#fucking matter or hurt anyone

[eternalchant]

this bitch.

#alula moment. #the second is a trace over of a fucking uhhh adorkastock pose just to get the pose down but i'm going to be doing tweaks and everything to #it anyways also personally i don't think tracing for personal work is the end of the world and can be very helpful as long as it doesn't #become a crutch. and also ofc it depends on WHAT you're tracing like tracing art vs tracing shit that's MEANT to be stock references #anyways i don't feel like actually getting into it i just think that some ppl get too uppity about tracing in cases where it just doesn't #fucking matter or hurt anyone #chant's art

[boytoyinc]

wanna come over and put a gun to my head? sorry, typo, i meant do you wanna come over and put a gun to my head? i mean a gun to my head? shit sorry idk what's wrong with my phone. i'm trying to ask if you wanna come over and put a gun to my head? i mean

#anyone remember that HTHR post about how gunplay causes the same feeling in the sub no matter what the gun looks like? #how the gun can be the cheapest most tacky plastic toy and you will still feel fucked up about it being pressed to your forehead? #because i remember. i remember #and in fact i think gunplay would be sexier to me if the gun was obviously fake. that could even be part of the scene #once my dom has coerced me into doing something by threatening me with the gun she can point out how the gun obviously wouldn't have hurt m #i must have just wanted to play along anyway. i must have wanted her to force herself on me. does this make any sense #thoughts inc #trans nsft #gun tw

[vaguely-concerned]

Thinking about the symbolic weight of smoking in the TLT universe that comes to the fore in The Unwanted Guest -- the way it moves through from person to person: Pyrrha smoked, and Augustine wanted to impress her in all her stone cold fox MILF James Bond glory (and tbf who wouldn't) so he started too. and even though as far as he knows she's been gone for a myriad and is never coming back, he keeps the habit. Ianthe sees something in the hollowed-out Faberge eggshell of Augustine that resonates with her, all that gilded eloquent emptiness and disdain through the ages, so she picked it up from him to try to emulate it. She picked it up so hard that Palamedes -- the exact spiritual antithesis of the 'smoking! on a space station! what a powermove' ennui Ianthe so admired -- spontaneously unnerded enough to even known how to, simply from a sort of contact contamination of the soul.

G1deon and Augustine sharing a jittery smoke after their near-Harrow experience during soup night, and it's the closest thing to any real sense of brotherhood that remains between them. Pyrrha going ten thousand years dying both literally and for a smoke (and then Camilla sold her fucking cigarettes (for a third of what they were worth, probably Pyrrha's own good, and also more importantly grocery money). what an entirely haunted time to be alive etc.). Augustine and Mercy trading a cigarette back and forth in the middle of their collusion over the love and murder of god.

An act of small and measured self-destruction in the name of something a little bit like connection when you're stuck somewhere in yourself where love itself dares not or cannot tread (ritualized, transmissible)..........

#the unwanted guest #the unwanted guest spoilers #the locked tomb #ianthe tridentarius #augustine the first #pyrrha dve #palamedes sextus #this series is going to make me lose my mind completely one day (affectionate) #the locked tomb meta #the fact that ianthe seems to have had some genuine admiration for augustine makes my head spin. of course though. #of course she sees the person who looks the most like he's successfully made himself impervious to the world #utterly untouchable and impossible to hurt because he isn't even really there #and she believes it! even after seeing the john mercy augustine mess at the end! because it's such a seductive idea #when you've stuck yourself in an inevitable ocean of pain to think you could make yourself numb enough that it doesn't matter #it's the emotional equivalent of 'oh there's water all around? well I just won't breathe in then. easy lmao get on my level' #she holds on to that thing from him even when it's been proved to be both impossible and ultimately untrue even in him #because uh. oh I'm about to be kind of sad for ianthe what the fuck is going on. he might actually have been the closest thing #to parental and especially paternal affection she's ever known. certainly known enough to try to model herself after #IMAGINE how fucked up the nine houses must be when augustine the first registers for anyone as a model of psychological survival #ianthe do you really want to be yourself completely so much that you're willing to be nothing. I mean yeah probably but. oh my god #gaining nothing at the cost of everything

