#especially in mobile games where they often just... vanish like this one will

[hpowellsmith]

I was already having a rough day. And this is really sad.

Working on Love Island the Game wasn't always easy in a variety of ways, especially at the end, but even after most of us were laid off amid dramatic circumstances, more than two years ago now, it was nice knowing that some people enjoyed our work that was still out there.

The Season 3 episodes and scenes, and the ones I edited, were my first experiences in a game studio team (shoutout to the scenes with Tai, Rafi, and Lily that were the first pieces of writing I did on the game!). I learned so much from that, from The Wedding, Chelsea's Murder Mystery and The Boat Party, from all the prototypes and ideation that never went anywhere (that wonderful Regency-era Noah art... sigh...), from how the characters and storylines came together for Season 4 aka Bombshell (I loved coming up with the original concepts for Bruno, and Oliver, and Juliet, and Lexi, and Tiffany, and Valentina, and Kobi, and Hazeem: absolute joys to write and to see other writers bringing them extra sparks of life, and to do the same with helping bring other writers' concepts to life, and to start doing all sorts of exciting senior role stuff). It was very sad and stressful when it turned out that we couldn't be there to complete Season 4 in as polished a way as all of us wanted.

I'm still friends with many of the people I worked with on Love Island the Game and our other projects, and the things that didn't end up going out there, and I've worked with some of them since which was an absolute pleasure. I saw a lot of them earlier this month, and chatted with one on a video call just this morning. The way it ended for us was very painful, but a lot of it up to that point was so much fun.

There will still be some of the work I did for Love Island the Game out there in Season 4/Bombshell and Matchmaker. But what a shame that a huge chunk of the work we all did, and the work before my time that got the studio its audience in the first place, turns out to be so ephemeral.

Thank you to all the people who played and enjoyed the work we made.

#love island the game #litg #fusebox games #archiving is such a problem in games #especially in mobile games where they often just... vanish like this one will #I wanted to add some of the gorgeous cutscene art from the sunset view of the boat party but I'm not sure if I even have a copy of it. so. #love island

[bheunjoo]

well well well! i finally live!! i'm yiska (she/her) and this is my antisocial problem child, eunjoo. her stats and bio are available on her page but will also be linked further below!! i need to make a fancy smancy connections page but in the mean time i'm going to just throw some broad plots and info about miss ma'am and we can brainstorm and go from there? i hope? haha. i have discord upon request, especially since tumblr ims seem to suck so much. anyway, without further ado, under the cut!!

sᴛᴀᴛs / ʙɪᴏ / ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ ᴄᴏɴɴᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴs

what can one say about eunjoo? she's a bit aloof and distant and can seem like a bitch and that's because...well she kind of is? can you even blame her? her parents and older family all treated her like a pariah and secret to be kept hidden away at the back of the estate and there aren't even plans to marry her off because who would even want her according to them??

in terms of her illness it's a bit made up and a hodgepodge of symptoms i pulled from different illnesses. a little bit of tuberculosis that has her always pale, frail, a lack of appetite, a persistent cough after exertion, fevers and bouts of flare ups that become worse and cause her to vanish for weeks at a time, especially when younger. but also muscle and joint pain and a limp that was caused by having her leg cut open because muscles atrophied and contracted and had to be cut away so she could regain mobility. the limp is noticeable and she always has her cane present when walking the grounds. at official events or for things more political and to show power, she'll often have a lady in waiting or someone to lean on as her parents don't like her cane or people seeing her use it.

like i said, she's a bit antisocial but it wasn't by choice. her parents had her shut in the back and all she had was books and siblings so she doesn't have great people skills and can seem blunt, direct, or even rude. she's doing her best, please help her. tell her people don't enjoy being spoken to in that fashion, especially since she obviously didn't learn kindness from her parents.

now that she's twenty five, she's got it in her head that it's time to do something, probably a dumb idea she got from a heroine in a book. she needs to leave the estate and grow and have experiences and break free from the oppressive grip of her family and their expectations.

maybe letting her read was a really bad idea because she's getting all sorts of ideas about how things should be and how they shouldn't and it really isn't endearing her to her family very much. hmm.

maybe a little revolt for lunch? breaking of chains for tea time? could happen, y'know!

she's very prickly and hard to like at the moment but please don't let that scare you. it's because all she's known is being a disappointment.

ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴs

how would we feel about some found family? maybe someone who accepts her for who she is and doesn't see any of it as a flaw or reason to be ashamed?

who wants to plan a revolution or engage in shenanigans to throw off the status quo? do you need an inside source? a spy of high status that could get gossip, talk to those you can't reach, or spread rumors in your favor? eunjoo's your girl.

girlie has never had romance or a crush (on her or her on others) but i'd love for her to have a first love type of relationship. it doesn't have to be end game or serious, though it could be. just something where eunjoo feels wanted and safe and protected for once would be nice for her.

a rival/enemy royalty? maybe they're antagonistic to her about how her family sees her as a shame and so the two verbally spare and throw dagger stares and it's a constant tit for tat but behind the guise of courtly behavior?

someone who gets her out of the estate and treats her like a human deserving of human experiences? someone who doesn't treat her like a kang or as if she's about to break.

speaking of about to break, maybe someone who means well but is always hovering and worried about her health and so it's very uncomfortable for both because they both know her health isn't good at all but also eunjoo hates to be pitied or coddled and wants them to leave her alone!!!

someone who found her out at the wishing well or lost cabin and is confused why a kang family member would even be somewhere like this?? it must be a mistake?? but wouldn't you know it, she's here again. what's going on?

maybe your character has a crush on eunjoo but she's so scared or suspicious that it crashes and burns spectacularly and we enjoy writing the fallout of it all lmao

please just give this bookworm loner some love even if she's like an angry chihuahua with pent up anger and resentment for being cursed with the horrors of a chihuahua body!!

#bhrp:intro #( I forgot to say to hit that little heart button if you'd like me to bother you with plotting?? ) *bats eyelashes*

[zosonils]

surely post some autistic ferb things for us all,,,,,,

hell yeah anon!! here’s an absolute hell dump of Ferb Autism Indulgence Things because i have really been wanting to get my grubby little autistic hands all over him lately

his special interests are engineering and tetris [which is the game he’s internationally ranked in!]

he stims vocally by humming or repeating other vocalisations, but rarely with actual words

if he’s too nervous to vocalise/just not in the mood he goes for small hand movements to stim like clicking pens or tapping his fingers

he does flappy hands/arms when he has a lot of excitement to release! otherwise he prefers to stick to smaller/more subtle motions for a variety of reasons

he only repeats actual words as echolalia, almost always off of either phineas or perry! that thing they do where perry chatters and the boys mimic it and they all just loop off each other for a while is absolutely an echolalia loop for all of them [yes even the platypus]

a very epic headcanon i have is that owca agents are typically labelled as having therapy animal training to give them some more wiggle room with showing intelligence, so perry is officially a therapy platypus for the flynn-fletcher kids, especially the boys. ferb does the aforementioned echolalia chatter thing with perry and also just generally finds him extremely comforting to hold. of course perry’s figured out all of ferb and his siblings’ needs by observation and makes sure to subtly be as comforting as possible for his kids, especially if they’re having a meltdown and need to hold someone who won’t try to talk to them

ferb genuinely dislikes communicating verbally, due to a combination of general social anxiety, struggling to translate his thoughts into words, and finding it physically uncomfortable to talk. it’s not serious enough to prevent him from cracking a joke or vocalising his thoughts every once in a while, but he prefers to be nonverbal as much as possible and communicate through gestures and body language

throughout the series he only ever speaks on his own terms and as much as he’s comfortable with, so it comes out without issue, but if he’s forced to talk when he doesn’t want to or while he’s under stress he struggles to string sentences together and stutters really badly. fortunately he’s got nice friends and a great family so this issue rarely presents itself, although it comes up sometimes during the school year in battles with pissy neurotypical teachers over oral presentations

over time he starts to work past the discomfort [genuinely, it’s on his own terms as opposed to masking to get allistics off his back] so that by the time he’s an adult he can hold an entirely verbal conversation for a decent while before it drains him, but he still tends to avoid speaking if he can

phineas instinctively understands ferb’s silent emotional cues, a lot better than he understands most people’s [but that’s a whole other infodump lmao], and unless ferb actively indicates that he wants to talk for himself phineas usually speaks for both of them and translates any of ferb’s less neurotypically obvious signals

phineas and ferb made The Ultimate Fidget Cube as one of their daily projects [they were being mass produced for an hour or two and then something or other happened, there was a mobile phone and an avalanche of instant noodles, long story short only the handful they made for themselves and their friends are left now] and neither of them go anywhere without it

ferb doesn’t have any specific comfort/security objects but he feels significantly more at ease if he’s got some kind of tool in his hand or within reach [or, failing an actual building-stuff tool, anything he can hold and Do Something with, like a pen or his fidget cube or a video game controller], and is a lot more stimmy with his hands and generally anxious if he isn’t holding something

perry performs the task of comfort item better than any inanimate objects but platypi aren’t allowed to come to school even if they’re very polite :(

believe me the brothers have tested this numerous times

school is stressful for ferb because it fires up his sensory overload and is usually where he’s forced to do some neurotypical shit that upsets him, but his friends always have his back and linda and lawrence are definitely super involved in making sure their kids’ needs are met and respected by their teachers, so he manages pretty well unless something really bad happens to set him off

he’s susceptible to sensory overload, mostly with bright lights, sudden noises, and being touched. the light and sound involved in many of his and phineas’ projects is alright because he usually designed them and knows exactly when they’ll come on and what it’ll be like, but if he doesn’t have that prediction available he freaks out easily. being touched [especially without warning] is the absolute fucking worst and he almost invariably flips out if someone unfamiliar tries to touch him or he’s hit with an unexpected sensation he doesn’t like

he only rarely has meltdowns because he’s good at self-regulating when he needs to and his friends and family know what does and doesn’t fly with him, but when he does they’re often triggered by either sensory overload or being forced to talk

when ferb starts entering meltdown territory his verbal skills are the first thing to shut off, and if it gets worse he usually stops communicating altogether and enters a really bad dissociative state that he won’t come out of until he feels safe again and can be carefully brought back to his senses

standard procedure for ferb meltdowns is to get him a weighted blanket and some tea and a perry if you can find the slippery little bugger, let him snap back to reality at his own pace, and once he can communicate his needs again pay extra close attention to them until he calms down enough that he can properly self-regulate again

his favourite sensations are weight/pressure, the funky bumpy shit perry’s tail has going on, and anything soft!

most of his clothes [including his usual outfit in the show] are tight-fitting but made out of soft fabric for maximum comfy

the blanket on his bed is a weighted one, but if he’s too far from his room or it’s too hot to be comfortable under a blanket sometimes he’ll just find the tightest spot he can wedge himself into without getting hurt or stuck and squish himself in there to calm down a bit

his favourite food texture is crunchy stuff, and he samefoods with particular cereals and sandwich combos that rotate every few months when he finally gets tired of the exact same breakfast and lunch every day and wants slightly different identical meals

while he’s fine with variation from day to day, he’s very firmly attached to the summer/weekend formula of wake up > cereal > big idea > where’s perry > [building montage] > mom holy fuck > sandwich > [having fun montage] > our fuckoff massive contraption has vanished somehow > oh there you are perry > snacks > nondescript vibing > dinner > bed time, and if this schedule gets significantly thrown off it really bothers him

ferb shows his emotions more subtly than neurotypicals, which can make him seem hard to read, but his external emotional range is still extremely distinct - he just expresses it in atypical ways sometimes!

one of his most notable atypical emotional cues is that thing he does when he’s startled and he pulls his hands up - he does this in we call it maze when candace falls over on her skates in the beginning, split personality when busting candace scares him, lost in danville when he’s worried another capsule might fall on him or phineas, and the phineas and ferb effect during how do i do it when milo’s exercise bike crashes, just to name a few instances! this boy has Unique Emotional Cues and i love him for it so much

he’s better at reading emotions than phineas [as low as that bar is], but sometimes misses more subtle cues and doesn’t quite trust his ability to read anyone aside from phineas, candace, and his closest friends

he’s been aware that he’s neurodivergent ever since he was diagnosed as a little kid [he was first diagnosed with autism when he was extremely baby, not even three years old, and had it continually reconfirmed as he got older] and he’s been entirely happy with being autistic for as long as he’s known what that even means, with this only being reinforced as he found siblings and made friends with other autistic kids :)

good lord this is such an infodump i’m sorry i just love my son so very much and have been feeling particularly self indulgent today ;<;

#i've been on and off typing at this ask for like six hours help hsjnkdfnkj /lh #i love ferb so fucking much you guys have no idea #[diverges his neuro] #sonic forces me to answer questions #just fucking whatever #THIS post goes RIGHT in the infodump tag #long post #good lord i'm sorry lmao [except i'm not because talking about my comfort characters is awesome] #anon

[askmerriauthor]

Starbound AU World and Character Lore Notes

Things worth being aware of for characterization and such, either based in canon lore from Starbound itself or extrapolated off reasonable evidence to support the notion.  Likely Part 1 of ??? submissions:

Conservation of Matter, Energy, and You The Starbound setting is futuristic to the point of magic, including also featuring actual magic.  So that gives us a ton of wiggle room on handwaving away just about any nonsense, but there are some constants that continue on regardless.  In this setting matter and energy are flawlessly interchangeable and can be preserved in a permanently stable, non-degrading state with no loss in conversion.  The methods and specifications of how this wondrous technological development works are never deeply explored and frankly it’s better we keep it that way.  So what applications does this have for people who live in the setting?

- Virtually Endless Storage Through the use of various forms of technological tools, matter is either converted into pure energy/data and stored within the tool, or matter can be spontaneously constructed via “nanites”.  That is to say, a legion of microscopic robots with a unified hive mind that can cooperatively build complex structures seemingly out of nothing (in this case, converting some form of stored/ambient energy/mass into the necessary materials desired).

We see this sort of of functionality constantly within the setting, usable both by the player and NPCs alike.  Whether it be a capsule pod, or a ray gun, or a Matter Manipulator, or any other bevy of trinkets that may come into play.  Need a giant mech suit to explore the void of space, or a hover bike to skim a planet’s terrain in style?  Just press a button on a handy little device and poof!  Nanites instantly construct the vehicle for you on the spot.  Want to carry an entire mountain in your pocket?  Transport billions of gallons of molten lava from place to place without it cooling?  The Matter Manipulator has you covered as it converts matter into energy and categorizes it in an easy-to-interpret list.   Have a farm of cute critters which produce natural animal byproducts for you but need to relocate in a pinch?  Just aim a ray gun at each and zap!  Your adorable animal friend is converted into pure energy, stored within the gun’s capacitor system, and held there in perfect status for easy transport.  You can even capture and tame wild animals and monsters from alien worlds by throwing pokeba-- er, “capture pods” at them to the same function.

Mind you, this manner of matter-to-energy-back-to-matter conversion is 100% efficient and suffers no degradation.  Similarly we don’t have any of the Star Trek “teleporting actually kills you and spawns a clone that just thinks it’s the real you” nonsense either.  When you pick up a volume of dirt with the Matter Manipulator, the device doesn’t replicate the molecular composition of ‘dirt’.  It takes that exact piece of dirt, turns it into energy, and when you want to recall it later it gives you back that exact piece of dirt.  This even works on conceptual forms of matter like “storage”.  You can use the Matter Manipulator to pick up a storage cabinet and tote it around in an energy/digital form.  However, you can also fill that storage cabinet with items and then scan it, at which point you energize/digitize the filled cabinet.  When you bring it back out again, it still has all those items stored inside.

Say you have a storage unit that can hold 300 items.  Now let’s say you have 300 of such storage units.  You fill all 300 with whatever you want and then pick up the many units with the Matter Manipulator, store them into that single original 300-capacity unit, and then pick up that to put it in your pocket.  Container-ception!  This only works one-tier deep, however.  You can put a filled container inside another container and then pick that up, but you can’t put both of those filled containers into a third and then pick that up.

What this means within the context of the setting is that moving vast amounts of materials, goods, even living beings is a completely negligible effort.  It would be completely plausible for entire cities to be constructed seemingly out of thin air, or wholly relocated from one planet to another, with no real trouble at all.

-Functional Immortality So remember what I said before about being able to convert animals into energy?  Yeah, that’s not just animals - it’s all creatures, including sentient beings like you.  Teleportation is the primary method of transport throughout the galaxy (followed shortly by ship-based faster-than-light star cruising) where the target individual is converted into energy and hurled across the galaxy in point-to-point teleportation.  This of course can be activated intentionally in order to facilitate mobility (be it long-range teleportation or short-range “blinking” to traverse one’s immediate surroundings) but it also has the potential to activate automatically when one dies.

Being a video game, of course there’s a “respawn” function so you can continue playing after you die.  But this isn’t a benefit only the player gets - NPCs get it too.  When a Being dies from whatever traumatic event, they burst into energy and vanish.  Compare this to when you kill a wild animal on some hostile enemy world - such critters die with a wet squelch sound, a spray of blood, and often leave behind organic matter like raw meat, pelts, chemical compounds, and other facets of their anatomy.  If you have a friendly NPC you’re escorting as part of a mission and they suffer an untimely doom?  The game prompts you with a message saying that they’ve respawned safely nearby so you can continue on.  Whenever you the player die in-game, your character respawns back on their ship’s teleporter platform after a short animation sequence unique to your species.  The animation is clearly just visual flavor and not meant to be taken literally, but the process it represents is what really matters.

Basically what all of this means is that whenever a being travels via Teleportation, there’s some built-in security function that will monitor their biological signal (which is how they can allow for intergalactic teleportation on the fly in the first place) that will prevent a Being from dying.  It doesn’t protect one from being injured (especially since wounds can be immediately healed through similar technological processes), but at the moment one would expire they’re instead recalled to safety by the teleportation system.  This sort of technology operates on faster-than-light processing speeds, so it’s not like it could ever really come up short in the heat of the moment, after all.  But even with that it isn’t infallible.  In the events of the game, Earth was completely destroyed and countless lives were lost in the process, presumably because there was no recall function operating at the time.  I mean, Ruin showed up to wreck the entire planet in short order, so no doubt whatever security systems might’ve been in place on Earth were likewise destroyed in the process, which required survivors to flee via ship.  At the time of its destruction Earth had been a peaceful paradise for ages, so odds are they might’ve been a little lax on having redundancies to cover their butts with since there were literally no genuine threats to be vigilant against.

Back to the point; this serves as functional immortality.  Not actual immortality.  Beings in the setting still age, can suffer diseases/toxins, lose limbs, and so forth.  Similarly, if one were to somehow disable the means of teleportation (putting up a no-fly-zone anti teleportation field, destroying a teleporter array entirely, etc.) that would put someone relying on such a means of security in mortal peril as a result.  There might even be naturally-occurring cases that could prevent teleportation recall as well, which the player may experience during the events at the end of the game which I won’t discuss fully here to avoid spoiling anyone.

#starbound #starbound au #worldbuilding speculation

[phantoms-lair]

Serious Freakzoid thing (Freaking Out) Part 3

It was a familiar chiptune that woke Dexter up, one he had set to play when his custom GUI loaded. He forced his eyes open and realized he was one the floor. What was he doing there? 

Seeing the side of his computer opened jogged his memory of the Pinnacle Chip going nuts. Or did it? The computer was functioning perfectly now, humming quietly along with the screen. He looked at the hand where he'd grabbed the chip and saw no sign of the massive electrical burn that would have had to be there. 

An electrical burn is a burn that results from electricity passing through the body causing rapid injury. Approximately 1,000 deaths per year due to electrical injuries are reported in the United States, with a mortality rate of 3-5%.[1] Electrical burns differ from thermal or chemical burns in that they cause much more subdermal damage.[2] They can exclusively cause surface damage, but more often tissues deeper underneath the skin have been severely damaged. As a result, electrical burns are difficult to accurately diagnose, and many people underestimate the severity of their burn. In extreme cases, electricity can cause shock to the brain, strain to the heart, and injury to other organs.[3] 

What....? Dexter shook his head, trying to figure out where that had come from. 

