#but i. am i allowed to say that im also getting hurt by shit? Can i say that this world is painful and NOT built for people like me and as | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

decolonize-the-left · 10 months

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(to preface this, i am white. figured i should make that known off the bat) i wanted to come bounce an idea off of you that i've been rolling around in my head for a bit. i have this pet theory that, for the population ill call here "white progressive queers who know very little about poc and racism", a large underpinning of this group's interaction with poc is a Fear of Fucking Up and more generally, moral purity thought. they (maybe even "we"- im still hopefully learning myself) get so paralyzed by this idea and line of thinking that goes something like this: "1) since i know nothing about poc & racism, then 2) clearly in discussions about these topics, i will fuck up and say something wrong or perhaps even Bigoted, which if i did 3) makes me an Irreparable Ontologically Evil Racist, hence 4) i should just be quiet and never ask questions/speak on these topics" which then results in said White Progressive Queer and those around them never learning. i wanted to know what you think abt this and tell me if im on the mark or not

also thank u for the work u do on this blog, ive found so many helpful resources through you

You're right. In my experience that's exactly how it is.

I want to add tho: yes they're uncomfortable that they might fuck up and be considered racists sure, but a huge part of that stems from the massive inability to place the discomfort where it belongs. Which is with their own guilt.

Instead they blame the conversations for making them uncomfortable.

And let's take some worthy notes here: this is not how white people feel all the time. Because white people are not uncomfortable making these fuck ups in front of other white people.

So it's not that the conversation is uncomfortable. They are made uncomfortable. And they are made uncomfortable because even when discussing anti-racism they step into the role of oppressor (the little fuck ups or accidentally bigoted comments) so naturally and God forbid other (not white) people can See how easy it is.

My advice for white people that are like this (that nobody asked for) is

Your fuckups do not define you but how you react to them does

Listen, respect, learn

That's it. That's the whole list. Say something bad? Apologize, but don't over-explain yourself. Ask how to fix it. Google how you fucked up so you understand why it wasn't okay. Google again to get idea of how your fuck up hurts people. Google some more to make sure you don't do it again. Go to some safe space and ask some clarifying questions. Listen, respect, learn.

Maybe the people you fucked up with don't forgive you and that's okay, they don't have to. But YOU won't ever make anyone feel bad or less than in the same way ever again and that's what matters.

Having one less person making racist comments matters even if it's a struggle for that person to get to that point.

I need y'all to understand that none of you are gonna just wake up being suddenly perfect anti-racist allies. And we will literally never ever have allies like that if y'all refuse to even sit with your own discomfort.

•°•°•

This weird morality issue white people have over looking racist is also just such a non-problem. Like if y'all want a PoC perspective: white people are already being racist ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ ....we Already see y'all as racists. And also I'm gonna experience racism anyway so I'd rather it be because someone was just being ignorant on the path to anti-racism.

Y'all are so worried about how shit Looks that you can't be bothered how really things are? Like you're so afraid of looking racist you'd allow yourselves to continue being actually ignorant and casually racist. And to avoid what? Being uncomfortable for a minute? Being called-out? A mean comment?

We are trying to stop hate crimes and genocide. Like that's what we are dealing with okay. Accountability for your actions is an acquired taste but I think y'all can handle some discomfort considering.

#every time im confronted with the idea that white feelings are why BIPOC are being killed daily i get umhinged tbh #like i might die if i call the cops cuz YOUD feel bad if you talked about racism? AND YOURE JUST KEEP NOT DOING IT?? WHY #asked #answered #sorry #some asks just like #do this to me #white people like this make me wanna shake them back and forth viscerally #whiteness

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mitsies · 1 year

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reactions to you getting hurt ; jjk

how they react when you get hurt!

suguru geto, yuji itadori, megumi fushiguro, kento nanami, satoru gojo

; suguru geto -

‣ im gonna be real... geto wouldn't care too much!

‣ he helps you up if you fell, dusts off your coat, cracks a joke about you being clumsy and moves on!

‣ you need a band-aid or something? your leg isn't broken, you can grab one yourself

‣ in the case of a serious, life-threatening injury, though- he doesn't leave your side

‣ he's playing nurse, keeping you company and cooking your favorite dishes- whether you're able to appreciate it or not

‣ simultaneously encourages you to try everything yourself, is somehow convinced that independence = health

‣ he refuses to leave your side, he's seen too much death to risk it- he doesn't know what he would do with himself if you left him, too

; yuji itadori -

‣ yuji is, to say the least, dramatic

‣ you fell on the pavement? you are NOT allowed to walk

‣ treats it like you got hit by a truck and bounced off of a cement wall to land into the ground

‣ insists on carrying you everywhere he can, even if you hate it

‣ god forbid you have a cut that's bleeding just a little, because if you do you are getting rushed to the ER

‣ on the other hand- if it was a serious injury, yuji would blame himself, even if he had nothing to do with it

‣ he thinks he could've done more to protect you, and that he brought this upon you- as a result, he distances himself from you as best he can

; megumi fushiguro -

‣ megumi is concerned but acts like he doesn't care

‣ when you fall and cut your knee, he helps you up, and inspects your wound

‣ you insist it's nothing major but he insists right back that it should be cleaned up

‣ takes u to the nearest bathroom to do that & checks in on you every now and then <3

‣ if you got seriously injured, tho?

‣ he can't look at you. he can't stand to be around you. he throws himself into his work to try and forget because it just hurts so bad

‣ he doesn't know what would happen if he were to lose you, you mean the world to him

; kento nanami -

‣ nanami is the most normal out of all of them

‣ if you fall, he helps you up, asks if you're fine

‣ if you are, you keep on movin! if you're not, he helps further

‣ he trusts your capabilities as a human being, he knows you know how to take care of yourself

‣ should you get gravely wounded, nanami also diligently takes care of you

‣ you're his #1 priority always, and he waits on you. doesn't let you do difficult things, keeps you in bed if you're too tired, makes sure you sleep- he does it all

‣ i feel like he's less shattered than geto, though- he's hopeful you'll be better, he's gonna make sure of it

; satoru gojo -

‣ piece of shit.

‣ if you fall? he's got his phone on you, recording you for his stupid little social media

‣ "say a funny catchphrase so it goes viral!"

‣ if it's more severe, he helps u up, and if needed he takes you to the hospital

‣ (secretly very caring and concerned but hates feelings so he covers it with jokes and laughter)

‣ let's say you broke an arm or something: while you're getting treated, he's photoshopping a thumbnail for the video

‣ eventually releases a monstrosity titled ‘SECRET NINJA TRAINING GONE WRONG (3 AM) (HAUNTED????’

‣ the thumbnail is him gasping w hands on his cheeks and… u lying on the ground

‣ funny part is he photoshopped ur ass to look extra fuckinh fat. like

‣ it’s SWOLLEN like a dead whale. botched bbl era

‣ he says it was for the views. in reality, he was trying to get ur mind off the injury and make u laugh <3

‣ in the comments when someone asked ‘why did u photoshop their ass’ he says ‘??? i didnt’

‣ 'idk what photoshop is'

‣ 'is that greek???'

‣ 'omg wait i love ppl who can speak other languages'

‣ i hate u gojo satoru.

