#cause thats what its gonna sound like

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

this is how it feels to chew 5 gum being a barnaby/howdy enjoyer. im Unwell

#im just staring at a wall rotating them in my brain. constantly. no coherent thoughts theyre just There #its like... hate to Expose myself but yk that one supernatural episode #that was filmed like a mockumentary by the Ghost Hunter Guys. yk the episode with the 'gay love saves the day' quote #yeah yk the scene where the guys are screaming trying to escape cas but everywhere they turn / each door they open Cas Is There #that is also what it feels like being a laughingstock enthusiast #im trying to escape it. i cant. theyre Everywhere. #i go to sleep thinking about them. i wake up and theyre one of my first thoughts #ITS TOO MUCH! theyre too good.... #if youre reading this and youre like 'theyre cute but i dont really ship them' #Its Already Too Late. #cause thats how i felt. i thought they were gonna be a silly nonserious concept in the back of my mind #a crackship yk #look at me now... #laughingstock #i thought franklydear was gonna be The Welcome Home Pairing for me #i love them so so so much theyre everything but laughingstock is More. Somehow. #then again! we'll see what new characters and dynamics arise in the future! things may change! #but for now... mentol ellness over the dog and the caterpillar #that sounds like a childrens book lmfao

[passumstars]

I will likely never get to do anything with her

#my art #the band ghost #nameless ghoul oc #i mostly wanted practice making a character sheet ish thingy #and by god i got that #had to work hard for her colors which is not usually a problem for me #and the silhouette flip like if your character doesnt have a tail then bam its done and no one will notice the small problems #but it doesnt work with a tail if you want perspective i had to redraw/move her tail around to make it look right so. learned that very much #i like the layout concept though thats nice #i have a whole backstory for her. she was part of a group summon and it all went fine except that one person was missing and they ended up #with a statue. she was too terrified to talk to anyone so she got left there and after it sounded empty she reverted and found some place to #hide in the gardens. so she lives there now. and ruins a lot of socks. and helps with the plants not that anyone knows that. and panics and #turns to stone if anyone walks by. so everyone does realize theres a moving shifting statue in the abbey but no one is sure what to do about #that. doesnt speak much if at all. doesnt steal a new shirt bc people notice if those go missing unlike socks. has anxiety bitch face also #yeah. and like. i dont know what a fandom is and i certainly dont know what a music is and thats why ill likely not do anything with her #which kinda sucks. but i still made her a character sheet cause she wont leave me alone. and for the practice #cause if i think about doing a sheet for story ocs i get all perfectionist and it doesnt happen #the luck thing is that she kinda thinks being summoned was a curse #im gonna shut up now

[tittysuckersworld]

am fine

#fecking no i aint in tags lol #gosh i love my friends but man do i have a inferiority complex- and they dont exactly help with it- #like. today tryed join in with smth with making ocs cause friends already did that #was having a lil bit of fun trying mojo #and then another friend joined in and idk #i dont wanna sound mean but took it? #i was gonna make a charscter or smth planned out with heizou but they sorta took over my channel and made smth with him #which is fine im fine i just gosh #i feel so dumb and bad when others sorta take my spot #all my friends are so so good at character creation and figuring out lore fast and i just #i suck at it. i struggle so hard with writing and trying to get into characters heads #i suck at roleplay and usually go with whats funniest to me #i feel like a joke. they only just moved channels and its been an hour. #i know what i would have made wouldnt be half as good but i wanted to make something #and that got trampled. it really dosent help that i was sorta the art one and then a way better artist joined the server #i just- i know it dosent make sence but with it all i just feel useless? is that ok?? #i want to make things and be as good as my friends with it but i alwase feel like im just worse. i wish my head worked right like all of #theirs do. i know i make good ideas and things. but thats after months and months of working out and revising #they make a whole coherant story in an hour. wile multitasking. how am i supposed to keep up with that?? #i also just feel pathetic cause they are my only super close friends. one being only irl friend that dosent just feel like my brothers #and even then that friend is moving away soon. damn it i just wish i could be as good as them with something. anything #i dont wanna just be the silly younger sibling friend all the time. i dont wanna help just make jokes. i wanna make cool stuff like them #they all have their stuff so much more together and i just want to be decent compared to then on one thing #i just want one please.

