#and would not accept anything less | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

skinnypaleangryperson · 6 months

Text

There are literally tears streaming down my face right now, and I wasn't even expecting to care about the episode that much. Once I processed what the show is trying to communicate with Rick's inner stagnance and grief, I started balling with the music at the end that was meant to portray the fact that he realized now that now that there's nothing left to do or anything to act on or to put all that energy to there's nothing left except for the hardest battle to fight, which is the acceptance of the fact that he can't get his wife or anything back.

This is such a perfect portrayal of what inner depression feels like with nowhere for it to go or anyone to talk to about it because it's just something you have to accept.

Rick is such an incredibly good portrayal of depression and grief because, especially with this last couple of seconds when Morty thinks that he's satisfied, but there's nothing that you can do about emotional grief and the fact that you can never get back what you lost, especially with something as profound as what Rick obviously considers the love of his life. The feeling is like nothing else; and even worse, it's the loneliest feeling in the world because nobody knows what it feels like to carry that grief every single day and it's profound and constant battle except for yourself.

It's the worst feeling and the heaviest feeling in the world for Rick to realize there's nothing left to do-he still didn't have his Diane back, and his grief is still full of nothing but what he can't help but feel is a cheap emulation of the life that he should have had. If you ever genuinely grieved over anything that you can never get back and there's nothing left but emptiness to reflect over it, I don't know how you couldn't be incredibly touched by Rick's character. His story is such a stark and jarringly incredibly written story over long-term grief and how it never really heals or gets better, but is a weight that you care with you for the rest of your life everyday, every moment.

I remember when I watched the first unity episode I was literally paralyzed from how much it touched me once we got more information about the fact that the reason why he went home and tried to terminate himself was because he had this a lifelong grief that he was carrying with him that he still is. I don't think in my life, literally, I have ever been so touched or so abrasively paralyzed by the idea of someone suffering from a young age all the way till 70 and never getting over it, because, if your brain is wired a certain way, some people truly never get over tragedy.

This show is so goofy and it obviously doesn't take itself seriously, but somehow it managed to pull up one of the most compelling paralyzingly impactful characters that I've ever consumed in media in my life.

#I am projecting a lot #but I really don't have any interests in anything anymore except for itself shipping with Rick Sanchez and one other character #as much as I can be I'm grateful for the fact that Rick came to me and my life at a time when I really needed a character to grieve with at #this incredibly life-endingly paralyzing time in my life.#and I couldn't care less about being accepted by the fandom or whatever it's called so I'm free to make as many whack post as much as I want #or whatever it is most of you would call it #rick and morty #lol

60 notes · View notes

anormaladn · 1 month

Text

would

would Yugo officiate the otomirga wedding

that'd be hilarious

#musing aloud #if none of these words make sense to you don't mind me #I think it's possible Tamirga and Yugo would meet in person during s4 #I should write down some interactions between them I think it could be interesting #Tami spent his life avoiding him but hey #world's about to end #might as well give a hand #help against Toross with Goultard and Joris #he's never calling Yugo “father” or anything of the like ever though #it'd be so fucking awkward to be married by him #but who else in the world would accept to do it #Yugo would have a less muddled view of him maybe even like him okay since he's started to calm tf down by the time they even meet #wakfu spoilers #i guess #am I starting otomirga posting? who knows #the wakfu hype is bound to die down with the end of s4 maybe it'll get quiet enough that I'll get comfortable with the idea #or maybe not #¯\_ (ツ)_/¯#no one fucking cares Anormal

21 notes · View notes

p4nishers · 9 months

Text

"ok so WHAT IF aziraphale ACTUALLY–" what if aziraphale had religious trauma and was brainwashed for thousands of years and what if he can't escape the thought of wanting to do good and be good and what if he was shocked by the kiss and hated himself for liking it so fucking much and what if there were no coffee poising and brain control and secret plans and body switch but only a character with flaws making mistakes bc he thought it would mean finally being FREELY together with the demon he wanted for more than 6000 years. what then?

