#been feeling really drained lately

[buglaur]

simself

#cus i got my hair cut #went to a new hairdresser and she gave me a fade #the back of my head is so COLD #this is queued i'll be on a plane when this goes up #i'll be in london for the weekend wahoo #soooo excited to see my family i haven't seen them since last june #my dads coming with me and we're going to a punk festival all day today #and i'm going to my fav vinyl shop #the owner has a one-eyed pomeranian called bob that just sits on the countertop #i'm gonna buy him a treat before i go in #been feeling really drained lately #this trip'll rejuvenate me #bye for now <3

[greatestjubilee]

bleh

#hi all. lucy here #i have barely been drawing lately because ive just been unable to #like i feel like i lost my spark. i dunno #i used to draw so much and make so many comics when i was absolute rock bottom mentally #like the funnier i was the worse i was doing #ive been better lately but i truly feel like ive almost sacrificed my ability to draw or create stuff for some more mental stability #i just....i dont know. i feel like i can't do anything i used to do with art. like im not funny or have no ideas or just think stuff like #oh ill just draw this because people will wanna see it #but i gave that up because not even i wanna see it anymore #i hope that i can feel like drawing again one day i just dont know how to get it back. it really feels like ive lost a major part of myself #this is my rambling here just to let you know i am still around just kind of laying low because im drained

[angel-of-sweet-revenge]

When your friend needs you to be there to comfort them, but you have no energy for serious conversations and so you're stuck wondering if youre being a selfish asshole or if youre justified in not wanting to be the one to sort their problems out

#vent #its not like they didnt offer to hear my problems. but i just dont want to talk about. or anything #i dont want serious conversations. i dont want to have to worry about other people. i just cant. #im just so fucking exhausted and i dont know if its talking to them and feeling drained by the fact that theyre going through something- #-and that i need to be the therapist or if im just sick. again. #plus yesterday i slept late. my mum made me cry (i think she was just tired out by that point in the day so i doubt it was personal) #and just #im fucking tired ok #and I'm sorry im a bad friend #i just dont have energy. i want to have good energy around me to try give me some. #but when theyre upset it gets into me and drains me and I've been there as much as i can but i just cant right now. im too tired #i know im a shitty person but literally everyone got to be a shitty person at my expense so isnt it my fucking turn? #and then assuming i was acting like that to hurt them. I DO NOT WANT TO HURT ANYONE. IF WE HAVE A FIGHT I WANT TO MOVE ON. #I'm not gonna be caught up in it if we resolved it #but yeah. long story short they're going through shit and i feel like shit #and i think them going through shit is what makes me feel like shit. because i worry about them #and they can lash out on me #i just dont know anymore. i dont know if im an awful person or not #last year i broke up with a friend and my mum said I'll do the same with the next friend #it wasnt my fault #that friend ghosted me #im trying not to be her rn too and im scared that ive been in the wrong im scared im a shitty person too #but at the same time im too done to even really care #i just wanna stop fucking feeling all this and just get on with my day

[darkkitty1208]

.

#not dead #sorry ive been AWOL (again) #i swear it's not you it's me #and im sorry i let piles and piles of messages stack up here in the DMs and not answer them #i would say im not purposefully ignoring you all but it sounds like a lie. im just. an absolute bloody arse sometimes #i have not been up for social things lately and have been feeling otherwise drained #things are currently a bit messy irl but i swear there is nothing to worry about as i am slowly getting things sorted #im just. really really bad at sorting things out. and this is messing me up a bit #still boggles me how so many things could happen within the span of like... 3 days #but anyway. i know i demand a lot of patience from all of you but im gonna really need you guys to be patient a little longer 😅 #again. so sorry. i promise to answer messages and catch up with you lovelies soon once everything is cleared up #(or at least once my head is) #still love you darlings <3 #to clarify again. the problem is me. not you

[thebirdandhersong]

.

