#apparently they gave small concerts and taught music to anyone | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

saorling · 1 year

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[Secret Santa] Holiday date

Fandom: Paradox Live

Characters: Sugasano Allen x Reader

Word count: 1508

Summary: It was practically common knowledge by now that, to Allen, music was everything. He breathed it and lived it, so it came as no surprise to anyone that his date — the first actual date — involved a tour around the recording studio.

Genres: Fluff

Notes: It might be a bit lackluster due to the time pressure, but I hope it’s not too OOC. c”:

It was practically common knowledge by now that, to Allen, music was everything. He breathed it and lived it, so it came as no surprise to anyone that his date — the first actual date — involved a tour around the recording studio. Hajun and Anne provided some suggestions, of course, but none of them truly stuck with him. Fancy restaurants weren’t exactly his style, and street concerts, according to Anne, weren’t the best spot for a romantic get-to-know-you-better evening. “And that would be no different from your usual dates”, they pointed out after Allen tried to defend his case. Well, it wasn’t like every one of his dates involved concerts… just a lot of them, probably. Anne had a point. Allen himself knew that this date had to be special for several reasons: first, it was holiday period, and he got thoroughly taught about the importance of those. Second, it was almost half a year since they started dating, so it would make sense to do something different and, perhaps, share more of himself with his partner. This logic, after some more discussion, inevitably led to the idea of a recording studio date. “Well, all should be good since Allen’s lover is, after all, one of BAE’s heads”, Anne concluded as they helped pick the outfit for the occasion. Surely, it was nice to surprise the other party from time to time.

Since the recording studio was closer to BAE’s place than yours — for obvious reasons — you and your boyfriend decided to meet at his place. Allen suggested escorting you at first, but you didn’t mind a little walk, and insisted that it would be a better idea for you to come and for him to wait. Having a little walk could help and calm your nerves, among other things. A prospect of visiting BAE’s home was one of the reason’s, of course, but the bigger cause for worry was the present you have prepared for Allen. It wasn’t difficult to think of a theme for a present, but it was much more difficult to think of a proper gift that would be both practical and fairly unique. You even went as far as consulting Anne and Hajun to confirm that none of you would end up giving the same Christmas present. Still, there was a part of you that wasn’t entirely sure about whether or not he would like the gift or even need it… no, no. You shook your head, chasing the unnecessary doubts away. You clearly remembered Allen telling that his old headphones weren’t working properly at times but, given how much Allen loved them, it seemed unlikely that he would replace them before they break completely. So, you took extra care to find a new pair that would resemble his current headset as much as possible. ‘It should be okay’, you sighed, and knocked on the door of the flat you have arrived at. The answer was almost immediate. However, it was not Allen who opened the door, but anZ themselves. “Allen, your sweetheart is here!” they shouted into the room and, apparently happy with the sound of a small commotion and hurried footsteps, turned to you with a grin. “Hello, please come in. Allen will be here soon.” Anne didn’t offer a seat or a drink, as they knew you wouldn’t stay here for long, and leave to finish their work for SWANK, probably sparing you the awkwardness of trying to make small talk. Thankfully, Allen did not take much time as promised, and soon came out of his room, wrapping you in a quick hug. “Hello, Allen”, you greeted him with a smile as you lightly tugged on the strap of your bag. “Hi”, he replied in kind, and practically beamed at you, “sorry for the wait. Let’s go?” He gave you a hand, and you readily took it as you departed to your main destination.

“I hope you didn’t have to wait long,” Allen half-asked and half-said, rubbing his neck. You recognized this gesture as him being nervous, and chuckled. At times like this, he was especially adorable and, were it not for the occasion, you would have enjoyed teasing him. Just a little bit, though. “Not at all. I look forward to seeing the recording studio”, your interest was genuine, and, apparently, as much was reflected on your face, instantly chasing away any uncertainties your boyfriend might have had about your date. Instead, he entered what you have called his “engaged mode”. “I really hope you like it! It’s really amazing. We do most of our recordings here, and some of the mixing as well!” The whole trip, essentially, became a mini-lecture. You didn’t mind it even a bit, though — you were happy to listen to anything Allen had to share about his interests. His excitement was contagious, and, besides, you loved seeing him enjoying himself. The lecture and your attentiveness paid off when you stepped into the studio — you didn’t know if it could be considered a big or a small one, but you could swear that you never saw so much equipment gathered in one place. There was what Allen called a workstation, filled with keyboards and what seemed to be a dozen of controllers: digital audio workstation, audio interfaces, mics, displays, studio monitors… Allen listed them one-by-one, as you listened and observed in awe. Did he really understand and was able to differentiate all of those? It seemed truly incredible that he could navigate such technology that seemed, without exaggeration, alien to you. “You can operate it all on your own? That’s amazing, Allen! You’re a genius,” as you watched him toggle some switches, turn some of the buttons with such speed and precision, it suddenly came to you that, although he probably had done it dozens of times, the amount of work he did for mixing the beats and making even one of your beloved tracks was enormous. ‘Truly magical.’ “A-ah, you think so? I put a lot of work in it, so I’m happy you think of it as something cool”, and here it was, partial nervousness and the slightest trace of being shy — Allen rarely took compliments well, especially when it came to his obsessions that some could deem boring or too much. “Because it is cool,” you assured him with another smile of yours. With the initial tour finished, you seemed it was a good moment to give him your present, however— “Do you want to try it?” The sudden question startled you more than you would have expected. “Try what?” “Recording a song,” a pause, “with me.” “Mm, but I don’t sing as well as you do, you know,” this time, it was your turn to feel nervous. You were by no means a professional and, although you enjoyed singing and humming songs to yourself, you never thought of singing a song with Allen, let alone recording it. “Does it matter? Come on, it will be fun!” he took your hand in his, eyes filled with silent request. He really wanted to do it, it seemed. And… it was really hard to reject this gaze and that adorable puppy face. “Ah! I almost forgot—” Before you could give him your reply, though, Allen sprung up from the chair he was sitting on and inspected the pockets of his jacket until he found a folded paper that immediately went into your hands. “Here, the lyrics. I hope that you like them,” he let out a long breath — you didn’t even realize he held it — and fiddled with the now empty pockets as you were left to read the song. And, the more you read, the more surprised you became. “Allen, is this… a love song?” “Y… yes”, he sighed and smiled with the corners of his lips. “I had some help from Anne and Hajun. Mostly Anne, though, because Hajun wouldn’t stop teasing me about it. Do you like it?” Instead of replying, you gave him a big, soft hug as you nuzzled into his chest. “I do. I absolutely love it, Allen.” As you backed away, you noticed the bright red spread on Allen’s cheeks and tips of his ears. It made you chuckle, and didn’t try to hide it too much. You knew Allen wouldn’t mind you having a little fun at the sight. He never did. “Will you sing it with me, then?” and, once again, that puppy gaze returned. This time, however, you didn’t make him wait for the answer. “I will.”

As you learned later, the instrumentals were also made by Allen, and the piano part was played by him, too. You were worried that your vocals wouldn’t match with the music or Allen’s voice, but your man could certainly work his magic, and not only you ended up enjoying yourself, the finished result sounded so soft and affectionate you couldn’t help but grin every time you listened to it. And Allen really loved your present as well.

#paradox live #allen sugasano #yumejoshi #allen sugasano x reader #tzago's writing

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sailorgreywolf-german · 3 years

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Midnight Duet

Characters: Prussia, Friedrich the Great

Ships: PruFritz

Summary: Prussia spends a night comforting his young crown prince about his musical passions.

Word Count: 3K

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Prussia lit a single candle, all he would need to find his way through the palace at night, and then dressed quietly. He didn't want to wake the servants who would undoubtedly tell his king about his comings and goings. This was one trip be wanted to make in complete secrecy.

He had been woken by the sound of a trapped bird playing out its song late in the night, when it was allowed to. He had decided that he was going to seek out the source of the music. He was not entirely sure why he felt so strongly, he simply did. His instincts did not usually fail him.

Prussia pulled on a vest over his shirt, decided that it was too late at night to bother with a cravat. He then pulled on a pair of boots on; the oldest pair that did not make the same loud clicks as the others. The air was still filled with the sweet notes that had awoken him. He stopped by the door for a moment to think, there was something else he wanted to bring with him.

He walked over to a cabinet he hadn't opened in quite a while and, with a slight hesitation, opened it. The instrument sat, untouched for more than a decade, shining in the mahogany confines. Prussia reached out and ran his hand along the wood. It seemed to respond to him, not in any physical way, but with a feeling. It sung to him about all the years he had denied himself this, his own art. Without another thought, he tucked the violin under his arm and took the bow in his hand not holding the candle. It had been so long since he had played that violin, the instrument that he had been taught by Austria when they had both been younger and on better terms.

He then turned and walked to the door, this time certain that he was not forgetting anything. He opened the door as quietly as he could, even so the hinges squeaked ever so slightly. It was not loud enough to wake his king, but Prussia felt himself clench his teeth in anxiety all the same. Slowly, he closed the door. It again gave a very slight squeak, enough to set all of his hair on end again. He hadn't noticed before how loud these doors could be. With one more glance at the door to make sure it was properly closed, he started walking again, this time down the hallways he knew so well.

His boot heels made muted clicks against the floor. He followed the sound that had originally called to him, the soft rise and fall of sweet notes carried on a strained melody. Music, but not the best, still the result of an unpracticed hand. It was not hard to guess what room the music was coming from. There was a private study tucked away just up a level, too small to be of much interest to most, especially the king. But, Prussia knew that it was where he would find the bird he was looking for.

He turned sharply at a staircase and took the stairs quickly. Now that he was far enough away from the King's chamber, Prussia's heart began to lighten and he allowed himself to be louder. He reached the next landing and turned again. It wasn't far now to the room he sought. Sure enough, there was light coming out from under a door at the end of the hall. It was on this that Prussia set his sights.

When he reached it, he put down his own candle and pushed open the door with one hand. Flute music spilled out as the door swung open, engulfing Prussia with its own charms. Certainly, it was not yet exceptional, but it was good and had integrity to it. Stepping into the room, Prussia caught sight of the young man he had been expecting. He smiled to himself; this late night strategy was new.

He spoke, "Isn't it late for this, Fritz?" The Crown prince jumped as though he had not expected anyone to interrupt his private concert. He said, hurriedly putting down the flute as he did so, "Gilbert, don't scare me like that!" He quickly unbristled like a cat that had been startled by someone it trusted, and said, "How did you know I was here?"

The albino took a couple careful steps closer, closing the door behind him. The room was small and currently populated with a surprising number of books, a clear sign that the Crown Prince had been using this room to hide his more effeminate hobbies from his father. There were a few candles lit that made a small well-lit space in the center of the room, right next to the window. The resultant reflection of the light off the glass was brighter than the candles would have been on their own. Prussia made sure he was close before saying, "I could hear you playing and I followed the sound. It wasn't hard to figure out where you were hiding."

As he spoke, he sat down on a chair that had apparently been pushed to the side, but which now faced the Crown Prince almost directly. Friedrich still looked defensive at the invasion of his privacy, but his indignation would have been far worse with anyone else. He said shortly, "If you could hear me playing, did it wake the King as well?"

There was obvious bitterness in the way he spoke about his father. He refused to even acknowledge that they were related, a step he had never taken before. Prussia was struck by how far the relationship between father and son had degenerated. They had never gotten along, but this was different. He responded as cautiously as possible, "Your father-" He placed special emphasis on the word as a reminder about the relation "is a much deeper sleeper than I am. The music is quiet enough to not wake him."

A look of relief passed over the other's face and the tension he was holding in his shoulders was released. But, he still wasn't completely at ease. He spoke, again putting Prussia on the defensive, "So, why have you come here? Do you want to chide me?" His tone indicated that he was not as upset as the question would indicate. He sounded almost bemused. Prussia took the violin out from under his arm and plucked one of the strings experimentally. It was terribly out of tune, but that was to be expected considering how long it had gone unplayed.

He didn't speak until he was certain that Friedrich was watching him with rapt attention, apparently stunned at the appearance of another instrument. Only once he was certain the blue eyes were fixed on him, did Prussia say, "I thought you might like some company. A duet is so much more satisfying than playing alone." He plucked another string and noticed that it was also completely out of tune. Ignoring the almost giddy smile that was appearing on Friedrich's face, he said, keeping his tone as casual as possible, "Would you mind playing a center C? This thing hasn't been tuned in far too long."

He turned one of the tuning pegs and listened intently to the changes in sound, knowing that this would be of no use without something to compare it to. The other seemed far too surprised to actually respond to the request for a reference note. Finally, he said, "Gilbert!" With so much excitement in his voice, the French lilt that he put on Prussia's name was very apparent. It was charming, but it did irk Prussia that his future king spoke French more fluently than German.

He responded, feigning ignorance, "What, Fritz?" The mortal leaned forward, one hand still holding on to his flute. His voice was almost unsteady with excitement when he said, "You play an instrument. You actually play an instrument." Prussia responded with the most nonchalant tone he could muster, "Actually I play the violin." He attempted to smile in a way that he judged to be charming, but the other's enthusiasm was infectious. What had been intended to be a small smile was from ear-to-ear before he could stop himself.

Thankfully, Friedrich broke the silence, "What a pleasant surprise, I never would have expected it." The words concealed, albeit poorly, a fascinating mix of emotions. The excitement was obvious, but there was also something that could only be described as a new sense of belonging. Prussia replied, managing to keep his voice even again, "I'm not just your father's solider."

He paused for only a moment before changing the subject, "You're never going to hear what I can do with this if you don't help me tune." Struck by the change back to a serious tone, the Crown Prince remembered his dignity and said, "Of course." He put his flute, which had almost been forgotten in the course of the conversation, to his lips. It took him only a moment to adjust his fingers and play the correct note.

Prussia carefully corrected his string until he found the right note. From there it was easy to adjust all the other springs while Friedrich watched him with an expression of fascination. Once he had finished tuning, Prussia put the violin to his shoulder and pulled the bow across the strings. The sound was sweet, even if it was only one note. It had been so long since Prussia had played, he had forgotten how it felt. It was sublimely exciting to feel the smooth wood under his chin, the strings humming as he pressed his fingers against them. It was a buzz that he could feel all the way through his chest, resonating somewhere deeper.

He glanced up to see his prince had stopped playing and was simply looking at him with a small smile. Prussia would have made a comment, but that was rather hard to talk with his chin keeping his violin in place. Without any pretense or communication, he decided to start a song. He didn't have any sheet music, but it wasn't necessary; he remembered the basics well enough and he could string them together to make something that resembled a song. This was not a concert or even a public performance. Between the two of them, within the confines of this room, there would be no harm in improvising.

Prussia began by ascending the scale, and then let the notes flow freely from there. His fingers remembered the placement of notes perfectly, like the muscles had retained this skill in anticipation of when it would be needed again. He heard the sound of the flute join in, rising above the violin. Friedrich had apparently taken the cue to follow him.

The flute seemed to chase him, following the same notes but with the light, effervescent quality impossible to achieve on a violin. They flitted around each other, in and out of sharps and flats, one faithfully following the other. They reached peaks and descended, changing dynamics in time with each other. Then the two sounds met, merging into each other, the bird and the horse. The delicate flutters of the flute accompanied the driving steadiness of the violin. The vibratto of the violin mixed with the sound of the flute's high clear notes.

Prussia opened his eyes just slightly and looked at his prince, who was watching him as he played. Their eyes met and Prussia couldn't help but smile. He rarely ever saw Friedrich this happy, this free. In this moment, there didn't need to be anything beyond these four walls. This was enough, their own world, bathed in candlelight and filled with the sound of an impromptu composition.

The music reached a peak and then began to fall as Prussia's concentration shifted from what he was playing to watching the way that Friedrich's hands moved over the flute. The prince caught his gaze and followed his lead in allowing the music to fade. When the final note died leaving the air still alive with feeling.

Prussia spoke first, attempting to keep his usual arrogance, "See, I told you it was better." But, his voice came out remarkably soft. Prussia hadn't been aware he was capable of that tone. There was an excited sparkle in Friedrich's blue eyes, made all the more apparent by the low light in the room. He responded, "You are amazing. When did you learn how to play like that?"

Prussia smiled, enjoying the compliment; "It must have been at least a century now. It was before your father was born." He added, "Roderich never did like playing alone." He spoke the name with no thought about it. There was animosity between them right now, but that didn't change that the past had been good.

However, Friedrich picked up on the name and said, "Who?" Prussia errantly wondered if he heard a slight undertone of jealousy at the thought that he had played a duet with someone else. He brushed the thought away, he knew that Friedrich's preferences were not usual but he doubted that it extended to him. There were rumors he even had a lover, some courtier. Prussia always tried not to feel anything when he heard those rumors repeated; it was not his place to feel like he had a claim to the young prince. But in this moment seeing himself reflected in the pure blue of the other's eyes, he found himself wondering if he even had a choice in the matter.

He responded to the question, "I forget that you don't know the human names of countries. I mean Österreich." This got an immediate response. A shadow passed over Friedrich's face, and this time it was clear that there was jealousy in his voice, "Oh I see. I should have guessed." He looked away from Prussia as though he had come to a bitter realization. The albino should have known better than to mention it, he knew that the young prince greatly objected to any Austrian influence.

Prussia tried to say something comforting and only managed, "It's been a long time since he and I were even cordial with each other. He used to berate me about my technique when we played together." He remembered it well, the way that playing anything with Austria would result in a constant stream of corrections from the Austrian.

This statement, far from calming the other down, made him visibly bristle. Friedrich said, now defending Prussia from century-old criticism, "How dare he? Your playing is beautiful." Before the albino could say anything, Friedrich continued. This outburst had apparently dislodged a whole torrent of feelings. He said, his anger strangling his voice, "He doesn't deserve you. My bastard father doesn't deserve you either. I hate watching him order you around."

His fury was unleashed and Prussia had to do what he could to comfort it. He said the first thing that came to mind, "Don't worry about me, I have been through worse. Besides he isn't going to be king forever, and you will be king after that." It didn't seem to help at all. The Crown Prince continued with the same tone, "You know he would demand you stop if he knew you played." Prussia nodded immediately; he knew it was the truth because his king thought music was far too feminine. But, he was a kingdom and that limited his ability to disagree with his king. He knew Friedrich was only using this as an example of how oppressive his father was, and the whole meaning came through.

