#constantly in my head. im also just tired. ive been sleeping more than usual and idk y. like i dont feel that depressed but i guess i do | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tigerdrop · 3 years

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in lieu of doing more strenuous hand-based activities heres the Dogboy Gordon In Heat Megamix ive been talking about. i wrote this over the course of a couple months in an effort to feel okay about writing horny shit again and i only just realized there are nearly 6 thousand words here. and they only really fuck for like 10% of that

ta-dah

ive thought a lot about gordon being stuck back at gordonhouse after getting kicked out of barneyhouse. i think its ripe for a lot of pining. (and yes, he is pining over the guy hes actively banging. hes being a big mopey idiot over the fact that he doesnt get to have his fuckbuddy around 24/7.) absence makes the heart grow fonder or whatever and gordons already at a baseline of "wheres benrey. wheres benrey"......and now i am about to turn it up to 11

so lets say......gordons starting to feel weirdly under the weather. sweaty and irritable and tired. hes holing himself up in his room a lot, wrapping himself up in blankets to fight off a chill and a sniffliness that wont go away. and hes gettin awfully moody, too. real fuckin testy. starting shit with freemind for no reason and snapping at og gordon like hes a teenager. and......hes nesting, almost, or at least, gathering up a whole bunch of blankets and pillows and anything that smells vaguely like benrey. (hes not really aware hes doing this last thing.)

basically, long story short, feetman is fucked up. hes pathetic. hes being a huge bitch. at least og gordon feels vaguely sorry for him, and expresses this by way of observing him and trying to treat it. for science. its better than freemind, who just loudly complains about him being a huge bitch and reeking up the place. theres something weird coming from vr gordons corner of the house.....a musky, heady, hormonal kind of thing that makes freemind act simultaneously territorial and irritable and more lascivious than normal. and that also piques og gordons attention, because having both of them be wound up little freaks at the same time is enough to make even the most resilient person pull their hair out

now gordon primes got his suspicions as to whats going on, but hes not gonna tell vr gordon that he suspects hes going into heat. that would compromise the experiment, and all that. so poor gordons just going thru all this shit not knowing what in the fuck is wrong with him and getting more worked up and irritable about it by the day. hes convinced that hes just got the flu, or something......except, uh, haha, jesus christ he is horny all the FUCKING TIME

he doesnt get it! he feels like shit all the time, so why is he constantly fighting off boners and having weird wet dreams and thinking about-- well. his fucking boyfriend, he guesses. (are they boyfriends?? he doesnt know. he gets a weird, sharp pang when he thinks about them not being boyfriends, at this point, but its not like theyve ever talked about it!) gordons half-convinced that hes just losing his mind from being stuck inside all the time and he really just wants to see benrey again. its, like, all he thinks about. (see? hes losing it. theres the proof.)

the sucks thing for everybody else is that gordon is also Extremely Vocal about how shitty he feels and how much he wishes he didnt feel shitty so he could go see benrey and how much he cant stand benrey for not being able to read his mind and come over when he feels bad. eventually freemind gets so sick of his shit that he decides to cut out the middleman and get benrey involved directly. "come take care of your fucking dog before i call the aspca! animal neglect is a crime, asshole!"

(if pressed, freemind would adamantly reject the idea that hes being nice to gordon. but on some level, hes kinda sympathetic. the guys clearly miserable, and he just keeps asking for the same fucking thing. might as well humor him to shut him up.)

vr gordon is completely unaware of these machinations, however. hes just holed up in his room trying to work out what makes him feel better because, uhh, powerade isnt helping

jacking off doesnt do a whole lot for him anymore. like, it feels good, but its not very satisfying. gordon just ends up feeling more restless than anything afterward. and hes always stupid horny. more blankets. a box fan. less blankets. sleeping with one of benreys shirts pressed up to his face. grinding into his pillow when he wakes up hard from yet another weird dream. theyre all a little helpful, and he feels like hes working towards the right thing, somehow, but its never really enough to take the edge off

and then.....he tries......jerking off more. especially when he realizes that its bizarrely soothing to do so while he can smell benrey up close and personal on that stupid shirt of his. better still when he rolls onto his side.....and then his stomach.......rocking his hips into the mattress until he gets the idea to lift his hips a little. and......oh. cool. something kind of......clicks. in his head. as he raises his hips higher while he keeps his arms wrapped around a pillow and benreys shirt jammed against his nose. hes got that lil moment of realization that this is good, actually. this feels like a good move. and its making some of that discomfort melt away

and gordon thinks about.....how it felt. earlier. when they were with barmey. and benrey had him just like this, ass up, face down, and was spreading him apart and licking him open and making him submit and he groans so fucking hard that embarassment just rips through him like lightning. but his tail starting to wag a little faster.....electricity shooting through his belly......and he cant help but wonder. what if benrey had kept going? pulled back and-- maybe, replaced his tongue with his fingers, one at a time, curling them inside him and telling him how well hes behaving and-- and his dick throbs, hard, and gordon realizes he wants fingers inside of himself right fucking now, thank you, hes not fully certain how to accomplish it be he is going to fucking try

(sigh) so my guy figures out about the old fingers in the ass trick. and i need you to understand that i am fully convinced that this is one of those guys who has an uproarious reaction to getting fingers in his ass. mr repressed and uptight over here doesnt really get what the big deal is until he gets braver and pushes a little deeper and hes rock hard in an instant, goodbye, just like everybodys favorite creative writing exercise

and this is what he decides to do for a solid day or two without leaving his room, because, honestly, this is awesome. and the longer he spends jerking off the less time he spends stressing about the fact that his imaginations getting really vivid, here. sure, like, hes no stranger to weird dreams even before this, but this is the first time hes really letting his mind run wild and this dude is nonstop thinking about being bred and gordon still has no fucking idea that hes in heat. doesnt even occur to him

unfortunately this also does not solve his problems but at least it feels baller and it keeps him occupied. also, unfortunately, the increased rate of jerking off is causing a serious uptick in Dog Smells, the effect of which is turning freemind into a nightmare. its just not good vibes in this house. enter: benrey

now i need you to understand that when these two meet up again i want gordon to get Emotional. think about how genuinely excited he gets to see some of his pals in canon. the like......excitement and disbelief when benrey shows up outside his window throwing rocks at it before noclipping in. he forgets to even act pissed off at first. i think it would be super fucking cute for him to drop the game for a moment just out of shock, basically. his tails waggin, his ears are perked up, and hed probably tackle benrey to the ground if he wasnt also a sweaty, trembling mess whos been holed up in his room for days.

and benrey has No Fucking Idea what he has walked in on here. as far as benrey knows, freemind just demanded he get over there and take care of his dog.

(INTERLUDE: here is the part where i gin up a freemind POV of this exact scene. b/c i am out of my fucking mind

so. i had the thought of a freemind POV chapter where hes spying on gordon and benrey.....because. gordons in heat. ive talked about that scenario before too (literally so many FUCKING times okay i just need this dude to have the uncontrollable urge to be bred like a little bitch! and for benrey to take pity on him and make him feel better by nutting in him literally as many times as is physically possible!!!)

but i wanna manifest it in this specific way: from an outside perspective. voyeurism is great and also i have a one track mind and basically the only time i traffic in Other Guys in this fandom anymore is as a participant in gordon and benreys horse shit. Im not apologizing for this

lets say.....vr gordons behavior has been getting worse and worse for "unknown reasons" and freeman prime just sees it as a key observational opportunity for his research. while freeminds getting really irritated at how much its cutting into his normal way of life. for one thing, vr gordons room reeks, and he cant even escape it in his own room! and its turning him into a feisty, aggressive, and loud son of a bitch. but he cant even resolve it in his usual fashion at this point (baiting vr gordon into another competition/fuckfest) b/c gordons being a little sadsack holed up in his room and doesnt wanna play

but also.....he kinda just feels bad for the guy at a certain point. hes clearly really miserable and looks downright ill and all hes asking for is to see his boytoy again. (gordons convinced that hes dying, and feels the need to dramatically speak to benrey one last time before he croaks.) so freemind decides, in all his benevolence, to go over gordon primes head and drag the guy over there anyway. (with machinations, not his literal bare hands. what is he, a caveman?) he reasons that itll be a good opportunity to twist gordons arm into groveling at his feet later

and he spies on the two of them in gordons room.....why? idk. possibly something to do with investigating this relationship between a gordon and a barney that he had yet to fully analyze. tl;dr he gets trapped in their closet for a remix of that one barmey voyeurism chapter b/c why the fuck not

i just.....i dont know.....i think theres something really charming about a 3rd party not being able to fully make out what theyre saying or doing but piecing things together anyway.....like benreys weirdly soft tone of voice when hes talking to a super agitated gordon. as far as any of them know, hes not really like that. he either sounds bored or smug, but either way, its usually straight-up antagonistic

it would make freemind bristle to hear it b/c its almost a mocking tone, but.....it makes gordons shoulders drop and gets him to let go of some of that tension and thats probably fascinating to watch. literally soothing him like a stressed out dog, huh. smoothing back his hair and murmuring things in a low, even tone that freeminds enhanced hearing still isnt good enough to make out. (the guy mumbles, okay? he needs a fucking toastmasters meetup.)

it would equal parts horrify and fascinate freemind, in my onion. watching a version of himself fall that hard into the loyal pet role.....its pathetic! for all that gordon goes on about not being a slave to his instinct or whatever, he sure is doing a bad job of acting like it! its like watching himself, but worse.

and benreys having to soothe him like a startled animal b/c he doesnt even know whats wrong with himself, but theres something thick enough on the air that even benrey can smell it, and hes taking some stabs at the dark. especially with how charged some of the shit gordons saying is......"i cant fucking take it anymore", "you smell so good", "i dont know whats wrong with me, man, my dick hasnt gone down for days and im pretty sure i need a doctor-- no, a real one, not the other gor-- NOT a vet, JESUS"

and the whole time.....freeminds peeking from behind a closet door. watching them devolve from outright hostility into "gordon climbing into benreys lap and shoving one of benreys hands up his shirt and demanding that he fucking touch him already"

normally i dont think freemind would be averse to a little bit of voyeurism, here. if it was anybody else, hed probably at least engage in a little heavy petting. but this is getting weird, man. he cant shake the uncanny feeling that this is something too intimate for him to be watching. for one thing, gordons whimpering like a goddamn dog just from a little necking, and for two, hes never really been the kind of guy to watch people make out for 15 minutes before they get to the good stuff

its just kind of unsettling how much these two clearly really, really like each other at this point. its not like watching gordon prime give vr gordon a handjob as part of a "test". freemind expected more of a hatefuck kind of deal out of these two, what with how often gordons normally going on about how much he hates the guy, what a pain in the ass benrey is, how he just wishes benrey would stop jerking him around.....etc. freemind could shit himself right now. that lying bitch!

i imagine its also kind of painful, on a personal level, for him to watch this borderline-sappy shit. he cant even fathom being on the receiving end of that behavior, let alone from......well. theyve all got their barneys, right? and gordon primes basically doomed himself to incel status b/c he wont nut up and do anything about it. freemind just assumed they were all in the same boat: cursed to casual sex with their roommates/clones, forever, and unable to achieve any kind of intimacy b/c all 3 gordons are fucked up in the exact same way. since theyre all just diff flavors of the same fucking guy, right?

