#but GOD i wish i could so so badly :(((

[oars]

#i feel like tge fact im apprehensive about posting this is kinda proving my point #the way everyone talks about both weight gain and weight loss is just horrendous #like idek if i could fit all i wanna say in here especially while im at work but #i so badly wish people could be normal about weight gain and talking about it #its like if youre not in some constant state of wanting to lose weight people want to kill you #god forbid you want to put on weight to feel more comfortable in your body outside of muscles and a butt #fatphobia is a given thats a whole other few paragraphs #im grateful i have mutuals and friends who are normal but ill have or hear these convos and go #ok i feel sick. why do i feel this way why do you feel that way. #anyways i think fatphobia is one of the worst things to ever happen

[roomy-ghosted]

hey, don't cry, blood in the bayou video game okay?

[read tags for actual info]

#technically not real; it's a mod for a different game called 'World of Horror' a friend and I are working on for ourselves. #so note: the only art that's really mine is the rand art and the bugged person on the last picture. The rest is the game's framework. #but i am very very obsessed with my silly rand sprites #as well as the bug event i coded; aough #jrwi bitb #bitb #blood in the bayou #just roll with it #timothy rand #jrwi rand #jrwi blood in the bayou #And yeah! I like them a lot- Playing as Rand with Eternal web is SO much as its the closest thing you can get to the bugs #i know my friend's making a mystery based around becky or an event around her; i REALLY wanna make a full mystery set for bitb #like the full 5; maybe some more #then i can LITERALLY play through galloway. #it'd be hype. #i so badly wish you could make custom gods and items though #and the home screen #id replace the plant with a bong for rand #I also REALLY wanna code milo and bizly into it

[southern--downpour]

having upsetting thoughts about the “live” ending

#what would he think? would he think the audience just wants to see him suffer for as long as he's entertaining? #how do you feel being dragged away knowing you're going to loose every memory you've ever had after just getting them all back? #how do you come to terms with the fact that you *begged* to die and they refused you? #do you think h'ed fight back? or just accept his fate silently and let himself be dragged away by showfall's drones? #sorry genloss is giving me such severe brainrot #it hurts me so good #honest to god want to write stuff for this and i am not a writer #shut up virgil #genloss #like you know if chat picked live it'd be because we couldnt stand to kill him/had *some* kind of hope he could escape eventually #but he wouldnt know that #he'd just think that however many people (hundreds? thousands? he doesnt know) wanted him to suffer #i so fucking wish gl!ranboo could know just how badly chat wanted to find a way to save him #GENUINELY almost tied the poll 50/50 to find any other option than kill him or have him suffer #uwahhhhhhhh

[galaxythreads]

i know - i know - that querying involves a lot of rejections, and by god have I got them, but I got a rejection from an agent I really thought would like my og book and i feel really, really, really discouraged right now. :/

#me as person #i'm ready to throw hands with the stupid series and scream at god and burn everything #or just curl up into a very small ball and cry #i don't know i guess there's just... #querying is in of itself exhausting i wasn't expecting it to BE this exhausting #and I am trying really really hard to keep the agents perspective because I know that they have so so so so many requests #and they can only take the ones that they get brain rot for #and i get that #i do #but it's just #discouraging #to put your hopes out there and then it to end badly over and over #i don't know i rewrote chapter 1 (again) i've rewritten my query 3 times and i just kind a wish i knew what was Not Working #so i could fix that #because i think the book is good??? i just need to lure someone into the pages #i guess. i don't know. i just.

[kikizoshi]

Seeing how many eyes Ludwig has in his beastly form, I really like the headcanon that he was one of the few Hunters who reached a high insight without going insane. Like, on top of trying not to be overtaken by the cursed blood, he also at some point began to see things which shouldn't exist, horrible creatures that would shatter any sane mind.

And yet, through all of this, he clung to his tiny ray of light, stayed strong for his fellow Hunters, fighting alongside them for the sake of his people. Of course, we all know how his story eventually ended, but I find it lovely that even in his final moments, Ludwig remembered fellow Hunters, and hoped their fates to be far kinder than his.

#I also wonder what his 'ray of light' was #the way he talked about it sounded like he eventually learned what it was #'I didn't want to know what it was. Really I didn't.' (proceeds to make the most wretched pained sounds imaginable) #but Ludwig wouldn't let himself succumb until the very end. until all that could be lost was long gone #I wonder if that truth is what makes Hunters go mad in the first place #perhaps the way he learned what it was also had something to do with the insight he gained? #he does refer to moonlight at the end but idk if he could've seen the Moon Presence or not #...one day I'll finish The Paleblood Hunt #... #this is all based on nothing btw #just musings on a fantastic game #(God I wish they'd port it to PC already) #(I want to play it for myself so badly) #bloodborne #ludwig the holy blade #bloodborne ludwig #bloodborne theory #ludwig the accursed

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

.

