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#but the cat is a hair tie thief and a chair thief and a general miscreant
mittensmorgul · 2 years
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me, talking to my kid who is wearing noise cancelling headphones about our cat, virgil: I’ve officially changed his name to villain
kid: why?
me: because he breaks things and always steals my chair?
kid: okay, sure, but why dylan?
me: ...??? not dylan... VILLAIN. because he’s a thief
kid: OOOHHHHH
so now apparently our cat is named dylan
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A Blue Bird and a Black Cat pt3
(Selina decides that Marinette would be better as the Cat than Adrien. Five years, later Dick is very confused about this Lady Noire)
ao3 previous beginning
"She's a criminal we should arrest her," was the only thing Damian could say on the subject. 
"Damian," Bruce warned. "The situation is a little more complex than that." 
"Besides," Stephanie chimed from the couch, "We're all criminals in one way or another. And she's a mini-Selina! Wouldn't be kind of hypocritical to arrest her considering the reason for tonight's party?" 
"Selina has proven herself worthy of our trust and redemption," Damian declared, "We know nothing of this 'Lady Noire' or her motivations. Did any of you knew of her before tonight?"
Selina sighed and surveyed the sitting room where her new family was gathering before the party. Damian was standing in front of the fireplace with his hands clasped behind his back. Glowering at everyone and everything, he looked like his father when something particularly frustrating had occurred, like the Joker escaping Arkham. Bruce was as stiff as steel pipe covered in ice, as he purposefully straightened his bow tie. He had been like that ever since last night. Duke was slumped in an arm chair rubbing his forehead as if he were fighting a migraine. While Dick leaned against the doorframe in an attempt to be casual, but one look at his face and anyone would think he was attempting a Batman impression. Jason was taking a swing from a flask, and, at a nudge from Tim, splashed some of the contents in his brother's coffee. Barbara would have shot them in a disapproving look, but she had been glued to one device or another all day typing furiously while scowling from time to time. The only people who seemed even moderately relaxed were Stephanie and Cass, who were both sitting on the couch. Well, Cass was sitting calm and serene, while Steph was lounging clearly enjoying the chaos Marinette had brought upon their slightly over paranoid family.
None of them had noticed Selina yet, so she was content to think fondly, If Mari was trying to create chaos, then she succeeded. When she stepped further into the room, everyone turned to look at her. So far she had refused to answer any questions about her first darling kitten, partly for her own amusement, and partly for Marinette's privacy. But now she felt the need to clear at least a little bit of the air, since Mari was guaranteed to be in attendance tonight. So she walked up to Damian with her fondest smile which she reserved solely for her kits and said as she smoothed Damian's hair and straightened his tie, "I have known Lady Noire for over fiver years. She was my very first kitten, and I love her just as much as I love you. She is the kindest, most generous soul I have ever met, and I trust her with everything. Is that not enough?" 
Damian scowled with a "Tt" and averted his eyes. Selina's smile deepened at how it was becoming increasingly difficult for Damian to argue with her. But she turned her attention to Barbara when she said, "I've been doing some research, but the only result I've found is from the Paris Incident, but not as a thief."
"What do you mean?" Dick asked sharply. 
"Well," Barbara said, "Apparently, there were a few times, and please note that this happened very rarely, when neither Ladybug not Chat Noir could come to the fight, and they sent in substitutes. Mr. Bug was Ladybug's sub, and Lady Noire was Chat Noir's." 
This got everyone's attention and they all looked at Selina questioningly. Her smiled turned mischievous when she noticed that in Barbara's analysis she had not realized that Lady Noire and Ladybug were the same person. Marinette would appreciate that so all Selina said was, "It's true." 
Six mouths dropped to the floor, but all nine pairs of eyes stared at her in shock. "Ah," she thought "If only Marinette could see the fruits of her labor."  But she stayed silent as she waited for the first one to speak. It turned out to be Dick was the most eager for information (she was not surprise). 
"How?" was all he said incredulously.
"When I went back to Paris to give Ladybug the Hawkbitch file, I noticed that Chat Noir was not...gentlemanly enough for my taste, and Ladybug agreed. I convinced her to give the Cat miraculous to Lady Noire permanently. Then after a long talk with Lady Noire's alter ego I decided that instead of the Jade Cat Statue that I originally wanted, I preferred her. We left Paris the moment Hawkbitch was arrested, and neither of us have regretted it since!"
Stunned silence was followed by a low chuckle from Jason as he took another swig from his flask. Tim just shook his head as he took a long dink from his coffee, but it was Damian who said, "Are you telling us that the one of the most powerful magical artifacts in the known universe is in the hands of a common thief?!" 
Selina smiled at the boy, "My kitten is hardly a common thief, Damian. I taught her everything I know, and she was quite the natural too. Besides she only steals what's technically hers. But I'm afraid I can't explain more than that. You'll have to ask her yourself."
"So she's really coming tonight?!" Stephanie said probably a little to excitedly, and out of the corner of her eye Selina saw Jason pass Duke his flask.
"Oh, most definitely!" Selina exclaimed. 
Some low grumbling began at the same time as some murmured excitement, but it was silenced when Bruce stepped forward and said, "Ladybug is a highly respected hero and leader by every member of the Justice League. In fact after the resolution of the Paris Incident, it was agreed the Ladybug should have an open invitation to join the Justice League whenever she chose. And she trusts this Lady Noire?"
Selina's smile deepened in satisfaction. There was so much in that statement that she and Marinette would have to laugh about later, but at that moment she said, "She hasn't taken the ring back yet."
Bruce nodded and smiled as genuinely as he was able when in a situation that he was extremely uncomfortable with, "Then I look forward to meeting her tonight."
And just like that the argument ended, as Selina thanked her fiancé with a kiss, and Alfred entered to tell them that the first of the guests were arriving. Selina couldn't stop smiling. Tonight her family was going to be made complete. 
Dick sighed as he took a long pull on his champagne glass. He had naively hoped that since this was Bruce and Selina's engagement party, they would think to liven it up a bit. But nope, it was the same dull and annoying affair as always, with the only mildly interesting thing being the arrival of the Kents, and some other disguised heroes. But since this was a public party for PR reasons, everyone had their civilian personas firmly in place, and those people who Dick could talk with easily had already been captured by the rest of the family, or were on missions. This meant that Dick was in for a long, long night, unless he could find where Barbara and Gordon went. Maybe then he wouldn't be so bored.
