#even if its mixed feelings at best.

[emofvk]

hi it's mineralteacup!! can i request dave smoking maybe?

@mineralteacup i hc that dave picks up smoking after sburb

#dave strider #brodave #homestuck #but yeah ig i just hc he picks it up bc now he has nothing #no good stuff of bro left. u know hes hung the fuck up on it #does he actually miss him and his shitty ways. idk #in the abuse way he sure does #smoking reminds him of how his childhood smelled #just grasping for crumbs ig #wow hes not ok #when hes like wow i’d rather have that modicum of normalcy in a toxic relationship #than have had to play that shitty ass game #(also wouldnt/couldnt trade it for the world) #cue feeling ungrateful and even worse than earlier #tfw u try to replicate what u know to grasp control #even if its mixed feelings at best.

[theygender]

The more I think about it the more I really feel like the recently coined term mesosex might fit me and it's been shared by several intersex education/advocacy blogs I follow now so I know there's support for the term but I'm still like. Scared I would be Intruding™ on intersex issues if I started using it. Like I mean. I'm an afab & (afaik) perisex person with a reproductive disorder that's likely caused by a (non-intersex) hormone imbalance which I'm now essentially having to take feminizing HRT to fix, and as a result I'm now growing tits and undergoing female-pattern fat redistribution at the age of 25 after years of having little to no secondary sex characteristics. I've always identified with intersex issues but now that I'm essentially having to undergo HRT to make my body match my asab that connection to intersex issues feels even stronger. And like that's what the term is for. But my anxiety is still like "but what if you're intruding tho" lol 🙃

#rambling #for the curious the specific disorder is endometriosis and recent research has shown that endo is most likely linked to #estrogen dominance which is where either your body makes too much estrogen OR not enough other hormones (progesterone & testosterone) #and given that the only thing that has helped me at all has been going on full progestin-only treatments #and the fact that everything ive researched about estrogen dominance and low progesterone matches up with my symptoms #it definitely seems like low/no progesterone is the issue for me #(although the docs didnt test my levels beforehand and now i cant get them tested unless i want to go off treatments 🥲) #and like. this progestin treatment has changed my fucking life. legitimately #like it didnt just stop my (pretty severe) endo it also fixed like. all of my physical health issues. stuff i didnt even know was related #dont wanna get off topic talking about my other health issues but. going on progestin has easily been the best health thing to happen to me #but it also feels so fucking weird to be going through the same type of changes that like transfems go through on hrt essentially #as an afab perisex person. its not a bad weird but like its just a strange phenomenon and it would be nice to put words to it i guess? #like im a person who has lived the last 10+ years disabled by a reproductive disorder that prevented my body from developing 'normally' #and now im going through feminizing hrt at the age of 25 to fix my reproductive disorder #thats not exactly like. the normal perisex afab experience lol. but at the same time my specific reproductive disorder and hormone imbalance #dont classify me as intersex (no hyperandrogenism just some mix of too much estrogen/not enough progesterone or testosterone #typical anatomy (afaik) aside from the uterine abnormalities resulting from endometriosis) #and its just. such a weird position to be in. i share a lot of common ground with intersex issues but im not intersex myself #and the whole purpose of mesosex was to create a word for people who arent quite either. 'people who identify with but not as intersex' #and i think that describes me. but also like.... do i count?? 😭 #tmi #request to tag

[faunandfloraas]

hey sorry for the stupid question but what is the weather like in australia? I used to think it was really hot there most of the year but when chanlix or skz are filming in australia it's not that sunny and it's it doesn't look like it's really hot either lol

Climate change gets the best of us </3 skz has only ever visited Melbourne and Sydney, these are both south eastern states so unlike say Western Australia or the Northern Territory or even Queensland, we aren't as hot as they are- contrary to the image of Australia that tends to exist I.e literal desert in the outback, we get winter and we get rain, it's autumn right now and today's forecasted temp is 27°c so... that's not exactly cold, but it's not always hot? It's all over the place lol