He shook his head and Mr. Chubbikins meowed and rubbed against him. Dexter reached to pet him when a strange feeling shot through his head.

Pheomelamine is the pigment responsible for the ginger color in cats. 

A huge 80% of all ginger cats are male

♪ Cat *wink* I’m a kitty cat. And I dance dance dance. And I dance dance dance ♪

Words and images flooded his head and all of a sudden it was hard to think, to focus. He saw Mr. Chubbikins and for a moment didn’t recognize him as his beloved pet, but simply a cute cat.

“Kitty Kitty Kitty,” he cooed in a tone that wasn’t like him at all. It was certainly enough to scare off Mr. Chubbykins, who nyoomed under the bed. The disappointment of the moment was enough to bring him to his senses.

He turned on his heels and ran to the bathroom. He examined himself in the mirror, trying to see if there was something wrong with his head or eyes. He ran through the Stroke checklist, but passed the standard tests. “Am I just going insane?” he muttered to himself. “Next I’ll be seeing little blue men.”

As he said this he felt a gentle buzzing on his skin. Looking down he saw a wave of electricity passing him over, leaving his skin blue in its wake. He whimpered, his mind trying to wrap around what he was seeing, What on Earth could turn his skin blue?

Cyanosis refers to a bluish cast to the skin and mucous membranes. Peripheral cyanosis is when there is a bluish discoloration to your hands or feet. It's usually caused by low oxygen levels in the red blood cells or problems getting oxygenated blood to your body.

No, this wasn’t cyanosis. Even he knew enough to know humans didn’t turn that particular shade. And why the heck did these...data pieces keep forcing their way into his brain?

His thoughts were interrupted by a pounding on the door. “Hey Dorkster, open up. The rest of us need to use the bathroom too!”

It was all Dexter could do to keep from hyperventilating. He couldn’t let his family see him like this! They already thought he was weird! What could he do? Disguise himself?

He felt the lightning tingle again, around his eyes and the top of his head. A glance in the mirror revealed his hair had become black and spikey, while a domino mask appeared about his eyes. As his panic rose, he felt a strange bubbling feeling in his mind. His thoughts broke apart and drifted away, no matter how hard he tried to hold on to them. Why was he trying to hold on to them anyway?

“Come on, freakazoid, open the door!”

Oh right, Duncan. Huh, Duncan had always been upset Dexter wasn’t like him, big and strong. If everything was changing, maybe he could change that?

He grinned as he became taller and gained a physique not seen outside comics. Duncan would be so happy! He opened the door with his grin growing ever wider. “Let’s Wrassle!”

~~

Roddy took a deep breath as he stopped the car, ignoring the ache in his ribs it caused. There was no ambulance or people screaming, so hopefully no one had been seriously injured. It was a small comfort, but it was there. He grabbed his old Apex employee card and the cane he hated but needed to be mobile right now.

He made his way to the front door carefully, avoiding icy patches on the walk and steps (oh how he’d come to loathe steps) and rang the bell.

He heard some movement inside and the door opened to reveal a middle aged woman with a smile that seemed almost grafted on.. “Can I help you?” “My name is Roddy McStewart, I work for Apex International, creators of the Pinnacle Chip.” He handed the man both his Work ID stating he was an employee and his driver’s license. “We received a signal from a newly installed Pinnacle Chip of a malfunction and I’m here to take a look at it.”

“On Christmas Day?” she asked, surprised.

“We all do what we can to make a living.” He gave her a sad smile.

“Well, okay then. Dexter’s room is upstairs, second door on the right.” Roddy blinked. Just like that? Still he shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Even if it involved stairs.

He was nearly bowled over by a teenage boy running past him, yelling about something blue. Roddy looked to the woman who’d opened the door, but she'd just called up to ‘Dexter’ that he had a guest.

Odd Family he thought, as he made his way up the stairs.

~~

This was some quality family bonding he thought as he sat on Duncan’s back locking up one of his brother’s legs. That’s what it was, right? That’s why it was okay for Duncan to get physical with him.

“I give! I give!” Duncan called out.

But he knew this game. It wasn’t over because the other person gave up. You had to make them say something. “Sing ‘I’m a tugboat, Call me Mel’.”

“I’m a tugboat...call me Mel...I can’t, I don’t know the words?”

“That’s a tough one since I just made it up.” He admitted, but let Duncan up since he had tried.

Duncan tore out of the room, so he knew he’d done a good job, until he heard his mother’s voice coming from downstairs. “Dexter, you have a guest.”

Dexter. That’s right, he was Dexter. And with that realization the floating feeling he had vanished as his thoughts coalesced and his body condensed into the body he’d always had. He fled back into his room and huddled on his bed, too freaked out to try and do much more.

There was a knock on the door and a red-haired man entered. He glanced around seemingly surprised at the computer, still humming along. “Are you Dexter?”

“Yeah, who are you?”

“Roddy McStewart. I’m here about a malfunction with your Pinnacle Chip, but everything seems to be-”

“That was real?” Dexter blurted out. “Ever since that happened...I think I’m going insane.” he clutched his head.

“Can you tell me what happened?” Roddy asked. The room wasn’t a mess of shrapnel as he feared, but it was obvious something had happened.

“After I installed it the cat jumped on the keyboard and it started going nuts. I tried you yank the chip out to save the computer-”

“Are ye daft boy! You could have electrocuted yourself!” 

“I know, I wasn’t thinking!” Dexter snapped back. “I grabbed it and I thought I got shocked and blacked out, but my hand was fine when I woke up. And...thoughts keep popping in my head.”

“What kind of thoughts?” Anything besides a broken computer was well out of his wheelhouse, but Roddy couldn’t just leave the kid when he was so upset. Especially given the concern he now had with the lad’s mother sending him up to see her teenage son without any supervision.

“I dunno, random facts? It’s like articles and videos are just pulling themselves up in my mind. And then everything goes fuzzy.” Dexter didn’t mention what had happened in the bathroom. There was no way that was anything other than a hallucination.

There was the beginning of an idea forming in Roddy’s head, but he wasn’t ready to admit it was possible yet. That the reason Dexter’s computer had been spared was the Pinnacle chip had found a better storage solution for its mass internet download.

