#but also i’m aware that there are valid reasons to not support her

[ghosts-bandwagon]

I hope this is okay to request! I read that Ghost watches Bake Off, and his lovely wife reader decides to surprise him by participating! How does Ghost react? How does he along with the 141 react to her winning?! Please and thank you!

you are so valid for this and I love you (this is so long I’m sorry but also I’m not, I loved this)

Holy shit there is no living being alive that could possibly quell his excitement when you break the news

He knows you work and seeing you not at home and coming home smelling like sweets was odd but he trusted you and as long as you’re safe that’s all that matters

You break the news over dinner, you invited the rest of his team over and the two of you teamed up to make an incredible spread with you in charge of desserts, obviously

You refused to tell him what it was and you were adamant about it being a surprise so he relented and gave you your space

Everyone was thrilled with the food and you stood up to go get dessert, you stood in the kitchen taking deep breaths, doing your best to stop your hands shaking

Then you brought out a gorgeous Victoria Sponge cake, identical to the one from the opening sequence of Bake Off

And while they’re digging in and moaning about how amazing it is, you turn to Simon directly and he’s tuned into you like he knows

As soon as the words “I’m gonna be on bake off” leave your mouth, he grabs you and pulls you into a hug, he’s squeezing you so hard you feel like your chest will burst

You barely notice that Soap is bear hugging the both of you

Months pass and Simon’s still not home, he’s been keeping in touch but it looks like this deployment is gonna keep him away longer

That doesn’t mean he’s not immediately binging your season as soon as it’s available (I know that’s not how it works but for the story it does)

Simon and the rest of the task force don’t move a fucking muscle until they get to the end

He watches with bated breath as you get through the technical challenges, muttering to yourself to stay calm, he’d chuckle when he’d hear you say something he’s said in the past

Soap and Gaz would cheer the loudest when you win star baker, Price would chuckle when he glances at Simon to see the relief and pride and tears in his eyes

With each round you’ve passed through, Simon feels like he’s about to go through cardiac arrest, his chest getting tighter and heart pounding harder

“She’s got this in the bag, LT.” Encouraged Johnny, slapping a supportive hand on his knee. Simon barely registered the words as he saw you working on the signature bake, his throat getting tight once he recognized the cake,

“That’s our wedding cake.”

“It’s my wedding cake.” You spoke on the screen, a smile splitting your face and blush and flour dusting your cheeks, “It’s the one sweet my husband-”

“-couldn’t get enough of.” He finished your sentence through his throat threatening to close, Simon’s eyes never left you on the screen, he was so focused on your movements, watching how you kept calm, running through the steps, he’s never been so proud.

His heart sank when you hurt yourself during the technical bake, but he took great pride when you applied pressure to the wound and raised your arm above your head, he got a chuckle and an elbow to he ribs from Soap as soon as he saw it,

“Teachin’ her well, LT.” He teased, earning a pointed side eye from the man himself. Not for long because you were back in the groove and fuck you’re so strong and he’s so proud.

This is it. You’ve finished baking the showstopper and you’ve stood through their critiques with poise, grace, and that beautiful smile he loves so much. Now you’re standing outside with the other competitors, holding hands, your head bowed waiting for the announcement. At this point Simon is on his feet, not even aware that he’s standing. Soap, Gaz, and Price are all stood beside him with Soap putting a hand on Simon’s shoulder and squeezing.

You nearly sank to your knees when your name was called, the only reason you didn’t was because of the two bakers keeping you upright. They hugged you before letting you go, Paul Hollywood gave you a tight hug, Prue was matronly as always- cupping your face and giving you a soft hug, Noel and Matt hugged and swayed you as they gave you the beautiful bouquet.

Simon was watching it all with tears in his eyes and a hand covering his mouth in shock, he was so thrilled for you but so heartbroken he couldn’t be there to squeeze you like you deserved. Meanwhile Soap and Gaz were jumping and shouting like their favorite team just won the World Cup, Price walked up to Ghost and wrapped an arm around his shoulder, it was a rare moment he allowed himself to lean on someone else.

“That’s my fuckin’ girl.” He breathed, “I knew you could do it.”

He doesn’t even waste a second the moment he sees you again, he’s hugging you as hard as he can and spinning you around. He’s kissing every inch of your face he can reach, he’s crying for god’s sake, he’s so god damn proud of you. He grabbed the hand that you injured and kissed the raised scar on your finger before wrapping you up in a hug again.

Yes, he’s proud of you. Yes, he knew you could get in and win. And yes, he will be asking a million questions about what it was like. He’s never been so talkative, he had a sore throat by then end of the night.

#simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #ghost x reader #cod x reader #mw2 x reader #cod mw2 #cod mwii

[ratboyy-withtheexistentialdread]

Nevermore Chapter 97

Spoilers ahead, lads. Skedaddle if you don't fast pass. EDIT I guess I’ve said too much in this post and need to pull it back a little. So imma gonna edit it so it doesn’t say too much about this chapter.

Alright, first my reaction cause HOLY HELL those last few panels really got me like

I really had to put my phone down and talk myself through them. Now, lets talk about what I gained from this chapter and the infamous Annabel Lee. I've noticed, at least in the comment section, the fandom really doesn't care for Annabel's character and its difficult to know where the animosity has come from. Tumblr obviously loves her but us heathens support women's rights and wrongs (Don't we gents?) Many call her a sociopath or what’s happens in the last few panels. Annabel is indeed ruthless, calculating and stone cold but she obviously cares. She cares for Lenore above everything. It can be easy to see this as obsession as we really haven't seen her care about much else or even herself. But one comment on the Webtoon brought up a very valid point which I've also picked up on.

Annabel and Lenore in life were very isolated and broken people when they met one another. Annabel, broken and then rebuilt into a prim and proper lady. Lenore, broken physically and mentally and closed off from the world.

Meeting each other saved them. They were no longer alone. There was an understanding between them at least that we know of.

Their differences though is what divides them in death.

Annabel played games, and masked her true self around her father and family connections. She now makes games of situations to retain what little control she had in life over a society she knew she could never break the rules of. A Game that was always rigged against her.

Lenore rebelled against society. She fled the estate to escape a suitor, was bound to the attic and ostracized by her family, she then faked her death and posed as man to court Annabel, the one person who cared for her.

Lenore wants to break the rules of the deans Death Game. Annabel wants to follow them.

It’s all they’ve ever known.

Before it was only them that mattered. Now Lenore has so much more to fight for and Annabel still only has Lenore. Both are right in their own way of playing the game but it pains the other to witness.

Annabel, I’m sure is aware that the Deans are not all they seem to be and won’t simply allow the students to turn the tables on them if they played how Lenore wants to.

And playing Annabel’s way means the callous death of many many people that do deserve another chance at life.

Now. I do have to agree with Annabel in the sense that Lenore forgets

This is a Death Game

Right now the “villainous” characters show their true face with pride and the “hero’s” are charming and true but as we get down to the wire, it’s going to get grey. There are no good or bad at the end of these games, only survival.

Could Annabel show some restraint and more tact when speaking strategy and making plans with Lenore? Absolutely. She’s little too giddy about sweeping some pieces off the board.

Lenore also needs to stop being so naive. She saw first hand what exactly the Deans are capable of in Dreamland, it put the fear of god in her.

In fairness to both characters though they and we are still missing big pieces of what happened between them and what their causes of death were. Which could hold big aspects of their characterization.

Maybe Lenore was originally very callous about others. In life, aside from Theo and Annabel, we’ve never really seen her interact with others. Perhaps this is the Lenore Annabel speaks of.

Anyway, I’m rambling. In conclusion, I’m a bit disappointed in Nevermores comment section. I enjoy Annabel’s character although some parts do worry me a bit but I have hope Red and Flynn have plans to curve this to a satisfying reason and conclusion.

That cliffhanger, boy howdy, what the fuck is Lenore gonna do…

#nevermore webtoon #lenore vandernacht #annabel lee whitlock #white raven #duke #Pluto #nevermore webcomic #nevermore WEBTOON spoilers

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Strand to find later: 🏃‍♀️ 🚓 🔥 🏦🔥

AITA for helping my mother ostracize my father from the family?

My mother has been a stay-at-home parent my entire life. She’s also been entirely responsible for me since day one, while my father would attend his job, come home, eat dinner with us and then retreat to watch videos on his phone and then go to bed at like 8:30. She has been responsible for 99% of the cooking, cleaning, and housekeeping in additional to being my emotional/physical support while sacrificing her own emotional well-being. She has no real friends in this country, all her acquaintances are known through my father (I. E. Wives of my fathers friends and colleagues etc), and can’t really leave since she’s financially dependent and America is EXPENSIVE to live in. And she wholly resents this situation. (he also not-so-subtly operates under the assumption that he’s the only one who works in the house, and my mother has it easy. I would like to point out that the man has never lived independently once in his life. He went ~10 years into the marriage before learning how to use a washing machine)

recently they’ve hit a rough(er) patch in their marriage. He’s gotten a promotion, and she feels bitter about the fact that he is getting more money while she still wouldn’t be able to independently if she wanted to. she has resorted to taking it out on him (and me) more often in the form of verbal assaults. The slightest thing can set her off and make her start screaming. Or, Whenever he’s around (talking to me OR her) she gives him the silent treatment and starts to slam things down (I. E. Throwing plates into the Dishwasher, slamming doors, muttering angrily). So my father had started to avoid any interaction with us entirely and spend his days in his room, only leaving it when it’s lunch or dinner. This makes her angrier since the whole reason she’s pissed is because he’s not pulling his weight as a father and basically ignoring me, so it just perpetuates the cycle. (I would like to point out that I am also not making things easier for him. Although I had never really noticed his absence until it started being brought up verbally— my mother was always there so it was less noticeable— I still react bitterly and try to avoid any interaction with him).

the way she treats him (and me, whenver he’s not available) could be described as verbally abusive but I struggle to feel any sympathy for him. Abuse implies control, and she is certainly not the one in control here. He can leave whenever he feels too oppressed (and he has— he has gone to live in another house/state for several months, more than once), and the rest of us are very much stuck there.

we’ve (mostly her, and me by extension) started to hide things from him (snacks, movies we’re watching, any interaction) to avoid having him join in on any family activities. We sometimes go weeks without saying a single word to him (and him to us). I am aware that this is only perpetuating the cycle (again), and is probably psychologically damaging.

so am I (and mother) the assholes? (For the isolation bit— I am aware that she is definitely TA for the abuse (?), since it’s not a valid move esp. when communication is RIGHT. THERE. But alas she’d rather die before calming down when it come to him. I’m not that much better)

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[qu33nb3337]

Eloise and Cressida, my thoughts.

I’ve seen quite a few posts about these two but nothing that really reflected my perspective, so here goes.

Cressida

I’m actually excited to dig into her character more, to this point she has been a two dimensional villain which I understand. As the audience we aren’t meant to like Cressida. In the books, the Bridgertons and Penelope dislike her due to her cutting remarks and slimy nature. She is a straight forward villain with no complexities to her character. However the show delves into the shades of grey around the characters and presents them all as flawed complicated beings which means this book narrative of Cressida doesn’t really fit within that. I’m excited to find out what lies beneath.

I also think this friendship will begin to introduce Benedict’s Sophie’s storyline as I think Sophie’s stepfamily will be the Cowpers. It will provide a link between the Bridgerton’s and Sophie and the show loves a link.

Eloise

I think Eloise has been behaving like a typical girl her age, she’s a teenager and as such she thinks the world revolves around her. Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoy Eloise’s character, she has some cracking lines and Claudia Jessie plays her brilliantly. However Eloise is very caught up in herself.

