#fighting to uphold responsibility that should never have been yours

[goldinavonlea]

dean calling himself daddy’s blunt little instrument you will always always be famous 💕🥰✨

#the whole scene my most beloved dean allowing himself to be angry with his dad #allowing himself to recognise all the injustices of his situation and that he deserves better #finally finally finally after a ruined childhood after an obliterated sense of self he finally renounces responsibility for things that #weren’t his fault and it’s not going to make a shred of difference and he knows it #so you’ve spent your whole life trying desperately to please a man who was never going to be pleased #fighting to uphold responsibility that should never have been yours #and you’ve finally allowed yourself to come to terms with that and there’s nothing you can do about it #your time is almost up it’s too late to change it’s all so brutally unfair and all there’s left to do is live with that

[eretzyisrael]

by Hilary Krieger

CNN: You said you wanted to talk about Hamas using hospitals and schools?

Spencer: Yes. It is a great example of good intentions leading to bad outcomes. It is of course the right thing to do to tell warring parties that hospitals should not be used in war, that they need to be protected. But that has driven combatants who do not follow the laws of war into every protected facility. Hamas took every law of war and reverse-engineered it to build an environment in which Hamas has occupied facilities because of their legal protections. So fighting an enemy that’s an avowed terror organization puts a conventional military at a big disadvantage, especially if the world is watching.

Hamas is the first combatant I’ve seen do this at an industrial level. The US military bombed complete hospitals to the ground because of battles against ISIS in hospitals. But what Hamas has done is engineered every protected site as a military facility because they knew not only would Israel have to restrict its use of force against those sites, but the world would condemn Israel for even thinking about going to those places. Of course, Israel doesn’t want to be considered on a par with Hamas by the international community, so predictably Hamas is trying to take advantage of that.

I used to say that Hamas built their tunnels underneath every school, UN facility and hospital, but what we’re finding out is that no, they also built their tunnels and then built the schools on top of them. It is literally a byproduct of our pursuit to protect that has put more people at risk. 

CNN: How do you know that about Hamas’ construction under hospitals and the schools? There have been a lot of questions about the information the IDF has put out there and the numbers they use. So how can you be confidant about this information?

Spencer: I go into this trusting the IDF’s information more than I do Hamas’, but I have also been on the ground in Gaza during this war near mosques and schools with tunnels. I was with the IDF as they uncovered a tunnel running out of a mosque, for instance, and it’s been documented that Hamas uses mosques for storing weapons and other military purposes. So I’m relying on personal research as well as a belief in a law-abiding and very moral society and military.

CNN: You mentioned your participation in the Iraq war. How would you compare Israel’s conduct — whether it’s been upholding international law or committing war crimes — to the US fighting, say, al-Qaida in Afghanistan or ISIS in Mosul, Iraq?

Spencer: If you want to talk about the tactics to prevent civilian harm in war, the US military uses speed, force and overwhelming power. That’s what we did in Panama, Afghanistan, Iraq, you name the war where we want to take out the power and destroy its military; we do it quickly so it doesn’t prolong the war. The problem is that the international community pushed Israel into this framework of going slower, going methodically, evacuating every area beforehand.

I can say with very strong confidence that Israel has done everything the US military has ever done in the history of urban combat and things that we’ve never done, implementing every civilian harm mitigation technique that has been developed in the last 30 years despite Hamas’ tactics.

#hamas #gaza #richard spencer #laws of war #hamas tunnels #civilian casualties

[saphirered]

Sending you a spice request from the prompts list! Steamy baths with Eris ;) can’t wait to see what you come up with!

Okay I may have gone a little filthy with this one. I'll own up to my spot in horny jail with the rest of you. 😘

It’s been a long day. The sun has yet barely reached it’s highest point and Eris is this close from incinerating the room for a moment of peace. Instead he is stuck dealing with the woes of politics, of presenting himself like an arrogant bastard, which he is admittedly but that does not mean he should let himself give in and speak his mind so freely. He has a reputation to uphold, a game to play and a throne to earn and until he sits upon it he shall play this game, however much it might annoy him to death. He will restrain the wildfire until freedom beckons. Oh how he longs for that freedom. His imagination gives him some escape and drowns out the useless words of bickering nobility. 

He may sit at his father’s side but his mind is elsewhere, far from this council room in a distant court. Instead Eris finds himself in the vast forests he calls home. The leaves crunch beneath his feet, the smell of the autumn air relaxes his mind and body. The cooling breeze turns his fingertips slightly cold and numb. He finally feels like he can breathe. There is no eyes to be wary of. There is a presence beside him, some incoherent and far too distant words and he wishes nothing more than to have those words overshadow what his senses back in the real world pick up on. He would recognise that voice anywhere. You’re right beside him. Memory replays the feeling of your hand in his, your fingers warming that gentle chill. He looks to his side and there you are, smiling. What a beautiful smile you have. What beautiful eyes. He could drown in their depth. He could be lost forever if you did not snap him out of it. No that wasn’t you. His name was called by different voice, one intrusive and unwanted. He’s pushed back to reality, away from you and he mourns the lack of your presence. The only relief his mind offers is the knowledge he will see you soon. 

You had known the promise he’d be back in your arms before you knew it was an empty one. You would never fault him for it. Eris, while a man of his word, could not control the circumstances of his extended life and responsibilities. Perhaps you might claim he was foolishly optimistic, but then again, he’s probably also aware of this fact and so it must be not but wishful thinking. Instead of a swift return to your side to watch the sunset you witnessed it on your own. Instead of a lovely dinner together you consumed your supper at the mostly empty table with the others left behind and excluded from the inter-court meetings. Not that you complain. You would rather be here enjoying a peaceful meal than deal with the bickering and moaning of idiots, vipers and idealists. You will attend if asked but will not mourn the lack of invitation. 

You’ve other means to keep busy and you are not one to sit around and wait for someone to whisk you away and so you did. You tended to the hounds, read up on the latest ongoings, socialised here and there, trained, made yourself useful, saw to your correspondence, went out for a ride, helped tend to the gardens and more. You kept busy on your own but every once in a while your mind would wander and think what your darling love would be up to, how he must be fighting the urge to roll his eyes or verbally tear apart another, how he must be polishing his shields both social and mental and weave a narrative that puts him at the advantage. You know Eris pretends it doesn’t affect him but you know the truth. You have seen him sit on the edge of the bed, his hands in his hair. You’ve watched him politely excuse himself to unleash the boiling of his blood upon some poor unsuspecting clearing. You have listened to his rambling about courtiers and high lords. You have held him when he questioned if it was all worth it. 

It is because of these things you know you do not mind the lack of his constant attention. In fact, you do not think you could bear it in the first place. So you dine without your lover, you find your own amusement come sundown. In the spirit of this time to yourself you have the staff draw you a bath. If you are to spend this night alone you will do so in comfort. A bath will ease the ache of your muscle and soothe your skin quite nicely. That’s where you find yourself now, a large bath filled with steaming water, the scent of bergamot in the air. You’ve sunken down to your neck, leaning back and enjoying the warmth. You’ve sent off the maids with the implication you will tend to yourself and do not need to be coddled by their nurturing grace. Peace and quiet and solitude, that’s what you require and that’s what you shall get. Your mind wanders far and pleasantly so. You forget the meaning of time and the water must have long since cooled to a lukewarm but you care little. 

“We shall conclude this meeting some other time.” Eris had both dreaded and longed for those words. The meeting has finally ended and so he is finally dismissed. It ended up taking another hour or so before he could detach himself from his own entanglement, before he could escape further dealings with the Night Court and turning down Helion’s open invitation to visit the esteemed libraries once more. Finally he left behind the blabbering high lords’ council and found himself back int he comforts of cool darkness graced with lantern light. The feeling of leaves crushing beneath his boots is a stark contrast from the marble and stone he’d been surrounded by for the day. He has missed the sunset but the stars breaking through the clouds offer some relief at last. 

With each step the takes, even after he walks through the threshold and back into wood and stone, the burdens stay at the doorstep, the further he gets from it, the more his body relaxes, or so he thinks. Everything feels easier. He chooses to ignore those in passing, using his power within his own court to brush them aside; nothing out of character for him. Nothing anyone can blame him for either. They expect him to be upset with another meeting ending in a stalemate waste of time. Let the court know. He will turn it to his advantage either way. Finally the portal to his comfort comes within sight and had he less restraint he might have ran and locked away the world behind him forever. Instead he slips through the doors quietly and closes them behind him. 

The candles are alight. The fireplace is but embers at this point. He simply throws in another log. A simple breath of air sparks the flames to life and allow them to catch. When the wood crackles Eris is satisfied. With whatever graces he found within him he carries himself to the bedroom, discards his shoes and socks, letting the cold run through his feet in an attempt to remind himself he is not but floating upon the winds of exhaustion. He unclasps his tailored jacket and casts it aside as if it were not the livelihood of the ones who made it. He has lost the will to care. He could have collapsed onto the bed when he first laid eyes on it but the gentle candle glow from the bathing room kept him standing. 

With a soft creak the door opens and within lies a sight beholden, a true treasure and one that should be captured for eternity. Perhaps he would owe the High Lady of Night a favour if that’s what it took to eternalise this. Perhaps the only thing stopping him is how you’d scold him for it. Perhaps he fears it might inflate your ego far past measure. Your eyes are closed. You are leaned back, head just above the water and neck fully exposed. The light graces your features just perfectly as it reflects. 

“The bed is far better suited for sleeping than a bathtub. No matter how comfortable you might look.” Eris slowly makes his way over to you. You take a deep breath and open your eyes. Your eyes. He forgets all he’s endured with but a single glance. Sadly this only lasts but a second. 

“You are quite right but I’m not tired. Just relaxed.” You let your fingers dance over the surface of the water. “You should try it some time, my love.” Even now you find it within yourself to humour him. 

“Some of us do not have the luxury to relax this much. I shall reserve and defend that right for you and you alone.” He takes your hand and brings it to his lips to kiss but then realises. “The water is awfully cold.” he simply states, still he kisses your fingertips. 

“Well I didn’t have you here to help me warm it.” The sultry look you give him has him nearly undone in that instant. How he’s longed for your company. The once certainty that keeps him from insanity in the chaos; the serenity you bring but what rushes through him right there is anything but serene and the implications you present are anything but innocent. Eris forgets the tiredness that haunted his body and finds a different spark of life. You’ve learned to light it, made an art form out of it. 