Before he could even think of how to check or even explain the door burst open and a taser fired directly at his chest. Roddy’s world exploded in pain, both from the electricity and his ribs from the body spasms, and everything went black.

~~~~

I’m trying to do more of a buildup to Freakazoid’s development and not him just being created fully formed by the accident. In the first episode Dance of Doom Freakazoid states that he and Dexter are two aspects of the same person so I wanted to show how he comes from Dexter.

#Freakazoid #Freaking Out #Ghost Writing

[rwby-redux]

Preface

RWBY is the breakthrough anime web series created by the late Monty Oum of Rooster Teeth. Originally teased on November 5th, 2012, and officially debuted July 18th, 2013, the series follows the journeys of four young women enrolled in an academy that trains monster-slaying warriors known as Huntsmen. Set in the fictional world of Remnant, the story initially focuses on the surface-level plot of fighting against humanity’s ancient adversary, the ever-present Creatures of Grimm; over time, it becomes apparent that things aren’t what they seem, as the cast slowly begins to connect a string of heists committed by a criminal syndicate with the violent acts of a terrorist cell. The series is aired weekly on Rooster Teeth’s website, with its main arcs spanning 12 – 16 episodes per volume. In the years following the show’s initial release, RWBY has spawned numerous merchandise and related media, including two spin-off shows, multiple side-stories published as mangas, two standalone books, three mobile games, a behind-the-scenes artbook, and OSTs for every volume to date.

As of Volume 7 there are 98 episodes in total with a collective runtime of 18:52:00, or approximately 1,132 minutes, with more episodes and side content underway.

At best, they’re visually interesting; at worst, they’re disappointing.

Let me take a second to backtrack before the lynch mob starts to sharpen its pitchforks. The series deserves much of the praise that it’s gotten. RWBY was the first American-produced anime to be released in Japan (and if you’re a fan of anime, you know how insane those words sound). The 3D models and animation from Volume 4 onward are breathtakingly stunning, and even before the show made the leap from Poser to Maya, the fight sequences managed to be equally creative and entertaining. The show was nominated for and received multiple Streamy Awards, and was awarded Best Animated Series by the International Academy of Web Television. The Volume 1 soundtrack reached number one on iTunes, beating out the soundtrack for The Hunger Games: Catching Fire. Such is RWBY’s (and Rooster Teeth’s) reputation that it managed to attract the attention of, and later bring on, industry veterans and vocal legends such as Jen Taylor, Josh Grelle, and Aaron Dismuke.

That’s to say nothing of the fandom this franchise has amassed, of kids, teenagers, and young adults alike. RWBY has generated dozens of forums dedicated to fanfiction, fanart, and roleplaying. Thousands of people the world over have bonded over this show, fans from all walks of life. They’re passionate about this series. The fact that I’m writing this post is a testimony of that. If I didn’t care about RWBY, I wouldn’t be sitting on my couch at 3 AM, hunched over my laptop in my pajamas.

If RWBY is so good (or occasionally threatens to become good), you might be wondering, why, then, does this blog exist?

Well, because…when you stop and look at it critically, it actually kind of sucks.

Despite initially being written by a three-man team, the series is full of inconsistencies and an underdeveloped cast. The characters, especially from Volumes 1 — 3, are full of one-dimensional stereotypes whose contributions to the story amount to a three-word summary: “The School Bully,” “The Wacky Professors,” “The Racist Cop,” “The Cutthroat Bitch,” “The Anime Waifu,” “The Audience Surrogate,” “Discount Elle Woods,” and so on. Fundamental elements of the story, like Aura, Semblance, and Dust, are either poorly-explained or not explained at all, and the limitations of those core concepts can change at a moment’s notice to suit the needs of the plot. The primary antagonist of the first three volumes is universally hated by the fandom for having no discernible motivations beyond being “ambitious and power-hungry,” and having a personality that consists exclusively of irritating smug. The show-writers, despite repeatedly promising queer representation, have failed to make even one of their ten central protagonists queer. This isn’t touching upon the fact that the first openly-gay character on the show was an antagonist, or that the next two were side-characters who were relevant to the plot for all of seven episodes, before vanishing from the story entirely. The two leads that are currently being hyped as our first queer main-cast members have only been repeatedly teased, with said characters never once uttering the words, “I’m bi,” “I date women,” “I’m not straight”—nothing but narrative subtext and playful winks from the VAs whenever a fan asks if they’re queer. Subplots end up having no pay-off or get entirely forgotten mid-volume. The story is so protagonist-biased that the heroes are frequently able to get away with being hypocritical, or committing criminal acts because “it was the right thing to do,” with their POV framed as an infallible “fuck you, got mine” verbal gut-punch to the audience (while other characters in the show, who often make the exact same calls as the heroes, are ridiculed by the show and the fandom). Whenever the story isn’t spray-painting stolen cars and selling them to their original owners, it manages to clumsily handle allegories for real-world issues such as systemic racism, mental illness, abuse dynamics/victim survivorship, and gray morality. The worldbuilding is absent from the main show and has to be supplemented through RWBY’s spin-off series World of Remnant. The story’s setting feels flat and lifeless at times because the “cultures” of this world are never established.

The list goes on and on.

So if this show has so many flaws, why are we still having this conversation?

Because I’m captivated by the untapped potential of this world. When you brush away all of the detritus, you can see the wealth of raw material buried beneath. This is a world where the gods have forsaken their creations, with one having even deliberately created the monsters that hunt humanity. The two characters who are central to the history of this world are tragic figures, one cursed with immortality as a punishment for demanding that the gods revise the first draft, and do away with needless death; and the other, cursed to ceaselessly reincarnate into the minds and bodies of like-minded souls, waging a war of attrition against a person warped beyond recognition by the capricious spite of the gods. This is a world of forgotten magic, of shifting allegiances, of characters embarking on personal journeys and unearthing deadly secrets. It’s a story of people from all walks of life learning to cooperate and work together, forging friendships and alliances in order to face the challenges that lie ahead.

It could easily have the bones of an epic fantasy series as long as it remembers to drink its milk.

RWBY’s issues aren’t insurmountable. Most of them are the byproduct of the series’ blind adherence to “rule of cool,” the motto that practically codified the beginning of the show. From Volume 4 onward, the series took a radical shift in tone that tried to be “more mature,” and only succeeded in making the earlier episodes absurd in hindsight. Why, in Volume 6, are the characters concerned about civilian endangerment, when in Volume 2 they happily pursued a giant mech in a highway car-chase scene that would’ve caused untold collateral damage and civilian death? This change in storytelling created a thematic disparity that reoccurs time and time again, retroactively emphasizing just how inconsistent the worldbuilding and storytelling are.

It tried to be Avatar: The Last Airbender, and what we’re left with instead is Game of Thrones Season 8.

Now, I’m not using this blog as a platform to damn Monty Oum (or claim to be a better creator than him). But it’s important to address the flaws in his story, and to acknowledge that his passing doesn’t make RWBY somehow sacrosanct or immune to constructive criticism. RWBY has flaws, ranging from nitpicky to potentially capable of causing real-world harm (in the case of the aforementioned queerbaiting and racism analogies). I’m a firm believer that art doesn’t exist in a vacuum; art is informed by our beliefs just as much as art informs our beliefs. We can still respect and admire the potential RWBY has to offer, while being mindful of where it needs to improve.

That’s where this blog comes in.

At the end of the day, the RWBY Redux exists as a thought experiment. I’m writing it chiefly to entertain worldbuilding ideas and headcanons I’ve spent years musing on. I’m not asking readers to agree with any of my numerous stances, nor am I going to shy away from other fans’ criticism as I hammer this project out. With a little TLC, perhaps I’ll manage to create something that manages to be more complex than its source material. And if you choose to follow along with my endeavors, hopefully you’ll find this project equal parts engaging and entertaining.

Wish me luck.

#preface #deconstruction #writing

[gb-fics]

The Demise Of Sakura

Fanfiction:

Kiryuuin Shou x Kyan Yutaka (Golden Bomber)

Note: So, this is a story about Shou’s obsession with his virtual reality  girlfriend Sakura-chan. He even introduced her to his fans on his 34th birthday. But actually, I have no idea how this game works, so I just made things up; don’t take my word for any of it.

Also, this fic is pretty long and I wanted to split it, but then I couldn’t decide where to make a cut, so I hope it’s not too inconvenient to read :/

Shou was ready.

Lately, his schedule had been packed with festivals, the regular tv broadcasts and whenever there had been a minute left to spare, he had worked on his music.

But today there were no appointments and Shou was ready to ignore the little devil on his shoulder, whispering into his ear to remined him of all the work he still had left to do.

Shou was ready to do absolutely nothing.

Of course, he wasn’t really going to do nothing. He was going to order food from the delivery service, he was going to take a nap later on and he was about to spend the day with the person he loved the most in this world.

Malicious gossip might have it, that Sakura wasn’t technically a person. She was a virtual reality dating program. But Shou didn’t care. His feelings were true. Sakura was cute and delicate and she laughed at Shou’s jokes (though he had to pay for that) and she was always there for him and when he saw her naked (which he also had to pay for, admittedly) it felt more personal than watching porn (and he did pay for the porn, too, since he was a passionate collector of DVDs instead of entrusting his libido to the internet like almost everyone in his generation did nowadays).

Shou was sure, that – had Sakura been an actual woman – they would be able to lead the perfect relationship, in spite of all their differences and in spite of their age gap. She was very mature for a minor after all. And had she been waiting for him at home after a long day of shootings or after an exhausting week of touring, Shou might have been happy for the first time in his life. She would sit next to him with her large eyes and her smooth skin and her perfect teeth and she would listen to him and giggle and allow Shou to feast all of his sexual desires on her. And sometimes, Shou thought, that her teeth didn’t have to be so perfect and that her skin didn’t have to be so smooth and that she didn’t have to laugh at all his jokes, but that it would be nice to just come home to anyone at all and that he would treat all the kinky sex he fantasized about for just a hug and a casual “welcome home”.

But since that wasn’t going to happen, he was going to make due with what he had. What he had, in this case, was a virtual reality headset and a well-stocked bank account.

They would be going on a date today. Shou liked those parts nearly as much as he liked the parts for perverts. Taking out a cute girl on a date made him feel less lonely inside his own apartment, that felt empty, especially after the concert halls and the shouting fans and the knowledge of being loved by so many and known by no one. Sometimes, the walls seemed to not close in on him, but to drift farther away until the space that was filled by no one but Shou became larger and larger and he felt like standing all alone in the middle of a giant desert, screaming without being heard by anyone and then sometimes he got scared his voice would vanish from all the silent screaming inside his head and he would have nothing left to offer to the world and the fans would leave him, too. Sakura, though, Sakura would remain. And when he was with her, Shou didn’t feel like screaming. He felt almost content; or distracted at least.

He grabbed for the headset and felt excited already. If he had Sakura for real, he would surely never feel like screaming anymore. He would have someone here with him, who listened even to the words that would be spoken quietly. She was pretty and she would be patient and gentle with him and strolling through the city with her, Shou would not want to be elsewhere for a change, but return her smile honestly. She would supply him with all the admiration and unconditional love that he could ask for. She would heal him, just by being a fantasy come true.

Shou’s mobile rang.

It was vibrating on the coffee table violently, like a human voice begging for attention. Shou felt miserable. It was his free day. Was a free day so much to ask for? Even if it wasn’t about work, picking up would mean that he had to deal with people – real people, people who talked back and who talked over him and who just talked too much in general.

Hesitantly, he put the headset aside and picked up the mobile to take a look at the screen.

If it was work, he would call back tomorrow, he decided. If it was someone he actually liked, he would pick up, to not loose the few friends he had left in his life.

The display spelled out the name of Kyan Yutaka.

A tie, Shou concluded. He liked Yutaka; at least as much as you could really like someone you saw at work that often. He liked him better than Jun and Kenji, if he was being honest. Yutaka got him. He always played along with his ideas instantly and Shou felt comfortable around him in a way that was untypical for him, because he didn’t feel comfortable around people easily.

But Yutaka calling probably meant that it was about work.

Had it been someone from the staff, Shou would have switched off his phone. He needed a day to himself now and then. But it was Yutaka. Shou always picked up the phone, when it was Yutaka.

With a sigh, he took the call. The phone had been ringing for quite a while already. Yutaka never gave up fast. Maybe he knew Shou usually needed time to make up his mind if he was ready for social interaction. Or maybe he was just a pain in the ass.

“What?”, Shou asked nonchalantly.

“Oi, what kind of greeting is that!”, Yutaka shouted back.

Shou rolled his eyes.

“Just get to the point”, he said.

“Not even a hello? You are being rude.”

“It’s our day off”, Shou pointed out.

“Alright, alright”, Yutaka huffed. “I don’t want to talk to you, either.”

Shou stayed silent for a moment, waiting for an explanation to follow, but obviously Yutaka had just made that point to … well, to make that point.

“But you called me”, Shou said.

There was another moment of silence.

“Oh right, I forgot it was me who called”, Yutaka said and chuckled at his own stupidity as if it wasn’t bothering him at all.

Somehow, it made Shou chuckle, too. It was part of Yutaka’s charm, not caring about anything for too long.

“So, what do you want?”, Shou asked, softer this time.

“Ah, you see, I just wanted to make sure you are alright, taking care of yourself and all that.”

Shou hesitated. He wasn’t quite sure what Yutaka wanted to express with that. Was he making fun of Shou? Did he think of him as a child that didn’t know he needed to take all the rest he could get? Or had he noticed that lately, the screaming inside Shou’s head had grown almost deafening again?

“Yes, I’m taking care of myself. I’m …” He stopped short, before he reached the word ›good‹. “… alright.”

“What are you doing today then?”, Yutaka wanted to know lightly.

His attitude irritated Shou. He sounded like he had just called for a little chat. But they did not do that. They left each other alone as much as possible. They met at work often enough.

“I’m about to have a date with Sakura. You are interrupting. I’d like to hang up”, Shou said flatly.

“Why are you even into that game?”, Yutaka groaned.

“Leave my girlfriend alone”, Shou joked.

Yutaka snorted.

“The thing is just – you would hate those things in real life. Having someone around all the time. Going on dates. Going out on your free day at all.”

Instinctively, Shou wanted to cross the arms in front of his chest, but he couldn’t without letting go of the phone. Frustrated he groaned and put his free hand flatly onto his thigh.

“Of course, I would like that”, he said. “I just don’t have anyone, who wants to go on a date with me. I’m lonely.”

“That’s what I feared”, Yutaka said seriously as if mimicking a doctor giving a fatal diagnosis. “The self-pity.”

“I’m not pitying myself”, Shou protested. He noticed himself, that he sounded defensive.

All he wanted was a woman like Sakura in his life, who welcomed him home and who loved him and who had sex with him and didn’t ask for anything in return, because she liked to be with Shou for just the person he was.

“Sure, you are. I can prove it to you. The things you like doing with Sakura so much? You will hate actually doing them. We are going on a date, now. I’ll pick you up.”

Shou stared at the screen of his tv that was still entirely black.

“I don’t want to go on a date with you”, he said lamely.

“Stop whining!”, Yutaka shouted. “I’ll be your Sakura today. After that, you’ll see how much you are lying to yourself when playing that game.”

“So, you want to take away the only thing that’s causing me any joy in life?”, Shou assured.

“30 minutes”, Yutaka said. “Get dressed.”

Shou looked down on himself. He was still in the shirt he slept in and a pair of shorts that he had planned to take off for the second half of the date, too. A box of Kleenex was on the table already.

“How did you know?”, he asked.

“Please”, Yutaka replied and laughed. Then he hung up.

Shou pressed the phone against his ear for a little while longer, although there was only the hum of the abandoned line to hear. His senses were already submitting the new information, but his brain hadn’t quite processed them yet. Only after a few more seconds Shou did put the phone aside.

What bothered him the most, to his own surprise, was the fact that now he did indeed have to get dressed on his free day.

Sullenly Shou got up and shuffled over to his bedroom. 30 Minutes, that left him with enough time for a quick shower. The question was – was it worth it? Had he been meeting with Sakura, of course he would have showered. But had he met with Sakura, there would have been the chance of having sex. He would have applied perfume and maybe even a light foundation, to make his skin look more smoothly. He would have used products on his hair (plural), he would have filed his fingernails (plural) and shaven his armpit (singular). But he wasn’t meeting with Sakura. He was meeting with Yutaka.

A shower, he decided, but without washing his hair. He didn’t feel like drying it. He wasn’t going to style it, either. Nor was he going to use foundation. Some perfume, though. He ought to put in at least a little effort when leaving the house. And he could wear the new shirt he got himself lately. He liked it quite a lot, but hadn’t worn it in public yet. Shou didn’t exactly trust in his own taste. Other people had aesthetics. Shou had clothes. But he could try it out on Yutaka. He trusted in his opinion more than he trusted in his own. Shou wasn’t even able to judge if Yutaka had a good style of dressing himself. But he could tell there was a concept behind his choice of clothing. A concept was more than Shou had most of the time.

After he was done, Shou checked himself in the mirror. He reached the conclusion that it was good enough. It was only Yutaka after all. For his girlfriend, he would have tried harder. But Shou didn’t have a girlfriend and he didn’t have the energy to try harder anyway.

The doorbell rang.

Shou had secretly hoped that Yutaka wouldn’t show up, but he hadn’t believed in it. When Yutaka announced he was going to do something, he would do it. He never thought to hard about anything and therefore rarely changed his mind.

Maybe he would change his mind about going outside, though. Shou thought of all the people that would be out on the streets of Tokyo. His apartment was nice and calm compared to that.

He went to open the front door.

Yutaka was dressed. He wore pants and a shirt and a cardigan. The colours seemed to match overall. Shou wasn’t sure if that meant he had dressed up.

He beamed at Shou.

“Are you ready? Let’s go!”

“Come in”, Shou said. “We can just chill at home.”

“No.” Yutaka shook his head. He had dark circles under his eyes, but then he always had. No concealer in the world seemed able to stand a chance against Yutaka’s eyebags. He was always cheerful, though. He often seemed sleepy, but Shou had never experienced the deep running exhaustion he sometimes felt himself with Yutaka.

“Do we really have to go out?”, Shou whined, but started looking for his shoes already.

“You wanted a date, you get a date”, Yutaka announced provokingly.

He was carrying a handbag with him. Shou just shoved his purse and his keys into the pockets of his pants. The jeans were actually a bit too tight for that, but the pockets would get baggy eventually – they always did.

Yutaka watched him with amusement that seemed slightly judging.

“I didn’t want a date with you, though”, Shou pointed out to turn the attention away from himself. “It’s not even a date.”

Maybe, if he took a jacket, he could put the keys into the pocket of the jacket. That would probably look less ridiculous. But although it was already October, it was still warm outside and Shou hardly ever felt cold anyway. He didn’t understand why he was thinking about it in the first place. He didn’t need to care about his looks. If he was dating Sakura, he would get himself a proper handbag, too, and he would do all the things that made him look good and he would eat healthier and he would bother to care for himself at last.

“Alright, let’s call it a scientific experiment”, Yutaka suggested and watched Shou pull the apartment door shut behind himself.

“A scientific experiment”, Shou huffed and trotted after Yutaka onto the street. “More like torture.”

Yutaka turned around, so he was walking backwards now. His hair was almost yellow and the roots were showing darkly. Even that suited him somehow.

“See!”, he exclaimed. “You already hate it and we didn’t even get started yet.”

“What are we going to do anyway?”, Shou asked. “Do we have to walk far?”

“Just a few streets ahead, into the city. We’re going to a café. That’s the kind of thing you’d do with Sakura, right? Eat some cake at a cute place.”

Shou shrugged.

He had to admit that cake didn’t sound so bad. He loved sweets after all. And he had to admit, that the fresh air was making him feel better, too. Just walking outside in the sun seemed to lift some of the gloominess off his shoulders that he had felt earlier. Even if it was just Yutaka, it was nice to have company and not sit at home all alone. He should actually give this a try. Not as a date, of course. But he could start calling up friends on his free days now and then, instead of just ignoring their messages and feeling lonely afterwards.

“I like cake”, Shou said to express that he didn’t feel mad at Yutaka for dragging him outside.

“And I like eating”, Yutaka said and laughed.

Shou wondered if he didn’t have anything better to do on his free day than hang out with Shou. Yutaka had a lot of friends and surely, he wouldn’t have problems finding a cute girl to go on an actual date with. He either really hated Shou’s obsession with Sakura, or he had been seriously worried about him.

Though his neighbourhood was quiet, Shou’s apartment was only a minute away from the livelier part of the city.

“How about this one?”, Yutaka suggested and pointed to a poster advertising a café at the second floor of a nearby building.

Shou shrugged indecisively. He had never been to this place, nor did he go to cafes on his own often.

“Looks alright”, he agreed.

Yutaka led the way and Shou followed. They took the stairs.

The café was decorated cutely with an overwhelming number of pastel colours mixed together. The waitress that showed them to their seats was young – probably a university student working here part time – and had a fringe. She reminded Shou of Sakura, but only vaguely so. He wished she would chat with him, though. Surely, a cheerful pretty girl like that could raise his spirits no matter how sulky he felt. He was disappointed when she left them to study their menus.

“Mmh.” Shou bend over the menu closely. It came with pictures. The pictures of cake got him excited. “What to eat, what to eat”, he mumbled to himself, thinking of all the possibilities. Something sweet, something fruity, something with chocolate. Pray, they had something with chocolate.

A small sound from Yutaka’s side of the table made Shou look up.

The were seated at a niche with two benches, the table between them.

Yutaka was watching him closely. He was smiling.

Shou cleared his throat.

He didn’t feel comfortable, being watched so intensely. Moreover, he could not really place the expression on Yutaka’s face. He looked a little sentimental.

