#but anyway life finds a way i guess

[disdaidal]

Good news: your girl got a call from her school today, passed all her exams and is getting her high school diploma this spring/summer, so yay.

I’m “only” 34 after all, but what the fuck. I did it.

#personal #none of my grades were too good apart from english #where i scored higher than in my own mother tongue ldkglgklg #but even that was good not excellent #anyway i passed and i'm getting out of there and onto new adventures (and challenges) #might post pictures later when i'm actually graduating heh #i also took another test today. for another school i applied to this spring #it was a remote test and the first test out of many i guess #and my god it was so fucking hard. i took ages to write it and i couldn't even properly finish it in time because i'm such a turtle #when it comes to writing anything kdkfkg #so it's probably littered with mistakes and sounds dumb as hell and i doubt i'm gonna pass it but anyway #at least i got accepted to that one school already if anything #it's just that. it wasn't my first choice so. i'm still trying D: #anyway i'm feeling hyper and shit and i can barely process this all #at least my stress from the last two days got relieved a little bit #because i apparently have to buy new tires and wheels to my car and i can't fucking afford it right now so heh #but anyway life finds a way i guess

[prima-donna-worm]

hm hm and if elody DOES know what the princesses are planning, if she DOES believe in their goal,, if she found the body of the cowardly husband she left behind and it destroyed her but he died following after her trying to be better for her,,,, if gerard and elody end up on different sides of a war that gerard is only fighting in because elody inspired him to be brave,,,,,,,, if he goes to battle against his own wife because she taught him to take a stand for what he believes in,,,,,,,,,,, if she grows weary of fighting to keep going after the would-be happy ending just as he is finally learning that that’s exactly when you can’t give up that’s when you have to work the hardest,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,what then what then

#neverafter #dimension 20 #d20 #I SAID GERELODY GIRLIES HOW WE FEELING #i think probably she doesn’t know cinderella and snow’s end goal but come on this little mind journey with me anyway #i WANT them to find their way back to each other but if i can’t have that i want them to ruin my life as a tragedy <3 #well actually i guess i want them to go through the tragedy in order to find each other on the other side but i GUESS WE’LL SEE #gerelody #gerard of greenleigh #princess elody

[hajihiko]

every time I come across Content that isnt my own I get the thoughts and thinks. Too tired to do anything about it except this ig

#Coming to terms with the fact that I can share shitty dumb doodles and tag them even and it's not a crime #I'm not quite Ants In My Brain levels but the brains are scattered rn. #Anyway I love a relationship that is unlabeled and unknowable but gosh damn it is sincere and devoted #I was thinking of that 19 days bit. 'you're the strongest most badass little mo' or sth #ANYWAY! Not confident enough to tag this w my art tag so #Fuyuhiko kuzuryu #Hajime hinata #Kuzuhina #Attempting to go full ramble in the tags after the actual posting bc I just got shit to say I guess #Not valuable shit but shit nonetheless #They're good for each other they build each other up. Fuyuhiko was putting so much faith in Hajime from the get-go #Hajime is like dont give me too much credit no I dont wanna think about my talents. And Hiko is like nah man you're great (in his own way) #And Hajime encourages so much growth in Hiko which is WHY I think Hiko is so passionate in his loyalty #Hajime makes Fuyuhiko smile and laugh and reflect on his behaviour and talk about his experiences #They laugh TOGETHER in the middle of the killing game which is v sweet #Fuyuhiko is DESPERATE to prove that he's changed and that he wants to do good now and Hajime is just like 'okay you got it' #Like thassit. And then when they find out Hajime wasnt a talent student Fuyuhiko is like 'oh ok' #They accept each other very readily and they trust each other so much and idk maybe my brain is broken but #I FEEL like I feel a sincerity in their friendship #Like it's for life man they're already making plans for the future when they're friends (hiko especially) #Yeah I guess I'll save these tags. Idk I'm a little Ill of the Brain rn

[always-a-joyful-note]