“How unbecoming of me.” He’s on his knees at the side of the tub and gently brings your fingers back beneath the surface of the cooling water. With but a brush from right where your legs are bent, all the way to just in front of your chest the water heats in but seconds, steam evaporating but those fingers do not stop trailing there. they trail a scalding but never painful path up your sternum and the column of your neck until they settle and lift your chin. That same heat burns in the kiss he plants upon your lips. Far too short. His lips pull away far too quickly and you might as well have been exposed to the frigid cold of winter then and there. By the looks of it Eris know it too. 

“If you are in no mood to assist me, I suppose I shall simply retire.” You rise exposing all the delicious curves of your body and giving him an ample view as the droplets run across your skin. Eris imagines he could kiss them all away, let his lips trail across you like they do and perhaps you shall grace him with the lovely sounds you make when he takes his lips to you. 

“You misunderstand, my dearest. But if you wish to cut short this bath I am more than willing and consenting to helping you to bed. Or we can stay here and enjoy a bath… or two.” You seem to weigh your options but simply by the way your pupils dilate; the way they do when he’s broken through your composure, to where your desire truly sparks and you will not be afraid to make him eat his words. 

You do not reply in words but simply hold out your hand and raise an eyebrow. Eris is quick to take your hand and help you out of the bathtub. You are dripping onto the floor but seem to care very little as you saunter over to the towels. The sway of your hips and sultry look over your shoulder are definitely intentional. Nevertheless you take a towel and pad yourself dry until he can’t help himself and gently eases the towel from you and equally gently uses it to pad you dry until you’re satisfied. Once you are you stand in front of him, close within arm’s reach. You trail a nail along the neckline of his shirt and sigh content. The wickedness in your eyes is but a giveaway of your next actions. Your fingers grasp onto his shirt and pull him to you, once more your lips meet his and this time the kiss is anything but soft and sweet. 

Your lips grace his in a feverish kiss. Eris does not hesitate to return the favour. He lets his hands wander until they settle on your behind. In one fell swoop you are off your feet and wrap your legs around his waist. Never once do you break your kiss. Your tongues meet and you wrap your arms around his neck clutching him ever closer. Like he has done many times before, Eris caries you out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, graceful as ever and never once stumbling. He has committed this path to memory but finally he has to break away. You are a sight to behold; lips swollen, out of breath, and eyes filled with desire honing in on him. He takes great pride in being able to make you come so undone. he lays you down on the bed and you crawl backwards to give him space to join you among the pillows. 

Eris crawls overtop, trailing a path of kisses from your calves over your knees and thighs and you think, you hope he would settle among the apex of your legs but instead he just looks up at you and trails his lips up further across the plains of your stomach. It’s difficult to resist the urge to whine in protest and by the looks of it he noticed. Still he trails up and up until he meets your lips in another desire filled kiss so you decide fair is fair and let your hands wander over his clothed chest, down to where his shirt is tucked into the waistband of his fitted trousers and let your finger slip below that cursed waistband but never enough. All you do is release the shirt and Eris decides to undo your torture by taking it off entirely with a knowing look. 

“If you wished to get my out of my clothes you could have just asked.” He muses casting the garment aside. It’s torture to keep yourself together right now and not just succumb to carnal pleasure. This is just foreplay and it’s a game you’d hoped to win but you see your chances of success fleeting. To see him on his knees before you, cauldron boil you. 

“Dick.” You curse and his chuckle does not make you feel any different. 

“You’ll have to work harder for that.” He crawls back overtop just to place a peck upon your lips. When you go in for more, you feel his hand on your neck, to keep you at bay. His grip isn’t strong or suffocating, just present, floating and preventing your lips from meeting his. You huff. 

Eris’ response to your dissatisfaction is cruelty, he knows. Leaving kisses, letting his tongue trail he takes to your chest until you cannot hold back the whimpers and moans, until you fight to hold back the beg for more, only then does he trail lower yet always too slow. But then finally, it all pays off when he descends between your legs and puts his mouth to work, licking and kissing your inner thighs inching closer to the centre, until finally he does. He does not relent, not when your breathing increases and your whines turn to whispers of his name, not when your fingers settle within his hair and hold on, push him closer. When your legs wrap closer around him he grasps onto your thighs, spreading them further while placing a hand onto your abdomen just in the right place. He doesn’t relent when he feels you shudder and shake in your pleasure, not until you come down from that high and your body goes limp for but a second. 

He keeps going and soon without a moment of rest you tumble into pure ecstasy again and again. Only when you pull his hair, pull his face away from between your legs, when you are truly out of breath and your eyes are burning, your skin is on fire and you have lost the ability to speak, only then does he relent. You guide him up, to meet his lips. He knows you can taste yourself on his tongue when his dances with yours. He knows you need this right now. It’s the only break you’ll receive, especially when he feels your hands wander down below and undo the buttons of his pants. His own arousal is undeniable and while he would be more than satisfied using his tongue to make you cry his name, you have other intentions and ideas he’s more than happy to help you see through even if it takes all his restraint not to spill at your touch and your disheveled look when he parts and you help him out of his last clothes, casting them aside he cares not where. 

You have vengeance on your mind and when he is caught of guard, when you are so close to kissing him you push him back onto the bed and straddle him. Your fingers lace with his as you hold them on either side of his head. You lean down to kiss him once more with a wicked smirk. Perhaps it would be you who wouldn’t be done with him for some time. 

#acotar x reader #eris x reader #acotar eris #eris vanserra x reader #eris vanserra #eris acotar #acotar #acotar fanfiction

[peachy-panic]

I Want To Stay

DO NO HARM. Followup to The Incident last chapter. Sebastian and Jaime have some shit to work out. 

WARNINGS: BBU/BBU-adjacent, discussion of past sexual assault/abuse, self-victim-blaming thoughts, panic attack, some dehumanizing thoughts

Ezra is quiet for several long moments after Sebastian stops talking, the line crackling with static.

God, it’s even worse when he recounts the story out loud.

Part of him wonders if he made the right call, suggesting he and Jaime wait until the morning to talk. But after Jaime got dressed last night, Sebastian took one look at him perched on the edge of his bed, puffy eyes fighting to stay open, and he knew that the kid needed sleep more than he needed whatever weak reassurances Sebastian could offer him in the moment. Neither one of them were in the right headspace for the kind of talk they needed to have.

Not that Sebastian got much sleep in the end. A couple of broken hours at best. But that, at least, gave him the advantage of being awake before Jaime. He needed a window of time to get his head together, and the best way to find some clarity in this tangle was to dial Ezra’s number. And of course, despite the early hour, his call was answered.

“I recognize,” Ezra finally says slowly, “that this is not a comfortable subject, but I think it’s best if I speak freely now.”

“Please,” Sebastian says, a little too eagerly.

“I don’t think it will come as any surprise to you that there is a high probability he has been sexually abused by his previous contract holders.”

Sebastian pulls in a breath. He does not tell Ezra that he knows this for a fact. Even if the law does not uphold doctor-patient privileges for people like Jaime, Sebastian would never betray his confidence. Still, having the words spelled out between them in black and white, after the horror show in the living room, stings like a slap to the face.

Fortunately, Ezra doesn’t seem to expect a response.

“The first few weeks of a contract are incredibly difficult, no matter how long you’ve been at it. There is never any guarantee of what you’re walking into. I had…”

There is a brief, uncharacteristic pause, and Sebastian panics, because the last thing he wants to do is drag his friend into the murky waters of his own past to fix something that is Sebastian’s problem. But Ezra recovers quickly, moving on before he can call the whole thing off.

“I was contracted out a lot,” he says. “Early on, I learned that humans can always come up with new and unique ways of hurting each other. This boy… He is young. He is only beginning to find this out for himself. To him, right now, everyone in power is a threat to his safety. And nobody has more power in his life, right now, than you.”

Ezra gives that a moment to sink in, then asks, “Have the two of you had a clear conversation about your expectations?”

“I try to make it clear that I don’t expect anything from him.”

Ezra breathes out something that might be a laugh. “That is a nice sentiment, Sebastian, but not very helpful in practice. Expecting ‘nothing’ is rather vague, and is sort of an expectation in itself, is it not?”

Yes, it is. Of course it is.

Sebastian tries again. “I gave him a list of guidelines, like you suggested. Something he can reference if he gets nervous. I told him he doesn’t need to address me as a superior, that he is welcome to anything in the apartment and isn’t obligated to work around the house or… or serve me in any way.”

“I’m going to be blunt again,” Ezra says, “which is probably what you should do with him as well. Have you told him outright that you have no intention of having sex with him?”

Sebastian closes his eyes. “I… I told him that I would never hurt him. I didn’t specify—I mean, I would never even think about touching him like that, you know I wouldn’t.”

“Yes,” he interrupts gently. “I do know that. He, very clearly, does not. And given what you’ve told me, and what I already know about the system, he is going into this contract with every reasonable expectation that he will be assaulted at some point. It’s likely he still will believe that, even after you talk to him. But that trust has to start somewhere, and this is one promise that I know you’ll keep.”

Sebastian feels very suddenly like he might cry again, but Jaime could wake up any minute, and he doesn't want him to see his bloodshot eyes. He cannot go into this conversation framing himself as the victim.

“I thought he was starting to trust me.” It sounds as pathetic as he feels. “We’ve made so much progress in a few short weeks, and still, he… Jesus, Ezra, I’m doing exactly the opposite of what I wanted to do. You should have seen him last night. He’s terrified, and I didn’t even notice. He’s been spending—god, weeks just waiting for the moment I would…” He swallows back a gag. “He must have been so scared, and I didn’t even see it.”

“You see it now,” Ezra says—and isn’t that putting it mildly? “Now, you can address it.”

“Yeah,” Sebastian agrees. He just hopes it isn’t too late to reverse the damage.

****

For the first time in weeks, Jaime wakes to a morning that is even more grim than the night that preceded it. The memory from the night before slams into him before he even opens his eyes, sharper and meaner than any nightmare could be. Because last night, the demons weren’t just in his head. Last night, Jaime let them out into the open, laid them bare for Sebastian to see, and now he has ruined everything that could have been good.

Dread turns him to stone where he lay. From his tight ball on top of the blanket, he looks around the room—at the clothes hanging in the closet, the borrowed book on the nightstand next to the full glass of water Sebastian brought him the night before—all the tangible tokens of kindness that will be ripped away if Sebastian, justifiably, decides to sever their contract early. Jaime wishes he could turn back time. He knows that there will never be another assignment like this one. This was his best case scenario, far and above, and he has thrown it away.

