#because asleep me hates awake me

[fandomdemigirl]

that feeling when one (1) of your six (6) blankets in your bed is shifted weirdly, so now you have to remake your bed at one (1) in the morning

#aaaaaaaaaa #im dying inside #me rn #like not kidding #i am currently remaking my bed #because asleep me hates awake me #and wants awake me to suffer #thanks.

[deadcrowcalling]

me remembering exams start next week

#they start on a MONDAY #in first period like bruh #at least give me a day to mentally prepare myself #and because of how the exam schedule is set this year i've got to do MATH first thing in the morning #bro it's gonna be like 8:00 AM #and i'm gonna have to do math #i'm literally like a few years away from being an adult and i still don't know my 7's and 8's times tables #like i know 1-6 but that's it bro #how am i supposed to do math at 8 in the morning broo 😭 #i am NOT finding the area of that shape fuck you #i want to be asleep in my bed not drawing triangles with the old broken protractors #i am not fixing to do math that early in the morning i'm sorry im not #it is 8 AM BRO i want a BAGEL and to watch reruns of FRIENDS while im half awake #not doing MATH #FUCK MATH BROO #i hate math #im yapping im sorry #yap yap yap #i hate math so much #i'm dropping out istg #but i cant #gotta finish the end of year exams for neil 😔 #do it for neil guys #gays can't do math #i sure can't #wheres cameron when you need him #can bro come do my homework #at least help me do it pls #that's all i ask #wheres a smart ginger kid when you need em

[steelycunt]

they should invent a me that can fall asleep before 1am. they should bring back the discontinued edition of me that used to fall asleep before 1am

#this is so. oh ive fucked things ive utterly fucked things #how do i fix my sleep schedule. genuinely how i want to be one of those guys asleep at 11pm….i hate it here… #and it’s never like. im awake at this hour because im having fun it is always. past 12am my mind is ALWAYS on the horrors i am stressing out #over at least seven different things right now…and blogging about it too someone shoot me like a lame horse on the battlefield PLEASE #(ridi's) bigmouth strikes again

[running-in-the-dark]

okay so I got up.. less than 5 hours ago (yes it was another slept-all-day day)

annnd all I wanna do is go back to bed 🙃

#it's partially because I'm (very) tired but also.... #I need to spend several hours thinking about hugging Jenkins #just need that man to hold me okay. #sigh #anyway so now I don't know if I keep sleeping so much because something's wrong with me (I mean that's pretty likely either way) OR if it's #just that.. 'I've lost my mind and real life doesn't exist anymore' stage of being obsessed with someone. because that's also very likely #I vaguely remember that every time I woke up today (it happened a lot) I just kept closing my eyes again to think about Jenkins and/or Dan a #little more.... (and then I inevitably fell asleep again) #yeah sure maybe the fact that I'm at my in-laws' place and I hate it here and I don't really have anything to do has something to do with #it too... but eh 🤷 whatever. either way I'm thinking about that old man. #damn how do I stay awake. I keep almost falling asleep in my chair (unfortunate side effect of The Thoughts...) #I guess I'm gonna force myself to. idk do something. I could paint. or #no I can't think of anything else. so it'll have to be that I guess. #personal

[kiddokori]

i most definitely have some type of sleeping issue like it impedes my personal life that i dont sleep properly but i am also absolutely brain riddled with blorbo so all i can think is woag,, just like link skywardsword SHUT UP!!!! ITS NOT A GOOD THING

#worms for brains #i wish i had links sleeping issues i cannot fall asleep for the fucking life of me #i want to be passed out any time i sit still for more than 30 seconds. i need it #i am so sleepy and then i lie then and it vanishes. and then i lie there all sleepy but also extremely awake #and then im in sleep limbo for a few hours and wake up at 3am because god hates me and my suffering is never done #me 🤝 link -> eepy

[elysiumcalled]

I called in sick today and my boss just messaged me because something urgent came up lmfao sound like a problem for the people who are CURRENTLY AT WORK

#I’m currently ignoring her message I’m ‘asleep’ :( #but I actually was just about to fall asleep and the ding woke me up and now I’m wide awake because I feel conflicted about helping #but also I hate my job rn lol #so she can fuck off #there is not a team of 6 people for no reason ffs