"Not your scene I take it," a voice said at his elbow, and dick jumped to see who could have possibly snuck up on him. He turned and standing at his elbow was a beautiful young woman. Everything about her had a classic elegance, from her slim black ball gown, to her glistening white pearls. He black hair that shone blue in the light was done up like Audrey Hepburn, and only accentuated her gentle features. But her eyes were what caught Dick's attention. They were anything but simple, or gentle. Her eyes were a deep, bright bluebell, that seemed almost too full. Too full of mischief and playfulness, but also something else that Dick couldn't put his finger on. Something that made her smile bright by contrast, instead of similarity. It struck Dick in a way he couldn't describe, except to think, "Well this night just got more interesting." 
"No, not at all," Dick said with a smile when he remembered to speak, "What about you?"
The woman shrugged, "Depends I guess."
"On?"
"On whether or not I'm working."
"And what is it that you do?" Dick said as he swiped a glass for his new companion. 
She took with a smile and said, "Fashion. I'm a designer. Somehow when I'm working these parties become far more enjoyable. Probably because I actually have a reason to be there but oh well, c'est la vie!" 
"Are you working now?" 
"No, actually I'm here for personal reasons."
"Oh?" Dick said with a smirking smile, "May I ask?"
"You may but I think you already know the answer...Blue Bird," the woman's smile deepened satisfactorily as Dick's face dropped into a mask of shock and horror. She laughed into her glass as he sputtered and finally said, 
"How---?"
"Did you not recognize me?" She interrupted him, "Magic, it's designed to protect my identity. The only way you'd be able to recognize outside of the mask is if I told you the truth, or if you caught me transforming. It's a very handy piece of magic."
"But---"
"Oh please! I've known Selina's identity for years. And when she introduced her fiancé as Batman, it was ridiculously easy to figure the rest of you out. Maybe you need some magic masks!" 
"You---"
"Shouldn't be here? But where else would I be? The whole reason I came to Gotham was for Selina's wedding. She's my darling mentor after all, I'm not going to miss it! The vambrace was just a bonus."
"That---"
"Still belongs to me! really you need to let that go, cause there is no argument on Earth that could convince me to give it back to the museum." She sipped her champagne again with a knowing smile and Dick glared in annoyance. 
"Stop finishing my sentences," he hissed.
"Then stop being so predictable," She playfully chided. "My name's Marinette by the way. Since you didn't ask. Honestly Blue Bird, and here I thought you were the nice one." 
Dick groaned running a hand over his eyes. Well, he thought, At least I'm not bored anymore, I'm just...annoyed! When he opened his eyes he studied her more critically, trying to see past her gown and cheeky smile. He still remembered the flash of something dangerous up on the roof, and the careless way she had teased him during their fight. Right now she was definitely that reckless burglar that had caught him off guard. But now that the magic and the mask was gone, the other thing was far less hidden. It was right beneath the surface, something dangerous and powerful that was testing him, with the teasing smile, and the laughing eyes. Dick didn't know what it was but it made him shiver, and want to take a step back, or maybe a step forward? He hadn't decided yet.
"Selina is in the main room. I'm sure she'd be more than happy to see you."
"Aww," she said with mock disappointment, "Trying to get rid of me already! But you hardly know me!"
"Then why do I get the feeling, that I'm going to need to start stocking my cabinets with aspirin?"
"And here I was thinking your brothers had already driven you crazy."
"Clearly not as crazy as you."
"Rude, but forgivable if you admit one thing?"
"And what is that?"
"That you like my dress."
Dick found himself fighting a smile as he involuntarily looked down at her dress again. He did like it. It was beautiful on her except...This is exactly what happened with Bruce, he thought. Literally exactly what happened! One night he's fighting Catwoman on a random roof. The next their flirting at a gala. I can not be him! Oh God! They're never going to let me hear the end of this if we keep it up. So schooled his features into as much calm composure as he could manage, before saying, "Why don't I take you to Selina?"
For some reason, that made Marinette smile brighter, and Dick came to a horrifying revelation. If he played her game, she was amused. If he didn't play her game, she was amused. She just liked seeing him react to whatever crazy thing she did or said. She really was just like Selina. It was fascinating. And very annoying. No matter what I do, she's going to be entertained! Shit! I can't win here! he thought.
Marinette opened her mouth to continue the game, but she was silenced by someone behind her shouting, "Marinette!"
The change that overcame the woman was so sudden and drastic, it made Dick flinch. One moment she was bright, confident, playful, the next...Her face had paled to the color of paper. Her eyes widened in sudden panic, as their light switched from testing mischievousness to startled horror. Her mouth lost it's bright smile instantly, but she fought to return it to a strained mockery of what it had been before. She turned and saw the woman who had called her name.
"Alya!" she said. Her voice was strangled with the attempt to appear cheerful.
"Girl!" the new woman, Alya, exclaimed as she rushed to hug her. "Where have you been? I haven't seen you in years! What is going on what have you been up to?"
"Oh!" Marinette said waving her glass with jerky movements as she tried to appear casual, "This and that. What are you doing here?"
"Can you believe it! I graduate from University, and Lila hooks me up with a job at the Daily Planet. THE Daily Planet! Can you believe it?! I'm apprenticing under the Lois Lane! Eeee! I feel like I'm in a dream. Lila really came through!"
"Lila?" Marinette said, and somehow her voice had become even more strained. "Really? Is she here?"
"No clue! Last I saw her was at Lex Corp. Did you know she's an old family friend of M. Lex!" Alya threw up her hands in amazement, and Dick decided that whoever this Lila was, he didn't like her. "But enough about me," Alya continued clearly oblivious to Marinette's growing distress. "What about you? Girl, you totally ghosted us! We haven't seen or heard from you in ages! What is up?!"
Marinette cleared her throat, and sipped her drink desperately before speaking. "Umm...ahem...Alya do you remember our last year at lycée?"
"Girl, you know I don't!" Alya exclaimed with exacerbation. "I don't know what kind of magical, bullshit, PTSD, trauma Hawkmoth did to us, but I swear all of lycée and parts of collège are just...I don't know...like a blur. Our whole class is like that! Probably for the best right, I mean, God can you imagine remembering all of that bullshit!" 
"Hmm," was the only answer Marinette can give as Dick watched in silent shock, and concern. He considered stepping in taking the attention away from Selina's ward, when a voice echoed through the halls that had to be much more welcoming to her than anything else.