[lesbianfakir]

Not to get personal but I think the reason princess tutu stuck with me for so long after watching it is like. As someone with low self esteem and abandonment issues seeing our hero hate who she is at her core only to make a friend who not only tolerated her “ugly” side but is so so deeply charmed by who she is under the mask that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her no strings attached? That’s the fucking DREAM

It’s the fantasy of having someone who loves you even when you’ve stopped being useful, when you can’t be funny or interesting or any of the traits you try to cultivate to make yourself more palatable to others. It’s the fantasy of having someone see to the core of you and not flinching, instead, coming away more endeared than before.

Princess Tutu is about hope. When Duck, our hero who brings hope to everyone, falls into despair, her best friend is there to bring hope back to her. And I think it says something that hope is the emotion the show leaves me with too. Hope for a better future. Hope that one day, like Duck, I’ll grow out of the ugly duckling phase and be able to embrace my true self.

#it is 2 in the morning and I can’t sleep #this one is ok to reblog if it resonates #but who knows I don’t know if anyone feels the same way #anyways yippeeeee one of my friends just stopped texting me back #I know she’s busy and she has new friends and she’s moving on with her life #still hurts though #I thought she was a real friend but I’m so bad at judging these things #anyways these are sleepy girl rambles #need a crazy bitch like fakir in my life ASAP #I feel like one true friend who’s there no matter what could fix me #but I feel like as the therapist friend everyone expects me to help them with their problems #and when I stop being helpful and have problems of my own that’s when they leave #and you gotta say fuck em and move on but it’s hard #lea talks

[thelostgirl21]

Are you trying to hurt my feelings?

#Jaskier #Geralt #Radovid #Radskier #The Witcher #I've finally figured out why that scene hit me so hard... #That's part of the reason at least... #Because Jaskier is always at his most emotionally open sincere and vulnerable when he sings... #His only “mask” when he's singing is the fact that he can pretend to be singing about “universal matters” that “could be about anything #or anyone"... #But that's usually when he reveals the most about who he is what he needs and what he years for... #And Geralt essentially told him that the reason the Countess of Stael abandoned him... #is because he let her see inside him and she found nothing of value or worth loving there... #And then he goes and essentially tells Radovid the same fucking thing! #He knew exactly how much it hurt and he still went straight for it! #Jaskier I love you but you don't need to repeat Geralt's mistakes sweetheart... #My Posts #My Stuff

[queenie-blackthorn]

sometimes i feel like i hate everyone

#if i ever say “i hate you” dont take it personally #everyone does stupid shit sometimes n thats fine but its happening sm and im sick of it n i need to speak up #chances are if u see this ur not part of the problem bc ur actually reading the shit i post #the fact that barely anyone realized that i relapsed into sh yesterday is crazy #im not doing this for attention its a fucking cry for help and most of yall are ignoring me #you ignore me when im fine and you ignore me when i need you #what am i supposed to do ffs #do i have to show you my bleeding thighs for you to ask how i am? #do you have to wait until i scream and cry and hurt myself for you to care abt me? #do i not matter unless im hurting? or do i not matter even when i am hurting? #do i have to fucking die for any of yall to realize theres something mentally wrong w me? #fuck you all youre just as bad as my parents #except for the four people who talked me out of spiralling last night #two of which were people i barely/dont know #so yeah maybe try harder n actually ask ur friends how they are #dont push them to the point where they need to be comforted by strangers

[princessefemmelesbian]

Well would you look at this. 😵‍💫 Because obviously if you dare say anything as wild and controversial as “lesbians don’t like men, please stop using a label that hurts us and tries to force men into our identity” you’re a raging terf radfem transmisogynist. Because obviously ONLY trans women use the bi lesbian label and it’s not like there are transfem lesbians who are rightfully against the label as well or anything and it’s not like terfs use the label to refer to cis lesbians who date trans women and why can’t you just let people identify as how they want of course lesbians like men stop the infighting already if you disagree with me that lesbians can like men then surely that’s because you’re an exclusionist gatekeeper who hates trans women.

