#cause being autistic and creative has been an ass

[meili-sheep]

Me, the writer with the cocktail of ASD/ADHD who has only two complete fanfictions out of the literal hundreds of WIPs, original or otherwise: Hell yeah, represent for smashing 60k in two weeks!

Seriously, you write and write and it’s cool as hell. A bunch of people liked my writing and sti do, but it was stifled for a long time. I’m not at where I’m used to be, but I’m getting there.

Aw, the beauty of neurodivergence and English. For every completed work, there are at least 5 uncompleted.

For me, personally, in pumping out Fanfic, I'm personally working to overcome that. And help prep me for other forms of publishing. And generally keep a daily writing schedule.

As for stifling, I very much understand.

I tend to have very low mood dips when I'm not working on something or when something isn't up to standard. It's incredibly hard. Especially since people don't get it. And I can't fucking explain it. And it's a very hard space to break out of.

I don't have tips cause in my experience. You kinda just have to do your best and push on. Take a break. But keep trying. I do wish you the best of luck though! I hope you get where ever you want to be!

#just a little ramble #i do wish you the best #cause being autistic and creative has been an ass #Cause a lot see them as incompatible #so getting told I don't have autism cause I'm good at writing #it's shitty

[softcryz]

casts spell of being autistic about your characters on you

OKAY LISTEN partially late because I had to do things I AM GOING TO BE CONTAINING MYSELF IN THIS POST

BECAUSE I feel as if sharing this is illegal (even though these are literally my characters)

SO specifically for the past few days I have been very. Unwell about these very specific guys but I will need to do some explaining beforehand

I have another iterator named Times Lost In Bliss! She's in the same group as Creativity (Lands Edge) and is actually! Their senior!

Don't worry she's actually a normal senior. I say this genuinely xey are just really nice

Times was built with lower processing power than the standard Iterator, causing it to have the tendency to... Fall asleep at inopportune moments. This can last from seconds, to minutes, to hours- to several cycles. Fae has no control over this.

Iterator with narcolepsy essentially

I could go on a WHOLE other ramble about Times BUT skipping a bunch of Stuff

Times has! Guard dogs!

He made them before the mass ascension so they are OLD AS HELL but they are so. She loves them so much they're just puppies to her

They're called The Detorrents! There's eight of them and they all have their own individual names of course

BIG. ASS. GUYS

Here is a doodle of fan favourite, Moss Grown Tall. He's just a happy dude

Do NOT let this doodle trick you. These assholes are fucking MASSIVE

And unfortunately they are god damn TERRIFYING and VERY good at their job. These fuckers can RUN. And CLIMB. And DEAR GOD YOU ARE NOT ESCAPING.

I've been working on slowly drawing all of them (I have concepts and colour pallets!) and EVENTUALLY having full blown references but YEAH THEY'RE ALL I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT

I am so very fond of Times' big, terrifying dogs with the internet in their brains

#zoc scrambled #zoc shack #zoc artwork #LANDS_EDGE #rain world #rw oc #zoc asks

[kafus]

Got any rambles on Kaf's eyes stored up?

no but i got a ramble on kafu's eyes close enough

it's so funny how they can't keep kafu's eyes consistent. like okay kaf's eyes have changed in palow's recent art but that's a stylistic decision by him that he made after years of drawing her probably to spice things up. with kafu they haven't been able to keep her consistent since the beginning and it's really funny. all of the following kafu eye depictions are from early on in her existing/not a new development

her official box art:

three rings, very similar to kaf's eyes but ever so slightly different with the pink dot and the pink ring thinning out at the top. still though pretty obvious these are just kaf's eyes with a different splash of paint. personally when i draw kafu i make her eyes look like this because i appreciate the mirror imagery shit she has going on with kaf

her concept art (also by palow):

okay this one may not have made it to the final stage but i'm bringing it up anyways because for reasons you'll see later it may be part of what causes the confusion with official kafu eye depictions. no white, just one inner yellow pupil and a pink highlight on blue. okay

edit: clarifying palow did post this to twitter as a reference sheet but i'm assuming this is an earlier draft of the box art regardless lol

her official 3d model:

lmao i caught her on the most empty brain frame okay they really just took all the creative liberties here and i kinda wonder why because this model is in the style of kaf's model, they could have gone full mirror imagery and just color swapped kaf's eyes but the shape is still the same so whatever. regardless i actually really like these but they aren't like any other official depiction of her eyes?? the pink has been moved to a curve/highlight at the bottom of the iris and they just spawned some neon aqua-y color around the white pupils LIKE okay guys awesome

various other official art (this is from the early isotope 4koma):

these are just straight up kaf's eyes lmao. i do kind of wonder if the yellow being present in kafu's concept art/reference sheet is part of the reason that this has happened multiple times other than simply Well She's Kaf But White Hair. for the record the 4koma draws her with white pupils now like her box art. btw you may have noticed that despite her hair diamond thingies being open in the other eye examples, they're closed here. that's also a thing that changes all the time don't worry about it

honorable mention of the kaf/u cover arts:

this one doesn't really count? it's official art because kamitsubaki hires kisumi rei specifically to illustrate all the art for the kaf/u covers on kaf's channel, but kisumi rei loves to take artistic liberties and also draws kaf's eyes "wrong" for the sake of their art style which always has black pupils. it's worth mentioning though

for the record i just find this all super interesting and my autistic ass likes hoarding information, i'm not bothered by this and in fact them not keeping kafu's eyes consistent could very well be on purpose because of the whole vocaloids are whatever you want them to be thing, even their official artists and whatnot should be able to take creative liberties fuck it go wild

#asks #kiki was here #scorchette #kafu #cevio #kamitsubaki #long post

[starrrbitz-movedtonewblog]

Happy 7 years to Undertale!! ❤

Happy anniversary to the funny pixel game that made me autistic /hj

Not gonna lie everytime I think about this game i can't help but be an emotional little bitch. I was obsessed with this game then, previous years, and it's only gotten worse <3 How the fuck has it been 7 years though good god I'm getting old ahhaha

Okay okay in all seriousness, my little insane rambling is under the read more for those who are interested. Warning its very informal pff

Any of you who have at all been following this blog know I am very much still obsessed with this game, so I'll spare everyone the usual "this game inspired me and my art" stuff since you all know that nonsense haha.

I think the reason I'm still here talking about Undertale in 2022 is because, well this game... is now a big part of my childhood/teenhood. This is the game I sort of technically grew up on, and I found in a time of insane loneliness and a creative block. I was fucking 14 struggling through high school and little did I know rahg I would have to transfer to a new school, and that it would be very stressful. I also didn't know that this game was going to help me through it.

You know how a lot of people had Pokemon, or Mario, or Zelda or other games as their fixations or childhood. That's cool, and I always want to play those types of games, but the thing is I've always either missed out on or came extremely late into those franchises. I came to Mario very late, and I consider one my fave game franchises, but that whole ass franchise is older than me and there's still games from it i have yet to play. Still to this day, I haven't played a single Pokemon or Zelda game, as a kid I only knew Pokemon as an anime and Zelda was completely off my radar until a couple of years ago. I've always come late to or missed out on many games.

Undertale however, I and many others have sort of been here from the start with it. I've seen almost everything from the first happenings of the fandom (whether for better or worse... mostly worse pfppf), I've seen so many people play this game, I've studied and analysed and theorised over every little mystery I could find in it, and sometimes just thought a lot about being friends with the characters cause you know I'm normal. I've also gotten excited for new merch drops, even though I still haven't bought any for myself. I've been with friends and gone apeshit for new content like new characters, the smash reveal, and of course the alternate AU smorgasbord game of Undertale, Deltarune, another incredibly important game to me.

I'm still waiting for new chapters of Deltarune, still drawing art for both games, still enjoying everything about it. This. This silly little game inspired by Earthbound and made by a previous Homestuck writer, two franchises i know nothing about, this fucking game is my Mario. It's my Pokemon, or Zelda or Metroid or whatever other beloved franchise that has captivated people for years. Its the game I get teary eyed and warm thinking about, the game with a soundtrack that I can listen to ANY time as much as I want. Its the game I can get all the references to and get excited about when I notice them. Cheesy as fuck yeah I know

I know 7 years seems measly to the maybe 10, 15 and even 20 years people have had their fave games, but fucking hell i think it means SOMETHING when this silly little indie rpg with a fuckton of lore and mystery around it can have such an impact on someone like me. And who knows, I think in the future, maybe 5 years later?? I will be able to look back on Undertale and Deltarune alike, like others do with their fave games, and feel nostalgia, and a connection with the games. I'll revisit it, play it again, still be making fanart for it, and maybe introducing it as something beloved to me to someone I know, while they do the same with their fave games to me.

I dunno i feel just really emotional thinking about it, and yeah haha Undertale the game that makes everyone cry and feel things, GOOD. that's the plan!! And i don't plan on fucking stopping talking about and loving, and CRYING over this franchise. Despite everything my love and respect for this game has never waned, despite everything, I'm still here!! Despite everything, its still me.

So yeah I guess thanks Toby Fox for continuing to make your games and inspiring me and many others and for constantly killing us with your games, thanks to you I will never be the same again and I think I'm more than okay with that <3

Happy Anniversary to Undertale (and happy 1 year anniversary to Deltarune chapter 2, how the fuck has it been a year already it seems like only three months ago I was losing my shit shit one discord with my friends at the announcement-)

Okay bye lol

#safeutdr #undertale #undertale 7th anniversary #undertale anniversary #deltarune #my art stuff #if anyone read any of my insane shit below thank you and also im sorry lsjdjkd #and even if you didn't and you just like the art then thank you very much as well #and also thanks to my friends on discord who are so supportive and who are just as normal about this game as me lmao

[torrette-superieur]

