#charlie the tuna

[foodfightnovelization]

Every Real-World Brand Mascot in the Movie

Time for another interlude! Cool, huh? Okay, this admittedly isn't super interesting since it's just a game of "spot the cameo" with characters that are already in the movie, but I felt the need to trek my way through and point out just how many brand mascots (that is, ones based on actual grocery store products) we see throughout the movie. I'm aware there's already a list like this on Foodfight's Lost Media Wiki page, but it's slightly inaccurate and anyway, mine has pictures. So let's do this!

(Sidenote: This doesn't include products that appear in the movie but don't have a mascot. For example, we see Crest toothpaste on the shelves as the store closes, but there's no anthropomorphic tubes of toothpaste walking around so I'm not including it)

#1: The Vlasic Stork: Okay so this one is obvious since he's on the DVD cover and all, but he's also the first one we see in the whole movie, at around 1:50!

#2: Mr Clean. Again this one's super obvious and noticeable, I'm just listing all of these for completion's sake. I chose the screenshot of him with sewage on his clothes because I think it's funny.

#3: Mama Celeste. I'm talking about the woman in the foreground in a red dress and a white apron- she just looks like a regular old woman but she's actually the mascot for a bunch of microwavable meals (like Celeste Pizza For One, which a friend of mine says is a very sad meal for very lonely men)

#4: Punchy. Not much to say about this one, but it's Punchy, the mascot for Hawaiian Punch. He has no lines but he DOES perform his signature move of offering someone a drink before punching them in the face, and we all know punching people in the face is tight.

#5: Twinkie The Kid: The mascot for Twinkies, this character appears multiple times throughout the movie, but I'm just including the first time he shows up because it's easier (this is during a crowd scene early on where lots of cameos can be seen)

#6: Spammy. See, I wasn't even aware Spam had a mascot? But apparently they do, and he can be seen here staring right at you, the person reading this! He's basically just a can of Spam with a face and arms.

#7: The Dinty Moore Lumberjack. The mascot for Dinty Moore stew, he can be seen here waving his hands in the air and being stared at by a rabbi. (The rabbi in question is called Rabbi Kayman in case anyone's wondering, he's an original character created for the movie and is the mascot for a brand of granola bars and cookies. God, I know way too much about this movie)

#8 and #9: Tootsie Roll Owl and Tootsie Roll Man. In the background of the same scene, we can see these two characters. The owl, famous for the "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?" commercials, and a walking Tootsie Roll (on the right) who Google tells me is just called the Tootsie Roll Man.

#10: The California Raisins. One of the more well-known mascots in the movie, in the scene pictured above they're in the Copabanana singing a cover of "I Heard it Through The Grapevine" which they often sang in commercials back in the 80s. They're also one of the only real-world brand mascots from the movie to actually get tie-in merchandise, as there was a plush released of one of them alongside all the original characters from the movie. (The only other real-world mascot to get a plush, or indeed any form of merchandise, was Charlie The Tuna. Speaking of...)

#11: Charlie The Tuna. The mascot for Starkist Tuna, he's notable for being one of the few brand mascots in the movie to actually get any dialogue. I like his Brooklyn accent, and as mentioned above he's one of only two real-world mascots to get any tie-in merchandise released. There were a whole line of plush toys released- Dex Dogtective, Daredevil Dan (I have this one!), Maximilius Moose, Cheasel the Weasel, Polar Penguin, a California Raisin, and Charlie the Tuna. He's also on the DVD cover! So Charlie the Tuna must be quite the star, getting his own plush and everything... either that or tuna companies typically don't get the chance to sell merchandise based around their canned fish mascot and jumped at the chance.

#12: Mrs Buttersworth. One of the only other brand mascots to get any dialogue, she throws pancakes at the Brand X army at one point and spills a glass of juice on Mr Clean. You have to wonder, with only three or four of these (relatively) popular characters getting speaking roles, if more of them had dialogue but it was cut before the movie was released. Mr Clean is credited as having a voice actor but never talks in the movie. Makes you think, right?

#13: Energizer Bunny. This one is a real "blink and you'll miss it" type cameo in the USDA meeting scene, but this is undoubtedly the Energizer Bunny. (Energizer Batteries also feature in a scene in the real-world grocery store)

#14: Mr Bubble. The mascot for a somewhat obscure brand of bubble bath, Mr Bubble appears multiple times throughout the movie but never does anything particularly noteworthy.

#15: Kid Cuisine Penguin. Another "blink and you'll miss it" cameo, the Kid Cuisine Penguin shows up in a few scenes, but he's really hard to spot- if you weren't actively looking, you'd have no idea he was in this at all. It's almost like they didn't want you to see him?

#16: Chef Boyardee. He shows up a few times at various points in the movie, and they've made sure to put the Chef Boyardee logo right on the front of his uniform, which is useful because otherwise he could easily just be mistaken for a regular nondescript chef.

#17: Hungry-Man. We're really getting into the pits of the cameos now. Hungry-Man is a brand of frozen dinners... but they don't have a mascot. I looked it up, they definitely don't and they never have. So for this movie they've created their own mascot for Hungry-Man by just taking a regular-looking guy and slapping a shirt that says "Hungry-Man" on him. The only interesting thing about this is it implies that in the world of Foodfight!, even products without mascots in the real world still have their own Ike in the Marketropolis.

#18: Duncan Hines. Okay, last one now. I watched this movie a BUNCH and I had idea who this was supposed to be, only to spot a logo on his apron right towards the end and realize this is supposed to be Duncan Hines. He doesn't look anything like the real-life Duncan Hines (a restaurant critic who definitely does not have a mustache) and as far as I know Duncan Hines cake mix doesn't HAVE a mascot. So for this movie I guess they just...created a mascot that looks nothing like the real-world man the company is named after? Okay, FINE.

So all in all that makes 18 cameos from 18 different brand mascots...in a previous post I said there were around 15 and that I'd have to pore through and catalogue them all at some point. And here I am! My guess was surprisingly accurate. A lot of these are so obscure and so easy to miss though, that I'd say they barely even count as cameos. The only notable ones are ones that get a shot specifically focused on them or a line of dialogue, like Charlie Tuna, Twinkie The Kid, Mrs Buttersworth and the Vlasic Stork. It makes sense they're the ones featured on the DVD cover and poster- they're the most recognizable of all these and some of the only real-world mascots with an actual role in the plot.

Sidenote: This particular variation of the DVD cover/poster (the same art is used for both) lists a bunch of cameos featured in the movie. Charlie Tuna, the Vlasic Stork, Twinkie the Kid, Mr Clean, Mrs Buttersworth, Hawaiian Punchy, California Raisins, Chef Boyardee and...Chiquita Banana? But the Chiquita Banana lady isn't in this movie at all! I should know, I just spent way too long going through every last second of it trying to pick out all the cameos. So either she was removed very late into production, or whoever wrote the text for this poster just got confused and made a mistake. I genuinely have no idea which though? The mystery of this movie really never ends...

#foodfight #dex dogtective #mr clean #charlie the tuna #twinkie the kid #spam #chef boyardee #tootsie roll #interlude

[fart-poop-daily]

birthday boy ^

#original #charlie tuna

[pkmntrainerstella]

i’ve known quite a few kieran types and the one thing they all have in common, is the disgust they invoke. the feelings and desires of ogerpon did not matter. only his own wants did- stealing the mask, trying to convince ogerpon to go with him… without having helped recover the stolen masks. talking to the town was helpful, but… i did not feel sorry for the schooling he received from my team. that final smile is somehow worse than any of his other moments.

charlie tuna was a delightful tsun towards the end, and grew on me. her teacher is likely going to go sideways in the next dlc chapters.

