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boy-gender · 11 months

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I am afab, but recently I have been questioning my gender. I at least want to feel masc, I think I want to cut my hair, and get a bit bigger, and dress more masculine, etc. I'm not sure how comfortable I am with the idea of top or bottom surgery (definitely not bottom surgery lol) but i think i might like to try binding. I used to imagine what my name would be if I was a boy (I could only think of one and I didn't like it lol) I have always been attracted to more masculine characters in media and I kinda want to be them.

The idea that I might be ftm has gotten into my head and now I can't shake it loose, but I haven't experienced a whole lot of dysphoria? (Or if I have, I wouldn't know for certain, but I recently had to try on a few dresses for my family and I was severely uncomfortable to the point where I cried several times lol) (I was also told that I was very girly by some friends as a kid and haven't worn a dress and have avoided the color pink since then lol)

Funnily enough I have been feeling more comfortable with my femininity since I started to explore my potential masculinity, but idk if that's just because I'm getting older

I haven't experienced intense body dysphoria, and am not unhappy in my body? I don't really know if this qualifies as gender dysphoria but I just cannot stop thinking about it and I was hoping to get some opinions lol

Thank you if you've read this far, and thank you so much if you take the time to try and help me out with this, lol

Happy to help!

First and foremost, you don't need dysphoria to be trans. If you feel- for whatever reason- that you are not the gender you were assigned at birth, you can be trans. Being trans is not contingent on pain. There is no minimum level of suffering you have to hit to be trans. Being trans can be totally unrelated to dysphoria- maybe you just feel gender *euphoria* at being a different gender than the one you were assigned at birth. Being trans can be contingent on happiness and comfort and curiosity as much as it can discomfort and misery.

Secondly, it sounds to me like what you're describing *is* a type of dysphoria. There are several types- body dysphoria, the urge to change ones body, is the one I usually see most focused on, but it's not the only type. To me it seems like you may be describing the concept of social dysphoria: youre comfortable with your body in a vacuum, but when others perceptions and social context are applied to it, you become uncomfortable with those gendered expectations.

I'm much the same way. I don't want bottom surgery and I don't want to take hormones- I have no desire to have a penis, facial or body hair, a deeper voice, a more muscular frame, etc. But I do have social dysphoria- it upsets me when I am perceived as a woman by the people I care about who should/do know that I'm not a woman. It's not my body that's bothering me- it's others' perception of my body and what that says about my gender that bothers me. That's social dysphoria. If having to try on dresses for other people upsets you to the point that you're crying about it and it clearly causes you emotional distress, it might be worth examining that feeling closer. Are you upset not at all dresses, but because this particular dress was physically uncomfortable? Are you upset not at all dresses, but because this particular dress didn't look good on you in your opinion? Are you upset at the idea of wearing a dress all alone in your room? Are you upset at the idea of wearing a dress in front of other people? What about other people seeing you in a dress is it that distresses you? These are just some questions to ask yourself to see if you can narrow down why that incident bothered you- but it's okay to not have the answer either.

I'm also way more comfortable with my femininity now that I know I'm a man. It turns out I didn't have a problem with feminine things- I had a problem with *being perceived as a woman.* Once I separated the two, I was able to enjoy being an effeminate man, and I love it.

It's also okay to experiment. Try binding. If you don't like it, that doesn't make you not trans. I never bound before I had top surgery cause it was uncomfortable and I hated it. Try out new names, but it's okay to keep the name you already have too, and it's okay to go through many names. I tried 3 before I stuck with the one I have.

Nobody can decide you're trans or not trans except for you. That isn't up to anybody else, and nobody can tell you that the conclusion you come to is wrong.

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listlessnessss · 4 months

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Instead of amab/afab and msoc/femsoc, which has some people really hashtag triggered, i'm going to just be more brutally honest and call things, people, and experiences malebrained/fembrained because it gets to the heart of what people are gesturing at when they say amab/afab, doesn't correlate 1:1 to assigned sex, and can be changed if one so wishes. now that type 2 trans people are transitioning because they genuinely want to and now we know that gender identity, sexual orientation, and gender stereotypes are different things, we see a mix and match resulting in, for example, fembrained ftms.

