#confidence issues and Eds and I don’t want them to magically go back. it scares me.

[dindadjarin]

my anxiety is literally making me scream cry and throw up for real

#i hate it here #i got an email about a high school reunion and I said no and my mom comes here and says I’m antisocial #as if high school didn’t make me hate myself #why would I want to see all the people I don’t like and didn’t like interacting with in the past again? #even my teachers are gone so wth #but nooo I’m not being sociable #and I should #there’s no way I’m putting myself into that situation. it makes me feel awful just thinking about it. lord I swear high school me had max #confidence issues and Eds and I don’t want them to magically go back. it scares me.

[quillyfied]

Okay next batch of episode thoughts that I don’t know that I can expand into real coherent thoughts so heck it we’re doing it live and cramming them together, no chronology just memory vibes, PART TWO:

- “that’s six inches of silver in your scapula” MADAM.

- They’re doing an amazing job of showing Izzy in a pure pathetic state. I still have a lot of conflicted emotions about him but his increased confidence and ease around the ship BECAUSE the crew is taking time to be kind to him is…it’s. I don’t. GOLD UNICORN LEG OKAY. THE CARE THEY ARE SHOWING HIM AND HE DOES NOT DESERVE IT AND HE KNOWS IT AND HE BELIEVES IT BUT IT IS CHANGING HIM FOR THE BETTER ANYWAY.

- once again my expectations are being undercut. Of course Buttons isn’t the rabbit. Silly of me to think that. Of course he isn’t going to screw up turning into a seagull. He’s Buttons.

- …he’s coming back, though, right?? Guys Buttons is coming back at some point, right????

- Hang on have to go giggle about Izzy dragging himself across the floor mumbling existential horrors and shouting at the unicorn and then barking at people knocking on his door.

- Also have to giggle about the two halves of the crew coming at each other trying to help in two different ways and talking it through on their own, without Stede’s direct interference. I’m so proud of them.

- Wee John might just be slowly transforming into a mermaid. And I want his sweater.

- Ed referring to himself and the rabbit as lone wolves but immediately imprinting on the thing—and it not leaving him, either.

- HES SCARED OF SPIDERS

- How instantly Ed is glad to see Mary and Anne though. And the secret handshake with Anne. I cry.

- I also cry over how Anne instantly smells blood in the water with Stede before even knowing his connection to Ed.

- Like I guess Buttons not coming back makes sense bc he gave the most profound advice of the entire show and then flew off as a seagull, thereby completing his life’s dream, but have they considered the fact that I will miss him.

- (And so will the crew)

- I love that Ed and Stede finally have it out and get to a point where they can start to heal. I also find it so interesting to see the difference in what the fandom thought would be important to bring up, and what the show itself seems important to bring up. Stede could have blamed Badminton for his cowardice, but he doesn’t; he owns it and makes a greater stride towards mending things with Ed and being better himself. Ed could have mentioned what Izzy said to him, but instead he’s starting to work at the greater issue of his own self-loathing and how that drove him to harming the crew. It’s entirely possible that those details will come up later, but. I think Izzy has a point when he says it’s better to patch things with fiction (or silence) than never moving on. And maybe the hashing out of this stuff belongs to fanfic, not to canon. Because the events themselves don’t matter so much to canon as does what those events represented and THAT is what is getting fixed and addressed.

- Mary Read’s whole thing about “this is what an adult relationship looks like.” I have so many conflicted personal feelings about it. The summary: never been in a romantic relationship before and now at an age where I’ve witnessed plenty but I’m terrified of how I’ll be if and when that ever happens for me, bc the only experiences I’ve got is watching others and fiction. And I just was listening to both my mom and sister in law talking about how so many women my sil’s age have gotten divorced bc their expectations for what a marriage is were unrealistic, how marriage is more like a business transaction. And I was too scared to ask for clarification at the time. And I really do wonder if Mary has a point, yknow. When the mystery fades and the magic is gone…what’s left? Bc fiction tells us one thing. Real life often tells another. Dying alone doesn’t sound fun but it sounds better than accidentally ruining my and/or someone else’s life based on a false hope, yknow?

- Anyway that’s way too personal time to move on

- TO ANNE SETTING THEIR STIFLING LIFE ABLAZE AND REALLY REKINDLING THAT ROMANCE WITH MARY. HELL YEAH LADIES GET IT.

- I know it’s never gonna be addressed but please can the satanic ship be addressed at some point, even as a throwaway line

- (Also patiently awaiting the literal translation of what the dying priest was saying)

- PUT STEDE BACK IN FINE FABRICS 1717

- The absolute ball you know they were all having with this episode. Rhys Darby your FACE when screaming at Izzy after he reiterates that it’s cursed.

- Just the sheer hope in Ed’s face as he witnesses Buttons(?) fly away, as he submits to the jumpsuit and cat bell, the enthusiasm with which he jumps in to go fishing with Fang. The man is going through it but I love seeing him so earnest

- LUCIUS THO. SO MANY THOUGHTS. First and foremost I want his outfit this season, forget Stede’s cursed suit for a minute let’s talk about how Lucius is SERVING this season (and why it’s making me more hopeful for ABBA on the soundtrack at some point)

- How Pete gets through to him by pointing out that HE LIVED BITCH. TALK ABOUT A PERSPECTIVE CHANGE. Also the various blackbeard doodles I’m dying

- Izzy turning the tables on Lucius. I love a good parallel.

- Pete tho. Marry the F out of that man, Lu, he’s a keeper.

- “Loner artsy types” EXPLAIN CALICO JACK TO ME

- AND ALSO I NEED NAMES AND DESCRIPTIONS OF THESE OTHER ARTSY LONER TYPES

- Fang is such a wonderful character and we are so blessed to have him. I was a little wary that Fang was going to try and off (or offload) Ed just to make the crew feel better, but what we got was so much softer and better. Teaching Ed in such a gentle and honest way to examine himself! To sit with himself and learn to value the company! Telling Ed that he’s been crossing boundaries for a long time and giving Ed space to apologize and process! HIS NAME IS KEVIN AND IT’S A FOUR HUNDRED YEAR OLD TRADITION.

- Listen. Listen. Listen. Shirtless Con O’Niell is. A gift. That shirtlessness belonging to the character of Izzy is a little more of a conflict for me but given that Izzy has entered his “little shit and owning it” phase, I’m inclined to enjoy it.

- Also the SHEER BALLS on Stede Bonnet to manipulate Izzy into teaching him some piracy bits. That little stutter when Izzy tries to act unaffected but still asks what Blackbeard said about him. I’m just. Omg.

- And the way Stede sucks at the practicality but he excels at the instinctive/emotional bits. How he’s so creative and genuine and absolutely won his crew’s respect and loyalty and continues to prove that he’s worth it. I ADORE Stede Bonnet.

- Okay I gotta I gotta I gotta: KISS NUMBER TWOOOOOOO. I’ve only kissed one person in my time so far but I remember the moment after that initial dam break, when it occurred to me that I was allowed to kiss this person again; something about the casual way Ed and Stede both lean in just feels the same way to me. Like this is their new normal and they like it. And ADORE Ed setting a boundary and Stede immediately respecting it. AND. THE FINGERS. THE PLAYING. Comparing their games to what Anne and Mary get up to, it does make me hopeful that a mature relationship can be comfortable and playful and sweet and not just a grind or a business transaction. Idk man.

- Now I fully forgot that the episodes have post credits scenes so my reactions to them are not included here but I’ll be rewatching all five episodes later tonight so maybe a separate little baby post about them later.

#our flag means death #ofmd s2 #ofmd s2 spoilers #here we go much more timely #mainly bc I want to get these out BEFORE I do a rewatch #so it’s just initial thoughts and memories #more in depth posts will come later I think

[hootysblog]

Hoot hoot everyone! First off, sorry for not posting in a couple weeks. I got a new job and I forgot to post. I don't know if I'll post here every week or every other week, but I promise it'll get posted.

So, next story was written before "Knock knock knocking on Hooty's Door." Enjoy!

Luz's Deepest Wish

The Owl House crew have been busy the past few days, from Luz and Hunter's team up, the revolution invitation from Raine, to King still trying to find something out about his dad. Now, Hooty's in the mix.

Surprisingly, he's really good at listening to others people's issues and offering solutions. He was able to give Eda and King great advice about their problems. Hooty is up for a challenge, helping Luz with her problem.

Luz has been focusing on the echo mouse almost all day. He has revealed some things about Philip and the portal, but not the key component that Luz is missing.

"C'mon little guy," begged Luz, "can you play one more entry?" The mouse was sleeping and couldn't be bothered. Luz, in frustration, laid down on her sleeping bag.

"Why is this so hard?" Luz thought. "Am I doing something wrong? What if I never get back home? I'll have to stay on the Boiling Isles, which isn't bad. I'll have Eda, Willow, Gus, Amity...." Luz blushed at that thought.

She hasn't seen Amity since that fateful night at Blight Manor. Her thoughts roamed back to Amity and her newly cut and dyed lavender hair, which Luz loved. Of course, she thought of the kiss. The feather light kiss Amity had left on her check. If her brain was working at that moment, she would've kissed her back, but Amity sped off into the Manor, leaving Luz awestruck.

Lost in thought, she didn't hear Hooty pop his head through the window. "HOOT HOOT LUZ! YOU'RE BUDDY IS HERE TO HELP YOU!"

"AHHHH!"Luz screamed while throwing a pillow at him. "Sorry Hooty. You scared me."

"It's okay Luz. I didn't mean to scare you. I thought I could help you with your problems!"

"My problems?"

"Yeah! I've been so good with Eda and King that I wanted to help my Luz out!"

"Please don't call me my Luz ever again. It's creepy" Luz told him.

"But Amity can call you that right?" He smiled, getting a little closer to Luz.

Luz, blushing like mad, choked out "H,h,how did you know that?!"

"I heard you mumbling it up here after the fight, hoot!" he said.

"Please tell me you don't listen to my conversations all the time?"

"I try not to, but sometimes they're interesting!!"

Luz pinches the bridge of her nose. "Okay, you're here to help with my problem?"

"Yes!"

"Do you even know my problem Hooty?"

"Well I know you have problems," he replied smiley, but Luz didn't find that amusing and gave him a death glare. "But I think your problems stem from one problem in general."

"I'm not following."

"Well, take your palisman for example." Luz remembers that day, and she didn't like it, even though she was able to save the palismans and Eda and King were able to steal palistrum wood so she could create her own, when she was ready to. "You said your wish was to be a witch right?"