well, theres the evidence that hes wrong. and that vr gordons better than him, somehow. thats gotta suck, bro

anyway then he watches vr gordon get railed in the ass a bunch and jerks off anyway b/c its still hot. see ya)

“take care of your dog”. huh. hes got no clue what that means but, yknow, he does kinda miss his dog. hasnt seen gordon in awhile. and he immediately comments "wow. you look fucked up" in as blunt and unsympathetic a way as possible. but gordons so far gone that he cant even work up a good anger about it. he is pretty fucked up, man. and benrey sits on the bed and slaps his forehead with a palm to take his temperature (and that gets gordon to bitch at him, finally, that thats not how you do it, asshole) and judges that, uh, he is hot. in his expert opinion

and thats when gordon kinda grabs his sleeve and tugs it and starts tryin to say something. hes really bad at it, because he is having to perform the mortifying task of Owning Up To It, but eventually he manages to grind out that he needs benrey to touch him, please. just pet him. something. he feels really bad and he just needs benrey to scratch his fucking ears. this is the most gordon can cop to in one go, and it is such a sad struggle to watch, but benreys caught off guard by it and he feels weirdly bad for gordon upon hearing it so hes just like "whoa, okay" when gordon tugs his hand to his head

gordon groans the moment his fingernails start scratching behind the ears and digging into his scalp. even just that much feels really fucking good. its comforting, for one thing, and its benrey, for another, and the physical touch feels so fucking good right now that goosebumps are crawling down his neck. gordon cant help but lean against benrey and bury his head in the crook of his shoulder. he wants to hide his face from scrutiny and he wants to get closer but he doesnt know how to say what his fucking problem is

and benreys weirdly quiet. just kinda mumbling and shushing him intermittently, awkward and not sure what to do b/c this is a level of intimacy he was not expecting but gordons sure is responding nicely to a second hand in his hair

so having both of benreys hands scratching at his scalp is really getting to gordon. hes scritchin behind the ears and gordons tails wagging at a mile a minute. the feelings making goosebumps race down his neck and arms. he starts kind of mumbling something into benreys shoulder, how hes been feeling so fucked up lately, and he squirms a little closer. hes not really aiming for anywhere in particular but every neuron thats firing in him right now is telling him to get closer. make contact. he missed the fucking guy, what can he say.

and one of benreys hands......slips down to gordons face. his jaw. a thumb pushing into that soft little divot between his jaw and neck, like hes trying to push up into gordons fucking teeth. its weird and bizarrely intrusive, but benreys hand is broad and warm and gordon leans into it anyway, groaning with relief. its not like its not doing anything for him. kind of the opposite, actually. then he palms at gordons neck, and gordon starts breathing harder. he can feel his heartbeat rabbit-fast, pushing against benreys skin (and theres no way benrey isnt feeling that, too).

benrey eyes are lidded and his breaths starting to get heavier, too. naturally, yknow, since gordons practically draped over him right now, melting all the more the longer benrey keeps petting him. oxytocin is crazy, man, especially when a guys in the full throes of some kind of chemical meltdown of the glands. gordons eyes are screwed shut, tail thumping furiously against the bed, and hes panting at benreys neck like hes a fucking dog. he just doesnt know how to articulate what the fuck his problem is

benrey smells insanely good to him right now, and gordon just blurts that out. benrey gives him some shit for it, but when gordon only makes a weird noise in response and fists his hands in benreys hoodie, it makes him shut up real quick. hes squeezing out words about feeling like he needs something, but its clearly a fucking effort. its almost pitiful

so. gordons crawled right into benreys lap, too impatient after days and days of feeling like this (you know, being in heat, in so many words). hes been pounding off like crazy, that brand new collar of his strapped to his neck nearly every time b/c hes that desperate to feel… well. *benrey*. he cant fucking jerk off to thoughts of anything else - porn doesnt do it for him, and his fantasies slip right back to the same thing every single time. its frustrating! hes bisexual, for gods sake! its not like hes normally immune to the wiles of the Phat Ass White Girl, but lately he just keeps ending up on his hands and knees and whining benreys name into his pillow and he couldnt focus on a girls rack if he tried

point being. hes being awfully fucking demanding. (and also, hes wearing the collar *right fucking now)*. he shoves benreys hand up his shirt and shivers the moment he makes contact with gordons burning-hot flesh. and hes demanding that benrey touch him already, jesus, hes losing his mind! and benreys just crooning at him, “bossy, huh,” but hes scritching gordons ears and palming at his side and nosing at gordons neck and gordon starts to feel like hes melting into it. his protests at being talked down to are perfunctory at best

benrey licks a stripe up gordons neck and starts muttering his stupid horseshit right in gordons ear and it makes gordon clutch his shoulders so tight, claws digging into the meat of him. benreys kind of into it, though, and it just makes him laugh, low and harsh and right in gordons ear. that just makes gordons problem worse. he lets out quiet, nasal whines on every exhale, like a literal fucking dog.

he starts teasing, like, “haha, you’re *gagging* for it, bro,” but gordon doesnt respond with the defensiveness he expects. instead, its like opening a floodgate - he is, hes fucking *desperate*, okay, his dick hasnt gone down in days and he wants benrey so bad he cant see straight and he cant stop thinking about him and all of this comes tumbling out of him at once. gordons trying to press himself as close to benrey as he can physically get, legs straddling benreys lap and arms clutched tight around his back. and when benrey prods a little more, tells gordon to say what hes been thinkin about, gordon starts to pant, squeezing his eyes shut. but he cant bring himself to do anything more than choke and stutter on the words

hes half-hard in his underwear already (and, lets be be clear, he was only in boxer briefs and a tank top to begin with. hes sweating buckets and its the least amount of clothing he could get away with wearing around the house) and his tails thumping a mile a minute and hes so far gone, just from benrey talking down to him and kissing his neck and scratching his ears. but hes not budging yet, so benrey slides that hand on his ears over to his ponytail and *yanks*. tells him, “speak.” gordons dick twitches rapidly, and he lets out a sharp sound, and he finally says it: he needs benrey to *fuck* him, jesus

benrey lets out a harsh breath at that. “yeah? thats what puppy wants?” and the nickname should blister him, make him feel to embarrassed to continue, but gordons too desperate to care. he just starts spewing a litany of “god yes”s and “please”s. hes getting harder and harder, pressed up against benreys belly, and benrey can *feel* it. “good boy,” he mutters, and those claws dig harder, that panting gets louder and harsher

he slips a hand around to gordons back, rubbing slowly for a moment as if to soothe him, and then slides it under the back of gordons boxers. and lower still. starts rubbing at gordons hole. that gets a quiet “oh god” out of gordon.

gordon cant help himself - he rocks forward against benrey, just a little, rubbing his bulge against what he realizes is benreys *extremely* hard dick in his sweatpants. hes not the only one whos got it bad. but he *is* the only one whispering, “fuck, fuck, fuck,” as benrey pushes a little further, makes as if hes about to breach gordon dry. the poor guys so needy that he probably wouldnt even argue!

but benrey just stares at him, wide eyed and flushed, mouth hanging open a little. gordons so hot for this that it surprises the both of them.

anyway after some boring position finagling benrey coaxes gordon onto his hands and knees, running a broad hand down gordons shaking back. and he pulls back gordons tail, exposing him. its so fucking humiliating - gordons got his face buried in a pillow, and his ass in the air, and hes never felt so *vulnerable* before. he wants to argue, he wants to lift his head and look back to make sure that everythings, like, okay back there - benreys staring at his entire asshole, okay, and he wasnt exactly anticipating benrey making a house call to fuck him in the ass - but every time he lifts his head, or starts to say something neurotic about it, benrey chides him about it. clicks his tongue. tells him, “hey. dogs dont talk” or “i said *bow*, bro”.

for all his insisting that hes a real guy, that hes not just a dog, gordons feeling less and less like a human and more like something in thrall to his instincts. the condescension rankles like it always does, but doing what benrey tells him to feels good. feels natural. presenting himself like this feels like what hes *supposed* to do. it doesnt stop him from running his mouth entirely, but it helps to mitigate some of the embarrassment.

and then… benrey *licks*. gordon tenses and gasps. he doesnt know how benrey can stand it, its gotta be, like, unhygienic! but that didnt scare him off the last time they tried this, and its not like gordon hasnt thought about it since. hes thought about it a lot, actually. but hes been too neurotic to ask for it. benreys not stupid, though. hes a good dog owner (at least, so he thinks) and hes gonna take care of his dog. so he licks again, and again, pressing a little harder against gordons hole on each pass with the broad side of his tongue until he dares to breach it with the tip.

gordons rock hard again in an instant. his dick hangs between his legs and drips onto the sheets. he digs his fingers into the pillow now, tearing holes in its surface with those sharp nails of his, and he makes embarrassingly high noises that he muffles into into the pillow, too. hes tense, hes so fucking tense, he should be clamping down and making benreys task really fucking hard, but theres bright pink sweet voice dripping from his hole and benreys rubbing the side of his thigh in an effort to soothe him and both of these things work in tandem to get him to relax. and benrey works his tongue in further, further than a human ought to.

the tip was one thing, but it gets wider as benrey pushes it in, and its just as good as it was before - better, even, because now its just the two of them, just a master and his dog, and benreys the only one he wants to see him like this. bent over and whimpering. he cant— he cant stomach the thought of anybody else doing this to him. hell, there was a point once where the idea of stomaching *benrey* doing this to him would have made him laugh. but here he is. benreys fucking him open with his tongue and pressing against something thats making him see stars and gordon just wants *more*. he says it so sweet, too, voice growing hoarse and raw as he begs benrey to just fucking do it already, he doesnt wanna come like this!

gordon gets so worked up and emotional about it that benrey takes the time to scratch behind his ears again, shushing him and telling him to chill. benreys got him. hes been a good dog, and good dogs get treats. hearing the words “good dog” makes gordons entire body flush. thats all he wants, really. he wants to be a good dog. he wants to be *told*. he blurts out, “oh my god— say it again,” and benreys like, “huh? say what? youre gonna have to be more specific,” clicking the last syllable. it makes all the hairs on gordons head rise and prickle with shame. the best he can do is mumble it into his pillow.

benrey hears it, though, and tugs at gordons collar from behind, just enough to raise his head. “whassat? you want me to call you a good boy?” gordon cant bring himself to answer that directly, but his stupid body betrays him by making him whine. jesus christ, yes, thats all he WANTS! he needs benrey to be good and nice to him for once in his fucking life and give him what he wants instead of taking, taking, taking! but benrey just tells him that hes gonna have to earn it. gonna have to be *real* good for him. gordon could fucking snarl at that, but benreys pulling back to rub his dick between gordons cheeks and against his hole and that shuts him up pretty fast because hes *so close* to getting what he wants and hes not about to fuck it up now by running his big dumb mouth

and then… he starts to push in. that sweet voice has loosened gordon up enough to take even benrey, who, uh, is definitely the bigger of the two, in that regard. he goes slow, uncharacteristically so, and gordons chest heaves with the force of how hard hes breathing. a quiet string of “oh god”s spills out of him as he tries to crane his neck back to watch. the head breaches him with a strange popping sensation, and benrey groans, loud, as the rest of him slides in with little resistance in comparison. “good,” he pants in turn, “youre takin it so good,” and—

and gordon comes, in weak, aborted spurts. it snuck up on him. he clenches so fucking tightly that it winds benrey a little. he breathes out, “whoa. did you—” but gordon just begs him to shut up, keep going, hes not— hes not done yet, its always like this, its not *enough*. his dick barely even flags afterward, it just hangs there, achingly hard and dripping with cum. benrey cant even find it in himself to make fun of him. he wants it so fucking bad, doesnt he? and he feels so good, so fucking tight and slick around benrey that the only thought running through his head is “gotta take care of my dog gotta fuck my best friend gotta nut in him and make him howl”. so he pushes himself alllll the way in until theyre pressed together, skin to skin.

