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orcelito · 1 year

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ok SO i went and got out Most of my knives (i remembered I have a nonbinary knife only after i took the photos & also idk where it is currently. just imagine all these plus a nonbinary flag knife ok? ok)

HERE ^ is the most of them, minus that nonbinary knife. look at that fuckin mess. 32 shown here (i think) plus my nonbinary knife makes 33 blades (minus cooking knives, i dont count those for these purposes)(also counting the swiss army knife as only 1 bc lol)

& some explanations for them! gonna put these under a readmore bc it got Kinda long on accident whoops. Read Ahead if u wanna see me nerd out about my knife collection.

STARTING WITH my big ones.

my spear (gifted to me), my cane sword (from anime convention), my shitty $20 sword (also from anime convention. low quality but cool as hell), my teal mini sword + matching throwing knives (from online), my decorative axe (from a local store), my twin blades (my sharpest blades, theyre actually kinda scary how sharp they are, but i love them bc of it. from online), red saber (from online),

ANDDDDDDDDDDDD my favorite hefty bitch of a machete that i sleep with in my bed frame on the very right (inherited from my grandpa bc i was the first one who spotted it at Family Claiming Day)(this thing really is as long as my leg & much heavier than Any of the rest of the blades pictured here. i love it)

another view of the blades so u can better see how long they are. the big boys. they're lovely. 2nd heaviest blade is the cane sword when it's in its cane, mostly bc that handle has some Heft. tbh id feel safer using it as a bludgeoning weapon than a stabbing weapon, but having a cane sword is just plain cool

AND my smaller blades!

i have a lot of pocket knives. starting from the top left: golden pocket knife (from online), rainbow dragon (from online), rainbow HEFTY boy (heaviest pocket knife, from online), spider knife (from online), stiletto jade (from online), pathetic army boy (from local store, this knife has NO redeeming qualities, but it's mine <3), black stiletto (from local store), plain dagger man (from online), my damascus steel knife (was a gift, probably my singular most expensive knife. fancy boy), Dull Dagger Man (first blade i ever bought, from anime convention)

& for bottom row: teeny black knife (first pocket knife i owned, gift from my dad), lil rainbow knife (from local store), plain steel knife (from sketchy shop in gatlinburg + one of my Favorite knives), green dragon knife (from online, a real beaut), triple throwing knives (also from same sketchy shop in gatlinburg), the baby throwing knives again from the Big Boys pic but i included them again bc they r so teeny tiny, my keychain key blade (from online), swiss army knife (from online), & the pair of claw keychain baldes (from online)

many blades, many stories, so little time. theyre great tho.

SOME FOCUSES:

^ these are all my spring-assisted knives, sorted from worst feel to best feel to open. based on quickness, ease, & general satisfaction. leftmost is leftmost bc i didnt even Know it was spring assisted, bc it doesnt have a nice lil tab on the back to press. no u gotta press on one of the rungs. but once u do it Does spring open, so i included it. next 3 are just Average in feel (these 3 are sibling blades anyways, nice of them to be together). jade stiletto is smooth and quick, nice to open. Hefty Boy rainbow has some THUNK to it when i open it. like that babey's got PURPOSE to it. added to the general size of it & it's just pretty great. AND THEN MY TWO FAVS, green dragon is a perfect beautiful knife & feels very great to open. and then Steel Sketchy Knife aka my 2nd pocket knife & first i bought for myself. it looks plain in comparison to the others, but she's anything But. quick, light, Sharp. it has the Best feel to open, bc it's just a fast SHHK. probably my knife that's seen the most use (aside from my small black knife) just bc of how great it feels to open. i love that knife so much for Real.

& the final highlight, somewhat related, are the knives I actually use the most in my daily life!

on the left are the knives I keep in my bag by default, & thus the ones I carry with me Everywhere i go. small black pocket knife bc she's Ol' Faithful, & a pretty lowkey knife for basic tasks when I dont wanna raise any eyebrows lol. silver knife bc as previously stated i Love using it so much. i take it out when i gotta breakdown a lot of boxes at work, & it Never disappoints. small rainbow keychain key knife bc it's cute & i like to keep it on my keychain. & swiss army knife bc Obviously im gonna keep the swiss army knife in my bag for if i need an emergency tool.

on the right are the three knives I keep out in my apartment. black stiletto lives on my bathroom counter, for bathroom knife needs. green stiletto i keep on my table next to where I hang out in my bedroom, for any couch time needs. & then green dragon beaut camps out on top of some shelves by my front door bc it's Great for opening boxes, aka something I will do for packages I receive after pulling them in the front door. it works for me.

all the rest of my knives live either in a box (for small ones) or my closet (for big ones). i may have a lot of knives, but somehow I never feel like i have enough. i just love collecting them so much <3

#speculation nation #knives #what this boils down to are. my favorites are: Big Hefty Machete that i managed to stab myself with on accident #by dropping it point-first on my finger (whoops)#a plain silver knife i got from a sketchy shop in gatlinburg (there really are so many there) that just feels SO good to use #a beautiful green dragon knife bc it's well balanced & feels great to open. also pretty.#black stiletto knife just bc i love how it feels in my hand. it's also very pointy #& small black knife bc she's ol' faithful. & great for using for average shit to not freak people out #(imagine if i brought ol' Hefty Rainbow out w/ its glass breaking base & wonderful hooked blade. ppl would give me Looks for sure)#i love many other knives but those r my favs #if i had to pick an ABSOLUTE fav it'd have to be my machete. it having drawn my blood did Not discourage me from loving it #it feels very uhh. idk it makes me feel secure having it nearby #if for nothing else than someone seeing me wield that & being like 'what the FUCK' bc it's kinda pretty intimidating lol.#long and heavy. wouldnt actually be great for combat bc that thin part between the blade & the hilt could snap the moment you hit bone #but good for me i never intend to use my blades for that! it feels comforting mostly as an intimidation factor.#the comfort being like. if someone broke in lol. that's why i sleep with it in my bed frame. so i can have it onhand Just In Case #aka it's like sleeping with a gun under my pillow except i just keep a massive fucking knife next to me instead. works for me #not the longest of my blades but it's the heaviest of my blades by far. i feel very lucky to own it.#anyways this has been the Knife Ramble by yours truly. this took me like 2 hours to gather & take pictures of & write this summary #APPRECIATE MY WORK at documenting my collection. this is the first time ive done this in several years.#wish i'd found that nonbinary knife first... oh well...

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stergeon · 20 days

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for the writer ask

💭🚦💛 💌

💭 What inspires you and your writing?

this is a real marketing major-ass answer (from your local marketing major), but i love sharing knowledge and telling stories. writing’s one of those things that’s a bit of a compulsion for me—i’m always writing something. i took a five-year break from fiction writing before i stumbled ass-first into fanfic last year, but even in those years when i was focusing on my career, i was writing guides and trainings and a ton of other stuff—just not anything fun, lol.

writing is also so cathartic. sometimes i set out to tell a specific story, but at other times, a particular emotion gets me in a vice grip and i have to put it to words before it’ll go away. my stories tend to wind up as emotional dumping grounds as a result.

i don’t write things pulled directly from my own life, but there are bits and pieces of myself and things that have happened to me scattered throughout stuff i’ve written, and usually when i’m about 75% of the way through a piece, i’ll realize it’s absolutely related to something i’m currently going through. funny how art works that way, even when you don’t intend for it to.

and occasionally i just have a fire lit under my ass about an issue and i get so hot about it that i gotta compile my thoughts. looking at you, silver snow

🚦 What sort of endings do you prefer to write: ambiguous, bad, happily ever after, etc.?

look, i would love nothing more for them girls (pick whichever girls you please) to have a happy ending where they kiss and are stupid in love for the rest of forever. i love reading those kinds of stories. but in my heart of hearts, i love an ambiguous ending. i like when there are still questions after the story ends. i like thinking about where things could go or how the characters will go on after the events of the story. like, shared space could be read as having a happy ending, but i don’t really think it is. and with the victors; the vestiges, well. you’ll see :0)

come to think of it, i’m not sure i’ve ever written a happily-ever-after, but i don’t think i’ve ever written a 100% bad ending, either. i read too many bury-your-gays stories and watched too many sad european queer coming-of-age films in my youth to ever be happy putting that kinda thing out into the world. i want to write about love with all its ugliness, but not despair or hopelessness. i think what most appeals to me about an ambiguous ending is that lingering feeling of hope. it’s not the same as the kind you get from a happily-ever-after, and something about it speaks to me.

💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?

honestly? how to take criticism. i took a creative writing class in high school where we had to read our work out loud and then receive feedback on it from the other writers in the class, and that did a lot for me. going into that class, i’d already been writing for forever and had won some little local writing contests and such, so i was a wee bit of a pretentious douche. but i’d never gotten real critique before beyond, essentially, spelling and grammar checks. it humbled me lol. it made me grow so much as a writer, and i could see where i needed to improve or where my head was wedged way too far up my own ass for others to follow. it also helped me recognize strengths i didn’t know i had, and that was huge. it’s easy to get into a self-doubt spiral when making creative work, and good, constructive criticism can do so much to help avoid that.

to this day i love critique. i like knowing what worked or didn’t work so that i can continue to improve as a writer and do better next time. did my themes land? did something really work, but another part fall flat? i’d love to know!! i try to treat everything i write as practice for the next thing, and frankly that’s helped take some of the pressure off so i don’t go into total Perfectionist Mode.

i know critique is kind of a sensitive topic in fan spaces, but i think that’s because a lot of people have gotten unsolicited criticism that is purely critical and isn’t constructive. but getting good, constructive criticism will do so much to help a person grow as a writer. it’s scary, and sometimes it hurts! writing is very personal for most people, and it stings when things aren’t received the way you think they will be. but i know i’ve grown more from having my failures pointed out (and, very importantly, having the good things about those efforts acknowledged) than anything else.

💌 Is there a favorite trope you like to write?

actually Just answered this in another ask!

#sterge.eml #foxyjeongin #thank you for playing my little game and letting me talk about stories (and about me lmao)#sorry this is kind of a long post #i talk too much #i think i sound pretentious in this ask whoops. sorry #unfortunately i kind of am. i’m working on it.#… i guess the short answer to that first question is ‘emotions and mental illness’ lol #if you follow me on twitter (not recommended as it’s just me complaining about the weather and not being able to ride my motorcycle)#you know that every time i bring up my writing in therapy my therapist rocks my shit by revealing the story is #in fact.#NOT about what i thought it was about #or more accurately it’s ALSO secretly about whatever’s going on with me in real life lmao #y’know what’s really fun? looking back at something you wrote in a manic or depressive episode and going ah. hm. interesting.#the signs were. in fact. there.#(this is in fact not fun and i don’t like it. but it always happens.)#everything i write is accidentally Also about being bipolar. no getting around that #i tend to have issues organizing my thoughts and feelings to even figure out how tf i’m feeling #(forget making any attempt at doing so verbally. i have chronic foot-in-mouth disorder and accidentally say shit i don’t mean all the time)#but writing stuff down has always helped me sort through whatever mess is going on in my noggin and i love it for that #learning how to take critique is my no. 1 piece of writing advice but no. 2 is to read #read the classics. find out why they’re classics. read weird shit. read shit you don’t like. find things you like about em anyway.#and importantly: figure out WHY you do or don’t like it #it’s funny to re-read a book i haven’t read in a long time and discover OH. that’s where i get that technique from.#or that’s where i got that idea. or that’s why i had X thing happen in this story.#or why i like this type of character or scenario #nothing’s truly new and original #we’re all an amalgamation of influences and that ruuuuules #celebrate it!!!

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paigemathews · 1 year

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Time for another Paige powers post! (Also, this is over two thousand words and I didn’t really know where to cut it, so I didn’t. I am very sorry.) According to canon, there’s a couple of different factors going on with witches’ past lives and their current powers.

You typically have the same powerset across lives. (Piper with molecular-based powers; Prue and Paige with telekinesis; Phoebe with psychic powers.)

The choices you make and the way that you use your powers, however, dictate the strength, advancements, or devolvement that your next life’s powers will take.

If you misuse your powers, you’ll lose them in your next life. If you use them well, they’ll grow.

P. Russell misused her pyrokinesis, but didn’t really misuse her divinization. When she reincarnated into Phoebe Halliwell, she lost her pyrokinesis but gained premonitions instead.

P. Baxter didn’t misuse her power of molecular deceleration in her lifetime. When she reincarnated as Piper Halliwell, it evolved into molecular immobilization.

Either way, we never see a witch outright all lose their magical abilities between lifetimes, even if they misuse them.

Now onto Paige. Obviously, Miss Paige was the Evil Enchantress, who had telekinesis (that Paige retained) and Conjuring the Elements. In A Knight to Remember, we really only see the Evil Enchantress use: telekinesis, aerokinesis, and electrokinesis. Considering Paige’s apartment was on fire, she also presumably used pyrokinesis. Even if Paige lost the powers that the Evil Enchantress misused, that still leaves cryokinesis, geokinesis, and hydrokinesis that she could have displayed. So some thoughts on the possibilities.

Paige gets cryokinesis, which actually might be one of my favorites. We already saw a link between cryokinesis and telekinesis with P. Bowen’s past life, so it makes sense. Plus, the angst potential for Paige getting a power from Prue’s past life? Prue was supposed to eventually gain it again, but instead Paige gets it. Also, cryokinesis is so cool and I wanted to see more of it.

For actual usage, Paige being able to freeze demons in a very different way than Piper. Admittedly, it might be too similar to Piper’s from a narrative sense but I think that they could work around it. We didn’t see it very often, so they could expand on it. At the very least, she’d definitely would use it to freeze drinks during some of those heatwaves while Piper and Phoebe go Paige!! And she just rolls her eyes what??

We’re gonna skip past geokinesis for a minute, but Paige gets hydrokinesis in the season five premiere. Honestly, you can really take your pick of how she gets it, but it’d have to be a bit more of a Paige episode.

You could have her be the one transformed into the mermaid and be able to control water. They think it’s a mermaid power until Mylie tells them its not.

Piper is drowning and Leo isn’t there, so Paige is trying to heal her but actually draws the water out of her lungs to save her.

The Sea Hag sees herself in Paige, a young hybrid witch that is undeniably othered from those who she should be able to relate to. (You can change up the backstory however you want, the one I linked is just focused on the Little Mermaid allusions.) She senses Paige’s power and wants to mentor her.

When Phoebe is fleeing, Paige can either stop her or dives in after her and finds that she can actually get there.

You could definitely do something with Paige having hydrokinesis and Patty’s death by drowning. Plus, it’d be a cool power to see utilized more. Imagine Paige draining the water out of the air to create a wave or using it to immobilize demons by bloodbending. Again, we didn’t really see a lot of it, so they could definitely expand on it!

For geokinesis, this was actually one of my least favorites but now that I’ve though about it, I think I’d vibe with it. In I Dream of Phoebe, Paige could have discovered and raised Zanbar or destroyed it, one of the two. You could also do something with earthquakes since the girls live in San Francisco. I’m gonna be honest, I’m not really sure exactly how to do this one but I definitely think that you could.