[stellartois]

the “i love you, ain’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard?” chapter

he looks up, grinning like a devil

#“warner has been asleep all morning.” ahhhhhhh #i love how he was like ‘no you don’t’ at first all because of the same reason my heart shattered into a million pieces when: #“‘you don’t want to fix me then?’ ‘no.’ ‘you don’t?’ his voice is so SOFT and so SCARED i can scarcely hear it.” #he finds it hard to believe because he was ‘never given a chance at life’ #and ‘everyone already hates him’ and ‘hating him is a universally accepted fact’ #but HE’S BEEN ASLEEP ALL MORNING. #and then he wakes up and sees her and he smiles and it’s a SLEEPY sleepy smile #and he’s never been anything but ‘awake and alert and sharp’ #HE’S BEEN ASLEEP ALL MORNING. #the tags are part of these posts btw #i missed doing these #warnette #aaron warner #juliette ferrars #ella sommers #shatter me #unravel me #ignite me #restore me #defy me #imagine me #shatter me series #aaron x juliette #aaron x ella #bookblr #books #quotes #cruel summer #taylor swift #collections

[stockholmgf]

what i would give to get my brain to shut up for just an hour straight

#this is gonna sound so dumb but it’s genuinely so overstimulating when my brain is going 100 mph 24/7 #i just physically cannot relax EVER it’s driving me insane #i can swing back and forth between being in the most light headed euphoric headspace possible #right back to the hyper paranoia and/or depression #all day every day i really just want to find the middle ground #literally even when i’m asleep my dreams are so vivid and distressing that i have to lay awake for a while in bed to regroup afterwards #on the bright side i think i’ve grown accustomed to it to a degree but #times like rn when i’m just super tired but can’t sleep because my brain won’t SHUT UP #i h a t e i hate i hate i hate

[xeneric-shrooms]

I can and will make you believe it's the wrong day of the week

OH I FORGOT TO ANSWER THIS ASK--

How dare >:[

#you would not believe your eye if ten million fireflies lit up the world as i fell asleep #'cause they fill the open air and leave teardrops everywhere you'd think me rude but would just stand and stare #its hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when im asleep 'cause everything is never as it seems #'cause id get a thousand hugs from ten thousand lightning bugs as they tried to teach me how to dance #a fox trot above my head a sock hop beneath my bed a disco ball is just hanging by a thread (thread thread) #id like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly #its hard to say that id rather stay awake when im asleep 'cause everything is never as it seems (when i fall asleep) #leave my door open just a crack please take me away from here 'cause i feel like such an insomniac please take me away from here #why do i tire of counting sheep please take me away from here when im far too tired to fall asleep #to ten million fireflies I'm weird 'cause i hate goodbyes i got misty eyes as they said farewell (said farewell) #I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly #but I'll know where several are if my dreams get real bizarre 'cause i saved a few and keep them in a jar (jar jar) #its hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when im asleep 'cause everything is never as it seems (when i fall asleep) #(I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly) #(its hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when im asleep) (because my dreams are bursting at the seams) #xen.asks.grem

[n0ct0urn1quet]

hgonesly at this point i really do wish i could just say Fuck It and disappear off the face of the earth for a little bit bc honestly . i donot want to be alive

#2023 off to a banger start for me (got into an argument with my mom on new years about her bf reminding me of my abusive dad #and havent had peace or a good nights sleep since!!!!!!!!!!!) #i am absolutely fucking miserable and i just donot want to Do It anymore #i hate this house i hate the people i live with i hate this world and i hate everything thats happening to jme but i cant do anytihing #i cant do anything to Fix Anything i cant do anything abt my problems theres just so much Wrong With Me that i dont know how to fix #i dont know if i CAN fix most of the issues i have. i have so much ptsd and trauma from so many different things and its all just. hghg #and i want so badly to just let it out and talk to the people Around Me about it bc it is Serious and i shouldnt be just not talking about #it but. i just cant bring myself to Do That. i am constantly afraid that the people around me will be angry with me if i even so much as #speak up about the things that make me upset and its not their fault and its no ones fault but my own and i just dont know what to Do #im scared of confrontation and im worried that if i try to talk about it its gonna lead to an argument!!! i know it wouldnt but im terrifed #so id rather just not talk about it. which then leads to the problem not getting resolved because. fuck man im sure the people around me #know that somethings up but i never bring it up so therefore they never find out and it gets swept under the rug like all my other issues #i pride myself on being good at being emotional and being open but in reality i am emotional. yes. but not at all good at being open #ive never been good at it and i feel so BAD because like. yes i love you. yes i trust you and i know you would never ever be mad at me #for just talking about my feelings. i know this and i love you for it. but im so bad at conveying that. even though i trust you with mylife #im just bad at opening up. it does not matter how long we've known each other its just such a struggle for me to Be Open to anyone #of course its not much better that im coming to tumblr and puttign this here for 100+ people to see but just. i dont know #im mentally unstable ive never had good coping mechanisms and im the only person awake and everyone else that i usually vent to is asleep #so all my thoughts just get piled up into one messy little ball and it gets thrown to tumblr because i need somewhere to put them #im sorry. im exhausted. its been a long week and i wish i could just hybernate for the rest of the month and not interact with anyone #i just wish i could mvoe out and live with my gf and our cat. that is all i want and that is the only thing that would fix me

