#but I’m the only mom around

[willowcrowned]

high school orchestra is such a funny institution. like hi we’re going to put you in a room with two dozen other kids in an environment where we intentionally rank and compare you and will blatantly favor the kids whose parents could pay for lessons starting when they were five. no we won’t do anything about the culture that would be insane. this is a creative space :) btw you will think about how much you miss playing in a group for the next ten years. and also you won’t be able to hear vivaldi’s seasons without wanting to throw up

#I miss playing as part of a group SOOOOO bad #but I’m not good enough to join any groups around here and the only other person I could play with is my mom #who never really got the hang of playing with other people #willow’s wastebin tagxon #orchestra

[nicoscheer]

#31/01/2024 #happy birthday Nathan #the genuine surprise and joy when he notices the cake #miles kane #Nathan sudders #I’m sorry but I couldn’t help but notice the parallel between Miles first singing happy birthday then hip hip hurray and then he’s a jolly #good fellow the same extra order Alex did Back at Glasto 2013 for his mom (only that he didn’t dare finish jolly good fellow) #I mean no clue if that’s just standard in England #amazing fiends #sorry but also calling him brother is hilarious to me #and not the way that hug lasted barley two seconds while Al his other brother gets at least 8 second hugs #and the hand just loosely around the shoulder while with his ‘brother’ he’s clutching his shoulder or whatever else of him he can reach

[bi-shop]

my favorite jd from that one musical where high school teenagers die and their ghosts sing . you know the one

inspired by the unholy reblog tags from this post .

#ride the cyclone #rtc #this doesn't deserve my art tag #jane doe #jane doe rtc #constance blackwood #i hate that i can actually come up with a reason for (my) jane falling into an obsession with constance #and i’m not writing it out . i refuse to let this thing go past concept art stage #the only thing you'll need to know is that around 'dead gay son' noel's mom and mischa's adoptive mom starts making out #no sugardolls tag i am not letting them feed on this rotten sandwich

[puppyeared]

Ouhhhh friendship I love friendship……..

#I’m reading volumes 14-16 of the ouran manga OOUGHHH MY HEART #I love this weird little friend group so much its unreal #like u have this charming sweeps you off your feet prince but he’s actually a huge lovable idiot with a kind heart and his friends #who are all misfits that he reached out to and drew in because of his kindness and own weirdness like that shits TIGHT BRO #and the trauma part where he has some deep seated issues with love bc he thinks that itll break a family apart like with his mom #how his family isnt allowed to be together because his mom and dad fell in love and how he says he wants to build a big house #so that way one day everyone will get along as a family like. all he wants is not to lose everyone and the only way to do that is #by maintaining a certain order.. he both wants a complete family so bad and doesnt want anything to sour between anyone #so he assigns each of his friends a family role based on how he sees them and YEAH its mostly played for giggles and tamakis #already weird so its his way of showing theyre close to him but. god damn this boy has LAYERS #it also feels kinda meta towards how found family tends to get thrown around to assign characters as 'siblings' or family roles instead of #using it to describe characters who are close enough to be each others family. cuz tamakis doing that EXACT THING in a way tht #ties in with his character and i have to say its fascinating using that within the story itself and its completely plausible #theres a lot of things i can say about ouran that are good bad and questionable but. god i love it when characters are niceys to each other #i remember i really liked the kyoya episode bc him and haruhi got to spend time together and their relationship isnt very close #but it was really nice to see their personalities bounce off each other. i think i also wouldve liked to see haruhi alone with kaoru #i also firmly believe all of the hosts are at least a little in love with haruhi and this can be anything like endearing romantic cuz like #who DOESNT love haruhi. kyoya i think would want to study her under a microscope like his fascination with her draws him in #but im fucking obsessed with whatever haruhi and tamaki have going on because YES hes obsessed with her YES he jumps at the chance to #put her in a cute costume but haruhi? she just fucking goes with it because she knows hes fun to be around even if hes a little wacky abt i #theyre all so. NNGGHHHH #ouran #ohshc #yapping

[incorrectly-quoting-mxtx]

I was talking to my Grandmother last night about being bisexual and she asked me “shouldn’t you see a doctor about that?” and words cannot describe my confusion.