[gibbearish]

i still have yet to see the new hbomb but for anyone who's watched it now and wants more this is not the first time he's covered this kind of thing, "here's three stories about youtube plagiarism" is from 6 years ago on the same subject and is still very good

#and also im realizing from what ive had spoiled sounds like he used as the blueprint for this one #i.e. 'two seemingly random examples to give you a false sense of security then a surprise important third thats the secret real subject #of the video and the rest was simply getting you in the mood so to speak' #also for anyone wanting to see him talk more about being Not Straight: his video on the outsiders is very good even #if you like me have not seen it or read any lovecraft #oh my god wait what if he wanted to make a plagiarism joke but wouldve felt too bad doing it to someone else so he just. #''plagiarized'' his own video💀💀 #cause i remember in the three stories one he talked about literally wanting to do that like copy someone else's format as a joke #(then immediately fess up and go 'see that sucks' dw) but ended up not bc he felt like even as an obvious joke that was a shitty thing to #do to someone else #im just saying he had both motive and means #im gonna have to rewatch the three youtube stories one right before i watch the new one to make sure its fresh in my #mind and compare because if he did that would be THE funniest possible way to scratch that itch

[scarletiswailing347]

so the unfortunate thing about me is that, when it comes to the media i consume, i tend to have one 'anchor' (very rarely two) to keep me interested

this is necesary cause i have an incredibly hard time being interested in things in general so i have to purposefully spend my focus on one thing so that i can keep being interested in it cause otherwise i just kinda feel meh about the thing, i mean ill still watch and enjoy it but i wont be as interested as id like to be and may even drop it eventually after struggling to keep interacting with it (this is unfortunately what happened with empires, x-life, yogscast, and the lsmp seasons without mumbo in it)

if i ever drop that anchor whether purposefully or not then i lose interest in everything that ive ever connected to its rope -- i could still enjoy them sure but then at that point theyll just be like every other filler content in my life, like music when im washing the dishes

for hc its mumbo, for dsmp and smplive it was schlatt, for the scrunkly squad its boosfer and baablu

for lifesteal its zam

idk what happened behind the scenes but ill be honest its not looking good and theres a possibility i might have to drop him :/

#mine.txt #not sure yet tho cause without enough context it just feels like im doing something unnecessary that the affected party (lila) #may not necessarily want #i mean intuitively it seems like something that someone would want #guy who hurt you loses support? sounds great right? #but thats not really something everyone wants and i am Very Sensitive to feelings of intrusion whether by me or other ppl #either way im def gonna loosen the hold at the very least #i mean i Could look for another anchor but its a lot harder for me to attach to an anchor if they were attached to another anchor before #so for me to stay interested in something even after the anchor dropped there has to have been another anchor at the same time #like boosfer and baablu with the scrunkly squad #even if one of them drops i can still stay interested in ss (although i may become more focused on one inner circle more than the other) #also ill be honest i just dont really care enough about lifesteal in general to do that #what a shame i really liked zams character too #both drawing and making stories of him #just gonna go hard on baablu and mumbo if it ever happens ig #oh man just realized im gonna drop gen too if and when it happens #nooooo not my saturday morning cartoon T-T #it is what it is ig its not the first time this has hapenned and it wont be the last #honestly the best option for me to stay interested in something is for the plot/lore to be my anchor #unfortunately that very rarely happens cause of how character-driven a lot of stories are #and esp with cc-content its even moreso considering its nature #...just now realizing this May be part of the reason why i love mystery stuff so much #yeah the characters are important but they mean practically nothing without the plot like they wouldnt act the way they do without it