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prettyboykatsuki · 25 days

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how do you reconcile with writing smut about characters who are canonically minors? i’m not trying to attack you or try to change your mind or anything, so sorry if my question reads that way. i’m just genuinely curious 😭

no worries!! this is asked respectfully so i dont mind answering even tho i usually just delete stuff abt this now

idk really know how to answer your question i have not reiterated many times. but like. i want you to really consider your own way of asking this to me critically. like what would i have to "reconcile" with exactly? them being minors in canon?

for me personally there's nothing to reconcile with. i feel no guilt or shame or remorse about aging up characters. or just like wanting to fuck them. or really anything i write in fiction at all, point blank - should i choose to explore it. like there's not crime i've committed other than being horny about some shit i made up, upon the basis some shit another guy made up.

partially this is bc characters in fictions are concepts. they're objects, thoughts, ideas. no matter how brainrotted i am about them, they don't live in material reality. im not harming them because they don't exist. outside of my phone and computer they are not real. harrowing myself with guilt over something that does not even exist is kind of insane. this applies to everything.

you can feel personal discomfort over aging up for yourself, but the reality is no actual minors are harmed in the process of me writing porn about anime characters. bakugou is lines on paper. i am allowed to cut him out like a barbie doll and play with him however i like. he doesn't get a say in that because he is fake lol.

there's like idk. all sorts of nuance to this and if you are respectfully curious im happy to talk to you about it. but they're just not real. no one is hurt in me writing this. so it doesn't matter to me at all. i would never hurt another person because of what im interested in fictionally, either. i have spent too many years becoming a decent human being to wonder about that

nothing i do in the fictional space is of any relevance to who i am, except for what things might cause genuine harm to another living breathing person. i write a lot of dark content in my smut also but

a lot of my content also while being dark, does not specifically deal with sensitive social issues so no one is hurt in that way either. i have enough confidence in my critical understanding of the world to write what i do understand to my ability. i mostly write about noncon and dubcon and yandere, all of which are personal violations and not social ones (OVERSIMPLIFYING THERE A LOT). i sometimes do write about social taboos of course but not whats outside of my ability

all in all its like. i dont know what i'd feel guilty over. no one is hurt and i have no intent to harm. nothing matters outside of that

#return to sender

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vse-kar-vem · 4 months

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joker out cooking livestream recap:

-they cooked chicken in mustard or somethjng. potatoes are in it as well

-nace's government name is, in fact, nace ! bojan thought nace's grandmother calls him ignac but no

-bojan tries to transfer the potatoes into a bigger pan. which they cannot find. they do find ANOTHER pan (disgustingly unwashed)

-jan's parents are currently taking care of igor, who has everything he needs: food. a roof over his head. cuddles if he wants. jan is not worried

-we have a short discussion about dishwashing soap. they use the original green fairy brand soap which is nace's favourite. jan doesn't have a favourite. bojan claims that WASHING HIS HANDS WITH DISH SOAP IS WHAT KEEPS THEM SOFT ("i have baby hands") ??????? APPARENTLY?????

-then jan and nace walk around the house feeling up each other/every one else's hands. bojan's hands are confirmed the softest but it's concluded that his secret is not dish soap but being a singer and not an instrumentalist (or playing an instrument badly, his words not mine)

-throughout this entire livestream jure sharpens two knives. good for him, it's very impressive (he slices grapes! and lemons! truly a resourceful kitty)

-we learn that kris is not here because he's MODELLING???? HUH???? 🫢🫢🫢

-we get an update on kamila's flowers (withering on top of the fridge. 😞)

-the connection was SO BAD im not kidding, which was why we missed out on a lot of stuff ☹️☹️ they don't have wifi and are relying SOLEY on data

-their favourite british supermarket is aldi, because it's cheap and the quality is ok. obviously they diss british produce, which like fair enough

-they sing a little ditty about their current circumstances-- shit wifi, potato cooking, etc (ft. NACE'S SINGING VOICE!!) honestly it was highkey a banger

-they answer some questions ie. "drop hints" about the new song. we get 2 rhythms and one singular chord

-they decide do an mtv cribs (tiktok cribs) style house tour which would be GREAT if anything would load 😐😐 so we ended up with a very very cut-up fridge tour (they have at least 2-3 cartons of milk and slovenian sausage (?). also oyster sauce

-the stream REALLY starts lagging here (as if it wasn't already). ok me personally i only caught "-- doesn't want us to go in his room" (about jure or kris??) jan and nace consider going into bojan's. then extended lag on a very ominous staircase. no rooms seen by me at least 😞😞

-they come back down and answer more qs! that i don't remember! sorry this recap was for me and not you 😞

-oh yeah they get asked "who cleans the kitchen?" a beat. jan and nace both laugh "yeah, who cleans the kitchen??" i think that says a lot about this household

-they talk a bit more about the song-- will give you (uncle roger voice) eMoTionaL dAmAgE. that hurt my soul to write but at least i (cantonese) am allowed to do the accent, unlike SOMEONE ELSE ON THIS LIVESTREAM (thanks bojan. at least you were shit at it enough so that it came off just slightly interesting and not anything else)

-that's all i can remember!! bojan finishes cooking, jan and nace sign off to eat. prolonged minute of staring and waving at the camera. i notice they are both very beautiful men. end of stream !

#bojan cvjetićanin #joker out #jan peteh #nace jordan #jure maček #i love yapping #ALSO tell me why their apartment of grown ass men has the same kitchen hygiene as my food tech class last year of 14 year olds 😭😭😭😭#takes me back to my bench mate telling me there's no need to dump the sink filter and straight pushing bits of food through it with a knife #🤠#vee rambles

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 28 days

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AITA for leaving my friend groups Discord server?

💐💐💐 So I can find this later. For context, I was in 2 servers that were friend groups, where my friends would all interact with each other, play & stream games, etc. However, recently we had a situation where someone, let's call her Sasha, would send many vent messages in the general channel, then delete said message before we could respond or even look at the messages, & get mad at us for not responding. She'd also complain about everything that happened in her life, school, in games, & she'd always repeat the same things, over & over again. In the end, we got tired of how she was forcing everyone to stop being as active in the server because of her behavior & actions, so we all made another server, without Sasha, so we could interact with peace without her interrupting conversations. This all happened 3-4 months ago. Then 3 of the people in our new server got a game on Roblox, Deepwoken. Another person, let's call him Kevin, already had the game for a while, so they all got the game & started playing all together. They were incredibly passionate about it, it would be the only thing talked about. One of them got me the currency to get Deepwoken, so I could play with them all. A while later, I got a hang of the game, then when I asked if any of them could play with me, one of them, let's call him Tim, would keep telling me that "Oh, you have to play the game alone to get the real experience, & to learn things better." every time I would ask. Sometimes, rarely, they'd answer some questions I had about the game that I didn't quite grasp yet, & a lot of the time i'd just, not receive any answer. After a while, I got tired of how they didn't respond to me at all, so I just stopped playing. Keep in mind, I don't have any other friends that have the game, so I didn't have anyone else to talk to about it. I love my friends but I felt ignored & was hurt, so I passed ownership to another friend of mine, & left. About a day after leaving, I ended up feeling extremely depressed & overwhelmed with schoolwork, eye appointments, a random limb & joint pain that I had no idea why I was having, & I accidentally unfriended Tim. With my being extremely overwhelmed, thinking it was a good idea at the time, I sent him a message saying "accidentally unfriended u mb. u could also not accep, that works too" Then another message after that one, "okay well um, im gonna assume that you arent going to accept it again so thank you for all youve done for me before you say that im making it sound like i gave up; i have given up i gave up a little while ago" After that, I got a message from him saying that I needed to calm down, that my friend request wasn't the most important thing in his mind right now, & that he's allowed to put it on hold for at least a day before I start telling him some "nvm shit". I sincerely apologized & told him that I needed to take a break, that I hope he's doing okay, & that I hope college goes well for him. I did indeed, take a break, for only 2 weeks because I felt extremely guilty, stupid & reckless. Those weeks felt like forever because that whole thing was on my mind 24/7. It was eating me alive. & No, I am not saying to gain pity. Just trying to explain what I felt. Tim answered, told me that I should grow & change as a person, & that he doesn't mean it in a condescending way, that the server was meant to be a safe space, that in order to make everyone comfortable, there's some things we need to just not say or some things we need to think about a lot before saying them. It's the reason Sasha got booted, & that we give as much as we get. I'm reading back on his messages, & I didn't say anything in the server to make everyone uncomfortable. Am I the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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the-record · 10 months

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when emma falls in love

synopsis: ellie might be in love with you, and you might just be in love with her too… if only you could admit it

pairing: college!ellie x fem!reader

warnings: too many tlou references, food, not proofread!!!!! also using angel in place of y/n bc it makes me cringe a little!

a/n: lets play a game called “how many references can kate make in her fics?”