When it comes to her friendship with Penelope she assumes that Penelope wants what she wants, thinks what she thinks and doesn’t ever really consider that might not be true. Eloise is blind to their very differing social standing, very different family situations and dynamics and how that affects them. As we saw in season 1, Eloise didn’t believe Penelope would be interested in marriage because she herself is not interested in it. Eloise has a supportive family, who despite their bickering want happiness for each other. Penelope has a family that constantly mocks, belittles and dismisses her. Eloise can depend on her family, Penelope can not. The Bridgertons are able to weather a certain amount of scandal whereas the Featheringtons cannot. Which would mean, regardless of whether Penelope wanted an epic love story or not Eloise should have been aware enough of her friends situation to know that she likely would need to marry for economic reasons if nothing else.

I am not convinced that Eloise is aware of Penelope’s crush. The line from the trailer from Eloise to Colin about since when did he care about Penelope suggests that she may not. When I look back at the last two seasons there’s no evidence to suggest that she is aware. She wouldn’t have seen them dancing in either season. The first season she wasn’t at the balls because she wasn’t out yet and the second season, we only saw Colin and Pan dance once at the Featherington ball and Eloise would have been ransacking Pen’s room at the time. Whenever Colin and Pen are talking in season 2 Eloise would show up and whisk Pen away which could be indicative of how she views their conversations as trivial and unimportant. I don’t think she is aware that they have formed their own relationship separate to her. I think she will have assumed they converse because of her, she is the link and without her what would they have to talk about.

However Eloise questioning Colin in the trailer about whether Penelope is trying to make him her husband could be because she is aware of the crush but has chosen to ignore it? I don’t know. I am interested to see how they play it.

I think what I am getting at is that Eloise doesn’t really know Pen like Pen knows her. Their friendship isn’t equal, Pen is desperate to please Eloise as we saw in season 2 when she writes a whistledown article that reflects Eloise’s thoughts about womanhood. I think their falling out will have a big impact on Eloise and their journey to reconciliation will be key to her her developing into from a teenager to an adult. To Eloise realising that others thoughts and opinions are different to her own but just as valid, that not everyone is as they appear to be, that her life whether she likes it or not is changing. I think her relationships with her siblings will develop, she will hopefully begin to see that they are all carrying a burden and are all a little lost.

I am hopeful that her friendship with Cressida will start some of these things in motion. It must lead her to question what she thinks of people if she befriends a person she believed to be awful. I don’t think she has befriended her to spite Penelope. I think they bond over something and I think Eloise will see the complexities of Cressida’s character and really learn that friendship is just as complex which will lead her to reflect on what happened with Penelope.

That’s my two cents. I could be wrong. I often am. What do you think?

#bridgerton #bridgerton season 3 #eloise bridgerton #cressida #polin #authors #colin x penelope #colin bridgerton

[elialys]

why do you think Hellen said no to Dales proposal?

I’m glad I waited before answering your question because I’ve listened to the Emsolation podcast with Michael Lucas (the show writer) in which he answered all kinds of questions about season 2, and that was one of them!

(I’m paraphrasing here, it’s been a few days since I listened to it!)

According to Michael, one of the main reasons why Helen rejected Dale’s proposal is because Helen genuinely can’t see herself having that kind of ‘normal’ life, not just with Dale but in general. The fact that it was Dale proposing made it even ‘worse’ because of how…atypical their couple is. Michael said Anna was pretty set on the concept that if Helen had a choice, she wouldn’t be in any relationship at all, that she was with Dale because she genuinely loved him, but it wasn’t something she felt ‘fit’ her, so Helen basically freaked out at being proposed to.

Because I love spending hours analyzing character’s motivations, fears and limitations, I’ve also thought a lot about this, not just because I’m going to be writing about it 😅 While I absolutely loved hearing Michael’s explanation and obviously believes it to be true since, duh, he literally wrote those characters, I think it’s even more complicated than Helen ‘simply’ not wanting to get married.

To me, from what we’ve seen in season 2, between the hotel scene in 2x01 with Helen’s reaction to learning Gerry had propositioned Dale, and the return of Tim in 2x04 reminding her of what’s happened before, she still had a lot of insecurities regarding Dale’s sexuality. The way I see it, even though I’m sure she believes it when Dale says he loves her and that he’s not just a closeted gay man trying to convince himself he’s INTO WOMEN, I’m sure it’s still one of her fears, that Dale is basically hiding with her, even unconsciously. And that to Dale, proposing to her and making her his wife is another way to PROVE THAT HE’S LIKE EVERY OTHER MAN.

Which is what was actually happening, in my opinion?? Even if I one hundred percent believe Dale is bisexual and that he absolutely loves Helen, he’s clearly not comfortable with that bi side of himself, in great part because he lives in a world that doesn’t accept people like him, and he’s been traumatized as a teen for having feelings for another boy—not to mention how his mum clearly doesn’t support *not being straight*. I highly recommend listening to Sam Reid talking about Dale in the official podcast for ep 2x06, he explains this so much better than me right now haha.

Basically Dale is trying to mold himself into what he believes a REAL MAN should be. So yeah, like he told Garry in 2x03, ‘of course’ he wants to get married (“Doesn’t everyone?”), because if he marries a woman, he’s CLEARLY NOT HAVING GAY THOUGHTS.

What I’m trying to say is that I think Helen is very much aware of that on some level. Of the fact that her sweet bi babygirl Dale is desperate for STRAIGHT VALIDATION, and that she might have been afraid it would just blow up in her face one day when Dale realized he actually did need “more” than what she could give him as a woman.

I’m not even going to delve into Helen’s insecurities about herself as a ‘fucking disaster’, because I could write a 40-pages long essay about her to be honest, but hopefully you get the idea. These characters are complex and very messy, and I think they broke apart because they weren’t communicating properly, which is often why people break apart. Dale never *asked* Helen if she was actually interested in marriage, even after his shitty first proposal. If they had talked about it properly, I think a lot of this would have been avoided.

#anonymous #the newsreader #the newsreader spoilers #helen norville #dale jennings #helen x dale #just my opinion obviously

[dropout-if]

Unique - for all the ros, please. i know you did something similar in your 'pick this route if you like xyz'. but in an instory pov, what are unique or individual to them things that they do that makes them stand out [or just are subtle and soft] as a partner?

AAA I was very excited for this one!

U = Unique(What makes them unique as a s/o?)

Jean/Jade is very meticulous. They're a perfectionist, and this translates into their relationships. When J dates someone they're very self-sacrificing in every way, shape and form. This stems from the fact that J is pretty stupid around their feelings lol (everything is rational and everything makes sense, but romance most certainly doesn't).

Uma’s uniqueness might as well be how detail-oriented they are. They also have a great memory (they're going to remember everything about their s/o, the good and the bad). Gift-giving might not be that high up as Uma's love language, but they do love to make sure their partner is appreciated (and to let them know that Uma's been thinking about them). They also give the best gifts🫂💕

For our n.2 self-sacrificing fool, Statler I’m going to choose both their resilience and their self-awareness. Statler is far from being perfect, but they've grown so much as a person since they were a teen. The amount of responsibility Statler carries and how much they love the people around them (taking care of them, being dependable for their sake). It comes with tons of stress (and Statler not being able to fully live their own life), but it's still admirable in a way.

Wanda stands out because of her emotional maturity alone lol (it's something very normal and very valid to ask in a partner, but she's the most emotionally stable out of all the ROs and that deserves to be acknowledged). Wanda rarely gets jealous, she's emotionally expressive, she's not demanding of her partner's time, she's supportive. Where can I find someone like her🧍

Lol Kai is such a mess they're a bit hard to define without spoiling anything. The way they've grown and the way they've viewed the world up to this point has been very unfair, and Kai genuinely doesn't know the first thing about having a healthy relationship. For Kai's unique feature, I'd choose their role in MC's life. They're the RO in whose route MC feels the most free/liberated.

Travis is also unsurprisingly hard to pinpoint. I think his bluntness makes him stand out. Travis' partner will never have to doubt him or his feelings, he's always going to be straightforward with what he believes and thinks. It might not be such a good thing all the time, but it is commendable when all the other ROs lie more often than not (due to various reasons ckskxk).

#dropout if #dropout #ask #ask game #j gray #kai alofa #statler amani #travis camaro #wanda pavon #uma bharat #ros

[anachronistic-falsehood]

I really liked your post about the Forever situation , im also part of his chat, and your post kinda helped

I got a very big anxiety crisis because of this situation, it was terrible, but im better now!!:D

The only thing that scares me is the fandom invalidate the people who were victims of pedo just because they decide to still watch Forever y'know?

I’m glad I could help somehow!! if you’re anxious about the whole thing, don’t be afraid to take a step back!! I felt this looming sense of dread over it this morning, as I’m sure many of us did, so I’m happy I was able to put some people’s minds at ease. we don’t know everything about the situation yet, so let’s all just take a deep breath and remember that we are not personally involved in this situation and we can make our judgements if and when more information comes to light.

and YES god the thing about invalidating victims sucks, and the thing is it seems to happen from both sides of the argument. ofc most people from both sides aren’t invalidating victims’ experiences, but there are loud minorities from both who are. Some of those who dislike him are ignoring the victim’s wishes to not be involved (bc the information came from a third party) and pestering her to talk about it anyway as if somehow hearing from her will magically make it all make sense, even if it means her reopening her trauma and causing her harm, and some of those who still support him are saying there’s no way this is a valid allegation and the alleged victim should be ashamed, and he is right to get pissed since it’s OH SO CLEARLY false and EVERYONE gets these allegations nowadays (sarcasm). We have no way of knowing 100% if it’s true, the alleged victim has claimed that she does not want to be involved as far as I’m aware, the information came from a third party who apparently has a history of digging up dirt about the Brazilian ccs—there are SO many factors here that we can’t confirm or deny anything.

half the fandom is reacting the same way Dream’s fanbase did when his allegations (whether they ended up being true or not; idk i don’t care enough about him to watch his fucking video essay) came out. People are saying that the person bringing up the allegations is clearly just a hater and that’s the only reason they have for this. And maybe that’s true!! Idk!!! I’ve heard through the grapevine that the alleged victim does not want to be involved!!! It’s like when Cellbit’s past abusive relationship was being talked about a few months ago; the victim wanted no part in calling him out because the situation was done and over with and they didn’t want to think about it, let alone fight for some kind of justice they didn’t even want. It’s a complicated situation, but people need to stop putting this off as just hate from antis. These are allegations, and they should be taken seriously, while also leaving the victim alone and not pestering her for details. If she comes out and says she doesn’t want justice for this, let her have her peace. If Forever shows that he has changed—which it seems like he has, at least from my perspective—let him sort this out. If all of it is true and as bad as it seems?? Sure, drag him to hell and back. But take in as much information as you can before you decide what you want to do.

but anyway RANT ASIDE, no matter what, do not be afraid to take a step back and do something else. Your mental health is more important than the dubiously moral actions of some content creator.

#forever situation #sorry i took this chance to rant again

[cdyssey]

Friend

Summary: After Melissa breaks up with Gary, Barbara insists on staying the night with her. [Post-3.01]

CW: Alcohol; Emotional Infidelity

AO3 Link

—

Barbara is vaguely aware that she should probably let Melissa set the tone.

An obliging friend would anyway.

A supportive one.

If Melissa wants to haul ass in her Honda Civic and drive away without saying nary a word, then fine, reasonable, absolutely and resoundingly valid—that’s how she’s chosen to cope. An obliging friend would make sure that she has her keys. Tell her that she loves her. Open the double doors for her on the way out.

I’ll check on you tomorrow, girlfriend.

Drive safe and call me if you need me.

Conversely, if the younger woman wants to yell and scream—kick a desk over and then kick it again, punch the nearest brick wall, issue a string of vicious Italian curses between her teeth—then that would be perfectly intelligible, too. A more than reasonable reaction to the nonsense that her paramour just pulled, embarrassing her like that in front of God and Jalen Hurts! (Mmph! The audacity of him! The absolute nerve! Barbara had told him—at least twice that she recalls—that it was a bad idea to propose. She hadn’t even been intending to help him. She had just wanted to minimize the startling possibility that Melissa could be hurt.)

