#because he's as well as admitted he begged for Cas in purgatory. every. night. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

deancascore · 3 years

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glacier | 1.4k, Gen | Ao3

Castiel knows Dean loves him.

Right now they are sitting on the couch in front of the television, and Dean is fast asleep on his shoulders. The credits of a B-List 80s horror movie have long been playing in the background, and the gentle hum of silence is the only thing that can be heard by the human ear.

Castiel, of course, the non-human that he is, can hear multiple things that others probably couldn’t. The most prominent of those are three heartbeats from inside the bunker. Jack is probably in his room now, resting up for the night, as well as Sam, after excusing themselves from the TV room of the bunker when the movie ended. The loudest of these heartbeats, however, is the one from the man lying down on his shoulder. The beat is slow, calm. It centers Castiel much like a metronome, allowing for the music that is his thoughts to flow peacefully as the night goes by.

Movie nights are a treat for everyone. Every Tuesday and Saturday, everyone in the bunker gets together to sit down in front of the television and watch whatever it is Dean wants to watch that day. And it is always Dean who chooses, to Sam’s begrudging agreement and Jack’s excitable one. Castiel, of course, has less need for movie watching than the other three. He has most movies in existence downloaded straight into his brain from a time long gone. Still, he enjoys the time spent together with his family. He likes to view movies now from the perspective of how they would absorb and interpret what is happening on screen.

Their set up is simple; Castiel and Dean sit together on the couch, Sam sits on the loveseat he is big enough to occupy by himself, and Jack sits on a beanbag on the floor. This, like most of their traditions, is a remnant of a time when movie nights were just Castiel and Dean. No matter how much Castiel appreciates his talks and his time together alone with Dean, he admits that the company of Sam and their collective son is more than welcome.

Dean falling asleep on his shoulder is also an event that is unsurprising. The first time it happened, Castiel well and truly believed it was an accident. When he woke Dean up, Dean grumpily stood up and walked out into his room. Ever since then, Castiel refuses to wake him. There are times when they sit side by side for hours while Dean sleeps.

This time was no different. The signs were there; Dean simply started yawning and unsubtly shifted towards Castiel. He then pretended to fall asleep his head falling onto Castiel’s shoulder, until he was asleep for real. Castiel sometimes contemplates whether he should tell Dean that he knows he’s just pretending to sleep at first when he strategically places his head on Castiel’s shoulder, but Castiel surmises that he doesn’t want to burst Dean’s bubble.

So where were Castiel’s thoughts again? Ah, Dean loves him.

Castiel knows this for certain. He has known it for years, even. He thinks back to purgatory, of a man with a bright laugh and a brighter soul running up towards him on a stream. There was less appreciation for it at the time, but even Castiel knew the reason Dean stayed behind and refused to leave him. There were times when he doubted this, of course. When Castiel was human, and he couldn’t see Dean’s soul, couldn’t feel with his grace every minute detail of his emotions and physical reactions, he doubted. When Castiel thought and hoped for once that finally, now that he was human, finally they have a chance, only to be kicked out of the bunker and forced into the real world, alone and kicking like a baby, he thought then that he has misread Dean’s feelings towards him. But that time has long passed, and he’s finally, finally, secure now. Or at least as secure as he can be, given the situation. And he knows, for certain, that Dean loves him.

Dean shifts a tiny bit on his shoulder, and Castiel knows immediately that Dean is awake. He knows this from Dean’s quickening breathing and heartbeat, and the way the hunter’s soul subtly lights up, like a lamp going from dim to bright. One would think these early signs of Dean’s awakening from slumber is a source of heartbreak for Castiel, a signifier of the end of one of their most gentle moments together, but they couldn’t be more wrong; Dean’s soul looks brightest with contentment when he wakes up on his angel’s shoulder. Cas could look at him like this all day.

“Hey.” Castiel jabs Dean slightly with his right elbow. “I know you’re awake. You should go to your room and sleep there. You’ll hurt your neck.”

“Hmph. Like it here.” Dean mumbles into Castiel’s shoulder like a petulant child. Or at least he tries to make it sound like a petulant child. He sounds more earnest than sleepy, and even Castiel, fully aware of the game they’re playing here, is surprised by the admission.

“Okay. Five more minutes.” Castiel concedes. He shifts his body, straightens his back, to give Dean a sturdier body to lean against, and Dean takes full advantage of this by snuggling deeper into Castiel’s shoulder, to the point that he can feel Dean’s breath tickling against the side of his neck. It is a pleasant feeling. Castiel feels his face heating up. It doesn’t have to, of course. He’s an angel, he has full control over his bodily instincts, but he lets the heat creep in, nonetheless.

He lets his mind wander back to his own thoughts. So Dean loves him. This much is true. And he loves Dean back. This much is true as well. So what now?

Castiel finds himself asking this question over and over again in his head sometimes. What now? And he finds over and over again that the answer will always be the same. And now, This.

This, movie nights, family dinners, a head on his shoulder, this is what’s of import now. Castiel knows Dean loves him, but he is not even sure if Dean himself knows that. He suspects so, sometimes, when their eyes meet and their hands accidentally touch, and he feels Dean’s soul buzz. Which begs the question then, if Dean knows he loves Castiel, then what is he waiting for?

Castiel has thought about this enough to know the answer. He thinks back to a terrible time, one where black goo filled his mouth as he rotted from the inside. He thinks of how he said I love you then, and how he can’t even look Dean in the eye. He remembers the immediate thought when he was alive and well, of the worry that they may have to confront it now, and things will have to change because of his confession.

But it didn’t. Time passed by, and Dean never mentioned it, even once. The let down almost left Castiel feeling fine.

What is Dean waiting for? For Castiel to be able to look him in the eye when he says I love you, perhaps. To be able to say it when no one is dying. To be able to touch each other outside the excuse of accidents or life being threatened. They’re waiting for the other to be ready. Castiel wonders if he is, if Dean is. If they ever will be.