“What?”, Shou asked.

“It’s cute when you … never mind.”

Still smirking Yutaka turned to his own menu again.

Shou furrowed his brow.

“What?”, he asked again.

He had the feeling that Yutaka was making fun of him and he did not like it.

“You always get so excited about picking food. You act like making the decision is science. But then you end up just eating the same three dishes all your life”, Yutaka explained without looking up from his menu.

Shou huffed and put his menu down.

“That’s not true”, he said.

“Have you made a decision yet?”, the waitress interrupted them.

Shou turned his head and smiled at her. He had to give her credit for not flinching back.

“I’ll take …”, he started. “The chocolate one”, him and Yutaka finished at once.

Shou threw him a dark glance.

“That was coincidence”, he said.

“Yes, sure”, Yutaka agreed, but his one-sided grin proved all too clear he did not believe in it.

And for a moment Shou did not mind that Yutaka had only wanted to show how predictable he was, because it was nice to be known so well by someone. And when he smiled as cheekily as that, Yutaka was as pretty as Sakura, though in an entirely different way.

Shou felt warm inside and he was glad Yutaka had made him leave his apartment and that he wasn’t home alone with his virtual reality headset and a box of Kleenex right now. Maybe, Shou thought, this was actually the better date.

“I’ll take the week’s special”, Yutaka said in this moment.

Shou could sense the hesitation of the waitress.

“Actually”, she said. “The week’s special is for couples. So, it’s a portion for two people.”

A shared special for couples was actually pretty romantic. If he had been here with Sakura, maybe he would have …

“I’ll take the week’s special”, Yutaka repeated.

“Maybe I could ask, if we could adjust the portion for one person”, the waitress suggested.

She sounded helpless and Yutaka staring her down blankly was not helping any. Shou wanted to help her.

“Or maybe we could just share?”, he jumped in.

“I’m not sharing with you!”, Yutaka exclaimed angrily.

“It’s for two people …”, the waitress reminded him again.

“Yes, that’s what I want”, Yutaka clarified. “The week’s special for two people. You have a problem with that?!”

Shou was used to Yutaka’s way of speaking. He knew that sometimes it sounded like he wanted to pick a fight when really, he was just teasing. The waitress, however, did not know. She seemed at the verge of tears already.

“Just bring it, please”, Shou said, feeling himself blush slightly, feeling embarrassed for Yutaka nearly causing a scene. “He will eat it by himself, trust me.”

The waitress nodded hastily and seemed glad to get away again.

“Why do you have to act like that?”, Shou scolded.

“What?” Yutaka made a dismissive gesture with his hand. “It’s none of their business how much I want to eat.”

Shou sighed deeply.

“Just try to behave in public”, he begged quietly.

With Sakura something like that would never have happened. She would sit there timidly and …

Yutaka took off his shoes.

“Just what is wrong with you?”, Shou asked.

“I’m just making myself comfortable”, Yutaka defended himself and pulled his feet onto the bench to sit on it cross-legged. His socks had cartoon characters on them. All of his socks seemed to have cartoon characters on them. He looked completely relaxed.

Shou looked around if someone was watching them. If Yutaka continued like this, they would surely kick them out eventually.

“It’s rude. You can’t just take off your shoes like that”, he said.

“No, it would be rude to put my shoes onto the furniture. I’m not an animal”, Yutaka said lecturing.

Shou scanned him from head to toe. He wasn’t quite sure what Yutaka was playing at here. He usually wasn’t like that when there were no cameras around. He was louder and more cheerful than Shou then, yes, but he still behaved like a decent human being nonetheless. Today it felt like he was putting on a show with no audience around.

“Why are you doing this? Is this a prank?”, Shou inquired, still irritated about what Yutaka would gain by pranking him. There was no one around to see.

“Just trying to prove a point”, Yutaka said and looked right at his face.

It made Shou slightly uncomfortable, as if suddenly he was the one who was trying to hide ulterior motives.

“That I hate dating?”, Shou assured.

Yutaka turned his head to look out for their waitress. He was following her around with his eyes now. Shou wondered if she had their plates ready, but did not turn to follow Yutaka’s gaze.

“Something like that”, Yutaka confirmed absent-mindedly.

Indeed, did the waitress now show up next to them again, placing a plate in front of each of them. Shou’s cake was with chocolate. Yutaka’s cake was the solution to every famine in the third world.

“This is for couples?”, Shou assured. “Looks rather like it’s for people in a polyamorous relationship. A lot of people in a polyamorous relationship.”

Yutaka laughed.

Shou liked it when Yutaka laughed at him. He had liked it from the very beginning of their friendship. Always had he wanted to be funny. But it was Yutaka’s laughter that had made him believe for the first time, that it was something worth sharing with people.

“Looks like a snack”, he clarified and dug in his fork.

Watching Yutaka eat was always an experience. The way he kept stuffing the food into his mouth until he had cream all over his face and was hardly able to chew any more was both highly fascinating and somewhat gross.

“It’s not working by the way”, Shou said, not able to turn his eyes away from Yutaka’s face for a moment.

“Huh?”, Yutaka grunted, not stopping his feeding process.

“You are not proving that I hate dating Sakura. You are only proving I would hate dating you. You are horrible”, Shou explained and turned towards his own cake now. “Sakura would not act like a caveman after all.”

The cake tasted delicious.

“A caveman?”, Yutaka repeated. He was speaking with his mouth still full. Shou could see half-chewed cake everywhere.

Shou made a face at him that was enough of an answer already.

Yutaka finally swallowed. He licked his lips and poured himself a glass of water. Finally, he turned his attention to Shou again, ready to speak. Shou expected an apology or an explanation at least.

“Can I try yours, too?”, Yutaka asked.

Shou laughed. Not because it was funny, but because it was so typical for Yutaka that he wondered how he had been able to expect anything else.

He pushed his plate towards Yutaka. He felt almost full already anyway.

Yutaka took a huge slice and nodded appreciatively.

“Not bad”, he agreed.

There was silence between them for a moment.

“Why don’t you talk to me?”, Yutaka suddenly asked.

Shou wanted to place his head on the table and go straight for a nap.

“What should I tell you?”, he returned. “We see each other all the time.”

“What would you talk to Sakura about?”, Yutaka asked.

He sounded surprisingly serious.

Shou cleared his throat. His moments with Sakura were private. Not everything was of Yutaka’s business. There were some things that ought to stay between a man and his browser history. His loneliness, too, was of no one’s business.

“I’ll tell her how hard I worked lately”, Shou said lamely. Even those words were difficult to get out, because they contained too much of what he longed for already. “And in return, she’d tell me that I was doing a great job, but that she is happy I have time for her now. And …” She would give me a reason to stop working for once, Shou thought. But he did not finish the sentence like that. He didn’t finish it at all. “She’d just be supportive when I talk about music and stuff”, he concluded.

Yutaka slapped his palm onto the table. It created a loud, sudden noise that made Shou flinch.

“Boring”, Yutaka announced. “Nobody cares about your work.”

Shou thought of pointing out, that it was Yutaka’s work, too, but didn’t.

“Let’s talk about something not related to work. And not related to love and how you’re sad and the future.”

Shou blinked a couple of times.

“That does not leave a lot of topics”, he stated carefully. In fact, he could not think of anything not related to those topics. He thought of work all the time and when it wasn’t work, he thought of all the dates he didn’t have in real life and how empty his apartment felt and when those thoughts got overwhelming, he turned back to what he planned to work on in the future, as if all the parts of his life would get better, once he improved the work part as much as possible.

“What’s the last thing you read?”, Yutaka asked.

Shou had to think about that for a moment.

“I read this magazine article about the development of sale figures in the Japanese music indu …”

Yutaka slapped the table again.

“Related to work, boring”, he said.

Shou exhaled heavily.

“I read this manga last week”, he finally said. “I thought it was funny.”

Yutaka leaned back on the bench. He was still sitting on it cross-legged. He looked like chilling in his own living room. There was something relaxing about his attitude, actually. Shou felt almost homely, too.

“What was it about?”, Yutaka inquired.

“Space Vikings.”

“Oh, I think I read that one, too!” Yutaka laughed. “The second episode, right?”

He was grinning excitedly now.

Shou remembered how they had used to chat like that more often. He had liked Yutaka. He had liked him a lot. That was why they had decided to form a band together to begin with. They had been friends before they had become bandmembers. Nowadays, work took up so much space in Shou’s mind that he sometimes forgot about the friendship bit. He was glad Yutaka had reminded him.

“Is there a sequel?”, Shou asked.

“Of course, already bought it”, Yutaka confirmed. Shou wasn’t surprised. One reason why Yutaka’s place was always messy, was that he constantly ran out of space for the manga on his shelves.

“I’ll bring it with me next time to borrow it to you.”

“That would be nice”, Shou agreed.

Yutaka looked him up and down curiously, as if suddenly he had noticed something about Shou that hadn’t been there before. Shou suppressed the urge to cover himself somehow.

“What else have you been up to lately?”, Yutaka asked. “In between work, I mean. You have been shopping. The shirt is new. You look handsome in it.”

Shou smirked. He was happy Yutaka had noticed, but tried not to let it show. He was happy about the compliment, too.

“Yes, yes”, he confirmed. “When I entered the shop, the assistant there nearly burst into tears when he saw my outfit. He helped me a lot. You know, I don’t like going shopping alone.”

He usually preferred a second opinion. Or an opinion at all. Shou wasn’t sure that what he felt for clothes could actually be called an opinion.

“You could call me up next time”, Yutaka suggested. “We’ll go together.”

“I’m not taking fashion advice from someone who wears shirts with nothing but a penis drawn onto them”, Shou shot back, but he was speaking lightly.

“It’s fashionable!”, Yutaka protested, but his voice broke off with laughter at the end, because he obviously couldn’t be serious about that statement as well.

For a moment he looked down onto the empty plates between them. Shou hadn’t even noticed, but obviously, Yutaka had finished his leftovers, too.

“Anyway, we could go shopping now”, Yutaka finally suggested.

With a groan, Shou leaned back and made a face.

“I want to chill. Shopping is stressful.”

“I bet you wouldn’t let this opportunity slip with Sakura”, Yutaka replied. He was grinning. As always, his grin looked challenging. Shou felt like arguing with him was pointless. “She would tell you how great you look in everything and you could buy something cute for her, too. Isn’t that the kind of date you fantasize about?”

There was nothing to say about that, because Shou did fantasize about that kind of thing. A pretty woman who could give him advice and compliment him, yes. And how happy and thankful she would be, if he bought something for her. Surely, if he had Sakura, Shou wouldn’t hate shopping as much as he did now, because with her he wouldn’t feel self-conscious about his own taste anymore and if it was Sakura, who told him he was handsome, maybe he might even believe her.

“So, let’s go”, Yutaka said and put his shoes back on. He pushed the bill on the table towards Shou. “Since it’s a date, you are paying.”

“You are the one who asked me out”, he protested. “Or rather forced me out. And it’s not a date.”

“You are paying anyway”, Yutaka said. “Do it for Sakura!”

“She is not …”, Shou started.

“Also, I will pay dinner”, Yutaka added.

Resigning, Shou took the bill and got up to walk towards the counter.

He figured that cake was probably cheaper than dinner. Though it worried him, that Yutaka planned to spend that much more time with him. Eating dinner together meant they would stay together until late evening. Or it meant that Yutaka would grow hungry again soon. Knowing him, the second option wasn’t even unlikely.

Shou fumbled for his purse. It took him long to get it out, because his pants were too tight and his pockets too small. Who designed pants like that? Were there really men out there who cared more about their looks than about not having to carry a handbag?!

After paying, he had to put the purse back again. It was even worse than getting it out.

“For heaven’s sake, give me that!”, Yutaka exclaimed.

Shou hadn’t been aware he had been watching him the whole time.

“And the keys, too. You look like a fool!”

Bowing his head in apology, Shou handed over his purse and his keys. Yutaka put them into his own handbag. He shook his head.

“Now I get what you need a girlfriend for”, he teased.

Shou wanted to explain that - had he been with Sakura - he would have cared more about the appearance he made and that he would have taken his own bag, too. But it was nice of Yutaka to carry his stuff – though he could have used word more polite to offer it - so he didn’t want to argue.

“Well, I certainly don’t need a girlfriend to waste my money on family sized meals”, he replied.

Yutaka rolled his eyes, leading their way back down onto the main street.

“It was for couples. Not for families”, he clarified.

Shou snorted, but he felt affectionate about it. Yutaka was an idiot, but an idiot he knew very well. They had been through a lot, all in all. It was surprising they still got along so well.

“Where do you want to go shopping?”, Shou asked and regretted his question immediately when Yutaka pointed out to a store straight ahead at the other side of the road.

“There!”

Shou cleared his throat.

“That’s not something I need for daily wear, thank you”, he said dryly.

Yutaka turned towards him. He didn’t just turn his face but moved his whole body. It felt like he didn’t just want to look at Shou, but get ready for a physical fight if necessary. His grin was frightening.

“Oh, please, Shou”, he begged with a high-pitched voice that was obviously supposed to mimicking the speaking of a young woman. “I just want to look good for you. Don’t tell me it doesn’t get you excited.”

“I don’t want to go in there”, Shou protested.

“Would you do it with Sakura?”

Shou hesitated.

His first impulse was to say “no”, but if he did, Yutaka would take that as a win. It would prove that Shou would hate the things that got him excited when he was sitting in his living room with no one around and not actually having to do them. But if he said yes, Yutaka would drag him in there for sure.

“I’m not sure”, he stated slowly.

“If you don’t know how uncomfortable you’d feel – only one way to find out.” Yutaka beamed and turned back to walking.

Shou had no choice but to follow him right into the lingerie store.

The inside of the store was different from what Shou had expected. He wasn’t quite sure, what exactly he had expected, but it certainly involved dimmed lights and secrets of the female nature he did not want to look into too deeply.

The store, however, was really just a store. The colours black and pink were dominating, there were hints of white and red, too, though. The light was normal, there was no sensual music in the background and no half-naked women around. In fact, all the women inside the store were properly dressed. Shou couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed by that.

Trying to make it look casual, he checked out the women around himself. He wasn’t quite sure what kind of women did frequent those stores. He had been to the underwear section at department stores before, where they sold lingerie as well. But this felt like next level. The women in here were a different species. All the women Shou had dated before had preferred their underwear to be comfortable rather than sexy. Shou hadn’t minded. He preferred his underwear to be comfortable, too. And if he was being honest, really all kinds of female underwear got him excited already.

He swallowed hard. There were several young, pretty women around. All of them reminded him of Sakura. Maybe he could chat up one of them? If he did, maybe one of them might wait for him at home after touring in the future. Maybe one of them would let him take off their lingerie, too.

The thought caused his knees to go weak and his body growing inappropriately hot. Fast, he looked at the only thing in the store that was sure to not get him excited.

Yutaka had pulled up a screaming red bra from one of the brackets and held it in front of his chest.

Imagining this bra clinging to the smooth skin of a beautiful woman put Shou in a certain mood. Looking at Yutaka’s face killed that mood again instantly.

“Tell me honestly”, Yutaka said with the most serious expression. “Does it make me look fat?”

Shou snorted, trying to keep his voice down.

“I’m not sure red is your colour”, he said.

Yutaka sighed deeply and put the bra back onto the racket.

“I’m not sure it’s the right size anyway”, he said. “Maybe I should try on some panties instead?”

He took a black pair for panties from their hanger, held them up for scrutinizing and finally pulled them over his head. His hair stuck out messily where the legs were supposed to go.

“Am I sexy yet?”, he asked, pursing his lips seductively.

Shou snorted again with laughter, hurriedly pressing his hand to his face when he realized how loud he was.

Guiltily he looked around. One woman eyed them worriedly, but turned her gaze away fast, when she noticed Shou looking. Everyone else had made sure to create some distance to them.

“Put that back on there”, Shou scolded. “You can’t act like that in public.”

“What’s your problem?”, Yutaka asked lightly. “We act like that all the time.”

Shou looked around again embarrassedly. There was a shop assistant coming their way. It was a small woman their age, but in spite of her frail body, she did not look she was any less of a threat. Her facial expression promised murder.

“Usually, there are cameras around”, Shou defended himself. “People can assume we are doing that for a living. We are making people laugh. Now you are just being rude.”

Yutaka shook his head. He looked sad, but Shou could not tell if he really meant it that way, or if he was just putting on a show.

“We used to do stuff like that often. Before we could make a living out of it. Remember how we used to prank Jun? We did it to make each other laugh. No one else. We had fun. You still remember how to have fun?”

The words hit Shou harder than he had expected. It was true, they had horsed around a lot, before they even became famous. It had not been a job back then, but the pure joy of fooling around with his friend. He had strived to make Yutaka laugh and he had genuinely found him funny in return. He had had fun when he was around him. Nowadays, Shou felt sad most of the time and he used his free days to dream up a better life – a life with Sakura, a life where someone was waiting for him at home, a life where he was finally happy. But he had been happy already; back when it was just Yutaka and him and stupid jokes.

“We … we still prank Jun a lot”, he stuttered to cover up how offended he felt by Yutaka’s words.

Had he really forgotten how to have fun? Would he be happier, if he still remembered?

“Fair”, Yutaka admitted.

That was when the shop assistant reached them.

“Excuse me”, she said, but she did not look like she was going to grant them the same. “I must politely ask you to leave the shop. You are making our female customers feel uncomfortable.”

“Us?”, Yutaka asked with an innocence that was almost believable. The fact that he was still wearing the panties on his head, was not helping, though. “We would never want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. We are just here to take a look at your exquisite products.”

“We are trying to offer an atmosphere to the women here, where they can shop without disturbance by men who seem to take this as a joke.”

The woman was sternly staring at the panties on Yutaka’s head. It was pretty obvious that instead of “men” she would have liked to use much stronger words.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry”, Yutaka said hastily. Shou was watching curiously as he changed his strategy. He pulled down the panties from his head and handed them over to the shop assistant with a slight bow. “We went a little overboard. You see, we are nervous, we’ve never been to a store like this. I’m sorry, if we acted silly. My friend here – “ He pointed to Shou. “Is looking for a present for his girlfriend. We are not perverts, really. Just somewhat immature, please, forgive us.”

He bowed again and Shou followed his example. The expression of the shop assistant softened a bit as she turned to Shou now.

“Our customers are usually the women themselves, but if you are looking for a gift, maybe I can help you out. What does your girlfriend like and do you have her size? Otherwise it will be difficult to get something that fits her right.”

Shou smacked his lips and met the eyes of the shop assistant head on. He thought of what Yutaka had said. But Shou would prove him wrong.

“The thing is”, he said seriously. “I don’t have a girlfriend yet. Lately, my relationships have not worked out very well, so I thought I’d try it the other way around for a change. Instead of getting a bra for my girlfriend, I thought I’d get the bra first and then try to find a matching woman.”

Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Yutaka’s face twitching as if he was trying to hold back a laugh. He caught himself almost immediately though, and just nodded gravely to Shou’s words.

“So, please, help me find a bra that will get me the perfect girlfriend”, Shou finished and bowed again.

The shop assistant stared at him blankly.

“We thought of double D”, Yutaka added helpfully.

“But no push-up, please. I want her boobs to be real”, Shou said.

For another moment, the shop assistant did not speak. When she did, her voice was calm.

“If you don’t leave now, I will call the security.”

“Sorry, sorry, we are leaving”, Yutaka said and started walking backwards.

Shou bowed one last time and mumbled his apology as well, before rushing out onto the street.

Out in the open, he burst out laughing.

“Man, I thought she was going to punch you”, Yutaka gasped out between his laughing fits.

“And I thought she was going to strangle you with those panties”, Shou agreed and held his stomach as if that could help him catching his breath.

“I missed that”, Yutaka said when he finally calmed down.

Shou straightened himself.

“I missed that, too”, he owned up.

To his own surprise, he realized that he wouldn’t have had that much fun with Sakura. He would have stood around awkwardly and tried not to look like a pervert. With Yutaka, he just hadn’t cared.

“But please”, Shou added. “Tell me we are done shopping now. I really don’t need to get banned from any more stores today.”

“It’s okay”, Yutaka agreed and waved it off. “I just wanted to prove my point.”

Shou looked down onto his shoes. For a moment he was scared that Yutaka would now call it a day. That now he didn’t care anymore about spending the rest of the day with Shou, because he grew bored of his project. Coming home to his empty apartment – even if he had Sakura waiting there for him – would feel even lonelier after being around Yutaka today. Sakura wasn’t human after all. And she never made Shou laugh like that.

“What do you want to do now?”, he asked shyly without looking up.

He didn’t want Yutaka to notice that he was scared of being left alone. He did not want to appear clingy. He had told him again and again how he didn’t want this pseudo-date after all.

“I want to cook for you”, Yutaka said.

Astonished Shou looked up. He furrowed his brow.

“Seriously?”, he assured.

“Sure. Sakura would cook for you, if she was human, wouldn’t she?”

Shou shrugged.

He wasn’t sure. He had never thought that much about what Sakura would do or not do when he wasn’t around. He had assumed he would eat healthier, care more for himself, if she was in his life. But if it would be her or him doing the cooking, he had never considered.

“I guess”, he said.

“You don’t cook properly. I’ll take care of you today”, Yutaka said. “There is a supermarket around here somewhere, right?”

Shou pointed into the direction they had to take.

He watched Yutaka from the side closely. He couldn’t find the hook in this one. So far, Yutaka had dragged him along and embarrassed him to prove how much Shou would hate a typical date as he dreamt it up. But cooking for him was just nice. Shou wondered what Yutaka wanted to prove with that.

“The supermarket is just around the corner from my apartment”, Shou said. This time it was him leading the way.

“I actually like this area”, Yutaka stated, trotting after him. “I haven’t visited you often since you moved here from Ebisu, right?”

“We were busy”, Shou said. “There wasn’t much time for visiting each other.”

He could sense Yutaka’s eyes on himself, but kept looking straight ahead. He didn’t know why he felt so sad. It was a sadness, different to the usual one. He didn’t feel empty-sad, like it was the absence of any positive emotion that made him maybe not sad, but unhappy in the literal sense of the word that he just did not feel happy. This time, it was a full-sad, a sadness you only felt for something or someone you had lost.

