#this is what gives women like me eating disorders

[sloppysequinz]

Just opened an insurance claim summary and discovered that some medical professional decided that they needed to put “MORBID (SEVERE) OBESITY DUE TO EXCESS CALORIES” front and center as a diagnosis and now I feel like shit 🙃✌🏻

#that was NOT what the claim was about it was for a surgery to remove a skin growth #but somebody decided I also needed to be marked down as FAT GROSS FUCK FROM EATING TOO MUCH #right next to the problem I was ACTUALLY getting treated for #at no point did I talk to my doctor or anyone on my surgery team about my weight #like I know. I know I’m in the obese BMI category and I normally don’t care because I think it’s bullshit #but to have them so clinically there seems cruel and hurtful #ALSO FUCK YOU YOU DONT KNOW WHAT MY OBESITY IS DUE TO #I’ve been in that category pretty much my whole life no matter what I ate #this is what gives women like me eating disorders #delete later

[astrow1zar6]

Astrology Observations- 013

I notice Cap Mercurys think so maturely even from such a very young age. These were those kids that always wanted to hang around people older than them. They are old souls at heart and sometimes it’s harder for them to connect with more childlike energies. People their age can see them as boring because of their serious demeanor.

Leo Risings never like to show the sides to them that make them look bad in anyway. These people have big egos so any assumption from others that they aren’t anything but great can take a big toll on their self esteem. They come off so confident but most are really insecure & don’t think they are interesting so they tend exaggerate a lot of facts about them to keep people thinking they are really interesting and amazing. (U guys don’t need ti do that people already think you are before you even speak)

Capricorn risings always look so annoyed when people are speaking to them. Most of the time they are. They have very honest expressions and when someone says something stupid or uninteresting they are more willing to show their uninterested while most are just willing to smile and take it out of being polite. This is why they can come off as rude or snobbish but really the just don’t have time for bullshit. (I definitely think Wednesday Addams has this placement) many don’t know they are being rude but most don’t have the energy to be fake if they really don’t like what the others saying. Very Real people many mistake them for being Scorpio risings.

Venus in Scorpios were probably shamed a lot for their their sex appeal/drives. I notice these people have a very provocative vibe to them that causes a lot of ppl to sexualize them ( especially the women). I’ve seen women with this placement be virgins and still get slut shamed. People always assume they sleep with mad people even if it’s not true.

Moon in 5th housers are actually very secretive about their talents. A lot are so talented but most tend to keep their hobbies and interests to themselves unless they really trust you.

When someone with Venus in the 7th house likes you they will talk about their future a lot with you. This one guy had a big crush on me and would always joke about getting married and starting a life someday ( he made it sound as a joke but in a way I can tell he meant it). Also can be obsessed with weddings. I have a friend with this placement who says she’ll only wanna get married to experience having her dream wedding lol

Venus in 2nd house women always have people buying them things bro. They don’t even have to ask and men will be buying them expensive gifts or paying for their food or trips. Definition of pretty privilege.

Mars in Aquarius like very eccentric things in bed. It’s almost like they enjoy the opposite of what should be expected in bed. Like the women would like to take normally the male role in bed and vice versa a man with this placement could like a very submissive role. The weirder and more out of place the more turned on they get. Can also be really experimental they are willing to try anything once even if it’s outlandish.

Mars in Aries are usually natural athletes. They have amazing endurance and can become pros faster than most.

Virgo moons usually have bad stomach problems or eating disorders. They are also always giving unsolicited advice no one asked for. They feel this need to solve everything but it can come off as kinda judgmental.

Mars in Pisces are usually victims to bullying. They usually have a hard time asserting themselves and standing up so they get pushed around a lot easier by stronger more dominant energies.

Cap moons are always in denial of their feelings

Mars Square Venus synastry can be really awkward at times in a friendship. Theres this bizarre sexual and touchy tension usually that both aren’t fully comfortable with. The mars person can come off a little too strong and can treat the Venus as if they own them. This attraction can be one sided sometimes with the mars person wanting the Venus and the Venus getting repulsed and distancing themselves. I’ve seen the mars person get jealous if the Venus would hang out with others whether it be other friends or family. And if the Venus is dating someone else this can get really heated on the mars end. Venus will feel the attraction but I notice it’s not as strong.

Venus in 5th house synastry is soooooo flirty. These are those cheesy cringey couples that are always acting like little kids around eachother. It’s actually a really sweet placement. This person will be able to bring out your inner child.

Venus in Libras are always crushing on someone. They jump into relationships I think faster than people with Venus in Aries the only difference is that they can maintain longer term partnerships & don’t bore as quick (even if their feelings are a little superficial). They just don’t know what to do with themselves when they are alone.

Scorpio risings I notice get really strong reactions out of people (like Lilith/asc people) their words make others blood boil even if they really don’t say anything offensive or rude. Most people are jealous of their authenticity which is why a lot of Scorpio risings are quiet and not as willing to open up. People just hate on them so intensely for the littlest things. They also have this ability to know if people are genuine or not which can be intrusive to certain people causing intense reactions. They can see thru everyone’s mask which can make other feel uncomfortable to be around them. This is why they usually have few friends and the friends they do have are as authentic as themselves. Literal human lie detectors

Men that have a water sun with a water moon are BIG SIMPS

Cancer sun women will be passively rude to you if they don’t like you or are jealous of you. They won’t straight say it but they will say little comments in a nice way that’s actually really rude. Then usually play victim if confronted

Everyone’s crush in high-school was either a Scorpio sun or a Libra sun/rising. Tell me I’m lying

#astro observations #astrologist #astrology #astro community #astro notes #astroblr

[corroded-hellfire]

Fic request idea baby: what about Eddie with a gf who used to have an ED but she's doing better now but he notices that she's starting to relapse like skipping meals and he brings it up to her and just angst to fluff

+ Hey if ur taking requests:

what about if Effie's gf randomly stops changing in front of him like she's getting into pj and she goes to the bathroom and then starts asking for the lights to be off during sex and he's super confused and asks her about it and basically angst bc she's trying to hide it but may be she had a slip during ED recovery?

+ Hi lovie a lil request! What about Eddie with a gf whose in eating disorder recovery like she used to struggle but it's been a few years since then and she's don't just fine but he notices she's starting to relapse?

These three requests seemed to overlap just perfectly. The beautiful and talented @munson-blurbs was kind enough to write these with me so go shower her with all the love 💚

Warnings: eating disorders, body image issues, relapse struggles. Please, if you want or need to talk to somebody, I'm always here.

Words: 1.5k

You’re fairly certain you’re living on the sun’s surface. 

Logic would say that you haven’t left Hawkins, but the temperature outside begs to differ. 

“Christ, it’s like 1,000 degrees in here,” Eddie mumbles, cracking open a cold can of Pepsi and taking a swig. He plants a kiss on your forehead, careful not to disturb your reading. 

You smile but keep your nose buried in the bridal magazine Nancy had bought for you. Page after page of wedding dresses had you swimming in a sea of white, each more beautiful—and expensive—than the last. 

Oh, well. At least it would give you an idea of what to look for at your bridal appointment in a few weeks. 

What truly caught your eye was an article tucked towards the back of the magazine. Its title boldly declares, “Shedding for the Wedding: Lose that Weight and Look Great!” 

You shouldn’t read it. It’ll only upset you, only bring back the bad thoughts and routines and restrictions that you’d fought so hard to overcome. And yet you’re drawn to it, eyes scanning each fad diet for one that might help you. 

No. Yes. No. Yes. Put the magazine down. Stop reading the diet tips and comparing yourself to the models. 

But they’re so pretty and so skinny. If Eddie saw them, he might not even want to marry you anymore. Not when he saw how beautiful women were supposed to look in wedding dresses. 

Maybe losing a few pounds wouldn’t hurt. One diet couldn’t be so bad. It would be temporary, just until the wedding. 

It was totally fine. 

“What are we thinking for dinner tonight, babe?” Eddie rifles through the pantry and pulls out two boxes of pasta. “We have bowties and rigatoni. I’m personally more of a bowtie man myself, but it’s your call.”

You shake your head. “I’m good. Just gonna have some soup.” Reaching around him, you pluck a can of Progresso off of the shelf. 

“Soup?” Eddie wrinkles his nose in confusion. “It’s hotter than Satan’s tits outside.”

You shrug, trying to play it off casually. “Period craving.”

“You’re not on your period.”

“Well, PMS.”

Something nags at you—if you have to hide your new soup diet from your husband-to-be, maybe it’s not a good idea. Maybe you should put the can away and make pasta instead. But then you remember those gorgeous models, so svelte and sculpted and perfect. 

Soup it is. 

It’s harder to ignore the problem as more symptoms of the illness start to return. The first time you’d gathered up your pajamas and taken them into the bathroom with you, Eddie just assumed you were going to take a shower. When you emerged with bone-dry hair not two minutes later, he was puzzled. But he didn’t say anything, not wanting to come across as overprotective or overbearing. Maybe there was some simple excuse and he didn’t want to make you feel like you have to answer to him about every little thing. 

Eddie can’t ignore that there’s a problem anymore when you slip back into one of your old habits that has always broken his heart. Sex was now lights off and you kept your shirt on. Eddie wanted to see every part of you, touch every part of you. He was going to be your husband and the fact that you didn’t want him to see this part of you—that he has made very clear in the past that he fucking loves—disheartens him. 

Stress begins to build up within Eddie. He feels like he’s toeing the line because he doesn’t want to sound accusatory, but he also knows something is going on with you. And he has a pretty good idea of what it is. You try to hide how you pinch at your stomach and thighs, but he sees. The way you measure your wrists with your fingers all throughout the day. He wonders if you even realize you’re doing it, or if it’s reflexive at this point. 

Though you never mention it, you always have your green journal around the kitchen. Eddie respects your privacy enough not to go through it, but reaching for the keys over your shoulder one evening he notices that you’re making a list of what you’ve eaten that day. His stomach sinks as yet another familiar pattern emerges from the days when your disorder was at its worst. Your fiancé is coming closer to his breaking point and he still doesn’t know what to do or even who to go to about this. 

The final straw though is when you turn down girls’ night with Nancy and Robin at the Cheesecake Factory. You lived for nights out with your two best friends. They knew you almost as well as Eddie did though, so he knew you wouldn’t be able to sit down at a restaurant with them and bullshit your way out of not eating a proper meal like you should. 

Eddie knows now he has to say something. Anything, really. When you walk out of your shared bedroom in sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt, Eddie chews on his bottom lip as he mentally prepares for the conversation he knows needs to happen. 

The moment you sit down on the couch, Eddie sits next to you. You reach for the remote but your hand doesn’t even make it to the piece of plastic before Eddie speaks.

“Can we, um, talk?”

“About what?” you ask, sitting back against the couch cushions. 

Your fiancé leans forward, his elbows resting on his knees. He rubs his hands together and his tongue pokes out of his pouty pink lips like it does whenever he’s concentrating on something. 

