#but i usually only get 1 or 2 a week

[shameboree]

u know when you get impostor syndrome but for shit like chronic pain. thats so weak. other ppl are out there like advocating for themselves and their fellow pain havers and im doubled over in an ikea refusing to take a brk or go home like THIS IS FAKE FOR ME ACTUALLY. I WILL MAKE IT TO THE PLANTS SECTION bc i am NOT valid. weak.

#my endo is relatively well controlled w my iud and i only get migraines USUALLY 1-2x a week #lately has been 2-4x/wk which is much better than daily which i used to be #anyway my brains always like hmmm neither of those count as chronic pains bc its you #ive had meningitis and most of my migraines are on that pain lvl so like maybe my brain is Wrong here but also id literally never go up to #a chroic pain haver and be like oh yeah me too buddy!!!! #also bc i am a brain damaged glutton i refuse to let ot interfere w a single activity i want to do so does it REALLY interfere w my life?? #brough to u by a wicked endo flareup i can feel building but this is what my tens unit and 12x12" flax heat pad are for heh #kels talks

[ostentenacity]

one of my favorite things to do in ffxiv of late is what my friends and i call "favorites roulette", which is that we go around and nominate 1-2 boss fights each that we like doing (up to a max of 5 because duty finder limitations), then queue up for all of them and see what we get. we only pick from normal trials and raids so it's always an 8-player story-difficulty fight, and due to personal preference we usually end up at level 80 or 90 (though there are sometimes a few 70s in there, and maybe a final steps of faith every now and again). the first time we did it, it was just for shits and giggles because we were bored, but now even though i prefer harder fights in general, Favorites Roulette is one of my favorite parts of the game. 10/10 would recommend.

#ffxiv #its funny because before we started doing it #i mostly thought of the story difficulty fights as being sorta one-and-done #like they're a part of the story rather than being proper repeatable content #but now that i do Favorites Roulette semi-regularly i find that i enjoy going back to normal mode stuff #a lot more than when i was just doing it for trial roulette/normal raid roulette #which is partly The Power Of Friendship (everything's more fun when you're hanging out with friends) #but i feel like it's also a factor of #when you get to pick a small number of instances to put on the list #you only get your favorites #and not like. battle on the big bridge for the third time this week #if anyone's curious #our list is usually something like #e11n + 1-2 eden or pandaemonium raids + a ShB trial + an EW trial #(+ maybe castrum fluminis or something from alphascape) #mine #ffxiv lb

[perilegs]

every time i try to do something scary on purpose for my social anxiety the universe decides to add in unexpected situations 😔

#i was supposed to go pick up a package and then i was like. ok wait. ive gotten good at buying something while pickiing a package up. what #if i also buy stamps #bc you have to ask the cashier for those (same as with the package) #and it was just at my cornerstore so it's a safe nonscary environment #well. as not-scary as any store can be. #but. there were a lot of ppl there. which! i thought would be fine bc the line was still relatively short but. what happened was that they #opened another register. #and i was queuing for the reguster that had stamps and handles packages #and i would have loved to stay at the queue. but. only one person went to the queue of the new register. so there were 2 ppl in line before #me. one already had their stuff on the conveyor belt and the other was about to put their stuff there too #and the person who went to the other register only had like 2 things to buy. so. it was me. in line behind 2 people. versus an almost #empty register. so. i had to switch to the free register before the cashier had the time to b like 'there's a free register here!' #bc i don't have a script for hearing that and saying 'no' !!! #so i just. switched over and bought my snacks. leaving the store with no package and no stamps. #bc if i hadnt i would have had to say something i dont have a social script for and probably stumbled on my words and gone red and dizzy #which. not ideal. #and this sucks ass bc all i really needed was one (1) success in a social situation #bc this week has been kicking my ass social anxiety wise #usually when i go and get coffee from a coffeeshop they dont ask me shit and just make my order to regular milk which. ok. i dont have an #allergy or anything. i just think plant alternatives taste better in coffee #but this week. i got asked 'do you want that in regular milk?' and i was not expecting that #so i was like 'yes please 😊' and drank my grossly milky coffee dreaming about what i could have had #and that happened TWICE #after the first time i did think about it and decide i could have said 'do you have oat milk or something' and then the barista #could have either said yes or no and both of those would b easy to answer #but instead of asking if they have oat milk i just said yes. again. #can you guys imagine some people speak without being scared #some people even go to the store without feeling even an ounce of fear. imagine #leevi talks

