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standarrow · 4 years

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abbacchio essay under the cut because he’s so important to me (god this is so long im sorry i have adhd i hope this is readable<3)

tl;dr being on how i think he healed and handled up until part 5 :”) + thoughts on his relationship to the team

tw!!! for all of the usual things that pertain to his backstory including: [death, alcohol abuse, police, ptsd/depression, etc]

i may be projecting<3 its fine

to start:

im not a fan of the way a lot of people handle handle abbas trauma and illness. the "entering a relationship fixes your problems<3" shit. or the romanticization of depression...i see both a lot, along with utilizing his substance issues as like a catalyst. i dont have to say why that shit isnt ok or healthy.

getting into it (because i want it to be this deep):

there is ... a lot of guilt that he shoulders around the death of his partner. someone he was friends with (and relied on him as a literal partner) died because He fucked up. that person wanted to protect him and died selflessly while he'd broken his own morals and he feels like it should have been him to pay for it.

but he wasnt. and now he suddenly has two mistakes and blood on his hands. getting fired doesnt even Begin to fix that, so he withdraws because he cant trust himself, cant trust the institution he was already disillusioned from, and imo hes angry that he didnt get punished worse for his own crimes (but cops always get off easy)

bruno finds him in the worst place of his life and gives him a chance to put schedule in his life, to protect even if its not in the way he originally thought he would. he still doesnt trust himself, i do not think he takes to working with a partner easily (what if he fucks up again. he'll get bruno/narancia/fugo killed.) and i think that reflects in why moody blues isnt meant for combat. combat = danger.

obligatory moody blues being an allegory for his trauma and ptsd surrounding the death of his partner.. constantly haunted by his own mistake and reliving that moment. heavily referencing his wish to redo, to know every detail of that prick he let bribe him that killed his partner, to have Control. because abbacchio isnt really about The Moment -- he's making sure the Moment doesnt have a chance to come to fruition. its nipping it in the bud before the weed can kill. he wants to make sure he can figure out whats going on First and protect. to figure out past events and prevent future danger.

starting to heal:

i’ve done a timeline previously: he graduates high school in 1998, six months for the police academy, 6 months before hes out again.. joins passione in december (rainy season) of 1999, and by december of 2000 (~4 months before part 5) hes like.... well. doing better in terms of his alcoholism. we see abbacchio by part 5 occasionally and seemingly comfortably enjoying a glass or two, which speaks that after some time working hes sort gained some..... confidence in his ability to keep his intake low.

working for bruno means he cant drink as often or binge as much, hes needed and that structure keeps him in check, its not easy and yes he slips but its about and overall upwards climb because any progress is good progress... he builds a rapport with the team, comes to appreciate brunos role in giving him a chance and some peace of mind, sees himself in fugo, treats narancia like a little brother. relationships with others cant Fix your problems but friendship and structure can help, they can be there when you need it.

hes starting to trust himself more. and his relationship to fugo and nara were as crucial as his one with bruno is.

in purple haze feedback we see that he's been teamed up with fugo, and he knows fugos stand ability very well (see mirror man fight)... they Get each other and abbacchio sees a lot of his anger and distrust at himself in fugo, and easily calms fugo down when he gets upset (see mirror man episode in the car)

fugo helped him trust himself and others more .. that other people arent Fragile and arent going to die on him every time they get into danger and its not His fault. he relies on fugo and vice versa. the kid is powerful but also a smart tactician and extremely capable. they Get each other and it helps abbacchio trust himself in combat situations and helps calm his paranoia about getting someone killed while working ... and nara is just sunshine. hes an annoying little brother but it helps him retain normalcy. some sense of like. not everything is doom and gloom

his depression and general self? depreciation perhaps doesnt leave him because those kinds of thoughts mould your brain a certain way.. they dont just go away without some work. but perhaps time with bruno helps him start to realise his worth, the way the team appreciates him and his ability. his self consciousness can start to fall away a little bit. i think by the time december of 2000 (a year after his recruitment by my timeline) hes like... a lot more comfortable with the schedule of his life, it helps him get out of bed, gives his brain a structure to latch onto. the responsibility of overseeing the younger ones and helping bruno gives him the sort of hope for this original goal of wanting to protect