“I’m worried about you, babe,” he finally says. “You’re not yourself.” 

Eddie doesn’t miss the way you reflexively shrink in on yourself.

“I’m just stressed with wedding stuff,” you say. 

“That’s why you didn’t hang out with Nancy and Robin?” Eddie asks, raising his eyebrows. 

“Mhm.”

“And all the pinching and not eating and not wanting me to see you naked? Is that because of wedding stress, too?”

You turn away from him and pull your knees to your chest, but he moves to face you again. “Baby, I know something’s wrong. And the last time I saw you like this, it was because…”

“I told you, I’m fine,” you snap. “I’m just stressed. Maybe if you spent more time helping me plan and less time planning stupid campaigns for a game you played back in high school, you’d understand.”

The accusation is unfair, and you know it. Sure, you’ve been doing most of the planning, but he’s been there every step of the way.

Eddie winces at your harsh tone. He looks like he has a rebuttal but gives up after a moment “Fine. Let’s just go to bed.”

Guilt from your outburst wracks your body and holds sleep hostage. After tossing and turning for a little while, you hear soft cries coming from Eddie’s side of the bed. 

“Eds?” Your heart leaps into your chest. “What’s going on?” You give him a hug from behind, latching on like a koala to a tree trunk until he turns to face you. 

Even in the darkness, you can see the way his eyes shine with tears. “I know you relapsed and…and I don’t know what to do,” he manages through his sobs. “I don’t know how to help, so I just stand there like a goddamn idiot, but I can’t keep pretending like nothing’s wrong! I can’t keep pretending that you’re not hurting yourself!”

He knew. The whole time you thought you’d been protecting him from the truth, and he knew. 

You wipe at his cheeks, feeling the moisture on your palms. “I’m sorry.”

Eddie shakes his head. “‘S not your fault, I know it’s not, but…you need to get help for this. I can’t lose my girl.” He presses his lips to your forehead and lets them linger there, holding you as tightly as he can. “Please. Please.”

No. You need to lose weight. You need to look good; no, perfect in your dress. All eyes are going to be on you, and you can’t show a single flaw. 

The argument sits on your tongue, defensiveness ready to spring into action. But then you see his brokenness, his vulnerability as he unabashedly wears his heart on his sleeve. 

Skinny. Skinnier. Skinniest. 

But then—Eddie. 

Eddie, who laid his heart out for you. Who let down the walls he’d spent years building just so he could receive your love. Who felt your pain despite your best attempts to shield him from it. 

Maybe you weren’t ready to get better for yourself, but until you were, you could do it for him. 

You nod, pulling back and kissing him softly. “I will. I promise. First thing tomorrow morning.”

“I’ll wake you up the moment the sun rises.”

At this, you have to let out a small laugh. “The therapy clinic doesn’t open until nine.”

Eddie cradles your face in his calloused palms, leaning in to gently kiss your nose. “Then I’ll wake you up at nine.”

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fan fiction #eddie munson fic #request

[ravens-two]

PAC: What Does Your Future Spouse Look Like?

This reading includes:

your FS's general physical traits

your FS's vibes & celebrities with similar vibes

The extended reading includes:

your FS's fashion style

your first impression of your FS 

Disclaimer: this is just for entertainment purposes, and as a pick-a-card reading it may not resonate for everyone.

TIPS | BOOK A READING WITH ME | PATREON | LINKTREE | SUGGEST A PAC TOPIC

Pile 1

Houdini - Dua Lipa

Five of Cups, Ten of Pentacles, Two of Pentacles

Pile 1, the first thing I notice in your person is their eyes. It's not necessarily about the color - although it could be that they're a particularly pretty color - but more that they are very expressive. It also seems that for most of you, this person has really big eyes. Perhaps round or almond shaped too. Think something like Al Pacino, Cate Blanchett, Liv Tyler, Kurt Cobain or Adrien Brody for example. They can convey a lot of emotion with just their eyes. I also see that some of them have crow's feet when they smile too, which is really endearing honestly.

Another thing that I pick up from your person is that they seem to have a vaguely sad vibe to them. Do you know that meme "my poor little meow meow"? Their vibe is a bit similar in a way. They just look like they're sad and you have the urge to take care of them. Again, think a bit about someone like Kurt Cobain or Adrien Brody.

When it comes to their body they're tall or, at least, they give the impression of being tall and broad. Especially for men, they have broad shoulders even if they aren't muscled or chubby. For the women I also think that they tend to have broad shoulders and a narrower waist, but their most prominent feature seems to be their chest. They may have big boobs or they tend to use clothes that emphasize their boobs. I think that even for the men, their chest is quite prominent.

When it comes to vibes it's mostly what I've already said your person has this "please love me" vibe. Despite this, they're capable of commanding attention and they tend to look quite elegant. It may be that they have a lot of pisces placements or a pisces rising. In general, I think that they're attractive, but not like conventionally attractive or Hollywood attractive if that makes sense.

I also think that your person shows themself differently to different people. With you they may feel more comfortable to be a "poor little meow meow" while with others they're more closed off and may even appear a bit cold. I just heard that they have a poker face, so with other people they may completely close off and be hard to read.

(extended reading here)

Pile 2

Kiss Me More - Doja Cat ft. SZA

Six of Wands, Page of Wands, Eight of Swords

Hi, pile 2, your FS is the type of person that gets other people's attention. They are very conventionally attractive (I feel like especially when it comes to their face), but they don't really see themselves life this. In fact, I think that they're quite insecure about their appearance. This almost feels like body dysmorphia honestly (and for some of you it could be related to them being trans, while for others it could be related to an eating disorder). The reality is that they can't see themselves the way other people see them.

They have really thick and luscious hair - it reminds me a bit of Carlos Sainz or Ben Barnes for the men - and most likely it's either wavy or straight. For most of you they have rather long hair, the men tend to have up to shoulder length hair, while for the women it can come down to their waist. When it comes to color, most likely it's dark, but for some of you it could be bleached.

Most of them seem to have tanned or dark skin, this isn't really about skin color, if they have black skin for example, it's really dark. For the people with lighter-skin they have a tendency to blush a lot or get flushed (especially after drinking). They also have really pretty teeth, probably very straight or they just look endearing, and a pretty mouth too. Despite having a pretty mouth not all of them have thick lips, it's more about the shape of their mouth. I feel like they tend to smile a lot. It kind of reminds me of Julia Roberts a bit who is known for her smile.

Some celebrities that have similar vibes to them are Carlos Sainz, Julia Roberts, Anok Yai, Adut Akech, Dominik Szoboszlai and Michael B. Jordan. 

When it comes to their vibes they seem to be youthful and always in their own world. It's almost like they aren't really paying attention to what's going on around them. They also seem to be a bit introverted or closed-off in public, despite all the eyes that they attract. If surrounded by friends they may be a bit more open and might be cracking up jokes with them. No matter what they seem to be really nice and will always give a small smile to other people, like the waiter at the restaurant for example.

(extended reading here)

Pile 3

The Shadow of Your Smile - Nancy Sinatra

Four of Pentacles, King of Swords rx, Ace of Pentacles

Pile 3, your person doesn't seem to be very tall. They're either medium height or actually small. It may also be that their vertical line is short even if they are in fact on the taller side they seem shorter than they really are. But, the most noticeable thing about them is that they seem to always have a serious expression on their face - some of them even have a resting bitch face. I think that they have very expressive eyebrows, they may even move them without meaning to. You'll be able to tell what they think by their eyebrows. Like, they may have look super serious almost as if they're upset but by their eyebrows you can actually tell that they're just relaxed. Speaking of their eyebrows they also seem to be very full or bushy. I don't think that there's a monobrow here, but it could also be the case.

When it comes to their face your FS has really strong facial features, especially their jaw and nose. The jaw reminds me a bit of Angelina Jolie for the women and for the men it seems to be a bit of a mix between Timothée Chalamet and Henry Cavill. For some it's more square while for others it's sharper. The noses here tend to be either aquiline or roman, but either way they're also quite prominent. Think a bit Gisele Bundchen, Jenny Slate or Alba Flores for example, or Hrithik Roshan and Dev Patel.

I don't know how to explain it but they also have a very earthy vibe, like tanned skin, freckles, calloused hands, it's like they just came back from working in the garden, if that makes sense. They also have brown or black hair, and the men tend to have beards (nothing too big though). They also have super clear and healthy looking skin.

Besides the eyebrows I also think that they have really noticeable hands. Their hands may be big or just very pretty in general, they may be veiny too. Their nails are healthy and well kept, and they probably have long and thick fingers. The way they move their hands may also be very attractive, like their gestures or just by being very dextrous with their hands. When it comes to their body they tend to be thicker or chubbier, I'm seeing like amazing and really thick thighs for both men and women. I also feel like your FS exercises a lot or they move a lot because of their work and so they tend to be chubby with a lot of muscle underneath.

In general, I think that their vibe is just very chill. They have a "don't fuck with me" vibe, but they're just doing their own thing and don't really want anyone to bother them. They also seem to be very hard-workers and earthy as I said, like down-to-earth too. These aren't people with delusions of grandeur.

(extended reading here)

Pile 4

Crazy - Aerosmith

Lovers rx, Empress rx, Knight of Cups

Pile 4, this is my androgynous and gender non-conforming pile. If you're familiar with the Kibbe body types or essences, these people would be the Ethereal or Angelic essence. Do you know the Lord of the Rings elves? Yeah, basically that's the vibe. Their features are delicate and they can look a bit otherworldly. Think of Tilda Swinton, Willow Smith, Halle Bailey or Lisa Bonnet. For the men you have again Lee Pace and Orlando Bloom as elves, but also Eddie Redmayne, Cillian Murphy, Jared Leto and Ethan Torchio. For me, Ethan Torchio from Maneskin is the best example for men here. He embodies the facial features and hair that makes him look quite androgynous, and also a bold and avant-garde style.

In general, your person tends to look a bit flirty or mischievous. Again, they have this elf or fairy vibe to them. They tend to look playful and approachable. This isn't the type of person you'd be afraid of talking to, they just seem super nice and open. 

No matter the skin color your person also tends to be pale, this is more their complexion really. Some of them may look a bit like vampires think Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt in Interview with a Vampire. They also have clear skin and the men tend not to have beards. When it comes to hair it tends to be long, especially for the men. For the women, I actually think that they may tend to have shorter hair or even a shaved head.

Their faces are beautiful, but not really conventionally attractive. They have something otherworldly about them that just pulls you to them. They may also have asymmetrical faces, especially when it comes to the eyes or jaw. Also, speaking of eyes they have really intense eyes. The type that seems that they can look right through you. Besides pile 1, this is the pile that seems like they may have light eyes.

When it comes to their body shape they are leaner instead of muscly or thick. They may have muscle definition, but they're just lean and maybe a bit lanky. They seem like they have a high vertical line or they're tall. In general though, they're just long. They have long legs, long arms, even long fingers.