He said, attempting a suitable response, "Fritz, I don't get a choice. For now he is my king." The mortal still looked surly, but he seemed to accept this answer. He changed the subject again, this time saying, "Gilbert, you used to let me lean against you when I was a child."

His blue eyes were shining as he looked at Prussia. The albino felt himself starting to melt, perfectly aware that if the prince said anything he wasn't going to be able to say no. Friedrich did exactly what Prussia was expecting and said, "Would you mind if I did it again?" Prussia immediately said, without thinking about how this would affect his strange evolving feelings for the prince, "Not at all."

He put his violin to the side and extended his arms to Friedrich, who almost immediately curled up against him. His head was nestled firmly against Prussia's shoulder. The albino wrapped his arms firmly around the other. He enjoyed having a warm body pressed against him, but it was more than that. He didn't want this to end; he wanted to have this for the rest of his existence. Without a second thought, he entwined his hand in the young man's hair. He wasn't certain what signals he was sending, but this felt natural.

Friedrich spoke, his voice finally softening again, "It was a beautiful duet." Prussia continued stroking the prince's hair and said, "We can do it again another night." He felt rather than saw the nod against his chest. Whatever effects the music had on both of them, the contact was keeping it from fading. There were a couple moments of silence that felt like they stretched on for an eternity. Prussia looked down at Friedrich, who looked so serene leaning against him. He was so young, so beautiful. But he wouldn't remain that way forever. Whatever Prussia was feeling, the rational part of his mind told him that this man would age and he would not. It would not be right to actually fall in love with a mortal man whose life would only be a fraction of his own. But, when Friedrich said, "We make a great duo." Prussia tightened his hold on the prince slightly and responded, "Yes we do."

#hws prussia #historical hetalia #prufritz

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charlottemadison42 · 4 years

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On Good Omens and Faith

Here follow personal thoughts on what Good Omens has meant to me as an Exvangelical. There’s a lot of healing & hope here, but it gets a bit dark first, as worthy stories do.

CW: I wasn’t badly spiritually abused in church, but I’ll be discussing things that are spiritually abusive: purity culture, sexphobia, queerphobia, abortion, mild self-harm, failure to treat mental health appropriately, ableism -- plus the special ways church authority makes all of these especially hard.

I’m personally an atheist but this message is not an argument against faith itself, rather against the specific subculture I grew up in. If you are a person of faith you’re welcome here.

I grew up in the American Evangelical subculture of the 80′s and 90′s, in the Keith Green/DC Talk/Left Behind/Veggie Tales era. I got saved at a Carman concert in sixth grade, and re-pledged my faith just to be extra sure every year at summer camp and youth group retreats.

This upbringing is not unusual. Doesn’t make me special. But its effects were real.

I’m finally engaged in a reckoning with it, in the “I should maybe talk this over with a support group or therapist” sense. I was a worship leader and youth leader at a Vineyard church when I left my faith abruptly in 2007*. It took me ten years to tell my family and friends that I was an atheist. For that decade I didn’t think about it -- but when I confessed to my loved ones two years ago, the processing began in earnest.

If you came up Evangelical, you already know how literal our belief in angels and demons can be in certain strains of the church. Until I was 26, I believed they were real entities genuinely and invisibly at war all around me. The End Times were real and we were in them. The Antichrist was whatever high profile democrat could be weaponized at the moment, the Rapture was nigh, and Armageddon was imminent (which explained why tension kept building in the Middle East).

My church community regularly discussed friends and neighbors’ problems in the language of demon possession or harrassment: depression was a demon, addiction was a demon, promiscuity was a demon. I was part of casual and formal exorcisms and the occasional healing. No holy water, but there were hours of fervent prayers and tears, speaking in tongues and anointing with oil. It’s like a fever dream looking back at it now.**

Shout out to my other teens and tweens of the Frank Peretti era, forbidden from reading books of fantasy any later than Lewis or Tolkein -- Xanth was forbidden, Hogwarts was demonic. We were given instead (retrospectively) horrifying books about spiritual warfare, Christian takes on historical fiction, and end times fantasies. But they weren’t sold as fantasy to us, it was all real. Adults in positions of power confirmed it over and over. Narnia might be allegory but This Present Darkness supposedly illustrated spiritual truths.

I remember telling a trusted church teacher at age 10 or 11 that sometimes I would get scared at night, in the dark, and feel a palpable terror that kept me awake. They told me with no hint of comfort, “That means a demon is visiting you and sitting on your chest, trying to oppress you with fear so you will sin. Don’t wake your parents or read a book, instead you should pray or read only the Bible until the demon is compelled to leave, either by an angel or the presence of God.” This adult was affirmed by amens and mm-hmms.

I took this teaching to heart. I also understood, by implication, that if the bad feeling stayed with me then I was praying wrong -- that no angel would rescue me that night. I knew that my fear as it compounded in the dark was itself a sin that made God harder for me to reach.

These are not things that should be told to children.

Then there were the prophecies. (read more if this resonates with you, if not I’ll clip it here so I don’t take up your whole screen)

Anyone could prophesy in most churches I attended. Dreams were prophecies, visions were prophecies, vague feelings were prophecies. (That gave nightmares / being hormonal / being really hungry an awful lot of sway at Bible study.)

I had a woman prophesy over me weeping, with her hands buried in my hair, that she felt overwhelming grief for my future child. I was 23.

I have no child, and I harbored the secret at the time was that I didn’t want one -- a rebellion for me as a married woman. I feared she was prophesying an abortion in my future, and I was inconsolable for months at the damning choice that would visit me someday. (As of this writing at age 38 I’ve never been pregnant, for which I give all thanks to modern birth control.) I still wonder what happened to that woman’s child, or pregnancy, or perhaps her desire for a child, that this was her prophecy for me.

I heard much darker things prophesied over other people. I remember career changes (ill-advised) and marriages staying together (they shouldn’t have) and mission trips undertaken (that assuredly should not have been) because of prophesies.

Last, of course, I didn’t know it yet but I had many queer friends at the time. Some of them didn’t know it. We had no context in our small town -- and no corners of the internet to hide in and learn context, because the internet didn’t do much more than access our local library catalog at the time. I was told that demons sat on my chest to oppress me as a child, but I was shielded from understanding what a lesbian actually was until I was sixteen.

I remember feeling vaguely guilty when we prayed over this or that person in youth group, entreating God that they could resist their base urges. We prayed that they could choose a life of abstinence if they had to, rather than enter sexual sin and be cast out. I felt guilty but I still joined the circle to pray.

I’m sorry. I was wrong. Part of me knew it at the time. I wish I had listened to that part of me because that it was correct. There are fragments of my former faith I still treasure, but those prayers were rotten to the core.

Sidebar: Luckily that feeling of guilt bloomed quickly into rejecting queerphobic doctrine. By age 20 I decided I could only attend churches that did not preach homophobic takes on scripture from the pulpit, and that did not advocate/imply advocacy for any particular political party. The reason I mention this: if YOU are currently a person of faith in this position, uncomfortable with what you hear from your leadership, go find a church that’s queer-affirming, gives to the poor, and advocates for immigrants. Live in a conservative area? Create or join a home church. That’s what the early church looked like anyway. Don’t shrug off this responsibility. Shine a light.

Anyway. Several years later, I fell.

I had to step down from multiple church leadership positions in one day. My entire life changed in two months; marriage, job, home, friends, everything uprooted when I could no longer pretend to believe. I didn’t tell my family why everything fell apart, even as they let me crash their couches.

I had wanted to be a good believer. I read apologetics, the mystics, eschatology, theophostics. I taught and attended study groups, I took troubled teens out to coffee, I served the homeless, I waited til marriage. I was in church as many as thirty hours weekly. When I first felt my faith slipping I said “not yet,” and I read the entire Bible straight through twice, in different translations, while journaling through “My Utmost for His Highest.” Then, unsatisfied, I read and annotated the New Testament in interlinear Greek. I gave it my everything.

What could replace all that?

Time, it turns out. And freedom.

Freedom to not think about it was perhaps the kindest freedom. The constant labor of self-evaluation and thought policing that goes into Evangelical Christianity is exhausting. Letting it go of it felt like getting my mind back. Or owning it for the first time, since I never knew this freedom before. I had even been seeking counseling because I was hearing multiple voices in my head at once, all mine, often arguing. That problem vanished the hour I deconverted. I heard only one voice anymore, and it was my own.

For ten years I was free to just not think about it.

When I decided to remarry I realized that I didn’t want to explain to anyone why my ceremony would not include prayers or communion. So I told my loved ones at last that I was an atheist, a decade late. They received it graciously, and I’m sure they had known-but-not-acknowledged it for a long time. I hope they don’t worry about me or pray behind my back for my salvation. But if they do I can’t accept responsibility for it anymore.

Since that confession I’ve finally felt compelled to back at what all actually happened in church. It seemed so normal to me at the time. But wait, it wasn’t:

I exorcised people. I laid on hands for healings. I encouraged episodes of religious rapture, falling out, and speaking in tongues, and as a worship leader I knew the music cues to bring them about (yes, there are certain chord and tempo changes for that). I was present for prophecies that changed people’s lives and might have issued some myself, I don’t remember. I alienated people who didn’t fit in, whether because they were queer or just because they didn’t conform to church culture. I witnessed abuse and had no language to report it or even comprehend it. I hurt people. I was hurt.

I was told there were real demons in my room and I had to pray them away all by myself.

The work of undoing this mindf*ck (sorry friends of faith, that’s how it felt) suddenly turned urgent after being ignored for a decade. I can’t afford therapy, but thankfully Twitter chats and message boards and podcasts exist (thank you, @goodchristianfun and @exvangelical).

And then -- out of the blue -- along came my own personal angel and demon, along with Frances McDormand herself. I watched it on a whim. (Actually no, David Tennant’s hair made me.)

Apparently Good Omens had a few things to say directly to my mindf*cked subconscious:

1) Are you scared of demons in a pathological childhood trauma way? Here, have a helping of this amalgam of your favorite Doctor and scariest ever Marvel villain tearing it up as the demon Crowley.

2) Does your mild bookish personality and respect for the culture you grew up in keep you reflexively deferential to authority, even as it gaslights you and hurts others? Enjoy some Michael Sheen as the angel Aziraphale.

3) Are you stuck still mentally assigning a male gender to the god you always claimed was beyond gender? Boom, meet Her in all Her ineffable wisdom.

4) Are you terrified of the End Times, both as a Biblical horror of childhood and as an adult who reads the f*cking news? Let’s fantasize awhile about a solvable apocalypse (because what would that even look like, yo).

5) Do you keep reflexively binarizing good and evil? Still giving in to the temptation to characterize humans as righteous or fallen, especially celebrities and political prospects? Spend some time on Our Side with Adam, the utterly human Antichrist, as he makes choices that matter -- some goodish, some baddish, all with mixed consequences, because that’s what humans do.

6) Do you need more queer love stories in your life? Yes you do. Yes. YES. Here it is. The good stuff. Whether it’s gay, trans, genderfluid, asexual, agender, metaphysical, whatever (I’m enjoying reading all these takes and more on AO3) it’s a hell of a love story.

Good Omens was a f*cking revelation.

I’m not sure why the show hit me as hard as it did in the Exvangelical feels. It’s not that it’s a perfect show, but it was the right thing at the right time for me, and it brought a truck full of dynamite to the excavation I was just beginning with a trowel and a makeup brush. I finished watching ep 6 and thought “why do I feel like I’ll be thinking about this every single day for years?”

And then I looked down, and lo and behold I had an open chest wound -- inside of which I found the banished memory of a child trembling and praying in terror in a dark room.

There was a lot that I forgot about in the ten years it took me to hike away from Evangelical life. It all came rushing back.

I had forgotten the sweat and cries during exorcisms and the heat of laying on of hands. I had forgotten fits of ecstatic tears of self-hatred and self-denial so strong they were almost blissful, as I sang and chanted mantras like “I am nothing, You are everything.” I had forgotten giving away ten percent of my income until I was 26. I had forgotten the constant mental effort of Being A Proverbs 31 Woman, about submission and complementarianism and feeling responsible to guard the virtue of men by never tempting them. I had forgotten the pressure to not even masturbate before marriage and to become a sexual athlete the night after.

I had forgotten the hours and hours of daily prayers. Every phrase was carefully carved in language my superego ran by my doctrine, to make sure no hint of rebellion ever bled through. I washed words of need and doubt and frustration from my mind so they could never slip between me and my Heavenly Father. I didn’t just want to hide thoughts God wouldn’t like, I would have cut them out with violence if I knew how. As a result I picked and ticced and cut and exhibited symptoms of OCD.

It hurt to remember all of this at once during a BBC Amazon Prime miniseries. It confused me. It confused my spouse. I looked at all these feelings, exposed and piled in a massive dirty heap -- and I spotted the straps I used to haul it around with me for decades. Who knew I could carry all that? The weight of faith?

But I don’t have to pick it up again. I had a new story to help me frame my story. I felt equipped with a flaming sword to face my past and a new syntax to describe the old ideas I'm ready to let go of.

I got to recast Heaven and Hell. I was invited to ask myself whether a cozy cluttered bookshop doesn’t beat them both hands down.

I got to reimagine angels and demons, good and bad, intentions and consequences. I was invited to live in the reality that we’re all of us humans in between, and that I’m probably still overinvested in the value of Good and Bad as yardsticks.

I got to reimagine western history. The show’s perspective of history is very limited and Eurocentric, but it’s also the version of history I was taught at an early age, which made the story a useful lens to deconstruct what I learned before I knew much about critical thinking.

The opening of Episode 3 in particular f*cked me up. First Aziraphale lies to God and She vanishes, then Crowley starts poking holes in the story of the Flood, then at the Crucifixion -- I started breathing hard on my first viewing, experiencing a real physiological threat response. I was loving it, of course, but distressed panicky love.

The second time I watched it I realized what was happening: I was going back to Sunday School to revisit ideas I absorbed before I was fully sentient, and examining them in the light of fully formed adult secular morality. They look different from here.

When God withdraws Her presence from Aziraphale in the first few moments of Ep 3 as he prevaricates (well, lies) I remembered the one great fear of my faithful life: that I could sin a particular sin and as punishment I would be cut off from God’s presence. As a believer in the End Times, that meant the Rapture could occur at any moment and I might be rejected, be left behind to experience the Tribulation.

Now, from some remove, I realize that I always had one fear larger. It’s a thought I never allowed myself to entertain consciously. Good Omens unearthed it like a vein of flowing lava:

If the Apocalypse as my church describes it is real, how could God want it to happen? And if God does, is this a God I want to worship? If I don’t, but I’ll be damned for that, is my faith freely chosen?

Whose side could I really be on, in the End Times, if not Heaven’s or Hell’s?

These are not small questions.

I’m relieved that I answered them a long time ago for myself.

But even after the answering, there’s fallout; a million little knots to untie and ideas to unlearn. We all get to spend our lives doing this sort of archaeological dig through our childhood baggage, I suppose. My Stuff is certainly not unique. It’s just a lot. Same as everyone’s.

But once in awhile a story comes along and helps us with the process. A sharper spade, a better tool for the work. In my case, through Good Omens I received demolition-grade explosives. It gave me a framework, characters, and a personal shorthand to speed my own digging and contextualize what I find.

If your history is kinda like mine -- whether you’re still in the faith or not -- be sure to talk to someone about church stuff from your past. The weird stuff, the dark stuff, the things you did/people did to you that now seem “off.” Even if you’ve grown past the point of “mental illness requires an exorcism” there are still dangerous ideas buried like land mines in our moral matrices. Self-hatred, intolerance, fear of abandonment, fear that failure is damnation, presumption that “we’re” on the “right side” of everything and “they’re” not, fear that we the apocalypse Is Written by powers above and so we can’t change it.

I’m so happy I know a story with an Our Side now.

I’m so happy I know a story in which the true test of devotion to God’s Ineffable Plan is turning away from the dictates of Heaven and turning toward the World.

I’m so glad I met Aziraphale -- so like me, still seeking Heaven’s approval far too late in the game. I’m so grateful he found the courage to walk away, and I’m so glad I did too. I love that I know Crowley now, self-pwning lovelorn disaster demon of minor inconveniences and imagination and free will. I’m so happy Crowley was there to tempt his friend with questions from the start, and to receive him when he was finally ready to break away.

I’m so proud to know Adam and the Them and Anathema and Newt, inept humans trying their hardest against unstoppable cosmic forces, getting it right not just despite their flaws but through and because of them.

I’m so grateful I’ve finally managed to completely swap to female pronouns for God (thanks, Frances). I still love stories about Her, I still enjoy talking theology and religion. And after 20+ years of insisting God is above gender but masculinizing him, it’s about time I switch to thinking of God as Her for a spell to even things out.***

I’m so thankful for the nicest fandom I’ve known in ages and all the glorious queer beautiful amazing body-positive art and writing growing in this fabulous garden.

Confession accomplished.

P.S. I might not have the time/resources you need to chat with you if you’ve had similar experiences or want to discuss. If you need help be sure to reach somewhere healthy to get it. If you witness abuse, online or in church or otherwise -- report it, block it, mute it, shut it down, whatever is in your power.

P.P.S. If you have words of rebuke for me from a churchy place, and/or critiques about gender or politics, sorry, don’t give a f*ck. This is my story to tell and I am secure in my spiritual status. I am free indeed.

++++++++++++++

*Re. Deconversion: Or rather, I had my faith zapped out of me in what turned out to be the truest rapturous religious experience of my life. It happened in a church service; I almost fell out and spoke in tongues with the tingling power of understanding that I was truly and finally faithless. It’s an interesting deconversion story if you're familiar with charismatic church stuff, ask me sometime over tea. It felt like this.

**Re. Exorcisms: Most disturbing was the regular practice of exorcising people who clearly needed professional help for their mental health. I was present when prayers against demons happened over cases of depression, manic depression, epilepsy and other seizures, addiction, schizophrenia, and psychotic episodes. My particular church did acknowledge the role of modern medicine, but felt that the true core of these issues was spiritual and that medication ultimately could not solve a problem of demonic infestation. Looking back now I shudder and weep to think that this happened, that I was part of it once, and that it still happens daily at churches everywhere. It can be unspeakably damaging to the people being prayed over. If this practice happens in your church, leave. If it happens at a church where you’re in leadership, end it.