@ bruno (in a more romantic sense perhaps + why i think he distrusts giorno so much)

his relationship to bruno isnt fucking “godlike savior<3″ because thats.... needless to say Very unhealthy.

their relationship doesnt reach a point by where i think Either would even want to enter a relationship until about a year in (~4 months before part 5 begins)... theres a certain uncertainty i think bruno has with wanting to help abbacchio, he respects and cares about the other man and canonically sees him as his senior.. and i think theres a certain wall there that bruno isnt sure he wants to try to knock down, meanwhile abbacchio isnt sure when he built those walls but theyre safe (and what happens if you try to reach out?)

i think they sort of fall into it and its not... planned. its a little impulsive but it feels natural and they help each other because bruno is this comfort to abba, is the reason he has this structure and has made this progress himself and hes not....crediting it all to bruno obviously but bruno did play a Large Role. and bruno is all about little white lies, appearances. Yes hes fine. Dont worry, he has things under control.

and i think to an extent abbacchio knows of brunos softer spots (as does fugo, bc of the reason he and fugo team up as described in phf is to protect him) but abba doesnt realise to the extent that bruno is .... hiding his real fears. brunos a lot about compartmentalization (hi zippers) and being let into brunos internal... thoughts beyond the occasional worries he mightve shared is a big step for them. bruno buries a lot of his internal problems and worries. he has to. hes got to keep moving, keep working; people rely on him... but abbacchio is the person he doesnt feel like he needs to protect because theyre equals and maybe he can let someone in to shoulder his worries and vice versa. theyre partners.

which is why i think abbacchio initially distrusts giorno so much... its not tht he doesnt trust bruno, but bruno doesnt Tell him about this. he realizes he might not know all brunos fears (specifically @ his distate and hate towards the mafia i made the point about in the bruno isnt evil post where its like.. he Couldntve shared that information, otherwise he would endanger abbacchio)

and it scares him. it freaks him the fuck out because he doesnt understand who this kid is or why bruno trusts him so much but he trusts bruno so he goes with it, even if he doesnt Understand.

anyways thts my TEDtalk ty i love you for reading this if you got here<3

#EDIT: ok 2 rb if you want!!!#leone abbacchio #im not tagging it otherwise i just want this findable in my own tagging system LOL #all of this is from discord from dming adrian and simon so hi guys if youre reading the tags #i deal with a lot of the issues abbacchio does but i understand that that doesnt mean i didnt use language that might be incorrect #i understand and apologize !! feel free to send an ask but otherwise pls im not trying to start meta discourse over an anime character #i just wanted to get my thoughts out because im tired of seeing representations of him that i just. feel are SO so ugly #esp as someone whos struggled with the issues #caleb.txt #caleb meta hour

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abri-chan · 4 years

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my la squadra oc/self insert is female/afab, and i'm curious as to if buccellati's gang would or would not hesitate to hurt the enemy if she was female...

Using previous JoJo parts as reference as well as Prosciutto as the pinnacle of a mafia “feminist” most would hesitate but still hurt the enemy if she were female. I’m thinking how Prosciutto enunciated his complaint about Formaggio killing the wife(?) of the politician when the target was just the politician. But when backed up against the wall, he didn’t hesitate to use Grateful Dead on the whole train, women included.

And in previous parts we have seen *good* characters hurt women, although not quite kill. (I forgot if Enya died in SDC). *good* meaning the heroes through which we see the story, not necessarily morally good. Jotaro probably messed up the faces of quite a few women and the magnetic chick was severely injured by Advol and Joseph.

If it comes to just hurting or torturing for information, I think all of Bucci’s Gang would go through with it. Some would be less happy about it, like Mista or Narancia, but they know it’s life in the mafia: sadly you have to look out for yourself and those close to you. Bruno would also feel iffy about it if the woman is relatively young-- he has a soft spot for young people being abandoned in general as we see with his gang and Trish. I think they may aim for non-lethal wounds-- thinking Mista shooting in places that wouldn’t case long term damage. And if torture they would probably go easier on a female member (a lot of cultures have this notion of women being weaker than men and somewhat it’s low to apply equal force when dealing with women). I’m talking mostly physical pain here, because I feel in terms of mental manipulation of torture gender probably wouldn’t matter to them. Although I doubt they would threaten anything sexual, while someone like Melone would (even Formaggio and Illuso... sorry not sorry, these guys like to mess with people’s minds).