(extended reading here)

#pick a card #pick a card reading #fs pac #fs pick a pile #fs pick a card #love tarot reading #tarot #pac reading #tarot reading #pac #pick a pile

[sturniolos-blog]

dad!matt but reader is struggling w an ed while going thru pregnancy..?

Eating disorder - Matt Sturniolo x Y/n oneshot

warnings - eating disorder (don’t read if you’re not comfortable,) throwing up, sad, fluff, self consciousness, insecurity, mentions of a handjob, slight arguing

disclaimer: first person POV

—————————

1:24pm

It was hard for me, to be pregnant and barely see her husband.

It was harder to see women he was friends with that was the definition of beauty.

All of it was hard.

As I stood at the kitchen island, staring at the to go box of food Matt had left for her before he’d gone to work.

I got this from Buffalo Wild Wings, I know you’ve been craving spicy stuff. Love you so much, baby(s) -Matt

The note read, I wanted to crack a smile, dive in to the food. But I couldn’t, my mind didn’t let me.

You’re not supposed to eat. You’re already gaining enough weight with the baby. Matt’s not gonna know, throw it out, pig.

My thoughts ran wild and mean. I didn’t particularly think i was a big person, I definitely wasn’t skinny but I also definitely wasn’t fat, maybe a couple pounds “overweight.” But the expectation nowadays want you to be perfect or else you’re not good enough.

I let out a sigh, picking the to go box up and bringing it to the trash, shoving the box in the bottom of the trash, knowing that if Matt saw the box in the trash he would freak.

—————————

8:48pm

The rest of the day consisted of me sleeping on the couch, or watching TV. Getting up to wipe counters and vacuum occasionally, but otherwise just not doing anything else. Not like being 7 months pregnant was easy.

I scrolled through the channels with a bored look on my face, my hand holding my head up as my elbow was propped on the arm of the couch.

The door opened and Matt came in, holding another bag of food, with a big smile plastered on his face.

I internally sighed, guilt already eating away at me.

“How are both my babies?” Matt laughed, taking his shoes off and placing the bag of food on the coffee table before kneeling on the couch over me and kissing me softly.

He pushed into the kiss a little more before pulling away with a big smile, “Hi, pretty girl.” He whispered.

There it was again, pretty. That word, was he saying that because I’m his baby mama? Is he saying that because he doesn’t want me to be insecure? Or is he saying that be-

“Hey..” Matt grabbed my chin, making me look at him as he sat down regularly on the couch. “You okay?”

I picked at my ear and nodded, “I’m fine.” I said, pulling my hand away from my ear.

Matt let out a laugh and shakes his head, “You pick at your ear when you’re nervous or lying, so what is it? Am i making you nervous or am i being lied to?” He taunted.

I scoffed, my hand going to pick at my ear again but i caught my self, placing my hand in my lap. “Sorry, i’m fine. This baby just keeps pushing on my bladder, speaking of I have to use the bathroom.” I let out a short laugh, struggling to get up.

Matt stood up and helped me, “Okay, well I got in n out because I know you’ve been craving burgers lately.” He said, kissing the side of my forehead.

I shook my head, picking my ear once again but this time he didn’t notice as he started taking the burgers out of the bag. “Uh- i actually made a sandwich like twenty minutes ago so i’m not really hungry.” I said nervously, picking at my fingers.

Matt nodded, “That’s fine, baby. Now go use the bathroom before we have another accident like last week.” Matt teased.

I let out a scoff, “Screw you! I told you I had to go but you insisted on me giving you a ha-”

“Okay! Okay, go.” Matt cut me off as he let out another laugh.

—————————

9:57pm

I lathered lotion on my hands as i stood in front of the mirror in Matt and I’s room, smearing some on my neck and chest.

Matt came in with his hair wet, shirt off with sweatpants, coming up behind me and kissing the back of my neck, then kissing my cheek. His hand going to my belly, squeezing softly.

I smiled before he pulled away starting to get into bed as I started to put some overnight cleanser on my face.

“You sure you’re not hungry, n/n? I know you get hungry later at night now.” Matt urged on as he got comfy under the sheets.

I shook my head, “No that salad I had really filled me up.” I laughed, starting to get into bed.

Matt gives me a weird look, “I thought you had a sandwich.” He points out.

Shit.



“I had a sandwich and a salad so i’m extra full, can we drop it?” I snapped, not meaning to but it just came out.

“Alright, alright.” Matt said as i climbed into bed.

I turned off the lamp, the room going silent.

“Can we cuddle?” Matt whispered.

I let out a sigh, putting my arms out for Matt.

He immediately crawled into my touch, his head going onto my chest as his hand rubbed my belly, a gesture i used to hate, because i was fat.

—————————

8:34am

I wake up slowly, letting out a soft groan as i open my eyes. I let out a hum as i turn my head, looking over to see Matt’s head on his pillow, his face towards me as he slept.

His pink lips were slightly parted as he continued to take slow, unconscious breaths.

He was laying on his stomach as his arm was draped right under my pregnant belly.

I smiled before slowly removing his arm. He let out a small hum before he started to wake up.

“Mm.. good morning.” Matt said with his sleepy, morning voice.

“Sorry.. i didn’t mean to wake you up.” I apologized as I stood up.

Matt shook his head, indicating it doesn’t matter. He then gives me a confused look, “Where are you going?” He said as he rubbed his eyes.

“Bathroom, I told you this baby of yours likes to push on my bladder.” I complained as i started to walk towards the bathroom.

Matt lets out a laugh.

“Shut up!” I yell as I close the bathroom door.

I do my business before standing up, standing at the sink to wash my hands.

My eyes glance down at the water as it runs through my fingers.

The water starts spinning.

I look up to look at myself in the mirror, but I was also spinning, i couldn’t keep focus.

Everything was turning around me as I stumbled and almost lost my buisness. My back hit the door harshly.

“Babe, you okay?” Matt calls out.

I swallow harshly as I try to gain my balance, I try to speak. “M-matt, i think i-”

Thump.

Everything went black.

—————————

10:32am

I slowly blink my eyes open, my body hurting as i regain my conscious.

I let out a groan as I look around, noticing that I was in a hospital room.

“Baby? Hold on, n/n. Wait.” I hear Matt’s voice tell me, putting a hand on my leg.

“What happened?” I croak out.

“Just uh- drink this, sweetheart.” He said, a harsher tone to his voice, putting a cup of water in front of my face with a bendy straw poking out of it.

I bring my lips to the straw, sucking slowly as i swallow, my dry throat getting moist from the water.

I watch as a doctor comes in the room, holding a tablet.

“Y/n! So good to see you awake. Now, let’s talk. I’m gonna ask you a couple questions and i need you to answer truthfully and with full honesty.” She says.

I rub my eyes and nod, moving to sit up, rubbing my head but immediately groaning in pain as i feel a wrap around it, assuming i hit my head when i passed out.

I grabbed Matt’s hand.

“Okay, do you know where you are?”

“Los Angeles Hospital.”

She nodded and smiled, “Good, good. Next, do you know what happened?”

I look away for a second, thinking. “I passed out. Everything got spinny and then went black.” I explained.

She nodded, “Y/n, have you ever suffered from an eating disorder?” She asks.

I look at Matt who’s face turned pale, i shook my head. “Never.”

Matt squeezed my hand.

“Okay, well, Y/n, do you know the reason you passed out?” The doctor asks me, her tucking her hair behind her ear.

I shook my head as I picked my ear. I hear Matt let out a scoff.

The doctor looks at Matt, “Is something wrong, Mr.Sturniolo?”

He shook his head and cleared his throat, standing up. “I’m just gonna go grab something from the vending machine, i’ll be back.”

I held onto Matt’s hand tighter, shaking my head. “Matt, please.” I whispered, my voice cracking slightly. I could tell something was wrong.

Matt clenched his jaw, looking at me before he nodded.

“Alright, Y/n, well the reason you passed out is because your labs show you haven’t eaten in a while, which is bad for a normal person, but even worse for a woman carrying a child. You see, your body is giving energy too two living beings, your food is shared, your sleep is shared, everything is shared. So when you don’t eat, it’s not just taking energy from you it’s taking energy from the both of you.” She explains.

“Oh, i just- i don’t- uhm-” I shake my head, not knowing what to say.

“Okay, i can give you two a minute or two to maybe talk and process, and then we can talk about things we have to make sure happens for the future and for your baby girl to be healthy.” The doctor says, walking out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Mat stands up and starts pacing the room as he bites his thumb nail.

“Matt-”

“Don’t!” He raises his voice. “You were struggling and you didn’t tell me? How could you do that to me? What are we even married for if you won’t tell me things like this?” He yells at me.

“Don’t yell at me! It’s not an everyday thing t-that you struggle with y-your body, a-and that you feel guilty everytime you take a bite of something! So d-do not come at me for not telling you that!” I yell back as my voice cracks.

A guilty look appears on Matt’s face, “I’m sorry. I just wish you would’ve told me. I want us to be able to tell each other things like this, we’re married, y/n. Married.”

I nod and sniffle, “I’m sorry.” I whisper out.

He shakes his head, putting his hand on my cheek as he kisses me softly. “It’s okay, just next time, please tell me.”

I nod and he kisses me again.

—————————

So this is the end hope you liked it idk why it took me so long i’m in another writers block like help anyway hope yall liked

taglist: @sturniolosmind @novasturniolo03 @hearts4chriss @vinniehackerslefttoe @christhopersturniolo @mattybswife @streamermattsgf @sturnolio-luvs

#matt sturniolo #chris sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #christopher sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo x you #spotify

[lurkingshan]

A love letter to TsukuTabe

I loved the first season of this drama, but this second season (really more of a straightforward continuation of the first season narrative, which ended unfinished) is a remarkable glow up for an already strong show. These creators did not come to play, and they had a lot to say about the experiences of women living in patriarchal cultures.

This drama tackled so many experiences that afab people go through as they try to build a life for themselves under pressure to conform to societal norms. We have so many different lived experiences of women in this show, all of whom are queer by way of falling outside the lines of what is expected of them:

Nomoto, who experiences a queer awakening, wrestles with the specifics of her sexual identity, and bravely forges ahead despite feeling pressure from her family to marry a man and procreate

Kasuga, who breaks with her family's expectations that she be a caretaker and insists on living her own life, even if she knows the culture she lives in will sometimes make it hard

Yako, who owns her asexual and lesbian identities, proudly forges a life for herself, builds community for herself and others, and advocates for that community both publicly and privately

Nagumo, who struggles to connect with others because of her eating disorder and mental health struggles and lives a solitary existence as a result, but through building bonds with other women finds the strength to begin healing

Sayama, who pushes herself to date around because she feels pressure to live up to expectations to marry, before reconsidering whether that is a goal she actually has for her life and realizing she is happy being unmarried

Fujita, who struggles through years of an unhappy marriage in which she is subjugated to her husband's family before breaking free and pursuing a divorce so she can live happily on her own

It means a lot to me to see a show that cares so deeply about these women and their stories, that gives them so much space to explore and think and communicate their feelings. And they do it all so naturally, by allowing them to form bonds with one another and figure out who they are and what they want through their relationships with each other. This story is all about how we can grow through kindness and compassion from others, and how important it is to pay that support back in kind. It's such a beautiful and unique and desperately needed message in the current media landscape.

