#I was. Such. a social disaster today like oh my GOD how many times can a person embarrass themselves in the span of 10 hours | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

your-fave-adopted-you · 1 year

Note

Hello! I would like to make a request with Crowley reacting to a Father's Day gift 👀

MC are too tired of the irresponsible behavior of their guardian and the chaos that is happening in the NRC, so all they can do is passive aggression

okay this is hilarious.

Guardian! Crowley reacts to a passive-agressive father's day gift

Characters : Crowley

Gn pronouns were used.

TW : none.

Context : It's been some time since you randomly appeared at NRC. It's principal, Crowley, had quickly grown very fond of you and decided to be your guardian.

However, as odd as it sounds, most of the time it felt like you were the one responsible for him, and not the other way around.

Everyone tells you how hard it is to get accepted there, that it's a very professional and organized institution.

Yeah, you're not buying that. Just some days after you were brought here, a dorm leader literally overblotted, and a while after, yet another one did, and so on.

This institution seems to be home for chaos but is your guardian, self proclaimed bestest father, and the one in charge of the whole place doing anything about it?

Nah, he leaves his precious non-magical kid to be (the extreme and dangerous version of) a therapist for literally everyone.

You were fed up with this, but knowing Crowley, complaining wouldn't do much.

Today's father's day.

You had thought about not gifting Crowley anything, as a way of saying "Act more like a father and maybe next year you'll get one"

But that idea made you feel like you were still the parent of this dinamic, scolding the childish one in hopes of correcting his behavior.

Isn't that exactly what you want to stop?

anyways, what should an actual young adult do in this situation?

Yeah, being petty as hell sounds about right.

You were (again) texting your best friend about your frustrations regarding Crowley.

"hey, y/n, would you give me permission to roast your dad?"

"yeah sure."

he had. so many memes prepared for this occasion.

Most he made himself after listening to you complain about the crowdad almost daily. Yep, they were mostly inside jokes.

There was one, however, that caught your attention.

"Pfff i think I may have his father's day gift figured out"

"naaah you're not going to do that, right?"

"😈😈😈"

"RIGHT?"

all of a sudden this is an arts and crafts montage.

You printed the text and stuff and glued it to the thinnest piece of cardboard you could find.

You also told Idia about your idea and he let you use his 3D printer, for the sake of shitpost.

Once it was done, it looked so professional, like if you had bought it for like, 2$ at the gas station.

"5minutes b4 disaster" was the caption of an (intentionally) slightly blurry pic you posted, that showed your magnum opus.

You finally go to the principal's office.

There he is, playing some annoying mobile game that typically pops up as an ad for a relatively better game way too often.

you give him your beautifully wrapped gift.

"OH! MY PRECIOUS, BEAUTIFUL Y/N!!! I KNEW YOU WOULDN'T FORGET!"

why. does he always have to yell.

as he unwraps your gift, the smile in his faces just gets wider.

"YOU-"

oh my god.

"YOU MADE AN ACTION FIGURE OF YOUR BELOVED DAD?? WHY! I TOTALLY DESERVE THIS!! my sweet, sweet y/n, i know see how you may feel about HAVING THE BEST DAD EVER!!"

yeah he's totally ignoring the package.

the worst part is- you're convinced he read the whole thing, but he's just delusional.

your mission has been a total failure.

The next time you go to his office, you notice the figure on his desk, next to a post-it drawing of you, looking up to the it and smiling.

there's also multiple printed pictures of you (some taken from your social media and a couple paparazzi style)

he's ... actually working on some paperwork, wow. he seems very content.

for just this time. you can let him win.

#twst x mc #twst x reader #dire crowley

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steadybelieverpersona · 14 days

Text

Ch.6: Wild Escape, Behind the Scenes, Chasing Shadows, and State of the Holy Lyre der Himmel

Warning: Reader being innocent(Very innocent) and being clumsy and Diluc being dirty minded

They managed to escape quickly with Venti leading them to a tavern called "Angele's Share" and they wasted no time in entering the tavern

Charles: Master Diluc, this is this week's accounts.

Diluc: Hmm... The disaster has greatly affected business.

Charles: Well, let's hope it all ends soon.

Venti: Hi, we'd like a seat at your, uhh... least conspicuous table.

Diluc: Umm... The second floor has fewer customers. You'd be less conspicuous up there... But aren't you a bard? Why not sit front and center? And why is she shaking? *points at Y/n* "Why is she bleeding?"

Y/n: *literally shaking due to tripping and scraping her knees while running inside the tavern*

Venti: Hahaha, let's save the paid performance for next time. We'll be heading up now, see you in a bit!

After Aether, Paimon, Y/n, and Venti leave

Diluc: Hey, keep an eye on them. There's something strange about that bard. I'll go ask around.

Charles: Ask who exactly?

Diluc: The "protectors" of Mondstadt...

After reaching the second floor, two guards from the Knights of Favonius ran into the Tavern and talked to Diluc

Otto: Ah, Master Diluc. Have you seen two thieves around?

Diluc: What happened? Why have you mobilized so many guards?

Miles: Haven't you heard, Master Diluc? Two thieves were trying to steal the Holy Lyre!

Diluc: Oh? How odd.

Miles: Isn't it? The Holy Lyre is a treasure that was played by the God of Anemo themselves. Such a precious piece of cultural heritage—

Diluc: Why would one want to steal something they can't sell off? Would pay better to steal from my cellars...

Otto: Huh?

Diluc: Sorry, off-topic. Believe they headed that way.

Miles: Understood. Thank you, Master Diluc!

As soon as the guards left, Aether, Venti, Paimon, and Y/n, who was struggling with walking, came back down the stairs and Y/n sat down on a stool and noticed how her white leggings were ripped and stained with blood

Y/n: "That looks bad and it stings as well."

Venti: Today I think I'll have a glass of...

Diluc: You can put down that bottle you stole from behind the counter.

Venti: ...something cold.

Diluc: Right. I want answers.

Venti: Lemme finish my drink first? I'll pay you — well, with a performance.

Diluc: It's not about money. You seem too young to be drinking.

Venti: No need to worry. When I started drinking, you were still—

Aether: How about answering my question first?

Venti: Oh, you wanna ask, "Who's this?" Am I right? He is Master Diluc, the boss of... ah, the owner of this tavern. He's very famous. By the way, his dandelion wine is one of my favorites.Though most of the time I can only afford a bottle or two...

Y/n: *whispering* And he's unmarried and doesn't like socializing...

Diluc: I just heard about some thieves from the guards. For the record, I like your guy's guts for trying to steal the Holy Lyre der Himmel. Even if you are fools... but we don't often get to see people like you guys, though I didn't expect Y/n who doesn't get into trouble a lot steal something

Paimon: It wasn't us that stole it! The real thief is still out there! And plus, are we seriously going to ignore how Y/n is in pain right now!?!

Venti: Oh, right! You okay Y/n it looked like you took a nasty fall

Y/n: Yeah, I fell and scraped both my knees

Diluc: Let me take a look. *sits down next to her and starts inspecting the injury* Yup, it looks like you scraped your knees very badly, I'll go find some antibiotics for you once I get some answers, is that fine with you?

Y/n: Yup, that's fine

Venti: These are the hotshots of the Knights of Favonius. Why would someone so aspiring steal Mondstadt's sacred treasure?

Diluc: Hotshots...? Oh, so it's you and Y/n. So, you, the bard and Y/n are close friends? "Who the hell is this bastard and why is he getting close to my darling..."

Aether: We're not close, actually. I've only heard him play once. And I still am in the process of getting to know Y/n better. "I don't like this guy"

Venti: "My poor baby got herself injured all because of me....Tch and I bet these two bastards are trying to get close to her..."

Diluc: Well... Despite only being a passing traveler, you still offered your help to Mondstadt in its time of need. A shame you and Y/n joined the Knights. The Knights of Favonius... Inefficient right from beginning to end. And towards the Fatui? Weak and conservative. Forget it. I don't feel like talking about it.

Venti: Seems you don't really like the Knights of Favonius.

Diluc: Just differences in approach is all. I have my own hopes for this city. Now, answers. Why did you steal the Holy Lyre?

Venti: You sure you want to know? It could implicate you in the affairs of the Knights of Favonius.

Diluc: That's fine. I somehow always end up implicated in their affairs.

Venti: If I tell you the story with a performance, will you believe me?

Diluc: It depends. I'll make my own judgment.

Venti: Then will I get paid?

Diluc: Your reward will range from anywhere between five Mora and the Holy Lyre. It all depends on your story.

Venti: Very well. Let me put on a show...

The story I want to tell starts at... the sky dragon heeding his grave calls...

Brutal battle with the wicked dragon... ingested venomous blood and fell into a slumber... only to awake to be expelled in abhor...

Diluc: What did I just witness... This is confidential information. Why did you let me know?

Venti: Why? Hmm... Perhaps the winds are changing. What say you, Master Diluc?

Diluc: Interesting. Give me some time. I'll organize some contacts. Outlander, as one of the Knights, it seems you and Y/n are not suspects. Blonde is the only description on the wanted poster. You should be safe. As for the bard, however, it'd be better if you stayed in the tavern. And as for Y/n, there wasn't any information about her on the poster plus, it's best if you stay in the tavern Y/n due to your injuries...

Venti: Haha. No problem! I like taverns.

Aether: *chuckles* The reason why there wasn't any information on Y/n was because she's too short

Y/n: I'm not short!!! I'm still in development on growing!!!

Diluc: ... Okay. Let's meet here tonight after the tavern closes. Also, Y/n you keep saying that but that you aren't growing anymore, infact other parts grew instead of your height *blushes* Anyways, I'll go get the antibiotics....

Y/n: What does he mean by other parts that I grew instead of my height? And why was Diluc's face red as his hair?

After it became midnight, the tavern closes, and Aether and Paimon make their way back to the tavern but don't see Y/n there

Venti: You're here.

Jean: Wait, you're... Aether?

Aether: ...Jean? Why is the Acting Grand Master here? And where's Y/n?

Diluc: Well, first of all, I contacted more than one person. Secondly, she came here as "Jean" herself, not as the Acting Grand Master. A Jean you would never see, even as an Honorary Knight. And Thirdly, Y/n is in the back putting on new leggings that Jean brought for her after I healed her injuries

Jean: What a surprise. I heard about the Holy Lyre, but I never suspected it was you and Y/n.

Y/n: I'm back! Oh Aether and Paimon your both back! Sorry off topic! So what were we talking about again?

Jean: So, the sound of the Holy Lyre can purify Stormterror and return it to normal... Is that true?

Y/n: Oh right, the plan to help Dvalin

Venti: That's right! Aether and Y/n are putting themselves on the front line to try and resolve this Stormterror issue. Now, those are the hotshots of the Knights of Favonius I'm talking about.

Paimon: Feels like we're breaking the law though...

Diluc: I understand this kind of absurd explanation is hard to believe. But, we can ask the bard to play the song again to try and persuade—

Jean: I believe you.

Diluc: To persuade our stubborn comman— Wait, what?

Y/n: pfft

Jean: I can't think of any reason for Dvalin's betrayal, given it was once one of The Four Winds. However, if it was poisoned in the battle over Mondstadt all those years ago... And then corrupted by the Abyss Mage after it woke up — we can't really blame it. But as Acting Grand Master I obviously cannot make such a statement publicly. Diplomatic pressure from the Fatui makes it hard for us to seek a peaceful resolution to the Stormterror issue. People would think I've lost grip on the gravity of the situation. That's why I can only do this in private.

Diluc: Hmph. That's one of the reasons I don't like the Knights of Favonius. What surprises me is that you would believe an outlander so easily...

Y/n: Why do you always have to be cold Master Diluc?

Diluc: I'm not cold Y/n!!!!

Jean: My cautious and meticulous superior, even you trust him. Don't you, sir?

Diluc: I already told you not to call me sir... Never mind. We don't often get to work together after all.

Aether: Sir?

Y/n: "Oooo~ The tea(gossip) is hot right now!!!"

Jean: ...

Diluc: ...

Paimon: Wow! Um... This is really awkward...

Jean: I have a rough idea of where the Holy Lyre der Himmel is.

Venti: "Nice recovery! She's really talented at changing the subject..."

Y/n: "Awww, and here I was hoping that I could get some drama"

Jean: The conflict between Mondstadt and Snezhnaya stems from the conflict between the seven nations and their respective gods. The Cryo God's Fatui seem to be after the Anemo God's power.

Venti: ...

Y/n: So are they going to take over the defense of Mondstadt? By wanting to kill Dvalin?

Jean: Right. If the Knights of Favonius publicly prevented an attempt on Dvalin's head, then... The only other way to affect the Anemo God's power is to take the Holy Lyre.

Diluc: The number of Fatui that have come to Mondstadt is far from limited. I've already managed to... coerce a few reports out of them.

Jean: Diluc has determined that the Holy Lyre is not being held in the Goth Grand Hotel. I imagine they don't want to leave something stolen in a place where it could be so easily found.

Paimon: Paimon gets it. If too much of a scene gets made then it becomes a big diplomatic issue.

Diluc: Hmph, such is the diplomacy between the seven nations.

Aether: Let's go

Venti: Jean just said the Fatui are trying to take Dvalin's power for the Cryo God....I fear this might fall short of their true intentions. I think they intend to use Barbatos' connection to the wind to draw him out. Just like Lisa traced the source of the storm to the temples.

Diluc: The God of Anemo? ...Hasn't been seen for more than a thousand years. What makes you think that's their intention?

Venti: Oh... ah...

Diluc: ... Forget it. I don't like having to pry. Aether, here. Take this.

Paimon: What is it?

Diluc: A disguise, to protect your identity. Put it on before you run into the Fatui. Unfortunately, they are still one of Mondstadt's allies. At least that's the facade we're maintaining...Our actions are going to get them stirred up. Better to not implicate yourself on a personal level.

After recovering the Lyre from the Fatui Hideout and returning to Angel's Share(It was to complecated on trying to write it so I just skipped it sorry)

Venti: Welcome back! Ah, this is the Holy Lyre! You managed to retrieve it! The pattern of flowing wind carved on the rosewood... and the strings still feel cool to the touch too. Oh, the memories...

Jean: What do you think, Venti? Can you summon Dvalin?

Venti: Although this lyre is the real thing, I doubt that it's going to work. As you can see, the lyre has been through a thousand years of history. Its Anemo power has run dry. In this condition, you couldn't play music fit for even Diluc's tavern with it...

Diluc: Bards fight to get on the stage of my tavern. Don't make assumptions!

Y/n: Are they seriously fighting for something so trivial?

Paimon: Is that really important right now, Master Diluc!? And you — did you just borrow the Holy Lyre to play music for drunkards to hear?

Venti: Hehe.

Paimon: What do you mean "hehe"!?

Venti: Anyway, we won't be able to call Dvalin with it. The lyre itself is fine, but the strings...

Venti: You're up, outlander!

Aether: I don't know how to fix instruments

Venti: Relax! It's not broken. It's just that the intensity of its Anemo power has greatly diminished.

Y/n: Aether, do you still have Dvalin's Teardrop Crystal with you?

Aether: Yes, but what does that have to do with this?

Y/n: Great! Try to use it on the Holy Lyre.

Aether: Let me give it a try.

After using the crystal on the lyre, the lyre was somewhat repaired, but it was still far from being repaired yet

Y/n: It worked, as expected.

Jean: This youthful glow...

Paimon: Praising yourself? Really?

Jean: ...I was talking about the Holy Lyre.

Venti: Thanks to Aether having purified the crystal, the Holy Lyre won't continue to lose power. That said, its power is far from replenished. It'd be great if we could get more tears.

Aether: Right. How do we do that?

Venti: I can surmise that Dvalin will already be crying... Suffering alone in some deserted place...

Jean: Dvalin...

Paimon: Poor baby...

Jean: This is not something that an Honorary Knight can accomplish alone. I will mobilize the rest of the knights to assist. When you get the Teardrop Crystal, please let Aether perform the purification process.

Aether: Leave it to me.

Venti: Heroes supporting each other and setting out on a journey together... How exciting! Lemme come up with a song for you...

Paimon: Is that all you're going to do? Just sing?

Venti: Wouldn't be much of a bard if I didn't now, would I?

Paimon: Hmph. You're so cheeky... You deserve an ugly nickname. Oh, Paimon knows! From now on, you'll be known as "Tone-Deaf Bard"!

Y/n: I'll go with you guys and help out too!!!

Skit(Warning 18+, not really that much but i tried):

Y/n: *wearing a maid dress* Hey Master Diluc!!! Look at the outfit that Adeline gave me!!! What do you think?

Diluc: .....*nosebleeds and passes out*

Y/n: Ah!!! What's happening!?!

Diluc then fell to the ground, and the cause for his nose bleed, and him passing out was because of his dirty thoughts on Y/n wearing different revealing outfits:

Y/n: *wearing a bunny outfit* Master Diluc!!!

Diluc mainly thought about him doing the deed to Y/n

0 notes

five-rivers · 3 years

Note

Oh God, imagine the social media reaction to tinyMight, the feral adorable badass. Imagine his bullies and unfortunate small-time villains from 40+ years ago finding out who they tried to beat up. Imagine those few who have seen Yagi but don't know he's All Might wondering if skeleton man is All Might's twin or something. Imagine the shenanigans if the de-aging takes longer to undo. Interactions with Gran, Izuku, the other teachers.

Sequel to this.

Toshinori felt his smile grow progressively more fixed the longer the detective stared at him with that haunted expression. Was he in some kind of trouble? It sounded as if the villain had swapped him for another rookie hero, one named All Might (cool name!), but that shouldn't be Toshinori's responsibility. Maybe the quirk also linked them, somehow? That would explain why the villains had been trying to kill him, and why the banana hero- Present Mic didn't want him to leave. On the other hand...

Oh, he should just ask. That would be easier.

He opened his mouth to do just that when the detective spoke instead.

"This is going to be so much paperwork," he said.

"I'm sorry?" said Toshinori.

"Yagi," continued the detective, "I love you like a brother, but ever since I met you, my paperwork load has tripled. Tripled."

"I've only just met you?"

If possible, the detective looked even more haunted.

Luckily, at this point, Present Mic opened the door to the car and slid into the seat next to the detective. "Thanks for coming, Detective Tsukauchi," he said. "Anyway, we have confirmation on the quirk that did this to you, and, well. It isn't time travel."

"Thank god," said Detective Tsukauchi.

"Um. I thought it was teleportation...?"

"You've been de-aged by about forty years," said Present Mic, all in a rush.

What. What?

The car started up in the silence.

"Are you telling me that I'm in the future? Oh my gosh, that's an amazing quirk."