“There is always time, if you really want to”, Yutaka said.

Shou wondered if that was the problem indeed. On his days off, he usually didn’t want to see anyone. He also hadn’t wanted to see Yutaka today. It felt good to be with him now, though. Maybe he should have taken the time sooner.

“We are there”, he changed the topic and pointed to the supermarket in front of them.

“Great!”, Yutaka exclaimed and snatched up one of the baskets from next to the entrance.

He didn’t seem thoughtful at all now, while Shou still had a lot on his mind. Yutaka just seemed genuinely excited about the perspective of shopping groceries.

“We should get fresh vegetables”, he said. “I bet you don’t eat enough vegetables.”

Shou shrugged and took the basket from Yutaka without further comment. He did eat vegetables, at least on the days when he bothered to cook. He didn’t always bother, though. There was a lot of takeout and just bread, really.

Yutaka took up a bunch of shallots and turned them around in his hands. He even smelled them.

Shou watched him in awe.

He always just bought the ones on top. The ones on sale, if available. He never caused such a fuss with his groceries. Yutaka was different, though. Yutaka loved his food. He even loved picking it.

In a slow process he filled the basked Shou was holding. Shou eyed the collection warily. He wasn’t sure what kind of dish this was going to be, but he was sure it would last for several days.

“Now the meat!”, Yutaka shouted. It sounded like a cry to war.

“Are you sure we need meat, too?”, Shou asked, only hesitantly approaching the meat section.

“You like meat, don’t you?”, Yutaka said lightly, skimming through the offers. He had his back towards Shou. “I want to cook something you like.”

Shou watched him from behind. There was no irony in his voice. He wasn’t teasing now and he wasn’t making fun of Shou. Shou found that very irritating.

“You are spoiling me”, he said insecurely.

With a wide grin Yutaka turned around, adding his last choices to the basket.

“Of course, I’m spoiling you”, he confirmed.

“It’s scary when you are nice”, Shou mumbled.

“Oi, what do you mean by that?!”, Yutaka shouted and took the basket from Shou to carry it over to the cashier. “I’m always nice!”

“You are always an idiot”, Shou clarified while Yutaka got out his purse. Obviously, he was going to keep his promise about paying for dinner.

“I can be both”, Yutaka said laughingly and thank the cashier, who had packed their groceries into white plastic bags. They needed two bags, because it was so much food. Yutaka took both of them.

“I can carry one”, Shou offered.

“Don’t be silly”, Yutaka said. “You are too clumsy; I don’t want to risk you dropping the food.”

“Oi!”, Shou said and boxed against Yutaka’s shoulder lightly. He pretended to tumble under the blow and nearly fell of the sidewalk. Shou chuckled.

“Idiot”, he repeated.

Yutaka was smiling. He had been smiling all day long.

They took up the stairs to Shou’s apartment and now Yutaka did hand him the shopping bags.

“I have to look for the key”, he said and started rambling through his handbag for Shou’s keys.

Shou watched him. Somehow, it felt nice to watch him like that. It felt familiar; solacing.

“Almost like we are living together, right?”, Yutaka joked when he finally pulled out the keys.

Shou hummed in agreement.

It did feel like that. Not like he was bringing home a guest, but like they were coming home together. He knew Yutaka very well.

He unlocked the door and they took off their shoes. Yutaka’s sneakers looked like they belonged.

“I hope your kitchen is well stacked”, Yutaka said and already made his way towards it. “You have proper pans and everything, don’t you?”

“I have a high-end toaster”, Shou said. “Two high-end toasters, to be precise.”

Yutaka snorted as Shou put their groceries onto the kitchen table.

“That’s not really helpful”, Yutaka said.

“It is when you want to toast bread”, Shou replied.

This time, Yutaka laughed for real.

“Yeah, none of that today”, he said and already started to rummage through the shelves.

Shou went over to the kitchen sink and washed his hands with soap demonstratively. Afterwards, he dried his hands on the towel next to the sink and stared at Yutaka sternly.

Yutaka had already pulled out three different pans – one of which Shou would have sworn he had never seen before. He held his hands under the water tap shortly as well and wiped them off on his pants afterwards. It seemed to be a demonstration of goodwill only.

Shou watched him in disgust and fascination.

Not paying attention to him at all, Yutaka poured some oil into the first pan.

“Looks very professional”, Shou observed.

“I like cooking”, Yutaka said and shrugged. “Or rather, I like eating well and that leaves me with no other choice but to care for cooking, too. Here.”

He got out a chopping board and a knife and then started to pull out the vegetables from the shopping bag.

“You can chop the vegetables, will you?”

“Yes, chef”, Shou joked and went over to the sink again to clean the vegetables before slicing them up.

“I don’t really understand why you are doing this, though. Cooking for me is nice. I thought you wanted to prove to me that I’d hate dating”, Shou said and sat down at the kitchen table.

He started to chop the shallots.

“Not quite”, Yutaka said with his back to him. He was busy with his pans, though Shou couldn’t see what he was actually doing. He couldn’t see Yutaka’s face either. “I wanted to prove to you that you would hate dating Sakura. Or any girl like her, for the matter.”

Shou hummed thoughtfully.

“By the way, you checked out the women at the store shamelessly, pervert”, Yutaka added.

Shou licked his lips.

“And you didn’t”, he stated. When Yutaka had noticed him looking at the women, his eyes must have been on Shou the whole time.

Yutaka laughed. Shou didn’t understand what was so funny.

“No”, he confirmed. “No, I didn’t.”

For a moment he didn’t continue to speak and Shou felt the desperate need to say something to keep the conversation going.

“You are bad at proving your point, though. I’m pretty sure Sakura would never have pulled those panties over her head”, he observed.

“The panties were phase one”, Yutaka announced and swirled around, holding up two fingers. It looked as if he was claiming victory already. “Now we are at phase two.”

Shou looked down at the chopping board. Yutaka turned towards the stove again.

“In phase two”, he went on without Shou needing to ask for an explanation. “I show to you why dating a real person is better than dating a virtual reality program. Like, when I cook for you, you can actually eat it. I’m more dateable than Sakura therefore.”

Shou snorted, because he had his doubts about the last statement. It took him a little longer to catch up on the hook in the rest of it.

“Wasn’t phase one proving that I would hate dating a real person? And phase two is proving that dating a real person is better than dating in virtual reality. That sounds like you want to tell me that both options I have suck. Thanks for cheering me up like that.”

Yutaka laughed again.

Shou watched him from behind. He had taken off his cardigan when entering the apartment. The shirt he wore was slightly too big. It made his shoulders look wider than they really were.

“You still don’t understand. I’m trying to prove to you that you would hate the idea you have of dating in reality. I took you on the date you should be wishing for.”

Shou snorted out so loudly, he had to turn his head to not spit at the vegetables by accident.

“I would never wish for something like that”, he stated completely convinced.

“So, you didn’t have fun?”, Yutaka asked.

He still didn’t turn around but was handling the meat now. Shou wondered if he kept his back to him on purpose. It was always easier for Shou to be honest about his feelings if he didn’t have to face the other person. Yutaka knew about that. Yutaka knew pretty much everything there was to know about Shou.

He thought about the day. He had been comfortable. He had laughed. For a while, he had forgotten to feel sad and lonely, too.

“I did have fun”, he admitted. “But it didn’t really feel like a date, did it? It was too casual. We are friends.”

Yutaka switched two of the pans without obvious reason. He was humming under his breath while doing so and for a moment Shou thought that he wasn’t going to answer at all.

“You didn’t put on make-up or style your hair, because you knew it would be casual, right?”, Yutaka finally spoke. “But if it had been Sakura, you would have styled properly.”

Shou cleared his throat. He was slow with cutting the vegetables. Yutaka’s words kept distracting him.

“Of course. I’d want to look good for her. With you, I just don’t care.”

It was meant to sound jokingly, but Shou noticed it came out a little cold.

Yutaka did not seem to bother, but it was hard to tell without seeing his face. On the other hand, Yutaka never really bothered with anything.

“Sure, it gives you a good feeling at the beginning”, Yutaka said. “But would you really want to put so much effort into your looks every time you meet with your girlfriend? If you had recordings all day, you’d be tired, you’d want it to be casual. You dream up a partner with whom you would be someone else. But you should rather look for someone who loves you the way you are. Someone, who thinks that you look gorgeous without make-up.”

“I don’t think such a person exists”, Shou said. Again, he had wanted it to come out as a joke. This time, it just sounded sad.

“You don’t really like Sakura”, Yutaka said surprisingly harsh. “You just like the idea of who her boyfriend would be.”

“I would be happier as that person”, Shou defended himself. “Probably.”

“The person you are is alright”, Yutaka insisted. “You don’t need to change your looks and your personality and you don’t have to get new clothes. You are alright.”

Shou swallowed hard.

Deep down he felt like Yutaka might be right. Maybe he didn’t need someone for whom he would style his hair. Maybe he needed someone who liked him on his bad-hair-days, too. And maybe he didn’t need someone for whom he would get his own, stylish handbag. Maybe he just needed someone who rolled their eyes at him and carried his purse and keys anyway. Maybe he needed someone who made him laugh and feel silly more than he needed someone who made him feel handsome and cool.

The pans were causing a sizzling sound now.

“I think I would just like myself better, if I tried a little harder”, Shou said quietly.

He had his eyes on the chopping board again, but from the corner of his eyes he saw Yutaka’s shoulders slump down nonetheless.

“You are already working so hard, Shou”, he said softly. Shou thought he had never heard him say his name like that before. “It’s okay to stop trying now. You’ve done enough. You are enough.”

For some reason, Shou’s eyelids felt very hot all of a sudden. He didn’t understand why. He didn’t feel sad. He couldn’t name his current emotion at all right now. But his body seemed to react to the words on their own. Shou felt like crying. He hadn’t been aware he needed to hear it so badly. You are enough. He never told that to himself. He just kept pushing and pushing and, in the end, still felt insufficient. Yutaka’s kindness only made the lack of kindness he felt for himself all the more apparent.

“I …”, he started, but got interrupted when Yutaka finally turned around.

He had expected his face to be as serious as his words, but Yutaka’s expression was as carefree as ever. When his gaze fell upon the vegetables, he furrowed his brow, though.

“What for fuck’s sake is that supposed to be?!”, he shouted angrily.

Shou flinched. He hadn’t expected the violent outburst. The feeling of held back tears however vanished immediately.

“What?”, Shou asked perplex.

“You are still not done cutting the vegetables!”, Yutaka shouted. “You had one job!”

With that, he shook his head.

“Chop faster now, will you?”

Shou held out the knife to him, but Yutaka crossed the arms in front of his chest.

“You do it then”, Shou pouted.

“No, you do it now. And hurry up, the meat will be finished soon.”

Shou picked up chopping, Yutaka still watching him with folded arms.

“You are so scary”, Shou whined, but he was kind of glad he could put on a show now. It made him forgot about the sinister feelings and thoughts full of doubt he had felt only moments ago.

“I can’t have you slack off like that”, Yutaka said and finally filled his hands with pieces of vegetables to carry them over to the pans.

He should have used a bowl for it instead and of course he dropped some pieces to the floor.

“And you are making a mess”, Shou scolded him. He felt slightly annoyed with Yutaka shouting at him and now acting like a pig again himself. “You are dirtying the whole kitchen.”

“You have to clean up afterwards anyway”, Yutaka shot back and Shou huffed.

“Me? You are the one who insisted on cooking for me.”

“Yeah, cooking. The cleaning service is not included”, Yutaka said.

Shou rolled his eyes and started cleaning the chopping board and knife he had used, wiping the kitchen table as well. Then he got out plates and bowls and arranged them on the table.

“Want something to drink? I think I still have some beer in the fridge”, he offered.

“Beer would be great, yes”, Yutaka agreed and Shou got out two cans while his friend poured out the contents of the pans into the bowls.

Shou had to admit that it smelled and looked great.

“We forgot to make rice”, he observed.

“No, we didn’t”, Yutaka said and went over to the rice cooker. “I did it while you cleaned the vegetables.”

“Eh, really?”, Shou said astonished while Yutaka carried over a bowl of rice and sat down at the table opposite to him.

“I would also have found the time to read a book, watch a movie and travel the world while you did”, Yutaka stated sarcastically. “The only thing you do slower than cleaning vegetables is chopping vegetables.”

“Oh, shut up”, Shou said and kicked Yutaka’s shin under the table.

Yutaka grinned and started eating.

Shou tried the food, too. He was pleased with the result.

“Tastes good”, he complimented. “We cooked well.”

“I cooked well”, Yutaka said with his mouth full of food. Now that they weren’t in public, Shou wasn’t annoyed by it anymore. Somehow, even Yutaka’s barbaric side was somewhat charming. “You are fired.”

Shou chuckled and continued eating. He hadn’t really felt hungry when they came home, but the smell in the kitchen had stirred his appetite.

“Anyway, thank you for dinner”, he said to make peace and continued with his meal.

Of course, Yutaka was eating faster than him. Even he slowed down eventually, though.

“There are going to be leftovers”, Shou observed.

“It’s not a problem”, Yutaka said. “I can eat the rest tomorrow.”

“You?”, Shou assured mockingly.

“Yes”, Yutaka said with a blank expression. He was amazing at keeping blank expressions. “I will take home the rest. I hope you have enough boxed to pack it up.”

“Oi!”, Shou protested laughingly. “We should put it in the refrigerator here and I will eat it tomorrow.”

“No way”, Yutaka said, still blankly. “I paid for it.”

Shou laughed and started collecting the empty dishes.

“It was a treat”, he reminded Yutaka. “Or you will lose to Sakura. At least she doesn’t steal my food.”

Yutaka grinned. It was a cheeky grin.

“Alright, you can keep the food. But I’m not going to clean the kitchen, because Sakura can’t do that either.”

Shou sighed and put the dirty bowls into the kitchen sink.

“It’s okay, I will clean it up later”, he promised.

“Now sit down again, I still didn’t finish my beer.”

Shou looked around the kitchen. He hadn’t finished his beer yet either. But the sink was already filled completely and there were still the three pans sitting on the stove.

“Me neither”, he agreed. “But please, let’s move to the living room. I can’t relax when I’m staring at this mess.”

Yutaka shrugged like he didn’t care either way and followed Shou into the living room. They slumped down on the couch and Shou emptied his beer. He thought of getting another one, but he had already drunken this one too fast and could slightly feel the alcohol whenever he moved his head. He put the empty can on the coffee table.

The day had been nice, but now he felt a little sleepy. Not tired with exhaustion like he did on many other days, just too lazy to be awake much longer. He did not want to kick Yutaka out, because he had proven to be good company today, but he hoped he wouldn’t ask for a second beer nonetheless. If he left somewhat early, Shou might even pay a last short visit to Sakura, before going to sleep.

As if he had read his thoughts, Yutaka grinned at him provokingly now.

“On a date with Sakura, what would you do now after dinner?”

“Ah.” Shou grinned, trying to look guilty, but it was just for show. “This is usually the part where it gets pervy.”

“I figured”, Yutaka said and stretched his leg to kick the box of Kleenex on the table with his foot. The cartoon character on his sock was grinning.

“So, you should really leave soon”, Shou said jokingly, when really, he absolutely meant it. “I want to play at least that part before going to sleep.”

“Oh, really? My company wasn’t good enough? You still need to visit Sakura before sleeping?”, Yutaka mocked him, but there was something about his tone of voice that Shou couldn’t quite place.

“Well, we had a nice date”, Shou said to appease him. “And after a good date, sex would only be natural, right?”

He tried to grin at Yutaka. Yutaka was grinning at him, too. Something about his grin made it difficult for Shou to keep smiling.

Yutaka had put on his lopsided grin, raising his eyebrows slightly. Shou knew that grin. It was the sexy grin. The grin that made the fans scream and the women grow weak. Shou could not deny that he looked handsome when he smiled like that. Not cute like Sakura, but just as attractive. Maybe even more attractive, because Yutaka was real and because his smile was just a little imperfect with his front teeth and wrinkles, and because Shou didn’t have to pay for it. (Especially the latter.)

“Yes, I agree”, Yutaka said and shuffled closer, putting his beer can onto the table as well and leaning in on Shou.

Shou backed off a little, but he was already sitting at the far end of the couch and couldn’t get out of Yutaka’s reach without standing up.

“What are you doing?”, Shou asked and chuckled nervously to play down the situation. But he had a tight knot sitting in his throat, because Yutaka was so close, he could sense the warmth of his body clearly and there was something about his expression that was flirting and sexy and therefore a little menacing.

“I told you I’d be your Sakura today”, Yutaka said, his voice low. “But better.”

“Yeah. I don’t think I want that”, Shou said and shifted his weight uncomfortable.

“Ew.” Yutaka made a face and hung his head. “And I was banking on it. This is were I planned to score a thousand bonus points. First cooking a dinner that you can actually eat. And other than Sakura – I can actually touch you. I’m beating her at that. Important for phase two.”

Shou chuckled again and turned his head away from Yutaka, because otherwise his face was just too close.

He was obviously joking. Obviously. Because there was no way that Yutaka would actually want to touch him. And especially not after the way he had acted today. He had fooled around. It hadn’t been a date. It had been a joke. And it was just Yutaka. Just his friend. It was typical for him to joke.

Shou wished he wouldn’t joke in such a serious manner, though. Yutaka’s voice was full of humour, but didn’t sound outright joking. And his body was leaning in so closely and his skin felt so warm and real and it had been too long since Shou had been touched that way by anyone but himself. Yutaka’s joking made him uncomfortable, because it also made him nervous.

“Sorry to disappoint you”, Shou said as lightly as he could. “But you already got a lot of bonus points for the dinner, so it should be fine.”

Yutaka reached out now, placing his hand on the waistband of Shou’s pants. Shou swallowed again. He could sense the touch in his groins very clearly. Yutaka’s palm was warm. Gently Yutaka started rubbing the space below Shou’s bellybutton.

Shou hoped that he wouldn’t slip his hand farther down as a joke. It was normal to get excited by such a sensual touch. It was just a physical reaction. Yutaka should be aware of that. But if he noticed, it would be embarrassing nonetheless. It was just a joke after all.

“It’s alright with me”, Yutaka continued. He was speaking quietly now. His voice sounded kind, but also alluring. Shou had heard him use that voice before. It had never been directed at Shou, though. “I don’t mind touching you. And I know you are lonely. You don’t have to feel ashamed, if you want to use me. You can just close your eyes. Or you can put on some porn, if you want to. You can do whatever you usually do. Even if you want to watch Sakura, it’s alright. I will do it for you, okay?”

His voice was almost hypnotizing. He made it sound so easy. Being touched by a hand that wasn’t his own for a change would surely feel so nice. Just being with another human being and …

Yutaka’s hand slowly slid down farther.

Shou grabbed his wrist and pushed his hand away from his body violently.

“Just cut it out”, he commanded sharply.

His cheeks felt hot and he probably looked a little flushed. He was embarrassed to have let it come so far. For a moment he had almost been willing to give in. Yutaka would have had a good laugh at him then. He was probably laughing at him inwardly right now. His facial expression was straight, but Yutaka was a good actor.

“Just stop”, he repeated.

He waited for a reaction that would be typical for Yutaka. Laughing loudly or shouting loudly or just doing anything that was loud. But instead, he just kept looking at him calmly. Shou had to avoid meeting his eyes. He didn’t know what to make of Yutaka when he was like that.

“Is it because I’m a man?”, he asked.

Shou was surprised by the question. It sounded as if Yutaka really wondered, as if he really saw no other reason why Shou wouldn’t want his touch.

Hesitantly, Shou shook his head.

He was surprised about that as well. Not about his answer, but about the fact that he was telling Yutaka honestly. Yutaka was handsome and his body was warm and his smile incredible charming. At the end of the day, Shou didn’t really mind who was waiting for him at home.

“No, it’s not. I actually don’t mind that”, he admitted.

“Really?” Yutaka raised his brows in surprise.

Shou shrugged awkwardly.

He had never been in a relationship with a man and although it had never come to actual sex either, there had been a lot of kisses and touches, mostly during puberty, that were caused by despair and curiosity for most of his friends, but that had never made a difference to Shou. He had liked that kisses of men as much as the kisses of women. What he had lacked over the years afterwards wasn’t interest, but rather opportunity. He had just dropped that tendency, because everyone else had dropped it and he had never thought of Yutaka as a potential partner, but he had always thought he was pretty. All that seemed too long to explain, though.

“It’s not that”, he just repeated.

“What is it then?”, Yutaka asked.

Shou shrugged, not knowing how to point out the obvious. It was the fact that it was Yutaka. His friend, band member and idiot. It was the fact that he was inconsiderate and making fun of his feelings. It was the fact that the turn had come too suddenly, from playing pranks at a lingerie store to flirting with Shou and that now he didn’t know which one was the act and which one the real Yutaka. He didn’t understand Yutaka’s intention and therefore didn’t trust him. He decided that the last one was probably the best explanation.

“I don’t trust you”, he said. “I don’t know what you want from me.”

Yutaka chuckled.

“Close your eyes”, he ordered.

Shou pressed his lips together and shook his head.

“Come on, close your eyes”, Yutaka repeated.

Shou sighed quietly. So, here it came. The revelation of what Yutaka had been up to. It was probably going to be a prank, but Yutaka was his friend and Shou had to believe that whatever he held in store for him, was going to stay within the limits of what was bearable. And anything was going to be better than this weird tension that he didn’t know how to explain.

Shou closed his eyes and waited.

What was he going to do? Spit water into his face? Draw a penis onto his forehead? It was the final prank that would make void of all the flirting before. Knowing Yutaka, it would probably be something extraordinary stupid.

He sensed Yutaka leaning in. Then, he sensed his lips against his cheek. They were soft and dry. He felt Yutaka’s nose brush against his cheek, too.

Without meaning to, Shou held his breath.

Okay, it was just a kiss on the cheek. Nothing spectacular. Yutaka was just doing that to lull Shou into a false sense of security. Then the final blow would hit him all the harder. And it was only the cheek. No crossing the line there yet. Not directly common between them, but not a violent invasion of his personal space either.

Shou kept his eyes closed.

Yutaka kissed him again, this time closer to his lips. He brushed the corner of Shou’s mouth.

Shou’s eyelids felt hot again. Yutaka’s kisses were incredibly gentle. He needed to stop now, he needed to stop now, he needed to stop or Shou would forget who it was that kissed him and he would get carried away and he would make a fool out of himself in front of Yutaka, who seemed to just wait for Shou to make a fool out of himself.

