#being perceived is such a weird feeling

[vcrnons]

i always get rly thrown when people at work remember my name. not the people i work with specifically but like. one of the guys from receipt and distribution just came to our office and geeeted me with my name and there’s a guy he works with who does it every time he sees me in the corridor. some of the it guys do it too. where’s that post about lacking any object-permanence regarding yourself again cause im—

#shut up j #in my old job I used to have customers come in and specifically ask for me because. I’d adjusted their glassss before or id done little #dispense consults with them and helped fix some problems. and I always used to get so thrown off like hi what you remember who I am ??? wat #glasses* lol can’t type anyway #being perceived is such a weird feeling

[captain-astors]

Creature. (The rendered ones are referenced from manga panels)

#mediocre art #tokyo ghoul #On some level I think I should like Kaneki more than I do but there's this weird sense of detachment #I have not only from him but being able to perceive him as a character? #I don't even dislike him it's just that I can't feel any which way about him at all. He's a catalyst for events #feels more like the conch from Lord of the Flies or something rather than a fictional person. #He doesn't suffer and learn from the consequences #he just suffers and does what got him there again. It's arguable that the lack of punishment denies him the satisfaction #but if that's the case why does he end the story with everything working out perfectly for him? #Why do his friends oblige his flaws and accept his lack of change? #Is the problem my lack of understanding or his lack of good writing? #Is he well written? #Why do I like a certain character from a different anime who's a very similar person with very similar dynamics #but with a goal and acceptance by himself and those around him that his actions really are reprehensible and cannot truly be atoned for #not only more but to the point that he's actually one of my favorites? #Am I just sitting upon a throne of entitlement #because his thought process and experiences are not catered to be applicable to and understood by myself? #GOD IF I KNOW ANYMORE #I'm not pressuring myself to like him or anything I just don't understand anything about kaneki these days and I don't know why

[iraprince]

Hiii, i love your stuff and kinda from a distance really look up at you for, in my perception, being able to express yourself without giving a fuck. Thats sick dude, Im so so afraid, of absolutely everything, its nice to think like i might grow into someone less apologetic of my existence. Nice to see people just being yknow

hey, thank you, this is really really nice. the secret that is probably not a secret is that i am also deeply afraid a lot of the time lmao -- but less than i used to be, and in ways that feel less stifling and self-suffocating, if that makes sense.

like, it used to be "i'm scared that if i express myself the way i want to, everyone will find me obnoxious, so let's just sand those edges down to be safe" -- now my fears are more like "now that i'm expressing myself in a way that feels natural and real, i'm afraid that it's all stupid/vapid/not worthwhile or meaningful" (<- specifically abt my art) or "i'm happy that i talk and act the way i want to now, but what if it makes me impossible to befriend," etc etc etc. which still feels bad and puts me in a funk a lot of the time but at least it's a fear that comes After/in reaction to doing stuff, rather than a fear that STOPS me from doing stuff, you know? like, it's evolved into a kind of fear that's less in my way.

anyway. i believe you'll experience something like this, because wanting to grow is the first step of growing. the fact that u hope or wish for something different means you're already on your way. to fewer fucks!! or at least distributing the fucks u give in a way that serves u better

#stuff like accepting that i'm reserved and i'm not very accessible via messages. #or that my online tone isn't very bubbly and it's weird and uncomfortable to force it. #i stop letting fears about that shape my behavior ('i'll look mean or snotty so let's force markers of Friendliness to avoid that!!') - #- and instead act the way i want to and then trade it in for new fears that come After the action. #also a good reminder to give urself is that if ur fear is abt how other ppl perceive u (as 90% of mine is personally) #u really... can't actually control that. and being very very anxious abt it all the time is usually ur brain throwing a tantrum abt not-- #--having that control. bc it is understandably very scary that u don't have that control #as much as it sucks + is terrifying the truth is the only thing u can do is ask urself 'am i behaving in a way that i'm proud of' #'am i behaving in a way that's in alignment w my values + what i think is important' #bc if the answer to that is yes and somebody hates u or is deeply offended by ur existence anyway. well. literally not ur problem #but obv being at peace w that is way way easier said than done + requires tons of practice and will take. probably. years. which is fine #i am stuck with myself. i can either contort myself forever trying to be someone everyone will like and find totally nonthreatening and- #inoffensive and in the process exhaust myself totally and never feel safe or natural myself. OR #i can say okay. so i am a kind of prickly guy with stern and drab speech patterns and close to no social energy. and i think i can still be #-sexy and fun this way. and it is up to other ppl to figure out if they can agree w me on that #ANYWAY enough rambling for now. just another one of those things i think abt a lot so i have a lot of ready-made sentences abt it in mind

