#cvldbones

[natashatrace]

dec 18 2022 - reposting an old diary entry and feeling 🙃 about the cycle of it all

//

So mentally exhausted lately and just a little. Cracked open inside, and it’s like when a cut on your arm weeps, you know? When it’s deep and your body is trying to heal it and trying to do exactly what it’s programmed to do, what it’s made to do —

see? see how I’m taking care of this? fighting off an outside infection, creating a barrier since the outermost one i made is broken? I’m a temple and I’m holding your soul and I can protect you. Isn’t that marvelous? Do you see it? Do you see how beautiful and holy I am, able to house your very essence between my cells?

— but this cut is deeper. It’s a crack in my soul, I think, and I just. I don’t think our souls heal the way our bodies do. I can feel anguish and depression and beauty and pain and joy and longing all at once, but this crack doesn’t create a barrier to protect me. Things penetrate deeply. Others’ emotions grip my heart more firmly than they should. My own thoughts, good or bad, pour out from this fractured part of my soul and I don’t know what to do to heal it.

The cut on my arm heals and new skin replaces it and maybe there’s a scar, but sometimes there isn’t. But my soul — nothing new replaces it, right? We only have one soul. And it just feels like it’s always going to be open. Splintered around the ache of being alive.

It weeps.

It always weeps.

heartsoulbody ache.

— l.jaimes

#liv tag #mywriting #spilled ink #creative writing #cycle #tumblr poetry #cvldbones #reiverreturns

[inkmagician]

dream the bodies warm again. no one could forget that they have to end somewhere we kissed to pieces. look we will ruin us.

— arlen c. + books | blackout poem from richard siken’s “scheherazade”

#richard siken #spilled ink #poetry #okayodysseus #asteriea #mavencalore #metahemeralist #userlindseymorgan #softstained #cvldbones #dawnisgone #asteriaria #x

[moshfeghpilled]

chinatown tonight’s gonna set something on fire, and for once I pray it’s not me. i take my shoes off in the temple and pray it’s not me. this is how we bring in the lunar new year, through the back door. wet nose blackened by a gong-sounded midnight twitching at the smell of salivating switchblades, and mother-wary saying “get inside, get inside.“ Chinese violins and cement beneath our aegean bones weighing the odds between cracking open and just telling the truth. and do you know the difference? are you seeing this shit? the dragons are dancing above us, setting fire to our parking tickets. can you smell the earthly worries and the city steamed cha siu bao? all burning our tongues. the slow motion meteor showers from beneath your bangs. the pine trees bend for you in ways you’d never ask them to, and yet, and yet. i saw a spirit walking last night, bandaging stray dogs. she chewed her bubble gum like it was 2004, scratched them when the fleas bit because they needed not because they asked. we wait for our change at the dim sum, and I pull you away from the after dark poker table because you’re young like clay, and i don’t want you getting any ideas about what it means to be a girl in red with slang on your hips and chinese firecrackers at your ankles. always having to run away from your own footsteps. so i pull you away and we watch the lobster tank with your eyes wide like lily pads under a blue moon. the christian saints won’t ever touch me like that. we’re cheap. we save the bacon grease. our altar is made of plastic. buddha and guan yin cry rice water while mom curses her burning shrimp, year of the chicken? are you fucking kidding me? it will run in circles even after you cut off its head.  here is how we pay for the crimes dug under snake burrows. a buried hatchet marked in rabbit bones better suited for witches rites. you always need something from the dead, whether you are digging them up, or aching up a storm on their doorstep. here is how we pay for the Chinese takeout: all American in the wild, taking back what is not mine behind a gun cocked jaw, moony agitation pressed with dog panting palms into virgin wrists, and family jewels. the lazy Susan freckled with pot. and no eye contact, because I am shy. i shut the door and say thank you, have a nice day! but we move like we have no homes, the last descendants of bruised cicadas and lost lotus flowers, searching for family in that black lake asphyxiating on sewer sludge some people call massachusetts. this is how we bring in the lunar new year. shy eyes at the sky, like you are peaking for a sign.

3. woah wait ur Asian? u don’t look like it tho lmao

#writing

[tim-lucy]

cvldbones replied to your post: hey there. do you happen to know how theo knows...

just realized that “lmao” sounded antagonistic rly just was “lmao"ing @ jeff davis’ trash ass i am so sorry for my awkwardness

omg haha NO IM THE SAME WAY im always afraid of sounding antagonistic IM ALSO AWKWARD. but OHHHH now that you mention it i vaguely remember him saying something about that, thank you! i had a feeling i might have just zoned out because scott or lydia wasnt on the screen LOL :D

#cvldbones #replies

[zendayascoleman]

i’m pretty happy to see 2017 go, but i can’t pretend this year didn’t bring me a lot of awesome things. so a follow forever seemed in order!

to my group chat, my kappa kappa survivor fam: i love you guys so much even when i want to reach through the phone and punch you. i’m so glad one shitty situation brought us together. ilysm @tomsholland, @joekeerys, and @glenn-rhee.

mutuals, favorites bolded:

@syeun, @forbescaroline, @janeivess, @sinclair-lucas, @brooke-davis, @ginarodrigucz, @wnonaryder, @isabellelightwoodz, @crystalreeds, @piper-halliwell, @monikageller, @clarke-griffin, @rosemciver, @jacobsperalta, @amyjacob, @heterokatedison, @tylerposey, @mijajoo, @bubblejuice, @morganapendragon, @amayajiwe, @elektranatchyos, @jenniferjareau, @peteraprker, @aisha-dee, @blaisezabini, @santiagosamy, @jeans-ralphio, @holtraymond, @nadineschloe, @magejane, @amysxntiago, @marianosrory, @clarysfray, @catirinaloss, @janesloans, @ajasnaomikings, @richiecamacho, @grantsass, @bluearrow126, @kuntxmalik, @weytani, @canaries, @nicxminorus, @milemorales, @gaykoriandrs, @kimstaeyon, @okano-lyrica, @avasaras, @hannahbaker, @elizabeth-stonem, @ravenclarke, @hanssolo, @samstevesharon, @cvldbones, @kingweasleys, @detmeter, @ginevraspotter @inabroomcloset, @waverlyearps, @cupcakesandtv, @wsetallen, @wvntersoldiers, @willsdarcy, @hamltt, @johmurphy, @bleachrs, @rey-skywalker, @owehimnothin, @gretch-cutler, @anddreil, @nikkiswango

i hope y’all have a wonderful 2018!!