"Kitten!" Selina exclaimed as she rushed forward and she embraced Marinette. 
"Selina!" Marinette cried in obvious release.
"You're here!" Selina cried, "Oh! I'm so glad you made it! You've met Dick I see!"
"Yes we were just---"
"Oh. My. God! Marinette!" Alya interrupted, "You never told me you know Selina Kyle! Girl! You've been holding out on us!" Dick cringed so hard he thought it was audible. He had no idea what the relationship was between these two women, but Dick was hating it more and more with every second of Marinette being uncomfortable. 
"Yes," Selina said slowly, her gaze becoming deadly cold as she surveyed Alya, "Marinette is my protégé...and you are?"
"Alya! We're old school friends, I'm sure she's mentioned me before!"
"Hmm," Selina said, her expression the most thinly veiled form of disgust and murder, Dick had ever seen from the woman. "Well, you'll have to excuse us. Good bye." 
"Ok," Alya said completely oblivious. "See ya around Marinette, we really got to catch up!"
Marinette was silent, as Selina quickly rushed her away. Dick tried to disappear with them, but he lost them when they entered the next room. Dick emptied his glass, as he scanned the crowd in concern. He quickly decided that it was probably best that he not follow. Whatever had just happened, was clearly none of his business. But it had shaken Marinette so badly. The confident, crazy, aggravating, deadly rogue, had been shaken to the core by the sudden appearance of her "old school friend." And that disturbed him more than he cared to admit.
@laurcad123 @craftgremlin @toodaloo-kangaroo @blackroserelina @maanae @kitsun369 @idkamt @aksartisticlife @its-maemain
He tried to push the thoughts away, but the longer the two women were absent from the party. And the more often he caught glimpses of Alya in the crowd, the more the questions and concern plagued him. In the end, he didn't see Selina again until after the obligatory rogue attack. It was Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn. None of the family moved to do anything, since they were clearly just there to scare the rich assholes and wish Selina their congratulations. It was the friendliest hostage situation, Dick had ever been a part of. Naturally, their appearance, ended the party. Dick immediately went to his room, opened his computer. When Alfred called for breakfast he was still staring, trying to wrap his head around what the world called, The Paris Incident. But the people of Paris had a different name for it...The Reign of Hawkmoth. 
Next
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mamahanu · 3 years
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First 20
Credit to @writingwife-83
Thanks for tagging me, @dragonnan!
Guidelines: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20,  just list them all.) Choose your favourite opening line, tag some friends!
I'm going in order of most recently updated. It's gonna be a trip.
1. Love Runs Deeper than Blood (Avatar: The Last Airbender): The young women scurried around him like spider-rats, dashing in and out of the room at the end of the hall, exchanging bloodied towels for fresh ones and refilling empty water pitchers as they went. His father had already gone to bed for the night, and his brother was in his own apartments, watching over his child as he slept. It was the solstice—the longest night of the year, and with a new moon to boot.
2. What an Apothecary Does (Octopath Traveler): It was a quiet little place. Remote. Quaint. The perfect spot for him to hide out while he recovered.
3. Some Unspoken Thing (Guardians of the Galaxy): "Quill?" Peter straightened up and adjusted his jacket, leaning against the wall as light footsteps approached. Gamora walked in, eyeing her surroundings cautiously.
4. You Knock me off of my Feet (Spider-Man): “Ned, come on.” Peter had his phone pinched between his shoulder and his head, arms full of books as he tried to find some kind of shelter from the autumn rain that had just started falling. “I’m not gonna just bail on this project because of, uh, my internship.”
5. But satisfaction brought it back (Black Cat, Spider-Man): “Did you hear?” “Yes, Lord Lebeau’s home was ransacked!” “Who was the thief?”
6. The Road to Llynder (Spider-Man, Final Fantasy): Tony glanced over his shoulder nervously as he followed his best friend into a dingy, worn out building. In the dim lights, he could see a wooden bar with a couple of patrons staring wistfully into their half-empty glasses. Rhodey tugged Tony behind him to an open table and shoved him into a chair.
7. Where Words Fail, Music Speaks (Spider-Man, Deadpool): The first time it happened, Peter didn’t even notice. They played their set as usual, and in the blinding stage lights he focused on his bass and little else. He smiled as the energy in the room changed while Wade crooned their newest love ballad.
8. But I'm Not Spider-Man! (Spider-Man): “What are you gonna do, Pete?” Mr. Toomes asked as they drove down the road, pulling Peter out of his daze. How could Liz look so attractive taking a selfie? “What?” he asked, shaking himself a little.
9. Kiss Me (Spider-Man): “You ready?” Peter asked. They stood on the roof of her building, his arm wrapped securely around her waist, tugging her closer to him. “No,” she replied, looking over the edge of the building.
10. We Suffer More from Imagination than Reality (Spider-Man): “Jesus, kid come on. I got ya—” Happy said, struggling to drag the boy into the jet behind him. Peter fought against the hold, clawing at his own face, and for a moment Happy was relieved that whatever  Peter got doused with had sapped his strength. He did not want to go toe to toe with a delirious Spider-Man who was operating at full capacity.
11. Omertà (Spider-Man): Peter Parker was a good kid. He went to school, kept his grades up, tried to keep his head down, and would do his chores for Aunt May and Uncle Ben. He didn’t start fights on the playground, and if he was on the street and heard something bad happening, he knew to keep away and find a cop if he could, but otherwise he should not get involved.
12. We Come in All Shapes and Sizes (Spider-Man): “Pete, come on, buddy.” “No!” “Peter. Talk to me. What happened?”
13. In the Parkers Living Room (Captain America Movies, MCU): Tony sighed as he stepped off the elevator and neatly slid between the residents who were lingering in the hallway at his approach. Even in a rundown apartment complex in Forest Hills he was recognized. The billionaire adjusted his shades as he looked for the correct door.
14. I'll Fix You With My Love (Spider-Man, Deadpool): “Making pancakes, making bacon pancakes. You cook a bacon and you put it in a pancake,” Wade hummed, turning the bacon in the frying pan on the stove, wearing nothing more than a frilly pink apron over his black satin stockings and panties. His gold pumps were nearby, ready to slip on at a moment’s notice. Petey-pie won’t know what hit him, he thought as he cooked. (believe it or not, this is rated T).
