#been so busy with so little time to draw ive been feeling some kind of artblock coming in so i got myself a reference a good song and just

[sualne]

Now I must finish what I started, oh-oh I'll write a symphony for the departed And I have no time for second chances So I survive on bourbon, blood, and backward glances

#artists on tumblr #my art #my ocs #lidkaer #lyrics cause ive no other ideas and been in The Zone drawing this while listening to the departed again #been so busy with so little time to draw ive been feeling some kind of artblock coming in so i got myself a reference a good song and just #went for it. painting really is the only thing i can do that im happy with atm even when theres errors here and there its so relaxing im ok #with all the tiny details not being right

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for telling someone i can't be friends with them and returning a gift?

buckle up gamers, this is gonna be a long one. so i (22nb but i present fem) was out at the bars the other night just kinda hanging out, and a girl (26f) came up and started talking to me. she didnt really seem...super present i guess? and i talked to her to be nice and she had a cool outfit on. well i was a little drunk and ended up giving her my phone number and meeting her husband (39m) and they walked me home. the whole time she was talking about how she doesn't have any friends and her ex friends just wanted to get with her husband. she told me she was bi and i was like hey me too but im not interested in sex so that was cool. she ended up walking me home w her husband bc it was late which was nice, but they seemed really shocked i lived in such a nice apartment(i do, its expensive but my parents pay for it. im really privileged to be able to do that).

i saw her again today because she kept texting me about wanting to hang out, so i went for ice cream with her bc it was in a public place and i wasnt super comfortable going back to her apt with her. i paid for her ice cream bc she said her card wasnt working, nbd bc my parents have money and her and her husband aren't really well off. i said she could pay me back sometime, buy me ice cream or whatever another day, but she really fixated on it. she told me her husband thought i was cute which made me a little uncomfortable but i laughed it of, and then she kept talking about how she was bi and would date a girl and how she approached me not to date but to be a friend and then 'see where it goes.' she also told me she did porn online to make money which is fine w me, that she's on disability but that the money isnt really enough to live on, and that she'd been raped in the past and drugged which yanno a little overshare-y considering ive known her for three days but she really seemed like she needed someone to talk to and im good at listening. well her husband showed up out of nowhere bc he apparently tracks her phone and we all went back to their apartment bc i couldn't say no(im a doormat. i know) and she ended up giving me two pieces of jewelry in return for buying her ice cream which felt a little like overkill. i tried to refuse but she said she wouldn't ever wear them again so it would be fine. it was really kind of her but now i kind of feel i owe her back for them. the whole time i was there they seemed really eager to get me to move in nearby, and while its true that area is definitely cheaper my parents are really fine paying for my expensive apartment bc my tuition is a lot cheaper than my sibling's. she and her husband walked me home again, mentioning they might be going on a cruise in november if they could save up the money and that they could bring a friend. i said id almost definitely have school which they seemed to accept. they kind of seemed to want to see my place, but i told them it was really messy(it is) i have anxiety around having people in my space(i do) and that maybe they could come up another day and i could make dinner, and she told me she didn't like people cooking for her bc she'd been drugged in the past and that i could go over to their apartment again instead.

my parents think theres some really big red flags going on and i should try to break this off sooner rather than later. i pretty much agree. im not gonna ghost her and they dont think i should either, but that i should somehow return the jewelry in a kind way and tell her i cant really be super close friends. my mom had the idea to draw myself wearing the jewelry and then say i still have a memory of it but to return it bc i cant accept such a nice gift which i could try to do.

to be clear i am shit at communication and setting boundaries, im very aware of that, and most of this can be solved by telling her hey i can't accept this gift and im really busy for school a lot and im sorry i cant be as much as a friend as you need. but i still kinda feel like tah for leading her on almost and then breaking it off like everyone else in her life. ive been under a lot of stress bc of school and my stepgrandmother passing and trying to take care of my grandfather so trying to be friends with someone that seems kind of high maintenance is not really tenable for me.

so, wibta if i tried to let her down gently?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[thechekhov]

so ive been following you for years now and i love your comic but mostly what i see now adays is your awesome reactions and asks and stuff - which is great! - but i decided to break down and read your comic on tapas. i didnt realize how much i missed and the impact of just sitting down and reading it is much more intense. youre a very talented storyteller and i knew that but im still blown away by this. thank you so much for sharing your skills, time, energy - especially since i saw you recently say you basically do this and work and nothing else. which makes me wonder what are you gonna do when you're done with WD!Steven? like do you have other projects youd like to work on and i just missed you saying so? whatever you do take care of yourself!

That's very kind of you.

I do indeed have SO many projects I want to work on.

Unfortunately, I'm a bit committed to WDAU at the moment. I am trying to draw other stuff on the side, but it's very difficult to fit stuff in.

One project I wanted to do was a little slice of life comic series about my partner and I living in Japan as a mixed couple.

Another was an original comic that I still hope to have the time to launch someday.....

And there are actually other projects, like an SU ttrpg that I wanted to put out, which is currently on hold because... Again... I'm too busy to finish it.

The reason I haven't talked about these projects much is because I feel incredibly embarrassed about posting anything that isn't at least some level of completed-ness. I don't want to announce something that I'll never get to finish. So unless I have a good head start on something AND I know I have a few things lined up to share, I kinda keep quiet....

#chekhov answers

[sakasakiii]

ohhHHHh brother,,, is this another sketch dump after an undisclosed number of weeks of absence and online inactivity? yessir it sure is but i sure hope it won't stay that way 🤞 apologies again for disappearing, but im on break for the next couple of months for the summer so i have a lot planned and im hoping to catch up with... everything!

i put a little status update under the cut but feel free to skip that cuz its just me explaining some things ive had on my mind hoho 😙😙 happy 1st of june everyone!!!

a lot of things have been happening irl that im still getting used to, but thank you for always being very patient 🙇‍♀️ i apologise for disappearing again after i promised id start being more active again in... januARY??? man oh man the year is passing by tooooo fast holy smokes

i havent had much time to be on social media since then, but ive gotten some email notifs from ppl sending in such kind messages via inbox, and its really made me go AUGHHHHH in the midst of whatever im doing cuz it means the world to me 🥺❤️ if youre someone who's sent in something over the past year since i started hiatus in march 2023, IM REALLY SORRY AGAIN 😭😭 i always try to keep up with my policy of one-art-piece-per-ask, but because of that sometimes i just procrastinate a lot or get stuck on finding relevant things to draw as thanks. ive been brainstorming some ideas, though, and its my goal to get through a hefty sum of em before things get real busy again in a few months 😤

im really sorry again for being so inconsistent this past year, but im gonna do my best! i hope everyone on here's been doing good and im raring to see everything new with silm tumblr ❤️❤️ also if anyone has any recs for any new content pls feed me for i am starvedddd

#silmarillion #maedhros #the silmarillion fanart #fingon #sketch dump #new year new me more like new year new mae(dhros) #there is an unusual amount of blondes in this month's sketch dump tho hmmmmm #does coming to appreciate glorfindel and finrod more mean one has grown up? maybe.... just maybe... 👉👈 #i wanna make more content w/ galadriel and her family cause i rewatched the lotr trilogy with family and it got me all emotional again augh #anyways i also hv a new fixation on sauron and the maiar AND fullbody character design so.... thats something i have planned? #well feel free to request anything as always 😙 cuz if i have no prompts i will just draw copious amounts of kidnap fam like an insane perso #finrod #silm #silm art #the silmarillion #house of finwe #galadriel #elrond #maglor #tar mairon #sauron #glorfindel #ecthelion #turgon #elenwe #feanorians #amras #sons of feanor #ambarussa #sakasakart

[lizaluvsthis]

What got you to start drawing the boys do you take requests? Cause I like the cafe au

IT MIGHT SEEM CRAZY ON WHAT IM BOUT TO S-

When I said I've been a SMG4 fan for 4 years, I left the channel for i dunno how many weeks or months has it been. Then one day I saw WOTFI 2023 recommended in my youtube page and was.

"Wotfi 2023? But I thought- wait- who are these characters again?"

Turns out I forgot that Ive only seen SMG4 and SMG3's (cocomelon ass) designs during wotfi 2022 where it was both of their first redesigns from the movie. I stopped watching for a bit cuz I got busy.

Then I came back to see they were both redesigned in a better version now. Now that I thought about "where was their second redesign then?"

So I knew that I had to binge watch every single episodes from smg4's channel right after wotfi 2022

I then saw how much Three has changed ever since after the 2022th christmas episode.

If I were to be honest, watching igbp for the first time in my life even Mar10 day. I was about 85% sure that Smg3 worries too much for Smg4's sake.

They both are cosmically linked and three can feel what the other of his partner is feeling soooooo?

*circles both of my hands*

Three's gay. He looked fruity he felt fruity. During the movie and during right after he helped four's ass to get his channel back from running again.

It suddenly gave me some time for my brain to tell me "DUDE WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS COULD BE A HINT- THIS IS MAYBE AN ENEMIES TO LOVERS!" I responded to my brain like- HELL YEAH I'M NOTING THAT DOWN.

Cuz I cant just sit here and just "watch the movie without sayin nothin" I HAD to do something AND make analysis about it because thats what I do when I notice simple details!

So when smg3 confessed those feelings of his to Smg4 and even running to save his life back again and even after saying "we're friends!" This gave me a bit of a shock. Three. Did you know what you did? Did you realize how much it meant for smg4? Did you FORGET- that you said you and him werent friends during the 2020th wotfi?

So then after all of this time... that means smg3 has been the one and always a tsundere to smg4

Even after the castle disappeared, him and three's chemistry started going into an actual progress from both of their chemistry from the relationship.

Thats a dedication for me right there. I do it not only for fun, I do it for my wants, have, and needs.

