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cobaltperun · 1 day

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Genius (4) - Bittersuite

Cairo Sweet x female (G!P) Reader

Summary: It was such a cliché, a reunion she didn’t expect to ever happen, let alone six years after she last saw you. It was supposed to mean nothing, a bit of nostalgia, maybe a brief catching up while waiting for class, it was supposed to be a small wave of nostalgia, not a tsunami that disrupted her entire life. You were her opposite, and as hard as she tried she couldn’t resist your pull.

Story masterlist / First part / Previous Part

Word count: 3.5k

-God, I hope it all goes away, 'cause I can't fall in love with you-

A madman’s love.

Cairo had no idea how that felt, but the way Miller described it sounded exactly like what she was yearning for. Ever since she was old enough to yearn for love. To be loved by someone to the point of madness, for that someone to merely be a bone monolith beneath her, to be loved so fiercely and strongly that both her and the one loving her end up consumed by the flames of emotions within them.

To be madly loved and to madly love in return.

How did that feel? To fight for someone’s love, no matter the circumstances, the taboo, the judgment of society. To feel so right no matter how many people said it’s wrong.

She didn’t know, but she imagined Miller knew, he described it, after all. He wrote it with passion that struck her, that made her yearn for what he was painting in her mind. What about his age? Well, she did desire something that others would deem wrong, didn’t she? And then there was Winnie, and Cairo would have cursed her for filling her head with the ideas of giving her virginity to someone older if Winnie didn’t present such a convincing argument. To give her virginity to someone that was, as Winnie put it, wagyu beef, and not deli meat.

She didn’t know she wasn’t supposed to bleed the first time she has sex, the books she read made sex out to be raw, rough, immediate, a desperate act of chasing pleasure, they hardly ventured into the ideas of woman’s arousal, much less aftercare.

Could he give it to her? Could he see her for who she really was? Reveal sides of her she didn’t even know existed yet? He certainly found something worth it in this damn village she despised, he could do the same with her. Find worth no one else did, make her feel wanted by someone. Make her feel like she was the only one who mattered.

Her phone buzzed and she glanced at it. You sent her a message, but she didn’t reach for her phone to reply. She just leaned her head back instead. She couldn’t deny the visceral reaction she had whenever she was reminded of you. Of her heart beating faster, or the dreams she had, or the fact that she wasn’t entirely sure what she was looking forward to more on Monday mornings, listening to Miller, or sitting next to you, your arms occasionally touching and making her feel like she was on fire.

How did you see her? Did you still see the girl who read to you, the girl that dragged you around the forest around her house, the girl who pushed you away? Or did you see her for who she was right now? A ghost, someone a rare few paid attention to, though she kept hearing she was extraordinary. A lonely girl longing for attention and escape. You were certainly providing her with the escape she needed, seeing as Saturdays became your usual getaways, and you took her to places she had no idea about, she was living when she was with you, free from the shackles of nowhere Tennessee.

But your love for her was a lot like Winnie’s. Immature, normal, fueled by reasons appropriate for your age. She couldn’t imagine you or Winnie being driven to madness by your love for her, if the way you loved her even included anything romantic in the first place.

She needed a love that wasn’t ordinary. She needed her madman’s love.

And she feared that whatever was happening between the two of you wasn’t a product of love or friendship, but a desperate attempt to emulate what was once lost.

Cairo didn’t want that. She didn’t want to emulate the past, she wanted… What did she want? She knew what she didn’t want, but what did she actually want?

~X~

This wasn’t working, and the only reason you still tolerated this class was because Cairo was there as well. You suppressed a sigh as Miller droned on about the writer’s style being bold, and too much, and it really was.

You were trying to reignite your love for reading but all this was doing was making you wish to never open a book again in your entire life. You couldn’t get the fact that he went thought student’s stuff out of your head, and that impression alone ruined the class for you.

“Meet me after classes,” he leaned over Cairo’s shoulder, too close to her, secretive, whispering so no one else but Cairo could hear him. Though not quiet enough for you not to hear him, even if you looked like you weren’t paying attention. The fuck was with this guy? After classes?

You were reading too much into it, right?

~X~

Was he seeing her? Like Winnie said? Cairo wasn’t sure yet, but she couldn’t deny their similarities, how at ease she felt, how the only time she felt this much at ease was when she was with you on your rides outside the village. It compared to that as far as her ease went, but it went further, it met other needs she had as well. The ones she hated to admit she had. Her need for approval and attention from someone older, something she never got before, being a big part of it, and what made this seem more impactful to her than what she had with you.