There are many things Castiel wants, and most of them he wants from Dean. But it doesn’t matter if it’s for the meantime, or maybe forever, he’ll stay here, with Dean, even if it means never getting what he wants.

Because for now Cas is content. For now he is as close to happy as he can be. Even with all the things that have gone down, his family is safe, and Dean is sleeping on his shoulder, and so what if they are moving at glacial speed towards a destination they both want to be in? So what if they’re two boxers circling each other, waiting for the other to take the first swing?

Cas closes his eyes. He leans his head against Dean’s. Cas will take this. Cas will take anything Dean gives him.

#fic #destiel #spn #i rlly like this one honestly #my fic

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casmybelovedass · 4 years

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The Destiel Folder: Season 8

[Season 4; Season 5; Season 6; Season 7]

Oooohhh this is where things start getting JUICY

Episode 1:

Again, Dean copes with the idea of Cas not being there by lying to himself

Parallel from S6: Dean behaves exactly like he was while looking for Lisa and Ben, looking for Cas. "Where's the angel!" (16:57)

Dean clearly states he won't leave PurGAYtory without Cas (22:45)

Episode 2:

Since Dean has come back, he has been snappy with Sam and Crowley about Cas, but every time he remembers PurGAYtory, he is either looking for Cas or with him, and that's all he thinks of

Again with the paraparallels with Lisa and Ben (12:21), also "You'll find your angel there." (13:19) ICWAW, come on, do I have to point that out?

"There are some in Heaven who still believe, despite his mistakes, that Castiel's heart was always in the right place [...] I think... too much heart was always Castiel's problem." (22:25) Samandriel says all of this while looking directly at Dean

Look at that hug. Have we ever seen Dean hug Cas before? The gring on Dean's face. [This is so fucking funny too me, the "Nice peach fuzz" reaction to Cas' beard VS the Sam's "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen!" reaction in season 14] (23:21)

"I prayed to you, Cas, every night!" (24:37) Cas once again chose to leave/hurt Dean in order to protect him, even tho he really doesn't want to leave him. "There've been things hunting me. [...] I've a price on my head and I've been trying to stay one step ahead of them to... to keep them away from you." (24:54) Those fucking eyes kill me

Dean is willing to risk it all to get Cas out with him. "Cas, buddy... I need you." [yeah, let's see how well that ages on episode 17], also the little "Dean... " after that... BABIES (25:33)

That smile, those eyes... LOOK AT HIM. This is such a "You and me against everything" moment that, ICWAW, would be considered HELLA ROMANTIC

"I'm not leaving here without you. Understand?" (25:51) for fucking finally, also 12 seconds of STARE + LICK of the LIPS action. Oooohhh ICWAW... just imagine

Let us remember that all of this ⬆️, Dean remembers after Samandriel told him "too much heart bla bla bla"

"... [Kevin] thinks people I don't need anymore, they end up dead." (40:36) 'you', Dean? Only you? That's so much guilt you are packing. And immediately after he thinks about trying to save Cas from PurGAYtory and failing... Alrighty then

Episode 5:

I get why some people ship Dean and Benny, but they really do struck me as a bromance. When they call each other "brother", I believe that. With Cas, Dean pulls the "brother card" whenever he's opening his heart to him, basically "no-homo"ing it at the end. Weird right? (12:03)

Benny bitches about Cas being a danger to them because of the attraction monsters have to him, and Cas himself tries convincing Dean he has to leave him behind for his own good, but Dean is having none of that shit and is ready to die trying to save him (12:56)

FUCK MY LIFE we are getting flashbacks from both Sam and Dean, Sam about the time he spent with Amelia, and Dean about looking for, finding and trying to save Cas. I MEAN??!!! ICWAW you BET this would be seen as a ROMANTIC PARALLEL

"He's a friend." "A friend? Dean, you don't have any- all your friends are dead." "That's not what I called to talk about!!" Ouch (25:27)

Episode 6:

"I was in Purgatory." "Like 'purgatory' Purgatory?" "No, the one in Miami." ... that's a gay bar, Dean, how would you know? (11:23)

Dean's lying to himself about Cas letting go (35:32)

Episode 7:

Parallel to S1 Sam seeing Jess while in the car (2:31). Kill me. Also Dean allucinates Cas just like Sam did with Jess (10:15) band tries coping with it by repeating to himself that he didn't leave Cas behind

Every scene in Purgatory where Cas tries to reassure Dean that, if he doesn't make it, it's just the way it is, and Dean insisting he won't leave without him. "I'm just saying... if it doesn't work.. Thank you. For everything." (12:50) I'm dying

Cas comes back and all Dean does for the first few moments is check him out (16:16-16:21) He says he kept trying to reach for the boys, but wasn't at full power, tho somehow Dean was the only one who could see him. And Dean's eyes looking back at Cas (17:58) End me now

FUCKING👏BONER👏SHIFT👏 (20:38)

LOOK AT HIM!! He's checking him out, making THAT face and SHIFTING IN HIS SEAT WHILE PRESSING A HAND TO HIS CROTCH. THAT'S A BONER SHIFT. Look at Sam and then at Dean (20:44) One is a friendly fond reaction, one ISN'T.

ICWAW, we wouldn't even be QUESTIONING it!

The amount of checking out in this episode is crazy. Look at Dean checking out Cas. Look at his face! THE EYES (24:08) ICWA- OH COME ON DO I HAVE TO POINT THAT OUT?!