A supportive friend would dutifully be there in the ugly aftermath, double and triple-checking that the second grade teacher didn’t accidentally break a toe, wrapping her bloodied knuckles in gauze.

Let it all out, she’d maybe say.

I’m here for you.

Now, in theory and moderate practice, it’s all well and good for people to be obliging and supportive. They’re admirable traits that Barbara would advocate in any Christian worth their paid tithes. But the crucial problem—(well, the one that she’s willing to admit to anyway)—is that Barbara Howard, for all of her upstanding moral fiber, has never once been the obliging type, having learned unshakeable grit long ago in the Sisyphean grind of the Philadelphia public school system.

And moreover, even though she would be the first to proclaim her undying loyalty, that’s far from synonymous with her support. The kindergarten teacher would crawl over hot coals to be there for Melissa Schemmenti. 

That’s loyalty. 

The primal abnegation—the inherent masochism—of love. 

But to helplessly watch her best friend punish herself over yet another undeserving man has never been her inclination nor her particular strong suit.

So, if the two choices are to let Melissa run away or further hurt herself, to be obliging or to be supportive —(and these have always been the two choices when Melissa has been in pain)—then Barbara chooses neither, which is to say as soon as the bell rings and all of her students have been ushered to the gym, she chooses to stride over to the classroom across the way and plant herself firmly in the door, folding her arms over her chest.

“I’m driving you home this evening,” she declares and is glad to find that her voice is gentle. (She had been afraid all afternoon that the consolation would come out a little wrong.)

(That she would slip up and sound relieved.)

(And she is that—assuredly.)

(She’s so relieved that Gary the Vending Machine Guy didn’t get to make such a half-assed proposal and get away with it. Perhaps a little inappropriately, she thanks God for his divine mercy in ensuring that the karmic struggle bent towards justice.)

(But she also knows that she has no right to advertise this sensation—this incredible, gut-wrenching relief—somewhere that her friend might see it. She may not be supportive—(hell, she might not even entirely be kind ) —but she isn’t callous. She isn’t cruel.)

Melissa is at her desk, half-slumped in her perpetually creaking seat, staring at nothing at particular. The wall. A faded poster of the solar system. Dust notes suspended in the sunlight trickling in through the blinds. There are sweeping shadows beneath her eyes where her mascara has been running. A telltale redness around the nose. 

“Barb,” she starts tiredly, only barely glancing her way, “you don’t hafta—“

But Barbara intercepts her protestations neatly.

“—I want to,” she insists, intending to step forward and just as suddenly reluctant to even try, discerning something horrible in the other woman’s eyes that terrifies her. 

Something unnervingly still.

Something broken.

She distinctly remembers that the last time Melissa’s eyes had looked like that, she’d been staring down the barrel of an acrimonious divorce. She didn’t smile for an entire year. She just pretended to when she thought that people were rightfully concerned.

“We could… have a girl’s night, perhaps,” she presses on, perhaps a little hesitant at first, sensing that she’s sidling up to an invisible wall. “Yes, a true lady’s evening! Drink a lot of wine. Watch Jeopardy! Order takeout from that—mmm, oh what’s it called?—that… that interesting pizzeria on the corner. The one next to the Shell Station that was robbed last year.”

“It’s Rizzo’s, and you hate that crap,” Melissa snorts humorlessly, never once missing a beat, an expert at finding meaning in her ellipsis. “Said it gave ya indigestion.”

“But you love it,” Barbara returns emphatically, lips kneading into a fond smile. It’s a sorry excuse for a restaurant in her opinion, the pizza greasy, the garlic bread overseasoned. and to add insult to improperly cooked injury, the owners are tremendously rude, always complaining when shedares to complain about the lacking quality of their products. But that’s not the point. The point is: “I’ll guzzle some Pepto. And if it comes down to it, indulge in a Tums.”

I’d do anything to make you happy.

Her smile widens and she dares to hope for something of a crooked grin in return, but Melissa doesn’t seem to find this playful gesture of self-sacrifice nearly half as amusing—nor even endearing for that matter—finally meeting her in the eye, a certain hardness in her tall face, a steeliness that is willing to cut.

“I don’t want your pity,” she mutters, quiet defiance in every syllable, audible defeat in the strained silence that follows.

Barbara knows that her friend has to say some version of this line. She has to make it perfectly clear that she thinks she’s hard to love, and then, for some godforsaken reason, she feels compelled to go as far as proving it, street fighting with just her teeth.

“And you’re not getting it either,” she says firmly, shaking her head. 

“I’d be a blessed fool to ever pity you, Melissa Schemmenti.”

More silence weaves its way into the gap, as thick and as complicated as a rope between them. The younger woman scrutinizes her closely, trying to locate the mockery that she seems to perpetually assume is there, while Barbara stares just as intensely back, refusing to let her arrive at such a profoundly incorrect conclusion in the first place.

“And you couldn’t possibly be that, could ya, Barb?” The second grade teacher eventually sighs, a wane smile bobbing to her dark lips. “Anybody’s fool?”

“Exactly,” she agrees with a certain smugness, rightfully intuiting that she’s won. “And you're nobody’s pity project either. Now grab your purse, sweetheart. As the kids would say, we’re blowing the lid off of this popsicle stand."

But for all this—their familiar back-and-forth, the other woman's stunning pain, their mutual agreement that Barbara isn't a fool when it comes to all matters Melissa—Melissa remains unmoving, though clearly not untouched. She blinks once, and Barbara sees that her pale eyes are overbright, everything about her so tender and visibly scraped raw.

“You serious about this?” She rasps, achingly vulnerable, almost child-like as she sits with her hands loosely templed on top of her desk. “You don’t… gotta babysit me, y’know. I’m gonna be just fine.”

“I know that,” Barbara exhales softly, and more than that, fundamentally believes it. She believes with every atom in her that her best friend is going to get through this latest tribulation with all her pieces intact, that she’s Melissa Schemmenti, for goodness sake, and she’s never known a challenge that she couldn’t capably meet.

“But let me take care of you tonight anyway,” she finishes, all kindness and ferocious warmth for the woman six feet across from her in this cold and empty room.

Her colleague of some twenty-odd years.

Her sister.

Her partner—as loaded as that word is, as Barbara often pretends for it not to be.

“God, you’re such a gagootz,” comes an affectionate reply, and then a hitch of a laugh of a poorly concealed sob.

“Only for you,” she teases right back and shifts slightly on the balls of her feet, suddenly discomfited by the idea that she could actually possibly mean it. 

She swallows lightly and shoves the traitorous thought into one of the innumerable drawers of her mind. Locks it. Rebelliously holds on to the key.

—

Barbara is more than aware that she probably shouldn’t prod the freshly exposed wound. An obliging friend wouldn’t anyway—a supportive one. 

But in their particular friendship, where the only barrier between them sometimes is the fabric that separates their brushing skin, pushing a little harder than they should is an implicit given for them, if only because they know the other is so prone to pulling away.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Barbara asks on the drive away from her own house, where she picked up an overnight bag: some clothes, her toiletries, a bottle of unopened wine, her CPAP machine. She feels guilty for abruptly canceling on Gerald. She’d made plans with him and just as immediately bailed when there were suddenly more important things. 

When there was Melissa.

To his lasting credit, he immediately understood.

Her wonderful husband always understands when it comes to Melissa, something complicated in his eyes and maddeningly patient in his weathered smile whenever they talk about her. Barbara doesn’t know what to make of these microgestures, nor does she try to decode them into an alphabet that makes sense when they’re both currently content to let their arcane meanings go unworded. 

Instead, she grips the sun-baked leather of her steering wheel all the tighter, and asks Melissa if she wants to talk about her pain, perhaps solely for the reason that she won’t have to spend any unnecessary time interrogating her own.

“Nope,” Melissa grunts unhelpfully, eyes eclipsed behind the dark lenses of her sunglasses. “Nothing to talk about. I had a boyfriend. He wanted somethin’ more than that, and I, uh, couldn’t… I could never give that… I mean—and now I don’t have a boyfriend anymore. Simple as that.”

But Barbara hears the clumsy slippage of words, the implicit pain there, the story her best friend is choosing to tell herself, the solely placed blame.

“It wasn’t your fault, you know,” she murmurs, easing to a stop light that’s just turned red. She takes the lull for the opportunity that it is, reaching over without looking, placing a hand on Melissa’s wrist where it lays across the console. Squeezing once.

Gently—always gently.

Not letting go, even though she absolutely should.

“You told that man. You told him and you told him, and you explicitly told him. It’s hardly on you if he was too obtuse to ever get it.”

“He’s not obtuse,” Melissa snaps, suddenly pulling her hand back into her lap. The violence of it shocks them both, the silence taut, frayed and fraying. Somewhere in the unbearable static, the light turns green without either of them ever being really aware. 

The rusty sedan behind them honks at Barbara to go.

She presses the pedal with a little more force than is required.

“Sorry,” the second grade teacher mutters, flushing a little, tugging at her seatbelt strap. “It’s just… if he’s obtuse, then what am I, y’know? We both thought we were on the same page, and here it turns out I can’t open any book without makin’ spaghetti of the words.”

“Melissa,” she exhales softly. She doesn’t know what to say to such a revealing proclamation, where to even begin, how to unpick a skein of self-loathing that’s as convoluted as that, the threads unwilling to be anything else but a tangled ball.

“Which is why I don’t wanna talk about it yet,” the younger teacher shrugs, harshly swiping at the skin beneath her eyes, angling her body away. “I gotta figure out how to explain it all to myself first.”

“And would it be too much to ask for you to be kind to yourself in that process?” Barbara can’t help but ask, forcing herself to keep her eyes on the road, fingers tightly locked around the wheel. “To afford yourself the same grace that you so generously bestow to others?”

To Gary the Vending Machine Guy.

To Joseph.

You always take up for fools who don’t deserve it, she bitterly thinks and half-despises herself for it. Melissa can’t help who she loves, anymore than Barbara can’t help but drop everything to be there for Melissa, which is probably the same thing as saying that Barbara can’t help who she loves either.

It's a terrifying thought, one that the kindergarten teacher can't exactly afford to entertain when there's a diamond studded ring on her fourth finger that Gerald took out a loan for when they were just twenty-five. He was besotted with her, and she liked him so very much, and she thought that the safe boundaries of marriage would teach her how to love a man like a good woman of God.

Melissa only offers another listless shrug, staring out of the window as the city passes them by. 

A blur of color and light. 

Streaks of meaningless sound.

—

They fall into a familiar routine, the same metronomic cadence that they know by heart after nearly three decades of jokingly calling each other home. They eat. They drink. (Barbara swills copious amounts of Pepto to deal with that disgusting pizza.) They curl up on Melissa’s plastic-covered couch beneath the knit blanket that her nonna made and watch Jeopardy!, shouting out the answers at nearly the exact same time. When the show is over, they drink even more, quickly draining Barbara’s cheap bottle of Merlot to the lees. Melissa moves on to some old beer she had in her outside fridge, refusing to touch her good stuff—the vintage wines, the nice beers, her impressive collection of bourbons—for the occasion.

Barbara decides to sober up in case Melissa needs her, exchanging her delicate wine glass for a plastic Hooters cup filled with water.

The younger woman’s face gets steadily rosier the more she indulges, petals blooming across her cheek, a pleasant ruddiness shading the tip of her nose. She laughs a little too hard at the harmless sitcom that they’re not even really watching. She tucks her feet beneath Barbara’s thigh on the couch to warm them, causing the kindergarten teacher to inexplicably shiver. Around ten, she drunkenly muses about the astonishing merits of her own breasts.

“Gary called ‘em the best honkers he’s ever seen,” she says suddenly, two-thirds into her second Miller Lite, staring down at her cleavage with a frown that makes her plump lower lip poke out.

Barbara nearly chokes on her water, spilling a little on her blouse, her own gaze unwittingly magnetized to the objects in question—specifically, the way the divot of them is just barely visible at the low neck of her shirt. Cream-colored things, smooth and deliciously warmed in the golden glow of the lamp, delicately freckled with sun-spots from so many youthful days spent out in the sun.