I know its funny for a minor like me to do all of this dedicaded in just a simple job, I have all kinds of specialities to include my works and skills and use them for this fandom again from how I did to the past ones. (But those past fandoms are dead-)

Ahem- what was I talking about again? Oh right- 3 and 4... sorry got a little bit too chatty-

So I noticed even more about Smg3's notebook and was like- "gahd damn- three had his own personal notebook this whole time?! Whats even inside of it? I'm curious..." so yeah-

Now jumping to where I watched 2023 of wotfi again (twice now) to see its context about it- I was flabberGHASTED in after the "drawing" and also the mysterious tv guy whose also appearing on as the final antagonist in the modern era and a new one from the new era.

"Holysht. This is about to go bonkers for the fans making up stuff about those 'what-ifs' that smg4 made from the previous video back then. (The part where waluigi won or desti being alive)

I'm curious enough to see what happens and even if its about tv adware. Yes too.

(THERE. In November I started to become quite more invested from the fandom and decided to drop in my luggage and load out all of my junks called Info-Analysis?)

So- hello! (Again-) :D it was a pleasure meeting every and one of you all- I stopped in just to come back from the fandom that I never made commentary about but now I can ^^

I started with doodling and knowing basic anatomy and shapes of SMG3 and SMG4's design (the new one) so that I could start on doodling about them. But what I didnt expect for myself is that I had created a long time chapter of "Indigo Secret" that wasn't supposed to be there on purpose.

It was just supposed to be a "silly" comic about it from where ■■■■■■■■ to ■■■■■■■ about the problem and then the part in this that came into ■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■ from ■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■

*BEEP*

I took myself a big motive after my blog gained 10+ followers and more notes. I thought working here 24/7 would make me feel something more for destiny and the trip!

So- yeah. Work. :) even when I'm at school I also complete my assignments and all of the shts and after that I can continue on with continuing the pages and with some cute doodles with the boys from a scenario playing through my head.

Now you have me making all of this and that ^^

Thats whay I'm popular for :)

--

---

--

2nd answer...

Thank you for liking the cafe au! It means so much to the both for me and shay from the collab to move on!

I did say from my boundaries I take free art request 1 at a time only- and I could allow a second art request if I do have the time ^^

Yes I do take art request :)

(Except for-

oc-shipping with SMG3/SMG4 cuz they're both together in the au

NSFW

Some stuff that I can't approve on-)

Ask away :)

Thanks for asking me stuffs anon I really enjoy talking ^^

#lizaluv #smg34 #smg4 #smg3 #smg4 smg3 #mario #smg3 coffee n bombs #shygirl4991

[dballzposting]

okay my brain isn't fully turned on and I have more to say on this subject that won't come out of my brain rn but ive been thinking about this for days and i need to share

I think trunks is like. he watches culturally important films, or like cult classics, a lot bc he feels it is a good way to expand his worldview or like just become more cultured. but by and large he does not like them.

oh for sure there's some he enjoyed. And there's a few where he's like 'Well, I didn't enjoy it, but i definitely think it was a good film. Just not my thing.'

meanwhile goten does not seek them out at all. he could not care less. BUT if Trunks is watching one when Goten wants to hang out, he'll sit his ass down and watch! He's not passing up a free fancy people movie!

And almost every time he REALLY likes it. And after every single one he goes on for like 30 minutes about Themes and Symbolism before interrupting himself to see if trunks wants to go get milkshakes.

and then after they get shakes trunks has to spend the night thinking about it. Why does goten seem to Get things so easily? Why does understanding worldviews he doesn't necessarily agree with come so naturally to Goten, when Trunks is actively trying?

Why won't Goten stop asking to see the movie where a disembodied head bites a girl in the butt (Hausu)??? Why does he think that's so funny????????????

PART 2: (Copy & pasted just to keep it all in one place)

okay i think i figured out the rest of what i wanted to say re: goten and trunks cultural movie bonanza as an example it's not like goten knows what chiaroscuro is. but he DOES notice and enjoy how filmmakers use lighting to draw the eye to or away from stuff. He picks up on the little clues. and once he starts watching enough of a certain genre he likes noticing how so-and-so film stands against the others. it's like i spy to him. and he likes hearing what a film has to say, under its layers. trunks talks like that sometimes, when he's doing business stuff. it's all code. it's mental stimulation but Trunks is like UGH nobody has said anything for FIVE MINUTES can we PLEASE move the plot along. this is like a BUSINESS MEETING tbh. and it's not like he doesn't get the plot or, once he's taken a film class, the meaning of certain techniques. he just can't bring himself to care. AND THE MAN JUST WON'T LEARN HIS LESSON AND HE KEEPS WATCHING THESE DAMN FILMS. also Goten like. he doesn't know these movies. his parents don't fucking watch movies. i mean maybe chichi watches like. romance and martial arts movies probably. he probably likes to compare himself to crouching tiger hidden dragon. so he DOESN'T know what to expect!!! when trunks is like 'hey im gonna watch Citizen Kane or Vanishing Point or Deliverance' or whatever and goten says NEAT i would like to watch also and trunks is like 'I know. that's why i told you. come over around 4 okay' and so goten doesn't have any sort of knowledge of these movies! it's exciting!!! bc the movies he saw growing up were his moms movies about kissing and punching and then whatever trunks took him to see in theatres. so like action and comedy and some horror. so it's new! it's fun! even when he doesn't really like the movie he's like 'well im glad i got to experience this new thing with my best buddy Trunks' ALSO they watched Eraserhead once and goten sat there afterwards on the floor (he likes to sit on the floor) for like ten minutes chewing his lips before turning to trunks and saying something to the effect of 'Trunks. I'm worried about what kind of father you're going to be.' and trunks just sort of. sat there. and looked goten in the eyes for a while. bc he didn't have a response. okay i think i got it all out of my system thank you for your time (i have been making my way through my movie bucket list so this is very strongly on my mind)

TL;DR: Trunks watches classic and high-rated movies becasue he thinks that he's an intellectual / because he's interested in increasing his cultural/artistic literacy & expanding his worldview. But he doesn't really enjoy most of them. And it is Goten who actually is able to see through to the heart of the film, exercise deep empathy, and reap delight at the tactics of storytelling unique to the medium. He's like WOOOAH SO COOL & MEANINGFUL .. (offers a critical analysis perfectly, that is sensitive and insightful). And Trunks is like wtf .... (stays awake at night pondering his deficits.)

DBALLZ COMMENTARY:

I WANT TO BE GOTEN ...

From what I'm gathering he A.) Has the capacity to UNDERSTAND what he's seeing B.) Has the capacity to ANALYZE/INTERPRET what he's seeing C.) Has the heart to EXPERIENCE the movie in full and D.) Has the faculty to ARTICULATE/VERBALIZE what he's experiencing.

Goten no doubt is lacking a lot of cultural and artistic context, but he makes up for it with his observant eye, and then over time what he gathers from one movie transfers to the next and he's able to feel even more moved and offer even more insight ....

It's because his heart is open .. Trunks is trying too hard without realizing it. And you can't have an open heart when there is inner pain that you're not aware of. That's what I think about Trunks .... his trying to be someone he's not (a movie-savvy type of guy) is entirely self-removed without intending to be... He thinks it's self-improvement but really he's being entirely daft to what intrigues his mind and what would really facilitate his growth. And he can't be open-minded toward others if he can't be open-minded with himself.

But the format of movies I guess really works for Goten, they're not usually longer than two hours and they're faster paced than say a novel and they're colorful and they have a lot of movement and the mode of drama-deliverance is altogether captivating for him .... They can communicate a lot with a few small visual or auditory details and Goten is hip to just picking up on those, because he's genuinely engaged and enjoying himself.

But Trunks has elected to adopt this hobby on an intellectual principle. But all the rest of him is like ehhhh whatyever. He probably likes sitting and chilling and eating popcorn. But there's a lot he's not into. It's just not his medium. Just doesn't work for him

I also think that part of it is that Goten notices a lot of things just because they are new to him. Trunks has been watching movies his whole life. Menahwile Goten has been only watching the movies of LIFE ... The lighting of the sun and the pacing of the seasons <3 Also Ponyo

So the whole thing is new and he's like "WOOOOAH .. SO COOL HOW the camera was so high in that shot so that it made me feel tall..... really shows you how small the character feels..." And Trunks just like Didnt notice that

Also trunks just DOESNT CARE !!!! But he doesnt know that he doesnt care. SILLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I like this part regarding Goten: "He picks up on the little clues. and once he starts watching enough of a certain genre he likes noticing how so-and-so film stands against the others. it's like i spy to him. and he likes hearing what a film has to say, under its layers. trunks talks like that sometimes, when he's doing business stuff. it's all code. it's mental stimulation"

Thats such a way to put it .... Goten is being such a genius rn. He would liken it to the mysterious business-speech. IT'S ALL CODE. IT'S MENTAL STIMULATION.

I don't know any of these movies but I do agree that Goten would sit for 10 minutes and then say that to Trunks ... It's like him to assume that Trunks would be a father one day becasue that's just natural to him that's just life.

When this all started I think that Trunks was like "You sure you wanna watch this with me? It's not like Kung-Fu Panda or anything."

And Goten said "Are you kidding? I LOVE your movies. They're like delicate poetry being told through the form of telenovelas."

Becasue the only life-action TV Goten had been exposed to before was his mother's telenovelas.

I don't really agree with this next part but it's obligatory.

Goten would pick up that Trunks isn't enjoying the movies as much as Goten is, before Trunks even gives proper acknowledgment to his boredom. Trunks just keeps watching them and Goten respects that and doesn't think about it much, but eventually it must be pointed out that hey, Trunks isn't getting as much out of these as Goten is.

Maybe he keeps inviting Goten over so that Goten can tell him what the movie is about. That would make sense. But really I think that Trunks just likes to chill out with him.

But the way that Goten woiuld crunch the numbers in his head (if he's ever removed enough from the movie to ponder) (maybe during a pee break or something) is "He doesnt like the movies. He keeps watching the movies. He keeps inviting me to watch the movies. He doesnt like the movies. But he always invites me. Why do people watch movies with somebody if they don't like the movies? As an excuse to be with them. He just wants to hang out with me."