[pegasusdrawnchariots]

the eternal question: is scheduling w friends as an adult That Hard or am I just bad at it

#4 different people have left me on read today; 1 cancelled our plans 4 hours before we were due to meet #I've been sitting home alone for 2 days going insane. looking forward to One (1) coffee date & that fell through #idk why I'm taking it so hard this time I'm usually fine!! but I find myself wishing I didn't have the day off I wish I did have work :( #like it's tiring yeah but it beats sitting here not knowing what to do w myself #& I'm working all weekend & only leaving the house to see the doctor. oh joy #I've been productive ironing writing fixing the car. that's not the problem #I had 4 social plans this month. that's it #that's like seeing each friend once a month!! I can't keep this up!! #is this the norm for adulthood? :( #& on one level I don't want to bother people or be clingy #but on another level I'm baffled that they don't get lonely too #the news has not shut up abt the Loneliness Epidemic since 2021 #but if it's true why do so many people take so long to reply when I reach out? if they reply at all #I'm not going anywhere w this. idk #just one of those days #everything so fuck everybody suck :( #boomers got it right w the whole showing up unannounced at people's houses for a social call with a pound cake #now I have to go through 5 layers of bureaucratic bullshit to see a friend #assuming they don't cancel the day of ofc (((((: #I just wanna be like hello knock knock I am here. tell me abt yr life today & listen to mine & eat this cake #& the worst is when people are like 'I'm cancelling bc I'm tired xx' #OK A) u knew we had these plans for two weeks #but B) I'm tired too! I still love u ur still my friend! let us be tired together! #'I won't be social today I'm tired' my love we could watch movies in silence we could knit we could ball yr socks. idc #'I have to do the big shop today sorry' so do I!!! let us do the groceries together!!! #every time I've pushed someone to come out when they felt depressed or to let me accompany them when they were doing chores #they were like u know what I'm so glad u did this. thank u. this is way better than how I had planned this night to go #& I'm like any time!! I love u!! #& then it just happens all over again next time oh sorry I'm cancelling I'm busy I'm tired #like did u forget what a nice time we had last time? what changed? :(

[caffeinatedopossum]

Starting to wonder if I have bipolar but then I would literally have almost every mental illness. Like fr I'm not kidding you, I'm a collector and I never chose this

#it does run in my family since my mom had it #i just wonder because while im almost always suicidal the way that prevents itself can greatly change very quickly #like periodically ill be stuck to my bed very sad very mopy for like 3 weeks to 3 months #and then sudden i get this burst of false energy that is actually severe restlessness #and i NEED to do something when that happens. sometimes i just cannot sleep because ive gotta do something #sometimes i frantically draw or write and ill have these moments where i feel ecstatic and when i come back to normal levels of sadness #im convinced i mustve been delusional to think the thoughts that i had then #usually the sadness isnt as bad during those periods but the suicidality is much worse actually because i become very frantic #and have so much more energy #idk. my theory thus far has been either 1) adhd causing mood dysregulation and hyperactivity #2) fluctuations in my depression and anxiety combating each other. actually both of these. #or 3) DID. just DID. i think thats lretty self explanatory #the interesting thing is that i think what i described with point 1 and 2 would be clinically considered bipolar...? #listen clinicians dont always consider the other factors that contribute to what symptoms the person is having #especially in psychology where the lines are very blurry since diagnosis tends to be made on behavioral observations #and also on self reported symptoms.i suspect im one of the only people who would describe symptoms like 'im having x because i have y' #and not just 'im having x symptom' #skfjfh sorry to everyone who reads my tags 👍 psychology special interest go brr

[wiiwarechronicles]