‘IM JUST PRETTY GREAT WITH MY FINGERS’

when emma falls in love, she paces the floor closes the blinds and locks the door when emma falls in love, she calls up her mom jokes about the ways that this one could go wrong

ellie couldn’t keep up.

she felt like every time dina came over, there was someone new in your life, and she couldn’t understand how. you were perfectly nice and even prettier.

but here she was, yet again in her dorm, listening to dina rant about the latest endeavor.

“and he was just a total dick! like, how are you going to say you’re busy tonight with family and then go to a party? like are you stupid?” dina sighed. “i love her, but god does she picks some idiotic ones. you remember the beach girl?”

oh she remembered the beach girl.

on an annual beach trip over spring break, some blonde had caught your eye, and you caught hers. you had invited her to join them for dinner, and how could anyone say no to you?

you hit it off with the blonde, abby, and she spent the next couple days with the group, constantly flirting with you. ellie had felt a sort of dread fill her stomach. why her? she was obviously playing in to what you wanted and she knew you were smart enough to see that.

the trip wrapped up and you made plans with abby, excited she only live a town over. but when the time came, you spent 3 hours at the park waiting for her, only to receive a text saying she wouldn’t be able to make it.

you were upset and crashed at dina’s, and ellie had heard about it all the night.

“yes, god, i remember her. what a douche.” she rolled her eyes, standing up to grab her bag for class. “i’ve gotta go, but are we all still going out tonight?” dina nodded with a smile. “cool. don’t do anything stupid. and lock my door before you leave, please.”

“says you. and i’ll think about it!”

shes walking out the door when she hits something, or someone.

“shit.”

“fuck, sorry my bad.”

when she focuses back, she sees you. “hey, what are you doing here?”

“oh, dina told me to come over. are you going?” you leaned in the doorway. “dina, come on, stop invading people’s space. lets go!”

she groaned, “but ellie said we could smoke here!” she got up nonetheless, heading to join you. “thanks anyways els, have fun in class!”

“bye ellie!”

she sighs as she watches you two walk away. why does air fill her head whenever shes around you?

she waits and takes her time ‘cause little miss sunshine always thinks its gonna rain when emma falls in love, i know that boy will never be the same

“so, angel, how’s it going with you and that girl?” jesse felt a kick at his leg and turned to dina. “what? am i not allowed to ask questions?”

“no, no, it’s fine. we didnt work out, but thats okay!” you smiled brightly at the table. “i think im gonna take a break anyways. im kinda sick of it.”

they all shared a knowing look. “hey, no! i promise, this is for real.”

“hun, its not that we don’t believe you.” ellie started. “iits just that… we dont believe you!” you groaned and stole a fry from her plate. “look, we’ve just heard that a lot, and we dont wanna see you get hurt.”

“but im not going to! because im taking a break.” you kicked ellie. “you dont have to believe me, but can you at least pretend to?” they gave in and cheered for you. “thanks, now who wants to share a brownie?”

“okay, so its c minor sharp, f sharp, b, e, repeat?” you and ellie sat on the dorm room floor, her guitars in both of your laps.

“yea exactly, just on the third repeat, its a g sharp minor instead of a b.” you nodded at her and plucked the chord. “exactly. and i pluck for it so just… just watch?”

she played the song slowly, speaking her pattern as she went along. you nodded at her when she finished, figuring you knew it well enough. “okay, play it together?”

“yep!”

she counted down before starting, making you smile.

“talking away, i dont know what im to say. ill say it anyway, todays another day to find you shying away. ill be coming for your love, okay.” you hummed a harmony as ellie sang the words.

“are you sure you don’t usually play? youre a total natural at this.” ellie marveled as you let the last chord hum out.

“i guess im just pretty good with my fingers.” you felt your cheeks blaze as you heard back what you said.

dina chuckled, “damn right!” she stood up, going for the door. “gonna grab a bottle of water. play more for us beautiful ladies!”

ellie taught you the rest of the song, both of you more awkward than usual. you really came along it so fast, ellie was amazed.

“okay, seriously, you have to be messing with me because you are way to good at this.”

“i promise! i only took piano lessons.”

‘cause shes the kind of book that you cant put down like if cleopatra grew up in a small town and all the bad boys would be good boys if they only had the chance to love her and to tell you the truth sometimes i wish i was her

ellie had a thought that she might be, maybe, just could be a little in love with you.

she couldnt be though. right?

sure, she knew all of your favorite foods, and knew the words to your favorite song, knew your favorite books like the back of her hand, could tell anyone how you took your coffee.

but that was friendly. you guys were friendly. friends.

she guessed you guys hung out a lot, but thats because they always hung out as a group. she might’ve gotten excited when you joined, but that doesnt mean anything.

and of course she had noticed you were pretty. gorgeous, even. but so had everyone else. its not like she had purposefully memorized your features. every line and mark.

she could draw jesse from memory perfectly, its not like she liked him.

it was normal.

totally normal.

fuck.

“where’s angel?” ellie asked, looking to dina.

“not coming.” she sighed, digging around her purse for a pack of gum. “said she was busy, but she wouldn’t say why.”

“i think we all know why,” jesse teased. they all gave him a look, but he leveled them with one of his own. “im not insulting her. its just that, this isn’t exactly out of her nature. i mean seriously, who actually took her promise seriously?”

ellie excused herself to the bathroom, dialing you before she even reached the door.

“hello?”

“hey, where are you?” she picked at the already chipping nail polish she had on.

“uhm, im out.” you sighed. “look, im kind of busy. did you need somet-“

she had to cut to the chase. “are you on a date?”

“excuse me?”

“are you on a date?”

“thats none of your business.”

“oh fuck off, you know it very much is. so. are you?”

“fine, yea i am. now can i get back to it?”

“we are talking later.”

she joined the group back at their table, but couldnt focus back in on the conversation.

“you okay, ellie?” she looked up at dina, nodding with a hum.

“yea, sorry, got lost for a second.”

when emma falls apart, its when shes alone she takes on the pain and bears it on her own ‘cause when emma falls in love, she’s in it for keeps she wont walk away unless she knows she absolutely has to leave

she didnt even bother to knock, just walked straight through your dorm room door.

“ellie, what the hell?” you were in bed, a book in hand and music playing from a speaker. “what happened to knocking?”

ellie b-lined for your bed, taking a seat at the foot of it. “why were you on a date?”

“dude, seriously, what if i was naked? so not okay!” you placed a bookmark on your page and set the book to the side.

“okay, fine im sorry!” she groaned and found your eyes. “now why were you on a date? what happened to taking a break?”

“what do you want me to say, els?” you exhaled and looked down at your hands. “that i cant keep anything? that i cant keep promises or partners?” ellie felt bad as she saw your eyes were glossy and the frown on your face. “im sorry im such a screwup and that i cant do anything right. anything else?”

ellie ran her fingers through her hair. “im sorry.” she crossed her legs on your bed and looked at you. “really im sorry, this was so uncalled for. youre right, its not my business. im really sorry. i just wan-“

she froze.

surely you couldnt be kissing her right now.

before she could even think to reciprocate, you pulled away, a deer in headlights look on your face.