But he would take it too far and he would fall on the couch next to Trunks and start kissing on him sweetly and when Trunks goes like WHAT Goten says "you dont even like the movies. You just want to hang out with me and eat popcorn."

And the most self-awareness that Trunks had exercised about this whole thing was when he was wondering why he sucked such shit at watching movies compared to Goten. He never really thought about WHY he was doing this to begin with. And so he's doing some hard calculations in his head meanwhile Goten nuzzles him like a pigeon

#dballz posting #dballz asks #goten & trunkz

[gowonders]

Please Hyeju x 13th Member Reader Where she’s sorta like Yves, she hasn’t joined any company but ends up joining Loossemble and sorta Hyeju’s reaction to that? I’m sorry I can’t talk for shit😭😭

oh you KNOWWW i love writing idol!reader 😈😈 nah let me absolutely destroy this😋😋 i kinda turned this into a mini lil fic so.. HAHAHAHHA also i’m so so so so sorry this took me ages, ive hit a point where i hate everything i write 😭😭

super-glue ♥ s.hj

warnings; english isn’t my first language, not proofread, mentions of the whole loona situation (☹️), other then that, mainly fluff, lmk if i missed any!!!!!!

hyeju huffs over her phone as she texts you, she saw your message on how you just felt really demotivated from idol work after your last company really set you and the rest of the members up. her heart sank, she knew how you felt, but she definitely had the smallest hope that you could redebut together. ‘i get how you feel, yn! there’s no rush, take the time you need because it’s seriously deserved.” she responds, putting her phone to the side as she thinks over her career. she was going to sign with a company her some of her other bandmates were under, and she was over the moon to be with them, of course.. but you were close! like.. super glue level close, so the thought of possibly debuting without you kinda.. crushed her.

fast forward a few weeks.. and you and hyeju haven’t talked for a second. a little more, actually. you had been so busy catching up with all your family, and still figuring out what’d you’d do from here on out, and hyeju was so busy working on her redebut.. that you just didn’t talk all that much. and it killed her, and maybe killed you more. it wasn’t exactly intentional, but you both definitely felt bad.

and it definitely felt awkward to make a big decision without your other half. you had two ideas for the future lined up, either go back to being an idol and try to sign with a company, or start being a producer and songwriter. this was definitely something you’d ask hyeju about.. but you knew how busy she was! last time you met, she gushed about the new company and how she’s truly happy, having a stage name she actually likes, how the company isn’t an absolute chore to deal with.. and how she was redebuting any day now! and you were definitely proud, but you couldn’t really reach out to her, but you know how comebacks went.. you can’t really judge. but you really wished you could have her, in this one decision.. but..

you could make this a happy thing, for the both of you.

you had kind of been leaning to redebut anyways, and hyejus company didn’t seem bad at all with the way she spoke so highly of them, and to be fair.. your other bandmates were there too, you could surprise hyeju maybe? you could just tell how much she missed you, you guys were so close.

so, you might’ve spent your evening going to her company, and you might’ve asked if you could sign with them.. and your week was totally spent working on drawing up a contract.. which went through! that might’ve been the longest week of your life, but it was about to be worth it. really, really worth it.

“yn?” you hear from behind you as you walk in the hallways of your new entertainment. your eyes widen as you turn around, seeing gowon looking at you with a tilted head. “what has you coming around here?” she asks, a grin rising on her face as she sees you smile and start to explain. “i kinda.. maybe.. joined this company… and maybe the group…??…” you practically whisper, and her grin grows more and more. “wh- uh- i missed you.. but like, does anyone know?” she responds, moving to be next to you. you shake your head, looking at the girl next to you. “well, do you wanna see the rest of the girls?” gowon asks, a smile on her face.. but she wasn’t really asking.. it was more a command, and you couldn’t deny her. “how could i say no….” you trail off, and with that you’re getting dragged to a practice room.

“guyssss… look who’s here~” gowon says in a singsong tone, nudging you in front of her as you’re presented with four other girls from your group, and while you’re all happy to see them all.. you’re most happy to see the one you’re the closest to— hyeju! and clearly, by the looks of it, so is she, with the way she shoots up and runs to you, giggling as she closes you into a tight hug. “yn!!” she squeals, both a mixture of excited and shocked to see you. “i- i thought you were done with being an idol for a bit..!!” she stutters, pulling away from you and looking into your wide eyes, practically prioritizing herself over the others. “hm.. it was kinda a surprise.. let’s catch up? all of us?”

#gyuish: writes #hyeju x reader #hyeju soft thoughts #hyeju soft hours #hyeju imagines #hyeju scenarios #hyeju #loona #loossemble #hyeju fluff

[wienertit]

SUPER LONG ITAPAN RAMBLE INCOMING!!!!

OKAY. OKAY. its been a while since ive rambled on this account so today im going to clear up how i see itapan so that no one gets confused when i say “i dont think they would ever date” and then proceed to draw them making out or whatever.

when you hear “one sided itapan” you might think italy has the stronger feelings (because he’s the one approaching and hugging and kissing japan or whatever) but i feel that it’s actually japan with the stronger feelings.

when italy’s affectionate towards japan, its not because he’s necessarily attracted to him, but that’s just how he behaves. i think that he’s kind of trying to lead him on so japan is nicer to him. italy has been coddled his entire life like he’s been taken care of by austria and hungary and spain and france and germany and literally everyone loves him. and he KNOWS that everyone loves him so he purposefully babies himself to others so he can get even more special treatment. hes an annoying little asshole who uses his good looks and weakness to get out of trouble and i love it!!!

throughout the series (both in anime, manga, and a little in hetamyu), japan actually grows a bit of a soft spot for italy because of how weak and pathetic he makes himself seem. at first he’s polite and awkward because he idolized italy to be strong and capable, but once his expectations are SHATTERED he gradually begins to want to take care of him in a way. he doesn’t get mad at him as often and sometimes even defends him when germany is upset or lecturing him (like in hetalia fantasia). he tucks him in bed and lets him sleep on his chest and share a bed and bathe together and do the gayest shit ever. i probably would’ve thought “well thats because he’s too polite to refuse” but he ACTIVELY wants to do this stuff with him. he puts a hand on his back to keep him in place when he rests on his chest. he visits italy often and loves to cook with/for him. he wants to learn how to hug and kiss him back even after italy says its fine. he writes him letters and a SONG where he asks italy to visit him and gives him a pressed flower bookmark. japan goes out of his way to return italy’s affection and spend time with him while italy just does it because he’s italy.

i dont really think it’s a “sad” one-sided crush because in the end they’re still friends! they still both care about each other and confide in one another and hang out. italy isnt just affectionate to japan because he wants to lead him on and get more special treatment, but because they’re friends and he does still like him platonically! they can act like a couple without actually BEING one and thats insane!!! i love that shit!!!!!

ive mentioned how itager/gerita was my first hetalia ship and it still stands as one of my favorites. the problem is that im PICKY with it because i dont like a lot of the fandoms’ interpretations of them. i guess i wasnt as picky with itapan and liked it simultaneously with (although much more than) itager. but when i rewatched all of hetalia over the spring i realized how much MORE i liked itapan in the context of itager, which kind of blew my mind. like i remember mentioning to some itapan friends how i think they would never date and i still stand with that today. like italy and germany are too busy trying to win eachother over and they would just get together instead. japan actually likes his friends though and wants them to be happy so he would just go “ok” and move on while still doing all that gay shit with them. i guess jt makes itapan more of a brotp but it doesnt make it any less enjoyable for me. i LIKE to see them hanging out and being friends and dont really mind fanart where they’re dating or whatever because i can just pretend that they’re not!

anyways sorry for being a little insane i hate itapan but i actually love itapan okay i love them okay yahoo!

#itapan #ramble

[burnnotice]

hey all! sorry for not being active.

i just want to thank you all so much for the support you’ve shown for my little business, and especially my art.

ive been a struggling artist since i was about ten. never good enough, never could get a following, and forget about commissions.

i want to just say how much it means to me. and for those of you who have purchased any of my burn notice pins (or any items in general), you’re such a kind soul. though truthfully, any support makes me feel so loved.

i don’t like to get personal on here but ive had some of the hardest months of my life recently, and coming back to this little community of silly fellas who likes the silly spy show is always so nice.

to those of you in my asks, I SEE YOU, I SWEAR, and i WILL get to you, im just busy. and. well. have a gimp right arm. hahaha. i just sustained a pretty nasty injury to my wrist which makes me unable to draw (which is DRIVING ME NUTS) or really do any activity with my right hand.

due to my lack of ability to do basically anything right now, i’m running another sale in my shop to get some product to move. when my arm is done being a useless club, i have some more product that i want to move into the shop.

the sale will start NOV. 11 at 12:00am/00:00 and last until NOV. 12 11:59pm/23:59.

the sale is 20% off my entire store if you add $15.00 or more to your cart! again, same as last time, do not feel pressured to buy or even look! i just want to get my items out there (especially my burn notice ones!!!!)

i also just wanted to give you all an update on my absence. im ok, im just perpetually Going Thru It.

love you guys, please take care!

https://www.etsy.com/shop/ChaosCultureUS?ref=seller-platform-mcnav

#burn notice

[cosmic-cd]

thinking a little bit about hazel and leon a bit tonight

mostly in that like. hazel is awkward around leon for ages... i mean she's awkward around most people. but extra awkward around leon... it's partly the crush, partly that she genuinely thinks he's an incredibly cool person and thinks herself to be very plain and uninteresting

i haven't really! decided when that stops!

rotating a particular AU hazel (pieces!AU hazel, but also generally like. even outside of that, AU where hazel becomes unova region champion and is miserable about it and this would change the course of her life entirely)

i think like. as champion where it's more impersonal (if she's still reigning champ by the time she meets leon, then it'd just be like. league business) or she's sort of forced to be less timid and more outwardly confident (whether that's real confidence or not) she'd be far less awkward... the crush would still be there (it is always crush at first sight with her. that man is very handsome) but i don't think she'd be like. AS much of a mess.

