my-wayward-son

[my-wayward-son]

Things I have explained to my dad

He was born in the last year of the boomer cohort, and he’s on the spectrum like me. Set in his ways he may be, but sometimes the general knowledge gap is…impressive.

The Mentalist and Sherlock (BBC) are not the same show.

There is a fee to take the credit exam for high school AP classes.

The police are not responsible for the number of traffic lights on a given road. The number of traffic lights is also not the sole cause of road rage.

Taking offense to Christopher Plummer’s line in a movie is not a personal attack by the actor (especially because he won an Oscar for his role). If you need to have a beef with someone, have a beef with the screenwriter.

When a person of color uses a word like “challenge” or “struggle” in a TV interview, your white supremacist eye rolling is beyond uncalled for. Especially when the interviewee in question is talking about training for the US Olympic water polo team.

Similarly, not participating in the activities of the KKK does not absolve you of being a racist asshole.

White eggs and brown eggs are the same inside.

You don’t get a pass on deadnaming because you don’t want to make the effort to change a 24-year habit. You also cannot call a trans person by the initials of their previous name, especially when the person’s best friend goes by the same initials.

Frozen vegetables in a microwaveable package do not require boiling in a pot on the stove.

Angel hair pasta is not the same thing as spaghetti.

It is very obvious when a polo shirt has become sun-bleached. When the inside of the collar has a distinctive color line, maybe that’s a clue to refresh the wardrobe.

You can clip your nails in the house. Going out to the back porch is not required, especially in extreme weather conditions.

When your child has been driving for over 7 years, said child giving you a ride is not a “driving lesson.”

Animal House is not a funny, lighthearted movie about frat brothers. It’s kind of violent and disgusting (there are extreme references to actual animal abuse).

Norwegian Wood is both a Beatles song and the title of a book. Declaring that it’s your least favorite Beatles song is not a great interjection when people (who are not talking to you) are discussing the book. (BTW, the book is a beautifully written piece of literature, but it is a huge mental health trigger fest).

#things I’ve told my dad #boomer humor #family dynamics #trans #never stop learning #know better do better #laur talks

[my-wayward-son]

I feel this so much. The introvert with an inner world, but knowing the “real” world requires interpersonal skills that just don’t come naturally? The undiagnosed autistic kid? The budding trans kid? Folks with health issues or mental illness that make it hard to be out of the house? People who write and create and play online because they’ve finally found people with similar interests? Making friends for the first time ever in their 20s?

That’s me, exactly, right there, thank you. There are a ton of notes on this post. There are so many of us the outside world skipped over. I hope people in this community will continue to recognize and care for each other. Keep the wheel on turning.

People underestimate how much it fucks you up to be subtly excluded as a kid. I would try to talk to my classmates and be met with disinterest or annoyance. The one friend I had, who I clung to and nodded along to his every word, had other friends he liked just as much or more. And his other friends didn’t care for me at all.

I look back at pictures from the time and see how separated I was from them. I remember knowing I was different. I remember posing questions about the world to the girls playing next to me and realizing that they had never asked the same ones to themselves. That the ways we thought couldn’t be more different.

I kept myself amused with my own fanatical stories and musings in my head. I would wander the playground on a circular path, imagining a friend and being sorely disappointed when it didn’t feel as real as I’d hoped.

There was a bubble separating me from everyone else, thin, and nearly invisible, but with a pearly sheen you could catch under the right conditions. I knew it was there, they knew it was there, and it changed me

#autism #introvert #trans #invisibility #invisible illness #i love my online friends #i have friends

[my-wayward-son]

Trans truths #11– good clean hacks

If you’re doing one thing, why not do another? A lot of products can pull double duty, and others… we’ll just say, if you know, now you’re in the club.

Tangle teezers and electric razors are best friends. Use the guard (comb-like part, if you’re still getting a grasp on things) to pick and remove the fallen out hairs from way down between the tangle teezer’s bristles. Conversely, use the edge bristles of the tangle teezer to pull the shaved off beard hairs out of the guard and blade on your razor.