[honeyboyfelix]

making decisions for your characters.... hard 😓

#sam plays dnd #like i just.....wanna keep adventuring with these ppl #but i have a stupid fictional family (that i gave to my character) that i have to think of #and i have a stupid love interest (who i adore the fuck out of that npc is my fucking boi) who i have to try to romance #these are all me made problems yes but now i have to solve them?!?!?!? disgusting #now im just sitting here like....what dates can i go on with this npc without saying explicitly its a date 🤔 #like i know both of us are nerds but like going to a library doesnt rlly sound like a date (cause dnd is an imaginary media) #BUT THEN I HAVE TO TALK TO THEM I HATE IT HERE I GET SO EMBARRASSED #bruh im just gonna leave him gifts like a cat at this point i hate it here #actually thats not a bad idea but i do need to hang out with him too :c #gonna go bother him in his workshop when all else fails this tiefling is cat coded as fuck #im just waiting for a party member/ newly found dad to call them the fuck out on their shit #on of the party members has an insane insight score so i just want him to start needling tf out of them about the obvious mutual crush #sorry for this tag rant im having decision paralysis

[honey-mice]

me ascending into heaven from old Dangan discourse like "chihiro is just a guy who feels safer presenting femininely and if he didn't die then he might have eventually felt safe presenting more masculine" while gender normative people try to throw stuff at me from below

(the tags are crucial btw so look at them)

#im not trying to start an actual fight about that shit again its just #why are the main options that chihiro is actually a boy & wants to dress masculine or #chihiro is actually a transwoman and wants to dress femininely #he literally says stuff about him feeling like he is a boy & just presents as a girl due to him feeling inferior as not a manly man #like ik people are like ''thats the closest they can get to a mtf trans story in 2010'' when i mean like is it a mtf trans story tho? #it sounds more like they wanted to talk about toxic masculinity especially since mondo is involved #i think its way better for it to be a story about a boy who is made to feel uncomfortable in his own ''weaker'' body & feels forced to #act like another gender because of toxic stereotypes instead of a mtf trans story where the guy says ''im a boy'' #im not at all trying to say you cant headcanon him as trans or it would be bad if he was trans #hell this is kinda my own headcanon since its barely elaborated on in the game #i just think it is falling into gender norms to think that he either has to be a masculine boy or a feminine girl #why can he be a feminine boy or a both feminine & masculine boy #loll i wrote a ton in the tags oops sorry to my followers who will see this and not give a shit #im not gonna put the game name in the tags cause i dont want this to turn into an argument #i honestly dont care what people say chihiros gender is i just think people can be gender normative about it #honestly someone make a xenogender chihiro headcanon come on

[todayisafridaynight]

OH about the finale at the shrine, this completely slipped my notice when we were talking about it, but Ichi says he's "reporting" Jo's verdict to both Arakawa and Masato. It's just not translated that way.

Not too big of a difference (well, it is to me, but I'm insane), but if it was highlighting anything, I'd guess it's probably Masato's change of heart. It would've been fair for Ichi to assume Masato wouldn't care and only "report" to Arakawa, but in the context of Ichi doing his damnedest to show Masato they all love him, it works in terms of, "Maybe I made him reconsider, and maybe now he would care."

Also... I'm looking at it in a "measured" way, since the chapter trophies are always just standard "Nth Chapter Cleared" messages that the localization team just spices up for us, but there's something I find really poignant about the Chapter 13 trophy being worded as "Fate of Our Fathers." The pluralization of both the noun and pronoun. Realizations that come too late.

Of course, Masato definitely didn't "know" and had no real reason to suspect it, but the Arakawas have this bizarre subconscious almost-psychic link. So even if he doesn't really think so, there's this sense that Ichi "might as well" be Arakawa's "real" son because they're so much more alike. And maaaybe he felt that way about Jo and himself at one point, because (as we've discussed) there has to be a reason Jo was Masato's "favorite."

[Follow up to this ask]