but i think like... does hazel stop being awkward around leon?? sure she does. eventually. but it's like how i can't decide when she and leon actually get together- i don't exactly have a timeline for it, just a loose series of events and then "at some point" with no canon event around it yet, they end up making it official

one of the key sort of moments with hazel and leon though is post-eternatus (something ive been picking away at writing) after hazel literally drags the man to the hospital because he's unconscious and injured. and she's got a broken ankle herself and so they're both in the same hospital room

hazel admires leon, but as a person, not a figurehead or a celebrity. but she very much feels like she's wasting his time or is just a stranger kind of awkwardly sticking around where she doesn't belong- until they kinda talk about it then and there because neither of them can go anywhere. they talk about leon's feelings (even if he keeps dodging it because it's still very raw, and he still wants to believe he can just simply manage... and he hasn't lost the championship. yet.)

but leon says he's happy she's there and that forces hazel to think. "oh." i don't think she'd fully lose that feeling for a while, but it's the catalyst for sure

leon does very much appreciate being treated as a person and not an untouchable hero up on a pedestal- and they spend a lot of time talking on hazel's gym run- on the train, camping out in the wild area, just little moments in between things. when the awkwardness melts away, they have a lot in common and a lot of things to talk about. leon's a bit awkward too, for all his charm!!! when he can put away the customer service smile and be a little more honest- he's not as used to just casual chitchat with nothing else expected of him. he has a lot of interests he's had to put away in favor of work.

hazel would love nothing more than to draw out all that passion and see what kinds of things leon likes to do or wants to do or talk about when it's not pokemon battling!!!! that's why she wants him to see the world with her!!!! no matter what universe!!! no matter what!!!!!

AUGH!!!!! I LOVE THEM. AURGH. AUGH. AUH. this was not coherent at all though LOL

#cosmo rambles

[hapan-in-exile]

Volume 3 - Post #4: Margin of Error

Another installment in this ongoing serialized fanfic

Genre: Mandalorian x Fem! Reader

Total word count: 6.5K (of 45K total in Volume 3)

Rating: Explicit - smut, language, +18 *NSFW*

__________________________________________

IV. You knew it was absurd for the Mandalorian to worry that you would draw unwanted attention.

Walking down the grimy streets of Daiyu City, everyone you pass either stares with terrified awe or performatively averts their gaze at the sight of him. And despite his professed desire for discretion, the bounty hunter doesn’t stick to the alleyways or sidestreets but steers you down a wide, busy thorofare lined with carts, stalls, and kiosks.

You have to step carefully to avoid tripping over vendors hawking their goods on the walkway.

As you pass, many of the merchants stop mid-sentence to nudge their nearest customer and nod in Mando’s direction. You can feel the news ripple through the crowd, shifting like a current as the night market patrons realize who’s among them. Because a Mandalorian in Daiyu City could only mean one thing—that serious shit was about to go down between powerful people with deep pockets. 

You’d like to reassure everyone that your presence isn’t a harbinger of some impending gang war if for no other reason than all the anxious whispering is setting your teeth on edge. But who would believe you? Look at him. Who in their right mind is gonna believe this man is anything other than a walking magnet for trouble?

“They give you combat training in the Medical Corps?�� The Mandalorian asks, perhaps sensing your growing unease. His voice is barely audible over the droids weaving in and out of the crowd gathered in front of Daiyu’s transit terminal, announcing gates and berths, departure and arrival times. 

“Eight weeks of basic,” you manage over the din. 

“Better than nothing.” 

His Beskar reflects and amplifies the loud, lurid colors radiating from neon signs framing every shop window and marquee. Entire buildings are covered in bright flashing advertisements that, without your visor, would probably induce a stroke. The night sky looms over the city, but the stars are shrouded in an impenetrable haze of artificial light.

“Just stay close and keep your head down,” Mando adds in a low rumble, which seems like odd advice since no one is looking at you. 

Your long mane of moondust hair remains hidden under your hood, and the black bodysuit camouflages your silhouette in shadow. But, despite his criticism, your original outfit would not have been out of place given the elaborate fashions you see on the passing females. All of whom slow down to give Mando an appraising once over.

Hardly the jealous type, you’re grateful not to be the only poor fool to fall for him in that armor. One or two promise him the 'night of his life,' a quick fuck down a dark alley...but as usual, he doesn't even bother looking in their direction.

The port is much quieter as you near the private docking bays, isolated but not neglected. Your stomach does a terrified little somersault when you realize where you're headed. Mando strides confidently toward an elegant Nau'ur-class yacht so immense it could probably house the population of a small moon. 

Except there appears to be only one way in or out—which has got to be some kind of fire code violation—and it’s guarded by HK sentinel droids. 

You pause before crossing the gangway and turn to the Mandalorian. “So—um—how confident are we that Vos will let us off the ship once this is over?” 

“Not particularly,” he sighs, sounding resigned.

“Do you just navigate life expecting everything to be a trap?”

“That surprise you?” Mando asks incredulous. “You fought in the Rebellion.”

“On the battlefield, where our enemies were very straightforwardly trying to kill us. Plus, they all wore these super distinctive uniforms. Made it easy to know who to shoot at.” 

Somehow, you can hear his eyes rolling. 

“I’m sorry.” You stop yourself from reaching for him, knowing someone onboard Vos’s yacht must be watching your every move over the security feed. “I don’t mean to make everything a joke. I’m just nervous.”

He starts to raise a hand to your shoulder but thinks better of it.

“You’re right to be cautious. Even if Vos agrees to help, he’s always searching for leverage. Best not to give him any.”

“Okay,” you nod in understanding. 

“Just keep a low profile and do as I say. Please.”  

A voice inside your head urges you to make a run for it, but another voice reminds you to have some faith in the Mandalorian. Kriffing hell, there’s nothing left to do except roll the dice and step inside.

“State your business.” 

You jump a little when the sentinel droids activate. Mando’s helmet turns to glance in your direction, and you can only imagine his regret at bringing you with him.

“I’m here to see Ryun Vos. He’s expecting me.”

“You’ll need to check your weapons.” 

When you enter the foyer, more HK sentinels wait for you inside, guarding a second set of closed doors. Another smaller droid rolls forward, holding out a metal case and opening the lid for Mando. The bounty hunter begins disarming, and you realize he’s got several weapons hidden on his person that you swear you’ve never seen before, including a micro pistol (?) secured inside the lining of his utility belt.  

Another droid approaches, holding aloft an empty case for you.

Unlike the small armory the bounty hunter is packing, you only have the knife at your waist and his two blasters holstered over each thigh. Mando leans closer to look at the Westars, sighing roughly through his nostrils when he sees that you’ve set them both to stun.

“You’re not the only one sworn to live by a creed,” you mutter under your breath.

Your words are lost in the soft whoosh of the interior doors sliding open. A woman clad in black leather armor and a gleaming cybernetic jaw steps into the foyer. 

“Not just yet,” she raises a hand and purses her black-stained lips. “I believe there’s a knife in your boot, Mandalorian.”

Wordlessly, he crouches down to remove the vibro-blade tucked into his left boot. In an added gesture of contrition, Mando shakes loose the whistling birds from his vambrace—but not the whipcord you notice. Which is a clever bit of misdirection. 

“Since when do you work with a partner?” The guard asks, finally acknowledging your presence with a disgusted sneer. 

While she scrutinizes your inexplicable appearance at the Mandalorian’s side, you think back to the toughest, most badass bitch you knew from infantry and try to remember her posture and the way she would stand with her knees straight, hips tilted. 

“Since now,” is the extent of Mando's explanation.

Some silent test of wills plays out between the two warriors before the guard relents. “I’ll let Vos know you’ve arrived," she drolls. "He’s busy at the moment. Not sure when he’ll find the time to meet with you, but you’re welcome to wait for him on level seventeen with the rest of the miscreants.” 

She—the Anzati woman—is absolutely terrifying. With skin so pale it looked ashen gray. The intricate facial markings carved into her cheeks are blood red. Her yellow eyes had slit-like, reptilian pupils. Jet black hair fell in heavy waves over her shoulders and down her bare muscular back. A portrait of lethal beauty. 

It's scary and arousing at the same time. Also distracting. What was the significance of that look she shared with the Mandalorian?

“Does this mean we’re officially partners now?” Alone inside the lift, you can’t stop yourself from saying something—anything—to shake the tension. The nerves bubbling up in your stomach have gotten the better of you already. 

“Why?” Mando looks at you askance. “You hoping I’ll introduce you to Vos?”

Wow. Okay. Guess you’re not sharing the elevator with the tenderhearted Mandalorian who'd stolen your heart. At some point, that man had transformed into this callous bounty hunter who did not appreciate collegial banter.

But as Mando so astutely observed, you’re no longer afraid of his cranky stoicism. Someone’s got to lighten the mood. “We did sort of team up for that job on Danvar II,” you shrug. 

He clears his throat, “You think so?”

“Do you know what happens when bone marrow enters the bloodstream? If I didn’t amputate, that guy would have died of an embolism, rendering him literally worthless.”

“I believe you were compensated for your services.” 

“Would you be more comfortable if I used the term 'subcontractor' instead of partner?”

“I'd be more comfortable if you stopped talking so much,” the Mandalorian snaps. "But as I doubt that’s possible, can you at least keep your voice down?”

Good thing he wears that helmet cause otherwise, you might be tempted to break his nose.

“And I hope I don’t have to remind you that we’re not here to make friends,” he adds sternly. “These are Vos’s paid assassins and enforcers. They’re not your friends, and they never will be, so don’t talk to them.”

Oh yeah, you’d love to wind back a real sucker punch. Instead, you say, “Aye-aye, captain,” and give him a little mock two-finger salute. 