“Used t’think that’s the best compliment a guy’s ever given me,” the younger woman half-smiles, “‘cuz my only point of reference was Joe sayin’ I should get a touch up on my boob job.”

The explicit reference to Melissa’s ex-husband snaps Barbara out of her reverie, a cold splash of water over the heat that had been incrementally rising in her face by degrees.

“Joseph was a manchild and a heathen,” she sniffs primly, finally feeling comfortable enough with the details of Melissa’s divorce to confidently say so. Of course, six years ago, she also thought as much and occasionally said it, too, but that only ended with her and Melissa bitterly arguing over what sort of treatment that the second-grade teacher seemed to think she deserved.

Time must really heal all wounds, though, because now, Melissa only limply chuckles between drags of stale beer.

“And if the only compliment that men can ever muster about you concerns the state of your bosom—impressive though it certainly may be—then they don’t deserve the opportunity to compliment you at all,” she finishes pointedly, tapping her long nails against the side of her water. (By goodness, and dear almighty God, she’s trying to let it escape her notice that the Hooters logo is an incredibly apt brand for the conversation they’re currently having, but it's a damn uphill climb when the whole cup is nearly the same shade of Melissa's hair.)

The younger teacher must sense that they've arrived at dangerous grounds, though, skating around the very perimeter of a conversation that she’s so clearly unwilling to entertain, because she polishes the last of her beer off in one gulp and adeptly changes the subject.

“So you think my rack is impressive, huh?” She suddenly smirks, eyes twinkling in the dim light.

“Girlfriend!” Barbara immediately groans, shutting her eyes as something lurches within her at the insinuation. A twinge at the seething core of her. A not particularly unpleasant warmth coiling upwards from the pit of her stomach, coloring her insides the most intoxicating shades of red: scarlet, crimson, candied apple, vermilion.

The exact shade of Melissa Schemmenti’s vivid lips.

“I-I didn’t mean it like that!”

She suddenly feels the pressing need to go to church, but since that’s not currently an option, maybe a cold shower and an unspecified prayer for forgiveness will have to do.

Melissa only laughs at her, long and almost offensively hard, clutching her soft belly. 

“Ha!” She wheezes. “I’m not sure there are other ways t’mean it, Barb.”

—

A little after midnight, Barbara finally settles into the guest bedroom that she knows used to be where Joseph slept in the bitter months leading up to the divorce. It’s small but cozy, containing everything she needs to get through the night—a good mattress, a nightstand, an outlet to plug in her phone and sleep apnea machine—and yet, the kindergarten teacher finds herself in a hopeless war in the pursuit of stillness. She tries to read a few pages from the Danielle Steel book that she picked up from the library, but all the words just seem to fall off the page. She scrolls through her phone for a bit—checking emails, liking Facebook memes, adding to the grocery list in her notes—and just as abruptly stops when she sees that she missed a goodnight text from Gerald a few hours ago.

Night, hon. Sweet dreams. Give Melissa my love.

It’s entirely kind—(Gerald is and always will be)—and it excavates her on the spot for some obscure reason that she is unwilling to try and name. She slams her phone down like it’s the fabled Book of Judgment, flicks off the lamp, and attempts to finally go to sleep, but the smothering dark just becomes a convenient cover for her less palatable thoughts, ones explicitly having to do with the woman in the master bedroom next door.

Did she make it into the shower alright?

Take her medicines, shimmy into some pajamas?

(What sort of pajamas does her best friend wear when she's at home and no one is looking anyway? Surely, not a full set—such as the kind that Barbara prefers. Old t-shirts? A nightgown? Perhaps simply her undergarments.)

(Maybe even nothing at all.) (Barbara shivers in the darkness and idly wonders if the same reason that she cringes when Gerald is kind to her is because she spends her nighttime hours wondering what Melissa does or doesn't sleep in. She sternly dismisses the thought. Calls it absurd. Absolutely needs it to be. Cathedrals of bare flesh erect themselves in her mind anyway: a temple of a body, suffused in a divine and feminine glow.)

Is Melissa finally asleep, the copious amounts of booze that she drank blissfully washing her away into the gentle sea of the night?

Or, is she lying alone in bed, staring listlessly at the ceiling too?

Thinking about Gary.

Heartbroken over the loss of a man who could have treated her far better than he did.

It shouldn’t really concern her, and yet it does. Absolutely. Every unanswered question jabs at her as she lies in the bed that Melissa’s ex-husband used to sleep in, hopelessly trying to get comfortable under such inherently distressing conditions. She squirms, writhes, tosses and inevitably turns. 

She just as suddenly stills at the plaintive knock on her bedroom door.

“Barb?” The familiar voice leans tiredly against the wood. “You still up?”

“Yes,” she just barely breathes, slowly gathering herself into an upright position. Then louder, sounding much more like herself: “Mhm. Come on in.”

The invitation is heeded, the door swinging open to reveal Melissa in the silvery pool of the hallway’s night light, hair still damp from the shower, wearing nothing but an old Eagles shirt that just barely covers the tops of her thighs. 

Barbara swallows thickly, a kaleidoscope of sensations whirling through her stomach: so many colors, indecorous thoughts, and sickly desires.

Needs.

The very center of her tightens, shifts uneasily in response to this unprecedented sight that she'd just been vaguely dreaming of. She doesn’t remember the last time she saw something that she could so easily name as beautiful.

“Couldn’t sleep?” She croaks, loathing how affected her voice sounds, every syllable touched. It’s just her best friend after all, half-naked in the dripping light, looking strangely small in the tall frame of the door.

Nothing worth getting her panties in a twist about.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Melissa confirms, pulling a hand through her hair. “... I’d forgot how much I hate bein’ alone.”

It’s the type of vulnerable confession that the second-grade teacher would never, ever admit in the cold light of day, but here, in the complicated darkness, all of her inhibitions loosened by booze, Barbara can see that the younger woman thinks it might be permissible to finally be truthful.

Maybe, by the morning time, she’ll even forget that she ever was. 

“I’m here,” Barbara murmurs, suddenly aware of the painful emptiness of the space next to her, like it’s a hole in her side, an untenable absence, needing attention. How pathetic of her. 

How lonely.

(She has an incredible, caring husband.)

(Why in God’s blessed name is she lonely even still?)

“You always are,” Melissa agrees, apparently hearing the doubled-speak, too, and with that, there’s nothing else for her to do except crawl into bed next to Barbara, the mattress shuddering with her added weight.

And then there they are, two women lying in the same bed, side-by-faithful-side.

Shoulders just touching.

Hips.

Thighs.

The delicate bones of their ankles.

Melissa’s hair tickles Barbara’s neck.

Barbara's heart revolts in its ivory cage.

“I keep thinkin’,” the second-grade teacher eventually starts, slowly spooning the awful words into the bigness and the blackness of it all, “what if Gary was it? What if that cavolo was the best I’m gonna get at sixty-years old, and I just let him slip away ‘cause I don’t ever wanna see a big, shiny rock on my finger again? He was good to me. He cared. He could do his own laundry, and he always let me have the last beer. Shouldn’t that have been enough, Barb? Would it have killed me to give it a go?”

Barbara more than understands that these musings are not exactly for her—spoken to her, yes, but that’s not the same as directed��at her, requiring her opinion, her precise judgments, her thoughts, her thoughts, her spinning, desperate thoughts. The younger woman is just venting, exhaling the noxious fumes before they can build up in her nervous system and explode.

Perhaps a good friend—an obliging one, a supportive one—would just let her do it. Get it all out there, and let her eventually fall asleep to sound of absolute silence. There’s no harm to be done in that, no stain on her immaculate soul if she does nothing that will make her feel like she needs to atone the next morning.

But, of course, maybe the crucial problem isn’t that Barbara Howard isn’t obliging and supportive.

Maybe the essential crux, the truth that she has tried desperately hard to alienate and annihilate and so cleverly elide, is that it has been a long, long time since friend has been a sufficient enough epithet for the intimacy that exists between herself and the woman scarcely inches away in the dark of this room. 

Maybe friend is just the necessary lie that the kindergarten teacher tells herself to make it through the day.

Something easily digestible, a poison that she doesn’t have to think too hard about to continually swallow.

But this particular epiphany, as revelatory as it is, as equally disruptive, is quickly cut off at its knees, oxygen deprived, neatly culled in the well-pruned garden of Barbara’s mind. She cannot think these things. 

They’re dirty, simply blasphemous. 

And yet, she can’t just let Melissa go unanswered either; she can’t let her go around thinking that she’s too damaged to fully love.

“But shouldn’t the precise inverse be true as well, Melissa?” She asks, perhaps a little fiercer in the darkness, and yet, every bit as exacting as she would be in the light. “That if he had loved you enough, he would have listened and met you where you were at? What is a marriage but a signed paper between two people? If he loved you enough, why on God’s green and almighty Earth did he require a government stamp as certified proof?”

Her chest heaves with the weight of this line of questioning; she feels strangely proud of this outburst and simultaneously sick that she does, the bitter extremes chasing each other in whorls in the pit of her gut, totally irreconcilable, both awful and glorious.

There’s no catharsis for the longest time either, the silence gnawing upon them both with razor-sharp teeth, puncturing their already tender skin.

“Melissa,” she bites her lip, fearing she’s finally gone too far, said too much, revealed something about herself that she can't possibly take back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—"

But the second-grade teacher cuts across her. 

“It wasn’t a dick move for him to propose.” And Barbara can hear it in the shattered facets of her voice, how hard she’s trying not to cry—not even here in the darkness where no one except the good Lord can ever really see. “It wasn’t his fault I’m effed in the head.”

“You are not —” She starts vehemently.

“I am.”

“You didn’t settle, Melissa Schemmenti,” she insists, reaching over into the barest gap between them and decisively grabbing the younger woman’s hand, templing it with her own, their ten fingers interlinking beneath the coolness of the sheets. “You loved him and yourself enough to let him go. That isn’t self-destruction, sweetheart, and never could be. You saved yourself. There are plenty of people in this world who wish they had an inch of your bravery to do the same.”

Someone in this very room even.

A pious would-be-sinner in Melissa's ex-husband's bed.

“But maybe I was wrong, Barb. Maybe it wouldn’t have cost me anything t'get married.”

“No,” Barbara says sharply, but then, feeling Melissa’s hand tense in her own, just as immediately softens, brushing her thumb along the sharp spines of the other woman's knuckles.

“No,” she repeats herself, with a renewed gentleness that almost overwhelms her, with all the collected tenderness in her bones. “You already knew that it would cost you everything.”

Melissa sits with this thought for a longer while still, perhaps arranging her counterargument into an fusillade of harsh words that Barbara probably even deserves at this point, but in the end, all that comes out is a low, defeated chuckle.

A squeeze of the hand.

“Jesus, if I only loved myself about half as much as you loved me,” she starts, but Barbara interrupts her again, keen to get the last word in, to have the golden opportunity to define the exact depths of her love.

“—then you’d be the most self-assured woman in the world,” she finishes softly, squeezing Melissa’s hand right back.

“Gagootz,” Melissa accuses her again with a fond sigh, and she shifts in the bed a little—and then a whole lot—until she’s leaning against Barbara’s shoulder, and all of her senses are filled with an excess of her: the slight dampness of her hair, the delicate swell of her strawberry shampoo, skin-touching-skin-touching-smooth-and-warm-skin.

“Forever and ever, amen,” Barbara murmurs, finally daring to press her cheek against the crown of Melissa’s dark head.

She asks for nothing more and daily gets by with so much less, so this is the closest thing to paradise if such a thing exists on this mortal earth. 

In the permissive darkness, she breathes it all in.

#work wives #reginianwrites #s: Abbott Elementary #It is so good to be back

[evermoredeluxe]

As someone who also is new to Taylor after ttpd like last anon I feel like this is something as a abuse victim I can say.

this album made me feel heard.

essentially I had a man dangle marriage and kids over my head for 5 years. My therapist told me it was a form of mental abuse. Long story short, family members and friends gave me HELL for saying that. Saying I was impatient and dramatic.