Luz nodded. "And then you wanted to go back home to your mother, stay in the Boiling Isles, or wait to reveal your wish until you saw your mother hoot hoot?"

"I know what happened that day Hooty, just get to the point," Luz annoyingly said. "Why did I agree to this?" Luz thought.

"Maybe, your wish is to be liked for who you are. I think you came here for a reason. You found a second family that loves you for you and a certain someone who really loves you and your personality." Luz blushed and turned away from Hooty, going that he didn't notice.

"So you're saying, that my wish is that I want someone who loves me for me and doesn't find me weird?" Luz turned to look at Hooty. "And that if I tell this person that I like them that most of my problems will be easier to solve?"

Hooty nods. "And I think you know who that witch is, hoot hoot."

Luz was lost in thought for a few seconds. Suddenly, it hit her. Hooty was right. It all makes sense. "HOOTY, YOU'RE A GENIUS!" Luz exclaimed.

*Gasp* "I've never been called that before!!!" Hooty said, crying tears of joy.

Luz gets up and hugs Hooty. "You're right Hooty. You really did help."

"No problem Luz. Now, are you going to tell her how you feel?"

Luz, feeling confident now, replied yes, sprinted downstairs and bolted out the door. She ran right past her mentor, who didn't even have the time to ask where she was going.

Eda, stunned by Luz's sudden departure, yelled to Hooty "What did you tell her?"

"I was able to help her with her problem!" Hooty exclaimed.

"Which one, the portal or the Blight one?"

"The Blight one, hoot hoot!"

"Huh, never thought I would say this, but," Eda swallowed, "Good job Hooty."

Hooty goes and wraps Eda in one of his signature hugs, which she secretly enjoys.

-----------------------

Luz reaches Blight Manor and knocks on the door, anxiously waiting for the door to open.

"Luz, I haven't seen you all week," Edric said while opening the door.

"Where's Amity?!? I need to talk to her!" Luz loudly said, gasping for air.

"Calm down Luz. She's not here", he explained. Luz felt defeated. "But.." Luz perked up when Ed started talking again, "She's at the library if you need to see her."

"Thanks Ed!" Luz ran away while waving good bye.

Minutes later, she arrives at the library.

"Malphas, have you seen Amity?" Luz asked the head librarian.

"Yeah. She's in, like, her study room" he replied with a smile. Luz thanked him and made her way to Amity's secret room.

Amity, doing research on the human realm, Thank Titan for my own room. I would never hear the end of it from Ed and Em, she thought and heard her secret room starting to open.

Scrambling to hide the book, she was about to go off on the twins. "Can you two please stop bargaining in here?!? It's called a secret room for a..." Amity stopped mid-sentence after she saw Luz standing there.

Luz, closing the room, made her way over to Amity. Amity, starting to blush, was about to say something, but Luz was able to talk first.

"You missed palisman day."

"I know, I wasn't happy about it, but I couldn't go," Amity said, trying to avoid eye contact with Luz.

"I know why you didn't go."

Amity looked at Luz with confusion. Luz continued speaking.

"It's because you were avoiding me. I've done what you did back at home," she nervously admitted.

"Luz...." Amity tried to say.

"No Amity. I need to say this and I think you should know what happened that day. I didn't get a palisman."

Amity was surprised. Surely, Luz, who is the most emotional person she's ever met, would've matched up with a palisman. "Why?"

"I said I wanted to become a witch, then stay here on the Isles, but also go home to see my Mami. Then, later that night, I said that I had to see my Mami before I could decide my future, but Hooty made me realizes something." Amity was in shock. That bird tube was smart?!? "He made me realize that I needed to tell my crush that I like them, and now I'm ready to do that."

Amity, still processing what Luz had said, "I'm sorry you didn't get a palisman, but why do you think telling your crush you like them will help you?"

"Because then my future could be a little bit clearer," Luz said while moving closer to Amity.

"Luz, what are you doing?" Amity said, while backing away from Luz.

"Sneaking into your heart, like I always do", Luz said confidently while grabbing Amity hands.

Amity, turning into a blushing disaster (that Luz loves), tries to talk to Luz, but Luz's lips are on hers and she melts into the kiss.

The kiss, which only last a few seconds, was magical and better than they both could've imagined.

Luz, on cloud nine, pulls her lips away from Amity and looks into Amity's golden eyes and smiled.

Amity was left speechless. She saw Luz, with her goofy smile and her brown eyes sparking in the dim light of her study room. Amity gathered up her courage to speak. "Luz, you shouldn't have done that."

Luz's expression changed. She frowned and felt her heart drop, stammers out "Oh no! What did I do? What did I do? I just ruined our friendship with that kiss! I thought you liked me because you kissed me at your house! Oh no oh no oh no!" Luz falls to the floor, pulling her knees to her chest. Amity was heartbroken.

"Luz, calm down. Luz... Luz... Luz, look at me," Amity rushed over and comforts Luz. Luz looks up at Amity. "How can she be so beautiful after crying?" Amity thought.

"I do like you, like really like you," Amity smiled.

"Then why didn't you want me to kiss you if you say you like me? And why didn't you come to palisman day?" Luz sniffled out.

Amity started laughing, "I didn't mean to avoid you Luz. I'll admit, I was scared to see you at school after what I did, but you are not the reason why I didn't go to school. And I did want to kiss you, but now we're going to have a problem on our hands."

"Why?"

"I was just getting over the Common Mold." Luz looked confused. "It's a sickness we witches get. We sneeze, get a fever, chills...."

"LIKE A COLD!" Luz finally caught on. "Sorry, we call that the common cold in the human realm."

"Oh, well, um, I'm still recovering from it, but I felt okay to come to my study room, but we just kissed so...." Amity looked over at Luz, with an apologetic look on her face.

"Great, now I'm going to get sick with a Boiling Isles disease.....Awesome!" Luz practically screamed.

"Only you would be excited to get a disease from here," Amity said with sarcasm.

"Well, when I get sick...."

"You mean if you get sick?" Amity cuts her off.

"No, when I get sick. I always get sick during cold season at home; I can have my girlfriend take care of me," Luz beamed at Amity. "If that's okay with you?"

Amity, grabbing Luz's hand, replied "Yep. I'll take care of you."

Luz, slightly upset that Amity didn't hear her "girlfriend" comment, didn't notice that Amity was leaning in and kissing her again. Pulling away, Luz had a puzzled look on her face.

"What?" Amity smiled, "I can't get my girlfriend even more sick."

Luz, realizing how happy both her and Amity were, snuggled closer to Amity.

Both finally got their wish, and they can't wait to see how their wishes plays out.

#lumity #the owl house

[roseworth]

pls tell us more about fitzmom! i want to know her like you do 💛

i am SO glad u asked 🥰 strap in i wrote so much more than i thought i would

(disclaimer these are obviously all headcanons bc fitzmom has no canon personality so every hc i have for her comes from the love in my heart)

so first of all i like the name Celeste for her, i’ve heard a lot of different names for her but i use celeste (mostly because of the word “celestial” bc,,, moon lol)

some quick little things about her before i get into A Lot:

-she’s very sarcastic/snarky (like eugene 😌) but not because she’s a mean person, just bc she thinks it’s funny. she’s very confident and determined (stubborn) because if she knows what she wants, she’s not going to let anyone get in her way. this can often become a fault because she unintentionally steps on others or ignores their wishes if she thinks she’s right.

-she also wants to get along with everybody, and she’s a little rapunzel-ish in the way that if she doesnt get along with someone she’s Stresses Out and needs to make them like her

-also she’s bi. no reason other than that there’s no way i can look at her and think “straight woman”

i’m gonna put the rest of this under a cut bc it got,,, a lot longer than i expected sorry 😳 i just care very deeply about her

she wasn’t born into royalty. she grew up in the Dark Kingdom and lived there for years, but she was just a normal person for most of her life. her dad left when she was young so she was raised by her mom. when she was in her early 20s, her mom died and that was what pushed her to leave the dark kingdom for a bit. for the next few years she journeyed around the world and visited other kingdoms just to see what it was like, but the dark kingdom was always her home. she was in her late 20s when she came back to the dk

when she came back home, she expected to just settle back into a normal life, but she ended up meeting a dude that just happened to be the king. she didn’t even realize that he was the king at first bc she didnt bother paying much attention to what the royalty was up to. but one day someone says “so i saw you’ve been spending a lot of time with the king ;)” and she just says “haha what? that’s not the king that’s just ed.” and they have to tell her that he’s actually the king. when she asks why he never told her, he just said that he assumed she knew and didn’t care (and he was right, she didn’t care, but she at least would’ve liked to know 😔)

the two of them get closer. she thinks that he’s the weirdest person she’s ever met (in a good way) and he gets all flustered around her whenever she smiles. nerd.

she also cares a lot about the kingdom. it’s her home and she grew up with lots of the people in it, so she wants to protect all the citizens even before she becomes queen. she also is used to the Moonstone causing problems and wants to find a way to stop it just as much as anyone. she reads a lot about the history of the Moonstone and the different research that’s been conducted on it to see if there’s a connection she can find or a way to stop it. she doesn’t find anything, but she doesn’t like giving up.

edmund proposes to her, ofc she says yes bc she loves that nerd and wants to spend her life with him. technically there are rules against royalty marrying commoners but a) he’s the king so he does what he wants, b) she knows what she wants and won’t take no for an answer, and c) she knows almost the entire kingdom and everyone loves her so no one cares that they’re breaking one dumb rule

she tries to bond with the brotherhood and she soon finds out that they’re all just as weird as edmund and she LOVES it. she bonds with quirin and hector pretty much instantly. when she finds out quirin knows a little bit about farming (he farms as a hobby on the side. what a loser) she asks him to teach her everything bc she loves nature and likes to learn how to grow things. since she’s traveled a lot, she can connect with hector since he has random animals that he’s just kind of collected from places he’s been. he has a rhino that he just… brought home one day. she thinks that’s the coolest thing ever

but she has a bit of trouble making friends with adira since adiras really closed off and likes to keep herself distant. that doesn’t stop celeste from trying. she offers to help with adiras training. even though adira is stronger than her, she assumes she could hold her own for long enough in a sparring match. it doesn’t go well, so she tries a different tactic.