#lesbian #anti-bi lesbian #trans women #lesbophobia #the raging hatred for lesbians on this site is getting to an all-time high tall will stop at NOTHING to gaslight us and make us out to be #hateful terf bitches for our sexuality #how many times are we going to do this same old song and dance #no i will not calm down i will be taken seriously #you CANNOT be a bi women as a lesbian idfc if you’re trans or cis #lesbians do not like men and bi women shouldn’t have to ‘oick a side’ by calling themselves lesbians #it’s absurd maddening and sad how little y’all respect us #and trans women always have a place in the lesbian community that doesn’t mean that ACTUAL MEN DO #shit #trying to frame this as ‘well you must be a terf if you are against bi lesbians’ is a shitty move and you’re not being original or clever #go fuck yourself #trans lesbians exist and are valid and the bi lesbian label hurts them just like it hurts cis lesbians if anything it hurts them more so #and i will block ANYONE who supports bi lesbians it doesn’t matter if they’re a trans woman a cis woman a trans man non-binary etc idfc #stop trying to frame this as exclusionary radfem rhetoric #bi lesbian as a term DOES support corrective rape idgas what lesbophobes like you want to say about it #that’s all goodbye #sorry but this got me mad you do not get to use transmisogyny as a clutch to spout blatant ass lesbophobia #i’m so tired of this shit #blocklist #op

[flowercrowngods]

i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.

you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.

and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts

#how do you miss me when you won't talk to me? how do you like me so much and then go to just. not? #how did i let you in when i try so hard not to let people do that because i know that once they get past the walls all i'll be left with #is the idea of them rotting and withering inside me. polluting the space i create to keep myself safe. #why does everyone leave? leave in silence too. leaving behind so many questions and so many words engraved in my brain #i am so tired of *grieving* when those i grieve are still alive and well and thriving and i'm reminded that it's versions of myself #that i'm grieving instead. how do you grieve yourself? how do you not fucking fall apart over it? #just. fucking talk to me. don't make it be true that all i'll ever be is nothingness and the memory of someone you liked once #but never never never liked enough #i'm so so cold already. i'm a shell. i want to be warm again but it always leaves me so hollow and hurting #i grieve the dio who was warm. i grieve them i miss them i am so so angry that he had to leave. to hide. with no way out #i'm happy for you. i'm happy you're happy. but you're no better than anyone else and it makes me want to run away again #but i have nowhere else to run and no one else to be. and it's so fucked that it doesn't matter who i am i'll never be enough #for someone to just. stay. to see me and to stay. to hear me and to sit and listen and just. just fucking stay. #maybe i'm not worth staying for. maybe there's nothing to know nothing to hear nothing to see nothing to listen to nothing to find #maybe all i'll ever get is one/two good months paid for with a lifetime of grief. and i'm at the point where i don't want the good months #anymore with you or anyone else who tears down these walls with affection that is so endlessly addictive and leaves me yearning. #on the off chance that it will keep the grief away too. but that's the thing about grief isn't it? it's here to stay. unlike you #god this is so fucked up and i'll delete this later but for now i just need to. let it out. poe said i should make a side blog for the grie #but poe's not there anymore. poe has stopped starting fires. so this goes on main until shame makes me take it down #blah #personal #not st

[trentcrimminallybeautiful]

you know if we do accept the last epilogue-esque sequence as a sort of dream/wish of ted's and therefore not necessarily canon, very funny if we then simply go "yeah, trent's book is called 'the lasso way' actually. he didn't change that. nope."