"Did you not trust me?" "Dean..." "I did everything I could to get you out. Everything! ... I did not leave you." "... So you think this was your fault?" OH MY GOD SO FUCKING #MARRIED LOOK AT CAS' EYES (28:06) ICWA- I'm not even trying anymore

So many soft shoulder touches (34:42) also HOT SCENE I don't know why "I'm going in." "Cas, no. You're not strong enough." (35:15) precious babies

"You could've gotten yourself killed. Why didn't you wait for me?" "Well, I didn't get killed, and it worked." "And if it didn't?!" "It would have been my problem." "Well, it's not the way I see it!" (37:36) #MARRIED they're SO MARRIED

Dean keeps blaming himself for Cas not getting out "I don't need to feel like hell for failing you like I've failed every other godforsaken thing I care about." SEE??! (38:16) Dean preferred believing he had let Cas down, something he is used to, than he had sacrified himself for him (38:48). Dean can't believe Cas thought he deserved to stay in Purgatory. Also THE WAY THEY'RE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER (39:38) And Dean's deeply hurt by the fact that Cas would leave him to safety and remain in Purgatory as self punishment for what Dean had painted as all Cas' fault. And he is full of regret (41:30)

Episode 8:

[How fucking cute is it that Cas wants to become a hunter. I'M SQUEELING]

They are so #MARRIED my heart ACHES (5:02) and the way Dean looks at Cas is so fucking SOFT. And 6 seconds of just staring and... well, Cas in general (5:13)

"What? I was being bad cop." "No, you were being bad everything!" (9:12) #MARRIED (12:04) I'm dying, they're so cute

"I don't sleep." "Okay, well, I need my 4 hours, so-" "I'll watch over you *puppy eyes*" (12:52)

"Hey, can you lift this?" sure, Dean, every excuse is valid to have Cas be hot by effortlessly moving an anvil. And see how Cas looks at Dean, like "Really? You even had to ask? I'll fucking show you I can lift this shit". Look at how he looks back side-eyes at Dean here (14:16), like he's making sure Dean is watching him being hot. I'm dead

This is such a fucking sweet moment [I mean, kinda looked like the begging of a porn at first] (16:01). Dean can sense Cas is not okay, and gets him to open up about his feelings. And when Cas admits being suicidal, Dean is speechless, not even being able to imagine such an outcome. Anyway, it is so fucking sweet that they're always able to show themselves vulnerable to each other

Shut up. Look at this scene (18:51-18:53). Mute the video and just look. This is Sam marrying Cas and Dean. PERIODT.

"You're so pretty, Charles. [...] You were quite the bounder." DEAN'S FACE (20:27) He's so in love, and immediately after he LICKS HIS LIPS

While Sam talks about running away from your problems (referring to Amelia), and having to wake up in order not to destroy everything, the pan focuses on Cas (35:33) Subtext, gentlethem, subtext. CAS, FACE YOUR FEELINGS. SOON

Dean's face when Cas says he's not coming back with them (38:16-39:21)

Episode 10:

I now this scene is supposed to be funny, but the way Cas looks at Dean AAAWWW (6:53-7:01) Also do you really have to walk so close to Cas, Dean? Do you? While CHECKING HIM OUT nonetheless?! (7:54)

Remember when in 7x01 Dean was totally comfortable watching porn in front of his brother? Well, Dean goes on and on about Cas being a "brother", but his fucking reaction to Cas being in the same room as him with porn on his computer, is BY FAR the same he has with Sam, hell he even keeps watching with Sam! (8:05) Is it because the last time he, porn and Cas were in the same room, Cas popped a BONER?

Random guy @ Dean: "Are you serious?" Cas: "*leans in to look at Dean* That's his serious face, yes." And Dean's reaction (12:59) SO FUCKING #MARRIED

Dean, that's not the way you look at a friend, or a BROTHER (13:38)

LOOK!! I swear to GOD ICWAW that would be seen as nothing other than CHECKING OUT YOUR CRUSH

"Hey, how about we say, if this doesn't pan out, we had back to that beer and bacon happy hour a mile back, huh?" Translation: "Since I'm starting to realize I might feel something more for you, let me take you on what is totally not a date unless you want it to be" (16:58)

(24:02) #MARRIED

Dean, will you stop checking out Cas during missions? (25:06) Same goes for you, Cas, don't check if your husband's got a boner for you being the hero here (25:08)

Since the start of this season, we've been getting parallels between Sam & Amelia and Dean & Cas. The flashbacks, the guilt for leaving the other half behind, and now Dean tells Sam he's jealous he got a chance at being happy with Amelia (37:32)!!! I MEAN- and fuck my life when I tell you there are parallels with the whole Sam-Amelia-Don & Cas-Dean-Benny thing. I'M TELLING YOU

Episode 11:

"Trust me, this life... you can't afford attachments. You just gotta... let go." "... Are we still talking about Sam, or did you break up with someone too?" (21:17) CHARLIE KNOWS. TELL HIM CHARLIE

Episode 13:

Bitch... Dean's reaction to getting publicly hit on by a dude, so not the one a straight guy, confident in his sexuality and masculinity, "no-homo bro" would have (15:36). Just saying, we have seen Dean turn down what he thought were avances, and other implications regarding his sexuality, with either sarcasm/humor or anger... this is new. Progress?! [Wait till we get to 15x7]

Episode 16:

[Keep in mind how Dean's bedroom looks. Trust me]

Episode 17: OOOOHHH BOI

Cas has been tortured, mind-fucked, obligated to kill fake Deans over 1K times, in order to be ready to kill the real one. Let that sink in

Dean prayed to Cas, I'm sure almost every night, and can already sense something is not right with him ever since he came back from Purgatory (11:31), but when Sam questions his prayers to Cas, Dean doesn't know how to respond. Like, what, do I need a reason to try and contact my crush?