The thought of sitting quietly in Sebastian’s passenger seat, empty handed as he drives him back to the facility, hollows his chest. He thinks about what it would be like, seeing him in the facility—passing him in the hallway with his head bowed, being brought into the clinic to be examined after a new contract—and Sebastian looking through him like a stranger.

Jaime swipes angrily at the tears that try to burn their way out. He has no right to cry about it now. There is no one to blame but himself.

He doesn’t know how many minutes pass, only that the sunlight coming in through the curtains has tinted gradually warmer over time.  From the kitchen, he hears the muffled signs of life and knows Sebastian is up. Still, Jaime avoids the clock on the nightstand, desperately wishing to play ignorant for as long as he can. It’s selfish to hide himself away when Sebastian said he wanted to talk this morning, but the thought of facing him feels insurmountable.

Finally, the guilt outweighs his anxiety, and he can no longer delay the inevitable. Even if he really, really wants to.

He takes more time than strictly necessary picking out his clothes for the day, and even more pulling each article into place, but eventually there is nothing more he can do to stall. Standing in the middle of the room, Jaime turns to face the door and draws one slow breath after another. He does it again, and then again, and again, until suddenly the breaths are controlling him and not the other way around. They come faster and more shallow, and suddenly he’s not getting enough air at all. He jams one fist against his stomach and the other against his chest, digging his knuckles hard enough to bruise. Breathe. You have to breathe.  

When he finally gains control, or some semblance of it, his knees are on the carpet, but he doesn’t remember hitting the floor.

He allows himself only the amount of time it takes for his breathing to level out, then he pushes himself up, rolls his shoulders back, and leaves the room.

Sebastian is sitting at the kitchen table, phone to his ear, when Jaime stops in the doorway. He looks up at him, eyes widening slightly, but covering the expression with a quick smile. “Hey, I’ve got to go,” he says to whoever is on the line, followed by a pause. “Yeah. Yes. I’ll ask him. Thank you again.”

He sets the phone facedown on the table and turns his full attention to Jaime. “Hey. Good morning,” he says, making half a move to stand, then seeming to think better of it.

“Good morning,” Jaime echoes numbly. Before he can start gushing whatever useless apologies his brain can come up with, Sebastian nudges a plate and a mug toward Jaime’s side of the table.

“I made some coffee and toast. It’s still warm.”

This is his way of softening the blow, a voice in the back of his head whispers. Still, Jaime obediently folds himself into the chair and thanks him. Not wanting to add ingratitude to his list of offenses, he nibbles on a piece of toast slathered in butter and honey. His favorite, he notes with a twinge of sadness.

A long silence overtakes the table. Both of them chew a little longer than they need to, taking extra sips of their coffee to buy time. Finally, when the tension feels tight enough to snap, Jaime blurts “I’m sorry I kissed you,” at the exact moment Sebastian says, “We should really talk about what happened.”

There is, inevitably, another long silence.

“Sorry, you go ahead,” Sebastian says quickly.

Jaime’s eyes fix to a spot on the table’s wood grain and don’t deviate from there. Somehow it’s even harder saying the words a second time, but this is the most important part. Jaime has been on the receiving end of a lot of kisses that he didn’t want. He needs Sebastian to know that he means it.

“I’m sorry for kissing you. You didn’t want to, and I… I was selfish. And I’m sorry.”

“Jaime,” Sebastian says gently, because even now, of course his first instinct is to meet Jaime with undue kindness. “It’s o—I mean, no, it’s not okay. But I don’t think you have a selfish bone in your body. I know you didn’t do it to hurt me.”

“I shouldn’t have done it,” Jaime whispers.

“No,” Sebastian agrees. “But I am not angry with you, or upset with you in any way. Okay? I just… I’m hoping you can help me understand how we got here.”

Jaime’s mouth clamps shut. He stares at the wood grain until his vision goes unfocused. A couple of times, he tries to pry his mouth open, but no words make it out.

“Okay.” Sebastian says patiently. “It’s okay. I know that was kind of a broad request. Maybe… maybe we can start with last night?” Jaime nods. “To be clear—It’s not that you’re not allowed, or that I’m in any way upset by it, but you were up pretty late. Is that… unusual for you?”

There is no point in lying now. “No.”

“Oh.” Sebastian sounds so sad, he wishes he could take back his answer immediately. “I’m sorry that I didn’t notice before.”

Jaime inclines his head. “I try not to wake you.”

Sebastian hesitates long enough for Jaime to look up, then says, “You can, you know. If you ever want to or need to. I’m no stranger to late nights. I know they can get pretty lonely sometimes. I won’t ever be mad at you for waking me up.”

Jaime doesn’t know what to say to that, as he doesn’t think Sebastian would appreciate a thank you, so he just nods.

The kitchen chair creaks as Sebastian shifts his weight across from him. “Jaime, I—” He stops, then starts again. “It’s okay that you couldn’t answer me last night, but I really need to know. Have I done something—even by accident, even something small—to make you feel like I wanted that from you last night?”

“It’s not you,” he says honestly. Not this version of you, at least. Not the real you. “You’ve been… you’ve been so nice to me.”

It doesn’t earn the smile he hoped for . “That’s… I’m glad you think so,” Sebastian says, “but obviously I haven’t been doing as well as I should, to let things get as far as they did last night.”

Jaime shakes his head, a bit frantically. “You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Haven’t I, though?” A bit of frustration seeps into Sebastian’s voice, and Jaime can’t help but wince. Immediately, Sebastian retracts. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Jaime feels dangerously close to tears again. He’s clenching his fists under the table hard enough to make his joints ache, but the words tumble out of him anyway.

“I’ve been having nightmares.”

He doesn’t know what he thought he would achieve by telling him this, and he’s not sure how he’s supposed to elaborate without making it worse for everyone, but the words are out there now and Sebastian seems to latch onto them.

“Oh,” he says softly, his copper brows drawing together above his glasses. “Do you want to tell me about them?”

He bites down on his cheek until he tastes blood. He doesn’t want that. He really, really doesn’t, but his silence seems to fill in the blanks that he doesn’t say out loud. He can almost feel the moment it clicks.

“Jaime?” Sebastian says. “Are these nightmares about me?”

He will not cry again. He won’t.

“I…” Jaime’s throat is dry. He swallows, trying to wet it. “I’m not allowed to talk about it, but you already know. What they did. The…” He’s treading dangerous waters, and his body knows it, if the trembling in his hands is any indication. It’s like the conditioning they forced on him is a physical part of his chemical makeup, rejecting the attempt to override it. “My Keepers, before you. You know what they did to me.”

At the time, in the clinic, it was humiliating to have all his secrets bared to Sebastian as his doctor. Now, he is grateful he doesn’t need to say the words aloud.

Slowly, Sebastian nods. “I do know. And Jaime?” He ducks his head so that he is closer to his line of sight. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that it happened to you then, and I’m… I’m so sorry that I didn’t make it crystal clear to you until now—but I will never, never, do anything like that to you. I will never expect anything like that from you, nor would I want it, and just like last night, I would stop you if you tried.”

The conviction in his voice is hard to deny, though there is still a part of Jaime’s fucked up mind that tries to fight it. “Thank you,” he says anyway.

“Don’t—” Sebastian’s eyes clamp shut. “That is not something worth thanking me for.” When he looks at Jaime again, he studies him with an unreadable expression. “You know what they did to you was wrong, right? It was fucking evil. You know that, right?”

Hesitantly, Jaime nods.

“They had no right to touch you, and neither do I.”

Legally speaking, that might be true. But they both know that it is not the law that determines what is allowed and forbidden, but the systems that uphold it. And this system has been broken since its inception. Still, something about hearing the words out loud soothes some broken, desperate part of him that aches to believe it’s true. The part of him that’s been aching to believe it since he stepped through the door.  

Sebastian has given him reason after reason to believe it. He realizes now, more than ever, how much he doesn’t want to lose that.

“Are you going to take me back?” He rips off the bandaid, clean and quick. He needs to know the answer now, before his hopes can climb any higher.

For a moment, Sebastian stares at him with the kind of quiet you expect to hear before a bomb goes off.

“Jaime,” he says, and there are tears in his eyes. “You’re not a… You aren’t a fucking toaster. I’m not just going to dump you off on WRU the second something goes wrong. You are a human being, and I… I care about you. The only thing that would make me take you back to those people is if you told me you wanted to go, and even then, I would insist that we explore every other possible fucking option first.”

Jaime doesn’t know what other options there are, and he doesn’t ask, because right now his brain is reverberating with one single thought: I get to stay. I get to stay. I get to stay.

“I want to stay,” Jaime says.

Sebastian nods. “Good. Okay. Good. I want you to stay, too.”

This time, when they return to their toast, the quiet is much lighter than before, the tension slackening along with their posture. They take their time, finishing their food before either of them speaks again.

“I know that you’re not allowed to talk about what happened with your… on your past contracts,” Sebastian says suddenly. “But for what it’s worth? I promise that I’ll never tell a soul if you decide you want to talk about it with me. You deserve to have that option, whatever you decide.”

Jaime briefly entertains the thought of unloading those stories, what it might feel like to share that weight with someone who cares about him, if only for a little while. But the darkness will slip in fast if he allows it, and he doesn’t want to bring Mr. Torley or Bryan or Thomas or Handler Smith or any of the others anywhere near this moment.

“Okay,” he says.

Sebastian nods, accepting that answer easily. He collects both their empty plates and carries them to the sink, turning his back to Jaime.

“There is something else I wanted to talk about,” he says over the running tap. “Do you remember the friend I told you about? The one who mentioned wanting to meet you?”

He does remember. At the time, the idea of meeting another one of his Keeper’s friends filled him with cold dread, too fresh off the memory of Football Sundays at the Torley house. Now, after the night behind them and the conversation they had, Jaime tries his hand at trusting him.

“Yes, I remember.”

Sebastian turns back to him and leans against the counter, drying his hands on his sweater. “I think it would be good for you to know you have someone else on your side. Someone besides me, I mean.”

Jaime’s confusion must be apparent on his face, because Sebastian elaborates, albeit somewhat uneasily.

“He gave me permission—or… well, an instruction, really, to tell you this before you make your decision about meeting him. And let me be clear, it is completely your decision.”

He seems to wait for some sort of confirmation, so Jaime nods again, fighting against the instinct that tells him the rug is about to be ripped out from under him.

“Ezra is… Ezra was in the system, too.”

Jaime blinks, truly lost now. “He’s a companion?”

“No, he isn’t,” Sebastian says, and there is the slightest tug at the corner of his mouth. “But he used to be.”