#nsw is similar to California in weather #i will say its def changed since i was a kid tho bc i think it was just less erratic #like back then we were in drought tho i guess.... and we are about to enter another 20 year drought so..... #regardless though yeah mixed bag #like its still been too hot for autumn imo and our winters are mild like the avg winter day where i am is 23°c or so #and to me thats a nice day so thats why i like winter and autumn best of all the seasons #but i feel like as a kid it was more stable? whereas now we can have a 22 degree day and then the next day is 34° and thats just somewhat #of a wild jump #we get 40+ degree days in summer fairly often even in the southern states tho so again #just depends on what the weather feels like #thats why i was annoyed at the weather when chan was here in feb bc wed been having literally a sunny hot ass week and then he turned up and #that first day was cold and rainy and i was like ???? bro give him some summer #but then it did turn summery so 🤷‍♀️ #me trying to explain weather is like me trying to explain the accent i think i dont do a good job #lmao #ask

[raelyn-dreams]

I think Ryuseitai and Crazy:B should have an event together purely for the Rinne-Chiaki parallels because the !! Main Story really gave us "If I had taken one wrong step, I would've ended up exactly like you" and then just. Never really elaborated when there is so much that could be done with it???

Do you know how often I think about the potential of these two??? I am literally skimming through stories for Chiaki-Rinne mentions its that bad.

#chiaki and kanata would see rinnes kindness beneath it all and i think those three would have such a dynamic #esp bc rinne and kanata are already roommates + chiaki really wants to see the best in everyone #rinne would also look at them and see who he couldve been if the industry hadnt thrown him away and he wasnt raised that way and wasnt jade #like. almost like rinne-aira dynamic but its with people who understand the circumstances but ended up on the other side yknow #adding niki and meru to the mix too there bc they both have parallels to kanata especially and i think its interesting #bc himeru and niki are so set in the ways of their existence even when there is something clearly wrong to others #(himeru truly believing that being kaname is for his sake when kaname wouldnt want that and its hurting meru so badly) #(and niki being so convinced that all he needs is a good meal and he doesn't deserve anything else when he deserves so much) #kohaku i feel like would really get along with the ryusei juniors if he took the time to talk to them. maybe hiiro and aira introduce him #(does kohaku talk to hiiro a lot in-canon??? i feel like he knows him moderately well from aira but are they like. casual acquaintances???) #anyways yeah i really need to see them together for personal reasons #ensemble stars #enstars #ensemble stars music #ryuseitai #crazy:b #crazy b #rinne amagi #chiaki morisawa #raelyn rambles

[pansyfemme]

does blocking anons even do anything

#it feels like the same ones always come back #i’d turn off anon if it wasn’t like how 90% of people choose to send their asks #idk i like getting asks but like. its such an even mix of good and bad its hard to decide what the best step is

[sonknuxadow]

its honestly kind of heartbreaking that sonic superstars is just kinda okay after how good frontiers was . like they finally made a really really good mainline game again that had overwhelmingly positive reception after years of hate and mixed responses. but then with the very next game im seeing more negative comments again. and im not saying the criticism is undeserved just that im tired of how sonic always has to be that one franchise everyone hates and can never escape that reputation no matter how much really good sonic stuff comes out. you know.

#also if im being honest with you sonic superstars is the first new sonic game ive played where my feelings are this mixed #i didnt even complain about sonic forces too much when it came out i was just like Yayyy i get to be best friends with sonic #maybe its because sonic frontiers being as good as it was set my expectations for future games too high. i dont know #(and sonic forces also didnt cost 60 dollars) #to be clear i dont think sonic superstars is a bad game there are things i love about it #but there are also things i dont like about it or think could have been handled better #and i also probably would have been more forgiving of some of my problems with it if it didnt cost 60 dollars. tbh. #really hate to see sonic going down the ''every new game is 60 dollars now regardless of if its actually worth that much or not'' road #like sega please be serious. sonic superstars is NOT worth the same amount of money as sonic frontiers.

