#but i cant just die ig

[reel-fear]

MIKE BLOCKED ME ON TWITTER FOR ROASTING HIS DUMBASS RESPONSE TO THE GRAPHIC NOVEL STUFF!!

grown ass man scared of the 19-year-old queer being mean to him over his public meltdown more at 8.

#ramblez #little white boy sad? U sad bc nobody likes you? Bc u constantly make a fool of urself and show off ur distaste for ur fans? lmao #this is one of the greatest things to ever happen to me imagine how mad he'll be when he finds out the fangame Im making has queers in it #hes gonna have a whole other white boy meltdown on main KJSNFDGKJHFGKJHGKJHSDFGSD #hes so fucking sensitive maybe just get off of social media Mike this never ends well for you #batim #batdr #bendy and the ink machine #bendy and the dark revival #and look Im joking around about this but it really is sad that the bendy devs cant handle this kind of critique towards their decisions #it seems despite the backlash once again they are choosing to ignore their fans which is yknow upsetting #But hey ig if the devs being awful was a dealbreaker for this fandom I wouldve left a long time ago and I havent #dw Im not going anywhere <3 #also if anyone else here was also criticizing Mike maybe check his acct to make sure ur not blocked now since apparently #old habits die hard and this is certainly a pattern with him KJHDSFKGJHSDKFGJHDFGSD #also look before anyone asks yes I was kinda mean to him over this but to put bluntly if hes gonna be this dismissive to his fans concerns #he deserves it. Theres this persistent attitude esp in bendy fanspaces of being defensive of the devs #and I dont know why they have been extremely horrible people every single chance they get #and its very hurtful to see how many people would rather tell me to be kinder to the people who broke the heart of a child me when they #dismissed any ideas of putting queers like me in their stories than to realize Mike n Meatly bring this bad attention to themselves #to put bluntly I dont owe them kindness not until they at least apologize for the shit they did which they still havent #mike hasnt even addressed his vent poem in the code of BATDR let alone the other shit he said n did #so no I will not be kind to him ever hope this helps!

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

thinking so so hard about LaughingStock and how that'd go down. disastrously, probably

#and ill talk about it at Length in the tags until tumblr cuts me off like a rowdy drunk after last call #please keep in mind this is all in my Brain and relationship dynamics etc are all technically speculation. anyway #so while franklydear is your more classic 'oh no im in love with him! / aw shucks im in love with him<3' #laughingstock is 'feelings what feelings / oh shit oh fuck this is bad' #to Me. #in my mind howdy is completely oblivious to his emotions #he's out here like 'gotta get the store impressively neat & shiny for barnaby! and everyone else' without blinking an eye #he starts assembling barnaby and wally's dogs slower an slower so that barnaby has to hang around a smidge longer than usual #he's out here giggling at barnaby's jokes while sweeping Hours or Days after the joke was told like a lovesick idiot #all while being like Ah Yes Barnaby My Dear Friend. My Platonic Buddy Whose Jokes I Laugh At A Little Too Hard. Platonically. #meanwhile barnaby Realizes his own feels. has a minor crisis. goes through the 12 stages of grief and absolutely panics #he's like 'ok just gotta play it cool. normal. dont be weird. he'll fall for your natural charm in no time' #'ill hold all of my feelings right here until i die or howdy reciprocates. i just cant tell anyone about this.' #'....hey wally you can keep a secret right' #and rizzes it up yk. rolls a nat 20 on charisma every time without howdy even realizing it. ig barns rolled for stealth too #and from barnabys pov its going great! #howdy is flirting back! hes showing all the signs! when eddie views their interactions he comes to barnaby later and is like A+ gay as fuck #so barnaby is a soft pining mess and howdy is Absurdly Oblivious despite being a clever & observant guy #so im imagining (will freely admit that this Train of Thought is slightly inspired by the latest chapter of Stamps by Indigopoptart) #that eventually barnaby is Confident in their budding relationship ok. hes ready to ask howdy out. #everyone who Knows (wally & eddie) are like Go For It He Clearly Loves You #and when barnaby tells howdy. howdys like 'ohhhh geez um im really flattered 🥺 but i dont feel the same 😔😭' #cue barnaby turning into the 'never again' meme while trying to laugh it off and pretend like he didnt just have his heart mr starked #so he goes home to smoke his pipe and cry and howdy goes about his day feeling Strange #why cant he stop thinking about that confession. what are these emotions. i mean its not as if hes in love with Ohhhhhh No. Oh No. #so howdy has his 'holy shit! im in love with barnaby! (lovestruck. swooning) ....Holy Shit I Rejected Barnaby (horrified. nauseous)' moment #cue howdy expecting barnaby to come by in the morning as per Routine so they can talk. he Doesnt. cue howdy stressing the fuck out over it #meanwhile wally sally (eddie sent her in his place. hes too busy) and barnaby are having a girls day (eating ice cream and watchin romcoms) #eventually barnaby hears that howdy has been Dropping The Ball and cant not check on him. cue emotional heart-2-heart outside the bodega #this is all very specific but its in my brain. these scenarious lull me to sleep every night lately