they end up comparing research on the Moonstone, and adira tells her about her Sundrop theory. they go on a little quest to see if they can find anything about the Sundrop. they don’t find anything, but after adventuring together for days, they finally feel Connected to each other. adiras never had a girl friend since most of the people she spends time with are the brotherhood. so she thinks it’s nice that she has someone that is willing to spar with her and go searching for long lost magical artifacts #justgirlythings

celeste always wanted a big family. she has so much love to give to everyone and she just always imagined having children. when she first got pregnant she was ECSTATIC. she found a way to mention it in every conversation she had, no matter who it was with

but as it got closer to her delivery date, she was starting to get scared. she didn’t want to screw it up, and she wanted her kid to feel happy and loved all the time. she felt like it was so much pressure to have this kid that she had to raise to be happy and okay and make sure that the child was ready for the world. then she started stressing out over every little choice she made as if getting the wrong crib meant the world was going to explode

edmund talked to her about it and assured her that they were in this TOGETHER and no matter what happened, they would love their child. sometimes things were out of their hands, but they would make sure that that child had all the love in the world :’) that reassured her a bit, and she tried to work on letting go of control.

but then the Moonstone started getting worse than usual. now she not only wanted to protect her kingdom, but make the best life for her kid. it started up about a month before she gave birth, and she was getting nervous about what was going to happen.

after she gave birth to a lovely little boy, she kept an eye on the Moonstone. it was only getting worse, and she didn’t want her son to have to deal with it. she tried to stay away from it but she couldn’t ignore it.

when her son is about a month old, she tries to destroy the Moonstone. it doesn’t work. it shoots up a rock and kills her.

edmund is with her in her last moments. she knows she’s about to die and she feels like she failed. she couldn’t save her kingdom or her son. she tries to apologize to her husband because she was dying and she didn’t even get to destroy the moonstone. she just wanted to keep everyone safe and she failed. edmund promises her that he will make sure everyone is safe. that makes her feel better

she tells him that she loves him. she asks him to keep their son protected and happy. then she dies in his arms.

her death impacted everyone in and out of the kingdom. people everywhere were mourning the loss of the queen of the dark kingdom.

everyone in the brotherhood became more closed off after that. after her death, quirin swore to not get any more loved ones involved in the Moonstone if he could avoid it. he knows how dangerous it is and won’t lose anyone else he cares about to it. hector acts like he doesnt care as much as he does and tries to cover up the issue with anger. he knows that she was looking for the Sundrop with adira, and he wonders if that research is what made the Moonstone angry. he decides that if moonstone=bad and sundrop=moonstone, then sundrop=bad. adira is also extremely hurt, because she barely takes her walls down to form connections with people. so then one of the only times she allows herself to get close to someone, she ends up getting hurt. so she puts her walls back up and refuses to make more close relationships out of fear that it will hurt more when she loses them.

so basically no one is dealing with their loss in a healthy way

edmund is definitely not dealing with it well. he loved her with all his heart and doesn’t know how to go on without her. he realized that his son was in danger the longer he stayed in the dark kingdom, and so were the rest of the citizens. so he literally pushes everyone away and makes them leave. he doesn’t want his son to be constantly weighed down by the threat of the Moonstone, and he wanted to keep everyone safe the way he should’ve done for her. so he sends everyone away and pretty much spends the next 25 years wallowing in guilt. he never got the chance to process the grief because everyone was sent away so abruptly. in the empty castle, at first he to her every day and over time he just naturally starts voicing all of his thoughts to fill the silence

anyways years and years later, after the series, eugene wants to learn more about his mom but no one likes talking about her (bc no one ever bothered processing their grief so they just ignore it now) so he goes through old dk files and records by himself and tries to find anything about her. he finds the pages and pages of research she did about the moonstone but can’t really find much about who she was as a person

eventually he asks adira about the research they did together to try to learn more about her. adira tells him about their time researching together, and eventually tells him about her. adira says that ever since the forest of no return, she had her suspicions that eugene was Horace just because he reminded her SO MUCH of celeste that she wondered if they were related.

eugene is happy to know that he’s so much like his mom, since he spent his entire life imagining what she was like without knowing who she was. eventually he gets his dad to talk about her, and edmund realized he felt better about it when he could tell stories about the happy parts of their life together instead of replaying her death over and over in his head

okay i think that’s all i have for now i’m sorry i wrote so much i just Love this character whose personality i completely made up

#everyone please tell me your fitzmom headcanons #i love hearing about my girl and i want to know what everyone else thinks of her #i wrote most of this at 4 am #i was planning on just writing a little bit then it got away from me #i just have a lot of feelings about her #im almost glad she didn’t get any canon development bc i’m afraid chris would ruin her 😔 #WAIT AMDHFKSKA MORE THINGS I DIDNT INCLUDE: #first of all when eugene heard his dad talking about his mom it made him think of himself and rapunzel #just because of how much edmund loved and cared about his wife #eugenes like :0 omg I ALSO love and care about my wife!!!! #but i didn’t include it bc that’s more new dream centric and i wanted this to at least mostly stay centered around fitzmom #and another thing i didn’t include #i once heard a hc that quirin and fitzmom are siblings and i love that so much #i didn’t include it bc it doesn’t fit with my Vision™️ #and also i don’t remember who originally said it and i don’t want to say it w/o credit 😔 #tangled #fitzmom #eugene

[not-close-to-straight]

Hexes and Honeysuckle (Four)

We dive into a little bit of Bucky related angst in this chapter but don’t worry, Tony comes riding to his rescue like everyone’s favorite feline Prince Charming. 

MASTERLIST 

**************

“So you can’t in fact do an invisibility spell.” Bucky re-lathered up the washcloth and continued scrubbing at the stains on his arm. “Or did you confuse invisibility with ‘blueberry flavored soul staining ink’?” 

“To be fair, I didn’t take into account the different ways a spell would affect a feline form versus a human form.” Tony sank further into his giant bowl of soapy water, nothing but his little face above the bubbles and massive amounts of hair floating around him in a halo. “I didn’t expect the explosion, neither did I expect the ridiculous color.” 

“Clearly.” Bucky dunked his head back into the bathtub and soaped up his hair. “How long is this gonna stay on us?” 

“Do you remember the witch Wonka?” A bubble landed on Tony’s nose and the feline went cross eyed trying to stare at it. “Had that weird house and got in trouble for being careless with his spells?” 

“No.” Bucky shook his head. “Don’t pay much attention to other witches, Tony. What does Wonka have to do with me being blueberry blue?” 

“Uh…. nothing. Nevermind.” the bubble popped and Tony went back to splashing idly, watching soapy lines of blue fade out of his fur and turn the water almost purple. “You shouldn’t be complaining by the way, you look great in blue. You should be thanking me.” 

“I should be shaving you.” 

“Eh.” the familiar gave a kitty approximation of a shrug. “Po-tay-to, po-tah-to.” 

It was easier after that, after one good spell and one acutely horrible spell and a wonderful camaraderie bloomed from shared blue skin, hair and fingernails. 

Tony would be sassy to the day he died but at least now his comments were layered with something almost close to affection, the bite missing from his sarcasm and literal bite missing from any moments of annoyance that inevitably sprang up. 

Bucky took peas out of the dinner rotation entirely and bought chicken at the market to shred and prepare the way Tony demanded requested, read his spells out loud so Tony could correct any mispronunciations and at night he even put a pillow over at Tony’s side of the bed so the cat would stop poofing it away. 

When the day to day things worked without devolving into chaos, non magic related moments started inching towards domestic and maybe even friendly and as the days rolled into weeks, the heart to heart bond that was so essential to witch-familiar relationships finally began to spark between the pair. 

“Peggy told me I needed to learn some humility.” Tony offered one day as he shredded dandelion blooms for their next attempt at a potion. “She told me I was too young to be half so confident and when one of my spells got out of control and nearly hurt someone, she got mad.” 

“Spells get outta control all the time.” Bucky paused in his mixing and re-read the incantation for the third time so he wouldn’t screw it up when it came time to recite. “I’m still scrubbing blue outta my scalp from the invisibility thing. Sometimes people get hurt. Why was she so mad?” 

“She said it should scare me that someone was almost hurt. But I said that they weren’t actually hurt, so why did it matter.” the familiar tipped over his bowl and pawed the dandelion out onto the table. “So she hexed me into this form till I learned some empathy and humility.” 

“Uh huh.” Bucky scooped up the dandelion and added it to the mix. “So how’s that going?” 

“Well, I’ve been a cat for about a billion years now so you tell me.” Tony batted at Bucky’s hand when the witch tried to add too much liquid. “Stop that, you’re doing it wrong.” 

“You’re rude.” Bucky batted the cat right back. “Billion years, huh? Is that why your hair’s gone gray?” 

“WHAT?!” Tony puffed up instantly, eyes wide and ears laid back and aforementioned gray fur fuzzed out. “I am not gray! I am not old enough to be gray!” 

“Sure you are.” Bucky countered with a sly smirk. “How old are you in human years, anyway?” 

“It’s rude to ask a cat their age.” Tony sniffed primly, settling his fur back down and going back to his spell. “If I was a lady, I’d slap you for being pertinent.” 

“You not being a lady hasn’t stopped you from slapping me.” the witch stated, and checked off the last ingredient on their list to make sure the potion was ready. “You slapped me earlier today cos your eggs were runny.” 

“I struck you lovingly with the soft side of my paw cos you cracked a raw egg on my plate and told me to quit yowling for food.” Tony corrected, and scooped up just a tiny bit more of dandelion leaf to add to the bowl. “And for the record, I’m still young for a witch. Just over two hundred.” 

“Twice my age, huh?” 

“Yeah, you’re a baby witch.” Satisfied Bucky wasn’t going to blow the roof off the cottage with a mismatched spell, Tony decided his work was done for the day and rolled over into the patch of sunshine on the table to sun his belly. “Thank goodness you have someone powerful and wise like me to show you the way.” 

“Is that what you’re claiming these days?” Bucky hesitated, then hesitated again and then finally reached out to give scritches on the familiar’s soft belly. “That you’re powerful and wise instead of hairy and spiteful?” 

Tony cracked an eye at the witch, then wriggled a little closer and closed his eyes again. “Who says I can’t be all of the above?” 

****************

“Can you hear me?” Tony tapped on the wall a few times and watched closely to see if the witch huddled inside the glass cage reacted at all. “Bucky? I know I said your dreams were boring but I’d take it back if you’d just acknowledge how absolutely cool I am for being able to dream walk out of my familiar form.” 

The witch didn’t answer just like he hadn’t answered the past several times Tony had let himself into Bucky’s psyche and wandered around the empty surface. 