[fortune-maiden]

I really wish more people played Super Mystery Dungeon because it really is such a charming and adorable game T_T

#pokemon super mystery dungeon #everyone has fond memories of explorers #(and they are right explorers is the best) #but the writing in Super is also great! Even though its pacing is very weird #(the first 10 chapters feel a bit more like a prologue lol) #(but there is just so much personality to all of the characters!) #(and especially the partner!) #(though much like Gates this game has Questionable Gameplay Decisions) #(not as questionable as Gates imo (though i havent played gates so idk) #but I have super mixed feelings about the connection orb and the absolute ????? that is the difficulty curve of this game) #I feel like I am close to the end of the main plot based on my little boss characters bar #but also it feels i had really only just hit the first Major Plot Point post-serene village xD

[mxwhore]

sad yam

#been thinking about my bad ending au #this time: cycles repeating #martin divorces jon and straight up leaves #tries to stay in touch with yam but the connection fades with time #remarries with a coworker (in my head its Gerry. but fucked up) and has a normal baby #yam stays with jon who has become a full on addict #he tries his best (as usual) but his best in these circumtances is. not very good #yam feels a strange longing mixed with (self) hatred #whats wrong with them? #not even dad knows #anyway

[berrymeter]

i'll be honest i didn't even process the homophobia in paprika as such bc all of it was expressed by a character who turned out to be the villain's henchman, & maybe that's on me but like, it really did not hit me like that at all.

it was a lot of background details, but it did hit me on the second rewatch that osanai doesn't yell at paprika for bringing up himuro bc he feels guilty about himuro's comatose-dead state but bc he's disgusted himuro liked him. osanai is not shown as a sympathetic character again from the moment you learn he's working against the protagonists, and frankly he's not too sympathetic either before then - at least if you don't trust him, everything he does & says comes across as him potentially becoming a problem later. again, on the second rewatch, i was able to retroactively notice another part that showcased that 'homophobia' mentioned by that person ; when they visit himuro's place & there are men's magazines all around his house, to which osanai makes a grossed out face (on first watch i thought it was more exasperation due to the previous fatphobia & general infantilisation of the fat characters).

the thing though, is that the messiness of the room, the 'gross' aspect, it doesn't hinge on the fact himuro is gay as much as it does on the fact he's fat. and it's weird to pinpoint homophobia without mentioning the glaring elephant in the room. they do the same shit to tokita! it's the exact same shit and tokita is straight as far as anyone's concerned! idk, tokita & himuro fit into a certain view of the 'nerd' that a lot of people hold, & the magazines are frankly the least of our problems with that view! if you want my opinion, the only reason tokita escaped the magazines treatment was that he was infantilised enough to not even be allowed the ability to be sexual. everyone constantly insists on how he's "a genius with the mind of a child". the fatphobia is absolutely paprika's biggest problem & it pisses me off someone would say the HOMOPHOBIA puts them off. like?! did we watch the same movie??

#perth.txt #cw fatphobia #like look i love this film. i can't say i don't. i do love it. but jesus christ does its One Massive Fucking Flaw bring it down. #and anyone who somehow bypasses it? i don't think they care one bit about fat people #satoshi kon did not hold the best views that is undeniable & frankly he could also have been massively homophobic for all i know #i'm just saying. if you're gonna take issue with something in paprika it better be the fatphobia first & foremost. #bc it is fucking aggressive & vile. the way tokita is treated is consistently the hardest part to watch in the movie #barring the one scene in the dream w osanai. #& there's no possible argument of 'well maybe it was meant to be seen in a negative light' at all. #hi sorry i have opinions. on movies #u could argue abt ableism due to how the like director guy is portrayed but i have mixed feelings on the matter #it doesnt exist in a vacuum though. so i 100% get the ableism criticisms even if i personally can examine it through diff lenses #& honestly i'm probably wrong! i just overanalyse stuff a lot once i get to thinking

[bingobongobonko]

who am i to you? do you know the true you?