Best way to clean beard hairs off the bathroom counter AND have clean hands (so you can do your T shot and stuff)— break up the hand washing steps and clean in the middle. Wet hands, then use the wet hands to sweep up the hairs and get them into the sink. Push them down towards the drain, THEN add soap and scrub and dry.

I don’t know if everyone has this problem or if it’s something that bothers only me—I hate cleaning ‘down there’ with a shower scrubbing tool that will touch other parts of your body, even if using antibacterial soap. Take your bar soap (Dial Gold, right?) and rub hard against your pubic hair. Pick any strays off the soap, put it up, and use the lather to clean thoroughly with your hands.

When you have your alcohol wipes handy (again, like when doing your T shot), don’t toss the used wipe just yet. Use the other side to wipe off your phone, the nose pad of your glasses, and the nooks and crannies of your outer ears (seriously— you don’t need to be a hearing aid wearer to have clean ears).

A quick way to clean your toys is with hand sanitizers. Take a little sanitizer in your hand or on a tissue and rub away the grime and dried lube and all that stuff. Also, a great way to make sure you clean your stuff regularly is to use in-and-out boxes or bags. It works just like the ‘clean’ and ‘dirty’ pencil cups on reception desks; have two receptacles on hand, and when you’re finished using something, put in the out bag. When you clean up, put your things in the in bag.

I’ll talk more in-depth about shaving later, but my general rule is: if you can’t see it, don’t shave it. Shaving cream is tons of fun, but I don’t recommend using it on your face. If you’re using an electric razor, shave right after you shower, pat your face dry-ish, and apply gentle face lotion to your face and down your neck. That’s just enough lubricant to prevent razor burn and keep the hairs together while you shave. Also, unless you’re growing a stylized beard or mustache, you don’t need beard balm or oil. Face lotion always does the job.

Hair products are also super fun, but, if you’re on a budget, just use your hair conditioner in a different way. Get a spray bottle (they’re usually around $1 in the travel toiletries section) and squeeze a little into the bottle. Use just enough to cover the bottom of the bottle, then add warm water and shake. Keep shaking before each use, then spritz your hair and apply a comb (a tangle teezer, right?)

#trans #trans truths #ftm #transgender #life hacks #products #trans tips #transmasculine

[my-wayward-son]

Trans truths #10– speed round

What can you do for an instant refresh? Most of these are best done at home, but, even in a pinch, they can make a whole lot of difference.

Comb your burns— if you have short hair, or if you have any side lying facial hair, slick your sideburn areas downward, either with your fingers or a handy pocket comb. If you wear glasses, this is especially useful if you want to look masc, professional, and ready to go.

That one hair sticking up? As long as it’s *tiny,* don’t hesitate to trim it off. If you have short hair or if you use gel/product, get yourself looking good to go, then grab that little cowlick and chomp it with moustache or hairstyling scissors.

Do your brows— If you don’t have gel or a mascara wand or anything, just use your fingers or a rattail comb to swish the little hairs the opposite direction- as in, not smooth. You’ll need touch-up to fix individuals by looking in a mirror and poking them with your fingertip. If you have sparse, pale, or thin brows, this is especially helpful on the masculization front.

Un-bunch your pockets— if you’re wearing clothing with pockets, stand up and flatten them inside and out. If you’re packing, take care, but unfortunate butt bulge or front folding is helpful for calming passing-anxiety.

Put things where they go— Sunglasses are on your face or the front of your shirt. Not your head. (The lenses get hair oil on them, and the nosepiece messes with your ‘do. Your bag is on your shoulder(s) or cross-body, not in your elbow kink. Wallet goes in the back pocket (if available), not the front. Phone goes in the other back pocket. Even better? Phone wallet. Then you’re set with 2 for 1. Keys go in the front pocket where they don’t get lost (they don’t mess with your load, trust me.)

Raise your chin. Posture is hard to keep in check with binding, so watch the angle of your chin to sternum and hairline to spine.