[tiredstressedemotionalmess]

things that would fix me rn

- medication

- blanket fort

- permission to skip school for the rest of the week with zero consequences

- medication

- hug from my best friend

- watching inside out probably

- medication

#praying to fucking godddddd my mom is able to get me a doctors appointment as soon as fucking possible #so i cant stop feeling like i wanna die every month #like goddamn ig im gonna feel this shitty i should at least get cool werewolf powers or some shit #but nooooo i just get the emotional and physical turmoil WITHOUT badass transformations and bloodlust and fucking. howling and shit #so unfair

[silenthillbunni]

☁️🌷

#ugh im so anxious and like i think i have more pains bc of it #i overslept bc ever since i got a new phone my alarm is so quiet i never wake up?? this is the third time this happens for this class #but i cant miss more bc if i have more than three weeks absence they'll fail me :< so i hurried and walked to school #i wish i had a bus pass T-T since they introduced civilian clothed controllants i havent dared taking the bus at all i dont wanna get a fine #so yes anyway. on top of that im pretty sure my sister stole my keys. bc they were in my jacket pocket yesterday and today they werent there #and she left somewhere earlier this morning. so now im anxious abt not knowing where they are + will i get inside?? my mom wakes up late af #ummm what else???? idk im just so stressed. i got to class and have been here for 40min now and the teacher left for lunch #i'll leave now bc i cant focus enough to sit here more. my tooth aches too :(( #i just wanna cry tbh #the entire way here i was like i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die #i feel so awful.. and stupd and worthless. why am i incapable of getting a job? or even studying at university? im so bad at everything #im like an anxious wreck who can barely function. everything hurts both physically and emotionally #i dont even wanna walk home im just sitting in my empty classroom bc i dont wanna kove #move* #what's wrong with me? how did i turn into this? i miss school. like i miss being able to actually do my work and talk to the teachers etc #im only a shell of what i used to be. and im scared i'll never be anything other than this :(((( #well i gotta move ig bc the sooner i do the sooner i can get home and lie in my bed & cry over how useless i am :3

[moonsnqil]

i know they must exist but i don't think I've ever seen a 5ft middle aged man and therefore i cannot picture andrew and neil as 50 something year olds

#ig they just die as soon as they hit 40 idk i cant picture these assholes as old men #please tell me im not alone here #but ofc i want them to live long lives and die peacefully together #aftg #andreil #the foxhole court #all for the game #tfc #nora sakavic #andrew minyard #neil josten

[hayaku14]

kaishin au where kaito unwillingly received immortality from pandora. kaito is torn and broken upon the burden of eternal life. shinichi promises to stay with him forever. to do so, he drinks aptx 4869 every 10 years.

years go by and soon everyone in their life passes. kaito and shinichi learned how to create the poison from haibara before she left the world as well. but though it works in consistently turning back time for shinichi, it is still a deadly poison. accumulated, it slowly weakens him.

as shinichi's body slowly deteriorates, the poison chipping away at his life, kaito spirals. once again, torn and broken, kaito is desperate. feeling this to be their last years together, he decides to find a way to stay with shinichi forever.

a way to reverse his immortality.

a way to die together.