Link Click Season 2 "You viewers had your fun with the more high-stakes mystery plot and incredible actions sequences in the first two episodes so lets bring it back down to the way everyday life and individual tragedies are just as significant to the plot and universe and wreck you emotion and soul with a snapshot of how a single couple's life contains both beauty and tragedy and significance to their close ones and new friends" Episode 3

#at least they gave us qiao ling wrecking that pretty boy's face #guys link click is like fma in the way it brings back the everyday people and makes them significant parts of the plot #like the old couple? emma/liu min? now im guessing chen bin's gonna haunt the narrative as well #its like ed and al never forgetting nina #its like the full range of emotions of everyday life #just...finding a show with such fantastical and scifi elements that places SUCH importance on the ordinary??? #that is honestly a rare find #im not just talking about the power of friendship though it IS there #its about the *significance* of these things #friendship. basketball. noodles. waiting. patience. kindness. regrets. #anyway ive already spent too much time here but OUGH YOU GUYS I LOVE THIS SHOW SO MUCH #link click #link click spoilers #kinda #fandom spamdom #stuff i say

[grumpyoldsnake]

One of these days. One of these days, I will figure out what the hell makes the tipping point beyond which either a) there’s socialization that I feel insulated from and kind of numb about and too tired to pursue, or b) socialization where the very notion of so much as expressing one (1) internal thought or emotion suffuses my whole body with adrenaline and blaring Nope instincts.

#don’t get me wrong I think I *do* feel fairly Normal about. idk. a good portion of my social interactions #enough that I can go about my daily life just fine #but the numb times and the freeze-or-flight times are always Mightily inconveniently timed #with regards to actually forming new friendships #and there’s a certain threshold of Acknowledging that I Personally Exist where it *all* becomes freeze-or-flight fffff #(it goes like this: I start to think ‘it’d be kind of neat if—‘) #(and then I consider the actual logistics of getting TO the If. and one way or another — fear or tiredness — it becomes ‘ah. right. nvm.’) #(and then if it’s a bad day I have the further thought that the If probably wouldn’t be fulfilling for other involved parties anyway) #(which is. self defeating in the extreme and a distortion and I know it. >_>) #(but it’s ALSO objectively true on some specific axis and like. mm. some nights finding that balance is hard I guess) #(on the one hand not putting myself down but on the other hand being realistic about what I need vs. what other people need) #(and the fact that there are just some types of socialization that just aren’t a good fit for me) #(and that I can’t be for or have with other folk without burning out spectacularly) #life flails #mental health flails #my stuff #complaining

[lovecolibri]

Every episode Fig ramps up the psychological torture against Ruben and I am HERE for it! Hilarious. Get his ass.

#dimension 20 #fantasy high #junior year #i feel like when someone ISN'T the bad guy brennan finds ways to make the PCs feel bad for being mean to them #since he is allowing this i'm guessing its because they aren't just innocent kids #ANYWAY #i hope fig makes ruben cry #and i hope the reveal that she's been wanda all along is *delicious* and ruins his life

[chiwhorei]

Men will always find insane ways to disappoint you.

#babble.dollie #I’m absolutely furious right now I want to commit a murder #baby daddy drama is so foul and wretched #seeing someone you considered one of the most significant friendships in your adult life just #morph into a fucking monster #I am second guessing everything right now- how I view the world #how I trust people #*well how I trust men specifically #which was already not something I did often anyway #all of the stereotypes are true by the way #of the dead beat dad #I literally watched a man go from the most devoted father in the world #to a fucking ghost in his child’s life #this is a men hating blog now #real life men are done they are over #and if the two most important little souls in the world to me weren’t in the middle of this #I would be crawling across states to find this mfer and fucking rip his neck open with my teeth

[aroacehanzawa]

i'm going to be real with you guys for a moment. i don't think i'll continue following bsd much after this point