Now to discuss a recent twitter dot com controversey. (I unironically think twitter is the most toxic place on the internet, because more people inc normies use it, and are not anonymous and can receive public figure status). a tguy made a comic about his experience with toxic masculinity and the QRTs essentially showed him toxic masculinity proper (ie. you're not a real man statements) and the leftist internet would 9/11 itself if those insults and behaviors were happening between or directed towards cis men. okay like yes i do think there can be a bit of a malignant learned helplessness among ftm-spectrum people due to fembrained upbringing and socialization. (see how much better it works) BUT this does not mean men should not be fembrained, and when you're criticizing feminity, you're missing that positive femininty exists within any and all genders. The malignant learned helplessness thing is much overplayed by people who have a bone to pick with ftm-spectrum people in the first place, and by the more normie "TMAW" cis contingent...

Such malignant learned helplessness is a highly specific negative trait correlated with a small but real percentage of ftms (and cis women, but curiously nobody seems to have a problem with them behaving like that... transphobia. I gather that people find it uncanny and offensive, or unfair, in some way when people who behave like this identify with manhood, and I'm a cis they them woman who's crypto so I don't really get a say in the social dynamics... but.) But it is not characteristic of nor necessary for transmasculine self-identification. The transandrophobia crowd would do well to listen, at least sometimes, to cis feminine and or gay men, on some issues. If they want their own tguy space, I think that's fine, too. I'm really live-and-let-live on these types of social issues. But people should be able to make a kind of informed consent when it comes to their behaviors, to fully weigh the pros and cons with the understanding of how such behaviors will be received by the outgroup and within the ingroup.

I do agree that there's some lack of guidance/theory/writing on the effects of toxic masculine expectations and the norms of the "universal malebrained" and how they can negatively impact ftm-spectrum people's understandings of themselves. I myself saw myself to be at the bottom of this kind of totem pole, an anomaly, a shut-out, and knowledge of social uncanniness has served as the limiting factor for my self-understanding moreso than fears about physiological uncanniness (although I am for sure bonepilled, too). The solutions on offer are to 1.gaymaxx(?) (say that you're this way because you're a gay man), 2.identify with lesbianism and gain social support there, 3.be proud of looking/seeming trans. Some of these solutions are good, but they cannot with 100% accuracy lead to an elimination of 'negative feminity'.

You're free to tell me I have no fucking idea what I'm talking about... but food for thought on how msoc/femsoc, amab/afab, etc, are just more fembrained ways of saying "malebrained/fembrained". I think it is absolutely possible to psychologically transition from one into the other and to understand how you are received. Being fembrained has, for me, been not an innate quality which myself nor anyone else possesses/lacks, rather, a logic about oneself which external forces have tried to pressure me into internalizing, and which I have, in different circumstances, found myself embracing or resisting. My fembrain is an elaborate social mask.

Ultimately, it's far more important to resist characterization of that twitter guy as not-a-man (definitionally, transphobia) than to offer bizarre explanations for the complex motivation behind such backlash against him from within the ingroup.

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trans-advice · 5 years

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I'm a trans guy and I'm going back to school soon, just getting some prereqs out of the way then trying to get into the fire academy. I'm afraid to start transitioning while I'm still living with my moms (I'm out but its complicated) and I cant move out until I finish school and get a better job but I cant stand the thought of finishing school and still being a girl. I dont know what to do

i’m sorry for the usa-centricism. i work with what i’ve got & know.

the draft is basically required for fasfa & govt benefits

firstly, i want to mention that (in usa) legal males have to register for the draft aka “selective service” in order to receive college funding. however since trans people are not allowed to change their gender markers on the draft forms until the draft becomes active again. also whether the marker will be changed &or whether you’re disqualified for the draft is up to the board. this means unless you’re able to get the documentation showing you are/were exempt or else otherwise register before your 26th birthday (you can only be 18-25 when registering), that you will likely lose your ability to get government grants for college & other things.

quote from 2005 https://transequality.org/issues/resources/selective-service-and-transgender-people

Failure to [register] is punishable by up to five years in prison and $250,000 in fines, though individuals have rarely been prosecuted. Applications for federal financial aid for higher education, federal employment, United States citizenship and other government benefits have been made contingent upon Selective Service registration in order to encourage compliance. Therefore, when applying for government benefits, transgender people can often face particular difficulties in regards to their Selective Service registration status.

here’s the draft’s faq mentioning transgender people.

https://www.sss.gov/QA

How does the Military Selective Service Act apply to individuals who have changed their gender identity from the sex assigned at birth?