He sensed Yutaka shifting again next to him and then he put his hand against Shou’s cheek, turning his head lightly. Shou knew that Yutaka was going to kiss him on the lips this time and for a moment, he just allowed the sensation to wash over him. There were lips on his lips and a hand against his cheek and another hand that caressed his chest. And when he parted his lips slightly, the kiss became more pressuring and there was another human being touching him, another human being kissing him and Shou’s skin felt so lonely that he wanted to fall into that touch and he wanted to vanish inside that kiss. He wanted to forget that it was Yutaka kissing him and enjoy the tenderness he was craving for.

But he couldn’t forget that it was Yutaka of course. Yutaka, who had acted awful all day already. He had dragged Shou out of the apartment against his will, because he wanted to take away his virtual reality joy for some reason that he didn’t understand. If it made Shou happy, why couldn’t he let him be? Sure, it was petty and silly, but was it of Yutaka’s business? And at the café, he had just embarrassed Shou. He had caused them to get kicked out of the lingerie store that Shou hadn’t wanted to enter to begin with. Even while cooking, when he claimed he wanted to do something nice for him, he had shouted at Shou for being too slow and he had dirtied his kitchen carelessly. And now he was kissing Shou although he had told him he didn’t want it and the whole day seemed like a joke that only Yutaka could laugh at. He had been making fun of Shou all along, not caring about how he felt and his carefreeness had been nothing but cruelty.

Shou opened his eyes and pushed Yutaka away violently.

“What’s wrong with you?”, he shouted and jumped off the couch, backing off a few steps to glare at Yutaka, who was still sitting there, looking disorientated for a moment as if he wasn’t sure what had just happened either.

“What?”, Yutaka asked.

In Shou’s opinion that was a pretty dumb thing to say.

“Didn’t you make enough fun of me already? You may think making me uncomfortable is funny, but to me it’s not”, he declared angrily.

“I didn’t make fun of you”, Yutaka said. He wasn’t stuttering and he didn’t look guilty at all. His hand flew up to his lips, touching them lightly as if he wanted to check if they were still there, or as if he couldn’t actually believe they had kissed Shou only moments ago.

“Just get out. I don’t know why you had to ruin my free day like that”, Shou said, still speaking loudly.

He felt hurt and didn’t quite understand why. He had thought he had enjoyed the day so far. But Yutaka had crossed a line and now all the positive things that had happened today seemed tinted in an ugly colour as well. It wasn’t fair to make fun of him like that, because Shou wasn’t able to stay indifferent to a kiss like that and he was sure that Yutaka had noticed. It wasn’t fair to use it against him. It wasn’t fair to play with his feeling like that.

“Shou, I’m sorry, if I made you this uncomfortable. But it’s not a joke. Please, sit down again.”

Yutaka shuffled over again to create more space on the couch for Shou.

Shou inhaled deeply. But Yutaka was speaking so seriously, that he decided to give him a chance.

He sat down again. Their bodies weren’t touching anymore. Shou was thankful for the distance.

“So, what was this all about today?”, Shou inquired.

“I just …” Yutaka shook his head. He was smiling. Shou didn’t understand how he was always smiling. Even now, he didn’t seem to feel especially uncomfortable. To Shou, it was a clear sign he had been joking. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be able to act so carefree about it now. “I wanted to prove to you that I’d be a better date than Sakura. I’m kind of jealous of her, you know? I had fun on our date today. And I thought that if I touched you like she never could, that … you’d realize that it would be better to settle for me than fantasize about someone who could never make you happy. I guess I just wanted to seduce you.”

“Seduce me?”, Shou snorted. “The way you acted today you didn’t try very hard to seduce me.”

“I tried to be myself!”, Yutaka defended himself laughingly.

“See”, Shou said. “You didn’t try very hard to seduce me.”

Yutaka laughed again and slapped Shou’s shoulder.

It felt nice. Familiar again. The tension between them had vanished. This was the Yutaka that Shou knew how to deal with. The silly Yutaka, the Yutaka who scolded him and the Yutaka who laughed at his jokes. The Yutaka who had kissed him had been a strange Yutaka, one he had never met before. Shou hadn’t known what to make of him.

“But seriously, didn’t you enjoy today?”, Yutaka asked. “I wanted to give you what you need. You don’t need someone to pity you. You need someone who reminds you to laugh and be dorky sometimes. I want to be that person for you.”

Shou shrugged uncertainly.

“Before the sexual harassment, it was alright”, he concluded.

Yutaka laughed quietly. He did seem embarrassed now, although he was still smiling.

“Yes, sorry about that.”

“But why would you even do that?”, Shou asked. “It’s nice you wanted to give me a fun date, but why? Why would you even be jealous of Sakura? What do you care?”

Yutaka stared at him completely expressionless. Expressionless was his speciality.

“Well, I am in love with you”, he said very slowly as if talking to a little child.

“You are what?”, Shou repeated, adding a chuckle for good measure.

Of course, the statement wasn’t funny, but it was so absurd that he had absolutely no idea what else to do with it.

“Okay, you know what”, Yutaka said. “I take back what I said earlier. Chopping vegetables is not the thing you are the slowest at.”

He reached out and tipped his fingers lightly against Shou’s temple. Shou made a face.

“You are a little slow in the head in general.”

“That’s not a very loving thing to say”, Shou said, still making a face.

Yutaka smirked and rolled his eyes.

“So, I called you, because I was worried about you. And because I wanted to know how you are doing and because I wanted to hear your voice and because I wanted to spend time with you. Because you know, idiot, I want to hear your voice and I want to spend time with you every single day.”

“Hm”, Shou made.

“And when you mentioned Sakura, I got jealous. Because you keep running after fantasies of women that would not make you happy when you dated them in real life. You don’t see what’s right in front of you. I could make you happy. And that doesn’t mean we have to date, you see. It’s okay if you don’t return my feelings or if you just don’t feel attracted to men or whatever. I respect that. But I could make you happy as a friend, too. If you are feeling lonely, you don’t have to play that game and dream of better days to come. You can just call me up. We can cook together or watch a movie or go for a walk or play video games or just do whatever, really. I promise, I will make you laugh and I will listen to you and you won’t ever have to put on fancy clothes for me or do your hair. I will just be there, because I love you and because – first and foremost – I am your friend.”

Shou nodded. Yutaka was still speaking slowly as if he wanted to make sure Shou really got all of it. Shou got it. It did make sense to a certain degree. Yutaka forcing him out on a date. Yutaka not paying attention to any woman in the lingerie store. Yutaka who knew how to make Shou laugh and who knew which cake he would order and who knew which groceries to buy for him.

“And if you want to have sex with someone and if – as you claim – you are indeed not opposed to men, then here I am. I want to touch you. I’m crazy about you. Even if it’s just as a friend, even if you just use me, that is alright with me. I’m real, Shou. I’m real. That is already something.”

“At least one good quality about you”, Shou agreed when he realized that Yutaka was done with his monologue.

“Oi!”, Yutaka said and boxed against his shoulder again.

“For someone who claims to love me, you have a damn lot of complaints about me”, Shou observed.

He didn’t know how else to react to the confession. It was all a bit much at once. He wanted to stay on the ground that felt safe. When he was joking with Yutaka everything felt familiar and like it would never change.

“I’m just worried”, Yutaka said. “I can see you are not very happy.”

Shou turned his eyes away.

That was the thing he didn’t understand about Yutaka. He always seemed happy. And he always seemed sure of everything. He talked about his feelings like it was nothing special. Like loving Shou was as obvious to him as breathing oxygen. Shou on the other hand, wasn’t sure about his feelings at all. He liked Yutaka. He liked him a lot. But returning his confession? He wasn’t sure if this was love. If he was mistaken, it would be a lie. And if he turned him down? Would that hurt Yutaka? Would that ruin their chances forever, even if Shou changed his mind? Admittedly, Yutaka did not look like he would be hurt deeply. Maybe his heart could be broken, but it surely healed fast.

Shou just couldn’t believe he was so sure.

“What about you?”, he asked. “Just being friends, wouldn’t that hurt you? Always being there for me, but your love staying unrequited?”

“Ah, no.” Yutaka waved it off with a wide grin. “I would be happy to be around you. I just want you to be happy, most of all. And as your friend, I could help provide for that. And I wouldn’t cry over you forever. I would surely fall in love with someone else eventually, if it was hopeless. But I would always be your friend. I would always love you, even if it’s not romantically. Being your friend would be perfect already.”

He was beaming.

“And if I used you for sex?”, Shou inquired. “Wouldn’t that hurt you? Only being used and not being able to let go?”

“Are you kidding me?!”, Yutaka shouted and threw back his head laughingly. “Being your friend and being allowed to touch you?! Making you laugh and kissing you? Perfect!”

He was still beaming.

Shou furrowed his brow.

“It can’t all be equal”, he pointed out. “If that’s perfect, what would it be, if I actually wanted to date you?”

He had said it casually, but his heart started beating faster instantly. Would Yutaka want that? Was dating an actual possibility?

Shou thought of Yutaka waiting for him when he came home from recordings. He thought of coming home together with him after a tour. He thought of Yutaka shouting at him while cooking together. He thought of how he would never have to get a handbag, because Yutaka would carry his stuff and how he wouldn’t have to try and how he might even be silly again. And he thought of with how much noise Yutaka would fill the apartment, that felt too empty and quiet when it was just Shou living there. And he thought of how pretty Yutaka looked when he smiled and Shou thought of laying down in bed next to him naked and he thought of Yutaka saying “Welcome home”.

“Dating you?”, Yutaka assured. “More perfect!”

Shou laughed and this time it was him slapping Yutaka’s shoulder.

“Perfect doesn’t work like that”, he said. “Nothing can be more than perfect.”

“Just wait until I take off my clothes”, Yutaka said.

Shou laughed and rolled his eyes at him.

“But would … I mean …” For the first time today, Yutaka was stuttering slightly. “Would dating be an option?”

“Mh.” Shou tilted his head thoughtfully. “Maybe I could put Sakura on hold for a little while”, he admitted.

Yutaka’s grin turned cheeky again. Shou loved that lopsided grin of his.

“Can we burn the game?”, he asked.

“No, we can’t”, Shou said sternly. “I paid for it. Also, I don’t want to kill her. It’s more like we are taking a little break from our relationship.”

“I definitely want to kill her”, Yutaka interrupted him.

Shou snorted. But he leaned in a little and put his hand on Yutaka’s shoulder now. His skin was warm through the fabric of the shirt.

Yutaka turned towards him.

Shou leaned in more and this time it was him kissing Yutaka on the lips. The kiss felt softer, but maybe it was just Shou who felt calmer now. Within a few heartbeats, Sakura was dead to him already. But he wasn’t going to tell Yutaka. He had to keep trying a little longer.

Shou pulled back again.

“But a break is also alright”, Yutaka said, smiling dizzily.

Shou chuckled, because he could tell Yutaka was acting dizzy on purpose.

“Just until we have figured out what this is. I mean”, he corrected himself. “Until I know what I want.”

It didn’t seem exactly fair towards Yutaka, he had to admit. He in Yutaka’s position would have wanted an answer. Were they friends, lovers, boyfriends? Shou couldn’t tell yet and he felt guilty for making Yutaka wait, who already seemed so sure of what he wanted.

“You’ll have to wait a little. Is that alright with you?”, he assured.

But he stopped worrying as soon as he saw Yutaka’s wide grin. He knew the answer even before he leaned in to kiss Shou once again. Because with him, the answer would always be the same.

“It’s perfect”, Yutaka said.

#Golden Bomber #fanfiction #Kiryuuin Shou #Kyan Yutaka #kirikyan #fanfic #my original idea was actually to write a murder mystery where someone hires a hacker and next time Shou logs in he finds Sakura dead #and then he has to solve her murder by finding out who hired the hacker #it would have been a thrilling virtual reality murder mystery gay drama

[cooliogirl101]

If you're doing the commentary thing still: from 'To Love a Monster', "The fact that Shunsui likes to frequent the Rukongai every few months is a little known secret." to "“Originally, I wasn’t planning on it,” he admits, which is true. Recruiting events like these have a tendency of turning out dreadfully dull. Now, though… “But recent events have made me consider making an exception.”" That might be over 500, if so just cut if off when you feel like it.

(My comments are in bold)

The fact that Shunsui likes to frequent the Rukongai everyfew months is a little known secret. He keeps it that way because he’s foundthat hiding in the nearby districts is the best way to keep Lisa off his backabout his paperwork. (Lisa fighting a losing battle there)

(Plus, once he gets past district three or so, hardly anyonerecognizes him and it’s…nice to be looked at without the usual accompanying aweor adoration. To be treated like a normal person.) (like all the man wants is some people to chill with, he literally invites all his enemies to be his drinking buddies you can’t get much more chill than that)

He’s frequenting a local shogi club in the 4thDistrict of West Rukongai when he comes across one of the regulars grumblingabout “damn genius kids taking all of his money.” A quick glance at the gameshows that the man lost by an impressively large margin. (lol like Sousuke would have tolerated anything less, the proud little shit)

“Who was your opponent, if you don’t mind me asking?”Shunsui asks, interested. It isn’t often he comes across promising new players;it’d be nice to find someone who could offer him a challenge. (be careful what you wish for old man)

“Some random brat,” the man grunts. “Looked ‘bout nine,brown hair, brown eyes. He just left; if you want to catch up with him, you’dbetter hurry.”

After murmuring a word of thanks, Shunsui heads out of theclub and just manages to catch a glimpse of brown hair before it vanishesacross a corner. A quick shunpo brings him to a nearby rooftop, where he findsthat the kid looks…oddly familiar. It takes Shunsui a few minutes of followingthe boy around before he’s able to place him as the bold little thief from afew years back, and when he does Shunsui can’t help but feel faintly surprised.While souls aren’t exactly confined to the district they’re sent to after theirdeath, between a lack of funds and the risk of running into hollows in theforests separating the districts, he’s found that few are comfortable withtraveling around. Given that the last time he saw the boy, they were in the 37thdistrict of East Rukongai and they’re currently in the 4th districtof West Rukongai…well, it suggests a certain level of mobility that Shunsuihadn’t expected. (that’s because most kids don’t fight hollows for fun)

“So are you justgonna hide there and stare at me all day, or…?” The boy calls out abruptly.Shunsui considers his options, shrugs, and proceeds to jump down from therooftop, where he finds himself on the receiving end of a suspicious glare.

“Ah, so you noticed me. I was wondering if you would,” hesays, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. He isn’t exactly surprised—hewasn’t really trying to hide in the first place, and he’s discovered thatRukongai kids tend to have better instincts than most.

“You’ve been following me. Why?” The boy cuts in, expressiongiving no indication as to whether or not he recognizes him. After a moment ofconsideration, Shunsui decides to go with the truth. (Smart choice, Shunsui. I mean, they still won’t trust you but at least you haven’t given them a reason to actively distrust you)

“Saw that game you just played and was pretty impressed,” hesays with an easy smile. “Don’t suppose you’d indulge me in a match?”

“I’d love to, I really would, but nee-chan says I’m notallowed to go off with lonely old men,” the boy answers without missing a beat.Shunsui chokes, feeling more than a little indignant at the implication, andproceeds to revise his opinion of the boy from ‘brat’ to ‘impertinent littleshit.’

“Hey now, watch yourself! I’m not lonely! I happen to havemany friends, thank you very much. And I’m not old either!” He adds grumpily.“I’ll have you know that I’m in the prime of my life.”

“Mmm, if you say so,” the boy says, tilting his head to theside with an innocent smile. “Is that why you were stalking a prepubescent boy?Nee-chan did say something about menin their mid-life crises having weird habits.”

“And where is yoursister, by the way? Seems a bit careless of her to just let you wander off byyourself, doesn’t it?” Shunsui asks, deciding to change the subject tosomething a little less awkward. The boy’s eyes flash in response but whatsurprises Shunsui is the briefest upsurge in reiatsu that accompanies it.

“Nee-chan knows that I can take care of myself,” he saysdefensively, voice just a little too tight to be casual. (The implication that he can’t take care of himself and needs his big sister to protect him is a surefire way to piss him off. Especially since he takes quite a lot of pride in his ability to protect Sayuri). 

“I have no doubt that you can, but nonetheless I admit Ifind myself a little surprised that she’d leave you on your own,” Shunsuimurmurs, extending his reiatsu. He hadn’t noticed it before, hadn’t beenlooking for it, but now he can tell that there are small fluctuations in theboy’s energy—telltale signs that it’s being suppressed. “Unless, of course…”

As if on cue, a small figure slips out from the shadowsbehind him as the other half of the duo goes to stand beside her brother. Looking at them, Shunsui is once again taken aback by just how alike theylook—the girl’s features are a touch more delicate while the boy’s eyes are ashade lighter, but aside from that they look eerily similar. (yeah the omnitsukudo would literally kill to get her. Hasn’t even reached puberty yet and already has enough control over her reiatsu to hide from a captain? Granted, said captain wasn’t trying very hard to find her, but still)

“Otouto,” the girl greets her brother, although she doesn’ttake her eyes off him. It also doesn’t escape his notice that neither of themhave referred to each other by name so far. “I thought I told you not to speakto suspicious characters.”

Oh, come on, Shunsuithinks in exasperation. First implied pedophile, and now ‘suspiciouscharacter’? At this rate, these kids are going to give him a complex. (and yet, in some weird way, he finds them charming.)

“Maa, maa, I mean no harm,” Shunsui says, holding his handsup. He isn’t surprised to note the same fluctuations in the girl’s reiatsu,although hers are far more subtle. It does bring up the question though ofexactly how much reiatsu these kids have,for them to feel the need to suppress it. Hiding his reiatsu is all butsecond nature to him as a captain—it has to be, since the slightest loss ofcontrol over it tends to send grown men sprawling to their knees—but for two kids to do so? Who are these children,exactly? (Kyouraku: “You mean to tell me you’ve developed better reiatsu control than most seated officers on your own?” Twins: “What, like it’s hard?”)

“Would it help if I introduced myself? Kyouraku Shunsui, Captain ofthe Gotei 13’s Eighth Division, at your service.”

This time, the surge in the boy’s reiatsu is far morepronounced but interestingly enough, the girl’s doesn’t waver. A testament toher control, perhaps…? 

“And what business does a captain have with two kids fromthe Rukongai?” The girl asks skeptically, not bothering to offer her own name.

“Well, as someone who visits these areas relativelyfrequently, I figured it was my duty to inform you of some of the localattractions. See, in two weeks, district three of North Rukongai will beholding its annual dango festival,” he says, studying them closely. “It’s alsowhere a few members from the Gotei 13’s First Division will be holding aninformation session for those who might be interested in becoming shinigami.”

“Don’t you need high spiritual energy levels in order tobecome shinigami, though?” The girl questions, expression unreadable.

“Of course, but I don’t think that’s something either of youneed to worry about, am I right?” He asks with a smile. The boy stiffens andthe girl’s eyes narrow minutely, but to their credit, neither of them botherdenying it. “You don’t need to come; I’m not forcing you to. Just…consider it,okay?” (In which the twins meet their match in the ‘seeing through bullshit’ department. Kyouraku isn’t buying their act of ‘harmless impertinent children who don’t know any better’ any more than they’re buying his act of ‘harmless old man’)

With that, he turns around and begins to head back in thedirection of the Seireitei, whistling to himself as he goes. He gets about tenfeet before the boy—and he really needs to learn their names, he can’t justkeep referring to them as ‘the girl’ and ‘the boy’—calls out.

“Will you be there? At the information session, I mean,” heasks. Shunsui pauses, but doesn’t turn around.

“Originally, I wasn’t planning on it,” he admits, which istrue. Recruiting events like these have a tendency of turning out dreadfully dull. Now, though… “Butrecent events have made me consider making an exception.”

(because despite everything...he’s taken a liking to them)

#to love a monster #meri47

[street-saint]

My COVID-19 Anime List

People have often asked me what I have been up do during the quarantine. Besides working on Giant Diaries and staying afloat as an “essential worker,” most of my free time has been spent watching anime.

Context: I hadn’t watched ANY anime since I was in high school (circa 2005). But just before the quarantine was announced, I felt a bit nostalgic for a show I watched when I was younger (Najica Blitz Tactics). After rewatching it, I got curious about another. And then, when I suddenly had so much free time, I found myself watching a bunch more.

And since I have now watched well over 50 different anime titles in the span of 4 months, I figured I would write a little something about it.

A few notes about my show choices: I am a bit of a snob when it comes to TV series. I watch what I like, and care very little about outside opinions. Mainly because I have specific tastes which even my closest friends sometimes can’t understand. Also because I try to avoid the “popular” shows that everyone else watches.

Naturally, after watching so many anime titles, I’ve discovered a number of elements, genres, and tropes that I especially enjoy (as well as ones I could really do without).

Tropes I Like:

RPG-style fantasy/adventure

Cinematic action/fight scenes

Superpowered characters with complementary (or contradictory) abilities

Buddy-cop partnerships and “unlikely duos”

Unabashed fan service

Yuri romance

Magical Girls and/or Girls-with-Guns

Zany, over-the-top comedy with profound, tear-jerkingly dramatic story arcs

Character Types I Like:

The Badass - The best at what they do, and don’t think twice about it

The Shinobi - Masked ninja who can appear and vanish at will

The Emotionless Girl - Shameless carbon-copy of Rei Ayanami who barely speaks or displays any kind of emotion

Tropes I Avoid:

Giant, building-smashing monsters

Mechs and mobile suits

Excessive gore

Over-the-top and persistent inclusion of “tsundere” and/or the jealous, clingly (non-)girlfriend

“Wimpy Guy” trope, or “I accidentally saw your underwear! Please spare my life!!”

Any and every kiss/display of affection is “coincidentally” interrupted by “plot”

The List

On to the list! I divided the shows up into an overall ranking system based on my own enjoyment. The breakdown essentially goes like this:

S-Rank: Shows I absolutely loved and would happily rewatch or recommend to someone with similar tastes.

A-Rank: Shows I loved, but not enough to necessarily watch again. I would probably still recommend it to someone with similar tastes, and I’m definitely looking forward to the next season.

B-Rank: Shows I enjoyed for various reasons, but am basically done with. Would not think to recommend it, and would probably pass on another season.

The “+” or “-” indicates rank within each category (ie. A+ versus A-). Otherwise, shows are listed in no particular order.

S Rank

+ Arifureta: From Commonplace to World's Strongest + Prison School + Najica Blitz Tactics + Keijo!!!!!!!! + I Couldn't Become a Hero, So I Reluctantly Got a Job That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime SHIMONETA: A Boring World Where the Concept of Dirty Jokes Doesn’t Exist The Devil is a Part-Timer! Thunderbolt Fantasy Stella Women's Academy, High School Division Class C3 NEW GAME! Sakura Trick - Strike Witches - High School of the Dead   - My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom! - Citrus

A Rank