#i take back what i said about being excited for what's to come. i mean i am. in a very general impersonal way. #but the way the series is going. if the ending of the anime is going to be followed by the manga in a similar direction #is just very different from the silly armed detective agency vs port mafia authors with superpowers slightly high-stakes slice of life #that i originally signed up for. i've felt this way the whole decay of angels arc and just stuck around to see what happens #and because i care about the characters. bsd was always a character-focused manga for me #but the direction it seems to be taking is this massive epic entire-world-at-stake military scifi drama #where super epic power-up style ability weapons (and one-off overpowered nameless ability users are introduced and killed off in the same #scene. like the time manipulation catgirl) take the forefront at the expense of actual character focus and character development #like why are most of the (original) cast completely unaccounted for in what was meant to be a satisfying ending. #did asagiri forget that atsushi is the main character. why did tachihara's and sigma's arcs get cut short like that. #and frankly i feel like bsd started to take this direction from storm bringer onwards. the focus and scope of it is very different #to for example the untold origins or dazai's entrance exam or even 55 minutes. but if i were to theorise i would say that the scope of #the current direction of bsd must have started germinating during the 55 minutes light novel. if you can see what i mean #anyway more importantly i find that the tone is now entirely different from early bsd. it's just not the series that i fell in love with #so i think it's best that i stop here before letting it turn sour like jujutsu kaisen is to me now. #i have the manga (and anime) that i can reread (rewatch) up to the perfect crime arc whenever i want #i can reread the sskk fight of volume 20 whenever i want. i can revisit sigma and nikolai's chapters. there's wan. there's the light novels #and there's the wonderful fanfics and fanart and so many metas to read. that's what brings me joy more than the series itself nowadays. #that's all. end of era i guess. to an extent

[heartsgettingwiser62]

The show expresses El's and Will's main arc and desires through their art in s4.

On the one hand, we have Will, who creates a painting for Mike that portrays them and the party together again, as their dnd characters. Of course, it displays Will's desire of belonging again in that friend group, of having what was taken away from him last summer. But, after all, the main focus of the painting is Mike. Because 1, the painting is for Mike after all, and 2, Will himself is telling where his priorities are, by painting a heart on top of him. Mike's the heart, his heart.

On the other hand, with her art (the figures she makes), El portrays Hopper and his cabin, the first place she actually considered a home. This creation is, in a way, for Hopper. Since she obviously can't give it to him directly, it's a tribute to his sacrifice, therefore, it's made for him. That's where her priorities lie: family.

Will's arc, his biggest hopes and desires, are primarily about love, just how he expresses in his art. El's arc, her biggest hopes and desires, are primarily about family, just how she expresses in her art.

So, narratively, who would make more sense to end up in a relationship? The one whose focus is love and belonging (being who he loves one of the reasons he feels as if he doesn't belong) or the one whose focus is family and finding herself?

#sorry if this has grammar mistakes i'm not native and for some reason i forgot how to speak english today 😭😭 #idk i'm tired man #anyways 'will's arc is about accepting mike doesn't love him back ' HE ALREADY KNOWS (more like thinks) THAT #his arc is about learning that he can be loved the way he wants to bc there's nothing wrong with him or the way he wants to be loved #and el's arc is definitely not about romantic love is about finding a family and finding herself #and guess what THE ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP SHE'S IN DOESN'T LET HER FIND HERSELF #literally stablished in s3 #'there's more to life than stupid boys' max mayfield the wisest woman on earth #like IT'S SO OBVIOUS SKDNSKD #idk i'm feeling a bit angry today at how ppl can't read tv shows and plotlines #byler #will byers #mike wheeler #stranger things #mike wheeler i know what you are #anti milkvan #anti mileven #el hopper #byler proof #byler is requited #byler is canon #byler endgame #byler theory #willel #gay mike wheeler #milkvan is bones

[northern-passage]

hey. have you all heard about this. they’re making a squid game reality tv show. like an actual squid games. have you heard about that. did you hear about amazon also planning a disco elysium tv series, and a life is strange tv series? of course we already have rings of power and then over on HBO we have the last of us and then wherever that shit halo show is streaming. and don’t forget all the star wars spin offs whose taglines are “the revolution will be televised” while being streamed by one of the worst media companies of all time who uses their billions of dollars to support bigots in the government and create military propaganda. have you heard about the booktok industry plant? have you heard about that author who gets their agent to spoon-feed them tropes so they can write the most soulless, bland fanfic that they can then repackage as a YA novel (she’s a new york times best-selling author btw) have you heard about all of that?