“Why do you do this?” Tony slid down onto the floor and crossed his legs, propped his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands. “Most witches practice for decades before learning how to physically control their dreams but you can actively choose where your consciousness goes when you sleep despite having set the table on fire this morning. So why do you choose to lock yourself up in nothing?” 

The silence was almost painful against Tony’s ears and he wondered idly if being stuck as a cat for so long had translated into his human form having weird catlike issues like enhanced hearing.

“Are you worried about nightmares?” he asked through the barrier. “About your magic flexing and hurting someone?” 

No answer. 

“We should plant honeysuckle.” he told dream-Bucky. “It keeps evil spirits away and maybe if we keep them away in your waking hours, you’ll be able to dream instead of hiding away in here. You look lonely and I don’t really like that. 

No answer. 

“...Bucky?” Tony swallowed uncomfortably. “I’m getting worried about you.” 

*************

“We should plant honeysuckle.” Tony told the witch the next morning. “We should plant an ash tree too, and at least some sunflowers but also definitely honeysuckle.” 

“Why’s that?” Bucky looked exhausted today, dark rings under his eyes and hair rumpled from tossing and turning all night. He hadn’t slept well the last several nights, his usual dream meditation interrupted by the feeling that someone was watching, lurking, that something was hovering just out of range of his safe space inside his own head. It hadn’t felt malicious, hadn’t felt dangerous, but the presence had disrupted his calm anyway and after several days of hardly any sleep, Bucky was miserable and faltering. 

...and scared, because when he was overly tired the nightmares were always worse and he didn’t want one tonight or any time soon. “Why uh-- why honeysuckle, Tony?” 

“Cos it’s pretty.” Tony kept his eyes trained on the toaster, watching carefully, closely so when the toast popped it wouldn’t scare him off the counter like it had done yesterday. “And it keeps the evil spirits away.” 

“But then you wouldn’t be allowed in the house anymore.” the witch said tiredly.

“Oh har-dee-har-har.” The familiar’s ears flattened warily when the smell of nearly finished toast reached his nose and he tensed in preparation for the noise. “Fine, don’t plant it. I’m allergic anyway and would just sneeze the whole time.” 

“That sounds exactly like something an evil spirit would say. What are you hiding beneath those whiskers, cat?” The toaster pop!-ed and Tony yowled and fell off the counter right into Bucky’s outstretched palm, because the witch remembered the familiar splatting onto the floor the last time this happened. “Were you scared of toasters when you were human?” 

“I’m not scared of toasters!” 

“Say’s the pussy cat with his claws digging into my wrist.” Bucky hefted the cat onto the counter and went to wash his hand before going back to cooking. “You okay?” 

“Yeah.” Tony glared at the offending appliance. “My magic is linked to iron which is the base of everything steel and I think cat-me has taken that link and magnified it to the point of--” 

Bucky just looked at him, and Tony sighed. “Basically my magic is so compressed in this form that it comes out in weird ways, and the longer a timer ticks down on anything remotely mechanical, the harder everything vibrates through me. It’s annoying.” 

“You got a headache?” Bucky was exhausted but he still took the time to scratch at Tony’s ears gently. “Would honeysuckle help with that? Drive the evil spirit of technology from your body by way of allergies?” 

“Keep talking and I’m gonna--” 

Tony shut up when the witch unplugged the toaster and the hum buzzing down the familiar’s spine finally eased. “Oh. Thank you.” 

“Yeah, kitty.” Bucky gave up on breakfast and stumbled back towards the bed. “I’m gonna sleep some more, okay? You okay out here alone?” 

“I’m an apex predator, Bucky. I can handle being alone in a countryside cottage for a few hours.” 

“You’re forty pounds of irritation and claws.” 

“I am sixteen pounds at the most” 

Whatever Bucky mumbled in response was lost in his pillow as he fell face first onto the mattress, and after a quick nibble at not quite cooked bacon and eggs, Tony jumped from counter to table to floor and trotted over to the bed. 

“Can I come up, too?” 

The witch mumbled something that might have been, “When have you ever asked before doing anything?” and Tony took that as permission to leap onto the blankets and pick his way towards the pillows. Bucky rolled over a little bit and hugged one of his pillows tighter, hiding his face beneath his long hair and groaning quietly when Tony booped at him. “Leave me alone!” 

“Tell me about your magic.” Without the buzz of plugged in appliances running through his veins, Tony felt like he could finally breathe and he nudged in close and booped at Bucky’s nose again in appreciation. “Do you know anything about it at all?” 

“Think it’s linked to nature.” the witch pushed the feline away again and rolled onto the other side so he didn’t get a face full of fur. “Maybe winter. Dunno what it feels like to be powerful, but I always feel better when it’s cold, when it snows.” 

“Okay, Elsa.” Tony wibbled and wobbled as he crossed the pillow so he could see Bucky’s face again. “When winter comes we’ll try some outdoor spells. Get you grounded to nature and see what happens.” 

“When winter comes.” Bucky repeated. “You think you’ll still be here when it snows?” 

“Bucky bear, at the rate I’m going I’ll be here till the world ends.” Tony turned in a few circles and burrowed down into the blanket to sleep next to Bucky. “Lucky you, huh?” 

Bucky finally smiled a tiny bit and rested his hand on the big cat’s rear, petting lightly until Tony’s tail lashed out to smack him in the face as a warning to stop. 

“Sheesh. Sorry.” 

“I’m trying to sleep and touching my butt just makes me horny.” Tony reprimanded and Bucky grimaced, “Yikes that’s weird, don’t say that. You’re a cat, Tony.” 

“I might be furry and feline, but I’m still a man.” the familiar snipped. “In my human form, my butt would put you on the floor. You’d actually drool over the roundness of my rear.” 

“Annnnd on that note, I’m gonna face the other way.” Bucky turned back to the other side of the bed and Tony grinned to himself and settled in for a mid morning nap. 

*****************

Everything was white and still until it wasn’t, and then Tony was running as fast as he could across the endless space to get to Bucky, to get to the screaming and the noise and the horror that had forced its way through the walls of the witch’s mind. 

The thing had tentacles, had multiple heads and rows and rows of teeth. It was blood red one moment and then vile black the next, a Hydra monster and a nightmare, a cursed creature set loose by another witch’s wrath, and the demon from Bucky’s past. 

Bucky was screaming, the Hydra monster screeching, the witch scrambling back against the walls of his self made cage and covering his face with his arm, the creature shoving through the cracks in the glass and reaching-- reaching--

“Bucky!” Tony slammed both hands onto his side of the wall and shouted for his witch. “Bucky! Let me in so I can save you! Let me in so I can save you!” 

The far wall shattered beneath the weight of terror, teeth and tentacles and stench roiling over the shards to rush towards the stranded witch and Tony dug both hands into his hair and cursed his helpless, cursed his Auntie for taking so much of his magic, cursed himself for being so foolish and cocky to end up in the position when he couldn’t even help someone who mattered. 

Tony screamed his frustration to the white nothing outside the box of horrors, then set his teeth and straightened his shoulders, called every bit of dormant magic from his bones and pulsed it out through his hands in a bolt of bright blue. 

The glass melted beneath his magic and Tony burned his legs as he climbed over the molten edges but he didn’t let it stop him as he raced to Bucky’s side. “I’ve got you!” He cried over the noise of the monster, over the sound of Bucky’s screams and the way they landed physical and awful on his soul. “Bucky, I’ve got you! Hold on!”  

Another blast of power towards the monster and the thing recoiled with a shriek, Tony kept one hand over Bucky’s eyes and kept the other palm out towards the Hydra, shoving the mass back through the cracks of the walls, pushing it far enough that he could move the atoms of the glass and weld them back together. It was an ugly scar across a previously pristine wall, a disfigured slash across what had once been protecting the witch and there was a lesson there, a metaphor about Bucky’s past and the scars cat-Tony didn’t have but human Tony kept hidden beneath his clothes. 

But now wasn’t the time for personal reflection or whatever lesson Tony needed to learn. Right now Tony needed to rescue his witch and this was a dream which meant he had no trouble scooping Bucky’s bulk up into his arms and running towards the melted wall and away from the thud-thud-thud of the Hydra throwing itself against the other side and the moment Tony set foot over the barrier of the room--

--Bucky woke up screaming, crying, thrashing around in the bed and Tony just curled as close as he could, meowing and trying to purr and trying not to cry in shared pain as his witch sobbed into the pillows. 

“It’s okay.” he whispered and Bucky bit out a frustrated curse. “Bucky it’s-- it’s okay. We’re gonna be okay. I promise.” 

***************

The afternoon sun was warm and golden through the windows of their cottage when Tony finally got up the courage to go and sit next to Bucky. The big brunette had been wrapped up in a quilt and staring out at the empty garden for hours now, and when Tony jumped up onto the arm of the easy chair, Bucky only shifted a little and sighed. 

“You uh--” the familiar cleared his throat. “You’ve spent decades working on a spell to keep yourself from dreaming, haven’t you? Cos when you dream it’s only nightmares?” 

“...yeah.” Bucky’s voice was hoarse from screaming and Tony nudged a cup of tea closer to the witch. “Must not be a real good spell though, or you wouldn’t have gotten through.” 

“You knew that was me?” 

“Your voice is the same.” Bucky muttered. “Voice and your hair, human you and kitty you have got sorta a dumb amount of hair.” 

It should be a joke but Bucky was so tired and miserable that Tony couldn’t even smile. Instead he hooked his claws in the quilt and tugged it down past Bucky’s left shoulder so he could see the red star, then down a little further to see the mess of scars and pushed his forehead onto the ruined skin in a moment of deep sympathy. “I’m sorry about what happened to your coven.” 

And after another minute, “And I’m sorry I was so callous about you not knowing any magic when we first met. How old-- uh, how old were you when it-- when the Hydra--” 

“I was twenty five.” Bucky’s pale eyes closed when a soft soft paw patted at his mark. “Not even old enough to have started any training. The old covens like Lehigh, they raise witches meant to be connected to nature so the first thirty, forty years are all spent getting to know the Earth Goddess. They figure if we know the name of every plant, every seed and sapling and the way the water talks then when it comes time to use it with magic, we’re a step ahead.” 

“Not a bad theory.” Tony loafed out next to the witch, tucking his paws under his body and his tail in close to his side. “So you weren’t only young, you barely knew anything at all.” 

“I didn’t know nothin’.” A flash of anger in Bucky’s voice, there and gone before it amounted to much of anything. “Sure didn’t know enough to help when that thing came outta the water and killed everyone I knew. Didn’t know enough to figure out why Alexander hated us enough to kill us. Dunno why--” 

Softer, “Dunno why I survived.” 