#pkmntrainerstella #teal mask dlc #pokemon scarlet and violet #carmine aka: charlie tuna #kieran: aka nice guys finish last #miss briar: aka sussy sensei

[23meteorstreet]

instead of trying to make charlie’s breath smell better by making him stop eating cat food i would simply buy him higher quality cat food

#listen... #some cat food is fucking disgusting #but some of it just smells and tastes like canned tuna #esp the higher quality stuff #which is still a little gross but significantly more tolerable #i mean obviously id want to take better care of him but baby steps #wouldnt wanna be accused of trying to change him in this hypothetical scenario #hate that smelling cat food makes me think of him :( #man the shit i say abt charlie is so weird idk if it can even be considered thirst posting #i have other thoughts abt him ok theyre just too pathetic to post

[truthchaser]

"Oof." Feels good to get a moment to relax.

#charlie tuna say relax :okhand:

[xltl]

#a small price to pay for vintage rare promo charlie tuna.

[stastrodome]

Christ counselling Charlie the Tuna on the perils of Existentialism. 

#Jesus Charlie the Tuna Existentialism HTX Live for Today but live for Others

[eideard]

Subway sued by consumer who can't find tuna in her tuna sandwich

Subway sued by consumer who can’t find tuna in her tuna sandwich

A federal judge says a woman’s lawsuit against Subway can move forward, refusing the restaurant chain’s request to dismiss the suit that alleges its tuna sandwiches “partially or wholly” lack tuna… (Nilima) Amin’s lawsuit cites a marine biologist who analyzed 20 samples of tuna offerings from 20 different Subway restaurants and found “no detectable tuna DNA sequences whatsoever” in 19 samples.…

View On WordPress

#Charlie?. #tuna

[mortifiedandawesome]

I always had decent tuna in my life. I never considered tuna being very good or very bad.

To save like, a nickel, I bought a lot of what I now realize is very substandard tuna.

It is basically like dry wet cat food. Even adding too much mayonnaise does not help it. (Canned regular ol tuna, not some flavor envelope fancy do)

I went back and got a couple of regular tuna that apparently are of the brands I've been eating for decades, and comparatively, I feel like I just had a banquet.

Horrors.

#tuna report 06092022 #sorry CHARLIE #OMG IT HAS BEEN WARNED TO ME SINCE BEFORE MY BIRTH AND I DIDNT THINK OF IT UNTIL JUST NOW

[ahoppingmagician]

Hazbin Hotel sucks

I thought it would be like the room level of awful. (so bad it's amazing) no, it's just awful.

Wrong Casting for Val, Vox and Husk to an amusing level, but just like Viv's jokes, it stops being funny after a few minutes and becomes grating to the soul. All of the VA sounds like they are being held hostage, or were giving no real direction.

The songs are tolerable at best and unfathomably useless and insufferable at worst because Viv doesn't seem to understand how musicals work. Songs are supposed to advance the plot or give us a different view of our characters, not repeat what we already know for the fifth time.

The characters are just unlikable, now before you say "But Hopper it's hell of course they're unlikable assholes." Let me point you to a show that me and Viv love Bojack Horseman, the main character is an awful person, but he is still charismatic to the audience. The HH cast aren't funny or endearing, some of their struggles are relatable, but they aren't relatable characters. Also, Bojack is held responsible for his actions, In the finale season everything in his past comes back to bite him and he ends up just like his abusive mother alone, the series doesn't try and paint him in a UwU soft boy with trauma, but a man with serious issues who never really tried to improve himself.

Just because i'm petty, Viv your womem characters are still taking a back seat to the men. Just because Charlie sings and talk doesn't mean it's female led.

Stop with the colour red Vivienne, it physical hurts, and my brain is getting overstimulated with all the red, pinks, and blacks. Also, it all mashes together, kind of like a tuna sandwich, all different shades of beige.

That's it for now, the next post will be about the inappropriate way this show handles mature subjects.

Oh and as always everyone of you look amazing, and I hope that I made your day just a little bit more entertaining.

#anti vivziepop #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel criticism #anti hazbin hotel #vivziepop critical

[sixhours]

One Day at a Time - Chapter 8 - Beginning

Series Chapter Index | Read on AO3 | Complete

Rating: Explicit, 18+, here be smut Series tags: The Last of Us, The Last of Us (HBO), Joel Miller x f!OFC, Joel & Ellie, mostly follows canon, SMUT, gratuitous smut, dubious consent (drunk sex), unplanned pregnancy, fluff, references to past miscarriages, angst, hurt/comfort, romance, age gap (~21 years), childbirth, fluffy baby stuff, I've probably forgotten some so please let me know <3

~*~

The midwife is the first to notice that Anna’s startle reflex is inconsistent. When she suggests the baby might be deaf, Joel wants to write it off as the woman’s usual dour attitude, but as the weeks pass, it becomes clear that something is different. It’s impossible to make enough noise to wake her, she doesn’t turn her head toward their voices, and she’s inconsolable when they’re out of her limited line of sight. They spend several sleepless nights worrying, making loud noises and watching Anna intently for responses that usually don’t come.

There’s nothing to do about it, though, except wait and see…like her pregnancy all over again. One day at a time.

Anna is most content when she’s tucked into the soft cloth wrap, held tight against someone’s chest, where she can feel the soothing purr of speech against her tiny body. They get adept at going about their daily routines with the baby strapped to them like a marsupial in a makeshift pouch. She especially seems to like Joel’s soft flannel shirts and his deep, rumbly voice–he’s the best at getting her to nap.

Or, as Ellie puts it, boring her to sleep .

Ellie spends more time with them, enamored with her baby sister in a way Joel couldn’t have predicted. He supposes he shouldn’t be surprised, having watched her with Sam all those months ago, but her fierce devotion to this brand-new person in their lives makes him light-headed with pride.

Baby things showed up at their house out of the blue in the days after Anna was born; an antique cradle, bottles, more diapers, and a breast pump contraption that Charlie says makes her feel like a dairy cow. There are enough clothes to outfit a small army and mystery casseroles lining their freezer for weeks.

Tonight he takes one of the casseroles out and sniffs at it warily.

“Not sure about this one, kid,” he says to Anna, strapped to his chest. “Can’t be worse than that tuna surprise thing, though. House smelled for a week.”

The baby makes a soft cooing noise and sticks out her tongue in response.

“Yeah? Well, you didn’t have to eat it,” he mutters, turning on the oven.

“Talking to yourself again?” Charlie murmurs from the couch, snuggled under a throw.

“I’m havin’ a conversation with my daughter,” he says, stroking the baby’s head. “And you’re s’posed to be napping.”

She sits up, bleary-eyed and wan. “Can’t sleep. I miss her.”

“Hear that?” he murmurs. “Mama misses you. Maybe you should wake her up more often. Five times last night wasn’t enough.”

Joel wanders over to the couch and unearths the baby from her wrap to hand her to Charlie, who takes her with a smile and a soft hi sweet girl . Warmth blooms in his chest, followed by sadness; the two often go hand in hand.

Sarah never had this, he thinks, and he mourns what he couldn’t give her; the love of a mother, the delight of a new sibling.