"No, no, you're in the present. You're not-- It isn't going to send you back to the past when it wears off. You'll just, you know, go back to your normal age."

"Wow. That's still a really cool quirk. Does it have to be forty years, or can he adjust the amount of time? Like, he could use it on people with degenerative mental diseases, give their families one last time with them. Or, or for witness statements! It would be pretty good for a hero, too, you could de-age villains into kids and then they couldn't fight anymore... but maybe it'd be a little unethical... Hmm..."

"You don't seem very, uh, alarmed?" said Present Mic.

"What would I be alarmed about?"

"All of your friends and family being forty years older?" suggested Present Mic.

"Haha, I don't have any of those," said Toshinori, smiling as large as he could and giving the hero two thumbs up.

Present Mic and Detective Tsukauchi just stared at him.

Then Tsukauch turned to Present Mic. "You said it'll wear off? When?"

"Uh. The quirk registry wasn't entirely clear about that. But it does wear off."

"The press is going to be a nightmare," said Tsukauchi, rubbing his face.

"Why?" asked Toshinori.

The hero and detective exchanged another glance. Toshinori could practically hear them mentally screaming you tell him, no, you tell him at each other.

Tsukauchi coughed into his fist. "Well, Toshi- excuse me, Yagi-kun, you're... You've realized those two were trying to kill you?"

"It was... sort of hard not to, honestly," said Toshinori. "Is it because I'm a hero or something?"

"How did you-?"

Toshinori silently pinched the fabric of the overlarge jumpsuit leg between his fingers and raised an eyebrow.

"Right. Well. You're the Number One hero."

"Wow," said Toshinori. It seemed to be something he kept saying, today. "How did I do that without a quirk?"

"What?"

"He's a late bloomer," said Tsukauchi, quickly. "A late bloomer. You're a late bloomer."

"Uh. Okay?"

"UA is so cool," said Toshinori, shielding his eyes against the sun as he looked up at the building.

"Haha, yeah," said Tsukauchi.

"Did I really go to school here?"

"You teach here, too!" said Present Mic.

"That's so cool," said Toshinori. "I can't believe I'm going to be a hero for over thirty years. That's like, the longest any hero has ever served."

"There are a couple who've served for longer, now, actually," said Present Mic. "Like Yoroi Musha, Recovery Girl, and Gran Torino."

"Yoroi Musha is still a hero?" asked Toshnori. "Like, actively? That's so long."

The gate behind them beeped, and Toshinori turned around just in time to take the bottom of a boot straight to the face. Needless to say, he fell over.

"Gran Torino!"

"Holy crap! I thought he'd dodge! Toshinori, you idiot, are you alright?"

"Ow," said Toshinori, trying and failing to recognize the voice that was referring to him so familiarly.

"Gran Torino, you really can't go around kicking people like that."

"Yagi-kun? Are you okay? Should we get Recovery Girl?"

Toshinori raised a shaking hand, thumb up. "I think I have a concussion."

When they got to the infirmary, it was already occupied by a couple students and... a strange homeless-looking man, but that didn't make sense. Maybe an undercover hero was stopping here for some reason? But why?

The students, one small and green, other with a mix of red and white hair, stared at him openly.

"Oops, sorry," said Present Mic. "Didn't think that anyone would be here before noon."

The homeless man sighed deeply. "Neither did I," he said, "and yet..." He fixed a baleful glare on the two students.

"I-I'm sorry, Aizawa-sensei," squeaked the green one. "I tried to get out of the way of the door, but I didn't want to run into Todoroki-kun, and-"

"It isn't your fault, problem child," said Aizawa with a sigh heavy enough to crush an elephant, who... was a teacher, evidently. Man. Standards for teachers' dress had really fallen in forty years, hadn't they? "The first year support class shouldn't have been doing anything with explosives of that caliber. Anyway, who's-"

"Are you Midoriya-kun's secret brother?" asked the red and white student.

"Who?" asked Toshinori.

"Todoroki-kun! You can't just ask people that!"

"You have to admit, he looks just like your father-"

"All Might is not my father."

"Riiiiiight," said Present Mic, guiding Toshinori to a bed with a hand on his back. "Now, why don't you just relax here while I go get Recovery Girl?"

"Coward," whispered Tsukauchi.

Present Mic shrugged and disappeared.

"So," said Aizawa, exhibiting a well-practiced air of boredom. "Are you related to All Might?"

"Eraserhead-san," said Tsukauchi, through clenched teeth, "may I introduce you to Yagi Toshinori? Yagi-kun, this is Aizawa-san. He's in charge of class 1-A."

Aizawa went pale. "Please tell me it isn't time travel."

"If it was time travel, we would be in an underground bunker or something," said Tsukauchi. "No, it was an age-regression quirk."

The green student inhaled sharply, then let off a small, "Oh."

"Wait," said the red and white student- Todoroki?- narrowing his eyes.

"Don't say it," urged the green haired boy.

"What do you think about quirks, Yagi-san?"

"Quirks are great!" said Toshinori. "I sure wish I-"

"Had a note book to write about them in!" interrupted Tsukauchi, loudly.

Toshinori frowned up at him, confused. What did he say?

Todoroki rubbed his chin with a finger. "To... analyze the quirks in?" he asked.

"Um," said Toshinori. "Yes?"

"See, Midoriya-kun?" said Todoroki, turning to the other boy. "He's just like you. You're the same." He touched his pointer fingers together.

Midoriya, for his part, looked extremely flustered.

"The same," repeated Todoroki. He looked back at Toshinori. "Do you happen to have a brother? A twin, perhaps?"

"Uh, I don't think so? But, then, I was a doorstop baby, so..."

Todoroki nodded sagely. "So you must have reunited with your long lost brother, the skeleton man, later in life-"

"Stop calling him that!" hissed Midoriya, yanking on his friend's uniform jacket.

"I wouldn't have to, if you'd just tell me your uncle's name-"

"He isn't my uncle."

Both Aizawa and Tsukauchi looked like they wanted to die. Or at least be somewhere else.

"Uh," said Toshinori, wanting to change the subject even with his concussion. "What are your quirks, anyway?"

"My quirk is called Half-Hot, Half-Cold," said Todoroki. He raised his hands. "It allows me to make fire from my left side, and ice from my right."

"Oh, neat," said Toshinori. "There must be so many applications like that! I mean, combat is obvious, but it might be even better for rescue work- Lots of casualties in natural disasters are because of exposure, you'd be ideal to counteract that in any weather. Or if a victim is going into shock! Plus, it'd be useful to have in everyday life, if they ever change the public quirk usage law- Did they change that?"

"No," said Aizawa.

"Actually, yes," said Tsukauchi, "but probably not in the way you're thinking..."

"Don't use your quirk in public," said Aizawa.

"You don't have to worry about that, because-"

"Don't use your quirk in public," said Tsukauchi, interrupting again. "Please."

"He does have a hero license, though, so technically-"

"Problem child."

"Sorry."

"Oh, oh, and what's your quirk?"

"Please do not fall out of the bed, To- Yagi-kun," said Tsukauchi.

"I'm not going to," said Toshinori.

"Well," said Midoriya, who had a very complicated expression on his face, "my quirk is, uh, a strength enhancer..."

"Just like yours," said Todoroki, as if he had just made an irrefutable point.

Oh, yeah. Toshinori's older self had a quirk. Maybe that's what Tsukauchi was trying to keep him from talking about? He wished they had told him beforehand if it was some kind of secret.

Also: was Todoroki implying that Midoriya was Toshinori's son? That'd be, like... Wow. If this was forty years in the future, and Midoriya was about the same age as him, that meant he'd had Midoriya when he was forty? Hm. He wasn't sure how to feel about that...

Luckily, before he could start in on a spiral about whether the idea of himself at forty or the idea that he had kids was the thought that was bothering him, Present Mic came back with a little old woman who was, apparently, Recovery Girl.

Wow. Yeah. That was sure a change in... everything. Yep. Really driving home the whole 'forty years in the future' thing. It sure was.

Recovery Girl sighed deeply. "What did you get yourself into this time, Toshinori?"

"Gran Torino kicked him in the head," said Tsukauchi.

"I'm going to skin that man alive one of these days," said Recovery Girl. "But I was talking about the other thing. Although, I suppose that's rather obvious. Do you mind if I heal you, dear? It will probably knock you out for a little bit."

"Sure," said Toshinori, who was beginning to strongly desire an escape from the increasingly awkward conversations around him. "Knock me out. Please."

"Alright, then."

And then she did.

#boku no hero academia #fic #prompt fill #ask #answer #bnha #this prompt has been marinating for #uh #a while #oops

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agent-yolk-writes · 3 years

Text

You're My Dad! Boogie Woogie Woogie! (Diavolo & Reader)

Ever wanted to call Diavolo your dad? No? Well too bad, I have the perfect fic for you down below!

AO3 Version Here!

If you like my writing, please let me know! My inbox is empty and it's hungry for OM content.

Bold = Diavolo's text

Italicized and Indented = MC's text

Like every natural disaster, it came without a warning.

It started off like every other day. Wake up, go to RAD, do student council duties, go home, sleep, repeat. Of course, there would be an occasional (read: frequent) occasion outside of the standard norm, but today was not one of those times.

“Here you go!” You handed Diavolo your latest finished report. “I’ve even separated the approved and rejected request forms and sorted them alphabetically for easier reading.” You said proudly. Sure enough, the Prince quickly thumbed through one of the piles and made a noise in his throat that sounded positive.

Next thing you know, he gives you one of his iconic smiles. “Excellent work as always, MC.” He tells you. “Your help is always appreciated! Thanks to you, we’ve made a tremendous dent in all this paperwork. We couldn’t have done it without you.”

The praise he was pouring on you felt so good. You try not to visibly react to it, but your brain dumped a massive pool of serotonin from his words alone. Hell, you can even feel your cheeks warming up. It always felt good to be praised by your peers, but there was something about the way Diavolo praises you that fuels you to work hard for the next one. While you were chasing that high and not wanting to be rude you simply replied with,

“Thanks, dad.”

And all of Devildom seemed to freeze over. You could hear Lucifer’s pen dropping to the floor behind you while Mammon choked on something somewhere else in the room. There were no sounds of papers being written or even talking. All eyes landed on you as the reality of what you said started to sink in.

Oh fuck, did you call the Prince of Literal Hell your Dad? Well, he’s such a huge guy and acts almost exactly like those kind-hearted fathers you always see on social media in your realm. It doesn’t help that your actual dad kinda sucks, so maybe this is projection at work. Sadly, the damage has already been done. You could see Diavolo’s face turn from confusion to amusement in a matter of seconds.

“I...I…” Your already red face got darker when you heard the faint snickering coming from Barbatos. Fearing that your rapid heart bursting through your chest, you can only manage to squeak a “Bye!” Before dashing out of the building and out of the academy.

So here you are, holed up in your honorary room at Purgatory Hall while your D.D.D. continues to blow up on the nightstand next to the bed. You couldn’t go back to the HOL, not immediately at least. You felt so embarrassed that you called your housemates’s semi-boss your father.

At least the residents at Purgatory Hall understood your human err. Solomon did give you some shit about it, but that was a given because, well, it’s Solomon. If he wasn’t teasing you about this, then you would have bigger fish to fry in Hell. Simeon was the most sympathetic person about your current predicament while Luke was just happy that you’re hanging out for a few hours. He can complain about the demons later.

You just hope this shitshow cools down soon. Maybe a nap will calm you down.

Hours have passed. Still afraid to look at your phone, your only indicator of time passing was Simeon coming up to your room with a tray of tonight’s dinner with a side dish almost overflowing with cookies courtesy of Luke. Bless these angels, both of them.

And sure enough, your phone stopped vibrating non-stop. Before you could deduce that the battery died, a singular buzz proved otherwise. Damn it.

Still, you couldn’t avoid the brothers forever. They’ll probably kick up another storm of messages since you haven’t replied to them initially. With a defeated sigh, you grabbed your phone and unlocked it. Let's see...143 messages in the HOL+Royals group chat, 103 messages in the HOL group chat, 87 messages from Mammon, 15 messages from Asmo, 10 messages from Lucifer, 5 messages from Levi, 1 message from Satan, 2 messages from Diavolo-

...2 messages from Diavolo. Sent a minute ago. Welp, no use avoiding him either since he’s the sole reason you’re even in Hell in the first place.

MC! Are you alright? You sure ran out of the room quite fast. I didn’t know humans could reach those speeds.

I apologize if I offended you somehow.

With a big gulp, you started writing back.

im okay! Hunkering down at Purgatory atm

if anything, I should be apologizing to you lol

Five minutes passed before he texted back.

That’s good to hear! (smiling devimoji)

Hopefully the brothers haven’t bothered you too much from this.

you have no idea.

(gurgle devimoji)

I have to say, you certainly caused a stir. I couldn’t help but wonder about something.

MC, do you see me as a father figure?

uh, no? If anything, I see you as a bother figure

cuz your always bothering me

God damn you, brain! Think before you speak for fuck’s sake! Quick, do something that'll lessen the blow!

lol

Nailed it!

(hehe devimoji)

I see.

I have been called many things, good and bad, because of my position. Being called dad is a new one.

It’s certainly not...unpleasant.

He’s going to kill you at this rate. You know he will.

ill make sure not to do it again. sorry chief

tho im sure i caused a riot during the meeting

No worries!

And you left it like that. Your mind was pulling blanks on how to respond. You could figure it out as you reply to the others, but you really don’t have the mental fortitude to face them now that Diavolo is embracing his new moniker happily.

And of course, think about the demon prince and he shall appear. Again. What he sent made you groan into your pillow.

How about this weekend we can talk about what human fathers normally do over some sandwiches and tea?

...that sounds nice

Great! Looking forward to it!

(smiling devimoji)

Even though this whole ordeal was embarrassing, you couldn’t help but smile at the prospect of your future meetup. While your actual dad had no redeemable qualities about him, there were always memes.

Curling up in your bed, you begin your hunt across the Demon Web with a VPN that lets you access human websites in order to bring your A-Game this weekend.

Maybe this turned out to be a good thing, after all.

#my writing #obey me shall we date #obey me #obey me x reader #obey me & reader #om #mc swd #swd diavolo #obey me swd #shall we date #diavolo & reader #obey me diavolo #diavolo #diavolo x mc #diavolo & mc #obey me mc

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qqueenofhades · 3 years

Note

Fake dating AU for the idiot Heartrender Husbands! I beg of you!

As ever, I am preposterously easy to enable, and since they will eventually make an appearance in A Phantom in Enchanting Light, I decided to write their backstory for that verse. Also, “fake dating but it’s only fake because they’re both idiots” is an Aesthetic. I love them.

Moscow, 2010

The guy is most definitely late. Fedyor got here early – probably too early, since they’re supposed to meet at eleven and he arrived by quarter past ten – but it’s now 11:08 and still no sign of him. Fedyor has claimed a corner table in the coffee shop just off Red Square with its splendid old tsarist-era décor, surrounded by the murmur of conversation and clicking laptop keys as his fellow Muscovites get on with their daily lives. The rule is fifteen minutes, yes? If Ivan Sakharov doesn’t show up in another seven, Fedyor is free to bail. But it’s been so long, and Nadia, the mutual friend responsible for this set-up, has begged Fedyor to give him a chance. And since it is understandably difficult to date as a gay man in Russia, Fedyor’s patience must be tested longer than usual. He sips his flat white and glances at the door again. Still no Ivan.

Fedyor opens his phone and checks the photo that Nadia sent him, trying to decide if this man is attractive enough to compensate for his tardiness. It’s hard to tell. It is 11:14, and he is absolutely about to pack up and leave by no later than 11:25, when a tall, grim-faced man in a red windbreaker strides in. He stops short, glances around, spots Fedyor, and powers over with such single-minded determination that Fedyor fears he’s about to be arrested. “Hello,” he says curtly. “I am Ivan Ivanovich Sakharov. I believe you are waiting for me?”

“Ah – ? I am Fedyor Mikhailovich Kaminsky, yes,” he manages, offering a hand, which Ivan crushes in a Terminator grip. “It’s – nice to meet you?”

Ivan snorts, pulls out the other chair, and drapes his jacket over it, then orders a small plain coffee (black like his soul, evidently). Then he returns, sits down, and claps his hands as if he is calling a misbehaving class to attention. “Where are you from?” he barks. “How long have you lived in Moscow?!”

Fedyor continues to gape. He’s genuinely not sure if this is Ivan attempting to get to know him on speed-run, or if he’s being interrogated by a FSB agent who can’t even act for two seconds like he’s not. It’s ominously possible. Dmitry Medvedev is the president and there are hopes that there might be a social liberalization, but the Orthodox patriarchs and the far right have been increasingly agitating against Russia’s embattled LGBTQ community, and things could just as easily get worse. Is this a setup or a setup? Nadia would never knowingly put him in a dangerous situation, of course, but maybe she was likewise fooled. You’d think that if this was a sting, they could have found a guy who was actually capable of pretending to be on a date, but maybe that’s the point? What the hell is going on here?

Fedyor opens his mouth, then shuts it. As a matter of fact, he is originally from Nizhny Novgorod, but moved to Moscow for university and has lived here for seven years, but if Ivan is with the FSB, he probably already knows that. Is this a trick? Is Ivan trying to match him to some police intelligence file or see if he’s a liar? Fedyor is seriously about to get up and walk out (or maybe sprint out) when Ivan, perhaps realizing that he’s blowing this to a heretofore unprecedented degree, says, “Sorry. I am from Krasnoyarsk. I enjoy rugby.”

Of course he likes rugby if he’s from Krasnoyarsk. This is a disaster. “Uh, what side?”

“Krasny Yar,” says Ivan, in the tone of a man about to stand up and belt out the fight song. “I also enjoy football. Yenisey Krasnoyarsk. Though I have begun supporting Lokomotiv since I came to Moscow. That was five years ago.”

So, he’s definitely a hooligan. Fedyor does his best to keep smiling. In the flesh, Ivan is definitely not unattractive. His hair is crisp and brown, there are glints of hazel in his eyes, and he has that hard, chiseled handsomeness that Fedyor always ends up getting suckered into. Except for the fact that he is lively, extroverted, and outgoing, likes clubbing and mingling and making friends, and this man does not appear to have ever heard of a single one of those things. What was Nadia thinking? It’s not like her to whiff this badly. Or did she have to be so circumspect in asking Ivan if he would like to meet Fedyor that, even if he’s not an undercover cop, he is in fact clueless about the true nature of this social engagement? Thinks it’s guys being pals?

“Did you have somewhere you were coming from earlier?” Fedyor asks, after another excruciating silence. “Is that why you were – ?”

