#and there's this really emotional moment like ''sometimes i wonder why I'm even allowed to be alive. why did we get to come back'' | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

orkbutch · 6 months

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I really love that the origin playthroughs add real, otherwise inaccessible context for what the origin characters are experiencing and how their world view works, its amazing. That said first experiencing the actual lived reality of Shar's wound on Shadowheart's hand was fucking gutting. Not a mere bad = pain shock collar, but traumatic visions of being abused as a child forced into her head. Your Goddess who you love and who you fear utterly holds a controller that allows her to trigger & retraumatise you at any moment, and she does it when she arbitrarily disapproves of your thoughts and feelings.

Not only is that obviously deeply controlling and traumatising itself, it also captures an experience I think is really interesting, and may be unique to Shadowheart's Lack Of Autonomy Trauma (tm); it turns her automatic internal self, not just her body or thoughts but her Feelings, into things that she fears, and things that betray her. Who she is becomes a threat that she must resist expressing or even experiencing at all, because Shar may notice and punish her for it.

This is why I think of Shadowheart as most likely to be highly dissociative (on top of yknow, the lost time, the focus on oblivion, the routine abuse and the alienation from herself), because she can't really retreat inwards. Even the internal world is unsafe and needs to be escaped sometimes. When thats the case, you either sedate yourself (which I hc that she probably does too often) or you fracture, and numb out.

I think this is why Shadowheart seems to be the least obviously angry of all the companions toward her abuser; anger, even secretly held within to fester into resentment and rage, could not be abided. It had to be totally muted. When she turns from Shar, she is not angry but fearful, regretful, sad, confused. Even when she's free from the wound, she is more mournful than angry. She is ashamed, and deeply devestated. But she doesn't express rage. That emotion is still locked away for her.

I wonder how this impacts Shadowheart's self-trust. Her ability to believe herself, to trust her thoughts and emotions are real. I speculate that Shadowheart internally probably would dismiss lots of thoughts, feelings and desires she had as her being stubborn and disobedient. They were punished as such since she was a child, why wouldn't she believe it? It's difficult to live like that. Nothing feels certain. Nothing but something undeniably bigger than yourself, like faith or a God or the abuser that has put themself there.

When I think about that and the wound on her hand, and Shar's utter cruelty... I'm just floored by how brave Shadowheart is. In most cases, if you've befriended Shadowheart and been nice enough, she will choose to save The Nightsong without any input from you. She is so, so brave. She wants to fight for what feels right, for freedom, and for herself, even when she knows what Shar can and does do to her. She faces down the wrath of a capricious Goddess she's personally angered, and handles it with unsettling grace. Shes so used to pain, and making herself nonexistent, but she still fights for herself. I just love her so much

#Shadowheart #bg3 #do a project my own trauma on her a little. yes but look. what are stories for #i adore her. i truly do #this was a throw away thought that became a big ramble LMAO

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firstkanaphans · 7 months

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I heartily concur with your interpretation of the Ray/Mew no-sex scene - it absolutely wasn't about sex, it was about Ray pleading with Mew to just give him a sign that he's actually genuine about this 'relationship' - at this point I think Ray wants to be with Sand, but as long as there's a chance Mew is being sincere about this, Ray feels bound to stay with him, not because he's in love with him, but because a) he begged for this (even though I still maintain he wouldn't have had Mew not brought it up again) and b) I don't think he has it in him to actively reject Mew (which in itself is part of the reason they don't work), so imo in this scene he's thinking 'show me something, anything, that allows me to convince myself I did the right thing playing it safe/not going after Sand' and THAT'S why he's so angry - it's not about sex, it's not about Top, it's not even about Mew not being able to love him. And it's not about him just being mad at not getting what he wants. It's about Ray realising that he's thrown away the possibility of real love for the lie that is this 'romance'. And like you said, Mew as good as confirms as much in the final convo. I appreciated Mew's maturity and honesty so much in that scene - it made me do a complete u-turn on his character. Mew realises that Ray wants out of this non-relationship just as much as he does, but he also knows that Ray will never be able to be the one to say it because of the power imbalance between them, so he does it for the both of them, which is a true act of love and friendship. I think for some ppl Ray 'choosing' Sand had to be an A or B scenario, aka Ray could have Mew but chooses Sand instead. But because Ray is a messed up raw wound seeping trauma and addiction and self-loathing and confusion it was never going to be that simple. What we get is more complicated but just as valid - Sand isn't his second option, Sand is who he WANTS to be with, Sand is who he loves, and who he WOULD be with if a) he was better equipped to recognise and understand his own feelings ('when I'm with you I'm so damn happy') and b) he didn't have such a longstanding and complicated (and unhealthily co-dependent) history with Mew. He doesn't drive off hoping to hook up with Sand because Mew turned him down. He seeks Sand out because, if we agree the Ray/Mew fight is the moment they both accept on some level their relationship is fake, then that's the moment Ray allows himself the chance to go after what his heart really wants, which is Sand. Ray doesn't have the emotional toolkit necessary to be able to articulate all this to himself, let alone to anyone else, which is why Mew very gently does it for him. But Mew being the one to break this to Ray doesn't mean Ray's feelings are any less his own. I think of it more this way: Sand is Ray's first choice, but Ray's own happiness is Ray's last choice, because on some level he doesn't believe he deserves it, and so without intervention - from Mew, from Sand - Ray would always continue to self-sabotage (as talked about in the tweet Jojo reposted a few days ago). And slightly but not entirely off topic: I also think nuance is often lost in translation - I might be wrong but I wonder if his words ('why won't you let me have it') are less...yeesh in Thai. Just part of a general thought I've been thunking about deep analysis of foreign language shows when you're reading so much into everything and yet relying on what are often serviceable at best subtitles (for which I'm still eternally grateful!) - SO MUCH can be misinterpreted by just a single word choice, and I sometimes find myself having to choose between taking subs at face value vs retranslating them in my head to what I think better suits the acting/story/characterisation. Apologies for the indecent length of this - I got carried away! Long story short: I agree with you!

Honestly, I agree with all of this and couldn't have said it better myself. I don't have much to add, but I will pull out some of my favorite lines for a TL;DR:

"At this point I think Ray wants to be with Sand, but as long as there's a chance Mew is being sincere about [their relationship], Ray feels bound to stay with him, not because he's in love with him, but because a) he begged for this...and b) I don't think he has it in him to actively reject Mew."

"So imo in this scene he's thinking 'show me something, anything, that allows me to convince myself I did the right thing playing it safe/not going after Sand' and THAT'S why he's so angry - it's not about sex, it's not about Top, it's not even about Mew not being able to love him....It's about Ray realising that he's thrown away the possibility of real love for the lie that is this 'romance.'"

"I think of it more this way: Sand is Ray's first choice, but Ray's own happiness is Ray's last choice, because on some level he doesn't believe he deserves it, and so without intervention - from Mew, from Sand - Ray would always continue to self-sabotage."

As for the question of translation accuracy, I actually did a little digging into this. The line that was translated as "Why won't you let me have it?" was literally บอกกูมาได้ป่ะว่าทำไมมึงถึงไม่ยอมให้กูเอาสักทีอ่ะ (bòk goo maa dâai bpà wâa tam-mai meung tĕung mâi yom hâi goo ao sàk tee à), which can more accurately be translated as "Can you tell me why you won't let me have it?" I know that's not a huge difference, but it turns an accusatory statement into a legitimate question. Ray's not just stomping his foot because Mew won't give him sex. He's asking for an explanation. [Insert disclaimer about me not being a native Thai speaker here.]

#only friends the series #asks #my anons are so smart 🥹#the "sand is ray’s first choice but ray’s happiness is ray’s last choice’ line goes particularly hard

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mapofthemazeinthemirror · 4 months

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i just got like a random angst (??) idea like what if bf taehyun who has powers (visions/dreams of the future) but he can’t control them n is in a lot of pain when they take over his body 🤔

Whaaa this is such a good concept 🤯 I love your big brain

tw: mentions of death

Sometimes when you are out on dates you notice that your boyfriend suddenly goes quiet; body stiff, eyes blank, and seemingly suddenly disinterested in what you're saying and even his meal. You can't help but feel that maybe he's growing bored of you, waiting for the other shoe to drop and for him to break up with you. But he doesn't.

One night, you're staying over at his place—something Taehyun has only allowed a handful of times in the two years you’ve been together—when you're woken by movement beside you. Taehyun's having a fitful sleep. You roll over to find perspiration on his brow, his teeth and hands clenched as though he's in agony. You've never seen him like this and begin to worry. Pulling the covers off of him, you discover his shirt is soaked with sweat.

They say you should never wake a sleep walker... is it the same for nightmares?