"There has to be another way. [...] This isn't right! [...] I won't hurt Dean!" (29:51-31:00) "Cas, fight this! This is not you! FIGHT IT!" and he does. Cas fights it. [and as soon as Cas starts fighting back, Heaven tints with BI COLOURS! LOOK AT THEM WINDOW THINGY (31:16) OF ALL COLOURS]

Dean is on the verge of tears, kneeling in front of Cas, telling him "This isn't you!", and to fight. He is pleading. And by the end, bloody, hopeless, "Cas... it's me! We're family. We need you... I need you." and Cas stops. (33:13)

Cas breaks the connection Naomi had installed in him. Once again, when presented with the choice, he chooses Dean over Heaven. All of this because Dean needed him. And let's not forget Dean was originally ment to say "I love you.", and that would've been the reason Cas snapped out of the control. I MEAN ICWAW THIS WOULD FUCKING BE CANON

Dean, thinking Cas is going to kill him, clutches onto the coat's sleeve for dear life, to the memory of his Cas (34:21) KILL ME

"What broke the connection?" The look in Cas' eyes... "I don't know." OH YES YOU DO (36:15) and Dean's face when Cas says he needs to protect the angel tablet. Dean knows he's gonna leave again (36:23). ICWAW, this whole scene would be the UMPTEENTH CONFESSION

Episode 18:

"I'm fine. Are you okay?" "Me?" "Yeah. Cass dinged you up pretty good." "... and?" "And I just wanted to make sure you're okay." "...What, like, my feelings?!" "If that's what you wanna talk about, sure." Dean gets pissy pretty easily when talking about Cas, who left once again, and his feelings. Also, Sam knows, and he ships it. He's president of the Destiel Company (4:02)

Episode 19:

The thing with the Deanny relationship is: Dean is naturally affectionate towards Sam, and he expresses the same towards Benny. His relationship with the both of them is very very similar, while see Dean showing affection towards Cas [same as he does with Sam] only during extreme emotional moments. Dean is known for repressing his feelings, and having a tendency to maintaining a "macho" exterior. He shows himself vulnerable in front of Cas, but not enough for him to think less of Dean. So, think about it

Episode 20:

Charlie, a lesbian, who has only ever heard of Castiel through Dean, describes him as seeming "dreamy" while talking to Dean... GAYDAR ANYONE??!!! (9:16)

Episode 21:

"In the words of a good friend... 'bite me'." Cas is quoting Dean, and if I remember correctly, Dean will quote Cas' "ass-butt" later on (16:"10)

Episode 22:

I hate when Dean treats Cas poorly, badly, because he can't deal with his feelings. In the heat of the moment, Dean is always forgiving, helpful and caring, but as soon As things cool down, he goes back to being cold, bitchy and snappy, like nothing ever happened. Repressed mother fucker

The small flash of hurt on Cas' face when Dean ignores his "Good morning" (3:33) fighting coupleTM. "Dean, I can go with you. *is ignored* Dean... I'm sorry. [LOOK AT THAT FACE]" "For what?" "For everything." "Everything? Like ignoring us?" #MARRIED

Cas is buying porn, beer and pie to make amends to Dean. "Where's the pie?" "I think we're out." "*grabs store clerk* You don't understand. I need pie!" (14:50) they are so fucking #MARRIED

Episode 23:

This is such a sweet moment. Cas is about to close the doors to his old home behind himself forever, while risking getting killed by his own kind, and Dean is worried about him. They are sharing drinks while longingly staring into each other's eyes. This is so sweet. Also, Dean warned Sam he might not be coming back. Why? Cuz he would probably die while trying to protect Cas from other angels. To them, they are probably spending their last moments together, while looking at each other like THAT (22:38) And 5 seconds of STARES (23:10)

In love. Fucking fools in love, that's what they are.

This is so stupid but they have just witnessed a cupid matching up two dudes, after all of the above⬆️ (23:53) AND IT'S JUST FUNNY!! Dean is stunned and all, while Cas is complitely fine and professional (24:04-24:17-24:21) DEAN'S FACE

"Talk first, stab later." (26:21) Cas is like "Bitch, you talking? That was our first date!" #MARRIED

[I'll just leave this here (37:00)]

Now shit's getting real

[Season 9>>]

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fangirlingtodeath513 · 4 years

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Plans | a 15x09 coda

The monster isn’t exactly subtle. Dean can hear his heavy footfalls after only a few steps, and a particularly loud twig cracking as he steps on it. Still, they could use a hand finding this blossom thing, so he glances at Cas and cocks an eyebrow. Something’s following us, he prays, knowing that Castiel will pick up on it. The angel gives a subtle nod and continues walking.

They’ve found a way to communicate almost silently after all these years and all the hunts they’ve done together. It’s scary how aligned their thoughts are sometimes, but in situations like this, it sure does come in handy. Castiel’s nod here conveys both his acknowledgment of Dean’s prayer and his decision to keep walking until the monster makes its move. So they do. The wander through Purgatory for another half an hour before Dean stoops to look at a corpse and the monster—a Leviathan, they learn—makes his move. A poor move, on his part, though maybe he doesn’t know who he’s dealing with.

Trusting him is dangerous, but it’s really the only choice they have. Albeit reluctantly, he and Cas follow him. And, of course, it backfires, because that’s just their luck. Nothing can ever just be easy for them. At least, that’s what Dean thinks before he blacks out.

Seeing Dean hit the ground like that sends a wince through Castiel, even though it’s been a long time since he’s experienced human pain like that. Regardless, Dean will be fine, it’s the Leviathan and the blossoms they need to worry about. They’d tipped their hand when telling the Leviathan about their need for a blossom, so Castiel has no doubt their first move will be to destroy every blossom in sight.

He’s right. He’s rooted to the spot watching in nothing short of agony as the Leviathan smirks at him and destroys every single blossom, circling the area three times to make sure they’re all gone. There goes their last chance of bringing Chuck down.

A crowd of more Leviathans—five, at Castiel’s count—emerge from the woods and sneer at him. His eyes dart to Dean, injured and helpless where he’s sprawled on the ground, and he doesn’t even put up a fight. No matter the grudge Eve may hold against Dean, she’s far more interested in Castiel, so he goes along willingly. Maybe he’ll get lucky and find a blossom along the way, though his hopes aren’t high for that.

They walk for what feels like hours, and it may very well be hours. Purgatory is huge and dense and Castiel still has nightmares about the place, about hearing Dean’s voice in his head every night, begging to be reunited when Castiel knew the moment they were would be the moment Dean was in danger again.