:( I do not like Twitter

#i go on there like once every 3 weeks and just lurk for maybe 5 minutes #but god somehow this thing knows who to upset me #i only interact with queer artists and yet im getting stuff from people freaking out #over a trans guy having kids #like just a picture of a dad breastfeeding and a bunch of wack jobs are acting like it’s the grossest most horrible thing they’ve ever seen #and even a bunch of accepting people are being like ‘but the T will hurt the baby!!’ #but 1. people usually go off medication when pregnant/nursing and 2. literally thousands of cis women with kids have testosterone equal to #or over those of a cis man #but nooo nooooooo a parents feeding his god damn kid in a cute photo taken by his partner FOR SHAME!!!! #maidsmess #transphobia cw #trans pregnancy cw

[creative-hanyou-girl]

Y'all I so want to participate in InuKag Week but I don't think I even have the energy to pick up a pen let alone draw stuff 😩😭

#i just got back from a week and a half learning how to drive by my brother and let me tell you he took the job VERY SERIOUSLY #which is good but he'd drag me outta bed by 8 or sometimes 6 so we could practice #plus we did a lot of stuff together or had friends of his and family come over to interact with or entertain #I actually had a mothers day drawing I got started on but couldn't finish bc we were so busy. #i still might post it tho so don't worry #and then we drove down to FL where we met up with my mom and aunt and stayed a few days #then we had to rush home because I had work scheduled this weekend #so then we got home and i had barely 45 minutes to get dressed for work & I finished work only for us to go to dinner bc it was my b-day #and then I worked again today and tomorrow will be the first day in forever where I dont need to be anywhere and meet people #oh and I also have summer classes starting on May 30th #I had a lot of fun of course and I enjoy seeing people and like my job but I'm so freaking tired guys and my feet hurt😩 #so of I end up not posting any art for InuKag Week ya'll will at least know I'm not dead #i know I usually only post 1 or 2 drawings for the Week anyway but still #inuyasha #kagome higurashi #inukag #the hanyou and his miko #inukag week #inukag week 2023 #story of my life

[andromedasummer]

opal was so well behaved (mostly because they had blankets scented with this drug that calms down cats we put it over her and she just became so eepy. it worked so well that a giant samoyed barking non-stop no breaks out of pure excitement for 5 minutes straight while bolting around in the same room as us didnt perturb her)

i pet her as she got her vaccination and she didnt even open her eyes when the needle was in. she let the. blanket cover her (she HATED being covered normally) because it made her feel so chilled. she only hissed when she got scooped. and the one time she did get agitated, when the vet was listening to her heartbeat, i started running my finger up her nose (have done so since she was a kitten 13/14 years ago) and the vet said her heart rate dropped immediately 🥺

#shes very healthy for a cat her age! #the only problems are; 1. shes lost muscle definition on her rught back leg. meaning she isnt putting weight on it #so it might be painful. we suspect arthritis. we are planning to out her on painkillers for a bit and then see the muscle development #2 weeks later #2. we have no idea how but she is missing teeth on her left side of her face. it was a quick look as she hates ppl looking in her mouth #but 2 teeth look broken off and theres inflamation so we will have to take a closer look in a dental #if the teeth are gone then she will be fine. will just get cream to soothe her gums #but if theyre broken we will need to put her under to take them out because the infection spreading to her jawbone would kill her #we're lucky we caught it so early #the only thing is we have no idea how this could have happened. it wasnt food or a cat fight. it would take a blunt force. #mum and my brother suspect she had a fall/messed up a jump and landed face first. shes done that before. #either way i look forward to alleviating as much pain as possible from her #also the prelim of the blood tests look great! no kidney disease!!!! i had suspected it cos she lost weight #but i think thats because the newish neighbiurs now know shes not a stray #and arent feeding her. shes a little nightmare #i love her tho shes baby #thought she would hold a grudge like she usually does but i found her by my heater an hour ago #and when she saw me she chirruped and showed me her belly so i know shes feeling good

[gentlethorns]

fuck dude i have got to find a job where i can be self-employed and creative. i cannot be in fucking retail hell anymore