"Tyun," you call quietly, half hoping he doesn't wake. He begins to tremble, small grunts emitting from his throat, and you can't bear to see him in pain any longer. Shaking his shoulders, you speak louder. "Taehyun!"

His body jolts. His eyes fly open, pupils dilated. You can feel the heat radiating off of him–it's no wonder he's sweating.

"Are- are you okay?"

It takes him a moment to see you—really see you. The feeling that he's looking straight through you is one you know all too well, but maybe this time it's just the nightmare lingering in his view. He looks exhausted, swallowing thickly, his breath still coming to him in short pants.

Blinking fervently, his eyes finally seem to focus on you. "Why did you wake me?"

The words, though not said unkindly, stun you. You thought you were doing the right thing, and now you feel so wrong.

"I... you were... I'm sorry."

Feeling defeated, you roll back over onto your side, hiding your face from him and trying not to dissolve into tears.

Taehyun, on the other hand, is grappling with so much; the lingering fatigue and physical pain that accompanies his future-seeing visions, the emotional turmoil of what he saw is inevitably to come, and the guilt of how he knows he makes you feel. One day soon you'll leave him, he thinks.

He often wants to tell you about his ability, this inconvenient thing that was thrust upon him, but then he would have to tell you what he sees.

How can he tell you that he knew you before the two of you met? That he came into your life purposely, with the intention of getting close to you, for good reason? How can he tell you that every vision he has, every waking and sleeping dream, is of your untimely death?

#moot aura ♡#mail time 💌#will add a keep reading break when I have access to a computer 😓#i think this took two days yet it’s so short oops #txt imagines #txt scenarios #taehyun imagines

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darlingpwease · 10 months

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Hello! I was wondering what do you think might happen a transmigrator!reader catches the attention of mo ran or chu wanning, when all they want to do is have their favorite ship clear up the miscommunication issues they’ve had over the course of the novel world? I would think they are wondering if the plot is going sideways and if they should really be worried.

hello~! thank you for idea!!! to be honest, this is one of my favorite tropes, so I'm not even going to look objective and will indulge myself and what I see hwhwhw~

with any attempt to interfere in their relationship, there is a very high probability of greatly changing them, no matter what this intervention will be. however, if you are soft and implicit, trying only to help them understand each other, it will be more likely to be ignored — Mo Ran is stubborn and not the most emotionally attentive person, which sometimes makes you want to openly say that he should go and do something (and it's not a fact that he will do, even if he agrees, he is more of a "yes, yes, I heard you (and then does everything in his own way)") type, while Chu Wanning is very fixed on his feelings and they are very sensitive and vulnerable.

especially if you influence CHU WANNING — although he looks cold and distant, like a wild cat, it would be wrong for you to forget that those wild cats who were forced to survive on the street, in hunger and cold, will never allow themselves to be thrown out of a warm and cozy home when they find a corner. and the fact that CHU WANNING is overwhelmingly monogamous and seriously the type who can carry love with him all his life, regardless of reciprocity or what his love will do, makes everything only worse — because his soft, defenselessly vulnerable emotions do not even lie under the "armor", but rather are constantly open to anyone, who decides to poke and see. He does not know how, is not able to cope with his emotions inside, preferring to let them gurgle and remain locked until he simply explodes, breaking down, finally expressing everything he feels, feeling a moment of freedom, only to lock them up again.

at the same time, only by influencing his emotions, you can make him open up, because "romance" is the sphere of feelings, and it is here that you will constantly stumble upon his sore and weak points, as if you took an axe to trim the edges of a flower for its better growth. most baby animals have a habit of "yelling" to make it clear that something is wrong with them, but CHU WANNING cannot do this, even if he wants to, which requires even more careful handling than with a porcelain vase, since one wrong movement, word or look, and he immediately locks himself in his cocoon, as if hoping that this way he will have time to protect himself from the even more serious harm that you, in his opinion, will invariably inflict on him.

therefore, you will still have to open this cocoon, break through the walls, use all your intensity to see what is hidden, scratch your hands on the thorns and let the nettles sting your skin to be able to reach him — but by the time you do, this... wouldn't be the best solution. of course, now you have power over his feelings — "please listen to me" where he really listens because emotionally open to you — but an attempt at separation will be perceived with hostility, resentment and even aggressively.

have you been knocking for so long to talk about something else? have you made your way to him to try to "help" with another? you said his feelings were 'valuable', so why are you trying to get rid of him now?... does he look like a rag doll that you can pull from side to side?

his will and perseverance can only be overcome by his death, his emotions are as fragile as butterfly wings — and the fact that he never takes his body into account, while ready to listen to others' opinions, but it is impossible to force him to change his point of view, makes everything even more difficult.

the biggest mistake would be to think that if you leave him alone, then everything will be fixed — the biggest grief and pleasure of CHU WANNING is emotional dependence on someone who is ready to warm his eternally cold personality, but this also makes him afraid of being abandoned, which makes him even more needy-like and overbearing when trying to "transfer" or try to "help" him in his relationship with Mo Ran. he never does what he doesn't want, but when he wants something, then all his power is directed to getting that something or someone.

when he is emotionally vulnerable, open and warm, allowing you to touch his soft and vulnerable heart, he will make sure that you do not go anywhere and disappear, and that you take responsibility, and given how strong and loyal he is, this is almost a hopeless situation. of course, he doesn't force — at least, most of the time, because to allow yourself to force you means to admit that he is so desperate and even worse than he thought of himself, which he will never allow, — but the kind of way one of your favourite character becomes even more depressed and closed, even if CHU WANNING does not express it openly and behaves pointedly coldly, makes you doubt whether you should have tried from the other side...

MO RAN does not switch easier and easier at the same time — in fact, he is closer to the type of "I like you, let's get married", but despite the fervor and passion that you can feel, he is emotionally "cold".

he is not interested in showing his emotions, he is not interested in "parsing" what he feels (until these emotions become muddy) and is not interested in "parsing" other people's emotions. He is not as emotionally manipulative as Shi Mei and does not need emotional care like Chu Wanning — he does not live in a world of emotions, but all of them, and although you understand that it was worth helping Chu Wanning rather to solve most problems with words through his mouth, MO RAN can also make everything easier.

at the same time, it is easier for him to switch to interesting impulses and strong reactions — and it is much easier to lose interest and find new ones. he is closer to the image of a butterfly who is interested only in nectar and other butterflies, but does not pay attention to the "dirt" of the world and is not interested in emotional fulfillment, following the physical impulse of sexual attractiveness.

most likely, your attempts to make him emotionally smarter will be like teaching an old dog a new trick, but MO RAN himself will definitely be interested in these attempts and get closer, and, unlike Chu Wanning, you never know what stimulation he reacts to so fervently that he almost pursues you, persuading you to go with him or following him, flirting and bringing you food or hugging, constantly penetrating your physical space. of course, he nods when you talk about Chu Wanning, but the more you communicate, the higher the chance that he will react irritably or aggressively, starting to get exhausted from how often you talk about shizun and are clearly trying to weave something. Mo Ran is not as strong-willed and domineering as Chu Wanning — he is closer to "hard democracy", determined not just to go and do, but to force you to go along with him — but even more suffocating and clingy, not hesitating to be intense and hot if it gives him what he wants, and he is looking for something in which MO RAN can completely dissolve and become a part, satisfying all the impulses in search of "that" feeling, which makes it even more irrational and unpredictable, especially when you are trying to do something that is clearly it is not focused only on him, while MO RAN exactly craves mutual fixation, no different from the spotlight of a lamp that shines only on you and longs that you will not hide or try to put someone else, but shine.

you can try to ignore it, but it will be a huge mistake — MO RAN'S attempts to "merge" closer to the mating dance in animals, and the fact that you do not reject and do not accept causes even more fire and pressure. MO RAN is not so... 'aggressive', even with the behavior of the spoiled son of the lord of the city, but he is very charismatic and charming and knows what you need and do not need to say to present himself from the best side or convince you.

and, in fact, when you try to leave after all these twirling and dancing, it will be quite awkward. MO RAN is close enough to the natural, "animal" side of himself, and although he is not the most empathic, he is a huge possessive and easily considers you "his", especially when the fixation becomes stronger, and your attempts to escape cause only a desire to strengthen, hook, break through to where you do not allow him, almost bite you not because he's angry, but because he doesn't understand how else to keep you.

and, to be honest, touching them both with the intention of "helping" can cause huge movements, including changes in the balance in the relationship. although at some point you will begin to realize that the plot is wrong, there is little you can do about it — they are both stubborn and unyielding, and both are among the strongest cultivators. their relationship is quite "fixed" and in some sense stable, as long as they are not touched, but it is enough to move one figure so that the consequences are incredibly destructive. even attracting the attention of one can significantly change the dynamics, and imagine what it would be like if it were both at once — not necessarily romantically, but in the form of a close relationship.