Selective Service bases the registration requirement on gender at birth and not on gender identity or on whether they’ve had a sex change. Individuals who are born female and changed their gender to male are not required to register. U.S. citizens or immigrants who are born male and changed their gender to female are still required to register. The legal authority is based on the Military Selective Service Act (MSSA), which does not address gender identify or transsexual persons. In addition, Presidential Proclamation 4771 refers to “males” who were “born” on or after January 1, 1960. Thus, Selective Service interprets the MSSA as applying to gender at birth because Congress did not contemplate transgender persons or a person’s gender identity when it required on “males” to register when the Selective Training and Service Act of 1940 was passed and amended by the Selective Service Act of 1948 to create the Selective Service System. Until Congress amends the MSSA or passes a separate law addressing transsexuals and gender identity, Selective Service must follow the intent of the of Congress when it required only males to register – the registration requirement is based on gender at birth.

In the event of a resumption of the draft, individuals born male who have changed their gender to female can file a claim for an exemption from military service if they receive an order to report for examination or induction.

this next quote is from 2005. the current pdf link from the form this quote mentions is this one: https://www.sss.gov/Portals/0/PDFs/SIL.pdf?ver=2015-02-24-150707-763 note that you must be 26 or older to fill out this particular form.

(you might want to call the place up 1-888-655-1825.) therefore, Before you get your birth certificate changed, you must get the official copy with the incorrect gender marker & deadname before you change it (in order to prove that you had the wrong classification at birth). this is in order to give them a copy. i recommend getting like at least 3 notarized copies, because these copies will have to last your entire lifetime! (and we move around, have accidents happen, sometimes we don’t get them back etc.)

FOR INDIVIDUALS ASSIGNED FEMALE AT BIRTH

People who were assigned female at birth are not required to register with the Selective Service regardless of their current gender or transition status. When applying for federal financial aid, grants, and loans as a man, however, you may be asked to prove that you are exempt. To request a Status Information Letter (SIL) that shows you are exempt, you can either download an SIL request form from the Selective Service website (http://www.sss.gov/PDFs/SilForm_Instructions.pdf) or call them at 1-888-655-1825. This service is free and the exemption letter you will receive does not specify why you are exempt so it will not force you to out yourself in any other application process. The Selective Service does, however, require a copy of your birth certificate showing your birth-assigned sex. If the sex on your birth certificate has been changed, attach any documentation you have to that affect. Once you receive your Status Information Letter, keep it in your files. For those FTM people who transition before their eighteenth birthdays and change their birth certificates, it is also possible to register with the service. However, no one may register after their twenty-sixth birthday. Also, please note that although Selective Service materials refer to transgender people as “people who have had a sex change,” their policies apply to those who have transitioned regardless of surgical history.

there’s also this information from the how to register part when you’re between 18-25. i selected a very helpful means.

https://www.sss.gov/Registration/How-to-Register

CHECK BOX ON FAFSAAnother way a young man can register is to check a box on the application form for federal student financial aid (FAFSA). A man can check “Register Me” on Box #22 of that form, and the Department of Education will furnish Selective Service with the information to register the man.

it’s also unclear on whether legally designated women can voluntarily sign up for the draft or if they are going to be compelled to do so in the future because gender-neutrality. however the trend seems to be in that direction.

https://www.sss.gov/Registration/Women-And-Draft/Backgrounder-Women-and-the-Draft

https://www.sss.gov/Registration/Women-And-Draft

https://www.military.com/daily-news/2019/02/26/no-women-dont-have-sign-draft-yet-heres-whats-next.html

TLDR: figure out how you can register for the draft so you won’t lose federal funding for college.

reasons to start transitioning before you graduate:

i would suggest that it would help your professional networking if you were able to present who you are (which coincidentally) is a guy instead of having to retcon your time there by getting a court order to correct your name & gender marker after your classmates & teachers went their separate ways.

also if you get flack over guys having sexist advantages, i would just mention that while you are trying to weed-out transphobic employers that transgender people are discriminated against, etc too. basically transphobia exists & therefore you still suffer from sexism.

it would also help to complete school. the distress might be so strong that you drop out before you get a diploma/credential which will make student loan debt much harder to pay off. if you could get your gender dysphoria/distress/issues dealt with. it could also help with getting a job when you’ve already went thru the 2nd puberty/adulting into manhood when you’re not on the clock. (seriously, hormones during puberty is basically a rollercoaster that teens tend to experience. therefore you have to take that into account when you’re deciding when to transition.)