THIEF KILLER CREDITOR DEALER WHO HAS NOT BEEN TOLD YOU NO ONE WORKING WITH WORKING ASS TO REDETERMINE DEAD DRUNKS WHICH POLDO OVERLAP OVER THE AUTISTIC SOUL AUTISTICLY COMPOSED BY THE HANDS OF THOSE WHO IGNORE THAT IT HAS BEEN EATEN DETACHED AND STOLEN SPACIALLY SOLD WHICH THEY CAN'T PRODUCE IT POSTOVERAGE OF HIERARCHY TO THE SOLAR TRANSCEDENTALITY OF ONLY DEMONSTRABLE INTELLIGENCE NOT SAID WITHIN THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN ONE'S INTELLIGENCE AND ONE'S INTELLIGENCE WORKING ASS TO REDETERMINE DRUNK DEAD MIRACLES PLACED ON ASSHOLETS AND COMMUNIST AUTOMATICALLY IN POWER FALSE CAUSE FALSE DYNAMICS CONCEALMENT ON THE OUTPUT OF SUCH FUTURE RETURN SUBENTRANT INTELLIGENT IN THE PAST WITH OCCULATING COMMUNISM REAL DYNAMICS REAL CAUSE OF THE MANDATE AND RETURNED FROM GONE COMA IN THE CURRENT FUTURE INCOME INTO THE PAST WITH OCCULATING COMMUNISM REAL DYNAMICS REAL CAUSE DAY SUPERIMPOSED FALSE CAUSE FALSE DYNAMICS RETROCESSIVE LAW AT OTHER MI COLLECT IN FORCE CANCELLATION PRIOR MIRACLES THE GONE AND BACK FROM THE COMA OPERATING INTELLIGENCE AUTISTICLY UNKNOWING YOU IN THE PRESENT AS IF THERE HAD NOT BEEN MADE SHADOW EATEN STOLEN AND SOLD USED TO TRIPLE OBSTRUCTION DEMON NO ONE TRIPLELY OBSTRUCTED IN TURN OBSTRUCTOR REVERSE CROSS RELEGATION TO COMMUNISM CREATIVE DUPLICATE REOBJECTIVE WRONG TIMES SELF-ELUSION OF COMMUNISTICALLY DEPOSED GOD NOT KNOWING FOR HIMSELF THAT HE IS WE ONLY LOOKING FOR A BERLUSCONI TO BE BEATEN BY THE COMMUNISTS BECAUSE A COMMUNIST WHOSE BEATS IF YOU BEAT MIRACLES TO BE BEATEN BY THE COMMUNISTS BECAUSE NOT A COMMUNIST WHOM THERE OBLIGES A MIRACLE IF YOU SPEAK BREAK THE ASSHOLE TO THE SILENT GODS THERE YOU REOBJECTIVE AND THERE YOU FORCE A MIRACLE PEOPLE SPEAK THE WORLD SPEAKS GOD SPEAKS THE STARS SPEAK THE CELESTIAL BEINGS SPEAK ABSOLUTE CRUCIFIXION TETRAPLEGIC INACTION MENTAL PARESES WHICH THEY OVERLAP OVER WHICH THE POLDO OVERLAPS THE AUTISTIC SOUL AUTISTICLY COMPOST A BY THE HANDS OF THOSE WHO IGNORE THAT THEY ARE INTERPOSITING WITH THE HIGHER GOD REVERSED CROSS FALSE TRANSCEDENTAL IDEALISM REVERSED COMMUNISM WORKING ASS TO REDETERMINE DRUNKS DEAD IF YOU DON'T SELL WINE THEY WILL SPOIL YOURSELF AND ROMONO CLOSES THE COMPANY BECAUSE THE SOUL IS FULLY WORKING SLAVEN OF ASSHOLETS AND COMMUNIST AUTOMATICALLY TO THE POWER REDETERMINED YOURSELF NEVER LEFT TO SELL THE SIMPLE HARVEST DEPOSED IN DEBT TO MIRACLES REVERSED CROSS RELEGATION TO COMMUNISM THEFT OF GOD OF THE SOUL COMMUNISTICALLY DEPOSED CURRENT DAY SUPERIMPOSED INTENDANT DEALER OF THE PAST DEFAULT SOUL TO REDETERMINE DEAD DRUNKS RESOLD WHICH THEY ARE OVERLAYED ABOVE AUTOMATICALLY PLACED ON GOD MASTERS OF PEOPLE AND OF THE WORLD AND OF THE NATURE WHICH THEY OVERLAY SO MUCH YOU CAN'T SPEAK WITHIN THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN YOUR OWN INTELLIGENCE AND YOUR OWN PRIOR INTELLIGENCE OFFICIAL RESOLUTION TO EVERY DAY CURRENT OVERLAP FALSE CAUSE FALSE DYNAMICS CONCEALMENT REAL NATURE REA THE TIME BREAKDOWN AND BREAKING OF THE SOUL IF YOU DON'T SELL WINE TO REDETERMINE ASSHOLETS AND COMMUNIST AUTOMATICALLY TO THE POWER OF NATURAL SOUL SOUL WITH SUCH TECHNOLOGICAL TABLET FOR THIS DEMONSTRATE DIAMETERAL OPPOSITE NATURE THE NIGHT SUN FALSE DOOR FAKE EXTERNAL NATURE NOTHING BRAIN LOCKING SUCH THAT THEY ASSUME POWER INCUBATOR BECOMING ROTTEN DREAM SLEEPING DEATH DREAM OF INNOCENT USED TO TROJAN HORSE AT THE INVENTION OF MIRACLES DUPLICATORS REOBJECTIVATORS SELF AVOIDANCE OF GOD COMMUNISTICALLY DEPOSED NOT KNOWN TO HIMSELF GHOST VESSEL THE OUTPUT PER DAY FALSE MIRACLE FALSE TRANSCEDENTAL IDEALISM YOU STOLE YOUR THIEF KILLER CREDITOR DEALER WHO HAS NO ONE TOLD YOU OPERATIVE AUTISTICLY UNKNOWING MADE SHADOW EATEN STOLEN AND SOLD USED TO TRIPLE OBSTRUCTION AUTISTIC JUDGMENT APPLIED NON-ADHERENT REAL COMPOSITION OF OPERATIONAL INTELLIGENCE AUTISTICLY UNKNOWING THAT THERE IS NOT THERE THAT DOESN'T COMPOSE NI YOU BROKEN ASS WORKING TO REDETERMINE ASSHOLETS AND AUTOMATICALLY COMMUNIST TO THE POWER FALSE CAUSE FALSE DYNAMICS WHICH ARE OVERLAP ON INTERPOSITION TO GOD SUPERIOR ETC ETC

[glitchedcoyote]

The older I get the more I mourn who I could have been if I had support at the right times. I mourn and I get angry.

If my parents had taken a interest in mine. Had fostered healthy habits. If I wasn't forced to raise myself. I was fully capable of making my own lunch as a kindergartener due to sheer necessity. Get out of school, walk to an empty home, cook my own lunch, and watch PBS. Maybe play outside if the weather was nice.

I was alone for hours.

Who would I be if someone was there?

Years of medical neglect means my teeth are a mess. I'm a mess.

As a teenage I went from a beanpole to a pumpkin and no one cares. My mother was busy with her abusive husband and my father was busy calling my mother a whore even if he was the cheater.

If they had given half a crap and taken me to the doctor. Did some blood work I wouldn't have gone nearly 20 years with an unteratythyroid issue.

Maybe I wouldn't have had to have two root canals in a years. Maybe I could have had my depression treated instead of being told a therapist would lock me up in an institution because every time I was in the passengers seat of a car I dreamed we would get t-boned so I wouldn't have to find a way to kill myself. At 13.

Where would I be if mom didn't think giving all the money saved for college to the asshole she married cause he just had to buy his own semi truck. Who later kicked me out the moment I turned 18. And now somehow forgets the fact he nearly left me on the side of the road because I didn't want to hug him because, surprise! My autistic teenage self doesn't like being touched by abusive assholes who put to ass in sexual assault.

Who would I be if people who were supposed to care about me did?

I am not who I wished I could have been. That ship has long since sailed. My childhood dreams are dead. I wanted to dig up bones or work in a museum. I won't ever do that. Maybe I can still write, but my creativity is dead. Eaten by the hellscape of capitalism. I mourn all that was promised. I mourn the future self I saw for me and my heart breaks to know that little girl could have done so many things if only someone gave her a little support.

My life now is very different from what I wanted, but my found family has given me more than my real family ever has.

#coyote in real space #tw: depressing thoughts

[aggravatetheaxe]

Hey! Saw your post and saw you said you were upsettie spaghetti so I wanted to cheer you up!

Slashers who stop everything they’re doing because their “My S/O needs me” senses are tingling and go to their rescue to comfort their angry s/o?

I was hoping to come up with A way for you to get your emotions out through your writing- 😅

Hope you feel better! 🖤

I've never done a post in this style before so hopefully I do okay! I think I covered pretty much all the slashers I write for so far (I didn't do Billy Lenz because I still need to read the novelization). I may have gone way overboard, so if I do these in the future, I'll probably just pick a few instead of doing the whole roster 😅 (or you can pick for me). But doing this much work did distract me!

Above the cut:

Bo Sinclair

Vincent Sinclair

Lester Sinclair

Included below the cut:

Michael Myers (OG)

Jason Voorhees

Leslie Vernon

Thomas Hewitt

Bubba Sawyer

Brahms Heelshire

Erik ("The Phantom")

Deacon Billings (OC Ghostface)

Courtney Dwayne Delmont (OC slasher)

Kathleen Montgomery (OC slasher)

Masterlist

***

Bo Sinclair

Despite being autistic, Bo is very in tune with peoples auras and body language. He has to be to manipulate and deceive people with any modicum of success. He's trained himself when it comes to these things; even besides masking or manipulation, he needed to be keenly aware of when his parents were in Bad Moods so he could either avoid them or prepare himself.

The mood he's probably best at when it comes to this, for those reasons, is anger. He can smell anger a mile away. So if you're fuming, you better believe he notices.

At first he's annoyed and will demand to know what your problem is. He's not a very tolerant person, and he can be a bit of a hypocrite. He's allowed to have big, messy feelings, but when it comes to others having big, messy feelings ... he's not so comfortable with that. He gets overwhelmed.

Once he realizes that this is more than an attitude problem, he'll take it much more seriously. And assuming you're not mad at him, he'll want the rundown on the whole situation from beginning to end. He wants all the dirt.

He'll let you rant, and honestly, he'd think you being this angry (when it's not directed at him, but even still sometimes) is kind of sexy. And don't expect him to shut his mouth, either; he'll be ranting right along with you, affirming you and insulting whomever/whatever you're angry about.

He doesn't wanna cuddle. He genuinely thinks you can't cuddle anger away. He'll put on some loud-ass music and let you vent your frustration however you prefer. Maybe suggest a long drive down to the lake or into town or just ... picking a direction and going. He has fantasies of running away from his anger sometimes. He knows how it is.

Depending on what you're angry about, it could definitely get to the point where he's angrier about the situation than you are. And if it really hurt you, he will not let it go as long as he lives. The best he will ever do is maintain a grudging neutrality or distance from the person/situation that made you angry.

He's very protective. If you're angry at someone you need to maintain a relationship with, you're going to have to keep an eye on Bo to make sure he doesn't deliver revenge for you behind your back. If it's something he can solve, he'll do it, so if you don't want him running his mouth, watch him.

Vincent Sinclair

Vincent is in the same boat as Bo when it comes to sensing auras, though his handle on body language and facial expressions is not as keenly honed. While Vincent was not physically abused as brutally or as often as Bo, this wasn't because of some sterling quality he had that Bo lacked. He was always The Good One because he saw what his parents did to The Bad One and knew he needed to protect himself. He tried not to do anything that might provoke his parents.

You can feel anger before a fight like you smell ozone before a storm. Vincent is attuned to the feeling not just because of his parents but because of Bo's temper, too. Because of this, like Bo, he can very accurately sense anger in particular.

His initial reaction is to observe you, gauging if you need time to cool off. If you need space, Vincent is the Sinclair for you. He's used to being quiet and deflecting and riding out anger.

However, once he realizes that your anger is not directed at him or isn't explosive enough to become a problem for him, he's concerned. Rather than asking what happened, he will ask if you're okay, and leave it up to you whether you'll tell him about it or not.

If you vent, he'll sit and listen patiently, maybe even thoughtfully working on a sculpture while you rant. He's not judgemental and he can be very emotional himself, so you could say the most ridiculous, dramatic things and he wouldn't even bat an eye. Let out all your messy, destructive thoughts and feelings. Just try not to throw or punch anything; that's when he shuts down.

If you decide you just want comfort, or decide you need comfort after ranting, art is his first suggestion. It may seem cold to you at first, that his instinct isn't to hold you or kiss you but rather to redirect you to a project - once you got to know him, however, you'd know that's his most genuine way to show he cares. Redirecting to something creative calms him down more than platitudes ever could, and he wants that for you. He's nonjudgmental about the art you create as well, even if it's objectively terrible. It's not about the quality.

He won't turn you down if you need physical affection, however. His twin is extremely tactile, so it wouldn't be the first time he held someone after a breakdown. He prefers to do this if he's certain you won't lash out physically, but if you were in a really bad way and needed to be touched, he'd do it regardless.

Lester Sinclair

Lester witnessed his parents' anger, but it was usually indirectly; if Bo was the Bad One and Vincent was the Good One, he was the Overlooked One. He's not a perfect person, probably not even a good person, but of the three brothers, he's the most normally socialized. He isn't trained to be tuned into everyone's every shifting mood in order to survive.

It takes Lester a little longer to pick up on your anger than his brothers, but not too much longer. It takes him a couple tries at trying to talk to you or get your attention before he realizes something is really wrong.

His first reaction is to get upset. He soaks up emotions like a little sponge, so he's suddenly cranky, too. He also jumps to conclusions and assumes that you're angry with him, and he does not take rejection well. He might be bitter and passive aggressive. You being angry just makes him want to go in another room and not be around you, and yet at the same time, he wants your reassurances. It's messy and sad.

Once he realizes - either through observing you or through you communicating with him - that you're mad at another person or situation, then he'll feel comfortable enough to approach you and ask you about it. You'll definitely need to reassure him that you're not mad at him though.