#my take on every bullshit theory i've seen on tiktok and on here #ik yall just want the ending to hurt less but why cant we just accept that sometimes characters makes mistakes and hurt their loved ones in #the process? aziraphale didn't do anything remotely wrong he thought this would be the solution to every problem they ever had and he #thought he could finally make heaven enough for crowley and make HIMSELF enough for them and like seriously just accept that he still has #a lot to learn and mistake to make and he can only do that by making them #good omens #good omens s2 #aziraphale #azicrow #aziracrow #go s2 #good omens season 2 #good omens meta

86 notes · View notes

dennisboobs · 4 months

Text

#the reason cisswap lesbian macden does nothing for me is bc i get my dose of lesbianism from canon charden <3 #i say it (jokingly) all the time but i think if the sunny fandom was more open to charden y'all would have more fun #everything ppl do with macden to make it ~more fun~ is literally. already there with charden #macden is a lot of fun in its own way but if i want butch/femme lesbians i have charden already--#this is literally why i ship both. if i want to fuck around with gender i can throw charden together #if i want to fuck around with weird codependent loser roommates i can throw macden together #they have different dynamics and both bring different shit to the table #also idk such a massive part of dennis is his (often unapologetic but still stifled) more 'feminine' gender expression #so making him a cis woman who likes being feminine is like. yea. that sure is. cis woman dennis.#as someone who has an extremely complicated history w expressing femininity or anything that is even seen as being remotely femme #it doesn't grab me #the genderfuckery is not there #but TRANSBIAN CHARDEN???? YEAAAAAH #i think mac being so focused on upholding traditional mascilinity IS a very interesting dynamic to have next to. you know. dennis.#wheras charlie could not give less of a fuck #i think gender exploration with macden would take a completely different form but still be extremely interesting for both of them #but there's a lot less initial acceptance and a lot more hiding on den's part #especially if the two are in a relationship #because mac coming to terms with being gay took so long so dennis being at all feminine or even transfem is like #mac needs to do. more introspection #which is an entirely different set of issues to charden gender exploration where like #charlie being nonconforming. not shaving. not caring abt using she/her pronouns. being nontraditional in every way and not giving a fuck #would be absolutely fucking absurd to dennis who is very conformist after she comes out #and would probably be content to conform to whats expected of her as a woman with mac IF she did manage to come out at all #bc dennis would have to actually manage to come out. instead of hiding the fact she's trans > looking at carmen and the way mac treated her #i think both paths have additional challenges and that's. you know. whats interesting.#is cisswap den butchy? does she hide her masculine interests? is denise transmasc...??#cisswap mac being butch is like. you know. nonconforming so it doesn't quite do the same thing as canon mac either #mac being Traditional and catholic and having to push past homophobia (internalized and externalized) to be himself is. pretty huge #would cisswap mac be a tradwife. like. thats sort of the equivalent

26 notes · View notes

andromeda3116 · 2 months

Text

*slithers in under the door*

a ship does not have to be morally pure, you don't need to defend it in terms of its moral superiority. it can just exist without needing to be more pure than another "problematic" one. kill the puritan preacher in your head. he will not protect you. he will only strangle you with a tighter and tighter noose as you beg him to bring you perfection.

*slithers back out through the cracks in the floor*

#shipping #proshipping #fandom #fandom nonsense #fandom wank #i don't even like the others being decried as wrong and problematic and worse than the good ship but my dears.#there is no such thing as purity. and once you let go of the notion and accept the inherent grime of reality you will feel so much freer.#listen to me. i am taking your face in both my hands.#the world is a dirty and grimy place with as many dark corners as sunlit meadows and the only way to make it pure #is to make it sterile #kill the puritans inside your head infecting you with the nonsense of moral perfection and accept that anything which lives #is inherently imperfect and that's neither beautiful nor terrible it is simply a fact #if this were isolated to fandom spaces i would find it far less alarming #but it didn't start in the fandom spaces it has infected them

20 notes · View notes

trentcrimminallybeautiful · 7 days

Text

you know if we do accept the last epilogue-esque sequence as a sort of dream/wish of ted's and therefore not necessarily canon, very funny if we then simply go "yeah, trent's book is called 'the lasso way' actually. he didn't change that. nope."