#she wasn’t even saying it to be homophobic either #lgbtq #bisexual #at least it’s better than when I can out to my mom #I think she really only cares if I’m engaging in PDA around her #which fair enough

[fregget-frou]

@autisticempathydaemon said they loved my Angel listener (along with everything else it was SO SWEETTT OMLLL<333) so here’s a doodle for you! They’re also one of my favorites!

Look at that face.

Full of mischief.

Some fun facts about them: they’re native! Specifically they could be from the Salishan (but I don’t know too much so I leave it ambiguous) and are half Filipino, born and raised in British Columbia, Canada around Vancouver. They were raised by their mom and brothers, then moving to dahlia for college.

They originally planned to secure a high end job in Vancouver just going to California for school but they met David. They still visit their family as often as they can.

They’re 5’4, the shortest listener! Aklag is still beefy and could definitely throw David over their head. Their callouses are from being raised on a farm, and they’re starting to fade now.

I took them out of another story I made a while ago so I’m still trying to tweak them seamlessly so I’ll actually maybe probably not but make a backstory sheet for my listeners?

Thank you sm for your words and I hope you like it!

#I originally took them from an old idea I had for a book #basically their family got torn apart after their mom died so they left to California to try to avoid it #see their short hair in my first drawings of them and now after a couple years it’s long again #they were really connected to their mom so her death hit them really hard kinda making a wall around them #instead of being grumpy it’s more of a shallowish happiness of avoidance #David was really the only person to get through to them and I find it very convenient that they’re both parallels #I also made Darlin’ native and originally one of their childhood friends #darling moved to Washington #they stayed in British Columbia #not really being able to be themself #not fully being able to embrace their native nor Filipino heritage #just an idea of someone dealing with grief and I like how that they’ve evolved last my og idea thru Raudio #hint hint their slow hair growth and gaining back of weight to show their healing process #eventually I’ll draw their brothers #aurgghh I just like them a lot and had a lot of unfinished ideas for them I’m glad people like them #redacted asmr #freggzocs #freggzartz #redacted audio #redacted audio fanart #redacted asmr fanart #redacted asmr angel

[stuckinapril]

might have a parisian girl era soon. we’ll see

#uncle who lives in belgium knows i graduated a year early + currently studying for the mcat #and he’s practically begging me to visit him in belgium and study there #and belgium is only around 2 hours away from paris so you best believe id be taking the train there every day #the thing is i study full time & only have a minimal part time job on the side so he and my mom would have to foot that bill #and idk i’d feel so bad. i’m already so spoiled. like i never had to work a day in my life but im 21 #it’s very much in arab culture to spoil the daughters like this but still !!! #it just feels like i have to put my big girl pants on and start saving + relying on myself more & more when it comes to that #so that’s probably what i’ll be doing. plus i have research + my neuro internship here and i cant just drop that #but once i get a research publication in a few months + save up my own money im seriously considering j putting myself on a plane & going #i’m sure he and my mom would have no problem paying but it feels wrong. this is one thing i rly wanna pay upfront myself i think #but if i do manage to pull it off it’d be so cool bc i rly wanna see him #and i rly wanna bust out the 8 years i have in french #p

[androidboy]

