#best cs final video

[darkestcorners]

polarity | 04 yandere!jungkook au

pairing: yandere!jungkook x (f) reader

genre: yandere

warnings: 18+ , toxic relationships, unhealthy and obsessive behavior , mentions of mental health, manipulation, blackmail, cheating,

word count: 13.4k

summary: Your best friend’s new boyfriend becomes infatuated with you…

Parts: 01 | 02 | 03 | ❄️CS | 03 JK | 04

Playlist

A/N; Hi babes! I took quite a lengthy break for personal health issues but I’m back! I hope you enjoy this chapter :) ❤️❤️🥰

You didn’t know how much time had passed before you finally had pulled away from Jungkook. The tears were dry on your cheeks now. You stared down at his phone, the screen had finally stopped displaying the crude video and now it was paused, only the thumbnail was just as raunchy. Turning away, you lifted yourself off the floor, clenching your fists. You eyed Eunji's gift, not being able to stand the sight of it anymore. This time your feet moved at the speed of light, pulling a knife out from the wooden block near the kitchen sink. You saw Jungkook turn his head, quickly coming to his feet when he noticed what you were doing but it was too late, you plunged the knife directly into the leather material.

“Baby,” Jungkook called out, letting out a sigh in defeat when he noticed you were already repeatedly dragging the knife across the expensive purse, completely ripping it apart. Your hands seemed to work on their own, throwing every last bit of your pain into ruining it.

“Enough.” The knife was yanked out of your grip, he placed it on the counter beside you both and took the purse out of your hands, letting it drop to the floor.

“No! None of it is enough!” You cry out, you run your hands over your face and take a deep breath. You needed to calm down, you had to calm down. Jungkook was watching you with careful eyes, as if he was getting ready for you to lunge towards the knife again but you didn’t bother with it anymore. The sight of the purse didn’t heal nearly enough of your broken heart. 

Have you really been so blind? The more you think about it, the more obvious the signs are. Eunji wasn’t newly like this, her behavior didn’t come out of nowhere. Why was your heart and mind so hellbent on convincing yourself that her true character was a surprise? Was she not always like this? You remember all the small instances in that moment, all the seemingly insignificant times she had ignored you or paid little attention to your feelings. Even back in high school, you remembered the times she would spend hanging out with other people and completely leave you out of the equation.

You would never ask for an apology, or even an excuse. You would simply take it as it was. 

The times she would forget to bring you something when she went out to get food or drinks, even when you had specified to her and given her the money. How little attention she would pay you when you shared your thoughts about your future, your concerns. The conversation would always end up going back to her somehow. But she is never rude about it.

At least that’s what you thought. She is always sweet, understanding and shallow.

All the topics you had, they were all surface level, they never went deeper than what she wanted them to. 

You had been too in love with your friend to realize that what you viewed as a childhood bond was simply a familiar acquaintance to her.

The moment the door opened, revealing Eunji’s distraught face, was the moment you knew you had stopped loving her. The sight of her tears rolling down her face, the mascara staining her soft cheeks and her blood shot eyes should have broken your heart. Because no matter how hurt you are, you always ached when the one you loved was in pain.

But you didn’t ache, a satisfied feeling had settled in you at her suffering. All the love you had for her was gone in that second. Both platonic and romantic.

“How fucking could you-“ You didn’t let her finish her sentence, your hands were still shaking and you could feel Jungkook’s eyes solely focused on you, his following your every move as you walked closer to her.

“How could I? How could you!” You shouted at her, your entire body felt hot with rage. You had never felt this type of betrayal before, never to this extent and much less from someone you had put on a pedestal for so long.

“How could you say those things about me!” You continued as you watched Eunji’s eyebrows draw together in feigned confusion. She then took in everything, eyes traveling down to the purse behind you and Jungkook’s figure standing directly in front of it.

It was even more insulting how she pretended she didn’t know what you were referring to.

“What are you talking abou-”

“Cut the act, you know exactly what I’m talking about.” You took a step closer to her and watched her expression slowly start to fall into that of guilt.

“Talking so much shit about me to your boyfriend? My personal issues? Making fun of me?” Her eyes darted downwards at the last part, her gaze no longer holding the same fierceness they had when she burst through the door.

“Why?” You ask, knowing full well you couldn’t bear to know the answer.

“Why would you do that to me? I was your best friend!” The lump in your throat almost stopped you from making out the next words.

“I-I fucking loved you!”

If you were expecting somewhat of a shocked reaction out of her, you got none. Which only confirmed the voice audios Jungkook had shown you, confirmed that she already knew.

It was silent for far too long. The room felt heavy, everything felt heavy. Eunji's eyes slowly lifted up to glance behind you, at Jungkook. The look on her face formed into something you couldn’t decipher, her pretty features twisted and she shook her head.

“So you decided that instead of talking to me, you go and fuck my boyfriend?” She whispered, eyes picking you apart now.

You wanted to deny it because it was the furthest thing from the truth. If only she knew the true intentions of that day, if only she knew that you had sacrificed so much of your sanity for her. You had been willing to put yourself through hell just in order for her not to end up hurt, to spare her feelings and heartbreak. You had put her feelings above yours, time and time again.

Everything had been for her.

But the entire time, your best friend had not once thought about you. Instead, she had spent her days completely betraying your trust, saying the cruelest things about you and breaking your heart into pieces.

“Stop acting like a saint, if you couldn’t figure out that I didn’t share the same feelings for you then you’re really more clueless than I thought.” She added with a scoff, flinging her hands up. “ Do you know how uncomfortable it was for me? I was sparing your feelings!”

“ Sparing my feelings?” You let out an angry laugh, not being able to believe what she was spewing.

Eunji nodded, more tears streaming down her face.

“Yeah! I was! Maybe I was a coward but at least I didn’t go and fuck your boyfriend and film it!” She shouted back, clearly seeing you as the traitor and not the other way around.

“Not that you would even have one to fuck.” She muttered bitterly at the end.

Her words ripped open a new wound.

“I guess now we’re even.” You say slowly, a sad smile hinting at your lips and you knew she saw it.

That fueled you more, seeing the surprise on her face at your words. Knowing she never expected something like this from you. It wasn’t like you.

Yet you couldn’t stop yourself, somehow that wasn’t enough.

“It sucks, doesn’t it? You have everything and your boyfriend still chose someone like me.” You remember the words she had used to describe you.

Awkward , embarrassing, an inconvenience.

“Y/n-”

“Your pathetic space of a friend that couldn’t even order a coffee without stuttering, taking your perfect boyfriend so easily.” Her mouth fell open. “ Fucking him so easily. That must hurt your ego.”

The words were foul, incredibly mean and insensitive. You hated them, you wished you didn’t mean them but in that moment, you meant every single thing.

Eunji’s eyes glared, they still held that guilty glint in them but your last words had hit her. Her lips snarled as she gritted her teeth.

“You fucking bitch!” She barked out and took a step towards you, her hand ready to swing at you before Jungkook crossed her path. His body coming up in front of you before she could even get close to striking your face.

You saw him grip her forearm, his face lowering to hers as his jaw clenched.

“Don’t even fucking think about it.” He seethed, his voice taking an edge to it that promised a threat behind it.

Eunji’s tear-filled eyes left yours, landing on Jungkook’s.

“You,” She said as she shook her head. It seemed as if every single emotion swirled behind her gaze, she looked like she wanted to say so much but her jaw clenched, lips setting in a straight line.

“I loved you.” She said through her strained voice, that sentence breaking the last bit of sympathy you had for her completely. “ I trusted you.”

Even now, Eunji’s main focus was not you but Jungkook.

She loved him. Not you.

It was never you. The bond couldn’t be broken when it didn’t even exist in the first place.

But Jungkook didn’t even spare her an apology, his face remaining void of any emotion as he stared down at her.

“Stop embarrassing yourself more than you already have.” He snapped instead, sounding like he was dealing like an annoying toddler rather than an ex girlfriend.

The betrayal on her face was evident, her bottom lip wobbling as she took in the situation for what it was.

“Get the fuck out. Both of you.” She hissed after realizing that her boyfriend wasn’t going to beg for her, much less give her an explanation . Unfortunately, that brought you a bit of joy inside you.

She quickly tore away from Jungkook’s grip and pointed towards the door behind her.

“Get the fuck out!”

Her yell bounced off the walls, you had never seen her look so angry and beaten down. You supposed she could probably say the same for you. Jungkook looked over his shoulder at you, his eyes held the clear message in them.

“Gladly.” You whispered before making your way towards your room, you wasted no time in pulling out your suitcase from the closet. Throwing it to the floor, you began to take off all the clothes from the hangers, messily piling them up inside before moving over to your vanity. You reached over and took your laptop from your bed, letting it drop inside with all your clothes.

No thoughts were running through your head in that moment, no rational plan as to what you were going to do next. All you felt was rage and the need to get as far away from Eunji as possible.

“I hope you realize that what you did was the biggest mistake ever!” You heard Eunji shout from the living room, venom clear in her voice. “ I bet Jungkook didn’t tell you everything he said to me about you!”

You pause for a mere second, face scrunching up as you grip some type of lotion in your hand.

“Shut the hell up.” Jungkook’s hiss quickly follows and you’re surprised to hear not another peep from her until you finish packing your things.

Crossing the hallway, you stop by the bathroom and shove your toiletries into one of the outer zippers of the suitcase before finally making your way back to the living room. You shove past her, and it took a great amount of self control for you not to lash out at her completely. But it wasn’t in your nature to get physical, you knew it would accomplish nothing.

You didn’t have to look back to know that Jungkook was right behind you, he slid past you and swung the door open before taking the suitcase from your hands. He walked out in front of you, muttering to you to follow him but you paused at the door frame when you heard Eunji’s voice.

“I hope it was worth it, whoring yourself out to Jungkook for some type of revenge.” She says but you don’t look at her, not being able to stand the sight of her anymore.

“ There’s something seriously wrong with him.”

Her last words to you make your stomach sink.

“I know.” You say before slamming the door shut in her face. Your legs hurry to catch up with Jungkook down the hallway.

---

“I’m not going anywhere with you.”

The sound of the traffic ahead adds to the inevitable climax, you watch as the intersection lights switch and cars speed ahead, some angrily honking at others. You don’t bother looking up when you tell him the words, instead your gaze falls on the pavement. The suitcase next to you is light with the few items of clothes you managed to throw in, not bothering to even pay attention to what you had left behind. It didn’t matter, you were never stepping foot back into that apartment. It was better to leave most things behind, to get rid of any slight memories of her.

It was funny how fast things could change in a heartbeat. You never thought you were the type of person to have extreme emotions, except for the obvious one. Fear.

Fear had consumed you most of your life, it was the most prominent emotion that never seems to become unrecognizable to you. Other than that, your emotions regarding everything else always fell rather flat. Some would blame it on your people pleasing personality, others blamed it on your mental state and Eunji would say you were merely just a pushover.

But it wasn’t that.

It was that you truly didn’t think you were capable of feeling such intense emotions. Even love for Eunji had been quiet, persistent but quiet nonetheless. It was never overbearing, never got too overwhelming that you couldn’t keep it in anymore. You were sure you could have kept it hidden for years to come, no matter how much it hurt for it not to be reciprocated. That’s just who you were, someone rational, sensible, patient.

That’s who you thought you were.

Up until Jungkook entered your life and unraveled the ugliest parts hidden beneath you. He had broken you apart, hand picking the pieces himself and choosing which one was the most raw and immoral.

Pieces that you had never imagined would be a part of someone like you.

“What?” Jungkook asked incredulously, you could feel his stare burning into you.

You knew he was probably confused by how drastically you seemed to be changing your mind. It was clear that Jungkook thought he had you figured out, that he had thought you would willingly leave with him after the scene you just pulled.

But for once, you wanted to be the unpredictable one. Jungkook may have revealed the heartbreaking truth about Eunji but you couldn’t forget all the damage he put you through.

The wound was freshly opened, you could still hear Eunji’s voice, the look on her face. You were still in shock of what had just occurred. Your heartbeat was only just starting to slow down, coming down from the adrenaline rush.

You kept relieving the scene but the rage didn’t come with it. You merely felt numb.

“There’s something seriously wrong with him.”

It was amusing that Eunji thought she had told you something you didn’t already know. Something you hadn’t known from day one.

“I said I’m not going anywhere with you.” You repeat, lifting your gaze to him at last. He was already glaring at you, looking incredibly frustrated with your response.

“Where else will you go? Hm?” He asked, looking off to the side before raising an eyebrow towards the apartment building behind you.

“I don’t think your little friend will open that door back up for you.”

You hated how condescending he always sounded when he realized he wasn’t getting his way. His attitude continued to serve as a reminder of the spoiled child he really was.

“I don’t care, I’ll find somewhere else to stay.” It sounded confident at least. The truth was you didn’t have any other friends to go to but you would rather sleep on the side of the road than go with him.

Jungkook looks like he’s ready to let out a laugh at your suggestion.

“Like where? Last time I checked, you don’t have any other friends around here.” You break eye contact, looking down the street as the complete truth in his words hit you.

He seems to realize the harshness of his implication quickly.

“I don’t mean that as a bad thing, baby. But you need to be realistic, I’m trying to help you.” He coaxes you, the nickname adding even more softness to his undeniable blow.

“I don’t get it. I was right all along, I helped you see the truth about Eunji and yet you still can’t trust me.”

A part of you wanted to believe he really had your best interest in mind all along but the more paranoid part of you knew you couldn’t fully ever trust him. Sure, you didn’t regret sending that sex tape of you both to Eunji, to rub it in her face despite the blackmailing Jungkook had put you through but that didn’t mean you should let your morals completely vanish.

That ugly part inside you wanted to go with Jungkook, to be with him out of spite and hurt Eunji more than anything.

“I’ll go to a motel.” You had a bit of money left in your account, not much considering the expenses you had just wasted for Eunji but it was still enough to afford a room until you figured out what you were going to do.

“And then what? You can’t stay there forever, you don’t even have a job.” Jungkook was blatantly throwing every one of your disadvantages in your face and you felt yourself slowly slipping into a state of panic.

“You’re coming with me.” He stated. His words were rigid and left no room for argument. He wasn’t asking you this time.

Unluckily for him though, he no longer had any hold on you.

“No.”

Your tone was firm, not allowing yourself to break or crack underneath him. You tried your best to push the growing panic inside of you, you couldn’t afford to let your anxiety ruin this right now.

Jungkook looked taken aback by your reply, his eyebrows furrowing together as his eyes darkened.

“No?” He repeated, as if giving you a chance to rethink your response.

“You can’t blackmail me anymore, Eunji has already seen the tape. My friendship with her is over, you don’t have anything to hold over me now.”

It wasn’t completely true but it was satisfying to finally say the words to him. Jungkook could very well blackmail with sharing the sex tape elsewhere, to your college peers but that would serve no purpose. Not only could it end up in a legal headache for him but you doubted anyone would care upon seeing it. You barely knew anyone from your college and they hardly knew you. Despite how utterly humiliating it would be to have something so intimate become public, you doubted anyone would pay it much thought.

It wasn’t high school, most college students were too immersed in their own lives to form any gossip. Much less over someone they barely noticed. A lot of them even uploaded explicit clips of themselves online for money. It was hardly that much of a scandal nowadays, well, that’s what you hoped for. You were a nobody, in a way that came to your advantage for these types of things.

Besides, was Jungkook really willing to share your sex tape with strangers? While you couldn’t completely read him, something told you he wouldn’t be a fan of the idea at all.

Jungkook raised an eyebrow at your words before nodding to himself.

“You really think that low of me?” He scoffed. “I wouldn’t have actually sent that tape to Eunji. I only said that so it would give me time to prove to you how horrible your friend was.”

You think over what he’s saying, not being able to figure out if he’s lying or not.

“After all, it was you who sent her the tape. Not me.” Jungkook’s right in front of you now, you felt his breath on your lips as he lowered his face to yours.

“You encouraged me!” You accused him.

“Encouraged you?” He lets out a dry laugh, disbelief washing over his face. “ You didn’t need any encouragement, you were practically beaming when you sent it to her.”

His intruding eyes trap you. Before you know it, you’re unable to look away from him. The slight breeze makes his dark locks fall over his forehead.

“You were also the one who came onto me that night, not the other way around baby.” Your heartbeat picks up again at his words, the distasteful truth was something you kept on denying but he was not planning on letting you escape it.

“Or in case you want to blame me for that too, the tape shows your willingness all too clearly.”

Your lips curl in disgust but he right after all, you had been the one who walked right into a pit of your own misery. You were the one who willingly climbed into his bed and sent that tape.

“After all, you can’t hate me that much, can you?” He asks in a deep whisper, his eyes trailed down from your face to your neckline and it takes you a second to realize what he's staring at.

The necklace.

The butterfly necklace he had given you on Christmas. You had not taken it off yet.

It was as if the seemingly sweet gesture was actually a claim on you.

You don’t think twice before your hand makes contact with his cheek. The slap was surprisingly loud and you instantly regret it. It earns a few concerning looks from a few people that walk by. The new onlookers make you want to back away and hide in shame, your own action shocking you as much as them.

How was it possible that he managed to appear the victim each and every time?

Jungkook doesn’t even flinch at the hit. He merely turns his head, hand coming up to touch the area where you struck him. He lets out a small laugh, one in disbelief.

“I never fucking want you see you again.” You spit out, wishing you had not let your impulsive thoughts win and hit him. This once again looked like some couple quarrel despite being anything but.

Amusement glinted in his eyes for a second as he took notice of the lingering stares from strangers looking at both of you.

“You’re insane, I mean it.” He bites the inside of his cheek as you continue to throw every insult his way, his jaw clenching at every sentence that leaves you. “ You’re absolutely fucking insane!”

“When will you get it through your head that I will never love you, huh?” You add more fire. You didn’t know what it was about today, maybe the fact that it seemed like you had lost more than your best friend already so there was nothing much else to keep you afloat.

The slight amusement in Jungkook’s eyes wears off the moment you say that and his gaze sharpens.

“Do you seriously think I’d ever love someone like you? Someone who ruined my life!” You get up in his face, holding zero remorse for the guy in front of you. What was once a scowling stare is now a look of utter distress. Those brown eyes widen for half a second, the lightest layer of tears filling them.

He’s looking at you like you have punched him in the gut, like you just told him the worst possible news to exist. It stirs up something in you but you blame it on the fact that you’re just being sympathetic towards someone who doesn’t deserve it. You convince yourself it’s not because deep down, you might have grown some type of feelings that were completely against your better judgment.

You reach over behind your neck, unclipping the necklace and shoving it into his chest. He grips the chain, clenching his fists around it tightly, the veins on his hands visible as he blinks rapidly. No tears leave his eyes but you can tell it’s because he’s trying everything in him to hold them back.

“Just because Eunji was a shitty friend doesn’t mean that you’re the good guy.” You make it clear to him, hoping some of it sticks to his head and he finally realizes the pain he caused.

“ Leave me the hell alone, okay!? I hate you!”

With that, you take off and pull your suitcase behind you. You ignore the people who you walk by, knowing the dramatic scene you had just given them front row seats to. Glancing behind you, you can’t lie and say you’re not surprised that Jungkook is not running after you. He stands exactly where you left him. You catch his stare and watch as he tilts his head to the side, looking down at the necklace in his palm before he storms off in the opposite direction from you.

You almost sigh in relief but the panic of what you were meant to do now doesn’t let you rest in victory. You pull out your phone, instantly searching up motels near you while simultaneously trying to get an Uber to pick you up from the end of the sidewalk.

—-

The room could’ve been worse, that’s what you kept telling yourself. The paint chipping off of the side of the pale green walls was the least that worried you. What was more concerning was the foul odor that always seemed to be coming from the sink in your bathroom, something was obviously up with the pipes but you refused to complain about it. You really were starting to realize how painfully unwilling you were to speak up to people, or even form simple conversations in general.

The days turned to nights before you realized. All you had done for most part was stare out the small window, applying to as many jobs as you could and hoping one would call back for an interview. While at the same time hoping they didn’t because the entire idea made you shake with nausea.

Lifting yourself off the uncomfortable bed , you stretched out your sore arms. You didn’t like thinking about how many bed bugs may be residing in your mattress, you wouldn’t get a minute of sleep if you pondered over it too much. You dragged your feet over to the bathroom, taking the orange bottle in your hand and shaking the remainder of your pills in your hand.

2 left.

You sighed, running a hand over your face.

If you ran out, there was no guarantee you would be able to afford a new prescription until your parents sent you your monthly paycheck which was nearly three weeks away. You knew you were screwed if you stopped taking your medication, it was the only thing making your anxiety bearable.

Swallowing the tiny pill down, you washed your hands before slipping out into the confining room again. You glanced down at your phone on the nightstand, expecting there to be missed texts, calls or even voice mails from him.

But there was zero.

Jungkook had not tried to contact you one time. Not a single time since you had left him standing in that street.

Was it possible that you had finally gotten rid of him? And if so, why did it seem like his absence was more of a curse than a blessing?

You hated how much he took up your thoughts still, when you fell asleep every night, his pained face was staring right back at you. Those round brown eyes were guilt tripping you even in your unconscious realm. It was hard to shake off the feeling that you had made a mistake, that maybe he wasn’t the giant villain you had made him out to be.

But you knew better.

Didn’t you?