“My apologies. The bus was late. I am normally very punctual.” Ivan scowls ferociously, as if the bus ever dares to do such a thing again, he will personally murder it. “What hobbies do you enjoy, Fedyor Mikhailovich?”

“I think you can call me Fedyor, yes?” They are clearly nowhere near “Fedya” and “Vanya” just yet, but “Fedyor Mikhailovich” always makes Fedyor look around warily for his grumpiest professor at MSU. He tries to think of subtle conversational gambits to find out what Ivan knows, without being obvious. Oh God, he really should just cut his losses, but something – perhaps the pathetic conviction that even a terrible date is better than no date at all – keeps him in his seat. Presuming that he does get out of here alive, he will call up Nadia straightaway and ask her many, many questions, mostly consisting of Why??! “Well,” Fedyor says at last. “I like having fun?”

“I also enjoy fun,” Ivan says, stone-faced. “I am very funny.”

Russian humor is normally extremely deadpan, to the point that Fedyor does wonder if Ivan is in fact a diabolical troll genius, but somehow he doesn’t think so. The rest of the conversation proceeds in this fashion, but by the end of an hour, Fedyor still has no idea if he has just been on a date or a trip to the gulag. Ivan gets up, administers another bone-crushing handshake, thanks him for his time, and marches out. Fedyor can practically hear the Red Army Choir thundering some patriotic anthem in his wake.

When he gets home that afternoon, Fedyor is resolved to write off the whole thing, except it was weirdly kind of not as bad as he first thought, maybe, somehow. If nothing else, he’s fascinated by this, like watching a slow-motion train crash. He takes out his phone with the intention of calling Nadia, only to see a text message from an unfamiliar number. When he opens it, it reads, Hello. Your company was agreeable today. Thank you. Perhaps we could meet again next week. Please reply yes or no. The message uses the formal styles of address, and some of the spellings are slightly old-fashioned. He has also signed it – Иван Сахаров – in case there might be some confusion with another Ivan the Terrible at Dating of Fedyor’s recent acquaintance. It is a bit like getting a text from the undertaker.

Fedyor stares at it, insanely tempted to burst out laughing, and finally, just because now he’s too curious to refuse, texts back his gracious acceptance. Still chuckling, he makes dinner, and then, as his phone pings with Ivan’s response, wonders in horror what on earth he is getting himself into.

This is how things continue for the next six weeks. Ivan and Fedyor meet up for the second time, stroll sedately around one of Moscow’s many city parks together, then part ways, and this time it’s Fedyor’s turn to ask if he would like to do it again. He isn’t sure exactly why, except that Ivan is unexpectedly easy to spend time with, and he nods in stoic approval of whatever Fedyor says. Of course, they follow the usual rules of dating which are especially important in Russia: don’t talk about politics, don’t talk about religion, don’t talk about America, don’t talk about Ukraine, don’t talk about Chechnya. From what Fedyor can glean, Ivan’s views tend to the doctrinaire, but he is surprisingly undogmatic, and willing to at least act as if he has an open mind. If he was an FSB agent, it feels like he would have busted Fedyor by now, but maybe he is waiting for him to do something unmistakably gay. That’s not it. Right?

Nadia calls, wanting to know how it’s going, and Fedyor grills her for forty minutes over whether Ivan is a law enforcement plant, a lonely guy looking for a friend, the world’s most method practical joker, or just extremely stupid. Nadia insists that he is actually very nice once you get to know him (HA, thinks Fedyor) and has no particular affection for either the ruling classes or the oligarchs. He can certainly be an acquired taste, but he is not evil.

Forced to accept it, still chickening out of asking Ivan whether he knows they’re dating, wondering if they are dating, if Ivan knows that Fedyor knows they’re dating, if Fedyor only thinks he knows that they are dating while they are not actually dating, or if Ivan thinks he knows that they’re dating while they’re… whatever the fresh-fried fuck is truly happening here, Fedyor trudges off for what has become his almost-weekly rendezvous with Ivan the-Maybe-Not-Quite-So-Terrible. They manage to have a few conversations verging on meaningful, and Fedyor has found himself telling Ivan about his family and Nizhny Novgorod and other such things. Fedyor likes to talk and Ivan likes to listen, though he breaks in now and again with a bone-dry quip. He’s still never what you would call loquacious, or easily forthcoming, but Fedyor likes that. Ivan is tough, complex, enigmatic, guarded, occasionally willing to let down his walls but only if the other person is worth it, and Fedyor finds, to his surprise, that he wants to be worth it. If this is a long-con mind game, he almost doesn’t care. (Almost.)

The problem, however, is that they’ve been seeing each other regularly for a month and a half and they haven’t gotten any closer than walking through a park, outdoors, in full view of their fellow comrades. Even the first time Fedyor takes the plunge and invites Ivan to his apartment, they sit three feet apart on the couch, watching a badly-Russian-subtitled version of Die Hard and providing critical commentary. Fedyor’s English is a lot more fluent than Ivan’s, and his middle-class family, while not exactly wealthy, is definitely better off than Ivan’s hardscrabble clan of miners and loggers in Siberia. That upbringing certainly does explain, to some degree, why Ivan is the way he is, and Fedyor wonders anxiously if Ivan views him as an insufferably posh city boy. Ivan barely finished high school and went straight to working in a Krasnoyarsk aluminum factory. He definitely did not faff around Moscow State University and attend global development seminars in Paris.

Nonetheless, despite their obvious differences, they do get along, and Fedyor is unable to deny the fact that he would, if it’s all right with everyone, like it to be more than that. Of course, finding out if Ivan knows, etc. etc., has been the paramount challenge, and there is no way to find out other than to go for it. Fedyor is 75% sure that they’ve been going steady for two months, but if it’s actually the other 25%, this is going to get awkward in a hurry. Is this essentially a fake relationship, or is it only fake because they’re both idiots?

After having duly commended his soul to God, Fedyor invites Ivan over on Saturday night. He rents a tiny flat by himself since he’s been burned on rooming with strangers, but Ivan is used to it by now, and it doesn’t feel too small with the two of them. Fedyor strains his limited culinary skills to cook supper, probably making his babushka cluck her tongue and sigh in a judgmental fashion back in Nizhny Novgorod, and they sit down and eat in silence for five minutes. Then Fedyor says, “Vanya?”

The consistent use of the diminutive has started sometime in the last few weeks, neither of them remember quite when. Ivan doesn’t correct him. “Yes?”

Fedyor clears his throat. “Do you…” He winces. “Do you… like me?”

“Yes?” Ivan says again, looking confused. “I would not have spent so much time with you if I did not, don’t you think? We are friends.”

“Yes, I know that we’re friends, but…” Fedyor looks at the ceiling. It doesn’t help, so he looks back at Ivan. “Are we… special friends?”

Ivan continues to look blank. “Are we?”

Fedyor resists the urge to tug at his collar, thinking that it’s a damn good thing that he didn’t go with his other idea of just leaning across the table and passionately kissing him. With absolutely no change of tone or expression, Ivan says, “Please explain. Special friends how?”

“Friends who want to…” Fedyor takes a deep breath. “Be… more than friends?”

“How?” Ivan orders again, ruthlessly. “Be clear, Fedya.”

“Are we maybe… boyfriends?” Fedyor’s voice squeaks on the word. “As in… we have feelings for each other that aren’t just… friendly? Like… feelings which are… romantic?”

Ivan continues to stare at him like a statue for several more seconds, and Fedyor contemplates the feasibility of tunneling directly through the floor of his apartment and running all the way to Latvia. Then at last, Ivan throws his head back and – startling Fedyor deeply – breaks into real, genuine, belly laughter, the kind that he has never heard from Ivan before. “Oh my,” he chortles, slapping the table. “Your face. You were sweating bullets.”

“WAIT, WHAT!?!” Fedyor pushes his chair back and stands up with a clatter, incandescently outraged. “Are you – were you messing with me?!!”

“Maybe a little,” Ivan says, wiping his eyes. “You know, all this time, I have not been sure if you are shy or a terrible prude. Why haven’t you kissed me yet?”

“God’s Mother in Heaven – ” Fedyor feels another prick of disloyalty to his babushka for swearing on the Bogomater, but some people deserve it. All inhibitions forgotten, he charges at Ivan like a runaway train, as Ivan springs out of his own chair in readiness, and starts pounding on his chest in transports of fury. “You are the worst! You are the worst person ever! For two months, what have we been doing?! I have been afraid this whole time that maybe you don’t know what’s really going on, and now – ?! You are the worst!”

Ivan catches Fedyor’s flailing arms, holds them away from him, and picks him up bodily, swinging him around and pushing him against the wall. “Maybe I am just a dumb country boy from Siberia,” he remarks, “but even I am not that stupid, Fedyor Mikhailovich.”

“I hate you,” Fedyor pants, their faces and their mouths an inch away from each other. “Get out of my apartment.”

“Mmm?” Ivan cocks an eyebrow. Then he plants both hands on either side of Fedyor’s head, leans in, and deeply, savagely captures Fedyor’s mouth with his own.

Every remaining vestige of barely rational thought in Fedyor’s head evaporates in screaming shock. He still wants to shove Ivan away, knee him in the balls, or break a chair over his head, but if he did that, he would have to stop kissing him, and he can’t do that either. He moans, Ivan’s tongue takes the opportunity to slip into his mouth, their hands clutch and claw and their legs melt out from under them, they turn away or break contact only to gulp a breath before diving back in again, and the next time Fedyor is aware of anything, they have collapsed on his kitchen floor in a wrung-out, entangled, gasping heap. Ivan says in his ear, “Do you still want me to leave, Fedya?”

“No,” Fedyor manages. “Because now, I am really going to make you suffer.”

Ivan’s smile is dark and full of promise. He pulls back, gets to his feet, and holds out a hand. “Then I’ll meet you in the bedroom.”

(Ivan doesn’t leave Fedyor’s apartment that night. He doesn’t leave it the next night either. At the end of the week, Fedyor calls up Nadia and informs her that he hates her so much, and when they do next see each other, he’ll shake her by both shoulders and then thank her for introducing him to the no-good, truly awful, very bad love of his life.)

#ivan x fedyor #heartrender husbands #henchmen deserve happiness too okay #a phantom in enchanting light #mearcatsreturns #ask #fivan ff

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inky-duchess · 4 years

Text

21 History Ancedotes for my 21st Birthday

So today I celebrate my 21st birthday and I have decided to gift you all with 21 of my favourite historical Ancedotes. Some are funny, some are sad and some are plain bizarre but I hope the make your day 💜

Mary Maloney, an Irish-born suffragette in England followed Winston Churchill around while he was campaigning for a seat in Parliament, drowning out everything he said with a very large bell and calls for him to apologise for his comments on women's rights and suffrage movements.

Clodius Pulcher was a well born Roman noble during the last day's of the Republic. He gave up his Patrician status to become Tribune of the Plebs (an office in which one had to be a Pleb) by being adopted by a much younger Plebian man who became his "father". Clodius was a bit of a riot, sneaking into religious festivals dressed like a woman to sleep with Caesar's wife, building a shrine to Liberty in the ruins of the Conservative Cicero, vetoed the last speech of one of the Consuls (who basically did nothing all year and was apparently going to roast Caesar) and burned down the Senate House with his funeral pyre (the Plebs who loved him literally tearing up the furniture to build his pyre). He was honestly the best fun.

When laying on her deathbed, Queen Caroline of Ansbach turned to her husband George II of England and told him he should marry again. George refused to ever wed again... But added he would have mistresses. Caroline said , likely with a roll of her eyes, "oh my god that doesn't matter."

Florence was a pretty cool city in the Renaissance until Savanorola came to town. He disliked the loose living artists that crowded the city, with their naked pagan gods and rampant homosexuality. He expelled them all with help of the French hoping to make Florence Holy Again. When the Borgia Pope excommunicated him and sentenced him to death, one man in the crowd was reported to have said. "thank God, niw we can return to sodomy." One Floretine man in the 1490s said Gay Rights.

So this list couldn't be complete without an entry of the only American politician I love, Alexander Hamilton who was just a walking entity of sass. I could go on about his sharp sarcasm or his disaster bi vibes with John Lauren's but my all time favourite Alexander Hamilton ancedote has to be this exchange with Thomas Jefferson "There are approximately 1010300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly explain how much I want to hit you with a chair."

Caterina Sforza was an Italian noble woman during the Renaissance. She was apart of the powerful Sforza family, which drew many enemies to her. One fateful day at Forli, Caterina's children were snatched as hostages. The besiegers threatened to kill her children if she did not cede the castle. Caterina refused, lifting her skirts and shouted to the besiegers that she had the means to make more children.

Hannibal Lecter's creator Thomas Harris was happy to end his great character's story with the original trilogy. However his publishers forced him to write an unneeded prequel explaining why Hannibal became Hannibal. Thomas Harris agreed lest he lose the rights to his character so he wrote Hannibal Rising, where Hannibal as a young man hunts down the Nazis who ate his sister with a katana.

Nell Gwyn is my favourite mistress of Charles II, mainly because of her sass. Once while trapped in the middle of a riot where Londoners swamped her carriage thinking she was Charles's Catholic mistress. She popped her head out the carriage and told the people "Pray good people be civil. I am the Protestant whore." She also dosed her rival Moll Davis with laxatives in order to free up some of Charles's time and she once flashed her underwear at the French ambassador after asking him why the Franch King did not pay her to spy on Charles because she was with him every night. A true Queen.

Emperor Ai of the Han Dynasty of China once rose from his bed to go do some ruling when he realised his lover, Dong Xian was sleeping on his sleeve. Rather than disturb his lover, the Emperor cut his sleeve off at the wrist to leave Dong Xian nap. Nothing has ever been more romantic than that. Y'all could never.

Princess Margaret the sister of current Queen Elizabeth II was a socialable Princess and often tasked to visit the up and coming music stars of the day on behalf of the Crown. When meeting the Beatles one evening, she noticed George Harrison was acting a little odd. When she asked what was the matter, he replied "We arent allowed eat until you go." Princess Margaret laughed and promptly left so the Beatles could get some dinner.

During the Siege of Jadotsville, Irish soldiers under the flag of the UN were attacked and besieged by local insurgents allied with the Katanga Regime. The insurgents numbered thousands while the Irish only had 158 soldiers, all who were lightly armed. They radioed to their allies assuring them that "we will hold out until our last bullet is spent. Could use some whiskey though".

Napoleon was famous for writing raunchy letters to his wife, the Empress Josephine while he was away. She used to reply with really mundane letters or not at all. She really just could not be bothered with him.

Josip Broz Tito was so fed up with Joseph Stalin sending assassins to kill him, he wrote to Stalin personally to say "If you don't stop sending assassins to kill me. I will send one to Moscow and I won't have to send another." It didn't work but Big Dick Energy.

Successful Roman soldiers returning from war often got to march along in parades known as Triumphs. During this, it was customary for them to sing bawdy songs about their commander. One surviving one about Caesar goes like this "Romans, lock up your wives. Here comes the bald adulterous whore. We pissed away your gold in Gaul and come to borrow more."

Matilda, Lady of the English was a woman so badass that history cannot handle her. She was the daughter of Henry I who left his throne to her after the death of her brother. She was away in France when her father died and her throne was snatched by her cousin Stephen. They battled back and forth for years with neither side ceding any ground. Matilda was once besieged in a castle during a snow storm, with Stephen's men all around her. Instead of fighting her way out. She simply donned a white cloak and walked out of the castle. Just walked out without any of Stephen's men seeing her.

Pedro of Portugal once fell in love with a beautiful lady in waiting called Inez de Castro. For years, they lived as man and mistress, popping out a few kinds. Pedro's dad really did not like Inez and wanted Pedro to find a legitimate wife so he had her killed. Pedro returned home to find the mother of his children dead. Pedro went a little crazy. He had all his father's assassins killed, ripping out their hearts as they had done to him. When Pedro ascended the throne, he demanded the Pope legitimize his children by Inez. The Pope not wanting to upset the King, said he couldn't because Inez was never crowned Queen. Pedro dug Inez up and crowned her as Queen, having all the nobility swear loyalty to her corpse. The Pope had no choice but to agree to his request.

A famously clever general once saved an entire city with an ingenious stragety to sit outside the city waiting for the attacking army to come. The attack had come to fast for the city to ready themselves for a Siege so, the general had to move quickly. He evacuated the city and took his place waiting for the army to come. The enemy forces stopped and took one look at him and bolted, thinking he meant to lure them in one of his famous traps.

Michaelangelo was really badly treated by the Vatican when he was painting the Sistine Chapel. He constantly fought with the Popes over the design and his work, which he was paid peanuts for. Michaelangelo got his revenge in his work, painting the gates of Hell behind the Papal Throne and an angel flipping the ol' fig (the Renaissance version of the bird) toward the Pope's chair.

Peter the Great was not a perfect guy. He kept serfdom as a practise in his kingdom, he had his son tortured to death and he could be an unpleasant guy. But Peter was a dreamer. He wanted nothing more to build a fleet for Russia and bring Russia beyond its borders. Peter took a gap year from ruling Russia to wander around Europe. When he stopped in England, he was granted Leicester House to chill in while he did his shipwright studies. It was here that Peter found a new passion. The wheelbarrow. Cue Peter and his new found English buddies drinking in Leicester House, punching the artwork and rolling each other around in barrels across the house's Great gardens.

Diogenes is hands down a walking shit post. He was a great thinker in Greece during the reign of Alexander but a rather dry, sarcastic wit. He lived in a pithos/a jar because he shunned all vanities and values of society. He trolled other philosophers, attending their debates to heckle them and eat loud foods through them. When Alexander the Great came to fan boy over him, saying that if he were not Alexander he would like to be Diogenes to which Diogenes just said "yeah me too, now get out of my sunlight."

Cosimo de Medici was the son of a Floretine banker with a great knowledge and love of art. Cosimo wished for Florence to release its potentially and join the Renaissance. He hired Filippo Brunelleschi to finsh the Great Dome of Santa Maria del Fiore which had láin unfinished for over a century, a symbol of a failure of ambition. The builders had lost the knowledge of creating a dome so large so it remained unfinished. Despite much opposition from the other nobility and denouncers of the Renaissance, Cosimo's dream of the completion of the dome was completed, making it the largest brick dome in creation at that time. There is nothing like achieving your dreams and certainly nothing like leaving a lasting reminder that screams 'I was right and you were wrong' to stand for centuries.

#Instead of doing shots I decided to give you all a gift #History is our greatest gift #And it's filled with dick jokes and idiots #Anyway happy birthday to me #Go forth and enjoy this great gift #history dump #History Ancedotes #History bites: kinda?

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just-zodiac · 3 years

Text

The Zodiac Signs at a therapist :

Therapist: Cap, Can you tell me How you always look so calm.

