panting, as he could feel the tightness of Jungkook’s ass pulling him in and he moaned loud and unabashed, hiding his face in the crook of the younger’s neck when he bottomed out completely.

“Fuck…you’re so good,” Tae murmured, staying still for a moment, “Feel…feel so good around me, I want…to…fuck you.” Placing kisses everywhere, Taehyung pulled out, but only to push back into Jungkook. First carefully and slow, watching Jungkook’s reactions. The younger was gasping with every push and Taehyung slowly but steadily upped his tempo.

Knowing that was actually inside of his body was... intense and Jungkook tried to wrap his mind around it to no avail. Tae was as close to him as he could physically be and everything Jungkook wanted was to melt back and be united with Tae forever. It felt simply amazing. The pleasure wasn’t like before, not as scorching or sudden, rather a low, pleasant hum in his lower body but Tae seemed to enjoy it, so he was happy as well. If taking him would bring Tae pleasure that he would gladly let the other have him whenever he wanted.

Taehyung reached around and gripped Jungkook’s cock and with him pushing into the younger, making him move with every thrust, it was easy to give him even more friction. Tae was absolutely amazed with how good Jungkook was taking him, it almost felt like he was made for this. For him to love and protect. A little choked off sound escaped Jungkook when Tae gripped his cock, making him clench around him and try to close his thighs - which he couldn’t because they were held open by Tae’s own legs. He felt vulnerable and open - but in a good way. An exciting way that made him move against Tae’s tight hold to get more and more.

“You feel so good, baby, I need…I need more,” Without pulling out of him, Tae simply wrapped his arm around his narrow waist and pushed himself up and Jungkook on his knees. He leaned in and over Jungkook, kissing his ear, before he whispered, “This will be easier for you, too…you take me so good, baby boy.” Gripping his waist, Taehyung pushed back in almost forcefully, letting Jungkook feel how deep he was. He moved his hips in circles, his hand soothing up and down his back, before Tae gripped him tight again, thrusting himself into the younger.

He completely lost balance when Tae turned him around, thankfully to get a better grounding as soon as he was on his hands and knees. Before he could tell Taehyung that he was glad that Tae liked him that way the other pushed into him, more forcefully this time and so deeply that he whimpered helplessly. “T…Tae...,” the other’s name was like a plea on his lips, although he wasn’t really sure what he was pleading for.

“Yes, baby boy?” He thrusted into him again, loving the way it made Jungkook gasp and moan, “You like that?” Taehyung was so lost in his own pleasure, thrusting into him so deeply and hard, that he only realized that he had spanked the other when his hand met Jungkook’s bottom. He gripped the flesh tight, squeezing Jungkook’s bottom, before Tae wrapped his arm around the younger chest and pulled him up and against him. Jungkook yelped in surprise when Tae’s palm hit his backside, clenching around Tae and whimpering slightly at the feeling of being so full. He had as much knowledge about kinks as he had about space travel, so he was simply and utterly confused. But he didn’t have the breath to ask Taehyung what the slap had been for anyway - he was too busy panting.

Kissing the youngers, shoulder and neck, his hot breath was fanning against the elf. “’m sorry, you make…me go crazy…,” He moaned, “Tell me…when I do something…you don’t like ‘kay?” He kissed the elf on his ear, sucking at the top and nibbling on it. Pushing up into Jungkook was pure heaven and Tae moaned unabashed with every thrust. His voice low and sultry whenever he spoke. He soothed over Jungkook’s bottom, doing little circles with his waist, before Tae pushed back in hard.

Jungkook felt Tae’s strength which each and every trust, trying to keep himself stable but his body rocked from how hard Tae pushed into his body. He was so busy trying to cope with everything that he only realized that Tae was playing unfair and using his weakness against him when he felt a hot tongue on his ear tip. The high pitched moan that left his lips made his cheeks flush deeply.