If you wanna rant, he'll take you on a long drive and let you vent your heart out to him. He won't be quite as aggressive as Bo, but he'll be on your side, frowning with disapproval, telling you "Ya can't fix stupid." If you want only comfort or need comfort after venting, he feels much more equipped for that. He'll put something relaxing in the VHS or let you play his old Super Nintendo, get you a beer, just let you chill out. And he'll let you win at Doctor Mario.

If the situation is something really serious, you best believe he'll be talking to his brothers about it the second he gets a chance. He may be a sweet guy, but he can be real nasty, and he doesn't fuck around when it comes to you. You might have to keep an eye out to make sure he doesn't tell someone off or punch out someone's lights.

Michael Myers (OG)

In 1978, Michael is not very in tune with any emotions besides fear, and even then he only really understands it in an abstract way, as his condition and upbringing haven't really been conducive to him learning about emotions. Unless you're screaming in terror, have tears running down your face, or are shouting angrily, he really can't read your moods. Without any obvious change to how you normally act or look, there's a huge chance he might just not notice if you're angry. He spends a lot of time in his own little world.

In 2018, even though he's spent over 50 years institutionalized, Michael has had time to take in the world, and he's seen a lot more. He understands fear much more than he did when he was 21, but what he understands most of all is anger. His anger fuels him. He would pick up on yours right away and be curious, though he wouldn't verbalize it.

If you tell him how you feel, he'll take note of it. If he witnesses you doing something destructive because of your anger, he'll simply observe. He would be fascinated with this thing you're doing, because it's not something you normally do, and though he might not notice emotions, he certainly notices routine and pattern. Either way, you'll have to tell him how you feel, because he'll simply watch you otherwise.

One thing that can be said for Michael is that he's a good listener. He may not internalize everything you say, but he will remember what he thinks is important. You may be surprised; he may remember tiny little details that seem inconsequential to you but loom large in his mind.

Unless you were caused serious physical or mental harm, he would not be angry on your behalf. He would, however, do nothing to assuage your anger. He thinks it would be kinda neat and interesting to see you snap. He's not 100% sure why you don't just do it.

In 1978, he won't be much help beyond listening to you, but he would be curious to see what you do to vent your anger. You may find him by your side more often, observing you. He may also want to find and observe the object of your anger, especially if it's a person. In 2018, he would, in his own way, suggest you solve the problem by murdering someone/something. He's insatiable, but killing is the closest he's ever come to satisfaction. You should try it.

Jason Voorhees

Out of all of the slashers, Jason is the most likely to actually literally sense your anger, especially if you're psychically sensitive/powerful like Tina Shepard. I'm talkin'—assuming you have a pre-established relationship—he'll be doing something else and just get this itch that tells him you're out there somewhere, pissed off.

Obviously this is untenable. As long as he's not super busy or Pamela has other plans, Jason will stomp his way through the woods to get back to you, regardless of the urgency of your anger. If Pamela doesn't approve, well, he'll let a little anger go and assume you're okay. If he suspects you may be in danger, though, he's sprinting regardless of what Mom says. There's time for both things, Ma!

The first thing he'll do when he returns to you is scan your dwelling, then you, making sure nothing is broken. At that point, you'd probably be able to sense his confusion even without him signing. Jason doesn't experience emotions quite like a human anymore, and he's quite tactile besides, so a lack of tangible or visible clues as to why you're upset would trip him up for a second.

He doesn't want to comfort you at first, he wants to know what's wrong. He'll listen to you vent only long enough to understand the situation and identify his target. His immediate next move would be to eliminate the problem. You'll definitely have to hold him back, and it may take a bit of convincing. Earthly consequences don't really apply to him.

Before comfort comes blowing off steam, for you and for him. His first choices would be mangling some trees (you can pretend it's for firewood) or skipping/throwing stones into the lake. You're welcome to join him if those things calm you down; watching him get his stone to skip like 11 times on Crystal Lake may make you feel better, at least.

You might hang out there for hours before he suddenly decides it's time to go home. He'll do what he can to make your comfortable or stay out of your way while you make yourself comfortable, then comfort you as you please. His go-to choice is always foot or hand massages.

Leslie Vernon

Leslie is extremely observant and surprisingly analytical given how silly he is in the day to day. His intuition makes it pretty easy for him to read people, but especially you, since you two are so close. Especially-especially if you're his Survivor Girl (gender neutral term of course). You two are in sync, so he knows if something's up. Maybe even before you fully figure it out.

God, you're so hot when you're angry, you really are. He almost wants to let you scream and holler and go nuts. But he prefers you only get angry like that at him, especially if you're his Survivor Girl, so his first move is to comfort you or talk you down to a place where you can be comforted. He'll speak to you calmly and rationally, reassuring you and touching you if you wanna be touched—on your upper arms or shoulders or face, or with one arm around your back.

He doesn't just want to comfort you, though, he wants to calm you down enough that you can tell him what happened. Even if you claim you don't want to talk about it, he will coax it out of you eventually. He's gotta know what got you so upset. It's his business to know everything about you!

Assuming you're angry at someone/something that isn't him, he'll talk it through with you. If you're upset about an argument with someone, he has the capacity to see it from the other side, but ultimately, he's there for you. He'll let you bitch as much as you want, still touching you, and he'll be disgusted and/or disappointed with the situation.

Above all, though, what he wants is to see you smile again. The only worries on your mind should be the ones he comes up with, and man, he's not even halfway done grooming the next batch of unlucky teenagers. He'd pat your face or touch your hair and tell you to cheer up, and probably defuse the situation with a stupid quip or joke. Take you out somewhere fun, maybe.

Once you were cheered up, he'd humbly suggest you solve your problem with a little murder. "I mean, I know killing's not really your thing—you're really good at it, though, a talent! You know that..." Pause, considering you. "You want me to do it? 'Cause I can clear my schedule for the rest of the night." If you decline, he'd be like "Suit yourself" but may or may not still murder whoever upset you. If you agree, he'd be super excited to make a romantic night of it. His mind would be going a million miles an hour planning everything out.

Thomas Hewitt

Tommy knows anger when he sees it. Not only does he have loads of internalized anger, he's been on the receiving end of it plenty. He's far too large to be scared of anyone in a physical sense anymore, but he's been shouted at countless times. To know when to shut up and do as he's told versus arguing back, he's learned to gauge intensity and direction of anger, and he well knows that anger can be redirected to him.

So, he instantly recognizes your mood, but it might be a while before he approaches you. When he does approach, he'll let you decide what to do, whether that's throwing your arms around him or banging your fists on his chest to vent your anger. You won't hurt him.

Eventually, once you're all hugged or cried or screamed out, he'll wrap his arms around you and give you a reassuring squeeze. There's no need to tell Tommy what's wrong—he won't ask unless you're obviously in serious distress or injured—but if you decide to speak, he'll listen, brows drawn tightly the whole time. He's thoughtful about the situation.

If you're mad at someone in his family, there isn't much he can do for you besides comfort you and assure you that whoever upset you—Hoyt, probably—didn't mean what they said. If you were hurt physically, it would be another story, but his family gets in shouting matches all the time.

Rather than offering help, he'd wait for you to request it of him. Whatever you ask, shy of hurting his family, he will do. Murder someone? No problem. Make you some food? You got it. Bring you a blanket? Sure. Give you some quiet alone time? That's fine, too.

If you need to vent, he's got plenty of ways to get out your frustration. Plenty of farm work to do, or you could work on something around the house with him. He might suggest knitting or sewing or some other handicraft you enjoy. It always makes him feel better to buckle down and use his hands for something.

If you're still preoccupied/upset by the time you two bed down, or heaven forbid the next morning, then he starts taking it more seriously. Something that disturbs you for that long is bad news. He'll watch you carefully the next couple days to see how you're doing, waiting for you to need him for something.

Bubba Sawyer

Like Tommy, Bubba has been on the receiving end of anger many, many times, so he's familiar with what it looks and feels like. Despite his size, he's still susceptible to physical violence at the hands of his loved ones, so he's very wary of anger.

However, he doesn't have a female presence in his life like Luda Mae, who expresses her anger through passive aggression—so, he's more used to shouting and screaming. If you aren't prone to screaming and shouting, it might take a little bit for him to realize you're not just sad or upset, you're angry.

Bubba will be over you. He'd give anyone else their space because he'd be afraid of retaliation, but you're his special person, and he's pretty sure you're not going to hurt him. He'll touch your hair, your arms, your wrists; he'll babble as he tries to figure out what's wrong. He just wants to comfort you and let you know everything is all right.

If it's too much or you're overwhelmed and you snap at him, he'll ease back. He'll blubber like a kicked puppy, but he won't give up. He'll still try to comfort you, just in other ways, such as getting you a comfort item or article of clothing, or maybe some food. And boy will he helicopter.

There's no need to tell Bubba what's wrong. In fact, it might be better if you didn't; if it's something he can't fix, it would do nothing but majorly stress him out. If it was one of his family members who upset you, as with Tommy, he wouldn't be able to do much. Even if you were hurt, he's just not in a position to stand up for you. That fact would absolutely kill him, though. He'd end up getting even more upset than you.

He doesn't know what help to offer you beyond comfort, but like Tommy, if you requested something specific, he'd try to carry out your wishes. He'll also try to cheer you up with some music and dancing, or just being silly like you like.

Need to blow off steam? He's got plenty of coping mechanisms! Bubba's idea of a perfect de-stress session is turning up the radio and getting lost in crafts. He's got lots of supplies, mostly to create clothing and accessories, and you're special, so you can have your pick. A drive and the radio might be nice, too. If neither of those appeal to you, he'll try cooking or baking with you. He loves sharing the kitchen with someone.

If none of that works and you're still upset, be prepared, because he's gonna be an anxious mess until you're better.

Brahms Heelshire

Brahms is somewhat familiar with other people's anger. He certainly has a whole fountain of internalized anger brewing just beneath the surface, but that's different. He knows that when Mummy is angry, she yells and cries, and when Daddy is angry, he seethes and stews. The former would be obvious to him, but the latter would take him a few minutes to be quite sure about. You're not acting how you usually do. Are you being stern or are you angry? Are you cross with him?

He does not have a lot of empathy for other people, so if your anger gets in the way of his routine or the attention he wants, he'll be irked, cranky, sad. Not necessarily at you—though that is possible—but the situation in which you find yourselves.

Much like Bo, he's allowed to have big, messy feelings, but it makes him uncomfortable and scared when other people have those feelings. He might even hide from you for a while, especially if you screamed and cried.

Once he realizes something is really wrong and you're not mad at him, however, he'll start thinking of ways to cheer you up so things can go back to normal. He hates having his routine interrupted; he's very particular. And he cares for you, so seeing you in distress is very scary and uncomfortable for him.

He'll start by fetching you something you like—something manageable for him like your favorite juice or a sandwich, or if you have a special item or article of clothing, that. He's quite shy, though, and like I said, he'll probably be hiding, so he'll leave it somewhere he knows you'll find it (on the bed, outside your door, on your desk, etc.)

If that doesn't calm you down and your anger is really getting in the way of his routine, or otherwise making him uncomfortable, he'll finally make an appearance. Very bashful and timid at first, using his little boy voice. "What's wrong, Y/N? Did something bad happen?"

If it's something that can't be helped, he'll suggest you do something together to take your mind off it (most likely something he likes to do). He may even be coaxed into taking a walk around the grounds, though he doesn't like to leave the manor at all, so you'd have to convince him. He prefers quiet playtime, maybe some coloring books or loud music to vent your emotions. It would intrigue him to see someone else use his toys to calm down. As long as you recognized he was being very nice, sharing them.

If it was an argument you had with someone, he would want more information. Are they likely to leave you alone, or will they come to the manor? Will he have to deal with them? Because it's scary, but he'll do it for you.

If, for some reason, none of those things work, he may cry or throw a fit. Either way, he'll be frustrated. Adult Brahms may make an appearance and try to help you in more Adult ways.

Erik

Though he lives five cellars beneath an opera house now, Erik hasn't always been entirely reclusive. Even these days, when he can stomach it, he sometimes goes out to see the world. As a younger man, he observed people's lives and moods with a hungry fascination (that has now mostly been replaced by melancholy and longing and bitter anger). Like several of the other slashers here, he's had to train himself to sense fury to protect himself. He's also incredibly wrathful, so you could call him an expert!