“im so sorry.” you whispered moving away from her. “god, im so so sorry. you should go. im sorry.” she opened her mouth to try and say anything, but you beat her to it. “ellie, please, just go.”

she saw the tears well and felt compelled to stay. but her body went against her, forcing her feet to walk out the door to her own room.

e: you cant ignore me forever. read

e: please angel, just talk to me. read

e: you kissed me, not the other way around. stop making this my fault. read

e: millers, noon? just coffee, i promise. read

a: im sorry.

ellie tossed her phone at her bed.

“whats up with you?” dina probed. “youve been… peeved this week. whats up?”

“who the hell says peeved?” she tried to joke but was met with dinas serious face. “im fine! seriously!” god that face made her break. “okay fine, just… dont tell anyone.”

dina nodded excitedly and sat down infront of her.

“angel kissed me, and then she freaked out and made me leave, and now she wont even talk to me!” ellie fell back onto her bed.

“SHE KISSED YOU?” dina squealed. “OH MY GOD, HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME SOONER!”

“did you hear nothing else that i said?”

and shes the kind of book that you cant put down like if cleopatra grew up in a small town and all the bad boys would be good boys if they only had the chance to love her and to tell you the truth sometimes i wish i was her

e: please, im begging you, just talk to me. read

a: what do you want me to say ellie?

e: literally anything. read

a: i messed up els, okay?

a: i shouldn’t have kissed you. im sorry.

e: but you should have. and you did. read

a: what?

e: meet me at millers? read

a: ellie…

e: please. read

a: omw.

e: thank you omg. read

a coffee was waiting on the table for you when you arrived. you sat across from ellie, hesitantly taking the drink. “you wanted to talk.” you talk a sip, finding it tasted like your usual order. “so talk.”

“okay look… i’m just as confused and nervous as you are.” she laughed nervously and fiddled with her own cup. “but, im glad you kissed me.”

“what?”

“yea i know.” she took a deep breath before continuing. “i only recently, like very recently, realized my feelings were misplaced. i really dont wanna be friends.”

you groaned, “and you couldnt have just texted me that?”

“fucks sake, just let me finish!” she pleaded, picking back up when you sat back into your chair. “i like you. like, a crazy lot, and it freaks me out. so please, let me at least take you on one date. if not, its fine, we just cant be friends. i wouldnt be able to stand it.”

you chewed at a nail as you took in what she had said.

“say something.”

a beat of silence before.

“okay.”

“okay?” she whispered.

“yea, okay. you can take me on a date.”

well, shes so new york when shes in l.a. she wont lose herself in love the way that i did ‘cause she’ll call you out she’ll put you in your place when emma falls in love, im learning

“hey, hurry up, im waiting downstairs for you.”

ellies voice rang through your room as you placed her on speaker.

“nuh uh, im not done. you asked me out, now deal with the consequences. ill be down when im ready.” you pulled out your outfit, throwing it on as you spoke. “just scroll on insta or something if you’re that bored.”

“fine.”

she hung up and you couldn’t help but laugh. you had been so nervous in the days leading up to this, but suddenly felt much better as she yelled at you like normal.

you finally met her at her car, hopping in the passenger seat and connecting your phone.

“the hell are you doing?” ellie squealed.

you scoffed and rolled your eyes. “passengers princess gets aux. suck it up loser.” you queued up songs as she pulled out and onto the main road. “where are we going anyways?”

“you’ll see.”

“god you are so annoying.”

and yet you smiled at her.

“an arcade? really?” you looked at her with eyebrows raised.

she shrugged and unbuckled, opening her door to get out. you shook your head, shocked still you were on a date with ellie williams. at the arcade.

she pulled you through the maze of a place to some own machine. “mortal kombat? what even is this?”

she smiled so bright, you couldnt help but smile back. “just wait, its so fun.”

emma met a boy with eyes like a man turns out her heart fits in the palm of his hand now he’ll be her shelter when it rains little does he know, his whole world’s about to change

“it was totally fun right? c’mon, you can admit it!” she pushed your shoulder, seeing your smiling face.

“okay yes, fine it was fun, i had fun!” you laughed, staring at her face. “i never really noticed you had this many freckles.”

you traced a finger across her cheeks. down the slope of her nose. across her eyebrow, stopping to poke the scar running through the left one.

“you’re pretty.” you whispered.

she blushed. “i think you’re gorgeous.” she whispered back.

her eyes were so pretty.

“can i kiss you?”

“please.”

yeah, between me and you sometimes i wish i was her

#! what would you do… !#ellie williams #ellie williams tlou #ellie willams the last of us #ellie williams x you #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams fluff #ellie williams x y/n

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demonic-narwhale · 4 months

Text

just like many things I'll start something then toss it aside and we've done this before but here's the protocol: Eel saying she has this file on her computer for a long while now. And she knows she won't get back to this any time soon so here we go

Ok here's some explanation to this whole jazz:

Due to Scratch being like fuchsia blood (because of course) and so the Felt all wear some sort of uniform looking clothes. Tie in to how all wear similar green suits and stuff. And of course their blood colors are placed on them ya know.

(Minus HK posing as an olive as she's a lime, she doesn't have any powers as a lime. Like no ability to shoosh or calm high bloods lol. I just think it's funny and allows for there to be a reason that HK's there. Aka Scratch intimidation, she works as a cleaner so she doesn't have to worry about her getting hurt/blood reveal moment, and she'd rather not get caught by some other trolls or something tee hee)

Here's some silly info: (some stuff has been changed from previous post from some days or month(s) ago)

Heights aren't like up to date as the line up is really just to show their clothes and designs (or lack of)

Matchstick while a burgundy his sign is supposed to also kinda resemble wings. Like it's the most "trust me you gotta squint" sort of shit. But it's cuz I wanna give him a moth (perhaps plus some other animal) sort of lusus cuz hah light. Fire. He extinguishes fire but like haha lusus attracted to the light. and and and and and and and eel is trying her best here

Stitch is the only goldie but it's just funny that not only does he have no psionics to start off with, but also just like his og one eye got fucked up. So even if he did then it's like real weak. Just cuz like eye retina(??) and brain yeah im no surgeon

Sawbucks and Quarters to me are just like the guys who can take a fuck ton of hits? so indigo. yeah. that's all. Like Cans ofc can but I also just think of him more in an offense manner and Quarters takes up the defense

Die gets the cone of shame. fucking loser.

I was entertaining the idea of Clover and HK switching blood colors just cuz I can go "Haha Clover's soooo lucky that he's still alive" yadda yadda. But then, he wouldn't be able to get all weird and freaky with chuckle voodoo stuff. Yeah should he have that access? No :)

I could've made Trace a violet too but I felt like in their sprites, Fin (to me) is much more obvious to being a shark. Like look at that fuckin mug ya know? So i just went with making just Fin a violet.

the idea was to keep it where like there's more lowbloods than highbloods but ya know what. Just realized the only three midbloods I got are fucking Die Crowbar and Snowman. The sequence (ok I'll probably add someone else to the midbloods)

While I could've just made their blood off of like their ball or hat color, I felt like it'd be fun to see what blood color id assign them considering like their attributes or personalities like Itchy to me is an olive as I like to think that olives can be more rowdy or energetic? yeahhh like ofc not all but just for this yes

Also the idea of Itchy being a goldie sounds disastrous

Oh SHIT SAWBUCK IS A TEAL IM CHANGING HIM TO A TEAL OHAGUH

Doze is a burgundy but also like his sign a 2 and and anddd hourglass looking hehehe

Itchy was supposed to look like that dangly bit from the grandfather clock. And the others I gave up trying to implement some time looking reference

I know Snowy's pants are like so obvious cuz hahah spider web haha but BUT I AM SO HAPPY FOR HOW IT LOOKS. LIKE PANTS BUT COULD LOOK LIKE A SKIRT DRESS THING IF STANDING LEGS CLOSED AND AOUGH YEAHHHH

Oh yeah I'll also be adding or trying to come up with their clothes when not in uniform but that's a maybe. Maybe. There's ideas like I got Clover and Fin's but the others? yeah good luck.