the creative industry is so discouraging right now. sometimes i really struggle to find any motivation at all when i see the way certain stories are treated - completely bastardized, milked for all their worth (and then beaten like a dead horse just for good measure) or otherwise you have creators that clearly could not care less, nothing but a cash grab with a pretty coat of paint, usually piggybacking off of trends or just using a pre-existing media (because then you already have a pre-existing fanbase. easy money!) and i’m not going to pretend like i understand how all of it works, what the process is from book/game to movie deal to netflix show but i will say i hate that this is the “goal” now, that this seems to be the expectation with so much art these days, whether the creator wants it or not.

it’s all just so... bleak.

#anyways. sorry i saw the squid games thing this morning and snapped i guess #obviously im under no delusion that any of this would ever apply to tnp or anything i write at all #but it's still really discouraging. it's still hard to find the motivation to create in this kind of grim capitalist environment... #especially when it comes to games which are already underappreciated #and i really dislike the games to movies/shows trend #the level design the mechanics the music the art style all of that is just as integral to the story as the dialogue and narrative itself #games are a way to experience a story it's a different way of telling a story. it loses meaning when you strip that away. imo #as someone who 'makes games' i guess. #like with IF the whole POINT is the player interaction #the choices #and there are so many games out there (literally disco elysium and life is strange) where that's a core mechanic #the last of us it's the opposite #the lack of choice and the railroading of the player is a core mechanic #it's not the same when it's just some actor in a costume. the player is part of the narrative. it's important #sigh. anyways support indie creators i guess #personal

[iratusmus]

#hi im not dead !! tee hee #anyways its incredible how like 99% of the absolute most bonkers scourge takes #come from people who entirely erase her existence from his life! funny how that works huh #like you dont have to ship them i dont care. frankly ride-or-die evil besties fiona & scourge is something that i would 1000% be down for #being the aroace sonic truther i am. #however. if you rip her completely out and throw her to the wayside #despite the fact that she has been a major part of like all of his appearances after he becomes scourge #then there is a 99.9999999999999999999% chance your takes suck horrifically #and also you do not understand scourge as a character. or sonic for that matter since a lot of the time the terrible takes overlap #i was about to say ''i cant believe i came out of an entirely unannounced 3 week hiatus just to complain #about the fandom's take on something to do with archie sonic'' #but actually this is incredibly on brand #anyways fiona justice. its so sad its so sad #like whenever i post something with fiona in it and somebody tags her i immediately go check their tag #just to find that my 3 art pieces are the only things in there #come on guys lets do better #well. actually given the way half the fandom treats scourge im not sure if i want them touching fiona #well . then i guess *ill* have to do better #make it four art pieces instead of three

[fish-bowl-2]

All the Eds have issues in their home lives, but there is something about Edd’s family situation that I just find endlessly fascinating. Just really delving into the complicated baggage surrounding it, and how uniquely fucked up it is.

The fact that there is so much distance and lack of communication between Edd and his parents really brings up a lot of questions about WHAT their actual interactions are even like. I mean, while they are largely absent (even for a show whose whole premise does not include parents being visible), it is implied that they, or at least one of them comes home. Do they even talk to their son when they are there?

I think the thing that really gets me is that, while yes they do supply for their son’s physical needs: a comfortable home, food, etc. the emotional needs are completely neglected. Which speaks to a super specific, entitled suburban kind of disinterest that I find uniquely cruel.