“Bucky--” 

“Should’ve been swept into the sea right along with my home.” the witch finished in a broken whisper. “Stead’a wandering around for seventy years fuckin’ useless.” 

“You’re not useless, you feed me, don’t you?” Tony twitched his whiskers and tried to make his witch smile. “In your dreams, why glass?” 

“Sometimes it’s easier to see what’s out there than to close my eyes and pretend I can’t hear it coming to get me.” Bucky finally shifted over towards Tony and the cat immediately met him halfway, leaning in so he was tucked to the witch’s side. “Cos I already know, you know? I already know what’s coming, and it scares me every time but it’d be worse if I didn’t look.”  

Tony was quiet for a few beats. “You think you’re saving yourself by walling out the nightmares but really you’re just walling yourself in.” 

“Huh?”

“Your dream box.” Tony said softly. “It keeps the bad things out until it doesn’t, but then in the scary moments it keeps you trapped. You need a door.”

“If there’s a door then all the scary things can get in too.” Bucky sounded like he might cry again, hopeless and angry and Tony meow-ed at him comfortingly. 

“Make it an escape hatch. A secret tunnel. A bat cave.” Bucky’s brow scrunched down and Tony clarified, “I forget you don’t know the same people I do. The familiar Bruce is a bat in animal form, and he’s freaky as hell but he’s got the coolest house I’ve ever seen.” 

“Tony--” 

“We call it the bat cave, cos the guy is batty.” the familiar explained, and waggled kitty-brows at the witch. “Get it?” 

“You tell bad jokes.” Bucky reached over with his right hand to scratch behind Tony’s ears. “An escape hatch, huh?” 

“Just one that you know about.” Tony promised. “You and um-- maybe me. Just in case.” 

“Just in case.” the witch finally smiled a little bit and the familiar climbed into his lap, then stood on hind legs to boop their noses. “What was that for?” 

“I’m glad you didn’t get swept away with everything else in Lehigh.” Tony said slowly, carefully, the act of being honest about his feelings something he wasn’t particularly used to. “Cos you know, cats hate water. It ruins my hair.” 

“Of course it does.” Bucky scooped Tony up in his arm and pressed his face into all that fur. “Thank you for saving me, Tony.” 

...and as they sat there in the sunshine, a little piece of Tony felt saved too.

************

SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THE CHAPTER

************

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#ncts fics #winteriron #tony stark #bucky barnes

[pseudonymsobriquet]

Tag Meme!

Rules: Pick 5 shows, then answer the following questions. Don’t cheat. Tag some people.

Thanks for tagging me, @boostthatgold and @ninja-crybaby~! Sorry it took me so long to finally do... (>~<)

Carole and Tuesday

One Punch Man

Parasyte: The Maxim

Fullmetal Alchemist

Puella Magi Madoka Magica

Who is your favourite character in 2? Its very close between Genos and Saitama, but I think Genos wins by a hair (no pun intended). The borg is so emotional and loving and I just wanna give him a hug.

Who is your least favourite character in 1? Oh Cybelle, definitely. She’s a horrible person. Which is a damn shame since her song “La Ballade” is an absolute bop.

What is your favourite episode of 4? Episode 54, “Beyond the Inferno”. [SPOILERS AHEAD] Riza seeing through Envy’s disguise with ease, Roy confronting Hughes killer, a discussion on how hatred only breeds hatred and what makes someone human. The sympathy and pity you feel for Envy... there are so many great moments in this one episode and it’s one that I always remember to this day despite not having seen the series in at least four years. 

What’s your favourite season of 5? It only has one season, so I guess it’s season one by default lol. It was one hell of a ride for sure. Lots of interesting discussions and horrifying reveals, and does a great job at a “genre sike” by being relatively family friendly until episode three where everything gets turned upside down and you realise it’s a psychological horror despite the cute art style.

Who is your favourite couple in 3? Shinji and Murano were the only official couple in the show, but I definitely didn’t ship it. Kinda felt like you could take Murano completely out of the story and everything still would have been the same. Honestly, Shinji and Kana had better chemistry, but Kana needed to work on some of her stuff before that could happen. A relationship with Shinji and Hideo could have been interesting, too.

Who is your favourite couple in 2? I’m a huge fan of Saitama and Genos as a couple! They both help each other to work on their issues and become a better person. Genos helped bring Saitama out of his depression and to be more emotive, and open up to people, eventually leading to a happier more enjoyable life and him gaining a network of friends to rely on. Saitama in turn helped Genos to overcome his uncontrollable rage and to think more before acting so he doesn’t end up hurt as much. Also he taught him to focus on things other than revenge (though that may have lead to a bit of an obsession with Saitama himself lol). Every domestic interaction between the two seems natural and effortless, and if one is hurt the other goes wild which is an A+ trope that I just love lmao. I could write a damn essay on why these two are perfect for each other honestly. 

What is your favourite episode of 1? The last episode! It’s the end of a series, but the start of something great for all the characters. Also the Miraculous Seven Minutes was absolutely phenomenal and I’m so glad I watched it in the show before I listened. I also cried like four times during that seven minutes because of what it meant to the characters, and I don’t often cry at things! So this show making me cry four times in seven minutes is a feat of its own! Watch Carole & Tuesday folks, you won’t regret it. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and you’ll wanna bop along with the characters during every song.

What is your favourite episode of 5? Ooft, Episode 6, “This Just Can’t Be Right”. The absolute bombshell that was dropped towards the end was just horrifying in every way and I honestly didn’t see it coming. I think this was the point that both the characters and the audience realised exactly what a horrifying ordeal being a magical girl really was. Episode 8, “I was Stupid... So Stupid” is a very close second, and gives us another bombshell reveal I didn’t see coming that ramped up the horror even more. I won’t give any spoilers on these episodes tho ‘cause it’s one of those “it’s better if you experience it yourself” moments. What I will say is that Madoka Magica is a psychological horror at its heart, don’t let the cutesy art style fool you. 

What is your favourite season of 2? Season 1 by a long shot. I’ve personally seen the entirety of season 1 at least six times over, whereas I watched Season two once as it released. I enjoyed the second season and would love a third season to release, but season one was superior in every way. Maybe it’s because I feel like less happened in season two? Or that there was more focus on human interaction and relationships in the first? Or perhaps it’s because I really saw myself in season one Saitama? Whatever the reason, I could still happily watch season one like six more times.

How long have you watched 1? Carole & Tuesday only released last year, but I started watching when there were only three episodes out subbed! From there I kept watching it weekly as it released, and I’m so glad I decided to watch it because it quickly became one of my fave animes of all time. 

How did you become interested in 3? I first heard about Parasyte when I was about sixteen? I’m sure I saw it on a list of great horror manga while I was looking for something new to read. I actually read quite far in but never finished because I had to study for exams then lost my place and just never went back. Then this year, a full nine years later, I saw the anime was on Netflix and I remembered just how much I’d loved reading what I did of it, so I started and finished it in three days lol. Turns out I wasn’t far from the end when I’d lost my place all those years ago. It brought back nostalgia of something I loved as a teen and I loved how well animated it was (even though it can look a little silly at times). I’d definitely recommend Parasyte to anyone interested in horror anme and manga.

Who is your favourite actor in 4? Edward Elric’s Japanese voice actress Romi Park was my fave. She has The Range. When she voices Ed, I honestly believe every emotion, every performance she gives. From a scared child to a hero saving the world, she does an amazing job. 

Which do you prefer: 1, 2, or 5? It’s gonna be a close one between Carole & Tuesday and One Punch Man, that’s for sure. One Punch Man was an anime where I saw myself in the main character and his journey through depression and not knowing what to do in life, and Carole & Tuesday made me feel emotions I haven’t felt in a very long time and stressed the importance of music and friendship. Although, considering I have the Carole & Tuesday songs on a playlist and know every word to them all, and the impact that the series finale (and the series as a whole) had on me, I’m going to have to say Carole & Tuesday win this round because of just how much it meant to me. 

If you could be anyone from 4, who would you be? Oh man, I’d wanna be Olivier. The strength, the confidence, the pizazz... I think Olivier is everything I wanna be lmao. 

Would a crossover between 3 and 4 work? Parasyte and Fullmetal Alchemist? Hell yeah, I’d love to see that crossover. Maybe the parasites in that world could be a type of homunculous or something? They both had the same idea of infiltrating the government for their own personal gain too.

Pair two characters in 1 who would make an unlikely but strangely okay couple? Gus and Flora would make a great couple, I could definitely see them getting together after the series ends. Carole and Tuesday would be great too, though they work just as well as friends.

Overall, which show has the better storyline, 3 or 5? Tricky, but I’d have to go with Parasyte. There were a lot of interesting moments and discussions in the series that pulled me in, like “what is humanity?” and “what makes someone human?” and “at what point is someone no longer human?” and “is it possible for humans and parasites to coexist?” Madoka Magica was a great series, had some great moments and asked some equally as interesting questions, but I think Parasyte pulled it off better in the end.

Which has better theme music, 2 or 4? Oooohhhh, that’s a tough one... One Punch Man or Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood... I just listened yo all the songs from both to try make up my mind and I’m still a bit lost, so let’s go by “what’s more memorable/makes me feel some kind of emotion?” FMA: “Again” by Yui and “Shunkan Sentimental” by Scandal are the only ones that seem familiar and that I can remember when they aren’t in front of me. I know I’ve heard them all (I watched the entire series) but to say it probably has more music, I actually remember very little of it. OPM on the other hand... I know most of the words to “The Hero” by JAM Project and it makes me feel so hyped up. “Apostle of Silence” by JAM Project in the second season is just as rad and memorable. Both of the ending themes are beautiful and emotional. And the first ending theme seems to be about Genos wishing Saitama would come home safe, while the season two’s ending is sung by Saitama’s voice actor and seems to be a reply to the first season’s ending theme? Absolutely gay and iconic, 10/10. Wow, OPM hands down has the best music then I guess lmao.  I tag anyone who sees this that wants to do it~! Have fun, guys~! <3 

#tag meme #@boostthatgold #@ninja-crybaby #@naughtylittleweeb

[my-wayward-son]

2 months on T-------------------> 7 months on T

I’m late with this post.  Again.  Because I’m doing really shitty.  Again.

First, let me address the obvious: yes, I’ve lost weight. (Well, if you wanna get technical, I weigh the exact same thing as when I started, which I probably shouldn’t).  But beyond that, I don’t want to talk about it.  That change is probably 25% due to testosterone and the tendency it has to aid in the development of lean muscle, and 75% due to other factors.