#snap chats #yeah i have no real notes sorry LMAO LIKE THIS IS GOOD ON ITS OWN YK. every base is covered #LIKE nothing i could say could really enhance anything or add much. god im so bad at words i should drop dead right now #i can reaffirm that masato definitely sees ichi as arakawass 'real' son if his whole 'you remind me of dad' bit is anything to go off of #thats a weird line/sentiment now aint it #masato didnt consider him and ichi as family and ergo he's angry at how similar ichi and arakawa are #i guess that's more of a deep-dive into that hypothetical masato essay ill probably never get to- why masato hates arakawa like he does #about 'fate of /our/ /fathers/' tho thats def an interesting point no matter how you slice it #'our fathers' could refer to arakawa and sawashiro and ichi and masato respectively #i.e. masumi- ichi's bio father and sawashiro- masato's bio father- and what happens to them by the end of the game yk #there's an alt way to see if as both arakawa and sawashiro as both ichi and masato's fathers #though im gonna chewing my cheek on that one. sure we've compared sawashiro to an abusive stepparent #idk... i think it's just cause ichi shows up well into his teens that it doesnt register in my brain that sawashiro could be a father figur #but thats MY personal dumb ass rambling im just here to vaguely try to interpret the title in multiple ways to cover everything #moving on tho... the use of 'our' prevents 'fathers' referring to only one of them . so. Aforementioned Possibilities have been listed #making it sound like i have anything else to say I DONT I ALREADY SAID EVERYTHING dummy. putting myself in the dunce corner #on that note. hopefully it finally got through to masato how much people loved him before he got ganked #i mean for sure it did but yk. still mad about y7 ending im gonna kill someone In Minecraft #'i have nothing else to say' LIAR YOU ARE A LIAR !!!!! THE FUCK ARE THESE TAGS STUPID ASS #anyway im going back to my google doc. im almost done with another cringe fic. sorry #BYE

[strayheat]

im starting to feel the "dead" in deadlines

#one big one due tmrw #but i might be getting feedback on it and having to fix some parts up till early feb so the deadline doesnt necessarily end the work here #another one till next friday and sometime after ill have to go to uni and present it so its another soft line #and then theres this vague one that doesnt have a date yet so im calling it the deadarea #thats prolly gonna be due mid february and will also require a presentation #and THEN theres another one that doesnt have a date yet but its The Big Boy Project and im gonna give a presentation and answer questions #and THATS WHEN I FINISH UNI WOOOOOOOOO #i so cannot wait i CANT #and i hate that so many dates are not set yet cause i cant have a specific day to wait for until its over and done #cause rn the only way i can look at it is that i'll for sure be a free man before march #which is a month and a half away and thus doesnt seem particularly optimistic #but hey at least tmrw ill have one thing 98% taken care of and im already done with the hard part of the second thing #im just. tgeres so much work and its already been weeks of this and theres weeks more?? motivation is negative #one good thing is that time passes no matter what u do. so every second of this is inevitably getting me closer to the end !!!! #yeah. i sound a lil bit like a negative nancy but rly im mostly positive just tired heh #straytalks

[strwbrymlkshake]

I don't think I've ever been in a relationship this healthy before I don't know what to do 💀

#mine #🎸 #DUDE my feelings are so weird like i cant even describe them cause theyre all over the place. im hoping someone sees this and sends me an #ask or something with advice if this is even gonna make sense. because i am so confused lmfao #First of all im always expecting something to go wrong so i feel like it might be the absence of Problems thats throwing me off #But he reassures me all the time and genuinely cares about me? in regards to my last post we talked about it and he comforted me #i feel like im kind of in an emotional limbo where im still processing everything. my yan moments make appearances more than my dere #i feel so cringe saying that as a native english speaker. well im here to express my feelings not to be judged <3 #but i definitely FEEL the jealousy more. like i exhibit both equally but im more emotional in a bad way than a good way #but its not cause of anything hes doing at all! hes perfect?! i dont know how to handle it!! i only know how to be jealous #at least if im mean im not as likely to get hurt and thats why im afraid to feel lovey things as much??? im making myself sound like #a bastard but ive just been feeling more anxiety and getting worried about Relationship Stuff and that kills the vibes #but he doesnt even mind he doesnt treat my problems like a burden. he isnt sick of them he doesnt abandon me. he loves me and i am still so #bewildered? like. hes the nicest guy ive ever dated. ill gush about new people i meet but they do have flaws. i just dont acknowledge them #because im so blinded by idolization. but for this one ive thought everything out i have PONDERED for so long and he really is just such a #good person. how? WHY?? he has not done anything wrong and its just my mental illness that causes ALL the problems. but he wants to #BE there and comfort me. what the fuck my brain is like short circuiting. people this nice exist? he doesnt want to use me?? #and ofc this is all in the romantic sense. i still have friends that i value very much but this post is focused on romance #watch me say all this then he does something horrible. <-SEE IM SO NEGATIVE i expect things to go wrong #my main problem is im confused about my feelings they feel very tangled and muddled. im happy of course but i feel like the part of me that #feels romantic happiness/genuine satisfaction is all fucked up and broken. but he doesnt mind that im this way 🥲 WHY #HE ASSURES ME EVERYTHINGS OKAY he is there for me he cares about me but i cant wrap my head around it! im. this is so weird #one of my goals is to be less focused on being insane and actually get things done. w all my relationships i have a time blur thing #where i feel like time passes differently even more than it does for me. im just thinking so much bruh #right i think i was gonna go about getting adderall because of the everything all the time. im feeling numb but also #literally every emotion all at once. and it consumes me and my waking thoughts. i guess it was easier to ignore before?