But Anna has it all, in this family cobbled together from spare parts and broken pieces. Like the beginning of a bad joke— a widow, an orphan, and a childless father walk into a bar –where she is the most beautiful punchline he’s ever heard.

~*~

Joel comes home to find Ellie on the couch with the baby in her lap and a book on the cushion next to her, frowning in concentration as she flips through the pages. Anna is nine weeks old and more alert than ever, bright eyes taking in everything, and at the moment she’s fascinated by her big sister’s hands, moving in slow, measured gestures in front of her face.

“Where’s Charlie?”

“Your girlfriend is taking a nap,” Ellie says without looking up from her book.

“She’s not–”

He catches himself before he can finish his sentence and Ellie smirks.

“Caught ya.”

Joel sighs. “What’re you doin’?”

She flips to the book cover to show him; An Introduction to American Sign Language .

“Sam taught me some, but I found this at the library. I figured it can’t hurt to start early.”

His throat tightens and he blinks back tears. God, his kids have turned him into a walking fucking water fountain.

“That’s…a great idea, kiddo,” he says, squeezing her shoulder.

“I know,” she says. “Besides, you can use it, too, when your hearing eventually goes.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he mutters. He bends down to boop Anna’s nose. “Your sister is somethin’ else, kid. I’m gonna check on your mo–I mean my–our–”

He growls as Ellie looks up at him expectantly, a wry little smirk on her face.

“I’m gonna check on Charlie,” he sighs. “Call me if you need me.”

He hears a whisper at his back.

“What’s the sign for ‘They are so fucked’?”

Ellie’s laughter and Anna’s quiet coos follow him upstairs.

They still haven’t talked about them . They share a bed, they care for Anna, and…that’s about it. The midwife mentioned something about “resuming sexual activities” and “birth control” and maybe even a vasectomy at their final appointment, and it had taken all Joel had not to laugh in her face. He hasn’t had so much as a hard-on since the kid was born, and Charlie is permanently attached to her when she’s not sleeping or eating.

It might have bothered him if he weren’t so sleep-deprived.

In the bedroom, Charlie is buried under the blankets. He doesn’t mean to wake her, but she startles when the door creaks open.

“Anna?”

“Ellie’s got her, it’s just me,” Joel whispers. “Sorry.”

Charlie sits up, rubbing at her eyes, holding her breasts as if testing their weight. “S’okay. She needs to eat soon.”

He takes a seat on the edge of the bed, smiles at Charlie’s mussed hair. He’s watched her closely over the last few weeks, hyper-alert for signs of depression, for the grief that he knows will never completely subside. A horrible little voice in the back of his mind insists that it’s only a matter of time before she leaves them.

Sarah’s mom made it four months.

But Charlie seems content if exhausted. They’re both exhausted, even with help. With Sarah he’d had the advantage of youth; with Anna, Joel feels every single one of his fifty-eight years…mostly in his back.

“Did you know Ellie’s teachin’ the baby sign language?” he asks.

“Mmm, she mentioned something about that,” Charlie yawns. “She’s smart, your kid. We’re raising geniuses.”

Joel ducks his head to hide a blush of pride. “They’re gonna leave us in their dust someday.”

We. Us.

He reaches out to cup Charlie’s face in one hand, rubbing his thumb along her cheekbone. He could say it was all lust until now, but watching her with Anna makes him feel like a lovesick teenager. Charlie leans into his touch, meets his eyes, and his stomach clenches with a kind of pleasant ache he hasn’t felt in weeks.

Maybe he’s going to need to look into that vasectomy after all.

The moment is rudely interrupted by a wail, followed by Ellie’s voice drifting up the stairs.

“Hey, lovebirds! Your spawn needs a diaper change.”

~*~

Joel and Ellie are sprawled on the couch, her tucked into one corner and him on the opposite side, slouched down with Anna on his chest, a movie playing in the background. The baby won’t sleep in the beautiful hand-carved cradle for more than fifteen minutes at a time, preferring instead to slumber on a warm body.

There was a time in Joel’s life when he would have said they were spoiling her, but now, acutely aware of his limited years in a way he’s never been before, he’s decided Anna can fall asleep in his arms until she’s thirty if she wants. There is no such thing as spoiling her as far as he’s concerned.

He’s half asleep, trying to wait out the next hour and a half to let Charlie get some rest, when Ellie’s voice drifts into his consciousness.

“I think I get it now.”

“Get what?” he murmurs, barely able to open his eyes.

“Why you lied to me.”

He’s awake now. His head snaps up to face her. Ellie is curled in a ball with her arms around her knees, watching the baby rise and fall with the rhythm of his breath.

“If it were her…I’d do anything to keep her safe,” she says softly.

Oh.

His first instinct is to lie again, but something about Ellie’s expression and the way she’s watching Anna gives him pause. Between the two of them, they’ve cracked him open. He’s too tired and old to hold secrets.

“I’m sorry I lied to you,” he rasps. “I shouldn’t’ve done that. It was wrong.”

He meets her eyes, waits until he’s sure that she sees him, because she can’t just hear it–she needs to know it with her whole being, to believe it as deeply as he does.

“But I’m not sorry–I’ll never be sorry–for what I did. And I’d do it again in a heartbeat for you…or her.”

Ellie nods, but she frowns, her voice going small and tight.

“What if she was bit?”

The question drops from her lips like a bomb and Joel instinctively tightens his grip around Anna at the thought.

“Wouldn’t you hate me?” she whispers. “For not…for not being able to save her?”

“Never,” he says roughly. “I could never hate you, Ellie.”

“But…what if she could grow up in a better world? A world where you never had to worry about her…or Charlie…or anyone…getting infected,” Ellie asks softly.

He wants to tell her that none of this would have been possible if she weren’t here–their life in Jackson, Charlie, or Anna. He wants to tell her that she is the catalyst for everything he’s done right in his sorry life.

His girl, who wanted to save the world, had saved him instead.

But words are failing so he swallows his tears and puts an arm out. Ellie slides over, curling into his side, and he’s momentarily stunned by her solidity against him. She’s grown in the months since they returned from Salt Lake City. She’s taller, her face thinning out, more like a young woman than a child.

It happens too damn fast, he thinks, looking down at the sleeping infant on his chest.

He whispers the words into Ellie’s hair when his throat finally unlocks, watery and thick.

“She’s growin' up in a better world because you’re in it.”

~*~

“She’s finally out,” Charlie whispers, backing away from the cradle and collapsing onto the bed on her stomach with a groan. “I don’t know how one tiny human can eat so much.”

“I’ll take her tonight,” he says. “She can have a bottle.”

“You have patrol in the morning.”

“Can’t sleep for shit anyway,” he shrugs. “Did you eat? Caf’s still open, I can grab you something.”

“Mmm. Maybe later. I need about ten hours of sleep and a big glass of wine,” she mutters into the pillow.

“I can offer you six hours of sleep and a beer.”

“I’ll take it,” she yawns, then brightens. “Oh! I found something at the post today.” 

She rolls over, digs in the nightstand drawer, then unearths a small black box and tosses it into his lap.

He blinks down at it, unsure if it’s the suggestion or the fatigue that slows his tongue. His heart quickens.

“Are these…?”

“Condoms,” she grins. Then she’s crawling toward him and straddling his lap, much the way she did the first time, and she glances over at the silent cradle. “We have a couple hours…should we see if they’re any good?”