***

TAG LIST: @whumpervescence @shiningstarofwinter @distinctlywhumpthing @whumptywhumpdump @nicolepascaline @anotherbluntpencil @hold-him-down @crystalquartzwhump @maracujatangerine @batfacedliar-yetagain @thecyrulik @pumpkin-spice-whump @finder-of-rings @melancholy-in-the-morning @insaneinthepaingame @skyhawkwolf @whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump @mylifeisonthebookshelf @dont-touch-my-soup @whump-world @inpainandsuffering @cicatrix-energy @quietly-by-myself @whumpsday @extemporary-whump @the-whumpers-grimm @thebirdsofgay @firewheeesky @whumperfully @hold-back-on-the-comfort  @termsnconditions-apply  @cyborg0109  @whumplr-reader  @pinkraindropsfell  @whatwhumpcomments @honeycollectswhump @pirefyrelight

#do no harm: jaime & sebastian #bbu #like bbu adjacent? #whump #whumplr #whump writing #THIS WAS A HARD ONE #it's a hard conversation to have and to write #hope i did it some justice

[ffredmujkic]

wonderfully bizarre by bendigo fletcher is such a fish and chips song.

"And if I were to win for you the skin of a timbered snake - Would you consider me your comfort in danger?" it shows so much of gillions thinking that he could only be loved if hes earned it if hes able to show himself as someone useful.

"you could wear me like a ring" something something abt gil being status symbol. (the whole line in his, if u give fish a family, abt being adored but alone) going back to had habits (even if aware of their harm)

"You'd be the mercy under my cruelty- My revelation, bloodshed free" gillion's journery through out the campaign, his biggest change is being kinder. gentler. early campaign gil always chose violence, he saw that the only responsible action to take against a villian was to cut off their head. hes soften so much over the campaign. hes always been caring yet through his friendships with chip (and jay this just isnt abt them) he learns different methods to handling problems.

"Do you wanna get married at the Cherokee Cemetery?" he just wants to get married. hes unlearned at lot a LOT of toxic unhealthy things. but he clearly upholds marriage as still an important and loving act. i think that while their relationship is very anarchic, gil would still love a wedding. (purely my own headcannon tho)

"Where the blue grass creeps over deep decades of devotion. Warm underneath the frost" come on.

in the context of gillion though this can be further, hes incredible loyal to the undersea though it never cared for him in return. A country that made him harsh and serious despite his real personality when allowed to relax. the frost can be a strong yet harmful loyalty to the undersea. (it reminds me of that even if im stretching) his friendship with chip and jay allowing him to feel a genuine devotion which is beneficial too him, that is reciprocated.

"We can build a home in a bush of azaleas- Dress it up in true morale paraphernalia- You'll never be alone in your bad dreams- Because together we could never be lost"

gillion was taken away from his family at an early age. chip was an orphan with no memory of even his name, to than get his adopted family ripped away from him. his attempts to form a new one forcing him into a gang. the two of them have been alone for a very very long time with no family or even friends, no home of their own. gillion constantly failed in his training. chip is implied to have done things he didnt always want to do to make price happy. yet despite earlier bumps in the relationship, them clashing each disagreement helps to deepen their bond as they figure out whats okay with with each other. and they really are never alone after finding each other

"your eyes prescribe a meaning for everything I do. I even find myself believing most of the words I say as true" the most impactful moment for chip what enable him to grow into the person he becomes over the course of the campaign is the fight in epsiode 15. it forced chip to address his actions have hurt hurt someone he was growing to care abt. chip said he wouldn't lie to gil anymore and he meant it. theres times where he tries to lie and cuts himself off. they built a home with trust and communication

"We can build a home in a bush of azaleas" since the line is repeating ill only say, they feel so comfortable around each other. all three captains are each others home. but especially chip and gil the way they are always seeking each other, their friend's name always on the tip of their toungue.

"We can be defined by the things we want"

a major theme in the show (or at least grizzly is trying to make it into one) is desire. gillion while having a lot of autonomy, driving a lot of the plot. he is also honor bound to a internal law where he must always protect others. gillion never acts out of a true selflessness, his actions are born from being taught that this is simply how he should operate. Because he is inherently worthless than all those around him, he has been assigned to protect. Never does gil think abt himseld if it concerns another life. gillion must be selfless, he is never allowed to want for himself. which is wonderfully contrasted by chip who is always seen as a selfish bastard despite not behaving like it in a while.

"I'll be a life full of free haircuts from the one that I love" chip in his happiet dream imagines himself with all his crew and arlin hanging out happily on the albatross. chip always pictures himself doing this pirate thing forever, but he is only 19. and with the trauma that its brought him, the constant risking your life. i think its fair to say that what he actually wants is just a simple life with his friends

#jrwi riptide #rambles #jrwi chip #gillion tidestrider #jrwi fnc #if u read this i am amazed #and we are shooting beams into each others brains bc u must have the same rot as i do

[lokiinmediasideblog]

Hot Take #3: Marvel’s version of Sigyn is not a fledged character and she is horribly written. Stop acting like she is better written than Sylvie.

-----------------------

Everytime I see someone say that she should be brought into the MCU (or the comics), I roll my eyes. In the comics, she’s just a prop to show how cruel Loki is because early depictions wanted him to be evil incarnate. And stop bringing Norse mythology into the Marvel versions about how they did love each other at some point due to her holding the bowl to protect Loki’s face until Ragnarok, blah blah. MCU is the MCU, Marvel comics are Marvel comics, and the myths are the myths, and y’all keep moving the goalposts with what you pick and chose from the various different media depictions. It’s perfectly fine if you included Sigyn for your fanfic or AU, but acting like it should be cannon because you cherry-picked the myths, and trash-talking an established MCU female character (Sylvie) is obnoxious. And how the fuck do you all expect everyone to be on the same page with you?

I don’t want her back in the comics unless there is some MAJOR rewriting of the relationship between her and Loki. The comics constantly retcon events to make characters either worse or more sympathetic. And I think a lot of the heroes have likely done something horribly shitty at some point but get it retconned or added. So why can’t they retcon her existance? Her story is not helpful or empowering to women. As a woman, I don’t want to see that.

And if anything, it promotes the “depraved effeminate man is especially dangerous to women” trope. That pisses me off because I have never been harrassed or in any way hurt by queer men. Cishet gender-conforming men, on the other hand… It pisses me off when a demographic that is not the typical offender gets overrepresented as such in media (*cough* Buffalo Bill). Like how “nazi” was added as a pejorative to feminist with the “feminazi” term.

I see these weird Marvel Sigyn stans acting like she is a real person and Loki “must be held accountable.” They’re not real. They’re drawings. CHILL. Use that energy to condemn real abusers (I better not learn any of you sided with Depp).

Marvel comics!Sigyn upholds the myth of the “perfect victim” that never fights back. This myth is responsible for terms such as “reactive abuse” and “mutual abuse.” There’s no such thing, it’s just self-defense.

And I find it annoying how you all act like being loyal to your abusive husband is a sign of sainthood. As if she wasn’t offered a way out from the very start and constantly aided a supervillain, which gives ideas to make her character more interesting. Make her morally grey and tone down Loki’s cruelty in the relationship or retcon it. For someone to be so committed to Loki in that manner, they need a cruel streak. Make her the Kim Wexler to Loki’s Jimmy McGill if you really must include her.

#mcu!loki #comics!loki #comics!sigyn #marvel comics #mcu!sylvie #pro sylki #anti logyn #sylki #hot take

[linkspooky]

Talk about Tousen, Hisagi, and Komamura

Tosen, HIsagi and Komamura all three of them go through what you could call a “Seek revenge and you should dig two graves”. The two captains who betray, Gin and Tosen both betray soul society for the sake of avenging a loved ones. While they defect they leave two more loved ones behind, Gin abandoning Kira and Rangiku, Tosen leaving Hisagi and Komamura. People who struggle with this betrayal because they still want to see the best in both of them. In both cases, the revenge fails, because Bleach is a story pretty clear with it’s themes revenge = bad. Let’s look more under the cut. 

1. Dig Two Graves

Tose is introduced to us as one of the most just and reasonable Soul Reapers. He finds Kenpachi’s battle craziness distasteful, he is a good mentor to his lieutenant and a good friend to Komamura and has their complete and unshakable faith. He is the total contrast of Gin Ichimaru who everyone know was shady right from the start of his character intro, Tosen’s betrayal seems to be the complete opposite of his character (you could say we were blindsided by it). 

Tosen’s character revolves around the idea of what falls under justice, and what falls under revenge. One important thing about Bleach is that rather than straightforward good and evil, the manga focuses on balance. For example hollows, the goal of soul reapers is not to exterminate every hollow in the world but rather to cleanse them and return them to the cycle of souls. In fact Quincies seeking to kill hollows causes a problem, because it disrupts that same balance. 

The job of soul reapers then is the keepers of the balance. Therefore, they uphold law, when there are people who need to be punished they mete out punishment, it is their supposed job as a guardian force to make sure things are fair and enforce those rules. 

Of course Soul Society is not a society of equality, there are nobles who live in riches, while a lot of souls live in extreme poverty, with little chance to rise in the ranks. This is important to establish, because Tosen’s disillusionment comes from the fact that a supposedly fair society is not, and the people who are supposed to uphold that fairness are not doing their jobs properly. 

Tosen’s friend is killed in cold blood by a noble, who then escapes justice. He supposedly became a soul reaper, toe ensure his friend’s dream of justice would not die with her. Of course, this was never his real intention. Tosen  became a soul reaper to seek revenge and not justice, however it’s not just revenge against the murderer he seeks, but rather the entire institution of soul reapers. 

I am going to be using Can’t Fear Your Own World, because it provides an excellent follow up to Tosen’s character. 

Someone who doesn’t fear the blade has no right to fight. 

Tosen always said that. The blade wasn’t just a zanpaku-to. Tosen likened justice itself he brandished to a blade. What Tokinada said was likely the truth. There was no reason for him to lie now, and it was consistent with what Aizen had said. Then, most of all, it was more than enough of an answer as to why Tosen had determined Soul Society to be evil. 

Kaname Tosen had despised Soul Reapers and the Soul Society because the existence of the former and the history of the latter were themselves a betrayal of the wishes of Tosen’s own friend. 

It wasn’t Tokinada individually. 

The Soul Society’s Justice, which covered the world in clouds that could never be cleared, yet continued to give the false hope that clouds could be dispersed, might have been Kaname Tosen’s True enemy. 