All the previous changes I’ve noted in these posts are still happening/happening more, such as still more body hair growing/thickening.  There’s really nothing new to report, except that I pass better when I have on glasses and teenage boy clothes (as opposed to professional clothes), but still get a lot of gender neutral and she/her designations mixed in with the he/hims.  

I had a dream last night about correcting my dad (his typical naming convention for me is Laura, I mean, Laur, she, I mean, Laur...) . So he’s trying when he’s in front of me, but it’s obvious he isn’t trying when he’s talking to my mom without me present.  I’m torn between being upset about it and letting it go.  My dad was diagnosed with Aspergers as an adult and he struggles with shifting his perspective.  This is something else I don’t want to talk about, but just know that my far-from-NT-yet-decidedly-allistic ass has a hard time reconciling it.

But anyhow, the transition is going great, and I have no reason to be upset about anything, but I’m upset about everything, and the rest is going under the cut because it’s going to be full of triggers (suicide and ED stuff).

For my whole life I never understood why anyone would want one of those dolls that you can customize to look exactly like you.  My thought was always, ‘what’s so special about me?  I kind of suck.’  I thought so little of myself and my live, even as a little kid, that I would rather pick the princess or the American Girl or whatever with the most interesting story and change myself to match.  Like I’d beg my mom for an outfit the same color as the character’s, or wear sunglasses with the lenses popped out, or only style my hair the same way as the character in order to adapt into that character.  

Of course all those phases were just that, phases.  They were highly tied to the media I consumed, and as I aged, that media changed.  So I was always editing myself to match my current obsession.  I never gave thought to what I was actually like, deep inside.  Like it didn’t matter what my actual personality was.  I hardly even thought about it until the end of high school, and then a series of traumas knocked me down a few pegs, and that sense of self didn’t come back to the surface until mid 2017.

In mid 2017, I went to a 2-week dance convention.  At that time I was living as female, had basically given up on the idea of transitioning, and was just trying to push through as a painfully shy 24-year-old who worked full time and danced part time with a local ballet company.  At the convention, I studied various styles of dance, realized I was extremely untrained in every field but ballet, and spent the entire thing on the verge of tears because I was with students over 10 years my junior in most of the classes.  It was an “all ages” program, but literally all the other adults were in professional level classes for all styles.  I was only in the professional level class for ballet.  I couldn’t wait for the convention to end.  I hated every second of it.  I had a chronic foot injury that made dancing painful (but not dangerous), but I’d always pushed through it because I loved it.  Now I could barely stand to go to class, even back with my regular company.  So I made arrangements to retire. 

I retired from professional dance in May 2018 and had foot surgery in June 2018.  I could dance again, if I wanted to, but I’m not ready yet.  Eventually I might go back as a recreational adult dancer, just taking class from time to time.  But I don’t know.  

I still love ballet, but as of a year ago, ballet was the one thing hanging over me that I hated.  I hated the obligation; I hated the way it tore up my body; I hated the way it made me exhausted and ate up all my spare time. However, I was damn productive.  I wrote so many fics and drew so many pictures, and I went to therapy at least every other week, and sometimes to PT.  I was at the studio approximately 20 hours a week, on top of working 40 hours a week.  But I guess I was so busy and tied to my obligations that I quite literally couldn’t fall apart.  

My uncle died (suicide, marking the 4th attempt and 2nd success in my family) and my granddad died (heart condition), so I had good reason to fall apart.  I was freaked out and sad for a while, but I was also fine.  I was a robot.  When I look back, I realize that the last time I was happy was prior to the 4th of July 2017.  I call that the “Wonder Woman Moment.”  I did a photo shoot for a ballet personal training/nutrition service that dressed me up in WW-esque dancewear.  We blasted Patty Smythe and had a ball.  Even though it was a really feminine thing, it was so much fun, and I had no worries.  It was July 1st 2017.  Before my uncle died, and before my granddad died and before I went to the dance convention.  That’s my last happy memory.

After unpacking some acute issues with grief and anxiety, my therapist started talking to me about my issues with gender ID.  By November 2017 I was thinking about transitioning (I had thought about it before, but never felt it was feasible).  By December, I’d decided it felt right.  I sought out a doctor in January 2018 and had my first appointment in February.  I told my mom on Superbowl Sunday.  Then a month later at my Oscar party, she basically washed her hands of me.

I love film crit and the Academy Awards almost as much as I love fanfiction and ballet and coffee and all the other good things.  I’ve been on the edge of my seat waiting for the 2019 noms to drop.  I know a few of them just from the grapevine, but I haven’t looked them up yet.  I’m still working from my early prediction spreadsheet, even though the actual noms are just a few clicks away.  I’m scared of the feelings that’s going to bring up.

One year ago, all I could think about was getting through the next 6 months and reaching a series of milestones: my company’s production of Alice in Wonderland.  Moving to a new apartment.  My company’s production of Water for Chocolate (an original contemporary ballet choreographed on me and 14 other dancers).  Starting testosterone.  Retiring from ballet.  Foot surgery.  I thought my life would be so much better.

And in a way, it is.  I have the confidence to do random shit, like walk into Autozone and talk to the workers about what is wrong with my car, then help them fix it.  A year ago, I would have panic attacks over things like that.  But a year ago, my mom loved me.  A year ago, I thought I’d have my current job forever.  A year ago, I thought once I got on T, my eating disorder behaviors would go away.

I’ve gained personal confidence, but lost so much else.  Lost my family.  Gained a new one, but still, I lost my relationship with my biological mother and father.  Lost my job satisfaction, which makes me worry that at some point I will have to interview for a new job and integrate with a new company, which is frightening in the extreme.  T has changed my body shape in the way I like, but it’s not magic.  I’m still afraid of eating, and stress doesn’t help.  I’ve also had health complications that add pressure and make me feel run down.  Some is my own damn fault (Hi, I’m Laur and I abuse OTC medications like a rebellious teenager, which is apparently not advisable when also on several prescriptions).  Some is a fluke.  But feeling like shit while also mentally feeling like shit has destroyed me.  I hate my life.  I hate everything.  I don’t see the value in anything.   

I know there’s a Spider-Man: Far from Home trailer out there.  I haven’t seen it.  I don’t know what to expect.  I want to see it.  But I also don’t want time to move forward.  I like the MCU as it is (I like it pre-Infinity War, actually, but nobody asked me, so I won’t belabor you with my opinion).

And that’s a good metaphor for my life right now.  It’s a mess.  I can’t picture anything far in the future, so the light from my proverbial headlights is dim and dull.  I’m afraid of moving forward, so my tires are spinning in place, kicking up mud and dust.   I’m incapable of shifting side to side, so when I do roll ahead a few inches, I hit every obstacle in the path.  If I just changed the lightbulbs, twiddled the steering wheel, took a breath and let myself move, I’d probably be fine.  But somehow that seems like the most impossible choice.  

I could slam the car into one of the cave walls, triggering a rockslide and killing myself.  If I did that, I know it would hurt a lot of people in my life, but it would also fulfill all of my hopes and dreams.   Peace.  Calmness.  Stillness.  Not having to deal with a world that insists on moving forward with the passage of time.  

The most compelling reason is that I can’t find a reason not to.  I wish I was an undergraduate student again, because I want to get a degree in philosophy.  I don’t know why living is so highly valued.  I can’t figure out what makes this “will to live” the correct way of thinking and the desire to die the wrong way of thinking.  Right and wrong are subjective.  They don’t exist, really.  There is not value behind things and thoughts and actions.  They just are.  What’s to say that a lack of serotonin or whatever in a depressed brain is really not normal?  The non-depressed brain may have an excess.  Normal is relative.  Averages don’t mean correct.  Just because most people in the class chose answer B doesn’t mean that it is the right answer to the question.  Just because most Americans are a little overweight doesn’t mean that that’s the healthiest body type.  

Sometimes I really want to try to get well and forge ahead and get my life together.  Sometimes I want to say fuck it and take all the pills in the house and lay down and drift away.  I can’t decide which is better because neither is better, they both are just choices.  I can’t use other people’s reasoning to back up either one, for they are slanted for reasons I cannot understand.  They have a bias toward life.  I have to choose what I really want most, and I just don’t know.  I truly don’t.  My wants and desires-the deep ones in the core of my being- have been so long ignored, given up for what a character would do, or what my mom would do, that as an adult, I hardly know how to access the decision-making skills that most children have already mastered.  I’m a fucking goldfish; when I’m upset, I’m only upset, and I’ve always been upset.  When I’m happy, I’m only happy and I’ve always been happy.  I don’t know how to take a step back and see both at the same time.  I can’t hold contradictory truths at once.  I’m not wise.  I’m set up to fail because there are cracks in my foundation.

As long as I continue to not decide, I don’t take action.  I’m stuck in a holding pattern of “I don’t know,” and “what’s going to get me through the next 5 minutes,” and “just fuck it all, it doesn’t matter.”  

I’ve never, ever, in my life imagined myself as an elderly person.  I’ve thought of myself as a middle-aged adult, but never past 40 or so.  Sometimes I see myself as a woman, sometimes as a man, sometimes an NB person.  But that’s not what matters.  I don’t see myself living to old age.  Mortality is comfort.  The fact that this life doesn’t go on forever is one thing that honestly makes it seem ok to keep living.  But by definition, it also makes it seem like a good choice to die when things go wrong.  Because I will in the end.  

I see my life as a project, and I’ve always had this dilemma with projects: if I make a mistake, what point is too ruined to salvage?  What factors make it more worthwhile to backtrack and fix the mistakes vs. just throwing it away.  Fixing the mistakes shoes dedication and perseverance, but it’s frustrating.  Hot.  Angry.  Uncomfortable.  Embarrassing to show youthful ineptitude to the world.  Throwing it away is quick.  Easy.  Zen.  Brings immediate cool relief with grace and style.  But it’s selfish.  So fucking selfish.  

If you’ve read this far, please proceed to pour water into your ears and shake vigorously.  This was not meant to be imprinted on your brain.  This is for me to sort out my thoughts, which are, and shall always be, unable to be ordered.

#laur talks #trans #suicide tw #mental health tw #philosophy #death tw #family issues #eating disorders tw #ed tw #maybe do not read below the cut

[buriedunderbones-blog]

EDGAR BONES APPLICATION

I realised that after the original main got hacked I didn’t re-post my application and I thought it would be helpful/interesting to have it somewhere that can be accessed by everyone. (It was a while ago now though so Ed now may differ a bit from my first idea of him. Also there may be some mistakes or spelling errors oops) Anyway, under the cut is my app for Ed!