Capricorn: Oh, I’m not. People just can’t tell when I’m panicking, because I’m always panicking.

Therapist: Ok, let's talk to Leo. You said that you experienced death?

Leo: yes, I was in a restaurant and I think the waiter poisoned my drink.

Scorpio: No, that was me.

Therapist: wait.. What? Why would you do that?

Scorpio: I’m that kind of person who between two choices always picks the wrong one.

Leo: WHAT was the other choice you had you freak!!

Scorpio: to admit that I actually like you.

Leo: Are you trying to impress me? Because so far you’re doing a great job.

Aquarius: Do we look like we give a fuck?

Therapist: Ok let's hear you Aqua. Why are you here today, what is wrong with you?

Aquarius: Well, that depends on how much time you have. Do you want the short or the long answer?

Libra: she just asked a simple question, don't give her a full lecture.

Aquarius: Maybe you should have thought about that before you dragged me into this then.

Libra: Uh, so we have a problem.

Aquarius: Yeah, it's you and your dumb ideas.

Cancer: calm down guys, Why do we fight over stupid shit?

Capricorn: Because you say stupid shit.

Aries: You know, you are right.

Capricorn: About what, specifically? Because I’m right about a lot of things.

Cancer: shut up Aries and try to Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.

Aries: believe me I can and I can create an exclusive one as well.

Therapist: whoa guys, you two have a lot of intense feelings here, Why don't you just sit down and talk to each other about it?

Aries: Because there's nothing I want to say to Cancer and Virgo other than fuck off.

Virgo: what the hell? If you have a problem with me, you can say it to my face.

Aries: I don't have a problem with you. You are the problem in general.

Virgo: and You're a walking disaster.

Aries: I can't argue with that one.

*Pisces knocks on the door and steps in*

Gemini: What the fuck are you doing here?!

Pisces: Yes, I'm terribly happy to see you too.

Gemini: Idiot.

Pisces: C'mon, stop talking about yourself for once.

Therapist: please, be nice to each other.

Gemini: I am being perfectly fucking civil.

Therapist: Why do you constantly try to piss Gemini off?

Pisces: Because it's so fun and easy.

Sagittarius: so, How long after arriving at someone’s place is it appropriate to ask for the WiFi password?

Therapist: we're here to have a conversation with each other, do you have something you would like to share with us?

Sagittarius: Studies show that I literally did not ask for this, we were forced here by Libra.

Libra: oh for God's sake, I wanted all of you to express your emotions.

Capricorn: I don’t have any.

Gemini: Is “no” an emotion, because I feel it.

Leo: I have many emotions I need to express, Honestly, sometimes you just gotta let me be dramatic. Because I will get over it. But let me be dramatic first!

Scorpio: Hey Leo, If you listen carefully you can hear me whisper “shut the fuck up” at least once every five minutes.

Leo: It’s not my fault that You don’t talk much.

Scorpio: I’m observing your weaknesses since you’re so freely verbalizing everything about yourself.

Therapist: Okay, Okay take a breath everyone, especially you Taurus because you devoured the cupcakes I made for the all of you.

Taurus: Cupcakes are important to my mental health.

Libra: Oh seriously?

Taurus: Would you believe me if I answered ?

Libra: Do I look like an idiot?

Taurus: Do you want me to answer that truthfully?

Libra: you're so full of hate.

Taurus: I don't allow myself to be full of hate, I allow myself to be full of pasta instead.

Aquarius: I am So tired of being human, I want to be an Alien.

Taurus: Excuse me, I have to go and vomit.

Therapist: back to you Cancer, how are you feeling so far?

Cancer: I’m nothing but a constant state of internal screaming at this point.

Therapist: aren't you overreacting?

Cancer: Me? Overreacting? Probably.

Sagittarius: don't worry, If you ever feel stupid, or weak, or powerless, just remember that I, am not.

Libra: Well this social situation isn't going the way It went in my head.

Virgo: That is so not how it went!

Libra: You weren't in my head and you're drunk right now. Quit arguing with me.

Pisces: you brought us here because you imagined us doing this in your head?

Libra: I love you guys.

Capricorn: That's your business not ours *leave*

Taurus: maybe listen to me next time I tell you not to do something stupid. *takes the rest of the cupcakes and leaves*

Cancer: my mental health was working just fine before you brought me here. *leaves*

Gemini: You know, sometimes I think you do dumb shit on purpose just to see how I'll react. *leaves*

Libra: You're not wrong.

*the rest of The Signs leaves*

Leo: Anyways, Do you ever feel like a 4 times divorced 45 year old woman that smokes cigarettes in her fur coats on a grand piano? Cause I do and it’s sad.

Therapist: we're done here, get out.

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whereflowersbloom · 4 years

Text

Pumpkin Disaster

Richard could almost smell the cinnamon spice, vanilla scent and cinnamon sugar in the air. The colors of the leaves changed from green to a dazzling display of red, orange and yellow. The air became crisper and temperatures dropped a bit as a chill came into the air.

Richard Grayson absolutely loved Halloween. As expected of the eldest Wayne sibling, he was the kind of person who enjoyed decorating and preparing the manor for Halloween because of his everlasting enthusiasm for holidays. He loved the cheesy and horror movies, the excuse to stuff his face with candy, the seasonal special editions of cereal, the elaborate and extravagant costumes, the creative decorations. It was his second favorite holiday. And he definitely considered it a holiday.

Halloween wasn’t just a day to him. Oh no. The whole month of October was Halloween. But with his vigilante duties, intermittent Titans training and constant Gotham crises cropping up, he had made it through two weeks of the month without an ounce of Halloween festivity. But that was about to change.

“You never carved pumpkins for Halloween?” Dick Grayson asked incredulously, pressing a hand to his chest in a move overly dramatic.

Damian exclaimed a familiar ‘TT’ in response. For him seeing people playing pretend, wearing flashy and ridiculous costumes was not particularly interesting. Thought they weren’t much different from the impractical clothing Todd and Richard insisted on wearing. It was just a recurrent reminder that he was not a normal child.

“Which part of I was raised in the inhospitable and desolate mountains you didn’t comprehend, Grayson?” Damian brusquely returned with furrowed eyebrows.

“But we cannot celebrate it without carving your first pumpkin...” Grayson sounded so downhearted it stung Damian with shadowy guilt. Out of all his adoptive siblings Grayson was the pleasant and tolerable one. Damian swallowed hard.

“I want all of us to carve a pumpkin!” Dick declared holding up his index finger in contempt. Damian raised a dark eyebrow as a go on communicating silently. “We are all doing this together as a family.”

“It’s not necessary. I’m not a small child anymore.” Damian scoffed, rolling his eyes before refocusing on his Robert Frost book, flipping another page. No. He would not acquiesce easily into this. He was self-sufficient, mature preteen. Not a child.

“Demon spawn, you are only eleven.” Jason commented before putting out a finished cigarette. Fortunately Alfred wasn’t lurking around to give him disapproving eyes for smoking inside the manor.

“Is this your way of asking for a new scar, Todd?” Damian threatened through gritted teeth and clenched fists, mind quickly calculating the damage of throwing an explosive batarang.

“You’re getting less insufferable to be around.” Jason scoffed and met Damian with a sly smirk. “Dickie, pouting is not an acceptable reaction for a full-grown adult.” Jason sing-songed as he grabbed his motorbike keys.

“This includes you Jaybird. I plan on getting you into the Halloween spirit.” Dick announced with his authoritative leader tone, letting Jason know he would be part of this wether he liked it or not.

Jason groaned dreadfully, cursing under his breath. Great. Now he was part of the Halloween circus. At least he didn’t have to take the annoying gremlin pumpkin picking. God knows what would happened if they fed him candy. The thought gave Jason chilling goosebumps.

Damian folded his arms over his chest in a sign of disagreement. “I don’t do pumpkins. It’s a waste of food. It amounts to about 18,000 tons of pumpkin, including flesh and seeds. Have you read the recent studies on how it’s destroying the environment?”

“Come on, D. You will have fun. You can carve your own Robin lantern” Dick encouraged, practically vibrating with excitement. Damian wondered what on earth he did to deserve such blinding sunshine as his adoptive sibling. “...and I’m sure Alfred will find a convenient way to make use of the pumpkins.”the last words seemed to have done the trick to convince the younger boy.

Damian considered the options carefully for a solid minute. He knew better than ignoring Richard wouldn’t get him anywhere. He wouldn’t leave it alone. Sigh. If it meant he could help Pennyworth baking a pumpkin spice pie with ginger-snag crust...

“Lead the way, Grayson.” Damian sighed resignedly.

Dick squealed in joy, bouncing to his feet and wrapping his arms around Damian’s neck.

It was just pumpkin carving what exactly could go wrong. Right?

~~~

Less than two hours later Jason Todd walked into the kitchen of the Wayne manor, initially looking for a cup of peppermint tea as the Gotham chilly autumn winds were making him crave a hot beverage.

“Would anyone care to explain why is there a whole fucking pumpkin patch on the kitchen table?” Jason muttered audibly, mouth opened in stupefaction. What in the name of Halloweentown....Where did all these pumpkins come from?

“Language, Jay.” Dick scolded him glancing up at him over a pile of massive mutant pumpkins with a provoking grin.

“I grew up in the Narrows. I’m allowed to swear.” Jason rolled his eyes in reply as he tried to avoid stepping on the pumpkins, accidentally squashing them, they were scattered on the floor, table, those fucking things were everywhere. “Dickie, are you going to explain?”

“These are from Roy.” Richard gestured the numerous orange bulbs with his right hand. “I think he got these from some illegal smuggling bust. I didn’t really ask a lot of questions. I just accepted them because I thought it’d be fun to try carving Batman lanterns with little D.”

It took Jason less than two minutes to process the information. Why was the golden boy not bothered by this?

“You mean these are contraband pumpkins.” He remarked skeptically, green-blue eyes widening still rather incredulous.

Dick simply shrugged. “I didn’t think you’d have a problem.”

Right. Only if Bruce found out about the origin of the contraband pumpkins. Then he’d be blamed for being the bad influence and his merry band of disreputable friends. He groaned as he rubbed the nape of his neck.

“And where is the demon spawn. I don’t seem him anywhere.” He questioned narrowing his eyes and tilting his head to the side the slightest. He had to be close to Dick, but the kitchen was alarmingly too quiet. Too quiet for his liking. This meant trouble.

Tim didn’t try too hard not to flinch as a knife flashed dangerously close to his face and flied past Jason. “This is the third time in the last hour. I’m starting to think it’s personal.” Tim spoke calmly with a sarcastic tone as he continued sipping his black coffee expressionless as usual. Getting knifed by the little demon spawn before Halloween would hav been the cherry on top of the misfortune cake.

Jason was genuinely concerned and wondered how many cups of coffee Tim has had today. Hopefully not over five.

“If he wanted you dead, you’d be already in a casket.” Jason pointed out. It was no secret Damian’s strong aversion towards replacement, but he didn’t wish the shortstack dead.

Tim just shrugged his shoulders casually. “Well, I suppose we always could use your old one.” Fuck that. He took it back.

“Low blow, replacement.” Jason feigned hurt putting a hand to his chest right above his heart in a offended manner.

“It’s juts not cooperating.” The young kid voiced his frustration and discontentment . Leaving the kitchen knife he used on the table. Tt. He was trained and raised for excellence and he couldn’t carve flawlessly a stupid pumpkin. Mother would be entirely displeased.

“Requires time and practice, Dami.” Dick whispered softly with a warm smile, running his hand up and down the preteen’s back.

“I don’t know D, to me it looks like you’re slaughtering it mercilessly.” Jason joked with a wolflike smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. Head moving in different angles trying to find a figure or face in the pumpkin Damian had been carving. “Unless you were thinking of the Joker, If so then you have my seal of approval.” The little demon spawn was never the most pleasant person to be around but deep,very deep down maybe Jason had a soft spot for him. Not that he would ever admit it out loud. Never.

“Do us a favor and keep your mouth shut, Todd.” Damian barked, glaring daggers at him.

“I never did Halloween with my parents.” The words escaped Tim’s mouth before his brilliant brain registered the order. The pain wasn’t there anymore. No. There were charity Galas, social events for wealthy socialites, last minute journeys for significant discoveries. Because people often assumed there will be plenty of time later. Tim didn’t want Damian to live for the later.

“I remember trading a cheap wristwatch for expired candy once. Not a great deal.” Jason muttered nonchalantly, giving it unimportance. Tone flat and factual. His memories from the narrows weren’t memorable for being happy or enjoyable but he had what he managed to obtain and he did what was necessary in order to survive. Nothing to be ashamed of.

“There’s always a first, Timbo.” Dick placed sympathetically a hand on Tim’s shoulder in a comforting way. Tim smiled softly back. Well, perhaps this pumpkin carving experience could be fun.

~~~

“This is the grossest thing I’ve ever done.” Tim announced, scooping a handful of pumpkin guts out of his pumpkin and examining them distastefully. “Seriously. I’ve done some pretty gross things, but this takes the cake.”

Jason flicked playfully a few pumpkin seeds at him and Tim moved fast enough to evade almost all of them. “Don’t be such a crybaby, replacement.” He has been playing with the large pumpkin, stabbing it numerous times picturing the joker’s fAce.

“Look at the gremlin, he’s been doing it for like two hours. What if he’s developed an addiction?” Jason mumbled slightly concerned and half-joking to Tim.

Damian pulled the pumpkin impossibly closer to him, practically cradling the thing in his lap. His mind completely absorbed in the task of carving the perfect pumpkin. His back was pressed to the cupboards behind him, a series of knives and napkins scattered at his sides. He looked focused, impossibly focused, like there could never be a more important thing for him to pour his energy into. Because Damian Wayne even if he didn’t admit it was obsessed with maintaining perfection. Failure was not a word he accepted.

Damian rolled his eyes. “I’m fairly sure no one has ever got addicted to pumpkin carving and I can hear you, mindless fools.”

"Any behavior can become compulsive.” Tim supplied absently, eyes fixed on the small pumpkin in front of him.

Dick paused briefly from working on his Nightwing lantern to just observe Damian, not even trying to hide the smile on his lips.

Dick and Jason quietly exchange discreet glances. Quickly they picked a few pumpkin seeds out of the bowl that resided in the scented of the kitchen table, flicking them over towards Damian who squawked and tried unsuccessfully, to duck. Due to being too focused on the task assigned. “Will you stop distracting me? I have a masterpiece to finish!”

“A masterpiece?” Jason asked teasingly, glancing pointedly at his Batman lantern.

“Yes. A masterpiece, Todd.” Damian exhaled exasperated. What did anyone have to do to carve a mere pumpkin in peace?

“Come on, little D. It’s time to have some fun!” Jason threw a handful of pulpy flesh at his face. Oh. This would be seen as a declaration of war. Quickly, Damian grabbed a portion of pumpkin and aimed for Jason’s leather jacket. ‘NOT MY JACKET’ several minutes later, Drake was covered in the orange flesh from head to toes. He was in urgent need of a bath. Grayson was smart enough to grasp a breakfast tray and use it as a shield, however it didn’t work for long. Damian and Tim teamed up to caught him on the top with a surprise attack, Drake sneaking behind his back. Needless to say the kitchen was in shambles at this point. Good thing Pennyworth has been busy the whole day reorganizing the library.

“What’s all this mess in my kitchen?! Master Richard I demand a proper explanation!” A very agitated British voice came from the doorframe. Alfred very upset, furrowing his grey brows appeared looking utterly baffled by the chaos.

Oops.

“Fuck me” Jason and Richard grumbled in unison from the floor covered in pumpkin pulp. Soon they broke out in bowls of laughter all four of them. Damian genuinely laughed at his heart’s content with the innocence of a normal child. His family may have been unstable and insane, but canned if they weren’t entertaining and the best part of his new life.

Some mandatory batbros bonding October prompt 🎃 🙈🙈🙈❤️💜💜

Also I’m celebrating 1.8K followers. Thank you so much for your support and reading my stories. I appreciate it 🥺🥺

Edited here:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26891536

@sofiii @chromium7sky @deep-in-mind67

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lovecre · 3 years

Text

this is a disaster lol

hi this is a double date fic feat. @honeycombscereal and their f/os… umm yeah

“hey, how do you feel about double dates?” eden asked suddenly.

angel blinked in surprise. “where did this come from?”

“well, it’s just…” eden sighed. “volks, cole, and poe really need to be more social. except for maybe volks, they’re been isolating themselves lately, and i’d like for them to meet nimh and stirling. maybe they’d get along?”

angel hummed thoughtfully. “i’ll bring up the topic to them. i mean,” they continued, “it sounds like a good idea! we’ll see how it goes.”

eden tapped his hands on the table the two were sitting at. they both had to take a break from their respective partners, and decided to meet up at a small bakery to chat.

“actually, i’ll call up nimh now!” angel decided, dialing her timid lover’s number on their phone.

“and i’ll text… cole, maybe?” eden pursed his lips. “yeah, cole.” turning his attention to his phone, he began to type.

me: hey cole!! i have a question for u :O

cole (🖤): Oh? Ask away. I’m curious now.

me: sure!! umm how do you feel about double dates >_<

cole (🖤): Double dates? I’m not too familiar with them, but they sound nice enough.

cole(🖤): Why do you ask? Although, I do have a sneaking suspicion.

me: yeap!! angel and i were like omg what if we did double dates… so i wanted to ask everyone starting with you!! <3

cole(🖤): I’d say I’d be fine with it… As for the others, however I’m not so sure.

cole(🖤): Perhaps it would be best if you took only I along instead. The others would simply be a hindrance…

me: yeah nice try. since ur there can u ask the others for me?? <3 and NO LYING ok <3 i WILL know

cole(🖤): Alright, alright. I’ll ask them.

meanwhile…

“hey, nimh, what do you think of double dates?” angel asked over the phone.

“uhh… oh, gosh, this is sudden…” nimh stammered. “they- they’re alright? i mean, i wouldn’t mind going on one, if it was with you…”

“is that a…yes?”

“um! yes, that’s a yes… yes.”

angel stifled a laugh at nimh’s unintentional antics. “okay, could you as stirling the same question?”

“s-stirling?” nimh squeaked fearfully. angel could practically see him trembling. “er, uh… y-yes! i can… ask him!” his voice was unnaturally high-pitched. “right. i’ll just… go ask… the scary vampire man… i mean! i’ll go ask. stirling. right now. yes.”

“…you don’t have to—“ angel started gently.

“no! no no no, i’ll do it!” nimh responded.

“… alright, if you say so.”

“so, how’d the convo go?” eden asked.

“could have gone better, but i’d say it was a resounding ‘yes.’ what about you?” angel replied.