#as a side note i had a moment of horrid irony when i thought suddenly that I WISHED mr knight were there #because he was at the vigil last year and used to be a part of my church. and i suddenly missed all my old housemates #who were here last year! went to hug people during the peace and a good friend asked if i was okay #i was like 😭😭😭😭 not really and then turned around and SAW the boy and was like well this is a twist in the plot i truly dont care for #anyway all's well i just cried buckets more my heart's been wrung OUT #he lives fae away. he was not supposed to come. anyway he did and i shook his hand formally because he offered to (???) #*far away #it was totally bizarre #he did not stay for long which. thank God. i wouldve been so much more tired if he had #but he wished me happy birthday which irked me because we'd had an unspoken agreement to not wish each other happy birthday (for fear of #mixed signals) which. happened i guess #it was INCREDIBLY bizarre. the safest ive ever felt in my life was when he was holding me #and now he's a familiar stranger i know too well whom i dont WANT to know #anyway it has been a heartwrenching and soul draining Lent and past six months or more and i was ready to cry #and so i did. bawled like a baby after certain readings and songs. cried and cried and cried #re: reasons for that concerning the ex boyfriend: it is SO weird and i dont know how to deal with it #like. i still have so much love that it feels like grief and the grief bleeds into that love too #but that love isnt for HIM anymore or at least not the person i found he was. so now it really does have nowhere to go #ANYHOW IT'S LATE BUT THE POINT IS. HE IS RISEN AND THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS #THAN SEEING YOUR EX BOYFRIEND AT CHURCH AND BEING LIKE ?????? HUH????????

[robotic-maid]

How things are going again… update I guess? Still can’t figure out how to read more on mobile. I’m just typing this out so it can leave my head.

#nights are really hard for me #mornings are also really hard for me #I think my jobs burning me out #and I haven’t been able to sleep very well much at all #I’ve only been getting 3-5 hours if I’m lucky because my nightmares are really bad so I usually just stay awake #I mean I have to get up at 4am anyway so what’s the point #do you know how it feels to be in pain but you can’t cry because your body’s grown so used to it? #so it feels like crying because it’s Wednesday again #which I can’t justify because tommorrow is Thursday and that is your new normal #your new normal is working so hard you don’t have the time to see your dog and your cars ac is out and you spend all your money on the room #you sleep in 15 minutes away from the office you are stuck at more than 11hoirs a day #you ask your job to adjust your schedule and they say they can’t without cutting your hours and you need the money to survive #it’s too much #but feeling this way or not feeling this way won’t make a difference because the only other options will make your living situation harder #I’m so tired but I don’t have any better options right now so I have to keep waking up and working #I feel horrible spending time with me friends because I get tired after an hour and I worry that I’ve become #too flaky or something #I can’t stay up late and I’m already stressed out so I just can’t keep up with everyone and I don’t want to be a drain #I wish my heart would just stop some times #my meds stop me from hurting myself or crying or sleeping too long but these feelings always come to me when I wake up #I’m disappointed I woke up again #I don’t want to keep doing this I don’t know how long I can keep going #my body is breaking down like my car is breaking down #I don’t want to keep doing this I need more than a day off work a week I want to see my dog I don’t want to be poor but I don’t want to #wake up just to spend all day in an office getting yelled at while my coworkers come in and leave before me #I know I can do this I know I need to keep doing this I know there’s nothing better for me than this #I shouldn’t say these horrible things out loud because they’ll just wear me down faster #there’s nothing that will help me I need to help myself #this is en endurance test and I need to keep it up because if I fail I will lose so much more than I have #I wish I could cry I wish I could break down and scream but what would be the point? it won’t help it won’t fix anything m

[aberooski]

I'm seriously hanging on by a thread right now I might just go drop dead 😭

#work has just been really overwhelming today I'm going to crack #I hate people #I almost broke down in front of the usher manager today because our radio died while we were falling behind becaus3 #one of the theatres got out slightly late and set us back for like 45 minutes because everything was gettinf out one on top of the other #on complete opposite ends of the theater #amd it's not a small building guys #and I was already angry because there was a huge spill in a theater earlier I had to get a mop for and it was a pain in the ass #then we started falling behind and when we fall behind I get really stressed so I jad to ask the usher manager for help to catch up when we #were switching radios and even with his help we didn't catch back up until JUST NOW because we're on a 30 minute set break #and I've jusy been stressing and running around the theater and I want to go home and cry and drop dead #I'm so hot and tired and drained amd my legs have been sore for DAYS and this is NOT helping and I hate it here and I qant a real job #like I'm fucking 24 years old this shouldn't be the best I can do but trying to find anything else to get out of here has been IMPOSSIBLE #and I just feel so hopeless and helpless and trapped and miserable #I'm so angry and sad and tired and in pain and miserable all the time now #and it's awful and I hate it I don't wanna be that wah anymlre #I can't even type oh my god #I'm dying #abby's having a crisis