And then there was a part of her that consciously made what she had with you feel like it was to be expected. Like it was a given that you’d reconnect. And she needed to look at it that way, otherwise she’d spiral into fear and panic, because if it wasn’t a given, and if both of you chose to actively put effort into rebuilding what you once had, then that in and of itself, would be a form of madness she wasn’t ready to face just yet.

“See you on Monday, Mr. Miller,” Winnie said as she opened the doors so she could drag Cairo to get her beloved food.

“Bye, kid,” a kid, that’s how he saw Winnie, but he didn’t call Cairo a ‘kid’, so at the very least he didn’t see her as one, though her and Winnie were the same age. He saw her as an adult, and she very much liked that. “Oh, and Cairo, are you going to come this Saturday?” he asked her.

She realized she never got to answer him, and it wasn’t just because Winnie came in, there was an issue of already making plans with you. “I already made plans with Y/N, but I’ll see if she’s fine with postponing,” she told him, not quite ready to give a definitive answer.

He seemed a bit startled all of a sudden. “Y/N?”

Cairo nodded, not sure what made him react the way he did just now, though it was subtle she could see he was a bit uncomfortable.

“Did- Uh, did she mention me in any way?” he tried to brush it off as a normal question, but the way he avoided her eyes gave him away.

“No,” she replied. Not even sure why you would mention him. You didn’t particularly enjoy his class, she could tell by the way you actively tried not to listen to him, and she knew you were doing bare minimum on the assignments. You didn’t like either him or the class, and Caro didn’t know why, she didn’t ask why, and you never told her why.

“Oh, okay, forget I said anything,” Miller regained some color when she denied you ever mentioning him and she just nodded, choosing not to ask him about it.

She’d just ask you. After all, you were the one who kept something from her.

~X~

You were in your garage, just cleaning your motorcycle and your gear when you heard the doorbell ringing. You weren’t expecting any visitors, so maybe it was just one of your neighbors. When the doorbell rang the second time you got up, leaving the rug you were using on the bucket, and quickly washed your hands in the sink, before going outside.

“Sorry for the wait, I was-“ you paused, seeing Cairo on your doorstep. “Hey, I didn’t expect to see you here,” you climbed up the stairs as Cairo looked to the side. You couldn’t read her, but you could tell something wasn’t right.

“Hey, Y/N,” she greeted you.

“Come in,” you opened the doors for her and stepped aside, she knew the house. Even if she hasn’t been inside in a long time. You followed after Cairo, taking notice of how she stopped and stared at the copy of Jules Verne’s ‘Around the World in Eighty Days’. You were trying to read it, but between Miller killing your desire to read and the book being closely tied to your and Cairo’s friendship while you were kids, you hated to admit it, but you weren’t having an easy time with it. Still, you were about two thirds in, so at least you were making some progress.

“Do you want something to drink? Or eat? I was about to make something for lunch anyway,” you were already heading toward the kitchen as Cairo sat down on the armchair.

“No, I just ate with Winnie, I’m okay,” she said and you chose not to push her. She was tense, and it didn’t escape your notice that she chose one seat that would put the most distance between the two of you regardless of where you sat down.

So, you mirrored her, taking a seat on the far end of the sofa, letting the distance between you engulf you. The silence felt deafening, and you hoped it wouldn’t come to this. This was the tension you were worried about the first time you took her out of the village, it wasn’t supposed to be happening now, two weeks after you reunited. “What’s wrong?” you asked carefully.

“Mr. Miller said something, well, he asked me if you mentioned him. Why?” she asked, looking you in the eyes and clutching the straps of her bag in her hand.

You could swear you were hearing alarm bells ringing in your head. Why would he ask her that? “I caught him and coach what’s-his-name going through your books on the first day, that’s all,” you had no reason to protect him, since Cairo asked so openly. Frankly, you weren’t sure why you haven’t told her that in the first place.

“That’s it?” she asked incredulously.

“You wanted more?” you were astonished. Now, you didn’t expect her to be furious, or go on a rant, or anything like that, but you didn’t expect her to think nothing of it. What did she even want from you, because you honestly couldn’t tell where you were standing with her.

“You’re being ridiculous,” she defended him. “Mr. Miller isn’t being inappropriate, he sees me,” she told you.