#God help me #i just. i want to kill myself so badly right now #i wish i had <redacted> within reach bc i swear i COULD without my brother noticing bc he's facing away from me #tw suicide #i don't even know why it's so suden rn but it was just like WHAM went from relatively controllable thoughts that were just There to I WANT #TO AND I WANT TO SO BAD

[brunchbitch]

In therapy today, I was talking about how some foods have such an association from my childhood as being *bad* foods and it’s so incredibly frustrating. Specific food mentions and associated negative stigmas under the cut.

For example, I LOVE microwave popcorn. It was one of my favorite after school snacks, but obviously the smell lingers. My parents would get home, smell it, and say “again? Really? Popcorn isn’t good for you. Can’t you just have cut up fruit instead?” Now almost every time I make it and smell it, I’m reminded of that judgment my parents put on it.

Another one was one time when I was a teen and my ED was already “out”, I begged my mom to order dominos for dinner bc she wasn’t sure what to make. I ate too much, and purged. I admitted it to her the next day. She asked “was it the dominos?” in a condescending tone and I just internally rolled my eyes. Like cool now we’re never gonna eat dominos again. I mentioned both of these to L and we both rolled our eyes so hard and laughed. Like it’s sad but also ridiculous. Food isn’t inherently bad!! I admitted that on St. Patricks day we had been day drinking and I got a big salad at like 4pm so I wasn’t hungry for a whole meal for dinner. So I ate almost an entire bag of chips 🤦‍♀️ and NOT a single serving bag, like a big fucking bag. Felt like such shit afterwards. L was like “as much as I love sour cream and onion chips, I’m sure if you checked in with your body, there was probably a point where it would have said ok, I think I’ve had enough, these aren’t as good as the first few bites.” But when I’m tipsy or high, it’s like I’m completely out of touch with my body. I’m not being ~mindful~ when I’m eating.

It just makes me sad that these memories have tainted some food for me.

#L shared she was never restrictive of her daughters food #they could eat whatever they wanted #and as a result they could listen to their bodies and didn’t always want sweets/junk food #I wish I had that opportunity #how different my life would be without the self critical ED voice judging everything I eat #personal #it’s still hard even though I’m not using ED behaviors all the time #it’s still hard!! #god I want to lose weight before my wedding so badly #sigh

[sleepinginmygrave]

m going to die during my harp class omg omg someone save me.... i'm so so scared rn and my teacher is not even mean or bad wtf

#i'm the most emotional person on this planet (i hate it sm) #and i could (i already did) cry if i'm spoken to badly #like i literally cried bc my teacher said ''yeah i can see you didn't practiced enough you must start to work it's not very serious'' #it wasn't even that bad and i CRIED #in front of my TEACHER #god #urghhhhh #why am i like this #anyway wish me luck pretty please #its in 2 mins now #i'll update later #well i did had exams this week so maybe i could use it as an excuse #ONE MINUTE #moi #harpist rambles

[meimeikyu]

.

#having one of those nights where #god i wish i was rich #i wish i had money to do all the things i wnated #i wish i was a normal person so i could work without concerns and do things so icould get money #i just. theres so much i cant do and so much i just wish i could do so so badly #why did i have to be me #vent #personal

[stormyoceans]

YA GIRL MANAGED TO SURVIVE THIS HELLISH DAY AND IS GONNA BE HOME TOMORROW TO WATCH LAST TWILIGHT LIVE

#god knows i wish i had a whole month off and not just a day tho #i feel so bad about not being able to answer everyone's messages and i just wish i had the time to do that #i do hope you guys know that i deeply appreciate every single one of them #but i desperately wish i could actually SHOW you that appreciation #i also want to write so much stuff about last twilight and vice versa #but most of the time im so tired i really can't put a single coherent thought together #anyway. i need sleep so badly #to delete

[sfsolstice]

there's one musician whose work from 2011-2014 holds such a tender place in my heart. it's all so raw and rough around the edges and his lyrics just read like a bleeding heart. and i don't understand quite a few of the metaphors in his lyrics and some of the stylistic choices in his arrangements, but it feels human. and there's a light to be found in that.