MO RAN is more uncontrollable and does not have the same "obviously" soft spot; rather, his fixation is more related to the appearance of something that makes his life brighter, and your care and kindness can easily affect him. his whole life was, to put it mildly, not very good, and to have someone around who supports him, cares and pays attention is... it's unbelievable.

CHU WANNING, on the other hand, longs for a soul that will understand what he has "inside" and will always be with him, accepting him as he is, and this is what makes him more stable and healthy, but the increase in dependence on you also makes him more restless from the thought of what you want "exchange" or "get rid of" him. and the most important and huge problem begins when his will works not against his fixation, but for it — and this can easily appear if he begins to feel that this is the only way he can keep you.

mhm~

#❖.my jewelry #🥮 — husky and his white cat shizun #✉.chu wanning #✉.mo ran #🧸.quickt #🧸.yandere au #i think?#unintentionally but still

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aqua-dan · 1 month

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Fav artist for Garth?

I have been thinking about this ask for multiple hours, and I am unsure if I can pick a true favorite because there are so many wonderful artists who have drawn Garth over the years! However, I think I built a pretty solid list of my top 5 artists for Garth (oops!), so here goes:

#1: Phil Jimenez

I have so much love for the way he draws (and writes) Garth! Of every artist out there, I feel he has the most love for drawing Garth and I can feel that care and attention to detail in all his work. I am absolutely in love with the way he draws Garth's expressions too! He allows him to have exaggerated expressions and really allow us to feel the emotions of the story through the art. He's not afraid of showing him in painful and less than idealistic moments, and allows his face to reflect that. I think it's something that a lot of current comic book artists shy away from for fear of making characters look "ugly." But Jimenez goes all in on it and still makes Garth look stunning 24/7!

#2: Ramona Fradon

Ramona Fradon was one of the co-creators of Garth, and was, in my opinion, one of the most incredible people in the comic's art industry. She sadly passed away last month at age 97, and she only just announced her retirement from art a month prior to her passing. Her influence on the industry, especially for female artists, was monumental, and her art style stood out so uniquely amongst others. I've always loved how fantastical her art is. She creates fascinating underwater creatures and has an absolutely precious way of drawing Garth. I appreciate that she made the decision to draw him looking as young as he was at the time, especially since a lot of other teen sidekicks were drawn to look older. I feel very lucky that I was able to get a piece of art from her (the first pic in this section!) around the time of her passing. I will treasure it forever!

#3: Nick Cardy

There is something so charming about the way that Nick Cardy draws Garth! There's a simplicity and retro feeling to it that comes off as so fun! I don't know exactly what it is about his art, but it always makes me smile!

4: Mark Buckingham

Buckingham's style is like if "stretch and squash animation" was a static art style, and I LOVE it. It looks so funky and bouncy and expressive! It's one of those styles that I don't think everyone loves, but it really works for me and makes the comics extremely enjoyable to read for the art alone! It's not super polished and has some rough edge qualities, but that's precisely why I like it!

5: Lucas Meyer

Meyer is a newcomer in the scene of comics, but WOW! I am not immune to how gorgeous his art style is. I'm so happy that he's been named the ongoing artist for the current series! (Even if I can't get good writing, I'll at least take the nice art!) I think his style is so clean and pretty. I do wish that he went more "all-in" on expressions sometimes, as I do feel that his characters all look slightly generically pretty and don't emote particularly much. That said, the art is undeniably gorgeous, and he's already skyrocketed himself up onto my personal favorites list despite only starting with DC in 2022.

I do have a few honorable mentions as well, which include: Ivan Reis and George Perez.

There have been plenty of artists who did a great job, but these are my personal favorites! Thank you so much for the ask!

#Garth #Garth of Shayeris #Dan Says Shit

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666writingcafe · 7 months

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Asmo's Wish

What were you thinking about around the time the charm took effect?

"Do you remember the time we went to the bar?" I ask MC, who grimaces.

"Why do you want to bring that up? I made a complete fool out of myself that night!"

"Not before the Demonus came. But that's not what I want to talk about." There's a part of me that's hesitant to continue. I've been thinking about this for a while now, even though I know I shouldn't. It's not like it's worked before, so why would it work now?

"Asmo?" I sigh.

"Right. Sorry. Anyway, as we were chatting, I brought up a theory I had about why I seemed unable to charm you." MC nods their head.

"You thought that my power overwhelmed yours."

"Yeah. I was wondering if that was still true or not."

"You want to charm me." The slightly disapproving look in MC's eyes makes me regret saying anything. Why couldn't I wish for a new outfit or makeup set?

"Please, MC. I promise I won't do anything untoward."

"Your wish is my command." The two of us sit on the floor, facing each other with our legs crossed.

"Look into my eyes." MC does as instructed, and I allow myself to venture inside their mind.

The key to charming someone this way is to find one of their hidden fantasies and gently coax it out into the open. By assuring them that I will fulfill it exactly as they've imagined, I gain their trust, and they willingly submit to me.

After a few moments of exploring MC's thoughts, I feel something trying to pull me in a certain direction. Following it leads me to what appears to be a blank space, leaving me confused. Are they doing this on purpose in order to keep me away?

But then I hear it. A murmur so soft that anyone untrained wouldn't be able to pick up on it.

"You're stuck."

"Huh?" Oops. Did not mean to say that out loud. Now I've confused MC.

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but do you find it hard to express your emotions?" Their eyes widen, and they slowly nod their head.

"They're something I've never been comfortable sharing," they explain. "They can get rather intense, and I don't want to make people uncomfortable and drive them away by not keeping them in check." Hearing that makes my heart ache. In that moment, they remind me so much of myself, especially when I was an angel.

I have spent hundreds of years struggling to accept my emotions for what they are and feel confident enough to share them without fear of rejection. It's a challenge to overcome, and there are still days where I shut people out because I don't want them to hurt me.

I would never wish this upon my worst enemy, let alone someone I care deeply about.

"It's okay to experience the full extent of your emotions sometimes," I tell MC. "It's not good to attempt to keep them bottled up inside you forever, because it always ends up backfiring. I'm not saying that you should cry in the middle of a lecture or anything like that, but you're safe here." I reach forward and grab their hands. "None of us will judge you harshly for having feelings, MC. We may poke and prod to figure out what's bothering you, but that's only because we love you and want to help you in any way we can."

"Really?"

"Really. How can we hold you to a standard that we ourselves fail to reach? That wouldn't be very fair of us, especially since we're Avatars of Sin. Most of our actions, if not all of them, are driven by our emotions." I pause to give MC time to fully process my words.

"I am so proud of you, MC," I continue. "You have achieved so much in such a short amount of time, and you've not let any of it change who you are. It's one of the many, many things I admire about you."

And just like that, the wall breaks down. I see the same thoughts I did when I was helping MC overcome the effects of the syrup, but this time they're not just words.

I can see everything.

Vividly.

They imagine things with all of us, not just one or two people.

As much as I want to dissect each and every fantasy that they have, I need to keep my promise. I have no intention on driving them mad with desire.

#obey me shall we date #obey me mc #obey me asmo #obey me asmodeus

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alena-reblobs · 8 months

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Trigun Bookclub Trimax Vol10 Part 4

Vol01: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Vol02: Part 1 | Part 2

God why is this volume so long and full of so many epic pictures

Commentary for chapter 6 and 7 of Vol10, will do the last one in another post!

While I'm doing this, reading each chapter and after that, doing my commentary, I notice the effect of the volume lessening...damn! I should read it in one go first and THEN write my thougths but I'm afraid I'll forget what I want to say. Vol9 and Vol10 are in a way really meant to be read in one go for the full effect.

Chapter 6:

Yes! Wolfwood trying to end this fight not with his weapon, but with his bare hands is so important! He's not fighting to kill, he's not EoM's puppet, he's trying to bring back a friend...I can't say why but also the fact that this obviously pains Razlo more than bullets also feels right. That's how it should be. And then...there's Vash.

Oh god and then there's Vash.

This is...one of the most cruel images of Vash yet. To me it is THE most emotional in the whole series. Pure desperation. Sadness for things lost. Vash allowing himself to break down while we only hear the punches of Wolfwood beating down on Razlo. Looking at this image makes me sad. Damn it Nightow for making Vash have to grief before they even had the chance to start their future together.

But again, props to Nightow for the storytelling.

Vash promised Wolfwood to leave Razlo to him BUT NOBODY DARE INTERFERE.

LIVIOOOOOOO

And just when we fought we had gotten rid of him and he couldn't piss us off any more he's coming back round to hurt our boy

THANK YOU RAZLO. There can never be enough bullet holes in this dead man's body.