#there are lots of different interpretations of edd's parents but in the context of the show this is kind of how I see them #like I don't personally see it as a form of regret or punishment #but I do think of edd's parents as being image focused I don't think they really wanted a kid at all #but didn't want the negative perception of not upholding a traditional familial structure #if we want to use fancy terms for this #and it is super clear that edd suffers because of this I mean him being a neurotic mess kind of speaks for itself #rather than acting out bad behavior for attention he tries to find ways to get their attention by impressing them #especially since they are implied to have high standards #I don't think they are much good at all with kids like they probably set strict rules #the kind of parents to not let their kid talk unless spoken to #I could see them attempt to have some kind of connection with dee when he is an adult which obviously does not go over well for him #like um you missed out on that opportunity years ago #ANYWAY that was long wow #guess which character is my favorite challenge #typical 2am shenanigans ig idk any excuse to talk about this kid's fucked up home life #eene #analysis #squack

[taeyungie]

😺

#i haven't addressed yoongi's situation yet because i'm honestly still not hit by it i guess. like it didnt gwt to me yet #i dont think ill ever love anyone the same as i love him you know what i mean #he has been the first reason of my self development. like he literally raised me??? i learned from him how to be the person i am today #and its like im saying goodbye to a family member. the thing is i have never griefed anyone's absence like this #its like a part of my soul will be missing until he comes back #but at the same time i know what he would want for me. to move on and to become my own reason #he would want me to be kind to myself. to focus on myself and not miss him that much. #he would want that for all of us right #but i have a very hard time processing things. do you guys remeber the festa last year? when we found out theyll be going on hiatus #the reality of it snd the fact that it will be happening hit me onky after around 3 months. #thats when i first cried because i realized what it meant. ofc i knew but it didnt occur to the emotional part of my brain at that time #and i feel like im truly gonna fall apart when THIS hits me in 3 months lol #my life has never been worse and thats honestly the time when i need the reassurance the most #when i need the people i love and find comfort in the most. #but its just me and thats technically just my problem. but since i am talking about my view on this then thats okay i guess hahah anyway #i just hope he knows there are milions of ppl who love him as much as i do. and thats like extra love like forever & beyond type of shit #i honestly dont think other people ever truly fully understand how we feel towards them. especially when you really love somebody #because they have their own opinions about themselves. they debate whether they deserve some kind of treatment or not. we all do that right #and i just know he does that too. i just reslly want him to feel completely loved and cherished and appreciated. #i want him to see himself through our eyes. to surround himself with people who see him exactly the way we do. #to fall in love with somebody who will see him like we see him #nobody deserves better life than this man. and i hope that after our reunion he will live that life to the fullest 💓 i can't wait to see it #anyway. if somebody needs to talk about it or wants to get sadness out of your system - im here 💓 #please keep your heads up and lets wait for him 💓 #we have esch other and we will be okay 💓 #sorry for typos i can barely see its 1am 🤓

[red-eft]

most alarming thing to hear at night: random thud from quemada's terrarium. ms. girl some of us r trying to sleep

#txt #quemada #i was sleepy and it woke me all the way back up pfft. i guess ms. girl was climbing and fell #she's fallen before and the farthest she can fall isn't very far so i know she's fine fortunately #but like. phew. scary to hear that in a dead silent room at midnight wbsndkf.. #been calling her ms. girl bc thats what my roommate likes to call her. i find it so amusing for no reason #i ​also call her madamada (friend nicknamed her) + quemie (i came up w that one) #plus The Beast (must be said in a dramatic voice) and babygirl #she's so baby. i love her so much. i cant wait for her tk grow big and strong #im so excited i'm gonna upgrade her to a (hopefully bioactive) 40gal breeder once i get out of the dorms in may next year #and then if she gets really hugelarge and/or extremely active (she's already rly active tbh) then evenrually.. a 4x2x2 #gonna grow all kinds of desert plants and have some grand canyon isopods maybe #but anyways. i love quemada and i still can't believe how lucky i am to have her in my life. weh. #holy shit this got long. goodnight wbsbdjf..

[fragmentedblade]

Blade compared the relief from pain death brought him to the moments spent with his friends drinking together.