#laur talks #trans #ftm #trans truths #trans tips #speed round

[my-wayward-son]

Trans truths #9

Why you need these three things NOW:

Antibacterial soap. Exfoliating mitt. Antibacterial lotion.

You’ll probably develop oiler skin and some body acne when you’re on T. (And it might stick around for years and years, unfortunately). But— we can fight it with just 3 things.

When you shower, put the antibacterial soap bar inside the exfoliating mitt. Then scrub your entire body, including your face. Now your pores are cleared, and you’re poised to moisturize without breeding another bacteria factory.

When you finish your shower, dry yourself completely and slather the antibacterial lotion over your entire body, including your face. Now, when you put on clean clothes, your sweat is less likely to make bacteria-and acne-breeding ground.

Also, take the lotion in the shower. Bam. Shave cream (for the legs and whatever else— I have medical patches that have to go on shaved skin.) You can use it as face shave gel, but you’ll have to apply it in a very thin layer.

Take the lotion in the bedroom. It’s water based and antibacterial. Perfect for you, your toys, your friends…whatevs. It does leave a little residue, but it won’t leave infections—of all kinds.

Take it with you! Put it in your hand sanitizer—now it doesn’t strip your hands while cleaning them. Mix it with sunscreen if chemicals or zinc don’t agree with you.

Keep using your three power tools - products- and you may see a difference in the quality of your skin.

#laur talks #trans #ftm #trans truths #trans tips #transgender #health #hygiene #acne #antibacterial

[my-wayward-son]

So, that one book. Where the Wild Things Are. (I’d die if I ever diagrammed that un-sentence.)

But I’ve always disliked it. Hated it. Became unamused and disturbed to the point of tears when it was read out loud at, like, every “story hour” ever held in any establishment. Ever.

“I’ll eat you up, I love you so.”——>

“I will murder you and canabalize your flesh, because this represents endearment.”

You know, when translated per Oxford Standard.

Side note:(The autistic child takes every word in print as legitimately factual—as in, the opening scene in The Beauty and the Beast, “Belle had her nose in a book.” *Breaks the rule about talking during movies, as this question is very urgent.* “Mom, why would anyone read a photo book full of pictures of their own nose?”)

But, anyhow, am I possibly the last person on the planet to reevaluate the original passage, now with the application of Urban Dictionary?

“I’ll eat you up, I love you so.”

And then we go on a train wondering what exactly is the age of consent in Wild Thing (noun)? And why they never clarified the direct object in that very questionable title.

#laur talks #trauma #childhood trauma #where the wild things are #so very inappropriate #go ahead ban the book #i dare you #erm-adult humor? #sorry I never took that class in 8th grade

[my-wayward-son]

Trans truths #8

Five things that help you pass—and yes, these are going to be mega cliche, but I didn’t make the rules. People just auto assign you based on outward appearance.

Square neckline on your haircut— just ask your stylist to square off the back. They’ll know what you mean. That’s really the line that separates a pixie from a men’s style.

A wallet in your pocket—this is especially great if your jeans are just a little distressed around the wallet bulge on your back pocket.

Chunky shoes— and by this, I mean shoes that are larger/more visible than the cuffs of your pants. Don’t size up and stuff your toes; that’s just uncomfortable. Think about it this way: vans are wider/thicker soled than converse. The same can apply to any shoe style.

A computer bag— no purse, no clutch, no wallet wristlet… get a computer bag with a messenger style cross-body strap. Put whatever you want inside, but any bag that hits above your waist automatically looks femme from the view of passers-by.

A men’s watch—Smart watches are great, but a classic-style analog watch with a thick leather strap looks really snappy.

*bonus* for your all-day sipping beverages, carry a travel mug or water bottle, not a plastic cup with a straw. I don’t know why, but those to-go cups with their plastic lids and fun designs… just don’t go with the masc vibe.

#laur talks #trans issues #trans #ftm #passing #trans truths #trans tips

[my-wayward-son]

Trans truths # 7

Reasons why your fan will become your BFF

We’re talking about an electric plug-in tower fan. Not a ceiling fan. Not that slick silky open-and-shut thing you got as Pride swag and now only comes out when you need a dramatic moment of Mulan. I’m talking about the long tall skinny thing that blows air at you because you’re not in charge of the climate control. You know? One of those. If you’re in the US, you can get one at Walmart or Target for under $40.