[watermelinoe]

i am genuinely so nocturnal it's not even funny. i "fixed" my sleep schedule for the women's fest coming up and now i can't get anything done, i just lay around exhausted and irritable all day until the sun goes down and then i get in bed and can't fall asleep bc i'm full of energy

#and if i take something to fall asleep i sleep for 14 hours bc my body is trying to correct itself ghdkfhdh #i still think it's non-24 hr and not delayed sleep phase bc i cycle thru every possible sleep schedule #but the sleep monitor the doctor wanted me to get was like >$1k and not covered by insurance sooo fuck that lmao #and not to rant but i hate it when people say ''night owls'' aren't real and it's just bc ur on ur phone or playing video games #i didn't have a fuckin smart phone when i was six years old staying up till midnight i just wasn't tired!! #and i have tried everything. i hate ppl being like ''well have you tried-'' yes. didn't work. i have decades more experience w this than u #i know people think i'm just lazy. even more so now that i also have chronic pain. #that i should be able to wake up every morning like everyone else. #i was so excited abt this new sleep doc because he was the first one to say ''why don't you just follow your body's schedule'' #and he had this great care plan too but his team sent me on this wild goose only to find out this device would be over $1k #ppl think wow she doesn't even work like it's not humiliating to see your peers advancing their careers #while you had to give up on your dreams #i'm so lucky to be financially supported by my parents bc i would be dead otherwise #but that doesn't mean i don't feel worthless bc all my hard work in school amounted to nothing #who would hire someone who can't keep a consistent schedule? my only hope is IT but i can't handle traditional college again #it nearly fuckin killed me the first time #but will my online degree even help me #i want to work i want to contribute i want to be financially independent #i wish the rest of the world was wide awake at night like me

[whimsyprinx]

oh no the rsd is getting worse so I’m gonna take meds shortly I think <\3

#whimsy whispers #idk it’s 11pm so it’s too early to sleep because I don’t want to wake up and be stuck awake in four hours that’ll make it worse #because what am I gonna do? talk to someone? no I’m convinced everyone hates me and everyone will be asleep because it’ll be 3am #but also I can’t stand being awake rn because I’m very close to crying

[bi-panic-at-the-disco]

hahahahah hah

#disco speaks! #I hate when dreams don’t let me wake up cause it’s not technically a nightmare #as if having a dream where. a bunch of ophahim angels being either aiding us or killing is and using our dead #to build another Angel orb (actually it was the allied angels that this was happening #potentially according by consuming and copying the aspects of the other angels to create a more powerful one and #nothing could destroy it and the allied angel was clearly placating us by telling us to get rid of our dead before we had the chance #to mourn so that nothing will rebuild with the bodies as fuel. all I could was watch cause having the many eyes of #an angel meant that we could have no form of retaliation. we were doomed because people will #never stop aging or dying. we would be consumed horrifically and be placated and scolded like it was our fault. #and of course the allied angel’s voice was too close to my mom’s #had to force myself awake and found out that I was listening to my entire music library and listening to one of Ghosts albums #if something is horrifying then I should just wake up or change it! not freeze and lie in my bed waiting for the end to come #by the most unstoppable forces and I have to watch #i hate it i hate it i hate it #currently listening to calm music and built a queue a couple hour buffer to fall back asleep to

[running-in-the-dark]

my (virtual) meeting with my thesis advisor is in... 7 hours. I'm sort of almost finished writing the exposé that I was supposed to write. sort of. I'll probably need another hour or two until I feel okay enough about it to actually get any sleep.

unfortunately my left arm is realllly starting to hurt and I can't lift it much anymore (thanks to the covid booster I got today). hopefully I'll get it done anyway. and hopefully the pain won't be so bad that I can't sleep.