***Re. God as She/Her: I encourage you to find your own appropriate pronouns for God, whether you believe in Them or not. For me personally, still reeling from the Proverbs 31 upbringing, She/Her is very healing for now. But gender is a construct etc. etc.

#good omens #good omens analysis #aziraphale #crowley #exvangelical #ex-christian #neil gaiman

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whyamistillwatchingtheseshows · 4 years

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Your post @dark-terrible got me riled up because of what you mention in the 1st paragraph. Sarwat could be acting thrown off balance because Pam shows up demanding a love confession and oop, how do I tell her I’ve fallen in love with someone else (so completely that I even moved in with him)? What gets me the most is that Sarawat so easily gave into her. Oh, yeah, hi Pam. Were they hanging out still? Like if she had been involved with him, Man and Boss, hanging out with the boys kind of thing, then I might’ve been more worried. So Sarawat felt close to her, but he also said that he truly understood he did not reciprocate the same feelings as she did simply because he ran into Tine at the concert. Headcanon that it’s the same concert Man apparently dragged Pam to, which begs the question, was Man flirting with her too? Not trying to throw something demeaning onto Pam’s character, but show me more about her and Sarawat’s established closeness and I might get it.

That being said I don’t blame Sarawat for anything else. He cannot read Tine’s mind. Sure, he can see that Tine didn’t sleep. Tine listened to music all night. Sarawat tries to diffuse the tension by making him laugh, “how about I make you cry more right now?” Sarawat it’s not the time to be perv. Granted, I don’t think that kind of thing is going to work on your soft boyfriend. He’s not going there ever, it’s not in his character. Unlike, (here’s me plugging in my Why RU boys) say FighterTutor? Tutor can say, “how about I make you cry more right now?” But this is in reference to physical pleasure that he generally wants to give Fight. Sarawat uses it as a joke because at least Tine laughs. Never have I once thought Sarawat could be as perverted as he likes to make himself sound and Tine is too precious to get into any of that kind of shit.

Tine also did not directly say what bothered him. We got a small confession out of him, but not enough to diffuse his paranoia because when he GAVE THE INCH (the initiated hug) it all CAME CRASHING DOWN. That’s what I see in Tine. What I see is a boy so desperate to give the care back to Sarawat. To dive all in and believe that they could have a very LONG and prospering future together, but what if? The what ifs plague him, Pam being the biggest one at this point. What if? What if? What if? If I give THAT CARE (the care we’ve been told Tine extended out in all previous relationships but it was never given back to him) then it’ll ruin it.

And thus he catches Pam giving Sarawat a one-sided hug, but he had also just found that song he thinks is for her too and so now the question is why? The whole episode was wonky but ever since Tine took up the performance spot I’ve seen a character who so desperately wants to give back the care that Sarawat’s been giving him whether it was fake or real flirting.

Tine wants this relationship. He wants all of it, but he also needs that reassurance that Sarawat is really in this 100% so if anyone Pam threw Tine off balance. Sarawat knew he had no feelings for her. Right? If so then why did he take such pains to teach her guitar (mirroring him and Tine) with that and a fucking bracelet? Okay. It’s like she’s being extra, so it’s one-sided on her part and if I were Tine seeing that bracelet pic, I’d be like what coincidence is that universe? Really? Thanks but no thanks.

As you wrote at the end of your post, it’s about the intimacy (not shock value of unnecessary drama)...so where did all of that intimacy go and why did it seem as if Sarawat especially was throwing that to the wayside so suddenly? Pam couldn’t throw him that off balance given that we’ve been shown HOW MUCH he cares for Tine. Plus, it’s hard to imagine a past Sarawat and a past Pam being THAT CLOSE. A Sarawat who wasn’t sure and then he sees someone else (Tine) and realizes shit, I don’t like her the same way. Yes, I see that, except he NEVER ALSO TOLD HER THAT. Hence why she comes back to claim the promise of a song, hence why it’s always been a one-sided crush on her part.

Lastly, I want to also talk about the preview of Sarawat asking for the guitar back. Truthfully if he’s going to perform another song for Tine then he’s got to do it with Nuisance, the very guitar he taught him with. Seems symbolic, but it also feels terrifying because is that the end? It all comes down to a freakin’ guitar. So much for planting a tree that could last beyond 10 years.

#2gether #2gether the series #tine x sarawat

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vithyahairandmakeup · 4 years

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My Decade

My 2010 started with me finishing my one year diploma at London College of Fashion. I was so excited to start my new career with this prestigious qualification at one of the World’s top fashion institutions, but the makeup artist I used to look up to so much then, told me that I would not last long in this field. She broke my heart. And not because I thought I was doomed, but because of how discouraging and mean she was.

Up until that moment I thought I had to prove something to my family, but then quickly realised that I am leaving one pack of wolves - my family of course - to walk into another - this industry!I swore to myself then, that I would encourage and support any other makeup artist along my journey and not be like her. I would like to believe that I stayed true to that to some extent. Whatever she had told me did place some doubt in my heart. Just as a precaution I thought I better apply somewhere and work part time at least. So I applied at MAC cosmetics, who had actually rejected me. They then gave me a call a few months later and asked if I could cover during their busy christmas period. Once I started at MAC, they kept me on and I worked for them for another 3 years. They even offered me the managerial position, the irony.

During the three years at MAC, I was so unsure and so confused in what direction I wanted to go in. It was a part time position, so it didn’t pay well, and I was desperately trying to freelance on the weekends. I would get a client once every few months, who wouldn’t pay me much. Without a car, without a proper makeup trolley, it was agony carrying my suitcase up and down underground staircases and holding onto it with my dear life during packed train journeys. I can assure you, it was not a pleasant experience at all.I tried being part of short movies, worked with the National Portrait Gallery, the Arcadia group (who own Topshop, Dorothy Perkins etc.), fashion shows for Nintendo, and even a shoot for British Airways. But all were unpaid and definitely got me nowhere except for a few phone pictures to add to my Facebook Page.

I would come home after a long day of standing and lugging my suitcase around, and my parents would look at me with judgemental eyes wondering why a science graduate who landed a very well paid job in a huge marketing company, would give it all up to do makeup on people for minimum wages and be treated like a servant?I honestly never ever regretted my decision. Yes it was tough not making money, and spending all my earnings on building a better makeup kit or on my travel, but it gave me life; it brought me happiness, it made me want to get out of bed, and it definitely distracted me from my anti depressants and suicidal thoughts. Being a makeup artist brought me back to life.

In 2013, I quit MAC and took the brave decision to go self employed. I registered my company officially. My freelance work had picked up, and I wanted to free my weekends from working in retail. I wanted to explore more and try out new things.I still remember I had hit 10K followers on Instagram after joining in 2012 and more and more people started to get to know me around the world. Instagram opened up a lot of doors for me.Having lived in Germany most of my childhood, my parents were ok with me travelling to Europe for bridal jobs because I was able to stay with family. I think I was the first Tamil makeup artist back then who travelled to neighbouring countries for work. That was probably one of the best decisions I had made. Travelling around Europe and doing makeup got me exposed a lot more and people who were not on social media knew of my existence.

And as per usual I would still collaborate and work for free with anyone who contacted me. I wanted to get out there and try everything new. During exactly one of these collabs, I was asked to come early morning one day, to do makeup on a male model for a music video shoot. When I arrived that Monday morning I nearly fainted at the sight of Simbu, a very famous Tamil Actor. I was getting my station ready when the makeup artist who was hired for the entire movie did end up coming for this music video shoot. I was gutted. I thought I won’t get a chance to work with him and was prepared to pack up and leave. But the organiser was adamant that I stay and help out. I asked the makeup artist if I could do touch up makeup at least for a few scenes, and she kindly let me. The pictures I took of that moment went viral in South India, and that was the first time people in India started following my work on social media or even knew of my existence.It was also the first time a lot of makeup artists noticed me and can I just say they were not happy with this newbie getting to work with celebrities.

It got worse in 2014 when I was asked to do makeup for another famous Actress, Sneha, for a Wedding Exhibition. To be honest I was very overwhelmed. I did not think I was cut out for the job and kept asking the organisers why not pick some of the more experienced makeup artists. I really was not ready for such a big job. I wasn’t confident.However, the organiser told me that out of all the profiles she had sent Sneha, Sneha herself picked me. That was all I needed. I spoke to Sneha on the phone a week before her arrival, and met her a few days before the show, to discuss the looks and make sure she was happy with everything.Working with her will forever be one of my most cherished moments in my career. She believed in me and trusted me. However a lot of people were absolutely angry at the thought of me doing makeup on someone as famous as her. They could not comprehend that someone as inexperienced, nor established as myself would bag in a job like this. I did understand their disappointment, but was sad that no one seemed to want to support me.

Later that same year, I was asked if I was interested in being a production assistant for two songs from the movie Nanbenda; it was a Red Giant Production acting Udhayanidi and Nayanthara, line produced by Kavino from MYA Media. Of course I know nothing about production, but did not want to turn down this opportunity, so took 9 days off and decided to help out. The shoot took place all over Great Britain with a huge budget and an experience of a life time. I got to personally work with Nayanthara and saw what happened behind the scenes. I made great friends during that shoot, even had the responsibility of finding a castle and two horses for one scene, but went home having to deal with a divorce. Even though career-wise 2014 was a great year for me, but on a personal level I had to deal with a lot of heart ache. And no, it had nothing to do with my career, it was simply bad timing.

The following few years just had me on a rollercoaster to be honest. I tried numerous new things; being a TV host, a judge for dance competitions and beauty peagants, modelling, acting in commercials which never made it on TV, makeup for adverts, short films, magazine shoots, editorials, none were paid of course, until I found a new love for teaching.

I started teaching one-to-one tutorials in 2014 and remember I couldn’t even get two students that December. The following year it grew to 10 students, and in 2016 I had back to back students who were willing to pay whatever I quoted. That I when I made the decision of doing a Masterclass after seeing Mario (Kim Kardashian’s Makeup Artist) do these around the US. I had no guidelines nor knew how to start. Masterclasses were unheard of in our community. I was the first.I hired a small gallery space, and rented 20 chairs. I had my cousins and friends help me set up and we bought a Kettle and paper cups to serve tea and coffee for everyone. I thought the day went so well, and absolutely enjoyed the teaching, to get a call at the end of that day from my mum crying down the phone telling me that our house got robbed. Well we quickly found out that nothing was actually stolen, but the house just go trashed. A lot of us that night stayed up thinking someone did not want me to do these classes. My high ended with such a low, and got worse when I woke up to a lot of emails from our students complaining about numerous things in regards to my Masterclass. Today, I have taught 16 classes all over the world now with as many as 80 students, and for renowned makeup brands such as Bobbi Brown and Nars Cosmetics. So don’t ever let anyone or anything stop you from what you love and what you are meant to do.

Anyway, the following years have definitely been the best; from campaign shoots for Pothys, being flown out around the world for Bridal jobs, being a panelist and being a Keynote speaker for American Express, working with South Indian Movie celebrities Amy Jackson, Bharathirajah, the beautiful Sneha again, and Meena, being in charge of Makeup for Anirudh’s Concert in London and Paris, interviewed on mental health and published in Huffington Post, and my YouTube journey with my Saree draping video amassing nearly 6 million views. I know this is not work related but me marrying the most amazing human being in New York almost 3 years ago definitely was a huge benefactor in my career too. Happiness does wonders, I tell you.

Either way, none of it came easy. Yes it was hard work, but no one ever publicly or openly talks about the politics and the drama that happen in the industry behind closed doors. How not only do you have to deal with your nerves when working on a big project but you probably have to pray all day that no one tries to sabotage this opportunity for you; that no one talks to the organiser and pays them off to drop you last minute (has happened to me countless times), and hope that no one talks behind your back and invents rumours about you. The best rumour was that my ex husband left me because I was having a relationship with Simbu apparently. When my Bride told me that, my answer was “I wish”. We had such a laugh that day.

My last 10 years taught me so much. I grew on a professional and personal level. I think maturity and experience has helped me deal with a lot of it, and face a lot of it.I have some amazing friends also who are in the same field as me, and I have never stopped encouraging, teaching, or inspiring others who are entering this industry. I want to be that someone I never had 10 years ago. Jealousy, competitiveness, and hate does nothing but destroy. It ruins, and it causes nothing but pain. Fame can be another culprit too. It’s great to want to grow on social media, but do not lose your morals, values, and principles along the way. Once you lose respect, it is very hard to earn it back.

How does one deal with all of this? I used to wonder why some people were so horrible, but then gave up trying to figure out what their reasons were. I still get hate or have situations were other makeup artists try and make it very difficult for me, but the first step was to block a lot of words and people on social media. Of course we want to be liked, and we want to be a good person and set a good example, but do we really need to prove something to someone who does not know you nor like you? No matter what line of business you are, there is going to be competition. There is going to be people around you who are going to watch you like a hawk and copy every single thing that you do. But let that be a positive thing. Let that challenge you to do better, and be better, and get outside of your comfort zone. Focus on your own path and cut out anything or anyone who stresses you out or causes negativity. It really is as simple as that.Comparing yourself to others is the worst thing you could do to yourself. Insecurities do not get you anywhere. Have the right people around you who feed your soul with positivity and happiness. And definitely stay away from those who like to gossip about others in the industry. Never healthy I tell you. Trust me, I have been there, done that.

My testimony is to help you see the non-glamorous side of my job, but also see how it has never been easy and still isn’t for any of us. In 2007 I tried to take my life. If anyone had told me then, that in 2020 I will be writing a blog about how to deal with negativity, I would have laughed in their face. But here I am today, doing what I love, loving life, and not being the slightest bit deterred by the few who will always try and bring you down. I have an amazing support system of family and friends, and there are hundreds of thousands of you who support me, so surely that has to count for something too. I am so ready to take on the next decade. Are you?

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flowerfan2 · 5 years

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Troubadour

Good Omens, Aziraphale/Crowley, T, 1700 words, A03

Summary: Contrary to what one might think from riding in his car, Crowley did listen to music other than Queen. Or, what happens when a soft-hearted, music loving demon witnesses the rise and fall of a star named Elton John.

*****

Contrary to what one might think from riding in his car, Crowley did listen to music other than Queen. And contrary to the vibe Aziraphale often gave off (and his comments about be-bop, which never failed to irritate Crowley, which was after all the reason Aziraphale made such comments), Aziraphale did listen from time to when when Crowley raved about his latest discovery.

But only once had Crowley dragged him to an actual rock concert. Sure, they had attended shows and performances of various types over the many, many years they had spent on Earth, always willing to stick their noses into something that might prove to be entertaining, or even inspirational. But until one day in 1970, Aziraphale had remained blissfully ignorant of what actual attendance at a more popular modern music venue might be like.

“Trust me, you’re going to be glad you were here,” Crawley said, adjusting his sunglasses as they made their way into the busy club. “It’s his third show this week, and people are going crazy for him.”

Aziraphale had grown used to trusting Crowley, at least where diversions were concerned, and he had been promised a lunch at the Brown Derby in exchange, so he went along. He had even allowed Crowley to dress him for the event, and was wearing period-appropriate white pants with absurdly wide bottoms, white leather heeled boots, and an off-white denim jacket over a low necked cotton shirt. Crowley was wearing sinfully tight black jeans, a dark red silk shirt with broad lapels, and a black vest with fringe on the bottom. He looked rather dashing, although Aziraphale would never tell him so. It would just go to his head.

The crowd was clearly excited about the opening performer, and within a little while Aziraphale could see why. The man on stage seemed shy at first, performing his first song with his head down most of the time, but as he relaxed the music he was playing became almost miraculous. The amount of energy and emotion pouring out of him into the audience practically had them levitating. Aziraphale couldn’t help give the man just a little boost when he flung his feet up into onto the air, hands still furiously moving over the piano keys.

“I told you,” Crowley said, yelling into Aziraphale’s ear. “Elton John’s going to be a superstar. And we were here to see it!”

Crowley lingered after the final number. He spouted some line about being with music management, and sauntered up to the young performer without any trouble. Aziraphale trailed along behind him, listening intently. He didn’t think Crowley would do anything to harm Elton, not when Crowley was so enamored of his music, but temptation was Crowley’s job, after all.

Elton seemed overwhelmed by all the attention, friends and strangers alike fawning over him and pushing drinks into his hands. Aziraphale wondered how many of them just wanted something from the rising star, wanted to get a little something for themselves out of Elton’s astronomical success. One fellow with a Scottish accent seemed particularly suspicious so Aziraphale gave him a bit of a push, encouraging him to leave Elton alone, at least for now.

Aziraphale watched carefully as Crowley chatted with Elton, flashing his brilliant smile and patting him enthusiastically on the back. Crowley’s pleasure in the young man seemed genuine, and the way Elton was smiling shyly behind his oversized glasses indicated that Crowley’s attention was welcomed. When Elton suggested Crowley come along to a party, Aziraphale felt a spark of something he refused to acknowledge and stepped forward, putting a proprietary hand on Crowley’s arm without even realizing it.

“Thank you, but we’ve got plans tomorrow, have to be up early and all. So sorry, maybe another time.”

“What are you going on about, what plans?” Crowley grumbled as Aziraphale tugged him out of the club onto the street.

“You promised me lunch,” Aziraphale replied, fully aware that this wasn’t a very good answer, as even he didn’t eat lunch any earlier than noon.

“I wasn’t going to tempt him with anything,” Crowley said, pouting. “I just wanted to talk to him. He’s a genius. Do you know he taught himself to play the piano at age four?”

And that’s plenty tempting enough, Aziraphale thought. “Perhaps we’ll look him up when he returns to England,” he said. “He can’t stay in America forever.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

They did in fact look up Elton John, many years later, at a time when acquiring tickets to his concerts would have been near impossible if they were mere humans. Crowley worked his magic and got them backstage (he tempted a roadie - they are incredibly easy to bribe; Crowley hardly exerted himself).

Once again Aziraphale stood back a few steps and let Crowley have a chance to chat up the star. He watched as Crowley tried to charm him, pulling his usual slouch and grin routine, but this time Elton hardly seemed to notice. Aziraphale didn’t always pay that much attention to the progress of time, but now that he focused on it, it seemed that Elton had aged far more than the fifteen or so years since they last saw him. He didn’t look healthy at all.