You raised an eyebrow, puzzled. Sees her? “Cairo, what do you mean he sees you?” you questioned, leaning a bit closer over the dreadfully large distance between the two of you.

Cairo looked away, contemplating whether she should tell you something and then, finally, she made her decision. “He sees my talent; he sees what others’ don’t. He- he gave me special treatment, offered me an early mid-term assignment,” she leaned back, likely reading your frown as if you were disapproving of her.

It wasn’t her. It was his actions. It didn’t feel right. It felt unprofessional, it felt like he was actively crossing boundaries with her, taking advantage of her need to be seen, as she put it. “Cairo, he might not be good for you,” you didn’t feel like you had the right to influence her, or get involved in her decisions, but you also felt like you had to, much like all those years ago, pull her away from something that could harm her.

“You just came back, don’t pretend you understand what is best for me,” she snapped, her voice shaking a bit and even from this distance you could see the tears pooling in her eyes. “I’m going to a poetry reading this Saturday, to see him, just so you know,” the fact that she was canceling your plans didn’t matter nearly as much as the reason why she chose to cancel them.

What pushed her this far? To seek approval from him of all people? “Okay,” but she was too emotional to talk to properly right now. So, you chose to back away for now, to just hope that nothing even worse would happen. And Cairo? She just left, closing the doors with a sound that rang through your mind as if it signaled the start of madness.

~X~

He truly did see her, he saw all of her. The ghost, the rose bush that wasn’t allowed to blossom, no matter how hard she tried. And she saw herself in him, she saw her reflection, and she wondered if he saw himself in her as well. She was willing to bet he did, they were both ghosts, cursed to never be seen for what they were by anyone who wasn’t like them.

He didn’t take her somewhere else, he showed her a side of her home she wasn’t aware of, and she managed to see worth in it she never knew existed. She yearned for more. She yearned for an even deeper connection. She yearned… she longed… she…

This wasn’t a given. This was something she had to reach for, something she had to work for, something forbidden, and yet so appealing at the same time.

Would he fight for her? Accept her entirely and burn in their shared passion and desires and yearning, or would he refuse to participate in this dance? She feared the answer, because, if he wouldn’t… who would?

And in the middle of it all, of all those thoughts and feelings, she just for a moment, saw your face as you told her he wasn’t good for her. Your eyes, intensely looking right at her. What did you see? What compelled you to look at her like that? And along the image of you, leaning closer to her, so close that she, despite the almost overwhelming distance, caught herself unsure if she should back away, maintain the distance, or lean in, encouraging you to keep closing the distance until there was none of it left. Along that image she vividly saw the wild rose bush crushed by an old fallen tree and her eyes widened as she remembered you pulling her away from it all.

Would you pull her back once again? Would Miller be the old tree to crush her? Or would he stand strong next to her as she blossomed? She didn’t decide yet, but she knew the way he was looking at her right now lacked the intensity your stare had.

~X~

You’ve been denying it for years, but Cairo, even after she pushed you away remained a constant presence in your life. You still remembered that time in the forest around her house, when she dragged you around and then just froze when she saw an old tree that had fallen over a bush of wild roses. It wasn’t the scene that remained in your memory. You weren’t old enough for it to profoundly affect you. Even now you didn’t come to give any deeper meaning to the imagery you witnessed.

It was still an impactful memory because she sobbed, and she wasn’t even aware of it. She let out a sound, filled with so much sorrow you couldn’t even comprehend what was going through her head back then. To this day, you didn’t know why it affected her so much, but you knew how it affected you. How it made you feel like you had to take her away from there, that you had to do something so she would smile again.

She set a bar so damn high for you that it wasn’t just the fact that you were moving a lot that stopped you from being best friends with someone. It was the fact that they just couldn’t compare to her. And then you got a bit older and started understanding your sexuality and you tried, you really did. You dated on and off, but again, the connection you were seeking wasn’t there. No matter how amazing the girl was you just found it hard to let someone in the way you did with Cairo. Did you ever have any feelings for Cairo that weren’t purely friendship related? No, not even a childish crush, but the connection between you was just strong enough to affect you years after you last saw her. You felt that connection in the songs you learnt to play, in some of the music you created, brimming with longing and inspired by a friendship long ago left in the past that refused to fade away.