If it comes down to killing or eliminating, I think Abbacchio would do it without hesitation if it is for Bruno. I feel Abbacchio has this yandere attachment to Bruno; he’s very loyal to the point he would not question any order he gets-- despite how moral or messed up the request is. If Bruno decided it’s the right thing to do, it must mean Bruno weighed all the pros and cons and has a bigger picture, and Abbacchio is like this foot-soldier that is fine with doing the dirty work.

While I think none of Bruno’s gang would inflict an unusually painful death, Mista and Narancia especially would try to be as “gentle” and quick as possible. We see Mista specifically doesn’t condone violence against women, and Narancia is just a kind soul (he was so idealistic getting into the mafia bc the mafia had great men like Bruno-- these kid is not here to kill others but seriously thinks good men in the mafia may be good rulers for the city). It pains me to think of Narancia in a situation he knows he has to kill the enemy because now that the gang knows you’ve been caught they may dispose of you (since you know too much information)-- basically situations when death is easier than dealing with the consequences of surviving and Nara has to pull the metaphorical trigger as a merciful act.

Bruno would be conflicted if the woman was quite young or middle aged and it stems from his backstory and how he views family. If very young the woman is someone’s daughter and it would hurt Bruno to think someone so young is involved with the mafia, and do the parents know of them? Did they have to sacrifice for their family like Bruno did? If older woman, she may be someone’s mother-- and it reminds Bruno of his own mother. We also see Bruno is more forgiving towards girls than boys (Trish vs Narancia). But ultimately he’s a determined capo and if he believes there’s no other way but to kill them, he will go through with it. He has his own group to protect after all.

Fugo would probably do it without hesitation-- going by how he was ready to leave Trish behind. He’s also very idealistic like Abbacchio, but the difference is Abbacchio is loyal to the person while Fugo is loyal to a vision. So if he trusts Bruno’s vision (as long as Bruno doesn’t betray that vision-- changing his mind like he did after the fight with Diavolo), he will do what is necessary bc he clearly distinguishes outsiders from the in-group. It also helps that his stand can kill by poison/virus, so you don’t have to physically fight someone: you can release the virus and wait outside the room until the deed is done. Not much remains after so you don’t have to worry how the person felt or what expression froze on their face as they died. I do think Fugo may get random PTSD from his murders later on, but in the moment he doesn’t have to think about it.

Giorno is tricky (I don’t know what this boy thinks). He will definitely go through with it because he’s dreams/vision about anything else. And PHF Giorno has no regard for tools: the way he treats Sheila is very callous imo. But in canon Giorno strangely we haven’t seen him interact with women that much. We’re told his mother neglected him, so he probably didn’t spend much time with her anyways (she was out and he mostly spent time with his step-dad). Then he attends a boys-only school. The other woman he gets close to is Trish, but Trish is special because she’s the daughter of the boss. He can’t act like she’s a girl in his age-group: they need to protect her and she’s someone important and they’re below her. Even when Bruno defects, and Trish is now no longer important to Diavolo, Trish is still someone to keep separate or in the dark bc she can’t use her stand (at first) and because Bruno decided it’s best to keep the entire Diavolo business away from her. So Giorno has to create a distance between himself and Trish: unlike Narancia who tries to friend her. I legit don’t know how Giorno would act towards women bc he’s mostly spent his life around men, and never truly got to know someone of the opposite gender in any meaningful sense: mother, friend, and so on. So can’t tell if he’d feel remorse or just kill cold-blooded (like he does with men). -- By the way what place is your OC from? What’s her stand and so on? :3

What characters does she interact with in La Squadra: friends, romances, etc?

