#but from my experience its just not worth it

[x-liv25-jamieswife]

Hey i read ur gray dying hcs. Can you make some for jamie too?? Thanks!!

(and maybe avery could be after)

people's reaction to jameson's death head canons

avery: she would be absolutely destroyed. she would not get out of bed and seriously consider offing herself (its up to you if she actually does off herself). it would get so bad alisa and the others would have to intervene and get her professional help. she would only get out of bed to visit his grave. i also hc that he'd have a pre-written letter for her if he ever died that he gave to alisa (he told her to give it to avery when he died). she would reread that letter over and over again until her eyes became blurred with tears. she'd also get really mad at the world for ripping all of the people she loves away from her. she'd stop working, eating, drinking, showering, etc. basically, she'd be so wrecked she wouldn't be able to handle anything.

grayson: he'd try to keep everyone together but would fail miserably bc he's also falling apart at the seams. he'd work to try to distract himself but nothing ever took jamie's death off of his mind. he'd visit his grave everyday regretting everything that happened with emily bc of what it did to his relationship with jamie. i think he'd also find a way to blame himself. he'd apologize to jamie every single time he visited his grave for not being the best brother. he'd end up hiring someone to do his work for him bc he just wouldn't be able to do it. yk what emily's death did to him but this would be 1391938 times worse. he'd be crying 24/7 and he'd also wonder if life was worth living (like avery). he would think he deserved to die instead of jamie.

xander: basically the same thing i put in my 'how would people react if grayson died post'. he'd crack is usual jokes in hopes of getting people to laugh and loosen up all while dying on the inside. he'd occasionally slip up and forget jamie was still alive. he'd be working on smth and would think 'huh let me ask jamie what he thinks about this' just to then realize jamie's gone. he'd also visit his grave to leave little gadgets and notes there/talk to him. i think the grief would hit him so hard he wouldn't be able to work on his inventions and experiments anymore. he'd just sit in his lab, dissociating, thinking about jamie and how shitty his life is now that he's gone. he'd check up on everyone, especially avery cause, like i said, she's not getting out of bed.

nash: pretty much the same thing i said in my grayson post. would also try to keep the family going but would also fail miserably. he wouldn't let anyone see him fall apart except for libby. he'd, in a way, think he failed at keeping his brother safe, and, that he didn't do the one thing he was supposed to do as jamie's older brother. he'd become extra protective of his two remaining siblings and avery. he visits jamie's grave balling his eyes trying to think of a way he could've saved jamie. unlike avery, he'd have to get out of bed. staying in bed makes him feel even worse so he gets up and either checks on the others or works. i can also imagine him feeling so depressed he's just numb to everything except anything that concerns jamie or his family. he wouldn't care about the things he cared about before and would just lose it.

libby: the one who's actually keeping everyone together. she's making sure everyone is fed, bathed, etc and makes sure everyone has someone to talk to or cry to. meanwhile, she'd be grieving too. even though she's not as close to jamie, his death would still hit her hard. her baking would get completely out of hand. sm that people had to make an intervention bc they couldn't eat all of the cupcakes. she'd bring the cupcakes to jamie's grave (like i said in my grayson post). she'd start crying at any time of the day when she sees smth that reminds her of him (this is basically the exact same thing i wrote in my grayson post but i wanted to include her cause she's the best. i just think she'd react the same to all of the brother's deaths (except nash))

not proof read so sorry if there are grammar mistakes or smth doesn't make sense.

#the inheritance games #jameson hawthorne #grayson hawthorne #avery grambs #nash hawthorne #xander hawthorne #libby grambs

[ceniwen]

average friend group

#dungeon meshi #my art #ive been loving standee charms lately #and i also dont wanna make enamel charms #because they turn yellow in time #ive wanted to make dunme merch for so long because i loved tha manga #but from my experience its just not worth it #and a waste of money to make merch #from a non anime series #cough bnha #laios #marcille #falin #senshi #chilchuck #izutsumi #i actually just wanted to draw chilchuk and marcille looking like that #and the rest are just filler