DESIRED CHARACTER Edgar Bones

FACE CLAIM William Moseley 

REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER

I find Hufflepuffs that really defy the house’s stereotype really interesting and in particular love the dark and brooding artist vibe of Edgar. I’m a huge fan of poetry and I can’t pretend that his name alone didn't interest me because of Edgar Allan Poe (& I can imagine he would be low-key pleased about sharing a name with one of the greats), but I was just so enthralled by the character, which is strange for me because I’m rarely drawn to characters I don't know at least a little bit about. The idea of a ‘loner’ Hufflepuff is super captivating because I can imagine how difficult it would be to be surrounded by people constantly asking how you are when you just want to be alone and stewing in angst. He obviously exhibits a lot of typically Hufflepuff traits; he is very good at giving solutions to problems and empathising with people, he’s hard working, loyal, and he has his head in the clouds a lot. However, he doesn’t appreciate empathy when it’s directed towards him, he is a ride or die friend to only a few people and doesn’t really fret over the rest, and he often prefers to be lost in thought than down on earth. His issues with commitment stem from his lack of communication skills; he can write down what he’s feeling, but it’s often hard for him to verbally open up to others. He isn’t particularly quick to anger, but he often jumps into fights just to feel the thrill of it; Edgar bottles up a lot of his emotions and, while he also lets them out through artistic means, he doesn't have a physical outlet. Part of him also just finds the feeling of bones cracking under his knuckles fascinating. He was definitely the type of child who killed ants with a magnifying glass, not out of cruelty, but morbid curiosity. The poem ‘Alone’ by Poe really resonates with how I see Edgar; he just doesn’t relate to a lot of the people around him and while they all focus on the blue skies, he cannot help but see the clouds. I usually find it really difficult to match characters to an Enneagram of personality number, but Edgar is definitely a strong 4. He is very much focused on being himself and idealises sadness and fantasising, but sometimes in trying to find and be himself, he loses sight of his core values. He has a lot of Ravenclaw in him, but ultimately he isn't calculated enough to be a Ravenclaw and he doesn’t value intelligence and learning above all. He has some Slytherin qualities, but he isn't ambitious or cunning enough; he doesn’t really lie (but he does withhold truth with silence) and he’s content to keep his dreams in his head. He can seem quite impulsive, but he doesn’t have that true Gryffindor recklessness (at least not for the same reason they have it: he isn't scared of death). He fights for the cause, not because he’s particularly passionate about it, but because he knows it’s the right thing to do. He may stray to the darker things in life and have trouble figuring out where he stands morally, but he’s loyal to his family and knows he will always stand with them. I’m not sure if these are reasons or me just explaining why I love him so much. He’s weird and he’s an outcast; he doesn’t fit in, but that’s what makes him all the more interesting. While a lot of people in his situation would reject the people who made him feel that way and join more radical groups (eg. death eaters, aversio) to feel like they belong, Edgar doesn’t do that. He knows that even if his opinions and experiences differ to that of his family, he'll stick by them no matter what. It’s that loyalty that makes him a Hufflepuff and stops him from floating away into his thoughts to the point of no return. (I could really go on forever, but I’ll stop)

PREFERRED SHIPS // CHARACTER SEXUALITY // GENDER & PRONOUNS

He would work well with someone who balances him out and is willing to let him have alone time, but also doesn’t let him wallow in self-pity. He find it hard not to develop an emotional connection through sex, but he has a lot of commitment issues so casual sex can be a bit of a problem. (he does it anyway though) He’s mostly homosexual; although I wouldn’t completely rule out a m/f ship, I see him working better with guys.

♔ CREATE ONE (oops) OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER:

-A MOCK BLOG ( buriedunderbones.tumblr.com ) where you can find the following: -A MOODBOARD ( https://buriedunderbones.tumblr.com/post/160438771802/edgar-bones-aesthetic-moodboard-no-one-remembers ) -AN AESTHETIC ( https://buriedunderbones.tumblr.com/post/160440824792/edgar-bones-aesthetic-those-of-wit-and-learning ) -A PLAYLIST ( https://buriedunderbones.tumblr.com/post/160438809257/edgar-bones-playlist-listen-here ) -I also did a little past/present/future gif post  ( https://buriedunderbones.tumblr.com/post/160446099697/and-all-i-loved-i-loved-alone-childhoods-hour )

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it:

Edgar frowned thoughtfully, catching his bottom lip between his teeth. “I don’t know if this counts really because its not an invention, as such, but it would be nice for invisibility cloaks to be more easily accessible.” He paused, unsure if he should continue. “I think- well, it’s, um, difficult sometimes to find a secluded place to think.” Edgar stuttered out, his mouth never had been quite on the same wavelength as his brain. Often people assumed he was shy, but he just struggled to get the right words on the tip of his tongue and by the time he finally managed most people stopped listening.

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you:

An almost fond look overtook the wizard’s features as he remembered the Forbidden Forest. Nobody took Edgar Bones for a rule-breaker, but he often found the best places to be alone were the ones off-limits. He had actually spent a night there, in his sixth year, up in a tree observing the wilderness and pouring into his moleskine. It was nice to be completely immersed in human silence, listening only to the animals tearing each other apart in the night. It was as though he didn’t exist at all. “I would go myself; as much as I love my family they just don’t get it.” He explained truthfully. “And I’d take my journal and quill, or does that count as two objects? I’m not really familiar with the semantics of the hypotheticals…” He trailed off awkwardly.

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make?

The hesitation on his face clearly indicated that the answer was ‘most of them’, but Edgar persevered with trying to come up with something more eloquent. “I feel a lot of emotions,” he struggled. “But I struggle to express them to other people, sometimes I don’t even want to. So, I suppose, I find it difficult to make the decisions that depend on showcasing my vulnerability.” Edgar shrugged slightly, as though to indicate he had nothing more to add.

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you?

“The spoken word is arbitrary; it’s what they don’t say that really counts.” His reply was more confident this time, but Edgar had always felt strongly towards the subject. Perhaps, it was because he was known to hide his own true feelings and knew exactly how cutthroat the human mind could be. Or perhaps he’d just heard whispers behind his back for too long to really worry about the sting of an insult that only reached his ears.

WRITING SAMPLE

The vast body of water rippled dangerously with life. Edgar sat alone at the edge of the Great Lake and gazed upon its magnificence. To some people, such depth and area may appear intimidating, but Edgar was no stranger to his insignificance on a universal level. He picked up a small flat stone from the damp sand and flicked his wrist, skipping it over the lake’s surface. The stars shone brightly, reflecting off of the black water, giving the illusion that the wizard was himself part of the night sky. Edgar had always been strangely calm, it was a sense of peace that others couldn’t begin to comprehend. He didn’t bother himself with questions of existence and life; he found a freedom in knowing that, in the grand scheme of things, he didn’t matter. He embraced the philosophy and sought comfort in the idea that if his actions had no large scale effect, then he need not bind himself to the morals of the many. This oncoming war, however, could serve to change Edgar’s whole being. 

The electricity in the air buzzed through him, wind whistling through his golden locks, and Edgar looked blankly at the grounds around him. Hogwarts castle was visible in the near distance, standing tall and regal as it had for many years. He envisioned the walls collapsing, turrets tumbling, silver bricks colliding with solid ground. Chaos wasn’t an unappealing idea to Edgar, but he would rather be contained by reasonable limits than let the world be overtaken in a blaze of fire. The Order of the Phoenix was supposedly a way he could stop that from happening. 

Amelia looked at him, eyes brimming with determination and hope. “We could really make a difference Eddy; this is our chance to do something.” She looked at him like he looked at the stars above, and he was powerless to resist. 

At first, Edgar was vehemently against the idea. He wanted to remain neutral. Not that he feared the danger that accompanied fighting the darkness; he had never been scared of death. Edgar spent his youth squashing insects and pulling the wings from butterflies, just to observe the consequences. His adolescent self channeled that feeling through his fists, acting out in violence to feel the emotions that escaped him. The sensation of his lip spitting and blood exploding from the gash was enough to make him grin. He wore black eyes like they were works of art speckled across his face.

The circle of people parted to let Edgar leave. He walked with a rare confidence, hands splattered purple and red. People started, open-mouthed, and he felt his anger balance out, tossing an easy ‘you should see the other guy’  over his shoulder. 

The other students sometimes laughed at him, but Edgar knew they’d all want him on their side in times of battle. He would protect his few friends with everything he had. No, he didn’t have the strongest morals, nor did he claim to, but of all the badgers his bite was the worst. 

However, for Edgar, a war, even one he wasn’t particularly tied to, could become quicksand. His embrace was wholehearted or non-existent. And, as he looked upon the place he had called home for so many years, Edgar whispered out into the open, empty air. “It’s not about the cause; it’s those standing by you that make the fighting worthwhile.” 

#he made his peace with letting go #Edgar bones application #edgar bones

[themtmshow]

What are some of your favorite MTM episodes and why?

Thank you for the question! I’m sorry it took me so long to reply; I wanted to give you a decent answer but I haven’t had much free time this week. I was goingto give you a top 10 list and, after much deliberation, I ended up with a top15 list instead; I couldn’t narrow it down any further. And if anyone wants to reblog this with their own favourite episodes, or send me an ask about it, that would be very welcome.

I’m posting this under a cut because it got very long (sorry about that).

1x02 – Today I Am a Ma’am

This episode features the first of many disastrous Mary parties, and personally, I don’t think they got any better than this. “Allow me to introduce myself:I’m another person in the room” is one of my favourite lines of the wholeseries. And I love the part where Rhoda dumps food all over her lap and Marylooks over in horror. That is absolutely the kind of thing I would do at a party, if it didn’t violate every social rule in existence. (Also, Ilove any time Rhoda is in a scene with her real-life husband at the time, DickSchaal, aka Howard Arnell.)

2x21 – Where There’s Smoke, There’s Rhoda

This is the one where there’s a fire in Rhoda’s apartment, so she moves in with Mary for a few days. I thinkthis is one of my favourite Mary/Rhoda episodes, because it puts them inconflict with each other while still managing to reinforce how strong andbeautiful their friendship is. They end up fighting because they’re just sodifferent, not because they intentionally want to hurt eachother. They have each other’s best interests at heart the entire time. And theend where Rhoda agrees to go stay with Phyllis is fantastic. I love the look onPhyllis’ face that just screams “HELP ME.”