#anime manga rambles #Bruno Bucciarati #Bruno Buccellati #Giorno Giovanna #Narancia Ghirga #guido mista #Pannacotta Fugo #leone abbacchio #jojo #jjba #jojo's bizarre adventure #Ougon no Kaze #Golden Wind #Vento Aureo #la squadra #La Squadra di Esecuzione

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sinkingwmyships · 4 years

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today i went to my uncle & aunt's for a family dinner, and then we watched "The Purge: Anarchy" :'D and then my brother and i went home and watched the first 3 Purge movies' kill counts (channel's Dead Meat on YouTube if y'all wanna check them out, pretty entertaining content).

and damn it

i know nothing abt the Purge movies bc i literally watched recaps but

JJBA (VA) Purge AU???

(before we dive in lemme just tell you i am LITERALLY making this up AS I TYPE)

tw: abuse, violence, depression, murder & other crimes (typical purge things)

may contain vento aureo spoilers!!

1. Fugo:

let's be upfront Fugo's probably gna be the main character :'D

he most likely goes on killing sprees every year, and he deeeeefinitely goes all out :) but at the same time he's not crazy to the point that he snaps and does stupid shit that can get himself killed, he plans out the 12 hours very carefully and is extremely methodical in the way he does things. he isn't looking for death, just some fun & stress relief :)

i was gna say his rich-ass family doesn't partake in this, but who am i kidding? they probably go on murder rampages with other rich elites every year. so they don't have a problem with what Fugo does... as long as he doesn't touch any of their upper-class friends.

so who does Fugo kill? i can't come up w anything too decent atm, but based on his anime backstory of him rekting his sexual-predator professor, and his PHF one of him rekting his unsympathetic professor, i'd say he probably keeps track of the people he thinks have "wronged" him, and unleash all of his pent-up anger during Purge. he's not unreasonable or needlessly cruel, so most of the time his targets are actually people who've done bad things. but he's also not the sanest person ever, so he has innocent blood on his hands as well. (i don't want to erase the fact that the canon Purge is abt violence and crimes and murder (mostly) for the heck of it.)

2. Abbacchio:

(recently Abbacchio is coming up in my writing a lot, and i tend to get attached to characters i write about, so)

Abbacchio is also a regular Purger. he's a cop, and the whole thing abt him accepting bribes and letting his partner get killed still happened. but he just didn't get fired (because literally all cops are this way anyway). however, he's tormented to hell and back by his partner's death, and soon becomes vengeful. he still has his whole justice ideology thing going on, so he settles for hunting down criminals who have evaded the law every year.

he's similar to Fugo in the way that he plans out his 12 hours, but of course an experienced cop with access to police/government resources can track down his victims much more efficiently. but Abbacchio would never kill an innocent; he sticks strictly to criminals.

he does this relentlessly every single year. soon enough, his "good" deeds are recognized by the higher-ups, and after that he climbs the rank like crazy, earning respect from everyone. he's even been invited to become involved directly with the "New Founding Fathers," but he declines and chooses to stay a normal cop, only holding a position of mid-rank importance in his station (idk like leader of a small squad or sth). that's because while he uses Purges to kill criminals, a part of him wishes these Purges after Purges will one day kill him as well, because he truly can't live with the guilt of killing his partner looming over him. but every year he wakes up alive, and his kill count keeps increasing and everybody loves him for it, so he can't stop.

3. Giorno:

Giorno is just an average boy, living with his average family, where he has been receiving all kinds of abuse every day for the past 15 years of his life. there isn't a single moment where he's happy or safe in that terrible household. and he absolutely DESPISES the Purge, bc his mom threatens him every day that if he ever misbehaves, she can just abandon him in the street during the Purge and not suffer any consequences, while his stepdad's favorite phrase is: "when the Purge comes, you're dead."

he hears people talking about the Purge every year, even more the closer it draws. anything is legal, even murder. and he tells himself he cannot succumb to the voice in his head that tells him every time another beating rains down on him, that "this year. this year will be the year you Purge them." because he can't do that he hates the Purge and he won't do what his parents did to him and it's fine he'll just endure this until he's old enough to leave because he can't become a monster he can't succumb to the Purge he can't—

until he does, and his parents lay before him in pools of their own blood, killed by the very knife his stepdad was waving in front of his face just moments ago. the Purge sirens went off just an hour ago.