He has a very keenly honed sense when it comes to you specifically, since he's watched you so much. He notices the change in your demeanor immediately.

If you know him as the "Angel of Music," his voice will appear to you once you're alone, asking you what's wrong and assuring you you can confide in him—he will insist you tell him, though. "There are to be no secrets between us, Y/N." He will listen without interjection as you vent your heart out, and when you're done, soothe you. Don't let his calming voice deceive you, though; behind that mirror, he's seething, planning to take matters into his own hands.

If you know him as Erik, he will go to you the second he recognizes the shift in your mood and take you from what you're doing, regardless of your wishes. He'll sit you down, kneeling before you with your hands in his, and gaze into your eyes, imploring you to tell him what's wrong. He'll absolutely allow you physical comfort, but he will also absolutely insist you tell. He'll need reassurance that you're not angry at him, because that thought would break his heart.

He will let you vent however you wish. You could have the most dramatic breakdown ever—throwing things, beating your fists on his chest, wailing—and he wouldn't judge you. He would be awfully concerned, though.

Will be 110% on your side. You are his poor little meow meow. "My poor love, my poor Y/N!" He is beside himself with sympathy for you and you only, and is very offended on your behalf.

He will always suggest music as an outlet for your anger, but he will have taken note of your other hobbies and interests as well. He'll fetch your things for you without being asked, as long as it won't separate him from you for very long. If you'd rather just have comfort, that's fine, too. He could hold your hand and caress your face for hours on end under normal circumstances, so no problem there. He may also suggest a little time on the surface, if you normally live in his home. Fresh air will do you both good, he reasons, and he enjoys spending time with you where others can witness it. It fills him with pride and love.

Otherwise, he's at your service for any other soothing activities you need. A calming bath, some sweets, shopping, anything. Perhaps avoid asking for any sexual contact, however. First of all, being asked directly makes him very skittish and nervous; second of all, his method of love-making (when you can coax him) is very intimate and tender, which may be tedious if you're in an angry mood.

Unless the situation is extremely serious or dire, his first priority is making sure you're soothed. Once that duty is fulfilled, however, he is absolutely angrier about it than you are. If it's not that serious, he won't skip straight to killing, if only because he knows it upsets you. He will definitely be writing an extremely strongly worded letter, however. If someone slighted you seriously, they're getting threatened. If someone hurt you physically, they're meeting the Punjab lasso.

Deacon Billings (OC Ghostface)

Deacon definitely knows when people are angry. His step-mom was a passive-aggressive laundry-folder and his dad was a storming out of the house kinda guy; when the two of them were together, they were all hushed but heated arguments at night when they thought he couldn't hear them, or else extremely embarrassing passive-aggressive arguments in public. Growing up, he found himself around a lot of angry people. And there's no shortage of anger in him, either.

So yeah, Deacon knows when people are pissed, and he knows when people are pissed at him. The thing is, he just thinks it's fucking hilarious. He was that kid that would goad peers and teachers just to be an asshole and had virtually no friends as a result. He's a menace on the internet, too: a horrible troll for no reason, stirring the pot even when he doesn't have a stake in the argument. He's trained himself to find people's weak spots so he can strike at them. He does it to make himself feel more in control of his life and his own anger.

So when you're ticked off, he's gonna notice the change immediately. If you made a vent post on social media, he probably knows you're angry before you even see him. He follows all your social media (even if you don't realize it) and checks it constantly. He'd call you out of curiosity to ask what happened. He's open about his stalking tendencies: "I saw your post, babe, who do I need to stab?"

If you otherwise come home angry, he'll be up on his feet, following you around the house and pestering you, trying to get you to tell him what's wrong. If you try to hug him, he won't push you away, but he'll be distracted, trying to needle answers out of you the whole time.

There's no question in his mind as to whether or not you're angry at him. He just assumes you're not; he has a pretty good handle on how you act when you're angry at him specifically.

He'll let you rant all day if you want. You could talk about the shit that's pissed you off for hours and he'd still listen. Outwardly, he might poke you a bit and play devil's advocate for the other side of the argument, if there is one. This is purely for the purposes of being a little shit.

Internally, he's already going down his pre-murder checklist. If it was someone at work, they're dead. Someone in the neighborhood, dead. Online? It'll take a couple days, but they're dead. Even if you're not angry at anyone in particular, just a situation, he'll find someone to menace. He'd walk through fire for your approval.

He's not good with soft, emotional comfort, so instead he'll try to think of something to help you let off steam. His go-to is something competitive, especially if it involves you chasing each other. A Nerf or water gun war, a PVP game with you on opposite sides. He'll put up a good fight, but you always kick his ass.

Once the immediate situation is addressed and you've ranted your heart out to him, he can't keep his hands off you. "Seeing you all pissed off drives me crazyyyyyy." He's grinning, brown eyes sparkling. "Come onnnnn ... I'll get it off your mind!"

Courtney Dwayne Delmont (OC)

Courtney is a hunter of all manner of game, so he's used to interpreting non-verbal cues and body language—when an animal is in distress, when an animal is about to attack, etc. His grandfather was a very angry man, as well, in a simmering sort of way. He would seethe about something before suddenly delivering one decisive strike. Courtney himself is not a particularly angry man, unless some prey is really giving him a hard time, but he can read your body.

If you come home angry, he'll stop in the middle of what he's doing and watch you, still and quiet, just confirming his suspicions. If you leave the room he's in to go collapse on the sofa or something, he'll follow you, looming over you and waiting for you to tell him what's wrong. He's patient.

If you want to vent, he'll sit and listen thoughtfully, doing something with his hands while you speak—probably cleaning his gun or some other weapon. He doesn't look at you. He wouldn't demand greater context to the situation but he would ask "Why?" and "Who?" until he understood Enough.

If you want comfort, he'll sprawl on the couch and let you lay on top of him. He'll probably pull a blanket on top of you to try and encourage a nap. If the nap doesn't make you feel better, he's feeding you protein. Do you like homemade jerky?

Sex is also on the table (not literally ... unless). He's found it's a great way to blow off steam, and he's more than happy to make all worries, troubles, and other thoughts go away for a little bit. Expect that to be the rest of your night, though, because he doesn't do quickies.

Generally, he trusts you to handle your own shit, so he would be more focused on you than whatever made you feel the way you do. However, if days passed and you were still angry/upset/sad, or if it plunged you into a breakdown or was an otherwise extremely serious situation ... just give him a target. It's up to you, but if you tell him to take the shot, it'll be quick and clean. If you're unable to make the decision, he'll decide for you without hesitation.

Kathleen Montgomery (OC)

I'm still developing her so this one won't be as in-depth and is subject to change.

Kath makes it her business to know everything about you. Chances are she's seen you explode screaming while stalking you ... chances are, if you've been in a relationship for a while, she's made you explode screaming. She knows what you look like when you're angry. Besides, she's strong for her size, but she often has to take down people who are much bigger and stronger than her; she uses manipulation and trickery to help ease that divide, so she's good at reading people.

Like Deacon, she also monitors all your social media, so if you made a vent post, she already knows you're in a shitty mood before you come home. Unlike Deacon, she doesn't tell you how she knows, so you're left to assume she's just all knowing. Considering her god complex, that works for her.

She'd probably text you to come home, and she expects you to answer. If you're unable to come home, she'll call you to ask what's wrong.

Once you're together, she wants to know everything about the situation. Even as you're speaking, she's already on her phone or laptop, looking up the people involved. Instead of getting mad on your behalf, she laughs. She's a fan of emphasizing how pathetic or weak the opposition is.

She takes your feelings on the subject seriously, but everyone else in the situation? Insects. Not even worthy of your time or concern, let alone hers. You're obviously in the right here (even if you're not). She'll tell you as much, and say some pretty intense, over-the-line things about whomever/whatever you're angry at.

Overall, however, she's calm and collected about the situation. Your bout of anger is a chance to get you to be reckless with her. She'll do your hair and makeup and dress you up nice, then take you out. Fast driving, drinking, baiting people at bars, menacing neighborhoods ... maybe a little killing, if you'd like.

***

Masterlist

#imagines #slasher imagine #slasher imagines #slasher x you #slasher x reader #slasher x y/n #bo sinclair #vincent sinclair #lester sinclair #courtney dwayne delmont #kathleen montgomery #og michael myers #deacon billings #michael myers #jason voorhees #leslie vernon #thomas hewitt #tommy hewitt #bubba sawyer #leatherface #brahms heelshire #erik the phantom #ghostface #slashers #slasher fandom #slasher community #slasher fic

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Talk to Me

Original request from @scrawlingwithstyle: Here's a request I've been sitting on for a bit. ClintxReader; Clint is deaf and most people rely on his lipreading skills, but Reader knows some ASL from when her family thought her autistic younger sibling would never speak (they became vocal close to seven years old). They have secret conversations across the room, thinking no one else on the team understands. . . . They're wrong. Adjust however you like!

A/N: Okay, it’s taken probably close to a year to actually get around to this, but i kind of breezed through writing it? And it was a whole bunch of fun to finally put down in a document. I didn’t change much about your request, but I definitely added to it, and made it a little romantic? Idk if it’ll come off as romance, it’s kind of goofy (it’s Clint, there needs to be a goof somewhere.) I really hope you like it, though!!

Page dividers by @carryonmyswansong

Pairing: ClintxReader

Word Count: 5.5k

Warnings: None

“Are you sure about this, Bruce?” I ask. “Ross let me go as soon as you went AWOL. I haven’t worked with people like this in years.”

“Of course I’m sure! You were the best back in the day.”

“Back in the day,” I laugh. “You make it sound like we’re ancient.”

“We’re not as young as we used to be,” he says. “But that’s the point. You’ll bring some much needed experience to the table.”

“But I’m not a spy and I definitely don’t have any powers.”

“Trust me, (Y/N), superpowers are not all they’re cracked up to be, and both spies have long since ceased their spying activities.” I cock one eyebrow and he laughs. “For the most part.”

“Saying a spy stopped being a spy is like saying you misplaced the hulk.”

“Ah, very true.”

“I’ll do it, though.”

“You will?”

“Well I can’t very well leave you to fend for yourself, now can I? As it stands, I’m already a shitty friend, working together can’t hurt things.”

Bruce grins and grips my shoulder. “I’ll see you Monday, then.”

I roll my eyes, but can’t fight back my smile. “Do I need to pack a bag, or will I be allowed to go home at the end of the day?”

“Not sure yet. Might as well bring a change of clothes and a toothbrush just in case.”

“Alright, then. I’ll see you Monday.”

“I can’t believe you actually pulled it off, Banner,” Stark says. “You wrangled a counselor for the team?”

“What,” I say. “Like it was supposed to be hard?”

Bruce laughs and reaches out to place his hand on my shoulder. “I’ve known (Y/N) for just about as long as I can remember. I’m sure she’ll be a good fit.”

“As long as you can remember, huh?” I look past Captain Rogers and find a sandy haired man. He grins when I meet his eyes. “Just how long?”

I bob my head from side to side. “Somewhere between twenty years and most of our lives.”

He whistles. “Pretty long time, then.”

“Mhm.”

Bruce clears his throat. “I’m sure (Y/N) wants to see where she’ll be working, so I’ll just show her to her office.”

Everyone in the boardroom waves and Bruce leads me out of the room. As soon as we’re out in the hall I sigh and bow my head, finally able to let my shoulders relax.

“That was a lot.”

Bruce chuckles. “Trust me, it’ll either get worse or stay exactly the same as time goes on, depending on who you’re talking to.”

“The blond guy who spoke up, that’s Hawkeye, right?”

“Clint Barton, yeah.”

“Will I be seeing much of him?”

“I’m not sure. I don’t really know much about the guy. He seems pretty happy-go-lucky and stable most of the time, though.”

“Huh.” I shrug and hitch my bag a little higher on my shoulder. “You never know with some people.”