You let out a staggered breath, unable to control unwanted feelings surfacing. That familiar vulnerability was coming back, the fear of being alone and not knowing what to do. Here you were, stuck in a shabby motel room with nobody to comfort or help you.

Your aunt.

She was the only person else you knew that lived close by, you had been trying to contact her but she wasn’t responding to any of your calls or texts. For a moment, it started to seem as if all of what Eunji had said about you was not far from the truth.

An inconvenience.

Is that really what you were to people? To everyone around you? Even to your own parents? You couldn’t find the courage to call them up and ask for money, and much less to go back home when you still had school to finish. It was time to grow up and function like a regular adult, so why was it so hard for you to accept that?

No, accepting it was one thing but actually doing something was the difficult part. The thought of any interaction with strangers made you squirm, it made your heartbeat rise to an abnormal and irrational rate. You felt like a complete coward.

All you wanted was to be home with your parents, to run back to safety of their arms. You would give anything to turn back time and tell them you didn’t want to move out after all, that you would attend the community college near your house instead. None of this would be happening if you had not followed Eunji out here and deluded yourself into believing she was your actual friend, much less a possible lover.

Eunji is gone from your life now and as much as you despised her for everything, you also despised how she wasn’t here to tell you how to fix it or take care of it. You missed the familiarity of her presence, the stable smell of your home and what you swore wouldn’t ever change. It was setting you off. Why was it that you came out the one still losing? You were the one who had to leave, the one who was left with practically nothing. Granted, the lease had her name and she did cover most of the expenses so it was hard to ultimately blame anyone but yourself for being so naive.

That led you to another boiling point though, why were you still so dead set on keeping your morals in check when she never did? The intrusive thoughts were flooding in, the possibility of letting yourself fall to the deeper end. Maybe you shouldn’t care about what’s right , it has not seemed to get you anywhere. All it accomplished was your best friend stabbing you behind the back. Besides, hadn’t your sense of morality already caved in? You slept with Jungkook, you seduced him while he was still in a relationship with Eunji. You sent the tape to her, you hurt her for your own selfish reasons. To one up her. Maybe you and Jungkook weren’t so different after all.

You let out a choked sob, your fingers came to tug on your hair as you knelt down on the carpet floors next to the bed. Snot trickled down your face, your cries only getting louder and louder the more you tried to make sense of your situation.

So much for acting tough in front of Jungkook. If only he could see you right now.

In between your blubbering, you picked up your phone from the night stand and scrolled through your contacts. Through your blurry vision, you stared at Jungkook’s name and your thumb hovered over the call button.

Jungkook wouldn’t consider you an inconvenience.

Pushing the insane thought away, you clenched the phone tighter and let out a frustrated sigh as you let it drop to the floor. It was coming, the feeling of loss of air, the claustrophobia you felt within your own skin. Dry heaving, your entire body shook as the panic ran its course through your body. Nobody was here to comfort you today.

He wasn’t here to tell you that you were in fact breathing and that you would be okay. Your eyes kept going back to your phone, it would be so easy to pick it up and call him. To tell him to come for you.

You couldn’t.

You shouldn’t.

But you wanted to so badly.

—-

You knew something was off the moment you stepped on campus. It was hard to explain but you initially thought it was all your pent up anxiety that you were still attempting to keep at bay. However, your intuition seemed to be right for once because the moment you stepped inside the academic advising office in hopes of changing the schedule to one of your classes, you were pulled to the side by the receptionist and asked to visit the administrator’s office.

Your legs had wobbled on your walk there, your head was already too exhausted to fit any more worries inside it but it swam with the possibilities of what could be the issue. Has something happened? Perhaps they wanted to speak to you about your credit score or your financial aid.

All those minuscule concerns went out the window when you stepped inside the office though, you were met with concerning and less than happy stares.

Eyes scanned over the paper you were handed once, twice and three times. You knitted your eyebrows, a wave of nausea hitting you in an instant. The edges of the paper crumbled by how hard you were gripping it.

An expulsion hearing.

“No, this is a mistake .” You said immediately. It didn’t make any sense.

Plagiarism.

You wouldn’t ever commit such a rookie mistake. Of all your nearly two years in college, you had never even received as much as a warning for possible plagiarism. You had written countless papers, all of them had been analyzed to every single little error that you had wasted no time in fixing.

Sure, you had been distracted recently, stressed beyond belief but that wouldn’t cause you to commit such a reckless mistake. It wouldn’t be possible, no matter how absent minded you had been.

Your eyes trailed down to the small inked letters , your mind instantly searching for the title and class. The paper had been for Mr. Clark’s class, it was a final semester essay that took up nearly half of your grade.

“We talked to your professor. Mr. Clark said it was as much of a surprise to him, apparently you’re a rather good student.” The woman stated, giving you a hard stare behind her circular shaped glasses. Her presence was intimidating and you were finding it hard not to completely crumble under it.

“I mean yes, I try to be. I wouldn’t ever do this, it has to be a mix up.” You reason, still not being able to believe what you were seeing and hearing.

“Listen, as you already know plagiarism is an incredibly serious accusation and especially for us here. We have no tolerance for it.” She says what you already know, your heart sinking further as you prepare for what she is about to tell you next.

“If this paper you wrote is in fact yours and you submitted it, you will be expelled.”

No.

No.

What were your parents going to think? They had been working their asses off for practically their entire lives just for you to get expelled? All their sacrifices would be going to waste. They put all their faith into you. You were the one who begged them to move out of your small town to apply to a college in the city.

You had told them it would help you branch out and get better. That it would be worth it.

“We sent you an email as well, all the details will be on there with the date of the hearing. A meeting will be held to decide your situation and the severity level of the plagiarism.”

“Wait, I-I can fix this.” You tell her and she gives you an unsure look, eyeing you down.

The first person that came into your mind was Jungkook.

Could he help you?

The answer was yes, maybe. He had told you his mother was an attorney, one of the best in the country. He obviously came from a prestigious and wealthy family, they had to have some power to help you, couldn’t they? But was it even fair to ask that of him? You would be giving him what wanted, you would be asking for his help, needing him.

What other choice did you have though? It wasn’t like you had a solid chance of fixing this on your own.

The evidence was clear on those papers, what will you say to defend yourself?

It was your lousy word against a college professor. Sure, you were a good student, a very good one but you weren’t the top student in that class. What power or credibility did you actually hold? Once again, you fell at the bottom of the food chain in your society, it felt oddly familiar to what Jungkook had told you when you threatened to press charges on him.

Ironically, the person who you were most afraid of was the person you needed most right now.

“Just-“ You say with a defeated sigh. “I’ll be at the hearing, I can prove it wasn’t my paper.”

You hope.

You turn to leave, embarrassment washing over you as you crumble the piece of paper in your hands and speed walk through the halls of your university. Keeping your head low, you hope nobody has found out about this or asks you about it.

“Y/n.” The gentle call of your name makes you stop in your tracks and you glance over your shoulder. Hoseok’s familiar face comes into view, he stands a few feet away before he makes his way over to you cautiously.

He eyes you, taking in your less than put together appearance. You knew you looked rough.

“Are you alright?” He asks hesitantly. “I.. I just haven’t seen you around at the library in a while.”

You grip your bag as you glance towards the entrance doors in front of you.

“I thought you wouldn’t want to see me again after the stuff with Jungkook.” You explain and you wish you could tell him that you’re trying to keep him safe and out of Jungkook’s insane tactics.

“I know,” Hoseok nods. “ Sorry about that, I didn’t mean to get that upset with you. Your boyfriend just caught me off guard you know? Made me look like I was intentionally hitting on someone else’s girl.”

You could tell he was regretful and it makes your heart skip a beat. Despite such an unpleasant encounter , he was willing to check up on you and hold no resentment. He really didn’t deserve to be in your less than welcoming life, much less get involved with someone like Jungkook.

“He’s not my-” You close your eyes, gritting your teeth. “We broke up, you don’t have to worry about him.”

The lie slipped out so easily that you almost cursed outwardly right after saying it. What were you thinking?

You were headed to Jungkook’s apartment right now and you were telling this guy he had nothing to worry about regarding him.

“Really?” Hoseok’s eyes lit up but he looked down when he noticed your sour expression.

“Sorry, I mean, I’m sorry about that.”

“It’s okay, I’m the one who should be sorry for his..behavior.” You quickly reassure him with an awkward grin.

Hoseok smiles at you with that perfect smile that lights up his handsome face.

“Uh well, then I guess we could go out for coffee sometime?” He suggests and then clarifies.” As friends, I mean.”

If you weren’t two seconds away from a full blown panic attack, your cheeks would have heated up at his swoon worthy words, the suggestive look he was giving you made you feel all types of ways. It was what you imagined was the beginning of an innocent crush but it was a feeling you had no business indulging in. Especially now. All you could feel at the moment was uneasiness, you needed to figure out what you were going to do with your expulsion.

“Y-yeah, sure.” You kept glancing back at the entrance, swaying side to side from one leg to another.

Hoseok looks pleased with your answer and stares expectantly at you.

“Uh…can you give me your number?” He asks sheepishly as he scratches the back of his head and you look down, eyes landing on the phone he’s holding out to you.

Your mouth makes an ‘o’ shape when you realize and you shakily take the phone from him and type your number in.

“Cool, I’ll text you then.” He takes his phone back and you give him a nod in confirmation before practically running out of the building. You notice him barely walking away once you slip out of the large door and you don’t doubt he’s wondering what the hell was up with your weird behavior.

But you don’t waste time in pondering over how you’re going to get Hoseok out of your life now that you just accepted a date with him. Instead, you walk over to the end of the sidewalk and wait for your Uber to come pick you up.

—-

The moment the vehicle drives off you feel out of place. No matter how often you have been here, the initial shock doesn’t wear off that Jungkook lives a completely different world than you. He lives in his own fantasy land that will never be threatened , his security will never be taken away, his comfortable life will always be a given. On the flip side, it also proves that he is as untouchable as ever.

Your mind wanders off to what would have happened if you had just simply agreed to go with him instead of lashing out in the first place.

It’s simple, you wouldn’t be living in the sketchiest part of the city with a door that is barely locked and a pile of insects as your roommates. You force yourself to stop slipping into that security and materialistic mindset that isn’t you.

But you can’t help but feel bitter that both Eunji and Jungkook are still living comfortably without a worry while your life is the one being destroyed. Why did Eunji deserve no consequences but you did? Why was life being so kind to her after she was the one who broke you?

You make your way through the lobby, the marble floors were blinding. You bite your nails anxiously , the annoying habit coming back as you wait for the elevator to stop on the desired floor. Once you step out, you feel like the ground is swallowing you up. Every step towards Jungkook’s apartment was as if you were headed towards your death sentence.

The last thing you wanted was to have to resort to this but surprisingly you didn’t feel as much shame as you probably would have a few days ago. You swallowed, taking a deep breath as you paced up and down the long corridor.

You were sweating through your clothes, your skin feeling sticky as you let out another shaky breath. If your life continues to take such horrendous routes, you weren’t sure how much more of it you could take.

Suddenly, the door in front of you swung open. Your head snapped up, seeing Jungkook’s familiar figure making his way out the door before he immediately paused once he saw you.

His eyes scan you over, cocking his head to the side as he waits a few seconds before breaking the silence.

“Thought you never wanted to see me again.” He says, his words are laced with genuine confusion, hurt even but it’s hard to believe them when his face looks so smug.

You lick your lips, letting out a sigh as you think over just forgetting about this and running back towards the elevator.

Jungkook seems to take notice of your agitated state because his eyebrows immediately knit together and a frown settles on his lips.

“What’s wrong?” He demands, inching closer to you and letting the door shut behind him.

“ My university,” The words pain you to say, embarrassment immediately washing over you. “ They are accusing me of plagiarism.”

You hold up the crumbled piece of paper that you have read over 20 times now, each time giving you a bigger headache than before. His eyes drop to the letter, a look of understanding crossing his features.

His frown deepens, looking at loss for words as concern flashes his eyes.

“I didn’t do it! I swear, I would never.” You don’t know why you’re eager to prove your innocence to him but it was as if it was a knee-jerk reaction at this point.

Jungkook eyes you, slowly looking back and forth between you and the paper in his hands. He motions for you to hand it to him and you hesitate before giving it to him.

“It has to be a mistake, I would t ever turn in an essay that was blatantly plagiarizing.” You shook your head. “ I didn’t write that, I mean I did but not that. It has so many paragraphs that I didn’t write.”

Jungkook holds no expression, his dark eyes carefully reading over the paper before his fingers move to fold it closed.

“Baby, this is bad.” He states, his gaze hardening and you don’t know why that’s the breaking point for you.

As horrible as it was, he had undeniably become a safe space for you. Someone who showed complete and utter devotion to you, even if that’s what you swore you never wanted from someone like him. He was still always there to comfort you, to borderline coddle you and reassure you.

It was something Eunji had rarely shown you.

“But I didn’t do it!” Naturally, your voice starts to break, quickly getting defensive which makes you look even more guilty. You feel a bubble of anger at his words and at his almost accusing stare.

“Y-You believe me, don’t you?”

Jungkook’s dark eyes soften as he takes in your panicked expression.

“Of course I believe you, baby.” You blink your tears away as the smallest bit of relief fills you. His familiar reassuring tone is back, the same one he always seemed to use when you were having meltdowns or panic attacks.

Even after you had told him you never wanted to see him again, even after the fight and cold words thrown his way, he still didn’t reject you or push you away. It should have sent alarm bells off, it should have reminded you of just how obsessed he was with you that he simply didn’t see any flaws in you or was willing to put them all aside.

It would have freaked you out a few weeks ago, but a few weeks ago you had also sworn your best friend was someone you could confine in and someone you would never stop loving.

Look where you were now.

“But your university administrators won’t believe you, there’s proof of you submitting the essay online,” Jungkook added slowly, holding up the letter as he explained the horrible reality to you.

His words are like a slap in the face, pulling and drowning you beneath the surface. You stare at him, wide-eyed with sheer terror.

“I need your help,” You whisper, hating to admit it but you were left with little to no choices. Everything was being ripped away from you.

“ Y-Your mom’s a lawyer, right? Maybe she can help me?”

As soon as you say it, you want to take it back. What if Jungkook refused? After all, you had practically yelled at him to leave you alone and now you were crawling back to him, asking for his parents' help? Guilt filled you, he didn’t deserve any of your guilt but yet the feeling took over you completely.

Jungkook was quiet, seemingly taking in your words and you couldn’t escape his gaze this time.

“I-I know what I said but I’m sorry,” You explain further, swallowing down your dignity and any ounce of self-respect you had left. “I really need your help, please. I have nobody else right now.”

His silence was killing you, the way his dark eyes seemed to be studying you deeply was nerve wracking. All you knew was that you couldn’t let him deny you, not now.

You close the space between you two, fingers gripping the front of his shirt as you practically beg him to do the impossible and somehow fix this.

“Please, please I can’t go back home to my parents. It would be a disaster.” Your lips tremble, your mind already envisioning the disappointing scenario.

Jungkook’s eyes close in on your hands tightened on his shirt, the vision causing deja vu as you’re reminded of the exact same position you were in that day in the car with him, threatening you with telling Eunji of the kiss he had given you.

His thumb comes to caress your cheek while the other holds the back of your head, bringing you closer to him. You don’t miss the way the tiniest bit of a smile tugs at his lips but you choose to ignore it as he holds you against him.

“Come inside.” He muffled against your hair, reaching out to open the door back up behind him and guiding you inside.

It wasn’t a no.

Yet this response makes you much more nervous .

His hand stays on your lower back as he walks behind you, you both slowly make your way to the leather sofa that sits in the middle of his living room. Your bag slips off your shoulder as you take a seat on the comfortable cushion. You watch as Jungkook walks over to the kitchen, his toned legs looking more prominent in the tight fitted jeans he has on and you wonder where he was going before you showed up. His attire consists of a loose button down, exposing the upper part of his chest.

“I could help you, you already know that baby.” He says from behind the counter, he looks to be heating up some water in the electric kettle and you watch as he takes out a mug.

His words calm you a bit.

“Really?” You ask, eyeing him and he looks up at you, slowly nodding.

“Haven’t I always?”

You don’t respond, he wouldn’t like your honest reply.

“Aren’t you mad at me?” You say instead.

Jungkook smiles at that but it doesn’t reach his eyes. He stirs the honey into the tea before making his way back over to you.

“We all make mistakes, don’t we?” He finally says as he hands you the mug.

“ Stop that .” He frowns, pulling your fingers away from your mouth and urging you to drink the tea. You had not even realized you were biting them again.

Why was he acting so nice?

He felt like a ticking time bomb.

You were expecting a dramatic lash out about how ungrateful you were or throwing back at you everything you had said to him. Anything. Anything but this. You take a long sip of the warm liquid, relishing in the taste. You could feel Jungkook’s stare on you the entire time as he kneels in front of you.

“Have you been eating right?” He asks once you wipe off some of the tea spilled from your lips.

“Not really,” You admit. “ I can’t afford that much right now.”

Jungkook doesn’t seem to like the sound of that at all, his sharp eyebrows knitting together once again. You hope it evokes some sympathy in him to accept your plea of help.

“Baby, why didn’t you listen to me?” He asks, his hand coming to hold the back of your neck as he moves closer to you. You shiver at his touch on your skin. “I told you to come with me, you didn’t have to go through all of this.”

Fighting the urge to say was you were really thinking was harder than you thought. It was even more terrifying that you wanted to agree with him.

“So, will you help me?” You press.

His eyes lock on your lips, then move to your eyes. His mouth quirks up.

“I can do more than that.” He promises. “ I can fix everything.”

You blink slowly, waiting for him to elaborate.

“I can get you into the best university in the city, remove the plagiarism accusation from your record and start over like nothing happened.” He continues, smirking when he notices your eyes widen. “ You can move in with me, you will have everything you need. Everything you wish for.”

You stared at him, searching for the lie in his eyes. Something that would give away that he was joking, bracing yourself for the “SIKE”.

None of it came. He was dead serious.

“I…that’s not really necessary.” You say as confusion fills you. “I just want help with my expulsion.”

Jungkook looks at you, his fingers tightening on the back of your neck and he lets out a silent laugh.

“Baby, I don’t think you understand.” He deadpans. “Those are my conditions.”

Conditions.

Of course.

How stupid of you to think Jungkook would offer you anything without a catch. You think over his words as understanding finally hits you. You would move in, live with him, be with him.

He would give you everything but in return he wanted you.

You had been so naive again. You were having doubts that Jungkook wouldn’t forgive you but he found the perfect opportunity to trap you once again. Make you dependent on him completely. Your horrendous luck came with an even bigger burden than you thought.

Every bad thing that happened to you was just a way to push you towards him more.

But that sick feeling was back.

That crack was opening, the one that threw your moral compass off course and broke it completely.

That feeling of relief, the relief that he was someone who still wanted you.

It comforted you.

“You were wrong, you know.” Jungkook’s voice pulls you from your betraying thoughts and you give him a questioning look. His hand leaves your neck, and moves over to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear as he taps your chin.

“When you said I had nothing to hold over you anymore.” He continues as lifts himself to his feet, your eyes follow him as he circles behind the sofa and leans directly behind you.

“I have your whole world in the palm of my hand, baby.” His face is next to yours, leaning right into your ear and you flinch slightly when you feel his fingers touching your neck again.

He’s putting the necklace back on you. You feel the cold chain on your skin , followed by the sound of the clip locking in place.

“And if you refuse, I bet your parents would be delighted to see that little sex tape of us.” He whispered darkly in your ear before laying a kiss on your cheek.

Your heart stops at his threat, letting out an unsteady breath.

He wouldn’t.

“Which do you think is worse?” Jungkook’s footsteps are heard again and he’s standing right in front you. You look up at him as he tilts his head in feigned innocent curiosity . 

“For your daughter to be kicked out of college for plagiarism or for you to get sent her sex tape?”

Your stomach drops, you almost reach out to cry to him that you accept every one of his conditions . To beg him not to even think of making those words a reality for you.

“Except for you, it would be both.”

You grip your knees, your arms are trembling and you are trying to keep yourself from looking even more weak and pathetic than you already were. Jungkook bends down, his fingers gripping your chin painfully as he forces you to look right at him.

“But it won’t have to come to that, right baby?” You shake your head back and forth, confirming his words and he gives you a satisfied look.

“I’ve missed you so much these past days, what kind of shithole motel did you run off to? Hm?” He asks, his tone switching back to that gentle one. His erratic emotions make you as dizzy as ever.

You tell him the location and he sighs, shaking his head in disapproval. He takes your face into his hands, laying small kisses on your lips

“You could have been in so much danger there all alone. What were you thinking?” He scolds, you could feel the passive aggressiveness. He was upset, but you didn’t know if it was simply because you didn’t go with him or everything else you had yelled at him for.

You supposed there was no use in trying to figure it out, he had already gotten you back in more ways than one.

“If you claim to love me so much,” You say quietly, pulling away from his lips and he pauses. “ Why are you so willing to let bad things happen to me?”

So willing to hurt me.

His eyes don’t hold a clear answer but they are filled with so much intensity , that same intensity with how he always seemed to look at you. Like he wanted to consume you completely.

“ Do you still not get it? I can’t bear to not have you with me.” He presses his thumbs into the skin of your cheek, hard. It sounds like the thought itself pains him and you’re completely overwhelmed with the way it makes you feel.