#fucking collapses #i seem to be leaning even more into messy art #its fine... its fine... i like it... its fine.. #genuinely do like it though #yahoo :) #theres so many songs to go with this one thing but its a mix of #who is she by i monster #pocket knife shadow by polyenso #and tru u by ada rook #theres a lot going on #BUT YEAAA #ahh im so happy #got to experiment w/ colors and such #feel like making it hard to look at gives it charm #colors youre my best friend this year #yves #sigourney #bingo art #tw blood #tw religious imagery

[hoopz]

finally finished my first bg3 playthrough.......... wowzers

#txt #im....... there are things that are so.......... i had fun #but with how i played things i feel particularly mixed about laezel astarion and gales futures........ like sorry guys #i mean astarion especially actually. #im not going to talk abt specific spoilers but. it seems that his best ending is still so bittersweet... so sad.... i love it but... yeah.. #i can only imagine it being even more bittersweet should you romance him..... :| #i romanced shadowheart and her ending is also undoubtedly bittersweet but like. doesnt really hurt like astarions... #her and wylls decisions in act 3 r like easily comparable right... and its like no answer leads to total satisfaction for anyone LOL... #which i really like.... #i love how all 6 companions like reflect each other in different ways some more obviously than others... very enjoyable #anyway.... TIME 2 CONTINUE MY OTHER CAMPAIGNS lol.... and draw more fanart i suppose.........

[rainymoodlet]

💖💜💙 happy pride month, y'all! 💖💜💙

my simself living my best life and being the masc and femme bitch i can't bring into reality right now. my journey of accepting my sexuality was fraught with toxic friend groups that tried to control my identity, my own history with abuse affecting the way i felt toward women, and my own experience as a cis woman in this world. getting caught in the trap of top or bottom, masc or femme, when in reality, the entire point of living life true to yourself is living it as true to yourself as possible. if i want to be your leather jacket gf with her arm around your shoulder one day and your glamour babe whose lap you still sit on the next, i can.

i ultimately identify as bisexual, but that was because i fought for that title. i was bullied out of owning my own self by friends who thought that a friend group consisted of tokens, that i'd be "copying" if i felt comfortable saying i was bisexual right after somebody else did. pansexuality was the first place i learned to accept who i was, and so while i reclaim bisexuality for the girl who hurt herself and was hurt by others for her attraction to women, something she was scared was predatory, something she was scared she was perpetuating out of the men that hurt her, i thought i would give a tribute to the spectrumless love that taught me what self-truth and self-acceptance is. 💗💛💙

#it's okay to reblog!!! even if it's a fucking text wall blah #i didn't realize i would get so emotional making these but like #i have always struggled with my self-expression #and that by no way means i'm only attracted to people within the bounds of the Two Genders #bc i'm not #but the label of bisexual means a lot to me for personal reasons #and really... that's the only thing that matters??? #anyway tried to get that look to be as hey mamas as possible bkfkdj #becoming comfortable w not feeling predatory towards Women on a whole has been a whole journey for me #i can't get into all of it but uhhh i was scared my whole life #i was full on making out w my female friends in their garages and playing their boyfriends while we played pretend #and at some point in my youth it got all mixed up with being just as bad as what was happening to me #and unlearning that has been a whole process #ANYWAY this got??? really fucking personal but hey #its tumblr #ANYWAY isn't she hot i lov her live your best life girl #go get some werewolf dick #ts4 #ts4 edit #ts4 pride #ts4 pride month 2022

[dykedragons]