I think that it’d be cool to connect geokinesis to phytokinesis, aka the manipulation of plants. I know that it technically isn’t included in Conjuring the Elements, but I think that it should be. She could manifest it in the beginning of season five and struggle to really do something offensive with it. She’s trying so hard, but she just sprouts a flower at a demon and he laughs while Piper just sarcastically asks if that’s it while Phoebe goes Paige! And her sisters don’t really realize that Paige is actually struggling and trying and that they hurt her feelings, so she keeps trying and finally manages to use it offensively but it still feels off somehow. And then in Lucky Charmed, her power is blooming in the leprechaun's forest which she doesn’t really realize. In Cat House, we see that the flowers and decorations and stuff in the past, especially during Piper and Leo’s wedding, are like dying during the conflict and then when they resolve it and Phoebe and Paige are leaving, we see Paige pass by or look at it and it just grows so beautiful. Which brings us to Nymphs Just Wanna Have Fun where Paige is transformed into a nymph and she actually gets to see the beauty of her power and she’s just so happy when she can love her powers instead of having to find a way to fight with them. Piper and Phoebe are trying to talk some sense into her and she finally breaks the dreamy nymph look to be upset before reverting back to that dreamy, dancing girl. Paige is ultimately the one who saves the day in the Eternal Spring by using her powers offensively and becomes a witch again to do so. Before she leaves though, one of the nymphs gently touches her arm and tells her there is power in your magic, but it is also a source of extraordinary beauty. you don’t need to only pick one. and then the sisters leave and we see in the last couple of minutes that Paige intentionally blooms flowers in the manor and gives them to her sisters, who are just happy that Paige has found that happiness in her magic.

Honestly, you could also still give her one of the powers that she did misuse and strip the others. (You could also actually give her multiple elemental powers if you wanted to. I will say that I’d prefer them not making her the Avatar just bc then it’s a matter of why does she even need the Power of Three but you still could.)

For aerokinesis, you could incorporate it into the show with how they already use it. She uses it against the Evil Enchantress, which the sisters figure is just how past lives and powers work. From there, you have two options: Leo kinda just goes 😶 that is not how that works and they figure it out there or the sisters end up traveling back in time later in the season (1920′s episode!!) and run across their past selves (also Paige’s 1920′s self!!). Phoebe tries to use her past life’s powers and it doesn’t work and their past lives are just like 🤨 it doesn’t work like that. And then they have P. Russell, before her turn, and P. Bowen (if they can get Shannen back; if not, she’s out of town for some reason or another) to help Paige learn the trigger for her aerokinesis. Also, I feel like there’d be a lot of fun plotlines because that is a big power and imagine trying to learn how to control it. Paige accidentally hurting someone with it and being afraid of it? Paige causing property damage, such as blowing all of the lights, and then a shadow demon being in the manor. Paige learns how to fly with it and offers to fly with her sisters and Phoebe is like 😬 i already learned my lesson on that one.

Especially because it’d be such a dangerous power! Girl literally controls the wind. She could obviously use it in big showy ways, knocking a demon across the room, flying, etc. But even the more subtle ways, like creating a breeze to distract someone by making them chase down papers or bringing something to her, etc. Plus, not only does she have to grapple with it as her evil past life’s favorite power, but Shax had this power. She has the same power as the sister she never met’s murderer. Ooh, imagine if she actually learned about it early season four and Piper and Phoebe’s reactions and her knowledge of Shax and learning about her evil past life. Potential there.

Okay, but moving on from aerokinesis, electrokinesis! I always have a mixed reaction when it comes to people trying to argue that. Well, not even witchlighters but Chris specifically should have electrokinesis bc his dad was an Elder when he was conceived, but the show very well could have made that canon if they wanted to give Paige electrokinesis. (But it’s not so if anyone ends up in my inbox about Chris and being half-elder, imma lose it.) Imagine, Paige isn’t sure why she has this power that she used for evil and it turns out its because her past life combined with her current life’s whitelighter side meant that she had it, even though she shouldn’t. The juxtaposition of her evil past and her good heritage working together when no one knows if she should really have it. I mean, Paige literally nearly killed a man with her Whitelighter powers by trying to telekinetically orb that guy’s heart out of his chest, so having the ability to literally throw lightning??

But also I am obsessed with electrokinesis and I think it’s cool af. It obviously has a lot of combat uses, along with being fun to see in the everyday. Paige accidentally shocking her sisters a little bit or having to deal with the static electricity with her powers. Again, losing power in the house and having to figure it out. Cole using that to manipulate Phoebe or try to turn the sisters against Paige with that. Paige zapping people a little bit when they’re being annoying. Paige no-selling the shock cages, bc hel-lo she can simply absorb the electricity instead.

And finally! Pyrokinesis. Gonna be honest, I don’t really like the idea of Paige having pyrokinesis, it feels too connected to Phoebe. (Abi, didn’t you connect half of these powers to the other sisters anyways? Yep!) Phoebe and pyrokinesis is a thing across seasons, so if you’ve giving a sister that power full time, I just feel like it has to be Phoebe. Also, we see so many freaking beings with pyrokinesis that we really don’t need a sister to have it. It just feels boring at that point. But still! I have committed, and thus I’ll give some ideas.

Paige not knowing that pyrokinesis is associated with demons until her sisters tell her and Cole using that to cast doubt on Paige in season four instead. Paige learning how to use a power that has been used against all of them time and time again. Taking a power so deeply attached to evil and giving it to not only a good witch, but a Charmed One and a Whitelighter hybrid.

Paige’s witch and Whitelighter side combining pyrokinesis and photokinesis so that she can create light that burns. The contrast between good and evil in this new sister and if you can really trust her.

Paige bonding with Tyler Michaels over his power! She helps him realize that he is a good person and a good kid. Depending on how long she’s had her power for, she helps teach him how to control it or he shows her some tricks that he’s learned.

We bring in witch hunters more often, maybe even as a season plot. They’re trying to burn witches and they narrowly evade them time and time again until they’re trapped and they can’t get out, but Paige controls the fire that she didn’t make and turns it against the witch hunters. Paige not being able to burn! (Paige befriending a Phoenix witch and learning about the power of a witch taking the fire that was meant to destroy them and their kind and instead making it her own source of power.)

Okay, actually, Paige with pyrokinesis is a lot more of a vibe than I thought lmao.

But seriously, Paige with an elemental power would have been so good! She never really gained another power, but she was canonically a powerhouse in her past life. Plus, at least one of the sisters should have gotten an elemental power considering three out of four canonically had an elemental power in her past life. It doesn’t hurt that the elemental powers were so cool! But yeah, I’m back on my Paige should have had another power soapbox again! :)

#charmed #paige matthews #powers #abi speaks #charmed meta #this is my. fourth? post about paige getting powers i think #and i STILL havent gotten to the one i've been saying i will since the first one lmao #i'll eventually get there #but paige could have had such a cool development and they did nothing!!#i also spent literally over two hours on this so if you wanna be nice and reblog it'd make me happy #i had other things that i needed to do today but i guess?? now i will not be doing those bc i have work in an hour #but anyways back to the paige powers thing should i start tagging these? i have a little list of the ones ive suggested in the drafts #should i like link them together or something? i wasnt expecting there to be this many of them #i already suggested five different power ideas #this adds... seven. whoops #and again i still have not gotten to the one ive been meaning to mention for the lastttttt #eight months. oof thats bad #i am v slow at posting #i'll eventually get around to it tho

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ieatsmallorphansnamedtom · 1 year

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hello :) im taking a break (not abandoning the blog)

just wanted to like, let you all know I'm taking a break from tumblr rn. I was gonna say it earlier, but my internet has been whacked for a little bit. It's better now, and I figured I should just tell you so nobody's wondering what going on!

My energy to write for Stardew is just really low right now. This happens a lot, what with the whole interest in it coming and going whenever it pleases. I don't know when I'll come back, and I might not be back in full swing for a while, but I'm not yet abandoning this blog!