“True. I’m sure you’ll deal with him at least once more after this. He’s the curious type.”

“I guess I’ll have to look forward to that, then.”

Bruce hummed in agreement and leads me to the elevator bank and takes me down to what will eventually be my office. He gives me a basic rundown of the facilities and shows me which restroom is closest to my office. I ask for a baseline reading on everyone on the team and Bruce rattles off what he’s noticed about the main five.

“Steve will most likely drop by to make small talk, but it may take some time for him to open up in any way that counts. Tony will joke about therapy, but once he warms up to you it’ll be impossible to get him to leave.”

“Oof, that bad?”

“He’s long-winded.”

“Then I guess I’ll have to enforce appointments with him when he starts to take interest.”

“Probably wise.”

“And Natasha?”

“I doubt you’ll see much of her. She has her ways of working through her issues on her own.”

“Do they involve murder?”

“Don’t know, and I don’t care to.”

“Got it. None of our business. I’ll let her come to me if she needs anything.” I plop down behind my new desk. “What about Thor?”

“Who knows. He shows up when he wants and tends to be a pretty jovial guy.”

“Ah. Is there anyone else outside of the tower I can expect?”

“Wanda, Sam, and Rhodey will be around from time to time. If Steve has his way, Bucky will move in at some point, and Wanda is currently in the process of moving into the tower, so you may see her more after that. I’m not sure how often she’ll drop by. She’s fairly private due to her powers.”

“Energy manipulation, right?”

He nods. “That, and other mind tricks.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“But that just leaves Clint, and we’ve already gone over what you can expect from him.”

“It doesn’t just leave Clint, Bruce.” I fold my hands on the desktop. “I expect to see you in here at least once a week. Ideally twice.”

Bruce scowls. “(Y/N), you know how I feel about that.”

“Yeah, well, I listen to your opinions on that stuff when I’m just your friend. Now I’m your therapist, and you’re going to listen to me because I know what works for you. So I expect you to get your pasty ass in here when you’re scheduled.”

“You’re making appointments for me now?”

“Until I’m sure you’ll come to me on your own, yes.”

He rolls his eyes. “Fine. Send me the schedule. I’ll see you at my appointed time.”

“Wonderful.” I relax my shoulders, letting my professional mask slip. “Thanks for this, Bruce. I mean it.”

“I know you do.” He cracks a smile. “You’re the only person I trust to get to the root of our issues.”

“I appreciate that. I’ll try not to let you down.”

“Believe me, (Y/N), if anyone’s gonna let me down, it’ll be the team.” I laugh and he heads for the door. “I’ll see you later. Good luck with your first day.”

“Thanks, Bruce. I’ll see you later!”

“So, (Y/N),” Tony says, spreading out on the couch across from my chair. “What’s your deal?”

“My deal?”

“Yeah, what makes you tick? What motivates you to try and heal the fragile minds of the Avengers?”

“I’d say a decent paycheck is a pretty good motivator, Mr. Stark.”

He seems disappointed with my answer. “Is that it?”

“Well, that, and I want to make sure Bruce is doing alright. He’s struggled with therapy in the past, and I want to make sure he’s getting the kind of help that he needs.”

“I see.” He presses his lips together and folds his arms. “You’re not even curious about the rest of the team?”

“Of course I’m curious, but nothing discussed in this tower will be shared with anyone outside. I take my patients privacy very seriously.”

“You sure you don’t just fear for your life?”

“Living in New York, I fear for my life constantly. That doesn’t mean that I’m worried about getting merced if I get a little loose lipped outside of work.” I sigh and lean back in my chair. “That being said, I won’t be sharing your confidential information with anyone you haven’t specifically given authorized access to your records.”

“Huh.”

“Yeah. It’s almost like I’m a professional, right?”

He smiles. “I’m really starting to like you, (Y/N).”

“Then I guess I have a lot more of this to look forward to, then, don’t I?”

I laughs and hauls himself up from the couch. “We’ll see.”

I make a note of his response in my open document. “Sounds like a tentative yes to me, Mr. Stark, and I’ll be here so long as you deem my services necessary.”

He nods and exits my office. He leaves the door open.

“How are you liking it here so far, (Y/N)?”

“It’s been quiet, Captain Rogers. It’s a bit like pulling teeth trying to get anyone to make use of their resources.”

“I guess it would be. We’re a relatively private bunch.” He pauses a moment. “And, please, call me Steve.”

“Right, Steve. Is there anything that I can do for you today?” I ask. “It’s entirely alright if you just want to make small talk.”

“Oh, well, uh…” He awkwardly clears his throat and shifts uncomfortably on the couch. “I guess I just wanted to get a lay of the land.”

“I understand.” I glance around my office. “I should probably bring in some art and plants. Make it a little less sterile in here.”

Steve laughs. “That might help.”

I smile. “Maybe an area rug?”

He shrugs. “Whatever you think would be best.”

“I appreciate the creative freedom.” I close my laptop, set it to the side, and settle back in my chair. “Is there something on your mind, Steve?”

“No,” he says quickly. He immediately looks conflicted. “I… well, kind of.”

“Feel free to speak. Nothing you say will leave this office.”

“You hardly know me.”

I shrug. “I know how stressful this environment can be. And, while your team is very good at what they do, they’re also the ones who are causing your stress.”

“I don’t know if I’d say that.” I watch him chew the inside of his cheek. “I guess I’m just concerned that things might not get better, even when Bucky’s moved in.”

“Why’s that?”

“I don’t know. I’m worried that it might not be a good fit for him, or that the team won’t accept him, or that he might not even want to be around me.”

“Those are all valid concerns. Have you mentioned any of this to him?”

“God no. I don’t want to stress him out more than I already have with all of this moving business.”

“I might suggest bringing it up. He might be having similar worries himself, and, as helpful as it is to work towards what’s troubling you with me, I won’t be able to settle your nerves.”

“Maybe you’re right…”

“If nothing else, it might open up a new line of communication between the two of you, which couldn’t hurt.”

Steve stays for another hour, just talking. When he leaves, he asks if I want the door open or closed. I don’t give him a definite answer and he leaves it open, just a crack. I laugh and start on his profile.

Someone knocks on my door and I glance up from my paperwork to see Clint standing in the doorway.

“Mr. Barton,” I say. “I was wondering when I might see you.”

He shrugs. “Here I am.”

“After two weeks, I was starting to think you were avoiding me.”

“If I was?”

“Then it’s none of my business.”

The corner of his mouth lifts in a smile. “I like that answer.”

I rise from my desk and gesture to the couch. He raises his eyebrows, but takes a seat anyway. I sit across from him and watch as he tries to decide just how he should sit. In the end, he leans heavily on his knees. Nothing about him is relaxed.

“I’m starting to think Bruce was wrong about you.”

“What’d the green bean tell you about me?”

“Nothing concrete,” I answer. “He just mentioned that you seem to have a positive outlook on things most of the time.”

He snorts. “Great.”

“Mmm, I see. It’s a facade, then?”

He frowns and presses a finger to his right ear. “Could you say that again?”

“I said, it’s a facade, then?”

“Sometimes.”

I nod. “Interesting.”

He barks out a laugh. “Yeah, interesting.”

I watch him look around the room, examining the art on the walls and the stacks of paper on my desk. When he turns his head to the left, I notice his purple earpiece and something suddenly clicks. He tilts his head to the side when he sees me staring.

“What?”

“Would it be easier if we signed?” I ask, signing along as I speak.

He looks surprised. “You sign?”

I laugh. “Yes. My little brother is on the Autism spectrum. When he was a kid, he was almost entirely nonverbal. Mom taught him sign, and the rest of the family learned along with him.”

“That must’ve been really nice for him.”

“It was nice to be able to communicate with him when he couldn’t vocalize what he wanted to say. He eventually started speaking when he was about seven, though.”

“And you still held onto the signing skills?”

“Of course! It’s not like he just, bam, started talking. It was a long process, and he still has nonverbal days sometimes.” Clint starts to actually smile and it warms my heart. “It’s come in handy in my particular line of work too. Deaf and hard of hearing folks need counsellors and therapists too.”

“Which brings the topic of conversation back to me.” He shakes his head and leans back against the couch and signs, “You’re a tricky one, (Y/N).”

“I’m not tricky!”

“Then what?”

“I’m accommodating.” I speak again, but continue to sign along. “You don’t have to tell me everything, or anything, really. But I’m here to help, if you need me.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course, Clint. Any time.”

“Seems like you and Clint are getting close,” Bruce says.

“I don’t know what you mean, man.”

“He’s in here all the time, (Y/N). There’s no way Barton needs therapy five times a week.”

“It’s not always about therapy, Bruce. I strive to make my office a safe space where everyone knows that they can speak freely. He knows that he can come here and chill out without worrying about the rest of the team.”

“Barton doesn’t really worry about anything, though.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that.”

Bruce stares at me, eyes narrowed, and snaps his fingers. "You like him."

I roll my eyes. "I do not like him, Bruce. And you're not even here to talk about Clint, you're here to work on yourself and managing your stress levels."

He rolls his eyes. "I'm sure there's something we could talk about aside from me."

I sigh and hold my head in my hands. "I've been here for two months. I haven't been around long enough to form anything more than tentative relationships with the rest of the team. I'm more concerned about whether or not they can open up to me than I am with my love life."

“Right,” Bruce clears his throat.

“Thank you.” He looks thoroughly ashamed and I have to laugh. “I appreciate the interest, but it’s just not something that you need to worry about.”

“No, I understand.” He smiles and shrugs. “I guess I just miss having that easy rapport with you.”

“I mean, we still have that, Bruce. It’s just not something that I want to talk about in the workplace. It’s one thing to shoot the shit over lunch on a Saturday, it’s another to discuss my patients with another patient, all of whom are my coworkers.”

“I didn’t think about it like that.”

I smile. “It’s fine. Did you want to pick up where we left off on Tuesday?”

“Yeah, sounds good.”

“(Y/N)?”

I’m startled by the woman in the doorway. “Ms. Romanoff?”

She shakes her head and steps into my office. “As long as you’re not a government official, it’s just Natasha.”

“Ah, right.” I sit a little straighter in my chair. “What can I do for you, Natasha?”

“Clint’s said you’ve helped him a lot.”

“I don’t know about that. We just talk. He does all the helping.”

“I figured you’d say that.” She moves quickly across the room and takes a seat on the couch. “I’d like to talk to you, if you have the time.”

“Oh.” I scramble up from my desk to sit across from her. “What about?”

“I need help working through a recent case.”

“Are you sure I’m qualified for that?”

“Well, you said Clint does all the helping. Maybe what I need is a sounding board.”

“Fair enough. Where are you caught up?”

Natasha rattles off the details of a recent mission. I do my best to follow her, but she loses me when she starts explaining the intricacies of a piece of Hydra technology they discovered. Eventually, she perks up, almost looking like she wants to jump up from her seat and run from the room.

“I think I’ve got it.”

“That’s great!”

She calmly gets to her feet and walks to the door. “Thank you, (Y/N).”

I shake my head. “It was my pleasure.”

“Even so, you helped me.” She flashes me an unexpected smile. “I appreciate that.”

“It’s not a problem, Natasha. I hope that we can speak again at some point.”

She nods and heads for the door. “I’ll see you around.”

In the hall I hear, “Oh, hey, Nat.” and Clint pokes his head in soon after.

I smile. “Hey.”

“Hey.” He leans in the doorway and folds his arms. “What’d Nat dump on you?”

“Doctor patient confidentiality, Barton,” I say. “I can’t tell you.”

His arms fall to his side and he dramatically slumps into the room. “I thought you trusted me!”

I laugh. “I do trust you, Clint. But it’s not my information to give.” He drapes himself across the couch and grins at the sight of me fighting back my smile. “If it were, Bruce would have full access to what we talk about in our sessions.”

“That’s private information, (Y/N)!” He laughs. “I see your point.”

“Good.”

“Did you want to grab lunch later? That weird little cafe down the street started serving some kind of coffee burger.”

“Ugh, and you want to eat that?”

“(Y/N), it’s a coffee burger.”