He shakes those thoughts from his head as a Leviathan pushes him forward, making him stumble for a moment before he recovers. He needs to concentrate, he can’t worry about Dean right now.

He gets his opportunity a ways into their march. The Leviathan don’t have someone walking behind him, which is their first mistake. He darts off the path and plucks a blossom from the shadow of a tree, tucking it safely in a chest pocket, hidden away carefully. Then he attacks. The first two Leviathan go down easy, heads severed with the machete he’d managed to stow away when they weren’t looking. It won’t stop them, but it’ll knock them out of operation long enough for him to get away.

One of them attacks him from behind, which knocks his few precious seconds of escape down to nothing. Frustrating as it is, he still needs to find a way to escape, so he fights. He was trained for this, he knows how to fight until he gets his opportunity.

Sure enough, two of the Leviathan scamper off and he gets his chance to behead one and smash another in the nose with the butt of his machete, grabbing the small bottle of bleach from his pocket and throwing it in the face of the third. It gives him enough of a distraction to run for it, ducking behind a tree close by and holding his breath. They walk right by him and he breathes a sigh of relief before heading in the other direction.

It takes him a while to get back in the direction he needs to go, and then he lets his mind wander again. He’s got the chance, he might as well. Purgatory’s brought up a lot of feelings he’d been determined to shove down, maybe he should try to do something with them while he’s got the time.

Cas, I hope you can hear me. That wherever you are, it’s not too late.

It doesn’t register for a moment. He’d heard Dean’s voice in his head every single day he was in this place, so initially, he writes it off as a memory this godforsaken place pulled out. Except then it keeps going, and it’s not a prayer he’s heard before.

I should’ve stopped you. A pause. A shaky breath that makes Cas’s heart ache. You’re my best friend but I just let you go. Another pause, another shaky breath. Cause that was easier than admitting I was wrong. A deep breath, a wet chuckle. Then it goes quiet for longer than Castiel cares for. He wonders if Dean got ambushed. Then there’s a quiet sniff and his voice returns. I-I don’t know why I get so angry. I just, I know that it’s-it’s just always been there. A deep, shaking breath that breaks off into something that resembles a sob. It makes Castiel’s heart clench in his chest and he leans against a nearby tree to focus fully on the prayer. And when things go bad, it just, it comes out. And I-I can’t stop it. No matter how… how bad I want to, I just can’t stop it. He can practically hear the tears he instinctively knows are sliding down Dean’s cheeks right now. He’d give anything to fly to him and tell him he’s forgiven, because of course he is. And I-I forgive you, of course I forgive you. I’m sorry it took me so long to— Dean cuts himself off with a sniffle and Cas thinks he hears a twig snap nearby, but he doesn’t see anything. Still, he forces himself away from the tree and continues moving, back in the direction of the rift. I’m sorry it took me til now to say it. Cas, I’m so sorry.

A quick look over his shoulder shows him that he’s not being followed, and he’s near the portal. Dean isn’t here, he can feel that Dean’s not nearby, so he curls up against a tree and listens to the rest of Dean’s prayer. Man, I hope you can hear me. It’s more of a sob than an actual sentence and it breaks Castiel’s heart. He hopes Dean makes it here in time. He doesn’t have the countdown on his phone, so he has no idea how long they have before this rift closes and traps them in Purgatory again. I hope you can hear me. He hears a few more sniffles and a soft, okay and then Dean’s voice is gone from his head. He gives the blossom a quick check—smushed, but still intact—and leans his head back against the tree. All he can do now is wait and hope.

Watching them walk out of Purgatory is a sight to behold, without any of the fuss of last time around. He expects the portal to close behind them, but then it doesn’t. He keeps watching, mostly from a mix of curiosity and protectiveness, until he sees a group of Leviathan approaching it. No way in hell is he letting those things out into Dean’s world. He doesn’t even think twice before emerging from behind his tree and beheading the one closest to the rift. The other two stare at him in disbelief, even as their friend’s head reconnects to his body. It’s still disgusting to this day, at least in his opinion. Leviathan are truly gross.

“No,” one says, a short blond with wide eyes. “You’re dead, Eve told us.”

He smirks. Of course she’d tell them that. He’s her biggest threat and he’s closing in on her. She doesn’t have much time left. “Sounds like your dear ol’ mama lied to y’all. Now, you gonna scamper off back to whatever hole you crawled out of, or do I need to disconnect your heads? Permanently?”

All three sets of eyes dart to the portal he’s currently standing in front of. For a moment, he thinks they’re going to make a run for it, but they don’t. They give him one last look before they turn around and head back the way they came.

He guards the portal and thank god he does because apparently everyone and their mother knows about it. He fends off hordes of vampires and werewolves and even a couple of djinn.

“Well, well, well. Benny Lafitte, as I live and breathe. I thought you were dead.”

Benny rolls his eyes and rests his blade on his shoulder. “Gordon. I’d say it’s a pleasure to see ya again, but I’d be lyin’.”

Gordon smirks. “Why don’t you step aside, brother? I don’t belong here.”

Benny snorts. “Man, out of everyone here, you’re the one that deserves to be here the most. You’re gettin’ through that portal over my dead body.”

“Well, it’s your funeral.”

Gordon’s all uncoordinated rage and Benny has him on the ground in less than thirty seconds. Apparently, he ain’t keen to give up that quickly, his leg sweeping out to knock Benny on his feet. He rolls away from Gordon’s next kick, which only serves to infuriate the man further. Gordon’s on him is less than a second, knocking him backward and straight through the stupid portal. He jumps to his feet, ready to fight Gordon back into Purgatory, but he doesn’t get the chance. He watches, helpless, as the portal back to Purgatory blinks out of existence.

Great. Now he’s stuck here, the exact place he didn’t want to be. Guess not showing himself to Dean and Castiel didn’t really make a difference, he ended up here anyway.