[skunkes]

ok posting it here bc im not sure if its going to stay in the doodle page

#delete later #deleting soon bc eyes on me #for those of you who kept asking about Something last year LOLLL #sorry this is too entry level vent comic ykwim i jst needed to get it out #im over it in the sense that like ok yeah whatever #but not in the sense that i came out worse than before. i was already Small. ive been further Smallened #i was a rebound and lied to and discarded...which thank god i was Set Free but wow! #all my personal fears reinforced. it is embarrassing for me to want and need...i get it neow. i was a stepping stone i am an npc #idk that i could do it again! im not sure its worth trying i am too much of a...project. #as i was told from day 1 but still ran directly into it #and i was too much of a coward to leave myself. if it happened again i wouldnt be able to leave then either. #im happy that i dont think it could get much worse than all that for my first experience but it was also exhausting #and weirdly at the same time i dont think i cld ever expect better #its almost been a year since its been Done and the words and treatment linger <3 #this is also why i had to enlist talon as imaginary bf number 2 LOL need extra reinforcement and love #cringe as fuck but it rly will never be as good as whats in my brain...i know that neow. i will spare everyone the trouble #and remove myself from the dating pool (<- implying he was ever even in it) #i dont even hold any ill will toward em bc they were right...its just hurts ykwim

[skitskatdacat63]

Fernando Alonso × Unconventional Drinking Implements

#if i had a nickel for every time nano drank out of a trophy id have two nickels. that's not a lot but its weird it happened twice #dont ask me if theres more i didnt have the mental capacity to look up all his podium pics...theres 20 years worth #but if you do have more somehow miraculousy do of course hit me up #this is one of these things i think that youd have to experience by watching a lot of races bcs finding it by keywords is impossible imo #though i did look up various trophies and now i want to make a tier list of trophies by drinkablity 😭 #but yeah some people in the tags of the pics i posted were like 'he did exactly what i wanted to do![drink from the big cup basically]' #so this is like: hey! not the first time hes done it 🤭 #but like if these are the only two times hes done it thats hilarious #bcs its been 18 yrs so was he suddenly like 'oh my god wait i just remembered what i can do with this' #but like the 2005 is the wcc win so it makes sense why he did smth so over the top #but this one i really really feel like he let the impulsive thoughts win and was just 'this looks like a giant cup....' #not pictured: flavio also drinking from the trophy. he was so indulgent of his boy 🥹 #also i wonder if theres footage of him pouring in the champagne in 2023 cause i didnt even know he drank from it until i was looking at pic #cause thats my fav thing about the 2005 one is watching him trying to aim and pour it from way too high hahaha #oh also there is the brazil 2005 gp as well but he doesnt directly drink from it so i dont think it fits well here #but at the same time he really is looking at trophies like 'hmmm how well would this work as a cup' #f1 #formula 1 #fernando alonso #2023 dutch gp #2005 chinese gp #fa14 #we do a little bit of f1 #formula one

[soldier-poet-king]

Tattoo session officially booked for Sept 2!!! Had the hour long in person consult this morning, artist was super sweet and seemed genuinely really excited to do the project. It's a full day (8 hr) session so it's not the cheapest, but not unreasonable given artist experience, selected style, HEALTH AND SAFETY STUFF, time spent on design, etc

Like I am so fuckin nervous and almost threw up this morning but the artist was SO kind and lovely and non judgemental, of this goes well I'll want her to do my whole half sleeve tbh

#franposting #also like. it's a lot of money but ive been saving for eons and its only a tiny fraction of what i have saved #and when you compare it to like. rent prices. its like. oh. well in the grand scheme of things this isnt even half a months rent so #if i have to live with my parents im at least spending SOME of the money ive saved #esp worth paying well for health/safety and also smthn that will yknow. be on my body forever #its at the same studio a friend had work done at recently and she had a fantastic experience #so im comfortable going there #im just!!!!! #parents will be unhappy but oh fuckin well! i know i can never be good enough for them anyway #also like. go big or go home. this is a significantly sized upper arm piece to anchor my eventual half sleeve #upper arm tho so its easy coverage with a rolled sleeve cardigan during the warmer months #bc yknow. workplaces. all that bullshit #after my consult my friends came over we drank and watch part of s2 sab and bitched about terrible fantasy novels #and how from blood and ash is basically just sjm tropes but worse so ofc we have to read it for trashy bookclub #ive already been warned about all the nsff (not safe for fran) scenes im gonna have to skip lmao #but we love sitting around tipsy garbage talking mediocre books #anyway off to play bg3. tmrw is church. nonnas. grocery store(?). pathfinder #still havent meal planned whoops