15. Private Eyes (Captain America Movies, Marvel/MCU): “You’re absolutely certain?” the redhead asked, her green eyes bright with unshed tears. Bucky let out a quiet sigh as he placed the photos of a tall, brown-haired man wrapped around a silver-blonde bombshell. There was no mistaking the nature of their relationship.
16. So This is Christmas (Spider-Man, MCU): “I can’t believe you’ve never done anything like this before, Mr. Stark.” Tony looked up at the tree in the corner of the small apartment. He nearly winced at the garish amount of tinsel dangling all over it.
17. Waiting Room (Spider-Man): The scent of antiseptic burned the boy's nostrils. The soft lights glowed in the slightly darkened room. He stared at the patterned carpet below him, ignoring the wet sting in his eyes.
18. You are in Control, I Disappear (Spider-Man, RATED E so mind those tags, please): Michelle grabbed her hair and tied it behind her in a tight ponytail, pulling most of it away from her face. A few messy strands escaped the elastic band, but she paid them no mind. She liked the loose tendrils better, anyway.
19. Sunday Dinner (Spider-Man, MCU): Happy Hogan was many things. Strong, loyal, compassionate—but one thing he prided himself on was his punctuality. Which was why the only thing on his mind was that he was late.
20. (Not Just) Father's Day (Spider-Man): Ben shouldn’t have been surprised. It was only a month ago that Peter had come to him, worried about the gifts they were making for Mother’s Day (popsicle stick picture frames that were decorated with paint with beaded necklace to go with). Peter fretted, and while Ben had tried to put his mind at ease—telling him that May would never replace his mom—he discovered the root of the problem was not that he didn’t want to make May a gift, but that the craft itself was not suitable to his needs.
I'll be honest. I'm not a big fan of any of my openings. I feel like I'm best towards the middle. Openings are tricky for me. I think on this list my favorite is a tie between Sunday Dinner and We Suffer More from Imagination than Reality. Happy's voice really calls to me. I think we share similar levels of irritation at life in general.
Tagging: @forasecondtherewedwon, @i-lovethatforme, @blondsak, @jro616, @darksidekelz and anyone else who wants to play. :)
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peremadeleine · 4 years
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The Empathetic Dog Thief, Episode 1
Alternative titles: “Will: Deer Hunter and Dog Dad,” “Crimes Against Costuming,” “What Year Is It: A Crime Drama”
Armed with a gin & tonic and one sleepy cat, I finally gave the NBC show another shot.
I didn’t know Will had a superpower. Cool...?
How come he’s play-acting the murderer, though? Just because he can think like a killer doesn’t mean he needs to be reenacting it himself. That’s just confusing for the audience?? The way they did it in the Red Dragon movie was still effective without coming off as “aw, Will’s playing serial killer”
“This is my design” what
Plaid shirt and striped tie, truly a costuming sin. I didn’t love Will’s “modern wild west” costume vibes in Red Dragon, but it was better than this.
Don’t pretend that Jack and Will don’t know each other. Hate that.
Do look forward to hearing how many different ways people can pronounce “Graham” though.
Oh boy, why does Crawford push Will’s glasses up on his face while murmuring “hey” softly like a lover?? They’re strangers. That was mighty uncomfortable.
is he just assuming Will is on the spectrum? Right after they met???
and then Will confirms, but wait, he just has an “active imagination”?
STAY IN YOUR LANE
at least in canon Crawford doesn’t take advantage of people on the gd spectrum, and he spins it as being for the good of the victims. jfc.
“based on the characters by Thomas Harris”
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Of course all the victims in the first episode are going to be women
“it’s not about all of these girls, it’s about one of them”--seven minutes in and they’re already ripping off Silence.
“he’s like Willy Wonka. every girl he takes is a candy bar.” no. nO.
“I mean, I would. Wouldn’t you?” no Will, Crawford’s a douchebag, not a murderous psychopath.
8 minutes in, me: WHERE’S THE TITLE CHARACTER THIS IS B O R I N G
“Why is it now a crime scene?” Because Will says so and he’s his own forensic team, apparently. Next question.
Also apparently he only owns red plaid-print shirts. Huh.
Lol Will has empathy for everyone but a grieving father confronted with his daughter’s dead body???
I don’t like the way Crawford is speaking to Will one bit. It’s supposed to be sensitive, but it comes off as condescending and mollycoddling. Ew. That is SO not Jack Crawford.
"You wrote the standard monograph on time of death by insect activity"?!?
so Will IS his own forensic team. Weird flex, but okay.
Antler velvet. Christ, HERE WE GO.
“You not real FBI?” Rip-off of Silence #2!
“You unstable?” Stop coming at Will, Jesus!
Will is a serial dognapper. SIX DOGS. Maybe, maybe, people in this neighborhood are missing their gd dogs, you monster.
none of them are even UGLY dogs
Will’s also drinking tho. One point for Gryffindor.
Oh, another plaid shirt. At least this one’s got a nice pattern. And isn’t red.
The bathroom is painted red, tho. What is it with Fuller and red walls?
Hugh Dancy’s American accent slips when he tries to like...emote. Yikes.
Strangulation is neither quick nor merciful.
A forensic specialist who wears her long-ass dark hair loose down her back and shoulders in the lab should be FIRED.
Implied “we covet what we see every day” scene: Silence Rip-Off #3
nineteen minutes in, me: W H E R E  I S  H A N N I B A L this is false marketing
Okay, I actually kind of like the “okay, I can cover him 80%” scene. Crawford’s real good at fucking up people’s lives in order to save lives.
twenty-one minutes in, me: HANNIBAL’S HERE THANK CHRIST
will probably regret this thought later
it’s okay, Hans. I, too, hate the career choices that have led me to this point.
the fact that he has tissues by HIS chair in his office is fuckin’ hilarious, what a douche, I love him
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same, tho
The costumes and sets and cars are all screaming 70s/80s. But smartphones!
I’m watching this pretty late so my volume is a bit low and I cannot understand 70% of Hannibal’s dialogue, uh oh
Hannibal is supposed to be short so I don’t think this little “oh Crawford confused the short weepy patient with Hannibal” bit is that cute...I’ve always felt like Mads was poorly cast for that reason, among others. Oh well.
I take it all back:
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HIS FACE
“No secretary?” “She was predisposed to romantic whims.” Not sure whether I like this line because Hannibal’s the one acting on whimsy or if it makes me cringe because of the way they’re dismissing Hannibal’s former secretary. Hmm.