#kaishin #dcmk #detective conan #kudou shinichi #kuroba kaito #dc prattles #dont look at me idk why but this angst came out of fucking nowhere too #this came into my brain and i had to vomit it all here or else it'll plague my mind and die there #i actually wrote that they have half a century left but ig it's better to leave it vague #i think at one point they would have to fake their deaths #but shinichi's body couldnt possibly handle changing back and forth if he's past his 50s right? #what im trying to say is that make this au extra angsty by making them fake their deaths in their late 20s or early 30s #this is haibara's advice as someone who knows shinichi's biology the most and how the poison works #they could probably tell their close friends and family though (making it less angsty cause i remembered i am GODS WEAKEST SOLDIER) #lowkey shinichi at the point where kaito decides to look for a way to immortality is already either bed ridden #on a wheelchair #or at least cant run anymore and is easily tired #(THIS AU IS JUST AN ELABORATE SICK FIC AND MY ADDICTION TO TIRED SHINICHI SHOWING) #changed aptx 4689 to 4869! im sorry i wrote this at 2 am lmao

[vani-ash]

having so many feelings about dff ep 7

#i think i felt every emotion during that episode #had to pause it and take a breath so many times #anyway i wish them all a very die #dff #dead friend forever #dff ep7 #dff ep7 spoilers #well now we know what jin did ig #phee is 100% playing jin #i think thats gonna be the last time phee saw non and hes gonna regret it #when they all get back hes gonna be like okay ive calmed down i wanna talk to him where is non #and non just never came back and thats when he did this whole elaborate revenge plan of being invited to the group #i dont think future him knows what happened to non besides guessing #i cant fucking believe jin posted that video #for all he knew non was doing it against his will #phee crying when he first saw the teacher and non was actually heart breaking #non bestie 😭 i feel like phee wouldve understood if you explained it to him #anyway to bring this to kimchay beacuse i cant stop making everything about kimchay #kim seeing chay being abused by his teacher and going feral

[lu-kario]

gon be a birthday boy in just two hours,,,,,,,

#its kinda sad to think about idk #i wanna sleep till 2 pm eat some ice cream and then go to sleep again #also wee took some cool pics of my reita cosp today they turned out cooler than i expected kdfghjdfg #theyre on my ig if anyone wants to look idc #but the kicker is #the wig and that stupid bandana gives me a headache just after an hour of wearing it ughh #if he's going on my con lineup i might die ngl KJHDFGK #cant wait for the con tho #its the same as last year except im probs gonna go all three days #planning to cosplay tori ofc #squall or yoru #and jade from hnk :D #hope its gonna be fun weeee #DONT MIND THE TAG SPAM LOL

[star-factory]

my state of mind rn

#dude i just finished chapter 6 of rb im gonna DIE #AERTI YURI??? IN MY FINAL FANTASY GAME?????????? #ALSO CLOUDS DOOFY ASS CHOCOBO SHIRT LIKE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #ff7rb js literally so perfect for my brain #im having so much fun but I CANT FINISH EXPLORING JUNON BC AN AREAS LOCKED OFF BC I FINISHED CH5 BEFORE GETTING THERE IG?? #cries #THE LAST PROTORELIC QUEST... ITS IN THERE............ #Chadley i failed you... i am sorry..... #my friends discord is cursed to watch me lose my mind over ff7 and kh #im sorry guys........... .... #my channel is just me talking all day abt ff7 or kh . oops #talking

[salsflore]

#cw rant #found out the reason my mom took my money is ‘cuz a tita staying with us needed like. a minimum of pocket money to leave the country #and she didn’t have that so. my mom took my money... she needed extra $20 usd i think and that wouldve been 150-200? depending on rates ig #it sucks to have money that i cant even spend because in my mind i'm like ahhh my mom will need my money later.. #she woke me up with how loud she was being at 1 am anyways. she couldve ASKED and i just asked her abt it #and she raised her voice at me and told me she’d pay me back. i’m glad my money was able to help someone but maybe ASK ME before you take #*all* of my money. ok maybe not all i have like 2 rm in my wallet but #i'm genuinely so irritated and i know what was apparently the equivalent of $60 might not be a lot to you but it was MY savings still...?!? #ueueue maybe i’m just viewing the situation immaturely in which case tell me but :/ i’m just miffed #couldnt even buy a drink (literally 10 rm) online bc i gave my brother all my small change.. ahhhh #💭 #my school tag thing had no money (we use it to buy food) and i didnt have anything in my physical wallet so i couldnt buy anything :| #i'd rather die than ask a friend... even if i did i wouldnt have the money to fucking pay them back anyways