Crowley continued to follow the singer’s career, often dropping little bits of news about him into their conversations. But it was Aziraphale who saw the headlines one day, a tabloid crowing about Elton’s downfall.

“Did you do this?” Aziraphale thrust the newspaper at Crowley. He knew even before the hurt expression spread across Crowley’s face that the demon had no part in it. Apparently after many years of abusing drugs and alcohol, Elton John had checked himself into a rehab facility.

“I actually thought you might have done it,” Crowley replied, his face a neutral mask behind his sunglasses.

“What, made him a cocaine addict?” Aziraphale asked, taken aback.

“No. Encouraged him to try to quit.”

That night Aziraphale did some research. Among other things, he learned that the Scottish man had reinserted himself into Elton John’s life somewhere along the way, and that the press had been very hard on Elton, even as he became one of Earth’s most enormously successful rock stars. And what he learned about Elton’s family, well, that was perhaps even worse. The poor man was starved for love.

“Crowley?”

Crowley was stretched out on Aziraphale’s couch, having fallen asleep after drinking most of a very good bottle of red. “Hmm? What is it, angel?”

“I want to go to Chicago.”

Crowley blinked his yellow eyes at him, and nodded in understanding. “I’ll book the tickets.”

Aziraphale and Crowley spied on Elton John for a few days before taking any action, trying to get the lay of the land and figure out how to help. Aziraphale refused to let Crowley alert the singer to their presence – Elton didn’t know them from, well, Adam, and the rehab facility was certainly not going to let two fans in to see him.

“If we can’t even talk to him, can’t you just miracle him better?” Crowley finally asked, frustrated, as he paced the small space between the bed and the dresser in their cramped hotel room.

“It wouldn’t work for long,” Aziraphale replied. “Your kind invented addiction, you should know.”

Crowley looked offended, but continued to throw out suggestions. Finally they came up with a workable plan, something Crowley said about creativity sparking the thought in Aziraphale’s mind.

The next day, however, before they could begin to put their plan into action, they saw a familiar man with large eyeglasses sitting on the sidewalk outside the rehab center. Elton looked even worse than the last time they saw him, head in his hands, shoulders quietly shaking.

“Zira,” Crowley hissed. “We have to do something. If he leaves now…”

“I told you, we can’t make him stay.”

“There has to be something we can do. Please, think of something.”

Aziraphale glanced at Crowley, and down at himself. Crowley was wearing his usual black get-up, while Aziraphale had on one of his favorite white coats and a tartan vest. They looked presentable enough.

He squared his shoulders, took Crowley’s hand tightly in his own, and began walking down the road.

“Azira – Aziraphale, what are you-”

“Shush, dear. Just keep walking. Try to look happy.”

Aziraphale let himself imagine that he was going for a weekend stroll with his beau, his beau that he is absolutely allowed to walk hand in hand with down the street, regardless of narrow-minded human views. As they passed the dejected man on the sidewalk, Aziraphale swung their arms a little, to make sure he got the point across.

Finally, when they reached the end of the block, he let himself look back. Elton John had risen from the sidewalk and was walking into the rehab center.

Crowley tugged him close, their hands still entwined, and whispered in his ear. “Good job, angel.”

Aziraphale shivered.

The next day Aziraphale impersonated a piano tuner, and made sure that the creaky old piano in the abandoned music therapy room understood that it was now the very best piano that ever played a tune, and in turn it assured him that the next time Elton came by, it would do its best to inspire him. For his part, Crowley paid a visit to Elton’s long time friend and writing partner Bernie Turpin, and gave him just the encouragement he needed to visit Elton without further delay.

They kept an eye on things for a little while more, and then went home. “Can’t fix his whole life for him,” Crowley mumbled. Aziraphale thought he was trying to convince himself as much as anyone.

“We can’t,” he agreed. “But I think he’s going to be okay.”

“You do?” Crowley looked oddly vulnerable.

“I do.”

Aziraphale didn’t understand what it was about this particular man that so endeared him to Crowley. He felt it too, but not the way Crowley did. In the meantime, regardless of what he told Crowley, he continued to follow the news about Elton John, and send a little flutter of grace his way every so often.

As for things between him and Crowley, well, after that day in Chicago, Crowley decided that holding hands with Aziraphale on their walks through St. James Park was the least he could do to support the LGBT community in London. And Aziraphale wholeheartedly agreed.

#good omens #ineffable husbands #Aziraphale #Crowley

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paintmeablueskye · 5 years

Text

To 13 Years...

Tomorrow, I am going to go out to the city and buy one deluxe edition of Lover. I’m only going to buy one because it is literally all I can afford right now even though I desperately want them all--as an English major, teacher, and writer, I love to see Taylor’s writing process and personal thoughts/reflections on life.

BUT, there are a few things I have realized lately and I have to put it all somewhere. This may end up being a bit of a letter to @taylorswift and @taylornation, but really anyone is welcome to read it. I am so sorry that it’s so long.

I have been extremely down and depressed all summer after I didn’t land a teaching a job after graduating from college on May 15, 2019 with my English degree and teaching certification. I graduated with Scholastic University Honors and did a undergraduate thesis that explored how the invention of photography helped American literature move from the literary movement of Romanticism to Realism (including psychological realism). I took it further and also took my own photographs where I created all of the costumes, makeup, hair, etc. AND photo-shopped to create visual representations of the stories that I had discussed in my thesis. I gave artists statements in my thesis and explained why I did what I did in my artwork to give the viewer a chance to interact with and see the story in a different way. I thought I was extremely qualified, and I wouldn’t have much of a problem in getting a job.

I was heavily optimistic--even though I knew my options were limited. I knew that I would have to live with my family for a while because I didn’t have the money to just move to the city and rent an apartment where teaching jobs would be more plentiful and where they are really struggling to get teachers. I know how desperately my parents wish they could help me--if only they had the means.

I didn’t want to bring this into any interview. I didn’t want to beg. I wanted to get the job because I earned it--because I was qualified for the job. Maybe I was too prideful and didn’t want to humiliate myself OR maybe I didn’t want to subject myself to their pity and get a “hand out”.

I applied to about 10+ different high schools at least an hour away from my parents’ house that had openings and only got interviews from 3 or 4 of them. Most of the interviews went well. But it was the very first one I ever had that has stuck with me and haunted me since.

When I applied, they called me immediately and seemed so excited. The principal tried to set up an interview for that Friday, but was unable because the superintendent was unable to join. So I waited 2+ weeks for an interview after he got back from vacation. I continued to search for openings and applied every chance I got.

Then I finally got a call for the interview.

I was nervous because I felt the pressure of paying off my $12,000 in student loans, but I pulled myself together and did my best. 30 minutes before I was supposed to go in, I suddenly got a text message from the principal telling me that they were also interviewing another candidate. I’m still not sure why he told me that when he did or even at all, but many of my colleges and mentor teachers I’ve had told me that it was a tactic principals tend to use around here to make you beg and plead for the job. I don’t beg. We know this.

I got into the interview and I wasn’t told that it had changed to being an interview with both the high school principal and the middle school principal. The middle school principal also wasn’t introduced to me as such so I had assumed she was the superintendent.

In the beginning, they complimented my knowledge of the subject area and that I knew what I was talking about. But, as the interview went on I was suddenly being persuaded to consider teaching at a middle school level by the principals when I had applied for the high school position. She had approached it as if she was concerned and was sharing a story about her daughter, who apparently is a teacher too, and started pointing out reasons why I may do better in middle school than high school.

The reasons were the following: 1.) I am young--22 going on 23. 2.) I am single and don’t have kids. AND 3.) I am female.

So I’d “have trouble getting respect from the high school boys”. I felt so small--like everything I worked so hard for didn’t matter. I wanted to cry. I felt so disrespected. So when they finally asked if I would consider middle school, I was a little rude and resisted their suggestions, saying, “Honestly, I would prefer to teach at a high school level and most middle school-level classrooms I have observed have given me headaches. I tend to get too ambitious and feel more comfortable with high school-level content.”

The moment I got to my car, I called my mom and told her what happened. I was unsure if it went well. I was so confused that I couldn’t sort out whether I wanted to work there or not if I were offered a job. I ultimately decided that I wouldn’t because why would I want to work somewhere that wants to tear me down for things about me that I can’t change and force me to do something I don’t want to do. I didn’t get offered the job.

Months later, even though I never got a job, I still went to some free professional development courses that were offered and I happened to meet the person who got that job. I never told him that I had been interviewed against him.

He was a man.

He was possibly in his 50s or 60s, obviously not married, and stated that he had never taught before. As he talked, I could tell that he didn’t know his stuff. I believe he mentioned that it was a career change, so he was more than likely alternatively certified. I went though the traditional route for certification. This was an even bigger blow to my confidence. My post-graduate depression got worse. I felt hopeless. I cried on the phone to my mom and cried again when I got back home to tell her more about it.

So, @taylorswift. When I heard you say, “I’d be a fearless leader / I'd be an alpha type” AND “I’m so sick of running as fast as I can / Wondering if I'd get there quicker if I was a man / And I'm so sick of them coming at me again / 'Cause if I was a man, then I'd be the man” AND “They wouldn’t shake their heads and question how much of this I deserve” in “The Man” on Lover--I felt less alone. I felt confident in myself again.

Many other things have happened that have made me lose hope and feel depressed. For example, there’s now a restaurant I will never be able to go into again--even though I ate there once. I don’t think I could ever go there again because it was the place where I had a moment that made me realize I loved the person I was dating at the time. (This all happened and ended a few weeks before I graduated college) But then I did something and ruined it. I let myself get in too deep and was terrified to be too honest too soon--but I slipped up and accidentally showed my cards. I hadn’t seen him in a month because he had a bunch of events he had told me about and it was fine. Then our dates kept getting canceled and pushed back because of his job. He told me it hurt him... but he didn’t have the time for me. It’s been an extremely difficult thing to accept because I had never felt that way for someone before. I never felt so safe. I never felt more at home with a person before. Cornelia Street gave me hope. I could see myself in the song, and I cried. While I didn’t get that turning point, I was left with hope that someday it would happen--whether with him or someone else.

Lover has given me hope. Hope for that golden love. It has helped remind me how to see the different ways that the world sparkles--which has been hard since my first and only ex-boyfriend was so toxic and abusive (1989 helped me through that time). I believe that love is out there still--if I know it or not. I haven’t felt this happy in a while. But Lover has me feeling emotions that I haven't felt in forever.

So, thank you Taylor. Thank you for 13 years of music and memories. Thank you for being my best friend since I was 10. Thank you for being my only friend through your music when the girls I thought were my best friends had turned against me, bullied me, and called me every curse word in the book in 4th grade. Thank you for being you. Thank you for being so brutally and beautifully honest. Thank you for sharing your life with me--with us. I hope I’d manage to see you in concert this era--if you happen to tour. Either way, I’ll always find a way to be there for you like you have been there for me.

Stay Golden,

Skye

#taylurking #The Man #Cornelia Street #Lover #Lover Out Now #taylor swift #Taylor Nation #Swifite #thank you #love letters only #This isn’t exactly the letter my mom has been tellimg me to write to Taylor for 5 years now #but it is still important and needed to be said. The actual letter would be a novel.

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flightfoot · 6 years

Text

Apollo’s pretty terrible at reading people’s thoughts and emotions at first, but becomes an expert at it over the course of the books, once he starts dropping his facades

Apollo is only this good at reading people when he actually tries. At first, he often didn’t put in the effort, and just fooled himself into thinking that they were thinking or feeling what he wanted them to be thinking or feeling.

When Apollo meets Meg, he actually thinks about his own people-reading skills.

My highly advanced people-reading skills told me she [Meg] was hiding something, but that was not unusual for demigods. For children blessed with an immortal parent, they were strangely sensitive about their backgrounds. (THO 20-21).

Apollo wants to believe that having a god as a parent is a great blessing, so he doesn’t really choose to think about what kind of life a lot of these demigods lead, what with often being raised by a single parent, getting kicked out of schools, and being hunted by monsters constantly. He doesn’t care to know, so he doesn’t dig and figure it out.

He also misremembers how much he’s helped Percy.

“But Percy Jackson has always been reliable. You have nothing to fear. Besides, he likes me. I taught him everything he knows.” (24)

He’s only really interacted with Percy four times: when picking up the Hunters in Titan’s curse; when disguised as Fred the Hobo; sort of when he made Rachel the Oracle of Delphi; and when he sent Percy to retrieve his wayward Celadon in Singer of Apollo. And Percy was NOT happy with Apollo after Singer of Apollo. But Apollo wants to be partly responsible for Percy’s successes and he wants everyone to like him, so that’s what he remembers.

Speaking of Singer of Apollo, that short story really shows how little he used to listen to others, and how easily he could be fooled into believing that they are thinking and feeling things that are favorable to him.

“we’re kind of off duty, Lord Apollo. It’s Grover’s birthday.”

“Happy birthday!” Apollo said. “I’m so glad you’re taking the day off. That means you two have time to help me with a small problem!”

He’s not really listening to what Percy has to say here. He’s twisting Percy’s words to mean what he WANTS them to mean, and it’s not like Percy can really refuse him, for fear of incineration.

When Percy and Grover get back from retrieving the rogue Celadon, Apollo offers a reward, which Percy declines:

“Well, good job you two! As your reward, you’re invited to watch me perform on Mount Olympus.”

Grover and I glanced at each other. Insulting a god was dangerous, but the last thing I wanted was to hear more music.

“We aren’t worthy,” I lied. “We’d love to, really, but you know, we’d probably explode or something if we heard your godly music at full volume.”

Apollo nodded thoughtfully. “You’re right. It might distract from my performance if you exploded. How considerate of you.” He grinned. “Well, I’m off, then. Happy birthday Percy!”

Now apparently people exploding while listening to Apollo’s music IS a serious concern, but Apollo still should have been able to tell that Percy and Grover were actually just looking for an excuse to skip the concert... if he had cared to look more deeply into what they were thinking and feeling. Which he didn’t. He didn’t even care enough to remember that it was Grover’s birthday, not Percy’s. I strongly suspect that if post-TBM Apollo could rewatch his interactions with Percy and Grover during this quest, he’d face-palm at how oblivious he was. Or be tempted to punch himself in the face. Or both.

Back in The Hidden Oracle, he IS actually able to read Percy when he meets up with him a short time later, but dismisses his own reading of Percy’s expression, since it’s not favorable to him.

If I didn’t know how much Percy Jackson adored me, I would have sworn he was about to punch me in my already broken nose. (26)

He does this sort of thing a lot throughout THO and TDP, where he reads people and situations accurately, and then tells himself that that can’t possibly be the case. He mostly stops that by the time TBM rolls around, though.

Apollo gets this reading-accurately-and-then-denying-it thing a lot with Percy especially.

“Well, never fear,” I said. “There are always new opportunities to win fame! That’s why I’ve come to you for help!”

He gave me that confusing expression again: as if he wanted to kick me, when I was sure he was struggling to contain his gratitude. (33)

Apollo just can’t seem to accept Percy’s true thoughts and feelings, so he always just goes with the interpretations that’s most charitable to himself, like when Percy mentions that the Oracle isn’t working:

I swallowed back the taste of fear and seven-layer dip. “I just... I assumed - I hoped this would be taken care of by now.”

“You mean by demigods,” Percy said, “going on a big quest to reclaim the Oracle of Delphi?”

“Exactly!” I knew Percy would understand. “I suppose Chiron just forgot. I’ll remind him when we get to camp and he can dispatch some of you talented fodder - I mean heroes -” (47)

I suppose Apollo’s right in that Percy understands what Apollo means. Percy just isn’t thrilled about it, which Apollo doesn’t seem to realize. Or rather, doesn’t WANT to realize. He desires Percy’s respect and even adoration, so he keeps on fooling himself into thinking he has it.

This self-deception doesn’t hold up for very long. He gets better at reading people pretty quickly - especially Meg, since he doesn’t crave her respect or adoration the same way he desires Percy’s, so he’s more willing to take his own reading of her at face value, rather than trying to fool himself. Plus he knows very little about her, neither does anyone else, and she’s not volunteering much. So if he wants to know more about his new master, he has to become really perceptive and good at getting her to open up.

I glanced at the rings on her middle fingers. “So yesterday... those swords. And don’t do that thing.”

Meg’s eyebrows furrowed. “What thing?”

“That thing where you shut down and refuse to talk. Your face turns to cement.”

She gave me a furious pout. “It does not. I’ve got swords. I fight with them. So what?”

“So it might have been nice to know that earlier, when we were in combat with the plague spirits.”

“You said it yourself: those spirits couldn’t be killed.”

“You’re sidestepping” (THO 133)

A little later in the conversation, he’s able to acquire enough hints from her words and expressions to get an idea of what may be going on:

“I never met my mom.” she said. “I didn’t know who she was.”

“Then where did you get the swords? Your father?”

Meg tore her waffle into tiny pieces. “No... my stepdad raised me. He gave me these rings.”

“Your stepfather. Your stepfather gave you rings that turn into imperial gold swords. What sort of man -”

“A good man,” she snapped.

I noted the steel in Meg’s voice and let the subject rest. I sensed a great tragedy in her past.” (THO 134)

Apollo is able to ask just the right questions to get the hint that something is kinda weird about Meg’s relationship with her stepfather, and to get a hint that something traumatic is involved - and also that pursuing that subject would be bad for his health.

When he and Meg end up in Python’s cave, he’s also able to identify that Meg’s more terrified of the man’s voice, than she is of the giant reptile talking to him:

Next to me, in the glow of the apple, Meg seemed to have turned to bronze. Her eyes were wide with fear. A little late for that, but at least she was quiet. If I didn’t know better, I might have thought the man’s voice terrified her more than the monster’s. (THO 168)

Probably the best, and possibly his most important reading of Meg, was when he was able to identify what sort of manipulation Nero had used on her, to get her to obey him.

“Meg had been trained to regard her kindly stepfather Nero and the terrifying Beast as two separate people. I understood now why she preferred to spend her time in the alleys of New York. I understood why she had such quick mood changes, going from cartwheels to full shutdowns in a matter of seconds. She never knew what might unleash the Beast.

She fixed her eyes on me. Her lips quivered. I could tell she wanted a way out - some eloquent argument that would mollify her stepfather and allow her to follow her conscience. (THO 289- 290).