And there's more story yet to tell! I have no idea if they will get a third season, but I will be seated for as much of this story as the creators want to make. I would love to see them tackle Nomoto and Kasuga's life as a committed couple, their coming out to their families, and the ongoing lives of the community of queer women around them, which will only continue to broaden and deepen. Like What Did You Eat Yesterday? this show could go on and on forever, and I hope it does. I have so much gratitude for all the people involved in making this show, and to @furritsubs for translating the English subtitles so that international fans could also enjoy it. And if you're seeing this and haven't watched it yet, I am telling you, it is so worth your time.

#tsukuritai onna to tabetai onna #she loves to cook and she loves to eat #tsukutabe #japanese gl #shan shouts into the void

[transmascissues]

hey i know your post about your mom was mostly just a personal vent, but i have to say, do you realize that also happens with trans girls and their fathers? literally happened to one of my friends. i’m not trying to downplay your experience or something but i found it strange that you seem to think this is something that only affects transmascs

i have one question for you: so fucking what?

i don’t doubt that trans girls have experienced similar things and yeah, that’s bad too, but what the fuck does that have to do with me and the specific things i’m facing as a result of being a trans man? i never said “look at this thing that happens to ONLY trans men and NO ONE ELSE,” i just said “hey, isn’t this thing that happens to a lot of trans men, including myself, fucked up?”

i would also like to point out that what you’re talking about is in fact a different (albeit similar) thing. the way cis people treat trans people can differ dramatically based on the cis person’s gender because their commitment to gender roles is, like, a major part of problem. the specific way a cis mother reacts to her trans son’s transition is often going to be very distinct, while a cis father will likely respond to his trans daughter in a different but equally distinct way.

what i’m talking about is a very specific kind of ownership and control and self-victimization and total lack of boundaries masquerading as love and care and maternal concern that cis women (i would argue white cis women in particular) project onto their transmasc kids when we do literally anything to our bodies. i’m talking about a phenomenon which is closely related to the way moms often pass eating disorders onto their daughters (or children they view as daughters) because they see a body that looks something like theirs and project all of their insecurities and ideals onto it. i’m talking about a form of parental transphobia and projection that’s specific to the dynamic of a cis mother and her child who was “supposed to” be her daughter.

if you’ve never felt that, you’re not even remotely qualified to tell me shit about how i should be talking about that experience, and if you couldn’t recognize that experience when you read my post, i’m guessing you probably haven’t experienced it because the replies to that post made it very clear to me that anyone who has experienced it firsthand immediately knew exactly what i meant.

like, yeah, cis dads also project onto their trans daughters, but are they likely to have a reaction like running away with actual tears streaming down their face? do you expect them to passive aggressively make comments about how sad their kid’s transition makes them, how it’s such a difficult emotional time, how it’s so tragic because their kid’s body was so beautiful before? do you think their go-to transphobic reaction will be weaponizing their emotions? i’m sure there are some dads out there who are like that, but i think we can agree they’re in the minority because that’s not how cis men are taught to react and parents like this tend to be pretty damn committed to following the gender roles they were taught.

and even if i’m wrong and our experiences are exactly the same, let me reiterate that i never said this was an experience exclusive to trans men. all i said is that it happens to us. that’s just a statement of objective fact.

this started in my life when i got my hair cut short for the first time almost a decade ago and it has not stopped since. i’ve watched my mom cry over me changing my name and respond to being asked if my happiness matters more to her than my name by saying “i care about both”, i’ve watched her melt down in a mall over me getting a suit for prom and give me the silent treatment for days after, i’ve heard her plead with me to stop t because it “looks unnatural” and she’s just so “concerned for my health”, i’ve watched her stare at me post-op and say “my poor baby” over and over like she’s looking at my corpse in a casket. i’ve watched her turn herself into the victim of every single aspect of my transition. i’ve had to live with this for 9 years and spent the early years of the pandemic literally locked in a house with it. this has been my entire adolescent and adult life, and the question of if i’ll have to cut her off someday (and maybe never see my cat or my little cousins who i love more than anything in the world ever again as a result) haunts me every single day.

who the fuck are you to tell me how to talk about that?

#i hope you weren’t expecting me to take this in good faith and give a nice measured response #because just so we’re clear you didn’t have a chance in hell of doing anything other than pissing me off #like in case you forgot i am a real person who this is happening to #in what world did you think i’d care about how an anonymous stranger feels about how i describe it when im the one who has to live it #idk man. some of y’all clearly do not see me as an actual person capable of emotion and it shows #also like. using a friend’s experience is wild bc 1) how do you know it was the same if it didn’t happen to you #and 2) would that friend really want you using their experience against another trans person experiencing something similar? #anon hate #ask answered #examples of transandrophobia #transandrophobia #transandromisia #transmisandry #virilmisia #virilphobia #anti transmasculinity #transmascphobia #trans men

[icaruspendragon]

yeah yeah i question the romanticization of every little thing as much as the next cynically-inclined gal but like. there really is beauty everywhere. it is kinda refreshing to let bitches be whimsical. to let yourself be a bitch with a penchant for whimsy. because sometimes the only thing that eases the heaviness put in my stomach by the abject horrors is when my friends come over on tuesdays and i get to make them dinner. when i’m drinking a glass of wine and making pasta and dancing to bluegrass in my kitchen and i hear laughter from the other room. like it really is okay to let the little things warm you.

and i know i have a reputation of goodness and kindness and resilience and whatever so i’m sure you’re thinking “that’s so easy for you to say!” but i had to work for that shit. i had to fight for a sunny disposition.

my dad was never around, always choosing women and booze over me and my brother. i was the weird kid people bullied practically my entire time in school. i’m an addict who was forced kicking and screaming into sobriety. i was assaulted in college and the university didn’t believe me. i’ve got depression and insomnia and severe anxiety and panic disorder. i’ve been on 23 different antidepressants/anxiety meds/mood stabilizers over the past 15 years and none of them have worked and sometimes i’m afraid that i’m meant to be sad forever. sometimes i worry that i’ve never actually been happy. my brother died from suicide on my 25th birthday and there wasn’t even a note. i’m well aware of how awful the world can be. of how terrible shit can get.

and i know it’s not life changing or revolutionary, but damnit, i’m going to get excited when i’m reading a fanfic and the two characters finally kiss. i’m going to laugh when my brother tells me a dumb joke. i’m going to let my heart swell while i’m wearing my flour covered apron, when i’m leaning against the doorway to my dining room, holding my glass of wine curled close to my chest while my friends are eating happily and i’ve finally perfected my gnocchi recipe and all the people i love are happy and safe and full of food i prepared with my own two hands as they sit around my table.

the world has not been kind to me but i’ll be damned if i let it continue to make me hard. i deserve softness. i deserve sweetness. i deserve gentle moments. and if the world won’t give them to me? fine. i’ll make them myself.

so yeah, i often wanna scoff when i see someone stop to smell the roses. but i don’t. because the world is so fucking hard. and i don’t see the point in making it harder on ourselves. it’s so much easier to be numb. to be jaded and bitter. to think of my heart as a wretched organ trapped by a terrible vise of a bone. but then i see sunlight filtering through leaves and it makes me smile and i feel my heart beating and i remember i may be small and i may be fleeting, but i’m alive. and my heart, that wretched organ, beats defiant and persistent in my chest. and the sunlight tells me courage, poor stupid heart of stone, and it makes me brave in a world that makes me ache.

so i will be whimsical and silly and happy despite it all, because if i don’t have that, what the hell do i have?

[thatsexcpisces]

Astrology observations pt.5

- I’ve noticed that many of the people who have an alcohol addiction or drink A LOT when they go out, are Pisces moons

- people with Saturn in the 2nd house may have felt that they always had the less fortunate family when it came to money and way of living, and admired other richer families for being able to afford things they wanted (may have had trauma regarding poverty)

- Lilith in 3h/9h people may have felt insecure when it comes to an academic setting or situation meaning they probably felt dumber than others or afraid to express their true opinions. They may have had teachers or siblings who tried to make them feel stupid or treated them badly.

- Taurus moons have very complicated relationships with food. Some of my friends have this placement and they can go from having a serious eating disorder and struggling to eat anything to later overeating, always bringing food with them, always making sure they eat well, etc

- i feel like the sign in your 5th house shows your opinion on wanting children or how you would treat your children in the future. Ex: Taurus/cancer in the 5th house people may want to nurture and care for their child and look forward to having one. Sagittarius in the 5h may prefer their freedom and don’t really plan on having kids that early on.

- Pluto-Venus aspect people really bring out the scorpion energy in relationships imo. They can go to extremes with their possessiveness and jealousy over someone they love and can sometimes even feel that they love so deeply and no one matches their energy or others don’t care as much as they do.

- On that note, Having 8h synastry with someone is SO FUCKING INTENSE. Especially if one of you has your moon in the other person’s 8h. The moon person feels more imo and they’re the one that gets easily obsessed over the other person and stalks the hell out of them/watches their every move. I feel like it then takes the house person more time for their obsession to grow and to realize how much they need/love the moon person.

- This is a weird observation but Cancer risings have moments where they just randomly talk in a baby voice for no reason lol (unironically or ironically)

- If you have mars trine/square/sextile Pluto you’re def the hottest person in the room

- I feel like gemini men are more “pick-me” and brag more than Leo men. Like they just love talking about themselves lol

- People are so naturally attracted to sun-jupiter aspects and Leo rising people. Like they just draw people in and make friends so easily. They just have some sort of energy to them where they could be sitting in a room and people come up and talk to them automatically.

- Mars in 4h people easily get upset and annoyed by people in their household

- Individuals w Moon in the 8h May inherit mental illness from their mother or their mother could already have some sort of a mental illness that made their life very difficult

- Women with their ascendant in square or opposition to Lilith could likely be hated on by other females or women are naturally jealous and envious of them because they possess such a raw and sexually attractive energy

- Virgo moons 🤝 giving people their unsolicited opinion when no one ever asked them for it

- Venus in Capricorns will remember the smallest and I mean the TINIEST details about you If they’ve ever liked you. Even if they got over their crush on you, you 2 could be having a normal conversation and they will mention the most detailed thing about you that you didn’t even remember about yourself. It’s scary

- Libra mercuries on the other hand, actually have trouble remembering most details. They might forget things like your birthday here and there but the most ironic thing is Libra placements pick and choose something specific you did to remember and maybe even hold a grudge on, and you’ll never have a clue as of what it is.