I really really like that Livio is not treating Razlo like the bad guy here, but acknowledges that Razlo is also a victim in a way. A victim of having to live through the fucked up shit that Livio could not cope with, of having to deal with that. (I hope I worded that all right, since I don't really know anything about the medical condition of which Razlo is the result?)

You did it, man. You saved Livio. And now you're even a person he looks up to you. Of the feels.

CRYBABY LIVIO IS BACK BITCHES oooh you earned that cigarette, Wolfie

Chapter 7:

I just love the kids and Melanie and how lively it seems. Surely it was hard and filled with loss as everybody had lost their parents, but it must also have been a childhood filled with love.

Baby Wolfwood oh my sweet boy... Sometimes I have wondered how little Vash and Wolfie would have gotten along. Or well, I'm sure they would've gotten along. I just would love to see them interact as kids. Out there, little Wolfwood, a long time ago, was once a boy drifting in space who would later be your most trusted friend. And who would, not in every way, but in an important way, save you.

Ah, just below is the panel where it says "six years have passed since that day" that always confuses me?? Still now because 6 years is not possible? I will wait for any explanation that you, my fellow bookclub readers, will come up with.

Don't scream at him!!!

Vash wanting to explain it to them is killing me. And Wolfwood's expression here is so...unclouded. Completely honest. Vulnerable. No my sweet boy you are no monster, did that not get into your head??

With the little time left...maybe he's right, maybe he can not explain to the children what he is, all the complex stuff.

You know, Vash, Wolfwood is tired. This moment, he just wants to spend it with you, and isn't that enough?

Wolfwood saying this...and then Vash begging to GOD, praying to not lose that man.

I never really got the grip on what Vash means with "stupid things". There's been this theory that Vash denies Wolfwood telling Vash his true feelings, but I don't think so. I think they both at this point know how they feel about each other. I think Vash just...can't stand to hear the emotional talk now because it's simply too much. Maybe it would be nice if they could talk out their innermost feelins at last. But maybe, they don't need that. Have their actions not proven enough already by now?

Throw that confetti guys

If some of you are on twitter and have followed the trigun fandom there you might have stumbled upon the marriage tweet my friend made when she read this scene the first time. I have nothing to add apart from that it rips my heart and soul in two. Now, there's one more chapter to this volume but this arc kinda already concludes with this here...and so I just want to say: I have NEVER before read something that felt so deeply emotional and tragic like this whole...Wolfwoof dying scene. Or, I might have and I might not remember, but in my mind this is the most tragic thing I can recall. Because...it takes its time. It already starts in Vol08, with Wolfwood's inner thoughts, and then it goes on for the whole next Volume where the stakes are getting higher and higher, until Vash appears to save them and save Wolfwood but it STILL is not enough. And Vash is shocked, is in denial, is in anger and is griefing and then we get a short moment of breathing, before it hits us again. We're living this all through Vash, and...and he can't bring himself to smile in the end. He can't. He only stares blankly until he then slumps down. Oh, and I read in the Trigun Wiki I think that this scene here is the only scene where we see Wolfwood cry. Which....gives it also so much more impact.

And, all in all, I think this is not the worst ending for Wolfwood. Of course I am devastated. Reading so much fanfiction, seeing so much fanart, makes it pretty easy to forget that there is no future for these two in canon...not together. (which is WHY I read the fanfiction because good lord did I need something to cope) And when I think about how they never get the chance to live the life together as they both may have wanted...then the feeling of loss hits the hardest. But then, on the other hand: First, killing off one of your main characters while giving them a metaphorical wedding scene is a sick move. An evil, sick move. And second: it fits the series. Because Trigun feels so real, and in real life, things don't always turn out the good way. And Wolfwood, with his life, never really had any future...but the thing is also, he died while knowing that he was able to achieve what he always wanted: the orphanage is safe and he brought Livio back. It is all he ever wanted to do, and it is thanks to Vash that he was able to do it. Would it have been dope if he lived on and if he and Vash could build their own orphanage and be caretaker dads together? Oh hell yeah. But, within the story of the series...it was always unrealistic. Wolfwood died smiling- whatever we think about it, he was content with what he achieved. (I think so at least! The panels where he cries out, they always strike me as a defiance, not wanting to die, but that might be reading to much into it. The whole thing for him is so emotional, the confetti, which tells him they welcome him back, despite knowing who he is...it would be a wonder if he didn't cry. So it might just be the emotionality of the whole scene.

PHEW I'm sure I could say more if I thought a bit about it but I'm gonna shut up here now. Time to do the last chapter, though I'll make another post, this one is far too long already.

#trigun #trigunbookclub #I only manage to sound more coherent and not constantly scream in my commentary because this is my third proper reread already #And I've looked at this pages far more often

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thesolemnhour · 6 months

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i'm curious, what variation and ballerina would you give to agria

Ama, I am SO glad you asked! I mentioned it here, but I have decided to use my executive power as blog owner to answer this question in so much more detail than you could have ever wanted.

The tl;dr answer is Natalia Osipova. The answer is so strongly Natalia Osipova that I couldn't bring myself to assign her to anyone else, even to characters where it would have made sense like Ariadne, Mino, or Hilde (though I think I found more fitting answers). The emotional freedom of her performances and her dogged stubbornness to stick to her own vision scream Agria.

As for a variation, I am weak, and I can't pick just one, so I have three! Look out below, everyone. Ballet takes be upon ye.

Kitri's Entrance

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Natalia Osipova debuted her first principal role as Kitri when she was actually still just a member of the corps de ballet at the Bolshoi in Moscow. Osipova's Kitri is so, so special. The music starts up, and immediately, Natalia just absolutely bowls you over with her force of personality. You never ever ask yourself, "Who is this Kitri character, and why is everyone so obsessed with her?" You're right there clapping along like the rest of the ensemble!

There are so many wonderful details to the way she plays the character. How she tips her head to the side with a big smile at 0:24 to the music just delights me. Wherever she goes, the stage is too small to hold her.

Osipova describes this debut like a Cinderella story. She said something to the extent of, "I performed as Kitri, and the next day, I woke up famous."

2. Giselle Act II (0:00-0:18 and 1:08-2:13 for Agria but by god you should watch all of it)

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This is the Osipova role that truly means everything to me.

I want to give a little context about where Osipova was in her career at this point: in 2011, she left the Bolshoi because she found their way of doing things to be creatively restrictive. When someone at the Bolshoi tells you to do these steps in this order, it's not usually up for debate. She didn't sign another contract until 2013 when she joined the Royal Opera House. This performance isn't too long after.

Giselle is sometimes referred to as ballet's Hamlet; the range it demands is tremendous. I discussed it in greater detail here, but I really like to read Giselle as a coming-of-age story where Giselle becomes an adult through the act of dying. Act II Giselle is all regret and wasted potential. Emma Byrne put it best when she said Osipova's Giselle rose from her grave "hollowed-eyed and sunken-cheeked, ready to go into battle for love."

It must have been so difficult for Osipova to follow up such an incredible performance as Kitri at the Bolshoi, and though she'd had a million incredible performances since she'd left, I think putting such a profound stamp on the character of Giselle in this performance proved that Osipova had been right to leave. It allowed her to grow.

Everything about this, from Osipova's place in life to the eeriness she manages to convey to Giselle's theme of regret, fit Agria outrageously well.

3. Raymonda Act III

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Osipova in absolute command of her craft! I picked this variation for Lenarius/Leonosa to demonstrate Svetlana Zakhrova's control and precision, but here, I want to point out the way that Osipova throws herself into every role with all of the blood and breath in her body. She couldn't possibly be giving more at any moment. It's thrilling, and it feels like watching a force of nature. This is exactly how Agria would dance.

#ballet ask game🩰#ag tag #rip agria you wouldve hated dancing the white swan #also apologies to the real heads i am but a student

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innerslumber · 1 year

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I know this might sound silly but I am feeling really emotional over the messages I've gotten over the Marvel Exhibit posts. I've had people thank me for sharing because they will probably never get a chance to see it. I've had people who has already seen the exhibit but the stuff I saw was new for them and how much they enjoyed it. It's just...been really gratifying.

Because going to this exhibit has been on my To Do list for months. When I finally escaped my abusive spouse with my children, all I could think 24/7 was how do I protect them and how do I get our family stable. And I remember one of my kids' counselor telling me that I need to pick at least one thing for myself. One thing that is just for me because he said I deserved good things too. That I should be free to have an afternoon where I can have fun, without worry and guilt.