The asks are still open if you want to send something in, but please don't expect it to get answered right away. Thank you! :]

#ieatsmallorphansnamedtom #notice #yeah ive got 34 in my inbox rn which isnt great but on top of not being active rn im just kjsdbkdsfbjk #also if I haven't gotten to your ask for a while I'm not ignoring it! I'm just doing whatever comes to my mind first #I'll probably get those done first when im back #anyways yeah so happy new year if you celebrate that and happy [thing/holiday/idk] to any other holidays around this time!!#(sorry i dont know my holidays whoops lol)#ive also got a few personal projects im working on right now #im hoping to be back sometime january to february but im not sure #lets just hope for me to be back by that time #i may pop in every now and then but!! nothing conclusive just yet #thanks :)

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grassbreads · 1 year

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I just got a verbal job offer for more money than I ever thought I'd be making in my entire life

#nothing's confirmed yet they still have to do the hr shit and send me the actual offer #and I absolutely refuse to count my chickens too early I'm not taking it as a sure thing until I get that written offer #but. holy shit #I am actually shaking right now #the verbal offer was even more money than they quoted me originally #I've spent the better part of the last year as a cashier living rentless with family #and before that I was working food service in my college town #this might be the best thing that's ever happened to me #genuinely unfathomable shit #anyway I'll have a lot less blogging time if/when a bitch gets a 9-5 lollll #but um. holy shit #I might be a little bit in denial haha whoops #can you get denial for good things?#lmao #if this goes through this genuinely might be the best thing that's ever happened to me #we love the manic job hunt tumblr rambling #invasion of the frogs

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motherlegba · 1 year

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Every voice and every sound going on around me hurts my skin?

#idk but im like on the verge of crying #it makes me mad that he’s right #idk exactly why I haven’t looked into counseling or therapy #i think im just scared idk how to even introduce myself or start in the tangled web that is me and my psyche #every time i have a good few days or a good week it makes me feel like I’m just over complicating myself and that I’m actually fine?#there’s an lcsw where i work and i can talk to her for free and i did talk to her a few times but that was a year ago #idk i found myself lying to her #and since I quit seeing her i l’ve stopped drinking and it will be a year in December #which itself is a great accomplishment but I’ve done it with zero (0) help.. no meds no counseling no nothing #i think i just want to wait until the boy i broke up moves out and i can actually 100 % focus on myself #but the boy that I desperately want to be wrapped up in 24/7 is gatekeeping himself and saying that i need to take care of myself first #and he’s right #anyway as i was saying i feel overstimulated and im about to cry #whoops don’t mind me lol #personal rubbish

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kirishwima · 2 years

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why am i so tired this week. literally what the hell is wrong 😭

#nothing specific is happening #im just exhausted all the time #sure the weather might have a little to do w it bc depression becomes worse w bad weather for me #but more than that im just. so tired i want to sleep constantly #its been a long time since i felt this tired #and social responsibilities plus work keep me from just. relaxing and doing nothing #still im forcing mysef to be more social bc staying at home isnt helping #ive been sleeping a full 7 hours at night too i just. wake up earlier than my alarm clock idk why #and i spend the rest of the day like a zombie #i think i need to get some blood tests done again #usually when im like this its because my anemia is being a bitch and my hemoglobin is at rock bottom #it was at a whooping 11mg/dl last time tho! its my highest ever #usually its around 9 #probs lower rn orz #stupid anemic body >:(#anyway im typing this so i dont fall asleep at work #and im working again tomorrow which is pissing me off sm 🥲#if work isnt busy ill take an afternoon nap tomorrow orz #burrito talks #delete later

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athemarina · 2 years

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#y’all i’m feeling the big sadness today lol #my friends are on their way to canada and for many reasons i couldn’t accompany them on that trip #mainly job related reasons (and also. i should work on my bachelor thesis. i have like 3 weeks left haha whoops)#and there they’ll meet up with a friend of ours #a friend i have Big and Large and Very Substantial feelings for #feelings i can do absolutely nothing about because he is american for gods sake lmao why did my heart do this to itself i swear to god #there is nothing to be done #and i mean there wouldn’t be anything to be done if i had come along either #it’s not like i would have told him how i feel. god forbid #but i just. really miss him. so much #like it feels like someone took a fork to my heart and scrambled it #i just wish i could have come along. and in the absence of that - i wish i’d know when i could see him again #if i can ever see him again in the near future at all #because y’all i’m just really hurting here which is no one’s fault but my own i guess for somehow always falling for people who do not #live in my country #that’s just a pretty dumb thing to do #anyway i’ll stop my whining #i just had to talk about it a bit and well all my friends are probably sick of this whole thing by now #so into the void it goes #pers

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wandasfifthwife · 2 months

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(1) running into you ✩‧₊˚ competing series

hockey coach!wanda x fem!ex figure skater reader

tw: creepy man hits on r, flirting (r and w), mentions to past injury (r), some mommy issues mentioned whoops, the nephew’s name is Tyler (💀)

a/n: not proofread oopsies. DON’T steal/repost my works. anyways enjoy this piece of shit. I’ll come back and edit this later.

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It’s a transition going from spending every minute in the rink to living vicariously through your nephew’s newfound interest in the ice. You’ve been taking him to lessons since his parents, your brother, has had to work every minute to make a decent living.

Seeing an ice rink after two years was strangely nostalgic. Spending every waking hour here until you’d gone and screwed your leg during practice.

You would’ve been better off without your coach at the time, your mom, yelling in your ear to get up. It’s in the past and you’re hoping it stays there.

Your nephew was about young teen, unfortunately a stereotypical teen boy who played sports. He was a good kid, but too confident for his own good and feeling the need to size up other players.

The coach of the team had been running them through drills. They were mainly on how to skate and learning specific techniques for hockey such as stopping quickly. He was picking it up quick, again too confident in his efforts but it did get him somewhere.

“Who’s yours?”

You faced the man beside you, “I’m sorry?”

He pointed, waving his finger around and it clicked for you. You waved him off, saying you were here for your nephew.

“Is he your sister’s? Your brother’s?”

“My brother’s. He’s thirteen.”

“And picking it up now? That’s a bit late.”

You laugh, “what?”

The man shrugs and leans back, “he may not be able to make varsity. I mean look.”

The frustration burned through you, feeling annoyed at his audacity. You begin to grab your stuff and move down the bleachers.

“These are kids, and they can do it as a social pastime. I did figure skating and I made it into the region competitions. I was thirteen.”

The man scoffs, “I’m talking about the young boy here and an actual sport, not twirling on the ice. I mean you didn’t go far if you’re here on a Monday night.”

With a shake of your head, you leave and officially move away to the other set of bleachers, closer to where the players got off the ice. It was surprising how aggressive some parents were with their kids doing a sport. It concerned you how concerned they were with their kid succeeding in a sport they once did.

You had sat near the railing towards the bottom, resting your head on it. There was an attempt made to forget your coursing adrenaline, watching your nephew work on sliding across the ice.

It was futile, especially with the way the man was holding his stare in your direction. Whatever his problem was, you wanted nothing to do with it. Men were weird, especially when they’re under some sort of influence.

The group huddled together in the rink, the words being spoken echoed throughout the room. The only word you understood was when they announced their team chant.

You waved back at your nephew when he skated by the window, mouthing something about, “watching him.” It was practice time, where they’re given ten minutes to skate around and practice what they learned.

He flailed around but he still got up proud, acting as if his stop and falling onto the ground was meant to happen. It was amusing, but entertaining and failed for you to realize the man was walking near you yet again.

“Hey ma’am, sorry for the inconvenience. I just thought you were quite beautiful.”

You cringe, “being mean is your flirting technique?”

“Usually chicks dig it.”

You nod and look back to your nephew but he’s relentless and doesn’t want to take no for an answer, even stepping closer to you.

“You alright here miss?”

A woman in skates appeared near you two. She was adjusting the heavy coat around her shoulders, moving to take it off with the obvious sweat on around her face and neck.

The man speaks for you, “we’re fine.”

She raises her eyebrow and tosses the coat onto the bleachers, eyes slowly looking to you for confirmation. You move away from the man and it was enough confirmation.

“Hey buddy, she’s not interested. There’s plenty of fish in the sea but a woman twenty years younger than you isn’t the move.”