#listen on one hand #i think that like #i don't think ted actually changed trent's mind about the title #i think trent changed it because ted asked him to #and like that's especially interesting bc he even made a point of being like #'tell me if you disagree with anything and i'll tell you why you're wrong'#but he respects ted; more than that he likes him and he wants him to like the book--like him #anyone else and trent would have told them to fuck off but ted? ted asking him to change the title? yeah #i think he didn't agree with 'it not being about him'--and not bc of any feelings he may have for ted--but if we accept that him changing #the title is canon then like. he did it because ted asked. nothing more nothing less #maybe he felt he owed it to ted as the subject of the book; maybe he just respected him too much not to #maybe it's partially bc of his feelings; maybe it's because he just couldn't say no to ted #but it's ultimately just. because ted asked him.#and trent respects him; trusts him; cares about him #and that's pretty heartwrenching #but like on the other hand if we say 'no that was ted's wishufl thinking trent definitely went 'sorry ted it's called the lasso way''#also like.... him being like. like quietly not changing it and if ted said something him just. being like #ted. i respect you. i care about you. i trust you. but with all due respect absolutely not #yes it isn't ONLY about you but YOU made this happen. YOU are special and YOU have a place here whether you can stay forever or not #yes it's about the team and the coaches yes you aren't a one man band but ted. TED. you touched lives. you changed lives. and that was YOU.#that was you and your philosophy and your attitude.#you made richmond what it is today. yes the team deserve credit too for the kind of bond they have now but YOU facilitated that #none of the coaches currently here woudl be coaches if not for you. the diamond dogs wouldn't exist. literally every single one #of our friends--OUR friends--wouldn't be where they are and probably wouldn't be as happy #you got through to people over and over again who were hurting and lashing out. to rebecca. to roy. to jamie. to nate. to me.#and you can be humble but there's being humble and there's acting like you don't matter to any of us like you didn't have an impact #like you can just leave without a trace. we don't blame you for leaving--i especially don't--but acting like we won't miss you and like #your time with all of us--our time--meant nothing is more insulting than it is humble because we /love you/#and yes. it was the goddamn lasso way that built this place #this community.

18 notes · View notes

dustteller · 1 month

Text

I think modern au Zhu SHOULD be the lesbian best friend trope to Ouyang except that its because this man is her pet project and gODDDAMIT she's gonna FIX him she's gonna MAKE him be BETTER she's going to SOLVE EVERYTHING and he will RESPECT HER (she is actively making him worse). She has a whole complex about it and everything. She has based a part of her identity on dragging this man up from his toxic funk and is fully convinced that if she tries hard enough he will eventually come to his senses and be an equal participant in this relationship. They have a terrible wonderful toxic loving codependent relationship that's neither a romance nor a friendship nor a rivalry but a secret fourth thing.

Predictably, this does not go well. The character arcs would be Zhu learning she can't fix a sinking ship and letting Ouyang fail by himself, and Ouyang learning to not be a shit person, actually, and coming out of his bubble of self-centeredness and working on himself instead of unloading his emotional labor onto the people around him. And they should both get to develop a healthier relationship with each other than what they had in canon bc queer solidarity is great and its even better when it's in the shape of some weird bullshit some gay people built out of the corpse parts of heteronormative romance (affectionate and completely unironic)

#brought to you by me thinking about the last half of HWDtW and how Zhu interacts with Ouyang post-betrayal #well. interacts with the concept of Ouyang. he kinda (spoilers).#she was unhealthily attached to Ouyang and honestly I think she deserves an universe where her whole deal is reciprocated.#but only AFTER i put them in a fully self sustaining terrarium jar and sic the emotional isopods on them.#that part comes first bc my personal entertainment is CLEARLY the most important thing here guys #the radiant emperor #my thoughts #zhu yuanzhang #OHHH AND ALSO i think Zhu and Ouyang should get to have their weird little gay relationship #while their partners stare in accepting horror.#ma would be supportive bc she knows how important this impressively awful man is to her girlfriend #but rest assured she DOES NOT like him. she will (very politely) bitch about him to Baoxiang and then feel bad about it #she shouldn't feel bad tho bc Ouyang deserves it and Baoxiang repeatedly reminds her of this fact #eventually ouyang grows on her.#kinda like the bowl of mold in the back of the fridge you've developed an emotional attachment to.#he shouldn't be there but now she feels bad about evicting him into the trash!#(she feels significantly less bad about evicting him into Esen's appartment)#Esen has even less of a clue what's happening with Zhu and Ouyang.#he just knows that Zhu is important to Ouyang and also is 90% sure that they fucked at some point.#30% sure that they are still fucking but he grew up around Baoxiang and Ouyang #he has learned Not to Ask! he does Not Want to Know!#and anyways it's none of his bussiness who his bestie/person that he wants to adopt a horse and grow old with/hot roomate is fucking!#its not his problem! he is not invested! he is not going to think about it! there is no reason to think about whos in Ouyang's pants!#he is not thinking about anything involving Ouyang's pants at all! much less about the inside of Ouyang's pants!#and since hes not thinking about it bc theres no reason to think about it then he cant have a problem with it :)#so he wont ask!