I feel like this album truly shows how damaging those promises are when as Taylor said “made to wait.”

of course I imagine her situation wasn’t the same as mine (I hope not) but I find comfort how she called that out as toxic and seeing her fans support it and saying “yes being promised all that for 7 years is wrong” as if I myself am getting the support I never got from my friends and family.

those promises truly make you stay and romanticize everything that person does (even the horrible things) because you think they are your endgame and they know that and use it against you. It’s an awful manipulation tactic.

I’ve said this to another blog, but I truly hope Taylor knows that even the hints of that make a difference of spreading awareness to that type of abuse. Because truly. If my therapist hadn’t told me it was abuse I never would have believed it.

I am now a dedicated fan of hers. The depths of this album and explaining how damaging said promises are for a long period of time.. it truly truly hit.

I’m sure many reading this will like my family and friends be like “how is that abuse” so I’ll save the long winded explanation but essentially, to me this spreads awareness of something that’s very hard to understand unless you have lived it.

im sorry that happened anon <3 glad that TTPD is helping you and that you sought out professional help.

i think the reason i wouldn’t call it abuse in taylor’s case is because she didn’t use that word (even though 2+2 = 4), and it feels unfair. she hinted so much at how it hindered her life and literally used jail and cages as metaphor, and how she felt ignored, and i think that’s A Lot especially because she tried helping him throughout it. but a part of the fandom may not be ready to address that despite how honest and raw and revealing the album is.

anyway, i think your partner having issues, struggling and taking their time is human and normal, but when they start letting it affect you negatively to the point where they are demolishing you and don’t even try to actually reciprocate anything in the relationship (except fake promises and empty words), and they check out is when it is toxic. because you are giving it your whole existence in hopes of the bright future while they don’t give a fuck. and i personally think that initially it may be unintentional, but eventually the fake words become intentional because they know they can use them to quell you, and those promises make you think of the time when it was good and you hold onto it tightly. but maybe that’s just me who thinks this way. additionally, i think one should always strive to be the best version of themselves so that they can be the best partner, and if your person isn’t doing that, i think it’s not the best sign (and taylor talks about this in “peter”)

also, i just wanna say, im not trying to imply anything more than you shared about your past relationship (or taylor’s for that matter), but just making a point that you are indeed valid in feeling this way. sending you a hug 🫂

#anonymous #replies

[gray-ts]

JEN LINDLEY IS AROACE - a deep dive.

jen lindley from Dawson’s Creek is asexual and aromantic

disclaimer: I’m not claiming this is canon. I just think Jen can be interpreted as aroace.

#1: “Attracted to? What do you mean attracted to?”

On DETENTION (1x07) the kids are playing truth or dare, and there’s this dialogue

Joey: “out of all the guys in Capeside is Dawson the one you’re most attracted to?”

Jen: “Do I like Dawson the most? Yeah, of course”

Joey: “No, I didn’t ask if you like him the best, I asked you if he’s the one you’re most attracted to”

Jen: “what do you mean ‘attracted to?’”

Jen can’t comprehend the concept of attraction in the context joey brought it up (sexual attraction).

She’s pressured by everyone to answer it and that makes her very uncomfortable and annoyed.

Joey says “Do you LUST for him?”

Jen says “it’s a stupid question.”

Jen is further pressured by her peers, and then she says “it’s a stupid question because the answer is yes! Obviously the answer is yes. I lust for Dawson. I’m hot for Dawson. Maybe if you spent less time dwelling on me and Dawson you might’ve a boyfriend of your own”

By her tone it’s possible to tell that she’s just saying that she’s sexually attracted to Dawson just to get out of the situation she was put in.

It’s also an asexual experience to not understand sexual attraction.

#2: casual sex as a form of validation and coping mechanism

During season 2 Jen is an extremely vulnerable situation. This explains why she chased Dawson after their breakup, it was because she was lonely and sad and vulnerable, not out of love for him.

She’d just lost her grandfather, she’s grieving. And she also doesn’t have the support of people she considered to be her friends.

Pacey is caught up in Andie. Dawson and Joey are always caught up in their own little drama. She doesn’t have parents. Her grandmother doesn’t understand her.

On THE ALL NIGHTER (2X07) Chris Wolfe is persistently chasing her.

Dawson comes into the picture and tells him not to take advantage of Jen’s current vulnerability. He also “warns” Jen about it, and Jen tells him she’s aware of Chris Wolfe’s intentions and that it doesn’t mean she has to go along with it.

But considering she was rejecting him previously on the episode and that after they had sex, jen was clearly unhappy, this was a coping mechanism.

This is recurring on season 2.

#3: Henry Parker

Jen Lindley did NOT want to be in a relationship with Henry Parker. He basically harassed her. And Jack and Grams kept telling her that she should go out with him.

She did it because that’s what she was expect to. Not out of feelings for him.

On THE TWO GENTLEMAN OF CAPESIDE (4X03) Jen tells Pacey she regrets the fact that she’s never been in love. To what Pacey says “what about Henry?”. Jen answers “That wasn’t love. Couldn’t be”

Jen had been in other relationships besides Henry (including Dawson Leery) but she canonically wasn’t in love with anyone!

#4: Kissing Jack

On WINTER’S TALE (4X14) both Jen and Jack are feeling sad and lonely, and they’re drunk and then they kiss.

It’s brought up by her therapist that she pursues relationships that are doomed to fail as a sort of self-sabotage.

But this doesn’t necessarily it’s only about her mental health. It’s common for aroace people to pursue unattainable people, (or to think they have feeling for said people) because subconsciously they don’t really want to be with them romantically or sexually.

#5: sleeping with Dawson to prove a point.

On HOTEL NEW HAMPSHIRE (5X08) Jen and Dawson are talkings about the reason why they didn’t workout on season one.

Dawson says he knows why they didn’t work out

Jen asks why

Dawson: You weren’t physically attracted to me

Jen: is that what you think?

then she kisses him and they have sex. It’s so clear that she’s doing it to prove a point. Not because she’s actually sexually attracted to him.

During a lot of season one (especially DETENTION, this topic is continuously brought up by Dawson, he fully believes she’s not attracted to him and bitches about the fact that she doesn’t want to have sex with him yet while simultaneously slut-shaming her for her past - important reminder that jen was frequently sexually assaulted as child, and Dawson being the trash he is made her out to be a villain for it)

#6: “you belong to me”

Jen has never loved anyone romantically. Especially not as much as she loved her platonic soulmate Jack McPhee

#jen lindley #asexual #dawsons creek #aromantic #ace #aro #aroace #jen lindley aroace #headcanon

[theflyindutchwoman]

Have you done Anatomy of a Scene for ep 4x21 yet? Apologies if you had. I’m referring to this specific scene while in the shop, and Tim and Lucy where discussing Tim’s vacation plan with Ashley and how vacationing in Hawaii may send off the wrong message. But Specifically the part when Lucy asked Tim “can you see yourself married to her?”

I feel like, this is one of very crucial moment that gets overlooked. In my mind I saw Tim trying to picture who he sees at the end of the aisle, which was Lucy. And this took him by surprise, shown by the way his eyes widen slightly, as if by surprised and the hesitation in his answer. And of course Lucy was quite bummed out when he said yes, even thought it was definitely untrue.

Personally I see this moment as a major turning point, aside from DOD episode. In the DOD episode it’s a turning point in which Tim realizes that he cares about Lucy, maybe more than the typical TO/ rookie dynamic and that he is unwilling to not have her in his life. But the 4x12 scene , that simple question, kinda brings to light the romantic feelings that has been brewing and simmering underneath that Tim may have not realized before either.

No, I haven't done one yet! I did touch on it briefly in this ask, if you want to read it (it's the first part), but it was more about Tim's feelings for Ashley.

This is a very interesting take! Though I'm not sure I can believe that Tim was thinking of Lucy in that specific moment… The way I see it, this was more about Lucy figuring out her feelings for Tim than the other way around… That's why the camera zoomed in on her reaction after he answered her question or when he fake-proposed. The focus was on her and how crushed she was. And for me, this is supported by Tim's own reaction after their practice kiss in the next episode, when he was in the hallway, completely bamboozled. This was the face of a man who finally had an epiphany. But if he could see himself marrying Lucy before that kiss, then there was no reason for him to have such a strong reaction since he would have already been in touch with his feelings for her, you know what I mean? I also doubt he would have been able to joke about proposing to Ashley if he had this picture of Lucy in mind. Look at how he behaved in the parking lot the morning after their kiss… That seems more consistent with someone who was finally aware of his feelings for his partner and consequently, no longer knew how to act around her at first. By comparison, when he said he could see himself marrying Ashley, there was no drastic change in his demeanor. His world view shifted in 4.22.

So I guess this might be why this moment gets overlooked or overshadowed… Because his response in the shop is open to interpretation. It's not as clear cut as the one he has in the hallway after their kiss. I interpret his reaction in 4.21 more as him finally considering the possibility of proposing to Ashley. He had been dodging the question since Lucy brought it up, and this time, he was actually turning it over in his mind.

That said, this is only my interpretation and is no more valid than yours. I think that whole scene you're referring to was left ambiguous on purpose since Tim himself was struggling to make sense of his own feelings. I'm currently rewatching season 4 so I'll keep this in mind when I get to this episode.

#Thanks for sharing your thoughts :) #ask & ye shall receive #the rookie #chenford #tim bradford #lucy chen #As an aside - I might do a masterlist for all the scenes I've analysed so far #Might be easier now that I've done quite a few

[syndxlla]

Saw your 'corruption' ZeLink fantasy and felt I should share what I would love to use it for if I had the writing skills. So... while reading, I thought of how some people are of the HC (myself included!) that every Game!Zelda is Hylia reborn just as she had been in SS but people In Universe think that's naught but fanciful stories, that Hylia Ascended into Divinity once more after her SS!life ended. Now, for my version of your Zelink 'corruption' fantasy I think that Link is very much aware and fully believes such 'stories', (maybe through Fi or his dreams or just a sort of sixth sense or because of his being The Hero or however else one can reason it out) so when Zelda's trying so hard to be 'pure as the Goddess' as the various factions of clergy tell her she should be he's like, 'fuck that.'

He's of the opinion that she doesn't need to be 'pure' as those of Mortal ken would describe it, but that she needs to be 'pure' to Herself as She is. A Goddess. To be worshipped, not to worship. Especially towards a replacement/false idol since they do not remember Her as She once was before Time made Mortals forget that She walks among them as Her own descendant when Demise's Curse rears its head once more.

So he teaches her in a sort of reverse psychology way. He bugs and bugs and bugs (maybe leaving some books on her desk that she'd never find in the Royal Library 'cause they were 'immoral', 'disgusting', or that whoever enjoyed such {whether reading about it or performing it} are 'abnormal' and/or 'heathens', maybe he does one thing or another that she should be punishing him for but isn't because she's 'practicing charity/turning the other cheek' as the clergy taught her the Goddess would want her to do, maybe teasing her and saying something along the lines of, "Oh, dear. Are you frustrated? Tsk, darn. If only my Goddess would command me to finish what I started. Too bad she doesn't seem to be listening.") until she finally finds it in herself to take charge as his Mistress, his Princess, his Goddess. He was her Servant, her Appointed Knight, her Hero. So it is time for him to repent his blasphemy by learning at her feet to stand unless she bids him bend the knee or face punishment. (Orgasm denial? Overstimulation? Edging? Humiliation? Training him to the point he can only orgasm with her 'help?) He should be answering to her and her alone; kneeling to no one but her. And that includes her father!

This might even be the type of AU that involves her then 'unlocking her power' (one could even have it be that she then uses her power in creative ways when she's playing with her hero; justifying it as 'for science!') but she then keeps quiet about it as validation that everyone around her telling her what to do was wrong and a bit of vindictiveness because 'she's found her worth in herself with her hero's help and love and support so why should she go looking for it with those who tried so hard to knock her down for so long? She'll do her duty when it's time but for now? Let them sweat it out, the bastards.'