[spotsupstuff]

How does Orion feel about Noto’s puppet design? Does he like the mouth idea?

it's complicated. the mouth might be cool to him at the end, but its cost isn't fair

#spot says stuff #rw #oc tag #-boreas voice- THEY GAVE MY BABY DISABILITY ON PURPOOOOSSSSSE ORION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -orion voice- ah fuck captn....... #its worth to say that nobody is as frustrated with notos' puppet face set up as notos n that also hi -waves hand- me's visually impaired #so spotto know whats she talkin bout from personal experience 👌 sayin just in case cuz internet can get ugly as we all know n i dont trust

[dimensionzero]

watching yall joke about "watching x happen but I can't interfere because it's a canon event" and yes its funny but also that is the exact opposite of the point

#'traumatized experiences will happen anyway so its pointless to try to stop them. also they build character' NO!!! #YOU SHOULD USE YOUR EXPERIENCES TO HELP OTHER PEOPLE LIVE HAPPIER LIVES #JUST BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE SUFFERED DOESNT MEAN EVERYONE HAS TO #ITS ALWAYS WORTH IT TO TRY TO HELP PEOPLE #<<< im very passionate about themes as you can see #across the spiderverse #across the spiderverse spoilers #dont let me stop yall from having fun by the way!! just had to get that off my chest lmao

[baldurs-gate-official]

All that trauma and bullshit and he still has the capacity to trust and have a healing journey?? To love? I think a lot of people don't fully grasp just how difficult that is

#bg3 #astarion #seriously #speaking from experience trust is HARD #I have friends. Plenty. Do I trust them? to a point. I trust them in the sense that I love them and trust them to be friends #I trust them to be there for me - to a point. I trust that they're trying (maybe I just don't trust myself to be worth it??) #But I don't trust them not to hurt me eventually. I'm always preparing myself for that #and I don't trust them to keep me safe. Even when they're bigger or stronger than I am #I'm always prepared to get in front of them if something happens. even if I know I'll get hurt from it. #feeling that way is tiring. but its so hard to turn off #I don't think I've even fully felt safe with/trusted anyone I've been with romantically. Not for lack of trying #tbh I don't think anyone can make me feel safe #or maybe I just don't give people the chance to. I probably don't #in my defense tho someone I loved deeply tried to murder me several times SO I think it's pretty damn understandable to feel this way #anyway my point is its really nice seeing Astarion able to achieve these things #trust. healing. a happy ending. love #all those things feel insurmountable in the face of trauma #i need to stop rambling like this #q

[ojirocardigansniper]

ouguhhh just read the summary and article from this post about alexandre baril's work on suicidism (oppression of the suicidal) and the opening paragraph of the conclusion in the full article. thoughts. rotating

i was thinking about the. thick white gloves. while reading. remembered that one post about how csa being horrifically taboo to talk about compounds survivors' trauma and shame and went Maybe something similar re: suicidality and suicide... the suffering multiplied by the silence, the risk of dismissal or instant change in perception in anyone you tell... and even in 'mental health' spaces the perception that suicide as a topic is dangerous to talk about- that it could be triggering instantly and automatically- is like. i think there's some paternalism there and there's some shamefear and there's some oversimplification and there's the fact that it plays well into the existing well-taught impulse to avoid the discomforting. but like. this post also about how getting through suicidality is maybe only possible by considering the option thoroughly. i am just thinking. idk. yall know me yall know i think about this topic a lot

#chat #as someone who HAS mostly recovered from passive suicidality- mostly recognizes its suicidal intrusive thoughts as demands for life change- #im def one of the people who can be susceptible to recovery-only mindsets when like assisting or relating to suicidal people. so i need thi #me and one of our stranger sysmates (maze-body) were reading the article together and it kept standing against my reflexive questions + #discomforts because it understands suicidality as both an experiencer (in a weird way) and an already-dead thing; it could confidently- #dismiss my concerns as both fixable and less relevant than the experience and autonomy of the suicidal party. #its whole thing is being- not anti-recovery but like. unrecovered and incurable. which is a perspective we need to remember and have spoken #no matter how much harm reduction + barrier lowering + healing we go through. it as a frank eternality will still remain+need recognition. #its a weirdass way of coping with the inevitability of pain and suffering while not giving up on our locus of control but we're doing it ig #and i think theres a lot there you can relate 2 chronic/passive suicidality- just a companion no matter how much you make life worth living #whatever. anyway #suicide / #in case anyone has. tag blocking but not content blocking fsr