A society which promises justice where there is none, where soul reapers do not live up to their responsibilities of the keepers of the peace. Tosen’s not wrong for being disillusioned by this society, or even for wanting the laws to be enforced equally. What is Tosen’s biggest flaw is when he betrays the greatest thing he taught Hisagi. 

Someone who doesn’t fear their blade has no right to fight. This is the reason revenge = bad essentially, people are not completely objective beings. Yet a person deciding to take personal revenge does so because they believe they are justified in their violence. They are deciding for themselves, who deserves it and who doesn’t. That is what Tosen’s desire to extrajudicial killing is, it’s violence wielded without fear. I am not saying that violence wielded in attempts to reform society are wrong, Soul Society is clearly in need of reform, but there’s a difference between an uprising and an individual deciding to play judge, jjury and executioner because they cannot let go of their own hatred. 

And, it’s that decision to wield his blade in hatred that becomes Tosen’s undoing. If you want to look at why Komamura and HIsagi won against him, I would point to the simple fact that both of them were not wielding their blades out of anger. 

They are not even necessarily trying to put Tosen down, but fighting out of a desire to connect to him, and understand him in a way after having a false understanding all this time. Revenge is inherently destructive, because it attempts to heal a hurt with violence, whereas Komamura and Shuhei didn’t seek revenge against Tosen for his betrayal, their sole desire was to heal their friend.

Which is why it’s tragic when Tosen dies, despite the fact that it is some idea of justice being served, Tosen dying as punishment for all the people he has killed so far in betraying soul society, it’s empty. No one is healed, no one is saved. 

Komamura ends up repeating this same mistake as well, perhaps after losing his friend and guidepost in Tosen. Komamura despite having the face of an animal is a deeply human character, whose soul desire was to be a friend to the person who accepted him and humanized him. He then witnessed that friend shed away his own humanity and die horrifically. So perhaps, it’s karmic that when he gives up his animal form and becomes human, he completely throws away his own humanity. 

Revenge is the betrayal of what the Soul Reapers represent, because they are supposed to be impartial, they’re supposed to uphold the law and be balancers, not wield the law in their own hands out of hatred. But, even when Komamura is lost he is still given solace in the last moment by the power of bonds when his lieutrenant carries him the rest of the way on his back. 

Shuhei is perhaps the only one of the trio who manages to overcome the cycle of revenge, because of the three of them he is still able to hold onto the idea of what soul reapers are supposed to be rather than getting disillusioned by it. He sees a harsher reality than the soul reapers he believed in when he was younger, he sees those two close friends fall, but unlike the three of them he is able to keep walking the path. This is Shuhei’s outstanding quality, 

However, he would not have been able to do that without his connection to Tosen in the first place. The loss of his friend permanently ruins Tosen. The loss of Tosen and Genryusai permanently ruins Komamura. Shuhei is the only one able to take lessons from the loss of his important master and still remember the good things he left behind. 

The only thing supporting him was his pride as a Soul Reaper. 

He only had his feet, which walked the path of justice that Kaname Tosen had shown him.  Specifically because of that...  Because he had continued to walk that path with honest integrity .. he was capable of withstanding death, pain and intermittent nihility that assaulted him.

[...]

As Hisagi continued to stand in front of the collapsed Hikone through sheer willpower, he spoke to the child with simple self-admonition in his voice. “This world isn’t kind. Just being alive is terrifying.” 

Recalling his past self, then the face of the man who had taught him how to live in this world, he continued in his own words. 

“That’s exactly why you’ve got to be kind to everybody around you. And I will try to do that as well.” 

Shuhei never stops fearing his own blade, and remembering that violence is scary, it’s harmful. Which is why unlike his mentors he is able to introduce more kindness into the world instead of violence. 

#shuhei hisagi #kaname tosen #sajin komamura #bleach meta #bleach #bleach spoilers #metasks

[carusocarousel]

I really need to get this out of my system.

For the last eight months since October 7th happened, a lot of known transmasc/trasandrophobia blogs have been getting called out for their, at "best" apathy and at worst, pro-zionist stances. This isn't the only reason they've been in the spotlight, a lot of them have a long history of racism, transmisogyny, ableism, etc. But I'm only gonna focus on this specific topic.

A lot of posts tend to focus on one user at a time and some seem to imply it is just this specific user who holds problematic ideals. To that I say: no. It's not just one specific user. It's not just one rotten apple, it's the whole bunch.

This isn't hyperbole. Check any of their blogs and look for any Israel-Palestine posts and you'll notice a very similar pattern: lack of posts about Palestine; lukewarm takes; lots of post about anti-semitism; painting israelis as "good settlers"; equating anti-zionism to anti-semitism; always comparing the Israeli government actions' to those of Hamas; implying palestinians are all brainwashed by Hamas; bringing other on-going genocides (like Sudan or the DRC) out of spite; questioning others' Jewish identity for being pro-palestinian and many, many more.

Why do I know this? Because I used to follow most of these guy and saw their inaction and backhanded reblogs when the genocide "started" (it's been ongoing for 76 years, but just talking about October 7th specifically). It was like a slap on the face. Weren't this the same people who urged transmascs and non-transmascs alike to support and form solidarity with indigenous and POC causes? Weren't they the ones who criticized the lack of intersectionality in LGBTQ+ spaces and swore that our fight wouldn't be exclusionary? Weren't they the ones who motivated our voices to be heard?

Then, what happened? Isn't palestinian liberation part of our fight, something we should talk about loud and clear? Are the comfort of your friends more important than the lives of palestinians?

I do not want to imply that I expect perfection, that I expect them to be ideal role models or ideal activists. But I don't think I am putting a high bar when I question their positions on Palestinian liberation, self-determination, autonomy and humanity. We as a community should be able to get a clear answer, but we've received nothing but hostility. These people uphold each other closely; even if they aren't friends, they share the same space when they talk about transmasc issues. Some of them have said absolutely horrendous shit, and none of their acquaintances said anything in favor or against it.

You aren't responsible for what your friend/acquaintance says or does, but it's questionable when y'all have been shown to have similar attitudes towards this cause. It's very telling.

So what am I getting with all of this?

When I say the whole bunch is spoiled, I say it so that y'all be more critical to their words and actions (or lack there of). You can't just go back as if anything never happened and gleefully reblog everything from them, simply because you agree on some topics. Remember, their politics are intersectional but their attitudes are showing the opposite; you can't fully divorce their zionist beliefs from their transmasc theory, because it needs the exclusion of palestinian men, palestinian queers and palestinian transmascs (and arab people as a whole) for it to exist.

When we keep sharing everything their posts, we're giving weight to their words. We should question who do we uphold and how their opinions on certain topics affect how we value each other as a community and how others outside of it perceive us. What is it in their words that make it more "worthy" than others?

I feel the transmasc community on Tumblr has been needing of more critical and/or fresh voices within our community for a while, with new perspectives and ambitions to bring to the table if we really want to consolidate as a strong movement. I've been seeing many who have felt the same amount of frustration and disappointment; some have left the community. I hope we can learn and change for the better. I urge y'all to fight for a free Palestine.

#Transmasc #transmasc discourse #Palestine #free palestine #no pride in genocide #Caruso writes

[growing-yet-into-magic]

Hello there! Firstly i want to say that i have been following your blog for a while now, and the posts that you have gathered here have been incredibly informative and thought-provocing and for that i wanted to thank you!

Secondly, i have a question that i hope you will answer, because i need a second opinion, and yours would mean a lot to me.

I have read a particular passage of rules that are associated with the subreddit r/witchcraft:

„We all practice the craft in our own way, and this subreddit's official stance is that anybody can practice anything that they want in witchcraft. We firmly believe that all humans are capable, able, and "allowed" to study and practice witchcraft however they want.

**We do not allow, gatekeeping, crusading or evangelism.**

**Racialization:** Telling somebody that they "have to be" a certain ethnicity "in order to practice" anything within witchcraft.

**Gatekeeping:** The act of telling others what they may or may not practice.

**Crusading:** The act of forcing your virtues or ideals upon others.

**Evangelism:** The act of preaching or spreading Christian ideals.

This subreddit is here for all to practice witchcraft, and all of these listed ideals are exclusionary.

#***Exclusionary ideals are not tolerated on r/witchcraft.***“

Now i agree with most of the things that are being said, but i believe that there are practices out there that are closed, and that not everyone should practice them because of a whole array of reasons that you are probably able to distinguish.

Adding onto that, i have read there that basically the belief is presented that a practice isn't „closed“ anymore when there is information about it available to public, and can therefore be practiced by everyone. And that specifically irked me in several wrong ways.

I'm sorry for the incredibly long explanation; i basically wanted to hear your opinion on this, because i know that you're surely able to add your valuable 2 cents to this train of thought. Thank you for your time!

*takes a long sip of 10pm coffee* You know what? I don't even have a good response for this. This is just Bad. If an ethnic religion has a central authority or mode of conversion or set of rituals, of course there's going to be reasons as to when and how you can participate. It's not even "gatekeeping"; it's dictating the field of play. You can probably join in IF you do X Y and respect Z. People are allowed to determine the standards to uphold their local beliefs. That's what initiation and training are for.

And "racializing"? As in making things newly about race? For the first time? Lots ethnic religions ARE racially derived BECAUSE of how they formed and how they operate as ancestral practice. It is weird to demand aid and prosperity from African ancestors if you're not Black, actually. Divorcing aspects of the craft from their original peoples and sources is at minimum, ignorant, and is at most, re-perpetuation of colonization. I certainly couldn't ask kami for favors I haven't earned or speak to aboriginal ancestors as if they were my own. What?? Why would you walk up to a random old lady whose name you found in the phone book and say "Grandma can I have $300 please 🥺"

It's so weird to be like "And how DARE you force your beliefs onto others!!" when it's like...minority ethnic groups and smaller cultural niches trying to fight back against forced homogenization in an age of cultural Christianity. Keeping these spaces hostile to minority ethnic groups, religions, and spiritual practices just means that you're going to end up with a largely White cloud of casters, and you know how amazing that turns out for diversity of thought, empathy to others, and cultural competency /s 🥲 it's never gone wrong before! /s

#Bad this is Bad #cultural appropriation in witchcraft #growing-yet

[obsidiancreates]

Turtles in Time Liveblog

Turtles in Time 1993 is my least favorite of the 90's movies, so let's hope this episode is better than it's film counterpart.

Oh more Giving Up On Karai stuff.