19 notes · View notes

sergle · 9 months

Text

NO HOW DARE YOU FUCKING SAY THAT!!! SLANDER SLANDER SLANDER

#HE FUCKS (fucked) LIKE CRAZY #you may be able to say he's old as dust right now but he was WAY crazy when he was young #you CANNOT tell me he was a few pumps and done. I am writing an email to brandon RIGHT NOW #he might have been a bad husband but he was NOT a bad lay and I stand by that #and nowadays he's a changed man. probably things are even improved #I WON'T budge on this. I won't.#other characters. I can budge on the matter. dalinar.. NOT THE BLACKTHORN #sergle.txt #all dalinar's problems were MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL he was not lacking in any other ways #the thrill? the THRILL? COME ON #anyway do we think Navani would accept anything less than the best #if we're gonna call ANYONE a loser we're going to call Kal a loser. even though he's my wife #but it holds no weight w Dalinar

33 notes · View notes

dontbotherwiththepronunciation · 1 year

Text

#I don’t remember Euron in the show #genuine question did he die? I'm assuming he did #I watched the entire show in less than a week and against my will. I can't remember anything.#Anyway it didn’t make much of an impression if he did.#bothering people #asoiaf #most of these are so anti climatic but after 11 years marinating in theories they would surprise me more than some of the #fanon-accepted-canon ones

56 notes · View notes

shadowedvales · 14 days

Text

so… in the additional media of stranger things (specifically the comics i’m mentioning), it was initially brenner’s idea/plan to kill off the other test subjects because they weren’t performing as well as eleven was. it was his best solution because that way, all the resources, time, and money could instead be placed only to her. and i just…. sure henry is a fine character and the massacre makes a lot of sense to me, but i think i am once again gonna change up my canon to actually fit this potential narrative instead.

i genuinely think the comic canon of the lab and brenner is far more intriguing than the show. everything with 9/9.5, ricky, and francine. eleven being the only one who grew up completely in the lab. those other kids were either volunteers, well into their teens, or had some semblance of a home life. eleven was the only one practically moulded from the womb. and they all had such a range of interesting powers. i firmly stand with the idea that jane is the only one who can contact the void.

eleven’s gifts just continue thriving beyond his wildest expectations. brenner would never dare assume that having moulded her from the womb, she would still be able to grow into her own person, her own mind, and one day be able to see him for exactly who he was.

back before season four aired, it was obvious there were other test subjects because jane was 011. so there were at least ten kids before her. but i always liked the idea/assumed that she was the last experiment because she was the most successful. that they didn’t need anyone after her because she was fulfilling everything they set out for her to do. with flying colours.

i just think the whole rainbow room idea, pitting the kids against each other thing… been there, done that. boring and predictable. i think at this point my portrayal of her time in hawkins lab really stems from the complete isolation she endured. where having the rainbow room, although eleven was obviously the most isolated out of the kids, brings that sense of community and sister/brotherhood. albeit extremely warped and toxic. knowing that she wasn’t alone in that experience just. doesn’t sit well with me. i think it’s important to note that she was alone, physically and mentally. which is why kali is also so important to her growth. i thought a lot of the flashbacks of her time in the lab during season four was really boring, repetitive, and just very predictable. although peter becoming vecna was a surprise to me, and was a nice little twist, the idea of her having an ally on the inside was really interesting.