regarding legal paperwork here’s the information for changing your name & gender marker by state & it’s also commonly easier to change your driver’s license or your state ID than it is to change your birth certificate (which is fixed to the state that you were born in AKA you can’t just move to a place with better laws). (i’m sorry for the usa-centricism.):

https://transequality.org/documents

https://transequality.org/know-your-rights/social-security

also note that you need to make sure that your social security paperwork is also corrected when you get the changes as well.

good luck, peace & love,

eve

#resources #the draft #usa centric #selective service

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destroyyourbinder · 5 years

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dealing with binding damage/pain

I had a reader ask this question a month or two back and I just realized I never answered it! Since I've been on the topic lately I wanted to give them a response:

So I came to terms with my sexuality after identifying as ftm, and binding for three years due to internalized homophobia (luckily didn't change my body more than that because my parents are extremely conservative). Any advice with dealing with chest pain/tissue damage when no longer binding?

Hey there-- I'm really glad to hear that you've come to terms with being a lesbian; it's a long journey for a lot of us, and although it's definitely not over once you recognize you're "just gay" after all, it often opens your life up to possibilities you thought were forever closed. Once you've settled in, in my experience at least I've found it to be a big fucking relief in a lot of ways.

The advice I'd give you is really contingent on what kind of damage you suffered, where the pain is currently and what in particular exacerbates it, what you're currently doing with regards to wearing garments on your upper body, whether you also have posture changes due to slouching/binding, and how far out you are from when you've stopped binding. I'm going to write to a general audience both because I don't actually know what you're experiencing, because you might be unsure yourself or not realize something you're experiencing is related to binding-related (or dysphoria-related) issues, and because I think a lot of female people could benefit from this discussion. One of the resources I want to link you to is a 2017 study that I think I've reblogged a couple times now, called "Health impact of chest binding among transgender adults: a community-engaged, cross-sectional study" which is I think the only research piece that we have to have systematically examined negative health outcomes of breast/chest binding practices. I'd advise anybody binding or with a history of binding to look through this study to educate themselves on the risks and prevalence rates of a number of health issues commonly caused by or associated with binding. Not everyone knows or is willing to admit that certain issues they are experiencing could be binding-related so just simply having this information is a good start. You can find the study linked here for free: https://transfigurations.org.uk/filestore/binding-project-postprint.pdf I also want to preface this with the plea to please take seriously anything you're experiencing; I know it's a chronic myth in the trans community and in gender non-conforming female circles where people might bind that there is a level of binding that is "safe" or at least significantly "safer". Although your problems can escalate the more time you spend binding (whether measured in hours per day, the frequency with which you bind, or how much time total you've spent doing binding practice) or with certain binding practices (like using ace bandages or duct tape, "double binding", or using too much compression) binding can cause certain problems near-immediately, such as muscle aches or other musculoskeletal related pain, shortness of breath, and skin issues. Serious binding-related problems, like rib movement or decrease in lung capacity, can occasionally happen very quickly, i.e. within a few months of beginning binding regularly, even following generally well-regarded harm-reduction practices for binding. I sometimes read of people who doubt that binding could have hurt them because they "only" bound for such-and-such a period of time or "only" with a commercial binder, and who seem to refer to some mythical lumberjack trans man who wears his binder 12 hours a day in the timberlands and has no problems, or at least just bears them through his beard with no complaint, as the gold standard for binding. I know for many female people bearing the pain and body issues that come with binding is considered a hallmark of masculine identity and that your right to name your distress as gender dysphoria is often in question if you decide that the costs of binding are too high for you. There is a very nasty arms race to the bottom in trans community sometimes about who is the absolutely most dysphoric and the absolute manliest, and if you don't think that any horrible level of nihilistic self-destruction is worth it to ward off the prospect of Really Being a Girl then you run the risk of losing this terrible game. I want to begin my discussion of binding risks and known problems with this because most of us struggle with this mentality in some form, at some point, and choosing to prioritize taking care of our bodies in a very basic way over doing what our dysphoria tells us is necessary to make it go away can be extremely difficult, to the point we may deny that we have anything happening with us that we need to take care of at all. Listening to your body will take a lot of time when all you could hear at one point was how gross, humiliating, disturbing, and wrong it was. It's a lot like learning to communicate with a species of animal you've never had to interact with intimately and that maybe you're repulsed by, like a rat (which are perfectly wonderful creatures, by the way). That all out of the way, the first question I want to ask is this: are you having any problems with breathing, your lungs, or general respiratory problems you suspect are related to binding? This is probably one of the most serious problems some people have with binding and is not something I feel comfortable advising on given that it can be extremely medically serious and life-limiting. Problems frequently cited are general shortness of breath, chronic wheezing or coughing, feeling deprived of oxygen especially when exercising, and feeling like you have fluid in the lungs. These may be more serious if you smoke, are being exposed to environmental allergens, or have a pre-existing respiratory issue like asthma. I did not experience this but would definitely direct you to seek advice from a medical professional if you are having lingering issues of this nature.