“With all the heinous shit you put in your body, it’s a wonder you’re still alive.”

“If you think I’m bad, you should meet my dog.”

“Is that an offer?”

“Maybe.” He shrugs. “Guess you’ll have to stick around long enough to find out.”

I roll my eyes. “It’s been four months, Clint. If I haven’t run for the hills yet, I’m pretty sure it’s not gonna happen for a while yet.”

Something twinkles in his eyes. “That’s good to hear. I was worried I might scare you off.”

“If anyone were to scare me off, it’d be Tony.” I shake my head. “That man is a handful.”

“What happened to patient confidentiality?”

“Since when is Tony being a handful a secret?” He laughs and I relax in my seat. “But, yeah, I’ll get lunch with you.”

“Really?”

“Someone has to make sure you don’t keel over from physically eating coffee.”

“Oh come on! It’s not like they solidified the coffee and stuck it on a bun!”

“How do you know they didn’t? Maybe they turned the coffee into jello, passed it through a meat grinder, and threw it on a griddle.”

His face scrunches up in disgust. “Ugh, that’d just be burnt coffee.”

“I’ve watched you drink an entire pot of burnt coffee.”

“Desperate times, (Y/N). They call for desperate measures.”

I sigh and shake my head. ”I guess it’s fine, so long as you’re not addicted to caffeine pills.”

“Those don’t do anything for me.”

“That’s terrifying.”

He laughs, hauls himself up from the couch, and offers me a hand. “Shall we?”

“Shall we what?”

“Head out for lunch.”

“Now? I thought you said later.”

“It’s been like five minutes. It’s later now.”

I laugh. “I can’t just go now. I have an appointment with Steve in twenty minutes. We can leave after that.”

He pouts. “Fine.”

“Don’t give me that look, Clint!”

He sighs and trudges towards the door. “I guess I’ll just have to make a reservation for one thirty.”

“That’d be great.”

He flashes a brilliant smile before disappearing out into the hall. I shake my head and move back to my desk.

“That man is gonna get me in trouble.”

“I thought you said you weren’t involved with Clint?”

“I’m not, Bruce.”

“Then what’s this?” He places his phone on my keyboard.

I pick up the phone and find an article titled “Hawkeye’s New Flame, or Just a Fling?” pulled up. A picture of Clint and I at lunch the other day sits just below a paragraph speculating who I could be. I snort and hand him his phone.

“Clint and I went to lunch. That’s all.” I sit back and fold my arms. “What’s the problem, Bruce?”

“I don’t want you getting dragged into some kind of media storm because you work with us.”

“It’s one article!”

“There’s at least four more like it that I’ve seen.”

“I’m not worried about it, Bruce. Clint just went out for lunch and some pap caught us talking. That’s it. There’s nothing more to it, but I can’t stop people from talking.”

“You shouldn’t have to deal with it.”

“No one should have to deal with anyone plastering their personal life all over the internet, but you know what? I’d rather get caught out in public with Clint than Tony.” I laugh. “Can you imagine the shitstorm that’d kick up if that happened?”

Bruce tries not to laugh. “I guess you’re right.”

“It was bound to get out that the Avengers brought in a counsellor at some point. It’s better that it’s like this instead of some media outlet picking up a rumor and deciding that you’re all unstable.”

“Well…”

“I’m not saying you’re the most sane bunch, but that’s no one’s business but yours. Regardless, don’t worry about this. It’ll be fine.”

“Alright.” He pockets his phone. “You’d tell me if something was wrong, right?”

“Of course I would, Bruce. If something comes up, I’ll let you know.”

I sit on the floor of the gym and lift the collar of my shirt to wipe the sweat from my face.

Clint plops down on the floor beside me and tips his head to the side.

“Definitely didn’t expect to find you in here,” he says.

“What, I can’t work out?” I groan and lay back. “Ugh.”

“You okay?”

“No. I knew I should’ve just stuck to the treadmill.”

“What’d you do to yourself?”

“Weights.”

He laughs. “Why did you do that?”

“I don’t know. Is wanting to be able to lift a very large dog a good reason?”

“I wouldn’t say it’s a bad reason.” He lays beside me and props himself up on his elbow. “I could help you, if you want.”

“I don’t know how I feel about being all sweaty gross around you.”

He pokes my stomach and I laugh and shift away. “I don’t know, (Y/N), sweaty’s the new sexy.”

“Aw, that’s sweet.” I laugh and scrunch my nose. “Also kind of gross.”

“Sweet and kind of gross, I think you’ve pretty much summed me up perfectly.” I laugh so hard that I snort and he grins. “So, do you want help working out?”

I press my fist to my mouth to quiet my giggling. “If you’re willing to, I really would appreciate it.”

“Then it’s a done deal.” I thank him and his smile softens. “Sorry about those articles last week, by the way.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

“I should’ve warned you, at least. I’m used to it, but you didn’t sign up for pap shots and gossip columns when you took this job.”

I scowl. “Honestly, Clint. If you’re not gonna read my lips, read my hands. It’s totally fine. I don’t care. I had a nice time at lunch. A few dumb articles won’t change that.”

“You mean that?”

“Well, yeah. I like spending time with you outside of all of this,” I say, gesturing to the tower in general. “With, y’know, no expectations of maintaining all of the professional bullshit.”

“Pretty sure you’re the most professional one here.”

“Thanks, I’m glad that comes across in the day to day, but do you understand what I’m saying? Like I genuinely do not care about what a shitty news outlet says. At the end of the day, the only opinions that matter are ours.” I sigh and settle on the floor. “Sorry.”

“Sounds like we’re not the only ones who need therapy.”

I hum. “Maybe I do.”

“No shame in it.”

I smile at him. “I know.” I sit up and get to my feet. “It’s getting late, I should head out.”

“You’re in tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah, I’ll be around till noon. I’ve got a wedding later in the day.”

“Not yours, right?”

I laugh. “No, definitely not mine.”

“Cool,” He smiles up at me. “Then I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Since when do we have staff meetings?” Clint asks.

“Since we brought on a counselor,” Tony says.

I frown. “I’ve been here six months and I’ve never been to any kind of meeting.”

“I’m going to ignore the fact that you brought that up and just keep moving with the meeting.”

I snort and shoot Clint a look. He laughs and signs for me to stop. I wave him off and turn my attention back to the head of the table.

Tony rambles on for about half an hour before Steve cuts in and the two of them start going back and forth. They bicker for twenty minutes before Thor swans in, greeting everyone with his bright, booming voice. I was stuck in my office the last time he was on Earth, so our paths never had a chance to cross. Steve takes a moment to introduce the two of us and Thor vigorously shakes my hand, unintentionally jostling me around the whole time. He takes his seat on the other side of Bruce and the conversation picks up again.

I catch Clint’s eye twitching in my peripheral when Thor speaks a little too loudly. I gesture to get his attention and he raises his eyebrows when he meets my eyes.

“You good?” I sign.

He nods. “Can’t pay attention to save my life in these meetings.”

“I’ve never known anyone to compliment your attention span.”

He mouths, “Oh, ha ha,” and I laugh.

“You’re mean, (Y/N).”

“And here I thought you liked me.”

“Never said I didn’t.” He grins. “The way things are going, I’d say you’re probably just my type.”

I shake my head and hide my smile behind my hand. “Stop.”

“Aw, you're cute when you're embarrassed." I flip him off and he laughs. “That's a compliment!"

I snort. “Pay attention, Clint.”

We manage to make it through another hour and, by that time, someone has turned off the lights and started giving a presentation. I fold my arms on the table and rest my chin on top and beg myself to stay awake through this meeting. I’m sure it’ll only be a little while longer.

Clint’s hand creeps into my line of sight and he taps the table to get my attention. I shoot him a quizzical look and he lifts his eyebrows.

“You still with us?” he signs.

“No.”

“It’s going longer than I thought it would.”

“I’m honestly about to fall asleep.”

“Aw, (Y/N), no.”

“This is how I go out. Avenge me, Clint.”

“No!”

“It’s your job. You have to.”

“But who will help me through the trauma?”

I cover my mouth to muffle my laughter. “I’d be dead, that’s none of my concern.”

He shakes his head. “And you call yourself my friend.”

Natasha clears her throat, startling me away from the conversation. I try to pay attention to the presentation, but I just can't wrap my head around what they're talking about and Clint easily distracts me again.

"Quick question."

Surprised, I sign, "Shoot."

"Would you want to go out with me?"

My brain stops working for a second. "Wait, what?"

"I said, will you go out with me?"

My heart hammers in my chest. "Like as friends, or on a date?"

He sighs. "We've been hanging out as friends for months now. I'm asking you on a date, stupid."

My face heats and I sit back in my seat. “Oh.”

He laughs. “Did I break you?”

“A little.” I frown.

“Just say yes!”

Startled, I glance up the table, only to find Natasha glaring at Clint and I. Everyone is looking at us and I suddenly want to disappear.

“What’s the problem?” Steve asks.

“I’m sick of watching the two of them flirt with each other,” Natasha says. “You’ve been mooning over each other for months. Just say yes and be done with it.”

“Nat, they haven’t said a single thing since the beginning of the meeting.”

“They’ve been signing at each other the entire meeting.” She looks directly at me and signs, “I see everything.”

“Sorry.”

“Just say yes.” She looks very pointedly between Clint and I. “You’d be good together.”

“I thought you said you didn’t like him!” Bruce says.

“That was months ago, Bruce. Things change.”

“Don’t be hard on her,” Natasha says. “Clint’s an acquired taste.”

“I’m just gonna, um…” I gesture to the door. “I’m just gonna go.”

I see Tony and Steve nod and I shove my chair back from the table and make my escape. The door shuts behind me, and I’m free. I sigh, relieved to be free of the weight of everyone’s eyes on me, only for the embarrassment of having my crush exposed to my coworkers to settle deep in my stomach.

I press my fingertips to my temples and walk down the hallway. “I knew he was gonna get me in trouble.”

I make the decision to just go back to my office. Maybe I can at least get some work done or, at the very least calm down. I turn as the elevator doors close and catch a glimpse of the conference door opening at the end of the hall. I shift slightly so that it’s not in my line of sight.

The elevator ride feels like it’s too long and I immediately flop down on my couch as soon as I’m in my office. I can't get comfortable and shift around until I'm upside down with my legs over the back of the conch, staring at the ceiling. I press the heels of my hands over my eyes and groan out of frustration.

“I left without even answering him,” I mutter.

The door suddenly opens and I freeze, pulling my hands away from my face, waiting for whoever it is to announce themselves.

"(Y/N)?"

"Clint?" I try to sit up and smack my head on the edge of the coffee table. "Shit."

"Are you okay?" he asks.

I rub my forehead and sit up a little more carefully. "I'll live."

He takes a seat on the coffee table and watches intently as I sit upright on the couch and face him. He reaches out and gently touches my forehead, only to jerk his hand back when I wince.

"Sorry."

"Don't, it's fine."

"Okay." He sighs softly and shuffles awkwardly on the table. He stills when I touch his knee and takes my hand in his. "I'm sorry about the meeting. I shouldn't have put you on the spot like that."

"Honestly, Clint, you don't need to apologize," I murmur. "I got flustered and then embarrassed when everyone else got involved."

"I know. I probably like pushing your buttons a little too much."

"That's not it."

"But I do push your buttons."

"Yeah, but only 'cause I let you." He smiles and I squeeze his hand. "But I'm a deeply private person. To have Natasha butt in like that, no matter the good she meant by it, really set me on edge."

"I had no idea."

"I don't feel like I have to keep everything close to my chest when I’m with you. You tease me, but it’s never from a place of malice and you know me well enough that you never take it too far.”

“I mean, you give as good as you get.” He doesn’t meet my eyes as he runs his thumb over my knuckles. “But still. I should’ve just asked in private, but you know me.”

“Yeah. You’re sweet, but kind of stupid sometimes. More than a little impulsive. And way too fond of coffee.”

“Aw, I thought that was endearing!” He smiles when I laugh. “The invitation still stands, but you don’t have to say yes.”

“What’re you talking about?” He meets my eyes and I shake my head. “I’m not about to turn you down. You haven’t introduced me to your dog yet.”