[sunnnfish]

Maybe I’m okay with it if Hirano never traditionally “loves” Kagi. Or anyone. Maybe it never will turn into the same kind of love Kagi feels. Kagi is nevertheless such a source of inspiration and strength and comfort to Hirano. Even if he never feels a desire to touch or get married or whatever. Maybe he does it because Kagi asks and he loves making Kagi happy most of all. He wouldn’t seek it if not asked. But Kagi is always asking. And he knows it makes Kagi happy. Does anyone see the vision. Do you understand. Maybe kagi will be okay with it if Hirano never “loves” him the same way Kagi loves him. Because he knows how Hirano works and he knows how Hirano cares. And he knows he is unique to Hirano. He knows Hirano wouldn’t do these things with anyone else. And that’s still love in its own way.

#every day I convince myself more and more of aroace-spec Hirano #or maybe the perceived slow-burn is getting to me #it’s like. I kind of keep forgetting that there is still going to be more relationship and character development #but also. At this point in time at least they are so queerplatonic to me #AND it all wraps back around to the theme of different kinds of love #we do not love each other in the same ways. but that’s what makes it special #also a queerplatonic relationship answers all the weird limbo relationship stuff they have goin on in future ssmy chapters #idk. anyways. maybe im crazy #also all comes back to How do you quantify being someone’s most important person #Kagi WILL be the most important person to Kagi. it’s just a question of how that manifests #at this point I can’t imagine it manifesting in Hirano necessarily wanting to touch Kagi or saying things like I love you #it’s simply. laughter and happiness and comfort #they are already old together. do you get it #I never feel like I’m properly able to explain the feelings I have. whatever #surely someone gets it #sunnfish.kghr #Hirano to kagiura #Hirano and kagiura

[vatrocvet]

this is just my "stein trans swag" agenda. no screw in the head cuz this is my idea for how he'd looked at like 16-17.

#soul eater #soul eater stein #doctor stein #franken stein #i have drawn something #i feel that his whole gender thing would be very. complex. but later in life he'd just settle on being masculine presenting #and generally lean into that. but it's weird. honest to god he doesn't seem like the type to care 'what' he is perceived as #just does what he feels like it's whatever #cw eyestrain

[beaft]

I'm starting to think I might be trans but I'm not sure. I'm still very attached to female pronouns bit idk if that's just because they're familiar. When I try and imagine myself as a woman it's always something inhuman, an elf, or a vampire, or a sea monster. If I'm imagining myself as human it's always as a weird old man. I don't know if that means I'm trans or not tho.

i think you can be whatever you want to be

#other people may disagree but i honestly think being trans is much less about 'what am i REALLY?' and more about #what does my ideal self look like? what kind of life do i want to live? how would i like to be perceived? what makes me feel happiest? #those questions are a good place to start i think #maybe a fake beard also. for your weird old man purposes

[captainsparklefingers]

I actually really liked the unexpected switch over to the Crown Keepers last night. I was prepared for a really sad, c2ep27 esque episode, and that was definitely touched on very slightly, but it was good to see this other party and get this reminder that the world exists outside of what we see with Bell's Hells. It was great to see Dorian again and I hope he gets to reunite with his other friends soon. It was great to get more of Morrighan (who deserves merch c'mon cr merch team give her a chibi pin), it was great to see the shit going down with Opal...

A bunch of my friends don't really like Aabria's dm style, they think it's very railroady and steps over player agency in favor of telling a very specific story, and I guess I can see that. But I also like that we've got this specific thread to follow and it never felt like, at least to me, that it was railroady to the point that the players didn't like it or weren't having fun. Which I think is a lot more important, you know?

(they also thought the Luxon stuff was a bad retcon and I like my friends but I disagree, I wanna hear more about this different type of consecution, I want Matt and Aabria's thoughts on everything!)

So yeah. I liked the direction of last night's episode. I thought it was different and interesting, and I know we'll rejoin the Hells sooner rather than later. And this gives Sam additional time to plan out a new character or make decisions about whether he wants to have them try the reincarnation spell and stuff like that.