- Mars in Gemini are so funny when they’re upset. They have the best insults and roasts which gives them no shame in absolutely destroying you with words

- A developed Capricorn woman’s confidence is the equivalent of an Aries man’s confidence (so they’re really loud and proud)

- Don’t ever fuck with someone who has Neptune or Jupiter in their 12th house cause the universe will be BREATHING down your back for anything bad you do to them

- Idk why everyone says all Aquarius are introverted and antisocial when tbh they’re some of the most confident, laid-back, and extroverted people you’ll ever meet. Many of the Aquarius I’ve met always tell me they’ll never miss an opportunity to go out and are very social

#astrology #astrology observations #zodiac #zodiac signs #capricorn #gemini #leo #taurus #aries #aquarius #astrotips #astrology notes #venus #pisces #neptune #synastry #synastry observations #virgo #horoscope

[serxinns]

Hi so I have another yandere platonic class 1-a request again if that’s okay

So if Izuku has a cousin(female reader) who has pica (it’s a eating disorder which a person eats things not usually considered food) and she would eat easer shavings because her mother would just ignored her when she was a child and when she was in middle school she ran away to Izuku’s house but never really told anyone about what was happening. So here’s a scenario of Izuku and some of class 1-a walks into a her room and sees her eating some eraser shavings

How would they react? ((I hope this is okay)

(THE FACT THAT I HAVE PICA AS WELL AHHHHH THIS IS GONNA BE SO GOOD )

• You had this habit for as long as you remember, you always ate things that weren't food or even edible, the main reason is that your mother was always neglectful to bringing in men and just told you to go in your room and play with your toys without any food, at times you even had to sneak out the house and go to your aunty Inko house with your cousin izuku, Inko knew about your situation and took care of you like you were her child

• "Izuku dear your cousin is here!" Inko's mom called not even 3 seconds you heard little footsteps stomping and excited giggling getting louder "Y/N Y/N! YOU'RE HERE" Izuku ran up and tackled you with a hug, 2 of you were on the ground and started giggling "I bought my super cool Remote control robot with me we can pretend this is the villain and we're the heroes!" The green boy was amazed at the idea and the two of you ran off while Inko giggled to herself

•The 1st person to notice that you had pica was your auntie Inko she noticed how you were always chewing on things like scissors, dirt, or even paper at 1st she thought it was because you were just a child with a big appetite but even when you were full you still went back to this behavior so when she took you to the quirk doctor about this behavior after a few test you were diagnosed with pica so then on after your mother abandoned you with one of the playboys she started taking care of you and izuku

• one-day Bakugo was picking on you for this calling you a dirt eater and picking up worms "Come on Sissy eat it you like eating dirt so much eat it" mocking you to eat them but you used his quirk to make him fly back and the two of you gone at it punching, pulling, biting while the other kids were cheering on but izuku was worried so he tried to run over but was too scared to get hurt as well so he got into and Mitsuki, Both women ran over and broke you two apart while into was checking on ur bruises and scratches mitsuki grabbed katsuki and put him on his him while he struggled and kicked and yelled insults "Inko I am so so so sorry for my son's horrible behavior ill make sure he learns a lesson" Mitsuki bowed her head in front of inko "I'm sorry too ill make sure ill talk with this young lady here the 2 of you had a stern talk about it but you got some ice cream and izuku kiss your boo-boos and helped with putting on all might banaids

Years passed and now you were in Ua your cousin was more protective than you ever, since that incident he swore to always protect you and never leave you behind he worked extra hard when all might training him not only to become a number one hero but to protect you and to be heroes together! Whenever someone looked at you funny he gives them a deadly glare and they'll back off immediately you were there when he was down and he was gonna repay you back he always made you hold hands or be by you to remind you that he should be your only friend

While you were talking to your cousin while chewing on an eraser and your cousin ranting about all might and his notebook going to your next period. A short punk -haired girl stopped in front of the two of you she smiled at you while the both of you looked confused and Izuku looked tab annoyed "Uhh who are you-" "Hello! I'm Mina! Mina Ashido Are you two twins!?" She said observing you two looking at each other "Actually we're cousins!"

"Oh, I'm sorry! Mina sheepishly said while rubbing the back of her head "It's fine we get that a lot! It's normal for us plus we act like brother and sister!" You playfully hit Izuku in the shoulders while he playfully glared at you "Anyways! Me and my friends were talking alot about you and we wanted to invite you to hang out with us!" You were flattered and blushed at her comment "uh yeah I can join! Is that's ok izuku" Izuku wanted to protest but with the look of excitement on your face he didn't want you to hate him and see him as a bad brother cousin so he mentally rolled his eyes and said "yea plus it can be like a girls day for you!"

Time skip to lunch

• the two of you were walking into class when a short brown head girl waved her hand signaling you both to join her you both walked over and sat down "Hey izuku and you must be?" "Y/n, y/n Midoriya!" You introduce yourself making the girl brighten up "Ah how nice! You look so adorable!" You blushed embarrassingly at that comment "Ah stop it you're making me blush! You were soon introduced to iida and Tsuyu then Todoroki and all started chatting happily

•you were soon Introduce with kirishima, tokoyami, a silly goofball denki, Sero, hakagure, Aoyama and more and started to make a bond with them even amends with bakugo (kinda)

•you mostly hang out with the dekusquad but the bakusquad would always try to invite you in any way they can which starts a war

•the girls would always have slumber parties or tea parties and if you weren't interested in those chaotic board games where you mostly won

•the boys would try and team up with each other like Bakugo and Kirishima Denki and Sero would invite you to laser tag fighting over who would win the most points for you to get a prize or Izuku, shoto and iida would take you out on to the mall and spoil you

• one-day Tokoyami was looking for you because you promised you would read his poems so when he went into your room he saw you chewing on some paper you explained why you have this habit and you had it when you were 4 which he completely understood heck dark shadow started to eat paper (like cookie monster eating s cookie) you couldn't stop laughing when tokoyami tried to take the paper out his mouth

•Koda would watch you making sure you won't try to eat the grass and try to make you eat delicious berries and edible plants

•Sato pack some pastries for you whenever you felt like wanting to chew on something not edible

•bakugo would just smack whenever your chewing on telling you that's disgusting while giving you your favorite snackyou liked as kids saying "chew this shit instead of erasers dumbass!"

•Izuku would pack gum for you in case you fly in the urge to want to chew on your eraser if he runs out he lets you chew on his pencils or ask Aoyama to give you some cheese

•you and kiri literally are twins chewing your erasers is your favorite habit

•Momo would gently let you know how ite unhealthy to chew on thing and blah blah blah while your just over here chewing off your finger nail which she also has to stop you

• Ochaco will let you try and stop yourself from chewing on your hair desperately giving you one-dollar snacks to eat

It didn't matter how werid you thought you were since you will always be their "werid" little sis and if any judge you otherwise they'll be meeting with 18 angry siblings and one cousin ready to break some bones instead of his

#ochaco uraraka #yandere bnha #yandere ua #tw yandere #yandere x reader #tw obsessive behavior #yandere class 1a #yandere mha #platonic yandere #bnha fluff #class 1a x reader

[kithj]

IM THE PERSON WHO WAS TALKING ABOUT THINGS HAVE GOTTEN WORSE SINCE WE LAST SPOKE A FEW DAYS AGO And i agree about how sad it is that most queer horror authors i dont vibe with. do you have any you DO like? im always on the lookout for more and from what i’ve seen of your book taste on here we have pretty similar taste in books. can be any genre of horror tbh im not picky

hehehe yes i'd love to give u some recommendations! though if i'm being honest i really haven't found that many authors in the genre that i really vibe with yet. im still on the hunt... may leitz is probably the only one i can recommend that is kinda in the same vein as the "popular" ones, but Leitz is someone who i think does well balancing the extreme aspects of it with characters that are actually interesting and sympathetic to read (as opposed to just one-dimensional cannon fodder for random violence)

i don't know if any of these authors actually refer to themselves as "queer horror" authors nor do i know with certainty if all of them are a part of the lgbt community, but um. well i like their books. these also all aren't strictly about the characters identity; some focus more on it than others so i'll just say it's horror + lgbt characters.

i'll start with extreme horror:

fluids by may leitz - this will be the most extreme book i recommend, and i've talked about it a few times before. it's about two women, named Dahlia and Lauren, who meet on tinder during the pandemic, and after only a few days of talking Lauren takes it upon herself to drive to Dahlia's hometown and try and "save" her. things escalate, and the two women's paths diverge. cw: extreme violence and gore, rape, incest (the two girls pretend to be related), emetophobia, suicide, eating disorder, murder, literally everything you can think of. this is Extreme Horror, and i wouldn't recommend this one for anyone that's not already familiar with the genre.

girl flesh by may leitz - while i didn't like this one as much as fluids, i'm just a fan of may leitz's writing in general so i'd still recommend it. this one has a bit of a pacing problem & does a lot of telling rather than showing, but i like the direction leitz takes this one in the end. i've talked about this one before too so you might remember me rambling about it. this one is about two women who are kidnapped and wake up restrained in a dirty hotel in the middle of the texas mesa. they work together to escape their captors as well as the wild mesa and maybe even fall in love a little bit on the way. cw: extreme violence, gore, transphobia/deadnaming, eating disorder, emetophobia, self-harm, rape. this one isn't as extreme as fluids but i'd still be cautious with it.

to be devoured by sara tantlinger - this one is a short novella you can read in one sitting. Andi really really really wants to know what carrion tastes like. she's fascinated by the vultures that circle the edge of her property, but her fascination soon turns to obsession, and Andi will stop at nothing to learn their secrets. cw: blood consumption, cannibalism, violence and gore, very graphic animal harm and animal death

okay now the rest are just more general horror:

house of hunger by alexis henderson - loosely based on the legend of Elizabeth of Bathory, this story takes place in a society that runs on blood. Marion travels to the House of Hunger to begin her term as a bloodmaid under Countess Lisavet, who has a mysterious ailment that renders her weak and bedbound unless she has a constant flow of blood to treat it. Marion gets to know the other bloodmaids, and in time begins to realize not all is as it seems at the House of Hunger. cw: blood consumption, violence, abusive relationships/gaslighting, death

alexis henderson has also written the year of the witching, and she just announced an academy for liars. i really like her writing so i plan to check out her other work soon-ish.

apparitions by adam pottle - again i talked about this one recently so you may have seen it already, but i NEED more people to read this book. this follows the story of a young man who was born deaf and raised in an abusive household until he was able to escape as a teenager, only to be institutionalized immediately after. there he meets another deaf teen, and for the first time in his life, he has a language that he can speak with and can finally be understood. cw: child abuse, institutionalization, homophobia, abusive relationship, ableism, violence, death, religious trauma, animal harm and animal death.

the luminous dead by caitlin starling - gyre price is a lone caver swaddled inside a hi-tech suit that allows her to dive deep underground to map mineral deposits off-planet. however, the person on the other end of the suit has other plans, and easily takes control of gyre and her suit, putting the two at odds with each other as gyre spirals into uncertainty and paranoia while also having to deal with the terrifying presence of the tunneler. cw: claustrophobia, death, forced drugging, violence, gore, abusive/toxic relationship

caitlin starling also has a few other books though i haven't gotten around to reading them yet and i honestly haven't heard much about them so i can't say how they compare, but the luminous dead is one of my favorites of all time.