#listen on one hand #i think that like #i don't think ted actually changed trent's mind about the title #i think trent changed it because ted asked him to #and like that's especially interesting bc he even made a point of being like #'tell me if you disagree with anything and i'll tell you why you're wrong' #but he respects ted; more than that he likes him and he wants him to like the book--like him #anyone else and trent would have told them to fuck off but ted? ted asking him to change the title? yeah #i think he didn't agree with 'it not being about him'--and not bc of any feelings he may have for ted--but if we accept that him changing #the title is canon then like. he did it because ted asked. nothing more nothing less #maybe he felt he owed it to ted as the subject of the book; maybe he just respected him too much not to #maybe it's partially bc of his feelings; maybe it's because he just couldn't say no to ted #but it's ultimately just. because ted asked him. #and trent respects him; trusts him; cares about him #and that's pretty heartwrenching #but like on the other hand if we say 'no that was ted's wishufl thinking trent definitely went 'sorry ted it's called the lasso way'' #also like.... him being like. like quietly not changing it and if ted said something him just. being like #ted. i respect you. i care about you. i trust you. but with all due respect absolutely not #yes it isn't ONLY about you but YOU made this happen. YOU are special and YOU have a place here whether you can stay forever or not #yes it's about the team and the coaches yes you aren't a one man band but ted. TED. you touched lives. you changed lives. and that was YOU. #that was you and your philosophy and your attitude. #you made richmond what it is today. yes the team deserve credit too for the kind of bond they have now but YOU facilitated that #none of the coaches currently here woudl be coaches if not for you. the diamond dogs wouldn't exist. literally every single one #of our friends--OUR friends--wouldn't be where they are and probably wouldn't be as happy #you got through to people over and over again who were hurting and lashing out. to rebecca. to roy. to jamie. to nate. to me. #and you can be humble but there's being humble and there's acting like you don't matter to any of us like you didn't have an impact #like you can just leave without a trace. we don't blame you for leaving--i especially don't--but acting like we won't miss you and like #your time with all of us--our time--meant nothing is more insulting than it is humble because we /love you/ #and yes. it was the goddamn lasso way that built this place #this community.

[boyrobott]

Astro and Hamegg + parallels vs. contrasts

#IM SO NORMAL ABT THEM IM SO NORMAL ABT THEM IM SO FUCKING NORMAL ABT THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!! #i dont think anyone will ever truly understand the full depth & magnitude of my obsession with these two lmfao #it's about how they both come from metro city.... they BOTH know what it is to be rejected & cast out.... #they BOTH had to forge an identity and a life for themselves out of the ashes of their old ones..... #they BOTH know the very particular sort of pain and loneliness that comes from being unwanted and being an outsider...... #yet hamegg allows his experiences to embitter him and turn him against the world. hamegg allows himself to become selfish and callous #whereas astro remains kind and gracious no matter the situation!!! and he offers that kindness and grace freely to everyone!!! #no matter how they have hurt him in the past!!! he continues to forgive and forgive and forgive #while hamegg continues to resent and seethe and dwell on his mistreatment!!!! #god im going fucking feral #astro boy #astro boy 2009 #tetsuwan atom #mighty atom #my gifs #gifset #onward and queueward

[abelllia]

still thinking about that time i saw a post imply jon wouldn't take another character's childhood trauma seriously.

that's the closest I've ever come to wanting to eat drywall because of a character interpretation.