And every month, like clockwork, he'd ask me if I had gone to see it. And every time I had an excuse. Oh I was busy meeting my lawyer because I'm about to go to court. Oh I gotta get our new apartment set up. Oh my friends are busy and they can't help watch the kids. There was always something more important because there was so much to do. But the truth was, I was also just so scared. What if my kids got sick while I was gone and I couldn't be at the school right away? What if my car broke down and I got stranded? What if I missed an important call because I was too distracted? Just scared scared scared.

But the exhibit was leaving in April and I knew the clock was ticking. So I finally picked a date when I knew my kids would be looked after, bought a ticket and went.

I remember at the start of the tour, the museum employee said most people spend 30-40 minutes to get through it. I spent almost 3 hours. I read every plaque, stared at the art and costumes from every angle, and even looped back to see things when the crowd had thinned out. Just so I can savor it. Because I felt this panic, like if I don't seize this moment, I'll never be allowed to enjoy something alone again.

But after the tour was over, I went and got lunch and let it sink in. That this wasn't my last chance to enjoy something for myself. That it was okay to enjoy myself. That I was allowed to. I could eat this food that I normally wouldn't have ordered because my spouse would complain about the smell of the food I grew up with. That I could enjoy it without censure or ridicule. I didn't have to rush back and be terrified that I would be late and get screamed at. I could actually pay for this lunch from my own bank account. That I didn't have to sneak around using cash that I had squirreled away so my purchases wouldn't give away my location on the online bank statement. I could just...sit there and watch people walk by in the sun while I sipped my soda and...it was okay. I didn't have to feel guilty that I was alone and enjoying an afternoon doing something "frivolous".

And it just really hit me why I even wanted to go to the Marvel exhibit in the first place. Because luckily I fell into this fandom just when my life was at its darkest. All the wonderful friends, fics, art and crazy posts that helped me get through all the lonely, scary, painful days and nights. Reading Bucky recovery fics after he escaped his torture and brainwashing and telling myself I can do that too. Then feeling stupid that I was projecting so hard on a fictional character but desperately wishing I had a Steve too.

My therapist told me that recovering from trauma is not linear and I'm going to have good days and bad days. And sometimes it will take days before my mind processes things completely. Over a week passed since I went to the exhibit and I found myself crashing. I know it may seem ridiculous but in my mind, I was setting a pin on this outing. A bright shining lodestone in my mental eye. A box that I could tick saying, "Yes. You're finally at a point where you can allow yourself to have this." And now that I was on the other side of it, I felt a bit lost.

But I was scrolling through the pictures I took and I decided to share on the blog. Initially I was just going to send some to friends in DMs but I changed my mind. Editing 90 images and writing up posts at 3 am was probably not a good life choice but fuck it, I never said I was smart lololol.

So I'm really glad that I was able to give something back to the fandom that's given me so much through this difficult time in my life. It's just pictures and my crack commentary but I'm happy that it gave other fans some serotonin. Some days I feel this imposter syndrome where I'm barely holding it together and I am sure I'm not the only one. But it feels so damn good when my friends and I can squeal over our favorite characters and just take unabashed joy in it.

Because for the first time in a long time, my body is my own, my mind is my own and my heart is my own. I can empty my mind of the pain and fill my heart with love.

And where my mind and my heart wants to go, they can. Even to go see some superhero tights.

#personal thoughts #PTSD #recovery from trauma #stucky #fandom love #gosh i got so fucking lucky meeting you all #what a bunch of stand up impossibly loving human beings #i hope we can keep squealing over Bucky and Steve together for a long time #or any other ships you all indoctrinate me into hahaha #love you #Marvel: Universe of Super Heroes

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yagamisdiary · 4 months

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I lowkey feel Ambrose's mind set and outcome could have been much different if he allowed himself to seek love from someone instead of shutting out every chance for love he has been offered and only seeing himself, his mind and body as materialistic value. Same goes with his family, I understand how little he must have felt but if he was more open with his acceptance for love and ability to show it back he'd realise how much he was valued and loved for every aspect of his existence. I can't help but sympathise with him. I feel I'm getting opinionated on his character but his death hurt me the most out of everyone's. I truly believed he had a real love for his family but his love was poisoned by envy and jealousy. I find the most upsetting part of his character is that if he got his way or not he'd still never be happy. If he got his way I feel the buzz of praise and control would wear off eventually and he'd realise it was all just performative. Yes, I know a kingdom can have a real love for their King but if you were to put them in a situation between picking a loved one or the King who would they pick? Maybe Ambrose, but that would be from loyalty, not love. Not REAL love. I'd give it a few months before he'd come down from the high and be left wondering why he hasn't been ticked off or put in a small wrestling match or debate quiz in a while. A few months before it wouldn't only be y/n who couldn't look him in the eye, but he couldn't look at her either. Her face a mosaic of their family blended into one.

I also can't avoid feeling sorrow for him because he really was just a boy who had yet to grow up. On the outside was a man but on the inside was just a boy. Kai is the one slagged the most for his childlike personality but it was always Ambrose that had it. His idea of masculinity was constantly being put on fire and constantly having to be rebuilt with fewer resources every time. It distracted him from the maturity and growth that comes with age. Keeping his feelings enclosed for so long must have spilt out and warped his mind and sadly that's what happens when our emotions bottle up and we feel we have no one to express that to. It's because of this I feel that at his breaking point, he'll go back into his childlike mentality and only then realise how dependent he was on his mom and dad. Only then will he realise he'll never get another hug from his mother or a well-needed lecture from his father. No brothers to seek advice from and mentally no sister to confide in. No family to lean on in times of dread like we all need. And he'd still keep this bottled up. He'd have no one to emotionally connect with on that level again. Maybe a wife but a wife will never be able to bring the love experienced from brothers. The type of love where you can kick and punch each other all you want but they'll still be there at the end of the day eating dinner with you and hold no grudge but love for you by the time the sun goes down. The cycle would only continue for him but this time he has no one to hurt. He got what he wanted and would be stuck in a lifetime of misery and fake smiles with the only thing filling his mind being guilt and sadness. I also believe this would make him realise the love he actually held for his brothers. Yes, I know Y/n was probably his favourite but sometimes when your glass of emotions fills too much it overflows and you are forced to sit there and analyse them even without realising or concentrating on it. That's when he'd find the real love he held for Kai and especially Elijah. The remorse he'd feel and the guilt of realising the love and compassion his older brother felt for him. He'd relive all the small moments. I think that another fault of Ambrose is he expects drastic acts of love that he forgets the real pieces of small everyday doings. He'd realise all the times Elijah probably noticed when a conversation was starting to get Ambrose agitated and would steer it away, all the times he probably realised during balls only he, Elijah was getting all the limelight and praise and would find a way to bring Ambrose's light of character into conversation. Sadly, his win would only make him lose as he'd realise all the real love he was once surrounded with, is now gone that he cold-bloodingly destroyed it. Never will the image of Elijah's lifeless eyes leave his brain or the images of his dead parents. He would only ever see Elijah's eyes before his death looking back to him in mirrors and his father's disappointment when he'd scrunch his brows or his mother's tears when he'd cry. Although he got his dream, he'd just as quickly want to reverse it. I think he'd either live a life of misery and guilt which would reflect onto his people, or end it himself.

I could say Ambrose is probably my favourite character in this story. His feelings are just so universally experienced and we all have probably once felt like an Ambrose. Whether that be with siblings, parents or friends. A lot of us have felt unwanted once and Ambrose embodies that and how its sadness can turn to envy.

As much as he has done bad I seriously just can't help but want to cry for him. He really is just a scared boy under his facade.

The saddest part, even with all the death and horror, I believe his family would still find a way to forgive him. If reincarnation existed in another universe and his loving family could be put in a room together one more time for just one day, I do believe that day would end in one big crying hug of guilt from all sides, and especially at the core of that hug, love.