#sierra's follow forever #posts this super late at night

[marauders-groupie]

Hi Lana! If you had any poetry recs about love and romance or just Amy recs at all? ❤️❤️❤️😊

I do, thanks for asking!

Warsan Shire basically owns my heart in its entirety, but here are the ones about love that I like the most: For Women Who are Difficult to Love // this gorgeous thing // Every mouth you’ve ever kissed was just practice 

Colleen @chickadeeburns: Love Letters to Burn (favorites: i., ii., iii., iv.) 

Tierney @tuathxde​: i’m not good at sexting, but i’m good with you / the prequel 

Past Lives by Angelea L. @wildfairy

Alexandria by @inkypetals

seven a.m. saudade by Arlen C. @inkmagician

mending a broken heart using magic by @violiadavis

31/08 by @n3weyed-wilderness

we do not have one beginning to our story  by @cvldbones

Someone asked me what home was by E. E. Cummings

Mountain Dew Ad Disguised as a Love Poem by Matthew Olzmann

School Night by Ani DiFranco

I loved you head over handles by Sierra DeMulder

#hope you'll like them! #poetry recommendations #poetry #book recs #asks #Hannah

[fuckyeahstydia]

🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊

yo jsut this once i’m gonna rec someone for each of those

lol idk who to rec bc y’all probably follow most of my faves already. idk i’m just doing random people

@cvldbones @lucyprestone @lydias-martin @wellsjahasghost @lydiastxles @redstringbanshee

#blog recs #Anonymous

[mcrmaidlesbian]

" "I'm from Saturn", she tells you. You sit back and put your hand to your face as you smile, while she tells you of her fictional outer space adventures. Little do you know how she keeps floating around, impervious to our gravity, taking days to try to figure out how she can land her feet on the ground, and when she does, to try to stand still; trying to cover up how every step she takes feels heavy. Using her humor to drown that weightless feeling. Little do you know how she shares the galaxies of her mind to the people that twinkle her eye, but leaves the black holes in her heart behind." - saturn girl | j.h.

#illuminosity #cvldbones #mavencalore #lostcap #okayodysseus #aphroditce #ninazaenik #nehmesis #katewisnlet #ibuzoo #prcserpina #spookyjosten #regulusblxcks #asteriea #ghostielily #diprimas #khazbrekker #dawncourt #hey goghes #latteclouds #writing #prose #poetry #spilled thoughts

[arteomis]

i don’t know what love is, she whispers, i don’t think i ever knew. i always thought love would feel like fireworks …until i met you. and i won’t call this love yet, but it’s not fireworks, and it's not a flame. but it does make me feel soft and warm and i'm hoping, someday, to give it a name.

firsts. m.g.

#poetry #tumblr poetry #illuminosity #marauders-groupie #cvldbones #hepahestus #histia #(hope it's okay i tagged u guys) #sapphic #my poetry #the first poem i've posted in a while so be kind <3

[inkmagician]

i know how you kissed her last night / eyes open and mouth closed / hands like doves fluttering at her shoulders, never holding / still // i know how you looked over her head / for something already gone / pretended her warmth beneath your fingertips / was me instead // i know you better than that / oh she's the sun, something you can only see / out of your periphery / something you can only touch / in pieces and never in wholes // i know you in continents / maybe her light can paint you gold / but i held your trembling hands in the dark / and your doves found a roost in me

— come home | arlen c. | my books

#spilled ink #poetry #okayodysseus #persrephone #asteriea #softstained #metahemeralist #userlindseymorgan #asteriaria #dawnisgone #aeryastark #cvldbones #x

[zendayascoleman]

tagged by @henryjones aka my fav mutual

• relationship status: aggressively and willingly single

• last song you listened to: ghost by ellie drennan

• last book you read: this really crappy book about a girl who gets amnesia i don’t even remember the title but i hated it

• favorite color: pink!!!!

• top 3 shows:  at the moment, probably superstore, sweet/vicious, and the good place????? sure!!!

• top 3 characters: lmao magnus bane, kira yukimura, and wes gibbins

• top 3 ships: fffff... naley, malec, hinny???? sure!!!!! again!!!!!

tagging my newest mutuals @jacesbi @shumstafa @spacechirrut @cvldbones do it if ya want don’t if ya don’t i just look for any reason to talk about myself

#about me #prev. ginevrawcasley #about

[kay-emm-gee]

cvldbones replied to your post:So for the first time in two years, I wrote some...

YES GO U KAYLA U ROCK

<3 <3 <3 I’m like so giddy about this - it feels so good to get my hands dirty with my own characters and such again :)

#cvldbones #replies

[bmorley]

What it's like when you're not loved back? Getting stabbed in the chest repeatedly, smiling through bloody lips and hiding  bitter tears,  a litany of thank you's falling like honey and turning to dust.

and the worst part is when the mirror cracks where your heart used to be, (m.p.)

#poetry #spilled ink #antebellamy #cvldbones #lushatrocity #idk what this is #but i was in a mood #M tries poetry