#she bork #tbd #like now i don't deal w customers which is cool but now that i work at like a big retail store and not a little mall outlet the pressure is #insane. and i have bosses who never say good job or thank you and who have set me up to fail by throwing a department on me that i was not #hired to run or trained for and frankly don't have time to run properly either. so every week just starts w me in our weekly meeting being a #fucking piñata like 'why didn't you get this done 🤨 you need to manage your time better 🤨 you're losing sales 🤨' and i'm like i'm trying!!!! #what more can i do!!!!!! and then the side of it i actually kind of enjoy (which is what i was originally hired to do) is very very hard on #my body bc it's a very physical job (i run the team that unloads the trucks every day and like i'm usually helping unload bc i'm not just #gonna stand there and watch while my team busts their asses lol) and now i'm finding out that it's actually not normal to wake up every day #w your joints screaming and stiff and that i might have a chronic condition (doctor is thinking some sort of chronic inflammatory arthritis #but i won't know if my imaging and blood tests showed anything until like mid-june) and i'm like. so even the part of my job that i don't #mind as much is not good bc it's like actively destroying my body. okay sick 🤠 and i don't wanna quit bc i've only been there for like #eight months and this job would be really valuable on a resume but i don't want it to look like i'm a job hopper or like i'm fickle or #unreliable. so i'm stuck here for a while i think. but the pressure is destroying me mentally and i know i need to find a position somewhere #else that is 1. not fucking goddamn retail bc retail will always be hell and 2. not management bc i don't see myself ever really getting #into upper management but lower/middle management gets shit on the most so if i go somewhere else and end up in middle management i'll be #right back to wanting to kill myself in a matter of months. basically i'm tired of expectations and pressure and stress and i'm tired of #waking up at fucking 2:30 every morning just to go in and get shit on and destroy my body all over something that in the end i do not fuckin #care about. i need to make art and be held accountable by only myself. idk i've been toying w the idea of learning how to tattoo and trying #to start establishing some artistic skill so maybe eventually i can do that? not now bc the economy sucks and that's scary lol and anyway i #have to give myself some time to actually learn the skill and perfect a style. but it makes decent money (at least before the expense of #supplies and taxes) and allows you to travel and still work and also it would be fun. and i could tattoo myself so it would cut some #expenses for me since i cannot stay away from the damn needle. idk lol i need to save some money before i buy a tattoo gun or anything but #i'm considering it bc i am going fucking crazy rn and ik this feeling will leave me eventually but i also know it will come back bc it #always does. and i'm tired of just surviving and just making it through every day and every week like i want to be happy and this is just #not doing it for me anymore #ugh fuck why couldn't i have been born w a brain that likes numbers and code and technology. i love being an artist but it makes finding a #sustainable career really difficult bc i feel so restless and miserable when i'm stuck in a passionless job but my passions are not #particularly profitable. hate it here why wasn't i born a capybara no job no responsibility just squint and squeak and sun

[coolspacequips]

I don't need the new pkm game I'm not interested

*sees the character creator*

I'm..... N-not interested.......

#I've only ever played the 1 pkmn game and i did end up loving it #so I'm curious to play more in the franchise but there's a lot of reasons a yearly release schedule is bad #and me not being interested in investing only for it to be old news next year has been a key reason I didn't get more into it #i had no idea the new game was out bc i feel like a new one just came out like last week #just by pure chance I was feeling nostalgic abt my first starter and my son Hop from sword and shield lol #but u say character creator and i jump #not rly tho I'm sure the reaction to this game rn speaks to why i never buy games on release day anymore #last time i did that was like 2016 or whenever transistor came out and that's different #last triple a game i bought day of was Dishonored 2 #anyway that's neither here nor there I'm just rambling to put off stuff i should be doing #it's gonna be a long time until i have serious interest in this game #and w the way games work now i usually wait a year at least for them to actually finish it re patches and updates #bc i like to buy complete games like The Good Old Days #hmm y'know what i might have bought another release day title in the last few years #it's not something i do often bc i used to wait for a sale but game prices just don't go down anymore 😑 #the other game was Outer Worlds ironically the game about evil corporations and the unsustainable Max profit model at the cost of QOL

[niishi]

Bounty rush is such a slow burn game..... I'm doing everything I can to get these character fragments for zoro but even doing that I'm not gonna have him maxed out for months...