When the lift arrives on level seventeen, you step out into a pretty unremarkable mess hall, given the yacht’s extravagance. Lounge would be a more generous description since there are some gaming tables where people gather to play cards or dejarick. But the scene is closer to a military barrack, with a heated contest of arm wrestling drawing most of the room’s attention.

There are about twenty of them in all, a mix of species and genders, with a few droids amongst their ranks. Most pretend not to notice your arrival, but a few glare in the Mandalorian’s direction or exchange meaningful looks.

If Mando knew any of them, he didn’t seem to care. He stalks over to an empty corner of the room and takes root with his back against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. 

Is this what he's like on the job? All business? Not that it's a huge departure from his normally standoffish behavior, but...what? Did you expect drinking buddies?

No, he saved his warmth and humor for the kids. With maybe a little left over for you, too.

Unfortunately, you aren't as skilled in compartmentalizing your emotions. There’s no way you’ll be able to sit still waiting on Vos indefinitely, not with this much tension circulating, so you take a seat at a nearby table and activate the holo-board. Nadu Chaal, a Huttese game testing memory and calculation, is an ideal pastime to divert your attention.

Keep your head down and eyes on the board; maybe you’ll leave without humiliating yourself. Or the Mandalorian.

“Hello, there.”

Ugh, kriffing ... You look up from your discard pile to see one of the mercenaries, a male Togruta, approaching your table. He walks over with a tankard but without a shirt, his well-muscled body glistening with sweat. Perhaps he’d been sparring with the group over by the bar. 

“Don’t think I’ve met you before,” he says, handing you a drink. You take it because it seems rude not to, and you don’t know what merits retaliation around here. “My name’s Talsala. And you?”

You twist your head reflexively to look at the Mandalorian standing still as a statue behind you.

“Ha!” Talsala barks with laughter. “Well done, Mando. She’s very obedient.”

It chafes your pride hearing him say that, but ‘very obedient’ has got to count for something with the Mandalorian.  

The Togruta leans one of his powerful shoulders against the wall next to him, “I’d offer you one, too, Mando, but then you might loosen up a little, and I know how you hate that.”

“Talsala,” the bounty hunter says in an irritated tone. “This is Thulani Vildar.” 

Fortunately, your visor hides the look of shock sweeping over your eyes. What did he mean by giving you Tigran Vildar’s name, especially given how much he seemed to hate the man?

“Always thought you worked alone,” the Togruta says, speaking to Mando. “Certain advantages to bringing in a partner, eh?” He shoots you a lewd glance, making it clear what these perceived benefits might be. “She looks…eager to prove herself.” 

And then, to your horror, Talsala takes the seat opposite you. “I’m trying to get a game of Bako going. You know it?”

Your nod is more wary than eager. “I’ve seen it played.”

He waves over two others—a Rattataki female and a human male—to join you around the table. You sense Mando’s looming presence behind you, but you don’t dare to look back at him and reveal your misgivings. There’s nothing hostile or threatening about their behavior, yet you can’t help feeling outnumbered. 

“Valine,” the Togruta smiles as she takes the empty seat on your right. “This is Thulani. And this brute is Kasper.” On your left is a stout, round fellow with short blonde hair, a bushy beard, and thick eyebrows, whose nose had been broken in several places. He grunts by way of greeting.

Talsala leans across the table. “Do not mind Kasper. He is not much of a talker.”

“No, we save all the talking for you,” Valine says dryly, motioning a droid over to refill her tankard. She slaps the Togruta’s arms off the table so she can reset the game. “I’ll take red.”

“Green,” you say evenly. 

When the game commences, they’re careful not to pepper you with too many questions, curbing their curiosity to match the flow of gameplay.

“Where are you from Thulani?” Talsala asks with a politeness that doesn’t match his arrogant swagger. “Can’t quite place your accent.”

The Togruta is committed to sending you a flirtatious smile every time he looks up from his hand, performatively biting his lower lip in concentration.

Years ago, you might have blushed, but thankfully, you're too well-seasoned for that now. “I’ve called many places home,” you reply impassively. “I’m sure it’s a mix of them all.”

“How do you know the Mandalorian?” Valine inquires moments later.

“Mutual acquaintance,” you tell her. 

All the while, Mando keeps his silent watch. Was he furious with you for letting yourself be drawn into their net? For certain, this was a fishing expedition. But whether one motivated by malice or boredom, you can’t be sure. 

“You two making the jump with us to Coruscant?" Asks Talsala, "Or are you looking for work after your business with Vos?” 

“Not really my place to say,” you insist, nodding towards the Mandalorian. 

Valine snorts, stretching her legs under the table, “She is well-trained.” 

Then, Kapser calls out, “What you paying her for, Mando?”

It’s the first he’s spoken since sitting down at the table an hour ago. The question is weighted with some significance you can sense but not fully discern.

Ultimately, the Mandalorian is saved from having to answer when Vos’s personal guard steps into view. “Lord Vos is ready to see you now.” She turns on her heels, leaving you to follow in her wake, her presence deeply unsettling.

As you pull away from your seat, Talsala places a chip card in your hand. “Come find me when you tire of this old monk. I’ll put you to work.” 

Arching an eyebrow, you point at the guy and mouth “I told you so,” to Mando.

While the bounty hunter was right to make you change out of your clubwear, you are fairly sure you could be brain dead, wearing a gunnysack, and Talsala would still have offered to poach you out from under the Mandalorian just for sport.

You expect him to make some sarcastic reply, but instead, he exits the room in silence. Shit! Is he really that pissed at you?

Vos’s guard waits for you in front of the lift. She steps aside, letting you enter the elevator car, before leaning inside the cabin to enter a code into the operating panel. “There’ll be someone to escort you upstairs,” she says, ducking back out. “Always a pleasure to see you, Mando.” 

You don’t have time to read something more into her words or the predatory look she throws the Mandalorian. The jolt of the ascending elevator forces you to take a step back to avoid falling into him.

Traveling up the ship's spine, you look out onto an aerial view of Daiyu City, choked in smog and radiant light. There’s a grim splendor to it. In the silence, Mando steps toward the glass to get a better look.  

Is it a seething silence? You can’t be sure.

Maybe he’s waiting until you’re both off Vos’s yacht to start yelling at you, afraid to open his mouth lest he fly off the handle. It was foolish to let yourself be caught in their game. If they had wanted to overpower you, they easily could have with only the Mandalorian there to save you. Yet nothing so dire had happened, and you were cautious not to give anything away. 

Curse that fucking helmet. You have no idea what he’s thinking. The job on Berchest had been a trial run, but this felt like the real test. 

"Why did you tell Talsala my name is Vildar?"

The question escapes your lips before you can swallow it back. It isn't the time or place to have this conversation.

He shakes his head absentmindedly. "It ... it's the first thing that came to mind."

Your stomach lurches. "Mando, I know you think there's—"

Erenada! The credits you’ve been fidgeting with fall to the floor, and you crouch down hurriedly to stuff them back into the pocket of your belt.

“You made that much on a hologame?”

“What?” The casualness of his tone catches you by surprise. He didn’t sound angry. “Oh, yeah. Well, they never catch on,” you smirk. 

“Catch on to what?”

“Bako is all about betting against the draw. It's pure probability.” 

When he says nothing in response, you clarify. “I can count cards, Mando,” you say before adding in an even lower voice, “Plus, it helps that I can tell if someone’s bluffing. Or excited about a good hand.”

“Don’t you need skin contact?” He asks. “Isn’t that why you wear the gloves?”

“It’s more about proximity. Touch makes for a stronger connection. But I can pick up on a lot just sitting next to someone. You ordinarily don’t sense it because the Beskar shields you from my influence.” 

“And this is what you use your abilities for? Gambling.” 

Ugh, there’s just no winning with him. “Did you never wonder where I get the money? You don’t pay me enough to afford these boots.”

While not as glamorous as your thigh-high red lace ups, the dragon leather boots you're wearing are both practical and spectacular. 

“Is this what you meant when you said we could get the money for repairs ‘another way’?”

“It would have taken me a few days, but yes.”

He pauses, once again dumbstruck by the revelation that you don’t simply go into stasis every time he leaves the ship. “Do you bring the kids with you?”

“No, I do not bring children with me to gamble!” You say immediately, which is not a lie since you never go looking for gambling tables. They just happen to be a common occurrence in most Outer Rim taverns. “Nito takes a turn watching the baby. Just like he is right now.”

If Mando has further concerns about your childcare responsibilities, they’ll have to wait. The elevator doors open onto a waiting circle of uniformed guards. Every one of them, except the Cathar standing in the middle, are HK droids. 

Or, at least, Cathar is what he started out as—he was more machine now than organic.

The HKs scan you for any remaining weapons, and once again, Mando’s whipcord goes unremarked.

Nevertheless, the Cathar steps directly in front of Mando, barring his path inside Vos’s private rooms. He's built like a brick wall and is at least a foot taller than the Mandalorian.

“You know the rules,” he growls between feline teeth. “No one sees Vos without showing their face.”

You can almost feel Mando’s hackles rising. Clearly, this was a frequent point of tension between them.

“I have worked for Ryun Vos many times, and he has never seen my face.” 

A tense silence unfurls. Then, like the coiled strike of a snake, the bodyguard’s metallic hand shoots forward, reaching for the Mandalorian’s helmet.

Mando catches him by the forearm, stopping his hand mere inches from the Beskar helm. The bodyguard snarls, bearing his teeth before striking out with the heel of his other hand. Mando ducks his blows—once, twice—an elbow catches him in the ribs, but he uses the proximity to hook an arm around the Cathar's shoulder and throw him bodily down the hallway. 

Both men turn to face each other, planting their feet and taking up fighting stances.

“Chirgar!” Vos shouts into the hallway. “I admire your loyalty, but must you harass the Mandalorian every time we conduct business?” 

The bodyguard reluctantly stands down. “No point in rules if you don’t enforce them,” he snarls, running his tongue over a row of pointed teeth and tilting his shaggy chin at a belligerent angle.