It feels so foreign.

All your life, you were always the one chasing and hoping for your love to be recognized, to be reciprocated. You never imagined someone would ever feel this much towards you.

“And if I can’t have you,” He continues, thumb moving to touch the skin beneath your lips. “ I’ll make sure to ruin your life until your only option left is me.”

—-

You feel Jungkook’s fingertips graze the skin of your arm, moving in an up and down motion. You never would have thought you would end up in his bedroom again willingly but yet here you were, the familiar soft sheets underneath you and the scent of his subtle cologne consuming you once again.

His lips were marking your neck, the pleasure was undeniable and you let your fingers run through the dark strands of his hair.

The suitcase sat in the corner of his room, empty of course. All your belongings were already tucked away in his closet but the worst part is that you had put them there yourself. Jungkook had watched you, a surprised yet content expression on his face as he helped you hang your clothes right beside his and arrange everything to your liking.

“Did you mean it?” He says in between his kisses as he drags his lips up your neck until they reach your jawline. His body is pressed up against you in no time and you let out a gasp when he grabs your waist and flips you on your back completely.

You furrow your eyebrows.

“Mean what?” The sheet slips off you, revealing your naked body but you find yourself not trying to shield yourself from his invasive stare anymore. This time you simply welcome it.

Jungkook rests his hands on either side above your head and your eyes linger on the ink on his skin, his full sleeve tattoo on display. He takes a moment to admire you, biting his lower lip as his eyes travel down from your chest to your lower region.

“That you won’t ever love me.” His eyes are glossy, the hurt behind them was hard to overlook. It tugs something inside you.

Him repeating the words you had shouted at him makes you nearly look away from his wounded gaze. Initially, you assumed it was part of an act, that he didn’t take the words to heart or didn’t actually ever care what you felt towards him as long as he got what wanted.

Now you could see you were wrong. Despite how selfish and reckless Jungkook was, there seemed to be a layer of him that longed for you to feel the same way he did about you. It was a rare moment of weakness, he let you take a look inside his heart but he was seconds away from shutting the door completely again.

“I don’t know..” You whisper and you’re not lying.

He doesn’t seem to like the response by how long his stare lingers on you but you suppose he’s relieved your mind has strayed away from a definitive answer.

He lowers himself, his forehead resting on the valley of your breasts as he lets out a small breath, the tip of his nose pressed into your skin.

“You can,” He mutters against you in an almost pleading way. “ You can love me.”

Your eyes fall shut when you feel his mouth sucking again, his lips moving further down until they reach your stomach.

“I can make you love me.” You hear him say, and your mind barely processes the words because you’re too busy focusing on how inviting his touch is. His wet kisses getting lower and lower make your head feel fuzzy.

I can make you love me.

His words are so heartbreaking to hear because of how very well you know the desperation behind them. The need to want something so bad, to make someone burn in the way you do.

It’s a feeling you know too well.

You couldn’t make Eunji love you back.

But maybe what you felt was never as strong as you thought it was. Because it never made you feel as good as you did right now.

“Wait,” You stop him, your hand gripping his hair. He looks up through the loose strands in between his eyes, his stare alert.

“I..I want to try something.” You say unsurely, not knowing exactly how to voice your desires. It wasn’t as if you had done it before. Jungkook stills his movements for a second before he lifts his head fully back up and sends you a questioning look, if he was expecting anything, it definitely wasn’t this.

You swallow, your hands pushing down on his shoulders and he looks confused at first before he realizes what you’re trying to do. He shifts to the side, letting himself fall on his back and against the pillow as you move over on top of him. Your movements are clumsy, not completely sure how to go about it and it feels conflicting. All of it does.

Jungkook seems to be enjoying it, the lust instantly returning to his eyes as he watches you try to navigate yourself. You’re now in the exact position he was in, and your arms settle on his shoulders as you cradle his waist. You feel his hardness instantly and it sends a wave of pleasure through you, you could already feel the wetness pooling.

“Fuck,” He groans, his hands coming to grip your waist as he tugs you closer to him, urging you to finish what you started. You lean down to connect your mouth with his and he moans into it, one of his hands coming to grip the side of your neck, deepening the kiss.

Something about having him underneath you feels rewarding. Time and time again, you felt yourself always being talked down to, powerless and with no sense of control even in your own life. This is the closest you have ever felt like the roles were reversed, you were latching onto the tiniest bit of control you could have. If it all disappeared, you were afraid you would be completely lost and there would be no returning from it.

The kiss turns harsh, your fingers digging into his skin and it only seems to encourage him more. He guides you onto his length, the hardness feeling odd in this new angle and you’re afraid he won’t fit. But Jungkook keeps reassuring you with quiet gentle whispers and you let out a gasp when you’re fully inside him. The fullness felt like too much.

It takes you a while to get used to, your fingernails continue to dig into him as you lean back, eyes traveling to the area where both your bodies are connected. Jungkook squeezed your upper thigh as you watched him let out a satisfied breath.

“You have to move, baby.” He tells you with an amused breathless laugh, his eyes hooded.

Your entire face felt hot. Lifting yourself up a bit and then coming back down, slowly starting to move your hips. Jungkook moans, grabbing your arms and bringing them back over to his shoulders. You stare down at him, watching his mouth fall open as another groan of pleasure leaves him.

Quickening your pace, you fall into a steady rhythm and every movement sends shocks of pleasure through you. It felt so good and this time, you didn’t feel guilty for participating in the blissful act.

“Like that.” Jungkook nods, eyes falling closed for a second as his face scrunches up, losing himself in the feeling of your warmth engulfing his throbbing cock.

“Ah,” Your mouth falls open, letting out the cry as you feel Jungkook's hips lift up, matching your movements. The added force makes your legs tremble.

“Your tits look so good.” He says in between breaths, his hand coming up to squeeze them as your body continues to bounce on top of him. “ Fuck baby, you’re killing me.” 

He licks his lips, mouth quirking up in a half smirk that reveals his upper teeth when he notices your fingers curl around his neck, tightening slightly. It should bother you that he can’t even seem to take your attempts to dominate him seriously, he seems to find them endearing if anything.

His own fingers wrap around your hand on his neck, giving them an encouraging squeeze.

“Go ahead,” He breathes, a challenge glinting in his eyes. “ Choke me, baby.”

And you do, you try to. Your hand squeezes around him tighter and tighter with every single thrust but the moment he brings his eyebrows together , you panic and let go of his neck completely, thinking you have actually hurt him or cut off oxygen.

His eyebrows continue to knit together as he lets out another deep groan of pleasure, and your body jolts forward a bit at his unexpected hard thrust. Your legs are seconds away from giving out. Your hands fall back to support yourself on his upper chest and that’s when you realize your mistake. Jungkook’s dark gaze locks with yours, the smirk still evident on his swollen lips.

He’s realized you couldn’t ever really hurt him.

“That was cute.” He voices, something flashing behind his doe eyes that you can’t quite catch. Biting his lower lip, you feel his fingers connecting to your folds, causing your own face to scrunch up at the sensitivity.

“Oh my god,” You gasp, feeling the familiar knot start to unravel, his fingers moving faster as high pitched whimpers leave you.

But even in the midst of your high, something sticks and burdens you. No matter what the advantage was or how much you thought you knew yourself, Jungkook seemed to know you much better. You wondered when that happened, when this stranger became the person who had the key to every one of your locked away thoughts.

No matter the head start, Jungkook was always first at the finish line.

Whether you liked it or not.

—-

The vibration of your phone shakes you out of your light sleep. You squint your eyes, not being able to focus your vision immediately. Your hand reaches out to grab it while you blink away your tiredness and rub your eyes.

The bright screen lights up and you frown, unlocking it.

Hoseok.

You had completely forgotten you had given him your number. Your eyes read over his text.

From Hoseok: How about we meet up at the cafe around noon? :)

You curse, staring at the message as you slowly turn your head but there’s nobody laying beside you. Shifting your gaze from the empty space, you look back down at your phone and notice the time.

9:34 A.M

As if on cue, the bathroom door of Jungkook’s bedroom opens and he walks out with a towel in his hands. He’s running it through his messy wet locks and your eyes involuntary fall towards his boxers, it’s the only piece of clothing he’s wearing.

Panicking, you immediately lock your phone and tuck it beside you.

“Morning,” You greet him, your voice cracking slightly from the morning grogginess.

Jungkook’s eyes darted to the space you swiftly moved it to. Suspicion is clear in them but he doesn’t say another word as he walks over to the closet. You watch as he shuffled through it, picking out a simple gray t-shirt before carrying it over to the bed.

“Are you going somewhere?” You ask him timidly, not being able to read the mood. Was he upset? Or was he just not a morning person? There was so much you didn’t know about him, and it bothered you tremendously.

He flicks his eyes up to you, leaning forward and placing a gentle kiss on your lips.

“I’m going to fix the situation with your university, baby.” He tells you with a small smile.

“Shouldn’t I go with you then?” He leans back,sliding his shirt on and you catch yourself staring at the flexing of his toned stomach and arms.

Stop it , you scold yourself.

“No, I think it’s better you stay here and rest. You’ve had a rough week.” He assures you as he finishes dressing himself. “I won’t be long, I promise.”

You’re about to say you aren’t exactly eager for him to be home but you stop yourself. Even you didn’t believe that anymore. It made you feel completely crazy to indulge in the comfort he gave you because it was so wrong.

Jungkook had cornered you to the point of no escape. If you did anything to upset him, you were completely fucked.

You would be left practically homeless, and if not that, you would be returning home as a complete and utter disappointment. Either way, you couldn’t win. There was no way to even try to outsmart him now, no loophole. He was your only resort.

It should make you feel angry, enraged.

Yet it didn’t evoke any of those strong unpleasant feelings. It didn’t make you feel much of anything. You could blame it on the fact that you were too emotionally worn out already and too exhausted to fully process the situation but you actually didn’t know if those were the true reasons.

None of what you felt was simple or straightforward anymore.

“There’s breakfast for you on the table.” Jungkook’s voice breaks you out of your thoughts as he walks over to your side of the bed. He runs his hand over your hair, caressing it before he tucks a strand behind your ear.

“Make sure you eat.” He stated firmly.

You hadn’t forgotten how domestic and normal he could act, how easily he slipped into an ideal persona.

“Okay.” You give him a weak smile and watch as his eyes travel over to your right side , your phone poking out from under the set of pillows.

“And make sure to answer my texts.” He returns his gaze to you, eyes narrowing slightly when you move your body to hide the view of the device.

“I will.” You reassure him. He tilts his head, dark eyes taking in every bit of your face.

“Let me see your phone.”

It was a command, his voice taking that snarky tone you know too well by now. You gave him a bewildered expression, heartbeat picking up instantly.

“What? Why?” It was too quick, your reply was too quick and he noticed it.

“Why not?” He throws back at you, raising a dark eyebrow in protest.

Glancing behind you , you pick up the phone and wave it around in an attempt to appear casual about it.

“I was just checking the time, calm down.” You frown but he takes the phone out of your hand regardless.

You watch nervously as the screen lights up, his finger swiping up but then he pauses when he realizes you placed a password on it. He bites the inside of his cheek, a habit that you have noticed usually signals he’s upset.

Expecting him to demand you to open it, you brace yourself but he simply lets your phone flop back onto the bed. You stare at it then a gasp leaves you when his fingers grip your chin, lifting your head up. His hold is tight but not painful.

“Don’t play stupid fucking games with me.” Jungkook warns you in a low whisper. His menacing look makes you cower, feeling as if you had just committed some type of adultery.

“Have you not learned your lesson?” He asks with a mix of bitterness inside his question.

“She doesn’t love you.”

It takes you a minute to process what he’s saying.

He thinks you’re texting Eunji.

“I-I’m not-”

“You better not be.” He cuts you off with a glare, shaking his head almost as if he’s disappointed in you. “ I never want to hear you even mention her name. I’m serious this time.”

“Are we clear?” He tugs your chin higher.

You nod, or at least try to with the forceful grip he has on you. He swallows, loosening his grip when he notices your frightened and perplexed expression. His eyes warm and he pulls his hand away. He mumbles a quiet “sorry” at you before smoothing out the skin on your cheek.

“Will you be okay alone baby?” He changes the subject , seeming to leave the phone situation behind. For now.

You can immediately tell what he was referring to when he asks you the question. The panic attacks.

If only he knew you had already endured them by yourself. But the thought of going through them again made you feel like you were on the brink of losing your mind.

You wouldn’t have to go through them alone again now, you thought as you saw the little gleam of hope at the end of a pitch black tunnel.

“Yes.” You whisper, bringing your legs over to the side of the bed and sitting up completely. You reached over to throw your clothes back on, letting the comforter fall from your chest.

Jungkook seemed to not be convinced but he reluctantly nodded and placed a final kiss on the top of your head.

“Call me if you need anything.” He orders before making his way out the door. You listen carefully as his heavy footsteps echo down the hallway as you finish slipping on your sweatpants.

The door finally shuts and you let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. You reach over to grab your phone again, quickly unlocking it and clicking on Hoseok’s contact.

You bite your lip, contemplating on what you should do. It wasn’t smart to be in contact with Hoseok but what would he think of you randomly telling him to leave you alone after handing him over your number? You want to punch yourself for being so stupid. You needed to stop overthinking this, it wasn’t possible for Jungkook to control every single detail of your life.

He wasn’t that insane, was he?

You almost let out a laugh at the stupidity of your own question. He was.

Letting out a sigh, you change his contact name to a random girl’s name, hoping to cover any suspicion in case Jungkook does demand to see your texts. Then, you send Hoseok a text telling him you can’t meet him today and that you will get back to him tomorrow .

If you were going to get rid of him, you had to break it to him gently and carefully. He didn’t deserve to be put in any possible danger but he also didn’t deserve to be treated with such carelessness.

Lifting yourself from the bed, your bare feet pad against the floor as you make your way to Jungkook's bathroom. You lift up your toiletry bag you had placed on his sink last night, the mirror in front of you providing the memory of that night you spent with him the day when you realized he had been filming everything.

You ignore the uncomfortable feeling, unzipping the small bag and taking out your anxiety medication. You popped your last pill inside your mouth before opening what seemed to be a medicine cabinet.

At first, the inside seemed fairly normal. Jungkook had a couple of allergy medications and painkillers, some male vitamins as well. But then, your eyes lingered on the familiar orange bottles. You squint down at them, lifting one of them up as you read the label.

‘Zyprexa 10 mg’

You knit your eyebrows together.

Jungkook took antipsychotics?

You stare at the name, thinking back to your knowledge about mental disorders. Olanzapine was usually used to treat either schizophrenia or bipolar disorder and from what you have seen of Jungkook, if you had to take an educated guess, it would be that he didn’t show any signs of schizophrenia.

Bipolar disorder however, that was what caught your attention.

His unstable behavior, how easily he could change moods and go from one extreme to another. His impulsive and aggressive behavior at times. Those symptoms were clear and in your face. But was it that? Or was it something more serious.

You unscrew the lid on the bottle, it didn’t seem completely full so you could only hope he was in fact taking the medication everyday. You felt conflicted, unsure of what to make of this. It would explain some of his behavior but not all of it.

That led you to another dark realization.

From your knowledge and what you had studied, borderline personality disorders usually stemmed from severe trauma in childhood. Your mind was scrambling to connect the dots and think rationally. Jungkook had made a villain out of his mother, but he never mentioned any direct abuse. You wondered how far that supposed ‘neglect’ from his mother had gone.

It didn’t make that much sense to you. Jungkook seemed to grow up wealthy and healthy, all the awards he had won and sports trophies in his room. That didn’t seem like an indicator of a broken childhood or an unhappy one. Although, you knew things weren’t always as they seemed. There was silent, more subtle abuse that went unnoticed.  Could it be that? How far did it go back? You knew what Jungkkok had been referring to wasn’t financial neglect but rather the emotional kind.

But had he been telling the truth?

A knock disturbs your snooping, making you jump and let out a small yelp. You place your hand over your chest as the knocking continues and scramble to put away all the medications back the way they were. You close the medicine cabinet with a loud ‘bang’ and hurry outside.  A third knock is heard as you exit Jungkook’s bedroom and enter the hall. 

You freeze in the middle of the long hallway though, realizing the knocking is coming from the front door.

Jungkook would have a key and he had barely left. Who else could it be? You hesitate for a moment, debating if you should answer it or not but you assume it may simply be a package being delivered that needs to be signed or maintenance even. You shiver, the apartment is incredibly cold and you hurry down the hallway to unlock the door.

Not even bothering to look through the peephole, you carefully swing it open.

Upon first seeing her, you don’t recognize the middle-aged woman in front of you. Her dark hair is tightly styled in a slicked back bun and her attire screams wealth. She holds a tupperware container in her perfect manicured hands. Some type of food seems to be inside.

Her features finally click inside your brain, especially her eyes.

They are the same eyes of the woman you saw in the family portrait at Jungkook’s family home on Christmas.

You watch those big dark eyes of hers that look identical to those of her son size you up from head to toe, and they pause directly at your neckline.

---

#jungkook yandere #yandere!jungook x reader #yandere!jungkook #jungkook angst #jungkook smut #jungkook x reader #yandere bts #bts yandere #yandere!bts #bts angst #bts au fic #bts x reader #jungkook x oc #bts smut

[jrob64]

Blow Me Away (A CS Modern AU One-shot)

Happy birthday @apiratewhopines​! It’s a week late, but I hope it was worth the wait! Thank you to all of you who have already shown interest in this story.

After having a discussion with Beth about what it would be like to see Killian Jones as a glassblower in a hot shop, I was determined to write a story about it for her. It includes a short guest appearance by one of her favorite characters, Marco, and something else at the end that she always loves for me to write. Oh, and see if you can recognize the quotes from my favorite CS scene ever!

Please forgive any errors in describing the glassblowing tools and process. Like Emma, all I know about it comes from YouTube videos and the Netflix competition show Blown Away. If you have an interest in glassblowing, I highly recommend watching that show!

Special thanks to @cs-rylie​​ for her encouragement and help with plotting, and to the lovely @hookedmom​​, who cleaned up my messes as usual.

Story Summary: For her birthday, Emma Swan's friends give her lessons for glassblowing, something she has always wanted to do. Once she meets her instructor, Killian Jones, both of them feel the heat from more than just the furnaces in the hot shop.  

Rating: M (for smut)

Words: 12,929

Also accessible on ffn and Ao3

*********

“Happy birthday, Emma!” Elsa, Ruby and Ashley shouted, then broke into the birthday song as Mary Margaret brought the cake in from the kitchen.

Emma Swan smiled broadly at her small group of friends, trying to convey her appreciation to each one of them. Growing up, she rarely had friends. Being in the foster care system meant she lived a transient life, not giving her many opportunities to develop close relationships. Now, at twenty-eight, she was finally putting down roots in the scenic little town of Storybrooke, Maine.

Her best friend Mary Margaret Blanchard brought Emma to her hometown after they both graduated from a culinary academy in Boston. Soon after settling there, Emma and Mary Margaret made their dream of owning a bakery together a reality, naming it Fairytale Confections. Emma handled the duties of working the counter, custom designing the cakes and decorating them, while Mary Margaret took the orders and did the baking. Since neither of them were interested in taking care of the accounting, they hired Mary Margaret’s friend, Elsa Arendelle, who also did the finances for her aunt’s ice cream shop, Any Given Sundae, located beside the bakery.

Mary Margaret introduced Emma to her other childhood friends, Ashley Boyd and Ruby Lucas, too. The group of friends welcomed Emma into their circle with open arms. Ashley was the housekeeper for the only hotel in Storybrooke, owned by Ruby’s grandmother. Granny also owned the town diner where Ruby worked as a waitress. When the bakery opened, she convinced Granny to buy baked goods for the diner from her friends.

It took Emma a while to get used to being part of a close-knit group, but after more than five years, she was very comfortable in their midst. The surprise birthday party was at Elsa’s house and it warmed Emma’s heart to see how much planning they put into it. A large, hand painted banner that stretched across the archway between the kitchen and living room announced ‘Happy 28th Birthday, Emma!’, streamers and balloons hung from the ceiling, and Emma’s favorite Rocky Road ice cream, bought from the ice cream shop, waited in the freezer. The birthday cake had been secretly baked by Mary Margaret and resembled Emma’s beloved yellow Volkswagen.

“You guys didn’t have to do all of this,” Emma declared, as she had done every year they gave her a party, though secretly she loved each one. The only other birthday party she’d ever had before coming to Storybrooke was at one of her foster homes when the mother’s birthday was two days after Emma’s, so they had a party for both of them at the same time.

“Of course we did!” Mary Margaret chirped as Ruby lit the candles on the cake. “You deserve special treatment on your birthday. Now, make a wish and blow out the candles.”

Emma swept her eyes around her group of friends, lingering on each of them for a few moments. She could feel herself getting a little emotional and was relieved when they all started inciting her to hurry.

“We’re not getting any younger here,” Ashley teased.

“Blow them out already!” Ruby chimed in, while Mary Margaret encouraged, “Close your eyes and make a wish.”

Emma smiled so hard, her face began to ache. “I don’t think I need to wish for anything,” she said.

“Sure you do,” Ruby grinned. “You need a big, hunky, stud of a man in your life!”

Emma folded her arms and fixed her with a glare. “I do NOT need a man. I’m perfectly happy without one.”