You glanced at her, at her focused gaze meant only for Miller in this very moment, and you weren’t sure how to feel. You just waited for the class to end. And then he approached your and Cairo’s table from behind, and you saw his left hand reaching for her hand as he leaned over her shoulder.

As if he absolutely had to say something only to her.

Your eyebrow twitched. How dare he? He was her teacher, and she was only eighteen. Without thinking you pushed the table to your left so abruptly he lost his hold on the edge of the table and stumbled forward, and, unable to stay on his feet he dropped to his knees to the gasps of the students.

“I’m fine, I’m fine, don’t worry,” he got up, dusting his pants and raising his hands as he turned away from the class, embarrassed by what just happened. Just for a moment his eyes met yours and you glared, begging for him to read your mind and see what you thought. ‘Learn where the damn boundary is,’ is what you were trying to convey through your eyes. Consequences be damned.

Not like there would be any. If he went and reported you, you’d just say what you suspected, consequences of those actions be damned. He, at the very least, did show favoritism toward Cairo.

When the class ended you stormed out of the classroom, ignoring Cairo and Winnie’s eyes following you.

~X~

As you walked out of the classroom after all your classes ended you suddenly felt a hand grab your forearm and pull you aside much to your utter surprise.

“Come with me,” Cairo demanded, ordering you as if you had no choice but to follow her every whim.

“You could be a bit gentler,” you complained, not appreciating how tightly she was gripping your arm.

Cairo looked back at you, anger flashing in her eyes. “I could say the same to you, why would you make him fall like that?” she hissed, dragging you to a slightly secluded corner.

“Maybe next time he’ll think twice before putting his hands where they shouldn’t be,” you were instantly annoyed by the reminder of where he was about to put his hands. And Cairo jumping to his defense wasn’t helping.

“Yeah, and where is that?” she challenged you as you leaned against the wall and she stepped right in front of you. If you moved even a bit, you’d be pressed right against her.

“Not on you, that’s for sure. Or any of his students,” he had his responsibilities and one of those was to keep the proper boundaries with his students.

“And if I want him to?” Cairo demanded and you just… weren’t sure how to answer that. You knew how it made you feel though. And suddenly it wasn’t just about his advances toward Cairo being inappropriate in your eyes. You finally felt as if the pieces on your side were falling into place, and you were no longer seeing the girl you spent your childhood with. You saw an eighteen-year-old girl and somehow you were no longer certain you only saw her as a friend. It was as if the very thought of him touching her ignited flames of madness within you, a jealousy you didn’t even know you could feel over Cairo.

“Do you really?”

“I haven’t decided yet.”

You took her words in, you forced yourself to calm down, to take it easy, to think rationally. “Why did you push me away when we were kids Cairo?” you asked and she backed away a bit, and though she didn’t leave, you could see it in her eyes. She wasn’t going to answer. And her answer mattered to you more than anything, because her answer was the only thing that could make any of this worth it. That was the only thing that could validate or invalidate your feelings. That was the only thing that could solve every question running through your mind. And she wasn’t giving it to you.

A/N: Is Cairo confused at the moment? Yup! Is R? Absolutely! So, tell me what you think, I would appreciate it!

Taglist: @deimaisgail @bee-keeping @marvelous-disaster @jmwetterlund @tekanparadiae

@alexkolax @ioveyouyouloveme @aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh

#cairo sweet x female reader #cairo sweet x reader #cairo sweet #miller's girl #jenna ortega x reader #x reader #x female reader

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buckybarnesb-tch · 1 day

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Yan. College Student!Klaus M. A-Z

(I’ve done several Alphabets for Klaus already but I thought to do one for my Human!High School series but then I thought…Yandere College Student! And here we are😈)

A stands for AFFECTION: how would they show affection?

•Gift Giving is Klaus’ love language

•Before you even knew who he was he was sending you flowers almost everyday, especially after overhearing you tell your best friend that you love how strongly your (usually gross smelling thanks to so many other students in the wing) dorm room smells of roses thanks to the constant cycle of fresh flowers being delivered

•After he introduces himself to you for the first time (which he believes is your 6 month anniversary) he gives you a black Eternity Collar that he keeps the key to so that you can never remove it, clearly loving the knowledge that you are wearing a collar that he has gifted you

B stands for BLOODY: how bloody are they willing to get for their object of obsession?