“same here, although volks said he didn’t want to go. something about not wanting anyone else to see his ‘feral eating habits.’” eden squinted. “which is weird, because he usually doesn’t care about that. at least, not around me.… actually, now that i think about it, he does still have some ‘wolfish’ tendencies.”

“…yeah, i wouldn’t want anyone to see that either.” angel laughed.

a few days later, the group had decided to go to a fairly cheap restaurant, because god knows how much everyone would eat all together.

eden was waiting at one of the larger tables with cole and poe, when he spotted angel entering with her partners.

“hey, angel! over here!” eden waved both his arms in the air. the trio made their way over to the table, sitting down.

“hi! i’d like you all to meet eden,” angel turned to nimh and stirling. “he’s my friend, and the one that came up with this idea.”

“um, hello!” eden waved awkwardly. “it’s… nice to meet you!”

“uh, hi! it’s nice to meet you, too…!” nimh responded in a similarly awkward fashion.

“a pleasure to meet you.” stirling nodded at eden, a bit distracted by all the people bustling around in the restaurant.

eden, in turn, faced his boyfriends and gestured to angel. “and this is angel! they’re my friend, and these are her partners.”

“uh, hey. i’m poe.” poe waved halfheartedly.

“and i’m cole.” cole greeted shortly.

“hello!” angel smiled at the two. “so, what kind of restaurant is this? like, what kind of food do they serve?”

eden paused. in all the excitement of going on a double date (and getting to meet a REAL LIFE VAMPIRE), he had forgotten to check what kind of food the restaurant served. he internally prayed it wasn’t a vegan restaurant. both he and cole would have problems with that, and a hungry cole is a cole no one wants to meet.

“i… uh.” he stalled.

“how about we take a look at the menu?” cole quickly jumped in. “you know, it’s a bit strange that a waiter hasn’t come up to us yet.”

as if on cue, a pink-haired girl popped up from seemingly nowhere. she smiled brightly at the group, and pulled out a notepad.

“hey, i’m wendy, and i’ll be your server for today! now, does anyone want any drinks?”

everyone proceeded to order their respective drinks, (except for stirling, who pulled out a suspicious bottle of red liquid, which he assured everyone was “definitely just fruit juice”— no one believed him.)

angel got lemonade, poe and eden got soda, while nimh and cole just ordered water.

cole was gripping eden’s hand tightly underneath the table, making it difficult for him to handle his drink carefully— it was a heavy glass, and he didn’t exactly have much muscle, okay?

“cole. i need both hands.” eden muttered to the taller man. cole hesitated, and reluctantly let go.

poe was listening to music on his phone—presumably something edgy—while scrolling through social media. eden elbowed him gently.

“poe, manners!” he whispered fiercely.

“hey, i didn’t ask to be here. i only came because you wanted me to.” he mumbled back.

meanwhile, nimh was practically hyperventilating— there were so many intimidating people… cole kept shooting glares at him, poe had so many piercings and tattoos… not to mention STIRLING. nimh was still scared stiff of that man, and he practically has to see him every day now that they both were dating angel. angel was having to constantly pat him on the back to reassure him that she was there.

cole and stirling kept being passive aggressive to each other, which definitely was not helping the vibe.

“so… you’re a mystery solver? my, that must be… quite the profession.” stirling sipped his ‘fruit juice’.

“yes, quite. and… what’s your job, again? oh, right, figure skating.” cole replied. “i can’t imagine how… brave that must be, to wear such costumes, and showing off for everyone. oh, i mean, performing.” he finished coldly.

stirling gritted his teeth. “goodness, thank you so much for the… compliments. you know, for someone so… plain-looking, you certainly are bold.”

eden cleared his throat loudly. “AHEM! so, what’s everyone ordering?”

“mashed potatoes,” poe said, not paying attention at all.

“…wait, what? that’s it? just mashed potatoes?” eden stared at poe.

poe shrugged. “all i need.”

“…alright… uh, what about you, nimh?”

“h-huh?!” nimh practically jumped in his seat. “oh! um! yes! food! i’m getting… uh, o-oatmeal…?”

“…oatmeal.” eden echoed, deadpan.

“…uh. yes.” nimh wished the earth would swallow him up right then and there. he was stuck with eating oatmeal for lunch. did they even serve oatmeal?

“i’m having a burger, if you’re curious, eden.” cole butted in. “i’ll gladly share with you as well, my dear.”

“ah, no thanks, i’ll stick with tomato soup.” he politely declined, causing cole to frown.

“personally, i see eating things such as burgers so… how do i say? atrocious?” stirling sniffed. “all i need is my bl— uh, fruit juice.”

“…anyway, i’ll probably have a sandwich, or something.” angel said, shooting stirling a warning glance. “who knows, i might have to smack someone with it if they keep being rude.”

once the food arrived (thankfully for nimh, they did indeed serve oatmeal) the tense atmosphere had died down somewhat. stirling was managing to ignore cole’s backward insults, and instead focused on casually chatting with angel and eden.

“so, you say you draw? do you ever draw, say… horror? perhaps surrealism?” stirling asked eden.

“oh! um, not… not really…?” eden wasn’t quite sure how to explain that he mostly drew fanart. “i draw… people. and cute things.”

stirling nodded. “i see… ah well, it cannot be helped.”

“stirling. be nice.” angel muttered.

nimh glanced over at poe’s screen, only to see a strange surreal meme. something about “stonks”. he decided to no longer look at poe’s screen and stick to sadly eating his plain oatmeal. angel noticed this, of course, and mentally noted to buy him some cookies afterwards. maybe a carrot or two.

overall, the experience was… unique. maybe eden would bring volks next time, or maybe nimh wouldn’t be so paralyzed. maybe the restaurant wouldn’t be so weirdly ambiguous, or maybe cole wouldn’t be so… like that. who knew? definitely not eden. or anyone else, actually. i don’t know how to end this but this is the end . yeah<3 bye

#♥️.txt #self insert #self ship #self shipping #selfship #selfshipping #self ship fic #selfship fic #uh yeah… yeah. i got nothing just take it

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notaburgler · 4 years

Text

30 days of quarantine

Bokuto x Fem!Reader tw: language, implied sex, implied anal sex, swearing

A quarantine had been ordered forcing all of Japan to stay indoors.

“30 days, at minimum.” The official said from the conference.

It would be hard, no doubt about that. Your live-in boyfriend was a ball of energy that wasn’t easily contained. He couldn’t lounge around or be lazy, even if it was in the name of health and safety.

He loved socializing. He didn’t even need to know them. Many times you’d been stuck at the entrance of the grocery store with a tapping foot, waiting for him to be finished with the lengthy conversation he was having with the person from the other line or the cashier. You wondered how he managed not to see the look of disinterest when he babbled on and on. But you loved the idiot, no matter how long he held you up everywhere you went.

Staying indoors and refraining from any kind of personal social interaction would wear on him. He was a social butterfly and the government just clipped his wings. For you, this was something you felt prepared for. Unlike him, you relished in time at home. Lazily lounging on the couch and munching on your favorite snack food was a night well spent in your eyes.

Your gaze fell longingly to your boyfriend as he pouted on the couch next to you, “Don’t worry babe.” You leaned over, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek, “we will still have fun.”

Your smile brought him back to life. He had faith in you, trusted you. His grin made your cheeks burn, he was so easy to bring back from his sad mode, you couldn’t understand how, or why, Fukurodani ever had an issue in the first place.

“You’re right babe! Plus,” he slid his hand along your lower back, “we get plenty of alone time. Maybe we should work on starting that family you want.” His bushy eyebrows wagged at you making you shake your head.

With a roll of your eyes, you popped another kiss on his cheek, “babe, it goes: dating, marriage, then kids, then we die.” A pat to his thigh before lifting yourself up from the couch.

Day 1- 7pm

“I decided to start a journal documenting how we handled the quarantine. Koutaro seems to enjoy relaxing for the first time ever. Occasionally, he will get spurts of energy and start pacing or go to the kitchen and open the fridge. I can’t help but laugh when he stares inside it for what seems like ages, then closes it and comes back to the couch with nothing to show. It’s funny watching him.

Maybe I’ll document how he handles this quarantine. Only 29 days to go.”

Day 2- 10:45pm

“Nothing unusual today. Kou talked my ear off about volleyball. I love him, I really do, but if I have to hear another story about an amazing spike he made in high school again, I might not make it to the end of the quarantine. But I still listen and smile. I have no idea what the hell he's talking about… like, what the fuck is a Libero? He said that Komi is the best out there.

In all honesty, only day 2 cooped up in the house and I can tell he’s desperate to get back on the court. Maybe I’ll actually pay attention at the next game? Not that I don’t, I just have no idea what’s going on! But Kou slaps the ball really good.

He’s in bed right now, staring at me. God I love him. Time to go get a bit freaky.”

Day 3- 11:11am

“It’s starting to hit me a bit. The quarantine blues really are a thing. I think it might be because Kou has moments of sadness. He’s like a dog, waiting for it’s master to come home from work. He stares out the window with a forlorn look on his face like it’s been years since he had smelled fresh air.

Like, babe, we have a backyard!

It’s not huge, but it’s enough to get some fresh air. Kuroo helps a bit. The window in our bedroom and the window in his face each other. They chatted for a few hours today. Gave me a chance to clean up the place. For fucks sake babe, it’s not like you’re busy! Clean up after yourself!

Note to self: Teach Kou how clean as you go before having children with him.

I think we will watch a movie tonight. It’s weird, we’ve been together in this house for 3 days, but yet we haven’t really spent time together. He's always so busy doing something. He just has to keep moving. It’s that, or he’s sleeping.”

Day 3- 1:39pm

“What in the actual fuck Kou! My god damn boyfriend is currently having a screaming contest with Kuroo. Those two idiots are just sitting in the windows holding a scream for as long as they can…. why? Why did I agree to move into a house right next to Kuroo? Why do I hate me?”

Day 4- 9am

“He’s still asleep. It’s the first time he’s slept in so far. It may be because he was up super late watching porn. I don’t understand how he can have so much energy? I tapped out after round 3, but he wasn’t done yet.

He is very cute when sleeping. I love him…”

Day 4- 6:56pm

“Well, disaster strikes!

It was a sweet effort, don’t get me wrong. He tried to cook dinner- key word: tried.

It was both burnt and under cooked… at the same time! I don’t know how he managed to fuck it up that bad, but here we are!

I still ate it. I smiled. I hope he couldn't read into the look of disgust I clearly had in my eyes. Maybe I’ll get him online cooking lessons or something. He seemed rather eager to cook, and I’m not one to stop him from trying, especially if that means I don’t have to.”

Day 5- 9:43am

“He tried cooking again. I got breakfast in bed. He’s such a pure-hearted idiot… my idiot. He made the eggs look like volleyballs, it was a cute effort. I told him that in a way to thank him for being such a sweetheart, I’d do lunch and dinner.

He’s tried cleaning the house, but somehow manages to make a bigger mess than before. My cheeks hurt from laughing at him fighting the dishwasher. Maybe this whole experience will help him appreciate what I do around the house more- not that he doesn’t already. Sometimes I think he assumes that since I’m going to college online and not working that it’s my job to clean up, and by all means, I’m more than happy to do so. But even when I’m home all day, some verbal appreciation and a lending hand here and there is also expected from him. I’m blessed that I am able to stay home, but I’m also not the only one that lives here.”

Day 6- 2:15pm

“He’s crying because Akaashi called to check in. Kou is such a social man, being out of contact with his friends is hard on him. I think he’s missing volleyball too. He’s been watching old matches on the computer a lot. He has this look of someone that’s missing their spouse on his face. If only he’d look at me the way he looks at a volleyball…”

Day 6- 5:09pm

“Akaashi is now FaceTiming him. Kou begged to see his “beautiful face” so now they are FaceTiming… he never FaceTimes with me! Why am I jealous of his high school setter? Imma go give him a piece of my mind. Update when I return.”

Day 6- 5:13pm

“Akaashi is beautiful. I have chosen to forgive Koutaro.”

Day 7- 8:46am

“He wants to build the best pillow fort ever. Kuroo is throwing all of his pillows and blankets over the fence so we can make one. I’m pumped! Hoping to turn the entire living room into a pillow fort.”

Day 8- 7pm

“Lazy day today for me. Kou has been getting more and more restless. He found old paint in the garage and decided to repaint the spare room. This… will not go well.”

Day 8- 8pm

“Note to self: make sure Kou has a spotter when painting on a ladder. Also, call a carpet cleaner when this is over.”

Day 9- 5am

“Kou is up early. I can’t sleep without him next to me. He curls up into my back and holds me so close, I love it. He woke up early to work out. He’s currently running circles around the backyard… the backyard is not big enough to run circles… also, I don’t think he’s shaved since day 1. Neither has Kuroo- oh god they aren’t shaving!

I’ve seen Kou take selfies each morning. Is he documenting how his hair grows? These two are so weird. I want him to come back to bed. I want to cuddle!”

Day 10- 3:47am

“I’m gonna murder Koutaro Bokuto, I swear. His snoring is so goddamn loud….”

Day 10- 8:05am

“I didn’t sleep at all. Kou was tossing and turning all night long. Apparently, he snores. This is news to me! I’d never heard him snore before, or at least, not like that. We had a fucking freight train rolling through our bedroom at top speeds, blaring it’s horn. Only 10 days in… I guess this is a real test of our relationship, huh?”

Day 14- 3:36pm

“Kuroo waited around the window for a while. We talked for a bit. It had been a while since we talked, it was a nice break. He was busy with work for a while, but this was a great chance to finally relax and chill. He told me that he picked up a few games at the store before the lock down. This was evident by the few cases strewn between our houses. He probably tried to let Kou borrow them and didn’t make the toss… and they call themselves athletes?

Kuroo was a nice break from the monotony of this lock up. I’m getting cabin fever and would like a chance to go for a walk or maybe-”

Day 14- 3:40pm

“So… Kou found out the hard way why we don’t play volleyball inside the house. Now our coffee table is broken and there is glass all over. Ugh… if old polaroid cameras were still a thing, and I had one, I’d leave a picture of my face right now. Just, ugh… 16 more days… 16.”

Day 16- 9:03pm

“Today was a nice day. I think Kou watching so much porn has made him hyper aroused. I swear, we’ve fucked on every surface of this house. He asked to get a bit adventurous, wondering what I would be willing to explore with him.

The list is rather long. The standard stuff normal couples try at least once… right?

Anal, 69, bondage, role play… stuff like that.

He says he doesn’t want the bondage to be like the porn he’s seen though, he can’t begin to even fathom hitting me, even if it’s something I asked for. He said, “the best you’ll get is a smack on the ass, babe.” And followed that up with one helluva slap to my butt. Ace of Fukurodani for ya, leaving hand prints on my ass. That’s fine, I don’t really like the whole slapping thing. But I’d be willing to dip into choking or some light shit like that… meh, we are gonna talk about it more tonight. I’ll write our list of what we wanna try next.

The good news is that I get to go grocery shopping today! Never thought I’d be excited about that!”

Kou and my kinks to try:

Anal

Bondage/shibari

Role play

Student/teacher

Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby

Doctor or nurse/patient

Boss/Secretary

Pegging? (I’ll convince him!)

Mutual masturbation

Orgasm control/denial

Over-stimulation

Hot/cold play

Wax play

“I’m sure we won’t get all of them, but I think he’s game to try.”

Day 17- 10:53am

“WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME ANAL SEX MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE YOU GOTTA SHIT?!?!? I swear, I couldn’t enjoy even a second of it because I kept feeling like I was shitting all over the bed. Kou said it felt like he was fucking a silicone coke bottle; tight at the beginning, but after you press through... not so much. I mean, at least we tried it. I don’t think we are gonna go down chocolate lane again.

Not sure what we will try tonight. Actually, I might need a break from that. My hips hurt more than normal, and I still feel like my asshole is gonna prolapse any second… fuck that.”

Day 18- 8:20am

“Where the fuck did he get a saxophone? We don’t have a saxophone. It’s 8 in the goddamn morning and he’s trying to learn- I swear Kuroo… he’s got a trumpet. A FUCKING TRUMPET! These two… I love Kou so much, and I’d do anything for him, but I have to know where he got the sax from.”

Day 18- 8:34am

“I knew getting prime was a mistake.”

Day 18- 10:17am

“We agreed to have a lazy day. He put away the sax. I hid all of his reeds. It’ll be a shame when he goes to play again and has no reeds to play with. Sorry babe, but I’m on edge and I can’t handle you squealing your saxophone all day long.

About to pick a movie to watch while we eat. Maybe a show, who knows? I was scanning Netflix earlier and saw a cute little show called “happy tree friends” looks like something we might like. Just a cute show to bring back nostalgic memories. Maybe we will binge The whole series?”

Day 18- 11:19am

“So… that show… not what I was expecting. Kou is traumatized. This whole day of relaxing really isn’t panning out as I hoped. Maybe I’ll watch more after I rock my baby-of-a-boyfriend to sleep tonight. He’s fragile, but so damn cute.”

Day 21- 10:02am

“He’s started one of the dumbest things I’ve seen so far. I can handle the saxophone, I can deal with the screaming contest, I can even tolerate the paint fiasco… but why on earth would he create his own food challenges? He’s eating so much food! Babe! We don’t have that much food to be eating in one day!

Oh god… please Kuroo, please stop encouraging him. Well, at least he’s not making his own anymore, he’s just doing food challenges-“

Day 21- 10:05am

“He tried to do the milk challenge. The one where you try to drink a gallon of milk in one go. I don’t need him crying and vomiting because of it.”

Day 21- 3:18pm

“I’ve been helping him work out. It’s helping him stay relaxed and chill. He just can’t sit still. So at this moment, I’m sitting on his feet watching tv while he does crunches behind me. This is kinda nice. I like doing this. Maybe once he starts doing push ups, I’ll lay under him and get a kiss each time he comes down.”

Day 22- 10:05am

“We watched The Lion King and now Kou has taken the cat and lifted it up above his head like Rafiki did with Simba. He’s hanging out the window and now Kuroo is rounding up all of the stuffed animals his girlfriend has and any animal shaped object in his house and putting them on his lawn. Kou doesn’t know the words to the song, but he tries. This may be the weirdest thing they have done to date.”

Day 22- 11am

“I think the cat is traumatized. It keeps running away from Kou when he comes near. Now I have a depressed boyfriend and a terrified cat. I wanna be mad, but he’s so cute when he sulks. Plus, he cuddles me when he’s upset. I like that part.”

Day 24- 9:43am

“So, he's rearranged the living room. As I’m writing, he’s moving the couch I’m sitting on… again. I liked how we had it, but he needs to stay occupied. I’d rather him do this than to try to create an indoor slip and slide like he was gonna do.”