[theygender]

The funny thing about playing BG3 right after its release is like. Usually with RPGs I obsessively look up the dialogue for every interaction to make sure I choose the Right Thing but since this game just came out those kinds of guides just... don't exist yet. Like sure I can look up general walkthroughs for different quests, but there's not any articles detailing the approval/disapproval rating for every character on each individual dialogue option like there is for, say Dragon Age, so I'm having to actually fuck around and find out for once

#rambling #my urge to research all the dialogue choices before picking anything is bc of the autism im sure #when you live a life where its very difficult for you to know the right thing to say and you often get misinterpreted #its nice to have a break in a fantasy world where you can know exactly how youll be interpreted and be confident you chose Correctly #if these resources already existed for baldurs gate i would 100% be doing the same thing rn #(even tried a few times with no luck lol) #but since they dont... im actually like. playing the rpg as an rpg for once. and im having FUN with it too #figuring out my characters voice from the perspective of what they would say instead of the outcome i want them to get #making choices with the same knowledge they have about the situation instead of acting as some sort of omnipotent puppeteer #its funny that its taken me this long to just. play a game normally ahdjsksk. and really im doing it against my will. but i like it! #this is also the first time ive actually played something right after it came out #usually i end up waiting like months or years after the hype dies down before i get into it bc i just keep putting it off #playing a new game as it comes out without like a librarys worth of wiki articles to reference is an entirely new experience for me lol #who knew it could be fun? #(AN: the answer is Everyone Who Is Normal)

[hanzajesthanza]

i think the witcher makes me feel a profound sadness every night because it’s about all the things we love so much, or that we wish we had, but can never get back. the tragedy of the uncontrollable. the pain of loss.

ciri, despite her youth and innocence, loses her home and family and then she even her adoptive parents, and then she even loses her youth and her innocence, and is left with nothing but a grotesque scar symbolizing her trauma that doesn’t fit her childlike face and a hardened, green glare. and a sword, which is only a burden.

her parents, despite their incredible love for her, despite all of their agony and sacrifice to get her back, despite their own loss of their honor, their pride, their blood — they lose her too. they lose a child, the most tragic loss of all.

dandelion loses his best friend, clutching at his memories like the weeds growing by loch eskalott, trying to grasp the last twenty years to write his memoires.

milva hears her father’s words when she shoots, and his wheezing echoes in her mind.

regis lost himself, his entire life, all the people he ever loved and chased away.

cahir, despite his large family that loves him more than imperial orders, can never return to darn dyffrya, feel the sun on his face in vicovaro ever again.

angoulême wonders if her mother would have loved her had she not abandoned her, imagines what her hand patting her head in praise could have felt like.

and then geralt loses them. all of them, one by one.

and nimue, reading about it all, can never meet the figures of the legend she has obsessed over for years and years… she has her part to play in it, she can know their voices from dialogues and know their faces from etchings, but will never be able to tell them she loves them, tell them how much they mean to her.

even when they find what they’re searching for, even when they find what they’ve desired so — it’s only for a bittersweet moment. they shortly lose it again. everyone in this series is so intertwined together and caught in the same snare of destiny, and at the very same time so very alone and abandoned