Also I just really like ponchos or like the coat duster thingy yeahhhh

Also also PS. if there's like any questions please feel free to ask just cuz there's some other things I wanna talk about but it's either for characters not here or I am blanking

#my art #the felt #itchy #doze #trace #clover #fin #die #crowbar #snowman #stitch #sawbuck #matchsticks #quarters #hk #Intermission But Trolls

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justallihere · 22 days

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GIRLIE YOU BETTER BE READY TO READ THIS ESSAY!!!!!!

I love how sentient the shadows are in this chapter. Its like they have a mind of their own and I'm here for it. Those shadows are hers now, not Xadens LMAO Mira's eye is going to twitch every time she sees them hanging around her baby sister

so satisfying we got to read how Pierce screamed to death and Xaden needed to relive that memory to keep himself in check

Vi basically kicking Mira out and admitting the room is also his??? I bet X was jumping for joy when he heard that

X is literally ready to shut down/hurt anyone who remotely upsets his wife. He has no fucks to give, doesn't care if it's her bsf, sister, or brother. anyone can be on his shit list and on the flip side, make her happy and he will do whatever that person asks lmao

SO MUCH PHYSICAL TOUCH IM CRYING

The hair conversation had my heart aching, X affirming that its V's body and its okay to be upset about the prospect of it being cut against her will!!!! (wonder if V is getting whiplash from the venin convo and how ppl took away her autonomy bc it's her body, her signet, her choices)

I can't even imagine the bickering that X and Tairn were having and how tired Sgayel must have been listening to these two

Did X's heart break when V thought she wasn't worth it and wouldn't come to save her? Liam really did keep her going and was so confident that X would save HER

She’d misunderstood him once before on this, and he couldn’t let her again

SOBBING!!!! THEY TOUCHED FOREHEADS. Honestly, that can be so much more intimate/impactful than a kiss imo

“Like. . .” He turned his head just enough so that his nose skimmed her cheek. “Everything has shifted since I met you. You are the center of my world—you’re the thing I orbit around. Of course I would come for you. I would do anything for you. You’re everything to me, Vi.” “Don’t—“ A choked sob got caught in her throat. “Don’t say that.” “Why? It’s the truth

“I love you, Violet Sorrengail,” he admitted. “I’m in love with you. You can’t get rid of me, in this life or any other. I’ll follow you through them all.”

In every universe, they are soulmates. I will die on that hill!!! That thing in my chest ACHED when I read this part. I think I've re-read it at least 5 times 😭😭😭😭 He finally said I LOVE YOU TO HER. He didnt and wouldn't allow any room for misunderstanding!!!!! Its all on V now!!! and thats okay!!! X will be patient bc he loves her

Was this the chapter where he kisses her forehead and wipes her tears away 🥺 I love them so much, your honor

HE GOT TO SLIP HIS HAND UNDER HER SHIRT!!!!!! UGH MY HEART I CAN'T WITH THEM

Rhi is so snarky and I love her for it. She might be X's #1 hater (Mira is up there) and I am here for it. I hope we get to see these two bicker

WALK HIM LIKE A DOG SIS, WALK HIM LIKE A DOG

He would do whatever she asked

Xaden is so soft in this chapter and I love you for showing this side of him

He caught her as she buried her face against his shoulder. “Hi, Sloane,” he said gently.

Everyone loves/fears Vi more than him and X is fully aware and okay with it

“Is that my entry fee?” Xaden asked dryly. “My wife?”

I feel like everyone is going to be hovering around Vi once she is up and walking around (We all know Xaden is going to LITERALLY be her shadow)

Imogen and the one kitchen lady (forget her name) will be constantly feeding her and fretting that shes gotten too thin and needs to eat.

In summary: FOREHEAD KISSES GALORE, THE CUDDLING, X finally sleeping bc his wife is safe and home?????

you are amazing and i love this fic and you <3

I am always ready for all of your comments let’s do this

Mira has been around Xaden and Violet for two seconds and she’s over it. Like why is he looking at her baby sister that way? Why does Violet like it? Why is she defending him? Make it stop!!

Violet didn’t want anything to do with Pierce’s death, she just wanted to go home, but Xaden enjoyed it for sure

Listen Xaden doesn’t care. Has never cared. Won’t ever care. If anyone upsets Violet, their relationship to her is inconsequential, he won’t let it happen 😭

Xaden is about to learn the hard way that it’s Violet’s body and choice when she starts doing shit he doesn’t want her to do. Start praying for him

Sgaeyl having to intervene between Xaden and Tairn was NOT on her bingo card and yet here she is. Mediating fights between her mate and her rider over some tiny human she won’t even admit she likes

The forehead touch! The forehead kiss! The love confession! Xaden touching her skin directly to ground them both! I’m unwell!

Thank you ily 🩷🩷🩷

#storm in the quiet

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phoebified · 5 months

Text

ooooobliiiiigaaatory sso post because new dark rider design dropped! erissa (not sure why they didnt just keep elise or change it to eris? but that's ok!), the remake of chiyo, just dropped, and... she's white! interesting. there were a lot of ways sso could've saved the dark riders fumbles. there were a LOT of those fumbles, but the one i hammered on the hardest was chiyo, because i myself am japanese, and immediately know a bad design when i see one. likewise, i'm pretty spot on with calling how that character will most likely be written, and can make a few good solid guesses. i will say, i feel lots more in common with sabine, and am against the way they designed someone i could relate to and then painted them staunchly as a villain; likewise with all the dark riders, this may be sso's most diverse group yet, and they are villains. HOWEVER. at that point, they had already put them in-game, and now all i can hope for is some good old fashioned childhood "everything ends up fine" writing that shows these characters some love and perhaps sways them from their homocidal ways.

back to erissa.

why was chiyo's design racist? well, it wasn't just her. most of the dark riders were handled poorly. to be honest, i've talked SO much on this blog about why chiyo was such a bad design that i simply don't want to rehash it. was it the worst i'd ever seen? no. but putting in those stereotypes to a game children -- WHITE children -- play is like teaching children to hit bees nests for fun. it's pointless and hurtful to everyone.

SO: what do i think of erissa? she's cute! i like this design way better than the last.

that's it. whole idea. i think the colors are more comprehensive, i like the crochet details, i think the hobby horse looks a little silly but i kinda like it. overall, i am happy.

now you're probably wondering, "what, so sso can't make non white villains!?" and the answer to that is 1. don't be stupid and 2. of course they can. but they better put just as much effort into the rest of sso. they don't, though. our only buff woman is alex, who barely counts because she's kinda small as fuck in game. that leaves Sabine, who's more buff. her character is nonwhite, visibly has arm hair, and until proven otherwise, is nonhuman. not only that, she's evil. that sends some pretty strong messages, and, side tangent, but to anyone too goofy or too stubborn to see how that's a problem, i'm excited to see how the children in YOUR family turn out, be it yours or other family member's. will YOU teach them what racism is and why it exists and the complexities of it that people scoff at that allow it to continue to exist day in and day out, or will you let them play all the other games that DONT revise their writing, where the good characters are straight and white and every other type of "normal" and the enemies are gay or nonwhite or both? anyway. i hope you see my point.

"children will experience this stuff ANYWAY!" sure. why add to it?