then he starts to move. slow, careful thrusts, more for benreys benefit than gordons. if hes not careful, hes gonna blow his load, right then and there, and hes trying to make it good for gordon, too, okay? unlike *some* of them, hes not gonna bust in two minutes and then spend the next half hour crying and trauma-dumping to the guy hes still got his dick inside of.

once he thinks hes got a grip, though, benrey starts fucking him in earnest, and that changes gordons vocalizations from weak little whimpers into something louder. less restrained. hes given up any pretense of being quiet so that his other selves dont hear that hes snuck his boytoy into his room. just loud, wordless moans on each thrust, initially muffled into the pillow but soon spilling into the wider room when he turns his head to catch his breath. the only words hes managing are “oh god” and “please” and “benrey, benrey, *benrey*”, and benrey just responds to him like, “yeah? thats good? fuuuck, bro, so good for me,” all short of breath and barely able to speak himself

he wants to see gordons face. he *needs* to see gordons face. needs to see what hes doing to him, needs to see that cute fuckin blush of his. so he tugs on gordons collar again, bringing him to his hands and knees properly instead of that bowing position. and then further still - pulls him back so that benreys on his knees, and gordons on his knees in turn, on his lap, cock still buried inside of him and fucking him in short, hurried thrusts. “paws up,” benrey tells him, and gordon does it. instantly. no resistance. just folds them at his chest like a real dog would.

“whos a good boy?” benrey croons, right in his ear again. gordon gasps, “i-i am!”

“yeah? youre a good boy?” nod, wail. “whose— whose good boy are you?”

and gordon chokes on his response. he cant say it, he *cant*, he doesnt want to be benreys but he does, he *does*. he doesnt want to be benreys because its not fucking fair! he cares so fucking much! so much more than benrey does, it feels like, obsessing over the guy like hes wrapped thorny vines all around gordons heart and he cant so much as shift in his seat without feeling the tug and the ache and thinking of benrey again. and benrey doesnt care, he never fucking cares, except—

except he showed up at gordons house, in his room. without even being asked. like he knew something was wrong. and he— hes always talking to gordon, shooting him stupid texts just to make him laugh. scheduling *date nights* for them. date nights where, yeah, maybe they couldnt see each other in person, and maybe they always end in some kind of depraved sexual act, but its not like gordons not into it. hes frighteningly into it, actually. and hes *so* into hearing benreys voice, low and crooning, right in his ear, and seeing him lean on an elbow and smile at him afterward. its— its practically genuine. and benreys always making excuses to talk with him, do things with him, watch stupid fucking movies that only gordon cares about and stream with him on twitch to help boost his subscriber count and—

and—

oh god. maybe he *does* care. that might be more terrifying than the alternative.

then benrey yanks the collar again. presses the whole of gordons back against his front in one hot, unbroken line. and asks, “i said, whose good boy are you, bro? *speak.*”

“benrey,” he blurts out, a ragged moan, “d-dont make me sa-AY it, oh god—”

“no?” benrey stills suddenly. his hands keep gordon stuck in place, unable to move or bounce or feel benrey shift inside of him. “thats, uh… thats too bad, friend. this trains for good boys only. good dogs go to heaven 2. no bad dogs allowed. gonna have to, uhh, escort you off—”

“im not a bad dog!”

“i dunno, gordo. bein’ kind of, uh… disobedient.”

(sorry. thats all i got . byeeee)

#this is so far from finished b/c A) im a coward now and B) typing qith my left hand sucks so i dont wanna do it right now. Sorry #writin stuff

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tumblunni · 5 years

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I am in new hous i am dying when will the strese end

Almostalmost almost done almost sleep

Just need to install oven and washing machine andiamSO LUCKY the moving van guy also knows diy and he said he'd help do it for free but im giving him extra money anyway and im forcing him to take it and also i bought him an easter egg.i was like WE ARE GOBNA DRIVE TO STORE AND IM BUY U EASTER EGG U GODDAMB SAINT

I am so fuckin tired

Im also now fuckin broke but at least i apologised to that poor guy for the hectic mess this whole experience has been

Apologized with easter egg

Also the neighbour gets an easter egg

I HAVE A NICE NEIGHBOUR FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!! Like in the movies!! A neighbour who says hi and welcome and helps you with moving big furnitures because he is just that kind and amazing. And i told him i was like 'wow neighbours like this really exist?' andhe was so shocked i hadnt had a nice neighbour before. So i told him about the weird neighbours blasting maximum volume christian rock music at 3am and he was like What. Anyway i hope we canbe friends!! I wanna buy him an easter egg every year now cos he was very touched and said it made him nostalgic for his childhood

I wish i could afford to give easter eggs to everyone in this building aaaa!! Its gonna be so interesting being part of an apartment complex instead of just a single apartment. Theres 130 of them here! The place is so big that it has two postcodes! And they have a friendly grandma enforcing the rules and lurking in the shadows to guard us from evil! And a RUBBISH CHUTE!!! YOU PUT IT IN THE WALL ANS IT GOES ZOOM!! thats so cool and conveinient i was worried itd suck to carry bags down all the stairs and stuff. I wanna know where the end of it is so i can see all the trash going zoom!!!

Also there are SO MANY shops nearby i am finally free of the hell of The One Shop Town tho i feel a lil sad it happened only a few months after a second shop opened. Thank you, small library/coffee shop! You saved me from the utter boredom of St Mellons life!

Oh also this place is called Riverside cos its near the side of the millenium stadium with the bridge and the sea and stuff. So its super close to Town! The capital shopping centre of the capital of the country, so omnipresent as the centre of everything that 'going to town' has become Only This and every other town must be specified. Also its actually a city but noone cares. Anyway its the closest thing we have to a remotely america esque busy shopping area and i grew up around there so i cant stand the food deserts out in the less commercial districts. Like i have NO CLUE why st mellons is so empty, its not even technically in the countryside yet, and its so damn populated that everything is a fuckin maze of houses and the bus routes take an hour to get out. Youd thibk itd make sense to have more than one damn shop!!

Aaa there are SO MANY SHOP U GUYZ!! Im so tired but i also wanna go explore shoppppp

And theres loads of restaurants so thats a goal for the future once im more financially stable again. Lots of nice places to try and itd help me work on my anxiety of restauranting. (I still do not know why 'you eat a thing but someones watching' is such a big scare. My brain no logic!)

So anyway the place is great and everything is gonna be great BUT the experience of actually getting here was really harrowing and loads of shit went wrong and i had such a damn panic attack that the back of my head is still burning tenseness from the migraine ive been holding back with sheer strength of will. Also i havent slept since saturday!!!!!!!!

So aghhh i hopei can get a good easy quick nap now in the new place and im not tormented by my usual nonsense where being in a new house makes me so nervous that i get dizzy constantly for the first few days and get paranoid that im gonna fall through the floor somehow and everything seems fragile and the walls seem too thin and I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING and now matter how nice the place is i always feel like that as soon as i turn the lights off and try to sleep aaaagh

Man i shoukd turn the heating on, im only noticing how frozen this place is now that all the adrenaline of panic has worn off.and also theexhaustion of lugging shit up the stairs for four damn hours, after eight damn hours of emergency last minute panic cleaning the old house after two damn weeks of systematically befuckening an entire house into a liveable state when it was seriously like an episode of hoarders and im so damn proud of myself for defeating my own unorganizedness and also smashing several bookcases into infintesimal shards with my bare hands. Related note: get bandage for hands. Also that big slice on half my toe knucles (is that a word? Like the jointy bit?) where i dropped that pointy hunk of wood and almost guillotined them off. Also i found a giant metal pipe out of nowhere and the missing heart pattern from my childhood plush toy's foot, so it was a good clean indeed.now i just have the problem that i have NO IDEA which bags i cleaned everything into, lol!

Hhhh tired

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ezrisdax-archive · 7 years

Text

a new standard

It takes a while for Michael to get used to Tilly. That's not necessarily a bad thing. (also here on ao3)

Tilly- Syliva, or Syl if that’s what you want to call me as Tilly had insisted Michael call her – waved at her when she arrived in the mess hall.

“Michael!” Tilly voice was far too loud and bright given the hour of the day and some of the other officers shot her confused or dirty looks but she didn’t seem to notice. “Over here.”

Michael sighed to herself, getting her food and making her way to the table where Tilly sat. She supposed it was better than sitting alone, at least Tilly no longer viewed her as ‘the mutineer’. Now she seemed to be actively trying to include Michael to make up for her previous behaviour.

“Did you sleep okay? I mean I slept okay, but then I know I might have been snoring and that might have been annoying and-”

“Tilly.” Michael cut off another rambling bout. “I slept fine.”

“Oh.” Tilly broke out in to another smile. “That’s good then. Do you know what you’re working on today, you’re coming back to the science lab right?”

“That’s what I’ve been ordered to.” Michael agreed, taking a sip from her tea.

“Do you like it there?” It seemed like no matter how short Michael’s answers were Tilly was determined to bring her in to the conversation.

“I enjoy looking at scientific advancement.” Michael admitted. “I’m curious to know what’s out there.”

“I thought that you were raised by Vulcans?” Tilly tilted her head and scrunched up her nose a little, it was almost cute. Michael hid a small smile by taking another sip of her tea at that. “I mean I know Vulcans love science but aren’t you not supposed to enjoy stuff? Oh no.” Tilly flushed suddenly, “That was insensitive, oh this is why I’m never going to be a first contact mission.” Tilly bemoaned, dropping her head.

“It’s fine.” Michael assured her though secretly she thought Tilly might be right and not suited for a first contact mission. Her throat felt tight as she continued. “Captain Georgiou encouraged me to embrace some human aspects of exploration.” She didn’t mention that she was only really expressing it now in the wake of Philippa’s death.

“You really admired her.” Tilly said quietly, fiddling idly with her fork. “I’m sorry.”

Michael swallowed hard, “Thank you.” She replied quietly in kind. Tilly squirmed in the ensuing silence but didn’t say anything else, leaving Michael to her thoughts.

“You’re still here.” Tilly said somewhere behind Michael, sliding up beside her.

“Since you’ve found me here, then logically yes I am.” Michael responded, not moving her gaze away from her screen.

“C’mon.” Tilly yawned widely and Michael glanced at her from the corner of her eye. Her hair was back down in it’s many curls instead of up in a bun like usual and she was dressed in her pajamas.

“Did you walk through the hallway like that?” Michael asked furrowing her brow and turning to face Tilly.

Tilly glanced down and then her eyes widened. “Oh no. Oh no I did. Do you think anyone saw me?” She was beat red though the blue light cast by the screen turned her more purple. “I just woke up and you weren’t there and I got worried.” She glanced back at the door, biting her lip in worry and Michael could tell she was thinking if she ran into anyone while in the corridors.