Day 24- 1:28pm

“He’s passing the volleyball back and forth with Kuroo. At least he’s still able to socialize, even if it is from a distance. I can see him want to spike the ball over the fence. He says it’s the perfect height. But it’s not safe since the backyard is so small and both of them are so tall… how?!? How are they so tall?!?

I’ve taken this time to work on a few projects that I’ve been trying to finish for a while now. I’ve got a blanket I’m making for Kou that I haven’t had time to work on, I’ve needed to finish that birthday present for my mom, there’s a tv show that I’ve been wanting to start, but Kou isn’t interested in it. Today has been fun. And our furniture ended up in exactly the same place it was when we woke up. I think he just wanted to see what our options are.

6 more days and hopefully, we are free from this mess.”

Day 28- 11:35am

“Almost there! Kou and I have handled this pretty well. We’ve fought a few times, but nothing worth mentioning. I’ve come to realize that even though he can be destructive and air headed, he’s also so sweet and compassionate, it’s probably the reason I fell in love with him. I couldn’t have done this without him. I would have gone crazy!

There’s a press conference tomorrow regarding the quarantine. God I hope this is over. I can’t stand to see him so desperate to get out of the house. He’s FaceTiming with Akaashi again. Their friendship is so sweet and pure. Maybe we will adopt Akaashi? I’ll run it by him.”

Day 28- 11:43am

“Akaashi said no.”

At 8am, 29 days into this national quarantine, a well dressed man took to an empty room and faced the camera. The broadcast was live and you were sure everyone was watching.

You took in a deep breath, squeezing Koutaro’s hand a bit too tight. Nervous, annoyed, a bit nutty; all of these could easily describe how you felt having been cooped up for 29 days.

After a moment to go over his notes, he spoke, “citizens, your cooperation in this time of need and crisis has been noticed. It is understood and acknowledged that the hardships and issues you face staying indoors for so long. It is with that that I must regretfully inform you…”

Day 29- 8:02am

“Fuck.”

#bokuto #kotaro bokuto #haikyuu!!#quarantine #30 days inside #bokuto x reader #fluff with implied smut #hes so cute #hes also a pain #kuroo testuro #hq #hq bokuto

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #397

“you’re my religion, you’re my reason to live / you are the heaven in my hell”

Do you think that you’ll always love who you love now? Even if we're never together again romantically, I will ALWAYS love her at least as a best friend. Have you ever made out with a random person? Yeah, no. If you could do your first kiss over, would you? No. I'm lucky that my first kiss was honestly cute as hell. Do you like your country’s president or prime minister? Well I voted for him, so I obviously can't hate him. He seems to be doing fine so far, though take that with a grain of salt seeing as I don't keep up with politics. Even before voting for him, I just did a small bit of researching on his values. What color is your house? Yellow with white accents. Do you listen to Christmas music during the holiday season? No, I don't enjoy it. Man, Jason's mom sure did, though... I loved how in the spirit she'd get and always played Christmas music in the car during that time of year. I miss that woman and I sure as hell hope she rests easy now. Do you like ginger ale? Solely if I have a stomach bug, and I can only ever sip it. What are you listening to? "Electric Sugar Pop" by Jeffree Star. What’s the last thing you watched on TV? The TMS office has the TV on, and the woman who overlooks it (I have zero idea what her position is called) tends to have it either on a cooking channel or a home improvement one. Today was a cooking one. Is your favorite author the author of your favorite book? I don't have a favorite author. Describe someone you find really attractive: M-Mark Fischbach. *___* If you HAD to look like someone else, but could choose who, who would you choose? Hm... maybe my friend Alon. I've mentioned I feel like a million times that she is like, ethereal with how gorgeous she is. Have you ever seen someone get a tattoo done? If so, what was it? Did they cry or were they in a lot of pain? Yeah; it was a watercolor feather with "ohana" written below it. She didn't cry at all, but she grit her teeth a few times. Do you have anything you couldn’t go a day without? Some form of technology. Have you ever gotten caught doing something illegal? No. What’s your favorite flavor of Vitamin Water? I don't even think I've ever tried it. Is there someone you wanna date right now? Yeah. What first attracted you to the last person you kissed? If we're talking the very first, our vast similar interests. How many brothers does your father have? None. Does your best friend have any tattoos? No. Do you like Ben + Jerry’s? Yep. Man, I want their Phish Food ice cream now. Would you ever wish to be the opposite sex? Nah. Do you think you’re attractive? Nope. What is your favorite card game to play? Magic: The Gathering. I really miss my PS3 where I had Duel of the Planeswalkers installed on it, it was really fun. Do you own a globe? I don't think we still do. What is your favorite wild cat? Perhaps clouded leopards. If your bedroom had three portals to anywhere, where would they lead? South Africa, Sara's place, and maybe a nice little cabin in the mountains for when I'm feeling a peaceful getaway. You can ask any author one question about their story. What do you ask? I have zero idea. What’s a place you have a strong emotional connection to? The pond behind the local community college. Jason and I took our first prom pictures there. Do you take yoga classes? No, but I'm actually considering it since they offer those at the YMCA Mom and I now go to. What is a decision you’ve made that changed your entire life? To let Jason go. It's pretty great, my PTSD has been less of a bother lately! Have you ever made any money from a side-hustle? Could you consider being paid to take pictures once in a blue moon a "side hustle" when I don't even have a main job? Do you ever wonder what kind of person you’d have turned out to be if a certain event never happened to you? Ugh... it's incredibly painful to wonder how life would be if Jason never left. If you could have anyone’s singing voice, whose would you choose? Adele's or Amy Lee's, probs. What are your top 3 favorite genres of music? Metal, hard rock, alternative. Do you think Mars will be colonized in your lifetime? No. Have you ever been homeless? If so, what led to your homelessness? Technically, yes, because Mom couldn't afford the rent. She, my little sister (who still lived with us at the time), and I each were accepted into the homes of willing, kind people, though. Have you ever been on a ship? No. Who was Van Halen’s better singer - David Lee Roth, or Sammy Hagar? David. Which fictional character has the most memorable quotes? Heath Ledger's Joker is quoted all the time, so probably him. What do you think of the "Healthy At Every Size" movement/philosophy? Before I answer this, I want you to keep in mind that this is coming from someone who is obese, so I would positively love to agree with that for my own self-confidence, but I don't. I believe it's a very dangerous mentality. I think you should cherish your body unconditionally, like it's an amazing machine, but I firmly believe you should have an active interest in becoming what is physically healthy. You couldn't pay me millions to convince me that, say, a 300 lb. person is healthy. What was the name of the first person you ever had a crush on? Why did you like them? I think my first *real* crush was this guy Sebastian my freshman year of high school. I thought he was very sweet, funny, caring, and attractiveness was a bonus. What food will you absolutely not, under any circumstances, eat? Sashimi, caviar, raw eggs... Which famous person would you like to be BFFs with? Bindi Irwin, for one. What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? Hurricanes. Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? No. Have you ever been bitten so hard that there teeth marks were there after? I mean I've had hickeys before if that's what you're asking. Ever gave one? Oh, I guess you were. Yeah. Do you think its weird if guys wear make-up like eyeliner? Not at all. Would you ever date a disabled person? (Be honest) Yes. Would you rather adopt or have your own child? IF I wanted kids, I'd rather have one myself because I'm well aware I personally need that special connection. Stepkids count, too, because they'd be my partner's and therefore very important for me too. What is the most personal question you have ever been asked? Probably TMI, so here's your fair warning, but I've been asked before if I "touch" myself and I was absolutely repulsed that someone would ask me that. Were you abused by your parents? No. If you’re not straight, who was the first person you came out to? Sara. Were you one of the smartest in your class? Up to finishing high school, modestly, I was. Where did you meet your first crush? Art class my freshman year of high school. Do you ever go places with wet hair? Yeah, idc. Who is your favorite little girl? My niece Aubree. She's such a wonderful girl. Does your best friend have kids? No. If you were pregnant, would you want a boy or a girl? Hypothetically, a girl. What place outside of your own home do you spend the most time at? Um, maybe my older sister's house? Have you ever participated in a medical study? No. Do you have any family members who are cancer survivors? Yes, including my mother. Twice. Are you allergic to any medications? None that I've tried. Do you have any licenses other than your driver's license? I don't even have that. If you’re atheist, would you raise you kids believing in God or not? No; I wouldn't intervene with their own spiritual (or lack thereof) journey. They'd learn what they'd learn and decide themselves what they believe. Do you like reading self-help books? No, I just can't get invested in those. What is your opinion on sex change? If you're unhappy with your body, you're more than free to surgically change that with no judgment from me. Do you have any goals for this summer? If so, what are they? Yes, to lose weight. Can you get a strike at bowling? I have before. There was one occasion where my first go was a strike RIGHT after saying I sucked at bowling, hahaha. Do you ever take pictures of negative moments? Well, I photograph roadkill, and that's one hell of a sad moment. I actually wouldn't mind broadening my horizons of photographing negative moments (with permission of course), because I actually find these very impactful and even builds empathy. I will never, ever forget this one picture I saw sometime of an emaciated boy huddled in the dirt with a vulture close by watching him... like fuck, it made me want to sob. No one should ever have to live like that, especially a child. Would you ever post a picture of yourself crying on social media? No. I know that sounds contradictory to what I just said, I just wouldn't be able to do it myself. Have you ever held a newborn baby? Once, when my last niece was born. I'm terrified of holding them because they're just so fragile. Do you know anyone who has twins? My friend just had triplets. What is your favorite country in Europe? Germany. Are you thriving in your life right now? BOY HOWDY- Do you remember to water plants? I don't keep plants. Name three YouTubers you aspire to be like. 1.) Markiplier in a vast plethora of ways; 2.) Jeffree Star for his incredible work ethic; and 3.) Shane Dawson for his incredible compassion. Yes. I know the controversy, but regardless, he cares a lot about people. Who is your favorite character from Harry Potter? I wouldn't know, given I haven't read the books or seen the movies. Do you watch PewDiePie? Not anymore; his content doesn't interest me anymore. I watched him religiously back in the day when he was a serious let's player, though. Do you have a Steam account? Yes. Have you ever played Five Nights at Freddy’s? No, not personally. I like watching LPs of it and I find the story fascinating, but it's not the kind of game I'd enjoy playing. Have you ever tried Akinator? Yes. I don't think I ever beat it, except maybe once. Are you wearing socks right now? No; unless I'm wearing closed-toe shoes like sneakers, I never do. I hate the feeling of them. Can you twerk? Haven't tried, don't wanna. Do you like dabbing? No, it looks stupid. Do you like fishing? I honestly do think it's fun with all the anticipation and thrill of seeing how big the fish is, however I don't support it anymore unless, like hunting, you genuinely need it for food. The only case where I'd go again was if my dad asked me, because that's always been our bonding experience. Do you have a Spotify account? Yes. Have you heard of Blizzard Entertainment? Well, they're the company behind World of Warcraft, so obviously. Do you like bananas? Yes, but only for a VERY short window of time. I am beyond picky with the ripeness of bananas. Are you addicted to anything? Caffeine and technology. Do you know your phone number? I actually don't. Do you swear in front of children? No.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''here for you'' by ozzy osbourne

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shanie-the-toyaddict · 3 years

Note

1, 9, 15, 17, 21, 25, 26, 29, 33, 41, 46, 48, 54, 59, 68, 73, 81, 96, 98

😊

Oh my word! That's a lot!

Ok, here goes.

Behind cut for length

1. Name - I prefer Shanie but my parents call me “Mis”. Well, my mom calls me “Mis” my father calls me “Pooch” which I despise. Just stick with Shanie.

9. What did you study - I changed majors midway through college. I started out as an art major focusing on computer animation. That didn’t work out at ALL. Turns out I sucked ass at computer animation. Too much math involved. So I switched to a major in teaching with minors in history and popular culture. Unfortunately I failed at that too and, while I did graduate, it was with a degree in “Planned Program” which is a polite way of saying “General Ed”. I did earn my two minors though, so I guess that’s something!

15. Relationship Status - Single. Very Very Single. I haven’t had a single date in about 10 years. By the looks of it, I’m going to stay single.

17. Do you have a crush - Do celebrities count? If not then no. I don't even know anyone IRL to have crushes on. I legit have nobody in my IRL life outside of my parents and my case manager. Kind of hard to have a crush when you don't have any friends or even acquaintances.

21: How was your day - Well, today I got nothing accomplished. I did have a meeting with my case manager, so that was nice. It’s nice to have someone to talk to and infodump on (which she lets me). Outside of that I woke up, had breakfast, lunch, and dinner, had a nap, and went to Dairy Queen for ice cream on the way home. Unfortunately, DQ is on the far side of town and by the time I got home, it was melted. So it went in the fridge to eat later once it refreezes. Outside of that it was a pretty boring day.

25. Your fears - Whoo-ee. Ok. So coming in with the borderline I’d say my biggest fear is abandonment. That just comes with the territory. After that I have a huge fear of storms and waking up in a fire, both brought about by recurring nightmares. I also have a fear of flying (too much Air Crash Investigations) and I hate elevators. I’m not claustrophobic mind you, I just have a fear that they will fall on me. Anything over 3 stories and I’m having an anxiety attack. There are other, lesser fears but those are some of the big ones.

26. Your dreams - Well, in a literal sense, my dreams are wild, crazy adventures that I get most of my fanfics from. From a metaphorical standpoint I really don’t have any. I’ve given up on hoping for anything good in my life. I’m too busy trying to get from day to day to indulge in long term planning. I know it seems terrible, but it’s the truth.

29. Hobbies - Obviously action figures, that much is clear. I collect and customize them to display in my apartment. I also like making digital art (sometimes) and am starting to get into illustrations/artwork. However, I don’t have a tablet/pen for the computer so everything is done with the mouse and GIMP (which makes it difficult). I’m an avid collector of digital media. Some of my big ones are Doctor Who DVDs, Wrestling Entrance Themes, and Official Xena Photos (not the physical ones, jpeg scans). I used to be big into Wizard101 and, while I don’t really play anymore, I still like following the game on YT and on here.

33. Languages you speak – Only English, except it’s a very specific English. I usually speak what’s called the “Yinzer” dialect which is a dialect that is unique to the Pittsburgh region. That’s why you see me use the word “Yinz” a bunch. That’s our word for “You guys” or “Y’all”. However, while most of my speech is Yinzer, I have watched enough British TV in my lifetime to have picked up some Brit speech. It confuses the hell out of people when I use it because you’ll have me say things like “My apartment needs cleaned” and then follow it up thirty seconds later with, “I’m rubbish at cleaning.” My mother has picked up on this and sometimes calls me her “British Daughter” because of it.

41. Your Device Background – My phone’s lock screen is a picture of Shane in his Roman Centurion outfit from the one Royal Rumble photo shoot. My phone background is a checkered wallpaper with “SZ” on it for Sami Zayn. (That one might be getting changed if he stops being Sami.) And my computer background is just a night sky over the mountains. I rarely ever see my computer wallpaper so I don’t mind that it is a generic background.

46. The most dangerous thing you’ve done – You know how Lucy breathes fire on Xena? I taught myself how to do that. That wasn’t bright to begin with but it was made so much worse that I was underage and couldn’t buy Bacardi and was using lamp oil instead. I was young and dumb.

48. Some things you’ve tried in your life – Funny thing, I’m a sucker for strange foods. There was a list going around that said “How many of these weird foods have you eaten” and I think I had eaten all but six of them and that was only because I didn’t have access to them. I’m proud to say that, since then, I’ve knocked Quail Egg off the list! Turns out the local Japanese restaurant served it. So that knocked it down to five. Still need to get ahold of some gator meat and haggis. I’d love to try Foie Gras but it’s just so damn unethical that I don’t know if I could bring myself to eat it. Pheasant is another one that I’d love to try but I can’t convince my parents to buy me one (and I’m far too poor to afford it myself). But, yeah. I love strange foods. I’ll pretty much try any food once if I know it’s safe to eat.

54. Any tattoos or piercings – Unless you count partially pierced ears then no. And my ears are only partially pierced because after I had them done they got infected so I tried to let them heal shut. They ended up not closing fully and now, if I’m not adverse to a bit of pain, I can still wear earrings occasionally.

59. Song you wouldn’t normally admit you like – Judas is my guilty pleasure song. I know Jericho is a douchebag and I have tried to hate the song but I can’t. I end up singing along every time.

68. Favorite Movie/Series - Hmm... well, my all time favorite movie is definitely “The Towering Inferno”, hands down. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve seen that. I’m a sucker for disaster movies and, in my opinion, that one is the cream of the crop. I actually like it better than “The Poseidon Adventure” simply because I think the movie is inferior to the book. That said, I’ve also read both of the books that “The Towering Inferno” is based on and I like the combined movie better than them. Favorite series, however, I don’t think I have one definitive favorite series. I’ve had favoriteS like Xena, Buffy, Sherlock, Doctor Who, etc, but I’ve never had one all time favorite.

73: Favorite Greek God – Oh geez. Hmmm... You know, I’m going to have to go with Hermes here, primarily because I have this theory that he is the god of the internet. I know there was no internet in ancient Greece but, frankly, Hermes is the god of commerce, communication, travelers, and thieves. While it’s true that Hephaestus is the god of technology and would probably be the god of computers, I fully believe that Hermes would be the patron of the interwebs.

81 Favorite Books – In all honesty, going to college for 8 years burned me out for reading and now I can barely bring myself to read a comic book. For this reason, most of my favorite books come from childhood. My all time favorite book as a kid was “Flight #116 Is Down” by Caroline B Cooney. It was a disaster story about plane crash in a young woman’s back yard. Somehow, everyone didn’t die – a fact which was called out in the final pages when a fireman says that the crash was extremely odd because “usually they’re all dead.” That book might be another reason I’m terrified of flying. Other favorite books of mine was the “Fear Street Saga Trilogy” (Not the Fear Street Series, the trilogy that served as the origin story). I also like the Hitchhikers Guide saga but when I found out that Douglas Adams died before he could finish the saga, I stopped reading after book 4 so that the story had a happy ending. Novelizations in general are a big thing for me too, I’ve read some really good ones over the years and it’s fascinating to see how they differ from the movies they’re based on.

96. Hero or Villain – Well, if my dreams are anything to go by, I’m a villain at heart. I know, weird right? You all think I’m such a nice person but really, I have a huge dark side to me IRL and, if I was in a world where superheroes were real and I had superpowers I would almost certainly use them for evil. Or, at the very least I would use them to force social change ala Dr. Horrible.