The Empty is an infuriatingly boring realm. There’s nothing but blackness for as far as Jack’s eyes can see. He’s been so bored here ever since Billie left. He has no way to tell how much time has passed, nor a way to avoid sitting there and thinking about every bad thing he’s ever done. Is this how humans feel when they’re alone? It’s… disorienting.

Still, Billie had told him he had an important role yet to play, so he waits.

And waits.

He feels the shift in the air the moment it happens. Even in this void, he can still feel the powerful shifts in the atmosphere whenever Billie or the Shadow are around.

“It’s time.”

Jack turns to face her slowly, tilting his head. “Time for what?”

Billie smiles. “The End,” she replies simply, holding out her hand.

Jack looks at it for a moment. He’s not entirely sure where she’ll take him, but she’s assured him that she’s on the side of universal balance, which is currently against Chuck. She’s probably their best chance of saving the world from him.

Decision made, he takes a step forward and takes her hand, letting her pull him from the darkness.

#destiel #destiel fanfic #15x09 coda #15x09 #supernatural #spn spoilers #my writing

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atc74 · 5 years

Text

Chuck, Your Brother and Me

Warnings: Angst, mentions of death (this is about a Winchester...) Stubborn Dean, fluffy finish

Summary: After the return of Chuck and the drama that ensued, Y/N tries to convince Dean that no one will love him more than she does.

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 1556

Beta’d by: @hannahindie

A/N: I just love the idea of the reader loving Dean so completely. Set after S11E20 where Chuck reveals himself to the Winchester, but before Amara returns Mary to Earth and her sons. Based off the Florida Georgia Line song “God, Your Mama and Me” but I loved the idea of making it about Dean, not the reader.

Dean stormed down the hall. He had had enough of Chuck’s bullshit excuses. Where was He when the world needed him? When they needed him? They had both been praying to Him once they learned Amara’s true identity, begging Him to come stop her; to save humanity.

Y/N waited, knowing Dean would need some time to cool down. She had watched the entire interaction with Chuck and the Winchesters. She understood why He had disappeared. She didn’t agree with it, no, but she understood. Just because he was God, doesn’t mean he didn’t feel the need to explore himself and cut the proverbial apron strings.

She had been through so much with the Winchesters after years of hunting with them. Sam was her best friend, her rock. Dean, well, her relationship with Dean was complicated. She had confessed her love to him when he returned from Purgatory, having lived a half life without him for a year. It almost broke her, being on her own. Sam had taken off to parts unknown. Bobby was dead. Everyone she loved had left or died. She was truly alone. She had retreated to Whitefish, Montana and hermited herself in Rufus’ old hunting cabin for most of that year. She had looked for Dean. She had reached out to witches, a shaman, a hoodoo priestess, everyone she could think of that could aide her in finding him. When that all failed, she closed in on herself.

Imagine her surprise when Dean showed up at the cabin. She was so grateful for his safe return that she admitted her feelings. But, Dean being Dean, couldn’t understand why someone would love him the way she said did. It took months of chipping away at the wall, but he had finally started to see the truth, feel the love she showed him, and most importantly, believe that he deserved to be loved.

She truly believed that Chuck felt he had done the right thing and he came back when they needed him, not before. She could feel the love he held inside him for the Winchesters, even for herself. It would take some convincing for her help Dean see it as well.

She quietly slipped from the War Room and through the winding halls looking for Dean. If he wanted to be alone, she would leave him be, but knowing the man for a decade, she knew when he needed comfort, too, even if he was too stubborn to admit it. It wasn’t until she reached the garage that she found him. He was sitting beside the workbench, a rag in his hands and his head down.

Dean lifted his head at the sound of her footfalls as she approached him. “Hey. What’re you doing here?”

“Looking for you. What are you doing here?” Y/N asked, flipping over an empty bucket, taking a seat next to him.

“Thinking,” he shrugged. She could still see the fresh tear tracks on his face.

“I know how you’re feeling Dean. I know it’s unfair to the world what He did. But He’s here now, when we need Him,” she took his hand gently in hers, pulling it into her lap. “That’s what counts, right?”

“It just seems like too little, too late, you know?” he sniffed, turning his head to look at her. “Can he even stop Amara?”

“Sometimes, we need to have a little faith, Dean,” she reminded him. She stood, tugging on his hand still held in hers. “Come on, let’s go to bed. Tomorrow is a new day.”

“Yeah, okay,” he relented, following her back through the halls to their room.

They silently readied themselves for bed, Y/N in one of Dean’s old shirts, while Dean stripped to just his boxers. They climbed under the covers and Y/N turned to face him, each of them laying on their sides.

“You know I love you, right?” she asked, running her hand over his scruff, stopping to hold his face in her hand.

“Yeah, I know, Sweetheart. I love you, too,” he whispered in the darkness, pressing a kiss to her palm.

“And your brother,” she reminded him.

“Yeah, Sammy, too. Till the wheels fall off,” he chuckled, a small smile on his face.

“Chuck loves you as well, Dean. You know that, too, right?” she coaxed. “He may not know how to show it, but he’s here and I know.”

“Yeah, I do. It’s know there was always this grand plan for us, for me. Like when Cas raised me from the pit. I didn’t believe it then and it’s still a little hard to believe now. Why would God, Chuck, give a crap about us?” He pointed out.

“Because you’re good people. You are a good person Dean. You love with all your heart. You are loyal and caring and generous. You do things no one else would even think about doing,” she listed all the reasons why. “And because, you know it’s the right thing to do.”

“But it doesn’t make up fo the all the bad I’ve done,” Dean sighed, averting his eyes from hers.

“The bad we’ve done, Dean. Sometimes we have to do that bad things, so we can do the good things. You, me, Sam...we’ve all done it. And we’ve done it together. We’re still here and still doing the good things,” she stated.

“I don’t think it’s that simple. It’s like you. Why do you love me?” Dean propped himself up on one elbow, looking down at her.