The shadowy figure of Ryun Vos had preyed upon your mind like a specter. Mando was never forthcoming about what happened on the job, but with Vos, he didn't have to. The work for Vos always left him visibly shaken. He's so wary of the man that he refused to dock the Razor Crest on the same fucking planet. You'd taken a ship from a nearby moon to Daiyu City.

Which is all to say that it felt incongruous to see an elegant, effete man smiling at you in a well-tailored suit.

“Come, Chirgar,” Vos says from behind his lacquered desk. “You know Mando and I are old friends.” 

With a wave, he motions you inside the handsomely appointed offices, supplying a panoramic view of the city below. Ryun Vos was quite an avid collector with an evident penchant for ancient weaponry. Displays of swords, daggers, and armor feature prominently on every wall of his study.

“Mando,” the crimelord calls out in greeting. “I can never seem to find you when I need you. Yet, I never doubt you'll show up at my door again like a stray dog.”

Vos chuckles genially, but the hairs along the back of your neck tingle. You sneak a glance at the bounty hunter to see how he reacts to being called a mongrel, but his posture gives nothing away.

“Are you in need of sanctuary? As I've said before, if you came to work for me exclusively, I could smooth over all this unpleasantness with the Guild.” 

“I’m honored by your offer, Lord Vos, but I've no need of your generosity.” 

Mando’s words are carefully spoken, his tone firm but respectful. Yet something dark crossed the crimelord’s face, replaced so quickly by a jocular grin that you can’t be sure whether you imagined it.

“Then what, pray tell, brings you all the way to Daiyu just to meet with me?” Vos asks, pulling a hand over his cleanly shaven jaw.

“I hoped to redeem the favor you owe me.”

The word hope is doing a lot of work to demonstrate Mando’s deference.

“Oho! A dog in search of food then…” Vos nods his head smugly and shifts his gaze in your direction. “And what about your lovely companion? I don’t believe we’ve been introduced.”

“Thulani Vildar, this is Ry—

“She knows who I am,” Vos says, waving a hand airily and leaning back in his sumptuous chair. “This favor. Name it, and it’s yours. Within reason, obviously.”

Mando pauses for a breath before launching into the pitch you devised. “While working a recent job—”

“Ah, working as a hunter? Warrior? ... Assassin?”

Has Mando worked as an assassin?

Alright, there's no need to be quite so naive. What else could the threat of bringing them in 'cold' mean? He's not referring to the carbon freezer, Thuli.

“My business is my own.” And the challenge in the Mandalorian’s voice is unmistakable.

Vos’s face tightens. “Careful,” he says softly. I would hate to have to teach you manners, especially in front of the girl.”

At his words, Chirgar eases a hand down over one of the knives at his belt. In the tense silence that follows, you wonder if Mando really means to take down Vos and his bodyguard, armed only with his whipcord. He was a skilled fighter, but how would he withstand the Cathar’s cybernetic limbs, which could pulverize his bones to dust.

Finally, Vos breaks the quiet with a hearty stream of laughter. “I’ve forgotten that Mandalorians are not known for their decorum. My mistake. Please continue.”

The bounty hunter lets his gaze fall back to Vos. “I’ve come into possession of a wanted man whose contract I cannot collect on.”

“Being a wanted man yourself must make it difficult to navigate official, legal channels, I imagine.” 

“It’s not the Guild or New Republic I’m trying to avoid. But he was taken by mistake, and I would like to return him.”

“And you want me to arrange for his delivery?” 

Mando nods.

“Seems to me it would be easier for everyone involved to kill this man and be done with it.”

“It would,” the Mandalorian agrees. “But I think his safe return might be of value to you.”

Vos’s steepled fingers point toward the bounty hunter. “Now you have my attention.”

“This man is an engineer for House Galantis, one of the Nine Houses now ruling the Berchest system. With New Republic bureaucracy, it’ll be years before they obtain permission to sell their hyperfuel through official, legal channels.”

“I see. So, you are handing me a gift, which I may use to make an advantageous introduction. Very thoughtful of you. And what do you gain from this, Mando? My gratitude?”

“I need money.”

“Shocking how it always comes back to that. How much?”

“A hundred thousand.”

“Anything else? Perhaps you’d like my ship?”

Vos's tone is so egregious it's a struggle to keep from laughing. The sale of this yacht could finance a star fleet. Hell, he probably owned this yacht and a star fleet.

“You have the money,” Mando persists. “You have money and power because I freed you from prison where you were left to die.”

“Then you should have negotiated back in that cell. I’m not a bank, Mandalorian. And even if I were, given your current situation, I’d say your credit is a risky investment.”

“I’m not asking for a loan.”

“You want me to give you...," Vos paused. "Seventy thousand credits for some nameless nobody who might open a door for me?”

Mando looks at you questioningly. You shake your head. “A hundred thousand is the deal,” the bounty hunter says again.

It’s the first time since you walked into his office that you have Ryun Vos’s full attention. “And what makes you think you deserve anything more than what I dain to offer?”

“My Lord Vos,” you say, trying to match the reverence he so clearly felt entitled to. “We can sell this man only once. The political connections he provides will reward you many times over.”

“A brilliant assessment but, as I said, one that weighs connections he might provide.”

“House Galantis is offering a bounty of two hundred fifty thousand for his safe return. If his delivery doesn’t yield any business opportunities, there's still a profit to be made.”

Vos’s eyes darken as he considers his options.

“I will give you the one hundred thousand credits. But in exchange for my generosity, I would like a favor. One good turn deserves another, after all.”

Mando shifts his stance. “What favor do you ask?”

“I would like to borrow the services of your Miralukan crew member here—with the offer of an additional fifty thousand for you, my dear. Your talents are so rare; I would not wish to take them for granted.”

A lump the size of your fist lodges in your throat. 

Sure, you’re disguised as Miraluka. And here was confirmation that the disguise had worked. Because if Ryun Vos knew that you’re a wanted fugitive facing a death sentence back on Hapes, he’d have no reason to ask for your help.

No, it’s the creeping feeling that this entire encounter has been orchestrated to catch you in this moment that fills you with dread. 

Mando steps closer to you in a few quick strides, shielding you from Chirgar’s view. “She’s not part—”

“She can speak for herself,” Vos asserts, raising a hand to silence the Mandalorian. “The man whose life you saved on Danvar II has since made some accusations that I must verify.” 

“How would I—?”

“Don’t be coy,” Ryun Vos drolls. “The Mandalorian may rely on your services as a healer, but we both know the Miraluka can do much more than that.” 

Fuck! Fuck, shit fuck. Hadn’t you just told Mando that you could sense when the other players were bluffing? Is that why Vos had left you to sit there for hours until a spot at the card table conveniently freed up? Had it all been a trap just to test you?

“I’m not asking you to tell me how you know…but you would know if someone was lying?”

“Yes,” you say in barely more than a whisper. Beside you, Mando’s body stiffens.

This is why he cautioned you against using your powers unless it was absolutely necessary. The quarry Mando captured on Danvar II had told Ryun Vos about his crimes and conspirators...but also about the young woman who'd healed him.

“Good,” Vos says cheerfully, clapping both hands together. “There are a few associates I’d like you to question.”

That he has them ready and waiting in the next room is confirmation of your worst fears, that this plan was set in motion the minute you stepped on board. 

“And what happens once I’ve found the person who’s been lying to you?”

Mando stands even closer, his broad shoulders enveloping you like a cloak. He was readying himself to defend you from attack. 

“I thought questioning a client’s intentions went against your professional code?”

You stare up into the Mandalorian’s viewplate, hoping that he understands—that he might be the only man in the galaxy to understand your conviction. “I’m not a hunter,” you tell Vos. “I’m a healer. And I took an oath to do no harm.”

Vos laughs with delighted surprise, smiling at you like the adorable idiot he believes you to be. “Very well. You have my word; I will not kill them.”

You scoff, “I’m sure it’s been some time since you bothered with wet work, Lord Vos.”

Next to you, Mando lets out a hushed curse in warning.

“Do no harm,” you repeat. “I need you to promise that this person will not be harmed. Evidence of their betrayal is what’s valuable.” A little taken aback at your own courage, you add, “These are my terms.”

Ryun Vos’s smile grows wider but doesn’t reach his eyes. “All right,” he says jovially. “Why not?” And he turns to a bristling Chirgar, “Bring in Pia'vak.”

The woman wears a tattered nightdress, a fine layer of grime, and several ugly burn scars. You shoot Vos a reproachful look. She'd obviously been snatched from her bed in the middle of the night to be tortured.

When she sits down at the table opposite you, your instincts have you reaching out for her. "Pia, give me your hand."

Pia’vak's spirit had been broken. You might have asked her to jump up and down on one leg, and she would have lept onto the table to oblige. Subservient, she gives you both her hands so you hold them together between your palms. You can't remove the filth from her skin, but you do manage to clear up all the cuts and bruises.

She reaches up a hand to feel her mended nose. "Oh, thank you! Thank you!" Pia sobs. "Does...does this mean I get to leave?"

"Perhaps," Vos rests his chin on his knuckles. "You claim to have overheard Ivan say his information came directly from one of my lieutenants?"

Tears run down Pia's face as she nods frantically.

"Do you know who?"

"No! I swear! I never met him or saw his face or heard his voice or knew his name or —"

"She's telling the truth." You decide to save the woman from her helpless babbling. "Pia," you ask, staring into her wide amber eyes wet with tears. "You said you've never met him...if you didn't hear their voice, why do you think this person is a man?"

"That's what he said! Ivan said," she pleads hysterically. "That he knew where to find the weapons."

"Does Ivan know who this man is?"

"I don't know..." Pia'vak chokes, hiccuping as more tears spilled down her face. "I don't know...Ivan didn't tell me anything! I was out on the balcony, and I...he didn't know I could still hear him."

At that, she collapses into a fit of sobs.

You turn to glare at Vos. "Can we get Pia some clothes and a meal before she's on her way?"