“Happy, but unsatisfied,” Ruby remarked, her grin growing even wider.

“You two can argue later,” Elsa interjected. “The candles are going to melt all over the cake if you don’t blow them out soon.”

Emma nodded, closed her eyes briefly, then opened them and extinguished all but three of the twenty-eight candles with one blow. Her friends clapped and cheered as she blew out the remaining candles and straightened up, beaming at them.

Ashley retrieved the ice cream from the freezer and began scooping it out onto the Autumn themed cake plates, while Mary Margaret cut the cake into generous pieces and added them to the plates. The tight circle of friends talked and laughed, enjoying the cake and ice cream at the small dining room table. They expounded on Ruby’s suggestion to wish for a hunky man by naming off the list of single men in Storybrooke.

Emma accepted it all good-naturedly until Mary Margaret mentioned Leroy, the grumpy town handyman. “Really? How desperate do you think I am?” she groaned.

“He seems gruff, but he’s just a big, old softy,” Mary Margaret said.

“Not gonna happen,” Emma assured her emphatically, while her friends laughed.

When they finished eating, Emma sat back in her chair, rubbing her belly and licking the last of the yellow icing off of her lips. “That was delicious, Marg,” she praised, using her favorite nickname for her friend. “And Sarah’s Rocky Road is always the best, Els.”

“I know,” Elsa sighed. “Having easy access to ice cream is nice, but it’s also very fattening.” She patted her jean clad thighs for emphasis.

“Oh, like you need to worry about that,” Ashley scoffed. “I’m still trying to get the last ten pounds of baby weight off and Alexandra is almost four months old.”

“You look great. We can’t even tell you had a baby,” Elsa said, while Emma, Mary Margaret and Ruby nodded their agreement.

“Tell my stretch marks that,” Ashley groaned.

“Time for presents!” Mary Margaret redirected, rising from her seat.

“Actually, it’s just a present,” Ruby corrected. “We all went together and got you one big gift.”

Mary Margaret set a small box wrapped in orange paper with a yellow bow in front of Emma, then sat back down and clasped her hands in anticipation. “Oh, I really hope you like it!”

Emma picked it up, surprised at how light it felt, and pulled the bow off the top. “I’m sure I will.” Carefully removing the shiny, foil paper, she found a white box that looked like it could contain a necktie. Upon lifting the lid, she discovered a plain white envelope. “Did you guys give me a million dollars?” she joked, taking the envelope out of the box and beginning to lift the flap.

“In your dreams,” Ruby smirked.

Emma laughed as she finished opening the envelope and drew out the gift certificate tucked inside. Reading it, her eyes widened and her jaw dropped.

“Do you like it?” Elsa asked anxiously.

“You…you bought me glassblowing lessons?” Emma managed to ask through her shock and surprise.

“Yeah, Marg went online and found a guy in Portland who offers them at his glass shop,” Ashley explained.

“I know you’ve always been interested in it,” Mary Margaret added.

“And you’re like, obsessed with that Blown Away show on Netflix,” Ruby threw in.

“So, do you like it?” Elsa asked again.

“Are you kidding? I LOVE it!” Emma exclaimed.

Ruby pointed to the corner of the certificate. “We paid for ten lessons. By that time, you should be an expert and will be making glass sculptures like Dale Chihuly!”

Emma gaped at her. “I didn’t even realize you knew who he is or the name of the show!”

“Yeah, well, maybe you’ll start giving me credit for paying attention to my friend’s interests now,” Ruby snarked.

Giving her the side-eye, Emma said, “I thought you only paid attention to my interest in men.”

“Now you know I’m not one-dimensional,” Ruby shot back good-naturedly.

“All you have to do,” Elsa broke in, “is call the number on the certificate to set up the lessons. The instructor’s name is Killian Jones.”

“Killian? That’s an unusual name,” Emma commented.

“I know, right?” Ashley said. “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone with that name.”

“He sounds hot,” Ruby smirked.

“Of course he’s hot. He blows glass in a hot shop around furnaces all day,” Emma snickered.

Ruby clicked her tongue. “You know what I mean, Emma Swan. He’ll probably be shirtless and glistening with sweat…”

“Please don’t turn this gift into one of your perverted fantasies,” Mary Margaret chastised.

“The man named his shop ‘Blow Me Away’. It literally has blow me in the name. Besides, it’s not my fantasy, it’s Emma’s,” Ruby pointed out.

Emma rolled her eyes. “It’s definitely not mine. I don’t care what the instructor looks like, I’m just really excited to get started with these lessons!”

*********

Bright and early Monday morning, Emma put a call through to Killian Jones. She was prepared to set up her first lesson, but was not prepared for the deep, accented voice on the other end of the phone.

“Blow Me Away, Killian Jones at your service.”

Emma gulped. “E-excuse me?” she stuttered, then facepalmed as she remembered ‘Blow Me Away’ was the name of the glass shop. “Uh…I mean…hi. My name is Emma Swan and um, my…my friends gave me glassblowing lessons for my birthday and I just called to, um…I wanted to…”

“To schedule those lessons, lass?” Killian asked, his voice tinged with humor.

She blew out a frustrated breath. “Yeah. Sorry about that, I just…I wasn’t expecting you to be British.”

He chuckled. “I do hope that isn’t a problem.”

“Oh, no. Not at all,” she assured him.

“That’s good to know, Ms. Swan.”

“Miss,” she spat out quickly, then amended herself, “I mean, Emma. You can call me Emma.”

“Very well, Emma. Now, when were you thinking about beginning your lessons?”

The way her name sounded rolling off his tongue rendered her momentarily tongue-tied again. “Uh…wh-when is a good time for you?”

“I’m here every day, so it’s really your schedule we should work around. Do you live in Portland?”

“No, I live in a little town called Storybrooke. You’ve probably never heard of it.”

“On the contrary, I’ve sailed into the harbor there a few times. It’s a lovely place.”

“It really is. I love it. My friend Mary Margaret and I own a bakery here. She’s the one who found your shop online and ordered the gift certificate for lessons.”

“The next time I go to Storybrooke, I shall have to find your bakery to appease my sweet tooth,” Killian said.

Emma smiled at his vocabulary. The man sounded like he just stepped out of the 1800’s. “You should. It’s called Fairytale Confections and it’s right beside the ice cream shop.”

He groaned, the sound of which caused her stomach to do a little flip. “Ice cream and cake. That’s truly not fair.”

“Sorry,” she laughed. “Anyway, I sort of sidetracked the conversation, Mr. Jones”

“If I’m to call you Emma, please call me Killian.”

“Okay, Killian. As far as the time, I’m free most evenings and all day Sunday when the bakery is closed, but you’re probably not open then.”

“Lesson times are flexible, so I would be more than happy to give them on Sundays, if that works for you.”

“Okay, great!”

“How many lessons were you given?”

“Ten.”

“In that case, would you be amenable to having two lessons a week? Otherwise, they’ll run into the holidays when I’ll be in England for a few weeks to visit my brother and his family.”

“Sure. The bakery closes at two on Wednesdays, so maybe later in the afternoon?”

“Would four o’clock work for you?”

“Yeah,” she confirmed. “What time on Sunday?”

“You call it, Swan,” he said.

“How about one o’clock, Jones?” she replied cheekily.

There was a pause on the other end before he spoke again. “My apologies, Emma. I’m used to calling my assistants by their last name since three of the four are named Joe, including one who is a woman.”

She laughed lightly. “I was just teasing. I really don’t mind at all.”

“To answer your question, one o’clock on Sunday would be fine. Is this Wednesday too soon to start?”

“No, that’s perfect. I’m very excited to learn the art of glassblowing. It has always intrigued me.”

“Very good. Do you have the address of my shop?”

Emma looked at the paper in front of her again. “Yeah, it’s on the gift certificate. So I guess I’ll see you Wednesday at four.”

“Aye, see you then, lass.”

Emma ended the call and sat looking at her phone with a dreamy smile on her face. She would never admit it, but if his voice was anything to go by, she might have to agree with Ruby’s assessment that he was hot, in more ways than one.

*********

As she drove to Portland Wednesday afternoon, Emma worried her bottom lip between her teeth. She was excited but also nervous, not only about learning something new, but also about meeting the man behind the sexy voice. She had actually dreamed about him the night after their conversation on the phone, as if her subconscious was trying to put a face with the voice that was still echoing in her ears.

Parking her bug in front of the warehouse her GPS declared was her destination, she drew in a deep breath, trying to steady her nerves. Then she grabbed the gift certificate off the seat, flung her car door open and stepped out.

She approached the building and pulled open the creaky metal door, looking around as she entered, but not seeing Killian Jones. Smiling at the glassblowing equipment spread around the large space, she mentally named things she recognized from watching the Netflix show and numerous YouTube videos.

Turning her attention to several blown glass pieces sitting on a table beside the door, she carefully picked them up one-by-one to study them.

“You must be Emma Swan.”

The words spoken close behind her startled her so much, she almost dropped the beautiful aqua colored bowl she was holding. Letting out a gasp, she quickly set it back on the table and turned around, saying, “Oh, I didn’t know you were…”

Her words trailed off as she got a look at her instructor. Her first thought was that her dream of him didn’t do him justice, and her second was that his looks certainly equaled the sexiness of his voice. He appeared to be about her age, was a few inches taller than her, with dark, disheveled hair, a strong, scruff-covered jaw, piercing blue eyes and a gleaming white smile. His hands grasped both ends of a towel slung around his neck, making his biceps bulge under the sleeves of his tight, white T-shirt, the V-neck allowing her to see dark hair peeking out.

While he waited for her to speak again, he used the end of the towel to wipe away the sweat on his forehead. A few strands of hair flopped down over it once he finished and her hand inadvertently reached forward, intending to brush them away. Suddenly realizing what she was doing, she jerked her hand back and ran it through her own long, blonde hair instead.

He looked at her with his head cocked and a raised eyebrow, his roguish grin convincing her he knew the effect he was having on her. She cleared her throat and said, “Uh, yeah. I’m Emma.” Holding out her hand, she added, “It’s nice to meet you, Killian.”

He took her hand, squeezing it lightly as he shook it. “Likewise. Have you been waiting long?”

“Not at all. I just got here and was admiring your work,” she said, sweeping her arm toward the glass works on the table. “They’re very good.”

“Thank you,” he replied with a smile. “Hopefully, by the end of your lessons, you’ll be able to make some nice pieces, too.”

“That would be great!” she said, her voice bubbling with excitement.

“Shall we get started?” he asked.

“Oh, do you need this?” She held out the crumpled gift certificate.

“Aye,” he said, taking the paper, folding it and sticking it in his back pocket. Then he gestured for her to go ahead of him.

“You didn’t check it. Are you just gonna take my word for it that it’s worth ten lessons?” she asked teasingly.

“Well, you haven’t lied to me thus far.”

She turned to look at him over her shoulder and saw the smirk on his face. She was enjoying the banter with him and already felt at ease.

Touching her on the shoulder, he stopped her in front of a large furnace. “How much do you already know about the art of glassblowing, Emma?”

“Well…I’ve watched every season of Blown Away on Netflix and quite a few YouTube videos. Does that count?” she asked, with a hint of embarrassment.

“Of course it does. I’ve watched them myself. Let’s see if you can identify some of the tools of the trade.”

As he led her around the shop, she was able to name many things he pointed out, such as the furnace containing the molten glass, the glory hole, where glass in the process of being blown was reheated, and the annealer, in which glass projects were placed to cool slowly.

He also asked her questions about the process of glassblowing to get an idea of what she knew and didn’t know. She impressed him again when she talked about gathering the glass with a blowpipe, rolling it on the steel marver table and rolling it in ground glass called frit to give it color. In addition, she correctly identified the majority of the tools he had laid out on the bench.

“You obviously know most of the important terms and equipment already, Swan,” he praised when they finished the tour. “Now you just have to actually do some glassblowing yourself. Are you ready?”

“Absolutely!” she answered.

Killian handed her a pair of safety goggles, then he demonstrated the procedure, calling on her to help him from time to time.

“That’s the basic process,” he said when he finished. “How would you like to try it for yourself?”

“Really? You think I could do that already?” She was nearly bouncing on the balls of her feet with anticipation.

“Of course, and I’ll be here to guide you. First, choose a color of frit and then I’ll help you do your first gather.”

She went over to the table to look over the color selection and chose green.

“Excellent choice. Go ahead and pick up your blowpipe.”

She did as directed and went to stand beside him in front of the furnace.

“Now, I’m going to open the door and then I’ll help you, okay?” he asked.

Emma nodded and held the pipe the same way he held it during his demonstration. He slid the door to the left a few inches then stood behind her to guide her hands. “Place it on the bottom edge of the door and start turning it clockwise,” he directed. When she did, he put his right hand behind hers on the pipe, helping her slide it into the molten glass. “Keep turning. That’s good. Start pulling it back, but don’t stop turning.”

With him standing so close, she felt heat that she knew was from more than the furnace. Between his looks, his voice, the way he listened to her, and how he made her feel important, he had an unmistakable effect on her.

When she had the blowpipe clear of the furnace, she was excited to see the blob of orange at the end of it. “I did it!” she exclaimed.

“Yes, you did,” he agreed, closing the furnace door. “Now, roll it on the marver and then in the frit.” Reaching around her, he adjusted her hands on the pipe, surrounding her with his presence, though she could tell he was being careful to leave space between their bodies.

He patiently walked her through the entire procedure until she created a perfectly round orb and placed it in the annealer.

“Unfortunately, it takes about four hours for it to cool down completely, so you won’t be able to take it with you today,” he informed her.

“That’s okay. I’ll get it on Sunday when I come back for my next lesson.”

“I’m very happy to hear you’ll be back. I was hoping you would enjoy it enough to want to continue all of your lessons.”

She beamed at him. “It was incredible! I can hardly wait until next time. What will we make on Sunday?”

He grinned at her enthusiasm. “Perhaps you’d like to try making a paperweight or a Christmas tree ornament?”

“Either one sounds good to me!”

Glancing up at the clock on the wall, she remarked, “I didn’t realize what time it was. I probably stayed past my allotted lesson time, didn’t I?”

“I don’t set a length of time for my lessons,” he assured her. “I’d rather just go with the flow of it, than to cut it off when we reach a certain point in time. I’ve really enjoyed working with you today, Emma. You catch on very quickly and appear to be a natural.”

“Maybe that’s because you’re a great teacher.”

He rewarded her with one of his smiles that made her feel a bit weak in the knees. “Perhaps it’s both.”

“Well, thank you again, Killian. I’ll see you Sunday.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

She started to walk toward the door, but suddenly thought of something. Turning to face him again she said, “Hey, if you wouldn’t mind, could you take a picture of my project and send it to me once it’s out of the annealer? I want to show my friends that I actually made something today and I’d like to have proof.”

“Of course,” he replied. “Could you put your number into my phone? The one you called to set up the lessons was for the phone in the office.”

He pulled his device out of his back pocket, unlocked it, pulled up his contacts and handed it to her. Once she finished, and handed it back to him, he took a look at it. “Swan, huh?” he smirked.

“I told you I didn’t mind you calling me by my last name. Besides, I wouldn’t want you to confuse me with another Emma.”

He nodded as he tucked the phone back into his pocket. “Drive safely, Swan.”

Throwing him one more smile, she turned and walked out of the building.

*********

Killian stared at the exit long after Emma left, not really seeing the metal door with the chipped paint, but remembering the lovely woman who just walked through it. After hearing her voice on the phone, he had spent more time than he would like to admit trying to imagine what she looked like, but no image that flitted through his mind the past few days could compare to her actual beauty.

He was glad it took her a while to gather her thoughts when she first laid eyes on him, because his first glimpse of her left him a bit speechless, too. Spending nearly two hours with her only made her more attractive to him. She was witty, easy to talk to, and a fast learner. When he stood close to help guide her, it was very tempting to move even closer, but he restrained himself. He didn’t want to offend her or make her uncomfortable in any way. For all he knew, she could have a boyfriend.

That possibility didn’t keep him from admiring her, though. After she chose the color of frit for her project, he couldn’t help thinking how it would perfectly match her beautiful eyes. He almost told her so, but decided to keep the comment to himself, unsure of how she would accept it. The memory of those eyes sparkling with excitement was going to remain with him in the coming days.

Taking out his phone again, he looked down at her contact info with a smile, thinking about her last statement. He didn’t think there was a chance he would confuse her with any other Emma. She was definitely one-of-a-kind.

He traced his finger over her name on the screen, then locked the phone and stuck it in his pocket, before turning to go back into the shop. He could hardly wait until Sunday.

*********

“How was your first lesson?” Mary Margaret eagerly asked as soon as Emma answered her phone. She had just walked through the door of her small loft apartment and marveled at the innate sense of timing her friend seemed to possess.

“It was great! I loved it, and already learned a lot. I made something, but I had to leave it in the cooling oven, so Killian said he would send a picture of it to me when it comes out. I’ll send it to you once I get it.”

“Okay. Tell me about Killian! He must be a good teacher if you already learned a lot. How old is he? Is he nice? What does he look like? ”

There was a brief silence after she finished asking her questions. “Are you done?” Emma laughed.

“I’m sure I’ll think of more later, but that’s all I have for now,” Mary Margaret replied, humor coloring her voice.

“Okay, let me see. Yes, he’s a very good teacher. He explained everything while he demonstrated the process and then guided me through it when I did it myself. I’m not sure how old he is, but I would estimate him to be around my age. And he is very nice. He put me at ease right away.”

“And…” Mary Margaret prodded.

“And what?” Emma asked innocently.

“Answer the last question.”

“What question was that?”

Mary Margaret heaved a sigh. “Seriously, Emma?”

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself,” Emma snickered. “He…he’s the most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen, Marg. Dark hair, scruff, dimples and the bluest eyes you can imagine.”

“So Ruby was right! He is hot!”

“Hot and sexy,” Emma confirmed. “But I really don’t look forward to Ruby finding that out.”

Mary Margaret laughed. “I don’t blame you! She more than likely won’t let you alone until the two of you are married!”

“Oh, god,” Emma groaned. “Maybe she’ll forget I had my first lesson today.”

“Fat chance,” Mary Margaret giggled.

As if to prove her point, Emma’s phone buzzed with a text. Glancing at the screen, she groaned even louder. “Just got a text from her that says ‘How was your lesson with Mr. Hottie?’ How long do you suppose I can ignore it before I answer?”

“If you don’t answer, she’ll be pounding on your door very soon.”

“Ugh, fine. I’ve gotta go. I’ll send you the picture as soon as I get it.”

“Good luck. I’ll be listening for her scream when she finds out Killian is good looking.”

“I think I’ll just tell her he’s old and ugly.”

“You really think that will work?”

“Of course not. She should have been a police detective with her knack for interrogating people and making them confess,” Emma sighed. “Talk to you later, Marg.”

As soon as she ended the call, she responded to Ruby’s text.

E: The lesson was great.

R: Details.

E: I made a green glass ball.

R: More details.

E: It was fun!

R: You’re testing my patience.

E: I learned how to use the glory hole.

R: Glory hole? Now we’re talking. Were you horizontal or vertical at the time?

E: It’s a glassblowing term - an oven where you reheat the glass.

R: Whatever you say. Tell me about Killian.

E: He’s a good teacher.

R: What did he teach you? The Horizontal Mambo?

E: Ruby!

R: Ugh, fine! Is he hot?

E: Well, the furnaces are close to 2000 degrees, so it’s hard not to be hot.

R: If you don’t give me a direct answer Emma Swan, I’m coming over there to drag it out of you!

E: He’s very handsome.

R: I knew it! Did you ask him out?

E: Of course not!

R: But you are seeing him again, right?

E: Did you forget you gave me 10 lessons? I’ll see him at least 9 more times.

R: When is the next one?

E: Sunday afternoon.

R: Then you have a few days to plan how to ask him out.

E: You’re impossible.

R: And you love me for it. (smiley emoji)

E: I don’t know about that, but I do love you, Rubes.

R: I know. I’m adorable.

E: (rolling eyes emoji) I’ll send you a pic of what I made today when Killian sends it to me. It had to cool down so I wasn’t able to bring it home with me.

R: Ooh! He has your phone number and you have his! Finally, a step in the right direction! You now have the ability to send him sexy photos!

E: Ugh! I’ve gotta go, Ruby. Talk to you later.

R: Alright. Go daydream about your man.

*********

When Emma entered the glass shop on Sunday afternoon, she saw Killian sitting on one of the benches, speaking to an older man with a fringe of white hair around his otherwise bald head. Curious, she quickly strode across the concrete floor to where the two men were sitting.

Killian looked up as she approached and stood to greet her. “Hello, Emma. How are you today?”

“I’m good, thanks,” she replied, her eyes flicking over to the other gentleman, who was looking at her with a broad smile and twinkling eyes.

“I’d like to introduce you to someone,” Killian said, leading her over to where the man was now standing. “This is Marco Pinetti. He taught me everything I know about glassblowing. Marco, this is my newest student, Emma Swan.”

“Ah, yes, Miss Swan. Killian has told me about you and your potential to be an excellent glassblower,” Marco said, taking Emma’s hand warmly between both of his.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Pinetti,” Emma said sincerely.

“Mr. Pinetti makes me sound like an old man! Please call me Marco.”

She chuckled. “Okay, but only if you call me Emma.”

“Marco stopped in to visit and I asked him to stay to watch your lesson, if you don’t mind,” Killian said.