Binding is also known to cause permanent rib changes-- serious and/or chronic chest or back pain should probably warrant a trip to the doctor. Broken and cracked bones are possible from binding practices, or from becoming injured while binding. If you're experiencing intense or odd pain you may have also pushed your ribs out of alignment to hit an internal organ or compress a nerve. Some symptoms, including ones like gastrointestinal issues, can indicate that you have altered the position or function of organs contained inside your rib cage or that compression is affecting their ability to work properly. If you suspect this is going on I also don't feel comfortable advising you to do anything else but seek medical advice.

Costochondritis is a common symptom that people who bind experience. It is an inflammation of the cartilage that connects your ribs to your sternum (the center bone in your chest) and is something that I experienced even when just wearing tight/multiple sports bras. I had it off and on the entire time I wore bras or used a binder and it ranged in painfulness from mild to so-intense-I-had-trouble-breathing. It is usually a temporary condition, but it can reoccur continually over time to various degrees of intensity. I usually waited out the times it occurred more mildly, but if it's severe you may need a course of steroids to decrease inflammation (as I did twice in my late teens/early twenties). You can usually tell that you have it instead of some sort of more medically serious chest pain if you poke your ribs towards the center of your chest and the pain feels both external and shoots up dramatically. If you aren't sure whether the pain is located in your ribs or elsewhere, you should probably get things checked out to make sure you don't have a heart or lung issue from binding or otherwise. Another thing I want to mention is that you can very easily sprain or pull muscles from getting in and out of binders or moving around in them, especially if you're moving around vigorously or exercising. This should also generally be temporary and can be treated in the same way you usually would treat any muscle injury (rest, heat/cold, gentle stretching and movement) but even if you stop binding, look out for continuing symptoms from any serious pulls or strains you might have incurred while binding. Wrenching your neck in particular can result in lingering issues. It might make you feel stupid to admit or think about, but "dumb" injuries like pulling your shoulder while getting a stuck binder off are mechanically the same as any other injury, so keep an eye out. A lot of pain you might experience while binding or even years after binding has to do with your muscles-- this can be from binding directly from the way a binder/bra exerts force on your chest and shoulders, from range of motion issues from being constricted in a binder or from compensating for binding pain, or from chronic posture issues from hiding your breasts. I also want to note, because they're so common in trans and gender non-conforming female people, that autism in particular but other neurodevelopmental disorders can change your posture in weird ways, and your sensory feedback is likely atypical or not fully integrated so you might have odd ways of moving that aren't necessarily mechanically optimal. All these things together can lead to chronic pain throughout your body-- obviously most people talk about pain in the upper back, chest, shoulders, and neck-- but chronic jaw pain or headaches are a potential issue from tightness or referred pain from lower down, and compensating for upper body tension, motion issues, or pain can lead to changes in the position or motion of the lower back, hips, or legs which can lead to tightness and pain. I unfortunately have both lingering issues in my chest, shoulders, and back and a host of posture-related pain issues even over two years after stopping binding, due to ways that I compensated for wearing compression constantly on my chest (I would wear sports bras even to bed) and ways I changed my body posture to prevent "looking female". I have a slouch about as bad as what’s-her-face, as most trans men I have met also do regardless of whether or not they're post-mastectomy, and although it’s gotten better with mindful practice and lack-of-binder I am still totally not where I want to be. There are many physical therapy resources out there that are now publicly available online-- on resource websites as well as YouTube-- and regularly stretching using these strategies has basically held my body together this whole time through several physically intense jobs. I personally use a set of stretches for headaches, and a number of sciatica stretches, calf stretches, and trapezius-focused stretches that I found all over the internet. There is also a tumblr thread here (not all of which is posted on my blog, please check the notes) where another woman who experienced binding damage solicits advice and many people offer suggestions for binding-pain related stretches and exercises. I also made a DIY foam roller out of a 2-ish foot stretch of 3 inch PVC pipe and some squishy shelf liner that I glued around the outside, and I have a DIY rice bag I pop in the microwave for use as a heating pad. I have also found that regularly taking omega-3 oils helps mitigate the level of inflammation and pain my muscles can reach; I take algae-based oils because I am vegetarian but if you eat fish, regular fish oil pills will work just as well. If you are still wearing a supportive bra or have chosen to deal with stopping binding by stopping everything your muscles will not have learned to support your chest yet, especially if it's large. If you quit all chest-supporting garments cold turkey or go to only