#solstice shares #his music from back then gives me the same feeling of admiration i get from reading tumblr poetry #or really it's the other way around lol #GOD i wanna pick his brain so badly #i wish i could #i'd ask about every single lyric what thoughts ran through his head when he wrote them what each of them meant to him #he's grown a lot since but every now and then i recognize his older style in his newer music and my heart just lights up

[suuho]

🐰

#he cannot be REAL #like i met him but he cannot be real 😭 #god he looks SOOOO good #i wish i could see mozart so badly 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #kaz talks

[italictext]

I desperately need to befriend a Death Note fan irl who likes Death Note the way I do.. The only DN fans I've met irl are anime only Near haters :'(

#I NEED someone to shake while I rant to them about Death Note pls pls pls #I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO GIGGLE WITH WHILE WE STARE AT DEATH NOTE PANELS PLS PLS PLS #My sister has seen Death Note but she's not really into it + anime only + Near hater </3 #It sucks to remember that the Death Note fandom isn't just my mutuals.. Some people genuinely hate Near :(( #I LOVE the anime the animation is beautiful the soundtrack is beautiful and OOOOO THE COLOR CODING EEEE but #It butchered the 2nd half soo so badly and changed Near's personality and I'm not a fan of the ending :( #THE MANGA ENDING IS SOOO SO GOOD AND BEAUTIFUL #OMGGGG when Light admits to being Kira and gives them his speech and calls himself god of the new world AND EEEE NEAR SAYS “NO YOURE JUST A #MASS MURDERER“ #LIKE EEEE THAT ALWAYS ALWAYS MAKES ME GIGGLE NEAR WAS SOOO SO COOL FOR THAT LIKE HE'S LITERALLY FACE TO FACE WITH KIRA THE GUY WHO KILLED L #And Near REPEATS IT. HE CALLS HIM “JUST A MURDERER” TWICE. #Sorry but the anime made Near so stupid “lol just let him run away it's not like he'll survive” #I love Near and Light's dynamic so much they're so funny. They have the prettiest panels too #Maybe an unpopular opinion but Near vs Light was wayyy more entertaining that L vs Light #And it hurts me to see people say that it should've ended at the 1st half. I know people can have their own opinions or whatever but THEYRE #WRONG!! DN is SOOO much better with the 2nd half + if it ended at L's death that would've sucked. So glad L died midway #I wish I had a friend I could talk about DN to :( I'll just hope one of my friends decide to watch it because idk how to make new friends #Discord servers scare me and while I love my mutuals if any of you tried to message me I think I'd cry out of nervousness lol #Gosh this is long shoukd I even post this

[bergameow]

We kinda match!

#steddie #stranger things 4 #eddie munson #steve harrington #stranger things fanart #fanart #ahjghhh #i feel kind of sad because as soon as i can finish any fanart for this the fandom already gone and left to other things :( #like good for them though i wish i could do that #eddie has been fuckign feeding the worms in my frontal cortex #but in other news i got a job everybody clap #god this flopped so badly #im scared to rb it again im just gonna embarass myself

[widevibratobitch]

grido: mi vendica

figlio: bruciato

cunt: served

(garment's hem: untouched but desperately desired </3)

#happy birthday queen! #oralia dominguez #this is THE ultimate recording of this aria to me. period. #girlie went offfffffff #she came on stage and chose violence #had to cut the 'sul capo mio...' moment sorry my phone memory ran out lmao #i wish. so badly. that we could go back to performing opera like this again. so. so badly. #this is so hot. i desire her carnally. god. GOD listen to that. what a force of nature. a goddamn powerhouse. go off queen ily #il trovatore #verdi #opera tag

[daz4i]

can't believe one of the most iconic pieces of media in my country is a(n occasionally musical) sitcom meant for kids, about a failing band living above a failing hamburger shop, with. so much discussion about adult issues (at least in the first few seasons) it's actually kind of funny that the kids channel is the one hosting it. and so many iconic quotes or memes we have came from this show. put hapijamot on netflix please more people deserve to experience it

#i will say tho! iirc the 4th season was meant for adults. which makes this even more bizarre #esp bc it is often lumped in with the other season in like vod libraries and such 😭 and its reruns go on the kids channel too #in the end of season 4 they all fucking die. they're ghosts #they start this season by getting sued iirc????? #they start season 5 by bringing everyone back from heaven btw. one of the guys became god to excuse his absence from this season #so much of this show probably aged badly but so much of it is like simpsons level of prediction. so #i follow a page called hapijamot frames that literally has a quote from this show for everything that happens on the news #LISTEN it is so iconic i wish i could show it to you all