Michael shut down her screen and reached out to touch Tilly’s arm to get her attention. “Come on, I know a way back that shouldn’t have anybody around.” She’d learned it because she could tell she was making people uncomfortable and even the glares got tiring after a while.

Tilly grabbed at her wrist as Michael led the way and babbled on about how she was glad that Michael knew where she was going and her vision at night was so poor. Michael mostly tuned it out, leading them back to their shared room.

Once they were in she made move to go back out but Tilly stopped her with her hold still on Michael’s wrist. “You’re not going back are you?”

“I still have work to do.” Michael said and tried to gently remove her wrist. She didn’t actually want to hurt Tilly after all.

“You need some sleep.” Tilly said and raised her head stubbornly which only lasted for a second before she met Michael’s eyes. “Please?”

Michael held in her sigh and nodded. “Very well.” She’d see if she could sneak out when Tilly was asleep again.

Tilly beamed at her and let go of her wrist and Michael suddenly felt cold but knew logically it was just because of the sudden absence of warmth where it had been. She rubbed at her wrist anyway.

“You know Michael I’m glad you’re my roommate.” Tilly said between another yawn as she slipped back under her covers. “It was pretty lonely in here.”

Michael hesitated for a second. “I was…lonely as well.” She had been. It hurt to say but with the ostracization from the rest of it reminded her of her years on Vulcan never being accepted by her peers. On the Shenzhou Philippa had always been there as her friend and mentor. Discovery felt empty in that way.

“Well now you’ve got me.” Tilly said and there wasn’t a hint of doubt in her voice. “Night Michael.” The lights overhead turned off at Tilly’s command and Michael laid on her bed, thinking.

“Good night Tilly.” She said after a few minutes when she was sure that Tilly was still asleep anyway. It wasn’t Vulcan of her to admit her loneliness but it sure felt human.

She took a deep breath, purging all emotions from her mind as she’d been taught as a child. The warm assurance that Tilly was there however remained. The snoring from the other side of the room helped with that.

The tricorder was long since broken and Michael’s right arm was burning with whatever acid had dripped on to it. Tilly was pressed against her other side with Michael’s left arm slung over her shoulder and was rambling on about how much trouble they were in.

Michael wished, not for the first time, that she was a Vulcan so she could help calm Tilly down.

“Breathe.” She murmured in Tilly’s ear instead and Tilly sucked in a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

“Okay. Okay. What do we do?” Tilly still sounded worried but at least not as panicked as before.

“We need to contact the others. We’ll have to set up a distress beacon. I can walk you through it.” With her right arm out of use currently she couldn’t do it.

Tilly helped her get seated on a piece of rubble on the planet they’d landed on. They’d answered a distress beacon of their own only to find it was a trap for some kind of alien gladiatorial arena where they forced species to fight each other.

Michael had bested whatever species had hurt her arm with it’s poison and Tilly had been quick to blow a hole in the arena with chemicals she found around them and gotten them out but they were still in trouble wandering the world aimlessly and no idea where their crewmates were.

Tilly listened as Michael instructed her, every second it hurt to talk more and more and she had feeling the poison was spreading. She wanted to shut her eyes and just succumb to sleep to not feel the pain but she knew she had to stay awake.

“You don’t look so good.” Tilly said once the beacon was set up and she’d rushed to Michael’s side again. “This isn’t good.” She had pushed up Michael’s sleeve and the poison was indeed running up her arm now. “It hurts doesn’t it?” She didn’t let Michael answer. “That’s a stupid question of course it does. I’m sorry I asked it. Is there…anything I can do?” Her eyes looked wet as she looked at Michael, close to tears.

Michael gritted her teeth before she answered to steel herself from the pain. “We just have to wait until we’re answered.”

Tilly hovered over her, fluttering between her and the beacon and looking more desperate as the minutes ticked by.

Michael licked her lips, “Tilly-” She paused, “Syliva.”

Tilly’s head shot up at her first name, her mouth dropped open in surprise.

“If I don’t make it-” Michael began.

“You’re going to!” Tilly blurted out before she could continue. “You’re going to and, and, I’ll bring you plomeek soup! And read you Alice in Wonderland while you’re stuck in medbay and um.” Tilly stopped, her shoulders falling. “You can’t die.”

Michael laughed quietly, more a huff under her breath than anything else at the idea of Tilly annoying the other patients in medbay as she’d constantly visit Michael. She’d constantly be there and Michael knew it.

Before she could answer though a ship’s light felt over them, wind whipping around them as the ship landed.

“Looks like you’ll have to.” Michael said drily and Tilly wiped at her eyes to get rid of the tears though it did no good. She helped Michael get up and to the ship, staying right next to her the whole ride back even as medical poked at her.

True to her word Tilly was there every second she could be and they’d eventually kicked Michael out to recuperate in their room instead. She was off the duty roster for one week and it was making her feel twitchy but Tilly came back after the shift with padds of data for her to look at and stories of what they’d done that day.

She sat on Michael’s bed, right next to Michael. The first time she’d done it Michael had shifted even closer to the wall and been somewhat annoyed. Now she pressed right against Tilly as they looked over the data.

She was still scrolling through it as Tilly fell asleep on her bed and Michael knew she should wake her so Tilly could move to her own and not have to worry about possible rashes but a few minutes couldn’t hurt.

Her right hand still hung at her side as she scrolled with her left and her fingers brushed by Tilly’s own, taking in the comforting warmth.

At some point they’d moved to Tilly’s bed over the course of the weeks so that when Tilly inevitably fell asleep all Michael would have to do was move over to her own. She usually still ended up staying there for a little while longer.

Some nights Tilly’s head would drop on to her shoulder and Michael would stiffen for a second before allowing it.

She knew logically this wasn’t just what friends would do and she was staring too long at Tilly these days, noting the shape of her lips as she smiled and the flush in her cheeks as she laughed. Perhaps at some point something would come of it, she’d noticed Tilly staring more as well.

If it did, she thought with her fingers entwined with Tilly’s as they’d gotten somewhere between the afternoon, she didn’t think she’d mind it at all.

#michael burnham #sylvia tilly #dsc spoilers #mylvia #tillham #okay they need a ship name #beej writes

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dongyoungkims · 7 years

Text

stargazing with doyoung 💘

“Remember this moment, I will always stay by your side”

lmao this is literally the first scenario ive ever written -- im honestly not much of a writer i just thought it’d be fun since i love reading doyoung scenarios! hehe i wanted it to be lots of fluff but i couldnt really think of stuff to say but anyways,,,, enjoy my dudes! (also lyrics are from crush’s summer love!)

You had a long and stressful day. At this point, all you wanted to do was crawl and collapse on your bed. Right when you finished changing into your cozy pajamas, your phone lit up and you saw that you were getting a call from “the loml 💘”

“Hi,” you tried to answer excitedly, but you couldn’t hide the tiredness from your voice, “what are you up to?” you asked.

“Nothing much,” Doyoung replied, “did you have a long day at work today?” he asked in a slightly concerned voice. Doyoung was always quick to tell how you were feeling based on just your tone of voice.

“Just a long day at work,” you sighed, “How was practice? Did you eat already?”

“We just finished our meal, and practice was so funny today. Taeyong borrowed a hoverboard from the Dream kids and he was so terrified of falling,” he told you while trying to hold back his laughter, “I wish I got it on camera, but he didn’t understand how to move forward so he ended up spinning in circles a million times while screaming “Stop this please!!!! Someone save me!”” Doyoung laughed.

You chuckled along with Doyoung. You always commended Doyoung for being a thoughtful boyfriend. You understood that he always tried his best to make you laugh. You always enjoyed hearing about the members, and this story is a new addition to the many embarrassing stories that come from the practice room.

After chatting and laughing about what happened with Taeyong, Doyoung could still sense the tiredness coming from your voice and wanted to help cheer you up more.

“Hey, since I’m finished with practice now, do you want to go on a little drive?” Doyoung asked.

You were tired and already lying down in bed, but you felt like you were in desperate need of some fresh air.

“Sure,” you agreed, “let’s go.”

You didn’t bother changing out of your pajamas. You chose comfort over looking cute plus you figured that you’ll be sleeping in his car so before leaving, you grabbed a few blankets to help keep you and Doyoung warm.

Fifteen minutes later, Doyoung drove up to the front of your apartment. You hopped into the passenger seat and shot Doyoung a small smile. You wished that you could express more emotions, but you were so drained at this point. Doyoung gave you one of his classic, wide, gummy smiles and you couldn’t help but feel warm inside because just being in his presence gave you energy.

“Where should we go tonight?” Doyoung asked.

“Anywhere,” you replied while staring up at the handful of sparkling stars in the sky, “anywhere far away from the city lights.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Doyoung smiled as he played a playlist which consisted of R&B tracks which were always perfect for your late night drives.

For the first few minutes, you both sat without saying a word, letting the music fill the car.

Remember this moment I will always stay by your side No matter what I’ll always be with you Fallin in love again

Doyoung noticed you looking up at the sky, and rolled down the windows to let the cool, summer breeze flow into the car. You crossed your arms and rested them on the window. You positioned yourself so your head rested on your arms and a part of your head was out the window. Letting the wind ruffle your hair, you closed your eyes and breathed in the refreshing air.

Doyoung looked over to his side mirror and was in awe of your reflection. Doyoung was always a fan of looking at you while you were preoccupied with other things. He loved seeing you from across the room and seeing how your radiant smile can light up a room. He’s not much of a sap though so he always pretends to be looking at something else when you turn his way so you can’t see how much his eyes gleam when staring at you.

You were intently focused on letting the breeze ease your fatigue, and you began to come back to reality when you heard Doyoung quietly singing along to the lyrics. You couldn’t help but smile when you heard his voice. You loved hearing his voice. Just listening to him talk, sing, or hum made you feel better.

“So, where are we going?” you finally asked.

“Just a place I know away from the city,” he answered. “At the place we’re going to, you’re going to see what I see when I look at you.”

You were confused but decided not to question him. You held onto his hand and intertwined your fingers with his. You closed your eyes once again and relaxed while listening to the music.

You didn’t realize that you dozed off, and you woke up to see Doyoung looking over you while humming to the music and playing with your hair.

“Sorry, how long was I asleep?” You asked in a slightly groggy voice.

“For about an hour, but no worries, we arrived at our destination!” Doyoung exclaimed excitedly.

You looked around, but there was nothing around you. It was empty, and the night felt darker than usual.

“Where are we?” you questioned in a confused tone.

“In the middle of nowhere, but look up at the sky.”

Doyoung had opened up the sunroof of his car, and in front of your eyes was a plethora of stars.

“Wow,” you whispered silently to yourself in awe.

“Do you like it?”

“I love it,” you responded, still gazing wide-eyed at the view.

Doyoung looked over at you lovingly, and smiled to himself when he saw the pure joy and happiness that radiated from your face.

“I’m glad,” Doyoung said in a relieved voice.

He helped you pull down your seat so you were both laying down staring up at the stars.

After you both enjoyed the view in silence for a few minutes, Doyoung rolled over onto his side so he was facing you.

“Hey y/n, I know these stars are beautiful, but do you know what’s more beautiful?” he asked.

“Um, me?” you responded teasingly.

“No, me,” he chuckled before showing off his smile.

You rolled your eyes and said, “Yeah, okay” in a sarcastic tone before turning over onto your side to face Doyoung.

You stared at Doyoung lovingly and smiled at him. “Thank you,” you whispered.