[tvrningout-a]

i know that bc i'm tired and hurting, what i'm feeling is amplified, but i just want y'all to know that i'm not trying to avoid talking to anyone ooc. i really wanted today to focus on messages and plots, if i'm honest! but there's certain things going on right now that are kinda taking everything out of me, and it's just so much easier to make a post and maybe reply to a comment -- even those i haven't been great about. but i promise it's not intentional, and more than likely, i'm excited to talk!! i also just feel very exhausted and funky mentally atm. reaching out or replying to messages seems so daunting when i feel like this.

if you're currently waiting on me, thank you for being patient with me, and i'm sorry to make you wait. these moments always pass, so this one will, too! but i'm sorry if it at all feels like i'm ignoring you in the meantime or like i'm hard to connect with.

#i'm already not great with messages but i feel extra horrible with them lately and it really is just a matter of feeling so off and drained #and guilty tbh #i feel like i'm slacking so much as a writing partner and it feels really hard trying to get back to where i used to be #and i'm sure i'm being critical of myself but i don't want anyone to think they're doing something wrong or that i dislike them #especially bc some of y'all have been so kind and sweet to me while i've been going through things #it's literally all on me and not y'all #now that that's off my chest (and sorry if i'm being a bit of a debbie downer) i am!! gonna try and work on some plot asks!! #i'll be slow about it most likely but i want to at least brainstorm some ideas for you guys #get ready to ramble | ooc

[missingn000]

#me rn trying to write 35 #life has been really draining lately and my writers block is so damn bad #could use some words of encouragement tbh T__T #oh peer pressure what a wonderful thing #and speaking of pressure #i’d be lying if i said i wasn’t feeling a lot of it towards nobara #i just know how long so many people have been waiting for this and i need it to be perfect. PERFECT. i need it to #don’t get me wrong i’m excited to write her because i love her and i’ve been eager for it too #it’s just scary scary #ougghhh #its 2:04 am. good nigh #tpg

[foggysirens]

hey gang im at work and tbh the last few days have not been very cash money if you get what i mean so feel free to send me some random asks to answer when i get home! they can be about star wars, dinluke, fic writing or anything! id really appreciate it:)

#had some stuff go down the other night and im just still feeling really sad/drained from it #but i also feel like everyone has kinda been going through it lately to F in the chat for all of us #dinluke #star wars #mj.chatter

[allaganexarch]

godddddd wasting time and energy on things that don't fucking matter has got to be THE worst feeling

#personal #i felt super embarrassed in my korean lesson today #because I didn't have a lot of time the last couple of weeks and I was trying to resolve the situation w the other tutor #when i should have just cut my losses and bailed #and look i know i'm learning there's literally no reason to be embarrassed etc but i am insane so that's not an option LOL #i should have somehow already known the contents of the lesson and therefore not needed the lesson hope this helps #but actually it was like i spent what little time i had preparing for the other lesson that was stupid and pointless rather than this one #and that just made me feel :( you know #in fairness to me my mental health was circling the drain literally until 2 days ago #so the last couple of days have just been like *sweeps up the carnage of various mental breakdowns and other insane behavior* LOL #but idk just generally feeling frustrated with myself even tho that's not super helpful #also frustrated that stupid bullshit has been taking up way too much of my time and energy lately #and it seems like the more i try to get the stupid bs out of the way the more it just dominates my life somehow #also super helpful that my brain's natural response to this state of being is 'well maybe you can't do anything right and should die :)' #like okay ty for your input LOL #despite how this sounds actually my korean lesson was REALLY good LOL #it was so good I just like got upset about wasting time on other bs you know?? #anyway ty for coming to my nightly overshare i actually feel better now #love to shout into the void #exciting korean learning tag

[kalamity-jayne]

I feel so fucking tired. Like, existentially.

It's just getting real fucking rough out there, everywhere, for trans folks.

Please let the trans people in your life know that you love them.

I've said this many times before but if you're cisgender this isn't a fucking request. You're responsible for this mess so the onus is on you to fucking fix it. You have an obligation to show up for us. No more excuses. FFS there's people out here with major platforms literally calling for our extermination and y'all are just sitting there with your thumbs up your asses.