very minimal chest support after binding you might have a lot of pain initially. My general chest and breast pain has substantially decreased after 2+ years of being without a bra or binder, so it's worth a shot or two to learn to do this, but you will have increased pain initially until your body adjusts. It was both my actual chest muscles, wall, and ribs that hurt as well as my breasts (something that might be obscured by dysphoric-friendly language about "chests") but once my chest and shoulders became sufficiently built, my breasts "sagged" appropriately to hang where they were comfortable, and I adjusted to the sensory input of feeling the weight on my chest, I was ultimately more physically comfortable than I ever had been in bras or binders. The pain was not easy to get through-- it was sometimes excruciating-- but now I can do anything I could do previously with a bra or binder without one, including run. If you are in this position I recommend upper body exercise or introducing regular upper body work into your daily life; this will help you build muscles appropriately and learn to move your body in a mechanically optimal way. It does simply just take time if you are attempting to adjust to minimal or no compression on your chest, and stepping down more gradually can help (such as by wearing athletic compression wear, which I have a guide about here). But it took me probably about a full year before I no longer had this sort of pain, and about another year or so before it felt fully "normal". I talked more about the process of stopping wearing bras and what it felt like in this thread, if anyone is interested in knowing more. On the topic of changes to skin and tissue: sores, infections, skin damage, and so on are common from binding, especially if you are large-chested. I still have some mild issues with this in the summer, as many people do, when I sweat a lot and various fungal and bacterial microorganisms can easily proliferate. This should resolve itself over time if you wash regularly with a gentle antibacterial soap or cleanser, keep the area between and under your breasts dry, change your clothes daily, and try to wear loose-fitting clothing. But as always, anything that won't go away for weeks, or that is resulting in skin breakage, swelling, or sores, should be addressed by a doctor. My breast tissue did change from binding with a binder, and my breasts became more "floppy" and "soft". I gained more stretch marks than I had already had. I suspect I am more prone to breast pain than I was previously, and my nipples and breast skin have little conscious registry of sensation, but I don't know if that came from binding, either with a binder or bras. But to my knowledge most changes to your breasts from binding are largely "cosmetic". I have not heard word from anyone that this damages your breast as an organ, but then again most people who bind usually do not breastfeed. Stories by trans men who kept their breasts and became pregnant indicate that their breastfeeding is relatively normal, but we simply do not have the data to know how binding might affect breast function. I do not know either if you're more likely to do something to the breast tissue by binding which could increase the likelihood of any medical issue in particular or create the opportunity for pain. Mine are definitely "saggier" to some extent and have gotten even "worse" post-binding, but as I've noted this has not been a bad thing, because I do not wear a bra any longer and my breast tissue now hangs in a way that allows me to move without pain. Finally, I just want to mention there are a lot of emotions that you might feel from having binding damage in a similar way that anyone who did something to themselves in the name of transition or dis-identification might. I sometimes personally feel extremely stupid for having done what I did, and that makes it even harder to deal with pain or other physical issues, even though it was understandable that I reached for binding to cope with my feelings at the time. I also feel extremely stupid and conflicted about my values a lot of the time given that I still have impulses to go back to binding even though I know that it hurt me and I don't actually want to begin again. I feel really angry about how my body was sexualized at a young age and how my family and doctors dealt with my early puberty, about how my family chose to humiliate me for being neurotically "modest" instead of supporting me through something difficult. Sometimes I feel really bad about quitting binding or for having to quit because of pain because I feel like I was "proving" right people who criticized it or my impulse to hide my breasts for the wrong reasons, or even that they are right because I "deserve" the pain I feel as a result of trying to avoid my body. I feel exposed and ashamed a lot about my breasts, and it's been hard to cope with the effects of binding damage realistically in a way that values my not-being-in-pain when I'm also trying to manage dysphoric feelings. I feel messed up that I felt "validated" about having and using a binder and that I tried to ignore how much pain it put me through in favor of hoping that it would facilitate me some day achieving some ultimate male-like body state where basically I couldn't suffer anymore. These are all varieties of normal feelings to feel, and I just want others to know that it makes sense if you feel stuff like this. Re-centering on taking care of yourself and your body takes time if the feelings are really intense, but it's worth getting back to focusing on what you actually value-- your health, your functioning, and so on-- even if it takes a while, and you don't have to immediately ignore or push past what you feel to "get better".