man. should rlly start bringing my sketchbook to work

#ramblies #its raining and we work outdoors so ive just been sitting here on my phone for an hour #I JUST WANNA CREATE STUFF #idk WHAT happened (i do know. college happened) but ever since working full time i just itch to create shit all day. ive been having my #best ideas. i get home from a 9 hour day make myself dinner and inmediately draw most days #like its just. an itch. that needs to be scratched. its whatever the opposite of that burnout i used to have wss #like i JUST WANT TO CREATE FREELY. i just want to LEARN. but i have less time now! #im so excited to do the cool shit i have planned for portfolio and open up my shop and revsmp my commissiok website #jm gonna learn so much and get so good and make the BEST fuckjng portfolio snd make so much money #my girlboss era. to be fucking honest. #ive been insanely busy ive barely touched video games in a couple months. im always jsut… doing shit and being alive #for the first time ever! im so tired! but like. its good #like im saving money and im loving creating things and im making such good memories with my friends #we can do someyhing so simple like. go to the park. and its so nice i make core memories bc we just do stupid shit. its magical. its magica #life is so fucking tiring and overwhelming but for the first time i rlly feel like im living and i havent even gotten my own place yet or #anything like that. like ooggh this is the connection i was missing out on #having mixed feelings abt my ‘stay inside and be a gamer’ era bc no doubt that time has fuelled my drive to work like an ox now (i have #something to prove- i light a fire under my own ass) but also i couldve been having these experiences sooner #but not with the same people im with now. so thats okay #i digress. anyways i wanna draw LMFAO #IM GONNA MAKE MONSTER HUNTER STICKERS its gonna be so rad

[svtskneecaps]

agony i've been trying to sleep for an hour but i fucked up my sleep schedule over break so now i just have to lie here like "hmmmmm..... what if....... the harry potter obliviate wizards........ were bad at their jobs.......... and there was a secret colony of young magical & nonmagical children........ who remember magic... and know the wizards don't want them to...... and are in hiding..........."

#i'm thinking this is ~fantastic beasts era new york bc it feels easier to justify like 15-30 kids living on their own w/o like. jobs. #or getting caught. #they refer to losing their memories as 'getting erased' #bc at a certain point of magic exposure. yea. a lot of important or key memories might just go Poof. and take your personality with it. #some of them have seen it happen and those are the horror stories that spread in whispers #they know what happens if any of them get caught. #most of them have seen the horrors of magic (obscurial incident anyone?) and some of them have seen the beauties (fixing new york) #(+ newt was a LIL flippant w magic while he was there and yknow i'm willing to bet there were some other instances a small concealed child- #-could witness; also the magical creature pastries in the bakery. the kids aren't stupid they know he got Erased) #featuring a small magical child ~5-6 named andy he doesn't want to be a wizard bc he'll have to leave the group or they'll be found #also he's scared of wizards (but not magic) #+ the group leader giselle ~11-14; nonmagical angry and scared she knew about magic the longest has seen the most and knows the streets #she can identify wizards and does her best to work w the other older children to switch locations when the wizards sniff too close #also a poltergeist type ghost? can't research the Troll's lore bc it's 4:30 am and i'm trying to sleep #but like. a ghost that can physically manipulate the environment and can't be seen by nonmagical people as such #feeds off magical energy but decided to stick with this ragtag mix of magic and no magic bc it's funny and he's also kinda attached to them #they love their poltergeist buddy even tho the nonmagical kids can't see him just what objects he interacts with #at some point newt scamander loses his niffler and it finds its way to these children who name it richard and take it stealing with them #they love richard he's large and cute and when set loose in a jewelry store he cleans it out in under a minute #when newt tracks his niffler back to their hideout they emergency evac + knock him out lmfao #i kinda imagine newt being sympathetic? like there was that thing w the little girl he couldn't save #and now these kids right and probably eventually he's told the story via giselle trying to threaten him into staying tf away #and he'd obv be extremely worried for these kids n the possibility of an obscurial? #also he has some strong Nonthreatening vibes and i feel like he's not a government snitch even if the films iirc are tryin to make him a cop #newt scamander is not a cop idc fuck canon and fuck jkr #idk it's 4:38 am and i'm just trying to scribble down the thoughts before they leave #and hopefully FALL. ASLEEP. MY ALARM GOES OFF IN 4 HOURS AND 22 MINUTES. #REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE #not kpop #shut up vic

[chisatowo]