With a patronizing smile and wave he began to yell at his son to leave. You thanked her, moving to do the same when she stopped you.

“Who’re you here for?”

“Tyler, what’re you here for?”

She looks confused for a moment, making a subtle gesture towards the skates on her feet, “I’m the coach.”

You swear you feel your confidence melt into a puddle. How long have you been taking him to practices and you’ve never cared to greet the coach?

“I’m terrible sorry,” you put your hand out to shake hers, “I should have introduced myself when I had begun to take him to practice. It’s nice to meet you.”

She smiles and pushes your hand away, “no need. How’re you feeling though, need someone to walk you to your car?”

“That’s quite alright, I believe I’ll be fine.”

Your nephew exits the rink then, coming to sit near you two and untie his skates. He either didn’t notice you two conversing or he didn’t care, because he had come barreling in. You take his helmet off, reminding him to not forget his bag in the locker room.

“You did a great job today, Tyler, how’re you feeling about your stops now?”

“I’m definitely better. I think I’m better than Micah too, he slides into the walls. Man has no clue on how to slide.”

She hums, “then I’ll see you tomorrow. Night.”

He waved and begins to walk behind the bleachers towards the locker room, and she looks back to you.

“I could stand at the door and make sure you two get to your car? I can see him standing at the tables looking this way. My word, is he drunk or something?”

You look and find him standing outside by himself and accept her assistance. It wasn’t that you necessarily trusted her, but she was more trustworthy than the other.

She grabs her coat and stuff on the seat, ready to go just as Tyler had ran out from the locker rooms. He smelt terrible and for some reason felt the need to stand where his sweat melted onto your skin.

“Maximoff what drills are we doing tomorrow?”

She looks relaxed, her eyes focused on him and tone kind while it feels your nerves are spiking when you see the man in your peripheral vision. He doesn’t seem to pay you any mind anymore, he looked distant while his son finished packing up.

“Okay, I’m heading off. Have a good night you two,” she looks to one more time, and you mouth your thanks. She jerks her car door open, throwing her stuff in and climbing in after.

“I love Maximoff. She’s a great coach, very professional if I could add.”

You shove him into the car, and start driving out of the parking lot. It’s fun to watch someone gain traction in a sport and see how much they enjoy learning the next steps to getting better.

“Are you staying for dinner tonight?”

“I am. Your parents aren’t getting back until later tonight, so I’m staying over tonight. Anything you want to do?”

He doesn’t seem very interested in anything you suggest, wanting to go to bed right after you both have dinner. And it’s understandable.

He had gone to bed four hours before his parents had finally begun to come home, your brother being the first home. He found you on the couch, “hey, how’re you?”

“It’s swell. I got hit on at the rink, but other than that it’s fine. Tyler’s asleep now.”

“You got hit on at the rink?”

“Opened with insults and everything.”

He empties his water bottle, his voice slightly muffled from where he was in the house, “are you okay with continuing to bring him to practice? I feel bad enough as it is. We can’t thank you enough.”

“No it’s fine. It was just sudden. I enjoy being able to see you all often,” you dangle your keys, “I’m going to head back to my apartment, I unfortunately have work tomorrow.”

“Sounds good. I’ll see you tomorrow, get home safe. Maybe tomorrow we can all eat dinner this weekend, we’d like to catch up”

“I’d love to. Sleep well, goodnight,” you wave before shutting the door behind you.

⋆ ˚｡⋆ ✧ ⋆ ˚｡⋆

“Tyler,” you say while finishing tying his skates, “I don’t want you to hang around Josh anymore okay? He’s a terrible influence.“

“But he’s the second best. At least he isn’t sliding into the walls.”

“I mean his personally is shit, just focus on learning the fundamentals and talk with the others.”

“Isn’t that a bad word—”

“Just get on the ice.”

He puts his hands up in offense and stumbles into the rink. You wipe your hands on your pants, “I swear—“

“That you do,” she comes beside you.

She sets her bags down beside you, leaning her shoulder against the wall. Your attention follows her fingers, a part of you hating the way she’s tying her skates. The other part got caught judging from the expression on her face.

“Are you judging how I tie my skates?”

You get slightly flustered, apologizing and fearing you’ve made her uncomfortable but all it does is grow the smile that was already there.

“Should be sorry unless you have a valid reason.”

“I figure skated,” you blurt and she looks amused.

“Do you still skate?”

“Not anymore after an injury my junior year.”

She looks earnest in her apology. In a response to not spiral you laugh it off.

“I bet it’s painful to realize you won’t be able to enjoy your passion again, but you’re here supporting him.”

“It’s not the end of the world, but it’s disappointing,” you laugh, “And of course, Tyler loves hockey. Especially when he has a coach like you.”

She leans to grab her coat, “what’s special about me?”

It’s something you’re still learning. That being how you have a knack for being flirty when you aren’t usually meaning to. In this moment though? You don’t mind.

You smile cruelly, “it’s 2:00.”

She checks her watch for confirmation and dramatically steps back onto the ice with a sigh. You feel your heart race from within your chest at the look she gave you after.

It felt like you were being called out. Her attention was on you before and after each practice. You enjoyed familiarizing yourself with your nephew’s coach (by familiarizing you mean flirting). It would make sense to leave everything where it was, but you didn’t want to.

You learned it was more than a simple surface friendship with your nephew’s coach when she slipped her number into your back pocket. And maybe the details on there that she wanted to take you out that Saturday at 8.

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@xxxtwilightaxelxxx @emiliaisdead

@esposadejoyhuerta @shinysuitcloud

@xxsekhmet @casquinhaa @r0manxff

#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff x female reader #wanda x fem!reader #wanda x you #wanda maximoff x you #wanda maximoff x fem!reader #wanda maxmoff x y/n #hockey coach!wanda

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orcelito · 2 years

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Rereading discacc chapter 5 to get a better feel for akira's side of those events (bc im deciding concrete times for stuff that happened to him during that time)

Getting sucker punched by each scene tho lmfao. God I feel kinda awful for putting goro thru all that

And then there's the "I'm sorry. I never realized you were suffering." Which HURTS to read in its original context, considering how much that phrase has haunted him through the years. It stands as the embodiment of that Very traumatic experience, and just.

Ow.

#speculation nation #discacc shit #i came here to dunk myself into akira angst nd got slapped in the face with goro angst #IN the best way of course. im not an angst comfort writer for no reason.#but just. man. it's another one of those things where i cant imagine reading this for the first time as a reader #ive had a decent number of ppl say they cried this chapter and like. I Can Understand That.#ive still never shed a tear over discacc. neither writing or reading it. but if my tear ducts worked better... who fuckin knows lmao #anyways i gave up on writing bc brain doesnt want to make words but OH does it want to make concepts.#so im figuring out akira's deal. i want at some point for him to talk about that time in more depth with goro #those years fucked him up Bad. maybe not to the severity that that time fucked goro up #but it was a miasma permeating his every waking thought and feeling.#he went Years worrying and grieving and Missing goro. and it manifested in some pretty rough ways.#him telling goro his first kisses were nothing special. and that really is true. in a real painful way.#sometimes youre a 15 year old realizing that no one could ever compare to the person you miss the most.#trying to find a way to cope. but unable to move on in Any way.#none of his friends could understand him. he just felt so very alone.#yea i am breaking these kids' fucking hearts. Whoops

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meangirls-imagines · 1 month

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Heyo! I saw your requests were open and knew I had to slide in on this.

So I was hoping to request something with fem!Reader with Renee Rapps Regina George. That idea is that reader just has absolutely no dirt on her(reader out here being the golden child). Anyway it passes on Regina to no end, especially because she can't intimidate the taller girl.

One day, they are arguing in the halls, and the reader just kinda grabs her by the lapels of her jacket or front of her shirt and pulls her in really close. Says something along the lines of her not being able to do anything and not piss her off. Then a switch just kinda flips in Regina, like, ah shit, did I find that hot?