maybe they did get as far as they do in canon, peter ballad was telling the truth about everything, about some of the workers there being prisoners like him, and he really wanted to get her out and to safety. but before they can escape through the pipes, they’re caught. peter is shot on the spot, and eleven is put into the isolation room for a few days as punishment. in this timeline, henry would be vecna, but henry would not be peter ballad.

when eleven turned seven, and was already showing extreme promise, where the other children were average at best, brenner had the eight children killed. kali had already escaped. this was the main cause for peter to gain eleven’s trust and try to get her out. because if brenner could murder his “children” in cold blood, there’s no way eleven was safe even in spite of her power.

when eleven is allowed out of the isolation room, her testing becomes more rigorous in attempt to distance and make her forget about what she attempted to do with peter. brenner begins gaslighting her, saying that there was never a peter, that she must have been dreaming. eleven does ask “papa” about “mama”, given peter told her of the day terry broke in the lab, but brenner is convincing enough to make eleven believe it was all in her head. say she is around eight years old, meaning the same timeline of season fours canon flashbacks.

i still do wanna keep the henry creel canon, and keep him as 001. brenner didn’t have him killed alongside the other test subjects, because who knows, one day he could become an even better asset than 011. brenner definitely wants to be able to control henry, but keeps the chip in him because, for the moment, doesn’t know how. killing him would be too big of a loss.

when eleven is ten years old, henry’s concealed powers break free and he manages to get the chip out himself, and unleashes hell onto hawkins lab. he almost kills brenner by snapping his bones, but eleven manages to stop him. her extreme abilities are unleashed, and she sends henry to the upside down. she does fall into a coma due to the extremity of the situation, but she does not forget what happened. brenner believes she’s the perfect weapon as she stepped in to save him without a second thought, was able to defeat henry, and opened a door to something he never thought possible. eleven is rewarded for her efforts. although she remembers the entire battle / confrontation, her memories regarding the portal are very hazy.

brenner decides not to focus on the portal straight away, instead gets her training harder and harder to see what else she can accomplish. also loved the idea of brenner sending her into the void to “look for him” so that will definitely be kept.

by the time she escapes and season one begins, her knowledge of the upside down is basically what we see in canon. because she passed out the moment after she sent henry away, she was once again gaslighted into believing she merely threw him through the glass and killed him. for two years she believed this, until making contact with the demogorgan, and those memories return completely.

due to her saving brenner’s life, (it was pure instinct. she happened to be there. saw her “papa” hurt and knew she had to make him better.) brenner constantly thanks her. but in a very condescending way. tells her: “you saved me so i can continue saving you.” aka, harness your abilities and see what else i can achieve from you. despite the fact that she saved his life, these words and phrases make her feel indebted to him. that she owes him something further.

i don't realistically see her thriving with her speech improvement until she's well into her twenties at least. her slowed development, sensory and social deprivation causes a serious delay in language. surrounded by other children she would have overheard conversations, some would have spoken to her. her conveniently forgetting her upbringing pre the battle with henry just isn't good enough for me anymore. it makes more sense for her to have been raised alone.

it also helps indicate why she gravitated towards the boys when they found her in the woods. they would have been the first people her age she ever remembered seeing. as far as she knew, during the lab there was no one like her. everyone was much older, they were adults-- although she stayed with benny, i'm not sure if she would have stuck around very long. where she followed the boys home without thought.

also it's important to note that after time, jane does understand that peter ballad was a real person, and was truly the first person (aside from terry) who wanted the best for her. when she remembers him, knows that brenner was lying, she deals with immense guilt regarding his death. he was shot right in front of her eyes, because he was trying to help her. this is another catalyst as to why after season two, jane never refers to brenner as papa. she does not give him that sort of credit.