Ok, sweet, now I’ll tell you why.

It makes the air cooler. The first sign that your T is working its way through your veins is the feeling of being overheated.

It dries moisture. You will probably sweat. Maybe a lot. Definitely more than you’d used to. When you have those moments of ‘I just got dressed why are my pores letting tear tracks down my back’, you can lift your shirt, stand in front of the fan, and feel Moses parting the waters and making a cool, dry pass between your shoulder blades.

It’s portable (kinda). Depending on your living situation, you may disagree with another person on the proper temperature of a shared space. Unplug and take your fan somewhere else. If you’re living by yourself in a place with multiple rooms (I had a one-bedroom apartment that had doors/walls separating bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, and living room.), you don’t need to buy another fan to put in another room. Just take yours with you and plug it in a different outlet. It’s also a great thing to have in your kitchen while cooking with the stove or oven.

It’s really loud. You won’t hear your roommates bickering. You won’t hear your neighbor’s excessive death metal. You have a great excuse for not coming when called (sorry, couldn’t hear you over the fan). It’s great at night. Or, you know whenever. Covers the sound of …smaller excessively loud electronic items. With its excessively excessive fan power.

It has buttons. Sometimes you get a remote, too. (It probably came with a manual that you probably threw away with the box because creating space for new object is more important than more important than ensuring the object actually works and you don’t have to take it back to the store. Right?) You get to be the chief engineer and in control of all the settings all the time because this thing is yours. Your fan. Nobody else’s. And by royal decree, oscillate at power 3, max force, with ions, to perfectly accommodate my spot on the couch, dammit!

It helps you sleep. If you have an app for soothing sounds, unsubscribe and save a dollar (or a spam file). Your fan makes wonderful white noise whilst keeping your room at the perfect sleeping temperature. It’s nice to have chilly air and warm linens, right? Lessen the possibility of sweaty sheets with a nice, blaring beee.

It does your laundry. If you have items of clothing that are hand-wash only, cut the drying time and string them up in front of your fan. Binders that are mesh or stretchy spanx material do not like to go into the big laundry with your jeans and shirts. They will wear out faster and sometimes fall apart when they go through a commercial wash-and-dry cycle. It’s also great if you want privacy from the family laundry load, or if you need your stuff to be your business only. Clotheslines and air drying aren’t just history. They’re good methods today, too.

#laur talks #trans issues #why uou need a fan #ftm #trans tips #trans truths #air conditioning #fan #like the object #not the prefix for fiction #lgbt #queer

[my-wayward-son]

Feel free to ignore me if this is annoying, I get not wanting to share, but out of curiosity, are you Jewish? I just ask cause you mentioned Hanukkah and I am, so I get a bit excited :)

No, I was raised in the Lutheran church, but as I’ve grown up, I’m thoroughly agnostic.

I sort of collect stuff, like trying to own every various item in a set of objects (I hope that makes sense). I have a ton of pajama pants and shorts from Gap, mostly because there are always “seasonal” patterns on clearance. Right now, they’re hawking winter holiday prints for very low prices.

[my-wayward-son]

General announcement:

The Gap currently has out-of-season cotton poplin boxers on sale. I just opened my package of Hanukah shorts. Now I’m spiffy. (And happy Ramadan too!)

#laur talks #clothes #clothes on sale #the gap #gap #pajamas #trans #ftm

[my-wayward-son]

Trans truths #6

What’s up with social passing, anyway?

Passing is largely defined as the condition or point has come when a passerby would see you, and, based on features, will assume you are male.

Yes, it’s all social and institutional mysoginy, which is bullshit and needs to be noticed and worked on, whether through bills or laws or pride or protests… But, in the same way,I’ve addressed concepts such as “the silhouette,”most public spaces and those who occupy them. In a single glance, people tend to read one’s gender presentations and and they automatically allocate you to the basic (if outdated) categories of XX or XY. It’s just the sad truth.