the Sworn Soldier series by T. Kingfisher - i love these books, they're just short fun horror stories with a really charming main character. Alex Easton is a retired soldier from Gallacia, and has their own special pronouns in Gallacian (kan/kanself) as part of their occupation and culture, and is what we would consider nonbinary (not all soldiers identify this way, but Alex does). vicars in Gallacia use van/vanself, there are different pronouns for children and adults, etc. i think it's just really interesting and i enjoy what the author has done with the worldbuilding and language, and how seamlessly it fits into her writing. the first book is a retelling of the fall of the house of usher (and is the stronger of the two) while the second one has Alex returning home to Gallacia and facing off with an old Gallacian superstition that's haunting their family cottage.

again i don't really know how T. Kingfisher/Ursula Vernon personally identifies but i do recommend her writing regardless, she's written other horror books as well as some fantasy books & she's just incredibly skilled imo, easy and fun to read.

most of my TBR that i'm working towards is horror so maybe i'll update this post later with more.... i'm currently reading providence girls by morgan dante and into the drowning deep by mira grant.

morgan dante has a few other books that are all some flavor of gothic horror/romance and i'm very excited for their new book that just came out TODAY that's a carmilla/elizabeth of bathory reimagining. i'm planning on reading that Immediately (i preordered it) so i'll report back for it and once i finish providence girls, too.

the next few books on my TBR that are all lgbt + horror:

The Seep by Chana Porter

Thirst by Marina Yuszczuk

A Dowry of Blood & An Education in Malice, both by S.T. Gibson

Little Rot by Akwaeke Emezi (i think this one is a thriller actually and also isnt out yet but whatever. i recommend this author, they genre-hop a lot & have a decent amount of work published already)

Sorrowland by Rivers Solomon

and of course i always recommend looking up content warnings if you need to especially for the last few since i haven't read them myself and can't vouch for them just yet. but ummm hopefully you see something you like 😭 i'll stop yapping <3

#sorry i do favor f/f pairings or sapphic characters in books and thats kinda obvious here lmfao #anyways. thanks for enabling me to talk about books <3 #i really want to read the seep ive been dying to get to it. nyehilism recommend it to me mwah #into the drowning deep is beating my ass i WILL finish it today so i can move on #i'll probably post about it here once i finish i have Thots about it already #oh also i just looked and caitlin starling's newest book is under st martin's press which is being boycotted atm #so that's probably why i havent seen anything #the luminous dead is under harper voyager tho #ask #anonymous #long post

[cozymoko]

Tw EATING DISORDER

what would the sakamakis+tsukanamis do when they realize their s/o is developing an eating disorder?

:3

S/O WITH EATING DISORDER — SAKAMAKI

Note: I can only put a certain amount of pictures in per request so if you still want the Tsukinamis' please feel free to request again once my ask box is open!

Pairing: Sakamaki Brothers x gn! reader

Format: Headcanons

WARNING(S): eating disorder, force feeding, insensitive comments

Want more Diabolik lovers? → Masterlist! ★

SHU SAKAMAKI

Though not the most well-informed, he's far from being an idiot. He was already suspicious when you either faked eating during dinner or attempted to force the food down your throat. It was painfully evident. And when he found you bent over a toilet, retching out the remains, that was all the proof he needed.

Shu can't force you to do anything and he's aware of that, but he will still encourage you to do so. Frankly, he'd rather not have you starve to death due to your own stubbornness. Shu will follow you to hell and then bring you right back. He'll even try to play therapist and listen to what kick-started your god-awful eating habits.

“Haah, what a piece of work. You must really want to give me a heart attack, hm? Learn to rely on me, don't make me worry so much next time.”

REIJI SAKAMAKI

Out of all his brothers, Reiji will be the most understanding. Most of the Sakamaki has very limited knowledge involving the human body but he does not. After plunging his head in many books on the matter, that much should be clear. Thus it's likely you won't have too much trouble confining in him because of that.

There's no need for you to go hungry in any way while living in the manor. Despite how annoyed he may come off, Reiji is willing to go through all the potential solutions to lessen this burden on you. However, he does still remain the same in some aspects, threatening to punish you if you don't put forth some effort to eat.

“I've noticed your eating habits have become rather strange. Very well, I will create a new diet for you to regain your strength. It would be best that you follow it.”

AYATO SAKAMAKI

Unfortunately, he's pretty insensitive to things like this. He has no knowledge of mental health (though having plenty of his own) so Ayato won't try to act as he does. He'll probably say something terribly ignorant or even try to shove food down your throat, then turn around and wonder why you're so pissed at him.

It will take someone to smack some sense into him so he understands the severity of it. Even then he lacks the sentiments to truly comprehend what you're going through. But realistically, he'll probably push it off onto Reiji in the end. Of course, he cares, but such a "detailed" condition isn't his forte.

“Geez, just how long were you planning on keeping this from me? You belong to 'yours truly', and it'd be such a pain if you get any weaker. So rely on me, got it!”

KANATO SAKAMAKI

This is the last person I'd want to be stuck with in a situation like this. He's an absolute idiot on things like this, hands down. (I hate Kanato) In his mind, dolls don't have to eat so you must be perfectly fine, right? Expect you aren't a doll, nor a vampire at that so, of course, you need to eat.

As the days go by you grow noticbly weaker with no desire to do anything but wallow in your despair. Only then did he begin to take things seriously. The triplet has the most insufficient approach ever, it's not even comforting. Kanato will attempt to feed you and then get mad when you reject it. Despite his apparent concern, I highly doubt it'd make up for his thoughtlessness.

“You've grown so weak...Uu...why won't you talk to me? Uu...Don't you care for my feelings? I won't allow you to die on me; you can't leave me! I'll make sure of it!”

LAITO SAKAMAKI

He knows what an eating disorder is as Laito's been with his fair share of women. But that doesn't mean he's educated on the matter. Laito notices your standoffish demeanor right away, carefully eyeing you as he immediately puts two and two together. Yet, he won't act on it until he can find the root of your eating disorder. After all, we must start from the source~!

It'd be a shame if his favorite toy grew terribly ill so he offers to help you. Spending several hours arranging a new diet for you, feeding you small portions, and certainly boosting your confidence in the late hours of the night. Though he doesn't show it, Laito truly cares for your well-being and will do just about anything to ensure your recovery.

“You've been looking at your reflection for quite some time, little bitch. Have I not been tending to you enough~? Fufu, that won't do! Shall I fix that for you~?”

SUBARU SAKAMAKI

Once he found out about your eating disorder, Subaru loses it. His anger is in some way directed at you for not telling him; but also at himself for being so clueless about it. As you'd expect, his first course of action is intimidating you into eating, but a quiet whimper will stop him dead in his tracks. This calls for a different approach.

Subaru looks to Reiji for guidance, which comes as no shock. The vampire is in no place to be taking care of a human in any mental aspect, regardless of them being his lover. Even with this newfound information, it will do very little to decrease his snappiness towards you. But he's just worried and sure as hell doesn't wanna lose you!

“Don't push yourself too much, alright? Tch, 'worried?', it's not like that so shut up, damnit! I just...don't want you to leave me in the dark anymore...”

#—🍁 #x reader #diabolik lovers shu #diabolik lovers reiji #diabolik lovers ayato #diabolik lovers laito #diabolik lovers subaru #diabolik lovers kanato #diabolik lovers headcanons #diabolik lovers scenarios #diabolik lovers x reader #diaboys #shu sakamaki #reiji sakamaki #ayato sakamaki #kanato sakamaki #laito sakamaki #subaru sakamaki #diabolik lovers

[itsmealaiah]

Why me?

A/n: TW: eating disorder. I don't have much experience writing about these types of things, but I do want you to know you aren't alone. I'm sorry in advance if this is in any way offensive. 

You're in your hotel room, getting changed for an interview including Tokio Hotel. They've been your best friends since forever, and you loved supporting them. 

You always had a positive attitude, well at least in front of the boys. Truth was, you liked Tom, maybe even more than liked. But it brought you down to see him flirting with other women, more perfect than yourself. Perfect hair, skin, body, voice, everything looking impossible for you to compete with.

You sighed, pinching at your skin, almost in tears. "Why am I not perfect?" you questioned, poking at your stomach. It wasn't flat like the girls Tom seemed to enjoy his nights with. 

"Y/n!" A voice yelled. It must've been Georg. "You coming?" He called. "Yeah!" you wiped the small tears off your face, plastering on a smile. "I'm so excited" You grinned, putting what just happened in your room in the back of your mind.

You both rushed into the tour bus, panting. "Hi" you said, gasping for air, looking at Tom, Bill, and Gustav. They waved, and Tom motioned for you to sit next to him. "I'm exhausted" you complained, leaning on Tom's shoulder. He laughed, chest shaking. His laugh made you so happy, it brightened up your day almost every time.

They arrived at the interview and sat down on the couch. You watched from backstage, seeing a woman with impossible features, she looked so put together. Tom warmed right up to her, and your heart slowly broke. Sure, you knew he flirts with every woman on the planet, but it still hurt.

She kept adjusting her shirt, throwing her hair over her shoulder so Tom would look down. Each time he did, a lump appeared in your throat. You decided you had enough and walked back to the bus.

Every night, he had some girl in his room. Whether it be from the club, an interview, or a concert, he would just pick them up and give them a semi-good time. You craved that, wanting to be that close to him, but you knew deep down it'd never happen. 

Thirty minutes went by, and they came back in the bus, Tom was bragging about giving the woman his number. He sat by you again, noticing something was slightly wrong. "Y/n? Is everything okay?" He whispered so the others wouldn't hear. They were too busy discussing songs for a new album anyway. "Mhm," You beamed, trying to reassure him. "Alright," He said in a wary voice, turning away to talk to the rest of the band. You mentally sighed with relief.

Back at the hotel, it was late, and you had locked yourself in your room, telling everyone you just weren't hungry. You slowly sobbed, clenching the sheets, turning up the TV a little loud so no one would try to check on you. You hated yourself for being like this, so desperate, so ugly, knowing you'd never, ever get Tom's full attention. It made you cry harder. You couldn't quite sleep, as the woman from the interview was in Tom's room, yelling, moaning, and gasping.

You heard her shrill voice from the tiny walls separating the rooms. "Tom! Oh God! I need you!" she screeched. You buried your head in your pillows, trying to drown out the noise. Did she have to be so loud, especially at this time of night? You thought to yourself.

The next week you cast yourself away from them, growing more and more tired, having almost little to no energy. Your problem only got worse. You knew doing this wasn't healthy, but you couldn't stand to see Tom. 

Every day, they tried to get you to come out. You had never acted like this before, and they knew something was up, despite your "I'm just tired" and "I ate something already, don't worry". 