#I mean. if I get... idk like 3-4 hours of sleep that should be enough #I only have to be awake until the meeting is over. then I'll probably go back to bed. #and that way if it goes really really badly I can escape from that by being asleep lol #I hope it'll be okay 😭 I'm so scared #but it's this... much more quiet subtle kind of scared. I never experienced that before the anxiety meds #so it feels weird. #I haven't even cried yet! no panic attacks or anything! there have been a few meltdowns but not specifically about this #so I have to keep reminding myself that this is fine! I can handle this! it used to be sooooo much worse and I somehow got through that too #so I will definitely get through this and it will be okay #after all - no matter what happens. I'll be done with uni in February. I won't have to speak to my advisor ever again (so if he thinks I'm a #fucking idiot it doesn't matter at all!) #this is far from the hardest thing I've done! I was my dad's carer. I got my driver's license (yes that was very hard for me). I was in #therapy. I lived in abusive households until I was 25! this is easy in comparison #it just feels hard because I can't stand the feeling of being judged. and this is. just. me being judged (for what I write) #but it will be okay and I'll never write anything like this ever again and I'll get a break and I'll find a job I don't hate and it'll all #be worth it #personal #posts about my thesis

[leatherbookmark]

whatever you imagine happened during and after this scene is 1000% better than what happened in the actual show

#shrimp thoughts #(nothing. nothing happened) #(i thought fei lian would have a role in defeating him. yknow as the good friend who hates seeing yu huan Evil and Heartless #(what yh tells him here is LITERALLY that he has no heart anymore lol) and would rather kill him than see this great man like this! #but uhhh no literally nothing of that sort happened and yh was Magic Attacked into disintegrating because that's how villains go now ig #anyway as i must have said back then i am imagining the tense drama-filled au in which fl goes something like. what will it take to stop #you? i'll do Everything and there's a flicker of red in yh's eyes because i think that's very cool and also sexy #and this is how fl becomes yh's concubine and they rule with an iron fist etcetc i didn't watch the show #also i didn't watch the show SO i don't know what's up with mr grandpa and yh but i think it would be good FOR ME if yh needed to #get rid of that evil energy once in a while. lbh style #and fl lies awake at night having just been fucked into next thursday. yh is dead asleep next to him and he does his best not to look at his #face because he knows he's going to see his old friend and he's going to be overwhelmed with stupid fondness and the urge to tease him #about his stupid little frown even when he's asleep! loosen up dude or there won't be a mrs yu huan in the future! #and he's going to forget that every day he doesn't slit yh's throat in his bed is another day of suffering for innocent people #every day he spends wondering at what point can he start gently pushing yh towards relaxing that iron fist; towards maybe making things #better for people who don't deseve to live in pain -- is a day those people spend living in pain because of his inactivity #he should kill this man. as soon as possible to avoid sentiment muddling his morality. he should do it before it's too late #(but he knows that it has been too late when he agreed.) #THIS IS WHAT I'M THINKING ABOUT. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED. IN MY HEART. I AM FINE IF YOU WANT TO KNOW

[sw1mmingfoolz]

growth is feeling like u wanna unalive urself and full on ugly sobbing for like 15 mins before being like right anyway what options do i have rn

#sorry for personal posting on main but ah #i am losing my mind these days lol #i have no sleep schedule i just nap all the time n it kinda works but also i hate waking up at 2/3pm #but i just cannot stop #i don't actually have an official narcolepsy diagnosis yet in spite of my drs agreeing that's what it is #i did an mslt in February and was told I'd get my results in early march at the latest #it's may and I've heard nothing #called the number i was given and was transferred like 4 times before being told to just call my gp #who said they hadn't gotten any results so there was nothing they could tell me #i had to fight so hard to get an mslt in the first place because they just keep diagnosing me with depression #and yknow if i have depression it's BECAUSE of the sleep disorder lol like i cannot stay awake i fall asleep constantly #I can't sit down to write or watch a film or anything atm #i keep saying new bite me or gonna write another 500 drabble and then i'm out cold on and off til 3am #i'm exhausted all the time it rules my life i make plans around it and cancel any that are before noon #and if ik i have something important i have to be up early for i literally do not go to sleep bc ik I won't wake up #it's ruining my entire life lmao but i just get told i have depression or. have my mslt results lost?? ig?? #was on the phone for over a half hour and just entirely broke down crying afterwards like i could not stop #eventually i just told myself to get a grip and started researching private clinics cuz i can save enough for private treatment if i try #and they listen more when you're paying them aha it's just narcolepsy is so rare most places don't even know of it #it's likely I'll have to travel to london and shell out a fortune to even try getting any answers but living like this is #just so unsustainable like i wanna do a degree and get a 'real job' #anyway sorry for the big tag ramble and personal posting i have had a rough morning but. I'll figure it out #i always do somehow #a/n #personal #probably delete later #i really said personal posting on main girl this is a sideblog what are u talking about