+ GOBLIN SLAYER + Is This a Zombie? + Aria: The Scarlet Ammo + Konosuba - God's Blessing on this Wonderful World Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon? Do You Love Your Mom and Her Two-Hit Multi-Target Attacks? Kill la Kill Sword Art Online Sword Art Online Alternative "Gun Gale Online" Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt Juden Chan Maria the Virgin Witch Agent Aika Kaguya-sama: Love is War Upotte!! Kanamemo Sweet Blue Flowers - Unbreakable Machine Doll - High School DxD - Magical Warfare - When Supernatural Battles Become Commonplace

B Rank

+ BOFURI: I Don’t Want to Get Hurt, so I’ll Max Out My Defense + Sword Art Online - Alicization + Campione! Chaos Dragon Grimgar, Ashes and Illusions How Not to Summon a Demon Lord The Sacred Blacksmith Black Bullet Cop Craft Freezing Witch Blade Strike Witches: 501st Joint Fighter Wing Take Off! Tears to Tiara Princess Connect! Re: Dive Qualidea Code Konohana Kitan - Maken-Ki! Battling Venus - Rosario + Vampire - Dagashi Kashi - Gunslinger Stratos

There were a few other series that I started, but stopped partway through or even after just one or two episodes because I couldn’t get into them. I didn’t list any of them here mainly because I’m not here to yuck anyone’s yum. Most of my anime preferences are guilty pleasures as it is, so I recognize those shows are probably just not to my particular taste.

I may come back and do some brief reviews to give context to some of the shows I listed and why they are ranked where they are, so feel free to hit me up if you have any questions.

UPDATE (4/8/22): Revisiting this list now that it has been almost 2 full years later, and we are (nearly/hopefully) through with the pandemic. A mere 50+ titles seems like child’s play now. I have now surpassed 150 and am closing in on the 200 mark.

If you are still interested in my anime journey, you can find my updated list on My Anime List. 

#anime #coronaquarantine

[storiesbyaya]

Story Of A Hero- 21

{First}{Previous}{Mobile}{Next}

[K@]- So we never got to have that convo! Sorry, bug

[Will]- I don’t think any of us expected Angel.

[K@]- Right? [K@]- Anyways dad said you were looking for the research data from the labs?

[Will]- Yes. I’m sorry, I know it’s likely not a subject you want to remember, but he said you were the only one who knew anything about it.

[K@]- Not everyone involved got arrested, so I’m sure some of that trash has backups or whatnot, but they’re absolutely not people I want anywhere near you [K@]- That aside, I had someone I trust encrypt all of the data. Kinda naive, I admit, but I just… wanted it all to go away. I wanted everything to do with what had happened to just go away.

[Will]-  You didn’t have it erased or destroyed or something?

[K@]- I wanted to, but Tess convinced me that maybe locking it all away where no one else could get to it would be better… [K@]-  Oh, hey! Ironic! Tess is Jazz’s big sister! Small world!

[Will]- Or small town? She did mention something about her sister being a hacker. I didn’t know you were friends.

[K@]-  Friends… Not really? We shared the same room, but I’ve only seen her at Toplook pro competitions from time to time since [K@]- Outside of that, she’s really reserved

[Will]- Well, I guess that makes it difficult to ask her about the files.

[K@]- Sorry kiddo. I’ll keep an eye out to see when the next tournament is. Maybe I can catch her?

William sighed. This was beginning to feel like a wild goose chase, and he was wondering if it was really worth it. Yes, he was curious about their research, but he didn’t even know what it contained. It could be useful, or it could be like Josef Mengel’s experiments. People die when you kill them! Or pit them against monsters! A notification popped up on his screen. A new episode of video game science? But it was Saturday, not Tuesday… Still, this episode was “The gravity of the situation- Science behind the gravity gun!”

Maybe it would be nice to get his mind off of all of this for a little while.

They’d finished biology and were moving on to physics in his science class, which was his field of expertise. Maybe he should bookmark this video and show it to Percy- He was very intelligent, but he just… learned differently than others, and using things that he liked, such as video games, often helped him learn even the most difficult of concepts. It was also unlikely that Percy knew the episode had come out today instead of on Tuesday (as a celebration for a follower milestone), so William picked up his phone. When he opened it, it was still on the screen for the conversation with his sister, and so the two threads in his brain connected. School. Data. Research.

[Will]- I can ask Jazz on Monday to tell her sister I need to talk to her?

[K@]- Oh, duh! That also works! Smarty pants!

[Will]- But… I imagine she would be cautious and not believe anyone who just comes up to her and says they have permission to look at the files, right?

[K@] True. Hang on. [K@]- William Kray has my (Katherine Kray, KX-073) express permission to acquire access to any of the “Kray Laboratory for Adex Research”’s data, in its raw, unencrypted form, from Tessa Peony Nichols (KX-072).

[??] Acknowledged!!!- PNϟ

William’s eyes widened in shock at the message. The icon was not the rounded picture of his sister he was used to seeing. It was an electric bolt in a lime green circle. Holding down on the message and looking at the message details revealed no contact number whatsoever. And then another message appeared, from the same icon.

[??]- Info- Unless you mention my name and ID again, no further monitoring of this conversation will occur. Thank you for your understanding! <3 -PNϟ [??]- See you soon, William. -PNϟ

[K@]- Wow. I didn’t think that would work. Neat.

[Will]- What? How does someone even do that?

[K@]- At this point, I’ve just stopped asking. But I can’t say I blame her, being paranoid to the point that she monitors everything for her full name… Then again, I’m not afraid of anyone coming after me anymore. [K@]- I can take them.

William almost expected Tess to come back and say that she wasn’t paranoid or something of the likes, but it seemed like, despite butting into their conversation, she was true to her word about not looking at their conversation any further. The two messages had vanished when he went back to look at them, and if it weren’t for Kat having seen and acknowledged them too, he would have wondered if they were ever there to begin with.

-x-x-x

Kat let out a snort. “That’s typical,” she said to her phone, and Wesley turned to her, confused. She saw the movement and, when she looked over at him, also saw the confusion. “Oh. Tess responds to her name like it’s some kind of bat symbol! She-” Kat went to show him the messages, but they were gone. She frowned at her phone. “Oh. She deleted them. But they were there. I guess she… didn’t want us tracing them? Kinda funny. I’m awful with tech.” “Yeah, but William isn’t… Though how she would know that, I wouldn’t know.” Kat shrugged, and put her phone back in her pocket, leaning back where she sat on the roof to look at the grey November sky. “We shared a room during the experiments… Talked about what we loved, what was waiting for us outside to stay sane. I told her about Will… How he’s always been such a smart kid. Proud big sister shit, you know? Or… Maybe not, you don’t have any other siblings. But-” “I get it,” Wesley reassured her. Yes, he had no siblings, but he’d spent so much time around Kat and William, and their family… It almost felt like he was apart of it, especially now that he even lived in their house. He’d been around Will long enough to feel pride. And he’d been around Kat enough to know that the forlorn expression in her eyes meant she was falling back into thoughts of the things she had been through. So he cleared his throat. “Oh hey, it’s Saturday. Doesn’t Cafe Nocturna have that 2 for 1 hot chocolate thing going on? Think we can get there using just these rooftops?” Her eyes seemed to light up, and she hopped up onto her feet, offering him a hand to stand up as well with a crooked smile. “Hell yeah I can! The question is… Can you, Rivers?” She exclaimed, loud and confident. “I mean, probably not as quickly as you can, but yes. Yes I can.” Her smile grew at his confidence. It was so nice to hear Wesley affirm that he could do something. She gave him a thumbs up, a proud gesture that could also be interpreted as a “Let’s go!”, and hopped to the next rooftop.

To her surprise, Wesley didn’t bridge the gap. Rather, he did the same, and supplemented his jump with an ice ramp. “That’s new,” she commented, holding a hand out so that he wouldn’t trip or continue forwards too far. “Yeah! I’ve been working on that. Less energy expended means more energy when I need it, right?” “Yup!” She agreed cheerfully.

They proceeded like this down the street, laughing all the while. It was like being children again and playing leapfrog, but with a goal in mind- Their favorite little cafe. They entered the building, but before they got in line, Wesley stopped them. “Hang on. I’m just going to check to make sure I can,” he said. Kat rolled her eyes. “Two for one means one’s free, and I have a-” Wesley’s expression interrupted her. His eyes were wide, and he was frantically checking his pockets. Both were entirely empty. “My… I dropped my phone. And- my wallet, and my keys, and” As he began to tense up and panic, Kat placed a hand on his shoulder, and led him out of the cafe. She knew that he hated having meltdowns in public places, especially ones that he visited so frequently. It took forever to convince him to come back to places. “Hey. We’ll find them. With any luck, they just… fell on one of the rooftops. Literally no one else goes there. I’ll check the rooftops. You can check the alleys, but I doubt they’ll be there. We can meet back together at street level where we started. Alright?” Wesley sighed shakily, trying to release the building anxiety.

He hoped Kat found them and not him. The moment she was gone, the anxiety built back up. A fall from even the shortest of buildings they had been to would have destroyed his phone. A phone that he needed. He was a jobless college student. A jobless college student who had just applied to a position to change that, but, without a phone, would never be able to hear back from that job, and his current joblessness meant that he did not have the funds to replace that phone. And he’d miss school, because he didn’t have an alarm clock, and no- He couldn’t ask Kero or Bayesh to get him an alarm clock, they were already doing so much for him and!

So lost in his thoughts, with eyes trained to the gravely alleys, Wesley did not notice the figure standing near him until it cleared its throat. A figure with familiar golden eyes. He jumped, nearly fell, but managed to stop himself. He stared at the figure, still struggling to see beneath the hood that obscured his face. At this point, Wesley wondered if it was magic that kept the other hidden. But then he moved, and Wesley’s eyes looked at the outstretched hands. His keys. His wallet. And his phone, with its little whale charm. “Why… Why do you have my stuff?” Wesley asked. The figure moved slowly, eyes trained on him. It felt like he could see right through him, and it made him shake… And then, his things were placed on the ground, and the golden eyed boy vanished in a puff of black smoke. Taken aback, Wesley blinked a few times, then sighed, retrieving his items. His keys were in order, all of his cards were there, and most importantly, his phone was not damaged. Well. Not damaged any more than it already was. He looked back to where the figure had stood just moments before.

What a weird stalker he had. He couldn’t figure out the other’s intentions. Was he good, finding his phone for him and encouraging him to stop the fire… or was he bad? Did he know that Wesley’s helping in that fire would cause his mom to snap? No. He couldn’t possibly have known that. Even he hadn’t known that.

With a sigh, he decided not to tell Kat about his encounter with the golden eyed boy. Instead, he informed her that he found his phone, but that it was somehow okay. She hadn’t gone far, so it wasn’t long before she was back, cheering and ruffling his hair. “They are two for one. I can cover it,” Kat reminded him. They sat down with their hot chocolates, enjoying the warmth, and letting the bad they’d felt melt away with the marshmallows within.

Their cups had been emptied, but they sat there anyways, watching the snow fall from the window, when Wesley’s phone rang. He picked it up, and after a few words, he excused himself out of the cafe. When he returned, he was beaming, and made his way to the counter, not to the seat he and Kat had been sharing. He came back with two cookies, one for each.

“Celebration cookies,” he informed her, “I just got an interview at the aquarium.”

#SOAH #SOAH21 #Story Of A Hero 21 #story of a hero

[olivia-the-jock-blog]

Thank You - A Reflection

Below is a lengthy reflection of my time in the Pixelberry/HSS/HWU fandom, my gratitude to everyone I met, and an explanation as to why I disappeared for 4 years ahaha.

Hello. If any of you see this then you probably won't remember me, if you even know who I am at all, but I'm glad you're reading anyway. I created this blog almost 5 years ago now, on the 3rd of July 2014, when I was just 14 years old. I did so because a few months prior, I downloaded what I thought would just be a silly little game for my iPhone that I would play for a few weeks, grow bored of, and then promptly delete as I had done with so many other apps. After having explored its tags on social media and discovering it had a small community on Tumblr, I thought - "Hey, maybe I should make one of those blogs for myself, just for a laugh until I get bored." And so I did.

That game was called High School Story, a narrative-driven simulation aimed at teens, by Pixelberry Studios. I saw an ad on YouTube, and although my initial thoughts were that it seemed a little corny, I gave it a chance and downloaded it. And what came after could not have been further from my expectations.

I fell in love with it, in all its cheesy might. I began making goofy little posts, about my characters and the stories I had woven for them. I didn't care if anyone saw them, I was having fun, and that was all that mattered. I had found an outlet. I created Olivia - this blog's namesake, and over time she became a character that in many ways, I suppose I aspired to be like as a 14 year old girl. Strong, outgoing, sure of herself - always finding a way to solve her problems at the end of the day, as protagonists tend to do. But it wasn't just my own world I was engrossed in - I found myself swept up by the stories and worlds of others. Since this was such a close-knit community, the kind where everyone knew everyone, it wasn't long before this got me talking to other bloggers. We would talk, laugh, and share a common bond all over this silly little game. There were issues in the fandom, sure, like any. A lot of very bizarre drama that didn't always make sense, but we got through it for the most part. I had far more good memories than bad of the fandom, and so a few of us formed a group chat during that Summer. Soon, we started talking every day.

We shared a lot during that period. Laughs, tears, memes about our favourite characters or our frustrations over bugs and glitches. Goofy finger paintings and unflatteringly edited photos of one another. We shared personal things too. New jobs, new cars, new heartbreaks. We celebrated each other's achievements and grieved each other's losses. We came from all different countries and backgrounds, some of us slightly different ages, but none of that mattered. In some ways, we were a family. And for the first time, I felt like I had real friends. All over a silly little phone game, about a teenager who built a high school from the ground up and saves the day with the power of friendship.

This continued through the rest of 2014. I shared most things with my newfound friends. After all, I'd never had friends like these before. However, what I didn't tell them was some of the details of my home life. Towards the end of 2014, things took a turn for the worse. At the beginning of the new year, my mother - who had been unstable for a long time - went to prison. I, having no other family on this side of the Atlantic Ocean, was immediately placed in foster care, indefinitely. My entire life was turned upside down in one afternoon. But I found an escape in Pixelberry's games. I could play High School Story, knowing that it would always end with the protagonist saving the day, surrounded by supportive friends. Even if their world wasn't perfect, or it seemed a little unrealistic, they would find a way to triumph regardless of any hardships. It kept me going, smiling throughout the day even when I had to face a family I didn't know in a house that I didn't recognise, every day. I continued to be close with my fandom friends for a time. They got me through some especially tough days and I think I owe them some portion of my sanity for this.

But this didn't last forever. Towards mid 2015, everything started to die down. More and more people seemed to be losing interest in these silly little games, myself included. I had done almost every quest, unlocked almost every plot. I would see less and less posts on my social media from blogs once overwhelmed by a love of these games. New content continued to be released every so often, but it didn't quite strike the same chord with me that it once did. I felt like I was repeating myself. Other things in my life captured my interest, and the games got crowded out. I realised perhaps it wasn't the game changing - it was me.

I don't think I was the only one that felt this way. Eventually, the friends I had grown so close to over the past year began talking less and less. Some were finishing high school, some going to university, others were getting married or having children. Around this point, I was able to leave foster care and continue trying to live a normal life. Things started looking up for me. We were all growing in different directions, and suddenly fawning over characters in a phone game didn't seem so important anymore. We were growing up. And then one day, towards the end of that summer, all communication just stopped. I would go through the same social media tags, and find almost nothing new, or blogs that I had once adored had suddenly vanished. I would check our group chat, and find nothing.

We moved on, wordlessly, all in separate directions. I spent my time working towards good grades in school and trying to live a normal life, but I never forgot. I never forgot the people that helped me get to that point.

Enn, Kelsey, Avery, Cooper, KohKoh, Meikcam, and many more. These are the names that spring to mind, and I wish I could thank all of you to your faces, but I don't know what most of you looked like. I never even learned most of your real names. And you never knew mine. But that's okay, because I didn't need to know them for you to have the impact on me that you did. You were there for me through my loneliness, my anger. Through foster care, trauma, and a sexual identity crisis - which has now thankfully been resolved. You were there for me when I had no one, and that's all that matters. I also owe a lot of gratitude to Pixelberry Studios, the creators of High School Story and Hollywood U - the games that brought all of us together - even if it was only for a short time.

These games were flawed. Riddled with microtransactions and near-endless waiting times, as is typical of many mobile games - they did need to make a profit somehow - but that didn't matter to me. I was reeled in by theirs stories and characters, and above all the community. The friends that I had made along the way. They were the important parts.

I was 14 when I started this blog. 15 when I forgot about it. And next year, I'm hitting my twenties. Now, all of this begs the question - why am I writing any of this?

Recently, after seeing several ads for it, my curiosity got the better of me and I was compelled to download the Choices app - Pixelberry's third and most recent endeavour. I had lost interest in mobile games in general before it launched, so I never got into it, and missed a lot of the early press. It was through this, I learned that over the past year they had stopped supporting High School Story and Hollywood U. They were finished. They too, had moved on to bigger and brighter things.

Of course I was disappointed, as I had carried a love for these games - especially the former - and their characters through an important part of my adolescence. But it was when I saw they had also written several High School Story related books as sequels, and wrapped up story arcs for many of the characters I had come to love as a young girl, that I realised I was truly at the end of an era in my life. I was hit with an intense wave of nostalgia, and a sense that I had missed out on something.

So I redownloaded both games, just to play around with them, and maybe spark that same nostalgic feeling it had once given me. I had never actually finished either game, despite getting very far in High School Story. I had stopped playing long before both of their final updates, so maybe what I needed was a sense of closure. My old iPhone with my original save data broke last September, and then I switched to an Android, so I had to start fresh this time with a clean slate.

And I did not get that feeling.

It was bittersweet, starting fresh and seeing all the familiar faces and artwork, hearing the same chiming background music. Nothing about the games had actually changed, it was almost entirely how I remembered it. My perspective was what had really changed. There was no fandom to fawn over it with, no new content to look forward to. I'm past my high school years now, so I found myself struggling to connect with the characters in the same way I once did. Playing wasn't exciting anymore in the same way that it was at age 14. I had done most of it before. I realised I was still trying to live in the past.

Pixelberry's games are wonderful in their own right, but I think I've had my time with them, for the most part anyway. I'll probably continue to play around with my new saves for memory's sake until something else captures my attention again, but I can never relive those same feelings. I can replay the game but I can't replay the past, and that's okay. And as I look at their new releases, although they no longer appeal to me much, I wonder if someone else out there is 14 and feeling alone, lost and confused. I wonder if someone else will pick up one of those stories, play through that silly little phone game, and feel better. I wonder if they'll find a community in it, and make friends they never knew they could have. And maybe those friends will fade in and out of their lives, but they will have left their mark. And that is what gives me hope.

In September, I'll be fulfilling my childhood dream of going off to university and studying to become a programmer, where I hope one day to work in the games industry. There, it is my goal to build the games that people cherish and fall in love with, as I have done many times before. If I can be part of a team one day that makes just one person feel what I felt as a 14 year old girl, then I know I will have done my job right. To ease one person's loneliness or give them something to look forward to during tough circumstances. Something that has a hand in shaping them, however small. I only hope one day I can create something that gives someone else that same feeling of hope and community that Pixelberry gave to me as a young teen. That girl that once felt so lost is now happy and healthy and independent. She has found love and success and surrounded herself with it, but not without thanks to the roles these silly little phone games played in her life, and not without thanks to the friends she made along the way, however short their time together was. Because these people and these games taught her you can always find a way through your hardships, regardless of your circumstances - there is always a way.

Needless to say, I probably won't be updating this blog any further. This chapter of my life is, for the most part, closed. I will always look back on it fondly, but I don't feel like there is anything left to continue at this point. The fandom is almost non existent, and everyone I knew has understandably moved on. Even if it was still alive and kicking, it wouldn't feel the same. Too much time has passed, and I think we've all changed a great deal since 2014. What once was is not something I wish to dwell on too much, but I will always cherish the memories that I have of these games and their communities. However, I will leave this blog here as it is to serve as a relic for people to explore, or for when I feel like reminiscing about the past again. My cringey teenage self is forever immortalised here - or at least until Tumblr possibly collapses. Enjoy.

And if you ever see this, thank you. As silly as it might sound, once upon a time these mobile games and the people I met through them meant more to me than I have words to express. Their presence in my life, however short, has helped shape me from a lonely young girl with no friends or social skills, scared of the world around her, into the stronger, determined young woman that I am today. And for that, I will always be grateful.

Yours,

Olivia the Jock

#high school story #hss #hss game #hollywood u #hwu #olivia-the-jock #pixelberry #choices #play choices #choices the stories you play #enn the prep #pb #hss prime

[ilsa-makes-things]

The excellent @silverstarkindred​ asked, “Any tips for making a dress I can fight in comfortably and still look hella cute while I skewer those demons on the battlefield?”

Thanks for the quesiton! Looking hella cute AND skewering demons happen to be causes near to my heart. I fought in dresses for years, and I still rock a lot of twirly skirts and clearly girl-gendered garb.  While there’s a good bit involved in making comfortable, functional, feminine fighting garb, let’s start with fighting in dresses.

Firstly, is it even possible to fight in a long dress?