#I'm not some great authority on tma nor am I some sort of purist for the text #I love character exploration! I love people putting little bits and pieces of themselves into characters they love #I love reimaginings #But my god #I am biting at the wall #No matter how much a dick s1 jon is he would fucking never #I only remembered this because of the last last last reblog i did #Abt character interpretations #Because man #I might delete this tomorrow #negativity #<- just in case #Abellrambles #Do Not Archive #Also no i will not start fights because of this because people can do what they want yadda yadda i just wanted to let it out somewhere #That post wasn't hurting anyone it just rubbed me the wrong way #That's all

[izzielizzie]

rereading one of us is back has me angry about how disjointed the oouin trio is all over again. like you’re telling me that phoebe was found drugged and in a shed after an argument and maeve and knox had no reaction ??? phoebe is maeve’s best friend (and one of TWO friends she made on her own in remission). not to mention knox is in LOVE with phoebe. they know her better than anyone in the bayview crew and we got NATE’s pov of all people when the crew was searching for her?

#give me maeve freaking the FUCK out because yeah phoebe can’t lose anyone else but maeve sure as heck can’t either #and knox is trying hard to stay calm bc maeve phoebe and knox are a trio they’re a package deal and one member is missing and one is sobbin #in her boyfriends arms so ofc he’s left to be calm #but he can’t because it’s PHOEBE and he didn’t go after her and he should have and now she’s gone #and you’re telling me that they didn’t have a very somber cookie baking sesh in knox’s kitchen before going to visit phoebe? #and phoebes being SO kind about how they had an argument because it doesn’t matter she’s just happy to be okay but it DOES matter and #maeve and knox say as much because she’s their FRIEND and friends don’t hurt each other the way they hurt phoebe #so instead they just sit on the floor in phoebe’s room with a tupperware of truly shitty cookies between them bc maeve and knox cant bake #(that’s phoebes role in the trio) and they just sit closely so their knees touch and you know what? that’s okay for now #because they love each other — they’re each others HOME for heavens sake — and they’re just happy to be home #give me THAT karen #maeve rojas #knox myers #phoebe lawton #the oouin trio

[frecklystars]

GOD!!!!! 😭😭💓💗💖💓💓💞💞💕💟💝💘💝💝💞💗💘💝💟💓💗💞💕💟💝💘💓💖💓💕💕

#I LOVE HIM SO MUCH HE MAKES ME SO SO SO HAPPY 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 #love notes #💕♬♪ ♡ I fall more in love with you every day (Blue) Valentine - ̗̀💙💌🍦 ̖́- #love that every Ryan character has just become another bf to make me feel safe and loved #I have come so far from where I was one year ago #i love that i can self ship with this guy and im like YES he loves me he protects me he would never hurt me #its hard to feel that way 24/7 but i feel that way at least half of the time now #and thats all that matters is that im getting better even if its fluctuating and messy. i AM getting better #because i know one year ago today i would not have been able to self ship with any characters whatsoever #Dean isn't even a villain or a serial killer or whatever he's just some dude. just some guy in a jacket. #but back then i just could not for the life of me feel safe with anyone bc the abuse was so fresh #and just. thank god i am at a point where i can ship with some characters now. even when it's so goddamn HARD #its at least HAPPENING. y'know. like. i am healing even if it's so fucking SLOW going #the fact that i can look at this 5 second scene and feel a burst of love in my heart #and think to myself 'yeah yeah he loves me so much he'd hold me through my nightmares too' #that's. huge. compared to a year ago where i just. could not. #it hasn't even been a year since i cut my abuser from my life yet and im already making little progress #even if it's. so. minuscule. there is progress happening just bc of the passing of time #and the fact that Barbie came into my life exactly when it was supposed to and Ryan's been in all these movies i can focus on #it all worked out like the stars were aligned perfectly for me to meet these F/Os and for them to heal me #i don't think that's coincidence or accident or anything. i think that's some... universal or spiritual thing #like something out there is looking out for me even if it's just the galaxy itself #these characters were meant for me and i was planned to meet them and for them to heal me #slowly one day at a time. ANYWAY. WAHHH. HUGGING AND KISSING DEAN PEREIRA MY SILLY BOYFRIEND

[solradguy]

Whenever I see someone being transphobic on twt in a bridget thread i reply with three pictures of my mains: ky kiske from ac+r, ky kiske from rev 2, and ky kiske from strive.

it self selects for people who actually play the game. it’s canon that he’ll fight off transphobes with the blade. and if they actually played guilty gear they’d get the underlining messages

While it can be really funny to bully these guys back, please keep in mind that nothing you can say or do to these people will hurt them or waste as much of their time as what they say will stick with you or waste your time. It might be funny to send them a bunch of Ky pictures, but what they're doing is laughing that the only response the people they hate can give them is sending a bunch of pictures of anime boys.