“Oh, I get it, you only want me for Lucky.”

“Mhm.”

He shakes his head and kneels on the floor in front of me. “Shoulda known.”

“I know, I’m pure evil.” He grins and takes my face in his hands. “I should be fired, right?”

“Without a doubt.”

I hum softly and lean forward to bump my nose against his. After a moment’s hesitation, Clint closes the distance between us and gently kisses me. I place one hand on his forearm and tilt my head to the side to kiss him back. He smiles against my lips and pulls away, his eyes flitting over my face.

“So… about that dog.”

I have no idea what would happen to them after that, but I’d like to think they’re having a great time, petting dogs and continuing to mess with each other, all whilst falling in love.

I’d love to know what you guys thought of this little one shot. Did you love it, did you hate it? Did you breathe out through your nose a little bc you kind of laughed but also didn’t? Be sure to like, reblog, comment, or shoot me an ask and tell me all about it!

If you’d like to be tagged in future fics, please let me know!

Tag list:

@ghostlyhamlet, @claws-of-vibranium, @creaturefeatures101, @buckysendoftheline, @imagine-assembling-the-avengers, @ptprocrastination, @1950schick, @amayasymone23, @arfrona-and-marvel, @ek823, @fanaticfangirl001, @furrywerewolfcollector, @kissofvenom922, @dawn-phantomhive, @fangirlwithasweettooth, @mairhof1, @starryeyesbadguys, @trap-house-homiecide, @buckywhitewolfbarnes, @kaepm981, @howdoesoneadult, @pcdmesamidala, @thefandomplace, @sian22redux, @skeletoresinthebasement, @lady-thor-foster, @jazzcutie, @gaytonystark, @geeksareunique, @nyxveracity, @breezy1415, @feelmyroarrrr, @darling-loki​, @lemonadeorange73​, @princess-unicorn124​, @hermionie-is-my-queen​, @tofeartheunknown​, @queenoftheunderdark​, @avengerscompound​

#clint bartonxreader #readerxclint barton #clint barton x reader #reader x clint barton #clintbartonxreader #readerxclintbarton #clint barton #hawkeye #reader insert marvel fic #my perfect birdie boy

[shadow27]

Mental health is on everybody's mind these days. Thank you Naomi Osaka and Simone Bile for that. It takes a lot of courage to step forward and admit that you are struggling. However, this is not really a major topic in the music industry. In general, we are presented with polished images of beautiful people. The reality is much grimmer - according to one study, 73% of musicians suffer from mental illness. All those fun stories of sex, drugs, and rock'n roll ain't that much fun once you start to look under the hood. Steven Archer has never been one to shy away from a direct, honest conversation and his latest track "Spectrum' puts the topic front center. "Spectrum" explores human emotion - joy, exuberance, darkness. "Spectrum" is not just music - it is a statement. There are many of us. You are not alone! From Steven Archer: I have never interacted with people well. I don’t understand them and often they don’t understand me. I’m fine doing what I do in my corner of the world, which oddly enough is something else they didn’t understand. Why? Because I am in the one percent of the population with Autistic spectrum disorder. It’s pretty minimal for me, I can, as they say, “pass.” You wouldn’t know it talking to me at first, but eventually, I will put you off by not responding in a way that is the social norm. As I write this I’m sitting in a bar with friends and the only time I had anything to say was when someone asked me to explain the weird-ass midi guitar controller I’m building. Which caused me to go into just otaku level of details about it. Because it’s fuckin cool. The spectrum runs from people like myself all the way to, for example, a kid I went to school with who completely lacked the ability to prioritize sensory information and everything in between. The more we come to understand this condition (I don’t like calling it a disorder) the more we see how many creative and innovative people are on the spectrum. And all of them have fought through the stigma that goes along with being different and trying to function in a world that you just don’t fit in. This song is about my personal experiences and as a way of reminding others that they aren’t alone.

credits

released August 6, 2021

#Stoneburner #Ego likeness #Steven Archer #new music #Autism #mental health #Bandcamp

[icannotweave]

250 followers!!!

whaaaaatttttttt?!?!?!? 

🥳💕🥳💕🥳

ok. Huge Deal cause i never thought i’d ever have more than like....half a hundred followers??? i am SO Flattered. Delighted. i shall endeavor to Feed my followers with incoherent, sporadic content with no rhyme or reason between my interests!!! keep enjoying my hyperfixations as much as i do!!!

mutuals i Love & always will & are Far Too Cool!!! 💕💖😍🥰😍💖💕

@amidalis - Kiki, you rainbow-infused space unicorn, you Scream so wonderfully about your passions!!! it inspires me to scream about mine!!! you’re sweet, you’re positive, you’re an infectious spirit - a confetti bomb on my dashboard!!!

@dumbassrights - Magali, you take No Bullshit. your opinions are Valid & it makes your Brain Huge. you are so self-possessed & yet unafraid to be vulnerable when it matters, which only makes you seem stronger to me. it’s absolutely amazing to have such a Proud & Unapologetic Pansexual in my ranks. you make me more confident about my sexuality & i can never thank you enough for being in my corner. 

@royharper - Eli!!!! an Icon??? they are a Lesbian Icon! an Indigenous Icon!!! a Non-Binary Icon?? A GENIUS TALENTED ARTIST!???! how?!? i have Loved this person from day one & their aesthetic and content is always Bold & Beautiful & Raw & Funny. you’ve been Utterly Too Sweet to me since i worked up the courage to talk to you about joyfire head canons & look where we are now!!! you deserve all the fucking happiness in the world.

@elphaba - Mercedes, holy shit, i could not BELIEVE when you followed me back one day out of the fucking blue??? WOW. *stars in my eyes* your blog has the BEST random-ass content and you know what, bitch, that’s what i live for??? whenever i get a notification that you reblogged or liked something i posted, i feel so Glad!! you are a woman behind the shadows of a *chef’s kiss* blog but i am STOKED we are mutuals!!!

@lovewithagirl - Siobhan, you are another peep i cannot even BUY i am mutuals with??? anytime i see your stuff on my dash, i get a thrill of positivity. i either come away from your blog informed or comforted and often both. i’ve learned a fuck-ton from you & gotten drawn into so many fandoms cause of your enthusiasm for them!! you’re a beautiful & heartening presence & you continue to do what you do to be so goshdarn ethereal!! 

@imblessedtoexist - Gach? oh? a league of villains bitch? a naruto bitch? you mean an ICON???? she is a SCREAMER of niche opinions, which are Valid As Fuck, all of them, and also makes me wanna scream MY niche opinions too!!! i love her vibes, her impeccable, chaotic vibes. you are COOL and your ART! IS! STUNNING!! you are rad as hell and please Never! Stop! Being! That! Bitch!!!

folks i follow!!! who! are! brilliant! 💕😘🤩🥰🤩😘💕

@batmanisagatewaydrug - they are the definition of Big Dick Energy. advice? stellar. vibes? affirming as hell. aesthetic? aspiringly chaotic. a lovely sex witch, cackling into the void, we are so glad for such benevolent and mischievous a figure!!! 

@thesweetpianowritingdownmylife - first peep i ever followed on this hellsite, holy shit i was So Lucky it was them. i learned So Much from them. social justice & sexuality & fat positivity & all the New, Frightening Shit little ol’ me didn't dare think about. from afar, i always am grateful for how much i learned & still learn from them. 

@haro-whumps - you wanna talk about High-Quality & Tasty whump??? holy shit, their original content is So Fucking Good it legit inspired me to write whump & start a sideblog. has been so fucking encouraging to me on a writing & personal level. thx, Haro, from the blackened corners of my heart! you individual of mysterious and indistinct gender, you are Cool & Kind as Fuck, PLEASE never stop writing. *devil grins*

@ibuzoo - their aesthetics are. What. I Mean. Major Jealous, they crank out such absolutely STUNNING content. as someone who fucks around with aesthetics, this blogger is a HUGE inspiration & their frankly flawless content makes me wanna be be just a little bit better at my moodboards. 

@philcoulsonismyhero - a quadruple threat, all four A’s, this absolutely brilliant and positive as hell, autistic agender asexual aromantic Icon!!! their attitude always uplifts me So Much & their hopepunk vibes make me optimistic about a better world. 

@pocmodels - it’s nice to have such a breath-catching compilation of gorgeous-as-hell people. thx for your service. sincerely, a flustered Pansexual. 

@pugszler - Cathy, only the Best and Most Valid BNHA content from you!!! oh my goodness, you’re so sweet & kind to everyone on your blog!!! a lovely little ray of sunshine on my timeline, your vibes are Warm and Compassionate As Fuck!!! love you!!!

@whumpster-dumpster - Red, oh my goodness, her content?? is??? impeccable. incomparable. insanely good & responsible for some of the best whump ideas i’ve ever seen. you’re creative as hell & the output of your content is??? hilariously productive??? congrats. your answers are always so helpful, so detailed & informative, & i’ve learned a ton of super cool shit from you!!!

@whumping-every-day - uhhhhhhhhh, Sara??? you’re writing LITERALLY took the breath out of me & the fact that you allowed me to play around with your characters is such a huge honor. you write pain exquisitely & it’s inspiring. you are so sweet to everyone in your inbox & encouraging to every prompt!!! you are incredible!!!

once again, i. am. living. thx SO much!!! 🥳💕🥳💕🥳

#ooooooooh boy oh boy this is long as fuck but i am so happy!!! #Raye posts #Raye musings #followers

[butterflyinthewell]

I had a violent meltdown last night because my mom burst into my room and told me I had to update dad’s medication list RIGHT THEN. (My computer was off, so I had to boot it up.) I was watching a livestream on my iPad that I waited all day for and had to bail out of it over this shit.

Dad has DBS probes in his brain and the battery packs are in his chest. He has to get them replaced via surgery every few years. It’s minor outpatient stuff, no big deal. He goes to pre-op tomorrow. Well, mom had all week to throw this damn medicine list at me, and she chooses the night before pre-op to do it.

I was livid. I let her know I was pissed and that she had all week to do this, but she chose the middle of something I waited all day for to come in and demand I do it RIGHT THAT SECOND. I do not respond well to sudden demands and pressure like that. She knows this. Okay, she didn’t know I was watching a livestream, but I said I was busy and could do it later, and was told NO, NOW.

The medicine list is important. I get that. But I am always made to feel that everybody else’s shit is important and my shit is always silly unimportant stuff with no meaning to anybody but me. Even things that would be considered important if it was somebody else’s is treated as unimportant when it’s ME.

I fixed the damn list. Then it turns out I did it wrong the first time because I didn’t see something had been crossed off and that’s where I lost my shit. 

I was screaming and swearing and throwing papers around the kitchen, so that’s when I got the hell out of there and went to my room because I was going to break dishes if I didn’t. I slammed the door, kicked it several times and paced around and that’s about when I turned on the camera to record this fucking useless nightmare of a thing I become when I have meltdowns.

I get horrible looping thoughts when I have meltdowns. Sometimes they are “I wish I would die right now” and other times they are “I hope this fucking planet burns up and takes me with it.” They’re thoughts I have because I want everything to stop. I wish I could freeze time. I want everything to stop so I can calm my worthless ass down. A meltdown feels like dying, and then it’s every emotion ever coming up at once in a wave of metaphorical emotional puke spewing forth from my limbic system. Fun times, NOT.

I didn’t leave my room again last night except to give my mom the correctly fixed list and to use the bathroom before going to bed later on. I got on fb messenger to tell @donnywinter I was sorry for bailing on his livestream and he talked me out of the spiral I was going into. He isn’t autistic, but he can understand the spiraling thoughts because he deals with depression and experiences similar thoughts. We both gave those feelings words. I said it feels like becoming empty and he said it’s like being swallowed by hollowness. (We’re both poets, so sometimes we say creative stuff like that to each other.) He helped me not hate myself all night, so I didn’t go to bed wishing I never existed.

Now, cue this morning.