I went a bit on but I just love his character so much and believe that none of this was his real dream and he never really got to find his real dream in the end. As much as he can be painted to be a monster I don't think his family could ever see that no matter what because the truth is deep down I don't believe he was. His story and life were sad and it's upsetting because he could have had a beautiful life if he stopped looking at how he was perceived by others and took a bit of inspiration and help from his siblings to find his true self. As much as we want to do stuff on our own i don't think he could find himself on his own and do believe with the accepted help from his siblings he could have found that :(

I just realised how long this is... I could have kept it to myself but wanted to kinda voice my opinion on his character because I find him the most interesting and complex!

wow, i’m honestly speechless right now. this is the first time someone has analyzed and truly broke down one of my characters before and it’s honestly sorta eye opening.

it’s always so strange to me how a fictional character i made up in my head can cause such emotional and personal understanding within someone. that they have the capability to reach the readers in ways that cause them to feel sad or empathetic for them.

ambrose personally is one of my favorite characters too. he was so much fun to write at the beginning and with time, the more deeper and complex his character became, i felt an overwhelming sadness when i was reminded of his evitable faith

i had ambrose’s plot line planned out from the first page and never intended for myself to get so attached to him, much less for readers to do the same

in my eyes, he’s extremely relatable. especially for people who grew up as a middle child and often feel overshadowed by their siblings or just in general

i agree that whether he got his way or not, he’d never be satisfied. the rose colored glasses would eventually fall and he’d see the world as it really is and come to terms with all he did to get to where he is

i believe that yn knew this too and that’s why she took it into her own hands to end that misery for him. she knew he was too far gone and that no matter what, he’d never be happy

#eldia #someone reads the absolute fuck out of ambrose #please please please send me more analysis of characters i’m so invested now

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sorcerous-caress · 4 months

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Ok ok ok I'm very new to the human kink thing but I'm wondering if there's some kind of planar effect associated with it??? Like I can just imagine the idea of star elves and other eldarin who come from the feywild and spent their whole lives being so immersed in magic that if they ever encounter a non-spellcaster human for the first time it's just like wow. this mf has zero magic about them. I wonder if it's a strange sensation, like noise cancelling headphones, and that lack of magical energy might feel relieving or sexual for them. Idk if it's exactly dnd canon but I've always imagined magic aligned entities to be able to sense magic like a buzzing in the air, so a lack of that buzzing would be entirely wild for them. Either way, magical radio silence = sexual exploration for eldarin and I fully support it

(also I love love loveeeee your work and your dnd theories and fun inquiries have led me to learn so much more cool lore and it's shaped some of my interspecies interactions in-game as a DM so tysm for everything you do 💜💜)

Wait really? I inspired some of your moments as a dm? Omfg please tell me I'd love to listen if you're willing to share <33. Thank you so much for the praise!

Also I love your theory! I hold similar ideas, that concept is too cool to pass on.

I've seen one similar to its concept in a game called "Echos of the Fey"

So elves in this game, average elves not just eladrin, are all born with magic. Because all magic comes from the fey and all elves share a connection to it.

Humans can learn magic too by using the hammer method and seeing what sticks on the wall, but they can never connect to the fey.

And the fey is exactly like you described. It allows to elves to effortlessly connect to each other, feel and sense each other's presence before seeing each other. It allows parents to feel when their children die and allows lovers to sense when their elf partner is in danger.

Elves can share their emotions through the fey too, they don't need to use words or explain things. They can let the other person feel exactly what they're feeling.

It was described as a constant song, a different melody from each elf in the sanctuary they all lived in. Going on at all times. And sure one elf can supress their own song but they can't stop hearing others'.

You can also speak words into the other person's mind using the fey. If they give you permission to dive deeper into their soul, you can even tell if they're lying about something or being honest.

But again, all of this only applies if the two people are elves. Even sorcerer humans wouldn't be able to feel it or connect to the fey.

It's also why elves seem cold or detached to humans, they are so used to the fey and the immediate connection and trust it gives them in other elves, that they don't bother to learn how to properly express their emotions with words or facial expressions. As a society, their inner personal relationships are always reliant on the fey.

In that game, one elf does move to a human settlement and he describes it as radio silence. That sometimes when he's around so many elves, he wonders if his ideas are truly his own or simply from other elves through the fey.

That being near humans gives him more individuality, forces him to work hard to establish trust with someone rather then immediately earn it. To learn to express his emotions rather than assume the other person can feel them.

It is radio silence. There is no music except for the ones humans deliberately play with their instruments. Even then, anyone can misinterpret its meaning with no definitive answer.

In that game, there are no other races besides humans and elves. And no sub-races for elves, they're all high elves.

But that theory still holds up if we integrate it to dnd! With some adjustments. It explains why elves are so reclusive, why they prefer the company of other elves over other races, and why two elf strangers seem to almost click immediately.

The fey is a constant overstimulatation, like getting constant ads in a video. Some elves learn to tone it out while others are so fed up with it that they'd rather lose their own magic than stay connected to it.

Which is why those ones would move to human cities, would prefer the company of humans and find joy at how expressive they are, at the long trials each friendship has in order to earn their trust.

For once their mind is clear, no meddling fey making them feel other's emotions or hear their thoughts. Only their own thoughts in their brain, everything they feel is truly their own.

Except when another elf is nearby.

But again, each elf can choose to suppress their own presence in they fey, just not others'. So, I like to think that elves in human cities came to a collective agreement to supress their own presence in the fey to not bother each other, also to not make the humans feel left out.

Anyway, exposition over, time to talk about the actual kink.

So remember that dog drawing contest meme? This one?

Where, yes, the second drawing was so beautiful and amazing, but the first place one held an undeniable charm to it.

I think that's how eladrins and star elves view humans.

Ofwjofwjofjwks now hear me out!

They're so used to everyone around them brimming with magic, for other fey creatures' appearance to change drastically through the season, wearing the ocean waves aa a dress or growing a cherry blossom tree as hair.

Imagine a human in comparison, how simple and plain we would be, how utterly new and adorable in their views.

Simplicity has its merits, if done right then it can be as beautiful as complexity if not more.

A human, devoid of any magic and only wearing their own body and clothes as decoration, would be beyond this world for elves and eladrins, literally.

There is another game i played that had human wizards talking about the fey world and the dangers of it, i don't remember its name.

But the main reason why humans were told to avoid the fey world and never go there, is because their souls shine bright like a beacon amidst it.

Every person and creature in the fey world knows magic beyond our comprehension, and all of them know how to hide their souls and lock it. Like installing anitmalware and a firewall on a computer with proxy to prevent tracking.

Humans are the boomers who uninstall system 32.

Our souls are just up for grabs, literally on a silver plate for any fey who comes waltzing in and tricks us into some verbal contract. We have no magic to detect them or to prevent them.

Humans don't last in the fey realm, everyone wants them. Even the most talented wizards who live there, never stay for long or always take a break every now and then.

You are literally the lighthouse, siren and mist amidst the fey sea.

To an elf who is tried of the magical noise, you're like a comfort blanket. Warm and makes them ignore the world outside.

They're beyond infatuated with how much you steal all of their brain's attention, focus all of their scattered thoughts on you or the simplest of things.

How you express your joy with laughter, how you spent time cooking a meal, how tears collect down your face when you cry, how you tap your feet or click your tongue.

Primal life in its purest forms, the most bare form a soul could ever take.

You're the most simple shape, and for that, you are loved, adored for how much you hold. How easily you adapt, a white light containing a rainbow inside.

Humans fit anywhere and everywhere, even in places they're not supposed to. They still tried and will keep trying forever, that's why they keep stepping to the fey realm and keep attempting on befriending the elves or building houses there.

It's hard not to be blinded by their light, let it outshine everything else around them.

In a sexual context, I think elves and eladrins would be so used to magical sex or soul connections that with a human they get to experience having their soul grounded into earth.

The simplest touch of fingertips trailing up their skin, the silence except for the occasional gasps and groans of the human. For the first time their own moans are so clear to their pointy ears, they're forced to drown into their own emotions and melt into the bed.

And the humans seduction and pleasure somehow clicks with every single race, somehow surpasses so many cultural barriers. Experiencing pure pleasure with all the small awkwardness and discomforts, being acutely aware of the pillow under their head or the drumming of their heartbeat.

It's how humans don't need magic to thrive, have fun or give pleasure. How these things are second nature to them, you could strip them of all of their fancy science and magic and even then they'll still find a new way to climb up.

That's the human condition That's the human spirit, to care in the face of uncaring world. To love despite your own limitations, to be kind to something you can never understand.

Every wizard who has ever lived in the fey realm speaks of it fondly, like an old friend. Despite the countless attempts on their life, despite the times they almost lost their mind. Humans see beauty in everything, dangerous or soft.

And they infect others with their softness, make the elves and eladrins addicted to their comfortable silence. So much that they wonder how did they ever live before in the constant noise and buzzing.

Humans are like a vacation you go to when the polluted cities start to drain your soul, they're the fresh water running rivers through the dandelions filled fields.

And so many long to live there, to abandon their apartments and start over there. But they're afraid to steal the humans' light from them, to infect them with their magic and poison the waters.

So only a few go down there at a time, for a vacation length to an eladrin is akin to a lifetime to a human.

#♡human kink #♡elf culture #dnd human kink

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pixelkip · 11 months

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Aight. It's Annello time.

SO my interpretation of Annello has a slightly different backstory from the semi-official one given by Rageminer. They still fuse the same way, with Annie showing up after Garcello dies but is still hanging around as a ghost, she runs up and reaches out for him and. Yea.