“That’s fine,” she replied, then turned toward Marco again. “Please just remember this is only my second one.”

Marco patted her on the shoulder. “We all have to begin somewhere, my dear, but from what Killian has told me, you catch on very quickly.”

She glanced at Killian and saw the proud smile on his face. Her face heating from the blush creeping into it, she said, “I’m ready whenever you are.”

As the lesson went along, Killian was just as attentive and helpful as he was the first time. Marco ended up staying for the entire two hours, and by the end, she had a multicolor paperweight and a Christmas ornament cooling in the annealer.

“Do you have any advice for her, Marco?” Killian asked.

The older man scratched at his beard in thought. “Follow your instincts and don’t be afraid of making a mistake. Glass is fragile, yes, but pieces can always be remade. Experiment with it and have fun.”

Killian was nodding his agreement, while Emma soaked in the master glassblower’s words.

“Killian was right - you are a quick study,” Marco went on. “You have a knack for the art and I’m very happy you’re pursuing it.”

“Thank you, Marco,” Emma beamed, while Killian looked at her with pride.

*********

The next month passed in a blur and far too soon, Emma was having her final lesson with Killian. She not only learned a great deal about the techniques of glassblowing, but had gotten to know her instructor much better, too. She really liked him, and was pretty sure the feeling was mutual.

It was all she could do to keep her hands off of him during their lessons. There was just something so enticing about watching him manipulate the glass, the muscles of his arms flexing with a light sheen of perspiration covering them. His knowledge, expertise and the easy way he explained things were also attractive qualities to her.

They texted one another daily. At first, it was just about the lessons, but eventually, they began sharing personal information with each other, discovering that they had many common interests.

When her final project, a plate with swirls of color, was put into the annealer, Killian turned to face Emma. “You have been a pleasure to teach, Swan. I’ve never taught anyone with more natural ability.”

Emma dragged the back of her wrist across her forehead to wipe away the sweat, but also to hide her blush at his praise. “Thank you, Killian, but I think it was because of your teaching that I learned so quickly.”

Killian scratched at a spot behind his ear, dropping his eyes to the floor. “It’s also been very nice getting to know you. I’m going to miss our time together.”

“Yeah,” she agreed, “but just because my lessons are over, doesn’t mean we can’t still text each other.”

“You’re right, it doesn’t,” he grinned. “I, uh, I was wondering if you might like to go get something to eat while you’re waiting for the plate to cool. That way, you won’t have to make another trip into Portland to pick it up.”

She answered with a smile. “I’d really like that.”

They spent the next three hours enjoying each other’s company at Killian’s favorite diner on the outskirts of Portland. When Emma finally checked her phone, she couldn’t believe how much time had passed. She usually had trouble carrying on long conversations with most people, but it was easy with Killian.

“I guess we should go back to the shop so I can pick up my project and get on the road,” she said reluctantly.

He drained the last of the water in his glass. “I suppose it is about that time.”

He paid the bill, after insisting it was his treat, and they both got into his SUV. Emma found a radio station playing Christmas music and sang one song after another all the way back to the shop, Killian joining her after the first song. Once they arrived, she collected her project and carefully set it on the floor of the passenger side in her car, tucking a blanket around it, before turning back to him.

“Well, this is it,” she said with a sigh.

“It, uh, it doesn’t have to be,” he said, stepping closer to her. “You’re welcome to come blow glass with me anytime, Swan.”

Emma grinned, thinking about how Ruby would twist his words to become something dirty if she was here. “You’re right. I can always buy more lessons.”

He reached out to take her hands. “You wouldn’t have to buy them. I thoroughly enjoy working with you and I’m telling you the truth when I say you show a lot of talent. Please consider this an open invitation to come here any chance you get.”

“Thanks, I would really like that,” she assured him.

They stood with their hands still linked for several moments, until Killian broke the brief silence. “Emma, I…I would like to see you again…I mean, besides you coming to the shop. Would you be interested in going out with me?”

She answered without hesitation, “Yes, Killian. I would be very interested!”

His grin stretched across his face. “Fantastic! Will Wednesday still work for you?”

“Absolutely! I’ve been sure not to schedule anything on Wednesday evenings, so that will work just fine.”

“Wednesday it is, then,” he said, giving her hands a squeeze. “I know of a place just outside of town that has a drive-through Christmas light display. Perhaps we can take it in after we have dinner together?”

“That sounds perfect. Do you want me to drive over here?”

“No, lass. It would be bad form to make you drive here and back by yourself. Please allow me to pick you up at your place.”

“That’s very gentlemanly of you.”

“I’m always a gentleman.”

“I’ve noticed,” she said softly. “I’ll text you my address.” Pulling her hands out of his, she ran them up his arms to rest on his shoulders. Gazing into his eyes, she saw the same desire she was feeling herself and pushed herself up to her toes to meet his lips with her own.

She felt his quick intake of breath and nearly pulled away, thinking she was being too forward, but in the next second, he responded by sliding his lips against hers. As her arms wrapped around his neck, his encircled her waist and pulled her closer.

Emma didn’t make a habit of kissing men. In her experience, she found most of them to be forceful and controlling with their kisses, not caring if it was enjoyable for her. Killian’s kiss shattered all of her qualms as he let her set the pace, gently caressing her lips instead of crushing them.

He lightly teased the seam of her lips with his tongue and she allowed him entrance. His hands spread across her back, holding her firmly but tenderly, and she sighed with contentment.

Resting her forehead against his when they separated, she licked her lips and smiled. “I hope you didn’t mind me doing that.”

His chuckle rumbled in his throat. “In case you didn’t notice, Love, I most assuredly did not mind. I've wanted to kiss you since the first day we met.”

She pulled away and looked at him with wide eyes. “Really?”

  He nodded slowly without breaking eye contact. “Aye.”

“In that case…” she said, before initiating another leisurely kiss, enjoying the feel of his hands moving up her back and into her hair. Using them to tilt her head, he deepened the kiss, but kept it soft and undemanding.

This time when the kiss ended, she forced herself to step back. “I, um, I guess I should go.”

“I…” he started, his voice a bit shaky. Clearing his throat, he tried again. “I suppose so. I’ll see you on Wednesday.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Emma said smiling, before turning to move to the other side of her car.

Killian hurried around to open her door, responding to her appreciative smile with a flirtatious smirk. After she settled into her seat and fastened her seatbelt, he leaned in to brush his lips across hers one more time, then closed the door and tapped his knuckles against the window. She started the engine, shifted into gear and gave him a little wave.

Before she pulled out onto the street, she looked in her rearview mirror to see him rubbing his fingers over his lips with a slightly dazed look on his face.

*********

After Emma’s yellow bug disappeared, Killian stood in the parking lot for several minutes, lost in thought. He had been truthful when he told her he wanted to kiss her since that first day she walked into his shop, but to have her initiate it was a very welcome surprise.

He rubbed his fingers against his lips, wanting to hold onto the feeling of kissing Emma Swan for as long as possible. He’d had many first kisses, but he was hoping this would be his last first kiss. He was completely under her spell, and found he didn’t mind at all.

*********

Their date on Wednesday lacked all of the usual first date awkwardness as they shared easy conversation and genuine laughter throughout the evening. At the end of the date, after another languid kiss at Emma’s door, neither of them wanted to say goodnight. He finally tore himself away once they decided to go out again on Saturday.

They enjoyed four more dates before Killian went to England to visit his brother, promising to stay in touch with her during the weeks he was gone. Emma was disappointed they couldn’t spend the holidays together, but saw how much he was looking forward to being with his family after months of being separated, and was happy for him. The night before he left, she kissed him sweetly and told him to have a wonderful time, determined not to be one of those girlfriends who got weepy over saying goodbye. Just thinking of herself as Killian’s girlfriend made her smile and she knew no matter how long he was gone, she would be there waiting for him when he returned.

*********

“I found her,” Killian told his brother Liam when he picked him up at the airport.

“Found who?” Liam questioned, looking over his shoulder before changing lanes.

“Her. The one. The woman I want to be with for the rest of my life.”

Liam glanced over at his brother. “Are you being serious?”

“Aye, very much so,” Killian said. “Her name is Emma Swan and I met her when she was given glassblowing lessons with me for her birthday. She’s…a bloody goddess, Liam. I think I’m in love with her.”

“When did you meet?”

“Six weeks ago.”

“And you’re already saying you’re in love and want to spend the rest of your life with her?” Liam asked skeptically.

“You of all people should understand, brother. I remember you coming home after seeing Belle at Uni, telling me you met the woman of your dreams.”

“That’s true, and I wasn’t wrong, was I?”

“No, she’s the love of your life, and I think Emma may be mine.”

A smile spread over Liam’s face. “I’m very happy to hear it, Killian, and I’m sure Belle will be, too.”

Killian grinned and settled back into his seat for the rest of the ride to Liam’s house.

*********

“It’s your turn to open a present,” Emma declared, handing one to Ashley. “I had your name this year.”

The friends were gathered at the house Mary Margaret shared with her boyfriend, David, on the Sunday before Christmas. They had a tradition of drawing names for gifts, then exchanging them after making dozens of Christmas cookies. Now, the pizza they ordered was eaten and they were all a little tipsy on the margaritas Mary Margaret kept mixing up.

Ashley tore the paper off the box, lifted the lid and let out a squeal of excitement over the scented bath beads, bottles of her favorite lotion and a gift certificate for three massages. “I love it! Thank you, Em!”

“I figured you could use some pampering - being a wife and mother, and working full time.”

“Definitely. The closest I get to pampering these days is putting a new Pampers diaper on Alexandra!”

Her friends burst into laughter over her statement, then Ruby stood up to collect her gift from under the tree. Emma looked up when she stopped in front of her and held it out. “I got your name, you lucky dog.”

Emma bit her lip. “Am I going to like it?” She knew her friend had a penchant for giving slightly outrageous gifts. The year before, she had given Mary Margaret some racy lingerie that made her blush madly when she opened it, along with a very nice electric tea kettle.

“Of course you are! I mean, I couldn’t wrap Mr. Hottie and give him to you, which was my original plan, but I’m sure you’ll still like it,” she said, with a toothy grin.

Taking a deep breath, Emma removed the wrapping paper from the large box. When she opened the flaps, she found a body pillow with a photo of Killian on it. Her jaw dropped and she could feel her cheeks growing warm.

“Now you can sleep with him every night, at least until he gets back home. Then you can sleep with the real thing!” Ruby crowed.

“Where…how…how did you even get a picture of him?” Emma asked, still a bit stunned. “This looks like the one I took at the airport before he left.”

“It is! You should know better than to leave your phone unattended around me,” Ruby cackled. “So…do you like it?”

Emma stood and held the pillow up in front of her to get a better look at it. She had to admit it was a thoughtful gift, and having a tangible reminder of her boyfriend in her bed every night was quite appealing. Looking over at her friend, she said sincerely, “Yeah, I do, Rubes. It’s really great! Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Oh, there’s something else in the box.”

Emma sat back down and looked in the box, then covered her face with her hands in embarrassment.

“What is it?” Elsa questioned. All of her friends stood up to get a better look.

Ruby reached into the box and held the box of thirty-six condoms aloft. “I thought I would get you a week’s supply!” she laughed.

*********

Killian was really enjoying the time with Liam, Belle and their children, Adrian and Elizabeth, but he was also missing Emma more every day. They called, texted or FaceTimed regularly and it got harder and harder to say goodbye at the end of their conversations.

Three days after Christmas, once everyone else was in bed, the brothers were sitting in the lounge, sipping rum in front of a crackling fire. Liam observed his brother staring into the flames and could tell his mind was far away. “You’re thinking about her again, aren’t you?” he asked.

Killian startled a bit, then sheepishly grinned before raising his glass to his lips. “Aye, is it that obvious?”

“I can always tell when you get that dreamy look on your face. You look like a love sick puppy.”

“Just how many love sick puppies have you ever seen in your life, Liam?” Killian deflected.

“Enough to know you look like one,” Liam snarked. “You’ve got it bad, brother.”

Killian threw back the rest of his rum and set the tumbler on the coffee table. Rubbing his hands on his jeans, he took a moment before answering, “Being away from her this long has proven I love her. I can hardly wait to see her again.”

Liam nodded and stared into the amber liquid he was swirling around in his glass. After several moments, he said softly, “Then don’t.”

Looking up at him, Killian asked, “What do you mean?”

“You have an open-ended ticket to fly back, so you can return any time. I heard you tell her the other night that you wished you could be with her for New Year’s Eve. Why don’t you fly home and surprise her?”

“Are you trying to get rid of me?” Killian chuckled.

“Of course not, you git. We love having you here, but Belle and I both go back to work January 2nd and you weren’t planning to stay once we do that anyway. Why not go back a couple of days early and spend the first day of the new year with the woman you so very clearly love?”

Killian sat forward in his chair, rubbing his scruffy chin in thought. “You truly wouldn’t mind?”

Liam stood and strode over to him, placing his hand on his brother’s shoulder. “We love you, Killian, and we will happily have you with us for as long as you choose to stay. But if you decide to go back and can catch a flight, we will understand. After all, you’ve already done an excellent job of thoroughly spoiling your niece and nephew.”

Grinning, Killian pulled his phone out of his pocket and brought up his internet browser to check for available flights back to the States.

*********

“Are you sure you don’t want to join us tonight, Emma?” Mary Margaret asked for at least the fourth time that day.

“I am not going to be a fifth wheel at a New Year’s Eve party where everyone will have a date,” Emma replied. “I’m looking forward to being in my pajamas all evening, eating popcorn, drinking hot chocolate and watching Netflix. I’m sure Killian will call to wish me a happy New Year, probably around seven, when it’s midnight in England, and I don’t want to miss it.”

Mary Margaret gave her a smile and pulled her into a hug. “Okay, but if you change your mind…”

“I won’t. Go have a good time and don’t worry about me. Even if Killian’s not here, it’s my first New Year’s with a boyfriend and I’m happy.”

*********

Emma checked her phone for what felt like the thousandth time that evening. When Killian hadn’t called at seven o’clock, she thought maybe he was just celebrating the New Year with his family, but now it was ten and she was beginning to think he had forgotten all about calling her. She tried to tell herself he might be waiting until midnight in her time zone, but that was unlikely since it would be five AM in England.

She pulled up his contact info on her phone numerous times, but kept herself from clicking on it since she was sure he had to be in bed and didn’t want to wake him.

As she was trying to concentrate on the third episode of The Devil in Ohio, cuddling up to her body pillow, there was a knock on her door. Sighing, she grabbed the remote to pause the show, and crossed the room, mumbling, “I told you not to worry about me, Marg.”

Pulling the door open, her legs nearly gave out when she saw her boyfriend standing in front of her. “K-Killian?” she squeaked.

“Happy New Year, Love.”

“Killian!” she cried, throwing herself into his arms. “How…oh, how are you here?”

“Liam convinced me to come back home to you,” he explained, letting out a joyous laugh when Emma started peppering kisses all over his face.

She stopped her onslaught to ask, “I mean, what?”

“You know, Liam, my older brother, he sent me…”

His words were cut off when she tugged him to her and kissed him soundly, only pulling away to say, “I don’t care. I don’t care how you’re here, I’m just glad you are.”

“So am I,” he grinned, hugging her tightly and swaying their bodies back and forth.

Once they finally ended their embrace and moved inside her apartment, she looked down at herself, her cheeks flooding with color. “Here I am in my pajamas, no makeup, my hair a mess. I look terrible.”

“You look stunning, Swan,” Killian assured her. “I’ve never seen a more beautiful sight.”

“Charmer,” she giggled, running her hands up his chest to loop her arms around his neck.

“Just telling the truth, Love.”

Emma brushed her lips over his. “I missed you.”

He wound a loose tendril of her hair around his finger, gazing into her eyes. “I missed you, too. So much so that my brother called me a ‘love sick puppy’ and suggested flying back to be with you for New Year’s.”

“Love sick puppy?” Emma questioned. Her heart began to hammer in her chest, wondering if she was reading too much into the phrase.

Killian dropped his gaze and scratched behind his ear, before looking back up at her with a warm gleam in his eyes. “Aye, love sick…because I’ve fallen in love with you, Emma.”

Her responding kiss was an acceptance of his declaration, and when it ended, she breathed, “I love you, too.”

More kisses followed, both of them trying to convey their newfound feelings to the other. After a while, Emma became aware of Killian putting some space between their bodies. She tried to pull him against her again, but he resisted and the reason suddenly dawned on her.

“If what we’re doing is…affecting you, you don’t have to try to hide it, you know. It doesn’t make you any less of a gentleman,” she whispered. “And besides, you’re not the only one affected.”

His desire-filled eyes met hers. “I…I don’t want you to…think I’m pressuring you into anything…”

“It’s not pressuring if I want the same thing.”

“Are you sure?”

“See, this is how I know you’re different from most other guys. The second they hear a girl is interested in going to bed with them, they jump at the chance, instead of asking if she’s sure,” Emma smirked.

He rubbed the back of his neck as the tips of his ears turned red. “I just want to make sure we’re on the same page.”

“Trust me, we are.” He wrapped his arms around her again, and she pressed close to him, feeling his arousal against her belly. “I think making love for the first time would be a great way to ring in the New Year, don’t you?”

“Aye, Love. This New Year promises to be the best one ever, and showing you how much I love you would be an excellent way to start it.”

She beamed at him, gave him a quick kiss, then picked up the remote to turn off the television.

“What is this?” Killian asked from behind her.

Turning to see what he was talking about, her cheeks heated immediately. He was standing there holding her body pillow wearing a puzzled look on his face.

“That,” she said, “is my Christmas gift from Ruby.”

“Is it indeed? Well, I like this Ruby already! Have you been sleeping with it?”

“Yes. Are you jealous?” she teased.

“Of myself? Perhaps just a bit,” he admitted.

“Well, you don’t have to be anymore, because tonight I’ll be sleeping with you.” She took his hand and began leading him toward her bedroom. “Come on, I’ll show you the other present Ruby gave me.”

They entered her room and Emma dropped his hand to remove a small pile of clothes from her bed. Dropping them onto a cedar chest in the corner, she said, “I hope my messiness isn’t a deal breaker.”

“Not a chance,” he answered, glancing quickly around the room to take in her personal touches. He saw a few of her glass projects sitting on her dresser, and it made him smile remembering when she made each one.

“The bedding is clean. I just washed it yesterday, but I guess you don’t really care about that,” she said, turning down the top sheet and blanket. She knew she was rambling, but she was beginning to feel a little nervous about being with him for the first time.

“Hey,” he said, taking hold of her hands to still them, “breathe, Swan. Let’s take our time and let this happen naturally. There’s no reason to rush or force things to happen, okay?”

She brought her hands up to fiddle with the buttons on his shirt. “I love you,” she breathed.

His answering smile lit up the room. “And I, you. What do you say we get rid of some of these clothes?”

“Sounds good to me,” she agreed, pushing his coat over his shoulders and hearing it land in a heap on the floor. Next, she began unbuttoning his shirt, while his fingers found their way under the hem of her pajama shirt, caressing the soft skin he encountered.

His shirt soon joined his jacket and Killian sucked in a breath as Emma slid her hands over his chest, her thumbs skimming over his nipples. She felt his hands glide up her sides, taking her top with them. She lifted her arms, allowing him to remove it completely and saw his eyes darken with desire as he drank in the sight of her bared breasts.

“Absolute perfection,” he murmured, his hands moving to palm them. She bit her lip as his fingers stroked over her sensitive skin. After several moments of admiration, his eyes shifted back up to hers, then his hands were framing her face, his head dipping to kiss her. It was gentle and unhurried, and she could feel herself relaxing with every sensual sweep of his tongue.

When he pulled her closer, she gasped as her taut nipples came in contact with the coarse hair on his chest, causing her nerve ends to tingle. His hands made their way down her back and inside her sleep pants to massage her ass, making a moan escape her mouth.

She knew his hands could work magic; she had seen them as he manipulated glass. Now she was eager to feel them on every inch of her body and she told him so.

“With pleasure, Love,” he grinned. He began by ridding her of her remaining clothes, then urging her to lay back on the bed. She watched him sweep his eyes over her body, noticing the hunger in them as he took her in. “Emma, you are exquisite,” he breathed, his voice awestruck.

“Please touch me, Killian,” she pleaded, her hands reaching for him.

He obliged immediately, gliding his hands up her calves and over her thighs. His thumbs brushed over her mound, but continued over the curves of her body, stopping to caress her breasts. His body followed the movement of his hands, straddling her until he was hovering over her.

When his lips closed around one of her nipples, her back arched into him. Then his voice buzzed against the skin of her throat. “I want to find out what feels good to you, so don’t hesitate to tell me what you like, okay?”

“Mmhmm,” she replied, her eyes closing, already on her way to a state of bliss.

Killian was eager to touch his beautiful girlfriend in all her intimate places and discover the things that brought her the most pleasure. He shifted to her side and dragged his hand down her body again, nudging her legs apart when he reached them. “Are you alright with me using my fingers?” he asked in a low voice.

“Y-yeah,” she said, widening her legs.

He stroked his fingers through her folds. “You’re already so wet, Love,” he murmured into her ear, watching her bite her lip as she nodded jerkily in response. Continuing his ministrations, he began rubbing his thumb over her bundle of nerves, taking note of how her hands gripped the pillow behind her head.