... Is he, still hung up on April? He hasn't really been acting like it these last few episodes, one of very few saving graces in them. Also LEO THAT'S YOUR SISTER STOP TRYING TO BE LIKE LUTHER AND ALLISON IN TUA ABOUT THIS GROSS

Awwww, Mikey saying he'll never have a crush is adorable.

Door in sky- woman? Woman with claw-like Chronoscepter from Ratchet & Clank: A Crack in Time? Oh it's the lady from the Monster Arc in Season 5

She looks like an adult. I don't like that she and Mikey have a thing. They better specify her age in this episode.

Awww really? Mikey is just The Cute One in the future? He should be The Surprising One, he's always pulling out surprises, be it parties or badassery

Very casual about being from the future, okay.

AWWW DONNIE IS SO EXCITED TO BE FAMOUS

Ew Mikey is flirting, I don't like this.

GIRL THEY'RE TEENS RIGHT NOW MAYBE BRINGING THIS GUY BACK WHEN THEY'RE SO YOUNG WAS A DUMB ACTUALLY

Oh god this guy looks so lame. God I miss The Kraang.

HIS VOICE SHEESH

Okay just right into a nonsense rant. Oh well, he was easy to get rid of.

THANK YOU DONNIE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON EITHER

Can I just say, I fucking hate that trope/idea that someday in the future humans will somehow become responsible for upholding the concept of time. I truly hate it.

YEAH GIRL THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T SEND THAT BITCH TO THE PAST

YEAH YOU PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE LET THEM DEFEAT HIM WHAT- I HATE THIS EPISODE

You're right Donnie. This isn't good. Isn't a good episode.

It's not as bad as 1993... yet.

Oh god they're in the bad DND episode costumes again.

THEY WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT ORCS ARE ORCS WERE INVENTED BY JRR TOLKEIN GRRRRRRR

I can't even enjoy the boys fighting because of how much I hate the costumes.

Girl this isn't how Medieval Time- DONNIE WHY ARE YOU DOING AN ACCENT WHAT WAS THAT

Oh a He's Right Behind Me moment.

I feel. No tension. Oh, a loop. Okay. How many times do we have to see it though?

Didn't that stick Demon Guy in a loop too, though? Or was it a temporal clone?

Donnie it wasn't that awesome. Mikey don't be jealous.

Was Raph referencing 1993 with the Turtles on Horses is Weird part?

Yeah this is- I dislike everything about this.

Oh haha Raph fell off the horse. Maybe I just need to sleep and it'll start being fun again? It's like trying to watch Season 3 of Danny Phantom all over again... why are Nickelodeon Season 3 of Cartoons always so bad? Well, this one started really, really good, but. Once The Kraang left, it got bad.

Let's talk about something else. How about we talk about what I think human versions of the boys would be like, like a Normal Humans AU? Not even ninjas in this.

So basically I created this idea of them within the concept of "One of those tropes where the heroes are put into a Perfect World dream and have to help each other escape" and Donnie's would be them all as normal humans.

So they're all Japanese, Splinter is a single parent of 5 kids. He's got his biological daughter, Karai (named Miwa at birth but she's goin through a Rebellious Phase right now so she changed it) and his four adopted sons. He's a trained martial artist, but he never felt a need to train his children very heavily in it, because they live pretty peaceful lives. They know enough to defend themselves if needed, but they're not ninjas.

They're quadruplets, but not identical. Splinter finds it curious how they all have varying eye colors but are definitely all blood related. He adopted them sort of by accident, meaning to just foster them for a while when they were babies, but well, they just claimed his heart!

Leo is very into yoga and zen sort of exercise methods. He's a total nerd, of course, and goes to cosplay conventions pretty regularly. Mikey usually helps him make his homemade cosplays, with extra flair like lights and stuff added by Donnie. He's decently well-liked in school, except he tends to be a bit of a snitch and a hypocrite at times. He lets his hair grow out the most and wears mostly baggy shirts and plain jeans, very Chill Guy vibes (basically if Leo didn't have to worry about saving the world all of the time).

Raph is following in his older sister's footsteps and entering his Rebellious Phase. He's in therapy for anger issues, and uses sports as a release. He's on the school football team, still very short but stocky enough to be a good player. He's a little more balanced thanks to being able to actually go to therapy, so he lashes out less. It's well-known around school not to mess with The Hamato Siblings, because both the older sister (who's been known to carry knives around on her) and the short football brother have no issues Pummeling People Who Mess With Their Siblings. Raph tends to wear t-shirts and gym shorts, but sometimes he goes for an all-out Punk Badboy look. Only when he's really feeling it though, because it's a real hassle to put the look together in the morning. He keeps his hair pretty short, not buzzed though.

Donnie is willowy and lanky, though surprisingly not wimpy. Splinter makes sure all of his kids exercise regularly, so he's got lean muscle, but much less than any of his other siblings. He usually doesn't need glasses, but when he needs to make sure the smallest detail possible is perfect, he has a pair of them. Otherwise his sight is... passable. He's the kid everyone hopes to be paired with on science projects, because he'll inevitably end up doing the whole thing himself and be happy to just let you sit there and watch. He likes to tinker with electronics and chemistry, but he's already planning to go into some field of Biology as a career, possibly something medical. His gap tooth is just because, when that baby tooth fell out, there was no adult tooth to replace it. Genetics, what're you gonna do? It's actually what got him curious about biology, so he doesn't mind it. he prefers sweatshirts usually, or anything easy to toss on in the morning, because he has a bad habit of staying up way too late reading or tinkering. Yes, he is neurodivergent, of course. He usually lets his hair grow out a little, not on purpose, just because he forgets to make the barber's appointments.

Mikey is a gymnast and an artist! He's really good at gymnastics and wins competitions pretty often, and would be captain of the school team if he could just get his grades up a little more. He only just got diagnosed with ADHD and is still getting his medication and therapy regiment set up, but he feels good about how things will go once that's done. He's also the artist of the family, in that he draws the most. Raph is actually better at the technical aspects of art, but he doesn't really do much art beyond sometimes going out with Karai to do some graffiti. Mikey however is always doodling and drawing, their house is covered in old wall drawings form when he was small. He has a million fidget toys. He likes to layer up, usually a long sleeved shirt with a jacket, one of the kinds where the torso is denim but the sleeves and hood aren't, is the minimum he must have every day. He draws on all of his jeans (Donnie actually does too, but he writes down notes to himself and formulas and idea, while Mikey just doodles train-of-thought style). His hair is short and oddly poofy, and always gets in his eyes. How he does gymnastics so well in spite of that is a mystery to all.

Karai is very protective of her brothers, because she's had one too many people say something about them "not being her real brothers" and it makes her Furious. She's gotten into a real rebellious phase, because while Splinter is a good dad he can be a little too strict sometimes, and she got tired of it. She got piercings at a friend's house, started going the graphic liner, decided to get a big leather jacket and spiked gloves... she loves it, and loves feeling very powerful and badass. She actually isn't super happy about Raph following in her footsteps so early (she's a couple years older) but knows he won't just Stop Doing Stuff, so she usually offers to let him tag along with her trouble so he's supervised and not out spray painting places alone.

April met the Hamato Clan in freshman year of highschool, she was trying to find her class and they were all arguing in the hallway about where to go. Donnie broke away from the argument and helped her out. She knows he has a crush on her, but he's a lot less creepy about it in this AU, it's mainly just he blushes around her a lot and gets self-conscious when they're along together. But she doesn't want to make things weird by telling him no, or yes, she's not sure, so she pretends not to notice. The brothers basically adopted her as another sister, which Karai also eventually came around to. She's into things like astrology and tarot cards, but on the downlow, she's a little embarrassed about it.

Casey was friend with Raph first, both of them trying out for the hockey team at the same time. Raph didn't end up making the cut, but they stayed friends. Eventually Casey and Donnie realized they both like tinkering and making little gadgets and they became friends, and then Casey was talking about his graffiti art and Mikey joined in and they became friends, and Leo warmed up to him when Raph asked Leo to take over a video game fight for a bit while he went and got some snacks. He thinks Karai is really cool, and Karai trusts him to take care of Raph or the others if Casey convinces them to do some mischief with him.

Splinter tries his best to be a good dad. It can be hard, and he makes lots of mistakes, but he tries. He was raised in a very Traditional household, but all of his children are very much the opposite of that, and he struggles with breaking away from how he was brought up to do things for the sake of not stifling his children. Still, he seeks counseling so he can do his best, especially once Mikey was diagnosed (Donnie hasn't been diagnosed yet but Splinter has his suspicions) as neurodivergent. He's still strict, usually, but has been known to soften up sometimes and allow a bit more excitement into their lives and home.

So there. That's that AU. I got so bored of the episode I jotted down this AU instead, and I'll put it in it's own post too sometime later.

#tmnt 2k12 #tmnt 2012 #sid blogs live

[moonluringfrost]

Happy STS!

Looking at your WIP list, I'm quite curious about The Storm Grows Quiet. Can you tell me a bit more about the cast, please? Who's helping Vervain deal with the undead?

Hi, Sam! Happy STS :D

unfortunately for the storm grows quiet i have been unraveling it Again because I keep losing my gosh darn notes and outlines. But the main cast that I can remember through the iterations are: (under the cut because its a little long)

Vervain: A humble blacksmith turned warrior because she figured out how to kill the unkillable undead. she has... Two 'people' on her side. Those two are.. The Tempest: a nearly dead god of battle who at this point is frankly okay with there never being need for another battle in the rest of time. However. Vervain caught his eye because she is the first person to pray to him in a Long, Long time. He tries to help her as much as he can, which is not much (see: nearly-dead).

Aureolin: a medical doctor and magical healer. He had been traveling to help treat victims of the undead when he met vervain. she was unconscious from magic overuse at the time. he strongly advises vervain to not fight the undead again lest she die, but Vervain refuses because...

The King of Lethia: I had a name for him but i lost where i had it written down. it was very long and pompous. Anyway. The king insists that the only person who can Possibly fight the undead is the Chosen One, as per the prophecy that his family was entrusted to uphold and protect. Vervain is clearly just a fluke, and on her own she can't do much of anything because she always ends up fainting. a True Chosen One must use the holy sword and would Never faint, obviously. No one ask why the prophecy was tailor-made to describe his son the first prince shhhhhh.

The first prince: I also lost his name. He died under mysterious circumstances shortly after the undead began to appear. If the prophecy is to stay in the family, that means the mantle falls to...