Again, this is all highly opinionated, I know, but I’ve lived in 2 different cities over the past 10 years, and I’ve met my fair share of oblivious/unkind/unwanted attention. Let’s just say that a lot of people still living under rocks, and a good handful of professionals (usually nurses) who have received inclusivity training and wear a badge or pin identifying themselves as LGBT friendly have not received updated information or training beyond the basics. Much of the presented literature not current. People may insist on calling you a previous. Often it is unintentional, but it hits the point home: training is basic, doesn’t not ebb and flow with evolving lingo, name or using your preferred pronouns. Many folks (especially medical professionals) is from backlogged DVM, late -90s era pamphlets and news articles (such as those disseminated from PFLAG,) and legal specifications that read “do not do/say xxx, or you will be immediately fired for breaking that the pesky laws drawn up with Title IV”. That pertains to things like providing service (like in restaurants, barber shops, caregivers in the hospital, etc. ) and abolishing police and personal related to whom is allowed to be in public space.(park, theater, median in the freeway…whatevs.) And, jsyk, you can report mistreatment and advocate for yourself—usually by first stating your problem to the lead nurse/boss /manager/etc). Bring up possible Title IV infraction a little longer down the road. Most of the time the business, hospital, etc, will find someone somewhere to translate respectful speech for the …backward, I guess?

When you’re in a situation where you are speaking to someone such as a receptionist in a medical office, be prepared for hiccups. One of the best ways to get started and easily establish the who, how, and when is by using honorifics. Yes, it’s a bit (ok, a lot) scary to initiate conversations with strangers, but here’s the logic: in clinical, business, and academic situations, greeting the person with an honorific (like “Good morning, sir,”), allows them to feel good about themselves and want to be equally kind, which leads to a higher opportunity of the interaction going well. In my experience, the receptionist will usually use a non-gendered name for me, like “Sweetie.” In this case, the other person is perceiving you as young, and their mind has glammed on to that, rather placing you as XX or XY’) I’ve also had several instances where I”ve been called “bud,” which I find entertaining ok, since this indicates the person (usually a male person, for some reason) is reading you as both young and male. Past honorifics and greetings, depending highly on the situation, you’ll become a name and a pronoun (as the receptionist speaks to the MA, etc.). Try not to interrupt, but when it’s your talking term, here are the phrases that can keep you from feeling quashed under a past identity. Saying “My name is (masc name), although in the record it might be under (femme name).” is a great place to start. Usually your conversation partner will get with it. If they either don’t respond or continue to misgender you, jump back into the conversation at any pause point and say something like “My pronouns are he/him/his.” Or “I use they/them pronouns.” or whatever the case may be. Almost 100% of the time, the other speaking partners are misinformed, and they don’t have a problem with switching to correct terms. There’s usually no need to state that you’re trans (that’s really not anyone’s business—you don’t need to be blatant in the waiting room, even if you’re there to see the doctor who prescribes you T.) If you still feel comfortable talking to the receptionist or whoever, consider asking for your preferred name and pronouns to be added to your chart. Most of them have forms with space given for that info. If they don’t seem to be able to do it right away, I can 100% assure you that the program they use to keep personal information and/or the physical printed forms can be edited by an administrator of the system. ( Years of SharePoint training not yet gone to seed.)

#laur talks #trans tips #trans truths #ftm #transgender #trans #pronouns #names #communication

[my-wayward-son]

Trans truths #5

It’s often the clothes that count most for validation and passing.

This tip, though primarily a clothing, touches on many other subjects. Feel free to send an ask if you’d like more information on something. I do intend to circle back around with some other posts addressing the other stuff. The idea with these posts is to give you info in small bites.

So— A major thing that comes along with starting T is… sweat. Your face, your back, and anywhere skin touches skin (or when skin touches a medical device, such as a feeding tube, insulin patch, prosthetic silicone sleeve, etc.).

When purchasing a new wardrobe, focusing on light fabrics, wick-away materials, and affordable quality goods is the way to go.