#critical role #cr spoilers #I swear I'm not dumping on my friends I respect that we have different opinions #and they've got personal reasons related to their own dnd experiences to have issues with perceived lack of choice #I just...it feels weird being the only one there who likes Aabria as a dm xD so I gotta talk about it here #anyway I did really like the way things were unfolding #it's absolute fucking chaos

[cowboybirdie]

every new dndads episode i text my partner—who doesnt listen to the podcast or care—about how much i love normal (and hermie) and what anthony has done to hurt my feelings.

on this weeks episode of Will-You-Did-It-Wrong:

#dungeons and daddies #dndads #oakworthy #i know im being weird but GOD FUCKING DAMN IT WILLIAM #a PERFECT opportunity to show the internal feelings of your character and how you perceive hermie beyond the surface and you just #‘nuh uh i like you!’ #BITCH COME ON IM GONNA GET YOU

[moonshynecybin]

I just have a question after looking at that picture. What is Marc's body hair removal routine like. Man is always smooth as a baby dolphin. What ARE the rosquez implications of this....

i think he’s just naturally hairless like one of those cats that looks like a penis…. either that or he is getting his entire body waxed literally constantly like a crazy person. anyways does anyone get this joke.

#i DO have thoughts about marc’s relationship with his own hotness. like i think he enjoys being hot and people telling him he’s hot #(ESPECIALLY IN AN EXCERCISE CONTEXT. like he wants you to knowwww he works hard and trains and tell him hes goooddddd PLEASEEEE….) #but i also think it relates to his thing with like. being perceived outside of his control. #like the quote from when he was younger about how he feels uncomfy when people ask him to look sexy makes sense! he has no control over tha #and he’s young! it’s uncomfortable! its weird when people significantly older than you that you dont know ask you to play that role! #but then he gets older starts producing his own stuff controls his own instagram… yeah he enjoys people telling him he’s hot. lol. #ANYWAYS. #motogp #asks #callie speaks #marc marquez

[opera-ghost]

me laughing at the same jokes i’ve heard 1000 times every time i listen to/watch a recording of phantom

#and i swear it gets funnier every time! #was dying while listening to an audio today #(it was specifically nehal joshi during the il muto ballet) #(i could not stop laughing and i couldn’t even SEE him it was just his delivery) #(ugh he’s so funny i love him) #poto shitpost #also side note im about to go on a tangent #but my phantom hyperfixation runs so deep and i have so many thoughts about it #i have at least 100 posts in my drafts about it and i’m not exaggerating #they’re mostly silly memes but it’s still like an overload of posts about phantom #and i’m like. insecure about how much i think about it???? and how much of my headspace i dedicate to it???? #so i keep the bulk of the memes/random posts in my drafts because i just feel weird about posting so much #i really could post about it 24/7 if i didn’t have to be a Person with Tasks #and idk i think im just hyper-aware of how i present my interests in daily life while offline #i am someone who hyperfixates and obsesses and while i could talk about phantom for years i am terrified of annoying people with my interest #i’m worried about being perceived as weird so i kind of flatten myself to make myself more palatable for others #which has me being insecure about the things i’m passionate about and how deep that passion runs #and these feelings have bled online to the specific space i have created as an outlet for my passion #like it’s my blog i shouldn’t be censoring my love for a thing that brings me joy #but my fear of being othered is like. overtaking me. because there are many things that i can’t change about myself #that categorize me as an ‘other’ (sexuality identity mental health etc) #and this is something i can control. i can control how i portray my personality #so i flatten my personality to compensate for the other (perceived) weird things that can’t be changed #idk i just shouldn’t feel the need to do that here bc pretty much everyone on here is super passionate about something #like obsessive about it #and that’s what i love about this site with all its faults. like this is a space for people to come and Be Weird and Act Strange #and everyone just accepts it #and also the phantom community in general #why should i water down my love for phantom in the one place where people can understand it and relate to it??? #hit the tag limit but i’ve come to multiple revelations while typing this lmao