What do you think? Do you like my addition to your Zelink 'corruption' fantasy or...?

FOAMING at the mouth rn.

I love female worship okay, the orgasm training is kind of what i was going for in my original post when i talked about them getting turned on when they would pray because they were trained to associate those prayers with the sexual touch of the other.

I also LOVEEEE inappropriate uses of magic (when i was in my star wars era, inappropriate use of the force was my FAVE). and i love the potential of Zelda unlocking her power and using it on Link unexpectedly (lowkey in cnc area, but not in a toxic way haha), or even better Link using his totk right arm to mess with zelda (i reblogged some art of this), even though i know i’m zelda canon the latter couldn’t happen.

REGARDLESS i am OBSESSED with corruption zelink rn and WILL be writing a short fanfic for it! But i wanna finish my current fic ‘best friends’ first!

Zelink smut go brrrrrr

#ask #fan fiction #tloz #zelink #zelda #botw #legend of zelda #the legend of zelda #link x zelda #zelda fandom #zelda tears of the kingdom

[fleshing-out-fodlan]

I’ve noticed some interesting things in how Ingrid talks about her father that indicate the type of relationship they have.

First is in her paralogue where she almost ends up married to a not so nice man. She says that her father was concerned that it would “bode poorly for [their] family,” notice no mention of Ingrid’s well being specifically. Ingrid would be the one married to this man so her wellbeing would be significantly more threatened than that of anyone else in her family. Sure, it’s possible he said something about her and Ingrid just didn’t mention that but I don’t see why she wouldn’t say “he was worried for my safety and the wellbeing of our family” or something like that if that was the case. It does make me wonder how concerned he is with Ingrid’s wellbeing or if he’s just hyperfocused on their territory and family’s reputation. One of the most common points used to support her father is how he would starve himself so Ingrid could eat. Which kudos to him for that but at the same time that’s not really enough to be considered a good parent if you drop the ball with everything else, especially if you believe the fan theory about him feeding her because a malnourished girl/woman would be ‘less attractive’ and therefore he’d get less money for her.

The second thing that drew my attention was in the Ingrid Byleth C support.

Ingrid’s pause here is very important and indicates that she has to think carefully about her words. She makes a very conscious decision here to call him a good person as opposed to a good father like Byleth said. If Ingrid and her father genuinely have a good relationship why did she need to think about it? Why did she avoid complimenting his on his quality as a parent? Then in their B support there’s something even more interesting. (Byleth has two dialogue options, Ingrid responds to both in the same way)

Ingrid thanks you for calling her father’s actions “awful” and there’s hardly any defense of his actions following it, the most she does is say that he doesn’t not care about her. If he was genuinely a good dad I imagine she would try to defend him in some way. And this isn’t a conversation with a childhood friend who understands the nuance of her family situation and is aware of the good and the bad, this is the first Byleth really hears about her dad and I’m sure Ingrid has enough awareness to realize Byleth is likely forming a negative view on her father. But still, she goes along with it. Furthermore, the comment about Byleth’s statement being ‘a great comfort’ to her indicates that Ingrid doesn’t normally have her feelings validated. It’s no secret that her childhood friend group is dysfunctional and I can see Ingrid feeling like her situation is the ‘least bad.’ Because of this, she likely didn’t receive much comfort from them as children so even just a simple statement from Byleth feels like a lot to her.

Next, I want to look at how she responds to Mercedes’ very similar struggle.

Kind of strange that her first response is ‘hey, why don’t you just abandon your family’ and she even states that her response is based off her experiences with her father, it makes me wonder if there’s a part of her that wishes she could just run away. Also not a fan of the comment about her father being ‘obsessed with [her] carrying on the family bloodline.’ A lot of conversations about Count Galatea revolve around him wanting to improve his lands for his people, which is of course a noble cause, and that’s why he’s forcing Ingrid into marriage. But Ingrid presents a different explanation here. I’m not saying that her father doesn’t genuinely want the first thing, but there are other ways of fixing this problem as shown by Ingrid’s endings. That leads me to believe a part of the reason he got so obsessed with finding Ingrid a spouse is because he knows that will likely lead to children. The type of people who will pay big bucks to marry a crest carrying woman are also the type of people who are going to want children with her after all. And he saw Ingrid was a very GNC child. Of course, being GNC has nothing to do with whether or not you want children but to Count Galatea this could’ve planted a seed of worry, what if Ingrid has ambitions outside of carrying on the family name? What if Ingrid’s ambitions lead her to have no children at all (and from the lack of emphasis on children in her endings I do believe Ingrid doesn’t have a particular to be a mother). How do you solve this problem? Why, you force her into a marriage by guilting her with the wellbeing of her people and then let her husband force her into becoming a mother and suddenly you’ve got exactly what you wanted and still have the moral highground.

#fe3h #fe3h ingrid #fe3h analysis #ingrid galatea

[theroguedragon3]

House of The Dragon 1x07

High Tide Incident Analysis

Something that I have noticed in regard to the children’s fight at Driftmark, is how both hardcore stans of the Greens and the Blacks refer to this event while defending their side, refusing to consider the other characters perspective. This type of mindset I feel hinders the complex aspect of the characters themselves, as I’ve seen some hardcore supporters claim that Aemond deserved to lose his eye or Luke deserve to die because he took Aemond’s eye. I wanted to unpack this scene and I’m not going to sugar-coat the children’s actions because, they were all at fault and played a part in the escalation, that ultimately caused an accident that resulted in the loss of an eye. This analysis will examine my interpretation of the characters possible intent, motivations and feelings in order to understand each character’s viewpoint and how it got to the point of no return.

 Aemond Claims Vhagar

Before I dissect the actual fight scene, I feel like it is important to examine Aemond’s state of mind when he successfully claims Vhagar. Aemond has been obsessed with having his own dragon, the fact that he doesn’t have one bothers him, as this insecurity is utilised against him in the Dragonpit when Aegon, Jace and Luke play a prank on him.

I feel like I have to address the prank, as Aemond apologists utilize this to demonize Rhaenyra’s children, when at no point does he state to his mother that they always pick on him or that he is tired of being picked on, indicating a prolonged bullying experience. I would like to point out this is the first and only incident that the viewer is aware of Rhaenyra’s children picking on Aemond. Viserys even alludes to Aegon being the ring leader being the oldest, while the younger boys follow him. That’s not a far stretch to consider, as they could look up to Aegon and see him as an admirable cool older boy. While on the flip side, Aemond is also shown knocking out Jacaerys’ wooden sword out of his hand during the training yard scene for no reason. Was it to get back at him after the prank, if so Aemond is clearly no push over and also likes to pick on his younger cousin.

Of course, it’s not fun being the laughing stock at the end of the day they are children, but I feel like there is more to Aemond’s mindset other than the prank and it involves his upbringing. Viserys is an absent father, and it falls to Alicent being the parental figure present in his life. Her clear dislike towards Rhaenyra is reflected in her parenting style, as I believe she instilled her belief into him, that he is better than Rhaenyra’s children, because they are bastards, and he is more Targaryen than his nephews. I feel like this distinction contributed to a sense of self-entitlement, only the biggest obstacle that bothers him about their differences is that their dragons hatched, while he simply doesn’t have one. This is a bruise to his ego, something considered a symbol of house Targaryen, yet Rhaenyra’s bastard children have dragons, when he the legitimate second son of the King, doesn’t even have one.

Aemond’s obsession in getting a dragon to validate his Targaryen lineage and self-importance over Rhaenyra’s children, especially after the prank, contributes to his decision to claim Vhagar on the same night as her previous rider’s funeral. He does not think or care about the repercussions his actions will have to those that it affects such as Rhaena and Baela. When Aemond manages to successfully bond and claim Vhagar as his mount, he receives a sense of validation and a huge ego boost. He now has claimed the largest dragon in Westeros, how could he not let it get to his head. This validation feeds his self-entitlement and superiority complex, as he now perceives himself above Rhaena, Baela, Jace and Luke, which is reflected during the confrontation. I also want to point out that I’m not simply hating on Aemond’s character, but I’m merely trying to dissect his different layers, as I enjoy the aspect in understanding all of the characters complex natures.

Confrontation

When the other children confront him, he is still riding the high of having just claimed the largest and fiercest dragon. He doesn’t shy away or is hesitant to engage with them head on, instead he is arrogant, which supports the idea of his self-entitled beliefs. Aemond chooses to use his words as a weapon with the intent to hurt and provoke Rhaena and the other children. He possibly went into this situation already anticipating a fight, as he chooses to face the confrontation, wanting to prove his self-worth to himself and utilize his newfound position of power after having claimed the largest dragon, to either defeat or intimidate his cousins, further validating his position over them.

Rhaena calls him out by choosing to remind Aemond that Vhagar was her mother’s dragon, the same person they just held a funeral for earlier in the day. She is responding out of anger at the lack of respect Aemond demonstrated by claiming Vhagar on the night of Laena’s funeral. Aemond disregards her grief by stating she’s dead and confirming Vhagar has a new rider, only further upsetting an already heartbroken Rhaena and by extension Baela.

Rhaena angrily states that Vhagar was hers to claim, while from a viewer’s perspective, we know dragons are not a family heirloom passed down to family members and it is ultimately up to the dragon to choose who they bond with, as they are not possessions. But sticking to this idea and criticizing Rhaena for her reaction, hinders the viewer in understanding Rhaena’s perspective. She also doesn’t have a dragon and is desperate to finally have one of her own. Her intentions on hoping to claim her mother’s dragon could be a result of her desire to finally have a dragon of her own (just like Aemond) and it just so happens that the opportunity presented itself being her mother’s dragon. It could also be that she did want Vhagar because of the connection to her late mother, there is nothing wrong in that, as viewers need to be mindful, she is still a child, who has the opportunity to learn about dragons and change her beliefs about them.

Rhaena is a little girl still mourning the death of her beloved mother. She is not in the mindset of claiming any dragon, as she probably was intending to properly grieve her mother. Allowing time to heal the rawness of losing a parent, before acting on her own desires to try and claim Vhagar. We will never know if Vhagar would’ve bonded with her or not because that opportunity was taken from her, which contributed to her anger towards Aemond.  

Aemond’s response is to completely dismiss her feelings and basically point the finger at her and claim it is her own fault for not being quick enough to claim Vhagar. This highlight’s his superiority complex and arrogance, as the underlying insinuation is that he was the smarter one to act quick enough, regardless of Rhaena’s emotional turmoil at the loss of her mother.

He continues by mocking her by referring to the pig prank, something that she had no part in and uses it to belittle her, as he now has the justification in putting himself above her. Instead of being mindful to avoid the subject regarding Raena’s lack of a dragon, he uses it against her, knowing it would hurt and upset her, because he was once in the same position as her not that long ago. He tilts his head in a nonchalant manner when he smugly suggests a pig would suit Rhaena. This shift in character illustrates his superiority, as he feels enjoyment by intentionally taunting her, through the use of targeting the same insecurity he himself struggled with against her.  

 Fight Sequence

Rhaena lashes out and lunges at him, he throws her to the ground, as Baela steps in and punches him, but it had little effect as he quickly recovers. Obviously, from a viewer’s perspective the girls’ actions were wrong, but we have to be mindful that they are children who are acting out based on their emotions. They do not have the ability to think of the consequences of their actions.

Baela’s actions are a result of anger, after listening to Aemond’s utter disregard for her late mother on the night of her funeral and then mocking her sister’s lack of a dragon, followed by throwing her to the ground.

Aemond punches her back in retaliation and Green hardcore stans argue he had every right to because he was defending himself, without taking into account the differences in the children’s background. Aemond is training to be a warrior, while the girls are not and are expected to learn feminine etiquette and household duties. The one who poses the biggest threat out of the two in that exchange is Aemond, he is better skilled and it is a testament, when he manages to overpower all four of the children.