“God yes please,” he breathes, all tiredness suddenly forgotten as her mouth finds his, open and wanting.

There’s laundry scattered around the floor, empty bottles and water glasses on the nightstand, used burp cloths draped over the furniture, and the faint smell of sour milk lingers in the air.

And all of it ceases to matter because she’s holding his face in her hands and kissing him, really kissing him for the first time in weeks. Not a peck on the cheek or a nuzzled brush of her lips to his forehead when she thinks he’s still sleeping, but an honest-to-god kiss with tongue and teeth and bite.

Soon she’s rolled underneath him and he’s supping long, languid kisses from her lips, eliciting sweet little moans and breathy gasps that have him thrusting his aching cock into her bare stomach, seeking relief in friction. Even with the condom to dull the sensations, this will be over before it’s begun if he doesn’t get a fucking grip, so he pulls reluctantly away to explore the rest of her body.

Breastmilk gathers in little pearls on the peaks of her nipples, sweet and thick on his tongue as he teases and sucks his way down her chest. He traces the silvery lines on her lower stomach with his nose, the places where she’s been permanently marked because of their daughter, because of him . The sight of her gently swollen belly and the velvety softness of the stretched skin only makes him want her more.

She whimpers when he tastes her, moans when he sucks at her swollen clit and laps at her folds until she’s writhing and coming. Then she’s pulling on his hair with an urgency he understands and he’s rolling one of the condoms on and sinking into her delicious heat. She’s so close like this, pinned by his hips and chest, pressed underneath him like a flower.

He can’t pull himself away from her mouth, can’t stop kissing her and tasting her and swallowing her cries. Her arms enfold him, rubbing languid strokes up and down the slope of his back, pressing into his ass, urging him deeper. He reaches for her hand and rests their entwined fingers above her head.

Mine , he thinks with every thrust, heat coiling in his gut, crawling up his spine. Mine, mine, mine.

“Yours,” she sighs, arching into him, answering the words he didn’t realize he’d spoken out loud. He presses his forehead against hers and stills, breathing hard.

“Yeah?”

His voice is ragged with emotion. Her palms come up to cup his face.

“All yours,” she whispers, then she kisses him and kisses him and he prays the condom does its damn job because he’s falling over the edge.

~*~

He’s still softening inside her, luxuriating in the feel of her mouth against his, when the baby wails from her cradle.

Charlie groans underneath him. “Already?”

“Well…we got fifteen minutes,” he mumbles, burying his face in the crook of her neck.

“Give yourself credit, it was at least twenty.”

“It’s like a sixth sense,” he mutters, pulling out with a groan. “Surprised Ellie’s not at the damn door, too.”

Charlie snorts a laugh, sitting up and pulling the sheet to her chest.

“I’m comin’, baby girl,” he says. “Hold on, I know…m’right here.”

But Anna can’t hear him, of course. He pokes his head over the cradle and she quiets. “I’ll be right back.”

She protests loudly when he leaves her line of sight again, totally abandoned. He disposes of the condom and washes his hands…now where the hell are his boxers? The din of Anna’s crying in the background has him stumbling over his feet.

Finally, he plucks her up out of the cradle and puts her against his chest.

“Hey, kid, you’re fine,” he rumbles against her.

She growls in response, all attitude, one tiny fist stuffed into her mouth.

“Think she’s hungry,” he murmurs, nuzzling the top of her head. “Want me to get her a bottle so you can sleep?”

“No,” Charlie says, two wet spots blooming on the bedsheet. “You primed the pump. I’m leaking all over myself.”

“Lucky kid,” he grins. “You get the real deal.”

“You just ate, sweet girl,” Charlie sighs as the baby latches. “Where does it all go?”

“Based on the laundry I folded today, I have an idea,” Joel mutters, crawling back into bed. He sits up against the headboard and pulls Charlie into his arms so she’s propped against him. She burrows into his shoulder and closes her eyes as the baby makes greedy little suckling noises. His free arm wraps around them, cupping Anna’s head, feeling the pulse of her heartbeat in his palm.

Maybe it’s the sex that loosens his tongue, or maybe he’s just too tired to worry over the fallout. He takes a deep breath.

“So I know we said…you’d stay until the kid is born…and that was, uh, ten weeks ago.”

“You kicking me out?” Charlie murmurs, playing with the baby’s tiny fingers as she nurses.

“No,” he says quickly. “You can stay as long as you want. I just…don’t want you to feel like you have to…or like we’re expected to be, uh…something we’re–”

“Joel,” she says, soft but firm. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Heat blooms in his chest.

“Yeah?”

She tilts her head up to look at him, silver eyes shining, and answers him with a long, sweet, lingering kiss that reignites the fire in his lower belly.

He’s definitely gonna need that vasectomy.

#fanfic #fic recs #joel miller #the last of us hbo #the last of us #pregnancy #babyfic

[mollymauk-teafleak]

Omg can we please have more huskerdust babies?? I’m thinking all the things! Possibly more things during the pregnancy? I love the idea that when the hotel is attacked by the monster of the week, Angel gets pissed that they basically have Nifty babysit him ha. Or angsty stuff like, maybe Heaven has taken note that there’s been innocent souls born and they want to take them?? Omg so many thiiiiiings I love this lil world you created <3

Oh my god I absolutely Adore this ask, these are all the things I love talking about the most! <3 I'm so glad you like the AU!

God I love the idea that Angel Dust is very unimpressed at being benched from fights, bitching about it to the point where Charlie has to give him a list of pregnancy dos and don'ts with 'gunfights' on the don't list along with drugs, alcohol and tuna. Nifty gets assigned as his bodyguard whenever they are under attack but her job is far more often to keep him in his room. More than once, Husk has come back to find that Nifty had to pin Angel's jacket to the floor with her knife

Angel is Suffering with two very hyperactive, multi limbed, winged kittens inside him, especially when he's trying to sleep. And he discovers that the only thing that really gets them to settle is the sound of their daddy's rattling, rumbling, car-with-a-busted-exhaust purr. Which leads to many nights where they're curled up in bed and Angel Dust will sleepily give Husk a shove and mumble 'your kids are awake'. Husk knows it's his cue to roll over, shuffle down until his forehead is pressed to Angel's belly and purr loudly until the little ones settle back into sleep. Usually he'll stay there, Angel's fingers stroking through his fur, telling their babies to be nice to their pops, he's doing such a good job taking care of you and keeping you safe. Angel gets to drift back asleep listening to his voice and his purr and feeling so warm and safe

Cravings hit Angel at the weirdest times, often Husk will wake up at 2am with his side of the bed empty but he knows all he has to do is stumble down to the kitchen and his spider will be there, singing to himself and making some pasta dish he remembers his Nona making when he was alive. Husk just presses a sleepy kiss between his shoulders and gets himself on busboy duty. If he's lucky he'll get some leftovers.

Angel Dust does struggle a lot with how Different he looks when he's pregnant, just because he takes so much pride in looking a certain way and he's spent his whole afterlife being told that looking hot and having people want to fuck him is all he's good for. So when he starts showing, there's a few days where he just retreats to his room, under the blankets and doesn't really want to see anyone. Husk understands and doesn't make him feel stupid for feeling that way but he will wait until Angel wants to let him in then get under the covers with him. He promises that he's as beautiful to Husk as he's ever been, he can't believe he gets to be with someone who looks the way he does and, honestly, he's struggling to keep his hands off him most of the time. It does make Angel feel better and he gets to wear his comfier clothes now and gets used to looking at himself in a different way.