“You’re welcome,” Doyoung whispered back before leaning forward and lightly pecking your forehead. Doyoung grabbed your hand and began to play with your fingers. He opened up your hand and began to repeatedly trace outlines of stars on your palm with his finger. It made your hand tingle because it was ticklish, but you thought it was cute so you didn’t pull your hand away.

“So, what did you mean earlier?” you asked as you tried to recall the conversation from before. “Something about seeing something?” you said in a confused tone.

“Yeah, I said we were going to a place to see what I see when I look at you. When I said that, I was talking about these stars. I wish we could see them better in the city, but that’s almost impossible considering the pollution and the city lights,” he explained. “Whenever I look up at these stars, I can see you in them. I don’t mean that I can physically see you in them, but I see you as this bright, shining figure in my life. It’s like each one of these stars represent one thing I love about you.”

You looked over in amazement as Doyoung continued, “There’s basically an infinite amount of stars in the sky, and everyday I find more reasons to love you. Some days, there are stars that shine brighter than the others and those represent what I love the most about you that day. It’s constantly changing and there are always new stars appearing. You always manage to make my day brighter.”

You could feel yourself begin to blush because Doyoung was never so forward when it came to expressing his thoughts, especially about you.

“These stars--,” Doyoung began to say before being interrupted by a peck on his cheek. Though it was dark outside, you could see his cheeks flush pink as he smiled and shyly put his hand to his cheek. You both smiled and grabbed each other’s hand and turned to face the night view once again.

“The stars are so beautiful,” Doyoung said. “Imagine if we saw a shooting star right now, what would you wish for?” he questioned.

“But if I told you, my wish wouldn’t come true!” you proclaimed.

“I’m just speaking hypothetically! I’m just curious about what you’d wish for,” Doyoung said as he pouted.

“If I’m going to be honest, I’m pretty happy with what I have in my life right now. I never expected that I’d be an assistant manager at the company I work at. I have friends and family that love and support me unconditionally. And most importantly, I have --”

“Me?” Doyoung interrupted.

“No, Ddongie,” you teased. Ddongie is the name of the pet bunny that Doyoung got you for your birthday. He told you that Ddongie would look over you whenever he was away.

Doyoung crossed his arms and rolled over so his back was facing you. “Hmph!”

“I’m kidding,” you said as you poked his back. “Of course, you’re the most important one in my life.”

You pulled yourself closer towards Doyoung and hugged him from behind. You snuggled your face into his back and rubbed your face into his soft shirt.

“You really do mean a lot to me,” you started, “I’m grateful for moments like this. Even if we’ve been dating for years now, you still make my heart do back flips every time I see you. I love seeing you smile on stage. I love seeing you happy doing what you love. I love how you make me feel like a better person.”

Doyoung’s wide smile returned and he turned over to face you. He pulled you closer in his arms and joked, “I didn’t realize you were so in love with me, I guess I just have that effect on the ladies.”

You cringed and tried to escape his grip, but that caused him to hold onto you even tighter. Doyoung peppered your face with little kisses making sure to not leave any part of your face unkissed.

“But hmm,” you began as you thought back to the question about shooting stars. “If I were to have one wish, I just want to remain this happy forever. I don’t mean this in a “I don’t want to ever be sad” kind of way, I just don’t remember a time when I felt so content with my life. You brought me so much happiness and I don’t ever want to lose you...” you whispered before choking up a bit.

“Don’t worry,” he said before beginning to sing, “Remember this moment, I will always be by your side. No matter what I’ll always be with you, fallin’ in love again.”

“Thank you for all of this,” you said gratefully once again.

“Anything for you,” Doyoung said shyly before giving you one more kiss on your lips.

#doyoung scenarios #nct scenarios #nct #kim doyoung #lmao quite a number of time jumps bc i suck at transitions!!!!

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saintkimora · 7 years

Text

well here is how my past 3-5 dates w joel have gone this past week

so! ive been spending the night w him p much every other night. so our 4th date was like 8 days ago. i got there and i THOUGHT we were gonna be in his room again but we were in his room for 2 seconds then he came in like “oh btw my roommates are making us go in the living room and be social” so i was like ..................................................rip i was like here i go its time for the caleb and leeann applebees date 2.0 :/ so we went in to the living room and it was with marissa and lindsey bc his other roommate was out. so everyone was like wtf are we gonna do so after some talking joel decided we would all watch the babadook on netflix since we were talking about the meme and most of us hadnt seen it. i hate scary movies but i figured i could get through it since i had joel to hold on to and since the babadook is like a meme now. so yeah it was fine i got along ok w the roommates and the movie wasnt that scary except for one part. there was one point where i felt like i was starting to shut down a little and i was feeling bad about possibly ruining things again but i asked joel afterwards and he didnt even notice lmao so i dont think it was as bad as i thought

lindsey went to bed halfway through the movie so it was just me joel and marissa by the end. after the movie marissa went into her room and joel and i went back to his room. idk if this next part happened at this point or if it happened on our next date bc its hard for me to keep the timeline straight since it all happens so fast lol so regardless of what day it was this was the next significant thing that happened w me and joel

so i was watching him play overwatch or something and his brother called him on the phone and they had a long conversation about joels financial situation while i was just sitting there lol. so afterwards joel put his head in my lap and explained all his problems to me about how hes so stressed out with money and stuff. and like obv i felt really bad for him bc that sucks. BUT i actually kinda liked it bc i liked how vulnerable and genuine he was being! it made me feel a lot closer to him. then we watched these olds 80s (?) game shows w his head still in my lap (one of them was like some knockoff of snatch game but w regular celebrities instead of drag queens omg) and he had the FUNNIEST commentary about all the old commercials and stuff lol i havent laughed that hard in a LONG time so it was really nice

and idk if this happened that night or the babadook night but i ate his ass again and once again it was a religious experience like his ass is SOOOOOOOO nice i still cant get over it lmao

so then fast forward to the next 2 days later and for whatever reason joel and i werent planning on meeting that night. but he texted me at like 2am telling me he was feeling kinda down about things and how he wished i was there w him rn so i decided to go visit him! and like he kept being like “i dont wanna bother you/i feel bad about always making you come all the way out here for me” and how he wasnt used to guys putting in so much effort and caring about him so much and like...it really wasnt that serious like it wasnt a hindrance to me at all bc i wanted to see him anyways lol but it did make me feel kinda bad for him bc like his old bfs must have been real flops for him to view me just doing decent bf things as like these grand gestures. i have more to say on this but it will be towards the end of the post

so yeah i showered and got there by like 3am. he set up his futon since it was bigger than his bed so we would have more room. and he talked to me about how stressed he was about money and medical school applications and how he felt kinda worthless so i listened to him and comforted him and all that stuff. then we watched the rpdr reunion together and it was SO much fun omg he was shook p much the whole time since it was so iconic. then we went to sleep since i had work in the morning

also like the night after that we were texting and i told him i was really tired and he was like but youre never tired and i was like ya but i had 2 full days of work and i barely got any sleep last night (which was bc i was awake w him until like 5am) and i realized afterwards that it was kinda mean of me to say it bc to me i was just explaining why i was tired but he was already feeling like a burden making me drive all the way there and comfort him so telling him how tired i was probably made him feel bad about asking me for comfort which is NOT how i want him to feel bc i want him to be able to request my help whenever he needs it. so i could tell he was kinda caught off guard by me saying it so i called him and apologized and we cleared it all up. anyways it was just nice to actually call him and discuss the issue and resolve it without any drama. and he said it meant a lot that i even called him to make sure he was feeling ok so it seems that at least i did something right

there was the next date which was pretty much the same as usual. this time i watched him play diablo 3. but this time we also fooled around and he made me cum and then i was trying to make him cum but i fell asleep bc i was so tired asfnkjashdasna i felt SOOOOOOOOO bad when i woke up that morning :( i apologized and he said it was fine and he was tired too but i still felt bad about it

so then last night/this morning was our most recent date. when i got there a friend of him/his roommates named chris was using his room bc he was playing overwatch so i had to hang out w joel marissa and lindsey in the living room. it was extremely nerve wracking and i was sweating like crazy but i tried to hide my nervousness and socialize. lindsey and marissa seem to like me esp bc i brought joel a gift that day (hes like obsessed w friends and i saw a friends t shirt when i was shopping that day so i got it for him lol) also lindsey is iconic bc she is so wacky shes always getting on the floor and doing weird poses and moves and stunts. and marissa is p funny so i like them both. but still having to talk to them was stressful even though theyre both really nice. lindsey walked into joels room later that night when he was laying down and i was sitting on top of him and said she wanted to join and then later when joel was in the kitchen she came in the doorway and asked if i could be her boyfriend asfjkafndsjnkajs now THIS is a cracked queen

so the rest of the night was nice! we watched like 3 drag race s5 eps on amazon video and we did lots of cuddling and stuff as usual. then we went to bed and we woke up and we fooled around and we BOTH came this time. it was difficult for me trying to get him to cum but i had to power through it bc i had to redeem myself after last time. then i watched him play overwatch and then i watched him play destiny. i really enjoyed it! like i was sitting there cuddling a cute guy and watching him play videogames w both of us shirtless like that is literally all i want and i finally have it!

so yeah! its going really well w joel at the moment. we get along really well and i like his sense of humor and its nice having someone w similar interests to mine! and i love playing w his hair and touching his nice soft belly and his thick thighs and playing w his beard. and i looooooooooooooooooooovvvveeeeeee his voice so much omg the way he says certain words is so cute and hes always making cute weird noises and its super endearing. and i LOVE love love being able to cuddle w someone until we both fall asleep and then waking up together! its so nice

he doesnt seem to be losing interest in me yet which is good. however this is the issue that i mentioned earlier that i would come back to. so hes constantly telling me about how hes not used to being w someone that puts in so much effort and treats him so well. so that got me thinking. like...obv he likes me at least a little but i have a feeling he might like me a lot more rn bc he isnt used to being treated so nicely. so like, after the initial novelty of being treated like this wears off im afraid he’ll realize he doesnt actually like me that much (like if it ends up being more of a he likes the way i make him feel more than he actually likes me as a person). so im kinda worried about that but im hoping it doesnt happen obv and that he continues to like me. and again. we’ve been in somewhat social situations together now since i had to talk to his 2 roommates but it really wasnt easy for me at all. and we still havent actually gone “out” and done something, like going out to eat or attending a function together or something. so i still have to wait and see how we’re able to interact in those situations before i can determine whether our relationship will work out. im also still too nervous to eat in front of him so whenever he asks if im hungry i lie and say no even though majority of the time i am actually really hungry :/ rip

so yeah thats p much it! its pretty nice atm, except for the issues i just mentioned. also last night joel told me that one of his hookup buddies was back in town the other day and texted him but he had to turn him down and tell him that he is with someone now (me) so that was nice to know! since he seems to view us as exclusive now. we still havent officially decided we are in a relationship but im really in no rush to do that since its only been like a week and a half so i want to continue getting to know him and stuff. i still do feel that he is gonna lose interest at some point but rn it seems that will be later rather than sooner so i am just trying to take it day by day. im also worried about greece since ill be gone for a month so it is very possible that he might meet someone else that he likes more during that time which would really suck. but im kinda just operating on the assumption that its what is gonna happen that way if it does happen i wont be too shocked and if it doesnt happen ill be pleasantly surprised

so yeah thats it, overall its going really well and im having a lot of fun with him! hopefully things continue on this path and we get even closer bc i really like him so far