His ability to read both the situation and Meg is crucial to persuading Meg to fight back against Nero, even if it doesn’t last. Plus, it lets him identify much of the basics of what happened to her, even though he’s not outright told, which is useful in his efforts to help her throw off his brainwashing in later books.

Meg isn’t the only person Apollo can read - far from it. In the Dark Prophecy, he’s able to tell that Leo and Calypso have asked to stay at the Waystation:

“Assuming we live through tomorrow,” I said, “you two intend to remain at the Waystation.”

[...]

“How did you know?” Calypso asked.

“The serious conversations with our hosts?” I said. “The furtive glances?” (291)

He’s also able to persuade some blemmyae to blow up the Cave of Trophonious, and that a 5 second timer counts slower underwater. Blemmyae are stupid though, so that’s not as impressive as it sounds.

Over in The Burning Maze, Apollo’s able to read Jason pretty well, despite only having known him for a few minutes. He’s able to tell that Jason’s hiding something.

“All right,” I said. “What did the Sibyl really tell you?”

[...]

“What makes you think I’m holding back?” he asked.

“Please,” I said. “Don’t try to be evasively prophetic with the god of evasive prophecies.” (211)

Piper seems to have an idea that Jason might still be holding something back, but Apollo acts like he knows for sure, and is able to persuade him to open up.

Later in their conversation, Apollo reads the situation between Jason and Piper REALLY well.

“You would’ve let us lead you cheerily off to your death? How would that have affected Piper’s peace of mind, once she found out?”

Jason’s ears reddened. It struck me just how young he was - no more than seventeen. Older than my mortal form, yes, but not by much. This young man had lost his mother. He had survived the harsh training of Lupa the wolf goddess. He’d grown up with the discipline of the Twelfth legion at Camp Jupiter. He’d fought Titans and Giants. He’d helped save the world at least twice. But by mortal standards, he was barely an adult. He wasn’t old enough to vote or drink.

Despite all his experiences, was it fair of me to expect him to think logically, and consider everyone’s feelings with perfect clarity, while pondering his own death?

I tried to soften my tone. “You don’t want Piper to die. I understand that. She wouldn’t want you to die. But avoiding prophecies never works. And keeping secrets from friends... that really never works. It’ll be our job to face Caligula together, steal that homicidal maniac’s shoes, and get away without any five-letter words that start with D.” (214-215)

Apollo’s social skills here, his ability to read Jason, and knowing just what to say here is really impressive. He may have complained in the past about not being a silver-tongued orator anymore, but I’d argue that his skills there have IMPROVED, not lessened. He just needed to get over some of his self-pity and awkwardness first.

Jason’s not the only one he’s gotten good at reading and giving advice to, though. While on board Caligula’s wardrobe boat, he pressed her about the song she sang, “Life of Illusion”, and what it meant to her. That the way she sang the song, she was talking about herself, and her feelings about Jason. He got her to open up.

“I tried,” she murmured. “After the war with Gaea, I convinced myself everything would be perfect. For a while, a few months maybe, I thought it was. Jason’s great. He’s my closest friend, even more than Annabeth. “But” - she spread her hands - “whatever I thought was there, my happily-ever-after... It just wasn’t.”

I nodded. “Your relationship was born in crisis. Such romances are difficult to sustain once the crisis is over.” (263)

Piper confesses that the major problem she had with their relationship was how she had been manipulated and pressured into it by Hera’s and Aphrodite’s machinations, and how she wanted a chance to figure out who she is and what she wants.

“You’re wondering who you are without all the pressure.” (264)

She’s not even sure if she counts as Cherokee, since Cherokee heritage is matrilineal, and her mother is a Greek goddess, not Cherokee. Apollo has some surprisingly profound and comforting words of wisdom for her:

“It’s been my observation,” I said, “that you humans are more than the sum of your history. You can choose how much of your ancestry to embrace. You can overcome the expectations of your family and your society. What you cannot do, and should never do, is try to be someone other than yourself - Piper McLean.” (265)

Apollo now excels at really listening to people and offering comfort and support. He hasn’t done so in the past, either by choice because he didn’t care, or because he honestly wasn’t as good at reading people and seeing what they needed. But now he’s excellent at it, and I suspect that his skill will only improve.

Apollo’s also gotten really good at reading situations to manipulate his enemies, like when his party is captured by some pandai while infiltrating Caligula’s ships.

I scanned the deck. No additional guards were running toward us, no searchlights were trained on our position. No horns blared. Somewhere inside the boat, gentle music played - not the sort of soundtrack one might expect during an incursion.

The pandai had not raised a general alarm. Despite their threats, they had not yet killed us. They’d even gone to the trouble of zip-tying Piper’s and Jason’s hands. Why?

I turned to the largest guard “Good sir, are you the panda in charge?”

[...]

I studied his majestic ears, then hazarded an educated guess. “I imagine you hate people eavesdropping on you.”

Amax’s furry black nose twitched. “Why do you say this? What did you hear?”

“Nothing!” I assured him. “But I bet you have to be careful. Always other people, other pandai snooping into your business. That’s - that’s why you haven’t raised an alarm yet. You know we’re important prisoners. You want to keep control of the situation, without anyone else taking credit for your good work.” (241-242)

Apollo used some pretty limited info, managed to arrive at the correct conclusion, and then manipulated the situation to his benefit (though the others started helping at that point). Even Piper could scarcely have done better!

Later in the scene, when Meg is able to fight back, Apollo’s the one who notices that Crest doesn’t want to hurt them, and is able to persuade him to leave.

With a horrified whimper, Crest dropped his bow. He staggered backward, struggling to draw his sword. Meg yanked her first scimitar from Amax’s dust-covered chair and marched toward him.

“Meg, wait!” I said.

She glared at me. “What?”

I tried to raise my hands in a placating gesture, then remembered they were tied behind my back.

“Crest,” I said, “there’s no shame in surrender. You are not a fighter.”

He gulped. “Y-you don’t know me.”

“You’re holding your sword backward,” I pointed out. “So unless you intend to stab yourself...”

He fumbled to correct the situation.

“Fly!” I pleaded. “This doesn’t have to be your fight. Get out of here! Become the musician you want to see in the world!”

He must have heard the earnestness in my voice. He dropped his sword and jumped through the gaping hole in the glass, ear-sailing into the darkness.

“Why’d you let him go?” Meg demanded. “He’ll warn everybody.”

“I don’t think so,” I said. “Also, it doesn’t matter. We just announced ourselves with a literal thunderbolt.” (252)

Everyone has access to the same info about Crest that Apollo does, and yet Apollo is the one who tries to save Crest, is able to persuade him to retreat, and understands Crest well enough to suspect that he won’t raise the alarm (not that it mattered).

Later on Apollo sees Crest again.

“I think we’re being followed,” I said. “Our friend Crest.”

Piper scanned the night sky. “What do we do about it?”

“I’d recommend nothing,” I said. “If he wanted to attack us or raise the alarm, he could’ve already done it.” (266)

Apollo’s better at reading the situation than Piper is here - probably because he identifies with Crest, music-lover that he is. He’s able to read Crest really well, and make the correct decision. Much like with Meg, reading Crest accurately was key to getting his help later. If Apollo hadn’t been as good as he is, Crest would still be dead, likely murdered by Meg, and Apollo would be gone for good.

Apollo’s people-reading skills have grown so much, from not being able to/not caring to read Percy accurately in The Singer of Apollo, to being able to wheedle out what Jason’s hiding, to giving Piper some excellent support and comfort. I believe that these skills will again prove to be vital in the next book, particularly when meeting Reyna. Nico helped her somewhat, getting her to open up about her father and telling her that she did what she had to do, but they were interrupted before they could really finish their heart-to-heart, and she still hadn’t seemed to have totally come to terms with what happened to her father. I suspect that Apollo will be able “heal her heart”, not by starting a romantic relationship with her, but by helping her put her past to rest and being supportive.

#apollo #lester papadopoulos #TOA centric #trials of apollo #toa #tho #tho spoilers #tdp #tdp spoilers #tbm #tbm spoilers #the trials of apollo #the hidden oracle #the dark prophecy #the burning maze #This took so long to put together and required a few revisions as my plan for it changed #But overall I'm satisfied with how it turned out #I hope everyone likes it!#I'd love any discussion or comments you guys have for it!

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bigredbag · 6 years

Text

Untitled! MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD UNDER THE CUT

Okay, so I had a harder time remembering this one compared to Are You Happy, but I'll do my best!

It was pretty amazing having no clue where your seats were before hand. The scan your QR code and the tickets print and then you walk straight in. The first night I was with my friend who doesn't really know Arashi and she couldn't care less where we sat, but of course I wanted Arena at least once with the 2 times I was fortunate enough to go. I flipped over the ticket and just gasped. "WE GOT ARENA" I shrieked. I was so happy.

The second night I met up with some people I didn't know. All four of us met for the first time. I 12was at what I thought was the right place and couldn't find them at first and panicked. finally I heard "SARAH SARAH SARAH" and the girl who I got the tickets from ran up to me.

It was 20 min before the concert started when we got our tickets.

She grabbed the printed tickets and I watched patiently. Her hands started shaking.

"ARENA" she screamed and the other girls with me flipped out, with me being excited as well.

I was incredibly incredibly incredibly lucky.

I was fortunate enough to get Arena two times! What the?

I also did a live stream where I basically overviewed this and went into some different details. The first part is me talking about my trip but the concert report starts around 43:00

https://www.twitch.tv/videos/205192958

Near the end it is a bit faster because there is less build up and context behind the concert on the last songs. Also note that when I say “recording” I just mean I have some audio from it.

*****************************SPOILERS BEGIN NOW!!!******************************

SRLSY STOP IF YOU DON’T WANT SPOILERS.

The stage was just a long rectangle with a few large screens behind them (I'll get more to that later) There were two paths from the stage that formed a trapezoid shape and connected in a small rectangle.

Here is a map:

https://imgur.com/a/hzxDj

The images on the screen were a bunch of picture frames with varied pictures. I remember specifically one with a violin. Very "I'll be there" esque. When the lights finally fade there began a soft kind of mysterious music and the pictures started to move. They all circled around the center of the screen and when the music finally grew to a big crescendo, a blank frame appeared and everything went black. The "Arashi Untitled Tour 2017-2018" image appeared.

Suddenly the 'U' and the 'N' flickered red and slowly all the letters turned bright red. A design formed with the glowing red (think Stranger Things)and a low kind of techno synthesizer music. A small rhythm started and suddenly Green Light began and you could hear the "ah-ha" part at the beginning.

On 'Can't stop this feeling' they all appeared on the main stage a little raised up towards the back. They just sang at this point. Whenever one person sang, their face on the camera showed up behind them. So it would just switch between who was singing (they did this a LOT during this concert).

During the chorus they started dancing. Just a normal Arashi dance. They were wearing red and black... business casual? lol. No one was super done up but they weren't totally casual. On the second verse they started lowering I think. I could be wrong but at some point they moved down. At the point of the second chorus they were all at the front of the stage.

After the second chorus a dance started. A but different music than the actual song during the bridge/dance section. After the 'Gimme gimme' part it kind of repeated their voices like it was glitching out. When the beat dropped again the lights all went off. Just normal dancing and singing after this.

At the end all the lights went out.

A spotlight appeared on Aiba with everyone else crouched. I'll Be There started. This song was really cool just because of how the visuals looked on the screens. As soon as the main beat picked up the ENTIRE BACK SCREENS LIT UP. It was HUGE. They had a camera going around them that showed them at super cool angles and it was plastered on the entire backdrop. It was like someone had a drone over them while they danced. It was different than any backdrop they've done I think. At least in size.

There were a lot of 'I'll be there' themed graphics going around as well.

Other than the massive screens (which were AWESOME) it was the same dance and they were just front center stage. On the last 'I'll be with you's’ they had a pretty cool looking graphics that were kind of psychedelic with all of the members doing different angles of the hand dance. Red and gold colored, a bit more flamboyant compared to the normally muted colors.

After that was done Fūun (風雲) started and the front stage lifted up to become the moving stage. All the lights were red themed and static waves and such. Very rock song graphics all over with a red theme. This song was really fun. There wasn't anything particularly different about it. They just moved across the stage and sang. They were just really energetic and had a lot of fun. The first time they move across the audience is always high energy I think.

It was pretty obvious where they were lip singing and when they weren't because I think Nino was sick or his ear piece wasn't working. You could tell it was live.

It was just a really pumped up and everyone kind of got high tension at that point.

It moved all the way to the other side. And as it was lowering Attack It! started, which surprised me. I hadn't heard this since... Beautiful World, I think? I love this song. I was a bit away both nights but they were very funny. Sho made a lot of funny faces. They all sounded pretty awesome on it. It was a really good one. They all played it up a lot.

Near the end they started the greetings.

Jun prompted the audience to be loud a lot. Like, pointing to his ears and stuff. He said a few different things but I couldn't understand.

The greetings weren't very different from the usual.

At this point they moved on to the bigger train things. They were covered with letters that said things like 'unfinished'. It lit up and sometimes just a few 'AMNOS' would light up.

Ohno did his usual cheer as well. "SAPPORO MATSURI" is what he yelled at the end.

Sho held his "SAPPOROOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" a long time. He did normal up top, arena how are you. Then he did the 'men' part and there were very few. In my recording there is one VERY excited human.

He was particularly energetic and goofed off a lot this concert. In the best way possible. Reminded me of Shukudai Sho.

After he was done with the Arashi call backs, Attack It! finished.

'Happiness' started while they were on the carts. The carts weren't super close to me the first night but the second night Ohno and Jun came REALLY REALLY REALLY close to the right of the stage. The other side had the remaining three. They had moved all the way back to the main stage.

Once they finished Happiness completely, the lights went out and all the screens displayed a bunch of beautiful images with silhouettes of different types of people. The lights in the audience all changed with the theme shown on the screen. All the members took a turn speaking. My friend said they were talking about making connections with other people.

'UB' started up. Nino and Aiba appeared in spotlights both wearing blue turtlenecks, jeans and orange socks (makes sense with the dance they did). They just sang and walked towards each other slowly while they sang. When they sang their faces were appearing behind them on the monitors really big. No special effects. Just their faces really big. First night Aiba was in front of me coming from the left, second Nino was pretty close on the right.

Nino was always singing along to Aiba's part too. Not into the mic but he always does that. It shows in the DVD but it's crazy just how much he does it when the cameras aren't on him. It's a lot.

When they met in the middle at the bridge (when it gets a little slow), they walked past each other for a few steps. They turned around put their hands out together like they were going to start dancing. At the circusy part they started this crazy dance that was a ton of wrapping around each other and picking up and basically being human puzzle pieces. Apparently it was a German guy who taught it to them. Someone on tumblr posted a link to the choreographer doing a similar dance but I don’t have it at the moment. Anyone have it and can post it?

Difficult and playful. Yet their faces were so serious. I think they kind of were laughing while they did it one night at a few parts. They looked INCREDIBLY determined.

When they started singing again they grabbed hands (and interlocked fingers much to the fangirls screaming) and lifted their hands in the air. They started walking away from each other again after this for the last part of the song.

At the end they waved to each other and gave a thumbs up.

Almost immediately 'Come Back' started. This was one of my least favorite songs on the album but now it's one of my favorites. I still liked it before but this was awesome. That happened a lot for me with this concert.

They had a ton of red and purple/blue in the lights and screens. They'd have their faces projected with them singing their parts. The words were broadcast throughout the entire thing.

At the end of the first talking they both jumped out of the air on a platform.

They were on opposite sides of the stage in what looked like lettermans jacket. Sho in blue and Jun in red. They each had a slew of Jrs. behind them.

The whole dance was kind of a give and take as they each sang. Slightly rap battle esque.

The dance was so. freaking. fun. It was this weird skippy thing and it reminded me a lot of Ups and Downs, especially the dance break. Lots of fan girls screaming for Sakumoto here. Like... a lot.

When they do the middle singing part right before the chorus, the screens behind would take screenshots of what the person singing was doing and put it to the side like a little collage.

At the middle they did a dance break together. Like I said, think Ups and Downs. Very similar.

They finished it with a pose pointing towards each other and the lights went out.

This part was a bit weird, but all the Jrs came out in street clothes stretching like the beginning of a dance rehearsal. It was just an orange haze light shining on them. Nino and Ohno showed up and each started teaching a group some sort of dance. Pretty sure on my recording you can hear me basically being like "wut?" It was a weird mix of silly and serious that I couldn't quite get. It felt like it was supposed to be serious and Nino and Ohno weren't taking it so. At least this section.

Jun walked in. He started a clapping rhythm and at one big bang Yoru no Kage (夜の影) started.

This was definitely a fan service song. Lots of hips. Lots of touching. Lots of everything. I think I had to cover my face a few times. It was really fun though. The whisper parts from Nino were pretty awesome (wanna make you mine and such).

The dance was pretty all over the place. Mostly hip hop ish I guess you would say. Nino and Jun were particularly affectionate. I'm sure people have seen the pictures of this. They were all wearing white street clothes. The first time Jun sings the chorus were a lot of hips. Which made me laugh pretty hard (and hide my face, obviously). Obviously was a hit with everyone.

When Nino echos Jun with the "get enough" they were... um... all over reach other? I guess? At least Nino and Jun. Ohno actually fell into the background to this one. I think

And when Nino started his syncopated part he was jumping to the beat which was kinda cool looking.

When they got high on the harmony (which was AMAZING), everything stopped. The music changed completely and they did a whole different dance break.

All the Jrs were filming with phones and such in the back. It was like a dance circle.

Once they started singing again, they acted as if they had won a dance battle, it felt like. They just finished out the dance after this. Nino's high parts in the background (which I didn't even notice until I saw it live) stood out in a great way.

Jrs all threw everything up in the air (jrs and them) at the end and the lights went out.

Suddenly a line conversation appeared on screen.

Aiba was the first to talk (his icon was him with a bandanna with glow sticks stuck in it) followed by Sho who had glasses and a bandanna too. Ohno appeared with a similar appearance as well. They were talking about something with Ganguro Style and then Aiba sent a picture of Sho dressed like it as a gif. Sho freaked out and replied with one of his drawings. Then Aiba sent one of himself. He sent one of Ohno last, who then let out a really high pitched 'OoOOOH!?" They then had a gif of all three of them. Sho kept using line stickers of stuff he's drawn on shows (the Totoro painting).