Giorno is scared out of his mind, and even though the rules say murder is legal, he still feels as if he has committed a crime. he runs out into the streets bc he can't handle looking at his parents' corpses, but then he gets attacked, and for some reason he keeps killing and killing and killing until, somehow, the sirens signifying the end blare, and he's saved. from the onslaught of attacks? from himself? he has no idea, but he dreads next year's Purge all the more.

to be continued… 👀🔪

part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5

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weakeninghope · 5 years

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Solve me, solve you

Pairing: Pannacotta Fugo/Narancia Ghirga

Rating: Teen

AO3 link here

Summary: It came out as a simple request— and Fugo was not willing to oblige. For the sake of his — and Narancia’s — mental health.

“Fugo. Tutor me.” Narancia said, and there was some kind of finality in his voice. The boy always knew what he wanted and pursued it, went after it blindly. Don’t think, feel. That was his motto. But not Fugo’s.

They were too different. Fugo wonders why they were even friends.

Notes: Hello! I've been wanting to write Fugonara for ages dude, but I didn't feel confident enough and I didn't have any ideas either... but here I am!I've been thinking about the tutoring thing and I definitely feel that it would have been hard for Fugo to accept.Some notes:- I wrote this with manga Fugo on mind! also his backstory is the one on PHF - in this, Fugo has depression. I highly think he has it. And this is lowkey me identifying myself with Fugo too (I have depression, and I also have a high IQ and also felt lonely and like I had to live up to other's expectations) - I'm sorry for the ooc and for grammar mistakes. I'm not a native! (I'm from Spain)If you want to contact me, you can do so in @weakeninghope (tumblr) and @Shirotxpoison (twitter)!Comments and kudos are much appreciated <3

fic under the cut!

It came out as a simple request— and Fugo was not willing to oblige. For the sake of his — and Narancia’s — mental health.

They were too different. Fugo wonders why they were even friends.

It had been a few months since Narancia Ghirga had joined the gang, since he had the potential, he saw Purple Haze that day in that alley after all, so he passed the test. Bucciarati had gotten them a two-room apartment and they were living together in Naples.

They didn’t see each other too much at first, since Fugo would leave Narancia alone in his room and desert in favor of the library, his retirement. He always felt like there he could be himself. And… it wasn’t as if he didn’t trust Narancia — he did— if Bucciarati did, he did too. But…

He was afraid to be around people. After the course of many years of violent outbursts and what had happened at the university, Fugo understood that he wasn’t meant to mingle with society.

That he only existed as a tool to obey others and that would eventually rot and die a hopeless death.

He didn’t want to mingle with anyone… except he did.

When he helped Narancia.

But there was something in those eyes —he couldn’t pinpoint exactly what— hopelessness, maybe? But he kind of… felt identified with the despair of being alone, with not knowing what could possibly happen to him…

He just… had to do something. He felt like he would eternally berate himself if he didn’t, and he was fed up already with his regrets. So he made a mental list of things he didn’t want; and feeling bad for not helping this boy was at the top. And then he asked Bucciarati to order a plate of food for him; and when Bucciarati gave the boy his plate of food, Fugo smiled.

He remembers feeling really weird… it had been a lot since the last time he smiled, he didn’t even when Bucciarati got him out of the cell.

He couldn’t help but feel bad for Bucciarati. Fugo was just a burden; what could be good of bailing him? Why would someone do that? He had, after all, hit a professor with a dictionary, screwing up his future and not living up to the expectations of his family.

But honestly… after having had this violent outburst he didn’t feel bad for the professor, he didn’t feel bad for his family…

He just felt like he was an utter failure. A worthless piece of garbage.

And that day he swore he would stay away from everyone as much as possible.

But he broke it by helping Narancia out.

He broke it by eventually becoming Narancia’s friend; recommending him books, laughing when Narancia couldn’t make his way through them, reading it along with him, spending afternoons strolling around with him, talking with him about whatever…

“Fugo, are you listening to me?” Came Narancia’s question. He was kind of annoyed since it was evident that Fugo wasn’t paying attention to him. Seriously, what could he possibly be thinking?

“No.”

“No to ‘are you listening to me’ or to ‘tutor me’?”

“To both.”