#i need like 3k characted fragments to get him fully boosted #and you rlly can only get them a couple of ways #sometimes through event missions #but they only give 1-5 within the event #then campaigns give them away sometimes #and you can get like 60-90 per event #which usually reset every 5 days #you can also get 70 for being ss rank at the end of each season #which usually last 2 weeks #thats an okay amount but like..... #still getting 3k of them takes forever #and i also need to boost other characters bc u need multiple for a team #and im trying to rank up onigashima luffy too #oh also u can get them through daily training but only like 4-5 a day if u keep up on it #tbh i guess you get a lot of opportunities to gain these #and i get every single one i can #but it still takes forever #i just Need To Be The Best

[scottishstoner]

12:49AM

Late night facemask:))

#do these weekly usually but skipped last week:. I onlt bother coz mr skin gets so dry on my t zone #((it’s charcoal based face mask I swear by it and it’s only like £1-2)) #and mt vitamin d face wash and flow moisturiser I swear all together that’s £12-13 and it just helps my skin not break out and not be dry #coz when I do wear make up dry skin is the lasttttt fucking you want lol #actually me #may 23 #personal #rambles in tags #I went on a bit there but honestly just like routine and I missed one week and my skin broke out slightly like broooo lol

[donttouchtheneednoggle]

head hurty

#not any more like that but last night #love having a pain condition triggered partly by anxiety but also it caused the anxiety to be constant in the first place #i dont get chronic migraines bc i dont get them often enough its usually like 1 every 2 months nowadays but sometimes it can be 4 in a week #bc having one makes it more likely i have a another soon after #but i sure as fuck have acute migraines #i remember being in school and classmates being like oh i have a migraine going off to take their meds and then coming back to class?! #whereas as soon as i had an aura id go to the office and be like can you call my mum she needs to take me home #and i thought i was just being weak and i should just push through it #but you can't push through acute pain nausea vomiting and disorientation #there are literally parts of my brain or thoughts i can't access during one ill be trying to think of a word and i can't find it #they usually only last like 2-3 hours but it feels like a lot longer when you're sitting in the dark can't even lie down feeling like hell #and ik some peoples go on for days some people have them more days than they dont ik im lucky to have such short and fairly infrequent ones #but its still beyond horrible and feeling like a ticking time bomb constantly watching out for an aura #and worrying about going somewhere you can't easily get home from #and I've only just started to be able to talk about it i could never understand how other people could talk about theirs flippantly #when mine terrified me more than anything the amount of bad feelings #but she's working on it having realised after 8 years that it doesn't have to be like that 🤣 #mine #n e way sorry for the rsnt all good now chillin in bed ✌🤣

[sanchoyo]

re: last post I genuinely do think each ygo series has its own charm and I think its so funny when ppl get attached to the spinoffs esp. like they all have their merits and theres not rly a BAD start series, it just depends on ur own tastes!! theres something for everyone!! I think its rly fun to hear ppl explain WHY their favorite series is their favorite, too, when theyve seen more than (1) series

but I also do think ur fav series does say smth abt ur tastes. lol

#also not to keep joking abt capsule monsters but im desperate to find someone who says they only watched that one. and its their fav. #i think that would be SO funny #if I had to explain WHY zexal is my fav idk. yuma got so much hate when it came out i got INCREDIBLY PROTECTIVE so anything i see him im li #im like. thats MY BOY back off BITES BARKS etc #it has rly cool lore and ALIENS and the end group of villains is :') like. bestest most favorite little group of menaces #and its just fun idk. also the memories of watching it live aaaa....<-nostagic #sanchoyorambles #ygo #SORRY FOR TALKING SO MUCH ABT YGO BUT ALSO NOT REALLY BC I LOVE IT #i hope at least 1 of my followers gets interested from my ygo posting #and wants to check it out #....honestly i do think watching in Order is a TASK for someone not already into it lol. theres a LOT #it doesnt FEEL like a lot tho imo when u skip intro/outros like I do usually #idk i can watch 10-15 eps in one sitting if im trying rly hard #so 1-2 watch seshs in a week means u finish the series in like. idk 2 months?

[lareinadelplata]

2022 pacino summer coming up strong

#(1) im so happy!!! thats like one movie a week thats so much more than what i usually watch #(2) sknfkdksk i think i only watched two cronenberg films this year #so i guess it wasnt a very director focused year for me #actually wait no! i watched scanners too!! #btw looking at the reviews for un été comme ça and getting angry again. i hate you all so much.