98. Shapeshifting or Controlling Time – SHAPESHIFTING! Oh my goodness shapeshifting! I would love that so much! First of all, I wouldn’t be this huge anymore. I could be as heavy or a skinny as I want. Also, I wouldn’t have to worry about looking old or losing my hair! Plus, can you imagine the cosplay potential!? Forget dressing as the 13th Doctor, I AM THE 13th DOCTOR! That would just be the best!

PHEW! That was a lot! Thanks so much for the ask! This was fun. I love ask games.

#ask games

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let-it-raines · 4 years

Note

Hello! Don’t know if you’re accepting prompts but just saw a clip of gerrit and amy cole playing catch- she’s pregnant and still bringing the heat! Thought of emma and killian in the CMIYC verse :) hope the muse inspires you, pretty please and thank you :)

I saw that video @galadriel26! Too cute! If anyone wants to watch it, I’ll link it | Here |

And if anyone is interested in reading this on ao3, that’s | Here |

-/-

September 2022

Emma hates him.

She really, really does, and she doesn’t plan on changing her mind about that anytime soon. He doesn’t deserve it, and she’s going to stick to that thought process for the foreseeable future.

Because that’s definitely rational, and she is a beacon for being rational at all times.

Or not.

Definitely not. But at least part of the time.

“Take the train home,” Ruby says as she hands her the largest cup of lemonade Emma has ever seen. She’s going to have to pee approximately eighteen times after she drinks it. “I’ll ride with you so you’re not alone.”

“We don’t take anything close to the same route, and I don’t care about riding alone.”

“I don’t care that we’re not on the same route.” Ruby taps her shoulder into Emma’s as Emma takes a sip of her drink. God, this is delicious. She could probably live off of lemonade right now if she didn’t think about how many calories she consumed with a cup this size. And the peeing. So much peeing. “We could get Graham to come get us. He can give us a police escort.”

“That’s excessive.”

“You look miserable. Excessive might be in order.”

Emma hums and leans back in the stadium seat, propping her feet up on the back of the chair in front of her. She needs to wash her sneakers. They have seen better days, and she loves these too much to do anything but preserve them forever. She definitely should have bought more than one pair when she got these.

Killian would have killed her.

As if he doesn’t have a million shoes of his own.

She’s definitely buying at least two more pairs of these shoes when she gets home. She deserves them.

“I’m not miserable,” Emma promises before taking another sip, “but I’m tired. I have been here since eight this morning, and Killian is out on the field running around in circles.”

“That’s called jogging.”

Emma rolls her eyes and tilts her head to lean it on Ruby’s shoulder. “Shut up.”

“I will soon because I’m about to leave for the day. I just wanted to make sure my nephew was going to be okay.”

“Oh, so what about the woman who is wearing extremely elastic shorts to house your nephew? Because if you don’t ask about me, I swear I’m going to pop off on you.”

Ruby chuckles and wraps her arm around Emma’s shoulder. “People ignoring you and only mentioning your stomach today?”

“Oh my gosh, yes. And my boobs. I had actual, real people reference my boobs and how much bigger they are because I work with a bunch of assholes who can only focus on a woman for her boobs.”

“Your boobs are absolutely gigantic, and you’re only seven months.”

Emma’s eyes narrow. If she didn’t want this lemonade so badly, she’d pour it on Ruby for that comment. “If you ever have a kid, I’m going to remind you that you think being seven months pregnant in the summer in New York is an easy thing.”

“I only meant that your boobs are going to get even bigger along with your ankles.”

“Shut up,” Emma laughs, gently hitting Ruby. “I should have never told you I have to wear compression socks while working.”

“That was a mistake.”

“My ankles are normal size.”

“If you say so.” Ruby nods down toward the field. “It looks like your baby daddy is winding down. You going to be okay if I leave you to him? Or are you going to murder him for making you wait here? I’ll support you in that, but there’s only so much I can legally do to get you out of that situation.”

“Nah, I like him too much to murder him.”

“I’ve heard he’s really good at sex, too.”

“Rubes, you’re ridiculous.” Emma pulls herself away from Ruby, standing from the seats and wiping away the sweat that’s pooled at the back of her thighs before grabbing the hair elastic off her wrist and pulling her hair up into a ponytail. “You’re also not lying if I have to be totally honest with you.”

“Ha, I knew it.”

Her eyes rolls, and when Ruby stands, Emma leans over to hug her. She doesn’t actually know what she would do without Ruby and her penchant for asking totally inappropriate questions.

“Go home and let me go try to drag the crazy man off the field, okay?”

“I’m pretty sure he’s trying to win the World Series again to impress you.”

“That would be ridiculous.”

“But it’s definitely true. You might be married to the most romantic man alive.”

“I’m going to tell Graham you said that.”

“Please do. He could step up his game.”

“I’ll slip it into the next conversation, but try as much as you might, there’s not much of a chance of Graham winning the World Series. But I’ll send him a text with a very blunt hint.”

“Perfect.” Ruby places her hands on Emma’s stomach, and Emma has to bite her tongue. She only lets Killian do that because people touching her stomach is freaking weird and should not be a socially accepting just because she has a human growing inside of her. “Baby boy Jones, your mom is going to murder your dad for making her stay here all day, and she’s going to murder me for touching her stomach, so I want you to know that I am the most beautiful woman you’ll ever see.”

“Goodbye, Rubes,” Emma sighs. She takes another sip to keep from laughing. “I’ll let you know if we’re still here in the morning.”

“You might as well wait. You’ll just be super early for work tomorrow.”

“At this rate, we both will be.”

Ruby turns and walks away toward the exit while Emma makes her way down the stands until she’s at the gate that will let her out onto the field. The sun is nearly finished setting, the overhead lights turned on and beaming down onto the field, and the heat from the day is finally melting away so that it’s not excessively sweltering.

She cannot wait for winter. It’ll be cold and comfortable and she won’t be pregnant anymore. She’ll probably be freaking out because she has no idea how to be a mother, but at least her ankles won’t be slightly swollen anymore.

Hopefully.

It’ll all be worth it. Supposedly.

No, definitely.

She’s just miserably hot today and wants to be home on the couch with Netflix on so that she can get up and do this all over again.

They’re going to the ALDS, and she’s so damn excited. They’ve been rebuilding the team for years now, getting back to the top of the game, and this is the first time in a long time that Emma’s felt it in her gut that they’ve got a chance. 2019 feels like decades ago, but it’s only been three years since their lives were insane.

Well, insane in slightly different ways.

At least there are no deadbeat dads working with ex-boyfriends to ruin their lives. She couldn’t go through that again. She needs some kind of calm to be able to get through the next few weeks and keep from getting too stressed.

Pregnancy was obviously a great idea.

“Hey, twenty-nine, they called off practice a few hours ago.”

Killian keeps jogging, but he slows his pace until he’s in a walk and heading straight toward her. He has absolutely soaked through his t-shirt and his shorts, and he is definitely going to smell horrible on the car ride home if he doesn’t shower here.

“I’m getting extra credit, love.”

“You’ve already aced the test. Let’s go.”

Killian pushes his hair off his forehead before reaching back to tug at the back of his shirt, pulling it off and tossing it to the ground. Emma’s stomach swirls, and she swallows the lump in her throat.

Damn, she is luckier than she has any right to be.

Maybe sitting on the couch and watching Netflix isn’t what she actually wants to do right now.

“You see something you like there, Swan?”

“I feel like you took your shirt off because you know my hormones are crazy and that I’m still a little extra horny…on occasion.”

“I took my shirt off because I’m covered in sweat. Something like what you suggested would simply be a perk.”

Emma laughs and meets Killian halfway when he kisses her. “You are incredibly sweaty.”

“If you’re willing to wait a little longer, I’ll shower here.”

“I’m expecting it.”

“Good.” His lips run across her jaw before he pulls back. “You want to do me a favor and do some pitching practice with me?”

“You’re kidding.”

“I notice you didn’t say that as a question.”

“Because it wasn’t.”

Killian’s lips stretch into a smile, and she recognizes it. He’s about to try to charm her pants off, probably quite literally, but she’s not going to let him. She’s going to ignore him and keep on drinking her lemonade.

“C’mon, sweetheart. I’ll cook dinner if you practice with me.”

“You’re already cooking dinner, so you’re really slacking on the convincing.”

“Damn. But to be honest, I was counting on not wearing a shirt to be all the convincing you need.”

Emma shakes her head and takes one last sip of her lemonade before putting it down on the ground. “You have to rub my feet when we get home, and you better promise that you’re not going to nail me with a ball.”

“So many dirty jokes I could make there.”

His brows waggle, and she reaches over to shove him before walking to the pile of equipment behind home plate. She finds a glove that she doesn’t hate, grabs a ball, and meets Killian on the side of the field where he’s waiting for her. They’ve done this countless times out here, in stadiums across the country, and on the rooftop of their house. Though, that last one has led to a broken window at the brownstone across the street, and that was not a pleasant conversation.

She misses one catch and disaster happens.

“I got another jersey today,” Killian tells her as she gently tosses the ball his way.

“For a newborn or for an older kid?”

“I’m thinking toddler. It was cute. They’d gotten it customized with my name and number.”

He pelts the ball back. Okay, so they’re not going super slow today.

“You get it from a fan?”

“Yep. A group of women.”

Emma closes her eyes and shakes her head as she smiles. That does not surprise her in the slightest.

“We’re going to have enough onesies and jerseys to dress this kid until he’s a teenager because of groups of women who love you.”

“What can I say? My pretty face attracts a lot of women.”

“How pretty would it be if I gave you a black eye?”

“I think I would still be at least in the top two of the most stunning men on the team.”

She hears the thwack of her ball in Killian’s glove. “You are never lacking in confidence, are you?”

“I think we both know the answer to that.”

All the time, she thinks.

He lacks it all the time, but he hides it until the darkness of night when it’s just the two of them. The demons have been coming out to play lately with the pressure of the season mounting, that possibility of greatness at the tip of his fingers, and with her due date getting closer as they’re all wrapped up in baseball.

The two of them wanted this more than anything, but their own parents screwed them over so badly that Emma gets the demons. She has them, too.

Not when they’re out here, though, and there’s nothing and no one in the world but the two of them.

“Did I tell you Ruth is coming to town next week?”

“Is she staying with us?”

“If that’s okay with you.”

“Yeah, of course, love. I’ll wash the sheets in the guest room and get some groceries delivered. She still on a pasta kick?”

“She definitely is. You should see the texts she ends me. I don’t think I’ve ever looked at that much pasta.”

“I have, but it wasn’t the good kind of pasta.”

“All pasta is good pasta.”

His ball hits her glove a little harder than she was expecting. Damn, Jones. “That, darling, is not true in the slightest. For instance, wheat pasta and then that pasta you burned.”

“That was one time,” Emma groans as she shakes out her hand while adjusting her stance. “I swear I can cook. I haven’t died of starvation yet.”

“It helps when cereal is available.”

Emma throws the ball as hard as she can at Killian, but he doesn’t even flinch when he catches it. She can throw a fantastic ball, too, so he definitely should have flinched.

Sweat is now dripping down her back, the humidity in the air seeping into her clothes and her skin, and maybe she should take her shirt off as well so she doesn’t get covered. Killian might have had the right idea there.

She is not taking her shirt off in the middle of Yankee Stadium no matter how badly she wants to. That would somehow not go well for her and someone would see, and she’d have even more shit to put up with. Emma’s definitely punching the next person to tell her that she looks like she’s going to pop any minute now.

She’s not.

But why the hell do people think that’s okay to say to a pregnant woman? She swears some people forget that pregnant women are still people all on their own.

“Twenty-nine, I love you, but if you keep making fun of me while killing my arm, you’re going to have to sleep on the couch. And the bad one, not the one in the living room.”

“Does your arm really hurt?”

“I may be a little sore from working out this morning. I’m mostly miserably hot even though I thought it was getting cooler out here. Can we move somewhere that never gets this hot?”

Killian nods and starts walking toward her. He takes his glove off and once he reaches her, he pushes the hair that’s curled on her face back up into her ponytail. “We can go someplace with air-conditioning right now. I feel like that’s an okay compromise.”

“After you shower, right?”

“What? I don’t smell great right now?”

“I already told you that you smelled awful.”

Killian hums as the corners of his lips turn up, and she doesn’t have enough time to run before he’s wrapping his arms around her and pulling her in until she’s covered in sweat and the awful smell of someone who desperately needs to shower. It’s a million times worse than when he leaves his sweaty clothes in the hamper instead of putting them in the washing machine.

“Stop,” Emma groans as she pushes him away. “Killian, stop. I’m going to smell awful.”

“I think it’s too late for that.”

“Oh my gosh,” she laughs as she stops trying to pull back. She’s already screwed. This is disgusting. “You’re a child.”

He shrugs and smiles so widely that his eyes crinkle. “I’m in my thirties, and I play baseball for a living. I’ve never had a reason not to be.”

“Well, that’s not true.”

“No, I suppose it’s not.” Killian releases her from his embrace before stepping away. “C’mon, Swan. There’s no one in the clubhouse. We can go shower. I’ve got clothes for you.”

“If you wanted to get me naked, all you had to do was say.”

“I have been trying for that this entire time.”

Emma shakes her head and chuckles. “You’ve got an early game tomorrow, and you actually have to play. Let’s go shower and then go home. I’m exhausted, and I was promised a foot rub.”

-/-

“What the hell?”

Emma shifts in bed and twists her neck to look at Killian. “What?”

The mattress dips and suddenly Emma feels Killian’s pressing into her back as his arm loops over her stomach. “Look at this.”

She looks down at his phone and at the video that’s playing. It’s the two of them from last night when they were throwing the ball back and forth.

What the hell?

“How did someone get this?”

“I don’t know. There must have been someone still in the stands that saw us and then they sent it in to SportsCenter.”

“Usually I’d be bothered by something like this, but I look like a hell of a lot better pitcher than you here. Look at that accuracy. And according to the caption, I’m a catch.”

“It also says it’s unfair to me because we’re playing two on one.”

“Shut up,” Emma laughs as she leans back into Killian’s embrace. “Have you already looked at the comments?”

“Against my better judgment, I did. There were quite a few about my lack of a shirt and how they could understand how you got pregnant.”

“I feel like a hell of a lot of people have no idea how sex works then.”

Killian snickers into the back of her neck and drops his hand to her stomach. “You do have great accuracy, love.”

“I learned from the best.”

“Rob?”

“Oh, yeah, definitely, Rob. He’s undoubtedly the best pitcher on the team.”

“I guess you’ll have to keep practicing with me until I get that title.”

“We’re going to be practicing for a long damn time then.”

Killian pulls her back against him and buries his nose in her neck. His scruff is prickly against her skin, but the burn of it is pleasant as his lips run across the cords in her neck before settling just below her ear.

“Are you and the kid going to gang up on me or are we going to let him like me for a little while?”

“I think we’ll let him like you until he’s five, and then he’s my partner in crime.”

“That is the most reasonable plan you’ve ever had.”

She huffs and places her hand over Killian’s on her stomach. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about, babe. Though, I’m definitely going to be the one to teach Jace how to throw a ball. You suck.”

“Aren’t you the one who broke the Taylor’s window?”

“I said teach him how to throw. That was a catching problem on my part. We’ll have to let Scarlet teach him all about that.”

“The thought of Scarlet teaching my kid anything is terrifying.”

“Please. You trust Will with your life.”

Killian nods into her neck again and places a soft kiss there. “I trust him with you, yeah. Do you want some breakfast? We need to get ready for work soon.”

“Do we still have that fruit bowl?”

“Mhm.”

“I’ll have that. Just give me five more minutes and then we can get up and get ready.”

“Five more minutes tends to mean about an hour.”

“No,” Emma sighs. “Five minutes. I mean it.”

“Fine, Swan, we can have five more minutes.”

-/-

@mrtinski @bluewildcatfanatic @killianswannn @dorisquinn @onepunintendid @authorarsinoe @stunningswan @eala-captian @galaxyzxstark @xellewoods @mariakov81 @ultraluckycatnd @royalswan @shey-starsfury @superchocovian @sals86 @iam2307 @ashley-knightingale @karenfrommisthaven @scientificapricot @captswanis4vr @ultimiflos @jamif @idristardis @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @tiganasummertree @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @notoriouscs @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog @cs-forlife @andiirivera @jonirobinson64 @qualitycoffeethings @carpedzem @tornadoamy

#galadriel26 #catch me if you can #catch me if you can prompts #cs fic #cs ff #cs fanfic #captain swan fanfic #captain swan fic #captain swan ff #captain swan

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thecleverdame · 4 years

Text

Gods of Twilight - 12

Alpha!Werewolf!Sam x Human!Reader

Master List (posting schedule is there as well)

Summary: You marry Sam, The King of Lebanon, as part of an alliance between two lands. You soon discover that nothing is as it appears and that your husband is hiding a secret that may end your relationship before it can begin.

Warnings: smut, dub-con, canon-level violence, domestic discipline, spanking

Beta: @ilikaicalie

*This story is complete. All 27 chapters are available on Patreon. To get access to this and many other stories, subscribe for a pledge of 2.50 per month. CLICK HERE

You lie in the dark, staring at the ceiling and listen to Sam sleeping deeply beside you. Twenty minutes later Golda slips quietly into the room with a steaming mug in her hands. She pads silently towards you, her face marked with concern.

“Your tea.” She sets the cup on the side table as you pull the blanket up to cover your breasts. She pauses, clearly wanting to say more. She hesitates for a moment longer and then whispers, “Are you hurt?”

Her eyes dart to Sam, fearful of what he’s capable of. What she’s really asking is did he hurt you?

“I am only sore, not injured” you speak softly sipping the drink. “You can go.”

There’s a thought flickering to life. Sam’s secret is more real than ever before and you’re afraid she’s going to magically see the details written on your face. She knows you too well. It’s a recipe for disaster.

“Are you sure?” She presses.

“I am fine, thank you for your concern.”

She leaves and you drink the tea as quickly as you can, eager for the pain relief. Sam is sleeping soundly, belly down on the bed now that you’ve managed to pry yourself from underneath him. He looks almost boyish, a softness to his features as he breathes deep and steady, mouth partly open.

After relieving yourself you crawl back into bed, listening to the sound of his breath until slumber takes you.

It’s the wet heat of his tongue on your neck that pulls you from sleep the second time. Your eyes flutter open with a gasp as your husband’s mouth seals over your pulse point, sucking hard enough that he’ll surely leave a mark.

“Good morning,” he mumbles, tongue sliding over skin before nipping at the bruise.

“Good morning,” you whisper as he wakes up your body with his lips and hands. His knee is between your thighs, the warmth of his skin and coarse hair rubbing against your legs.

“I couldn’t sleep any longer.” This is no surprise as you feel his cock rock hard and rutting against your hip.