And then his hormones hit. Literally no one in the hotel sees them for about a week, Charlie goes up to see if they're okay, hears the noises coming from their room and bolts back downstairs with a bright red face like '....yeah, they sound like they're doing good'. When Husk eventually does emerge, to get some water, he's limping and holding his back, groaning that he's too old for this...

When they're born, as soon as they're able to wobble about on their many limbs, the spider kitties get Terrible zoomies. Half the time there's just these black and pink blurs zipping around the hotel, tumbling into each other and nearly knocking things over. It's good reflex training for everyone in the hotel making sure nothing gets smashed

and it is SO interesting that you mention this whole business with heaven as that is absolutely a part of this AU I came up with!!!! It's long enough to pretty much deserve it's own post but I am so delighted that your brain also went there because mine did too!!

#huskerdust #hazbin hotel #hazbin angel dust #hazbin husk #husk #angel dust #trans pregnancy #huskerdusk babies au

[sluttyl0s3rs]

Why Can’t Cats Be Free?

⋆｡°✩summary: Charlie wants a cat

•warnings •?!: mention of blood, fluff

Paring: Charlie Walker x fem reader

Note: the reader is a bit of a bimbo but, it's okay to be a bit dumb.

Charlie and you were lying on your bed cuddling, while watching a movie while it rained outside.Charlie got up from his spot that was giving you warmth.

“Where are you going?” You asked obviously wanting to know where he was going

“I’m going to go find a Cat”

As he got his hoodie throwing it on, he grabbed a can of tuna then left.

….”wait a cat?!”

As you grabbed your jacket as well and, an umbrella and ran out the door trying to find Charlie.

“Charlie!! Charlieeee where did you go~.”

You were walking around until, you seen a man walking down the sidewalk and thought it was Charlie.

“Charlie did you find a cat yet?”

As the man looked at you being confused.

“Oh sh*t sorry, I thought you were someone else.”

As the man grunted and, walked away.

You kept walking to find Charlie until, you heard grunting in an alleyway. You were hesitant to go inside the alley ,so you decided to just look in seeing a person with long hair.

“Charlie?” You said quiet but audible.

“Hmph yeah?” Charlie said

“Charlie I found you! Have you found your cat yet?”

As you walked forward to him you saw him holding his arm.

“You okay char?”

“Hmph yeah I’m doing amazing.”

As you got closer you bent over seeing blood seeping through his hand.

“Oh my… Char what happened?!”

“Uh I found a cat but, I don’t think it liked being touched.”

As you saw the large cut on his arm that he was holding.

“Charlie…let’s go home okay?”

“Mmh okay.” Charlie said not trying to argue or disagree.

After, you guys got home you patched him up him sitting on the couch being embarrassed.

“Charlie.”

“Yeah?”

“We can go buy a cat tomorrow, I have money saved up.”

“…I think I’m a dog person”

#rory culkin x reader #rory culkin smut #jack thurlow smut #charlie walker #fanfic #rory culkin #euronymous x reader #bliss #he is so silly #cat

[pkmntrainerstella]

my favorite fish, and a surprisingly endearing trainer.

giant fuckin YIKES

if charlie tuna thinks he's the worst, i just know i'm gonna love them.

oh noooo, don't prove the above statement right!

like with last time, i roared through the update... and my opinion of nice trainers finish last did not change a goddamn bit.

#pkmntrainerstella #progress in process #carmine aka: charlie tuna #kieran: aka nice guys finish last #indigo disk dlc #pokemon scarlet and violet #drayton: aka best boy #amarys: aka finger hearts

[withacapitalp]

Dear You Pt 2

Part One Link to ao3

As per usual thank you to @hbyrde36 for betaing and @artbean for giving me the best idea everrrrr I love this chapter so much

Back in Black

Ride the Lightning

A few originals? Maybe the new one Jeff is writing?

Back in Black

Ride the Lightning  Run to the Hills

A few originals? Maybe the new one Jeff is writing?

Back in Black       Start with the originals

Ride the Lightning  Run to the Hills  Back in Black 

A few originals? Maybe the new one Jeff is writing? Crazy

Eddie growled in disgust, burying one hand in his hair and pulling as he savagely dragged his pen over the complete failure of a set list, hiding his frustrations under a thick layer of dark black ink. When that wasn’t enough to satisfy the angry beast in his chest, he ripped the page out of his notebook entirely, balling it up and throwing it across the clearing, leaving behind a jagged ripped up strip of paper that stuck out, awkward and grating on his nerves.

The second the paper hit the ground Eddie felt the anger begin to leak out of him, leaving behind a hollow place at the bottom of his stomach, and the beginnings of a headache behind his eyes. 

Wayne had once told him that his anger was like a summer squall- it started as just a few drops, picked up in intensity until it was everywhere, whirled around like a tornado for a few moments, and then disappeared just as quickly as it had come. 

His uncle had said it like a good thing, as if Eddie’s inability to hold onto anger said something about him. What it said, Eddie wasn’t exactly sure, all he knew was right now he kind of wished he could stay angry for just a little while longer. 

With a short quiet sigh, Eddie hauled himself up, walking to the other side of the clearing and grabbing the crumpled up paper, tossing it idly to himself as he walked back towards the picnic table, his mind fuzzy and distracted as he thought about everything that had happened today to cause this little meltdown. 

It wasn’t like today was the worst day he had ever gone through, but it was still pretty frickin bad. The transmission on his van was starting to go out for like the fiftieth time this month alone, stupid Mrs. Clickity-Clack had accused him of cheating just because he wrote a good essay, and the cafeteria had served up Tuna Surprise for lunch. All things that would sour his mood on their own, but the worst thing had happened just as the final bell rang. 

On the extremely short walk from their lockers to the parking lot, some freshman basketball idiots who weren’t aware of the rules decided to try and cause problems for Gareth. As a rule the jocks knew to stay all bark and no bite when it came to Hellfire, or they would have to drive all the way to Plainfield to buy their weed, but apparently Carver and his cronies hadn’t initiated these two dumbasses yet. Eddie had been forced to step in just as the principal walked by and of course Higgins took their side. 

Of course. 

After a lengthy and frankly ridiculous speech about Eddie needing to apply himself, Higgins had sighed and handed over a detention slip. All of that would have been just another Tuesday, but the underhanded comment he had made as Eddie stormed out of his office was the thing that had really twisted the knife. 

It’s pointless to try and get you to be a normal boy, Mr. Munson. No matter what I do, you’ll always be your father’s son.

“My father’s son,” Eddie scoffed, bitterness flooding his mouth and pouring from every pore, “Better Al Munson, than Charlie Higgins. As if I’d want to end up like that pompous, arrogant, small minded prick.” 

A vicious delight spread through his body and Eddie chuckled to himself, taking a big step to stand on top of one of the benches, straightening himself up and turning his nose high in the air. 

“Edward Munson, you simply must learn to apply yourself,” He said in an over the top British accent, staring down his nose at the invisible Eddie below, “I, Principal Charles Higgins, have told you time and time again that these… asinine hobbies of yours are only going to lead you astray. Be more normal! How else will you learn to be a perfect cog in the machine?” 

“But- but- but- Mr. Higgins!” Eddie stammered out, jumping down and falling to one knee, clasping his hands and staring up into the trees, “I just want to play a game with my friends and sing in a band? What’s so wrong with that?” 