After punching Baela, he proceeds to threaten her, stating he would feed her to his dragon should she decide to attack him again. I doubt Aemond had intentions on murdering Baela in such a manner and his character gave the impression that he was just running his mouth, without serious intentions to actually follow through with his threat.

This dialogue illustrates his confidence from the power trip, as he most likely just wanted to scare Baela in attempts to prevent her from attacking him again, knowing he wouldn’t hold himself back just because she’s a girl. This emphasizes his cold personality and hints towards his ruthless nature, as he doesn’t distinguish those that are weaker and would attack regardless of the opponent’s strength.  

This prompts Jace to step in, as Baela cowers on the ground while Aemond yells at her. Jace punches Aemond in the face, only further escalating the situation, as he feels the need to protect Baela.

Jace continues trying to hit Aemond, as he dodges the attack and ends up kicking him. This can be seen as a call back to Ser Criston’s teachings during Aegon’s match against Jace, where he instructed Aegon to use his feet. This highlights the differences in the skill level between Aemond and Jace, as he and Aegon received closer attention to hone their fighting abilities.

Despite being the significantly weaker opponent Luke intervenes once Jace is kicked to the ground and only manages to grab onto Aemond’s left arm with both of his hands, allowing him to freely swing a direct punch into his face which resulted in a broken nose, as he falls to the ground and crying out in pain. At this point in time, this is where a de-escalation should’ve occurred, where someone should’ve yelled at the ongoing fight to stop or threaten to get an adult, but the kids are now rushing with adrenaline and acting on emotions of anger.

Jace gets up and proceeds to push Aemond to the ground. Jace, Baela and Rhaena take advantage of his helpless situation and jump him. All three continue to take out their anger on him and repeatedly hit him. They are all worked up from the emotional turmoil, as the girls mourn their mother and Jace cannot properly mourn Ser Harwin, someone he looked up to. All three are at fault, as they choose to physically react at the taunts aimed at them, instead of choosing to walk away from the situation.

Aemond manages to kick Jace away from him and grabs Rhaena proceeding to throw her towards her sister, who was on the opposite side of him. Luke runs at Aemond, as he quickly stops him by grabbing his neck. His free hand stumbles across a rock, as he stands up and holds the rock above Luke, posed in a striking position.

This is where things really enter the point of no return, as Aemond is the first one to introduce an object as a potential weapon into the fight. Of course, once again hardcore stans assert he had the rock for self-defense and is not the one in the wrong, as the other children had jumped him. I can to some extent agree with this conclusion, but we have to keep in mind that despite being outnumbered Aemond did gain the upper hand, without the need of a weapon. The introduction of the rock served as a dangerous element in escalating the fight, as he already restrained Luke by the throat with one hand.

Out of all the children there Luke is the smallest target, therefore physically he posed no threat to Aemond in this specific situation. He didn’t have the strength to break free from his chokehold, while the rest of the children can only watch in horror as Aemond once again runs his mouth after gaining the upper hand. Aemond is at fault for continuing to verbally provoke his cousins, as he knows which buttons to push to get a reaction, further supporting the idea that he wanted to fight them all, to prove himself worthy as a Targaryen, that just claimed the largest dragon.

Aemond threatens Luke stating: “you will die screaming in flames just as your father did, bastards.” I interpreted Aemond’s threat as being directed to not only Luke but to Jace as well, as he glances over at him while he spits out the word ‘bastards’ in clear contempt for the two boys. I consider this line as an indicator to Aemond’s upbringing, as he upholds the notion on the importance of being a pure Targaryen, while he views his nephews as lesser than, due to the rumours regarding their parentage. This highlights his mother’s influence that shaped his belief and disdain for his nephews, that he willingly committed the highest of treasons by insulting the heir to the Irone Throne.

Luke struggles against his hold as he states his father is still alive. Aemond lowers the rock only to direct his attention towards Jace, as he mocks him on Luke’s lack of awareness regarding the rumours. To me there are two interpretations on Aemond’s use of the title ‘Lord Strong’. One, is alluding to the deceased man himself, Ser Harwin Strong. The other is Aemond using the title to taunt Jace on his identity, by addressing him while using his rumoured father’s last name.

This insult triggers Jace to pull out his concealed dagger. Jace knew he had no chances on attacking Aemond with just his fists, while he has a rock in one hand. He is now clouded by his anger, wanting to hurt Aemond for insulting a man he considered an important role model in his life. He is also battling his inner conflicting thoughts on his own parentage, as he is at an age where he is aware of the rumours, which would only cause further confusions, as he tries to cope with the loss of his potential biological father.

Rhaena shouts his name and I believe there are two different interpretations on why she called out his name. The first one is she is concerned about his safety before he engages in a serious altercation with the addition of weapons and the second is that she called his name to hopefully make him regain his senses, prompting him to stop the fight. This is where both girls should’ve shouted at the boys to stop, before someone ended up getting seriously injured. But also, we don’t know if words would’ve been enough, as the situation continued to snowball out of control.

Aemond punches Luke again in the face, which was completely unnecessary as he could’ve easily pushed him away. This portrays the influence of Ser Criston’s training, as he still felt the need to hit Luke despite him being the weaker opponent that is at his mercy. Luke stumbles into an armed Jace, where he could’ve accidently hurt Luke, but luckily, he withdrew the dagger and quickly pushes him out of the way, to allow him to attack Aemond.

He swings the dagger, as Aemond jumps back and manages to successfully dodge the blade. Seeing an opening he goes on the attack and hits Jace on the head with the rock. I agree that Aemond’s reaction to hit Jace was in self-defence, but that argument is invalid when he proceeds to hold the rock aimed at a defenceless Jace. Aemond apologists love to absolve him of any wrongdoing and responsibility, something that I will not gloss over. He could have stopped the altercation from further spiralling out of control, by immediately dropping the rock, after disarming Jace and just state they should stop fighting, as it wasn’t going to change what has happened.

But unfortunately, he allows the position of having the power dictate his actions, as he enjoys having control over the situation. This hints to his sadistic nature by his decision to raise his arm, holding the rock aimed in a striking position towards a helpless Jace. He glances at the girls as Rhaena shakes her head, indicating for him to stop, before he went too far.

Luke crawls towards the discarded dagger, as he just witnessed Aemond hit his brother with the rock and acting on instinct to protect his brother, he intends to arm himself, knowing he was no match against Aemond. I wouldn’t be surprised if Luke recalled Ser Criston’s ruthless teachings on not allowing the opponent to get up, once they’re knocked on the ground, further contributing to his fear for his brother’s safety.

Aemond did himself no favours in stopping the unfortunate outcome, as Jace most likely felt that Aemond would seriously injure him or at worst kill him, after the numerous threats he dished out.

Aemond approaches Jace with his arm still raised, as Jace glances over to the side and notices Luke with the dagger. Trusting his brother to rescue him, Jace grabs a handful of dirt and throws it into Aemond’s face, successfully distracting him.

Aemond covers his face with his hand upon reflex and lowers his hand, as he turns his head towards Luke, while he swings his arm with the dagger and ends up accidently slashing his eye.

Luke was motivated by his desire to protect his brother and I doubt he had any malicious intentions to purposefully blind Aemond, which is also a ridiculous claim Aemond hardcore stans believe in. I interpreted his actions were to hurt Aemond with the intent of causing pain by probably cutting his hand or arm, but not to severely injure him, as he possibly just wanted to deter him from smashing his brother’s face with a huge rock. He just didn’t realize the severe repercussions that his actions would end up leading to, as he couldn’t have predicted Aemond lowering his hand or turning his face towards him.

#house of the dragon #hotd #hotd 1x07 #aemond targaryen #aemond one eye #jacaerys velaryon #luke velaryon #baela velaryon #rhaena velaryon #vhagar #driftmark #laena valeryon #hotd analysis #character analysis #anti hardcore stans #complex characters #hotd commentary

[caitemis-art]

project moon debacle thoughts

I’ve had a lot of time to let this stew in my brain so might as well spill my thoughts to get them out of my head. If you have no idea what’s going on (hi mutuals) or aren’t in the mood for reading this kinda thing, scroll past and have a good day i guess

Worst part about all this is probably all the misinformation. I see lots of points cycled as fact despite being dubious at best and “source: dude trust me” at worst (even by those with good intentions). I encourage everyone to do extensive research before committing to an opinion!

As for Veilmori, I doubt they’re coming back. Even if PM extends an offer, they might not even take it at this point. Regardless, I wish them the best!

As for the “firing”? All that’s certain is that the contract isn’t being renewed or something like that. Not quite as extreme as firing, but not illegal afaik and there’s still a safety net for Veilmori. I’m unfortunately not well aware of the contract’s terms. All I know is that it’s somewhat common for Korean contracts to have a clause for the kind of situation that sparked the termination. (EDIT: Apparently the “firing over the phone” was a legit thing - very illegal - and Veilmori was a regular, not an outsourced contract or anything. Doesn’t help that PM is being vague about her employment status atm.)

Also I find it funny that this is the second time a “person fired over feminist social media” thing happened in PM. First time was a lot more clear-cut in comparison (very radical feminist group) but still, deja vu.

Honestly my biggest concern is the treatment of employees if the firsthand statements are to be believed. Hopefully this situation creates some major changes for the better in PM.

I doubt that PM being late on putting out a statement is a sign of something bad. A bit messy, perhaps, but legal red tape can get finicky. The statement we got doesn’t really say much, and it’s still unclear why exactly the termination took place. Honestly, I would be fine with everything if they just outright said the reason. Again, not sure if this is legal red tape or not. Anything’s better than a vague “it wasn’t because of her views” because even that could still relate to the social media stuff (i.e. not because of having views, but because of expressing them on an account publically and clearly connected to the individual). (EDIT: Altho I’ve been told firing employees over social media stuff is a big no-no, I’m sure there’s exceptions and it, sadly, has happened before. This situation’s case against Veilmori is flimsy at best though, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it was illegal outside of loopholes.)

Last thing to note is that this whole situation is a messy cocktail of social problems and long-held frustrations. Nobody wins in this scenario. PM was between a rock and a hard place and are still chipping away at the rock they are being crushed by. I’m not even gonna pretend I’m an expert on the gender war and whatnot. It’s definitely helpful to not view the situation through an ethnocentric lens though. That’s not to say you can’t maintain opinions based on your own views on feminism, but be sure to not ignore the context either.

Hopefully, like last time, everything can be cleared up and PM can get back on its feet. Currently my view is “not angry, just disappointed” for now. For now, though, wait for new developments and take care of yourself. Your feelings, good or bad, are absolutely valid and whether you continue to support PM or not is entirely up to you! You’re not a bad person for choosing either option.

#limbus company #project moon #project moon controversy

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Mikan (pt. 22)

Mikan has just entered an arc of personal anguish! Though multiple people are affected by Luna, the target here is Mikan. She is particularly affected by Luna's focus on stealing Natsume away, since he's pretty much already chosen her over Mikan.

Jealousy is the main thread in this arc so that's what I'm focusing on. I do call this the Sports Fest Arc, but it's also a Jealousy Arc! Isn't that so fun?

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Chapter Eighty-One

Mikan being represented by hydrangeas on the cover: “Frivolity, cruelty, patient love, high spirits, maiden’s dream.” Two of these instantly stand out for Mikan: frivolity and high spirits. Cruelty is an interesting part of the symbolism, since Mikan is never cruel. Unfortunately, she is dealing with a lot of other people’s cruelty currently, specifically from Luna. I’m not entirely sure what a maiden’s dream is specifically meant to represent, but a maiden is an unmarried woman, so I assume that this combined with patient love is meant to refer to her current affections for Natsume. “Maiden’s dream” might refer to the dream of romantic love, but, as we’ll see through this arc, Mikan has to be patient with Natsume. All very interesting.