#personal

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ohkimani · 7 years

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i try to be a good friend. i really do. im always running around all over the place for everyone doing what i can to make sure all of my friends are just fine but sometimes, like tonight at jessie’s birthday dinner, i was just so annoyed with......,,,,,myself. like it just seemed like i couldnt control myself for like two seconds. i was constantly talking and being flamboyant and just so out there and fucking obnoxious. i dont want to be that friend that’s making the most noise at the table anymore. i hate being the one who cracks a dark joke out of nowhere and everyone just gets super quiet and uncomfortable. i just wish i wasnt so.......,..much(??) i hate it. then why im not my loud obnoxious piece of shit self, everyone is like “what’s wrong why are you being such a bitch blah blah blah” and im like “okay yall literally give me side eyes or dont know how to react to my outlandish statements like all the time what’s wrong now that im not being ugly” you know? i just dont know who to be anymore and i dont know if it’s because i was around so many people i know again or if it’s because i really dont have any self control. i know i talk loud (when im not mumbling) because i have terrible hearing and cant really tell how loud im talking but i dont know if anyone else knows that or cares but either way that’s my fault. there were only 12 of us but now i see my social setting maximum capacity is probably like 7-8 people including myself. i just start trying too hard because im so overstimulated and excited about being around people i know. idk. it didnt make it any better that i thought i looked cute and then when jessie and i walked in, everyone talked about how much skinnier i looked but it’s jessie’s birthday you know? she spent hours going back and forth between her mirror and my room to pick the perfect outfit. i guess im just tired of being that annoying friend and no one ever tells me when im doing something annoying so im sitting there afraid to say anything because there’s a part of my body that’s like “shut the fuck up theyre tired of hearing about that. they’re tired of hearing from you. you’re tiresome. what the fuck are you even doing here.” maybe im falling back into that hole that i was in before but this always seems to follow some big gathering. i just get completely absorbed in all of the wrong i did that previous night and i isolate. like literally right now i dont think i want to go to class this week just because i dont want to see anyone and lose control over myself again because im literally like a fucking dog that sees you and ends up clawing your legs when they try to hop on you. i wish i just...had some sort of filter. like a friend of mine was passing around pictures of a transgender girl at our school and making everyone look at it and pick her apart. the one point in the night when i was serious was right then because that was fucking disgusting. so i told her how i thought what she was doing was wrong and that her gender or transition is no one’s business but her own. but she was just trying to justify herself by saying she has never been exposed to different types of people so she doesnt know how to handle it and what not but i just.....i couldnt deal with it,. then i could tell everyone else at the table felt awkward because i had said something but i was just as mad at them because they were the ones taking the phone from her to look at the pictures instead of refusing or knowing that what they were doing was wrong. so instead i look like the obnoxious SJW friend who always has to ruin everyone’s fun. that was exhausting and at that point i just proceeded to throw the rest of the night away. so i gulped down three more glasses of champagne and let myself go.....as usual. ive noticed myself depending on alcohol a lot more lately. not A LOT more but more than usual. i think it’s because ive found my taste in alcoholic beverages so i just continue to hunt after them like rosé and pink moscato and champagne. greta was talking about how i always drink her entire bottle by myself and as she was saying that, i was pouring myself more champagne. the thing is, im not even sure what im repressing so much now that i have to be some type of intoxicated every single night. it’s been at least 8 or 9 nights and i still havent passed on a drop of alcohol at least before bed. i mean when im with him, i just feel so outside of this world. like when we’re in my room and just being playful and he’s just being himself because im being myself, i dont feel all of the self-conscious and self aware things that go through my head like usual. of course i havent given him all of myself completely but i dont think i have to. i think we both have this unspoken understanding about our minds and emotions. we’re on the same level but he’s much better about smiling at everything meanwhile i contemplate the pleasure of death at least once a day.like fuck, i was sunbathing today and while greta was talking i was literally thinking about how i could kill myself without anyone finding me because im a little more than sure it woudlnt change anything. and i know everyone who says that just seems like theyre looking for attention and validation but it’s just like when mia asked me if there was anything stopping me from going through with it and i said ‘no’ then she asked if i cared about how my loved ones would feel and i finally looked up and made eye contact with her. i could tell she was already worried but when i said ‘why would i care if they cared if im already dead. i wont be able to feel or know anything.’ im still not sure what the point of this all is, honestly. i just tend to rant for hours now because i have no idea who would even care to hear me anymore besides medical professionals who are paid to listen to me. i dont want to be annoying. i just want to close off into a corner and never come out. i know i have to go to class tomorrow but i just already dont feel the strength in my soul to so much as look at another human being. it would be great to just not be seen for a few days honestly. of course i probably wouldnt be able to get away with that considering ‘tall and awkward’ has me on high alert and is down for what ever at any second. i wouldnt feel right just going missing like i usually do because now we have more of a connection than before. it’s also scaring me a lot now too because even as im laying here in bed, i can still smell him on my pillows. i tried to go back to sleep after he left today but i couldnt without his arm around me. that’s what scares me. depending on someone else for some sort of comfort or retreat. what happens when they leave? everyone leaves. i just know something is going to happen with him AGAIN that’s going to make me want to fling myself out of a window or something. then again, as they say, ‘third time’s the charm’. maybe time 3 around will be much better because it already feels better. my problem is feeling like im no longer allowed to say anything more than ‘hi” “bye” “oh really” im sorry” to people i see now simply because i dont want to inconvenience them and force them to be an open ear for me. he;s just too good to be true and losing someone like him at this point for me could be so fucking devastating. and i just mean if we ever ended up have to go back to square one as barely friends. i dont know if i could take that. i havent seen this boy since 10 AM and i feel like there is air blowing through my chest, you know? he’s just become such a great friend first and i know he feels it too. anyway time for me to stop being an annoying little fucking bitch cunt at this point im so tirred. dont read this.

#p #ck

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anything-advice-blog · 7 years

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Time sensitive* Part1/4 ive been going through a hard time recently. a few weeks ago my bf broke up with me out of no where, and my friends who were sort of friends with him while we were together have been chilling with him and posting pictures with him even though he was very rude to me, and it honestly seems like they are happy about it.

Part 2/4 Ive been feeling this way before all of that happened anyways though. i am just overall pretty unhappy. I have fully lost my appetite and only eat whats equivelent to one meal a day. i have dropped about 5lbs in just the past 3-4 weeks. Also, im consitantly tired and get more than 11-12 hours of sleep a day usually and never have a motivation to leave my bed.

Part 3/4 I was diognosed with a anixiety disorder about 3 years ago and since then have not had panic attacks since until now. i get them usually every 2-3 days which consists of me crying and my hands going fully numb and me feeling like i am crazy. i know im not suicidal, but i have also think about death and dying a lot lately too.

Part4/4 i dont want to worry my parents and dont know how to ask to go back to therapy, though i have asked to go to doctor becuase of my appetite loss and tiredness. i also dont want them to think i am like this becuase of a breakup, but i know this started a while before then. i basically just need help on what to do and understand whats wrong with me especially with finals coming up.-SS

4 Part submission_______________________________________________________

Hello love!

It seems you’ve beenthrough hell and back, and good on you for coping.

Let’s start with yourfriends and your ex-boyfriend. First of all, I would definitely try to talk tothem about it. They may not be fully aware of the emotional toll on youespecially with everything that is piling up on you. Try to set up a time whereyou and your friends can hang out and you can either wait until both partiesseemed relaxed and bring up the topic, or you can just start right off thatbat, so that they are aware of the situation. Tell them about how he was rudeand how you were hurt because they didn’t seem to support you by postingpictures with him. They may have unintentionally hurt you, but if you know theyare posting the photos with intention, it may be time to leave that friendshipand find a new group.

It’s ok to say “I don’tknow”. So many people in this world think they are expected to say yes or no insituations they have no idea to handle, and it’s the same for you. Give sometime for you and your body to recuperate from the impact of life. Find sometimefor yourself and learn to love your quirks and flaws again. Even if the worldis against you, there will always be people there to love you and admire you.So in order for you to find your confidence again, rediscover what it’s like tobe happy again. Take long walks if you need to clear your head, eat somethingyou really love, buy that really sick game or pair of shoes you’ve wanted for along time. Treat yourself. You deserve it.

As for eating, no onecan force you to eat if you really can’t. It was like that for me. So slowlylearn to enjoy food again. Try to take a small bites of something and inexchange, tell yourself that your body needs the nourishment and if you eatmore it’ll help you cope. Try to start with foods that are easy to chew and godown well, such as porridge or yogurt. If you really can’t, take more vitaminsand drink lots of water. As for sleep, if you oversleep, it actually makes youlethargic. Try to limit your sleeping to 7-8 hours to be at your optimal state.Find good ways to start the morning, such as a nice shower, making yourselflook different for each day for fun, and eating heathy to jumpstart a good day.

It’s not a good thing tohave thoughts of death of dying so try to keep yourself positive and busy.Instead of thinking at a negative side of the situation try to think on thepositive side. I’ll give you an example. If say, you find yourself thinkingabout how hurt you are about your friends, on the positive side of that, isthinking that you’ve now learned that it’s not a good feeling and you won’t dothat to someone else in the future or your future friends. By having negativesituations, you can learn through them and make you grow as a person. Try toconstantly move around and get fresh air if you feel an attack coming on. Try tocount backwards from 100 in groups of 13 (I know weird number but it’ll helpyou focus on numbers more than the situation at hand). Definitely try to talkabout this to a trusted friend, parent or professional because keeping this inwill only get harder.

Finally, please talk toa trusted professional. It could be a school counselor, or psychologist, andthere are free clinics that provide confidentiality forms to check if you haveany symptoms of depression or if your anxiety is recurring and in need ofprescription. Our home page also has a link that provides various hotlines,helplines and chat sites if you need anyone to talk to at any given moment.Please also remember that your parents wouldn’t want your to be unhappy inanything. If you tell them, yes it will worry them, but why is that bad? You’llhave 2 amazing people beside you and will support you throughout your crisis!Anything you need they’ll give and provide because you are their beloved son/daughterand being together is what’s most important. No one wants to see you upsetdarling, because you shouldn’t have to feel as if you’ve been backed to a corner. You always have the power of choice.