“For ten years, you have been my friend, my comfort, my safe place. It never occurred to me how much I needed you until you were gone. Twice. You’ve died, gone to Hell, disappeared for a year in Purgatory, but I was here, holding out hope, though I could barely keep myself together. I could never admit it to myself, let alone you. But now that I have you, my love is never gonna run dry, never gonna come up empty. Now until the day I die, unconditionally, you know I'm always gonna be here for you,” she preached to him.

“You didn’t answer the question, Y/N,” he pointed out.

“Fine, you’re right. Every fight, every case, every monster, you put us first. You are fiercely loyal, to a fault sometimes. You strive to see the good in people. And yes, I did tell you all this, but I will happily tell you again and again until you believe me. You love with everything you are. Family is most the important thing to you. And you fight for what you believe in,” she continued.

“Your heart, your mind… both are big and beautiful and I am in constant awe of you and the things you can accomplish when you put your mind to it. My heart was lost without you, Dean. I was lost without you. I will be here for you, no matter what. I will be there praying with you every mile down any dead end road. You can tell me every secret that you been keeping, I'll hold it, lock and key. I’ll stay up with you all night, holding you all night, I’ll never leave. You better believe my love is never gonna run dry, never gonna come up empty. I promise you now until the day I die, unconditionally,” her promises were her vow to him there in the darkness.

“That is, just wow, I’m going to have to steal that,” he smiled.

“Steal it? For what?” she nuzzled close to him.

“For when I ask you to marry me,” he confessed. “We’ve talked about it, I know. And I always wanted to, but you always said you didn’t need a ring or a a ceremony to prove our love. But that, was some pretty powerful stuff, Sweetheart.”

“Love can be pretty powerful, if we let it,” she told him. “I’d marry you in a heartbeat.”

“I don’t think anyone has ever loved me the way you do, Y/N,” Dean turned serious. “No one in my life has made me feel the way you do.”

“No one is ever gonna love you more than Chuck, your brother and me, Dean,” she kissed the tip of his nose. “I’ll always be by your side. With every step you take, I'll be as sure as your shadow. With every move you make, you know I'm part of you wherever you go.”

Dean threw the covers back and got out of bed. He threw his robe and slippers on and headed for the door.

“Babe? Where are you going?” she stared at him from her spot on the bed.

“You just gonna lay there? Let’s go ask Chuck to marry us!” he said, opening the door.

“Right now?” she was shocked that he was doing this now.

“No, not right now, we’re not dressed! But soon. When we take down Amara, and we will, I want you by my side, as my wife,” he professed.

“Who knew Dean Winchester was such a romantic sap?” she sassed, pulling on her own robe.

“You did. And you were the one that finally got through to me, even if it took a decade. I don’t want to wait any longer,” he took her hand and together they went on their search for Chuck.

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#dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester fanfiction #dean x reader #dean x reader fluff #dean x reader flangst #supernatural fanfiction #Supernatural fanfic #spn fanfiction #spn fanfic