“To both.” He mocked, imitating (or trying to, at least, Fugo’s voice). Narancia’s voice had gotten quite a lot of life since Bucciarati had sent him to the hospital to heal his eye, and since he had joined the gang. Narancia seemed to be quite cheerful these days, and Fugo was really glad.

But he was also scared. What if something happened to Narancia?

Oh god. He was the one who introduced Narancia to Bucciarati. He was the one who introduced Narancia to the mob…

“Fugo! Stop spacing out, or I’m going to get angry at you!”

“You don’t want the opposite to happen, trust me.”

“What?” Narancia asked as he sat in the bed, next to Fugo. He somehow felt that he needed to be closer to Fugo.

He knew that there where days in which Fugo didn’t feel well.

Those days, they would spend them together in silence or casually speaking about something until Narancia left so Fugo could be alone. He didn’t want to bother him after all.

But one day Narancia realized that he wanted to… be like him. Not to copy him, but be smart… so that’s why he thought about Fugo tutoring him, hence gone to his room to ask him if that could happen.

But Fugo didn’t seem willing to make it happen.

“I have terrible, violent outbursts. I’m short-tempered. Narancia, do you even know why I entered the gang?” Fugo confessed. He didn’t know if Narancia knew, he possibly could have asked Bucciarati about it. But he didn’t want Narancia to grow scared of him for what has happened, but…

He lived with him. he knew how sometimes he didn’t even get out of bed. He knew how some nights he would lock his door to cry himself to sleep. He knew how he would leave without giving any explanation to Narancia.

But did he know why everything happened? Did he know that he felt extremely guilty for allowing all of this to happen? Did he know that he only wished for the best the best to happen to Narancia?

“Dunno, you copied in an exam?” Narancia asked, looking straight at Fugo. His voice was so innocent that Fugo couldn’t help but to giggle a little bit. Narancia was so raw, so honest… so utterly beautiful.

“This is serious, Narancia.”

“Man, I said I dunno… but anyway that was in the past, y’know? I care about the present Fugo. The present Fugo is the one who… saved me. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Bucciarati. If it weren’t for you. You’re violent? Okay, then come at me, you bastard.” Narancia rambled. At that, he opened his arms to Fugo.

Hesitantly, Fugo sat up on his bed and dove straight to Narancia’s arms. The hug felt warm, comfortable… like anything he had experienced before. He could only compare it to when his grandmother would hug him or ruffle his silver hair. But then his grandmother died and the only home for Fugo’s solace had disappeared as well.

Except it had… seemed to come again.

Fine… he could try to tutor Narancia.

“Okay… I’ll tutor you.” He muttered against Narancia’s shoulder, feeling Narancia’s sweat clinging to him. He’d have to take a shower.

“Really? Thank you, Fugo, you’re the best!” Narancia exclaimed as he hugged Fugo tighter. “I’m gonna be smart, I’m gonna go to school someday!” He let go with excitement. Fugo felt his face grow hot and his heartbeat race. He couldn’t believe he was helping someone… he couldn’t believe Narancia still wanted to be around him even while being aware of what could happen.

“Fugo?”

“Hmmm?”

“You’re still hugging me, man.” Narancia observed. At that, Fugo reluctantly distanced himself from the dark-haired. He had felt too good enveloped in Narancia’s hug, though…

“S-sorry! I just... lost track of time…” The silver-haired apologized. You were just too warm… He thought.

“Hey, don’t apologize? I actually like it to, hehe. Hug me more if I get my math right, okay?”

“I wouldn’t object to that…” Fugo whispered, his face felt too hot. Crap, what if Narancia saw it? What would he think of him? Would he think he’s weird?

“Yay!” Narancia threw his arms to the air and got off Fugo’s bed. “Can’t wait for tomorrow to come!” He said.

Tomorrow, huh…?

Fugo checked his desk. Okay. It was clean enough.

So today he was supposed to tutor Narancia, in a few minutes he’d come to his room and the tutoring would start.

His heart was pounding, and he couldn’t seem to focus; he could just… obsessively check his surroundings because he wanted to know if everything was clean enough. Was it clean enough? Although Narancia wasn’t one to care about his room being clean, he had seen Narancia’s room, and had yelled at him to tidy it up a few times, to no avail though.