Nothing. The answer was nothing. There was nothing wrong with who Eddie wanted to be, and that person sure as hell was not his father. 

“Fuck that,” Eddie ground out, taking a running leap to the top of the picnic table and staring out in the trees, “You think you’re the first person to try and change me?! HA! Fuck Normal!” 

The forest, as always, did not answer him back. Eddie was alone, nothing but the wind through the leaves and an aching longing to be understood gnawing away at his heart. 

Alone. 

Where the hell was Byers?!

Eddie was used to having to wait, because while he didn’t really care that everyone saw him stroll into the woods behind the football field every day to do deals, his clientele usually wanted a little more subtlety. But the longest it had ever taken someone to walk into the clearing was twenty minutes, and it had been at least a half hour. 

He turned to face the direction of the school watching and waiting as if he would magically hear the sound of footsteps crashing through the woods in his direction. 

Birds. Wind. Nothing to indicate a loner senior was slinking up to make a deal. 

“Maybe he got detention,” He said to himself, the excuses coming out frail and thin as he plopped down in his seat again, fiddling with the handle of his lunch box of goodies, “Or his siblings needed something and he had to take care of that, or he picked up an extra shift or he just forgot.”

Or maybe…

Or maybe Jonathan actually wasn’t coming at all. 

Eddie’s expression soured and his mouth thinned to a tight line as the thought began to take root and bloom into poisonous red flowers. 

That had to be it. Harrington had been jerking his chain, coming up with some big story to get Eddie sitting out here on his ass for no good reason. His numbskull friends were probably keying his van right now, slashing the tires up, having a real good laugh at the freak. 

And he really only had himself to blame. He knew that Harrington was no good, and he had let those kids make him think differently. Well, this is what happened. This is what he got for thinking people could change. 

“Stupid jackass with his stupid hair and his stupid kids,” Eddie muttered in disgust, slamming the lid of his lunchbox closed and locking it with an equally harsh movement, “Gonna key his Beemer, slash his stupid perfect tires and wipe that stupid smug look off his stupid-”

“Are you okay?” 

Eddie screamed. 

Not a manly shocked yell or a little shout. He full on girl-in-a-horror-movie-about-to-get-eaten-by-a-werewolf shrieked. Jonathan let out his own scream, taking a few steps back and putting his hands out in front of him, staring at Eddie with wide eyes. 

After a beat of silence Eddie broke out into giggles, leaning against the picnic table as he tried to pull himself back together. 

“Guess I scared you?” Jonathan asked, his shoulders relaxing as a tiny smile graced his lips. 

“Yeah, sorry,” Eddie said, still laughing. It was just too ridiculous. Him, Eddie Munson, getting scared by Byers of all people. 

“And I thought I was the one who was gonna be nervous,” Jonathan replied, jamming his hands into his pockets and hiking his shoulders up. A classic awkward Jonathan Byers move that settled out any last bad feelings Eddie was having. 

He didn’t know Jonathan, not beyond sharing a few classes and the occasional stint in detention, but Will and Jane had become some of his favorite people in a short time, and they had given Eddie enough descriptions that he had a pretty good idea of who Jonathan was. 

“No need to fret,” Eddie said, making a wide sweeping arc with one arm towards the picnic table, “Step into my office, taste my wares,” 

Jonathan crept closer, each step taking much longer than it should have. It was like watching a stray dog walk towards a treat- hungry, but still unsure if the hand was going to feed or hurt. 

“Thanks for this,” Jonathan said absentmindedly, looking around the clearing with his shoulders still tight around his ears. 

“No need to thank me, this is a business transaction,” Eddie shot back, opening his lunchbox back up and getting into Professional Drug Dealer Mode. 

Doing deals was part sales, part psychology. It was easier to get the job done if he made himself what the other person needed him to be. Some people wanted a buddy, someone to joke around with as they purchased their pills, others wanted not a word between them, the shame of needing an illegal substance to get through the day was too much to bear. 

Eddie would bet that Jonathan, like most first-timers, would be easiest to work with if Eddie gave him the basic rundown of how this worked. 

“Cash only, no receipts. You give me what I need, I give you what you need,” Eddie rattled off as Jonathan sat, pointing first at himself, and then at Byers and then smiling wide, “Everyone walks away happy.” 

“It’s thirty, right?” Jonathan asked, pulling out his wallet. 

“Fifteen,” Eddie corrected. Byers paused, raising a brow, and Eddie snorted, continuing to snicker as he explained. 

“I charge Harrington asshole tax which usually means it’s thirty for a half ounce, and it’s twenty for everyone else,” 

Eddie watched with a smirk as Jonathan mouthed the words ‘asshole tax’ to himself while shaking his head. He pulled a twenty out, handing it over and taking the five Eddie gave him in exchange. 

“So why are you charging me fifteen?” Jonathan asked, obviously suspicious. It was almost cute, how hesitant he was. Eddie was instantly reminded of how Will had acted the first time they met. Another stray, but this one a puppy. On guard, but somehow willing to hear him out. He must’ve learned that from his brother. 

“Cause you get the friends and family discount, Elder Byers. Besides, given how much weed Steve was buying from me I have a feeling you are going to become my number one customer soon,” Eddie said with jazz hands, holding out the baggie with a flourish. 

This was where they ended. Jonathan would take his bag and go, Eddie would pack up, and they would part ways. They would not make eye contact in the hallways, and that suited Eddie just fine. It wasn’t like drug dealing was his ultimate career goal or anything. He did it to keep the lights in the trailer on and keep his uncle from working himself to an early grave, and he didn’t need to act like he was some big wheeler dealer that ran Hawkins. 

Did he know pretty much everyone’s dirty secrets? Yeah, but that was just because Rick was back in prison and that meant Eddie was the only person in town you could get cocaine from. He didn’t have any power beyond charging some people more than others for their dickish tendencies. He played his part when he had to, and this was a moment where he had to. 

Only…Jonathan was not playing his predestined role. 

“What is that?” Jonathan asked, tilting his head ever so slightly as he stared at the full baggie with wide eyes. 

“MJ?” Eddie said slowly, wondering if it was a hypothetical. Rather than lighting up in recognition, Jonathan’s brow furrowed even further, turning his eyes from the bag to Eddie. 

“Mary Jane? Also known as grass, skunk, pot, dope, reefer, herb, and its Christian name of Cannabis Sativa.” Eddie continued, lowering his voice to a whisper and extending the baggie again, hoping that a little dramatic flair might get Byers to stop acting so damn weird. 

Jonathan only looked even more hopelessly lost, and now Eddie was starting to get uncomfortable. It made absolutely zero sense for Jonathan to be acting so weird, and Eddie was only just now starting to remember that Jonathan’s mom had been doing some weird will they/won't they with Hopper for the last few years. 

Was this some sort of ploy? Was Jonathan wearing a wire or some shit? Powell had tried to come around to put a stop to Eddie’s ‘business’. Eddie had sent him off with a laugh, seeing as half of Powell’s department were some of his top regulars, but the guy seemed desperate to prove that he could be just as good of a chief as Hop was. 

Maybe he had somehow gotten Harrington and Byers to work with him to get Eddie arrested? 

No. That made no sense. Eddie was being paranoid. Jonathan was just acting completely out of it for some normal reason that he couldn’t fathom. 

Yeah. Because that made more sense. 