[suburbanlegnd]

i think i have a crush on my friend-

#we've known each other for over six fucking years #we have lots in common but idk if it's platonic or not #or maybe just an obsession #although I think I've had a crush on her for a longer time #at least i know shes ahbsolutely not straight and im her type lmao #BUT STILL I CANT LET MY GUARD DOWN #ITS TIME TO DIE IG #rambles

[moving-to-dreamwinged]

wondering if my parents would be proud of me at all if i didnt have good grades. i think we're about to find out and i think the answer is gonna be no

#.mei chats #.not f/o related #.vent #ig #ugh i hope i die #i fucked everything up so bad #its not my fault im just not medicated and i cannot fucking focus #ok not taking the meds is my fault but they make me feel so EMPTY i cant do that again

[iamnompuehuenu]

is this cool? like, is it an interesting premise to work on? is it cool? i think it's cool

#hws gerita #gerita #i dont know what to call this #bar au? #futuristic au? #idk #me still having to finish midsummer: haha new idea goes brr #this one looks SO fun to write but at the same time it looks like it would take so much brainpower #alas i am so very small #i cant believe this was born from seeing a “if I can prove that I never touched my balls” shitpost #I CANT EXPLAIN WHY??? IT JUST MADE SENSE TO ME #anyways it will either take me a day or a month to finally publish this au because i have no self control sooo waiting for feedback ig #its 4 am tomorrow i have to wake up at 7 am perhaps i will die

[silenthillbunni]

📓🕯️🐇🖤pt.2

#only 30 tags lol i ran out... so furthermore #we only get one life. im gonna try as much as i can to enjoy the little moments. nd to not give up on myself nd my life #i will die one day anyway. why rush it. i'll enjoy as many books and as many walks and songs and tv shows as possible #if i get a loan nd have more money i wanna bleach my hair nd dye my hair green #and later this year i think i might change my name #it was the name i wanted to change to from the beginning. but i was in such a bad headspace i just picked eden at random #i do kinda like it now nd im attached to it but i more feel like this other name actually is me. my birth name nd my current name dont feel #really right. so maybe. i havent decided yet. like i rlly dont know. im also attached to this name for some other reason. like it's who i am #to a person i rlly like and if i change... will i be anything to them? i cant put it into words but that makes me hesitate #but it's unhealthy to stay attached to someone i cant truly have even if i want to. so i mean. idk im just weird abt it #but i do kinda wanna change my name (to embla. my mom wanted to give me that name but my dad was like nooo >.<) i am not 100% sure tho so #when i've been getting used to going to school nd working out at the gym. nd after my surgery nd i have more energy #i will try to face my avpd and try apps for making friends. there r two apps where u can find new girl friends!! maybe i can try that #also like i've never tried apps but i think maaaaaybe i can use bumble to try to find friends and women to date. potentially. idk..... #rn it's hard for me to think in those terms bc. i mean i am hung up on someone!!!! i cant evwn imagine dating or being intimate w anyone els #sometimes i feel like.. they're the only person i've ever felt like it'd even be possible. who i'd event want to do that w #not only physically but emotionally. so ig it's even harder to let go bc im so scared i will never feel like that w anyone else #but i rlly need to try to make the most of whatever life i have. the world will collapse soon anyway #that makes me even more sad that i cant be w who i wanna be w nd do what i wanna do but #all pain will all be completely descimated eventually. it's not forever bc life isnt forever #i've just never felt this before. like i want smth to be real so bad but if it happened once surely it can happen again? right? #i wont spend my life alone without intimacy and love and comfort nd support nd understanding right???? :o hope not #im still so sad nd exhausted rn. nothing in my life is working nd theres no repreive nd no help #it gets sooo hard to endure everything sometimes when everything just keeps piling up and gets so heavy it feels like im drowning #nd atm i dont feel like i have any anchor. nothing that keeps me grounded nd im just floating away nd im constantly being overwhelmed by my #feelings nd emotions. im like a stupid little kid who dont understand how to handle what im feeling. or make rational decisions #i feel so ... stupid and useless. i dont know what im doing. i have no idea. i have no compass. its so scary