 3x06 – Rhoda the Beautiful

This, of course, is the episode where Rhoda won the Ms. Hempel Beauty Contest. I have alot of feelings about this episode. I really don’t like the implication that Rhoda wasn’t beautiful when she was fat, and that she only became beautiful after she lost weight. For one thing, Rhoda was neverall that fat, and for another thing, she was never not gorgeous. Also, weighthas absolutely nothing to do with beauty anyway. But I do think the episode madeit clear that the important thing wasn’t Rhoda’s weight at all. Her problem was that she didn’t feel good about the way shelooked. And even winning a beauty contest doesn’t solve that problem for her. Onanother show, that might have been the end of it, but for Rhoda, even that external validation isn’t enough to make her feel confident. Only after admitting her victory to Mary and receiving her support is Rhoda able to take some pride in her appearance.I love this episode because it doesn’t dismiss Rhoda’s self-image issues asunimportant. Instead, it gives them the emotional weight they deserve. Rhoda’s not sillyfor feeling bad about the way she looks. She’s not shallow for caring about herappearance. And she’s not vain for taking pride winning a beautycontest. The writing (and Valerie Harper’s Emmy-winning performance) reallyemphasize how hard it was for Rhoda to feel good about herself, and how braveshe is for gaining that confidence. I adore the scene where Rhoda tells Marythat she won. She looks down instead of meeting Mary’s eyes. Her voice shakes.She’s clearly terrified. And Mary’s reaction is so wonderful. Rhoda neededMary’s support here, and she absolutely got it. Although this episode dealtwith some really important subject matter, and it was definitely inspiring and poignant, it was ultimately a story about one woman earning some well-deserved confidence, and her best friend who helped her get to that point.

3x16 – Lou’s Place

This is theepisode where Lou tries to be the happy, welcoming bartender, but he can’t keepit up, so he ends up individually terrorizing his patrons. I always laughwatching him try to angrily force everyone to have a good time. “What thehell’s wrong with you, anyway? You just sit there like a bunch of clods… Nowthis is the Happy Hour.” I’m laughing out loud just thinking about it. I thinkit’s one of the funniest scenes in the whole show. And I cannot imagine how EdAsner kept a straight face through the whole scene. Or anyone else, for thatmatter. I also love the scene where Ted tries to arm-wrestle Lou while posing for the photographer. And Murray giving Ted change for $500 in nickels was a great ending.

4x17 – Cottage for Sale

This is the one where Lou almost sells his house but Mary changes his mind at the last minute. It’s just a nice, quiet episode that I’ve seen a million times and it always makesme smile. We see Lou give Mary a lot of helpful (and not-so-helpful) advice andguidance over the course of the series. I like this episode because it’s one ofthe times where Lou depends on Mary to be the voice of reason and help him realize that in some cases, his emotions are more important than logic. And I like thescene where Lou makes Mary breakfast: a scrambled omelet, with green pepper,green onion, and… beer. He’s just so pleased with himself for it. Phyllis is also very good in this episode, in her typical nails-on-a-chalkboard sort of way.

 4x20 – Better Late… That’s a Pun… Than Never

“Wee Willie Williams was the oldest living citizen in Minneapolis. There were other citizens in Minneapolis who are older; however, they happen to be dead.” Although the Wee Willie obituary scene is already enough tomake this episode legendary, this is also one of my favourite Mary and Lou episodes. I likethe part when Lou says that he missed Mary more than anyone else did, because that’s not the kind of thing he admits very often. Apart from that, I think it’s very sweet that Rhoda gave up a Robert Redford/Paul Newman movie to write obituaries with Mary until 4 in the morning. That’s quite a favour, even considering what happened as a result. And I would really love to know which character went into Lou’s office overnight and broke all his pencil points. (It was probably Murray.)

4x21 – Ted Baxter Meets Walter Cronkite

I love mostof the Teddy Awards episodes, and this is one of my favourites. This was a goodepisode for Ted. I love the look on his face when he realizes that he won. Forall his confidence before, he seems genuinely surprised, which suggests that much of his trademark overconfidence is actually fake. Ted had so few victories in the show, and his acceptance speech makes mesad for him almost as much as it makes me laugh. And his meeting with WalterCronkite was pure genius. (I wonder if Ted ever gave him his pipe back?)

 5x01 – Will Mary Richards Go to Jail?

I really admire Mary in this episode. She’s scared of going to jail, andshe even cries about it, but she does the right thing anyway, without really considering any other alternative. She’s not flawless, butshe’s brave and principled, which is something I love about her. This is alsoanother really good Mary and Lou episode. Lou’s ethics are such a fundamentalpart of his character, and he demonstrates many times over the course of theseries that he’s very rarely willing to back down on things he cares about. Butin this episode, he tells Mary that he doesn’t believe in the freedom of thepress - going against everything he believes in as a newsman - because he can’t handle her being in jail. That demonstrates just how much he cares about Mary,even more than the ensuing hug. And I always laugh when Sue Ann tells Mary, “Dear, when you get out, if you get out, I’ll beright there to help you find your way back into decent society.” (I’m curious as to howSue Ann got all those tin prison cups on such short notice. Does she just have themlying around in her studio at all times? Was she doing a special on prisonfood? Does she collect them? We’ll never know.)

5x19 – The Shame of the Cities

This is theepisode where Lou and Mary make a documentary on a politician that Lou thought was shady but who turned out to be incredibly boring. The “Thank you, Mr. Mugger” scene at the end is one of myfavourite scenes in the show. Mary Tyler Moore was so damn talented. I alsoreally like Charlene, and I like the part where she casually tells Mary thatshe dated Frank Sinatra and Mary can’t get over it. And I lovethe scene where the news team has a meeting in Lou’s office to work on the documentary and Ted listens in until Lou shuts the door on him (at which point you hear his offscreen cry of anguish).

5x23 – Ted Baxter’s Famous Broadcasters School

This is the one where Ted is tricked by a con man and he has to run a broadcasting school with just his colleagues for support. I don’tknow exactly why this episode is so funny to me, but I really enjoy it. I lovethat everyone pulls together, however reluctantly, to help solve Ted’s problem.And I like Ted’s school song: “We have no gym and we have no pool, but we haveheart at Ted Baxter’s Famous Broadcaster’s School!” Short, but catchy. I also love how Mary completely loses her patience by the end of it. (“Who IS this person? What are we DOING here?!”) Although, having watched “GetSmart,” I find it very confusing that Mary is on a date with Siegfried.

6x09 – Ted’s Wedding

I don’t knowwhy they didn’t call it “Ted and Georgette’s Wedding,” but anyway, this was a veryfunny episode. Ted and Georgette were adorable, of course. Sue Ann was brilliant as thefrilly, flower-toting task manager who magically had everything together at thedrop of a hat. And the tennis-playing priest was perfect. (“Bride on mybackhand, groom on my forehand!”) The wedding is sweet but still hilarious, andalthough this is a significant episode with two of the main characters getting married, it fits very neatly into theshow.

6x18 – Once I Had a Secret Love

I actuallyfeel weird about this episode because of the Lou/Sue Ann storyline. I find it disturbingthat Lou was made to feel guilty for having a drunk one-night stand. And Ithink that if Lou had been a woman and Sue Ann had been a man, that storylinemight have played differently.  But asidefrom that, this is a really emotionally heavy episode because of the Mary/Louconflict. It’s the first time we’ve ever seen Lou be really devastated bysomething Mary did. And I think it’s interesting that he just shuts down,instead of yelling or being sarcastic like he normally would after being hurt. It shows a side of him thatwe don’t normally get to see, and I have a lot of feelings about it. I also have a lot of feelings about the Mary andLou resolution scene, which is very sweet. And Ted is wonderful in thisepisode. “Mary, why are you weeping? Into a sock!” That part always makes melaugh. This was the episode that made me realize how much the show show relied on Ted to keep the show funny while they did heavy episodeslike this one. (I think the episode where Murray falls in love with Mary is another example.)

 6x22 – A Reliable Source

This is the episode where Mary quits her job after Lou insists on running a potentially incriminating story on her Congressman friend. The scenenear the end where Lou helps Mary type her resignation letter is another one of myfavourite scenes. I like any time Mary call Lou by his first name, because sheso rarely does. And although I think that Mary was wrong about wanting to keepthe story about the Congressman off the air, I admire her for sticking to herword anyway. I also think it’s sweet how Murray and Ted really try to supportMary in her fight against Lou, even though there isn’t much they can do. And it amuses me that Ted so readily assumes his friends are trying toget him a raise when they’re really talking about totally irrelevant things. “Thegood Lord has blessed me with many friends… And not a damn one of them’s gotany pull around here!”

 7x10 – Murray Can’t Lose

There are afew episodes during season 7 where you can tell that the writers and the castknew it was going to be their last season, and they just went all out with thesentiment. This is one of those episodes. There are a lot of good scenes inthis one, such as Mary singing in Lou’s office, Ted using Lou as aventriloquism dummy, and Georgette’s excellent dance sequence. But my favouritepart is the end scene where Murray gives his acceptance speech to all hisfriends, even though he didn’t win. I think what Murray says to Mary is lovely: “You do theimpossible every day. You make people forget how beautiful you look becausethey’re too busy realizing how beautiful you are.” It’s a perfect summary ofthe way Murray feels about Mary, and it’s also such a good way to describe her. And I love that Murray finallyadmits to Ted that he does actually like him. (Of course, Tedhad to ruin the moment.)

7x11 – Mary’s Insomnia

Apart fromthe highly inaccurate depiction of insomnia, I adore this episode. It wasdirected by James Burrows, who is one of the most legendary directors of alltime (he also did Cheers). Maybethat’s the reason why there is so much excellent physical comedy in thisepisode. Aside from that, and aside from this being such a nice Mary/Louepisode, I like that Ted actually got to get back at Murray for his years ofinsulting him. I also love the scene where everyone shows up in Mary’s bathroomwhile she’s taking a bath, and only Murray has the good sense to be embarrassedabout it. And Lou accidentally lapsing into “Up the Lazy River” while attempting to sing a lullaby is another one of my favourites.

I could absolutely go on and list another 15 episodes, and probably another 15 after that, but I think it’s in everyone’s best interest if I stop here. Thanks again for the question! And like I said above, people should feel free to reblog and add your own favourite episodes. I’d love to hear what everyone thinks.

#anonymous #asks #the mary tyler moore show