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meefy · 1 year

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Some Thoughts on Mitsuhide + Aromanticism in Media and Reality

Major spoilers for Chapters 92 and onwards of the Akagami no Shirayukihime manga ahead!

When I first got into the AnS fandom, I kept hearing about some big manga!plot decision that had made some fans completely abandon the manga, so disappointed were they. I did my best to avoid spoilers so I didn't know what this event was for the longest time. Now, being caught up to that storyline and thensome, I know what that event was - and can say that I was a bit surprised when I remembered that it had upset people so badly.

Yes, Mitsuhide rejected Kiki's proposition of marriage, and she opted to marry Hisame instead. It was, apparently, clearly hinted at that Kiki and Mitsuhide were in love all this time, and it was cruel of him to reject her when she cared about him so deeply - right?

Well...maybe not.

I write this as an aro/ace person, and I'm going to be examining Mitsuhide's character through an aro/ace lens, too. I have talked plenty about how AnS has some great, positive representation in its characters, and Mitsuhide is no different. In fact, I relate to his experience quite a bit.

Mitsuhide is often teased, from the very beginning, for being "in love" with Zen. He shows no interest in anyone else other than Zen, outside of what seem like only platonic friendships, but his loyalty is solely to the Prince.

Except, it appears, for Kiki Seiran.

Their first interaction is yet another source of jokes; Mitsuhide mistakes her for a boy. And when the current story begins, the two are already always together as the Prince’s trusted aides. It's the perfect set up for a love story, even moreso when Hisame is introduced: the man initially so desperate to improve his social status and have Kiki's hand that he offers to fight her for it - and Mitsuhide steps in and saves the day. It's romantic, it's satisfying, it's...not all that it seems.

First, let me preface all this by saying that I will never go out of my way to tell others what they can and cannot "ship" or "headcanon". It is absolutely possible for this sort of plot to eventually devolve into a friends to lovers scenario. And, had it not been for Mitsuhide's blatant "coming out" to Zen and his rejection of Kiki's proposal in Ch. 92, it might have turned into this. But to me, it would be incredibly disrespectful to Mitsuhide as a character to berate him for "not marrying Kiki" when he explictly tells Zen in Ch. 98, after chapters of soul-searching, that he is not interested in marriage - with Kiki or anyone else for that matter.

Mitsuhide turns Kiki down the first time by saying that he wants to wait till Zen himself is married and living his own path, and that as Kiki is so close to the Prince and is so trusted a friend, it would be impossible and downright strange for him to consider wedding her. It doesn't help that since Kiki is on a deadline to marry, Mitsuhide is put in a position where he must immediately choose the path he wishes to take. I definitely feel here for Kiki, who has by her own admission harboured feelings for Mitsuhide for years now (feelings he never caught onto - #justacethings!), only to be told in no uncertain terms that he cannot reciprocate them.

I empathized a great deal, as an aspec person, with Mitsuhide's first confession here. Growing up aroace in a world dominated by amatonormativity, I was told indirectly or otherwise that there was something "wrong" with me, and that my priorities - work, friendships, family, hobbies - would one day come second to an important intimate relationship. Since that never happened for me, I just assumed, as Mitsuhide did, that I was waiting for something in my life to settle down before I dated: till I was done school, for instance. Or, when my teenage relationships inevitably failed, they just "weren't the one" or it was a situation of me being "not ready". Never did it enter my mind that I could tell someone (or even myself) that I would never date or marry at all, and I wonder if this concern ever crossed Mitsuhide's mind, too, when he withheld some details from Kiki in his first conversation with her about the matter.

When Hisame and Mitsuhide speak about what transpired with Kiki in that discussion, Hisame senses that Mitsuhide was not completely honest with her about his true feelings. Although Mitsuhide is understandably angry by this accusation, he nevertheless does not deny it - and eventually speaks to Kiki again to clarify that it is not just her he is rejecting, but everyone and anyone else who may propose to him in the future. This he says in no uncertain terms; his oath is to protect and serve Prince Zen, and this he holds above all else, marriage included. At last, he is able to put his feelings on the table and be honest with others and himself: he does not want to marry, he wants to remain at Zen's side.