A few more days went by, and you heard a knock at your door. "Y/n, it's Georg, can I come in?" He sighed. You opened the door, just a shrivel. "Can I help you?" He saw your eyes, how dark they were, the circles so prominent you could spot them in pitch darkness.

He forcefully pushed the door open, looking at your pale, small frame. "Y/n.. why?" He looked up at you, tears forming in his eyes.

"Why do you care?" You snapped, angered. "It's not a big deal" You crossed your arms over your chest. "It is a big deal." He says, eyes blazing. "You haven't gone anywhere for nearly two weeks and I check up on you to see you like this" He gestures to your body. "Please, we all miss you, tom's been miserable"

"Why should he care, he's the one who started all this" You mumble under your breath, but Georg hears you. "What do you mean?" He asks, confused. "He brought home the girl from the interview, the one with the perfect body, perfect features, and I couldn't sleep all night. I'm sick of it, Georg" You sighed, biting your lip to keep yourself from crying.

"Please, just hang out with us again." He pleads. "You don't have to talk to Tom, I'll make sure of it" His eyes begged you to agree. "Fine" You scoff, pushing him out. "I'm going to bed."

You slowly began to hang out with the band more and in your room less, avoiding Tom at all costs. 

One day, Tom knocked on your door. "Who is it?" You questioned. "Can I come in?" You recognized the voice, it was him. You opened the door, and he hugged you immediately. "I've missed you so much," He said, voice wavering. You shoved him off of you. "Bull, you haven't said anything to me, Georg was the only one man enough to care"

His eyes began to water, and he apologized. "You're right, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brushed you off, how about I make it up to you by hanging out with you tonight, just us" He asked softly, rubbing my arm. I nodded my head in agreement, and he smiled. "Great, I'll get snacks, we'll relax, it'll be perfect" You froze at that word, but quickly brushed it off.

I walked to the living room to see a bountiful amount of snacks, drinks, and candy. It made my heart slowly race, as I sat down next to Tom. He put on some movie, it looked like it was made in the nineties. "this is my favorite movie, I hope you enjoy it as much as I do" He beamed at me. He pulled me onto him so my back was lying on his chest. I felt his heartbeat, pacing slowly. It felt...strangely nice. He popped some Skittles into his mouth, offering me some. I shook my head in refusal, pushing it back. His eyebrows furrowed but shrugged and ate the rest.

The movie finished and he asked me why I hadn't eaten a single thing. I could sense his concern, and I tried to deflect as much as I could. "Oh I uhm, I'm just not in the mood for sweets" I smiled sheepishly. He shook his head and said "You never eat anything, I see you, everyone else always eats but you. Why?" His eyes gazed into mine as I slowly began to cry. He hugged me tightly and whispered sweet things in my ear, but he didn't stop pressing on why I didn't eat. "y/n, do you have something you need to talk about?" He gently questioned, arms holding me in place.

"You're always hanging out with the most beautiful women ever, they're so perfect, so extraordinary, and I'm just...me" I laughed softly before continuing. "They never look bad, never have a bad day, always perfection. They made me feel awful Tom, and seeing them with you broke my heart. I slowly began eating less and less, thinking I could match them, be a clone, so you'd like me. But it didn't work obviously, because I'm still ugly, and paler than ever" I said laughing before breaking into sobs. He watched me, before going to squeeze the living daylights out of me. I felt a soft liquid drip onto my shoulder, and I wrapped my arms around his back. 

"I didn't know I made you feel like that my dear" My heart nearly skipped a beat when he called me that. I felt like somebody, for the first time in a while. "I'm sorry Tom" I whispered through heavy cries. His eyes widened, looking deep into mine. Those deep, gorgeous brown eyes were going to be my Roman empire. "Do not apologize, it's my fault" He said, wiping his tears. We stayed like that for the rest of the night. Bill, Gustav, and Georg walk in, taking pictures of us sleeping.

Bill's POV:

"They look so peaceful together, I knew they were meant for each other" I whispered to Gustav, who nodded, smiling at the two

The End 

A/n: Please talk to someone if you're experiencing this, not a single soul, no matter who, should EVER have to go through this. 

#tokio hotel #tokio hotel x reader #tom kaulitz x reader #tom kaulitz imagines #tom kaulitz angst #tom kaulitz

[ambrossart]

DANCING WITH MYSELF

— PART SEVEN

summary: eddie crashes senior prom hoping to steal a dance with his dream girl, chrissy cunningham. instead, he spends the night stuck in the women’s restroom with you—her snarky, insecure best friend. ❖ pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader ❖ word count: 3,862 ❖ genre: fluff with some angst ❖ series status: complete ❖ warnings: no season 4 spoilers, some coarse language, body image issues, allusions to eating disorders, typical teenage insecurities, angst, jealousy, anxiety, secret crushes, childhood memories, happy ending, lots of 80s music

one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine | ten

Eddie ducked as one of your heels came hurtling towards his head—thwack!—and bounced off the restroom door. 

“Get out,” you snarled, your eyes blazing with rage.  

Eddie stayed in a squatting position, his dark brown eyes shifting back and forth anxiously. “Yeah… I kinda can’t… See, uhh, security’s out there looking for me right now, and I really need a place to lay low for a while.” 

You started unfastening the buckle of your other shoe, fingers fumbling with the skinny faux leather strap. 

“Yeah, well, that’s not my problem,” you said. “Now, get out!” 

Your voice hit Eddie’s ears like a clap of thunder, making him flinch. “Okay, I’m gonna need you to keep your voice down…” 

“Get out!” 

“Well, now you’re just getting louder…”

“GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!”

Eddie cupped his hands over his ears, then swatted the air and whispered hotly, “God dammit, would you stop shouting like that? You’re attracting a lot of unwanted attention here!” 

You finally tore the strap loose and pulled off your shoe. “Get out, Munson. I mean it. You have until the count of three to get out of here or I’m gonna whip this shoe at you and then scream as loud as I can, and I can scream very, very loud.”

“Yeah, I don’t doubt that,” Eddie said, cracking a tiny smirk.

You raised the shoe over your shoulder. “One.” 

Eddie stood up slowly, put up his hands like a shield. “Okay, let’s just calm down for a minute…”

“Two.” 

“Aww, come on, don’t make me go out there!”

“Three!” 

“No, wait! Just wait! Hear me out!”

You began your windup and—

“Y/N, please!”

And his words extinguished the anger burning inside of you, snuffed it out like a bucket of water over the last sputtering flames of a campfire. As soon as they left his lips, your arm stopped in mid-release and your elbow went limp, falling helplessly at your side. 

“What?” you said in a quiet, disbelieving voice. “You know my name?”

“Uhh, yeah,” said Eddie, still a little wary of the shoe in your hand. “I told you I did, remember? Right before you jumped down my throat and started yelling at me?” 

You nodded slowly, vaguely remembering. “Okay… but why did you act like you didn’t know me?”

Eddie chuckled, but there wasn’t much humor in it. “See that’s, uhhh, that’s a little complicated, and I’d rather not get into that right now.” 

“Is that right?” you said, a wry smile on your face. 

Then—“You asshole!”—your hand lashed out like a whip, sending your shoe whirling end over end. Eddie jerked his body up and around to avoid the hit, and the shoe clipped his raised elbow right on the funny bone. He yelped in surprised pain: “Jesus Christ!”  

You made a fierce beckoning motion with your hand. “Now give me my shoes back so I can throw them at you again!” 

“Oh-ho… yeah, no way, sweetheart. I’m confiscating these bad boys.” Eddie bent down and picked up the shoe that struck him. The heel was four inches long and sharp as a dagger. “Holy shit, do you see this? You coulda taken my eye out with this thing!” 

“I know,” you said. “I missed.” 

“Okay, Killer Queen, calm down. Look, I know I’m not exactly your favorite person in the world right now…” 

You scoffed. “Oh, please! Right now, Lionel Richie is my least favorite person in the world. You don’t even crack the top five.” 

Eddie smiled a crooked and utterly charming smile. “Y’know, that might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” Then he tossed the shoe into his opposite hand and fiddled with the buckle for a minute, his smile slipping into a pensive frown. 

“Look, I’m hanging on by a thread here. I’m barely passing my classes, and I just know Principal Higgins is looking for any excuse to keep me from graduating. Normally, I wouldn’t give a shit, but this is kinda my last shot, y’know? If I don’t get that diploma this year, I’m gonna have to get my GED like every other Munson before me, and I really don’t wanna be another cliché, so… can I just hang here for a little while? Please? I promise I won’t bother you or talk to you. I’ll even try not to breathe too loud.”

His eyes were pleading and kind of pathetic, but in a really cute way. It was like seeing a puppy stranded on the side of the road in the middle of a rainstorm. No matter how bad your night was going, you couldn’t just drive off and leave it there. 

“Whatever,” you said with an aloof shrug, “do what you want.” 

Eddie pumped his fist and let out a relieved sigh. “Thank you.” 

Then he picked up your other shoe and sat down… right next to you. 

You recoiled as he drew too close. “What are you doing?” you blurted out, your whole body seeming to flush at once.

“Uhh, I’m sitting down.” 

“Yeah, but why do you have to sit here?”

Eddie smiled at you. If you didn’t know better, you might have thought it was a little… flirty.

“Because this is the best seat in the house,” he said. “Why? Do you mind?”

Yes, you wanted to say. Yes, I mind very much. But now his shoulder was pressed against yours, warm and solid with muscle, and you were finding it awfully difficult to keep your thoughts straight. 

You looked away, feeling the heat returning to your face. “No… I guess not.” 

“Good,” Eddie said, and handed over your shoes. “Here ya go, Cinderella.”

The first thirty or some odd seconds were excruciatingly uncomfortable. You were sitting shoulder to shoulder with Eddie Munson, the object your desire since you were twelve, in an empty bathroom on prom night while “Endless Love” played in the background. 

Okay, Dante, what circle of Hell have you thrown me into now? And how is this song still playing? What, do they have it on a loop or something? Oh my god, maybe this really is Hell… 

You were doing everything you could to distract yourself from Eddie’s overwhelming presence: the heat of his body against yours, the scent of his skin—this woody, smoky, faintly spicy smell that reminded you of cigars, whiskey bars, and worn leather sofas. 

He kept playing with the chain on his right wrist, then with each of the rings on his left hand: twisting them, pulling them down the length of his fingers, then pushing them back into place. While you watched him, your first thought was, That is an absurd amount of rings for one hand, but soon all you could think about how strong his hands looked, how his veins protruded ever so slightly, how his long, calloused fingers would fit so perfectly around the neck of a guitar, or… 

Oh my god, douse me with holy water. I’m in need of an exorcism!

Then you heard Eddie say, “So what did, uh, Lionel Richie do to you?”

You reluctantly dragged your eyes away from his hands and up to his face. “What?”

“You said Lionel Richie was your least favorite person. What, did he like break your heart or something?”

“Oh…” You dropped your head and laughed. “No, I was just making a joke. Lionel Richie is the guy singing this song. I just really hate this song.” 