[piploopsy]

trying to get back into drawing oiuuughh ft one of my dip auz

#pip's art #i never flipped the canvaz thiz could look like shit for all i know #cw blood #cw dead animal #?? #poorly drawn but juzt in caze #i didnt feel like coloribg... #my head hurtz really bad #bazically thiz au iz juzt #pip getz sent down go earth from heaven to kill damien bcuz hez the antichrist #but he decidez not to after falling in love with him #exvept itz not like oh he changed hiz violent wayz juzt for him ❤️❤️ no he iz crazy inzane coo coo juzt in love now #and damien iz weirded out by him n shit bbut cant bring himzelf to hate him #theyre both #really out of character #at leazt from how i perceive them #but thatz kinda the point #im not really taking any of it zeriouzly #itz kinda bazed off the little cringe mary sue thingiez i would make when i waz younger so itz juzt #an excuze for me to be silly and not really tske it seriouzly #alzo yea about pip being crazy and coo coo i gave him a scythe but i donr know how to draw it yet #i choze a scythe bcuz #....??? #idk it remindz me again of thoze mary sue ocz i uzed to mske #unironically i kinda love mary suez #a lot actually #theyre really fun tk mske #andreally noztalgic #um ok im gonna keep napping now bye #heavenlypark

[storytellering]

Love your art and I'm generally curious as to what the appeal of Dante/Vergil is to you? Do you have any hc that you're drawing from or is it just personal preference? I struggle to imagine the right conditions for them to be involved in that way and would like to know what inspires you.

I will premise this by saying, that I’m actually not a MASSIVE fan of just DV for its own sake, if Nero isn’t also included (or like, with the assumption he will, 100%, be included once he’s in the picture). To me it’s kind of a baseline pairing?

As in, I don’t even have to think about it. Of course they’re in love, of course they’re together, of course they’re fucking. It’s almost an afterthought to me, the way the married parent couple of the protagonist in a story inherently are. It doesn’t necessarily interest me by itself, that fact, it’s just a certainty, it just is. I guess, for me, the interest in DV specifically comes more out of what other people make of it, because for me I’m almost always approaching first from the perspective of Nero being there also, haha.

There’s also the fact that I have a lot of hc about just like, the way demons function as a species, I guess. I took a lot of things dmc canon gave me and went like, “alright, time to project this into the most self indulgent, non-human society but humanoid looking species I can think up in my brainhead”. To me a lot of the appeal comes from it being not necessarily a predestined thing as much as like, a biological inevitability - (going to speak in definitives about my own hc from here on, so not making any statement about canon dmc lol) demons mate with their kin, and with whoever deems worthy - and twins from the same litter would inevitably end up being the other’s first partner, their first choice, their other half. In a sense, to me, they’re soulmates - though honestly I prefer to think of it more as two halves of the same soul, following the implications in 3 and the 3 manga that them being twins comes from the spawn of Sparda being too powerful to just be born in one body. That might sound like I’m just saying they’re soulmates in a different way, but not really - to me, if I had to go the soulmate route, Nero would be both of their soulmate - because the two of them make one single soul, and the match to that would be Nero’s.

I kind of just go off of the assumption that they are in love and have been since they were in the womb, you know?

That colors the way I see their every interaction. To me, in their fighting, their squabbles and their feuds, there’s always love at the source. Familial, yes, but romantic and sexual as well - and to me, when I think about them, it’s all one and the same. To love each other like family is to be intwined, is to be mated, is to be a pack and is to be one.

That’s the more deep thoughts I have about it, I have more shallow/surface thoughts (and specifically ship dynamic thoughts about like, what appeals to me about them sexually lol) but if I had to quickly sum it up that’s what I would say, I think. 

#Sorry if this is a bit jumbled/all over the place lol #I actually never really stopped to think about it besides just liking it i guess #Like to me things like dante’s lines to vergil read as flirting the fights read as full of tension #every time I see them fighting I could very easily picture them just stopping mid stab to make out yknow #I guess it also comes down to how much you personally like conflict in a ship #or how much rivalry/fighting reads as charged or tension to you #Plus again the whole demon thing #And in a way also ig I just really like thinking of demon twins as a mating pair #I like them hybrid the best but in that context I do like to hc vergil as super fertile and Dante as near infertile #and them navigating this nature in a sense of like. It’s not what they want out of life. #It’s not what they naturally gravitate towards nor what they would choose if it were up to them. #But its nature and its playing cruel tricks on them #and ig in a way to me that’s a feeling I like to project as a trans allegory #I don’t often veer to making characters trans in a realistic human way bc it hits a bit too close to home #And rather I prefer adding a lot of things that are exactly like being trans but not in a human way #And I think that’s that to me yknow? #Nature + instinct imposing something on you that you have to actively struggle against for the rest of your life #And compensating and making yourself be perceived as who you feel yourself to be despite of it #Yes this is still all about weird demon pseudo omegaverse bullshit no I cannot physically hold myself back from getting into it #asks #vague mpreg allegory/mention #thank you for the question! lots of food for thought lol #spardacest