#study‚ in my dreams it's all real and my heart has so much to reveal.#THINKING THOUGHTS. i have had this concept in mind for a while but i THINK i’ve fleshed it out properly now.#will write this up properly one day (never).#although henry offering eleven a place at his side wouldn’t be canon #he would definitely still look at her as an enemy for basically stopping his revenge.#AND the whole speech between he and jane never sat right with me.#saying brenner made him what he was / that it wasnt his fault etc. Like. No? henry was a sociopath. he killed his family.#brenner didn’t do anything to make him who he is. so jane always saw him for exactly what he was #and there’s absolutely no sympathy there.#and then regarding my season four canon as her regaining her powers by remembering the massacre/the fight. i am changing that to her #regaining her powers by simply confronting her past. understanding what she went through. finding ways to cope with it physically and #mentally. getting coping mechanisms from her therapist. seeking help. not needing to know WHY this happened to her (because there is not.#and will never be a reason.) but finding ways to accept it and move on. how to move on from eleven and become janessa ives.#also just because in this case henry doesn’t massacre a bunch of kids? It doesn’t make him any less evil. in this instance i am following #the idea that some of the workers were prisoners there in hawkins lab. and henry killed a bunch of the workers. so would definitely have #killed some innocent people.#just because i am separating peter from henry. does NOT mean i am excusing anything from henry/vecna.#in this case they are two completely different people. although i highkey wanna use jcb as peter because he just did the role SO WELL and #was SO BELIEVABLE i’m not sure about it yet. because i don’t want anyone to get the impression that i’m making excuses for henry.#BUT YES.#this be the new canon. <3 #idc brenner is such a good fuckin villain he’s disgusting but so intriguing.

14 notes · View notes

hysteriasgarden · 4 months

Text

sometimes I feel guilty for disliking my parents, or moreso how they acted when I was a kid sometimes. because nowadays they're great. they're absolutely fine. so it would be ungrateful to say they're bad parents? they spoiled me as a kid if anything, they kept me safe and all that too.

but at the same time, them being good now doesn't change the fact that I needed them to be good when I was still growing. it helps nothing for them to be good parents now that I'm an adult and already fucked up from them. it changes nothing that they were slightly traumatizing when I was still developing and growing as a child

#mine #childhood trauma #parental abuse #I've recovered from most of those trauma symptoms I developed #or well... at least I cry and feel less dread when someone raises their voice nowadays #cry less*#I'm still an overly timid people pleaser with no self respect #who's too afraid to do anything to ever upset people even if it means ignoring my own comfort #because that's just what worked best as a kid #fighting back and getting upset just made things worse #doing things wrong would always instigate something #so I just learned to do things perfectly #and to accept what's dished out to me without making a fuss #I don't know if this behavior will be healthy in adult life though...#it has served me well through childhood but will it serve me in the workforce?#if things had been the opposite #if they had acted the way they do now when I was young #and been terrible now instead. maybe I'd be able to deal with them healthily?#maybe my entire personality would be different #not sure where I'm going with this #but I'm just wondering who I could've been if they had been a little nicer or a little calmer about things

11 notes · View notes

zemheri-x · 4 months

Text

#my friend has so much rizz #would i accept anything less from a man? I think not #my girlies stay raising my standards day by day #(reposted because my ss was annoying me lol)

9 notes · View notes

dutybcrne · 3 months

Text

Kaeya's made peace with the fact that Diluc resents him and anticipates him to act accordingly, having set off his wrath before. He is mildly afraid of actually angering Jean, and would do what he can to ensure he never sees it.

But the one that would devastate him the most would be genuine anger from the Traveler.

#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//Bc they; like Diluc; know his heritage #//They KNOW he's Khaenri'ahn; and even that he has ties to the Order #//And yet they NEVER thought to think of him as an enemy nor changed their view of him #//They are PRECIOUS to him for that #//A friend he can finally start trusting more and more of himself #//If he were to do anything that changes that; to make them so Upset with him for whatever reason?#//He would actually be so gutted #//The Traveler wasn't as close to him as Diluc once was; yet they accepted him so easily #//Granted; the circumstances of revelation were Very Different #//But it's still something enough to make them Safe in his mind #//Safer and more trustworthy than even Diluc #//No matter how much Kaeya wishes he could go back to that #//No matter how much Kaeya is tempted to try and bridge the gap and share what he knows with him again #//Heck I'm veering off course kjdrbg #//Tldr; Traveler very dear to Kae. If he ever make them Big Mad; he would be Hella Sad #//Makes his Abyss!verse hit all the harder juuust a bit #//He's so afraid of messing things up between them; but then can't help self-sabotaging sometimes #//Bc if something's already damaged; it'll hurt less once/if it breaks...right?#hc; kaeya