Gerard Faustin Casamir Lethi, second prince of Lethia: His brother called him Geige. He has a lot of health issues, so he spends most of his time in his chambers or in the infirmary. He likes to play various instruments when he has the energy. His father eventually hires Aureolin to be his personal physician. There are absolutely no underlying ulterior or ablest motives to this at all..

The state of the continent is in limbo, with Vervain doing her best to decrease the numbers of the undead but being unable to address the underlying cause. The only way to kill the necromancer responsible is with the holy sword, according to the prophecy. The little prince has expressed that he has no wish to take up swordplay any time soon.

Vervain wonders if, perhaps, maybe if she were in possession of the sword, would she not be able to kill the necromancer?

After a final fight over whether or not she should continue her current task, she decides to give it a try.

#sts #thanks for the ask!

[soliloquivm]

❝ so dramatic, ❞ ari quips when suyeong’s groan carries across the countertop, and she shakes her head as she pours water into her own bottle and refills the filtered pitcher. ❝ let it out, i guess, if it helps you start your day. ❞ a hand finds her hip over a soft, slouchy hoodie as she stands in front of the fridge, absently surveying the fruit options scattered across the shelves. ❝ i think they’re kind of already needed, hon, ❞ she replies, inspecting a small container of raspberries before tossing it on the counter alongside a lemon. ❝ i swear to god, suyeong, every single day i am given another reason to try and convince myself i don’t need a costco membership. is this why i cave ? for acetaminophen ? ❞ in spite of her tone, don’t misunderstand ― any excuse for a shopping trip is one ari will happily take in stride. as she talks, ari procures a knife and a cutting board, slicing up wheels of lemon and tucking them into the water bottle. ❝ i have to google it, but i think there’s one in wembley, and lucky for you and your constant aches and pains, i’ve got no plans until tonight. do you ? wanna come with ? ❞ ari’s already washed the cutting board and balanced it in the drying rack when suyeong speaks up again, and she swivels to offer him her full attention as he poses a question. once she hears it, though, she can’t help but scoff, and there’s a raspberry sailing across the kitchen toward his head. ❝ no, you don’t, actually, ❞ she retorts, matter-of-fact, ❝ and that’s why i have to do it for you. i’ll give you one of my good gummies, but only if you take the keratin too. oh, and a multi-vitamin. might as well, right ? while you’re at it ? let’s be honest, babe, your body could use all the help it can get. ❞ screwing the cap on her water bottle and giving it a shake, ari disappears down the hall for a moment to retrieve the trio of supplements, clicking her tongue once she returns to get his attention. ❝ hand, please. ❞

SUYEONG SWATS AWAY ARI’S COMMENT . he likes to believe he takes care of himself just fine - unless of course , all those times in the fighting ring back at knock out gym , and then the slew of underground fights that he’s been getting involved in as well . perhaps he’s gotten hit in the head one too many times and finally it’s all catching up to him . he’s not old though , he has to remind himself — usually that stuff catches up when he’ll hit his forties ( or at least they should ) . ‘ ari i will give you my card and you can put the membership in my name if you want to protect your legacy of never officially having one . ‘ he glances up , a smug grin upon his lips that somehow hurts his eyes . ‘ i mean , you have a reputation to uphold , don’t you ? ‘

at the offer , or what feels like a deal with the devil , suyeong thinks about it for a moment , and knows damn well he would rather have the nice , calming gummy over the keratin and multi vitamin she is forcing him to have , ‘ alright - fine ‘ but before he can even answer , ari has returned , making suyeong worry about his response time . that kind of thing wouldn’t fare him well at all . with his forehead now resting in the palm of one hand , he extends the other . the one thing that sucks royally about gummies though , is that they take way too much time to kick in , but it will do for now . ‘ thank you ‘ he mumbles , deciding why not mix all three at the same time as he shoves them in his mouth . finally , now that the placebo effect begins to bring him to some semblance of life , he responds to ari’s question , ‘ i mean , a costco trip may not be the worst idea . we’ll take my truck though , just in case someone —- ‘ jokingly , he narrows his gaze at her , ‘ you know , decides to go a little overboard . ‘ @thecryptidcottage why does tumblr hate us ?

#thecryptidcottage #« interactions » bae suyeong

[driftward]

Title: A Knight's Duty - Chapter 16 Characters: Zoissette Vauban, Ement Vauban, Guillerme Rating: Teen Summary: What is a knight's duty after all? Notes: The First Duty is from Star Trek: TNG

Guillerme paced slowly in front of the two, his hands clasped behind his back, seemingly deep in thought.

"What makes a knight?" he asked. He seemed to be asking himself as much as anyone.

Ement glanced sideways at his sister. She looked back at him.

"I'm not sure anymore, ser," Ement admitted. "I thought it was things like duty. Honor. The ability to fight when needed. I think... ser, I'm sorry. I'll just be happy to serve in my own way. To fight for Ishgard. I intend to be a good soldier."

"And that'll be enough, lad, that'll be enough. I think your heart's true enough. Truer than some of my priors. Aye, I'll take it. Tell me, though. What do you think duty and honor mean? Maybe we can get something outta this yet."

Ement took a deep breath in before answering. "Duty is what we're supposed to do. Defend people. Fight Ishgard's enemies. Uphold our responsibilities. Honor is... I think the book's right. Adherence to what's right. I think that's what the two definitions it had were for, actually. You do the right thing, and then you can be respected."

"Good lad. Zoissette?"

Zoissette was tapping her lips with a finger, looking thoughtful. "I'm still stuck on... who determines what's right and what's wrong?"

Guillerme stopped and looked up at the ceiling.

"Yer onto something, lass. Keep going."

"Well, it's like Ement said. Duty is what we are supposed to do, and honor is adherence to what is right. I thought I was doing my duty when I tried to stop the other students from hurting that boy. I thought I was behaving in an honorable fashion. And I still think I'm right. But you were right, too. I should have thought about it more. Why was it right? I think it was right, the boy I tried to help didn't. We can't both be right. I mean, I guess we could both be wrong, but... who's choosing what's right and what isn't?

"Halone, maybe, but all we have from her is what I can read. She's not telling me anything directly. So... I guess I have to figure it out myself. Same thing for duty. Who tells me what I'm supposed to do? I ... I would've guessed the Holy See, but - but you've made it sound like maybe that's not for the best, if they're just bullies too."

"Sette," said Ement, looking sideways at her.

Zoissette rolled her eyes. "Don't worry about me, big brother, it's just us. I know better than to go yelling that from the rooftops."

Ement shook his head. Guillerme nodded a bit, and resumed his pacing.

"...maybe that's it," he said.

"Ser?" asked Zoissette.

"We've been dancing around it, haven't we. What makes a knight? Well. An adherence to duty. Honor to duty. But what duty? What is our duty? Something fundamental."

Guillerme paused his pacing again, and rocked back and forth on his feet.

"Your first duty," he said, slowly, "It's not to Ishgard. It can't be. Ishgard isn't there in the dirt with you. It must be to yourself. And anyone can claim they're actin' on behalf of the people but not mean it. But perhaps we can rely on something deeper than just that. Not to what you feel, not just what you think. To your own ideals. To ... something true. Something deep, something you build. Something you challenge yourself to. Something you know. Something you are. Everything and more."

"... to a personal truth," said Zoissette.

"To a personal truth," said Guillerme. He looked thoughtful. "Aye, lass. Because when you're on the field, or bleedin' in the ditch, there's no book you can look to, no pretty words from a comrade. You're gonna have to trust yourself to do the right thing. And that means you're going to have to know what the right thing is.

"A challenge, then, to each of you. You'll go on to be a fine knight, lad. I know it, and I'm proud of what we've made here. And to you, lass, even if you never pick up the sword and shield again, you've still acquitted yourself well. And taught me a thing or two, if I want to be honest. So, the same challenge to you. To the first duty. To the truth. Your personal truth, that will forever guide you both, and if you build it right, will guide you true. Can you do that?"

"Yes, ser," said Ement.

Zoissette looked thoughtful for a moment, and Ement watched her eyes wander, as she slowly nodded to herself.

"To the first duty. To a personal truth. To serve my house. To serve Ishgard. To serve the realm. To serve Halone. That I might serve the star.

"...does that sound right?"

Guillerme nodded. "Aye, lass. I think we've found it. It sounds right enough."

Zoissette stood up straight, arms back, head high.

"I can do that, ser."

"...very good. Ement, you'll get yours when your squirehood's done. Zoissette, hand me your sword."

Zoissette looked at Guillerme questioningly, but handed over her practice sword without comment.

"Kneel, lady," said Guillerme gently.

Zoissette looked between Ement and Guillerme, and then slowly knelt down on one knee.

"And bow your head."

She did.

"By the power invested in me - which is none; under the authority granted through the Holy See, which it hasn't been - and under Halone's watchful gaze, may she ever watch over you - I hereby declare you to be ser Vauban, Lady Zoissette of the house Vauban, a knight, even if only in heart, and not yet in name or in deed. But yer a good enough of a knight for me, lady. No matter what you do, I believe you will serve well. Rise, and take up your weapon."

Guillerme tapped Zoissette one one shoulder, and then the other. Zoissette curled up a hand in front of her face, as she appeared to pray for a moment before looking up at Guillerme. Guillerme flipped the practice sword around, and held it out to her, hilt first.

Before taking the sword, Zoissette looked to where her practice shield was laying, and picked it up, strapping it onto her arm. She then stood up slowly, and took the practice sword from Guillerme, and sheathed it, and stood tall once more.

"If you ever decide to fully commit to following in your brother's footsteps, lady," said Guillerme, "I am certain you will be among the best of us."

He looked to Ement.

"I think my lessons have come to an end, young lad. I have nothing more to teach you, and I think I'm as learned as I'm like to get."

Ement nodded to Guillerme, and after a moment of consideration, he saluted. Zoissette did likewise.

"May Halone watch over you both," he said. "I'll speak with your mother later, Ement, and we'll get you set up with a squireship. In the meanwhile, keep to your drills, both of you. Even if you don't plan on fightin', lady, it's a good foundation. It'll keep you healthy and your mind sharp. And never stop asking questions. Even if you have to ask 'em of the Holy See itself."

"Aye, ser," Ement said at the same time as his sister, and he looked over and gave her a grin. She seemed to be paying more attention to some distance only she could see, though. Ement shrugged.

"Will you still be around, Master Guillerme?" asked Ement.

"Aye, lad. I'll help you with your drills until you actually get that squireship, don't you worry. And your sister too, if she wants to stick with it, but I don't think there's much left for you here, is there?"