Those on the aromantic and/or asexual spectrum are often told, through popular media or directly by family and friends, that an intimate romantic relationship should be prioritized above all else. Relationships are all about compromise, about changing your immediate desires when it means letting your partner be happy, so that everyone "wins". This is a very amatormative way of viewing things. What happens when your priorities and values do not work when a relationship is involved?

For me, my priorities are my hobbies, my dog, volunteering, my close friends, and maintaining my health. I can think of nothing worse than having to change any of those values or even alter them to allow for another person in my life - one with whom I'd be expected to intimately share my space and time with, at that. It seems this is what Mitsuhide feels, too: marriage would interfere with his sworn duty to protect Prince Zen, and this for him is his highest priority. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that! He seems perfectly content with doing so...until, of course, he confides all this in Zen.

There is quite a humourous post on Mitsuhide's "coming out as aroace" to Zen here on Tumblr already, but on a more solemn note, this is a similar reaction (at least, the core themes) as I got when I first came out to close family. I was just "not ready to be with someone" and "hadn’t met the right person". I needed to "grow up and try harder", and "one day I would want to find someone to marry".

Although Zen’s motive for scolding Mitsuhide is rooted moreso in not wanting him to give up his life and wellbeing for Zen's own sake, there is a genuine confusion and shock in the Prince’s words to his aide: what will Mitsuhide do if he gets other proposals? Is he just waiting to see if he'll change his mind? It is very difficult at first for Zen to understand the gravity and finality of what Mitsuhide is saying, and this is often the case with many aroace people: the "you will change your mind one day" line.

But so what if I don't?

I found Zen's emotional response, and Mitsuhide's equally emotional reaction, quite moving as the two grew to understand each other's thoughts and feelings on the issue. It certainly did not help that Mitsuhide was still reeling from the trauma of the Bergatt affair, and I sense that Zen suspected Mitsuhide's reasoning and fierce desire to protect him was based on that experience. And, to some degree, it might be! But again, the idea that trauma is at the heart of someone's "choice" to be aro/ace is not an uncommon one, but it is a hurtful one, and one that undermines the feelings and values of the person who is coming out. I am not aroace because I was traumatized, I am aroace because that is who I am. Mitsuhide might be more inclined to protect Prince Zen because of his fear of being unable to do so, but that is a separate matter from his desire to never marry.

And for Kiki, who so openly admitted her true feelings and desire to be with Mitsuhide only to be turned down? As I wrote earlier, I truly feel for her; it was by no means easy for her to be rejected not once but twice, regardless of the reasons. But as hard as it may be to accept, she is not owed Mitsuhide's romantic attraction or his hand in marriage; she is owed his honesty and respect, yes, but he cannot simply "change" and fall in love with her. It cannot and does not work that way in reality.

Mitsuhide's rejection of her romantic proposal also presents a rarely-explored (and rarely well portrayed) concept: a purely platonic friendship between a man and a woman, built on love and mutual respect. Friendship of any gender is usually pushed aside in favour of romance; to see a strong, solid friendship prioritized over a forced relationship is both pleasantly surprising and deeply admirable. Everything Mitsuhide tells Kiki sounds as what one might tell a platonic friend of the same gender in any other amatormative media piece - I love you, I respect you, I enjoy working with you, but I am not in love with you.

I have always had deep respect for the way love has been portrayed in AnS, and I was so excited to see aromanticism and asexuality depicted, too. Having a character reject a relationship in favour of remaining single for its own sake and to say true to his values is almost unheard of in popular media; asexuality is typically portrayed as a condition in need of treating, or one that the "right person" can "fix". Mitsuhide, mercifully, is not portrayed in this way. Zen's initial reaction is, of course, quite heated - his shock is understandable if it is not justifiable, and even if it hurt to read, it is a fairly accurate depiction of some common misconceptions about aromanticism/asexuality.

And in the end, after all, Zen (and Kiki, and Shirayuki, and Obi) come to understand and respect Mitshuide the way he is - as it should be.

Amatonormativity: the assumption that everyone desires and strives for a romantic relationship.

#akagami no shirayukihime #ans #snow white with the red hair #swwtrh #mitsuhide rouen #kiki seiran #meefywrites #ans spoilers #swwtrh spoilers

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