Anyway, proceed with Regina trying her best to get reader to date her, and it just kinda being brushed off for a while. You do whatever you gotta do, and if you don't wanna do this, totally get it.

..... holy cow, sorry for all of the writing. I just saw you like detailed asks and went overboard. Whoops, anyway, love your writing, and I hope you have an absolutely fabulous day/night!! 💐💐😁

Regina George is a Bottom

Description: Regina is frustrated that Reader doesn't care for her. One day, after an argument, Regina realizes she might not be the apex predator after all.

WARNINGS: reader being a little shit, regina gay panicking, mentions of masturbation, slight smut at the end, slight choking (regina receiving)

Regina considered herself an amicable person.

She liked to think that after dying for 15 seconds, not much could bother her.

Boy, was she wrong.

Y/N Y/L/N seemed to be the only person in the whole school that didn't care what was going on with Regina. For example, when Regina got blasted with the sprinklers, and one girl asked why she hadn't changed her look, Y/N simply responded, "Who cares what makeup look Regina is wearing?"

When Regina got hit by the bus, she received multiple cards from people at school, one being from her entire english class. Even high on pain meds, she noticed the one signature missing. Y/N.

When the teacher asked Y/N to sign it, the girl responded, "Why would I sign a card for something that could've been avoided?"

When Regina healed and came back to school, she made it her mission to at least befriend Y/N. She started trying to make small talk with the girl, only receiving short answers. She tried to invite the girl to sit with her at lunch, only for her to say no.

Regina was about to explode. Why didn't she have an effect on this girl? Why did she seem to not care about her? Why is she so hot?

What?

Regina tried to shake that thought from her head. She wasn't gay. She just thought Y/N was nice to look at. She thought a lot of girls were nice to look at, that didn't mean she wanted to have sex with them.

She wanted to have sex with Y/N. Wait..

Was Regina gay?

She needed to talk to someone gay.

Janis was not surprised to see Regina at her door, asking if they could talk. She knew this day would come eventually and after presenting the Lesbian Masterdoc like a Ted Talk, Regina came to a conclusion.

She was gay. And she wanted Y/N.

Over the next few weeks, she would not take no for an answer from the girl and the blonde is beginning to irritate Y/N. She won't leave her alone. They only share two classes together but Regina has made to her mission to sit next her for both.

Y/N didn't want to admit that Regina was kinda growing on her. She knew how the blonde worked. She knew of her reputation to string people along and dump them. Plus, she wasn't even sure Regina was gay.

The blonde was persistent, Y/N will give her that. She wanted to see how far Regina would go. Or if she would ever tell Y/N if she was gay or not.

Regina was at her breaking point. She had no idea what else to do. She had done all her usual tricks, but none of them were working on Y/N. The girl was like a brick wall. Nothing was getting through to her.

So, Regina did what Regina does best, she made a show out of it.

Boy, did it backfire on her.

She decided to confront Y/N during a passing period, towards the end of it. They both had a free period so it wasn't like they were running late to go anywhere.

"Why do you not like me?"Y/N looked at the blonde confused, closing her locker. "Excuse me?" Regina huffed. "Why don't you like me?" Y/N rolled her eyes. and started to walk down the now empty hall, Regina right on her tail.

"I never said I didn't like you Regina." Regina scoffed. "You don't have to say it. I already know, I just wanna know why." Y/N kept walking, ignoring the question. Regina had enough and grabbed Y/N's arm roughly, turning the girl around.

"Answer me!"

What happened next awoke something in Regina.

Y/N gently wrapped her hand around Regina's throat, squeezing gently. "I'm gonna have to ask you to remove your hand from my arm George. I never said I didn't like you. I know your tricks. But since you're so desperate, tomorrow, 8 o'clock, be ready because I'm taking you out."

Y/N released her grip and walked away from the shocked blonde. Regina stayed rooted to her spot in the hallway. She didn't know if she was horny or nervous. She simply collected herself, walked to her jeep, and drove home, skipping the rest of the day.

After a session with her vibrator, she realized that she was in fact horny and came to the thought of Y/N's hand wrapped around her throat again.

Laying in bed, extremely satisfied, she came to one conclusion.

She was in fact a bottom.

Her conclusion would be confirmed less than 24 hours later, when Y/N had her bent over in the back of her car, strap pounding her pussy until she saw stars.

#regina george x reader #regina george imagine #mean girls 2024 #mean girls imagines #regina george smut

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dreamingofbucky · 10 months

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IS IT TOO LATE?

Miguel O'Hara x Spider!F!Reader (one shot)

summary: He casted you back to your universe. But now he's back and you don't know why. you thought he hated you for the longest time. But that's furthest from the truth.

tags/content warnings: very much angst. heart strings will be pulled at. consensual smut. p in v. love confessions. soft!miguel. fangs are used for pleasure. begging. size kink. praise, like tons of it. mig and reader healing themselves together.

Word Count: 4.2k (whoops)

author’s note: not beta read. mild midnight miguel thots. more angst though with a very happy ending. idk i was in my feelings lol

You could sense him close to you. You always did, even despite your spider senses.

It was like he’s infected himself into you even years later, unable to get him out of your system.

You were in your kitchen, putting away some dishes when you got the feeling of him being near. It was like a prickle at your neck that grew and grew until every hair on your body rose. You whipped your head around the kitchen and narrowed your eyes to find him. You couldn’t though, he was always good at hiding himself.

“Miguel?” Your voice drifted throughout your apartment. It fell flat though and a sigh wringed out of your throat once you realized he wasn’t there anymore.

But then your spine stiffened to its own accord and you whipped your head this time toward the hallway. You grabbed the dish towel to dry your hands before you made your way. You weren’t on guard, but you kept the towel on your shoulder just in case. Your spider strength would probably work just fine, but you didn’t know what he’d want.

“Miguel? I know you’re here, somewhere,” you called out again with more tenacity in your voice.

There was a creak in the living room and you increased your pace until you were at the entrance, flicking on the light that flooded the room. He wasn’t hiding. He was in the corner, staring at a photo on top of your fireplace.

“What are you doing here?” You asked, fingers reaching for the towel on your shoulder.

His broad shoulders slumped for a moment before he finally turned. He was in his blue and red suit, the one you knew very well. He looked better than the last time you saw him. His face though, was contorted in an expression you couldn’t read.

“I–uh, I’m not sure why I came,” he finally mumbles.

You take a step forward and tread lightly. It’s been four years, so you really didn’t know why he came. This was his decision anyway, to leave you and keep you at a distance.

“It’s been years,” you remind him. He finally turns completely and his brown eyes gleam red a little and then fade back to the rich color you once loved.

The man you once swore you loved forever, until he didn’t. Your heart tugged at the memories of what you and Miguel had. Attempting to push those thoughts away to keep yourself from spiraling like before, you clear your throat.

He finally replies. “I had to see you.”

No reason. Nothing else. Just those five words.

You take another step forward and he does too.

“You can’t just come here without an explanation,” you pushed. Your irritation was starting to increase and your patience was starting to thin for your ex.

Miguel is quiet as he stays grounded. But your senses heightened when he lifted his hand and turned his wrist toward you. Before you could react in time, a bright orangish red web shot out of his wrist and latched onto your chest. You grunt as he pulls you into him, closing the distance. You grab the string of the web and pull it off your shirt, but it's stuck.

“Miguel,” you bite. A smile curls at his lips before a talon comes out of his pointer finger and he snips the web.

“Sorry,” he breathes.

“You’re here, because?” You press again. Your heart was hammering against your chest and you were hoping he’d tell you what he needed you for.

“Spider Society misses you.”

Oh. You weren’t expecting that.

“I’m sure they do,” you quip.

It wasn’t your choice to leave them. To go back to your universe and live out your days. It was Miguel who pushed you to this point.