"oh, so you're pulling a save the children thing? so what, you want everyone to be th3 same?" no. i want them to take chiyo's design, make her clothes look better, make her default state not like a mouse, and put her in the game as sso's like. only japanese character. i'd fucking love that! do you know how little representation there is for weird japanese girls? we dont got dick or shit. it'd be so fun to have a slightly redesigned chiyo as an npc, i'd totally fucking adore that! different clothes bc i think her past design was a little. ourgh. it'd be fun and cool if they made her like, a budding emo? omg that'd resonate with so many people i'm sure, and the purple hair is already suited to it. black hair would also be cool, though. do you see what im saying here, though? context is everything. im sad sabine is a bad guy. im sad every white girl who plays this game gets someone to relate to. i guess i too really relate to and like anne, but that's where the similarities end. it's easy to say "why does race matter?" in a sea of white people if you're white, but it can get lonely playing any video game if you're not white. sso is one of the best games ive found in terms of trying to really add diversity (although im still waiting for updated fat npcs), and that's why i weighed in so heavily. it matters to me. i love this game. i think they've done so much good with it recently, i'm really just beyond impressed and in love.

i think erissa is a good design.

#sso #also not arguing with anyone 🕺

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xamaxenta · 2 months

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crashes in thru the window A Vision. Ive Seen A Vision. sabos hands are covered in scars from using his dragon claw thingy and professional martial artists like brickbreakers and shit literally have their bones thicken over time from healing microfractures to provide more strength and power BUT it can come at the cost of joint pain and/or arthritis especially with age. what im saying is scarred calloused weapons of mass destruction sabo hands and rough warm physicians tools, lifetime of rope and rigging and worn ships marco the phoenix hands, gently easing the very literal ache in sabos bones with his two hands cupped around sabos (and sabo is slighter, his hands at first glance look narrow and delicate, but by the time youre close enough to see the scars on his pasty ass skin its too late for you, and marcos workmans hands completely eclipse his) full of warm healing flames . sabo and marco bite and snark and tease and fuck nasty so much that some ppl cannot tell if they like or hate each other but at the end of the day there is no one sabo trusts more to look over his strongest most intimate weapons (LITERALLY attached to/part of his body) like honing the fine edge of a blade that cuts anyone who touches it . but marco bleeds fire. they bicker and argue and tease but here it is silent. the only sounds are the warm rustle of callouses dragging against each other abd the soft rumble of crackling phoenix fire, louder than a candle but quieter than a lantern, and when it pops and snaps it sounds more like leaves and sea waves carried by the breeze and sabo finally, finally can relax for just a moment

This makes me yearn so much i am so full of yearning rn

Absolutely beautiful commentary of their relationship

Sabo’s a man of many facets and Marco wholly understands this and does what he can to enable it, if anything to protect him

If Sabo needs to be seen as someone dangerous vicious tongued, sharper wit, someone so beyond the league of normal men then Marco, the phoenix, who has had plenty of experience would do anything to enable this image

Because when theyre alone he gets to see Sabo as he is because Sabo trusts him implicitly and that means so much more than any words they could share or any snarky performance for the public could

Its rly soft aaaaaah wnishdoshd

Also the softest imagery of Sabo allowing Marco to look over his hands, press out the hurt, the ache, soothe the angry sharpness in his wrists that flares up whenever he writes, Sabo going boneless into his embrace hes shockingly vulnerable like this, without the squaring of his shoulders and the confident commanding pitch of his voice its easy to see the soft nobility in his form something hes striven to move beyond

#marcosabo #marsab #MAS #and Ace is like why bother with this performance at all???#sabo; there’s a heirarchy i have to establish for my public image #ace: but how come u dont do that w me #sabo: darling… no one expects anything other than adoration when it comes to you #ace: :0 #anyway Marco’s happy to bicker its fun #and later when hes sitting legs tangled with sabos in peace hes like that went well #sabo leans in to snuggle against him like yeah #thanks #its a little complicated just a bit haha

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shwarmii · 9 months

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how can you like drunk angst over first kiss?? 🥺

anon is regarding this post here, specifically my tags

characters discussed belong to @dakotawritesif / @disenchantedif

omg, so easily lol

bc its not just drunk angst, it is drunk angst about knowing their ex is gonna DIE, UNNATURALLY, AND SOON and pining/having never made up with them

but also im an asmr/audio-roleplay connoisseur*, so like, uh, also the following here. yeah. this primes me up to LOVE drunk ex scenario regret/pining shit lol (you'll have to excuse all these audios being men btw, i have a soft spot for deep voices and there isnt many deep-voiced women VAs in the audio-roleplay community (unfortunately foR MEEEE UGHH), much less many that have a video involving this niche Drunk Ex trope anyway lmao rip (same with the audios all being either "for Anybody" or "for Females". i don't currently have any "for Males" in this niche, even tho im the type of enby that listens to all three types of "for [you]" audios. alas. boo hiss))

none of these are "Luci-Inserts" btw, moreso "Evidence of why OF COURSE I AM MORE HYPED FOR DRUNK HALLWAY OVER FIRST KISS", like a vision board kinda sorta lmao

When Your Ex Drunk Calls You (I Miss You) (Slurred Speech) (Funny) (ASMR) (M4A).. (Fun fact: this VA is Scottish. also M4A = Male For Anyone, not just M4M (male for male) or M4F (male for female))

(this one is by the same Scottish VA) When You Drink With Your Ex (Kissing) (Exes to Lovers) (Drunk) (Regret) (Wholesome) (M4A) (ASMR)

(more of this Scottish VA bc he makes me laugh) When Your Crush Drunkenly Confesses To You (Singing Idiot) (Taking Care Of Him) (Silly) (ASMR) (M4A) (bonus there is a morning-after part two to this one yay)

Your Drunk Best Friend Wants You Gor Valentines [M4A] [Tsundere] [Confession] [Sober Listener] (and this one has a part two about the morning-after too)

ASMR Voice: I Should Have Told You [M4A] [Drunk Voicemail] [Ex-boyfriend] [Missing you] [Regret]

Audio Roleplay for Women | "Orbit" | Drunken Confession

Audio RP: Your Ex-boyfriend Asks For Another Chance [M4A] (not drunk but i love this one) (also it has a part two as well yayyy)

this one ((M4A but he does say you have a "pretty face") bc i do like Luci being upset someone is going to hurt the MC) and this one ((M4F) because i like the frustration lmao rip) also fit the vibe but neither are drunk or exes lmao rip

like, you would think as someone who is chronically ill to the point that my meds say "absolutely no alcohol (and one used to say no weed, idk if im still on that one, id have to go check)" that i would not give a shit about drunk scenarios buT I DO LOVE IT IN FICTION SO MUCH. my irl friends also like getting drunk on/off, or high, and my forced sobriety due to meds (and also family history, let's be honest. i do come from a long line of addicts, apparently, best i dont get involved, and i never have been) means i get to play Designated Driver pretty often. so i do recognize some realities/fantasties in the scenario. but also, god, i love the trope because it allows for such forced vulnerabilities, i fucking love whump fics, and a drunk ex fic is really just a whump fic with no bruises

and, ngl, i do think it is more likely we will get a First Kiss pov somewhere down the line if it loses than i think we will get a Hallway pov if it loses

plus, they were like what, 10?? 11??? idk how old they were when Luci/MC got together. but i know these fuckers are fresh out of high school and Luci is getting drunk, which means biTCHES ARE UNDERAGE DRINKING (which is an interesting characterization for Luci that i think reveals a lot about the Rivera parents as well as Luci's connections to wealth/alcohol), so there is that drama of "hide, hide, hide!!" if nothing else

and, again, then there's not only the angst of "ah, my ex-partner and/or -best friend" and the wanting to make up platonically/romantically but there is also the angst of "i knOW YOU'RE GOING TO GET MURDERED SOON AND IM NOT READY TO GO TO YOUR FUNERAL BUT I DONT KNOW HOW TO STOP THIS" kind of "lost time", "call for rain-check until you can't" angle too. plus, i could see Luci being protective or frustrated or terrified, there are so many fun angles no matter the platonic/romantic additional feelings involved. and, because of how this pov works, there isnt going to be a kiss or anything happening. so it's just going to be slow-burn (to friends or lovers, idk your mc) and pining (platonic pining is a thing), i love that for me specifically lmao