“Are these yours, doctor?” a) Duh and b) Silence Rip-Off #4
Why the fuck does Crawford think he can just examine Hannibal’s papers? Like?????????
no wonder he hates your rude ass, Jack
HANNIBAL WHY IS WOUND MAN LYING ON YOUR DESK YOU PRECIOUS IDIOT
“Very interesting, even for a layman” Wow, unexpected Red Dragon rip-off (by the Red Dragon adaptation) #1
this whole scene is made of cringe HELP
why is Hannibal dressed in his Easter Sunday suit
Tattlecrimes.com. I’M SPEECHLESS at the stupidity of that.
tabloids are, in fact, still a thing in the Year of Our Lord 2013
No way is Hannibal fucking Lecter going to drink the swill that probably is Jack Crawford’s coffee, as if.
“Not fond of eye contact, are you?” Yes, Hannibal is the only character who should be canonically coming at anyone like this. (But also poor Will.)
But Will, at least look in his direction while he’s talking to you? I also don’t love eye contact...it’s rude not to even look at a person, though.
Hannibal finally used a contraction! He’s human after all. (This is a common Fanfic-Writing-of-Hannibal problem. I used to have it, too. You think to emulate him you have to write lofty, staid dialogue. But we’re talking about Hannibal the Punmaster General here.)
“This cannibal you have him getting to know” I’m sorry, who said anything about cannibals???
Stop incriminating yourself Hannibal honestly
Wait, is the implication that the victim whose lungs were taken is Hannibal’s? I hope not, because what would he be doing in Minnesota, and since when did Hannibal cut people up alive (Krendler notwithstanding--he’s a special case), especially women????? He’s a Monster(TM), but not a fucking sadist.
Will’s wardrobe also contains gingham!
no really, when did they determine that the serial killer was a cannibal?? did I sleep through that part?
“have Dr. Lecter draw up a psychological profile” bitch, please. Dr. Lecter doesn’t work for Crawford.
I don’t like hearing/watching people eat, especially in quiet moments. That’s going to become a problem in this show, isn’t it?
Will’s dream dear is fucking awful CGI. Wow.
That brown blazer--Hannibal would never.
EVERYTHING about Hannibal that should be black--his clothes and his hair--is brown here. It’s...weird.
to quote @random-emerald-thoughts​, “my homocidal boy aint about that tawny bullshit”
Hannibal Lecter: food snob--that’s canon. 
Don’t like this dialogue, though. And Hannibal bringing anyone he just met food in glorified Tupperware rings very false.
“Uncle Jack” what the fuck
Wow, Fuller jumped directly into the teacup thing right from the start. Yikes. He clearly didn’t understand it. (Clarice isn’t the teacup, bro. The teacup represents time, and disorder, and will it ever be reversed?)
Lots of weird metaphors in this episode overall, though none as bad as the Willy Wonka thing.
Why is Hannibal in Minnesota? Is he a crime-scene investigator now? Is he on the FBI payroll? Doesn’t he have patients with appointments to keep? Social obligations? I HAVE QUESTIONS.
He’s not a priss or a germaphobe. DISLIKE.
Do like the phone call. Just fuckin’ carelessly with people’s lives for the fun of it, that’s our Hannibal.
FBI? Are you FBI, Will?
He shouldn’t have been issued that sidearm if he can’t hold it steady.
One shot would have been plenty. Maybe two. Jfc, the reason Clarice shot Gumb so many times was because he was going to shoot her. Hobbs had a knife, which he dropped, and he was incapacitated by the first/second shot. Silence Rip-Off #5
How the fuck is he still alive and talking?! Will plugged him about eight times!
Call the police, Hannibal, or the ambulance, or take off your jacket and provide first aid to this girl. You’re a doctor!
It really is like he wants to be arrested or something.
And then he gets to ride in the ambulance?? Just Because?
Overall, it was...not very good, imo, poorly paced, very poorly written, with acting that jumped wildly from “very good” to “awful,” sometimes from the same actors. Intense cringe throughout a lot of the script. Ripped off Silence of the Lambs, a superior movie about many of the same characters, way too many times. Will is boring and I don’t care about him, but then I also don’t care about canon Will. And I still think Mads Mikkelsen was poorly cast as Hannibal...the costumes aren’t doing him any favors, either. We’ll see if he can bring me around.
Some moments of genuine humor that I appreciated, though, and some nods to the canon that I grudgingly appreciated, too, including Hannibal being a dick and Jack Crawford fucking up people’s lives.
Hopefully if you made it this far into my observations you got a kick out of them. I probably won’t go into this much detail for every episode, but I do intend to try to watch at least all of Season 1.
Painful as it might be.
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fairyscribbles · 5 years
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Secure Knots. (Jongdae) *NC-17*
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We deserve a bit of sin on this holy day, no? :) enjoy!
Warning: Smut!
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You could feel his eyes on you as you twirled. The chuckle that escaped your lips couldn't be described in any other way than sexy because you could hear Jongdae groan from his seat when you bent over, giving him a perfect view up your skirt.
This was the best idea you had to kill a boring Friday night ever. Jongdae looked so desperate, cuffed to the chair and no way he could touch you until you wanted him to.
It felt great, that surge of power that came from it, when you saw his muscles clench as he attempted to break the cuffs, all his attempts futile.
"What is it, baby?" You giggled, slipping your shirt off, your back creating a beautiful arch as you undressed just for him. The thought that you were able to cuff down one of the most evasive thieves in the history of Korea had you on cloud nine.
"Shit, ___, when I get my hands on you..." Jongdae grit his teeth, his eyes smoldering passion as he looked your form up and down- one of your best bras, the tiny skirt you've been torturing him with for days, and holy fucking shit thigh-high socks that he always had a secret fetish on.
"You used a great word, baby..." you giggled again, settling quite comfortably over his lap and over his hardened bulge, grinding down into it and enjoying the electric feeling it gave you as well as the growl that ripped through Jongdae's chest.
"When you get your hands on me. And considering the situation you're in..." you paused to tap at the iron cuffs around his waist before pressing a kiss against his lips.
"That could take a while, too."
"___..." he muttered in warning, his head falling back in desperation for more. You ran your nails down the perfection that is his neck and you welcomed the feeling of his hips thrusting up against you.