Here are my shopping secrets:

Cotton t-shirts—you will need a ton of them, even if your closet is already stocked. Changing shirts multiple times a day is not only ok, but also beneficial to keeping your body bacteria/acne free. I know I’m a little high-brow when it comes to labels, but I put my trust in Abercrombie and it’s brother-brand Hollister. Quality is great, most basic T-shirts are 100% cotton, and there are numerous basic fits (crew, v-neck, henley…) to suit your preferences. The basics frequently appear in the clearance section at about half price from the new collection, so they’re often surprisingly affordable. You can order up to 10 of the same item at a time, so if you find your wonder-fit, you can stock up.

Shorts and sweats— I recommend wearing shorts as often as possible. If they’re not your thing, consider at least wearing them at home for the sake of comfort. Old Navy’s Breathe On collection is my go-to for shorts and athletic pants. The athletic pants fall like Addidas new material trousers (the ones with the side stripes). The shorts are a 9” inseam (I think, based on how they fall on me), set with an elastic waist with a drawstring, and made of the softest blend of new materials I have ever felt in my life. Seriously, their quality rivals LuluLemon and other high end brands. Not only is the fabric soft as a cloud, but it’s incredibly thin, and still extremely opaque. A couple caveats: These are definitely athletic style. The price and color availability varies wildly depending on the season (up to $30 regular price and as low as under $10 when on sale). Be careful to purchase from the adult men’s section; the children’s section also has Breathe On items, but they are extremely poor quality. No idea why.

Hoodies— The best I’ve found is the Alternative Eco Zip Lightweight Hoodie, which is available on Amazon at this link: Alternative Men's Eco Zip Lightweight Hoodie https://a.co/d/dUCmpwt . They vary in price from $40 to under $20, depending on the size and color availability, but these hoodies are absolute life savers. They’re a cotton and new material blend that is both super soft and very thin, making them a go-to for fall and spring weather. They’re so light and comfy that they can be worn in hot weather too, for buildings with extreme air conditioning and situations with a lot of sunlight exposure (they’re not UPF, but opaque enough to keep you covered).

Socks— I’m a stickler about quality and fit, so I turn to Bombas for all my sock needs. They are a bit pricey and rarely on sale, but they’re also very charitable— one pair bought is one pair donated to folks lacking clothing resources. They have about a million styles and fits, but the athletic styles (running, golfing, sports, etc.) are quite thin and sweat-absorbing, regardless of the material blend. Bombas socks do live up to their reputation as the “perfect sock.” They don’t slip down your foot with wear, the arch support is amazing, and they last forever (seriously, I’ve have a few pairs I bought six years ago that are still in circulation.).

Underwear— As all the internet buzz claims, MeUndies does make quality and fun products. Now, you do have to start a subscription in order to make them affordable, but once you’ve been on for ~ 7 months, you’ll have plenty ( just mind how long you compile laundry and you’ll be fine). The undies are super soft (new material blend), and the color and pattern choices are extremely amusing. If this is the first time you’re wearing men’s underwear, I recommend going with briefs (boxers are a little tough to wrangle with jeans and such, and boxer briefs can lead to an unfortunate cameltoe if you’re not wearing something underneath (however, if you have incontinence issues or use a catheter, the boxer briefs are great for holding everything in place). Additionally, briefs with an open fly make packing more comfortable (definitely more on that in a different tip post).

Pajamas— I highly recommend 100% cotton poplin pajama pants and shorts. The Gap makes great quality products, and they’re frequently on sale due to seasonal releases. For shorts, browse the men’s boxer section (just to be clear, I recommend wearing these as pajama bottoms, not actually as underwear.) They refresh the prints regularly, so more often than not, you can find some in the clearance section. The pants fall loosely with a straight leg cut, so no need to worry about curves (especially if you just wear them at home). They also have an elastic waist and a drawstring. The boxers also have an elastic waist. The one downside is that the pants and shorts can get super wrinkly in the wash, so you may want to fluff them after they’ve been in the washer and before they go in the dryer.