but i do, like, get it. i get what you mean. if i thought this ask was mean-spirited, i wouldve deleted it and not answered; but i read this as "lol yeah that is fucked of me huh lmao you right". bc, YEAH, first kiss is romantic, drunk in your shared hallways is NOT lmao rip but i dont care if its romantic or not, i care that its making my guts get all twisted up. and the angst of (1) drunk ex that needs to taken care of (or needs to run away from you, either or) (2) thinks youre going to be murdered/in an accident and die soon and (3) may/may not still be in love with you and (4) knows they dont have enough time to reconcile with you and make-up for lost time... ngl, that is going to impact me more than a first kiss. im ready for the tragedy. fucking love this kinda shit

also i have my own hcs about my mc, Giselle "Gigi" Kraven, and Luci Rivera's first kiss. so. that probably also plays a role in all this bUT HEY!! IM STILL TRYING FOR THE 50/50 LMAO RIP WE ARE HELPING EACH OTHER, MY COMRADE 🤝 YOU GET (DOOMED) FLUFF AND I GET (ALSO DOOMED) DRUNK ANGST, THAT'S A WIN-WIN LOL

*i would like to add: i have no idea if any of these VAs have drama or something. i dont pay attention to the fandoms, except vaguely for Redacted Audios because of the theories and world-building happening there (which the video here doesnt have much to do with), but otherwise i am so fucking ignorant bc i do not look these people up, i just watch their videos. i have been burned too many times by the Steven Universe fandom and other such communities and whatnot to get involved in fandoms i am only casually into, so i just only stick my nose into fandoms/creators i am die-hard into and dont delve into the rest, thanks for understanding if i may be out of the loop ✌️

#shwarmi #me #disenchanted if #disenchanted #luci rivera #edit: ngl the Cardlin video (or however you spell his name) swuicks me out a bit bc he says ''[I miss] Your body..'' and i went #EW UGH GROSS GET AWAY FROM ME but it was two words so ill allow it to stay on the list bc not everybody is so anti towards the #idea of other people seeing them as sexy. gahh i hate being seen as sexually appealing. makes me wanna gag ugh #*squicks

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disabledunitypunk · 7 months

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[Image ID: cropped tumblr post reading - as an ND able-bodied person, i just wanna say that cpunks are NOT doing anything wrong by not allowing us in their community. its completely okay and im actually very very happy that physically disabled people finally have their own space where they dont have to deal with ableism toward them all the time

able-bodied NDs have it made in this sense. we have TWO communities! we have neuropunk and madpunk, and you can go on any social media platform and easily find hundreds of other NDs on there along with little communities and shit. but physically disabled people dont have it that easy. when they DO find one that isnt just about ND people, it's still full of ableism. i've seen it myself and it makes me sick

so physically disabled people decided to make their OWN community. just for them. no one else. then THATS when able-bodied NDs start getting pissy and call them ableist when they were basically doing the exact same shit before.

you can handle not being allowed in one community. theres two more you can be part of just fine

if youre an able-bodied ND who sees yourself in any of this, maybe you should stop and look at yourself. make some improvements

to the cpunk community, dont let people like this tear you down. stand your ground, push these people out. you deserve your OWN safe space and no one will take that from you /end ID]

okay this shit right here?

pisses us off

the whole point is that cripplepunk has become not about focusing on physical disabilities, but about gatekeeping neurodivergence from ever being considered physically disabling, about policing neurodivergent reclamation of a slur that has been historically and commonly used against BOTH neurodivergent and physically disabled people, about reducing physical disabilities to mobility disabilities, and about treated neurodivergent people as abled to the point that they don't EVER lack accessibility or NEED accommodations just to be able to do the same things as abled people

I don't personally have a problem with spaces that focus on physical disability, but I'm not even allowed to find commonalities in my own experiences as a physically disabled neurodivergent person or I'm "derailing". I'm not ever allowed to find my neurodivergence more disabling than my physical disabilities, even contextually, because neurodivergence is "disability lite" and high, middling, and fluctuating support needs people apparently just don't exist. I'm not allowed to talk about how I physically couldn't access a venue or event because of my neurodisabilities. I'm not allowed to be physically disabled by the organ that controls all functions of my physical body.

As a physically disabled neurodivergent, multiple marginalized person on the basis of my disabilities, I am not safe in these spaces. I am actively pushed out of these spaces for being neurodivergent, despite being physically disabled by things completely unrelated to neurodivergence!

I have been called able-bodied more times than I can count, despite being housebound until recently due to mobility issues and lack of a mobility aid, and still being bedbound on my worst days! I have been straight up called abled. I've been called a liar who wants to feel special and more oppressed for saying that my sensory issues are so disabling that there are stores I physically cannot safely enter, or I will have a massive meltdown and physically hurt myself. I've been told I can control this, and that hurting myself doesn't count even though I know someone who has permanent brain damage from hurting themself during meltdowns.

I've been told I should shut up and let real disabled people speak for daring to say cripplepunk spaces are hostile to physically disabled neurodivergent people.

Also, you've gotta love the ableist hypocrisy of "we get neuropunk AND madpunk" while gatekeeping cripplepunk. Mad actually is a slur that is used for a specific subtype of disabled experiences. I'm never going to gatekeep reclamation, and I don't think it's something that falls neatly and evenly along specific diagnosis lines. I think that there are absolutely neurodivergent people who don't have the specific disorders most people think of when they think of insanity that have been mistreated for being seen as "insane". Hell, I think there are physically disabled people - even entire physical disabilities that on average - are often treated with intense sanism that can reclaim the slur and that belong in the movement.

That being said, not all neurodivergent people are affected by sanism, full stop. That is something for each individual to determine, but especially for people with lower support needs and combined types/presentations of neurodivergence that are more palatable to abled people... some of them face neuroableism, but not sanism. That's an important distinction.

Basically, anyone can face sanism, but not everyone does.

Also, there ARE hundreds of spaces for SPECIFIC physical disabilities. There's not that many spaces for neurodivergence that aren't just autism+ADHD, and there's not that many physical disability spaces that aren't just "mobility disabilities"+"any chronic illnesses that still sometimes affect your mobility as a side effect" (which yes are mobility disabilities but honestly aren't even treated as such in these spaces).

Like, the whole point is that neurodivergent people who AREN'T able-bodied don't GET a space where they don't have to deal with corpoableism from other neurodivergent people and neuroableism/sanism from physically disabled people. The whole POINT is that people gatekeeping cripplepunk are being ableist, and erasing/minimizing the disabilities of neurodivergent people. The whole POINT is that they're ignoring the experience of the organ that controls your body sometimes disabling said body because said organ doesn't work right.

The whole POINT is that You. Cannot. Label. Someone. Else. Able. Bodied.

And sure, there's lip service to the fact that "oh well if you're actually physically disabled then this isn't about you"

except it is.

because if you're physically disabled by the "wrong" diagnosis you're an attention-seeking ableist faker

because if you want to talk about your whole experience as a neurodivergent physically disabled person you're "an able-bodied neurodivergent derailing discussions about disability" (yes, they actually say disability sometimes, mask off, not physical disability specifically)

because if you're neurodivergent and physically disabled and you present evidence of historical medical textbooks calling people "mental cripples" you're "cherrypicking rare examples" despite simply picking 5 out of the HUNDREDS of links you could have sent

because if you are neurodivergent and even dare to find similarities with your own neurodivergence on a post about a physical disability you also have you're "an abled person invading disabled spaces". Yes, they call neurodivergent people they believe to not be physically disabled "abled" as if brain disabilities don't exist.

"just for them. no one else."