„You feel so good, so…good,” Taehyung squeezed Jungkook’s bottom once more, thrusting into the other mercilessly. Reaching around the younger, he gripped his hard dick again, jerking him off with every thrust of his hips. His lips were leaving sloppy little kisses all over Jungkook’s neck, making him turn his head to look at Taehyung. A cheeky smile on his lips, Taehyung kissed him passionately, while holding him tight to his chest. “Baby boy…,” He hummed, breathy little moans escaping his lips when he slowed down his thrusts until his hips were only moving in sweet little circles. Tae’s hand moved from his length, down to his balls to massage him, rolling them in his palm, “How are you feeling, baby?”

Jungkook was shaking, his knees getting weak from what Tae did to him. He tried to keep himself upright, but his body failed him, making him fall on his elbows. Tae had complete control over him and it was a scary and thrilling thought at the same time. He could feel Tae’s cock move inside him, stroking his tight walls from the inside and he gasped, breathless, lost in the feeling of physical pleasure. “I... I’m fine...I’m...,” He broke off, voice trembling too much to really form coherent sentences.

“I got you, baby,” Taehyung soothed him, kissing him sweetly below his pulse point, before he wrapped his arm around his waist and pulled out of the younger. He reached out for Jungkook, helping him to turn around on his back. Meeting his lips with a kiss, Taehyung cupped his cheek to make the elf look up at him, “Do you want me to make you come?” Tae couldn’t deny it, but he was aching and trembling to get back inside of Jungkook. His muscles shaking with the way he tried not to push right back into him.

The elf just nodded, thankful that Tae had turned them around, so he had something to hold onto and could pull Tae close to him. He felt safer with his arms around Tae’s neck and his thighs around the older’s waist. He needed the closeness as much as he needed air right now. The human pushed back inside him easily and Jungkook was surprised at how easily he had already accustomed to the feeling of being taken, the stretch just a little uncomfortable before Tae’s presence washed away anything else but the longing and desire to be his.

Jungkook’s hold around his neck, made it impossible for Tae to sit up and since he didn’t want to take away his feel of safety, Tae used all of his strength to lift the younger up with his arm around his waist. This way he knew, he would hit the right spot.

“I love you,” A whispered promise against Jungkook’s lips, before he thrusted back into him. Harder, this time, assaulting that one spot over and over again. He was panting, holding on to the younger, while he moaned low and loud, not caring who could hear them. Jungkook held onto the other with all the strength he had left, thinking that Tae was just changing positions again before Tae thrusted harder, sliding right along Jungkook’s sweet spot. The elf screamed, completely overwhelmed by the pure hot pleasure that ran along his spine, making his thighs tremble and his muscles clench.

“T..Tae! What are you...” He was left screaming again when Tae fucked him harder, sliding into him just right again and again, not giving him any time to adjust or catch his breath. He whimpered helplessly when Tae made sure to fuck him senseless, his weak attempt at closing his legs futile as he was pinned down on his back for Tae like a doll, just begging to be taken apart. Which was exactly what Tae was doing right now.

“I’m…making you come…,” Tae was panting, biting into the juncture of Jungkook’s neck to release a bit of the tension and licking over the spot right after. He smiled against the elf’s skin, before he sat up a little more, so he could look at Jungkook. His arm wrapped tightly around his waist, his lips only a few inches away from Jungkook’s, Tae was gazing right into his eyes with a smile. “Fuck, you’re so tight…,” He moved a little slower, his thrusts getting only harder though, before he upped the tempo and took Jungkook apart. Biting down on the younger’s lip, he kissed him and licked into his mouth. “Come for me, baby boy…don’t fight it…,” Taehyung murmured breathlessly, “You’re mine now.”

Jungkook whined, the pleasure making him writhe but there was nowhere to go to get rid of what he was feeling so he could just lay there and take it, the already pent-up tension climbing higher and higher until his abdomen was locking up and his thighs tightening around Tae’s waist as his body went completely rigid and then he came. Hard and shuddery, panting, with Tae’s name on his lips like a prayer.