Okie I took a shower and now I'm normal again (lying) anyways look at my son

#rat rambles #sekai posting #sorry for that kinda messy rant smth just snapped within me tkfjsjdg #I rly could have just said 'very few of the behaviors ppl demonise mafuyu for within their initial breakdown are repeated after it' #and thatd cover most of my bases. If ppl actually thought for five seconds longer anyways lol #but ya anyways onto smth more positive I rly love how we can rly tangebly see mafuyu's development since the start in their bday 4koma #basic summary; ichika and honami give them globe. mafuyu does a lil genuine thing and says they like it. they show it to miku and len woo #I love how we rly get to feel mafuyu start to get a better grasp on expressing themself genuinely even if they try their damndest not to #let it show outside of 25ji #it rly goes to show that just having a space to try to express themself more freely is so important for them #it reminds me of how for me that space was talking to myself when I was home alone #I think that kinda left me with some other issues but it did legitimately help me build up my sense of self so much #because rather than engaging with this hypothetical me in my thought echo chamber I had to actually like talk #and also while I poke fun at kanade constantly being like how do u feel it does help and honestly is probably the best kanade can do in her #current state without biting off way more than she can chew which is ultimately best for both of them #but still 25ji encouraging mafuyu to try to word their thoughts forces them to engage with their mental state in a more tangeble way #and thats good for them I think. again it reminds me of a lot of what I did to rebuild so I think its neat to see in a media #I rly appreciate how a lot of mafuyu's issues have been less them relearning ~how to feel~ or whatever and more of a mix of them finding #more of a safe space to actually learn how to recognise their emotions that they already have while also having the rest of 25ji there to #support them and on top of a safe space give them a happy space of sorts #like again I can poke fun at 25ji for not being the found family ppl treat them as all I want but that doesnt make them less important for #mafuyu and also again all of them make me soso happy and I love all of their dynamics Im just a lil hater /j #aka I dont like ppl scrubbing away their rough edges as friends like them being so clunky is a part of the appeal to me #I wanna watch them bridge that gap as slowly as possible I find it funny #but in all seriousness tho if the next 25ji event gives us some good kanade stuff we might be much more set up for some stronger 25ji #friendship developments since currently kanade is the one making things most stagnant #speaking of I hope the next 25ji banner is good Im tired of saving my crystals I wanna gamble god damnit /j

[1980ssunflower]

I'm so fucking in love w them I swear to god it makes me lightheaded gdhfsjk

#ot3: ❤rhyme💛easy💙 #tape entry circa 1980 #ngl im feeling fucking SAD abt not being w them #i want to be home w them in the 80s away from modern day and the internet and just be making music and living a free lifestyle #theyre so damn beautiful its insane... idk how its even possible for them to be so perfect... or for me to love them so much...... #theyre definitely far from being perfect but they are to ME #i love every single thing abt them including their faults and aggravating qualities ghdfjsk #THEYRE JUST!!!!!! MY BEST FUCKING FRIENDS WHO HAVE KNOWN ME MY WHOLE LIFE!!!!! WE KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT EACHOTHER!!! #KNOW EACHOTHER BETTER THAN ANYTHING ELSE! NO ONE ELSE WILL EVER BE ABLE TO KNOW US LIKE EACHOTHER #AND WE'RE IN LOVE W EACHOTHER!!WE'RE EACHOTHERS TRUE SOULMATES!!!! NO ONE COULD EVER COME CLOSE TO WHAT WE HAVE #all i want is to hold them close and kiss them and compliment them every single second of the day #i want to hold them close and comfort them as they cry and reassure them of every little thing theyre insecure abt #and tell them over and over that i will love them for all eternity and im never going anywhere... i would lay down my life for them #i would do anything as long as it guaranteed their happiness #IDK HOW TO ACTUALLY EXPRESS THE EXTENT OF MY LOVE FOR THEM CAUSE ITS SO MUCH MORE THAN THE THINGS I SAY #IT FEELS LIKE MY CHEST IS GOING TO BURST I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH ITS LIKE I CANT BREATH #i just need to admire them... every little feature of their beautiful faces... and their bodies... #i want to admire them in the softest and most loving way possible as if they would fall apart if i touched them w any slight pressure #i want to lay together w them and for us to just hum songs together softly and start giggling over dumb things #and id love to just work on our latest album together in the studio figuring out the mixing and such #just the mix of music and love and friendship and adventure and fun that is our lives... makes me so happy