Every instinct in Eddie was telling him to run, take his lunch box and book it and never even think about going near any of the Byers again. 

But…

But he knew Will and he knew Jane, and he couldn’t ever see the big brother they described pulling a move like this. Threatening Eddie to stay away from his little siblings, sure, but not a snake move like trying to get him thrown in jail. 

“It’s weed, Byers. Supposedly you’ve been smoking a shit ton of it since August.” Eddie said, taking the leap and hoping that he wasn’t about to get the silver bracelets slapped on his wrists. 

“Oh! Um, Steve just always gives me cigarettes,” Jonathan mumbled, blushing and looking down at the picnic table. 

Not a sting then. Just a delightfully naive Jonathan Byers. 

“Did you just call a joint a cigarette?” Eddie asked, biting the inside of his lip as the nerves washed away. The mirth that Eddie couldn’t completely hide in his tone only made Jonathan shrink even more, so Eddie forced himself to sober up. 

A guy like Jonathan would not take being laughed at well. Eddie was sure of that much.

“I don’t do pre-rolls, sorry. But for an extra fiver, I’ll give you rolling papers or a shitty bong I have in the back of my car,” Eddie offered, having to keep from laughing as he thought about Jonathan trying to figure out how to use a bong on his own. Given how clueless he seemed to be, there was a very likely chance that Jonathan would end up burning himself more than the weed. 

“Maybe we should just forget it then,” Jonathan murmured, already sliding his body back away from Eddie and the weed. 

Normally, Eddie wouldn’t care. Baggie back in the lunchbox, whatever, see you next tuesday. He wasn’t a charity, and this wasn’t a favor between friends. He was a businessman first and foremost. 

But Steve’s words were echoing in his mind, combining with Jonathan’s kicked puppy dog demeanor to form a deadly weapon against Eddie’s far too vulnerable emotions.  

“Curse my bleeding heart.” Eddie groaned, unsure of when he had become such a softie, “Fine, I’ll show you how to roll, but I’m taking that extra five for doing this for you,” 

Jonathan sighed in relief, immediately handing back Eddie’s five dollars and giving him a soft grateful smile that almost made the extra work worth the trouble. An unexpected stab shot through Eddie’s chest because of that little smile, and he pushed it down far where it couldn’t bother him, rooting around in his box for the things he needed and making himself look more busy than he was. 

“You better be watching closely, Byers, I’m not doing this for you next time,” Eddie warned, wagging a finger at Jonathan as he pulled out the supplies he would need. Luckily for the other boy, Eddie always carried rolling papers on him. 

Truthfully, Eddie didn’t mind rolling joints. He didn’t want to become a housewife to the idiots on the basketball team who couldn’t be bothered to do their own dirty work, but that wasn’t what was happening here. Besides, rolling a joint had a meditative joy to it in some ways. Like painting a mini-figure or designing a tattoo, there was a calm delight in the act of creating something small but special. 

“Am I allowed to thank you for this?” Jonathan asked with his normal amount of dry wit. 

“Well, flattery works on me so yeah, you can thank me,” Eddie replied, looking up briefly from the paper he was lying flat and wagging his eyebrows before getting back to the task at hand, “And you can answer my questions.” 

“I thought I was paying you an extra five dollars,” Jonathan countered, sitting back and crossing his arms. 

“Five dollars,” Eddie agreed, placing the filter and crumbling the dried flower between his thumb and forefinger oh so carefully, ensuring that the line of marijuana was perfectly equal all across the paper, “And answers. I get paid in knowledge first, dear Elder Byers.” 

“What exactly do you want to know?” Jonathan asked, his expression carefully blank. 

“When did Harrington introduce you to our dear Aunt Mary?” Eddie asked, holding up the bag just so he didn’t confuse Jonathan again. 

“Oh Steve didn’t- I mean I knew he knew you so I asked him to buy for me, but he’s not like my- we’re not-” Jonathan stammered, his ears turning red as he tried to flounder for an explanation. 

“Easy Byers. I didn’t think you turned our precious little King queer,” Eddie laughed, carefully tucking one side of the papers underneath the line. 

That was the way Rick had taught him many many years ago. Filter, flower, tuck it into bed, and then you roll. Apparently it was just like swaddling a baby. 

“You know you can just call me Jonathan, right?” Byers pointed out, still fiddling with his fingers. 

“Alright then, Jonathan,” Eddie agreed, slowly saying the other boy’s name, letting the word acquaint itself with his mouth and feeling it out. It felt good, at least it felt more right than his last name. “I guess I’m just a little confused as to why you and Harrington are suddenly best buddies. Last I heard that little girlfriend of yours skipped straight from his arms to yours.”

Wrong thing to mention. It was like Eddie could feel the misstep, almost able to hear the broken twig that had alerted his prey to his presence, and now they were both on alert.

“That was complicated,” Jonathan immediately snapped before blowing all of his breath out in one big gust, placing his palms flat on the picnic table and letting his eyes slip shut, “But Nancy and I broke up anyways so…”

Jonathan and Nancy had broken up a little less than a month ago. They had done their best to have a very low-key break up, not even telling their siblings at the start, all in an effort to make sure that it didn’t become gossip for everyone to chew on. 

So naturally the entire school knew by the end of that first week. 

“Oh wow I uh I didn’t-” Eddie tried, cutting his little charade off when Jonathan shot him a look and readjusting his approach.

“I knew. Like five different people told me,” Eddie admitted, licking the stripe of the glue and sealing the first joint, setting it aside before he realized Jonathan was still staring at him. “Sorry, by the way. I bet that wasn’t easy?” 

“It’s fine. We’re better off as friends,” Jonathan shrugged, acting far too casual for a guy who had just broken up with a girl that he had been dating for over a year. A girl that, by all accounts, he had very much loved. 

A girl he still spent all of his time with. 

“What happened?” 

“We just weren’t right for each other,” Jonathan answered, obviously toeing the party line. 

That was the reason Eddie had heard over and over from Will and Mike and Jane- that they just weren’t right for each other. There was a mountain of rumors that had cropped up from the Hawkins High Gossip Mongers, of course. People who thought she had left him to go back to Steve, some who assumed Nancy had cheated again with someone new, one person was convinced it was because the college she wanted to attend didn’t allow boyfriends, even a few wild loonies who thought that they had had ended it because of an unplanned pregnancy. 

But, rather than offer up any of those rumors as explanations, Eddie hummed and waited, watching Jonathan and wondering how long it would take him to break. 

Not very long it turned out. 

“She doesn’t have to worry about anything, you know?” Jonathan said after only half a minute of patient waiting. 

Bingo. 

Eddie hummed again, readying the next joint as Jonathan slid out of his seat to pace around the clearing and rant.

“Everything always works out exactly like she wants it to. Everything! She doesn’t have to think about the things I think about. She doesn’t have to worry about the bills, or her brother, or anything except for what she wants. And anytime I reminded her that I have to worry about more than myself, she acted like I wanted her to feel sorry for me, when that was never what I wanted. Ever.” 

Whatever Eddie had expected, it certainly wasn’t that. He wasn’t sure he had ever heard Jonathan talk so much in one sitting, but he wasn’t going to interrupt the other boy. It was obvious that Jonathan hadn’t really talked to anyone about this yet, and he definitely needed to get it off of his chest. 

Eddie was being given something precious here, and even though he didn’t really understand why, he wasn’t going to ruin it. 