Sho talked really low and it was funny. Ohno talked really high and squeaky. Aiba talked really fast and a LOT. Aiba went on a huge rant at the end, to which Sho responded with a bunch of "Woowooioioiioiioiioiiioi" (no clue how to describe it) and sent another one of his drawings. Totoro was one.

At the end of the conversation Bazuri Night (バズりNIGHT) started. They each came out one by one and posed. Then started a very "fan boy of idols" dance. It was really great. The Jrs were in these tights and tunics and stuff (wut). Looked like ballet dancers. Jrs made frames with their arms and bodies to surround the upper bodies of the three members. They were dancing and goofing off.

On the "nin" parts, every time there was a 'nin' Ohno would do a leap frog and slightly sit o the back of Jr. Then Aiba. Then Sho. This happened all during the nins (lol) and Sho fell on the last ones as the other two started to run away.

During the chorus they did this dance where it was like.. hand hand, hands in the air. shoulder sway... All really silly. You'll kind of have to see it to get it. Think Disco Star but they're nerds trying to be idols.

They were goofing off with the Jrs as well. Trying to keep up, following them in their line dances.

They would do actions one at a time. Aiba would start, Ohno would copy, with Sho finishing up.

On the yoi, they did a rock from janken on each yoi.

They made their way to the center middle section.

Aiba held out a pen light on the camera in the background and then put out another. Each of them had two pen lights. The lights went out and they started doing a dance with the lights. Everyone was laughing. All the Jrs were doing it as well. The music was like a remix of the song.

They all of the sudden went really red and did this hard beat and fast. The Jrs made a few symbols out of the lights that had turned purple. I'm not sure what kanji they made though.

When the lights came on... the middle platform was raised and there stood all three in all their mini skirt glory. And long wigs. And the outfits they wore in the Ganguro pic. I was absolutely shocked.

They then did a parapara dance, all looking totally miserable. Doing the dance with low energy like they were embarrassed. Everyone was laughing and screaming pretty hard by the end.

All the Jrs were screaming and fingerling around them.

Right as the song ended, Jun and Nino came out in their normal white clothes from the last dance. Both laughing and judging. They shooed away (Nino very aggressively) the Jrs. The second night one stayed behind and said something. Aiba, Sho and Ohno were desperately trying to cover themselves.

Ohno has one shoulder exposed so they pointed that out pretty quickly. They took their wigs off.

Guys, they have much better legs than I will ever have. It's very sad.

They all made their way to the front middle platform, the three Bazuri Night dancers trying to keep their skirts down. The second night Aiba's spanks underneath kept coming down at the end and he was lectured and tried to pull them up.

I wish I could tell you want they were saying. If anyone wants to hear my recordings of the talking parts, let me know. A bit hard to hear.

They walked up the sides to the main stage (the Bazuri night dancers still pulling their skirts down)

The lights went out and another one of the screens with the silhouettes started to play. If I remember right this one had a really pretty sunset.

All of the sudden there was this sound of strong winds and a spotlight appeared on Ohno sitting on the ground with strings on the screen behind him. Really eerie music. The string would move and Ohno would jerk up, like he was a puppet. It got more complicated each time he did a move. It looked real. By the end he was doing a dance to this intense, ominous music (think the dance in Love right before P.A.R.A.D.O.X.) Two wire like hands (think Zero G set) were controlling the screen. He was wearing this really gorgeous military looking outfit with pleats underneath and blue/red/black.

I can't wait for everyone to see this part.

At the end he spun and chopped the strings off and Tsunagu (つなぐ)began. The other guys joined him on stage, wearing similar outfits. These were gorgeous. Probably one of my favorites of the night. All slightly military-esque. (Masquerade+ Seishun Boogie)

This dance is one of my favorites, and my friend who doesn't really know them said she really liked this one as well. Very Japanese. They also sounded good.

After this they took off the jackets they were wearing (with a flourish naturally) They were wearing a bit fancy... blouses underneath? Heh heh, best way to describe them. All silk like material. Nino in light blue, Sho in purple (I totally matched him the first night). Jun in a turquoise, Ohno in a gray, Aiba in Yellow.

As soon as they were done Hōyō (抱擁) started. They danced up front on the stage for a bit for this. It was just kind of a normal dance that they do, nothing particularly different. The lights were really bright and colorful. Reminded me of the popcorn song where they wear the vests. Almost like a filler?

Next was the Okinimesumama (?) (お気に召すまま). This was the b-side song. They made their way to the middle of the outer stage area. Nino and Ohno were in front of me on the right the second night. Nino kept forcing Ohno to wave. He'd grab his hand and wave it. The other three were making their to the middle on the other side. At the quick talking part they did a fun dance in the middle in a circle where they walked in a circle pointing to the person in front of them and then made a movement like they were using their hand to talk. Very Love Wonderland-esque. They would stand next to each other and sway with their arms on shoulders. And would go back and forth the middle of the stage.

Then the part that made me gasp the loudest.

Bittersweet STARTED. This is on my list of songs that I'd LOOOOVE to hear live but thought I never would. They got on carts on this part, so despite me being happy to see them do the song, they were all over the place and screaming was happening so I didn't get to enjoy it a lot. The dance was my favorite too, so I was a little sad I didn't get to see that but I was just so happy to hear it!

SO.

All of the sudden I feel someone shove me REALLY hard into my friend. I'm like "Ow wat" and I look up and see why. They were making the path clear.

Jun was right in front of us and I was the seat on the isle. The cart passed right by me. GUYS. JUN AND I MADE EYE CONTACT. FOR LIKE A WHOLE 2 SECONDS. As soon as he started on the little cart I turned to my friend with terrified eyes and she yelled "DONT LOOK AT ME." and when I turned around he was kind of crouched getting settled on the cart and looked around AND I MADE EYE CONTACT.

/end screaming.

All the carts led to the back platform that moves across the stage. They lined up and Guts! started. Another song that I'd never thought I'd hear, so when it started I was SO HAPPY. They were pretty far away from me both nights but it was still really awesome to see the dance.

On the chorus; Nino, Sho and Aiba stood together and did the choreography together. Shoulders over each other. Nino was in the middle, Aiba on the right and Sho on the left. Sho and Aiba did the bow and arrow part. On the other side Jun and Ohno were doing the same thing, but it worked out a little better. Nino just kind of sat and enjoyed the show between the two.

On the last "paredo" part they decided to change it up and did bowling. Pulling back for the bowl was the first build up. Second was the bowl. Where they normally pretend to swing the bat, they did a success sign.. not sure how to describe it. Like a "YES. Nailed it."

After they did that they all danced around each other hopping with their hands up high fiving.

"Nice strike" - Jun said and then introduced Doors (Yūki no Kiseki) (Doors〜勇気の軌跡〜).

This was all done on the platform as it moved across the audience. They all seemed kind of tired at this point? They just did a ton of movement, so this dance was probably a great break. This one wasn't lip sung and they sounded so great when they sung all together. I'm in love with this dance.

After this was the MC.

My friend tried to explain some of it but they talk pretty fast and she was pretty absorbed. They talked about how UB was choreographed by a German guy who they took to sushi but Nino doesn't eat shell fish so it was funny?

They also were very, very proud of their bowling part of Guts! and made sure to replay it for everyone.

They talked about the "nin" part in Bazuri Night too.

After that they did a janken game to see who talked first while the others dressed. Apparently who won didn't happen very often the second night. It was Nino and Aiba the first night. And I need to recheck who was on the second night.

They talked about Nino hosting Kohaku (I think?), and Aiba said something along the lines of "I didn't do very well, so please make up for me." It was very sweet.

They all did their promotions that they normally do.

They had Nino do the "start" and he goofed off both nights. "STARTO" really loud. Or really fast and quiet.

They were in white clothes underneath with tan tops with lots of belts

They did kind of a mix of a bunch of different songs where they were standing on the middle platform and interacting with the pen lights. They would all kick in a certain direction and it would look like a fireball across the pen lights would bounce around.

You could hear Step and Go and Zero-G.

You could a little of Sakura at one part and then they topped it off with P.A.R.A.D.O.X. No singing just parts of the song.

It finally built up to Sugar starting. This dance was all done in the middle section. All the talking parts by Nino were met by many a' screams. The dance reminded me a lot of Wonderful. Simple song but they had lights coming from the bottom of them that looked gave them a cool shadow on their face while they danced.

Thinking back, it really was a lot like Wonderful. During Jun’s part of the verse, he spun around and pointed to cameras at all different angles and when it got to Sho’s whisper part, he was really close to one of them.

All the lights went out and Now or Never started with a bunch of rainbow lights lighting them up from the bottom.

They didn't much to this song. They split to two groups and went along the stage. Aiba on the "body" part was touched by Jun and Sho I believe. This was just a movement to the front of the stage song. I was a bit sad because I really like this dance and they didn’t do any of it.

After this was over the lights went down and another one of the story screens came on. This one was a little sad sounding.

The lights came back on with them all in white (brown jackets and such taken off).

Pray started with a little scene in brown that had a few trees that would follow each member as they walked across the raised platform on the main page. The more they sang more scenery would appear. It was like a snowy village. The stage was moving back and forth, putting the members at different depths on the stage. Nino was completely blocked from me on the platform, but they were moving them forwards and backwards.

They all ended up at the same level and Hikari (光) started. Throughout the song they lowered and moved forward. There wasn't really dancing I don't think but it had all these stain glass windows behind them and it was very gospel singing like.

Near the end all the Jrs. came up from under the stage in gospel choir costumes. Sho's mic went out during the rap a little bit though. I was surprised. It's kind of cool being the first few shows because it's more raw and they haven't worked out kinks yet. Of course that means sometimes you don't get to see certain songs that they added after the shows you saw (IM LOOKING AT YOU 'FIGHT SONG').

This song for some reason hit me really hard. I love this song to begin with but it just felt really hopeful and happy the entire song. They had everyone clapping at the end.

Lights came back on fast and Kimi no Tame ni Boku ga Iru (君のために僕がいる)started. This has been in a few more concerts lately, hasn't it? I don't know the hand dance thing so I was like YEAh GO TEAM ILL DO IT TOO.

For some reason I don't remember this very much but I think it's because they were moving around on carts and such. I lose track of them and the song kind of gets a bit jumbled since they get so close.

PIKA★★NCHI DOUBLE started after this. They only did a short version of it, cutting out the middle where Sho Raps one at a time with everyone. I think they will still moving. And maybe put on new jackets? To be honest, I'm having a hard time remember exactly what happened here.

I think they were moving to the pillars at this point. Order from left to right facing the stage: Aiba, Nino, Sho, Ohno and Jun. I was between Nino and Aiba the first night and by Jun the second.

Hadashi no Mirai (ハダシの未来) started as the pillars lifted up. It was kind of surreal to be able to do this part with them. That's what's so fun about the concerts. You feel like you're part of it. Even if you don't remember the dance all of the way... I got it though!

They introduced the Jrs at this point. With MADE and the Six group (I can't hear their name so someone please correct me.) who do all the fancy flips. After that the finished up Hadashi no Mirai.

Believe started immediately as they began the decent and made their way on smaller carts back to the middle section that had moved to the back of the audience. Another song that I never thought I'd hear.

The best part is they did the main part of the dance at the end that's so hard, but so memorable. It made me really happy that I got to see that live, as silly as that seems.

They did so many different songs I wasn't expecting.

Like Monster that started with a bunch of flames around the raised platform at the back. The whole song had flames going off. They didn't do anything different from the normal Monster dance but the flames definitely added an extra umph. It also matched the PV, which was a nice touch.

A.RA.SHI began as they moved back across the audience. Nothing different but always a special one to hear in my opinion. ARASHI. ARASHI. FOR DREAM. BBY.

The few times I've heard Ohno struggle during a concert it's almost always during this song.

Singing at the end always makes me kind of emotion. It really connects the audience to them and just has history, I guess.

This led into another talking part. It was softer and sweeter. The second night it seemed like a lot of people this as a spot to sit down, but was so pretty with the lights. It was just as part of the concert as everything else, in my opinion.

The music transitioned into Song for You.

Guys.

Guyssss.

This was incredible.

I've been trying to guess what it would be like and it exceeded my expectations completely.

Ohno rose up from the center stage with a spotlight on him. He sang his part and began a really pretty, almost ballet dance. They were all wearing red, gold, black, silver clothes that were old fashioned and gorgeous. Nino had lace cuffs, so that's all you need to know. The best.

Partway through his dance, Aiba and Nino appeared really fast from under the stage. Like... abruptly. It was so smooth. And fast. They were just THERE. It left an impression. They started dancing with Ohno. Once gain, all the dancing here felt almost ballet.

The Aiba/Nino section started with Ohno dancing away and a bunch of jrs. appearing behind them. Their dance was still pretty classical but had some traditional Arashi dancing. Definitely hips for those it appeals to.

They danced after they sang for a bit and then Sho and Jun showed up with their own hoard of back up dancers. (I enjoy the term “gaggle”)

They went full West Side Story as soon as the Jun/Sho part started.

Once they finished the "a few years pass" that Sho says, Nino and Aiba left.

When it got to the chorus part they had a really cool graphic behind them where it had each of their silhouettes facing to the side, but then within them half of their face facing forward.

They sounded so good here too! This entire song was live!

Eventually all 5 were on stage and dancing when Ohno started up singing again.

The screen was incredible at this part.

It had five rectangles that would alternate between the three or two singing. Once the part where they alternate often started.

So, Ohno and Aiba (wow that doesn't happen much) and Jun, Sho and Nino.

It was very sweet and felt very human. The videos they showed of them in the back looked like they were having fun and had a lot of emotion.

They danced again until it started the slow ending that sounded like Ohno's first section.

They were lined up at the front, with the big screen showing a square with whatever member’s face was singing.

I believe there was a galaxy or nature behind them at parts where they weren't showing their face? Don't quote me on that.

During the part where they would be doing the "oos" they all took a minute to talk. It was the same both nights. It would be a spotlight on them. Ohno, Sho, Aiba, Jun and then Nino finished it. It was like their end messages. Ohno asked if everyone had fun, I think? But serious, not in a joking way.

I think it was just tying up all the talking points they have showed. It was very sweet and very heartfelt. I liked this a lot.

The last thing was Nino saying "Thank you very much" and they bowed.

THEN they did the "oo's"

When Ohno and Nino go high together at the end, it was AWESOME. It was all a pretty powerful ending and I definitely teared up a little. That song is just too powerful and too pretty, you know?

Mikan (｢未完｣)immediately started and they threw off the overcoats (with another flourish, of course) during the extending intro. All the lights were red and the theme was kind of a digital, grunge look?

On Nino's "YEAH" at the end fireworks went off and scared the crap out of me both times.

I don't think they moved too much on this song? I honestly don't remember. I think they were just on the front raised up or in the middle section.

This was pretty interesting. The "Arashi Live Tour" screen went up and the lights kind of lifted so everyone was like "What?!" and started cheering. They didn't do a bunch of goodbyes and then come back again for the encore, they just went off and came back which I think saves a lot of time.

When they came out they were on the big carts. Nino, Sho and Aiba one one. Jun and Ohno on the other. The music started instantly. They were all wearing random clothes with 'Untitled' on them. Hard to really pin point them. Some were like lettermans Jackets. Jun's was like his overcoat in Baby Blue. It was all a bunch of different stuff.

Wild at Heart (ワイルドアットハート) started instantly when they came out. Aiba, Sho and Nino were REALLY close to me on the big cart on the second night. They were all kind of looking away while they passed though. Sho turned around I think?

This is one of my favorite songs so I’m always really happy to hear it.

The encore was really short, it felt like.

Sakura Sake (サクラ咲ケ) started after this (another that I was surprised to hear). I TRIED to shake my hand properly. Anyone know why the hand actions are what they are? Because I've tried to figure it out and I can't.

Either way, it's super fun but hard to do with a pen light in your hand. I also didn't know the call backs to Sho's rap. Either way it was a blast.

By this point they were at the front of the stage all together.

Kanata e (彼方へ) started, which was very sweet. They just stood on the stage and sang on this one, with the usual portraits behind them I think? They looked really into this song. Just an emotional-esque one.

I can't get over how good Ohno sounds live. All of them really. Jun has gotten better every single one. Sho has such a high voice and I forget it until I hear him live again. Nino did sound amazing still. Aiba is sooo powerful now. He is almost exactly like the studio recordings and sounds fantastic.

They moved to the back-ish of the center stage. I believe they were on a platform that sank into the ground and they said bye. This is also where the tape exploded into the audience (the quiet before the chorus again). Right as Nino did his high part into the chorus. Obviously a mad rush. The girl I got the ticket from gave me some of the ones she got and I was so happy! Apparently being 5”9’ did nothing for me.

Nino sounded really good on his high part here! I was like THERE YOU ARE. THERE IS THE NINO WE KNOW AND LOVE.

The harmony of "don't stop music" was pretty awesome and that's how they ended!

Then thanked the Jrs again and introduced/thanked the band Mount Blast. I think they thanked the staff? And then they thanked the audience.

We all yelled their name and they bowed.

But what? No Energy Song? No Kanpai Song? HUH?

All of the sudden you hear the music of Kanpai Song (カンパイ･ソング)start and they slowly raise up from the platform they went down, all draped over each other pretending to be resting or asleep. Nino was laughing REALLY hard on the second night. They were all in a puddle of Arashi.

They did Kanpai song and that was it! They just ran around, didn't do carts. Just ran up and down the stage sections. I LOVED it. The talking part where Nino says there's no time or whatever, that whole section was great. The background was all alcohol themed. Tee hee. I love Energy Song and knew this one would most likely replace it for this concert but I was a little said when I thought about it. Totally fine with it after seeing it.

Great way to end it, even with out Energy Song. It has the same tension and same energy, if not more. Lots of cheering and running and loudness. It's way more call and response compared to Energy Song, so it made it feel a little more involved and like we were all singing it together.

They did a final Jump on the last beat.

The lights came up and it was finally all the way over.

Holy cow.

Final thoughts? It was really different. I didn't know what to expect especially since it took me a bit to fully love the album. It made me appreciate the album a LOT more and put a lot of them in better perspective.

This one was more performance art than Are You Happy? was. There was a lot of storytelling and metaphorical aspects. Many of the songs were conceptual in how they were presented. The penlights were utilized very different way and the giant screen was really awesome. They were subtle changes but overall it made for an incredible show and I loved every minute of it.