His desire for death as both a release from pain and from the condition of existence in which he finds himself now, so similar to that which he most hated (hated so much as to dedicate his entire life and self to fight, up to the point of crossing unthinkable barriers for shortlife species); but death also almost like a returning to the time that was, the joy and pride it brought him, and the friends and self he lost

#I have my qualms with this quest. I have them #But man. Man. I love him #They didn't have to make him such a good character. It could have gone wrong so easily with what they were doing #But I do love him very much #Yingxing the arrogant man the bashful teen and the stuttering kid. But haughty and determined and defiant at every stage #How smart and skilled and proud. How ambitious and revengeful too #I was going to talk about Jingliu and Dan Feng but I won't haha I may do later on #I don't know... I feel my chest so warm and so cold at the same time. I guess it's the fondness and the grief haha #I'm rambling though and I actually want to find this idea #Fragments and scraps #Yingxing #Blade #I've been told I can set the blog to private and that way I won't have the problem of throwing my posts in the general tag unwillingly #There's only one post I've wanted people to interact with and to this day no one has answered my question anyway #So I should consider that. It may be the best choice before half the HSR blogs block me for being annoying #I want to he able to find art and gifs haha #When I say 'life and self' I mean that not only did he dedicate his entire life to it on a temporal dimension #but he forged himself initially for this goal. Everything he was able to achieve he did by means of the skills he developed for this end #And that is what gave him the chance to craft a position for himself in the Xianzhou culture that looks down on shortlife species #His position as Huaiyan's apprentice‚ as a craftsman of the Zhuming‚ the Furnace Master‚ a legendary blacksmith and a hero‚ #and thus even I imagine his position as a civilian human man living in the Xianzhou without being looked down‚ all comes from that goal #With all that weighting on the matter the fact that he became that which he hated and lost his ability to craft #because of the chance to bring someone back from the death becomes even more poignant especially if we take Baiheng to be #the condition of possibility of that being he crafted taking place‚ due to little Yingxing not losing his drive and hope #And Jingliu asked them why they committed such a sin. He doesn't know what to say and knows she doesn't care #'I longed to be able to accept it‚ and I do not say I have not tried'‚ from Ovid. As Hozier puts it‚ 'the choiceless hope in grief' #I'm running out of space but I adore that these three people unmade themselves because of this. I think in Dan Feng's case there's also #a longing for a making in the unmaking process‚ that breaking free from the High Elder cycle that so tormented him and robbed him #from himself. The parallels both in similarities and oppositions between Jingliu‚ Blade (or Yingxing) and Dan Feng are so good #But I've run out of space and I wanted to save my thoughts on that somewhere else anyway. The Jingliu/Blade/Jing Yuan/Yanqing ones too

[inthewaytoamultilinguallife]

I love my anxiety because it's like, i know that from this June to, idk, 2 years from now? i will be working with one person from brazil and somewhere in between I will have to go to brazil for a couple of days because of it

And while i know that

a) I have formally studied portuguese for three years and have used it quite a good amount ever since (watching videos and films and series, reading and studying in it, have taken university courses IN Portuguese, go to academic presentations given in portuguese, etc) aka: while i don't quite speak it very well, I do understand portuguese i just have trouble lipreading it

b) I personally know this person, knows she knows and speaks Spanish (even if she prefers not to) and have had several conversations (both casual and academic discussions) in both languages, or she in one, I in another

and that

c) literally no one expects me to speak in Portuguese or will mind if I fuck my Portuguese

my anxiety STILL insists they will all hate me for my (alleged) broken Portuguese and that they will fire me because of it

AND THIS JOB DOES NOT EVEN START FOR ANOTHER THREE MONTHS and they can't even fire me what the fuck am I on

#welcome to my daily life of FREACKING THE FUCK OUT for nothing even when i know it's dumb shit #anyway i guess i will be brushing my portuguese some way now bc #there is no way i will not do anything abt it #i just have to find a way to put this in between my 5 jobs + three uni courses + lsu classes + voluntary work + international seminar #uuhh this might be harder than i thought #fuck #for the new ppl here: this is what we do here honeys this is my open diary with language related entries lmao