You even got engaged two years ago to who you thought you could live the rest of your days with. And then things took a turn. Things didn’t work out. He felt like you were stunted by him in this universe. Although you still did your best to be the Spider-Woman your universe needed, it wasn’t enough.

It was like the action of Miguel casting you out back to your universe made you lose your spark. Made you less of who you were meant to be.

You hate him for it. Well, you did the first year before you started to make a life for yourself here. It didn’t work out, obviously.

The thing was, you never really understood why Miguel did what he did. It was so quick, so sudden, casting you out. You thought you were doing well in Spider Society. You made friends, you aced missions. So what did you do wrong? You even loved him to your best ability.

Was it because you couldn’t put universes first before anyone else in your life? Miguel was so bent up on the idea that sacrifices had to be made when it came to being Spider-Man. Guess that included you.

You were a sacrifice he had to make for a reason you still didn’t know.

“Just wanted to check in, see how you were,” he says in an almost whisper. He drops his gaze to your lips and you gulp. No, you couldn’t feel like this for him. Not anymore.

You lift your hand and press your palm to his chest. He looks at it before his brows furrow. His hand then reaches over and caresses yours. His fingers fiddle with your ring finger.

“Your ring, what happened? Where is it?”

You sigh, attempting to turn on your heel and get away from him but his fingers move to your wrist to keep you there. You knew he’d know about you getting engaged. You got your spider senses alerted whenever he was near the first two years you were gone. You knew he was checking up on you frequently. Until he stopped. He didn’t know the engagement was broken off and you lived alone in that small apartment.

“Miguel, let me go.”

He doesn’t budge, so you press your other palm against his chest for leverage but he doesn’t move an inch. Your emotions are getting heightened from it all and you can feel tears start to spring into your eyes. You feel pathetic.

“What happened?” He repeats, his eyes turning soft and curious.

“Nothing happened. You happy?”

“No–” he shakes his head. “Tell me.”

You sigh, not wanting to fight with him. You had years of it when he started becoming too focused on stopping Spider people from disrupting their canon events. Those fights ended up pushing you both to a point that couldn’t be turned back around.

“Miguel, I’m not in the mood. I’ve had a long day. It’s late.”

“Dime qué pasó,” he almost pleads.

Well, if it made him let you go then you had no other choice. You took a deep breath and stared at him. You needed him to know what he did and how it resulted with you no longer having an engagement ring.

“He left me, Miguel. Does that make you happy? He saw how much I couldn’t handle being so far away from my people. From my friends. From you. He saw how it ruined my life being stuck here. I tried so hard to fake it until I was happy, but he saw through it all. He loved me so much that he let me go. Unlike someone who casted me out–”

“I didn’t cast you out because I didn't love you,” he interrupts with a growl. His face leans closer and your core flutters.

Fuck, your body could still react to him like no time has passed.

“We were young,” you argue. “That wasn’t love, the longer I had time apart to contemplate it. We were simply infatuated, but that wasn’t love.”

“It was for me, sabes esto.”

“No, it wasn’t Miguel,” you bite.

Miguel is silent, dropping his hand. You take a step back, a deep breath leaving your lips. His own shoulders move softly with his breathing. Some of the strands of hair at the top of his head fall over his temple and forehead. You want to so desperately lift a hand and brush them back in place. But that's not something you can do anymore.

You take another step back, finding yourself sitting on your couch. You placed your elbows on your knees and took a deep breath. You heard his footsteps follow and he knelt down, placing a finger under your chin and lifted you enough to see him. To look at his eyes that are yearning for you to speak to him.

“Mira, I lied. They didn’t miss you. I did. I stopped checking in on you to give you space. To move on.”

You scoff. “You can see how well that worked out.” You lift your naked ring finger to make a point.

“I needed to see you one last time.”

This brought you to straighten your spine and look at him with widened eyes. “Last time?”

He nods.

“What do you mean, Miguel?”

He’s silent for a moment. “I’m not going to check in on you ever again. You won’t be bothered by me. I’m taking some space from Spider Society as well. They’re better off anyway.”

Your heart skipped a beat at the revelation. He was going to demote himself from the society he created for us? One of the best places you’ve been able to call home for years. You missed it dearly, you couldn’t deny that.

“You can’t just leave them. They need you.”

Miguel’s eyes cast down and this time it’s you bringing a hand under his chin and lifting enough for him to look at you. You scoot a little closer to him where your knees brush. A fire burns in your belly.

“They don’t. I hurt people. I hurt you. I need space and time before I can come back and delegate again. I took things too far.”

“So you’d rather disappear than try to fix things? Did you ever plan to allow me back to Spider Society?”

He shakes his head. “I thought you’d be content here with him. You seemed so happy.”

You laugh. “That wasn’t happy, Miguel. That was coping.”

His thick brows furrow. “No, you were happy.”

“Are you trying to convince yourself? Are you really trying to control the truth? I wasn’t happy. I thought I could play along with this life to deal with everything. I was in survival mode. It was purely a facade. Imagine being introduced to a safe haven and then being stripped of all access to it and its people. That’s what happened to me. I had no choice but to try to make a life for myself here.”

Miguel is quiet for a moment, pressing his lips into a thin line. His forehead wrinkles as he thinks deeply.

“This would be easier if I hated you.” He finally mutters.

Now you’re the one raising a brow. “Excuse me?”

“Call this an atonement,” he says. “I shouldn’t have done that to you, but I’m not sure bringing you back would fix things. What happened can’t be undone.”

“I never asked for you to fix it. I’ve learned how to make this my home. It was a home before I got my Spider abilities and it could be my home after.”

“But you’re not happy. You just said so yourself,” he counters.

You huff out a breath, exhausted at all of this back and forth. Why was he really here? If he wanted to see you one last time he could’ve done that without making himself known. He could’ve creeped in the shadows to do it.

“What do you want?” The words are sharp and roll off your tongue like venom. His hands raise and rest on your knees. He’s still kneeling and he scoots closer. A hand travels up your thigh and you suck in a breath.

“One last time,” he repeats so softly you almost miss it.

“We already had our one last time,” you say quietly. You remember that last time you felt him near you. That was when you truly thought that was the last time you’d feel him in your universe.

“No, bebita,” he responds gruffly. “I need you one last time.”

His words aren’t registering in your brain.

“You made it very clear you didn’t need me.”

“Will you let me finish?” His eyes connect with yours and your heart thumps loudly against your chest.

“Finish then,” you push.

“It’s easier to hate you because then I could move on. I never did, bebita.” The nickname rolls off his tongue in a way that makes your core flutter and you clench your thighs.

“I–” you start, but he cuts you off.

“Casting you out was the worst thing I did. I couldn’t take it back, my pride wouldn’t let me. I loved you so much, but I couldn’t say it. It was always on the tip of my tongue. You were it for me, bebita. It crushed me even more to see you making a life for yourself here. Finding a partner to be with, that was the worst of it. It took me months to deal with that one. But I couldn’t risk losing you to the things we did for the universes we saved. Pushing you away was the hardest thing to do, but the safest. If I didn’t have you to sacrifice in life or death situations, then that's what I had to do. I couldn’t lose you in those ways, I just couldn’t.”

His confession brings tears to your eyes and you wrap your hands around his neck. You lean in, pressing your forehead against his. You take a deep breath and he does too. Soon, your breathing becomes sync with his.

“You hurt me,” was all you could say.

“I know, bebita, I know. I’m so sorry. I loved you–I love you so much. It felt like the only way I wouldn’t lose you.”

“But you ended up losing me anyway in the process,” you remind him. He nods.

“I lost you anyway. Please forgive me. Or did I come at the wrong time where that’s not possible? Is it too late?”

You contemplate it for a moment. You hurt for so long with his decision, but now you know why. He did it because he loved you so much. It reminded you of your ex-fiance. He broke things off because he loved you and wanted you to find your true happiness. He knew it wasn’t with him as much as he wanted it to be.