•Klaus has made it clear that he is willing to do whatever he deems necessary to “protect you” in any way and that sometimes means getting his hands bloody

•You made the mistake around the third month of your Stalker (though he signed all of his love letters to you ‘Your Loving Boyfriend’) sending you letters and gifts, of going out on a date with a boy from your Econ class. He had been asking you out relentlessly for over 2 months and while you originally said “No” because of your Stalker, his persistence had also creeped you out (arguably in a much worse way than your Stalker). You finally said you would go to dinner with him just to get him to stop asking and he took you to a fancy little place in town. He was an asshole as you knew he would be and it seemed your Stalker noticed that too

•Your stalker believed that the idiot you went on a date with had threatened you into it and so you were forgiven…he wasn’t though and he found himself thrown off a bridge to his death later that night (though everyone else would believe it a suicide)

C stands for CRUELTY: would they ever hurt their object of obsession?

•Klaus does not physically hurt you, he won’t hit you or beat you (he had been beaten his entire childhood and he’s sensitive about it)

•The most painful thing he does is when he’s really angry he will occasionally grab you by the collar that he gave you and drag you around by it

D stands for DARLING: would they cross their object of obsession’s limits?

•Sexually, no, he will never do something that you are afraid of or that you don’t like

•Other limits are non-existent. What limits? You are his girl and your relationship has no limits

E stands for EXPOSED: how much do they expose their own feelings to their object of obsession?

•Klaus tells you about his feelings for you immediately

•Your first “interaction” with Klaus was his first letter that he sent you along with the bouquet of flowers, the letter containing his thoughts and feelings for you that he poured out onto the paper and you were instantly torn between being flattered by how gorgeous and wonderful he thought you were and being creeped out by how he was clearly watching you and had been for God knows how long

•He never hid his feelings from you in any regard, not even when he is angry with you for whatever slight you have committed without knowing it

‘I have loved you since the day I first saw you, you looked at me and I was done for, I knew it instantly.’

‘Everything I am is yours, I exist only for you and seeing you in pain hurts me more than words can express. You should never have reason to shed a tear Princess and if you tell me who it was that brought tears to your eyes, I will ensure that they never have the chance again.’

‘How could you allow him to put his hands on you like that?! Does this relationship mean nothing to you? Do I Mean Nothing to You?! I have not so much as thought about touching another girl since the day we met and you are on a date?!’

‘I cannot express how sorry I am for scaring you my Darling. I should never get upset with you, especially for something that isn’t your fault. That idiot boy pressured you into a date and you were afraid, my Princess was scared and all I did was make it worse, I am so sorry. Please forgive me for the words I wrote in anger and please accept these flowers as my sincere apology, as well as the idiot boy who pressured you into a date now never being able to set eyes on you again. No one hurts you and doesn’t suffer for it, you will never have to worry about him again.’

•His mood swings were terrifying even before you met him when all of your interactions were through his letters and texts to you. You had no idea who he was and you hid all of the letters from everyone, keeping it a secret for the entire 6 months that he stalked you before arriving at your door and instantly behaving like you had been dating the entire time

F stands for FIGHT: how would they react to their object of obsession fighting back?

•He wouldn’t understand it at all and it would confuse him before potentially enraging him if you don’t stop quickly

•You are his girl, you’ve been together happily for months and he wouldn’t understand why you’re suddenly behaving like this

G stands for GAME: do they think this is just a game?

•No, this is in no way a game

•You are Klaus’ everything and it’s not something that he takes lightly. He will kill for you if he has to, and he has done just that

H stands for HELL: what would be their object of obsession’s worst experience with them?

•Your worst experience was probably when you needed to pretend that you had nothing to do with your dates death and that he had just committed suicide

•You were questioned by everyone since he had been with you the night before, wondering how he was, if he was acting strangely, asking why he would do this and you needed to pretend you had no clue

•It was extremely stressful and you locked yourself in your room for 3 days to avoid people, not even answering for the deliveries which just worried your Stalker

I stands for IDEAL: what are their plans for their object of obsession?

•Klaus plans for you to be his forever

•He plans to graduate and take care of you, you’re going to move into a condo together and enjoy being together for a while before you have some kids and spend the rest of your lives together

J stands for JEALOUSY: how they react when jealous? Do they get jealous?

•You do not want Klaus getting jealous, he gets violent

•Klaus will instantly see another man as a threat to you and he will want to get rid of that threat anyway he can and he will absolutely kill for you

K stands for KINDNESS: how they act around their object of obsession?