"Jongdae..." you repeated in the same warning tone as he did, deciding to replace your nails on his neck with your lips, enjoying the perfect way the breath hitched in his throat when you sucked gently on his sweet spot.
"What to do with you, baby." You sighed, leaning back to look him in the eyes with a slightly pitiful look.
"What should I do? Give you a lap dance? Maybe finger myself right here, in your lap?" You asked him and for good measure, you circled down your hips against his already hard cock.
"Maybe..." Jongdae's voice was deliciously gruff, such a beautiful change from the melodic sing-song tone he possesses most of the time.
"You should let me go, so I can fuck all these silly ideas out of your pretty head." You chuckled into his open mouth, opting to kiss him before you answered.
"Maybe I should...or maybe I should just let you watch me come, over and over again. Don't you think?" Jongdae hummed in thought.
"Hmm, you could. But then again, why would you want to come by your fingers, when you know I can make you come much better? Hmm, babe? Wouldn't you want it?" Jongdae's voice was pure honey, dripping sultry and promising words into your ear and making you shiver.
"My mouth on you, sucking until you scream out my name so loud your neighbors can hear?" Jongdae grinned at the small shiver that passed your body.
"I could do that, babe. And if you want to come over and over again...I could do that, too. Cuff your legs apart and go at you until you're crying, and your bed is completely wet." You chuckled, shaking your head.
"You have such great ideas, my love. But now I can't choose..." you pouted at him, playing with the collar of his shirt.
"But I think you can, babe. Just think about it..." Jongdae leaned closer to nip at your revealed skin and collarbones.
"If you let me go...I'll do whatever you want...however you want it....and for how long you want it." Jongdae chuckled, kissing up your neck.
"We could go at it until your voice just simply can't scream my name anymore." You laughed, cupping Jongdae's cheeks and making him look at you. 
"Baby, I could make myself scream your name as easily as you can." Jongdae's eyes twinkled with mischief.
"Oh really? Show me, then." His sudden change in behavior had you grinning.
"You really want to see?" Jongdae nodded, kissing your jaw.
"Of course. Right here, in my lap. I want to see how you make yourself come."
You loved to hear his melodic voice saying such dirty things, riling you up even more. You chuckled, slipping off his lap to slowly, teasingly unzip your skirt.
"No. Keep it on." Jongdae stopped your undressing and you looked at him with your eyebrow risen.
"Get rid of the panties. Keep the skirt." 
"I wonder who should be giving out the orders here." You muttered with a small scowl but either way, you slipped your little black panties off, kicking them off your ankles somewhere into the living room. It doesn't matter. You'll find them in the morning.
With only your skirt now to cover up your bare core, you settled over Jongdae’s lap once again, moaning at the friction of his jeans against you. Jongdae’s eyes watched you carefully, so concentrated on your every movement, it made you high from the attention. Almost immediately, your hand reached back to undo your bra, sliding it down your arms and flinging it somewhere in the general direction where your panties were. Your hands slid over your breasts, your nipples puckering against the coldness of the room, stroking down your stomach and over the cloth of your skirt. Hearing Jongdae’s breath hitch made your smile a little more wicked, as you slowly, teasingly started to lift up the hem of your skirt, stroking up your thighs appreciatively. When you heard the desperate whimper that ripped through his throat, you laughed and indulged him, your hands finally slipping under skirt, away from his hungry gaze. That’s when he realized he made a mistake, and he groaned.
„No, babe! Just...shit, take it off...“ but you weren’t listening to him anymore, your heart starting to beat faster and your breath shallowing when your fingers slid up and down your wet core and you mewled quietly.
“Oh, Jongdae…I’m so wet, I almost wish you could feel it…” you whimpered softly, pressing down on your clit and throwing your head back at the electric feeling it gave you.
“Holy shit…” you agreed with Jongdae’s statement and you instinctively spread your legs further apart, to create some space so you could open yourself up a bit more.
“Baby…” you moaned, kissing Jongdae hungrily, nibbling on his lower lip before you tapped the fingers that were just pressing down on your clit against his mouth.
“Slick them up for me…please…” your voice wasn’t teasing anymore- it was soft, on a verge desperation, especially when you felt Jongdae’s lips close around your fingers, suckling on your taste with a growl that made you shiver. You felt his tongue work over your digits dutifully and within moments, you were pulling your fingers out before sliding them down your core and slipping them into you. You whimpered at the intrusion, and also maybe from the slight discomfort at sliding two fingers into you at once, but you welcomed the feeling with a loud moan of Jongdae’s name on your lips, scissoring your fingers briefly before pulling them out to thrust them back in.
The smoldering stare of Jongdae’s desperate eyes made it even better for you, as your whole body tingled from being watched at something so intimate. You’ve never done this in front of Jongdae before, and now you were wondering why not. It made you feel so wanted, so attractive, to plunge your fingers into yourself over and over again while splayed across Jongdae’s lap, and knowing that he would probably do anything right now to be the one to bring you so much pleasure.
“Jongdae…ah, Jongdae…”
“Holy shit, ___.” Jongdae’s voice was so rough, as if he was losing his mind himself, and it only made you want to chase your orgasm faster. You arched your back and changed the angle at which you were thrusting, so your fingers dabbed into your sweet spot and you cried out. The cry of pleasure was soon turned into one of frustration, because your fingers were too short to press into that one spot as well as you wanted to, and you squirmed in discomfort. You tried your best to hit that spot again, but you almost whimpered when you were missing that one spot by what it seemed by a hair’s breadth. Jongdae’s laugh had you freeze, because you felt two warm, large palms slide up your thighs to pull you tighter against his chest.
“Need some help, baby?” his voice was teasing, and you squeaked when Jongdae covered your lips with his in a heated kiss, cupping the nape of your neck to pull you closer and the other one grabbing your wrist, urging you to continue in your devilish ministration on yourself.
“Ho-ah!...How did you?”
“Babe…you can’t cuff a thief that easily.” Jongdae told you with a Cheshire cat grin, nibbling at your neck briefly. You whined when Jongdae pulled your fingers out and pinning your hands behind your back.
“And now, you’ll be a good girl, or else I’m going to have to tie you up. And believe you, baby, you won’t free yourself from that unless I want you to.” You were being lifted up and you automatically wrapped your legs around Jongdae’s waist, giggling lightly at Jongdae’s quickened pace to bring you into the bedroom as fast as possible.