“Sam-” you protest as his mouth swoops down, closing over your breast. At the same time, his hand finds its way between your legs, thumb pressing lightly over your bud. “I cannot take you again, not this morning. I need time to recover-”

“I know,” he grunts against your breast, licking around a hard nipple. “But I want to touch you, to taste you.”

“I’m not sure I’m in a state to…” Your thoughts disappear as he slides down your body, spreading your thighs slowly. You’re stiff and there’s immediate pain in your joints as he wedges his shoulders between your thighs to hold you open for him. “Gentle, please. You left me tender.”

“Sorry,” he kisses the inside of your thigh with a peck of his mouth. “I’ll be more careful, I promise.”

And with that, his head sinks between your legs, tongue lapping between your folds as he presses into your wet flesh.

There’s a duality of sensations. You ache, your cunt is beyond raw, hips screaming in protest. But on the other side, his tongue is wonderful and warm, slowly dipping into your sex and then moving up to find your clit with easy strokes.

“Oh God,” you moan, neck snapping back as your thighs close around his head, rocking from side to side. You fist both hands in his hair, tugging gently. He seems to like this, grunting against your cunt in approval. He takes a deep breath, diving back in as if he’s starving and you’re his last meal, his mouth making truly obscene sounds as he has his way with you.

His tongue flicks up and down, again and again, making you wish you had him inside you. While you know it would only hurt there’s still the desire to be filled, to have something to bear down on.

When you cum it hurts, not like the night before but your internal muscles pulse and repeat, squeezing around nothing. It’s pleasure and pain together as you cry out and his tongue pushes inside to feel you throb with the release.

You’re still twitching as he lunges up for a kiss and you taste yourself on his tongue. There’s a gentle sound of skin on skin and you’re vaguely aware of him stroking himself before he spurts over your stomach, holding his cock in his hand.

He falls to your side, half chucking face down into the pillow, as you lie there panting with satisfaction. It seems last night truly has changed things. He turns his head to the side, grinning at you.

“I could wake up like that every morning.” He reaches out, sliding a hand over your messy stomach.

“I-” you start, stopping to blush, sealing your lips together. Your belly is still fluttering with pleasure as you watch him gaze at you.

“Look at you.” He lifts himself up, propping himself on an elbow. “Modest despite everything that’s happened.” He seems pleased. The rough hand on your stomach slides up, fingers fanning out over your ribcage. “You’re beautiful when you’re bashful.”

“Stop,” you whisper, eyes finding his as a smile tugs at your mouth.

“No,” he playfully whispers back, leaning down to kiss your lips. “I don't think I shall.”

You don’t have a response for that, instead you stare down at his hand on your belly trying to imagine what comes after his. You’re at a loss as to how you move forward. You’ve been so focused on making a connection with him, you’re utterly unsure of how to proceed now that you have.

“I must admit my mind is reeling,” you confess, meeting his stare. “Last night was...unexpected.”

“Yes, it was.” He brings your hand to his mouth, kissing your knuckles, the scruff of his beard scratching at delicate skin. “We are an odd pairing. Does that bother you?”

“No.” With a soft sigh, you reach up to touch his cheek delicately with your fingertips. “I’ve never been much for convention. I suppose it’s the irony of fate. I spent my life dreading the idea of being married off to an ancient, conventional man and instead I have you. A man who couldn’t be more different in the most unexpected of ways.”

“I am still getting to know you, but I have a suspicion that you are as adventurous as you are beautiful.”

“You must stop that,” you hiss, always uncomfortable with compliments.

“Do you not think you’re attractive or are you uncomfortable with it?”

“A bit of both I suppose,” you shift, rolling onto your side as his hand falls over your waist, the pads of his fingers playing at your spine. “That’s not to say I’m ungrateful of your affection. I’m lucky to have a husband as handsome and kind as you. I want you to want me, I just-”

“There’s no need to explain yourself,” he smiles, leaning in to give you one more sweet kiss before rolling onto his back. Running a hand over his face he grunts, slapping his cheeks with both hands. “I have to get up. Dean and I are riding out into the farmlands today.”

“Is there cause for concern?” you ask.

“No.” His words are clear but there's something in his voice that makes you think perhaps he’s not being completely honest with you. “Nothing to worry about. I may be gone overnight, but we’ll do our best to return before the sun goes down.”

“Good,” you confirm, staring at your husband with an entirely new appreciation. “Everything feels so different now. I don’t much like the idea of being alone in the night.”

Sam sits up, taking a breath before turning back and swooping down for one last kiss. “Be careful without me here,” he murmurs against your mouth.

“I can’t get into too much trouble locked up in the castle.” You watch him get up, his buttocks flexing as he searches for his trousers.

“Still...” He hikes up his pants. “Stay close to Philip, he’ll look after you.”

“I will,” you confirm as he pulls his shirt over his head and disappears out the door.

One Month Later

“Are you nervous?” Sam asks gently, standing behind you as you inspect your reflection in the tall mirror.

“Yes,” you nod, smoothing your dress with shaky hands. “I couldn’t tell you why exactly.”

“Your worlds are colliding. Your parents and Luther and his advisors…”

“And your brother,” you add fussing at your hair. You’re normally not a vain person but focusing on the inconsequential details helps to calm your nerves. “No one has ever held contempt for me the way Dean does.”

“He’s none of your concern,” he dismisses the observation. He already knows it to be true, but worrying about Dean’s opinion will get you nowhere. “You look radiant.”

“You think?” You watch as he dips behind you, lowering his head as you stare at each other in the mirror. “I do not feel at my best tonight.”

“No one would know by looking.” He presses a kiss to the back of your head before standing to his full height behind you.

There’s no denying the two of you make a pretty pair. Over the last few weeks, you’ve grown to know each other, developing a true friendship and a romantic relationship that’s still in its infancy. Your marriage is a work in progress but far and away more honest and real than before.

“Come.” He offers his arm as you take a final look in the mirror.

A full garrison of knights trail behind you. This is as much a display of dominance as it is a social event. Despite growing anxiety, you're excited to see your father. It’s been a year since you last saw him and you’ve been looking forward to his visit for some time.

“Must we be forced to suffer through another dinner with Luther?” you sigh, walking fast beside your husband.

“Unfortunately, yes,” he grunts, no more pleased than you are. “I hope that he’s changed his attitude over time. His men are still poaching from our lands and something needs to be done. This is my final attempt at niceties.”

When you round the corner into the Great Hall there’s a flourish of activity. You didn’t realize there would be so many guests. But, between your father’s entourage and Luther, there are three Kings in the room and all the fanfare that one would expect. The music comes to a halt, every guard in the room snapping to attention.

All the guests focus on Sam and it’s Dean who breaks the silence, bowing playfully. “Brother.”

Sam shifts beside you, unamused as every non-royal in the room bends a knee. The moment you see your father you pull away from your husband. Sam lets you go and you scamper across the room to him.

“Papa!” You can’t help the giant smile painted across your face as he opens his arms and embraces you with an all too familiar embrace. He squeezes too hard, he always has. Even when you were a girl he would hold you unbearably tight until you couldn’t breathe, as if he was trying to convey his love through a single moment.

“How are you sweet daughter?” He pulls back, gripping your arms. His eyes search your face, glancing up to ensure Sam is still otherwise occupied. “You haven't written in so long, I was worried about you.”

“I didn’t mean to be cause for concern,” you nod, grabbing his wrist and giving it a reassuring pat. “I’m fine, I promise.”

“You see,” your mother speaks up, tilting her head and smirking. “I told you.”

Your father clears his throat in displeasure and you feel a hand curl around your waist, a hand you’re becoming rather familiar with. Your cheeks still flush pink every time Sam touches you, the thrill of this relationship makes you feel like a mindless child overjoyed with her first love.

“I’m very glad you were able to join us, Alexander,” Sam nods and your father reacts in kind. “You’re more than welcome to visit your daughter whenever you like.”

“How gracious,” your mother inserts herself into the conversation. She is drawn to men with power and like a moth to a flame, she’s attempting to align herself with your husband. “I only hope we are worthy guests.”

“Don’t be ridiculous mother.” You hold your head high, eyes narrowing. “We are all family after all.”

“Yes, we are.” Sam looks down at you, then over to Luther who’s laughing to himself, surrounded by a league of his consorts. “Forgive me, I need to greet my other guests and I’m afraid I require your daughter.”

“Of course,” your father chuckles, winking as you walk away.

“He loves you,” Sam leans down and speaks at your ear. “You can tell just by the way he looks at you.”

“And I love him. He was always good to me,” you confess, moving a bit closer to him as you approach King Luther.

What happened in the woods a few months earlier still has you on edge. You find it hard to relax in the company of strangers and this is the truest test of your fortitude.

“Samuel!” Luther throws his hands up as if they’re old friends. You wonder if he’s drunk or just enjoys making a spectacle of himself.

“Luther,” Sam nods, reaching to shake his hand. “Thank you for accepting my invitation.”

“Of course,” he pats his round belly. “I couldn’t pass up the chance to see you and your lovely wife, now could I.”

Sam stiffens and you take that as your cue. “Well, we are grateful to have you as our guest. And this is your wife?”

Katherine is a sour-faced woman who looks as if she’s just eaten something that doesn’t agree with her. She looks you up and down, then turns to Sam.

“It’s our pleasure to venture into Lebanon. What a charming little kingdom you have here.” She forces a dreadful smile and Sam finds his composure.

“The pleasure is all ours,” he quips, already guiding you away from them. “Excuse us.”

“He’s trying to get a reaction out of you,” you whisper, looking up at your husband. “You can’t make it that easy for him.”

“I know.”

When the two of you are alone together Sam is often playful, easy to smile and laugh with on many occasions. But the majority of the time, when he’s dealing with his numerous responsibilities, he’s deathly serious.

It’s that stone-cold demeanor that you’re still learning to navigate.

“He’s a horse's ass.” Dean is suddenly in front of you with two glasses of wine in hand. He leans around Sam to get a good look at Luther. “We should just kill him in his sleep.”

“Dean!” Sam hisses, grabbing a chalice of wine for himself. “Keep your voice down.”

“He can’t hear me.” Dean shakes his head, looking at you and sighing. “Mark my words, tonight shouldn’t have been such a large production. Airing our grievances in front of a room full of witnesses is a mistake.”

“You’ve already made that clear, Dean.” Sam points at his brother as he’s scolding him. “I’ve made my decision.”

“I’m well aware. But it’s my responsibility as your brother, to tell you when I think you’re making the wrong choice.” Dean glances at you, “You’ve been distracted lately-”

“Stop.” Sam cuts him off. “I need you tonight, are you going to get on board or not?”

“I always have your back, brother.” Dean slaps Sam on the arm. “I’ll be a perfect gentleman. I promise.”

#alpha!sam x omega!reader #alpha!sam winchester #sam winchester fanfiction #sam winchester smut

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trollnobu · 4 years

Text

Kendo AU: Characterisation Notes

So I found some notes on how I wanted to characterise characters that weren't shown all that much in canon because they're, well, dead. We're barely given any info about them or their personalities, so this is just something to keep myself on track when I write them.

They're also all part of a friend circle of their own. I call them Posthumous Pals.

Sabito

▪18, first year university student, studying criminology

▪Hot-tempered, but doesn't hold grudges and forgives and forgets easily. His anger usually comes from a place of concern. Always nagging at Giyū and Makomo for being flighty, irresponsible or forgetful.

▪"Makomo, did you forget to pay your phone bills again" "Oi, Giyū, how many hours did you sleep last night? You look like shit" "Am I your alarm clock? Get up already!" "DON'T TELL ME YOU BOTH FORGOT THERE WAS A TEST TODAY OH MY GOD"

▪Actual Mum Friend. He's a little mad about it, but he cannot stop himself. Considering how often he has to remind them to eat or force them to study...his childhood friends really are useless without him.

▪TSUNDERE

▪Ultimately a nice guy, but his people skills could use work. He can get a bit standoffish and even scary. Still has a better rep than Giyū, though

▪Passionate but overzealous. He can be very overwhelming sometimes and unwittingly intimidates juniors. He used to tutor Tanjirō and his siblings as a side job and ended up scaring them...

▪Very hardworking and driven! He's the kind of guy who has a clear aim in life and probably a 10 year plan on how to get to where he wants to be. It makes him clash with Giyū and Makomo a bit, since they're either too unsure or carefree, but he's just worried for their future.

▪Unwilling straight man of his childhood friend group. Often the sole voice of reason and common sense.

▪Has feelings for Makomo for ages but stubbornly refuses to say anything to keep the status quo (Giyū's tired, send help)

Makomo

▪18, first year university student, studying arts

▪Between fiery, disciplined Sabito and melancholic, disgruntled Giyū, Makomo is the nice middle ground with a serene, gentle temperament.

▪She's probably too calm, if you ask Sabito. It comes with the downside of not taking anything seriously. Makomo has a tendency to brush off her friends' worries. Sometimes it helps temper Sabito and Giyū's anxiety; sometimes it infuriates them. A double-edged sword.

▪Has a hidden impish side. She likes to make fun of both Sabito and Giyū. Giyū gets disproportionately dramatic over it and accuses her of "emotionally profiting off of [his] distress."

▪Despite seeming the least obsessed with kendo compared to her friends, Makomo was actually the one to drag them into it...

▪Can come across as lazy because she doesn't have the same sense of purpose or drive as Sabito. She's also a bit spoiled and likes being pampered. Some might pin the blame on her godfather and mentor Urokodaki

▪Acts like the friendly, reliable onee-chan to her juniors and is the only senior Obanai actually likes but will shamelessly behave childishly in front of Giyū and Sabito. They don't like admitting that they also get childish in retaliation.

▪Of the three, Makomo is the best with people and their assigned PR manager though she can act distant without realising it. Has the kind of face where she always looks like she has something on her mind. People sometimes feel that she's a bit unapproachable because it's almost like they're interrupting something...

▪Gets bright-eyed and very chatty if someone brings up anything relating to arts, sculptures or dancing.

Kochō Kanae

▪18, first year university student, studying medical science

▪Poster child of the Genki Girl trope and child prodigy who makes you question your life's accomplishments

▪Kanae is one of those people who masters everything with little effort. She's not even the respectable hard worker type like Sabito or Shinobu; she just doesn't need to work too hard and still makes it anyway. Has never seriously struggled with anything.

▪Also filthy, disgustingly rich. She's a born heiress to a large pharmaceutical conglomerate and was spoiled by loving parents. Truly born with a silver spoon in her mouth.

▪Very cheerful and kind! She's the sort of person who likes to make children laugh, helps the elderly cross the street and makes sure no one feels left out. Probably visits orphanages and campaigns for environmental awareness or something.

▪Beautiful! Intelligent! Accomplished! Compassionate! How can someone be this perfect?

▪Unfortunately, she's also BIG CHAOTIC DUMB, has no financial sense, naive, incredibly unreliable, can be an obnoxious do-gooder and is notoriously lacking in common sensibilities. Absolutely cannot function in the real world without Shinobu. Even her boyfriend's very first impression of her was "rich idiot without a day job."

▪Everyone thinks "how on earth did Sanemi trick her into a relationship with him?" But no one thinks "how on earth did Kanae trick him into a relationship with her?"

▪Ironically, despite being rather dysfunctional individuals by their own, Kanae and Sanemi seem to have a fairly stable, calm relationship. It wasn't so in the beginning, though

▪More wise than you'd expect, but too bad you'd hardly see that side of her. She's too busy being a disaster.

Rengoku Kyōjurō

Not posthumous, in the sense that he doesn't die before the series but during it, but he's here anyway because he kicked it so quick smh rip ren

▪17, third year high school student, captain of his kendo club and also the star pupil of the Fire Branch

▪Gender-bent version of Kanae in that he's explosively cheerful and full of endless optimism and energy. Everyone fears them when they're together. The genki is too powerful...

▪Big Brother Energy™

▪He's your go-to guy if you have any troubles and need a listening ear, or a helping hand, or honest criticism, or just some advice. Anything you need, he is here!

▪Despite appearing well-adjusted, however, he's not as untouchable as he looks. Like everyone his age, he has some anxiety and fears over the future and impending adulthood. He has a hard time confiding in anyone, though, because he's so used to being the one relied on.

▪Big case of Mama's Boy Syndrome. He'll drop everything for her. Due to her weak health, he really worries about his mother.

▪Because the Fire Branch has close ties with the Water Branch, he sees the others fairly often. He's at his most chatty with Kanae, Shinobu and Sabito (though even Sabito gets worn out after a while) and is one of the few who genuinely likes Giyū, despite his social missteps and bumbling. Makomo and Obanai try to escape at first sight of him; they seldom succeed.

▪"He's like cough medicine. Good for you if you're feeling bad, but best taken in small doses."

▪Between him and Mitsuri, the Fire Branch easily has the most welcoming and encouraging atmosphere of all the dojos.

Kumeno Masachika

▪20, third year university student, studying psychology and sociology

▪Step aside, Kyōjurō, the real big brother is here.

▪He's old and experienced enough to actually have some of his shit together by now. Or maybe university has worn him out.

▪He has all of Makomo's unflappability, but without her flippancy. All of Sabito's responsibility, without his anxiety. Friendly as Kyōjurō without being overwhelming, realistic as Giyū without giving into pessimism and charismatic as Kanae without being unreachable. In short: the most down-to-earth, well-balanced, and least dysfunctional person within a 20 mile radius.

▪It makes him a bit of an odd sight in the Wind Branch, in between Sanemi's hair-trigger temper and Inosuke's obscene screaming. Legends say his calm is to overcompensate for the level of unbridled feral energy in the Wind Branch...

▪In truth, he's the scariest one amongst them if he does get angry. His juniors actually write apology notes to him if this happens, like young children who've just disappointed their favourite teacher.

▪Otherwise, he wins the award of Most Chill. He gets frequently deployed if they need someone to defuse tension. An important duty, when one considers that the Wind Branch is the most competitive, aggressive of the dojos.

▪Speaks a bit dryly, though it feels personable rather than snarky.

▪The dojo master of the Wind Branch is apparently trying to harangue him into being the next, though he's resisting because he wants to "go teach kids or something."

▪Maybe it's only fitting, since the rest of the Wind Branch already gave him plenty of experience at shepherding unruly children.

#kny fanfic #sabito #makomo #kochou kanae #rengoku kyoujurou #kumeno masachika #kny spoilers #i doubt anyone doesnt know rengoku dies but lets slap that tag on anyway for anime watchers #me at masachika: god i wish that were me #kanae really be that 'always another asian better than you' meme #sabito is just tsundere and mum friend. i've broken him down to his bare essentials #kny kendo au #kendo au #...i forgot which tag i was using rip #posthumous pals #thats a tag now

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