Sending you lots of loveand kisses,

~Ella ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

#SS #friends #submission #anon #anxiety #boyfriend #ex #relationships #friendships #hardships #ella #choice #eating habits #sleeping habits #urgent #time sensitive #anonymous #help #Anonymous

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ildivine · 3 years

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between watching a lot of youtubers, losing a lot of sleep, and playing a lot of the off-peak games, i feel my creativity blossoming in the abstract way that i strive for.

i at least have come to understand how my creativity is dulled, and what i need to get it going again. its difficult, getting older, and becoming more jaded, and depression in the back of my mind is a noisy buzzing that can only be quelled with alcohol or weed. ive been learning how to deal without the prior, but, mm.

i dreamt about gavin and i think about a lot of people in ways that i don’t get to often talk about. its not like i talk to my therapist about this kind of thing. i havent mentioned the system to any since the last one i trusted treated it like DID, and thats fine for systems that need it, but we don’t work that way, and we never have.

alternatively i do think about myself ... and my past lives, often. i feel my limbs more often and it blends with the dysphoria; its strange to think i get so envious of just being spiritually Aware. ingesting mushrooms is the most helpful thing to me, and i know i mute my own sixth sense with doubt.

ive isolated myself from others quite a bit, as ive been mean again. im learning to appreciate the time i spend with dean and connor, even if it is every day. i miss connor every time i wake up without zem next to me, especially after weekends when i really get used to it.

our one year is coming up in july and ze thought aloud to me about marriage and we gently brushed over it. ze said something along the lines of “well, i wanted to wait for a better opportunity...” which, understandable.

one day ill be able to afford nice things like real rings and wedding ceremonies, but the last week of cleaning up my room, and throwing a lot of things out, made me realize what focusing on survival really means. i told myself that in 2021 i would focus on letting go, and its still hard. letting go of friends, and loved ones, and things, old stuff, its all the same, i have such an emotional attachment that it gets tangled in my head and my emotions. connors told me constantly to buy necessities and i brushed em off ... so im glad a friend helped us make up for it.

its embarrassing and its frustrating to rely on my money for things that others dont see as necessary. alcohol quells my twitching but i do have an addiction to it cuz i simply like to drink til i cant anymore, n im still learning that boundary. weed, i cant really explain what it does for me, cuz it is unusual. simple things like helping my appetite and sleep, two major things i struggle with a lot, as well as giving me inspiration to get up in the mornings, or do anything at all. right now it is medical in new mexico and i have a PTSD diagnosis, and when i smoke, it quiets the voices in my head screaming at me about wanting to die. i dont know how common this is, but its one of the things i struggle with financially. to survive. even with all of my antidepressants and anxiety medications, mental illness still lingers, and i think the more i delve into new media as well as reflect on past lives and old memories, my brain is in a very strange place. but ive come to appreciate that it is strange, i am strange, and i have mental illness, and i probably wont ever be able to silence it. i can take out my desire to cut my own skin open by watching dissection videos, and then im also learning and absorbing new information along the way.

when im not absolutely drunk on a tank of heavy alcohol, i can focus. i appreciate that i lost the years of 2018-2020 mostly due to how much i was drinking, on top of a medication that was already terrible for my memory. but the other day i went through my mood charts over those years, where i wrote down how i was, and although i drank daily and felt guilty about it, my mood was generally stable.

unfortunately its very expensive and unhealthy, and the inevitable withdrawals make me worse off than i started with. my therapist considers me drinking as playing with fire, but ive learned how to consume responsibly; dean and i can stop after a six pack and itll put us to sleep, but ill always want another beer, even in the back of my mind. That slight buzz from the mimosa that Connor drank and melted into was likely most of the reason ze could actually start dozing off, and we were half craving another for fun and relaxation, but i thought “i probably wont be able to sleep tonight without another drink”.

and i was right, and i acknowledge that its a problem. so ive tried to find that sensation from other things like hops tea and carbonated water (ew, its still not good, honestly dsjfsdj) or kombuchas, because it triggers the same response in my brain without.. melting my organs. did u kno ur liver is FUCKING HUGE n its also the only organ that can heal itself?? the cells reconstruct differently than scar tissue usually binds together n i just think thats Neat.meme

jokes aside, i think its also why my liver is Fine despite the fact ive drank since i was 13 years old, minus the year of rehab sobriety. That was also my Only year of sobriety. Digging into my alcoholism ive done a lot of questioning as to why i rely on it, and i think it is a lot to do with being addicted to being drunk, and i think its also a lot to do with ‘wow, i can finally turn my brain off! the thing thats yelling at me all the time, feeling scared and sad,” but drinking is also essentially a boost of stress hormones, so when the endorphins wear off, u get sad or anxious all over again. ive come to learn that i only withdrawal or get hangovers if i drink more than, i guess the recommended amount by doctors. 3 glasses of wine will now do me in, dean can power thru anything regardless of what hes drinking, but it does affect the health in ways i cant ignore.

i enjoy drugs, i think is the bottom line. i look up how to get a hold of psychedelic mushrooms cuz u can just get em in the mail if ur in a country where its decriminalized (hint: we’re not) n immediately the results are between getting help for addiction or how magic mushrooms help depression in low doses.

i really have a theme here. im still mad that my parents induced my reliance on all these substances and i know i would be a lot better off if i didnt drink til i was 21 or never smoked cigarettes, and i accept im always gonna crave these things regardless, but i only feel creative when i drink or smoke, and thats another problem with addicts because u fry ur neurons hard enough it all dies down. ive appreciated watching videos and playing games when i am in the comatose, apathetic stage of depression like i have been in recently, where i cant force myself to do anything and even fronting someone else to do it takes energy that quickly dies down.

my energy has died quickly since i went vegan, as my nails have chipped since, so im experimenting with my diet. my taste pallet cant handle dairy anymore, and connor was only here to try it, and i think we all discovered we just... dont wanna do that. but eating fish again helped my energy and brought a glow back to my skin. too much, however, still gives me the greasy meat sweats, so... a lil bit of everything seems to be whats right.

i still crash a lot, but i think thats just a side effect of being 28 in this generation and feeling 68 instead.

anyway, now that my room is FINALLY clean and looking nice, i want to try to do art again. i miss art. i miss thinking in images, i miss my imagination, i miss roleplaying and writing and drawing and arting. conny wanted to paint too but was absolutely too tired on sunday lol n i respect that so maybe tonight we can get something together.

but its been nice to feel something in my brain stirring again that isnt just the gross black buzz of mental illness constantly telling me to die. i get used to it, i guess. i forget its not supposed to happen because i have survived it for so long. im on the max dose of antidepressants and medicine i can take and i still feel really bad sometimes, but i didnt realize it until other people brought it up. stress definitely kicks me into my big bipolar mood swings, but i havent shaken off the depression in months. im not sure what to do so im trying to expand my horizons.

#>>.txt #drugs text #i GUESS #i dont rly consider them drugs but i understand they can b used recreationally...#and often are #but i think of it like taking advantage of benzos #theres no real need for neurotypicals i guess

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carriemanton-blog · 6 years

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alisa mpl studios - 10 Ways Mpl Studios Amelie Can Drive You Bankrupt - Fast!