A big difference in mine though is that the fusion isn't as much physically painful as it is uh,, mentally. Once they fuse both.. I guess sides?? of them are terrified and confused. Once they even realize what happened they're understandably fuckin horrified. Mostly because.. it technically means the 2 won't really see each other ever again

I say this cause.. while I might refer to them acting more like Annie or garcy, it's not a situation of 2 consciousnesses (is that even a word hell if I know) existing simultaneously, but just one with personality traits and memories of both. Sure, they can recognize what parts of them come from who, but they still are just one.

It also takes them a while to really be able to function again. Their highly conflicting personality traits can make it really hard for them to make decisions and the energetic-ness from Annie and anxiety from Garcello don't exactly mix nicely. They are simultaneously not used to being so energetic and highly emotional from Garcy's side, and not used to being so anxious and tired from Annie's side. They have a lot of moments where Annie's impulsivity kicks in, they do something kind of foolish and immediately wonder wait why the hell did I do that??

They also probably talk to themself a lot. Both cause they sometimes need to do that to get their thoughts in order and cause they're lonely :[

They eventually start sorting themself out though (but also with my version of them they at least have lil Rascal with them, since for me she and Annie would've had a sibling-rivalry type relationship that would carry over to annello, but that's probably a post for another day)

So. I imagine their actual personality being a slightly ominous goofball. I say ominous because come the fuck on they have both the Annie chaos and the garcy calm chill guy demeanor. Do u see what I'm going for here. They're gonna take Garcy's mysterious dude in the alleyway thing and take it to the next level by actually seeming like theyre totally up to something. They can go from tired bastard to bouncy ball of mischief within seconds. I think they'd start to lean into how they seem weird and unpredictable, since it's something about them they really can't change, might as well embrace it.

I imagine them kind of speaking with kind of a sweet but sly tone while also sounding very calm and quiet. Unlike their 1 official voice line, I hc that their voice can shift between sounding more like Annie or garcello, with it naturally changing depending on how they feel or what they're trying to convey. They could also consciously change it but they can't perfectly mimick one or the other. If they're excited or shouting though, that's how you get then speaking with both voices at the same time.

Ok that's mostly it for their character but there's a few more lil details that didn't really fit in this whole explanation so here's a few more things I came up with, sometimes with inspo from people on discord:

- since they're a fusion of a very much alive Annie and a ghost garcy, annello is half-ghost. For a while they'd randomly phase through things accidentally before they learned to get it under control. Might also allow them to dissappear at will. Because fuck you I think that's fun and cool

- said half-ghost thing also lead to an agreement that Hiroari Shoots A Strange Bird ~ Till When? is annello boss fight theme. Though, I also heavily associate them with Hartmann's Youkai Girl too. Fuck I can't avoid bringing up touhou every chance I get god dAMMIT FU

- oh on the topic of songs that fit my version of them. Deathbody by Ghost and Pals and The Ballad of Jane Doe from Ride the Cyclone

- I'm not sure if I'm keeping this now but i feel like it's worth adding, I had an old liquid form design for annello where they were more of a vapor-y ghost monster instead

- they have a bit of claustrophobia, both cause of their memory of dying in a small alley but also because they are significantly taller than the 2 goobers were, everything they're familiar with like their apartment and such feels smaller to them.

-oh yea. They're taller than even garcello was. I imagine them at like 6'5-7 ft tall

- they are the epitome of 2 idiots does not make a smart person. It makes an ominous but awkward airheaded dingus

- despite them being all weird and shit they're a complete fucking softie. I don't need to explain why with these 2 goobers it should be obvious

- for a good while after they fused they dressed like a complete fucking mess since they didn't know how the fuck they wanted to dress. This is what happens when u have the fashion taste of an emo furry and a man who'd wear pajamas 24/7 if it was socially acceptable

- they have fangs, but unlike Annie that's the only part of their teeth that are still sharp. Even so, garcys influence means they still feel awkward having them, so the fangs cause them to sometimes speak with a bit of a lisp

- still kibby just a really fuckin weird one

That's all. Have some doobles of the silly and uhh stan annello or perish

#annello #hazy river #garcello #annie fnf #long post #im very not sorry for being completely ridiculous about them

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penguuthegentoo · 1 year

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The ball session had given me so many feels

These are all snippets from the ball and everyone tackling love in one way or another

A short lil story under the cut if y’all are interested 😌

It was not often that Bahari found her confidence shaken. That was just who she was-- the one who is unfaltering, nothing could put her down. But... his words for a moment made her feel a feeling she hadn't felt in many, many years. Insecurity.

"If I'm honest, this was not something I ever thought would be in the cards for me. But, sometimes when you know," he looked to her with a smile, "you know."

And for a moment, she was painfully aware of her position; his arm wrapped aroud hers, standing hip to hip. Those countless nights at the Jewel flash through her mind--his personal dinner date at his table, in perfect view of the rest of the establishment. Her eyes looked towards the crowd of nobles and aristocrats and in her mind something clicked.

His words should have made her estatic but instead they just made her cold.

"All you ever are and ever will be is a trophy to be looked at, but never heard." Her mother's words echoed vitrole in her head.

She suddenly wondered if that's all this really was? For who better to parade upon your arm or invite to your personal table than a famed muscian and adventurer? One of the ones who saved the Queen? What better way to appease yourself to the masses than with one of their own? She felt the doubt creep into her mind like a growing mold.

She registred Queen Oslyn opening up about her prediciment: she was to be wed whether she wanted to or not.

"I can't just marry for love, not when I have the city to consider."

Bahari's grip tightened on Praxys' arm and she felt him respond in kind. She looked to him for a moment--a look of acknowledgment and worry--and ever so slightly the doubt receded. He knew of her past--the key points of it anyway. If all she was, was a trophy... then he wouldn't express such concern and solidarity to her?

Would he?

- - -

The night continued on and she tried to not to let her doubt consume her more. She brushed her hair aside and let the mask settle into place.

Questions of automony, friendship, vultures and suddenly--

"--My position just wouldn't allow it. Especially not at events like this, where everyone’s looking at who everyone's with." The unspoken 'There are eyes on us' gripped Bahari by the throat.

"It's doubled edged sword, being seen positively or not. If I wasn't the attention whore I am, I'd much rather be seen with indifference." She passes it off as joke. Those eyes on her from every angle have never felt so perverse. She reveled in being seen, but not like this. On the stage she was in control of how and why people percieved her. She was in control of how they hear her. But here? Not for the first time that night she felt like an accessory.

Mentions of a performance for the queen have her bounding away from her partner before he can even open his mouth to respond.

- - -

Bahari felt her self dancing between pure affection and cold insecurity.

Their performance, as usual, was amazing. Up until her footing faltered and she found herself flying from the stage and out into the crowd. Familiar arms caught her with ease and whispered worried questions in her ear.

"Are you alright? You're not hurt?"

"Physically I'm peachy... it's my ego that's shattered." She can't keep the embarrassment and frustration from her voice at such a rookie mistake. "I've made an utter fool of myself." She feels all of those eyes. She wasn't perfect and they know-- he knows--

"Don't be ridiculous. You all are amazing-- you're amazing."

She looks to him with wide eyes before shooting a glance back to Dove, watching her try to clean up her mess as best she could. Her friend pivoted the focus to her, a show of 'this was all a part of the performance'. Bahari feels grateful to her. She looked to him again for a brief moment, trying to understand her waring emotions--then decides that she doesn't have the time for that and puts a pin in it. She instead leant up, kissed his cheek and said, "toss me."

And he does.

And, as if nothing had happened, the concert resumes and she felt her grip on the room return to her.

All eyes are on her, because she has crafted it that way. Not as a trophy, but as a spectacle of her creation.

- - -

With the impromptu concert compelete she feels she can finally steal away for a moment. She sent her partner a look at that says, 'Talk to me?'

He easily deciphered the look and followed after her. Eyes stick to her back the whole way until she found some secluded balcony. The air is crisp and she inhaled deeply, letting it soothe her frazzled nerves. Praxys wore a look that whispered curiosity and affection as he met her out in the evening air.

Before he can open her mouth she's already asking her question.

"Earlier you said to the Queen, 'you know when you know'," about us "did you mean that?" She wrung her paws together, allowing herself to be vulnerable, "do you... do you know?"

She almost didn't ask. She wasn't ready for her fears to be confirmed--that all it ever was, was an image to keep. That all she ever was, was a trophy to show off.

Bahari had told him that she was all in. That she was here for it all, good and bad. But... if it was a mere game to him then... she promised herself she wouldn't let herself be someone's toy ever again.

His response surprised her. From his jacket, he pulled a small hand harp. He spoke of how he had been reminded of how near and dear music was to him--because of her. How he had wanted to have her play on his enchanted harp so that he could always listen to her music even when she wasn't near. But that he feared the conotations of such a request, fearing she'd think he'd only want her for her music, and not for her.