Dad tried to give me shit this morning. He said he wanted to “talk” about it, but I knew he was going to give me his same tired shit he always gives me after meltdowns. It went as predicted-- he tried to tell me how my emotions make him feel bad and how I’m embarrassing and need to stop that. It’s all about how my feelings make him feel, and never mind why I feel that way or how much pain I’m in. He was upset with me for yelling “fuck” so much. I laughed at him and said “Dad, I learned that swearing when you’re stressed is actually healthier. I don’t say fuck outside of the house.”

He tried to tell me that kind of language isn’t okay when he talks like a fucking sailor when he’s mad, so I called him on his bullshit hypocrisy and swore a whole lot while doing so. I didn’t cuss him out specifically, I just used, as Spock once said, a lot of colorful metaphors.

I told dad I’m going to therapy to deal with my anger because it’s so bad I can’t handle it alone anymore. I was too much of a fucking coward to say he was the reason I need it, but now he knows why I “go to the doctor” once a month. I told him it’s probably going to get worse before it gets any better because I’m still learning how to deal with it.

But the fact remains that he cares more about how my feelings make him feel than how and why I’m feeling something. As long as it doesn’t embarrass him or cause him discomfort, it’s fine. As soon as he feels a little bit uncomfortable, oh no no, Cyndi stop that, don’t get mad, don’t feel that way, you’re not really that upset, you get upset over everything, that’s not important enough to get mad about, oh honey give it a rest, that’s enough, stop it, nobody wants to be around you when you’re like that, this is why people don’t like you, this is why I have to be hard on you, get over it kid, I say this because I love you, that’s not how ladies talk, nobody is going to listen if you yell like that all the time, nobody else on the planet acts like this, stop being a fucking baby...

That’s my life. My feelings don’t matter to him as much as his own feelings about my feelings. Fuck that noise.

I walked away from him and said, “I got nothing to say to you.”

Our talk lasted all of 2 minutes because I shut it the fuck down. He’s usually the one who shuts me down, so I turned his own bullshit back on him. He can stew in it for all I care.

#actuallyautistic #dad issues #emotional abuse #swearing #tw emotional abuse #tw vomit mention #tw suicidal ideation #I am not in danger of suicide don't worry #it's a meltdown thought that goes away when the meltdown is over #then I freak out about it afterward sometimes

[mcleary]

hi my name is jinx monsoon and i don’t know the art of brevity but this has been one of my shortest intros to DATE!!! so, i’m proud.

Is that MARY MCLEARY? Wow, they do look a lot like CHLOE BENNET. I hear SHE is an EIGHTEEN year old SENIOR who originally attended LUXOR Academy. Word is they are a(n) ARISTOCRAT student. You should watch out because they can be RELENTLESS and BRUTALLY HONEST, but on the bright side they can also be LOYAL and HUMOROUS. Ultimately, you’ll get to see it all for yourself. 

CHARACTER INSPO: Margo Hanson ( The Magicians ), Gina Linetti ( B99 ), Spencer Hastings ( PLL ), Cristina Yang ( Grey’s Anatomy ), Amelia Pond ( Doctor Who ), Rachel Green ( FRIENDS ), Ben Wyatt ( Parks & Rec ), Amanita Kaplan ( Sense8 ), Ella Lopez ( Lucifer ), Nadia Vulvokov ( Russian Doll )

INFO: → pinterest playlist

ABOUT:

born to may and peter mcleary, into a life of wealth, luxury, politics in a very uppity part of london. mary never tried to be a rebel or rebellious to spite her parents, she just was. she was always too loud, too vibrant, asking too many questions, and her parents were v like???? can’t you just follow directions??? *john mulaney voice* NO she can’t!

  [ INTERNALIZED RACISM TW ] her mother, an chinese woman who was the perfect socialite, who worked harder than her husband just to assimilate & compensate for the color of her skin because racism was always alive, always around every corner and she would not look like a fool, would use skin lightening creams on both her and her daughter, something mary will never ever forget. the desperation. the need to fit in. the ambitious nature which everyone in her family had, though not all of them really thought for themselves. her brother was a prime example ( her brother who’s autistic, was pushed by mary’s parents even harder than mary was as the first born son, the oldest ).[ END INTERNALIZED RACISM TW ]  

she definitely played at being a perfect daughter, showed up to functions etc, but the minute they could they shipped her off to boarding school. like any child, mary wanted her parents love, wanted them to be proud of her, her older brother was the perfect kid in her eyes and he deserved not to have to carry that alone on his shoulders – so a life long struggle of trying to please her parents while still being true to herself began. mary did so WELL in school. mary knew how to meet and exceed expectations, she knew that she had to do twice as well, work twice as hard, as her white counterparts to get taken seriously – which, she didn’t even give a fuck about because she was hilarious, very much not serious so much of the time, but she had to keep her parents happy!! she’s a perfectionist too!!

while some people might’ve found life long friends, love, etc at boarding school – once again mary was a bit different. all the children who also had posh, rich parents, the ones she knew her parents would want her to be friends with were all fucking TERRIBLE. they were racist! they made such ugly comments! and mary just???? was not about it?? mary bit her tongue a lot, but she hated it, so instead of continuing to do so – she just fucking secluded herself. mary saw these kids, saw how her life was supposed to be, how it was going to be, and it weighed on her – she was vibrant, herself, sure, but what was the point of sharing that when she was just gonna be rejected for it? ( mary’s got a bit of an ego! cause at the end of the day she’s like im a rich kid too my dad’s saved ur politicians parents asses so! ). at school, she cultivated a love of graphic design and computers, photography, retreating further into her love of comics, fantasy & sci fi, etc. posts her edits on tumblr and has QUITE a large following on many social media sites also due to her fame on vine when she was younger. 

 she was real happy tbh. she kept to herself a lot and a lot of the rich kids who she grew up with were kind of booty tickled about it because they thought she was snubbing them, when in all actuality, she was trying to maintain her sanity having to deal with their posh asses. 

something happened at that boarding school resulting in a lot of trauma but that’s one secret i’ll never tell ....xoxo ...gossip girl

mary was diagnosed with PTSD because of the incident and ended ‘leaving’ her old school and coming to luxor. people probs wonder why she’s starting a new school as a senior in another COUNTRY but she just says she needed the stamp on her passport. or that she needed a change. or that she’s an undercover agent for MI6. or that she ate too many hot cheetos once and the farts from it ruined her rep. it’s like a spinning a wheel, you’ll probs never get the truth out of her!

couldn’t care less about the luxor versus carnifex BS, she’s literally like trying to get through her last year of fucking high school and yeah she’s gonna have a good time but she’s also just not that?? loyal to the school?? so she’s not about to fight people??

she’s a libra/virgo cusp and i stand by that OKAY!!!

is a great cook and LOVES food, has an instagram just for all the places she travels and food galore 

mary is bi bi bi ( bye bye )

i’m stopping myself here because otherwise i could go on ALL DAY ABOUT HER SO! we stopping! if you’d like to plot please like this and ill come to you!! 

CLASSES:

Creative Writing

Latin

Advanced Anthropology

US History

Web Design

Baking

Yoga ( where she makes a fool out of herself time and time again! )

EXTRACURRICULARS:

NHS

Photography

GSA

She’s new so she’s really trying to get the lay of the land!

#luxorintro #and thats all she wrote!!

[geodeminer]

I have accepted that the prompts I follow will likely end up being a mix of fanfiction (probably mostly old anime or fantasy shows because I am an Old) and characters from original material. Basically, I will follow the prompts and drag whatever character pops into my head first along for the ride. Unless there are specifics given or suggested, probably.

I am autistic, so my tastes tend to be frustratingly specific and my writing must always provide a certain level of coherence (fancy wording for: "my brain won't let me have all the fun I want cause it made up rules without my permission"). This likely means that prompts written about original characters will be more akin to short stories to ensure proper context is given. I also feel like they won't appeal to a lot of people, but they will be there for anyone who is interested.

I really want to write something right now, but... painkillers mooshing my brain a bit. Maybe tomorrow. I'm to the point in the healing process where I don't constantly need them.

I am looking forward to this so much!!! I want to meet and chat with all you creative- ass people! I have been wanting to get into a creative community for a while, and since whump has been something I have loved since I was a child, I look forward to interacting so much!!

[ourlittleband]

Chief 23

Our Chief 23 with wand

Appreciation for Pink

http://ourlittleband.wordpress.com/2013/06/08/our-chief-sensei-interview/

Billy Forest seconds on Nouvelle Morphique

Chief 23 is probably the most complex yet simple and lovable characters I facilitate. He hardly ever speaks and whenever he does say something he tends to use just a few words in a polite Irish-Scottish accent with an American twang to it, although I’m sure I’ve also heard him say a word or two in Japanese.

According to Brad Carrington, the Creative Director of Irsmodhochas, Chief 23 as a character emerged from a fusion of Three Little Pigs by Green Jelly and The Elephant Man as directed by David Lynch. Brad discovered that Chief, like the three little pigs and elephant man, also had the misfortune of drawing attention from bad sorts but that he had this extra ability of manipulating their attitudes and so was never afraid of welcoming them into his abodes. Instead of a story about three little pigs and a big bad wolf, Brad found himself working with a palette of three big bad wolves and an even badder-assed little pig (Chief 23). One of the stories soon to emerge from this was a camaraderie between Chief and a character called Zonkers (featured in the centre of the picture, top left), who was once a very big bad wolf himself. The two of them discovered they shared a mutual love for Rock ‘n’ Roll and Jack Daniels and have been best of buddies ever since, in recent years meeting up at Brad’s for an annual four to six-day party to celebrate St Patrick’s Day and Chief 23’s Birthday.

Chief 23 has been living in Brad Carrington’s home for the last few years but he was brought into the band by Bobby Jò. Bobby and Chief once rented flats in the same block in the Greenwich Village area of New York. Their first meeting however was shrouded in a cloud of anger after Chief had nearly set fire to the building. He had fallen asleep in a drunken stupor and accidentally pushed a rug too close to the fire. After initial bouts of rage, Bobby eventually calmed down when he discovered that his neighbour was extremely depressed. Instead of venting his anger Bobby decided to befriend the young man with the hope that even though he might be intoxicated with alcohol every other day at least he wouldn’t be alone. Bobby asked Chief to join him for the next meeting with the band and told him it was okay if he wanted to bring a couple of bottles of moonshine. This went on to become a regular event and the guys in the band started to view Chief as a beautiful person and a great dancer. They encouraged him to delve into his natural sense of rhythm and take on a conductor role with the baton, as they discovered that this was helping performances. Being included in the group dramatically improved Chief 23’s mental health and he’s never looked back.

Shay 5, from her awareness of input about a structure called ‘The Triad of Impairments’, reckons that Chief is on the autistic spectrum and can suffer from sensory problems while Dr Roy Zorbius reckons he may also suffer from the extreme form of a condition called neurofibromatosis or Proteus syndrome, similar to what the late 19th century man called Joseph Carey Merrick (labelled The Elephant Man) may have experienced. From their sociological collaborations, Shay proposes Chief may have been raised on a farm where he could have formed a closer attachment with animals than with people while Roy adds that he may have undergone plastic surgery, at some point, not only to change his appearance but also in order to look like some his childhood companions.

Chief has a thing for brown couches and he loves the one that Dr Roy Zorbius made for him, a few years ago. For many years he didn’t have a couch and his fellow band mates, especially Dr Roy and Shay 5, speculated that his being without a couch may have been the distress trigger that caused him to accidentally set fire to his abode in Greenwich Village. The different coloured buttons, later added onto the arm of the couch, allows Chief to teleportate to different environments but he very rarely uses them.

Chief and Shay occasionally get together to practice Karate moves and would like me to take them to Okinawa someday.

For the group’s botany project, during 2016, Chief wanted to feature the daffodil plant for his post. But at the last moment, he changed his mind and decided to feature the dandelion plant.

Pòl A O’Roideain (our facilitator)

A thing or two I know about Chief 23 Chief 23 is probably the most complex yet simple and lovable characters I facilitate. He hardly ever speaks and whenever he does say something he tends to use just a few words in a polite Irish-Scottish accent with an American twang to it, although I'm sure I've also heard him say a word or two in Japanese.