If you're transgender, just try to keep on doing what your doing. Show up for each other, love each other, love yourself, and do whatever you have to do to stay alive.

#lately i've just been really feeling overwhelmed by the sheer scale of the oppression we're up against #And the shit that happened on here over the weekend followed by my parents' bullshit just broke the camel's back. #It kills me seeing so many of my friends struggling in every way imaginable #I feel so angry about the uneven distribution of resources #And I am so so fucking angry at the people trying to profit off of us while this slow motion genocide plays out #it's so draining having to pretend everything is fine when going to work or making small talk with other parents etc #venting

[concoulor]

ok one more post about it, how did people get so convinced roman is going to have sex with anyone anyway? are people actually convinced or is it just a joke. actual sex or fuck as in kill? it’s possible for a very interesting exploration of homoerotic behavior in alt right spaces w mencken but the more i think about it the less i think anything will actually happen beyond continuing their rancid-flirtatious dynamic & that being used for commentary/satire on the alt right etc.

#succession #not sure why the idea that the guy who has major issues around sex will have sex unless ppl are joking and i don't realize it? #i can't decide if i think it would make sense for his arc or not i need more info about where he's headed #i want more abt roman's sexuality yes but is it worth it happening Like That? #on one hand i'd like to know if roman is queer or not just to know it but on the other #that ruins the compelling ambiguity there #knowing if he is queer or not is unrelated to mencken unless it becomes related to him yanno? #do i even want to know for sure? i really love how the show doesn't give up everything and leaves you wondering #like connor's mom what happened with rose etc etc etc it's better not to know even if i really want to know #the aspect of the horror being even more terrible if you can't see it etc #i can't see this show ending in a good way for any of the characters i feel like they'll all spiral down the drain #but do i want roman to fall that far? will he? does he 'deserve' it? #'deserve' as in he's been made very sympathetic lately and i think his narrative is in need of him doing smth fucked up that has real world #consequences like kendall killing the waiter or shiv getting the sa victim not to testify #roman did have the failed rocket launch which had real world consequences but they weren't as bad as he thought... #i have a feeling the membrane between the roys and the rest of the world will get very thin & they'll do something that has consequences #and is actively harmful to the world at large & i think this is the way that could happen

[lvsamine]

(( I'm nauseous as hell so I've used up all my steam for now. I'll see if I can get to more asks later when my nausea meds kick in. ))

#ive been getting SO nauseous lately its driving me insane #every time i eat i feel so so so sick afterwards #its really draining ngl #the struggles of gastroparesis i guess LMAO #ooc; #tbd

[fagoutboy]

jesus christ. my social work class is having us read a book documenting the experiences of homeless people and those in poverty and then had us watch a movie about children in poor homes and also we're doing discussion boards about the book every week where i have to hear the other ppl in class go "im shocked by how its like to be poor this is so crazy" and my irls now are all from suburbia in 2 story houses with pools and shit and i have never felt more poor in my entire life

#i used to never really think about it like this #well in the sense of . status and how it makes me stand compared to others #bc my hometown. EVERYONE was poor like all my friends were either in small apartments or trailer parks #so it was like yeah life sucks but thats just how it is aint it. But im finding out that no it really isnt for some people #and its like. its just kind of a lot #its really jarring and emotionally draining being around ppl who talk about poverty like its a mythical land only talked about in stories #or who talk about spending so much money like its not a big deal #its just. like. its really weird. and it makes me feel like i have a giant sign on my head yelling POOR! POOR! POOR! now #but also i feel like im annoying bc ive also been talking to ppl abt feeling like this a lot lately lol #idk. Being poor and growing up poor just means u feel like an inconvenience and a hassle 24/7 all the time no matter what #txt

[fagnumopus]

#vent #DON'T REPLY OR REBLOG #i really really dont like the person ive become lately. #ive been irritable ive been snapping ive been having extremely wild mood swings #idk if the situations in my life are triggering me bc of my cptsd with familial instability #idk if ive just been so emotionally drained that any small disturbance or anything that “threatens” to disturb my emotional stasis #sets me off like crazy #idk if i'm just feeling lost and helpless #i know i've age regressed recently and i felt so vulnerable and weak and small #i hate when that's out of my control #i hate this i hate my emotional spikes and dips being so extreme #this sucks #this sucks so much