If there are any more clothing tips you’d like, feel free to drop an ask.

#trans #ftm #clothing recommendations #Testoster #sweat #transgender #trans truths

[my-wayward-son]

Trans truths #4

On T, some things that didn’t need wiping now do— and yes, you need to follow the rules you learned in kindergarten.

Jsyk, I’m not talking about anything below the belt (unless you inject IM into your thigh).

First thing’s first: testosterone itself. The hormone is generally made with a carrier oil, which renders it shelf-stable and easy for your body to access after you inject. When you are injecting, it’s not just poke-squeeze-done. After removing your needle, gently wipe the injection spot before putting clothing over it—it can and will make oil spots on your clothes. If you have runoff or any other liquid testosterone that ends up on your fingers, the bathroom counter, etc., use toilet paper (or something disposable) to wipe, then wash your hands with soap so as not to keep the trail going (with your fingerprints and stuff—CSI will def track you down).

You will perspire more when you’re on T. When sweat drips from your face, DO NOT under any circumstances use your hand or your shirt to wipe it off. Kleenex, toilet paper, cotton pads, facial wipes, blotting paper from the makeup aisle, or whatever else you can find that is clean and disposable is a much better option. Cotton handkerchiefs are commonly recommended as well, but, due to oil and bacteria transfer, they can only be used ONE time before needing washing.

If an acne spot starts giving up infected fluid or blood, regardless of where it is on your body, use a clean blotter, and rather than pat, hold it down for a few seconds. If you need to do it again, take a new clean thing (say, a cotton ball) or a clean spot on the thing (say, a washcloth) to do the hold down maneuver for a second (third, etc., whatever) time. If you press the open sore with the exact same item/part of item, you’re allowing for bacteria that came out of the spot to get back on your skin, where it can cause more acne.

#laur talks #trans truths #ftm #transgender #hygiene #yeah we gotta have the talk about hygiene #and probably some more talking later

[my-wayward-son]

Trans truth #3

What’s up with the three H’s? Are they real?

Every guy you meet will probably answer with a hell fucking yes. I am of the same opinion; I was hot, hungry, and horny for the first few weeks after that first dose of T.

However, I think the perpetuation of “the three H’s” as some kind initiation or hazing ritual (like, you gotta do it to be a man, bro) is making the event bigger than it is while also depriving those new to T from facts and fixes.

Consider instead “the four F’s”— these being the hallmarks used to divide animals from non-animal living things (like viruses). Feed, fight, flight, and fornicate. If we back up, way beyond the minutiae of hormones and human beings, the entire human species is made ip of animals. Including you. Including me. Including every bro you ask for advice.

Rather than thinking that you are going through a tough period of hormonal angst (without intending to say that it is not a true and very difficult state of being), think over to the facts that have been proven long before us. Your body is exercising the most powerful and primitive forces it has to work with.

You’re not starving and looking up the closest pizza joint because you’re on T. Your body is acknowledging the need to re-allocate its most basic and instinctive desires in order to support you as a healthy male animal.

You may feel aggressive. Or sweaty. Or drawn to the treadmill. Or in the mood to hunt down some porn.

None of that is wrong. None of this is punishment. None of this is indicative that you’re doing something shady or worth being embarrassed about. Sure, there are some inconveniences. But you needn’t feel guilty or ashamed.

You are human. You fall into Kingdom Animalia. Your body is ensuring your most basic needs are met. It can go on a while, but this phase in your transition is, at its most basic, protective. Once your basic needs are satisfied, once you’re past that initial part of the journey, the only way left is up.

#laur talks #trans issues #trans #ftm #transgender #trans truths

[my-wayward-son]

Trans Truth #2

TW for ED mention

testosterone doesn’t make you taller— myth or fact?

If you ask, say, 99% of doctors, counselors, and advice giving transbros, they’ll tell you that it’s a fact, cold and hard.

BUT— if any of the following circumstances apply, it is possible that you can put on an inch or two. (You will NOT put on over 2ish inches.)