I can’t believe how lucky I am and I hope everyone can experience a concert someday. Let me know and I can go through the process I went through in a DM. <3

#arashi #spoilers #arashi untitled #untitled live spoilers.#arashi live tour spoilers

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blackcroweamon · 6 years

Text

Black Crow- Part 1: Angel of Death

Hey. It’s been a while since I was on this blog. I just didn’t have the motivation to continue with Eamon and I just went on what could’ve been a permanent hiatus for him.

Yet, I found myself starting to miss him and, eventually, I decided to go back and write about him again. This might turn into an ongoing series, but I won’t make any promises like I did before.

Other than that, I hope you like it ^^.

(Side note: If there’s any suggestions on how I can improve on this, let me know)

I wonder how long I’ve been doing this? Walking through life, putting on an act by day, and peeling back the layers by night. It gets tiring, but somehow, I’ve managed to get through it all.

After a few moments, I turned off the faucet, allowing my face to simply float in the water for a moment before stepping back. My reflection hasn’t gotten any better. I stared back at the person in the mirror; a pale-skin kid with green eyes and brown hair. Water dripping down from his disheveled hair and onto his face. The bags under his eyes made it clear that he’s gone several nights without sleep. Yet that was the life of Eamon Brown, the Black Crow.

“… Back to it then.”, I sighed.

I walked back over to my laptop on the bed. Nearby, the TV was still tuned in on the news. Recently, there hasn’t been any reports of crimes going around; causing me some problems. Not that no crimes weren’t good, but it was becoming difficult to meet my manager’s quota every month. I might have to start taking more visits to the nearby prison if I wanted to catch up.

Not that there was any rush to do so. I had already turn in my mask a few days ago for this month’s quota, but it was better to start on the next month’s quota rather than waiting for the last second.

After a moment of getting situated, I started to scroll through my messages and alerts, but it was just the usual. Notices for quota deadlines, concert schedules for next month, old updates on crimes, and messages from Horace, the Leghorn Chicken, regarding our training sessions. I clicked on the later, a smile creeping onto my face as I read it. It seems he wanted to meet with me tomorrow.

Training with Horace was probably one of the only two things I enjoy doing. He’s a bit eccentric and seems a bit foolish, but he’s a great mentor. He also seems to be the only one in the company to care about my wellbeing as well.

A loud beep shook me from my thoughts as I turned my attention the new alert that appeared on screen. It was a police report from New Haven street. The report seemed to mention an on-going hostage situation that was taking place in the abandon Aaron Company warehouse. Three armed thugs and a single hostage…

Quickly, I grabbed my hoodie and made my way toward the door, grabbing my mask as I went. Looks like another hunt for the Reaper…

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I arrived on the scene about ten minutes later. Already the warehouse was surrounded by a blockade of police cars and vans. Men and woman rushed around to position themselves; the dogs braying wildly as they tugged against their handlers’ leashes. Didn’t look like there would be anyway to get in and out without being spotted, but, if there was one good thing I can say about my manager, it was that he knew the right contacts.

As was expected, Officer Roy was waiting for me in a nearby alley. Even to this day I was uncertain what sort of ties he had to the company. Whether he was being bribed to help me or was secretly part of the company, I was never sure. Yet, every time I’ve gone after these cases or sneaked into the prisons, he was always there as the inside man.

After a few moments, he spotted me and waved with that disarming grin of his. You’d think he was a clean guy if you didn’t know anything about the Sirens.

“Was wondering when you’d show up.”, Roy said, extending his hand in greeting. After a few seconds of realizing that I wasn’t going to shake his hand, he shrugged. “Had to try every once in a while.”

“What’s the situation…”, I asked, allowing my annoyance to creep into my voice.

“… A couple of days ago, we got a tip on a new drug gang opening up shop near the Delta train station. Nothing major, just a few punks looking to make a quick buck, but, well, you know how it can escalate. Small time drug dealers are one thing, but it starts to become a problem if they get themselves organized.” He stepped back and leaned against the wall. “Anyway, we busted their operation, but a few of them managed to escape. They nab a bystander and barricaded themselves in the warehouse.”

I gave him a small nod and prompted, “Is there a way in?”

“Yea. There’s a ladder in this alley that can reach the roof top. From there, you’ll have yourself a thirty foot drop down onto the warehouse itself. Most guys might break their legs jumping down, but, well, I’m sure you got that covered.”

I touched my mask. “You could say that.”

“Figured as much. Though the problem will be the drug dealers themselves. Two of them are armed with pistols and they’re all paranoid. They hear even a peep and they’ll pull the trigger on the hostage.” He rubbed his face wearily, like a person that was about to ask something difficult. “I know who you guys are, but... I ask that-“

I place a hand on him, cutting him off. “I won’t let them kill the hostage.”

I understood what he meant. The company I work for doesn’t just take the lives of a single group. They go after everyone. Young, old, innocent, or corrupted. It didn’t matter. All that mattered to the company was taking the life force of others.

A look of relief passes over his face. “Oh… good. Thank you so much.”

“Don’t mention it.” I moved back. “Now… show me where this ladder is.”

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That was a pretty big drop.

I felt my stomach quiver when I peeked over the edge. I wasn’t afraid of heights, I’ve been on the upper balconies at the company building before, but this was the first time that I was actually going to jump off and hope to land on the warehouse instead of the street floor a hundred feet below.

I took a few deep breathes to calm my nerves. It wasn’t as bad as I was making it out. I had a large margin for error so it wasn’t likely that I was going to miss the landing. Plus, I had my mask in my pocket.

Pulling it out now, I allowed myself a few seconds to look at it. It was quite the ornate piece of work. The mask was a mix of black and white with a black nose piece and gold outlines. Musical notes danced under the right eye socket. It looked like something you would find in an opera house, but it’s purpose was far more sinister.

Taking one last breath, I put the mask on. In the brief moment, a strange sensation overcame me, culminating onto my back. Flexing, my wings spread out to either side of me, the black feathers blending into the shadows around me.

Suddenly I felt calm; my body relaxing as I looked back over the edge. Truthfully, I never used my wings in this fashion before. Despite appearances, we couldn’t fly, but Horace had taught me how I could use them to glide. Though this would be the first time I’ve every tried it outside of a training session.

“No second thoughts now.”, I whispered, jumping off the edge. I allowed my wings to spread out parallel to me as I was taught and, for a moment, I feared that it wasn’t going to work. However, my wings soon took effect and I started to glide down onto the warehouse.

I stumbled as I landed; wincing in pain as I fell down onto my hands and knees. I turned my hands over and, sure enough, my palms were scraped. Could’ve been worse, I thought to myself as I stood up. Fortunately, it didn’t appear that anyone had noticed my sudden landing.

Carefully, I looked around for an entry into the warehouse and spotted a door. As I got closer to it though, it was apparent that it was boarded and locked on the other side. I slammed my fist into the door in frustration. All this effort and I can’t even get in.

I closed my eyes, furious, but then I froze. I could hear the sound of fluttering wings. Opening my eyes, I looked over my shoulder and spotted a crow perched on my wing. It’s beady, black eyes stared at me for a moment before flying past me into the side of the door. Curious, I walked around to the side and spotted a hole.

It wasn’t that big, but the wall itself seemed to be crumbling apart in certain spots. Seeing it as my best way in, I tore at the hole bit by bit until I had myself a hole big enough to crawl through if I removed my mask. I smiled slightly as the crow cawed at me. Seems like this wasn’t a waste of time after all.

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The voices were starting to get louder as I neared the bottom floor. Peering through a crack in a wall, I could make out a larger room. Crates and broken-down cars dotted the room. Overheard, support beams and walkways overlooked the room. A few windows shined into the room, but, otherwise, it was mostly dark. The two front doors outside were completely closed off by crates, but there appeared to be a side entrance that the thugs appeared to have left open if escape was necessary.

One of them, a nervous looking kid in ragged clothing, muttered, “David… what are we going to do? They have us surrounded.”

Out of sight, a gruff voice replied, “Shut up Daniel! We’ll be fine. They won’t be try anything while we have the hostage.”

“B-but what if-“

“Will you just chill?!” Another man in a hoodie walked into sight. “Don’t you think I want to be freaking out now? Just calm down and don’t worry so much. Ma told me to look after you and I’m not about to let my little bro get caught, ok?”

“O-ok Zack…”

The kid seemed to calm down as his body relax slightly. Though it was obvious that he was tense… and for good reason. It would be safe to leave him last when I start taking them out. However, first I needed to locate the hostage.

I quietly made my way onto one of the upper walkways and quickly spotted the hostage tied up and gagged against one of the pillars in the room. She appeared to be around my age; her black hair roughed up and her dark skin bruised from their mistreatment. Yet, her green eyes were alert and defiant as she stared at one to the other.

The last thug, a big guy in a white top and black pants, was looking out through one of the windows. As far as I could see, no one was paying any real attention to the hostage. Perhaps they were confident that she couldn’t escape or incompetent in general, but now was the perfect time to act.

Carefully, I climbed down onto the warehouse floor, making an effort to not make a sound, and carefully moved toward the girl. After a few seconds, her eyes widen as she made out my figure in the shadows, but she was smart enough to look away as one of the thugs, the hooded guy, Daniel, turned to her.

Time seemed to go by slowly as the thug checked her bindings. A small, irrational part of myself feared that they would hear my rapid heart beat as they drew close to me, but, eventually, the thug walked away.

I allowed a few more seconds to past before crawling up to her. Quickly and quietly, I undid her bindings, making sure to not make a sound as I worked. As she reached up to pulled away her gag, I grabbed her hand and whispered as quietly as possible, “Leave it on until you’re out of here. I need you to be as quiet as possible.”

I looked into her eyes to make sure she understood before removing the last of the bindings. Gently, I pushed her toward the side entrance, placing the crates between us and the thugs.

Perhaps some six-sense warned him or maybe we made a noise, but, suddenly, the big man turned around, shouting as he pulled out his pistol. Unconsciously, I pushed the girl aside as a burning sensation burrowed its way into my side.

I gasped as the pain wracked my body, but I ignored it and shoved the girl towards the door.

“Run! I’ll be right behind you.”, I lied.

She looked like she was about to stay and help, but, after looking into my eyes, she simply nodded and quickly ran through the door. Meanwhile, I crawled behind one of the nearby crates as the sound of the thugs’ footsteps came closer.

“Shit! She got away.”

“We need to get out of here! If they-“

“We can’t. They’ll be looking that way now that the hostage escaped.”

“Then what do we do?”

“We find the person who freed her. They’re still in here. I can feel it…”

As they talked, I had moved myself into one of the crates. I didn’t have a lot of time before they found me. Carefully, I took out my phone and shined the light on my wound. I stared at the wound as fresh waves of pain went through my body. This was the first time I’ve ever been shot and seeing wound made me feel sick. The bullet had gone clearly through my side and I knew I was losing blood fast.

I considered making a break through and try to escape, but an inner voice told me that I needed to take care of these guys first. They were criminals and they were willing to kill an innocent person for their own selfishness. They deserved to die.

Silently, I put on my mask as adrenaline started to kick in. I crawled out of my hiding spot a carefully walked around the crates. The thugs were spread out, peeking around cars and into crates. Without making a sound, I moved toward the big thug. As I got closer, the man turned around to face me, but it was too late. I quickly delivered a jab into his gut, causing him to bend over, before bring my elbow down on the back of his head, knocking him out cold.

The man’s groans quickly caught the other thugs’ attention as they ran over, but I already moved behind one of the cars.

Zack quickly looked around, clearly terrified as he shouted, “Where are you!?”

I stayed silent, which caused them to become more unsettled as they looked around. Carefully, I made my way around and, before Zack could react, I tackled Daniel and dragged him behind another stack of crates; choking him as we crawled behind a stack of pallets.

I could hear the few wild shots Zack had shot at me as I tackled his brother and, now, I could hear the terror in his voice as he searched through the crates. “Daniel! W-what did you do to him!”

As his brother’s struggles slowly came to a stop, I whispered, “Nothing… yet.”

Quickly, he turned to where he thought the voice was coming from, his gun raised. “Who the hell are you!?”

I crawled up behind him, a smile creeping into my voice as I simply said, “The Angel of Death.”

Before Zack could turn around, I flapped my wings and used them to propel me into Zack; elbowing him in the back of his head. His body crumpled onto the ground and I allowed myself a small sigh of relief as I observed my work.

“Now… onto business…”, I whispered as I started to sing.

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I stared at my reflection in the mirror and grimaced. My left side was bandaged heavily and my injuries was covered with enough gauze for several wounds. The landlord of the apartment complex wasn’t the type of person that took things in moderation, but at least he said I was going to be fine. Would’ve been a bit difficult to get admitted into a hospital and explain what happened. Not that my manager would’ve allowed me to go anyway. At least I was alive though. I suppose that’s all that matters. Sighing, I walked back out into the living room; the tv tuned to the news channel as they reported on last night’s incident.

“… the drug dealers were found dead on the site, but there were no signs of what caused their deaths. The hostage, Lisa Jones, told reporters that a male individual freed her and helped her escape the situation. When asked if she could identify the person in question, she said that he wore black clothing and a hoodie, but she was unable to make out his face. Whoever it may have been, we would like t-“

I turned off the tv with a sigh. I was afraid that she would’ve remembered my face. Fortunately, it seems my fears were unfounded. As I laid back on the couch to get some rest before meeting up with Horace, a knock suddenly came from the door. Great, I thought, and just when I was about to get some sleep.

Angrily, I stormed toward the door and swung it open.

“What is i- “I stopped, my eyes staring in disbelief as I found myself face to face with the same girl from last night. A wide grin broke out on her face when she saw me as she held out a CD of one of Tsuba’s latest hit songs.

“Hey! I never got the chance to thank you for last night. My name is Lisa and it’s nice to meet you!”

#eamon #blackcrow #emr #siren #story

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ieatricetolooknice · 7 years

Text

Inspired by (not so) recent events

"I could honestly do with a five-day nap right night now," Lee Mia commented as her and her bandmate Kim Sidae walked into their practice room. As the doors of their second home opened, they were greeted by a small huddle of people with their eyes glued to the computer screen in front of them.

"Good Morning to you guys too!" SiDae said sarcastically. Choi Daehun looked up at the two girls as they walked in. "Got7 is all over the press, and not for good reasons..." Daehun said as she retreated back to her own desk. Mia's eyes widened, "Are you saying, that a JYP artist has got a bad rep, and it's not me?" "Yep. Congrats." Smirked Daehun. A smile crept onto Mia's face, for as the past 4 weeks Mia's name had been all over tabloids, Internet, news. Accusing her of many things (racism, fights, affairs etc), and of which none were true. But it led Mia to go from being one of the most popular k-idols to, to being one of Korea's most hated idol. "Well it's not all of Got7, it's mainly just Bambam, Yugyeom and Mark," Im Kora, who was still huddled around the computer screen, said looking up to Mia and SiDae. "Damn. Oh well, at least not- Did you say Mark?" Mia cocked her eyebrow when questioning the actions of her 2-year boyfriend, Mark. “Apparently, Mark’s friends were the cause of Yugyeom drinking underage, and the were the ones who taught Bambam to say the ’n-word’,” Kora explained. Mia scoffed, “I’m not surprised, I once talked to his friends, and I don't wanna judge but they weren't the nicest people… Oh well, at least it isn't me this time,” Mia’s cheeky smile appeared once again. “That doesn't mean you can just slack off now! You still have a comeback to perfect!” Jun-Seo PD said getting up from his seat in front of the computer. “I know… but like we should totally go out for ice cream or something while I can still walk in public without being blinded by camera flashes,” Mia said. “Like tteokbokki(spicy rice cakes)?” Choi Amelia, or better known by her stage name K.T, suggested. “Ooo, yeah, tteokbokki sounds good…” SiDae agreed. “Well then, tteokbokki it is!” Mia said as she started putting her hoodie on, but was interrupted. “No! No tteokbokki! Go work!” Jun-Seo said, directly to Mia, as she was the group’s producer. “But-“ “No! Work! All of your comebacks have been successful so far, and I won’t let anything ruin that!” “Not even tteokbokki..?” Amelia pouted. “Especially not tteokbokki!” “Algesseoyo (I understand)…” Mia defeatedly said as she retreated to the recording studio. “Good girl, I’ll be back in an hour or 2,” Jun-Seo said as he opened the door. “Wait, where are you going?” K.T asked curiously. “Mr. JYP called a meeting as soon as the Got7 news reached him, don't worry guys, you carry on working,” Jun-Seo said as he closed the door leaving the girls to work. Daehun stared into space, “who said we worrying?” Her bandmates shrugged as the all got back to their own business. ————————————————————————————— Mark stared dumbfounded at the articles in front of him. He was so tired, he and his bandmates had only reached South Korea 3 hours ago, and the were rushed to the JYP building instead of their dorm. Mr. JYP entered the room and stood in front of Mark and his friends, and other members of staff. “Care to explain what this is?” Mr. JYP asked expectantly. Silence met his question. “I give you guys more freedom that other companies, and then you abuse it!” Still, the silence was his only answer. “I know not all of it was your fault. But you guys need to be careful, you're reaching heights on music charts, the eyes are always on you, people will be trying you bring you down left, right, and center and you cannot let that happen.” The boys continued to look down until Bambam spoke, “I didn't know it was a bad word…” Sympathy overcame Mr. JYP, “I know, and so do you now. At least you won’t do it again.” JYP gave a sad smile to Bambam, who tilted his head back down. “So,” Mr. JYP was now talking to his staff, “As a result of this, all JYP activities overseas in the USA are terminated till further notice.” Jun-Seo’s heart stopped for a second. “You can't do that, NEON (the girl group) is supposed to be promoting in the US in a month!” “I’m sorry Mr. Jun-Seo, I can't risk anything,” Mr. JYP frowned, he knew NEON’s promotion in the USA would be a hit, but he couldn't risk his current most successful artists suffering. “It’s alright, I respect your decision,” Jun-Seo replied calmly, while he mentally panicked, trying to find a way to break the news to his girls. —————————————————— Jun-Seo took many deep breaths, calming himself down before he opened the door, to only be met with 5 girls on the floor drowning in paper. And the studio door wide opened. "Hey, girls... What's going?" Jun-Seo asked, baffled. Kora looked up to reply, "Oh we're just going through some old lyrics!" 'Some indeed' he thought as he looked at the paper spread over the room. "Where's Mia? I have an announcement to you" Linah, who sat by the open studio door, shouted, "MIA!" "If it has a cross on it, throw it away!" Mia shouted back. "Jun-Seo Oppa has an announcement to make!" Linah shouted back. Mia quickly took off her headphones, pausing the current song she was editing, and quickly made it out the door. Jun-Seo stood tall trying to make himself brave, he wasn't sure how the girls would react. But he had no other choice, he didn't want to get their hopes up, so it was better for him to tell them now. "So... What is it?" K.T asked. Jun-Sea wracked his brain to find somewhere to start his explanation. “These papers aren't gonna sort themselves!” Sassed Daehun as she held 20 lyric sheets in each hand. "Well... You know how the month after your comeback, you were to promote in the US..." Jun-Seo started. A couple of 'hmm's and 'yeah's emerged from the girls. "Well," He took a deep breath, "It's not happening anymore." All the faces in the rooms fell. Disappointment radiated from each member. "Was it because of the whole got7 thing?" Daehun asked ready to pick a fight. "Yes, I'm sorry girls,” Jun-Seo apologized. "So you're telling me I'm going to have to wait another year to see my parents…” Mia didn't know she felt. Disappointed. Angry. Maybe both. "I'm sorry. Mr. JYP has made his decision." Jun-Seo replied. "Ok," With a final nod, Mia silently walked back into the studio, shutting the door behind her. She sat back down and put her headphones on, trying to distract herself. But she couldn't help but look down at the bottom of her computer screen, where she kept photos of her important memories. Her bandmates, first win, first MAMA, Mark, their Tokyo Dome concert. And in the midst of them all, was her favorite family picture, taken the day she left for South Korea, to pursue a dream. She couldn't help but let some tears escape. And the after that, a few more. And another few. And then a stream of tears poured out. At that moment she knew, she was upset. ----------- The Got7 members sat in their own little spaces in the dance room. The atmosphere was tense and the air was cold. 'There must be something we can do' thought Mark. 'If only someone could take the blame'. He looked around at the gloomy faces of his dear members, when…

Realization hit him.