You were deposited on the bed, your breath leaving you in a gasp as your back made contact with the soft mattress, but Jongdae didn’t give you a chance to catch a grip on yourself, as he was already parting your legs and flinging them over his shoulders to latch onto your wet pussy. You literally screamed his name, your back arching and your legs tightening around his head, because the feeling he gave your already teased clit was delicious and you wanted, you needed more, more of Jongdae.
“Oh fuck, Jongdae!” he chuckled between your legs, pausing his torturing thrusts and licks that made you tremble to look up at you.
“That’s how I like it, babe. Scream my name, loud and clear.” his order was gruff and the next second, he was back at eating you out, with his own two fingers coming up to slip into you slowly. He gave you a moment to get used to his thicker, longer digits in you before he pulled them out almost completely and ramming them back into you, hitting your stop immediately. Your vision was spotted with black at places, because Jongdae knew your body like nobody else and he always made the best use of it.
“God damn, Jongdae…please…just…”
“What? What would you like me to do?”
“Just…uuugh…” he didn’t let you finish your thoughts, because he was pressing his thumb against your clit in teasing little circles as he traveled up your body, propping himself up by the elbow near your head.
“Just tell me, babe. You know you can tell me everything.” but the grin he sent you told you he knew you couldn’t even explain yourself at this point anymore, and yet he knew very well you wanted from him. You mewled loudly, and you decided that when you couldn’t tell him, you would just show him instead, and with that you rolled the two of you over, settling over Jongdae’s hardened crotch. You caught Jongdae off –guard, and that gave you just enough time to attack his zipper, pulling down his pants along with his boxers.
"You're taking too long." You grit through your teeth aggressively, gripping his leaking cock and situating yourself above it. Jongdae's head fell back in a loud groan at the feeling of you sinking on his cock, and his hands came up to grip your hips tight, pulling you lower, lower, until you took him in completely, with him as deep in you as he could.
"Shit, ___..." Jongdae growled under you and you only whimpered in response, lifting up to slowly slide his cock out almost completely before slamming yourself down, eliciting all the best things from deep inside you. You moaned loudly, repeating your movement, only now Jongdae's hands helped you, angling your hips just right so that you were grinding on his cock every time you lifted up and sunk back down.
The two of you set up a quick and crazy pace, the room echoing with the slaps of skin against skin and your breathless pants and moans. You could feel the pressure building up deep inside you, making your breathing shallow and this alien, yet welcomed tingling in your abdomen rising. Jongdae felt you pulsing around him and he snarled, one of his hands leaving your hips to pull you down by the nape of your neck.
"Shit, ___, I told you this would feel much better. Are you close? Will you scream my name as you come?" His voice was strained with effort, as his thrusts increased and quick Hitting your spot every single time, making your body feel numb from pleasure.
"Yes...yes, shit..." you whimpered mindlessly, holding onto Jongdae for dear life. You moaned loudly when you felt him thrust up into you and then his cock stiffening, making your head fall against his neck.
"That's a good girl. Come for me, then. Remind the neighbors what’s my name."
And with a few more thrusts, you did just that, your body becoming rigid above the thief, your lips parted and his name tumbling out like a broken mantra, as your body automatically bounced up and down his cock to enjoy the rush of your orgasm. Once it passed, you fell breathlessly against Jongdae’s chest, mewling at the feeling of him thrusting into your over-sensitive core, but you welcomed it anyways, littering little kisses over his chest and neck, holding onto him tight as he chased his own orgasm.
“Fuck, ___...I’m…” and he didn’t even have the time to finish his sentence, as he was already unraveling, his back arching against the pillows and his hands a death grip on your hips so he could ride out his orgasm, filling you up with his warmth. You shivered at the feeling and smiled down at Jongdae, who had the most beautifully debauched look you have ever seen in your life.
Jongdae reciprocated your tired smile, swiping the stray strands out of your hair to guide you back down to him for a lazy, languid kiss.
“Jongdae?”
“Hmm?”
“…we should do this more often.”
His ringing laugh filled up the room.
“I couldn’t agree more, babe.”
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insolente-revista · 6 years
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Owen Gallagher (New York, 1998) es un joven creativo estudiante de Juniata College, en Estados Unidos. Él es la mente detrás del juego de mesa WordPool, un juego de palabras basado en la palabra inglesa whirlpool (cuya traducción es remolino) y que en español sería algo así como “alberca de palabras”. A Owen siempre le ha gustado crear juegos y además se considera un fanático de la diversión y los deportes. Sus juegos favoritos incluyen el ajedrez, el villar, Uno, Life y algunos videojuegos como Pokemon para gameboy. Con anterioridad había desarrollado un videojuego con sus conocimientos de programación, entre ellos uno que llamó Shuffle, un juego estratégico inspirado a la vez en el ajedrez y en el tradicional gato y que se basa en fichas de defensa y ataque, interviniendo todas las fichas a la vez. Este juego lo desarrolló con tan solo dieciocho años.
         Owen en el cerro de la Bufa, Gto, Mex. ♥             En Central Park, New York, USA.
El origen de WordPool se remonta a un primitivo juego de palabras que Owen inventó para entretenerse durante los aburridos viajes. Luego dio un soporte físico a este juego, a la vez que lo desarrolló profesionalmente a lo largo de diez meses.
El juego es simple. Consta de casi 300 tarjetas, cada una con una palabra con su respectiva imagen, de las cuales se toma una partida de unas seis cartas. Las restantes cartas se dejan alrededor, formando una especie de alberca. En medio se pone, para iniciar el juego, una carta al azar, tomada de la alberca. El jugador tiene que elegir, de entre las cartas que tiene en su mano, aquella que más se relacione con la palabra en el centro, preparado para una defensa si alguien más desafía su relación. Otro jugador (se puede jugar entre cuatro a seis jugadores, aproximadamente) puede retar el argumento de la relación entre las dos cartas con una que considere mejor. El resto de jugadores vota. Si el retador tiene un mejor argumento, la carta ganadora se convierte en la nueva parte superior de la pila al centro. Si no, el retador recupera su carta y saca dos más. El juego continúa en el sentido de las manecillas el reloj. El primero en quedarse sin cartas gana.
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♥ Owen explica las reglas de su juego. Los subtítulos pueden cambiarse al español.