-

#ive got this awful feeling i just want to scoop out #i feel stupid and sensitive #like ive hardened myself to all this shit so the fact that i’m being affected by it is also making me mad at myself #my family didn’t want me around for thanksgiving and didn’t want me there for the family christmas party and didn’t want to #spend christmas with me because my mom doesn’t want me around the extended family because of how far in my transition i am #and my gf put off asking her fam about bringing me over for christmas for a month #and barely just asked and it sounds like they don’t want me there either #and tbh i kinda knew they wouldn’t #but also i feel like my gf also didn’t actually want me there which is why she put off asking for so long #and idk #i felt like with how far along i am in emotionally and physically recovering from stuff #and then also having a partner for the holidays for the first time #i would’ve left my sad sandra bullock era. but i have not #the only person who wants me around for the holidays is my dad and ive got such a weird relationship with him #and it literally would just be me and him alone #my dads side of the family doesn’t want me there either bc of the trans thing i just feel really fuckin #disgusting #feeling very goop monster

[candy-fae]

IiiiIIIIIIIIITS MY BIRTHDAY!

I’m. Having a not great birthday!!

But I am a year older today none the less, and will try to get my hands on some cake, and try to have a good time.

Please send me some art requests, perFERRABLLY of blorbos. Or ponies. Or like. My ocs. I wanna talk about my little guys on my birthday.

#I don’t even know why I’m sharing #might delete! #I’m 23 today #home alone #and my mom called to tell me she wants me to move and uproot my life #told me #actually #because I’m moving back in with her in February but my brother told me she kept it a secret until I had no other options #so #yeah #she tricked me #again #I love her so much but she’s so manipulative and sneaky #I just wanted to hear happy birthday #like you could have stopped there #delete later #love love love her saying none of my friends would stick around if I needed help but SHE would #she’s always the only one I can rely on #obviously #she always has been right #so. yeah. guess I’ll just do that since instead of being honest she took MONTHS away from me where I could have been looking for a roomate #vent #it’s my blog and I’ll post and delete as I please ig

[undyinglantern]

the amount of surprised pika “wait people actually shave their arms?” comments on posts about body hair are so funny like I unironically am so happy for you that you weren’t laughed at by a classmate for having hairy arms “like a man” in like 4th grade this is why I wish body hair conversations would stop centering around armpit hair

#okay that’s the tldr but the way I actually remember it is that the classmate (a boy) pointed out my arm hair and ask why so hairy #and I genuinely was so confused I was just like idk??? and then later at home that day I asked my mom about it and she was like #It’s bc your dads side of the family is hairy so then I later talked to that guy again like ‘I take after my dad’ or whatever #And /then/ is when he laughed and was like ‘but you’re a girl’ about it #Granted I’m non-binary but like I didn’t know that in elementary #Plus I didn’t stop shaving until around mid 2010s and was still self conscious about it for years #Like I remember feeling embarrassed during college (2018ish) if I had to use the rest room and someone else was in there when I would roll #My sleeves up to wash my hands #Anyways I eventually stopped caring about it sometime within the last year or 2 but see how long that took? It really shouldnt #Like some of us just genetically have more darker thicker visible body hair than others and we shouldn’t be shamed for it #One thing at a time though because even I’m still working through leg hair shame #I don’t shave them anymore but I also haven’t worn shorts outside of my bedroom in years #I’ll literally switch into shorts if it’s too hot right before bed and switch back into pants before stepping out of my room in the morning #I’ve been feeling cute the past few days and it’s starting to warm up again plus also had a convo w mom recently so #I might change that soon but only within the house still bc baby steps <3 #Anyways I’m just rambling now so I should stop. Good night !!

[willowfey]

starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal

#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept #i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them #if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens #i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it #i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut #it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair #my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking #if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back #if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off #ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal #but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends #i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens #and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too #since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out #i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now #now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that #i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly. #if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill #in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it #my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes #sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know??? #but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested #i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore #i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world

[ollies-moving-castle]

you reach a new level of friend/mutual when I send you pictures of any of my five cats

#My family owns to many cats #But my mom wants a sixth #I’m all for it #i have doubts that my dad is gonna go along with it #Apparently the only way we are getting a sixth cat is if one of the old ones dies (not my words that’s my sisters words) #Since two of our cats are around 12 years old #Or if a kitten needs a home quickly ish #That’s how we got our orange cat #He was being bounced around places since the person who had him was an idiot and didn’t realize how much work cats are #Especially baby cats