Zoissette shuffled her feet a bit. "I... I guess not. I'll keep up with the drills though, if you don't mind. But... you're right. I think I'll be spending more time with my books. But - but thank you, Master Guillerme. I'll - I'll try to live up to your ideals."

Guillerme snorted. "Yours as much as mine, Lady. But I'll hold you to that. For now though, we're done for the day. Go ahead and get the place cleaned up, and I'll be back on the morrow. No more lessons. Just training, lad. Enough to keep that sword sharp, 'til you're a proper squire, alright?"

"Yes ser."

"Good lad," said Guillerme.

And then he was gone.

"Well, what do you think of that, ser Vauban? Looks like you got your knighthood before me. Gotta say, I'm jealous," said Ement, grinning at Zoissette.

She was still just standing there, though, a faraway look in her eyes.

"...to the star," she said. She looked down at her sword, and then to her shield, and at last, to her brother.

"You think too much," he said.

"Maybe," she said quietly.

But then she gave him a big smile, all brightness and light.

"But I think I can do it," she said.

Ement had to admit to himself, he wasn't quite sure what she meant. But he believed her.

"For the first duty," she said.

"The first duty," he echoed.

#final fantasy xiv #zoissette vauban #ement vauban #guillerme #one knight's journey #a knight's duty #a knight's duty - chapter 16 #202207-18 #biot writes

[vamptastic]

I definitely agree about a lot of protests around the country feeling aimless/underplanned -- I think the reason the protests I've been involved in have felt more focused is that the college I go to has direct ties with defense contractors, so there's a specific and definable goal of ending recruitment partnerships instead of the kind of broad goal of just 'support palestine', which seems to be the (emotionally understandable but not particularly actionable) thrust of a lot of protests right now. I also get what you mean with regards to revolutionary 'aesthetics' taking precedence over practicality in a lot of discussions about what should be done, especially with regards to the goal of a ceasefire; I feel like rejecting practical short-term solutions in favor of a more revolutionary end goal that never comes is an unfortunately common phenomenon in leftist spaces in general.

I definitely misinterpreted what you meant in the original post, and the added explanation was very helpful -- thanks for taking the time to respond! I totally understand the assumption that my first ask was in bad faith due to the general state of discourse on this website + the fact that I didn't elaborate on what I was saying

first of all, sorry to make you wait on this response, and second, really glad we reached an understanding here and sorry again for jumping to conclusions about the intent of your first ask.

i would certainly like it if american universities severed their ties to the defense industry! on some level i do think if we were to convince x university that they should cut ties with the companies they feed students into, it would be better for that movement to be focused on the STEM students who actually end up taking those jobs though. on a practical level, a university is much more likely to stop accepting funding from say, lockheed martin if promising engineering students make it clear that they will refuse to enroll in schools that work with that company. perhaps the PR hit universities are taking right now will be enough but in my state at least i don't think most universities are concerned enough with maintaining their image as 'liberal institutions' as they are at making money, and imo there are more productive ways to cost a university money. i do think protesting against your school's military ties is a good idea and would like for it to succeed- i question if they will continue to uphold that longterm if cutting military connections is tied to a cause that is fundamentally temporary. (hopefully, in that hopefully the conflict will end soon and a longterm solution will begin to take shape). i guess best case scenario i would hope that this motivates people to look into the broader issue of the ties between universities (particularly engineering programs) and military contractors, and examine and start to solve that issue on a wider scale than the current conflict. i also just sort of think this may be something that can only end permanently if laws are passed to stop it because there will always be a motive for it (profit). in the short term, though, it seems straightforwardly obvious that weapons manufacturers receiving a financial blow could help to reduce the level of suffering in Gaza, so i do agree that it's a good thing to focus on for college protests.

i just wish that on a national level the antiZionist movement had its shit together a little more. like it makes sense that things are messy, there's a language barrier, many people have become justifiably passionate about Palestine without having a lot of background knowledge, leftists in general are horrible at working on achievable shortterm goals and longterm solutions at the same time and without viciously fighting about it. i'm far more annoyed with large organizations (cough JVP cough) behaving in unproductive ways than with individual people being a bit stupid about complicated political causes. genuinely glad that you seem to be working towards something both achievable and worthy. i really just hope everybody involved in antiZionist activism knows what they're actually working towards, why, and whether their methods are successful.

but overall it does seem like we agree on the important things. i think i'm also just more cynical about this because i grew up hearing a lot of batshit propaganda and misinformation about Israel and Gaza and am more on guard for it, and more familiar with antisemitic tropes and thus more likely to notice such rhetoric. idk if you're jewish or not but i kinda just think for better or for worse being jewish makes you more jaded about this by virtue of living your entire life aware of it and without seeing significant change. cause whether you're a zionist or antizionist i really don't think you're likely to feel there's been any significant victories in the past couple decades. certainly most of the older jews i talk to are not terribly optimistic about the current wave of attention going anywhere, and understandably tend to be concerned that this will increase hate crimes against us as literally any national news about us tends to do so.

#if you wanna keep talking to me about this you're always free to message me btw! #i feel like this exchange ended on good terms and i'd be interested to talk to you more- whoever this is i assume you're a mutual #promise i will not judge i just assumed the first ask was from yet another person who found my post by searching some keyword #i keep anon on precisely so that convos like this can happen when ppl don't feel comfortable talking directly #but lately i've been very frustrated with it cause all my anons have been needlessly accusatory and not responded back to me #you can also always keep sending asks lol i just think it'd be more convenient

[ecurps]

A significant problem that has negatively impacted my being - human hypocrisy again, shocker - has been how hands-off humans are... My whole life, my being "intelligent" has been used as an excuse to not do their jobs, to absolve themselves of their responsibilities to me... My mother was actively hostile - physical and verbal abuse for asking questions, asking for help, making small mistakes, trying anything new and being inefficient - to the point I gave up trying to get her to do more than pay for my needs... Yet simultaniously I was never allowed to go out and practice being independent because I "can't be trusted to return home on time; not cause problems; force me to go hunt your ass down."

That didn't extend to just her... All of the school staff after I got into middle school and higher would regularly use their authority to verbally abuse me and throw me to the perverbial gutter because I could not remember what to do after the 45 minute long lectures and I could never takes notes with any accuracy due to my inability to remember what was said > write it down > and simultaniously continue listening to a lecture... No staff was willing to help. No students were willing to help [and they shouldn't have had to].

Once out in "the real world" it was much the same... I was worthless because I could never just be good at anything. I could never just know what I needed to know. This massive push to using the internet and I neither had access nor understanding of how to use any of it because I was just expected to trial-and-error my way through life while everyone else around me tortured me and not only kicking me while I'm down but actively assaulting me during every single attempt I made to meet these standards the rest of you either never struggled with or had the space/support to fight your way through....

All I had was abuse and neglect. Why should I prove anything to you disgusting evil pieces of shit that refuse to do even the bare minimum of your responsibilities; who violated my ability to do anything; who demand finshed, high quality products while torturing and exsanguinating the producers....

Who see a person - even children - in need, and instead of extending a helping hand, the community and support you worthless degenerate cunts claim is integral to everything in life.... You humans will torture and abuse those who reach out for help because you don't want to do the work. You humans don't want to make the effort. You humans just want the finished product, the problem solved, but never will any of you evil, parasitic animals uphold your responsibilities to those in need around you because how dare we not just learn everything by our selves. Do everything on our own. Be INDEPENDENT. How dare I ask you fucks for help and support and TO DO THE BARE FUCKING MINIMUM, BUT NO. The only fucking thing you cunts care about is taking everything you can and violating the people who can't even stand because we are not capable of the same as the rest of you.

"It's about the journey, not the destination"

"you have to treat the work as more important than the finished product"

Every human should just die...

My entire life spent being tortured for shit beyond my control and everywhere I turn, everywhere I go, there's nothing but a swarm of parasites who would rather continue perpetuating atrocities and doing everything in your power to being the exact opposite of textbook definition humane.

#rant #human [derrogatory]

[rachaelnpc]

Someone Else Wrote This, I Related Deeply, Now I'm Posting It.

Grace on Tik Tok Wrote:

Struggles When Leaving An Abusive Relationship That Are Not Always Talked About...

Asking yourself if it even happened at all.

Worrying that you made it all up.

Having to write things down or listen to recordings to remember what happened.

Googling 'is this abuse' but never being able to stop the voice in your mind saying you were just too sensitive.

Knowing you did the right thing, but never fully believing it.

Wishing you could stay angry forever, but still feeling sorry & very worried for them.

Worrying that they sensed you detaching and maybe that's why things got worse... as if you just needed to be more 'in this.' (No)

Thinking they will suddenly change for good and you will miss out

and what if that causes more pain than staying.

Not trusting your capability to make good decisions for yourself.

Having to remind yourself that you can go out and do things without being accused of stuff.

When things are 'bad' feeling like you can't leave

But when things are 'good' feeling like you also can't leave.

Thinking you have to go through the cycle with them all over again until the next incident.

Fearing the dreams where you are happy together more than the nightmares.

Being very tired once you are finally safe. (Your body was in survival mode for so long)

*Since I was 8 years old... Leaving at 19... Getting worse at 20... leaving at 31*

The anger you feel when you finally realize it as never your fault and they knew what they were doing. (This can take the longest time)

If you're reading this and are relating in any way, please listen:

None of this was your fault. There was not a single thing you could have done differently. You were NOT the abuser, they were. You did not cause this or deserve this. I promise it's possible to get out of this terrible cycle and to come out on the other side. It's possible to be truly happy without them. I promise <3

*I don't want to date. I have such a hard time trusting. I do not want to find myself in another situation like I was in. It is insidious. It took over six months before the obvious signs surfaced. Every red flag in a man I talk to is Earth shattering. I don't know if anyone could uphold the responsibility of respecting my heart. For now, I am the only one I trust to do this. On the flip side, I am worried I will hurt others. To allow people in too soon before establishing the correct boundaries. They fall for me before I know them well enough. Enough for me to trust them. Write this down, 'Do not fall for someone before you really trust them.' I was told that you have to put out before six months, no one will stick around long enough to find out if you trust them if you don't. I was also told to lose more weight, no one wants me at this size. The two cents that no one wants to be with me if my outlook of life is the way it is. I should smile more. To take pride in my appearance... I am still tired. I am still hurting. I am scared. I have to fight through the fear. I have to believe I can find someone I can trust, that they trust and want me back, that I can be really loved. This is a tall order of things to believe in, for me anyway. Who have I been able to count on with my feelings? Myself... I am my own safe space.*

#Spotify