He throws back his head to laugh. "You are a condolatory influence, my dear; I'll give you that. I can see why the Mandalorian is so...protective of you."

Mando's deep voice rumbles from over your shoulder, "Let's get on with it."

Chirgar spat, but Ryun Vos merely gestured impatiently, "Bring in Ivan."

Ivan's appearance confirms your suspicion that these two were taken in some sort of pre-dawn raid. He wore a thin, ratty tunic over his briefs, and that was it. They hadn't even let him put shoes on.

Ivan also showed signs of torture. His face was a mess, with one eye completely swollen shut, his zygomatic bone likely floating around in several pieces.

"I need your hand, Ivan," you say calmly, reaching across the table.

"Stay away from me, witch!"

He draws himself back, looking both terrified and disgusted. The Miraluka were primarily known as healers and diplomats, but being able to see the world without eyes can make some folks superstitious. He was probably imagining grotesque, empty eye sockets behind your visor.

"Hold him down," Vos commands.

Chirgar shoves Ivan forward, pinning his chest against the table's edge. When you grip his wrist, the man tosses his head with a hateful sneer. Should you attempt to heal his wounds, or would he prefer not to be tainted by your witchcraft?

"Pia's safe now," you say, trying to garner some goodwill.

"What?" His brows furrow.

You don't pick up on any sense of relief, and no remorse either for endangering her life. Ivan could give a shit about what happened to Pia'vak.

Well, that made you feel less conflicted about incriminating him. You might have saved Pia, but you doubt Ivan will get out of this alive, whatever promises Ryun Vos had given.

"I know you've been stealing from me, Ivan. That much we've established," the crimelord drones. "The only reason you're still breathing is because I need to know how deep this rot reaches. Who gave you the stockpile locations?"

"I don't know! I never knew who he was. He didn't reveal anything about his identity!" Ivan yells desperately.

"So you say..."

You close your eyes to avoid watching Ivan's hysteric meltdown. The tangle of his emotions is a frustrating knot to unravel. His skill—like all good liars—was to weave in certain truths, along with things he told himself were true, to create the falsehoods.

"Is he lying?" Ryun Vos asks.

"No. He's telling the truth that his source never revealed themselves," you explain, and Ivan's shoulders sag with reprieve. "But he does know who it is."

"Fuck you!" The man howls, but the shocked horror on his face is another kind of truth. One he can't hide.

"Give me a name," Vos demands, slamming a fist onto his desk, shaking loose his perfectly coiffed hair.

"He'll kill me," Ivan splutters, his one good eye darting around the room. "I'm fucking dead. I'm a dead man."

"Tell me his name, and I just might let you live," Vos growls. You throw him another glaring look. Could he not wait until you left the room to make a mockery of your principles?

Ivan turns his head back and forth, over both shoulders, hissing, "Shit! Shit! Shit!" and dissolves into unbridled weeping.

"Tell me his name," Vos roars, his voice full of cold fury.

The man raises his head, taking a deep breath. Then, a look of astonishment flashes across his face. Ivan gurgles, choking down the blood spilling from the knife protruding from his throat.

You sense, rather than see the second knife—the one that's meant for you.

It plunges down in a shining arc, ready to tear open your chest. You turn your head, squeezing your eyes shut in terror, but as you do, you glimpse the Mandalorian, his arm slashing through the air. There's a twang of colliding metal, and then…nothing.

Until you're knocked from your seat, landing with your face buried in the soft carpet, Mando's body shielding you.

“Stay down!” he yells.

You twist your head and open an eye to see the bounty hunter reaching for a gilded axe mounted onto the wall behind you. His fingers barely close over the handle before Chirgar upends the table and lunges forward.

Mando blocks the first swing of claws with the axe, but the next catches him in the ribs. Chirgar's bionic hand closes over the ancient weapon, and the wooden shaft splinters into pieces.

Grunting, Mando drops his elbow to launch a solid uppercut at the organic underside of the Cathar’s jaw. But Chirgar sees the blow coming and throws his head back to lessen the impact, blindly gripping the Mandalorian by both shoulders.

Mando’s body shoots upward to the ceiling, slamming into the crystal chandelier and crashing back to the floor with bone-rattling force. Chirgar lands kick after kick over the Mandalorian's prone body until he raises his knee high, intending to stomp the life out of the bounty hunter.

But at the last second before impact, Mando rolls between the Cathar's legs, launching to his feet with surprising speed.

Chirgar lets out a loud oof as Mando wraps his arms around him, pinning the Cathar’s cybernetic limbs to his side to neutralize their advantage.  He snarls, muscles straining, teeth bared as he tries to break Mando’s hold.

In answer, the Mandalorian drove his helmet into Chirgar’s nose with a nauseating crunch. Before you can blink, he releases the Cathar and lands a solid, well aimed punch to the solar plexus.

Chirgar hunches over, struggling for breath as blood gushes over his open mouth. Mando pivots on the balls of his feet to deliver a brutal kick to the back of the Cathar’s legs. Chirgar falls to his knees, swaying but somehow still upright. Mando lashes the whipcord around Chirgar's throat and dives for the floor, using his body as an anchor to drag the Cathar to the ground.

Chirgar makes a series of frantic choking sounds, slashing at the Mandalorian’s fists. But the Beskar gauntlets safeguard his relentless grip. Steadily, the grunting fades, and the flailing limbs still, until finally, the Cathar's body goes limp.

Staggering to your feet, the Mandalorian's arms surround you, holding you to his chest in a crushing grip. He looks down at you, raising a gloved hand to cup your face. You feel his gaze searching for yours to make sure you're okay. When you nod in answer, you can tell he doesn't believe you.

Despite the blood splattered across your face, you're unhurt. The shock of violence had turned your guts into jelly, but rugburn is the extent of your physical injuries. As long as you don't faint.

With Mando’s gasping breaths and your thundering heartbeat, it takes a moment to register the sound of clapping behind you.

You whirl around to find Ryun Vos leaning back in his chair, applauding. The Mandalorian had said the man would search for any source of leverage, and the look in Vos’s eyes, broadcast in his steadfast gaze, affirms what you know to be true. That Mando had betrayed his weakness with a single gesture, that comforting hand holding your face.

It had all been a trap. Or a series of traps that Vos had laid just to see what he could catch. Now he understood that a Miraluka and Mandalorian were within his grasp, and he only needed to catch one to get at the other.

Heeding none of this, Mando furiously demands an answer. “Why let him in here—armed—if you suspected him?” 

Vos shrugs. “Something’s different about you, Mando. I needed to see if you’d lost your edge or just gone soft,” he shoots you another glance. “Now I know.”

The crimelord looked bemused. “This prisoner of yours, how will I find him?”

Mando places a communicator down on the desk. “Once we’re off the ship, I’ll let him know it's safe to contact you.”

“Mando! This paranoia of yours is unfounded. Can’t you see, if you simply worked for me, there would be no need for all this worry? You’d both be highly rewarded for your talents as members of an organization that could protect you. And as you can see,” he nodded toward Chirgar’s lifeless body. “I have an unexpected vacancy.”

“My 'prisoner' will be in touch. Send Morigan to collect him.”

Vos looks between you and the Mandalorian in surprise. “I’ll let her know she has your endorsement.” Sensing that there would be no further discussion of employment, Vos stands and places a hand over his heart. “You have my word, that I will return him safely to Berchest.”

With that, the office doors open.

“Is he really going to let us leave?” You mumble once you're back on the gangway. By the time you step onto the dock, your entire body is drenched in nervous sweat.

“We’ll find out soon enough.”

***********************

Continue reading Volume 3- Post #5: What did the wall ever do to you?

Back to Volume 3 - all posts

#mandalorian x reader #mandalorian x you #mando smut #sexy mando #sexymando #mando x reader #mando x you #the mandalorian smut #mando fanfiction #mandalorian fanfic #the mandalorian #mandalorian smut #din djarin #star wars smut #din djarin smut #din djarin x reader

[androdragynous]

ive been feeling some kind of way about AI art and NFTs and the general shittiness of having to exist around brands 24/7 and I just. okay a lot of this is going to copy from the rant I went on in discord earlier because I don't want to retype it all on phone but it's like

DA is the only existing gallery that I have that actually spans like. My entire time online. Which like yeah it's cringe or whatever but it's important to me since that's where I started and now it's like well do I fucking nuke that record because the alternative is some crypto bitch minting my shit for $0.76257358 in twitchcoin or something. I hate it here. And I say that with actual vitriol this time.

I hate that being someone who likes to draw means my entire existence is a profit margin for some bitch who has decided letting people rip others off is the most reliable business standard and the alternative options are to never share anything and live under a rock or just quietly tolerate it and hope it blows over before the global ecosystem fries because a motherfucker realized money is imaginary and decided to burn a metric ton of resources to count monopoly money. If you put me in a room with a CEO of Anything right now I'd rip their throat out with my teeth before you could even hand me a gun.

It's INFURIATING that like. the fact that there is art on dA of people who have died doesn't matter to them. It doesn't matter that people have moved on. It doesn't matter that things were gifts for friends who are no longer talked to, or showing interest in things that have been moved past. It doesn't matter that there are resources meant to be shared or communities meant to be fostered and it doesn't matter that this was made by people. Art isn't content that just appeared magically in the world and you can't just skim it off and slap it on to something else. There was reason in it. Things were made for a reason and so often that reason was love and that's irrelevant.

I do think AI art has the potential to be an incredible tool especially for artists who otherwise can't draw, of whose speciality in art isn't a visual medium. But the way it's been introduced was not done for them and never will be because the people who developed it don't care and have no reason to. There is a difference between accessibility made for people and accessibility made for profit and only one of them will last and only one of them should matter.

I am tired and I am livid and honestly I'm a little bit grieving because it should not fucking be like this! What people make to connect to the world and the people they care about should not be reduced to PNG metadata #84026 for some Bitcoin freak who doesn't even know their fucking name. The person matters the reason matters. All of it has always fucking mattered.