[uniformbravo]

the natsuyuu manga is so funny the volume will be like "natsume grapples with his desire for unconditional love versus his fear of burdening those around him, knowing the more he opens his heart to the people he cares about the more he stands to lose if something goes wrong; these people are the warmest he's ever known and he's the happiest he's ever been and that scares him because he can't shake the feeling that it's fleeting and fragile and could all disappear at any moment, so all he can do is fight to protect everything he loves and hope one day he'll deserve the precious happiness he's been given here"

and then the blurb on the back is like "natsume climbs up into the attic to look for some books, but... uh oh... is that a... g-g-g-ghost??!? things are about to get freaky deaky in here if he doesn't do something... quick!!! will natsume be able to handle it before the clock strikes thirteen, or will he become... gulp... the ghost's next meal?!?"

#always gives me a little heehee chuckle after the Emotional Damage inflicted by the story #just finished vol 11 uuuuuuu........ the one where he goes to visit his parents' old home uuuuuuuu......... #it was the first episode to make me cry when i watched the anime but i didn't this time #i did tear up at the end tho when natsume asks to retake the family photo with sensei in it this time 😭😭😭 #like stopppppppppp im gonna die #retag later #ny blogging #moment was ruined when i turned the page and fuckin Matoba was there like WHO ASKED U KGJSLDKSDKGN #(lil mini drawings after every chapter. the theme this vol was characters when they were younger and. matoba & natori were up next ig) #it's fine there were already other parts of the manga that made me cry that didn't in the anime #like when the little fox travels all the way out to see natsume again and finds him having fun w his friends #and loses courage and walks away thinking ''i guess the one who was really lonely this whole time was me...'' #AND THEN natsume finds them anyway and asks for directions to their forest so he can come visit next time LIKE COME ONNNNNNNNN #the natsume observation logs are everything 2 me u hear me EVERYTHING #main character from other characters' pov is ALWAYS 1000/10 good shit 👌👌👌 #i wanna get to nishimura and kitamoto's chapters again rhrngnghrnggh vibrates in chair #cant be doing this again Except That I Can #where are my boys. SHOW ME THE BOYS

[rox-of-iu]

war and hate on planet earth

stg i was living in a world where i was sure MQF peak seniority was left ambiguous and then i got a wake-up call when i picked up the book to reread a bit 😔😔😔🤡 (i know it was prolly mentioned somewhere before this scene as well but this is where i picked it up and got smacked at so thats the only reason why i picked this part)

idk i guess i just had my eyes conveniently closed each time before hdksfh

also @ anyone thats gonna notice that i will still put qc peak as 4th even after seeing the evidence umm no you didnt mind your damn business

#🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 #i am blind and i cant read apparently #or ig i cant read what i dont wanna see it would seem jhdskfhkds #mqf king how could they do this to you hjdhfks #8th at best????? #ohhhh you put your doctor peak so low broken bones for cang qiong broken bones for one thousand years #i mean 8 is my favourite number but i will not stand for this #anyway in my defense i did check the wiki before to make sure i was not making fool of myself and it just betrayed me ig jshkd #because when talking about Wan Jian the y say and i quote: #'Though its precise rank is unspecified it ranks below Qiong Ding and Qing Jing and above An Ding Peak' #so like yea sure cool they are going off of the way they address each other ok got it #but they dont say anythingggggggggg liek that about qian cao OUGH so i thought ok sick it wasnt mentioned smile #non #targeted attack at me specifically obviously #hkjdhsdkfhsdk #now i look like a fool that cant read but i have decided to die on this hill