Slowly, he eased a finger inside her, the heat of her channel welcoming him immediately. Adding a second one, he began to stroke her steadily. The quivering of her legs and the moans she was emitting assured him she was thoroughly enjoying what he was doing. He knew she was right on the edge when her hips lifted off the bed and she rasped out his name in a wrecked voice. Leaning down, he sucked her clit between his lips and that was all it took to bring her to climax.

When he began teasing the nub with the tip of his tongue, he felt her hands gripping his hair and lifted his head to look up at her. “Do you want me to stop?”

“Hell, no,” she groaned. “That feels amazing!”

He grinned and ducked down to continue paying attention to her clit as he removed his fingers from inside her, bringing a gush of her arousal with them.

Feeling her hands loosening in his hair, he sat back on his haunches and waited until her eyes opened, glazed with pleasure. “Alright there, Love?” he asked.

She licked her lips before answering, “Yeah, and just so you know, I enjoyed that.”

“Did you really?” he said teasingly. “I’m glad you clarified that.”

“You’re awfully smug, Jones,” she said, trying and failing to sound miffed. Pushing up to her elbows to look at him, she added, “And you’re also far too clothed. It would bring me great pleasure to see you completely undressed.”

“As you wish, Milady.”

He removed his shoes, then getting off the bed, he unbuckled his belt and quickly removed his jeans, socks and boxer briefs. He knew Emma was watching him intently and heard her intake of breath when he stood naked before her. “See something you like, Swan?”

Emma was sure he would be impressive, and she definitely wasn’t disappointed. As he climbed back onto the bed and laid down beside her, she reached for him, stopping just short of touching him.

“You want me to tell you what feels good and I want you to do the same, okay?”

“Okay” he promised.

She took him in hand, stroking and squeezing his cock and feeling it grow harder as she did. He started pressing kisses to her throat and shoulder, murmuring words of encouragement and pleasure into her skin.

After a few minutes, he reached down to still her hand. “Don’t take me too far,” he requested in a strained voice. “I want to be inside you when I come.”

Taking his face between her hands, she kissed him sweetly. “I think it’s time to show you the other gift Ruby gave me.”

“Now?” he questioned.

She giggled. “Yeah, just wait.” She pushed off the bed and crossed the room to her dresser, pulling open a drawer to retrieve the box of condoms.

Turning around, she held it up to show him and he barked out a laugh. “Well, I do have to admit I didn’t come prepared, so I’m very happy you have good friends.”

Opening the box and removing one of the foil packs, Emma said, “She told me this was a week’s worth.”

“I like the way she thinks,” he smirked, as Emma joined him on the bed again. Tearing open the package, she met his eyes in an unspoken question and, at his slight nod, carefully rolled the condom into place.

Killian gently pushed her onto her back and moved over her, palming her breast with one hand, while his other cupped the back of her head to tilt it to just the right angle for him to plunder her mouth. Her hands scratching down his back, along with her needy, throaty sounds, had him as hard as he had ever been in his life. He felt her shifting underneath him and soon he was cradled between her thighs, his cock rubbing deliciously against her wet heat.

Their hands continued to roam, caressing and squeezing, while their mouths stayed connected in a searing kiss, punctuated by nips and panted words of desire. He began lightly rutting against her, trying to gauge her readiness by her reaction. Soon, she wrapped her legs around his hips, pulling him to her tightly, and he got his answer.

He wordlessly encouraged her to loosen her legs enough for him to reach between them and line himself up. Pushing into her slowly, he watched her face for any sign of discomfort, but all he saw was pure bliss and love.

When he was fully seated, he dropped his forehead to her chest, trying to keep himself from listening to his body, which was telling him to take her hard and fast. Her legs once again gripped his hips and he could feel her nails digging into his back.

“Killian,” he heard her murmur into his hair, “feels so good, but…please move.”

Raising his head, he kissed her briefly, then pushed up to his elbows and started thrusting shallowly. He wanted to savor the feeling of being inside the woman of his dreams; the woman he loved, and who loved him. It was almost overwhelming.

Emma had never experienced more pleasure in her life. She felt like every nerve ending was sparking, shooting heat throughout her body. Killian fit inside her perfectly, like he was meant just for her. Her pelvis raised off the bed as she met him thrust for thrust, her hands scrabbling for purchase on his back.

She didn’t know how long she could last as the pace picked up and his strokes went deeper. Then his rhythm stuttered as he pulled back to look at her and she nearly came completely undone from the look of utter adoration in his eyes.

“I love you,” he panted.

“I love you, too,” she responded. “Now, make me come.”

Grinning, he set about doing just that, and in no time at all, she was falling over the edge, ripples of intense pleasure moving through her body.

Killian felt her climax pulsing against his cock and couldn’t hold back any longer, joining her in a blissful state of euphoria. Not wanting to put his full weight on her, he rolled them over until she laid on top of him, their chests rising and falling together as they tried to catch their breath.

Her smooth, soft skin was a magnet for his fingers, as he drew abstract designs into it. He could easily spend hours holding her against him, feeling her breath on his neck, her hair tickling his arms and her legs tangled between his own. He couldn’t remember ever feeling so sated and content.

Emma didn’t want to move. She wasn’t sure she was even capable of moving since she finally understood what it meant to feel completely boneless. Words failed her, but she didn’t care. Resting her head on Killian’s chest, she could hear his erratic heartbeat and knew this was exactly where she wanted to be.

The comfortable silence stretched on for several minutes, until she felt him brushing her hair away from her face. She lifted her head to meet his gaze. “Hey,” she whispered.

“Hey, yourself,” he mumbled lazily. “Happy New Year.”

She looked at the digital clock on her bedside stand. “We still have forty-five minutes to go.”

“I’m claiming it early because everything feels like a new start with you. I know it’s very soon to be thinking about this, and I don’t mean to upset you, but I can see a future with you, Emma. A happy one.”

“That doesn’t upset me, Killian. For the first time in my life, I can picture being with someone in a committed relationship. I’ve always said I don’t need a man to be happy, and I don’t, but I think I can be even happier with you.”

He barely had time to answer her statement with a smile before she was kissing him, sweet and slow, sealing their declarations about their future.

After cleaning up and putting on the bare minimum of clothes - Killian in his boxer briefs and Emma in his discarded button-down shirt - she reheated some leftover spaghetti for him. He had barely eaten since having lunch with Liam and his family. He merely picked at the meal on the flight, his stomach churning with thoughts of how she would react to his surprise.

“Oh, hey,” Emma said, “can I take a picture of the two of us? I want to send it to my friends. They were worried about me spending New Year’s Eve by myself.”

“Of course, but if they asked you to do something with them, why didn’t you, Love?”

“Because I was convinced you would call me when it was midnight in England and I didn’t want to miss talking to you.”

“So I disappointed you.”

She got up from her seat and circled around the table. Standing behind him, she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him on the cheek. “You definitely made up for it, my love.”

After collecting her phone from the living room, she resumed her spot behind him, wiped a bit of sauce from the corner of his mouth with her finger, and took a selfie of the two of them. Adding the caption ‘Look who came all the way from England to surprise me for New Year’s’, she sent it to her friends in their group chat.

She didn’t expect to get immediate responses since it was only a few minutes before midnight, but Ashley’s reply appeared within a few seconds.

A: OMG Emma! That’s fantastic! I’m so happy for you!

E: Thanks! Why did you answer so fast?

A: We had to come home early because Alexandra got sick.

E: Oh no! Hope she feels better soon.

A: She seems fine and is already asleep. I think she just missed mommy and daddy.

E: That’s good. Well, Happy New Year to all of you!

A: Happy New Year to you and your man too!

Emma couldn’t help the ridiculously wide smile that crossed her face at her friend’s last statement. Her man. She had a man, and not just any man. The sexiest, sweetest, most handsome man she’d ever met…and he loved her.

Checking the time on her device, she noticed it was 11:58. “Do you want to watch the ball drop?” she asked Killian.

“Sure, then we can officially welcome in the New Year.”

They sat down on the sofa and she quickly found a TV station where they could watch the countdown, which had already started. When it got to the final ten seconds, Killian took her hand and squeezed it as they chanted the numbers together. As the huge, glittering ball reached the bottom and lit up with the New Year, they embraced one another and shared a passionate kiss, only pausing to exchange I love you’s before diving back in for more.

Emma had pushed him back on the couch and was trailing kisses down his throat, when her phone started buzzing on the end table. She ignored it, until he asked, “Are…aren’t you going to get that, Love?”

She sat up and looked at him. “Do you want me to?”

“Whoever it is will probably continue to call until you answer it,” he reasoned.

Emma sighed and grabbed the buzzing phone. Seeing the name on the screen, she rolled her eyes. “It’s Ruby.”

He grinned at her consternation while she swiped across the screen. “Hey, Rubes.”

“GIRRRRRRLLLL!” Ruby screeched and Emma pulled the phone away from her ear with a pained look on her face. “Mr. Hottie showed up at your door? And he CAME all the way from England! He must be the most prolific lover of all time!”

“Oh, good grief, Ruby! Why do you always make everything sexual? And why are you calling me? Shouldn’t you be sucking face with Graham?”

“I already did and he knows he’ll get hot Ruby love later, but I saw your text and had to call! Did you make good use of my gift to you? Please tell me you’re already well into your week’s supply!”

Emma’s face felt hot and she knew it was beet red. “He’s only been here a couple of hours.”

“And your point is…?”

“Look, Ruby. I’m glad you’re happy for us, but I’d rather not share our, um…personal details.”

Ruby’s loud laugh came through the phone. “You just answered my question, Emma Swan. If you didn’t want us to know you did the deed, you should have made sure he wasn’t naked when you took the picture.”

“He wasn’t…” Emma started, then looked at her shirtless boyfriend. He grinned back at her, rubbing his fingers against his bare chest. “Okay, he was semi-naked, but that doesn’t mean that we…”

“Of course it does. You’re not gonna convince me he flew in from a whole other country to spend New Year’s Eve with you and all you did was shake his hand.”

“You know what, Ruby? Why don’t you go give Graham some of your hot Ruby loving now. I’m hanging up. Happy New Year!”

“And a very, very Happy New Year to both of you, too. Now, go do some more celebrating!”

They received congratulatory messages from Mary Margaret and Elsa soon after and by that time, jet lag and a day of international travel had taken its toll on Killian. Emma ignored his protests of wanting to follow Ruby’s instructions and dragged him off to bed, where he promised to make it up to her in the morning, then fell asleep in her arms within minutes.

He was true to his word, waking her up in the most pleasurable way eight hours later, the two of them celebrating until their growling stomachs finally drove them out of bed at noon.

*********

The new year brought lots of changes to the couple, along with more happiness than either of them had ever known. Killian met Emma’s friends and their significant others, and was soon comfortable being part of the group. He spent many nights at her apartment and within a few months, most of his clothes were in her closet and his toiletries littered her bathroom.

Emma became a regular at Killian’s glass shop, while still staying busy at the bakery. Even though he was thrilled to spend so much time with her, he worried about the amount of back and forth driving she was doing in her old VW. One day in May, he surprised her with the announcement that he rented a warehouse in Storybrooke and was moving his shop there. She protested at first, not wanting the more isolated location to hurt his business, but he assured her his online sales were booming and that people would be willing to drive a little further for lessons, which proved to be true.

When he started looking for an apartment in Storybrooke, Emma suggested he move in with her instead, and he happily agreed. Once he had his shop up and running at the end of July, they moved the remainder of his belongings into her place.

In September, Liam and his family flew in to visit Killian and meet Emma in person. She had seen them through his phone screen on several FaceTime calls and already felt accepted by them. By the end of their week-long visit, her place in the family was cemented when Liam referred to her as the sister he always wanted.

Mary Margaret, who was newly engaged, was convinced Killian was going to propose at Christmas, so when he didn’t, Emma tried not to be disappointed. She really wasn’t in any hurry to get married, but after her friend planted the thought in her head, it began to take root.

Their plans for New Year’s Eve were to have dinner at their favorite restaurant overlooking the harbor and then attend the annual party at the town hall with their friends. That evening, Killian called her thirty minutes before their reservations to tell her he was delayed waiting for several orders to be picked up by the parcel service, and would meet her at the restaurant.

She blew out an exasperated sigh and sat down on the couch to wait until it was time to leave. Twenty minutes later, she buttoned her winter coat over the red, form-fitting dress she was anxious to reveal to her boyfriend, grabbed her handbag, and threw the door open.

It was like deja vu. Killian was standing in the hallway, dressed smartly in a navy suit, crisp white shirt, and silver tie, holding a bouquet of red and white roses in a glass vase she was sure he made especially for her.

“Happy New Year, Love.”

“K-Killian, I thought you said…”

“I wanted to surprise you.”

“Just like last year, huh?”

“Well, not exactly like last year,” he answered, bending to sit the vase on the floor beside him. Then he pulled a jeweler's box out of his jacket pocket and lowered himself to one knee in front of her, opening the box as he did.

Her eyes immediately misted over and she covered her mouth with both hands.

“Emma,” he began, “you blew me away the moment you stepped into my shop. You’re the love of my life and I want to spend every minute of that life with you. It would make me beyond happy and proud to be your husband, if you will agree to be my wife. Will you marry me?”

She started nodding before he even finished asking, and then she choked out, “Yes, Killian! Oh god, yes! I will marry you!”

He removed the diamond ring from the box and took her trembling hand to slip it onto her finger, then stood and pulled her into his embrace, showering her hair and face with kisses. When their lips finally met, the kiss was like none they had ever shared before - a promise of their future which was more than just a dream now.

As they stood with their foreheads pressed together after the kiss ended, he murmured, “I guess we better get going or we’ll miss our dinner reservations.”

She looked at him with a smug smile, bent down to pick up the vase of flowers and turned to go inside. Once she set the bouquet on the kitchen table, she unbuttoned her coat slowly and deliberately, letting it slide to the floor when she was done.

Killian’s mouth dropped open at the sight of her in the red dress and his Adam’s apple bobbed several times before he could force words past it. “Swan, you look absolutely breathtaking.” Moving across the room, he pulled her to him for another passionate kiss. Slightly out of breath afterwards, he picked up the coat and held it up for her to slip into it.

“I don’t need it,” she said.

“It’s freezing outside, Love. Of course you need it.”

She took the coat and folded it over a chair. “No, I don’t,” she purred, draping her arms around his neck. “I want to spend New Year’s Eve with my fiancé, celebrating the exact same way we did last year.”

“But dinner, and our friends…”

“I don’t care about dinner, and our friends will understand once we tell them we were celebrating our engagement. Unless you would rather keep our original plans?”

His face morphed into his signature smolder, with a sly smirk and one eyebrow raised high on his forehead. “Your plans are much more appealing, my love.”

Taking his hand and leading him to the bedroom, she said, “Come on, then. Let’s see if your new fiancée can still blow you away!”

*********

Happiest of birthdays, Beth! I hope this brightens your day, and I wish the same for anyone else who reads it. Comments, likes and reblogs are always appreciated!

Tagging: @xsajx @hookedmom @kymbersmith-90 @kmomof4 @lassluna @pirateherokillian @teamhook @stahlop @elizabeethan @whimsicallyenchantedrose @resident-of-storybrooke @therooksshiningknight @jennjenn615 @lfh1226-linda @ilovemesomekillianjones @killianswannn @stories-enchanted @eleveneitherway @withheartfulloflove @kday426 @djlbg @kristi555 @laschatzi @xarandomdreamx @wyntereyez @goforlaunchcee @yasbio2015 @tiganasummertree @winterbaby89 @wefoundloveunderthelight @hollyethecurious @let-it-raines @jonesfandomfanatic @searchingwardrobes @oncechicagolove @andiirivera  @gingerchangeling @everything-person @klynn-stormz @qualitycoffeethings @enchanted-swans @ohmakemeahercules @donteattheappleshook @bluewildcatfanatic @the-darkdragonfly @demisexualemmaswan @grimmswan @spartanguard @flslp87 @ultraluckycatnd @thisonesatellite @captainswan21 @zaharadessert @mariakov81 @snowbellewells @kiwistreetswan @batana54 @nadine200179 @probalicious17 @courtorderedcake @julesep3026 @jackieorioncat @whatthehell102082 @jarienn972 @sthonour @linda8084  @pirateprincesslena @daxx04 @winterbythesea @artistic-writer @cocohook38 @captainswan4life85 @molly958 @itsfridaysomewhere @fallingforthecaptain  @onceratheart18 @strangestarlighttree @justanother-unluckysoul @mrs-potato-but-likes-tomato @anothersworld @deckerstarblanche @purplehawkcaptain  @superchocovian @k-leemac @citygirlscowboy @laughterandbooks @sotangledupinit @apiratewhopines @huntressandlioness1 @cosette141  @gingerpolyglot @motherkatereloyshipper @cs-rylie @anmylica @paradiselady19 @pawshapedheart @vampcoffeegyrl23 @elfiola @softkilly

#cs ff #blow me away #a birthday story for Beth #jrob64 #CS modern AU #cs fanfiction #captain swan fan fiction #cs smut and fluff #captain swan fic #ouat captain swan fanfic #glassblower Killian #cake decorator Emma

[sambaridli]

Sometimes impulsive decisions are the best.

As usual again i saw the pirated version of salaar but seeing the theatre videos on Instagram made me want to go to that movie so bad. I asked my frnds to come. It was all good till their parents did not agree. Though i knew the answer was going to be no (we used the same reason that we used for animal the og project reason) i prayed they'd come. Today morning i decided i will go alone without telling my parents. Selected safe theatre but wasn't able to book tickets online. So i decided I'd directly buy at the theatre. So i started early and went to 5 shops to get change as i had go in an auto. After finally getting change i stopped a auto. I was prepared he is going to ask minimum 120 but that anna asked only 70rs. The bookings closed for the theatre i thought was safe. So i was going to some other theatre called jayshyam. I was talking to my frnd abt it and telling idk if I'd get tickets. That auto anna said he'd find out whether the tickets are available at cs (the safe one). He called someone, no one picked the call so he said he'd take me to cs if the tickets are not available then he'd drop me at jayshyam only. We went to cs there were tickets available at diamond class. I thanked that anna. Like bro who does that nowadays😭😭. I really pray he should be happy in life.

While waiting at the theatre i realized i did not get my mask and there high chances someone might recognize me.

Later went in and the movie was a blast though i already watched, seeing that movie on a bigscreen just hits different.

I use to binge watch prithviraj sukumaran movies and this is the first time am seeing him on bigscreen. His voice in telugu was so so good ahh😩. I just cannot get over his character varadha raja mannar. I am hopping to find ffs on wattpad.

But overall this was such a good experience. This solo date was something i really needed. Even while watching movie i was thinking even if my parents get to know its ok because it is all worth it in the end. I'm going to keep this ticket for ever. Ahh what I'd do for movies😭😩.

#cinema #indian cinema #telugu movies #salaar #prabhas #prashanthneel #solo date #movies #tollywood

[rueitae]

Season 2, Episode 8: the Stockholm Syndrome Caper

Liveblog for @csweekly

I’m so normal about this episode.

WE MADE IT TO THE ANGST. My serotonin is on full blast right now. I apologize right off the bat I might be so taken with this episode that I may not pull together all of my thoughts. This is the episode that made me go from “oh this is a fun iteration of CS!” To me sitting up wide eyed and going “the French Connection Caper was not a one off you have my full undivided attention CS 2019”

Since we are on my favorite episode, I want to stop at the title sequence for a moment and point out one of my favorite things I forgot to mention in week 1. It’s so neat that on the title card with the silhouette of Carmen with her voice actor credit, that she literally tips her hat to Player when they show his credits. Bestie moment, and homage to all of the players that came before this one.

Maelstrom is Done 24/7. He just wants to be evil and they have to make such mundane decisions such as MOVING and blowing up their current home 😕 I love how fierce Brunt and Cleo are about staying they are the definition of stubborn in the looks on their faces. Bellum doesn’t care she’s got a state of the art facility in the Himalayas.

Okay but Bellum is right about relocation being invigorating. After a change of scenery I’m always reinvigorated to write fic.

“Only a matter of time before invading forces come rowing to our shore” knowing what Devineaux is about to do makes this so funny.

Look at Julia being assertive at the beginning here! The Fashionista caper really gave her the confidence she needed after what happened at the end of s1. It…stings knowing how quickly it’s about to go down the drain.

Love that Chief’s obsession with catching VILE is her early downfall. Her single mindedness prevents her from patience and seeing the whole picture as Julia suggests. It’s her undoing in the s2 finale.

The way Carmen shows up at the perfect time. And she is NOT pleased.

“Those suits” the way Ivy is so smug about leading ACME on when she literally joins them at the very end. May you and Zack never change.

Okay, so Zack says that this is Carmen’s actual coat? This means that Zack and Ivy have their own haha. And I really love how Ivy responds “little tight in the shoulders, but powerful” please the way Ivy looks up to Carmen literally slays me.

Zack: does a bad imitation of Player info dumping

Player: laughs dryly, rolls his eyes, and then proceeds to do said info dump

Me: this will never get old

Honestly, it’s stated so many times that Player chats with the sibs during capers almost as much as Carmen. If this conversation is any indication, I’d have loved more. Just to hear how they fill the time. Talking about software and hardware updates for red drone maybe? Where are the forbidden video game nights?

“That’s a ton of bridges for trolls to hide under!” The best troll comes in s3.