Funny how it’s the same concept with Miguel, but not quite. Miguel’s way was harsher and broke you. But he’s here now apologizing and on his knees.

All the feelings of your life with Miguel come back surfacing. The good and the bad. But he was the best thing in your life.

“And what would we do after this? Would you just leave and never see me again? After everything that’s been said?”

He grabs your cheeks and pushes you back a little. His face is pained as he thinks of a response. He leans in, kissing your forehead before kissing your nose and then your cheeks. “I don’t know anymore. Lyla asked me the same thing.”

You smiled softly. “Lyla… I missed her.”

Miguel smiled as well, tears in his eyes. “She misses you everyday. She might be the reason why I came tonight.”

“I’m glad, then,” you say. This brings another smile to his face and your heart warms. Your whole body warms.

“Miguel,” you whisper. He leans in again, pressing his lips to your nose. You inhale his scent for a moment.

“I can’t repair what’s been done.”

“You can’t,” you concede. “But we can take it day by day.”

“Really?” He says with a little happier tone.

You nod. “But you can’t do that again. Don’t push me away. Don’t make me think you hate me. That I was the worst thing in your life.”

A sob pulls through you and tears cascade down your cheeks. Miguel is quick to brush them away with his thumbs. He finally brushes his lips against yours and you stiffen at the movement.

“Can I?” He asks softly.

Instead of answering, you lean in to close the distance. His lips were soft and the memories of kissing him all over filled your senses. Your body still craved him, you just pushed those feelings as down as you could.

He continues to kiss with passion, like a man starved. His tongue presses against your teeth and you part your mouth, allowing him inside. He groans a little at the feeling and a moan escapes your own lips.

“Let me make it up to you, por favor,” he asks, moving his hands to your thighs and running them up until they find your hips. You hitch your breath at the feeling and you nod.

“It won’t make up for all these years, but you can try,” you say with a little spite and a little tease. Something in you wanted him to work for it. You couldn’t just forgive this easily, he had to know how much you hurt all this time.

“I’ll live the rest of my days making it up to you then, bebita,” he kisses you once more before moving his hands from your hips to your backside. He pulls you hard closer to him before you’re straddling your hips. You squeal from the sudden movement and then he rises. He starts to walk as you continue to kiss, as if he mesmerized the layout of your apartment from his check-ins. This brought another flutter to your core and you needed him in more ways than one.

He enters your bedroom and plops you on the bed softly. You shift yourself up to the pillows and he climbs the bed alongside you. Your hands come up to his hair, making their home in his strands as he continues to attack you with kisses. He moves his lips to your neck and you moan loudly, bucking your hips up. He groans from the sounds.

“Bite me,” you plead through breaths.

“Estás seguro?” he asks, lifting his lips from your neck for a brief second. You push his head back down to your bare skin and nod.

“Yes, please, Mig. Bite me like you used to. Fuck me like you used to. Make me whole again,” you plead. You can’t help the tears that come back to your eyes and fall down your cheeks. He doesn’t notice though, which you’re grateful for.

He obliges though, kissing your neck and then you feel something piercing you. His fangs sink into your skin and it feels wet instantly. You moan through it, leaning down to bite his own neck.

“F-fuck,” he moans once his fangs pull out. He lifts his head to look at you and it’s like you’re the best thing he’s ever seen. His eyes light up and then turn into a feral thing you were so used to in the past.

Miguel knew how to be gentle with you when he could, but you always noticed the way his eyes would turn red with a primal need to love you until you were thrashing and screaming his name, clenching around him.

You needed him to go that far. You wanted him to.

“Don’t hold back,” you whisper finally.

His eyes search yours before he nods and snakes his hand under your hair and wraps his fingers around the strands until he can pull your neck the other way. He leans in and you feel that pain again as he sinks his fangs into the other side of your neck. Your hips buck up again and you gasp.

“Smell so good, taste so good,” he murmurs. His lips travel lower, kissing your collarbone. He helps you out of your mundane clothes before you’re lying naked in front of him. With a press of his watch on his wrist, his suit pixelates into nothing until he’s there naked over you. You forgot for a moment his suit does that.

“Please, Mig,” you say in deep breaths as you feel his erection pressing against your hip. You reach down blindly, feeling for his cock and then caressing it in up and down motions. He groans through this and curses under his breath, jutting his hips further into your hand.

“Need you,” he pleads.

“You have me,” you assure him.

He lifts himself on his knees which causes your hands to fall from his cock. He then begins to stroke himself and you spread your legs around him. His eyes glance down at your core and your cheeks heat.

“So fucking pretty and wet already for me, bebita. Just like I knew you’d be.”

You just nod as you stay transfixed on him, rubbing his cock before he positioned himself at your entrance. You didn’t care for him to prep you, you needed him now.

“It’s going to hurt, tell me to stop if you–”

“I don’t care,” you cut him off. You made a point by reaching down and grabbing his wrist around his cock and aligning yourself with his tip. You pressed his tip against your fold and you both gasped. You shut your eyes briefly at the wonderful sensation.

He always fucked you so well, that was something you missed. And now he was here, doing just that.

“Fuck, you’re taking me so well. Such a good fucking girl,” he grunts as he presses himself into you, inch by inch.

The pain soared throughout your body with each inch, but you didn’t care. You finally had him again and your cunt clenched around him. He moaned at the movements, but you couldn’t help yourself.

When he finally pressed into you all the way, you both took deep breaths. He leaned in, pressing his palms into the mattress to support himself. He shifted a little, moving inside you and you whined.

“So big,” you gasped.

“You can take it, bebita,” he cooed. “You always did so good for me, you can do it again. Okay?”

You nod, biting your lip as he moved his hips to slowly pull out of you and then he slammed back in, causing you to shift up on the bed from his strength. He curses under his breath again and you whine at the stretch of him. His girth was bigger than you remembered and you swore he was splitting you in half, but you loved it.

“More, more,” you begged and he obliged. He snapped his hips back and forth into you, earning a cry from your lips at each thrust.

“So pretty when you cry for me,” he groans as his hips start to grow sloppy. He was getting closer to his release and you were too.

Your core tightened and your pussy clenched around his cock in a beautiful way.

“So close,” you mumbled through his thrust.

“Come with me, bebita,” he says before leaning down, sinking his fangs into your neck once more. This makes all your sensations come alive and you can’t hold back anymore. Your legs wrap around his waist, causing him to push deeper into you and hitting the best parts.

“I’m going to–” you screamed before you felt everything explode. You saw stars, your body was shaking, and he was holding onto your tightly. He dropped his head into the crevice of your neck and muttered nonsense as he came right after you. Rope after rope of his cum filled you up and you clenched around him even more, milking his cock.

“Oh, fuck,” he whimpered as his hips stuttered and he collapsed over you. “Please don’t do that, not gonna last the night.”

You giggled, keeping your legs wrapped around his waist. You both breathed intensely but you were so fucking happy.

“I love you, bebita,” he finally says, lifting himself to look at you. He wipes a strand of hair that was stuck on your forehead. You grab his face and kiss him. He moans deeply and his cock twitches inside you.

You squirm underneath him. “I love you too, Miguel. Always have, always will.”

He kisses you back with more passion. “You mean it?”

You nod and laugh as he tickles your side. You try to squirm away, but it’s hard with his cock still in you. Your pussy flutters around him again and he groans. “Bebita, that will only make me go for another round.”

“I know,” you confess with a smile.

You had years of catching up to do, anyways. You didn’t plan to leave that bed anytime soon.

Miguel smiled and wrapped his arms around you before flipping you both over. His back plopped on the bed and you were straddling him above, your head laying on his chest.

“You don’t have to ever forgive me,” he whispers, stroking your bare back. “But I hope you give me the time to make it up to you.”

You lift your head, resting your chin on his chest. He cranes his neck to look down at you.

“It’s not too late,” you finally answer and those words were all he needed to hear.

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