The only thing that works is blocking them. They've turned being an asshole into a recreational sport and getting any sort of response in return is a victory for them.

#asks #Unfortunately I was an asshole on the internet once (not a vicious transphobe just a basic internet asshole) #I know exactly how these people function because I was there once... #When you don't take the person you're arguing with seriously it's very easy to laugh at every single thing they do #Which is what these guys are doing. It doesn't matter how well thought out the counter argument is. They don't care and they won't care #All you can hope for is that they're young and they grow out of it (I did) #I feel bad for them because I think about what led to me being like that decades ago. Are they going through the same thing? #I was like that because I was in a hopeless situation and hated myself and hated everyone else #People arguing back just proved my point that everything sucked and my hate was justified #It's an awful feedback loop. People being kind to me felt disingenuous. Why should they be kind? I hated them. They had no reason to be nic #I had to get to a point where I was willing to help myself crawl out of that pit before I let anyone else even get near me emotionally #I still remember the day when I realized I was being a fucked up little shit to everyone lol #Early June 2011. It was sunny with no clouds and there was a cool breeze. I was listening to In This Moment and I realized #'What the hell am I doing? Do I want to be like this forever? Get your shit together man' #It was a slow process from there but I did get out of it. Slowly. Very slowly. #There's a lot I did that I regret and can't ever apologize for because it was so long ago and the names and faces are gone now #Apologizing at this point would be selfish and only for my benefit anyway. I can only hope that what I did didn't hurt people permanently #Anyway. I've never talked about this on here before because it's the kinda shit that gets put on callout posts out of context #So. I am laying my naked soul bare and raw for the sake of underlining my original point: Internet trolls don't care

[sloppysequinz]

Just opened an insurance claim summary and discovered that some medical professional decided that they needed to put “MORBID (SEVERE) OBESITY DUE TO EXCESS CALORIES” front and center as a diagnosis and now I feel like shit 🙃✌🏻

#that was NOT what the claim was about it was for a surgery to remove a skin growth #but somebody decided I also needed to be marked down as FAT GROSS FUCK FROM EATING TOO MUCH #right next to the problem I was ACTUALLY getting treated for #at no point did I talk to my doctor or anyone on my surgery team about my weight #like I know. I know I’m in the obese BMI category and I normally don’t care because I think it’s bullshit #but to have them so clinically there seems cruel and hurtful #ALSO FUCK YOU YOU DONT KNOW WHAT MY OBESITY IS DUE TO #I’ve been in that category pretty much my whole life no matter what I ate #this is what gives women like me eating disorders #delete later

[braceletofteeth]

That's why I always stood by your side.

#high&low the worst x #high&low the worst cross #suzaki ryo #nakamoto yuta #amagai kohei #gifset #* #// #*Traitor by Olivia Rodrigo playing on the background* #I KEPT QUIET SO I COULD KEEP YOU 🎶 #AND AIN'T IT FUNNY / HOW YOU SAID (WE) WERE FRIENDS / NOW IT SURE AS HELL DON'T LOOK LIKE IT 🎶 #AND I KNOW THAT YOU'LL NEVER FEEL SORRY / FOR THE WAY THAT I HURT 🎶 #LOVED YOU AT YOUR WORST / BUT THAT DIDN'T MATTER 🎶 #[screaming crying throwing up] #sorry guys. just having a normal one. #(... but how COULD Amagai promise away their childhood dream to fucking anyone in the room who would listen. what the actual hell.)