Also good time to point out that the geography brief in every episode foreshadows future events and dialogue in the episode.

Lol Carmen has the pen. Also! She learns Chief’s name!

I love Julia this entire scene. She’s trying to be SO coy, playing to what she remembers of Carmen, that is a confident and witty thief, with her own wit and lighthearted banter. It’s the first time she’s had an opportunity to speak with Carmen sorta on her own terms with enough information. But Carmen for once isn’t having it because of the nature of this particular caper. It’s like, one of the few times Carmen is not excited about a caper. For good reason considering they’re NUCLEAR LAUNCH CODES. This screams Dr Bellum, though I see Maelstrom enjoying the psychological power play that he could work with, once again coming in clutch for heists that endanger literally everyone on the planet. Go big or go home.

And then Chief spoils everything. Again. And it’s literally right after Julia says trust me. I think she and Devineaux both have bad luck, but in different ways. Neither can catch a break when it comes to Carmen. The difference is that Julia can’t control hers where Chase’s is one of his own making.

The move Carmen pulls off the wall and over the agent and the agent knocks themselves out with their own gas. One of my favorites.

Zari right at the top, coolly giving Carmen a dose. *chefs kiss* revenge for Milan. Zari as an agent character is so cool.

It begins it begins it begins IT BEGINS. Carmen is drowsy and Cornered at the top of the bell tower. The PERSPECTIVE from Carmen, showing how heavy her eyes are, jumping from scene to scene as she takes each desperate step. That’s the kind of imagery writers dream of.

PLAYER’S MUDDLED and INCREASINGLY concerned voice from Carmen’s perspective. She can’t concentrate on anything.

Whump/Angst Tally:

Carmen: 2 (gassed/falling unconscious and chased/“betrayed”)

Player: 1

The way Ivy invites trouble by staying in character is delightful. Do it again.

Moose Boy and Otter Man are such underrated VILE operatives. TASER

Whump/Angst Tally:

Carmen: 2

Player: 1

Ivy: 2 (tased and kidnapped)

MORE ANGRY JULIA. You tell her.

Carmen unconscious in the snow.

THE SCENE

Quite possibly my favorite scene in the whole show.

“But if Carm’s MIA, too, who do I support?”

***Anguished silence***

“Go get your sister, Red knows how to fend for herself in a pickle”

This scene kills me so much. Player speaks with confidence and sureness but that brief silence and anguish on his face tells us all we need to know about his feelings. He lost his best friend for a whole semester while she was Black Sheep having to retake her classes. And now he’s faced with potentially losing her for good. He knows how serious the situation is. He knows she’s probably unconscious in the cold and he’s sitting at home in his room in front of the computer instead of being there physically. He could have told Zack to go after Carmen, but he knows he can’t. Ivy is the most important person in the world to Zack. And of the two, Carmen has the better chance of rescuing herself. He knows what decision he needs to make, but he can be sad about it. He takes the guilt and gives Zack his marching orders quickly and confidently, so that he can’t question Player’s pause or true feelings. Player, who has been ultra protective of Carmen since she left VILE island, is faced with the prospect that he might have failed her.

Whump/Angst Tally:

Carmen: 3

Player: 2

Ivy: 2

Zack: 1

The shot of Carmen banged up and lying in the snow unconscious. Super dangerous. Super amazing shot. The pen is intact but the communicator that was in her ear isn’t. So. Possible head injury/concussion then if she landed head first.

First thing she does is reach out to Player for help. 😭 “it isn’t getting any warmer” disconnected from her friends, cold, injured.

Whump/Angst Tally:

Carmen: 6

Player: 2

Ivy: 2

Zack: 1

This entire scene with Ivy is great. She really comes in clutch despite her situation. She’s cold and tied up and found out exactly what VILE is about to sell. And she is rightfully terrified.

She’s so clever though to figure out exactly how to manipulate Moose Boy and Otter Man both! And tease them! Either these two are fresh from VILE academy or they never hung out in the commons. This scene is simultaneously a comedy and so serious. Otter Man thinks he’s so smart but Ivy has him completely fooled. Where Moose Boy simply takes orders he’s willing to take Ivy at face value. It’s amazing to watch.

Also Ottoman LOL nicely done Ivy. "Sweden's coolest resort” idk Ivy, you kinda SOUND like Carmen. And very quick thinking to ask for the coat! Ivy knows the tools are there she made (assumingly) all of them.

Whump/Angst Tally:

Carmen: 6

Player: 2

Ivy: 4

Zack: 1

Carmen. Almost makes it to the top. : D and falls! :D immaculate. Counting that as two because not only is there the angst of almost making it, she adds to her injuries with the fall.

Whump/Angst Tally:

Carmen: 8

Player: 2

Ivy: 4

Zack: 1

And the geography brief comes in handy. Ivy uses the knowledge that Player gave her to earn rapport with Moose Boy. The great part about Otter Man is that he’s so focused on stopping Moose Boy from spilling the means, that he doesn’t realize that he can use that as his advantage. He’s basically confirming everything right now. But what if he were to give Ivy a lie? Then she’d be wondering which is true. It’s a great VILE character flaw. Otter Man does not see Moose Boy as a partner, just a lackey. They’d be terrifying otherwise.

Carmen realizing her choices are get arrrested or die. “Either way, VILE wins”. Absolutely screaming I love this stuff.

The horror on Ivy’s face when she finds out what the data crystal holds. Excellent dramatic effect.

LOL the chair does NOTHING

Literally ivy through the show:

Ivy: Carmen would do this.

Also Ivy: I am terrified

Also also Ivy: it’s the right thing to do *does the thing*

I love her for it so much.

The cool thing about Ivy’s part here is that she does it all her way. She took notes from Carmen but she ultimately succeeded because she’s herself!

Cool donning the red montage. Immediately slips and falls. Ivy ily

Whump/Angst Tally:

Carmen: 8

Player: 2

Ivy: 5

Zack: 1

Dgfggg the resigned and heartbroken look on Carmen’s face as she activates the pen. And she’s back in character as soon as Chief pops up.

Interesting to note that Chief must have reflected on Julia’s anger, because she is far softer on Carmen here than i expected the first time I watched this episode. Yes she’s professional, but she attempts a half hearted apology, which eventually devolves into genuine worry. Maybe it’s the cynic in me, but I wonder how much of that is caring about Carmen as a young person in trouble, or Chief’s ticket to finally catching VILE.

On Carmen’s side. It is interesting that she doesn’t trust ACME can take on VILE. I wonder how much of that is knowing Roundabout exists and just plain not trusting them to do it right after all the attempts to capture her. And then of course how much of it is Carmen putting it on her shoulders as her personal responsibility. Because it is telling that Carmen gives Chief the NASTIEST look when she points out that it need not be Carmen’s burden alone. She’s not even as angry at being chased that Chief is actually apologizing for.

In any case, Carmen waits until the last possible moment to contact Chief. Not only does it show her stubbornness and how much she values her freedom, but just how aware of her own body she is. She has just enough time to get information from Chief about how close they are to finding her…and then she can’t anymore. As soon as she knows they are coming, she gives out. Carmen plays her intel close, knowing now that’s her bargaining chip to stay alive, even if it’s in prison.

VULNERABILITY. : D in front of a not-ally (yet) Carmen can’t hold on she drops to the snow. And again it’s a bit hard to tell if Chief is legitimately concerned about Carmen or just the intel she has, but staying with her, talking to her, until help arrives most likely saved her life.

Whump/Angst Tally:

Carmen: 10

Ivy: 4

Player: 2

Zack: 1

That bartender is totally watching Ivy fall and not reacting at all like it’s a daily occurrence for guests to do that.

IVY DUBBING THE SALE PLEASE YOU ARE ALREADY PERFECT IVY you DID NOT have to go so hard so EASILY

LOL the lady just scoots away as Ivy crashes into the back of the chair 😂😂😂😂

SHE MISSED. And Carmen would be proud she covers it up.

Ivy has such a keen eye! She finds that data crystal so quickly. I think it’s because she’s used to working on small parts, like Carmen’s gadgets, and also the literal car she built from scratch.

Ivy: I need to summon courage

Ivy: SCREAMS as she does the thing

Moose is so great. The second Otter needs him he stops struggling and is like “okay I’ll just take the infrastructure with me”

“This is not what Carmen would do!” You’re right. It’s not. And for all you know, that’s why the caper succeeded. Because Ivy did it Ivy’s way.

And because Player told Zack to get his sister, he’s right there to pick her up and get away so she isn’t recaptured.

THE SIBLING HUG. One of the greatest scenes ever. Zack’s hopefulness and Ivy’s joy.

Ahhh and Zack is so focused he’s ready to go after Carmen. Look at Ivy’s increasingly horrified face. She had nO idea that Carmen was missing. The GUILT as she’s about to find out is so delicious

Angst/Whump Tally:

Carmen: 10

Player: 2

Ivy: 6

Zack: 1

Fhghcb Carmen’s resigned and peaceful face as the helicopter finds her.😭

And you think the siblings get there just in time but no.

It takes 44 minutes to drive from the airport in the northern end of Stockholm to the forested area to the south with water on both sides. Carmen is probably fortunate she didn’t glide long enough to get to the ocean. So, from picking up Ivy, estimate 45 minutes to get to Carmen. Add in half that time for Zack to get from the city center to north Stockholm. That’s the fastest, not counting traffic. Carmen was unconscious and alone in the cold for perhaps a little over an hour, as the sun is going down. That is PLENTY of time to get severe frostbite not wearing appropriate clothing for the weather, as she does.

Zari please she’s down 😭

Carmen can barely speak let alone put on any defensive airs. She tries to sound angry but she’s clearly not well it doesn’t work. She’s steeling herself to never be happy again. And at this point, it’s very possible Roundabout can pull the strings and get her to VILE. Gets my hurt/comfort loving blood boiling.

And things turn for the better. That’s a lovely last look that Carmen has as she looks Julia’s way. It’s not hateful or angry, it’s very reflective. As if Carmen is realizing ‘okay, Julia was actually trying to help. There is some merit here. I understood why she did what she did. This was not her fault’ after Chief offers to let her go. It’s a far more peaceful look than Carmen had just a bit before.

Ivy wraps Carmen up in her coat and holds her to keep her warm and talk to her I’m emotional here’s the comfort part! She and Zack are so worried for her I’m eating it up.

“What, by who?”

Ivy’s tears and smile as she says “Carmen Sandiego who else”

Carmen does nothing this caper. She successfully leads ACME off of VILE I guess so that Ivy can work but that was NoT the plan. This episode is all character development for Carmen. Slowly opening her eyes that she CAN trust more people. Ivy and Zack (building off of their two parter), Julia, and maybe Chief. And this trend continues in s3 and s4. There are even more civilians of the day, and Carmen leans on their help more than in s1 and s2.

And Ivy is so sweet. She’s letting Carmen know that even if she wasn’t there, her team completed the caper. “What would Carmen do” was Ivy’s single motivation. And it saw her through. Carmen wasn’t on screen at the caper but her presence was felt. That’s my takeaway anyway. It’s building on the ‘anyone can be Carmen Sandiego’ message that the finale comes to.

Whump/Angst Tally:

Carmen: 12

Player: 2

Ivy: 6

Zack: 2

These are completely arbitrary numbers I’d love to see how you all scored it.

And the end with VILE announcing their decision. It’s a good thing they decided to burn the Academy, I don’t think Le Chevre would be comfortable in burning the goat lol. I love the lightning effects though! A good thunderstorm always makes the mood.

Such a good episode. Excited to follow up on the comfort part next episode.

#carmen sandiego #carmen sandiego 2019 #carmen sandiego netflix #cs liveblog #csweekly #cs weekly #carmen sandiego weekly

[livetogether--diealone]

While carlos did a great job this weekend we can't deni how lucky he was as well, because multiple drivers have been strong this season in different weekends, Alonso, Charles, Lando, Lewis... but with red bull in their top game a win was impossible for them

Carlos in like 14 races this season was nowhere to be seen. He finally got two weekends where he's strong and in the second one he got the luck of redbull flopping.

It's not like he beated the red bull or anything, its not like he did something the others couldn't.

Everyone is acting now like he's being on fire the whole season and charles was flopping, but despite the bad beginning charles was stronger in the first half. I remember right before the break, those f1 journalists were making their top ten drivers for the first half and charles was in all of them while carlos was in only one

But anyway that's recent bias

Using this to respond to the other anon: thanks I saw the video. :/

No but this! Look all the props to CS for the win, it was his but it was a lucky win in a lucky race for everyone, like Monza 21, Hungary 21 kinda want to say Baku 21 (because the main championship contenders were out), everything was up to grab for any team and he did it, good for him but don't be fooled by the narrative here, he did nothing extraordinary, he bested cars that as Ferrari stands now were at the same level as him, nothing more, he did the bare minimum for a win, with massive help in the first stint by his teammate, as it should

It's recent bias, as is recent as this year-ish because I don't know about outside of sky italy commentary but to me it was clear we would have ended up here, the little jabs, the praises for the other, the non-exsting praise for what Charles was doing in the beginning, the hints were there

#ask time #sorry for the spam to moots/people following i'm stuck in uni with no class #charles #drivers discourse

[hotarutranslations]

Tonight, #Mo-Jo, Tomorrow #NamaTake

Evening

Tomorrow, the 24th (Sun) 12:00PM~

"HinaFest 2024" Before Special ~NamaTake Member Great Gathering 2 Hour SP~

Is Airing📺💫

Please definitellyyyyy watch! Since it made me laugh a lot!

To those that are like, its difficult~ I don't have time~ I think I've done my best to make it something you'll want to watch! Since I laughed a ton!

By all means!

Please watch!

Together with Dojima-san, I'm happy they were in the announcement comment😂 lol

🕊️←definitely look

Osaka performance first day!

Thank you very much!

I won't say anything but, With the evening performance,

Round and round 🌀stab☝️ stab ☝️(TL note: I am not sure if this is correct lol)

it was fun, and funny~~~

There are various things to enjoy in a performance🏅

Today in the afternoon, One one side, there was the momentum of lets go lets go--, I could get the reaction I wanted from the big answer, I completely messed up 😎lol

First off for tomorrow as well, It'll be a performance on like it in Osaka!

Lets look forward---!

I actually thought I already wrote a blog!

Again, thank you!

Also, in yesterdays blog,

I had writen "a different path" but,

With a different path, I'm talking about a different path in Morning Musume, Not an entirely different path!

I tlak about it in the Tokyo Sports interview but,

here

I was only thinking of this so😂💫

I was only thinking of writing this earlier!

Tonight is, Morning Musume '24's Morning Jogakuin ~Houkago Meeting~

Is airing

Ishida, Makino Maria, and Sakurai Rio are in attendance

🩵🎫e+ 🩵🎫TicketPia

Also the finale has been decided

May 27th (Mon) Nippon Budoukan .🌏👏🏻

The Ticket FC Advance Reception is undergoing! I'm looking forward to being able to meet!

📺Hello Pro Dance Gakuen Season 11

April 18th 11:30PM~ A Learning From TSUKUSHI-san Adventure🕺

In season 10 we challenged breakin', its reairing continuously! On the 15th, 17th, 19th, 20th, 21st, 22nd, #1~#6 all at once! Check out HP for info!

Sendai Broadcast "Ara Ara Kashiko" Every week (Sat) 10:25AM~ Ishida Ayumi Goes~!

I appear once a month as part of the AraKashi Family

The previous shows, and makings, are on OX VIDEO STORE!

Also on YouTube

Sendai Broadcast Ara Ara Kashiko

📺"HinaFest 2024" Before Special ~NamaTake Member Great Gathering 2 Hour SP~

CS TV Asa Channel March 24th (Sun) 12:00PM~

Thank you for following.. Instagram💙🩵

✍🏻Tokyo Sports note Series I'll tell you more about the 13 in Morning Musume '24

Announcement of Series Graduation in March

🪩Spring Tour Has Been Decided Morning Musume '24 Concert Tour Spring MOTTO MORNING MUSUME

We'll be going around the country from March 16th!

🪩HinaFest March 30th and 31st at Makuhari Messe

🪩JAPAN JAM Morning Musume '24 will be performing on May 3rd!

⚾️《LIVE DAYS！～Exciting Big Exhibition Match～》 June 2nd(Sun), after the Hokkaido Ham Fighters vs. Yokohama DeNa Baystars match, Morning Musume '24 will be having a special mini live!

.👗👠 Aoyama Clothing x Morning Musume '24

📻Morning Musume '24 Morning Jogakuin ~Houkago Meeting~

Airs Every Saturday, On Radio Nihon at 12:00AM~

Past Broadcast Episodes Are Available →Program Details

Yamazaki Mei's Panda-san Daisuki!! ~Expressing Love Towards My Favorite Panda-san♡ ver.~ in Adventure World

Yamazaki Mei's Panda-san Daisuki!! Mei-chan's Holiday. Adventure World with Oda-san and Ishida-san

see you ayumin <3

#Ishida Ayumi #Morning Musume '24 #Morning Musume #Takeuchi Akari #Hashisako Rin #Kishimoto Yumeno #Hello! Project #Translation #Blog

[kmp78]

I just watched the videos of CS for SL’s birthday and I wanna say…I won’t try to seduce him. He’s shining and I’m happy he finally found people who truly care about him. Even his mother is present. I don’t want to ruin his happiness. I’ll just get my picture and wish him all the best

Maybe we can finally close this topic then. 😂

[edugyanorg]

Get CA Final FR (Financial Reporting) regular and fastrack course by CA Suraj Lakhotia on Edugyan

#icai #edugyan #ca

[writingmochi]

(with my own reviews in parentheses)

I posted 133 times in 2022

That's 105 more posts than 2021! (that's why i didn't post my 2021 ver)

62 posts created (47%)

71 posts reblogged (53%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@/writingmochi (ofc)

@/sozosnipes (mutual uwu)

@/luhv4won (we banter on their review of my work)

@/s-9in (we banter on their review of my work pt. 2)

I tagged 132 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#ignore the ramble - 24 posts (yes i ramble a lot)

#rsc: time wave - 23 posts (might be more when i finish the soobin spin-off)

#sc: regina - 18 posts (it's probably 21+ if combined with the ones i posted in 2021)

#research update by the moon - 17 posts (yes i update stuff)

#milestone of the moon - 14 posts (so many milestone yas)

#txt scenarios - 14 posts (sorry to the engenes that follow me x5)

#txt imagines - 14 posts

#cs: txt - 14 posts

#txt x reader - 14 posts

#txt fluff - 13 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#we do love feedback :d even though i myself do appreciate likes as well meaning that you've read/you are interested in reading our works (so true bestie)

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5 (the comeback after two months, huh?)

chapter v. blue period

cast: grunge kid!yeonjun ✗ art student/painter!fem.reader

synopsis: you’re an out-of-place art student living in your childhood hometown, pursuing your dream of becoming a painter. one day, you were given a mysterious responsibility as you try to not get your childhood best friend killed

genre: coming of age, college/university au, childhood best friend au, supernatural au, angst, fluff, mature content (sensitive topics and explicit smut)

based on: video game life is strange (2013)

word count: 8605

taglist? closed

warning(s): suggestive (a direct continuation of the last episode), nudity, attempted suicide (this is a safe place carrd for awareness and resources, you can reach out to me by anon if you need someone to talk to), blood, mention of bullying, implicit mention of mental breakdown, implicit mention of self-harm (if i forgot some, let me know)

message from the moon: remember that this story is fiction. do be careful and read the warnings at the top as both the chapter and the series as a whole will contain serious and sensitive topics.

thank you for waiting for two months for this chapter. not gonna lie, this is the hardest chapter to write because of the subject matter + gaining the time and right head space to write them down as i want it to focus on the characters and what they’ve gone through to reach there instead of the actions they do. nonetheless, i hope you will like it and if the subject matter is too hard for you, you don’t have to read it…

masterlist

See the full post

91 notes - Posted April 27, 2022

#4 (new episodes coming soon asdfghjkl)

“smirch” episode 1: heeseung

cast: student council president & bad boy!heeseung ✗ friend’s sister!fem.reader

synopsis: lee heeseung was given the responsibility of being the student council president of decelis high. yet, he’s living a double life, being the resident “bad boy” outside of his academic career. well, he can balance them out with the help of a few people with very diverse characters he proudly calls his friends. one day, he found another person joining the group. you, his friend’s younger sister

genre: teen drama, coming of age, slice of life, high school au, fluff, comedy, angst, mature content (drugs, suggestive themes, mental health)

based on: tv shows skins uk; specifically gen 1 banner intro video inspired by series 1′s opening (2007-2013) and skam norway (2015-2017)

word count: 25701 (25.7k)

warning(s):��mc has sleep deprivation, mention of parental infidelity, mention of nudity, mention of drugs and consumption of drugs (cigarette and marijuana) (if i forgot some, let me know)

message from the moon: remember that this story is fiction. do be careful and read the warnings at the top as both the chapter and the series as a whole will contain serious and sensitive topics.

hi! i’m so excited to finally be releasing this lmao and i want to say sorry for the delay cause i accidentally delete one part of the story that is final so i had to take more time to rewrite/re-edit that part as good as i can. but hey it’s finally here and very ambitious project indeed. i’ve also opened an ask my character/behind the writing content for this series that you can check out right here. enjoy the messiness!

masterlist

you've always heard the phrase 'the night is young', but surely it goes older as time passes.

colours of blue, pink, and gold embrace the dawn sky as you stroll on the pavement of your neighbourhood from your nightly rendezvous with your friends, feeling all the energy softens in your body after experiencing a whole different part of the universe from your usual teenage life, shedding all the troubles away for a night of fun and freedom. but all of them must end when the hint of the sun peeks from the east.

wrapping your hands around yourself in your thin-layered clothes as you step past the other houses to your home, the make-up on your face smudged from the greasy foods and beverages you consume, your eye-lined eyes smeared and messier than when you put them on the previous night. spring's cold weather greets you with a sudden blow of wind as you cowered for the warmth of your body heat. when you see the silhouette of your destination with the sun peeking behind it, you pick your phone up from your pocket, pressing a speed dial to the only boy you can put your trust in.