This is my first story; there are more to come if there is any interest. This story begins during my sophomore year of college. I attended a community college while living at home during my freshman year, but moved into the dorms of a local university during my sophomore year. I had been dating Casey for about a year at this point and she was about to move into a new apartment with a high school friend, Alex. I was a year older than both girls. I had taken a year off between high school and college, so I was 20 and both girls were 19. Casey was a brunette with brown eyes, about 55" and a little on the curvy side, very cute with large C/small D cup boobs. She was a lot of fun, but could be very hot-tempered, which we shall see later in the story. Casey was attending cosmetology school, which started a bit later than my college courses. Alex was blonde haired, blue-eyed and tan, about 57" and athletic. She was your typical hot college age girl, a little full of herself but for good reason. She had a great body and large B to small C cup medium breasts. Alex decided to quit school after a year of college and was waiting tables at an upscale restaurant. After getting myself moved into my dorm, I volunteered to help Casey move in. We took a day and made about a dozen trips from her house to the apartment, then spent some time shopping to outfit her new place. This was her first apartment so she was missing essentials like cookware, trash cans, shower curtains, and all of the other little household items that you dont think about until you get your own place. It was a bi-level apartment, with the downstairs consisting of the kitchen, living room, and a small bathroom, with two bedrooms and a larger bathroom upstairs. We were both exhausted by the end of the day, but I had a reading assignment due so was reading Platos Republic while Casey slept. Alex had been working a night shift and I heard the door open around 2 A.M. Her parents had dropped off some furniture while Casey and I were moving in, so the only thing Alex brought with her was an armful of clothes. I was sitting in a chair in Caseys bedroom with the door cracked open and had a view of the hallway and the entryway to Alexs bedroom. Alex, believing us both to be sleeping, said quietly, "Okay, if you dont want to see my pussy, look away." She proceeded to strip out of her work uniform right in the entryway of her bedroom, where a mirror was fortuitously placed, giving me a great view of both the front and the back. Her work uniform consisted of a white dress shirt and black pants. She unbuttoned the shirt and let it fall to the ground, revealing a black bra which quickly followed the shirt. She was more attractive than I had realized before, and I had always found her to be sexy. She was tan all over and fit, with perky boobs that had small brown nipples. Her stomach was taut and she looked tight all over, a nice contrast to Caseys curves. She unbuttoned her pants, revealing that she had not been wearing any underwear while at work. They soon joined the shirt and bra on the floor, unveiling a neatly trimmed landing strip and a tight ass. By this point, I was rock hard. Plato was forgotten and I was torn between ogling Alex and making sure that Casey stayed asleep. I didnt want to be caught checking out my girlfriends roommate naked on my first night there. Luckily, Casey was dead to the world and I quietly started stroking myself through my gym shorts while getting an eyeful of Alex. I realize now that Alex must have known that I was still awake somehow. At the time I thought I had just gotten lucky to see her naked, but after undressing, she began to check herself out in the mirror, cupping her boobs and turning from side to side to get a good view from all angles. Satisfied, she gave her reflection a smile and got into bed, without putting any pajamas on. I quietly finished stroking one out and finally got some sleep. I returned to school the next day, feeling both guilty and excited about spying on Alex the night before. Casey was my first girlfriend, aside from some short flings in high school. Ive always been a bit introverted and finding and maintaining relationships has never been a strong suit. With Casey, everything seemed to come easier than it had with other girls, so I had no thought of cheating on her or otherwise endangering our relationship. With that being said, I was 20 and constantly horny. Over the next few weeks, I began to spend more and more time at Casey and Alexs apartment. Eventually, I was there more than I was at my dorm. Most of my time there was spent with Casey, playing video games, watching movies, and, of course, having sex whenever Alex wasnt around. Casey and Alexs schedules were pretty different, with Casey having class during the day each weekday and Alex primarily working night shifts at the restaurant. I had organized my class schedule so that I didnt have class on Wednesday or Friday with only one class on Monday. We all hung out together occasionally, sometimes drinking when we could get beer, which wasnt very often with all of us under legal age. Alex almost never wore a bra when she was at home, her perky nipples nearly always visible, which bothered Casey a little bit. I did my best to be medium breasts a loyal boyfriend, but would definitely find myself staring. Alex also never wore panties of any kind, a habit which Casey adopted. They both would wear short shorts around the house and I caught glimpses of both of their pussies on more than one occasion. Casey always kept hers shaved smooth, but Alex maintained that little landing strip. Again, the contrasts between the two intrigued me. One activity that Casey and I took up during this time was renting porn movies and teasing each other while watching. Casey was terrified that Alex would walk in while my face was buried in her crotch or vice versa. Of course, this is exactly what happened one night. Casey was giving me head on the couch while I was watching a threesome on screen and we heard Alexs key in the door. Casey panicked, swore, and hurriedly covered up my cock with a blanket. Alex walked in, saying hi from the other room, and then entered the living room and saw what was on the screen. She turned to look at us and said, "Well, this looks like fun. Ill be right back." While she ran upstairs, Casey asked wondered what we should do and I didnt have an answer for her. Before we could decide on a plan, Alex came back downstairs in her customary tank top sans bra and a tiny pair of white shorts that left little to the imagination. She laid down on her stomach, in front of us so that she could watch the movie and we could see her, but she couldnt see us. She looked back, smiled, and said, "Carry on!" Casey looked at me. I shrugged, not thinking very straight after having my blowjob interrupted. Casey thought for a second, then pulled the blanket that had not been concealing my bulge very well over her head. Soon, the blowjob resumed. I didnt know where to look. There was a mouth on my cock, covered by a blanket that bobbed up and down. There was a threesome on the TV. And there was an incredibly hot girl wearing next to nothing lying in front of me. My lust overcame my senses and I focused on Alexs ass and pussy mound, not very well concealed by the skin tight shorts. Casey was starting to make some slurping sounds, which caused me to moan. Then I saw that the view of Alex had changed slightly. Her hand had somehow fit into the skin tight shorts. She seemed to be rubbing her clit, at first slowly and softly. My cock was harder than it had ever been. As Casey made more dick gobbling noises, I became more vocal, which seemed to cause Alexs shorts to become increasingly moist, until they were practically transparent. Alexs slow and soft clit rubbing transitioned to faster and more insistent motions, until she began grinding her clit into her hand. Suddenly, she stopped the humping motion, her legs shook, and she let out a very quiet squeal. I had just watched Alex have an orgasm while getting blown by Casey and it was amazing. Casey could tell that I was getting close and slowed down. When we watched porn together, she usually took me right to the edge without going over before wed switch and Id eat her out until she came. Wed repeat this process until the movie finished or we couldnt take it anymore, usually the latter, before taking the party to the bedroom. I wasnt sure what was going to happen next now that Alex was here. Casey talia mplstudios was a bit self-conscious around Alex, so I didnt know if she would feel comfortable having me go down on her with Alex in the room. Fortunately, Alex solved the problem for us. "Im tired. You guys have a good night!" She just about winked as she said it and headed back to her room. Casey, now out from under the blanket, smiled at me mischieviously and said, "Lets go upstairs." I noticed that Alexs door was cracked open as we headed to the bedroom. We hurriedly stripped our few remaining articles of clothing off and Casey pushed me onto the bed. I was still rock hard and she straddled me, guided me into her pussy, and slowly sank down onto me. It didnt take long for her to pick up the pace. Casey was louder than usual as she slammed herself onto me. My hands found my way to her amazing tits, lightly twisting and pinching her nipples. My mouth replaced my hands, tongue flicking against her nipples, causing her to moan ever louder. Very swiftly, Casey yelled out, "Holy fuck, Im coming, Im fucking coming." Her vagina squeezed around me as her movements slowed and her legs quivered. When she came down, I slipped out from under her and pushed her down so I could enter her from behind. I slowly filled her up before pulling out and repeating the process, gradually building up speed. At the apex of each thrust, Casey moaned. When the slow, hard fucking became hard, fast fucking, her hand found her way to her clit, making her even louder. I was getting close, but before I could finish, her pussy gripped me again and she nearly yelled out, "Holy fuck, your dick is so big, fuck!" That did the trick and I pulled out and sprayed one of the biggest loads Ive ever had all over her ass, back, and even into her hair. Though I was definitely not complaining, I was a bit curious about why Casey had been so vocal. She usually wasnt that loud in bed. My answer came shortly as we both heard muffled moaning coming from Alexs room. Casey grinned at me. "That did the trick." Shed been putting on a show for her friend and it sounded like it worked. Life continued after that night. I turned 21 and more often than not, we now had beer or booze around. I continued to be the loyal boyfriend while enjoying eyefuls of Alex and was practically living in their apartment at this point. As I mentioned, Casey had a temper and was a little insecure around Alex. On one particular drunken night, we were taking turns playing video games. At one point, Casey asked me to follow her into the kitchen. She whispered to me, "Im getting so horny." She then pulled my dick out of her shorts, dropped to her knees, and started blowing me right in the middle of the kitchen. This lasted for a couple of minutes before Alex called out, "Casey, its your turn." Casey got up, smiled, and left me to put my dick away. As I walked back into the living room, Alex glanced at my shorts. Theres no way she could have not seen my bulge. "What were you guys doing?" She asked innocently. I, being drunk, replied, "Casey was blowing me." Casey smacked me playfully and giggled. Alex looked at us. "Thats so hot." She picked up her beer bottle. "Did she do it like this?" She proceeded to give the best blowjob ever given to a bottle of Killians. She tongued around the lip of the bottle, licked down to the label, swirled her tongue around the sides of the neck, and inserted it into her mouth. Her lips and tongue formed a seal and she bobbed down until the label of the bottle reached her mouth, then backed it out and repeated the process a few times, before extracting the bottle from her mouth with an audible pop. My dick, already hard from Caseys ministrations, strained against my shorts. Alex was staring at my crotch and I was staring at Alexs mouth. Neither of us was paying attention to Casey, who had stopped playing the video game when Alex began her demonstration. "Fuck both of you guys," Casey said, her voice low and dangerous. "Fuck you, were done," she said, looking at me. "Alex, youre such a bitch." Shocked at how quickly this fun night had turned into mpl galleries a shit storm, I followed Casey up to her room. "Whats wrong? What did I do?" She glared at me. "I know you think Alex is hot. Im tired of watching you stare at her. I just had my mouth on your dick, but you couldnt look away from her for five seconds. Fuck you, were done, fuck you." Casey threw on some clothes, grabbed her purse and keys, and stormed out, yelling something about staying with her parents if anyone gave a shit. I went back downstairs, not sure what to do. I was too drunk to drive back to school. Alex was no longer on the couch; she must have snuck into her room while Casey was yelling at me. Frustrated, I grabbed another beer, sat down on the couch, and started playing the video game again. A short while later, Alex came back downstairs. She was wearing the same tight, white shorts that she had worn while fingering herself while we were watching the porno and a light blue tank top, complete with highbeam studio nudes headlights. She sat down on the other side of the couch. I asked her if she wanted to play and she said sure. I passed her the controller and she let her fingertips slide up my hand and forearm while grabbing it from me. She began playing, but spread her legs wide while doing so. The shorts were so tight that her labia were clearly outlined against the thin fabric. Here was my dilemma. It was clear that Alex was into me and wanted something to happen. I could fool around with this girl who I had been eyefucking for months at this point or I could try to call Casey, the girl Id been dating for nearly a year and a half, and try to work things out. Sober, I like to think that I would have made the smart decision and tried to work with Casey. Drunk and horny, I let the little head do the thinking. I moved closer to her and rested my hand on her bare leg, then started slowly moving it higher and higher. I swear, I watched her pussy get wet enough to dampen the tiny white shorts. I slipped a finger under them, teasing the delicate skin between her pussy and her thigh. She dropped the controller. My other hand grabbed her neck and pulled her face to mine. Our lips met, then our tongues. She was lightly moaning as my fingers danced around her pussy without touching it. I pulled my hand out of her shorts and lifted her tank top off, letting her perky boobs spring free. My hands cupped them as we continued to make out, my fingertips gently flitting over her nipples. I pushed her back so she was reclining against the side of the couch and hooked my fingers into those white shorts, my tongue moving from her neck to her nipples and then down her flat stomach. I could smell her pussy and needed to taste it. I pulled the shorts off and kissed around her pussy, letting my tongue flick over the outside of her labia. Finally, I slowly licked her from the bottom to top, then top to bottom, then bottom to top one more time before letting my tongue flick over her clit. She moaned. She was dripping wet. Her juices coated her pussy lips, her clit, and even the tops of her thighs. I continued flicking her clit with my tongue, occasionally travelling lower to taste her pussy before returning to her clit. I moved my finger to her hole and slid just the tip in, slowly circling, before sliding it all the way in. My finger continued to slowly fuck her while my mouth and tongue worshipped her clit. Then I inserted another finger into her while my mouth formed a tight seal around her clit and my tongue flicked across it. She grabbed my hair, pushed herself into me, and had a huge, shuddering orgasm. She pushed me up, made me lay back, and crouched between my legs. She just sat there, looking at my manhood, before quietly saying, "You have a really nice dick." I smiled, and she gently pulled her fingernails across the bottom of my cock. Her fingers circled around the head and she began lightly twisting, just barely touching. It was an amazing sensation, something that Casey had never done before. Her hand began working its way down my shaft and back up, just lightly touching and turning in a circular motion instead of the up and down that I was used to. Her touch became more insistent and she suddenly bent down and slipped just the head into her mouth, her tongue swirling around while her hand pumped my shaft. She then took her hand off me, popped the head out and licked up and down my shaft, lubricating it with her saliva, before returning to my head. She looked up at me, somehow managed to smile with my cock in her mouth, and then formed a tight seal around my cock with her tongue and lips before beginning to bob. Alex was much more experienced than Casey at giving head. She took me deeper than Casey ever had, held me in her throat, and then bobbed back up. She would alternate between swallowing my dick and using her tongue to lick my shaft and around my head. Then she moved even lower and began to flick her tongue over my balls. It felt amazing and to this day is one of the most memorable blowjobs Ive ever received. Sober, I would have come very quickly, but alcohol makes men into champions. Eventually, though, I stopped her. "Im going to come if you keep that up." "But you havent even fucked me yet!" She was being playful, but finished up by lightly kissing my balls and my dick all over. I sat up, pushed her back, and returned my fingers to her pussy. It was still soaking wet. I moved my cock into position and soaked it in her pussy juices while grinding it against her clit, then lowered and positioned it against her slit. I slowly pushed into her, savoring the intense feeling of her warm and wet pussy engulfing my dick. I slid all the way into her and she moaned, grabbing my shoulders. I began slowly pumping, pulling nearly all the way it before filling her up again. She loved it. I increased the pace and bent so that I could flick my tongue across her nipple while pounding her. This drove her crazy and she finished quickly, squeezing my cock with her pussy. I repositioned without leaving her tightness so that I could fill her up and then grind against her clit while she was stuffed full of me. I started slowly again before increasing the tempo. It wasnt long before her vagina squeezed me again and she had another intense orgasm. Then I had her roll over so I could enter her from behind. That ass pointed up in the air and her slick pussy was a sight to behold. I pushed into her and she grabbed the arm of the couch. There was no slow build up this time. I just pounded her hard and fast, feeling her ass push back into me. It wasnt long before I was ready to finish. "Im going to come. Do you want me to pull out?" I managed to gasp out between thrusts. "No, fill me up." This was too much to handle and I slammed into her and felt her pussy squeeze me as I shot my load deep into her. It seemed to last forever. Finally satisfied, I pulled out and sat back down. "Fuck, that was amazing," I said after catching my breath. "Thank you, I needed that," was Caseys reply. She left to clean up while I didnt move, exhausted. She came back out, still naked, and asked, "Would you like to sleep in my bed tonight?" I said yes and followed her upstairs. We slept naked, her firm body pushed against mine. When I woke up, she was gone. She left a note that said, "Had fun last night. Got called into work. Thanks!" Id like to say that Alex and I continued to fuck each other at every opportunity, or that Alex, mpl studio updates Casey, and I had dozens of threesomes together. Unfortunately, thats not what ended up happening. Casey called me later and apologized. We made up and got back together. I never mentioned my night with Alex to her and Alex must not have either. After that night, Alex was around the apartment far less often and I didnt see much of her. At the end of their lease, they both decided to move out and ended up going separate ways. Casey and I stayed together for a few more months, but we eventually broke up. Thank you for reading my first story. If you have any questions, comments, or constructive criticism, please feel free to leave a comment or send a PM. If it is well received, I may have more in the futur

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