You’re starting T prior to the body’s completion of growth to full adulthood (recall some factoids, such as the brain not finishing growth until one’s early 20s). So, initiating hormonal transition before age 30 could maybe result in added height.

You’re starting testosterone during a time when your body is underweight. To put it frankly, if you’ve lived with an ED for more than a year or two, you have probably suppressed the manufacturing of all gendered hormones as your body puts more effort into systems like blood flow and lung health. Regardless of your age, T introduced into a body with little hormone activity will pretty much start pulling all the bells and whistles. You’ll start going through male puberty within a week of receiving your first dose. Therefore, if you have never completed female puberty (for whatever reason, but typically because you have been too underweight for puberty to fully engage), male puberty will begin immediately. You might see up to 3 inches in gained height as the new hormone balance takes effect.

The above also happens if you change your habits to naturally increase your body’s production of testosterone and decrease the level of estrogen. Stopping taking birth control (usually pills with estrogen content) can allow your body to let naturally occurring T to play a larger role in the body’s chemical balance. Also, exercising with a goal of strength training and muscle development aids in that as well. This method (without taking testosterone injections), can make you, if the right circumstances are present, both bulkier and taller.

#laur talks #trans issues #trans #ftm #ed tw

[my-wayward-son]

Trans truth #1

Regarding restrooms

(Disclaimer—I am one individual, and I’m absolutely not the chief expert of everything trans-related. I’m sharing what I’ve learned in good faith and with a positive intent)

When is time to switch from the women’s room to the men’s room in places with no other options?

The goal here is usually to pass , at least enough for ease of in and out without happening on trouble. The key in this situation is …your haircut. That’s ridiculous, I know. Not every guy wants to do “the chop,” plenty of dudes rock long hair, and some want to cut it shorter in stages. All very valid. It’s a hard, superficial, unfortunately binary world out there, and what’s on your head is one of thew things people observe and judge the most.

In my journey, I cut my hair shorter in stages (there was a ponytail chop, but chin length and modern pixie were absolutely stages in between before I went in for a clipper cut. I know, this judgmental thing is mega not cool, but here are the deets on why.

The culture in the mens’ is very different from what you’re probably used to in the womens’. People don’t linger and look in the mirror, and they don’t chat as much. They just do their business and get out of there. Men don’t check each other people out so much (it’s a facet of being less absorbed with outward looks and the maintenance involved there; like folks aren’t blotting their makeup or taking off their rings to wash their hands, and a lot more stuff like that.

It may sound counterintuitive, but you don’t need to be anxious about staring. A lot of the time, silhouettes are the only thing others observe. Men using restrooms tend not to make eye contact so much, so the basic shapes of your hair and clothes are the only factors in play (this, of course, assuming you’re already dressing in a comfortable manner to express a more masculine look. Your height and shoe size and lack of facial hair don’t matter.

Most people will just read you as young if you’re still in the beginnings of your transition. If you keep your gaze downward or straight ahead, you’ll blend in just fine (and you won’t see other people’s facial expressions, so that can reduce anxiety too). Looking really timid or giving folks excessive glances is more likely to stand out. Those feelings and actions are very natural, but practicing things like good posture and neutrality cheerful facial expressions actually go a very long way. If you seem confident going in and out, the probability of getting flack is highly reduced.

There’s a lot more to be said about specific circumstances within public restrooms, and I intend to dole out more data in progress posts. :)

#laur talks #trans truths #transmaculine #ftm #restroom etiquette #passing #helpful tidbits? #just passing along the info

[my-wayward-son]

I haven’t shown my face around here for a while. I know, neglectful, right?

I’ve been thinking of doing a series over here with some anecdotes and tips and tricks gleaned from my transition journey. I mean, I don’t know everything, of course, but I’m approaching my 5 year anniversary for starting testosterone. I’ve had many experiences, some of them quite wild and unusual (medically complex kid here), but I think some of them might be useful to share in terms of support and information access on what being transmasculine is like, especially during the pandemic.

So, look for some posts coming up with some facts that could be helpful (or just amusing.)

#laur talks #trans tips