A knock on the door.

“Fugo!” He heard Narancia’s voice from the other side of the door. Okay, time to answer…

But Narancia barged in.

Fugo felt his anger boil. But he wasn’t going to screw up. So he clenched his fists and forced a polite smile on himself.

“Oh, Narancia, I wasn’t expecting you here this early.” He said, mentally counting to ten. He wasn’t going to screw this up, everything was going to be fine.

Narancia then closed the door and sat on a chair that Fugo had previously prepared for Narancia to sit onto.

“What are we going to do today?” Narancia asked. He seemed too eager. It was obvious that he didn’t know what failure of a teacher —of a human being, really — Fugo was.

“Addition. I’m going to scribble a few problems for you here, okay? Wait for me.” Fugo calmly instructed.

So he grabbed the sheet and wrote a few problems, not too hard, really, considering that he had to explain Narancia what was wrong if he got them wrong, which Fugo supposed he should be prepared for.

But… what if he wasn’t?

He felt his hand tremble against the paper.

His whole life flashed into his eyes. His siblings bullying him. His parents expecting way too much. His obligations. His grandmother dying. The professor.

His mind then pictured an image of Narancia failing, failing something so simple that he could do with his eyes closed. Failing…

Failure was definitely not an option.

“Fugo?” Narancia asked when he felt Fugo’s teeth clacking. Was… everything okay?

I definitely can’t do this. I’m sorry, Narancia…

Fugo then stood up of his chair and left the room. He didn’t pay mind to Narancia’s worried screams for him to return, he just did what he always did when his anger got the best of him.

Run away.

So he left the house and, once he was on the street, he took a moment to think and look at himself.

He was pathetic.

“Narancia asked you to tutor him.” Bucciarati said in his calm voice.

In the end, Fugo had ran off to the only place he knew he could be okay and understood — Bucciarati’s house.

Fugo nodded.

“And you ran away because you thought you were about to punch him.”

Fugo nodded again.

“You left the apartment. In your pajamas.”

“If you want to laugh at me for being pathetic, I’ll understand.”

“See how your anger management isn’t going that bad?”

“Bucciarati… I’m not in the mood for sarcasm.”

“But it isn’t sarcasm.” Bucciarati said. “I could swear you’ve gotten better. That’s why I’ve teamed you up with Narancia.” He finished.

“So you did it on purpose?”

“You could say I did.”

Fugo abruptly got up. What?

“Bucciarati, I told you I wanted to be alone! You said that me being with Narancia, living with Narancia was strictly necessary, but it was to check up on me?” He shouted. He was feeling his anger boil. Oh my god he was going to snap.

“Fugo-“

“I’ve had enough!” He shouted as he slammed the door shut behind him.

And he found himself on the street again, not knowing where to go. He should go home, but he wasn’t about to do that. But he passed by, in front of his apartment, and there he found Narancia. He looked from afar, but Narancia seemed worried and his eyes looked puffy. Had he… been crying?

Fugo hesitantly tried to reach out until his mind told him to stop. That he deserved to be alone.

But when he heard Narancia desperately screaming his name (some people turned to look at him) he had to go.

“Narancia-“

Narancia threw himself at Fugo’s arms, hugging him tightly, sobbing in his chest.

“Fugo! You’re- here…” Narancia whispered.

Fugo hesitantly brought his hands to Narancia’s hair (it was soft) and started petting it softly… he owed him an apology.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t want to snap at you.” He said. He felt he was about to cry, but maybe… he needed it?

“Let’s go home and we’ll talk about it, okay?” Narancia said, distancing himself from Fugo but not completely so, as he grabbed one of the silver-haired’s hand and clasped it with intent.

Fugo did not protest at Narancia’s handhold and went home with him.

Once they got there, they went to Fugo’s room and sat together on the bed.

After a few minutes of silence and a few hand squeezes from Narancia, Fugo felt ready to speak.