You said it right there. That's the problem. It's not for physically disabled people AND physically disabled people with other disabilities. It's for physically disabled people - again, meaning only mobility disabilities, no, GI disabilities or blindness/vision impairment etc don't count! - ONLY.

With one exception.

If you tout the party line about how ableist neurodivergent people are, never ever mention your own neurodivergence, hide it deep down like the evil ableist you fundamentally are, and let yourself be tokenized as the person who is mentioned in "see! physically disabled people who are neurodivergent are allowed here [if they're never openly or visibly neurodivergent]" then you're allowed in the club.

And that's without even getting into the massive amounts of sanism and neuroableism in cripplepunk spaces OUTSIDE of the gatekeeping. I touched on it with the calling neurodivergent people abled - but the use of crazy and insane as an insult, the arguments I've seen for mentally ill people to be forcibly institutionalized and forced to "recover" by being coercively made to take meds to suppress their neurodivergence or go to therapy where they are being psychiatrically abused, the absolute horrific treatment of cluster B disorders - all the stuff you expect from abled people, but coming from other disabled people.

So even if, let's say, the cripplepunk community was completely welcoming to all neurodivergent people who were physically disabled in any way, including by their neurodivergence: that's what's waiting for us. Just a different kind of ableism in the space we went looking to escape ableism in.

No one's taking anything from anyone by saying "I'm a cripple too, stop being massively laterally ableist to me". You're just an ableist sucker with a taste for boots.

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clownsalot · 9 months

Text

yea ok i know im not the only one voicing concerns over amane getting forgiven this trial but. i am actually so worried for what'll happen if she is so im going to talk about it anyway

longish post?? i think?? so uh. read more

- on the one hand, the one everyone talks about: shidou's physical safety. this one's obvious

you can argue that amane is 12 and shidou is a grown ass man more than twice her age but also;;;; a lot of theories ive seen of amane also include her victim being an adult. 12 years old or not, there's a lot you can do with a weapon when you catch someone off guard, and shidou isn't exactly fit to fight someone off, even a 12 year old on adrenaline. also given how he's working himself to the bone keeping mahiru alive and taking care of fuuta he's probably not going to be all that alert to his surroundings either. though with kazui once again innocent leaning, hopefully this concern can be set aside for a while.

- on the other hand, what worries me more (ie making me shit my fucking pants in fear) is that there's another real threat amane poses that can't be solved by kazui being forgiven: amane is trying to convert fuuta.

(from fuuta's 2023 birthday timeline on the wiki)

shidou's safety can be accounted for, but whay about fuuta? fuuta, whose mental health is going to shit and at an all time low; fuuta, desperate for anything that'll give him a sense of safety and security? right now fuuta is a textbook example of someone vulnerable to cult indoctrination, which amane will happily provide. there was also @vampuppyy 's post (that i agree with and also makes other good points) that mentioned this could be compounded if amane is forgiven as well. hell, fuuta's second trial voice drama is even named BAPTISM OF FIRE.

if amane is forgiven this trial, someone is definitely getting hurt.

- the threat amane poses aside however, i do have my own reasons for voting her guilty this round beyond her potential to hurt someone. and it's that i don't think forgiving her is actually going to do her much good??

(amane's second trial voiceline, also from the wiki)

she says she'll forgive us for trial 1 and to think about our verdict again carefully with the implication that she expects to be forgiven this round. i think forgiving her this round will do nothing but just tell her 'we were wrong to not forgive you the first time, your cult beliefs are right actually. thank you for your generosity, please take this as an apology for our mistake' which does nothing but reinforce her belief that she's righteous in her cult mentality, especially if we're right about her murder being partially motivated by her believing her victim also broke one of the cult's tenets. she's going to turn out like muu singing about how 'it's not my fault' won't she?

i get why people are forgiving her this round and im not saying it's wrong (honestly good for amane for killing her abuser!! you go girl slay), but imo it's not the best decision to make right now given the circumstances. of course milgram's strict innocent/guilty system doesn't allow for any kind of nuance, and i do realize a guilty won't be good for her either, but i think doubling down on the guilty and not forgiving her this round might be the better decision in the long run. if we still want to forgive her, we always have trial 3 to do it anyway

(honestly i think if we wanted to forgive her it should've been in trial 1—but there's nothing we can do about that anymore, all we can do now is play damage reduction trying to fix what went wrong after the trial 1 results)

so uh. yeah that's all the reasons im guilty voting amane this trial 👍 i hope this was coherent

#milgram #momose amane #amane momose

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doobea · 9 months

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you ask and i deliver... i hope this works because i literally have SO many thoughts on him... like i could talk about him nonstop

i hc sae as a softie actually, like his "uninterested" and "snappy" persona is actually just pouty baby behavior when he's with you (also i think he talks in his sleep like you know there's people who 'wake up' and they're between consciousness and unconsciousness? so like, he listens and talks but his brain doesn't work or register it at all lmao, let me elaborate)

i think sae is the type of guy to find comfort in stability and routine, a relationship with him would be kinda chill... so when there's a slight shift in your actions he gets confused (like i see him lierally tilting his head and slightly furrowing his eyebrows) and don't get me wrong, i don't mean he takes your relationship for granted, but you grabbing an ice cream for yourself without offering him one???? that's weird. so sae just waits patiently for you to come back to the couch and mutter 'did you write ice cream on the grocery list?' (poor baby just assumed that the only reasonable way you're not offering him one is because you're running out of ice cream) so when you hear him and you turn around slowly to look at him dead in the eyes with mischief and see his lips pouting you start to feel bad... how could you hurt his poor soul like that? so you shove your ice cream towards him expecting him to grab it while dramatically clutching your shirt where your heart is 'don't look at me like that! you know i can't handle it'

yeah, you guessed right, sae tilts his head again because he doesn't understand anything you're saying, so you let out a deep sigh and confess

'i woke up today around 3 am to go for a glass of water... and you told me to "dehydrate and perish" in your sleep... only because i kindly asked you to move your heavy legs off me. i had to deny myself a glass of water for your sake...'

at this point sae can only look at you dumbfounded and with slightly rosey cheeks because he's embarassed he's so clingy in his sleep and he doesn't even remember it... long story short he stands up, goes to the fridge, and comes back with an ice cream, giving you the new one he just grabbed and having the one you gave him for himself

AAAAAAHHHHH stop it I love this so much pls tell me more because I TOO can go on and on about how soft he could be too ugh

i saw this somewhere before i can't remember who wrote it but someone said that sae needs to be w someone that brings out his inner child and i cannot agree with it more!! like i'd imagine (and im totally gonna incorporate this in my sae fic series duh) being a child superstar made life so exhausting and almost numbing growing up?? and that secretly he just wants to be a kid again or experience what it was like before stardom (bro literally went to Europe all by himself at 14 like huh???)

i also hc him as being a picky eater like lowkey ... i don't think he like veggies imo ... he'll totally pick off tomatoes and onions and give them to you (and who the fuck doesn't like french fries...)

i wanna say he picks up languages p quickly?? like if his s/o is from a diff background he won't have that much of a problem picking up the cultural differences (he totally has duolingo downloaded and does it everyday don't tell me otherwise)

and of course in the beginning of his first serious relationships he's probably super avoidant and shit bc he's never allowed himself to be completely vulnerable so def some misunderstandings in communication styles/arguments but (if he cares abt u to make it serious to begin w) i would imagine extreme princess treatment the next day (or even week).

MORNING WALKS ON THE BEACH AAAAAAHHH does the lil cheesy water splash on you... and then at night time he likes to do lil bonfires by the beach >:3 (with bbq added of course)

okok i think im done ....

#how can i even say that oliver is my fav when all my recent posts have been about sae and rin #im so fake #doobea answers #this is for my sae brainrot #thank u again for your soft hcs about OUR boyfriend #sae itoshi #itoshi sae #blue lock #bllk

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