#additional edit: this textpost brought to you by carolina in my mind #edit: and no one’s loss is the exact same! even though there are parallels — everyone suffers differently. #i used to feel guilty describing my experience as ‘loss’ because it wasn’t pertaining to death and that’s typically what loss insinuates #but you can lose so many things outside of death. and inside of death i don’t rule that out — but for me at least #the witcher books made me realize there are soooo sooo many ways to suffer and girl i’m not special lol #like all the protagonists experience this horrid sadness and tragedy and they KEEP LIVING and then they SUFFER EVEN MORE and then they DIE #and its like omg thats horrifying but like that didnt make the read any less enjoyable. in fact it made it more so #if they just were happy all the time there would be no story #so it made me realize that even if you are suffering or even if you have lost. life is still worth living #and also that rage and ‘bad’ emotions and selfishness and all these evil things that rise up from within a person are in fact natural #the creation of children of contempt seems almost unavoidable in the world we live in #but the point is that you cant stay a child of contempt. you have to humble yourself or someone else (BONHART) will humble you #dont hurt others or leo bonhart will snatch that beret with the rooster feather right off your ashen-blonde head #the witcher books #txt #analysis #kind of? analysis: a big theme in this is loss. lol kind of obvious not really groundbreaking you’ll have to forgive me #f: a hansa's a hansa #f: i want to see the sky #damn who would think a war saga would be a tragedy smh #obv /s #personal

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

:/ genloss still sucks. btw

#this is my far the most coherent episode but its still. so dumb. im sorry. i cant. #i cannot take any of this seriously. streamer mall. it bugs me so much that they arent even characters. #like i get it you got famous from using your minecraft username on the dream smp but like. come on. make up some names. #<< i realize thats just me being nitpicky at this point after everything but #come on. give me something. anything. to care about. #charlie is acting his ass off and good for him but i cannot take ranboo seriously ever smh #genloss crit #genloss neg #'some kind of facility' girl you look like youre in the mall down the road from me #i think theyre at least trying. attempting (<key word) to do horror now but. i still cannot take this seriousy #DYING for someone to try and convince me im wrong #i have about 3 hours worth of phonecall discussion and about 17 years of horror experience to back me up . objectively genloss is not good

[neofelis----nebulosa]

against my better i ended up seeing some of the clips people are posting from kfp 4 and i actually really like it

#id have to actually watch the movie to form a proper opinion #but based on what ive seen they made a lot of choices i dont love but i love what they did with the direction they took #and everything they did with the effects on the chameleon are just so cool #i feel like its worth watching based on that alone #and ik a lot of people are not happy about zhen but she actually looks like a pretty interesting character #i wish they had hired someone other than awkwafina to play her but you win some you lose some #all and all it looks like it works well as an epilogue to the original triology #like the trilogy is pos journey with body mind and spirit #and the 4th is what happens after that arc is complete #but i hope they stop the main series after this one #but i would love a furious 5 spinoff movie #or just more short films set in this universe #like secrets of the scroll and secrets of the furious 5 #wow the people who make these movies really like the word secret #but yeah i can see why a lot of people feel let down by the movie but from what ive seen it has a lot of merit in its own right #but as i said havent actually watched it yet #so whos to say #ill probably wait until i can rent it or it goes to streaming bc i dont know anyone who would watch it with me who would actually want to #like i have people who would be willing to but i dont think they would actively want to and i dont want my experience watching it to have.. #...to be me forcing someone else to watch it with me #and i dont want to go alone bc that would be embarassing #(unless another secret option presents itself before its available to rent or stream #which dreamworks if youre reading this that was totally a joke i would never watch your movies in a way you would not profit from)

[myriadsystem]

Some moments of a kinder story than the one our heroes got that have stuck in my brain

#personal #i imagine this is a journey taken where mother Timothy is a traditional bard who sings to the children around a campfire #instead of owning any too-magical books with which to bard from #no spoilers please im only halfway through watching and im really truly loving it sofar i do not want this spoiled for me #its so magical. so immersive. yes i paid $6 just to be able to watch it and i do not regret that decision. ive gotten $6 worth of #entertainment value already i think this is the best dimension 20 series ive watched so far #anyway the people are kinda shit because i did give up halfway through but it was really the breif concept image i liked anyway #so heres my take on #dimension 20 #the neverafter #it started with a rabbit pulling a teapot coach. that image is just so wonderous to me. and in my version they just wander #they camp and they sing and they travel down a safer path as a group of friends and the only magic they experience is the good helpful kind #sleeping beauty #mother goose #little red riding hood #puss in boots #pinocchio #the frog prince #pinocchicrow #not included but calmly observing overhead as a benign gift from a kind giver of magics #anyway im rambling i fucking love this series i am taking tips for my own soon to start campaign to dm & i would die for any of the charas

[yourcalamity]

im about to have such a potent opportunity to disappear into the woods forever it itches