Heck. Yes.

Don’t let the haters tell you otherwise: fighting in dresses is perfectly easy if you have the right dress and know how to wear it. I fight in Dagorhir, a full-contact battlegame, and dressing like a girl has never stopped me from hitting as hard. I went hunting for bounty hunters (yup, that’s right) last Ragnarok wearing the above dress, and I rocked it.

So, what do you want in a fighting dress?

#1. A skirt without a slit.

You’ve probably read all about fantasy heroines “slitting their skirts so they can be more mobile,” but whenever I try that, my skirt gets MORE cumbersome. It’s partly personal opinion, and you might have better luck, but the two halves of the skirt always twine around my legs and trip me up. I do not recommend! Open-sided/slit skirts also have an inherent weakness: if anyone steps on one half of your skirt, there’s a good chance that slit will rip further up the seam. 

If you can’t lunge around in your skirt without slitting it, it’s too narrow. A normal skirt/dress that’s closed on all sides, but wide at the hem, will be fine— seriously!

#2. A generous hemline.

If you’re worried about mobility, pick something with a wiiiiiiide hem. If we were talking modern fashion, we would call this silhouette “fit and flare” or “A-line.”  A long Bocksten-style tunic gown with wide gores would be a good choice: just use this tutorial, but lengthen it to hit at ankle-level. Another option is Stellaria’s lace-up apron dress, which can be worn over a shorter tunic. The ample hem, rather than being cumbersome, will just give you tons of room to move your legs in. All that worry about ripping out the crotch of your pants just vanishes when you’re wearing a big ol’ skirt. How narrow is too narrow? You’ll probably trip yourself up if your ankle-to-floor length skirt has a circumference of less than 90”. There is a limit to how wide you should go, depending on what pattern you use (200” of skirt on a Bocksten-style tunic-gown can get a bit droopy, especially if you use heavy fabric, while you can fit a LOT more length into a pleated or gored skirt), but it’s always better to have a skirt that’s too wide than too narrow.

I fight in this rainbow skirt, which has something like a seventeen yard hem. It has pockets to hold snacks and sidearms.

You’ll want the fullness to start at your waist, so you’ll be able to move freely at the hips. If you’re using a pattern that uses gores (triangles of extra fabric to expand your skirt), have them start at your natural waist. If you put them too low, you won’t have enough fullness at your upper legs to move comfortably.

If you want to experiment with hem width and gore height, try making a mock-up to wear to in-game, non-fighting events, like feasts or for nightlife. If it’s uncomfortable to wear when you’re just walking down Merchant’s Row, it will be worse to fight in.

A too-narrow skirt can often be saved by adding extra gores (triangles of fabric). If you don’t have enough of the original fabric, you can pick a fun, contrasting color for your gores, like with this dress.

#3. A fabric that’s got enough body to hang AWAY from your body.

A fabric that’s too light can be clingy, and when we’re fighting, we want our dress to be heavy (or, if not heavy, stiff) enough that it will hang AWAY from our body, lest it tangle up our legs. Medium-weight linen, tightly-woven cotton, most wool suitings, and anything described as “bottomweight” can all be work. I mostly wear this 5.3 oz linen. For Stellaria-style apron-dresses, a heavier 7 oz linen, Walmart’s surprisingly nice cotton duck or JoAnn’s bombproof duck canvas will all work beautifully.

This ancient-- from 2009!-- apron dress was made from JoAnn’s duck cloth, which is a beautiful weight for an over-dress.

Remember that you don’t have to wear a whole extra dress underneath overgowns like Stellaria’s apron dress or surcoats: if your top layer is long enough, you can wear a shorter tunic or shirt underneath. In the photo above, the beige under-lay is just a tunic, not a long underdress.

#4. A dress/skirt that doesn’t quite cover your feet.

I find that I can usually get away with ankle-length dresses. Any longer, and they interfere with my footwork-- or worse, soak up water or mud and slow me down. The red coteharide at the top is a bit too long for a normal fighting gown: I can make it work, but if I really need to book it, I’ll need to physically lift my skirts.

Shortening a dress is always easier than lengthening one, though, so make your dress nice and long and have a helper pin up your hem before you finalize it. Can you lunge, squat, and run in a dress that length, or does it need to be shorter?

Once you’ve got a suitable dress, you’ll need to learn to fight in it. There is a bit of a learning curve, but if you keep these few things in mind, you’ll be fine. :)

How do you fight in a dress?

#1. Practice not stepping on your own hem.

This is the major thing new lady-fighters complain about when they try to fight in a dress: if you play a battlegame that involves going to your knees when your legs are disabled, you’ll end up kneeling on your own dress, and when you try to stand up to respawn, you’ll step on your own hem and faceplant.

There’s no magic bullet: just practice and stay aware of where your skirts are. Try wearing your longer skirts to practice, first, before you break them out at a big battle. Learn to take a knee in such a way that you don’t end up kneeling on your own hem.

I got killed by Olos, but at least I didn’t trip on my own clothes when I got back up! Your skirts have advantages, too. Some ladies say that their skirts become sort of like a cat’s whiskers: extensions of their body that provide feedback about their environment. They also make it harder for an opponent to strike at your legs— if your skirt is wide enough, they won’t know where your legs are in all that fabric!

#2. Grab something to wear underneath your dress.

Rather than flashing your undies when you get knocked down, I highly recommend wearing something— whether it’s historically-correct linen braies and wool hose or a pair of bike shorts— under your dress. If you’re prone to chafing, this will help, too. If it’s cold enough out, leggings will keep you warm AND prevent wardrobe malfunctions, though the fleece-lined/sweater-ish kind DO pick up lots of grit and dead leaves. I usually wear tall socks and bicycle shorts, which overlap to keep most of my skin covered. That means I’m less exposed to poison ivy and thorns in the woods and ticks in the fields.

#3. Pick your battles.

If the fighting field is absolutely soaked or churned up with mud, you might consider fighting in a shorter tunic and trousers that day. Cotton and linen soak up water and become heavy when wet, and carrying that extra weight around can slow you down. The heavier/wetter your skirts are, the more they’ll cling to you, too. Ick.

The one exception is wool, which can absorb a lot more water before it looks or feels wet. At Badon Hill in 2009, it poured buckets all weekend. I skipped my linen undergown and wore a soft wool gown under a wool apron dress, and I was constantly being accosted by people demanding “how are you still dry?!”

When it’s wet and cold, chose wool. Photo by my beloved Fiaren. Wool is more of a pain to wash, though, so if the field is really muddy (as it was at Pentwyvern’s Harvest Feast back in 2010, shown), it might be a day for a tunic and trousers. I spent a week trying to clean the muck out of this dress, which was filthy up to the thigh. I should have listened to my own advice: this maroon dress was originally a feast gown, so it was long enough to wick up allllll the wet and mud on the ground. Uuugh.

Photo by Sarah Franklin, 2011.  But then again, I’ve fought through bramble-y forests wearing this embroidered dress, which started life as feast garb, too. (I need to constantly make new feast garb, since my old stuff somehow becomes fighting clothes. I can’t have nice things.) Sometimes looking cute wins out, even if it means having to clean and mend your garb later!

Photo by Yuie Brightflame.  And there you have it, lady-follk. Would you ever consider doing battle in a dress or skirt? It’s a fun way to expand your costuming options! UP NEXT: How do you alter the standard tunic to better fit a female figure? 

#garb #larp #dagorhir #belegarth #tutorial #amtgard #sca #swordfighting #costuming #ladies who larp #female fighter #this is missing some pics because tumblr hates me #sorry #i tried

[entergamingxp]

Those Who Remain review – a torturous exercise in mediocrity • Eurogamer.net

I almost gave up on Those Who Remain halfway through. It was the lions, you see. A first-person blunderfest for horror obsessives only, the game’s setting is split between a menacing night-time reality and a weed-choked, oceanic otherworld in which objects float and the puzzles are more, well, videogamey. One such puzzle is a labyrinth dotted with lion statues. The idea is to carry the statues to candlelit plinths. The problem is that there’s a monster in your path, an oily personification of buried guilt and suffering. There’s a lot of that kind of thing in Those Who Remain – accusing messages on walls, silver-masked demons chortling about sin and forgiveness – but for the most part, the emotions you’re repressing are boredom and frustration.

The main character has no means of defending himself, so you must take winding routes to those plinths while lugging chunks of Umbrella Mansion Surplus stoneware that prevent you from sprinting, block the view and have a habit of jumping out of your hands. These burdens create tension, of course, but only for the few seconds it takes you to realise that you’re playing a mandatory-stealth McGuffin-fetching puzzle with instadeath. After my eighth try I decided that life was too short. But I came back the next morning and beat the area, thanks partly to bloody-mindedness and partly (I speculate) to a developer update that prevents the monster from chasing you endlessly once alerted. Let me tell you: I wish I’d stopped at the lions.

Those Who Remain does have some neat ideas, but all of them are squashed beneath a great steaming heap of mediocrity. The premise is Silent Hill as rewritten by an Alan Wake who has run out of coffee, and possibly self-respect. Leading man Edward is drinking and monologuing himself into an early grave over the loss of his family, as leading men in horror games often do. As the curtain goes up, he’s driven to a motel to break off a torrid affair, only for somebody (Wake?) to steal his car and maroon him outside Dormont – a spookily abandoned, predictably metaphysical town whose shadows are filled with knife-wielding spectres, their eyes flickering in the depths of closets and cornfields. Turn on a light and the spectres vanish, rendering the area safe for traversal.

The immediate question is: why not carry a light source with you? And Edward does – for the first few minutes, brandishing a cigarette lighter as he hurries after his car. But he soon loses the lighter and declines to replace it, even as the game’s tedious psychodrama drags you to malls, toolsheds and police stations filled with, at the very least, burning chair-legs and candles. There’s something loveable about this unwillingness to spoil the game’s core concept. It fills me with nostalgia for those perversely specific lock-and-key puzzles in older Silent Hills. And the spectres are eerie enough to begin with, especially when encountered inside. One dependable source of heeby-jeebies is reaching around a door frame to flip a light switch, inches from death.

The fear lies partly with how the spectres turn Those Who Remain’s shortage of actual character animations into an advantage, and partly with the sense that they are still there when the lights are on – that you are walking through them, kept from their blades by a single parameter in a game where objects occasionally glitch themselves invisible. But that fear soon turns to familiarity and – when you’re scratching your head over an obtuse item puzzle – annoyance. I started throwing things at the watchers, trying to recreate the exploit from Skyrim where you could blind shopkeepers to your thievery by putting baskets over their heads. Even disregarding the point about mobile light sources, the perils of darkness are inconsistently applied: there are pools of deep shadow in the game that are somehow safe to walk through, which means that you always think of the light/dark conceit as a designer’s gimmick.

Still, all that’s small potatoes next to the irritation conjured by the game’s handful of mobile threats. These include a Frankensteiny blur of body parts with a searchlight for a face, whose approach is heralded by the dopplering wail of an ambulance siren. The Frankenstein creature stars in many of the stealth bits, fidgeting around as you try to solve puzzles that take you back and forth across the area. She’s not difficult to avoid, but she’s more of a meddler than an adversary. You kind of wish you could just usher her to a chair and give her a book to read, while you figure things out.

And then there’s the major antagonist of sorts, one of those flapping-head harridans familiar from Jacob’s Ladder who screams and sobs in your ear as you flee down corridors packed with dead ends and moving obstacles. These gauntlet runs throw the game’s lousy checkpointing into sharper relief – die, and you’ll often have to re-complete puzzles and re-experience scares that were pretty unconvincing to begin with.

The areas themselves are charmless and indistinct, not in an exciting, feeling-along-wall-with-danger-nearby way, but in an annoying, stepped-in-dogfood-while-fumbling-for-the-doorhandle way. The game’s buildings are, in theory, iconic chunks of Americana, the kind of thing Remedy revels in, but they all feel interchangeable thanks to furniture-showroom scene composition. The spirit realm is appealing mostly because it’s relatively well-lit, and has a wider colour palette. It’s accessed via magic doors, and creates some fleeting intrigue as you ponder what the differences between realities suggests about the characters and premise.

The puzzles run more of a gamut, quality-wise. Some are inoffensive but insipid, such as turning valves in the right order to activate fire sprinklers and clear a route. Others are slightly more involving. In one later section, the setting flicks rhythmically between realities, giving you a window to hurry past barriers or hazards that don’t exist in the other world. The spirit world conundrums incline towards the goofy – there’s a frightfully unwieldy specimen that has you covering runes with barrels to move blocks around. And some puzzles, like the item hunts, are an absolute chore. At intervals Edward is required to condemn or forgive some local sinner to progress, a series of choices that shapes his own fate. Before you can do this you need to learn everything you can about said unfortunate, which involves picking through dozens of lockers and drawers for backstory documents, often while hiding from Searchlight Lady.

Those Who Remain hints at being a serious exploration of mental illness, but in practice, Edward is just the same old Sad/Mad Dad the horror genre can’t seem to wash its hands of, growling things like “your life feels like a movie” as he lumbers towards the final accounting. The misbehaving men and boys he’s asked to pass judgement on are just as clumsily sketched – I felt nothing towards them, positive or negative. I can’t say the same for the game they’re a part of. If Those Who Remain is a purgatory for wayward souls, its true victim is the player.

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2020/05/those-who-remain-review-a-torturous-exercise-in-mediocrity-%e2%80%a2-eurogamer-net/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=those-who-remain-review-a-torturous-exercise-in-mediocrity-%25e2%2580%25a2-eurogamer-net

[seattle-fog]

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[barbosaasouza]

Destiny 2 - All Exotic Hunter Armor

The Hunter class in Destiny 2 goes from underwhelming to powerhouse all because of the exotic armor available to players. No other class features exotic armor that complements super abilities as much as it does the Hunter. Sure, the Warlock and Titan do have some incredible exotics, but in terms of straight up benefits to the super ability, the Hunter has the most powerful exotic armor in Destiny 2. Here’s a list of every piece that you need to collect, plus the traits and intrinsic perks that come with it.

Young Ahamkara’s Spine

Full Review of Young Ahamkara's Spine

Type: Gauntlets

Trait: Mobility Enhancement Mod

Intrinsic Perk: Wish-Dragon Teeth - Increases Tripmine Grenade duration and marks enemies damaged by the blast.

Good or Bad: I don’t like calling anything bad because the right player can find a use for this in the right circumstance, but there are almost always better options when it comes to exotic Hunter armor.

Mechaneer’s Tricksleeves

Type: Gauntlets

Trait: Mobility Enhancement Mod

Intrinsic Perk: Spring-Loaded Mounting - Increases sidearm ready and reload speed.

Good or Bad: If you are a sidearm maniac in Crucible, there could be value here. Otherwise, these are not the exotic arms you’re looking for.

Raiden Flux

Full Review of Raiden Flux

Type: Chest Armor

Trait: Plasteel Reinforcement Mod

Intrinsic Perk: Synapse Junctions - Quick successive attacks with Arc Staff increase its damage output and duration.

Good or Bad: Amazing. Pair this with your Arc Staff super ability and you can clear entire rooms of enemies without running out of juice. These can decimate a Royal Beast in the Leviathan raid, or clean out one of the rooms during The Whisper quest for the Whisper of the Worm exotic sniper rifle.

Lucky Raspberry

Type: Chest Armor

Trait: Plasteel Reinforcement Mod

Intrinsic Perk: Probability Matrix - Increases the chaining capabilities of Arc Bolt Grenade and has a chance to recharge it each time it deals damage.

Good or Bad: Requires a higher skill level, but these can be good in the right PvE situation. I still feel like there are much better options out there for the Arcstrider, like the Raiden Flux.

The Dragon’s Shadow

Type: Chest Armor

Trait: Plasteel Reinforcement Mod

Intrinsic Perk: Wraithmetal Mail - Grants increased movement and weapon handling speed for a short time after dodging.

Good or Bad: Bad, which is a shame. This is one of the cooler looking exotic armor pieces when it comes to Hunters, but the benefit just isn’t there compared to other options. I forget to dodge most of the time as it is, and when I do it's normally just to reload. I'm not doing much sprinting afterwards.

Knucklehead Radar

Full Review of Knucklehead Radar

Type: Helmet

Trait: Plasteel Reinforcement Mod

Intrinsic Perk: Upgraded Sensor Pack - Provides radar while aiming.

Good or Bad: Good in PvP if you’re not running the MIDA Multi-Tool. You can ADS (aim down sight) with your weapon and keep your radar active to avoid being flanked. If you run Golden Gun in the Crucible, you might choose this exotic helmet over the Celestial Nighthawk.

Celestial Nighthawk

Full Review of Celestial Nighthawk

Type: Helmet

Trait: Plasteel Reinforcement Mod

Intrinsic Perk: Hawkeye Hack - Modifies Golden Gun to fire a single, high-damage (6x) shot. Enemies eliminated by the shot explode.

Good or Bad: Best in the group. You can insane amounts of damage to Calus with this, or chunk a Fallen Walker down to half health. It will obliterate most yellow-bar enemies in Lost Sectors. It’s a monster. Do not wear it in the Crucible. You’re better off having three Golden Gun shots there since they will typically one-shot any PvP Guardian.

Foetracer

Type: Helmet

Trait: Plasteel Reinforcement Mod

Intrinsic Perk: Relentless Tracker - Visually marks targeted enemies. Deals more damage to low-health marked enemies.

Good or Bad: I can’t imagine a situation where a player would choose this over one of the big three, those being Celestial Nighthawk, Raiden Flux or Orpheus Rig. Plus, I don’t like the look of it, and Destiny 2 is all about fashion!

Lucky Pants

Type: Leg Armor

Trait: Mobility Enhancement Mod

Intrinsic Perk: Illegally Modded Holster - Increases hand cannon ready speed and initial accuracy.

Good or Bad: If you love hand cannons and play a lot of Crucible, I could see how this might be appealing. Not likely useful for PvE and, as someone who doesn’t love hand cannons, not my favorite.

Orpheus Rig

Full Review of Orpheus Rig

Type: Leg Armor

Trait: Mobility Enhancement Mod

Intrinsic Perk: Uncanny Arrows - Provides ability energy for each enemy tethered by Shadowshot anchors.

Good or Bad: Amazing. The more enemies you anchor with your Shadowshot, the faster you get your super ability back. If you anchor an entire group from a Fallen Skiff, you can instantly super again. This is for big PvE mobs, not single enemies or the Crucible.

St0mp-EE5

Full Review of St0mp-EE5

Type: Leg Armor

Trait: Mobility Enhancement Mod

Intrinsic Perk: Hydraulic Boosters - Increases sprint speed and slide distance. Improves double jump.

Good or Bad: These were buffed recently, and have gone from something I'd never wear to something I might wear in the right scenario. They could be a benefit for almost any jumping puzzle in the game. However, they will never be the Bones of Eao, which gave me a fourth jump when I combined them with triple jump in the origina Destiny. 

Aeon Swift

Type: Gauntlets

Trait: Impact Absorption Mod

Intrinsic Perk: Aeon Energy - Dodging near allies grants grenade energy to Warlocks, barricade energy to Titans, and dodge energy to Hunters.

Good or Bad: It's interesting, but I have a tough time seeing how you could justify this over the big three; Celestial Nighthawk, Raiden Flux or Orpheus Rig. Could be very useful in very specific situations where having a Towering Barricade or Healing Rift is the difference between success and death. Even then, is providing ability energy to your allies really better than hitting Calus with a Golden Gun and Celestial Nighthawk combination? Nah.

Gemini Jester

Full Review of Gemini Jester

Type: Leg Armor

Trait: Mobility Enhancement Mod

Intrinsic Perk: Misdirection - Dodging disorients nearby enemies and temporarily removes their radars.

Good or Bad: Good for skilled Hunters in the Crucible, especially if they are using the Arcstrider subclass with the Arc Staff super ability. I would even combine this with the Way of the Wind perk tree. You'll take less damage while dodging, and when you dodge you'll remove your opponent's radar and disorient them. This would make Arc Staff especially deadly. Gemini Jester would be almost useless in PvE, though.

Shinobu's Vow

Full Review of Shinobu's Vow

Type: Gauntlets

Trait: Mobility Enhancement Mod

Intrinsic Perk: New Tricks - Improves Skip grenade, and you gain an additional Skip grenade charge.

Good or Bad: The Skip grenade falls into the Arcstrider subclass for the Hunter, which obviously has the Arc Staff super ability. I'm not sure how you could choose this over Raiden Flux in PvE. If you're running the Nightfall and Torrent is active as a modifier, recharging your grenade every few seconds, this might make some sense. 

Graviton Forfeit

Type: Helmet

Trait: Plasteel Reinforcement Mod

Intrinsic Perk: Vanishing Shadow - Increases the duration of any invisibility effects. Your melee recharges faster while you are invisible.

Good or Bad: Bad. In the original Destiny, where Hunters had more ways to go invisible, this could have been a monster in Crucible, or in specific PvE situations where you needed to remain undetected for a short period of time. In Destiny 2, however, the only place I can see this being useful is when you're clearing out Watchers from the underbelly of the Leviathan.

Ophidia Spathe

Type: Chest Armor

Trait: Plasteel Reinforcement Mod

Intrinsic Perk: Scissor Fingers - Grants two knives per charge.

Good or Bad: I really like the idea of having two knives, but this comes off more as a gimmick than anything. You could use it to complete a bounty or task to unlock an ornament, but in an actual fight, what value do you get here?

Wormhusk Crown

Type: Helmet

Trait: Plasteel Reinforcement Mod

Intrinsic Perk: Burning Souls - Dodging begins health regeneration. Small bump to health when dodging.

Good or Bad: Not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. This is the kind of exotic that makes having five Renown tolerable, or helps you get through a strike where health regeneration is largely restricted. Anything that can help keep you alive in Destiny 2 has some use. Plus, it looks pretty cool.

Sealed Ahamkara Grasps

Type: Gauntlets

Trait: Mobility Enhancement Mod

Intrinsic Perk: Nightmare Fuel - Dealing melee damage reloads your currently equipped weapon. 

Good or Bad: Cool concept, but I struggle to see the advantage this exotic provides that isn't outdone by something else. When I need to reload I don't think about needing to punch something, and when I punch something and find my gun already reloaded, it catches me off guard, so I probably lose any time I'd save from this perk. Long story short, use something else.

Fr0st-EEF

Type: Leg Armor

Trait: Mobility Enhancement Mod

Intrinsic Perk: Rapid Cooldown - Increased grenade, melee, and dodge regeneration while sprinting. Dodging increases your sprint speed.

Good or Bad: Good. An exotic piece of armor should provide you a measurable benefit that at least makes you weigh its usefulness against other exotics, and this does that. At its core, this exotic charges my grenade faster, and if I dodge I can sprint faster, which could help me in quite a few time-sensitive scenarios. I don't think I'll use it often, but I'll keep it handy for the right scenario.

You’ll be needing three characters to get the most out of your Destiny 2 life. Once you’ve collected all the exotic Hunter armor, be sure to visit the Shacknews Destiny 2 complete strategy guide for all your Guardian needs.

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