[moghedien]

ya girl has covid (most likely)

#I saw most likely because I took an expired test and it was negative #but my mom has Covid and I was around her and got sick right after her #I’m fine #I only really feel bad when I start running fever which has been happening on and off since yesterday #I just take an Advil and a nap and wake up all sweaty #I’m just spending my time off reading PGSM in front of a space heater and exiting on tea and honey #it’s been four days and today is the only day I felt congested #but my throat has been scratchy since the day after Christmas #and it’s straight up raw today #honestly minus the fever sinus infections are worse than this #my mom has it a lot worse and has like fatigue and everything #I’m just not going get actually diagnosed because I’m 99% sure it’s Covid and I don’t really feel bad #so I’ll just quarantine like it’s Covid unless it ends up lasting much longer then I’ll go get it checked

[unfortunatelyilikebnha]

Thinking abt kazuma,,, thinkng abt how he has silver eyes compared to kazumi’s gold,,, as if even kazuma’s character design is telling the world he’s in second place, & that he’ll never live up to his brother’s example </3

#I’m a little fucked up about that tbh #also like the way when he was possessed by gyze he had golden eyes…would’ve perhaps been interesting to do more with that #like a ‘I’m finally free of ‘imperfections’’ moment #is it kazuma or gyze speaking? who knows maybe both #cfv #cfvg #shouji kazuma #also also I wonder if the dad has silver/white hair since kazumi does & kazuma has that little silver/white streak… #bc if so that’s another thing that could allude to his position as the less-favored son #like the little silver streak in kazumas hair shows he’s related to them #but bc most of his hair is blue it’s glaringly obvious that he’s also an outsider #like maybe kazumas mom has blue hair and that’s where he got it from. #(I don’t remember if we saw the dad in g since I only watched it once so it’s very possible we did and I’m wrong) #this is probably either me over analyzing or just smth obvious we were supposed to pick up but WHATEVER #just having kazuma thoughts yk how it is #this is from like last November help me I hoard drafts too long #thinking abt him again though. miss him. might fuck around and finish my cfvg rewatch

[willowcrowned]

the problem with me listening to d20 again is that it makes me think I can run a game (<- has never even played dnd) anyways I’m running one this weekend and my villain is bick (short for bitchard) turnip he’s the gnome mayor of gnomeville and a warlock who stacks himself on top of his seven sons (they were trying for a daughter) and puts on a trench coat to go steal his citizens’ vegetables. he sells them back to his people at a premium and keeps all his earnings in his bright red pants with suspenders of infinite holding that he got in return for loyalty to his patron. who is called deff jezos.

#his mayoral red hat (with a bright blue ribbon around the rim) comes down so far over his eyes you can only see a round nose #and a huge bushy white beard #when he takes off his hat his eyes burn like embers caught in molten gold #i want to see him on paper so badly I genuinely might try to draw him #anyways I’m doing the game this weekend with my mom and sister and building it has actually been MUCH easier than I expected #it helps that I know them really well #esp since I’m making their characters #willow’s life #willow does ttrpgs

[schmope-is-dead]

only based tiktok post

#tom.txt #there’s a whole thing going around on ‘goth’ tiktok where they all say the only thing that makes you goth is listening to the music #completely ignoring the diy/secondhand fashion and how it goes into the politics #there’s also a whole trend of ‘goth hauls from amazon’ like no that ain’t goth if you’re buying it there 😭😭 #‘but I’m not able to buy anything good secondhand here :/‘ #okay!!! make it fucking work!!! #dye some old dress shirts or dresses/pants black #one of my first accessories was a chain I stole from one of my mom’s broken hanging pots #if you just paid attention to the things around you then you’d be fucking golden