•Klaus worships you

•He will give you anything you want! You want to watch your favorite movie? Fuck studying for his exam, his baby wants to watch a movie! You have a craving for ice cream at 1am? Fuck his early morning class, his Princess wants ice cream!

•You hate that he does things like that but he will never stop, he loves to see you happy and it’s the most important thing!

L stands for LOVE LETTER: how would they approach their object of obsession?

•He stalks her for 6 months sending letters and gifts almost everyday believing you are in a committed relationship

M stands for MASK: how different are their public persona from their true selves?

•Klaus is a nerdy, shy kind of guy and most people wouldn’t even notice him in the back of the class

•With you he’s a very dominant person and that last word you would ever use to describe your boyfriend is “shy”

N stands for NAUGHTY: how would they punish their object of obsession?

•Klaus’ favorite punishment is when he locks you in his dorm room and you end up forced to stay with him, only leaving when you have class but usually ending up stuck there all weekend

O stands for OPPRESSION: how many rights would they take from their object of obsession?

•All of them

•You live for him, to be his Princess and your entire life (in his opinion) should be about your relationship. What rights do you need? Where do you need to go? What do you need to do that he can’t do for you?

P stands for PATIENCE: how patient are they with their object of obsession?

•Klaus isn’t known for his patience

•Honestly, after finally meeting him you were shocked that he waited 6 whole months to meet you officially

Q stands for QUIT: if their object of obsession died or escaped, would they ever be able to move on?

•Died: Klaus would lose his mind. He would end up having a massive psychotic break and killing God knows how many people before being locked in an asylum for the rest of his life

•Escaped: He would never stop looking for you. No matter how long you’ve gotten away for, a month, a year, 10 years, just when you think you’re safe and you settle down he would find you and lock you away with him forever

R stands for REGRET: would they ever regret harming their object of obsession? Would they ever let them go?

•Klaus wouldn’t let you go, however if he did actually hurt you in his anger he would quickly regret it as soon as he calmed down

•He would take care of any injury and baby you for weeks afterwards until he knows you forgive him completely

S stands for STIGMA: what made their yandere tendencies bloom?

•The day he first saw you in class he just knew you were his

•From that moment he refused to fight his feelings, why fight destiny?

T stands for TEARS: how would they react to their object of obsession crying/breaking?

•Your tears typically send him into a panic

•He absolutely hates seeing you cry for any reason, and though when he’s angry and you cry he will just ignore it, he quickly falls right back into babying you and letting you cry on his shoulder until you feel all better

U stands for UNIQUE: something different they would do compared to others yanderes.

•The 6 months it took him to meet you in person for the first time was definitely different

•However while most Yanderes would want to lock you away (and while he did love having you all to himself) he allowed you to finish your schooling right along side of him before locking you away in the house he got the two of you after college when he was ready to stuff you full of his babies

V stands for VICE: what weakness their object of obsession could use against them?

•Y/n found out quite early that not only could she weaponize his jealousy but her tears as well

•Like most Yanderes, Klaus is profoundly jealous but he also can’t handle her crying and will do just about anything to get her to stop. As long as she doesn’t push it too far she can get almost anything she wants

W stands for WIT’S END: would they hurt their object of obsession?

•Klaus wouldn’t hurt you on purpose

•You have occasionally gotten him so upset that he ended up shoving you against the wall too hard or grabbing your arm so hard it bruises but it is very rare as he is quite attentive about that

X stands for XOANON: would they worship their object of obsession?

•The ground you walk on every moment of every day

•Klaus absolutely adores you and there is nothing you could do to change that. You’re half convinced that he believes you to be a Goddess in human form

Y stands for YEARN: how long would they pine after their object of obsession before they snap?

•He couldn’t even wait one whole day after meeting you before he sent you the first flower bouquet and letter, however 6 months was his limit before he couldn’t stand not being able to touch you anymore without losing his mind

Z stands for ZENITH: would they ever break their object of obsession?

•He would never break your spirit completely, however you would eventually do as he wanted knowing that you were never getting away from him

•Being with Klaus wasn’t so bad, honestly it could be much worse and with how much he loves you you knew you would always have just about anything you wanted

Klaus Mikaelson Masterlist

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shatcey · 2 days

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Smoke and mirrors

You know the feeling… a little more and you'll catch it. The thought, the meaning, the memory… the person. This feeling has settled very firmly in my heart. Alfons does everything possible to make it IMPOSSIBLE to figure him out… And it annoys as hell if I cannot understand something. So I keep stubbornly trying. As Einstein said: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". Probably I am insane. After all... I cannot stop thinking about him.