Se incluyen copias de las reglas del juego en la caja. El resto de las cartas tienen un nombre y una ilustración únicos, todas dibujadas digitalmente por Owen. Pero el juego está abierto a la posibilidad de que use para otros juegos sugeridos por los jugadores. “Por ejemplo, el juego se puede expandir a grupos más grandes si solo se permite un desafío para una palabra. Otra forma de jugar sería que un retador debe anunciar el desafío antes de ver cuál es el partido inicial. Puedes jugar variaciones del juego de memoria con Wordpool, donde las cartas se colocan en una cuadrícula, y se encuentran pares que comparten una categoría o rima”, anticipa Owen, que próximamente dará a conocer nuevas reglas oficiales del juego.
La lista de palabras de WordPool es la siguiente:
alien, anchor, apple, arrow, ash, baby, balloon, banana, bark, bat, battery, beach, bed, bee, bicycle, blanket, book, boot, bottle, bow, bowl, brain, branch, broom, brush, bubble, bucket, bus, bush, butter, button, cactus, camel, candle, cane, car, carrot, carton, cat, cell, chain, chair, cheese, chicken, chimney, chin, chocolate, clap, clock, closet, cloud, clown, coconut, coffee, coffin, coin, computer, cookie, cork, country, crab, crocodile, cry, cup, dancer, deer, desert, director, doctor, dog, dolphin, doughnut, dove, dragon, dream, drum, ear, eel, egg, elephant, elevator, eraser, explosion, eye, eyebrow, face, fall, fan, feather, fire, firefighter, fish, fist, flag, flashlight, flea, flower, foot, fork, freezer, future, garbage, giant, giraffe, glass, glider, glove, glue, gnome, god, graveyard, hair, hand, handstand, hat, hawk, heart, hero, hole, honey, horn, horse, hospital, house, icecream, igloo, island, jacket, jelly, jellyfish, kelp, key, king, kitchen, kiwi, knee, laugh, leaf, lemon, letter, lightbulb, lightning, lock, map, master, match, medicine, microwave, mirror, moon, motorboat, mountain, mouse, mouth, movie, mushroom, nail, needle, net, newspaper, noodle, nose, nut, ocean, octopus, oil, onion, ornament, peanut, pancake, pants, paper, past, pea, peach, pencil, pepper, phone, pickle, pidgeon, pie, pig, pillow, pizza, plane, poison, porcupine, present, puddle, punch, queen, question, raft, rainbow, raindrop, raisin, remote, restaurant, rice, ring, river, road, rocket, rope, rug, ruler, sailboat, salt, sand, sandwich, saucer, sausage, scarf, scissors, scooter, shark, sheep, shell, shoe, sign, singer, skate, skateboard, skirt, sky, slap, slide, smile, snail, snake, snowflake, soap, sock, soldier, soup, spider, sponge, spoon, spring, star, stone, straw, stump, sugar, suit, sun, swimmer, sword, tape, thief, thread, throat, thunder, tie, toe, tooth, toothpick, tornado, towel, tower, train, tree, tricycle, trunk, tunnel, umbrella, unicorn, vacuum, valley, volcano, watermelon, wave, web, whale, wheel, whistle, wind, wire, wolf, world, wrinkle, yawn, yesterday, zipper.
Wordpool
Sigue reglas simples y divertidas para toda la familia. Está pensado para jugadores de más de seis años. Alienta la creatividad al animar la avispada discusión sobre asociaciones inevitablemente ridículas. Es ideal para el aprendizaje de un idioma, ya que se basa en un vocabulario general y en la conversación, por lo que incluso puede usarse como material didáctico en las escuelas. Todas las palabras del juego son un vocabulario práctico, útil y neutro. Las imágenes ayudan a asociar la palara una o más imágenes mentales, si la palabra tiene varios significados. Es ideal, también, para estimular la sana convivencia en reuniones, fiestas, viajes, campamentos o dondequiera que se junte un grupo de amigos decididos a pasar un buen rato. No debemos olvidar que también es un juego de inteligencia, pues estimula a los jugadores a debatir y defender la relación de una palabra con otra. Sin embargo, no fomenta la competencia, sino la diversión amistosa en conjunto.
  Wordpool
Owen explica que el juego sigue reglas parecidas a otros juegos de mesa populares como Apples to apples o Cards against humanity, pero los mejora al menos de dos maneras: “cualquier carta puede emparejarse con cualquier otra carta para obtener más variedad, y no hay un juez designado para cada turno” lo que lo hace más dinámico y divertido.
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                                                 Jugando Wordpool: video publicitario
Owen recuerda: “La primera versión que usamos para las primeras pruebas de juego fue un montón de tarjetas papel, en las que escribí sustantivos durante tres horas una tarde tranquila. Resultó que valía la pena desarrollar la idea aún más después de jugar con ellos varias veces con amigos y familiares, y comencé a buscar en las compañías de impresión de tarjetas para hacerme un prototipo impreso. Una vez que tuve una manera de hacer verdaderas cartas, comencé a dibujarlas digitalmente. Este proceso duró un semestre universitario completo, pero finalmente, durante las vacaciones del semestre, terminé las últimas cartas. El siguiente semestre jugué Wordpool con cualquiera que quisiera probarlo. Nunca dejó de entretener, y eso me animó.”
Pruebas en papel de Wordpool.
En la página de Facebook del juego se exhibe material grabado de Owen jugando con sus amigos y pasando momentos de alegría y discusión entretenida.
Owen, que se define como un chico creativo, sincero, amistoso y abierto a lo nuevo, se siente orgulloso de sí mismo por haber sido disciplinado y constante en la realización de este producto. Y, sobre todo, porque el juego proyecta una parte de sí mismo: su sentido del humor (gusta de lo ridículo y de los juegos de palabras), así como su estilo personal.
En el café especializado en juegos de mesa The Uncommons, en Manhattan, (cerca de la plaza Washington) tienen una copia de este juego. Owen, que busca comercializar este producto y llevarlo a mucha gente alrededor del mundo, promete que en los próximos meses tendremos más información de él. Hay que seguir la página de Facebook para estar atentos a las noticias del juego.
                  Reglamento, caja y cartas de Wordpool
Wordpool, en divertido juego de mesa creado por Owen Gallagher Owen Gallagher (New York, 1998) es un joven creativo estudiante de Juniata College, en Estados Unidos. Él es la mente detrás del juego de mesa WordPool, un juego de palabras basado en la palabra inglesa…
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