There was someone who could take the blame. Mark shot up, leaving everyone else wondering, he headed towards the NEON rehearsal rooms.

As he opened the door to the main room, the atmosphere was worse. Jun-Seo sat at his own desk staring off into space. Whilst the girls with a sulking face sat in the midst of many papers. The only person who seemed to notice his arrival was SiDae, she wanted to look at him with hate but she couldn’t, after all, he was her best friends boyfriend. Mark gave her an awkward nod as he walked further into the room, being careful not to step on anything (or anyone), towards the studio. On opening the door, he saw Mia with her cheek resting in her palm, staring at the computer screens, clicking aimlessly on the screen. "Hey, babe..." Mark said quietly, only to realize she wouldn't be able to hear anything with her headphones on. So he slowly walked towards her. As he neared her, the reflection of her on the screen became clearer and Mark noticed her tears. He put his hand on her shoulder, Mia didn't need to turn around to know it was Mark, and she sat up straight still not facing Mark. Mark slowly slid her headphones off, placing them on the desk and turned her chair around. Mia's face was stained with tears, and new fresh ones were just beginning to appear. "Hey baby, what's wrong?" Mia took a breath, "We're... We're not going to the US. I’m not going home. I’m not gonna see them. I haven't seen them in 5 years..." Mark took Mia’s hand, standing her up. "Aww baby, I'm sure you'll see them soon..." "You said that last time..." "Aw jagiya come here," Mark gently pushed Mia's head to his chest. The warm embrace comforted Mia and she could feel part of her sorrow leave.

After a moment of silence, Mark spoke. "Hey Mia, I know a way we can make it better,” Mark said. Mia looked up, her big, desperate brown eyes meeting Mark’s. “How about we tell the press that it was your friends instead of mine..?” Mark suggested. Mia detached herself, from Mark’s embrace. She stared at him blankly, ‘he must be kidding right’ “You know, so they don't think it's my friends and the US ban will be lifted,” Mark attempted to explain, he knew it wasn't the best excuse but he was desperate too.

“How is that gonna make anything better?" Mia asked extremely baffled. "They won't blame me." "Oh, I got that part. But I mean how is it going to be better for me?" "They'll think it's your friends." "Okay, and make my reputation worse?” "Yeah, and mine will stay clear…” Mark smiled as if he had the most brilliant idea. Whereas Mia couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth. “Sorry, but I’m still struggling to understand the part that will help me?” “Well, it is mainly for me, do you not care about me?" "Do you not care about me? I think I've been in the news enough. I've had enough of not being able to go outside without being swarmed by news reporters. It's happened way too many times.” "Exactly! You're used to it! It won't make a difference!" Mia stood back. “Are you kidding me? It'll just make it worse!" "Honestly! How selfish can you be!?" Mark's voice started to get louder. "Selfish? You're joking right!" Mia's voice remained the same. "No!" Mark gripped her forearm "Just do it!" Mark shouted. Mia's eyes met Mark's again. But this time his eyes were cold. Mia's heart raced, her body shook. But she took deep breaths trying to remain calm. Mark knew forcing it upon her wouldn't work. So he played another card… "I can't force you to do anything. It’s fine I’ll just let my reputation ruin." …the guilt card. Mia remained silent as Mark made his way to the door, he took one look behind. And left. Mia stood there once again not knowing how she felt. ------ Next day --------- Mia opened the door to the practice room. Coffee in one hand and her phone In the other. She was so busy tapping away on her phone she didn't notice Jun-Seo standing in front of her. "Ahem!" Jun-Seo coughed just as Mia was about to walk by. Mia stopped and looked up. “Good Mor-“ "I saw you walk into the building an hour ago, it only takes 4 minutes to get up here!" Mia took a sip of her coffee, "Ohh! There were like three Pokémons in the lobby. And like... I had to catch them..." Mia smiled sheepishly. Jun-Seo rolled his eyes, "Okay... And can you explain this?" Jun-Seo held up his phone with a picture of a newspaper article, and on the front page was a picture of Mia. Mia shrugged in reply, even though she knew exactly what it was about. "What happened to 'let's go out and eat tteokbeokki'?" Jun-Seo put in air quotes. "Guess we'll have to order it." ------------------------------ The TV played a Mark sat in Mr. JYP’s office scrolling on his phone when sentence caught his attention, “If there is a JYP artist in the headlines, NEON’s Lee Mia is not far from it! An insider just confirmed that the friends of GOT7’s Mark Tuan that caused yesterday's controversy were not his but Miss Mia’s!” Mark jaw dropped ‘she actually did it!’ he thought. “So your name is clear?” a voice came from behind. Mark turned to see Mr. JYP standing by the door. Mark quickly got up and bowed to him “A-an-annyeonghasayeo…” he stuttered. “Well done, seems like you've made my job a little easier, or should I say Mia did,” Mr. JYP was a little disappointed when he Mia found him this morning, telling him the news. Although she thought she was pretty convincing, he could tell she was lying through her teeth. “Maybe you should go thank her…” Mr. JYP suggested. Mark nodded and quickly made it out the door not before taking a look at the clock on the wall in front of him.

09:34AM

This was Mia’s snack time, and Mark knew exactly where she’d be. So he sped off to the snow cone machine. There, he saw a girl; black hoodie, gray sweatpants. Mia. And he instantly wrapped his hands from behind, on her waist.

Once again Mia didn't need to turn around to know it was her boyfriend. “Thank you, thank you so much!” Mark said as he rested his chin on her shoulder. Mia turned around to face him, even though she expected a ‘sorry’ she let it slide. “You should be happy I like you, otherwise I wouldn't have done it,” Mia smirked.

Mark tried to hide his faltering smile, because even though Mia said she liked him, Mark could not replicate the same feeling. ———————————— 2 years ago —————— “Mark your friends are at it again,” Mr. JYP sat in front of Mark, as Mark fidgeted in his seat. “So what shall we do?” Mark asked. “You need to distract the media… How about you date minyoung… um, Mia?” “From NEON?” “Yeah…” “I don’t like her,” Mark said blatantly “Just pretend,” Mr. JYP replied. “I don’t think she’ll like that…” “Who said we were going to tell her?”

#i dont know #i need help #got7 mark #mark tuan kpop scenarios jackson wang bambam jb jaebum jr jinyoung junior youngjae yugyeom angst

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azworkingdogs · 7 years

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5 and ½ Dogs That Were on Death Row, but Beat the Odds and Became Service Dogs

I have spent the majority of my career working with Service Dogs or “Assistance Dogs” in one form or another.

I have worked for a number of different organizations, and even ran my own until I had to move across the country and was unable to continue.

Although I worked with a couple of organizations that did some puppy raising, I found that the most rewarding work came from taking adult dogs from shelters, saving a life, and training them for individuals with disabilities.

Chance and Lucky

Lucky and I in the Prison

Chance and Lucky were probably my very first experience working with surrendered dogs that became Service Dogs.

At the time I was working in Wisconsin for the Liberty Dog Program. A revolutionary (for the time) program that was run in a men’s correctional facility that gave both the men and the dogs a new “leash” on life. Incidentally, this was my very favorite Service Dog experience, as I could see the importance it had on the lives of the men and the dogs, AND the Service Dog recipients!

Chance and Lucky were Golden Retriever and Border Collie mixes or at least that is our assumption due to their appearance. They were given up by a young couple with a family because the family was tired of their antics, so they were dropped at the local shelter. We liked renaming them because we felt like they getting a new and exciting opportunity.

They Were Given Up Because They Were Out of Control

I fell in love!

Ironically, all they needed was some dog obedience, structure, and training in their lives.

It turns out, when given a job, Chance was a mellow guy with a very sweet and nurturing personality. He was actually placed with a 5 year old autistic boy.

The dog, once given up for being too crazy, was eventually tethered to a child. If you think about it in those terms, it blows your mind.

His brother “Lucky” and I were soul mates. I bonded to him hard! He was so very intelligent and willing to work and do anything. I spent a lot of time taking him all over in public places.

After life forced me to move, he was actually adopted and used by one of the other trainers as a demonstration dog to help educate the public about the important work Service Dogs provide.

This is why I consider him the ½ He lived the life, but wasn’t truly a working Service Dog.

Freedom

Me in my early 20’s and Freedom at a concert :)

Freedom was an Aussie mix that I adopted out of a shelter in Colorado. I had just began working with the organization as office administrator, and because of my previous experience at the prison program, I was also utilized as a trainer.

Even though she passed the temperament test, she was full of sass! She had actually been adopted out and returned to the shelter 3 times. She had been at the DDFL for almost a year.

I loved her for her intelligence and innocent sauciness. And it was my duty to make sure she didn’t go back to the shelter! I couldn’t give up on her.

She was always up to a little bit of no good but loved being in public. She had a way of making eye contact with the public and drawing them in to pet her. Essentially, she was a “flirt” of mass proportions and had an affinity for children. But I didn’t mind, because it allowed me to educate the public about Service Dogs.

She Was Afraid of Stomping Behind Her

Her biggest issue was being afraid when anyone would stomp up behind her. She would tuck her tail and try to run. She was never aggressive, but as a trainer, I knew if I couldn’t fix this problem, she would be failed. After all, you can’t be a Service Dog and have fear issues!

There were 5 of us trainers and after the initial month of basic ground work, the dog would go to another trainer to be worked and evaluated further. This made our placement process so much easier because the dog was so used to working for a variety of trainers. It also meant that dogs that weren’t right for the program got failed quickly when they went to a different trainer, because emotions weren’t involved

I spent so much time stomping and clicking! I undoubtedly looked like a lunatic in public when I was trying to desensitize her.

The good news is that I didn’t give up and it worked! And we placed her with a client who was just as full of sass as she was, who also had kids for her to play with and love.

Incidentally, I cried when I placed her even though I knew she had the job of her dreams. It isn’t easy.

Balto

Lucas and Balto (PHOTO BY GLENN ASAKAWA/DENVER POST STAFF)

Balto was one of my first placements with my own organization.

The mother and father of a 4 year old boy came to me because they were either denied by other organizations, or they were expected to raise or pay close to 15,000.

I placed all of my dogs free of charge. I couldn’t charge the family of a disabled individual or child. I knew the struggle. And, I needed to be able to live with myself and sleep at night!

Lucas had mobility issues and needed a dog to help him walk. His parents wanted him to leave the security of his walker and learn to balance more on his own for his physical development.

I used the breed that many would have discounted.

Balto was a Greyhound. And, an ex-racing Greyhound at that!

Yes, A Working Greyhound!

No one could believe that a dog that once chased things for a living could be tethered to a 5 year old and learn some impulse control as well as advanced obedience. He made the local news and the front page of the Denver paper.

I even taught him to retrieve (which is a small miracle with this breed of dog).

My only hiccup in training came when Balto went to school and visited a classroom with a class “bunny”. Apparently he thrust his head into the open cage but didn’t harm the bunny.

So he came back to me, I got a pet bunny to train with, and we taught him a more solid leave it with small animals!

They were an adorable pair. And, Lucas left his walker for a cane in one hand and a dog in the other.

Eternity

Matt and Eternity, the Ultimate Underdogs

Eternity was my “project” dog. I was fundraising to pay his expenses by raising him for a country music artist who was my friend at the time. His fans would also provide him with these lavish birthday gifts, but my idea was instead of buying him a “thing” we should donate money to saving a dog and placing it with a deserving human.

Eternity came to our program as a WILD 2(ish) year old 100+ pound Labrador Retriever.

He was one of my best “training feats”.

He Pulled Me Down and Skinned My Knee

The first day I brought him home from the shelter (he can been given up for being too big), he pulled me down and skinned my knee.

Admittedly, that made me angry. But I knew he had the heart to do the job!

His size and exuberance made him a challenge.

I kept him on a leash full time at home, just to control his puppy antics and teach him basic control.

He had a complete lack of impulse control and would spin when it was dinner time.

His biggest challenge was learning to ride escalators.

He was terrified.

Again, not aggressive, but he didn’t want any part of moving stairs. If he refused he would have to be released and placed as a pet.

The first time I tried to tackle an escalator, he nearly pulled me off and threw me off. The drop would have been well over 10 feet.

It required 3 of us trainers. One to get on with another dog first and block his ability to run forward. Me to lock and load him onto the escalator. And another trainer to keep him from running off of it backwards.

If he remained calm, I would reward him with a click and a full piece of cheese (quite the jackpot for him).

Within a few short sessions our worries went from being pulled off the escalator, to being pulled on and toward it because he wanted his reward.

He went to one of my favorite clients, ever, named Matt. Matt suffered from a traumatic brain injury and was a big man.

He needed a dog to balance and counter balance for him and to assist him when that injury caused a seizure.

He and Eternity were the perfect pair and totally suited for each other.

Matt enforced rules and loved Eternity, but didn’t let him get away with even the slightest bad behavior!

They were well known for working on the campus for the college in Ft. Collins, CO.

London

London was one of my favorite “saves”.

Many service dog organizations and rescues are contacted as soon as a potential adoptable dog that might fit the bill comes through.

After all, shelter staff wants to get the good ones out as fast as possible.

Sure, some of these dogs (usually the really naughty ones that no one would expect) are on their last day, but many of them are quickly ferreted into more suitable situations.

London was literally within a couple of hours of euthanasia.

We were visiting a high volume shelter, mostly animal control, in the city of Denver. The truth is that few dogs ever made it out. With Denver Dumb Friends League and other shelters being more aesthetically pleasing and easier to get too with more variety, this shelter just didn’t beat the odds very often.

One of the shelter staff had contacted me.

He’s Not The Type

“He’s not the type”, she said on the phone. He is not a breed I have ever seen as a Service Dog. But he is sweet, and rescue won’t take him because he is a mix.

In this field, you often have to make a trip at the decree of another, even if you think it is futile.

However, I like to think of myself as less “breedist” and more of looking for a certain type of temperament.

Many organizations look at certain breeds and discount other breeds.

I didn’t want to be one of those.

You see, he was a Husky mix.

Huskies are known for being difficult to train and difficult to contain, among other training and personality problems that would make them nearly impossible to be handled by a disabled client.

I’ll admit it.

I took one look at him and I had my doubts.

But this little guy passed my temperament test with flying colors.

He was always so mellow (I think the Collie offset the Husky).

His biggest issue?

He Would Yodel When He Wanted Attention

I would be buying groceries, with him on a down stay down an aisle and he would “WOOOOOOO WOOOOOOO” with his best Husky voice.

Some unwitting shoppers found this behavior a bit disheartening and startling, since they didn’t expect a dog in their grocery store. But he was never issuing anything but a friendly greeting.

I had to teach him to first “use his inside voice” by quieting his bark or “yodel”. After all, it is instinct for Huskies to yodel, so breaking such a fundamental instinct completely would be difficult, if not impossible.

And, then I learned that he was less flirty by using his mouth if he was with me and busy. So I opted to leave him in less down stays or up to his own devices.

We placed him with a lovely young girl who suffered from a traumatic brain injury.

She went from being ignored and left out of everything, to becoming very popular because everyone wanted to find out more about “London”.

He facilitated her ability to be social and popular.

He also gave her unconditional love.

Want Your Dog to Behave Like a Service Dog?

If these dogs can turn the odds in their favor, any dog and owner can!

It only takes a few minutes a day.

You don’t even have to force your dog to obey!

Spend 5 minutes a session, 3 times a day, teaching your dog something new or refreshing old skills!

It’s that simple.

Play the clicker game and wait for a good behavior you can reward.

Or, teach your dog a trick!

The reason that working dogs are calm and so seemingly well-adjusted is that they have a job to do and feel needed all of the time.

Don’t Get Overwhelmed

You aren’t going to tackle all the commands at once or even change all of his bad behavior right away.

But by simply investing 5 minutes a session, 3 times a day training your dog, you will utterly change your relationship!

Give it a try!

Want To Learn How Train Your Dog To Be As Well-Behaved As A Service Dog?

Check out our 8 week class, where we walk you through how you can use Service Dog industries impulse control training process on your own dog to train your dog to be the ultimate companion dog.

Click here to learn this training process.

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#IFTTT #TheDogTrainingSecret.com

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