In 2016ish I was talking to someone who had had to euthanize a horse they owned and they said my reassurances were some of the best they'd ever received. That site no longer exists. If I saw the same words I'd typed somewhere else now I wouldn't remember them, I wouldn't recognize them, but that person probably would. It was a string of words in a comment section of an offline site. Not even a little bit protected by anything art usually is. But it still fucking mattered to someone! And the fact that it did still matters to me! It's about being fucking human!

It's like, fuck, what do you do if somewhere down the line you see the fursona of a dead person in some AI prompt art? Whose fucking ghost is it? The person who made it won't know and won't care but someone will and that's not a grief that comes with legal measure - how the fuck are you supposed to quantify love in a court of law to prove that art has meaning?

It's infuriating. It's beyond infuriating. It has to matter because it matters and there's no way to frame that in a way that someone who doesn't care about it will acknowledge because they can't, fundamentally, recognize that any of this matters without realizing that their own part of it matters too. One big fucking performance art piece on a giant rock that happened to have the right molecules on it for the rest of us. Fuck me running. The problem is that none of these people have ever talked to someone who is not sufficiently rich, that art is to be generated so it can be placed in a foyer and resold after we die. There is no place in that world for parents singing their children to sleep or kids creating elaborate playground roleplays or teenagers writing poetry to try and make sense of how everything feels. Art is about being fucking human and we have to remember that. We have to.

Take the time to love your work. Take up a physical medium or print it out and hold it. Know you made something that exists and will continue to exist, and know that you loved it. There is a humanity in it that can never be taken from you and I hope that it can bring you joy. Please take the time to remember that.

#patch me through to palaven command #long post #wanted to say these words somewhere findable and permanent. i think theyre important

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for giving a guy a time limit on texting me?

I (mid 20s F) met a guy (late 20s M) at a friend's party (we dont have any direct mutual friends. Hes friends with my friend's roommate's boyfriend) and we didnt talk very much while there but he offered to drive me home and i ended up going to his place with him instead. We talked (and kissed, etc.) and i slept over and he drove me home in the morning (which was really only like 4 hours later. It was late when we left the party and he had a very early (volunteer) shift). When he dropped me off he said we should go out to dinner sometime soon and i agreed. It was all very nice and he's incredibly attractive and just the kind of person im looking for.

About 2 days later (having not heard from him) i sent him a text basically saying id still like to go out to dinner with him & left it open for him to suggest a day. I didnt get a response. So about 4-5 days later i sent him a text along the lines of "if you didn't want to go out you could've just said so but i dont appreciate being ignored" and he responded immediately apologizing because he's had a lot going on with job hunting and he basically needs to get a new job within a month (he was laid off recently and lives alone so he could easily lose his house) and then once he's settled with that new job he'll hit me up but that he wasnt trying to ignore me. Ive been strung along before (very recently in fact, it's still a little raw) so in this conversation i told him i would've appreciated if he'd just said that rather than just being silent and he apologized again and then i said something along the lines of "i value my time and if i dont hear from you within a month then you can just forget about it". Which i mainly said to draw a line in the sand for myself. I want to make sure im not just endlessly waiting for a text that never comes because he really seemed so great, i know id (consciously or unconsciously) pass up other people and then get all lonely and depressed because im holding out for him. And a month is already a long time to pine anyway.

He didnt respond to that message (its been a week) and im worried it came across too harsh/bitchy/entitled. I meant it in like a "please check in with me at some point rather than just not texting me at all for the next month or two" way but i didnt want to explicitly say that because i just met this guy, we spent maybe two waking hours together, and i dont want to, like, Demand he take time out of job hunting to talk to me. But also, i feel like a text only takes a couple minutes and shouldn't be that big of a deal to ask for (he also texted while driving (driving driving. not at a red light) that night soo.. seems like he usually cares about responding to texts. i guess.)

So, am i the asshole for telling a man i just met that has one month to text me or im done, even though he's going through a very stressful time and is very busy?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[unofficialadamtaurus]

Ive been way too busy to read lately so I just now got to the second chapter of Ever After Over Again and DUDE I FUCKING LIVE FOR YOUR WRITING

Ruby's hand dipped and fell. Hope? What had hope gotten them so far? A one-way bridge to who knew where, a fallen kingdom, no relics, and all of it on her head. She'd scraped her reserves of hope raw just trying to keep herself together through that. All she could offer Jinxy were her bloody fingertips and the ghost of the girl she'd been. That girl had wanted to go to the Ever After; that girl would've loved to run around in this place and play the hero instead of drag herself towards the exit knowing that nothing but ruin lay on the other side.

OMFG THAT IS SO DELICIOUSLY ANGSTY AND PAINFUL. UGHWJXBS i just fuck so hard with V9!Ruby warring with the little girl she used to be. and JFCCCC THIS SENTENCE “She’d scraped her reserves of hope raw just trying to keep herself together” UGHJWIS IM IN LOVE WITH A FUCKING SENTENCE. Hopeful characters feeling utterly hopeless I JUST LOVE TO SEE IT OKAYYY but also really love how she was able to find just a little in Penny 😭

Also LOVING what your small changes to Weiss and Yang respective moments (weiss not being a complete joke, actually crying and frustrated over their situation?? Yang being more mindful of her sister? IM HERE FOR IT)

Hell yeah I'm thrilled you're having such a good time with what's out so far! That particular line - visualizing Ruby's supply of "hope" as some kind of physical container she could injure herself trying to draw from - was a joy to write.

V9 had so much room for angst and only dipped a foot in. We'll be doing a cannonball 🫡

#anon #unofficial adam answers #ever after over again reviews #writing the smoke scenes rn and although it's not Broken Young Thing our boi does make an appearance #it bothered me in canon that everyone except ruby was like everything's perfect fuck off :) #like nah. they're all fucked up. you're welcome. #long post

[spikeinthepunch]

ive been thinking this for quite a while now but i havent felt attached to like. any kind of sona at all for some time. and this does happen quite often when i fixate on a fandom but my "fixation" has been er, a full year so. its not the fixations id get purely during my manic episodes lol. and even prior i was consumed by things like rping and i didnt pay much attention at all to sonas because i was busy doing that.

and like i have never considered myself a person whos legit furry for that reason bc i am 1) not involved in fandom and 2) my fursonas simply have just been a visual extension of myself that i usually dont stick to or see as anything more than a slight mascot than myself. or that very least, i may have felt more strongly attached to them as a kid-teen but, i dont as much anymore as i have felt less reason to project myself into designs? i guess? im not really sure.

something something recovery and change. i guess. i undeniably swapped around fursonas and names because i just had no sense of self. every time i had a manic ep i wanted to throw away whatever identity i had (and i often did for a while)- i can pick out very specific points in my life based off my sonas through the years alone lol.

i dont want ot say growing up has changed this because growing up doesnt exactly have to do with it. but i have spent a lot of time figuring out my personal problems and putting love into a fandom thing thats always been a big part of my life (and had denied myself the joy from) and its not at all related to fursonas. i feel better enough abt my current self that i am not relating to those old sonas, and i just havent had a drive to make a new fursona. and i have felt that for a while, and even wanted to draw art of me as a human, but like,... hesitated? which is odd to point out but it was kind of like i felt people expected me to only draw Me in the form of a fursona.

currently mikike is just a mascot. it will exist on my website and such for little assets and design stuff. right now it is also my minecraft skin but that is something i am altering away from it in order to fit something better for the format. still, it isnt my sona and itll stay the way it is bc i am not attaching it to my actual feelings. so yeah, outside of that little creature, i really just havent visualized myself in that fantasy sona kind of way and i just dont feel like it right now.

[miss-misguidedmoon]

isn't it funny

ever since i was teen i knew i wanted to do hair as my profession. well, i graduated high school, moved out to santa barbara for a year, went so cosmetology school, then moved back home and started my first job ever, in a salon.

i loved it, until i didnt. working in a salon and the type of clientele i had is what i didnt love. doing hair, cutting and creating different styles just by cutting hair to fall into a unique style, or coloring a whole head of hair from one color to another. theres a science and chemistry behind mixing chemicals and manipulating the structure of the hair strand, can chemically change the color of the hair.

i was never good at art. i cant draw and can imagine it in my head but cannot recreate it onto paper. i dont have the hands to draw. hair was like my canvas, where not every since line and detail had to be super concise with the strand right next to it.

lately ive been missing that kind of creativity. ive been sparking that interest in me that wants to do something crafty. i love being able to take my time and really sit and focus on that project, but life has been so busy that i always feel guilty when i'm fucking off and procrastinating or resting.

i’m trying so hard to get my mind right and really am trying all of my options and pushing some personal boundaries within myself to find what can motivate me again to push through this chapter in my ilfe.

maybe thats why ive been feeling like crafting lately. theres not enough time in my days where i could only focus on that one thing all day. when i was little and working on a project, no one would interupt me or take my attention away from it until i fully completed it. i think the reason behind my sudden spark of DIY. am i missing the times where i could do something, uninterupted, alone with just me and my thoughts? now thinking of it, it was nice to not have to talk to anyone or be bothered with shit i really couldnt bother ilstening to, but as an adult now you dont really get that kind of alone time.

home is where i am safe and home is where i can be my most authentic self. i pick my nose whenever i want. i can eat like a slob and no one is looking at me weird. its my personal dome. my bubble.

is that why i also hoard a lot of things? i always like having everything i could possibly need in the house. idk where this thought was going.

all i know if that i am really considering buying doll heads and hair colors because i really just miss working on hair. i went down a brad mondo and hair dresser reacts videos. i was reflecting the other night about how differently i would have done those client's hair if i went back but knew what i knew now. i have a lot more knowledge about how color and bleach really works. i was never patient in the coloring process because it always took so long, but if i could just do hair without there being a risk of ruining an actual person's hair and being able to essentially wing it to create something on the head.

idk. ~