#i wonder how long it would take anyone to figure it out lol #youre welcome future coldcase vloggers #but for the record if i do mysteriously vanish no its not because of my job #must be said because thats the easiest explanation people come up with yeah it would be convenient right #if i could just get a new job and suddenly everything in my life will be fixed and all of the other blatant issues clearly coming from other #sources will cease to exist #also therapy and meds will do the same thing. i might as well walk up to a stranger and ask them to snap their fingers and cure me #just as long as the hand i turn to for help points in another direction technically im being ‘helped’ right #life is just a fight and you have to keep fighting for yourself and others and hope one day someone is going to fight for you #and when people dont fight for you when you need them to it becomes clear that you dont even need to fight. it would be easier to lose #you already upset them by not fighting for yourself and instead of fighting for you now theyre fighting againt you. do you really want to #fight harder. do you really want to fight people you love. no one wants that #ive been so emotionally destroyed these past years and idk if i will ever recover or find worth in myself again #and if i got a new job tomorrow at the most comfortable high paying company in the world with a one day work week and unlimited pto #i would still feel worthless because of the experiences ive had and the way everyobe has brushed over them as if i cant feel emotion #i have been carrying so much hurt #now im going home to say goodbye to the remains of a stranger who wouldve disowned me had we ever spoken on even ground #but sure i will enjoy my trip

[froshele]

today in the wild I came across a phrase to the effect "...And this [pair of ethical axioms about what constitutes quality of life for purposes of discussion about disability and coma prognosis, based on the opinion of one person who has not ever been in a coma or disabled thereafter] suggests that maybe, just maybe, [relevantly comatose or recovering or disabled] people may have quality of life sufficient to make them ethically relevant"

that's ... not, um, normally considered to be what makes people "ethically relevant" in the world where all the people are and there's sunshine and grass and things, but, you know what, ok jennifer, A for effort! :) gold star for you, philosopher extraordinaire, moral lodestar for people unsure what to do with granny, paragon of ethical conduct!

#they had to put me in a coma because i declined really fast after pediatric brain surgery #it was not a long coma by most standards but i had to get so so much physical and other therapy about it #like i was out here relearning to walk and speak it was a really long recovery #people like this are of an opinion that people like me are ~simply suffering too much~ to be ~ethically relevant~ #which i think is a particularly shit form of pseudobenevolent ableism #what degree of pain do i have to experience before the invisible hand of Ethics decides i shouldn't be resuscitated if I fail #how much does my life get to suck before jennifer here decides it isnt worth living and what will that décision mean #objectively of course i was doing all of this in ukraine so the opinion of this ethicist-panelist would not have been worth anything at all #but i was so close to like being euthanized like a little mop dog #not formally exactly but my mom told me once that she thought about smothering me a lot while i was in recovery #and it was entirely because she was terminally theorybrained about suffering and life-quality in the same type of way #and if it were a medical availability i probably would not be here because i was so absurdly difficult and expensive to raise #and its just like man. i am begging you to remember the humanity of the subjects when you put these things in science papers #im having an ok morning globally i just want to blog about this on the internet to get the thing it brought back to me out of my system #i grew up with meaningful and painful disabilities + the fact that my neurology miraculously knit together into something “more workable” i #totally coincidental actually. what if it didnt? if it didnt + i was still in pain from the sun and wobbled like an earsick kitten then??? #that was the thing here like there was a 70/30 chance I would have needed a talking board and power chair #i am glad i do not but i am also very sensitive about this type of covert desire to decide about their right to live for people who do #i dont remember a lot of my childhood but i remember a lot of that pity laced with something i can now identify as revulsion to my pain #and i remember that i didnt understand it and that all i wanted was to be like other kids who were wanted and hoped for and believed in #and i dont know like its an individual thing its a family thing whatever but yesterday i had a weird trauma memory moment #that was about being displaced a little bit #which is an awfully vulnerable thing to put here but i am not asking for your sympathy i am just saying i was tender and a bit insane #and then i stepped on this rake! good morning insane asylum 《sunshine》 #today will be a better day than this #im going to make the tags froshgriping and froshplaks for my bitching and personal sniveling feel free to blacklist them #froshgriping #froshsniveling #froshplaks