[hugepolecat3298]

i understand haruka got android girl because it’s the sequel to two breaths walking because if deco goes 6 months without making a sequel or remaster he explodes but i dont think he will make it sound good i have the least faith in him that you could possibly imagine. sorry mr horie

#if he just gives yuno ojamamushi 2 i will scream atleast android girl sounds different #hems and haws this guy i dont like used to say shidou undead alice all the time and ik it was only bc they like both him and the song but it #fits #originals #also i wonder if es will get a cover this time i doubt they will cause they just skipped straight to haruka theres no uncdercover 2 #their job is prob just to sit there and cover anything that reaches a mil #I FORGOT SALAMANDER EXISTED FUUTA SALAMANDER WOULD BE THE FUNNIEST POSSIBLE COVER FOR IHM #theyre absolutel not gonna do that but i think they should #scrolls more on his discography page i think mu or mahiru could do mkdr #no mahiru scramble kousai actually #the chorus could be a little intense for her musically but they could edit the way its sung #but also they like completely rearranged psychogram and made it less deep (sorry im not a music guy idk if thats pitch or like. key change) #and she still sounded bad in it #god wait i cant remember the name of ths one but its the one that hgoes. oh oh multiple times in the chorus and theyre smoking in the mv #ok im just posting this now cause i feeel like itll take a long time for me to find the song cause apparently im the only one who knows what #it is but anyway im thinking that with kazui #also **low not deep if someone could manage to make ms miku sound deep id go insane

[moonlitmosss]

idk man somethings a little fishy to me abt vecna saying that everything that happened was directly because of him more like an egotistical asshole taking credit for something he was only a part of to intimidate the girl that put him there idk maybe its just me and the fact that i hate the idea of taking something as big as, yknow, the terrifying concept of the mindflayer and making it some evil dude but maybe thats just me :)))))))

#'he can manipulate peoples memories' ok so what makes u think he cant more easily manipulate how he makes ppl see HIS 'memories' like. #hes the only one that knows what actually happened u think hes not gonna use that to #a) manipulate el and therefore the rest of them into thinking hes so much more powerful than he already actually is & #b) keep the real threat hidden for as long as possible/shift everyones focus away from it #and send them on a wild goose chase for it to only be one piece of the puzzle no pun intended #MAYBE i am just projecting what I want to happen but like. cmon man #the mind flayer vs some bitter evil gay little bitch with super powers who likes to kill minors #which sounds more compelling for wanting to cause an apocalypse and take over the earth #man playing god vs some kind of actual 'god' (not that i think thats what it is but u get the idea) using- #-not only the first person to enter the upside down but also one with already existing powers as a starting point to do this shit #idk i just ! think thats more compelling than yeah its just some dude at the end of the day lol like !!!! #again tho thats just me dont hate me i have 2 braincells and they made me spit this out #which is why most of it is in the tags and very rambly #but whatever #moss rambles #stranger things

[cannibalismpdf]

i need to stop looking into fun courses on design or art cause otherwise the need to drop out of uni will be too strong and i can't have that!!!

#its like. goddamned fork on the road #if i stay in uni will it be for nothing? cause im not gonna do a masters afterwards or anything #like obviously i'll have THE degree but i mean. #its not even on my chosen field like. this is not AT ALL what i truly truly wanna do idk idk! im afraid that i'll regret this #and then the other choice is dropping out after being here for 2 years already #and starting some course on design or whatever which will make me start working way sooner #and can possibly jumpstart me into doing all my little projects #btw i know this sounds delusional as fuck also i dont care #but well thats my headspace at the moment happy wednesday

[vanillabat99]

My neighbours have people over and they're being loudly transphobic in their backyard right now.. I never thought they'd be like that. They seemed to understand and respect me and my transition when we've spoken before but now I don't know. It hurts more than I thought it would.