The text at the bottom discusses the symbolism about hydrangeas, which is very relevant for Mikan in this arc!

The arrest turns out to be a ruse. Goshima has saved her and lets her go, warning her not to get caught again. He’s been sent by someone looking out for her from the shadows. We know that the person is her uncle, Kazumi, the High School Principal, but the important thing here is Goshima establishing himself as an ally when he is really a traitor. There's an easy trust given to him, despite how sketchy he seems.

Mikan returns in high spirits, happy that someone is looking out for her. And things only get better when she realizes that Tsubasa is on her team, in the flesh after such a long time of not seeing him. He starts off teasing, but Mikan embraces him, tearing up. She has missed him a lot and needed her senpai to help her through the recent challenges she’s been facing. 

Mikan’s relationship with Tsubasa is very much akin to a sibling relationship. Tsubasa is her reliable older brother, always there to help her and provide support. His absence meant that Mikan now had a hole where she wasn’t receiving the support she needed, where Tsubasa hadn’t been there, reliable like always. Though it likely happened off the page, Mikan might have stopped by the SA class after the fiasco with Luna and Natsume choosing the White Team to see Tsubasa and receive some comfort, just to see him gone again.

Mikan’s crying because she missed him, but especially because he was gone during a particularly unideal time. 

They <3

But Tsubasa stays upbeat and smiling, promising that he’ll make up for his absence now. What I love so much about their relationship is that Tsubasa treats Mikan’s sadness with care and gentleness. Others might tell Mikan to smile or to stop crying, but Tsubasa doesn’t. I’d said before that he instead gives her a reason to smile, and that’s true here too. He validates her sadness by apologizing and sympathizing with her. Then he smiles and tries to cheer her up with kind and heartfelt words. It’s a very mature way to deal with her feelings.

The thing is that whenever Mikan’s mood brightens, Luna comes around to crush her again. This time, a rumor has spread that Mikan got out of trouble by showing the fukitai her underwear. She is aware of these rumors, she confesses, but she’s focusing on the fun she’s having and seeing Tsubasa again because, as we know, she can’t argue against them anyway.  She sees Natsume with Luna again and is sad that they seem to be spending all their time together. 

Jealousy jealousy jealousy jealousy jealousy.

Something something, Mikan specifically thinking about Luna telling her to be quiet when she looks at Natsume, the person she wants to talk to most but the one person she feels like she can't talk to... Unless?

Then Natsume approaches her. Mikan has been on edge around him, partly because he chose another girl over him, partly because they’re not partners anymore so she doesn’t know what they are and doesn't really wanna think about it, partly because she loves him and has no idea what to do with her conflicting feelings. As a result, she freaks out when he comes up to her. He asks her straight up if the rumor is true. 

We know that Natsume is asking to test if Mikan is under Luna’s influence like he is, but Mikan doesn’t know that. She is hurt that he could actually believe that stupid rumor. He should know her better than that! Especially because so far, he has demonstrated that he knows her pretty well. How could he be so far gone for Luna that he could forget her?

“Is he a moron?!” she thinks and it’s fun to see her saying that about him for once. It’s not just that he’s wrong about her, but that he’s so wrong and so completely off-base about her character. He’d have to be stupid to fall for this nonsense, but of course, Mikan can’t say anything. She doesn’t confirm or deny. Instead she evades. She tells him it’s none of his business.

But that doesn’t send him away. Instead, the conversation intensifies. He then asks her what happened between her and Luna. Mikan, haunted by Luna’s threats, has no choice but to dismiss him entirely. He’s Luna’s partner now, not hers. “You’re not my partner or anything anymore.” That nagging question of what they are without being partners has reemerged. They obviously aren’t really friends, and that would be true even if Luna hadn’t come around. Their feelings for each other are certainly not platonic, but Mikan is purposefully not examining why Natsume is different to her right now. So she says he’s not “anything” to her, which couldn’t be further from the truth. It hurts, but if she wants to keep Natsume safe, then this is what she has to do.

T'was said to hurt him like he hurt her. Alas.

He then asks if it bothers her to see him worry about her and that’s the worst thing he’s said so far. Even if they’re not partners, he’s saying that he still worries about her. He’s not just asking these questions out of obligation but out of genuine concern. She’s of course touched that he cares, but she remembers that he had chosen White Team even after she’d asked him to stay with her, so she says, “yes,” that his concern is a nuisance.

Chapter Eighty-Two

“It’s opening ceremonies, but my heart is holding closing ceremonies.” That’s a very interesting way to put it. It’s the beginning of the event, but Mikan is miserable. Her heart in particular feels like this is the end of something. Like her relationship with Natsume, for example (but not her feelings, no).

Yikes!

She says she “didn’t mean to say” that Natsume’s worry was bothering her, which makes me think that although she’d meant in some way to dismiss him because of Luna’s threats, she said what she said to hurt him in some way for snubbing her and choosing White Team. She’d said it without thinking. It aligns with what Luna wants, so she can’t take it back, but it’s not really how she feels at all. I think that makes sense. For all of Natsume assuring her he cares, he did reject her request to join her team. He chose Luna over her, and that’s clearly not something Mikan has gotten over.

She puts a lot of effort into having fun despite this misery, though. She puts her all into performing and exercising with her team. She’s an early participant in the obstacle relay race. Mikan isn’t happy about this. This game is all about luck, something she’s not confident she has, especially nowadays. Plus she’s on Jinno’s team, which means she’s under a lot of pressure.

But she runs into Ruka, one of her competitors now. We can see from this page that Ruka wants to tell her not to worry about the earlier run-in with Natsume. We already know that Ruka is aware of the situation Natsume is in, that he’s not acting this way because he wants to. But sadly, Ruka can’t say much. It’s not his place, and if he says anything, he might make it worse. Instead, he tells her that they should both do their best and not get hurt. 

I really don't wanna understate my love for their friendship~

That means a lot to Mikan, to know that he’s still on her side despite everything, that Ruka would act against the rules to comfort her, even in a small way. It’s a short-lived moment, but it still stands out to her and gives her some much-needed energy for her part in the race. Mikan is athletic, even if she isn’t lucky, so she does pretty well for the most part until the ball riding part, where she sadly gets crushed by her large ball. She is victorious, but at a heavy cost, so she’s exhausted once she’s passed on the baton.

A lot of the rest of this event is watching others participate, so there isn’t much of Mikan by herself. Instead, she’s reacting with awe or shock or amazement.

Chapter Eighty-Four

Before you ask why I skipped 83, I’ll explain that again, most of that chapter is Mikan reacting instead of acting. There isn’t much to analyze in her expressions and so I skipped it. The important summary is that the chapter continues the relay race, notably where Natsume and Ruka are on opposing teams for the end, and Ruka was able to win, making him (in his own words) “number one” in Mikan’s eyes, if only for a moment. 

Mikan is very happy for him that he won, in any case, even if it means her team lost. It’s now lunch time and Mikan is insecure about her lunch, which is once again determined by star rank. When Ruka comes by, Mikan invites him to eat with the group of friends she’s gathered, especially incentivized by the greedy idea that they could pool and share their lunches.

Greedy, gluttonous Mikan.

But her friends leave. Koko and Kitsu are motivated by leaving Ruka and Mikan alone due to the circulating rumors that they are now an item, and Hotaru motivated by her desire to have her whole lunch to herself.

The class has taken Ruka’s victory and subsequent calling of Mikan’s name as a love confession, and that her happiness for him was a kind of response. Mikan doesn’t seem privy to this, but now people assume they’re going out. Unfortunately for Ruka, that’s not the case. Even though they’re eating lunch alone together, Mikan immediately asks about Natsume.

Not because she wanted to eat lunch with him, of course! Because why would she wanna do that? Aside from the fact that she misses him and wanted him to be on her team and all that nonsense. Instead she confesses that she’s worried about him. If Natsume isn’t eating lunch with his best friend, could he be eating lunch alone?

Sumire comes around to smother that concern, though. He’s with Luna, of course. No need to worry about him. Sumire whines about what Natsume could possibly see in Luna and all the time they’re spending alone--and Mikan’s expression falls. She’s back to being jealous, because for a moment she’d forgotten about Luna and her vice grip over every aspect of Mikan’s happiness.

Her sad little face when she finds out Natsume is with Luna ;-;

Sumire quickly changes the subject, asking if the rumors that Mikan and Ruka are dating are true. Mikan denies it adamantly and doesn’t really seem to mind Sumire joining them for lunch, though Ruka doesn’t seem like a fan of the idea. Sumire is only kept away by the invention of Koko and Kitsu who are content to help Ruka make his love connection.

I had said before that I think Mikan is very confused about romance. She will continue to be, obviously, but I think things are clearing up. For a while, Mikan was entirely oblivious to love and romance and how it intersects and differs from platonic affection. She went from only wanting to get it so she could fit in to getting the vibe that maybe Ruka doesn’t just see her as a friend. I’d said then that I think Mikan’s propensity to blush or behave the way she does stems mainly from confusion about whether or not her own feelings align with his. 

I think that she’s becoming less oblivious about the nature of her feelings. And at this point, I think things are clearing up: though she still cannot admit it to herself, she has feelings for Natsume and deep down she knows that the way she feels for him is not the same as the way she feels for Ruka or her other friends. He's always been different.

So no, Mikan doesn’t want to date Ruka at this point, so she doesn’t mind if someone else joins them for lunch. She still loves him, but the affection is platonic in nature. They eat lunch together, and I have to wonder if Mikan got her wish and was able to get some triple star goodies from Ruka’s lunch to satisfy her appetite.

When lunch ends, it’s time for the Borrowing Race. Lucky for Mikan, she’s only observing for this one since she’s already participated today. Mikan is excited to see some familiar faces in the race. For the most part, there’s a lot of chaos but not much real drama involved with this race, at least none that involves Mikan. She’s instead focused on Hotaru and her brother, so she’s distracted when one of the runners comes by to grab her by the wrist and start pulling her into the race. 

Who could it be!

She runs along, but she has no idea who this masked person is or what prompt she could possibly be satisfying for an apparent stranger. But it’s not entirely true that she has no idea who is pulling her along. Mikan is frequently oblivious or stupid--I’ve said that enough times already. She’s definitely not certain about who it could be, but I think she has a pretty good idea.

They arrive at the finish-line and Mikan tries to ask the person who they are, only to be distracted by the explosions of fireworks and words in the sky spelling out, “Person you love.”

A real actual love confession and the racer--Kusami--gets full points. 

But Mikan sees his earring and recognizes it. That’s not Kusami--it’s Natsume.

NATSUME LOVES YOU, MIKAN.

And he got full points. Which means that it’s a real love confession…

But he’s running off--just like he did in Chapter 77--so she has to chase after him again, just like she did before. All she wants is for him to stay beside her but he’s always turning and running away, and she’s always looking at his back. He’s too fast too, and is able to escape from her. 

Mikan finds out then that the Borrowing Race is over and the Red Team won, since her racer had turned out to be an imposter--meaning White Team lost penalty points. It’s like further evidence that Mikan’s gut feeling is right and that it was Natsume who confessed to her. 

Conclusion

This arc means so much to me. Pure jealousy. I love it. Tomorrow, we'll wrap up the Sports Fest and further dive into Mikan's feelings for Natsume. Everything will come to a boil and eventually, Luna will have to be confronted, once and for all.

I have officially written my whole essay. It's all done. So I'll post as often as I can to get all the parts out there, so this essay can be wrapped up and I can move on to new projects! I was particularly excited about writing this Sports Fest analysis, so I hope y'all have fun reading!

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#gakuen alice #alice academy #ga #sakura mikan #mikan sakura #natsume hyuuga #hyuuga natsume #my meta #ga meta #ga meta: nm #ga meta: manga #ga meta: manga nm #let's talk about natsumikan #let's talk about natsumikan: mikan #nm: m song of the day is..... #happy for you ava della pietra #more jealousy songs!!!!!! can never have enough really!! #i got up early to post this so now i can run off and write my fanfic <3