Bahari was uncharacteristically speechless as she gazed at the instrument. Without much thought, she reached out for it and plucked gently at the strings, the tune intimately familiar to her but unknown to the world.

When she finished she placed the harp in his hands and said in a shaky whisper, "now that you have your song, I hope you don't forget the one who played it."

He tucked the harp into his coat with surprising speed before he took her hands softly, but firmly, into his. "The harp is a mere echo of what I have in front of me right now." The dull hum of the party competes with the thumping of Bahari's heart. "My wish is that we can enjoy this evening together, until the sun's risen and much longer--if you’ll have me." Maybe it wasn't just her heart she was hearing.

She felt the doubt melt away, leaving her head and heart fuzzy and warm. She allowed herself a smile as she squeezed his hands.

She wasn't a trophy. Not to him or to anyone else. She was just... Bahari. And that thought filled her with relief.

Out of view of prying eyes, she grabbed his frilly neck tie and pulled him down for a kiss.

"As if I could ever say no to such a request."

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wafflesinthe504 · 1 year

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The Rookie 5x19 Thoughts

Spoilers for The Rookie 5x19 below. If you've watched the episode or don't care about spoilers, please enjoy!

Alright let's get into the episode. First and foremost can we talk about this.

Tim and Lucy were so freaking cute at the beginning of the episode. They are just out here living their lives being all domestic with each other. Tim just looked so soft as he stepped out of Lucy's room.

Lucy studying for the detective's exam has me cautiously excited for what's to come next for her. First Lucy will finally be promoted! Something that we've been waiting to see for some time now. When Lucy mentioned that she wanted to still work in UC she mentioned two divisions narcotics and intelligence. I'm hopeful that Lucy will end up in intelligence instead of narcotics. I do wonder how her exam storyline is going to play out since there is someone who doesn't want her to pass. I can see it going one of two ways. One Lucy manages to pass the exam and get into the top twelve despite the proctor not wanting her to pass or she actually doesn't get into the top twelve and it forces her to reconsider her options moving forward in her career. Additionally, with Isabel coming back in the next episode we could see her and Lucy have a chat about UC and maybe that chat between them could cause her to reconsider doing UC as a whole and find a different path to continue moving forward in her career.

Either way I can't wait to see where Lucy's career is headed and how it will affect her relationships, especially with Tamara and Tim.

____________________________________________________________

I don't think I can accurately describe just how much I actually enjoyed seeing Celina front and center this episode. I'll be honest when she was first introduced I wasn't sure how much I was going to end up liking Celina but over the episodes and with more of her background being revealed and helping to explain some of things that she believes I have really come to appreciate and love Celina as a character. I'm still holding out for her and Angela to have some time together because I think could be a really great duo together.

I really liked how Celina's search for her sister's killer was resolved. I also appreciated that Celina was allowed to actually be at the forefront of the episode instead being sidelined in her own storyline.

I really enjoyed watching how everything played out with how they solved Celina's sister's murder case. The twist that the killer was a police officer that had originally worked Celina's sister's case was really good. This case was probably one of my favorites that I've seen on The Rookie, but I think the reason why this case hits so hard is because of how close Celina was to it and how emotional it was not just for her but for everyone involved.

I loved that Celina was the one to get through to the officer and convince him to let the girl go. When Celina brought the young girl to safety it really felt as if some part of her managed to heal in that moment because even though she couldn't prevent the death of her sister she was able to save this young girl and reunite her with her mother.

Finally, I loved the ending scene with Celina and her mom. To see them both finally get closure to the murder of their sister/ daughter respectively was amazing. Even better was when Celina managed to find it in herself to forgive her mom.

All in all this was a great episode that I think was only elevated by the fact that it was allowed to stay serious throughout instead of falling back on comedy to try to lighten the mood of the episode. I'm just really grateful that the main case actually remained the main case instead having a completely different case going on along side it as we've seen in the past sometimes when dealing with heavy episodes.

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Side notes: Even though this episode clearly focused on Celina I appreciate how we got to see the reactions to the case from other members of the Mid-Wilshire group. Such as Angela going on a mom blog and looking up ways to keep her kids safe from ever being taken and seeing Wesley come to her side and reassure her. I can only imagine how this case effected her since she has almost had her kids taken from her twice already and how Angela must be thinking about how close she was to losing them in the past.

Then with Tim dealing with the emotional repercussions of having to kill the officer in self-defense and sort through that on his own in a way. I know that we're not going to see this but I would love to see Tim talk to someone about it even if its just a phone call that we hear. While he could talk to Angela or Grey I wouldn't mind seeing him talk to someone from his military past.

Lastly, John actually felt like a T.O. in these last few episodes, but especially in this one.

______________________________________________________________

Hope you enjoyed. If you want come chat with me in the comments about anything The Rookie related.

Until next time have a good day or night!✌🏾

#the rookie #celina juarez #lucy chen #tim bradford #wesley evers #angela lopez #john nolan #chenford #lucy x tim #wopez

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theambitiouswoman · 10 months

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hello, i hope you're doing well ❤️. if you don't mind, i would like some advice/personal opinion on an issue i've been dealing with for a long time (especially as a young adult).

i know assumptions are totally out of our control and something we shouldn't fret about, but i've always been told that my response/reaction to other people can be a bit "strong", "intimidating", and even "brash". the problem is, 99% of the time i'm totally unaware of this. i really do try my best to be kind and respectful to everyone. sometimes i have those days where i'll sound a bit irritated, but i never yell or do anything disrespectful... i always try my best to control negative reactions in a healthy way.

for example, if i'm kinda lost in thought and someone comes up to me, i may sound dismissive but it's totally unintentional. in my mind i think i sound normal so i don't understand why it throws so many people off. i hate making other people feel uncomfortable or less than, so this misunderstanding is driving me nuts lmao 😭.

my question is, is there anything i can do or is this just who i am ? i don't want to micromanage every single emotion or reaction i have because that's definitely something that would stress me out. i know i shouldn't care but i keep hearing this all the time and it's actually getting ridiculous lol. i'm a black girl who is naturally shy and reserved (but outgoing when i feel comfortable) so i know that people expect a certain reaction/behaviour outta me simply because of how i look. i'm just curious if i'm in the wrong or not. maybe i'm just not emotionally mature/intelligent enough yet?

i would really love to know your thoughts! thank you in advance and have a wonderful rest of your weekend !! 💗 (apologies if you've received a similar question like this before)

There is nothing wrong with you.

A good way to look at things is from the perspective of self improvement rather than trying to conform to others' expectations or micromanaging your every emotion for the sake of others. Do not feel bad for being who you are. You have the right to be authentic and true to yourself. It's not about completely changing who you are, but rather refining your communication style to have better interactions.

Now, if you want to tweak your expressions for the sake of more positive feedback, there are some things you can consider.

The example you gave is actually something I can relate to. I am always thinking and in my own space, and if someone interrupts me, in my immediate response, my tonality sounds more aggressive. I realize this and immediately apologize, I laugh, and I repeat what I originally said in a softer tone.

Some people are aggressive in nature at all times and do not realize it. It may not be their intention, they may think they are a big cuddly teddy bear, but this is not how it is perceived by others.

Some ways you can decipher if this applies to you are:

If you frequently find yourself involved in arguments, disagreements, or conflicts with others.

Pay attention to whether you tend to dominate conversations, interrupt others frequently, or consistently steer discussions towards your own point of view without allowing others to express their thoughts.

Consider the intensity of your tone of voice, choice of words, and the overall energy you bring into conversations. If your communication style often feels forceful, confrontational, or overpowering, it may be perceived as aggressive.

Body language, facial expressions, and gestures can also communicate aggression. Notice if your body language appears tense.

If you receive consistent feedback from multiple individuals suggesting that your communication style is aggressive or intimidating.

You can work on your communication style to be less aggressive by working on being more self-awareness, intention, and practice. Try to develop the habit of pausing before responding. Take a moment to reflect on what the other person said and consider your emotional state before formulating your response. This can help you respond more thoughtfully and avoid reacting impulsively. Pay attention to their perspectives, and seeking to understand their point of view. Practice empathy by putting yourself in their shoes and considering their feelings and experiences. Are you giving them the importance they deserve or are you being short with your answers or rushing the conversation?

Practice using a calm and neutral tone, using words that convey respect and understanding. Avoid aggressive or confrontational language, they could come off as intimidating.

Are you actively listening, finding common ground, and using collaborative discussions during conversations without resorting to aggression?

Learn to manage your own emotions and stress levels. This could include practices like deep breathing, taking breaks when needed, practicing mindfulness, or engaging in activities that help you relax and recharge. When you're in a better emotional state, you're less likely to respond aggressively.

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