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toocutecas · 7 years

Text

Dean is aging every day and Castiel can see it in the fine lines when he smiles, the way his eyes crinkle. Every day there's another line forming and Castiel can see it. Every single one of them. He sees the first small gray hair that starts at the root of Dean's hair. He doesn't think Dean can see it, at first, but after a week Dean begins parting his hair differently. Castiel cannot see the single gray strand anymore, until there is a small bundle of them. With each waking day, Dean's hands begin to ache in the places that strains when he holds his gun. He pretends not to care, but Castiel knows. He can read Dean like a book he's read a million times. Castiel stays the same. Humanity caught up with his vessel in the short while he had no grace, yet now he seems to have stopped aging once again. He stays young while Dean's knees ache. Small touches let Castiel ease the pain, and Dean catches on to what he is doing. He says thank you with his eyes, that still sparkle a beautiful sage color. The love Castiel has for Dean never dulls, but only deepens the more Dean let's him heal. It seems, eventually Dean wants to skip out on hunts. His bones throb too badly, or he's catching yet another cold. Sam notices, too, but says nothing. It's inevitable. Dean is much older than Sam is, and not as nimble anymore. Castiel always stays with Dean. Just in case. Sometimes Dean will let Castiel sit with him while he watches the latest game on television. Usually Dean will fall asleep by halftime, never able to sleep well at night. His head always ends up on Castiel's shoulder, beer slipping through his fingers that once held it tightly. Castiel puts the beer on the coffee table, and maneuvers to lean back enough for Dean's head to rest comfortably on his chest. Castiel has no heartbeat for Dean to listen to, but placing a firm hand on Dean's shoulder lets him pulse power through Dean's veins, easing any ache or pain. Dean always sleeps better this way. It seems to give him a little bit more life that way. Dean does not like it when Castiel heals him of his aches. "They let me know I'm still human, Cas. Just let me ache. That's why they invented Advil." Dean will say, giving Castiel a glare. But Dean always comes to Castiel at night, or comes to get him when the Advil won't help his restless leg syndrome, or ease the throb of his nerves enough to get a few un-solid hours. Castiel is always more than willing to place that firm hand on Dean, watching him sleep peacefully like he deserves after a lifetime of restless nights. "Let me heal you, Dean." Castiel demands, watching the man he loves practically decay on the sofa. Dean had insisted on going to a hunt with Sam, and had sprained a few bones. They were not healing, and it had been over a week. "Please." Castiel begs. "No, Cas." Dean repeats over and over. Castiel doesn't care. Dean isn't quick enough to dodge Castiel's hand as if clamps around his ankle. It's healed within seconds, and Dean is angry at him once more. "Damnit Cas!" Dean jerks his leg away, and glares red hot towards Castiel. "I don't understand, Dean!" Castiel barks back at him, "You can go on hunts all you want if you just let me heal you when you come back." "That's not how life is supposed to work, Cas. I go on a hunt and I get hurt, if I die from it then that's how it needs to be! No more loopholes, Cas. I'm gettin' old, I know it, you know it, Sam knows it. Shit happens, and nature takes its course. It can't do that if you keep interrupting it!" "It sounds as though you want to die," Castiel says dully, and blunt. "Maybe I do." Dean says quietly, hardly shocking Castiel. "I've lived a long life, saved a lot of people and then some. I'm alright with it." Castiel can't cry, but if he could then he would be sobbing. He can feel it inside, how sad he is. "Dean, I'm not alright with it. My whole purpose of being is because of you. Every day before you, I simply waited for the day. And every day after, I was living for you and fighting for you. There was never a moment I was doing something that wasn't for you in some way. If you're gone, what am I supposed to live for?" "Live for Sammy, Cas. He needs someone, too, you know." "Dean, as soon as you're gone Sam is going to go back to a normal life. And you know that." Dean shakes his head, "I don't want you to interfere anymore, Cas." Castiel nods a final nod, and says nothing the nights he still eases Dean's pains when Dean calls for him. The days go by quickly, as do the seasons. He is worse in the winter, and soon he hardly moves from his worn spot on the sofa. Castiel leaves Sam with him a single day, saying they need him briefly in Heaven. Dean smiles at him and says he's happy Cas is off doing angelic things for once. Castiel smiles back and Sam nods. He knows Castiel's plan. Castiel comes back over a day later, and Dean is asleep in his bed. When Castiel enters, Dean stirs and reaches for him. He must be hurting again. Castiel gets down to his briefs and slides in bed with Dean, the single brush of skin easing all of Dean's pains. He relaxes entirely against Castiel. Dean feels very hot, and clammy. "Are you sick again?" Castiel asks worriedly. "Yeah," Dean grunts. "I went out for a drive and got caught in the rain. I think it's the flu," Dean grumbles. Castiel brushes a soft hand over his forehead and dulls the fever. "Thanks," Dean says softly. Castiel is thrown off by the acceptance but says nothing. Dean begins talking. He's somewhere between sleep, stuck in a limbo. "I am gettin' scared, every day." He admits in the quiet air of the bedroom. "Once my light goes out, that's it. No more chances like I'm used to." Castiel interrupts softly. "I could give you another, Dean. We can age together, this next time. If you let me." There's a pleading tone in Castiel's voice that Dean can recognize. "No, Cas. I need to be a man about this." Dean grumbles, head rolling to rest on Castiel's pale chest. "I'm just scared of where I'm going. I always thought death would be easy, that I'd die out on a hunt. It'd be quick, maybe not painless, but I thought it would happen so fast the fear wouldn't set in. But dying of old age? Slow like this? Every day, man. I can feel it. I'm gettin' closer. Every time I'm sick it's like death is just looming, beggin' me to go to sleep so it can take me. It gives me time to think about it, and the fear gets bad. I hate bein' scared. I'm scared I'm goin' to hell, or purgatory again. Or get stuck in the void like Kevin did. I wanna go to Heaven, and be with Bobby and Ellen and Jo." Castiel faintly realizes Dean is crying silently, tears pooling beneath Dean's cheek. "In Heaven," Castiel begins. "I talked to some of my superiors." Dean 'mm-hmms', quietly. "They would not take my grace, so my age would catch up. But I reserved you a spot, right where you want to be. And I will escort you myself. Not a reaper, or a demon. Me, and I will hide nothing from you. I will hold your hand the whole way." The love Castiel has for this man is swelling hugely in his vacant chest, and if Castiel could cry he would cry for love. Dean's fingers skim past Castiel's chest to grab his hand. The hold is limp, and weak. Castiel's worry is at its highest, and he feels the desperate need to go yell for Sam. Somehow, Sam senses Castiel's desperation. He barges into the room, eyes wide with worry. Castiel and Sam's eyes meet and the words don't need to be spoken. "Dean?" Sam asks, walking to his brother. Dean let's out a small moan of acknowledgement, and faintly tells Sam he loves him. The grip on Castiel's hand is slightly stronger when Dean finds the energy to kiss Castiel's chest, the words unspoken but there. Castiel wraps fingers through Dean's damp hair and holds him close. Sam is crying silent tears and holds back a sob by biting his fist. Dean goes quietly, in his sleep. Castiel slips from underneath him and makes sure to tuck him in as he goes to console Sam, who has aged as well, but is still young and healthy. Death won't take him as quickly if he begins to settle down. Castiel makes sure to tell him this. Castiel explains his plan to Sam over once more. He's going to lead Dean to Heaven himself. He's going to be with Bobby and Ellen and Jo. Just like he wanted. Castiel will be there, too, and he will be down whenever Sam prays to him. And if Sam wants, Castiel will walk him through the veil, too. Castiel's conversation is interrupted by Dean. A Dean Sam cannot see, but yet the same Dean he knows. Dean has a worried look in his eye, watching Sam cry silent tears. Castiel tells Sam it's time, and gives him a large hug goodbye. He pleads for Sam to go find a woman, and settle down and have kids. Go back to Stanford. It's possible. Sam promises he will try, and that he will pray often. Castiel takes Dean's hand and vanishes. The veil is shadows and daylight mixing together, like oil and water. Mixing but never becoming one. Dean holds Castiel's hand tightly, fingers laced. Castiel steps through a very certain strand of daylight. Dean covers his eyes when it becomes too bright. They're at Bobby's. It takes Dean a single moment to blink and look around. Ellen comes from the kitchen, stirring something in a pot. "Heya, boys. Just in time for supper." That night, Castiel holds Dean close. Dean let's him. After all, they're stuck in a piece of Heaven where no one dies, aches, or bleeds. Despite Dean's healthy bones, Castiel still caresses Dean's body just like before.

#wow I'm sorry #aging!dean #Dean Winchester #destiel #ficlet #destiel fic #hurting!dean #angst #destiel angst #deancas #this just sort of happened #forgive me

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