See the full post

93 notes - Posted April 8, 2022

#3 (makes sense cuz the tension between them ughhhh)

chapter iv. twin flames

cast: grunge kid!yeonjun ✗ art student/painter!fem.reader

synopsis: you’re an out-of-place art student living in your childhood hometown, pursuing your dream of becoming a painter. one day, you were given a mysterious responsibility as you try to not get your childhood best friend killed

genre: coming of age, college/university au, childhood best friend au, supernatural au, angst, fluff, mature content (sensitive topics and explicit smut)

based on: video game life is strange (2013)

word count: 7801

taglist? closed

warning(s): mention of drugs (marijuana), alcohol consumption, explicit sex, unprotected sex (be safe!), handjob (m & f receive), oral job (m & f receive), cockwarming (if i forgot some, let me know)

message from the moon: remember that this story is fiction. do be careful and read the warnings at the top as both the chapter and the series as a whole will contain serious and sensitive topics.

probably one of the anticipated chapters of the series (cause it’s getting towards the steamier part). on a serious note, thank you so much for the love and a reminder that you can interact with the characters through beyond the wave! enjoy!!!

masterlist

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98 notes - Posted February 20, 2022

#2 (the collaboration moa and/or engene never expected)

“what do you think we are?” “me, you, us, all of us. we are stains to society.”

cast: txt and enhypen 01, 02, & 03 members ✗ fem.reader (featuring many other idols)

synopsis: ahh… teenage… people said that those times are the golden years of life. yet here you guys are, being the dirt that smeared it instead

genre: teen drama, coming of age, slice of life, high school au, fluff, comedy, angst, mature content (drugs, suggestive themes, mental health)

based on: tv shows skins uk; specifically gen 1 (2007-2013) and skam norway (2015-2017)

status: episode 1 out now! on an indefinite hiatus

message from the moon: this is fiction and all of the characters in this series are of age. yet, since it is set in a high school setting, there will be no explicit smut, only implications and suggestive contents. can be read as a standalone but all characters will show up starting from episode 1. so, if you’re a sucker for character arcs, i suggest reading from the beginning (just like a tv show) *thumbs up*

taglist? right here

See the full post

104 notes - Posted March 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022 (well freaking deserved *clap* *clap* and still one of my favorite things to write)

cast: jay ✗ fem.reader (ft. enhypen’s 02 line, billlie's sheon (kim suyeon), and other idols)

synopsis: crossroads have always been a part of your life. every zebra crossing you pass, every train interchange you go through, every hallway you walk in on your way to class, every eye you encounter with or without greeting. no one seems to dare to cross your tangled crossroads unless you cross it to meet them on the other side. that is until jay—a candidate for the student council president—has crossed one path with one single chocolate

genre: coming of age, bildungsroman, melodrama, slow burn, slice of life, realistic fiction, romance, high school au, fluff, angst

word count: 39366 (39.3k)

warning(s): self-inflicted harm, blood, explicit description of drowning, mention of bullying, mention of death by suicide

message from the moon: this story is fiction and will also have dialogues in different languages, translation of the dialogue will be put at the bottom of the fic and have numbers at the top to easily refer to. i'm sorry in advance if i got the translations wrong cause i'm still a beginner in the other languages and thanks for the translator app for helping *thumbs up* ! (y/f/n) = your full name. jay and jongseong will be used interchangeably. also, first time writing a (mostly) silent (but active) protagonist yey!

first thing first, welcome back to my blog after my one month+ break! this was supposed to be for jjongssaeng's birthday special one-shot but for reasons stated on my post about myself taking a break, i moved it back to june :] secondly, i wanna thank @orpheyeux cause i got to be introduced to the genre of melodrama (boost to 14 steps and welcome) through her writings or just more genres other than the usual fluff and angst umbrella. thank you for reading and i hope you enjoy it!

if this fic has a soundtrack album, it will be this playlist !

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299 notes - Posted June 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #games with the moon #inch resting...

[lananiscorner]

I was wondering which order you first played each route in 3H. Fans often get very defensive when people accuse them of stupid "first route bias" and for good reason. I think the bias exists for everyone but good, well written routes stand on their own regardless of first route bias. But what order did you play the 4 routes in 3H? And do you feel it influenced your bias slightly depending on that order? Do you think it's ever possible to not have first route bias for 3H as a game format? Thanks!

Thanks for your ask, anon!

I do think it's possible to be MOSTLY free of first route bias, because I saw it in action with @fireemblems24, who played all four routes simultaneously (switching routes after each in-game week). It was highly amusing and enlightening, reading their analysis of different versions of the same scene and the different routes. I think that's about as unbiased as you can get.

My first route was Azure Moon, because Dimitri is literally what got me into the game (I saw some fanart of him, asked a co-worker who's into FE about him, and when she described him to me, I went "omg, that's exactly the kind of character I love--I need to play this"). Needless to say, I enjoyed Azure Moon a lot. It IS my favorite route, and while I'm sure some of that is just first route bias, I feel it is also objectively the best written, narratively consistent route--the only one where it feels like a war really happened, where almost every plot thread that is being planted has at least somewhat of a satisfying payoff. The Blue Lions are also the only house where I genuinely like every character.

My second was Verdant Wind, which wasn't bad, but it has many issues, the least of which being that it underutilizes Claude, featured a house where I considered half the characters ok at best, and decided to put the best part into two lore dumps at the end of the route. The final boss came out of nowhere. This route has a lot of setup for very little payoff (e.g. the Deer never learn of Claude's origins). I was very underwhelmed, overall.

The third was Crimson Flower. I had been looking forward to playing a villain route, because honestly, anyone who declares war on another country unprovoked and works with people who kidnap young girls for blood experiments is a villain, motives be damned (as the meme goes: cool motive, still murder). And I can enjoy a well-written villain. Cersei was one of my top 6 characters in Game of Thrones, after all. Unfortunately, Crimson Flower has more tonal dissonance than "Barbie" by Aqua playing over a death metal video and is deathly allergic of letting anyone on the protagonist's side suffer serious consequences for their actions, so I was left underwhelmed and feeling like I needed a shower.

Finally, I played Silver Snow, which mostly felt like a copy of Verdant Wind (I know it's actually the other way around), up to and including a boss fight that came out of nowhere. The reveal of Byleth's origin also did nothing for me, because one chapter and a half into Azure Moon I had started and finished Cindered Shadows, so I would have access to the Ashen Wolves (which hilariously means that CS was actually my first completed route and lead to fun things like me not knowing that battalions can be depleted and divine pulse is a thing until like.... 4 maps in). Like Verdant Wind, this route had great potential, but squandered it by leaving Rhea unplayable and refusing to actually let Byleth interact in any meaningful way with all the mysteries. I like the Eagles more than the Deer though, so at least it was enjoyable on that front. I had also started experimenting with challenge runs (in this case, a full recruitment Holy Knight Byleth solo), so at least it was fun gameplay-wise. I ended up liking it juuuuuuuust a little bit more than VW.

#Fire Emblem: Three Houses #FE3H #first route bias

[crypticsalutations]

Hello my lovelies 🥀

Today we are honored to bring you Part 3 of this special Cryptic Salutations exclusive!

Continuing our talk with Jonathan Lemon of Jesus Couldn't Drum, in this section we delve into his later career as a cartoonist, what it's like working solitary vs working in a group environment, inspirations, and unauthorized Best Of's! We hope you thoroughly enjoy it! 🔥

Track: Jesus Couldn't Drum's Frosty Stay tuned for the final part, coming August 15!

Cryptic Salutations: I’ve done a bit of research and have seen your illustrations and cartoons. Very unique! Was there a turning point where you made a transition toward more comic-oriented art, or have you ever combined your cartoons with music?

Jonathan Lemon: I’ve always been obsessed with comics and cartoons, although not the superhero kind.  And in art college I did an undergrad degree where you had to pick a performing art to go with your visual stuff, so I obviously did music and ended up with a lot of video stuff and animation. And now it’s my job to draw cartoons every day.  Apart from the brutal deadlines it’s pretty fun..

CS: Do you find that you work best in solitary environments, or when you have other minds convening to bounce ideas around with?

JL: If you can find the right person, it definitely helps to have a sounding board, but since I mostly hate most everyone (including myself) I am usually quite happy on my own. I don’t know if that’s typical for most people. With Pengwyn, we would work independently and then share what we’d done and make suggestions. I like to be able to make mistakes in private first. It’s an interesting experiment to share your idea with a group and see what happens but you have to allow for a certain amount of “letting go”. I think that’s what’s good about drawing a comic strip.  You can control an entire world on your own and since I subscribe to the notion that we live in a chaotic, random, cruel universe, it’s my way of staying sane.

CS: At the time of the earliest Jesus Couldn’t Drum recordings, what or who were your greatest inspirations? Musicians? Movies? Even just your everyday environments?

JL: Remember that 1981 was long before you had wide access to free media.  What we did was a sort of backlash to the big outpouring of slick branded “commercial” New Wave pop that was coming out like A-ha and Heaven 17, etc.  …. synthesizer bands in expensive suits. Guitar-based “rock” had mostly taken a back seat for a while. So we were always on the lookout for anything weird and experimental that we found on the racks of the Record & Tape Exchange in Camden where we’d go every Sunday.  Definitely The Residents because they had those great covers and the music was so deconstructed from what music should be and they had that essential vein of humor to show they weren’t taking themselves too seriously, and they branded themselves as such a brilliant anti-commercial concept. We had our minds blown when Pengwyn discovered “The Fish Needs a Bike” single by Blurt.  That would still be one of my Desert Island Discs. The early Fad Gadget stuff (which was apparently recorded in a wardrobe) was refreshing, anything on Cherry Red (especially the Pillows and Prayers album), 4AD, Mute, The The, The “A Factory Quartet” album, etc. Psychic TV, Foetus, Cabaret Voltaire, Renaldo and the Loaf, and The Deep Freeze Mice (who I later joined with when they became The Chrysanthemums).  I remember Pengwyn liked Julian Cope, Orange Juice, The Rutles, The Higsons, and the Monochrome Set and he was a lot more open minded than me and got to listen to more stuff since he worked in the music store. The Bonzo Dog Band was a huge eye-opener. Both Pengwyn and I had a mutual love of comedy albums such as Monty Python, Spike Milligan, The Young Ones, and older stuff like Spike Jones. We both hated U2 though and all those moody bands that sounded like Joy Division. I secretly liked them but I hated that everyone else liked them. We both listened to the John Peel radio show with tape recorders at the ready. The first time we saw the “Fish Heads” video by Barnes and Barnes was an incredible awakening. Oddly enough we got contacted by some guy in the US who was raving about us and we had no idea who he was but it was Dr Demento! There was a lot of older stuff too that is almost too embarrassing to mention like the first Pink Floyd album, and Syd Barrett, Faust, early Kraftwerk maybe. As far as movies… well this was long before you could just stream any movies you wanted, so just interesting stuff we caught on TV.  Lots of old Cary Grant movies, all those cool sixties spy movies, and French New Wave (mostly for the nudity). 

CS: Correct me if I’m wrong, but it looks like none of the tracks have been touched since the 2001 ‘Best of Jesus Couldn’t Drum’ compilation. Have you ever thought about remastering and rereleasing any of them, perhaps on vinyl for collectors?

JL: Actually, the “Best of JCD” CD wasn’t authorized by the band.  I first came across it while browsing the racks at Amoeba Records in Berkeley.  I had no idea it existed, so that was a surprise.  Lost Moment sold the back catalog to Cherry Red a few years ago so they might look into doing something with it, but part of me hopes not.  I do stumble across remixes and mashups sometimes.  For example someone in Japan made a brilliant version of “Beetlebum” recently with a kid singing over it for a Raman commercial.  And a few of our songs got used for jingles and we still get royalties for them.

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[sldindore]

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[nasturtiumsforbreakfast]

tonight's nonsense thoughts about uhhhh sexuality n stuff idk

like. idk where to start. hm.

okay so like um

i have it tumbling round in my head a lot

i thought i was aro ace for so long, right? because the idea of idk being that vulnerable or whatever makes me go :/ in a big way, i'm not socially good at all and what's that quote from someone i can't remember like "I don't want nobody in my house", y'know? I really don't lmao. and i'm absolutely certain i have no desire to be part of a a pair 'so-and-so and Eddie' or 'Eddie and so-and-so' makes me shrink with with no no i am my own i'm not yours i will never be anyone else's but mine i don't want you to ask that of me and i don't want others to assume that of me ever ever

uh

okay deep breath

so i sorta settled on aro bi, the last few years, cs y'know i do have a libido and i do want to uhhhh do stuff, i just haven't had the opportunity? but the interest i've had has been romantic in nature and and uh no no thank you but no absolutely not

the one and only time i said yes to going out with someone (an ace friend) i got home and then didn't leave my bedroom for two days from like panic stress whatever, until i finally messaged them like i'm really sorry but i don't i can't

tho that was. maybe a situation. we went for lunch, they asked me, i said yes, was already like fuck what have i said oh no by the time we left the lunch place, and then we went back to theirs and held hands while they introduced me to their discord polycule (??? so many people)

i used discord for that one afternoon and have never touched it since.

so maybe that was a lot. y'know.

but also i don't really think that i'm built for relationships - to have one person, or several, take up so much time and effort, y'know? like maybe sometimes it'd be nice to go places and do things with someone, but it's a lot simpler to go places and do things on my own, and i wouldn't want any more than that, if i even do want that, because i so much need my own space more than anything - do. does anyone get what i mean? or?

the sexual side of things is. similarly um. idk.

the one and only experience i've uhhhh had was at 16 yo (almost 12 years ago) - drunk at a party, kissed my best friend on a dare, then spent the night snogging on a sofa, basically, and then i moved country the next month, and he came out to me as a trans guy - and because i was 16, with no knowledge of anything, i basically said, you do you, or whatever - over fb messenger! how old-fashioned - and it took me another 3 years to realise i was trans myself, never mind what kind (i've settled on the rather broad category of 'transmasc', and like the idea of 'butch agender', idk)

i liked the kissing, very much, with who i thought at the time was a girl

the only in-person 'experiences' i've had with cis men have been age maybe-14, a boy from my school bus groped my chest as he left (we were the last two to be dropped home), something i've never said or wrote anywhere but here but i don't think affected me much at the time - it was non-consensual, a shock, but i don't remember having any reaction beyond "why would you do that???? >:( " and ignoring him for a week or so - and age roughly-21, a guy from my work asked me to dinner and i didn't know it was a date until he walked me to the train station and kissed my cheek, whereupon i very carefully avoided a panic attack until i got home, and, again, didn't leave my bedroom for 2 days with stress over what on earth gave him the impression what had i done and how do i avoid and and and

i've done. a lot more crazy shit on this blog, but then i spose it being online rather than irl,,, helps? is that a help, when it is. not sensible.

not a sensible level of engagement at all, i don't think - don't send videos of yourself sucking off a dildo to people you don't even know the names of, folks. seriously, what the fuck was i thinking?

i was thinking it was hot, the idea that someone might like me that way, and that i might never do it in person so i may as well online, and lbr dealing with 2 of my grandparents (1 on each side of my family) dying in the same month, which. was not fun.

i deleted all of the photos i'd posted here, last month - i had fun taking them and posting them, really i did, but it didn't come from a,, good mental space? so.

it's easier to distract yourself with nominally fun things than it is to deal with the truly fucking depressing current-rest-of-your-life, it turns out

I'm in a better place now than I was last summer tho, I hope you're glad to read, even if you no longer get to see my tits.

anyway, with all of that background,

today's nonsense is. hm.

like, do i like men? or i mean. am i really bi?

like, masculine people - men, women, gnc/nb people - they get my heart going, y'know?

i know i like kissing - consensual, not-a-shock, kissing - but that was with i-thought-not-a-guy, and over a decade ago

do preferences change, like tastebuds do?

i like the idea of of lots of things, but who's to say i like the reality

and i have no one in my life i want to do anything with, besides trusting someone enough to actually do anything, and also potentially having a panic attack as a result

y'know how it goes. or i'm some autistic freak. or both.

are. are cis men as awful in person as they seem to be online?

like, the ones i've spoken to have been. okay, broadly. but also i don't think i should have to tell you twice that i don't want anything inside me, and that i don't want you to use that word to refer to me, and if i have to remind you even over messaging, what on earth are you like in person? and that messaging me gifs of your hard cock with no prelim whatsoever is not. not the way to go about stuff. or at least it's not with me.

two different guys btw - i only messaged the dense one one night, and the other one started okay, with actual conversations in between idk do you call it phone sex when it's over text? and sending pictures? there's a word for that, idk. and then devolved into me avoiding this blog some, because i'd post a couple silly memes of a morning, he'd see i'm online and send me a a gif of his cock, like that's normal and warranted and asked-for, which it might've been, sometimes - with a convo before hand, where some consent is given, y'know - but he gave me no opportunity to actually refuse. tho i ought've gone 'wtf are you doing', i'm not the best at social stuff (it's the autism). so i'd just :/ close the app and get up an hour early feeling mildly ill, and not reply at all. and then the next day, or the next week, same thing.

I blocked him this morning, tho i should've sooner probably

anyway, oh i forgot what i was going to say next

never mind

big sigh

it seems to me, generally, that. hm. how do i phrase this.

men (cis and trans) uhh turn me on far more than women do, tho there is something there for women - but also uh idk

i seem to have this odd contradictory thing, where i might fancy a stranger, or have a crush on a friend occasionally - but when

in person, anyway - online the uh the disconnect helps, where i can go oh well nothing matters i'm never going to actually meet this person or whatever - maybe it's that

but uh when someone else says to me, generally, in person, y'know, even someone i did have a hypothetical crush on, tho that hasn't happened in years, y'know, that anyone's said anything to me - when someone says to me or makes it clear they like me, i seem to go, oh. you do? why? don't do that. actually i don't want that. this is making me go :/ now, sorry, bye

which is ridiculous, really it is, because an hour earlier i might've quite happily been imagining giving them head - but the moment anything's reciprocated? nah, gone.

is it that hypotheticals are safer, and realities are scary? is it that i've always got it ticking away in my head that people only see me as a woman, and therefore if they fancy me then it is coming from that place?

i haven't really ever had much interest, beyond the above (and a couple good tumblr mutuals, i only said about the :/ ones above), so i'm not sure if that is as true now as it was ~3 years ago

so somewhere in that essay (it really is, almost 1600 words apparently) is the conundrum, tho i think not the answer.

i don't know, i'm gonna try and stop thinking too hard for a little while.

[rishikakhanna77]

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[hotarutranslations]

stuffin

Evening

I went and saw Kudou Haruka-chan's live🪽

She really did her best! Thanks for your hard work--!

The fans watching over her were kind, When asked who was meeting Duu for the first time, We were happy when there were people raising their hands,

There were also wonderful things to see☺️🫶🏻

With the band in the background, bathed in the lights, the sight of her singing alone,

Maybe its because I've seen here a ton as an actress,

It looked like a scene from a work! It was cool!

(asking if it was fun)

(My hair is too long and I ended up tying it in a bun, don't worry about its awkward look, ok)

With various meanings, the MC was interesting🧐🧐

This Duu, isn't good at MC's lol

Maa and I thought about what to say for the second show🧐🧐 lol

But including everything, this is a stage the current Duu has made, and she sent straight out to us

She did her best, right---🌏🪽

Her drama is starting in April, lets watch it everyone, definitely👱🏼‍♀️🤟🏾💖

95

Today I,

Updated Tokyo Sports note Series✍🏻 I'll tell you more about the 13 in Morning Musume '24

Special Interview✍🏻 "I want to develop my influence" "Doing my best without change isn't enough" Ishida Ayumi's Steady Ambitions 【Tokyo Sports Editor/More Than 5000 Characters!】

These 2 have updated!!!

In the series I wrote about everyone and, I talked about my own changes in the interview

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Also the finale has been decided

May 27th (Mon) Nippon Budoukan .🌏👏🏻

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I appear once a month as part of the AraKashi Family

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Also on YouTube

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Thank you for following.. Instagram💙🩵

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Thank you for waiting for the Blu-ray&DVD! Its finally releasing--!

Its already nostalgic but, It has an amazing medley, really Please enjoy it many times

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Ishida AyumixOda SakuraxNonaka Miki📸 Fukumura MizukixIshida AyumixOda Sakura📸

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⚾️《LIVE DAYS！～Exciting Big Exhibition Match～》 June 2nd(Sun), after the Hokkaido Ham Fighters vs. Yokohama DeNa Baystars match, Morning Musume '24 will be having a special mini live!

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