Jungkook tightening around his cock, was all Taehyung needed. He pushed into him hard, thrusting through the elf’s and his own orgasms that spilled hot and wet into Jungkook. But Taehyung didn’t stop until the last shudder from his own muscles ebbed down. He fucked them both through it, loving the beautiful view Jungkook was giving him, his own cum spread all over the elf’s stomach. Breathing heavily, Tae pulled out with a low growl, keeping Jungkook’s legs spread to see the mess that he had made. “Fuck,” He threw his head back, before his gaze met the younger’s, “You’re so beautiful.”

Tae didn’t mind the dirtiness, hovering back over Jungkook’s face to search for his lips in a sweet kiss. “I love you, baby, “ He whispered, “All mine…”

Jungkook was too far gone to notice how downright dirty this was and how much Taehyung reveled in it. He was still coming down from his high when he suddenly felt it; Jungkook had thought that the binding was just something that would happening on a psychological level, so he had never thought that he would actually feel it happening throughout his whole body. The elf gasped in shock when he started shaking violently again, clinging to Tae with trembling fingers as if he was lost the second he would let go. He felt as if he had fallen apart during his orgasm and now his body was trying to piece him back together, just that it was weaving Tae and everything he stood for right into him; the feeling of Tae’s skin on his own, the kisses that still lingered on his lips and neck, Tae’s voice as he had whispered into his ear, low and sultry, the way Tae’s smile made him feel or the spark in his eyes when he told him he cared, the taste of his kisses, his lips, so addictingly sweet... It sunk deep, deep into his cells – and especially into his heart. He had never tried to imagine how it would feel to be irrevocably in love with someone, how it might feel like to know that there wouldn’t be someone else in the whole wide world who could touch heart like Tae, as it was already claimed by him. Now he knew. When his breath came back, and his heart calmed down to normal it had become completely natural for him that his heart was only beating for Tae now, each and every stuttering beat against his ribs another tell that he was his.

Taehyung looked at Jungkook wide-eyed the second he began shaking like that. He panicked for a second, but Jungkook’s body already stilled again. “You…are you okay? Baby? Jungkookie?” Taehyung said, placing a kiss on his cheek, then another one, looking at the elf all worried, “What’s wrong? Was it too much? Was I…did I hurt you?” He almost cried out the words, way too scared that he had done something to the younger, that he didn’t like and not wanted him to do. He caressed over his skin, trying to shield him from whatever it was that made him shake like this and keep him warm. Jungkook was too emotional to talk, his throat closed up when he heard Tae talk like that, worried about him, caring for him so he just went with his instinct, burying his head at his neck, pressing his body against Tae’s still warm, sweaty and naked. He was kissing Tae’s pulse, just like Tae liked to do it, nibbling at the sensitive skin where he could feel Tae’s heartbeat against his lips. He felt…alive. As if he had woken up as someone else. And that someone was entirely Tae’s.

* this is 100% organic, unrefined coconut oil we‘re talking about. And in case you‘re wondering; yes you can actually use that stuff as a natural lubricant if you‘re not allergic to coconuts (as a person that can get pregnant you should keep in mind that it may weaken latex, but that would go too far here as this is a fanfic and no sex ed) Just a general reminder: Do not under any circumstances use random stuff for sex if you‘re not absolutely sure what you are doing. Pls!

A/N: Isn’t innocent Jungkook the sweetest? I’m dying because of his cuteness. We hope you liked it and don’t forget to leave us a comment. ❤

Are you curious to know what kind of new stories will come soon? ;) Did you check out our new gifset trailers already? There will be a One-Shot coming on New-Years Eve and in January there will be two new stories! You can find the gifset trailers here (Vampire!Minjoon Story) and here (King!Namjoon x Jungkook) ! We are so excited to share new stuff with you guys soon!

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