“And when she finally ended it, it was just this huge…relief. Like I could finally stop pretending to be something I wasn’t.” Jonathan concluded, his shoulders loosening as he tipped his head back towards the treetops for a second before turning towards Eddie, a challenge in his eyes. 

“That’s a lot,” Eddie said, immediately wincing at how dumb that statement was, “I mean… maybe you could use some extra space from her?” 

“Extra space?” Jonathan asked, walking back towards the table. 

“Come sit with us at lunch instead of eating with her in the- um- newspaper dungeon,” Eddie blurted out, the offer escaping his mouth before he had even really thought about it. Once he had said it though, it didn’t sound like a bad idea, “I mean, your brother and his friends already do and-”

“No thanks,” Jonathan said, immediately cutting Eddie off as he sat back down. 

He wanted to pretend it didn’t, but it hurt. 

Eddie was very very used to rejection, but it always cut him down to the quick anyway. He knew how the world saw him. Trailer park trash, metal head, satanist, drug dealing, Eddie Munson. He wasn’t a person to them, not really. They didn’t care about trying to figure out who he was beyond what they expected. 

Eddie had stupidly assumed Jonathan to be different. After that entire speech, he had thought Jonathan could understand. 

“I just want to let Will have his own thing, you know?” Jonathan said, cutting Eddie’s thoughts right in half. 

Oh. 

This was about Will? 

“He’s- it’s hard for him. With everything that happened, everyone has this idea of who he is too, and it’s been good for him to have Hellfire,” Jonathan continued, completely unaware of the circles Eddie’s head was spinning in, “You’ve been good for him.” 

Eddie had been called a lot of things in his life, but the last person that had told him he was good was his mother. Even Wayne, for all the ways he built Eddie up, had never thought to call him good.

“And his friends are great- they’re amazing, actually- but it’s been really nice for him to have something…” Jonathan’s eyes darted around as he trailed off, looking for the right word. Then he stopped, laughing quietly and shaking his head.

“What?” Eddie asked, unable to keep himself from catching Jonathan’s smile. 

“Normal,” Jonathan said, still chuckling, “You guys give him something normal.”

Normal?! 

Eddie scoffed in disbelief, following Jonathan as they both laughed about the ridiculousness of Eddie being normal. 

“I’m sorry. I really couldn’t think of a better word,” Jonathan tried to say when he finally put himself back together, “I know you have a uh- thing- about that one.” 

Eddie’s cheeks immediately lit on fire as he took in the connotation of Jonathan’s words. 

“Before when I was…did you…” Eddie asked, unable to say the words and hoping he was wrong. Unfortunately for him, Jonathan was already nodding, having the decency to at least look slightly contrite as he watched Eddie die of embarrassment. 

“Yeah. The whole thing.” He admitted. Eddie let out a deranged sound, covering his face with his hands and tipping to the side, curling up on the bench and grumbling to himself in completely unintelligible words. 

How fucking humiliating. 

Eddie was the guy who gave huge speeches about conformity on the regular, jumping up on tables and making a spectacle of himself, but that was when he knew people were watching. He knew he was putting on a show, and that was fine. Having his own internal crisis shown off when he wasn’t expecting it was completely different, especially when it was to someone who didn’t know him all that well. 

“Hey I get it. I mean, Higgins can be a total asshole,” Jonathan offered, trying to pull Eddie out of his shame spiral.

“Preachin’ to the choir,” Eddie muttered, hauling himself back up to a sitting position and avoiding making eye contact. 

He would just finish rolling out this second joint and send Jonathan packing, regardless of the fact that he had barely used a quarter of the bag. The last thing he needed was someone mocking him for what he said when he thought he was alone. 

“You’re right, though,” Jonathan said out of the blue, startling Eddie into raising his head, “You shouldn’t change. You’re fine the way you are,” 

Huh.

“You think so?” Eddie asked softly, shocking himself with how genuine that question came out. He had never really considered himself a self conscious person, there was no way a boy like him would have survived in a place like Hawkins if he was, but the fleshy vulnerable parts of his heart had already been hurt today, and hearing someone else think he was just fine the way he was…

It was doing things Eddie hadn’t expected he would ever need. 

“Yeah, I mean you’re not the same as everyone else, but everyone else sucks.” Jonathan shrugged, waving a hand back towards where the school was, “I mean you took Will and the guys in. And El too- oh shit. Jane, I mean. She says you guys are really nice to her and explain stuff, which I really appreciate. She’s…”

Jonathan didn’t say it, but Eddie already knew well enough what he was referring to. 

“I know that our little mage is dealing with some hostility from her peers,” Eddie said, placing the second joint next to the first and grabbing another paper. 

Eddie had no idea where Jane had come from, but it was obvious from even a minute long conversation that she was different. Sweet, so so sweet, but different in a way that would make high school almost an impossible task to accomplish. The boys flanked her like a protective detail, and her best friend was a firecracker that even Eddie wouldn’t want to cross, but they could only do so much. 

“She’s been through worse,” Jonathan said vaguely, his brow furrowing as he thought about it, “I just wish it was easier for her, but she has Max and the rest of them so,”

“And Hellfire,” Eddie added. Jonathan looked up at him with a far too grateful smile. 

“And Hellfire,” Jonathan repeated. 

“So, I’m not the mean, scary, drug dealing, satanist you thought I’d be?” Eddie asked, wetting his lips before he sealed the third joint closed. The question had been mostly a joke, but Jonathan shook his head anyway. 

“Not even a little bit.” 

“That’s disappointing. I was kind of looking forward to scaring local creep, Jonathan Byers,” Eddie said, heaving a huge dramatic sigh, putting his elbows on the picnic table and plopping his face into his hands. Jonathan copied the motion, linking his fingers and resting his chin on top of them. 

“I’ve gotta tell ya it’s a little hard to be scared of the guy that slipped on spaghetti sauce and wiped out in the middle of his latest speech on conformity and The Man,” Jonathan said, leaning forward and whispering the words in a way that sent an unexpected shiver down Eddie’s spine. 

“Oh, fuck you,” Eddie laughed, leaning back and breaking the moment, a blush returning as he threw the baggie back in his lunchbox and shut it, holding out the twenty and the joints out to Jonathan, “Here, take your spoils and leave, weary traveler. My shop is closed.” 

“But-”

“Don’t worry about it,” Eddie said, flapping one hand as he pressed the money and drugs into Jonathan’s hand, his heart humming in his chest in an unfamiliar way, “I only gave you three joints anyway, and you’ll be back on Friday anyway, right?” 

Jonathan looked between the money and Eddie with suspicion for a moment, before it faded, leaving behind only a slight smile and something in his eyes that Eddie couldn’t quite identify. 

“Friday it is,” Jonathan agreed, his voice going soft and warm as he held Eddie’s gaze for a moment longer before turning and getting up, disappearing just as silently as he had come, completely unaware of how he had just rocked Eddie’s world. 

Eddie packed up without another word, escaping the clearing the second he could and rushing back to his van. He managed to get all the way through turning it on and driving out of the parking lot of the school before he realized that the five in his lunchbox was his own money, and he had just broken the cardinal rule of drug dealing. 

#jeddie #jonnie #stranger things #st #eddie munson #Jonathan byers #st4 rewrite #st drabble #st4 #will byers #el hopper

[truthchaser]

#nothign can kill charlie tuna. #(ooc.) #(Tbd.)