[invisible-brandy]

people need to learn to enjoy things for longer periods of time and not try to make all their past interests cringe just bc they feel that the teenage/kid version of them was cringe about said interest

#yes i saw people being mean about TOP on tiktok #“i still dont understand what a kitchen sink is supposed to be to him” YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO #its A METAPHOR #kitchen sink is a placement object that only specifically means something to the author #as the audience you are invited to make your own “kitchen sink” aka PURPOSE of living #its a song about the joy and individuality of creation about how you are unique and only you can have the view that you have on things and #how no one else will have the EXACT same interpretation and UNDERSTANDING of your own art #kitchen sink slander aside #why cant people just ENJOY things #i dont like latest top albums that doesn't mean everything else they've made is suddenly bad and cringe #they did the same thing with dnp too #“oh the whiskers era was so cringe” #by cringe do you mean “oh no i enjoyed something a little too much”? #just. fuck off. #it also feels so mean to neurodivergent people i think #like YES i AM that type of person to scream and be “cringe” and be passionate about my interests in ways that can be perceived as #off putting and weird #hdgh.txt

[chainofclovers]

Being a human is literally like this weird combo of being okay and not okay that goes on forever except there is also death

#(i'm fine) #(personally) (mostly) (really) #this has just been an absolutely terrible year for our planet and its people and animals #and it's fucking insane that as an american living in relative safety and comfort and experiencing the pleasures and guilt of that... #...i can experience this horrible yet ENTIRELY SURVIVABLE blend of acute pain over so many things at once #including war and genocide and the utter hopelessness of that #and also things like being really really sad that matthew perry's life was so hard and he died #and also so many bad and weird things have happened to family members this year but we mostly have the resources to come together and deal #which is amazing and bolstering and exhausting #and my brain still has space to be excited about writing and numb to writing and angry/impotent about writing #desperate for feedback yet private and retreat-y and weird #always hoping to hit upon The Perfect Thing :-/ #and i live in a place that basically is not a democracy any more and also the u.s. is so cursed we've never been what we said we were #so a lot of my own perceived safety is incredibly fragile #but still so much more solid than what the people i am mourning for had #and none of the comparisons make a lick of sense and are in and of themselves deeply unfair #to the point that it's humiliating to feel guilt (making it about me) and simultaneously humiliating that i don't feel guilt *constantly* #and i have therapy this week but also this deep sense that while my therapist will be a fine person to talk to it will feel unuseful #i've always been a muddle of optimism and pessimism and i am very adamant that life is super beautiful and this is precisely why... #...all the violence in the world is so brutally devastating #it's just that the casserole of all these thoughts feels increasingly horrible #and feeling that way is 100% sane #and even intersectional frameworks and intentional attempts at gentleness only get you so far in the grapple #for meaning and for ideas of what to do #so i end up contacting my reps about various awful things #and zooming in and out on my fixations and having excellent days and terrible days #often dependent on what feels like a camera setting i only partially control #and i'm sure i'm not alone in feeling embarrassed that deep empathy and grief for people i've not met somehow ends up being... #...at least a sliver about ME and my little world #about me

[bi-shop]

you guys think i'm famous .... ? .. curious ! .....

#not an art post #maybe 'influential' though i'm not sure what mark i made on this fandom ? other than having that art style i guess ... ! #it feels so weird either way ... to get personal on main for a bit i'm not really used to being perceived <//3

[miodiodavinci]

well in any event today is the day i gotta go clothes shopping for my Professional Internship Outfits™ and as much as i want to remain optimistic i also foresee the fact that i might die

#(folds hands in prayer) please let me find shirts that fit me without being weird lengths or bad material #please let me find pants that fit me that aren't specifically designed to cling-wrap to my skin #please let me find a nice tie or a cool necklace or other gender neutral gear that won't make me feel like peeling my flesh from my bones #the agonies of needing to be professional #while not being perceived as feminine #but also kind of hating how default masculine things look on you #but Also being a plus size individual #meaning that as far as clothing retailers are concerned #i either want to look like a floral print aunt #or wear paper thin barely sleeved tees that say like. 'wine zodiac <3333' on them sdkjhfgj #killing and biting how hard it is to give me a thick quality collared shirt and a fun patterned airline scarf #here's hoping at least skdjfhgkj