#it seems to be one particular guest thats just shouting every word he says even though its 10pm in a residential area #but it doesnt sound like they said anything to stand up to what he was saying #it really hurts cause ive known my neighbours my whole life and theyve always been good people :(( #the past couple years theyve gotten a little weird i guess ._. #that makes at least 3 houses on my street that i have to be careful around now #i dont know if its their adult kids home for the weekend with friends or if its their own friends or what but i dont like it #theyre making 'identifies as x but is actually y' jokes and i asked my mom to close the window before i could hear more #there is 1 house on my street that i know to be 110% safe which is a relief but still. im gonna have to rethink how i present myself... #i dont want to risk getting hurt. being open isnt worth that for me. #not to mention this only adds to my fear of going outside. which ive been trying to work on. #._. #batty blogging #text

[gibbearish]

80 years already feels short as hell but it also feels long as hell yknow. whereas if i instead say 29,200 doesnt that feel so much shorter

#ignore me am in a depression bout doing math to make myself feel worse #something about how life is exhausting cause like say i live 80 years total i still have abt 60 yrs to go which is abt 22000 days #which means i have to take 11000 showers and brush my teeth 44000 times and buy groceries 3143 times #and doctors appointments and get a job and pay rent and pay phone bill and pay credit card bill and pay and pay and pay #and clean the litterboxes and clean the bathroom and feed the cats and feed the lizard and clean your room and do laundry #and fold laundry and put away laundry and hang up laundry and get dressed and do laundry again and again and again #its EXHAUSTING #and i have suicidal thoughts repellant aka a severe phobia of death and the afterlife or lack thereof #which sounds great and is certainly helpful however it also induces a certain level of hopelessness #cuz no matter how shit i feel theres no way off this ride for me. i just have to keep goinf #the way i explain it to myself is like. i feel like im limping towards a finish line so i can collapse the second i cross it except #there is no finish line‚ the race is just life and it doesnt matter if i dont have the energy to keep going because #not keeping going just isn't an option #i have no energy. im so tired. n i dunno whats gonna happen when i run out of money but am still out of energy #i suppose i go back to overdrawing the tank again probably n just. hope the drain isnt so fast this time and i #can get to a rest point sooner #one way or another i continue #whether thats a pessimistic or optimistic statement is up to you

[reel-fear]

I feel like I am going BONKERS, rn like I know Twitter is the website ever but like ??????

#ramblez #idk when telling ppl they said smth that came across as mean or harsh became known as a personal accusation of that person being mean #but man I did not yknow catch up on that understanding! #just like hmmmm #I am so tired of ppl telling me to chill out even when I am trying to in very calm very passive words explain my reasoning #and its like 10x worse when I am agreeing with the persons main point but dont like how they worded it #and they take it as an attack on the correct point they were making instead of a simple mistake of wording that can easily be fixed #+10 points if they double down on said wording and then later say it was bc they are neurodivergent #like my man maybe ur autism does cause u to come accross as harsh sometimes thats okay #but when somebody tells you youre coming accross as harsh ur autism does not make u double down instantly and get angry #and also its like maybe I sound insane? #but if u gonna defend ur take as objective critisism it has to be something u can like objectively prove! #and if u then end off the thread stating it was just ur opinion and trying to spin it all to make me look like I had a fit bc I disagreed? #thats super weird? #and also in general u should be very careful when mixing objective facts with ur opinions or speculation #u need to put disclaimers or have smth that clearly shows whats meant to be taken objectively and whats an opinion u have #otherwise it can get confusing esp if anyone yknow takes ur word as fact bc its surrounded by actually provable stuff! #and I mean Im ignoring the part where the number one way they doubled down was by saying it was objective critisism when it wasnt KJDFHGKJD #just #ugh #tiring #one of these days Ill grow strong enough to delete twitter bc nothing good ever comes of it