I really like Ellis, his design and voice are just perfect, I laugh with Victor and because of Jude, I sympathize to Liam, Elbert, and Harrison. I'm even grow to love William… But none of these feelings can be compared to what I felt for Alfons from the very beginning. Yes, they were negative emotions, but their strength surprised me the most. No other character has affected me that much.

My opinion of him has slowly but surely changed from absolute dislike and wariness to respect and adoration. I realized once again that saying "Love and hate are opposite sides of the same coin" exist for a reason.

But I cannot talk about this character without spoilers. I'll try to use as little as possible though. Slightly depressing… you've been warned.

At the beginning of his route, you think of him as an asshole. I think that's the most accurate word! He's tricking Kate, using his powers on her for his own (seemingly) entertainment, calling her his toy... But... the more Kate digs in, the more time she spends with him, the more obvious it becomes that he is - the way we see him - an illusion. The real person hides so splendidly that for a very long time I couldn't even get a glimpse of him…

He makes us believe that his every action has a very simple intention. He makes us believe that he is in fact a very simple person. And he does it so convincingly that for a very long time I couldn't figure out why everything he says seems so wrong. But it wasn't until his seemingly cheerful behavior began to slip away from time to time I suddenly realized… He always wears a mask that sticks so firmly that even if it slip away for a moment, it will immediately return. And it makes me very sad. A person who, for one reason or another, cannot be himself is an incredibly lonely person.

He's philosophy is very simple. If I don't like something, I can ignore it. If I cannot ignore it, I'll create an illusion and the world will become the way I want it to be. This is in fact a defense mechanism that allows us not to sink into depression. Switch the direction of your thoughts, set a real goal that you can achieve very soon, find something interesting to look/read/do... destract yourself. This method helped him survive when he was a kid, so it's not surprising that he still thinks of it as the only option…

Starting with the cat… no, a little earlier, with his very nasty prank, the story became unbearably heavy. It's like sinking into dark, deep water, and each new piece of information pulls you deeper and deeper, and it's pretty difficult to handle. There was no simple allegory of making a decision, as in William's route, to stay in the room or open the door and move forward… Alfie, as always, decided that it would be best for everyone... except himself. I still cannot think about it without tears. This man is merciless.

When I was reading his route, I remembered a very odd (I'm not even kidding, I can't remember anything more strange than this) Korean movie "Alice: boy from wonderland" (앨리스: 원더랜드에서 온 소년). By the way, I don't recommend watching this movie unless you are prepared for very dark and depressing thoughts and a lot of blood. One phrase from it, which has stuck in my head for many years, reminds me very strongly of Alfons.

It's not scary to d**. It's scary to be forgotten.

This is a concept that we don't think about very often, if ever. But Alfons considers this not just a probability, but an undoubted fact. And despite the absolute certainty of this, living with this oppressive thought all his life, he finds a way to stay sane. I'm not happy with his choice of coping. But I respect him for that choice.

I find his route extremely interesting for many reasons. It explain not mental illness or childhood trauma, but a defence mechanism. Some moments remind me of extremely strong scenes from other projects. And the story, like Alfons himself, is full of dark drama and hilarious scenes… It's full of contrast contradictions and at the same time incredibly solid and logical.

He's not perfect like Jude or Chev. He's not a sweet kid like Yves or Liam. He doesn't have a strong life philosophy like William or... I do not know... Johann (Faust, in case you didn't know)… There's a little bit of everything in him, just like in a real person. And just like any person he has oddities. He's totally unable to understand his own feelings and show affection (nothing surprising, given his past). He avoids difficult topics by laughing it off, hides behind lies… And this constant similarity with absolutely normal real people is snowballing to such an extent that it's really hard to believe that he's NOT one of us. I don't want him to be alive, I'm absolutely sure HE IS a living person.… This is probably the best evaluation a writer could ever get.

But maybe it's just me. Maybe I just feel some kind of connection to Alfons or Kate, or to the story itself. Surprisingly, I don't look at this story from the outside, I really feel like I am Kate. And maybe that's why Alfons is so firmly entrenched in my heart…

(I cannot believe how much time I spend writing and polishing this. I can almost hear him calling me a fool for wasting my time on him. Don't worry, babe.… Now it's my turn.)

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