4 notes · View notes

shadowedvales-a · 9 months

Text

so… in the extra canon of stranger things (specifically the comics i’m mentioning), it was initially brenner’s idea/plan to kill off the other test subjects because they weren’t performing as well as eleven was. it was his best solution because that way, all the resources, time, and money could instead be placed only to her. and i just…. sure henry is a fine character and the massacre makes a lot of sense to me, but i think i am once again gonna change up my canon to actually fit this potential narrative instead. because,

brenner’s entire point of view on the lab subjects changed the second he found out terry was pregnant. he discovered he could steal this baby and make her his own. there would be no convincing the child because it’s all she would have ever known. because of this, i would not put it past a man like brenner to kill the other subjects for the sake of the “greater good” aka eleven. eleven’s gifts just continue thriving beyond his wildest expectations. brenner would never dare assume that having moulded her from the womb, she would still be able to grow into her own person, her own mind, and one day be able to see him for exactly who he was.

i just think the whole rainbow room, pitting the kids against each other thing… been there, done that. i think at this point my portrayal of her time in hawkins lab really stems from the complete isolation she endured. where having the rainbow room, although eleven was obviously the most isolated out of the kids, brings that sense of community and sister/brotherhood. albeit extremely warped and toxic. knowing that she wasn’t alone in that experience just. doesn’t sit well with me. i think it’s important to note that she was alone, physically and mentally. which is why kali is also so important to her growth.

i genuinely thought a lot of the flashbacks of her time in the lab during season four was really boring, repetitive, and just very predictable.

although peter becoming vecna was a surprise to me, and was a nice little twist, the idea of her having an ally on the inside was really interesting. maybe they did get as far as they do in canon, peter ballad was telling the truth about everything, about some of the workers there being prisoners like him, and he really wanted to get her out and to safety. but before they can escape through the pipes, they’re caught. peter is shot on the spot, and eleven is put into the isolation room for a few days as punishment. in this instance, henry would be vecna, but henry would not be peter ballad.

when eleven turned seven, and was already showing extreme promise, where the other children were average at best, he had the eight children killed. kali had already escaped. this was the main cause for peter to gain eleven’s trust and try to get her out. because if brenner could murder his “children” in cold blood, there’s no way eleven was safe even in spite of her power.

i still do wanna keep the henry canon, and he could easily still be 001. brenner didn’t have him killed alongside the other test subjects, because who knows, one day he could become an even better asset than 011. brenner definitely wants to be able to control henry, but keeps the chip in him because, for the moment, doesn’t know how. killing him would be too big of a loss.

although henry offering eleven a place at his side wouldn’t be canon, he would definitely still look at her as an enemy for basically stopping his revenge. AND the whole speech between he and jane never sat right with me. jane telling him that brenner hurt him, made him what he was etc. Like. No? henry was a sociopath. he killed his family. in this one instance, brenner didn’t do anything to make him who he was. so jane always saw him for exactly who he was, and there’s absolutely no sympathy there.

#⅋. [ ✦ ] ﹕ in my dreams it's all real and my heart has so much to reveal ‚ study .#long post /#and then regarding my season four canon as her regaining her powers by remembering the massacre/the fight. i am changing that to her #regaining her powers by simply confronting her past. understanding what she went through. finding ways to cope with it physically and #mentally. getting coping mechanisms from her therapist. seeking help. not needing to know WHY this happened to her (because there is not.#and will never be a reason.) but finding ways to accept it and move on. how to move on from eleven and become janessa ives.#also just because in this case henry doesn’t massacre a bunch of kids? It doesn’t make him any less evil. in this instance i am following #the idea that some of the workers were prisoners there in hawkins lab. and henry killed a bunch of the workers. so would definitely have #killed some innocent people.#just because i am separating peter from henry. does NOT mean i am excusing anything from henry/vecna.#in this case they are two completely different people. although i highkey wanna use jcb as peter because he just did the role SO WELL and #was SO BELIEVABLE i’m not sure about it yet. because i don’t want anyone to get the impression that i’m making excuses for henry.#BUT YES.#this be the new canon. <3 #idc brenner is such a good fuckin villain he’s disgusting but so intriguing.

11 notes · View notes