“I have high intolerance to failure. I was raised to believe that it has no place in my life, that you have to succeed, always, in everything you do. My siblings bullied me for all the attention I received. My grandmother was he only person in my family that saw me as who I was, but then… then she died.” Fugo said in between ugly sobs. “And then I had nothing. I began to distance myself from everyone, even though I didn’t have to make much efforts since everyone seemed to hate me already…”

“Shhh. It’s okay, Fugo. You’re okay now, okay? You’re… not alone anymore.” Narancia said.

“You’re not, either.” Fugo started. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tutor you.” He finished.

“Hey? Who said you’re not tutoring me?” Narancia playfully asked. He had a goal and he was going to fulfill it, even if that meant he was going to be stabbed with a pencil, a fork, or whatever.

“But…”

“No buts.” The dark-haired squeezed their linked hands.

“Narancia… can I ask you something?” He asked. Narancia could say no, but he had to ask it…

“Hmmm?”

“Could you… hug me?” He asked, his cheeks ablaze. He felt so small, asking that to the other boy…

“Only if you promise to tutor me.” Narancia teased; his voice was in between something serious and a trace of mockery, but Fugo knew he was safe with him.

“Narancia!” “Okay, okay… don’t have to promise.” He opened his arms, facing Fugo anew. “Come here?”

Fugo didn’t have to be told twice. He just… launched himself to Narancia. And once he was in his chest… he let himself cry. He cried his heart out, all the while Narancia petting his hair. He didn’t know how much time he spent like that until he felt that he could put a bit of distance between himself and Narancia. The closeness felt too good, after all, and Fugo felt like he could be himself when he was with Narancia…

“Are you better now?” Narancia asked as he wiped some leftover tears in Fugo’s cheeks. The stark contrast between his wet cheeks and Narancia’s dry fingers made Fugo feel weird. But a good kind of weird.

Fugo didn’t answer verbally, he just nodded. He seemed to have lost his voice, but it wasn’t as if he needed it right now.

Right now, he was sharing an intimate silence with Narancia — his hands had gone from wiping the tears away from caressing Fugo’s cheeks, and without knowing what was happening… they both got closer, closing the gap between them. Fugo’s eyes fell closed and he was prepared for feeling Narancia’s lips on him until he felt a sharp intake of paint and something bump against his nose.

It was Narancia’s nose, too. They had bumped against each other.

He should have expected it… that this was going to be Narancia’s first kiss too…

Suddenly, Fugo felt a fit of laughter bubble inside his chest. This situation felt too ridiculous… He had just cried his eyes out while being enveloped in Narancia’s hug, they had made up (it wasn’t as if they had fought in the first place, but still) they were about to have a magical first kiss only to be spoiled with a bump of noses.

But it felt so genuine, so welcoming, so Narancia, that Fugo had to laugh.

“What if I teach you how to kiss before I tutor you in math?” Fugo asked. He was crying again, but this time it was because he had laughed too much... really, being with Narancia was quite an experience. An experience he never wanted to end.

“If you want to teach someone something, you have to be good at it first.” Narancia murmured, still clutching his nose.

“Who has told you that I haven’t kissed anyone?”

“Hmmm, you? Right now?”

“Narancia, copying your words from yesterday: ‘come at me, you bastard’.” He was going to add, “but take care with your head first, we don’t want a second nose bump” but Narancia’s lips crashed into his own, and it felt…

Out of this world.

They spent a few seconds with their lips pressed against each other, until Fugo took the initiative to move them, sliding his lips against Narancia’s. His hands came to Narancia’s hair, and Narancia’s went immediately to Fugo’s face, mapping the surface lovingly. Narancia’s hands were rough, but felt impossibly softer against his face. Fugo never wanted this moment to end; he still couldn’t believe that this was happening, he had, after all, ran away because he was scared, but… Narancia still thought of him…

Fugo knew he wasn’t the best teacher, really. He wasn’t the best person to begin with. His life was a whole series of problems he had to solve, but he wasn’t alone anymore. He had someone to help, someone to be with, someone to laugh with. And even though the fear of losing Narancia was there, Narancia’s kiss, the feeling of them being there, touching each other gently and the promise of more time together, made Fugo want to live for a future, made him want to become the best version of himself that could possibly exist.

#jjba #jjba part 5 #vento aureo #fugonara #pannacotta fugo #narancia ghirga #mywriting

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