#binding20 #responses #qanda #writings #risks01 #science30 #dysphoriacoping26 #whatsitlike106 #alts101 #chest12

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shorthaircutsmodels · 4 years

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genderoutlaws · 3 years

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The first FTM contingent at San Francisco Pride | 1994

L to R: Max Wolf Valerio, Matt Rice, David Harrison, Susan Stryker holding daughter, Bryn, Loren Cameron, Stephan Thorne, and Cole.

#op #ftm contingent #san francisco #san francisco pride #pride #trans #trans men #1990s #1994 #max wolf valerio #matt rice #david harrison #susan stryker #loren cameron #incomplete information #trans history #lgbt history

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shorthaircutsmodels · 4 years

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trans-advice · 7 years

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So, I'm FtM and I came out to my family a few weeks ago. My brother keeps calling me it and his "sister who is apparently a boy." My dad keeps saying I could never be a boy and that I'll forever be his princess even if I somehow got a sex change. And my mom believes that in just over reacting and that im just in a tomboy phase (even thought I have proof that I've acted male since I was a kid). She also says I'll get made fun of for coming out as trans. Im to nervous to stand up for myself, help?

First of all, my condolences regarding your family, they sound gross & vaguely familiar... *Cringes*.You know what... You need to Love Yourself, because relying on others for validation &/ happiness is toxic.Make a list of things that are good about yourself. Just brainstorm basically, the more the merrier. Keep that list. If you find yourself using the same ones over and over... So be it, add those to another list of things that are repeated. Maybe do something that uses those characteristics listed. However, in order to try, you need to be able to forgive yourself. (I know that one very well, because I've always struggled with forgiveness).Perhaps keep together a bunch of self affirmations & positivity stuff (like there are a bunch blogs dedicated to such on tumblr, although trans non specific included)@realtransadvice@goodpositivitylgbt@gentlereminders@positivedoodles@beamingsuggestion@thoughts-positivityWhile fighting has risks, some comeback ideas from my "staircase wit" are:Your brother is calling you a girl because of your gentialia i might be like "boys have vaginas too" or something. Basically tell him to call you a boy, if this gentialia stuff or secondary sex characteristics are important or such tell him to say the boy with V, y, z, etc. And preferably don't mention those characteristics in front of polite company. (Cuz those characteristics are the only reason why he's saying that, right?)Your dad (but don't ask questions you don't want answers too): okay well this crowned one prefers to be called/gendered male (technically, it's gender identity, not assigned gendering, but still, you've argued that already, time to change to something he respects). Is my preciousness contingent on gender? Or do you still love me?If you think making me assimilate to my assigned/given gender is helpful/caring, it's not, that's the same mentality as Conversation Therapy & (list bad things about it hopefully demonstrating it's a scam).If anyone's like "but therapy about sexuality/gender identity can help!" That's if the therapy is okay with *Any* result, including LGBT+ ones. If the "therapy" is pushing one outcome instead of working with what you got, then it's stupid & harmful.http://www.hrc.org/resources/the-lies-and-dangers-of-reparative-therapyYour mom: "tomboy phase" yeah, such things exist but there are effeminate men too, does my boyhood not exist if I act effeminate too? Also *you* are harassing me right now. So don't feign concern about my safety from bullies when you're doing that exact thing!Personally, I have a low risk tolerance, and rejection can be a big deal, but yeah those are some rhetoric points to help affirm you.Peace & Love be with you,Eve

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shorthaircutsmodels · 4 years

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