“Oh…” Eddie knocked his head against the wall, his lips curling into an adorably bashful smile. “Right… Okay, that’s embarrassing.” 

You flashed a teasing grin. “You don’t know who Lionel Richie is?” 

“Yeah, I have no idea who Lionel Richie is… but I concur, this song sucks; whoever chose it has terrible taste in music.” Then his brow wrinkled as he said, “That’s not why you’re in here crying, though, right?” 

You shook your head (and, luckily, the music changed to a more upbeat song: “Whip It” by Devo, which made you squint your eyes in bewildered amusement). 

“No,” you said, “I’m not quite that overdramatic. It’s just… this night didn’t turn out like I thought it would. Well, actually, it turned out exactly like I thought it would, and that’s why I was crying.” 

Eddie nodded. “Yeah, my night isn’t going so great, either… I don’t even know why I came here, honestly.”

“Why did you come here?” 

He rubbed his head, messing up his hair a little. “Shit, I dunno… A couple nights ago, I was, uh, sitting in my room, alone, strumming my guitar like I do every night and it just hit me, y’know? I thought to myself, Holy shit, I’m gonna graduate next month! And then I started thinking back on my high school experience—the whole, grand thing—and I realized I don’t have that many great memories. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ve got some good memories, but nothing worth writing home about, y’know? No parties. No dates. No, uh, secret trysts in janitor’s closet…”

“Well, that’s probably because you refer to them as trysts,” you said, snickering. “Pretty sure no girl in Hawkins would know what you’re talking about.”

“No girl except you, apparently,” Eddie said; and oh, did that make you blush. 

“Well, I’m a fan of the classics,” you said, struggling to keep your cool. “Anyway, go on. Nobody invited you to parties, nobody asked you out, nobody wanted to fool around with you in the janitor’s closet, so…?” 

“So,” Eddie went on, “I decided to crash prom… y’know, make a memory.” 

“… with Chrissy.” 

Saying your best friend’s name hurt a lot more than you thought it would. It made your heart throb with a lonely, miserable ache. Then you had to stare at Eddie’s lovesick expression, and that was more than you could bear. You cast your eyes away, started tracing your finger along the beige grout in the tile. 

Eddie said, “She told you about that, huh?”

“No… I just saw you talking to her.” 

“Right… Yeah, I got the brilliant and boneheaded idea to ask to her dance. I figured it’s the senior prom, right? Who’s gonna say no to a dance at the senior prom? Well, I guess I failed to factor in my social standing at this school. Yeah, nobody wants to be seen dancing with the freak.” 

Your brow furrowed. That didn’t sound like Chrissy, not at all. 

“She said no?”

“Uhh, yeah… right after she burst into tears, which was, y’know, horrifying.” 

You felt your stomach knot up with guilt: for robbing Eddie of his one great memory, for putting your best friend in such an impossible situation and forcing her to be cruel, which was so against her nature. Asking Chrissy Cunningham to be mean was like asking a vegetarian to slaughter a calf and eat it. It would simply make her sick. 

“I’m sorry,” you said, for all of it. 

And Eddie said, “Don’t be. It’s not your fault.” 

Except it was. It really was. If only he knew that…

You stopped tracing the tile and looked up at him. “I had no idea you liked Chrissy.” 

Eddie quirked one corner of his mouth dubiously. “Well, that’s… I dunno if ‘like’ is the right word,” and he started playing with his rings again, twisting them back and forth. “She’s just always been something like a dream for me, y’know? Kinda like one of those celebrity crushes every guy has. It’s just something nice to think about when things aren’t going my way, which is… y’know… most of the time.” He chuckled a little—a deep, rueful laugh that made your heart sink. “There’s no real pressure, no real fear of rejection, because it’s all just a fantasy anyway, right? Like, okay, Chrissy turned me down tonight, and yeah, I’m a little bruised up, but I’ll survive, y’know? I’ll soldier on. No scars. No permanent damage. It’s easier to recover from a rejection like that because, well, because it was never all that real to begin with.”

Eddie pulled off one of his rings and stared at it for a minute, his eyes taking on a strange luster that felt foreign yet somehow familiar. 

“But if I ever met someone,” he said with a sad, wistful smile, “someone I really liked and could potentially see myself with, someone who I thought might actually like me back… If I thought I had finally found that person and, y’know, she rejected me and just totally ripped my heart out and stomped it into the ground… well… how’s a guy like me supposed to recover from something like that?”

His brown eyes drifted over to you as he said this, and in them you saw something that haunted you. Like something deep, deep inside them was reaching out to you, forcing you to say, 

“Have you?” 

“Have I what?” Eddie asked. 

“Met someone you thought you liked?” 

And just like that, Eddie’s eyes retreated from you and rolled up to the ceiling. 

“Uhh, no,” he said, “that was purely rhetorical. Yeah, there’s been no romance for this poor, cynical soul… See, uh, most of the girls at school are kinda terrified of me. Like, I tried to return a pencil to this one girl, and she acted like I was pulling a knife on her or something. She just, uh, ran off like the devil was after her. Then there are other girls that sorta… want me to pull a knife on them, which is somehow worse. Yeah, I guess they look at me and make all these wild assumptions, and then they end up disappointed when they realize I’m uh…” 

“A big fantasy nerd?”

Eddie shot you an amiable glare. “Yes, thank you for putting it so gently.” 

“Hey, I’m just saying… you did your last six book reports on The Lord of the Rings.” 

“Well, six books, three volumes, one ring to rule them all…” and you both laughed at that for way longer than you should have. 

“You brought maps,” you said. 

“For context.” 

“You brought props.” 

“Visual aids.” 

“You acted out scenes.” 

“Well, an epic like Lord of the Rings requires a certain amount of theatrics… I may have gone a little overboard, though.” 

“Way overboard,” you said, and giggled. 

Eddie cracked a small smile. “Yeah, I remember standing at the front of the class, looking out at everyone… and there you were, just sitting there watching in wide-eyed delight, totally basking in my failure.” 

“I wasn’t basking…” 

“Oh, you were basking big time.” 

“Well, hey, you inspired me to read the book.” 

“Oh yeah?” Eddie said, seeming pleasantly surprised. “And what were your thoughts?” 

“It was… okay.” 

“Just okay?”

“I just… I dunno, maybe I’d enjoy it more as a movie.”  

“Wow, okay…” 

“Yeah, it just reads a little like a history book.” 

“Well, yeah, it was inspired by the old epics—y’know, like uh…” 

“Yeah, I know the old epics. I’ve read the old epics. Yeah, Beowulf? Huge fan. And I’ll tell you what, after tonight I’m really starting to empathize with Grendel.” 

Eddie squinted at you. “Yeah, I don’t know what that means.” 

“Well, Grendel was tormented by the sounds of feasting and merriment because of his whole, you know, ‘forsaken by God’ thing… God, am I the only one who pays attention in English class? I feel like all my references just soar over everyone’s heads.”  

Eddie threw up his hand. “Wait, okay, I think I get it now. The sounds of prom are making you really angry right now because you’re in here feeling like an outcast, and now you kinda wanna go out there and slaughter everyone. Is that about right?”

“Well, it’s a lot less funny when you have to explain it…” 

“I’m sorry,” Eddie said, smiling at you. “Next time we’re stuck in a bathroom together, I’ll be sure to brush up on my classic literature.” 

And that made you laugh—an easy, effortless laugh that made your chest feel so beautifully warm. You smiled to yourself, savoring the feeling. 

“But honestly, I don’t blame you,” Eddie went on, fingering the chain on his wrist. “Because having to listen to this shitty music all night is enough to make anyone go insane.” 

You both went quiet for a minute, listening to the synth-pop pouring in through the wall: “You spin me right 'round, baby, right 'round… Like a record, baby, right 'round, 'round, 'round…” Dead or Alive. God, it was enough to make you wish you were dead.

You cringed and said, “Yeah, I voted for Journey… I was really hoping to have myself a little Journey moment tonight, but I guess that wasn’t in the cards for me.” 

“I’m sorry,” Eddie said. Then his face scrunched up, and he went, “Journey, really?”

“What, you got a problem with Journey?”

“No, I just… I just think their music is kinda lame, that’s all.” 

“What?” you shrieked, getting way more offended than you should have. “Their music is not lame! Their music is amazing and real and... you know, Steve Perry is the voice of our generation. The range, the power, he is a truly phenomenal artist. We are blessed to have his voice grace our ears.” 

Eddie drew back from you a little, his eyes widening in befuddled horror. “Okay, I’ve clearly struck a nerve here…”

“Yeah, you have—a big nerve. You know what, go away.” 

“What?”

“Go sit over there. You have offended Steve Perry and, therefore, you have offended me. Now begone, you are henceforth banished from this wall. Go sit over there. This spot is for Journey lovers only.” 

“Okay, crazy, I’m going…” Eddie climbed to his feet and trudged to the other side of the room, plopping himself down on the long vanity. “Is this far enough for you? Or should I go into the handicap stall?”

“No, that’s far enough,” you said, “except now I have to like yell in order to talk to you, so come back.”

Eddie stared at you for a minute, a smile tugging at his lips. “As the lady commands.”  

He came and sat down beside you, even closer than before. You didn’t mind. 

“So apart from the almighty Journey, what other music do you like?” 

With a huge grin you said, “You mean besides Corroded Coffin? Because obviously they’re at the top.” 

Eddie rolled his eyes. “All right, I see we’re back to making fun of me…” and you laughed a little; you couldn’t help it. 

“I still remember your first performance at the middle school talent show. Man, that was such a wonderful train wreck. Like, it was just noise upon noise upon noise. You guys sounded like you were all playing different songs. I mean, nobody was on the same page! Gareth was dragging the whole time, and Jeff’s guitar was so out of tune it was painful, and you… you were clearly playing in the Garden to a sold-out crowd. Yeah, you thought you were Eddie Van Halen, didn’t you? Well, you didn’t sound like Eddie Van Halen, I promise you that. It was so legendarily bad! And I just remember sitting there thinking, Oh my god, I’m witnessing the greatest performance in history right now. Rock & Roll Hall of Fame here we come!” 

You laughed yourself to tears, until your sides ached and you were snorting like a pig. Eddie was glowering at you the whole time, but his glare wasn’t as cold as it usually was. Now it felt warm and almost… affectionate. 

“Okay, you’ve had your laugh,” he said, and you took a second to compose yourself, to dry your eyes and catch your breath. 

“Anyway… you guys are a lot better now.” 

“Yeah?” Eddie said. “How would you know?”

“Because I’ve heard you… Tuesdays at The Hideout? Yeah, I’ve been there.” 

Eddie’s head jerked up and around. “What? You came to our shows?”

“Yeah… well, actually, I went for the wings. They, uh, they have these blueberry barbecue wings that are like insanely good and, you know, they have a big wing deal on Tuesdays—you can get a whole basket for like two bucks—so I may have caught a show or two…” 

Or all of them. 

Eddie gaped at you, mystified. “How did I not see you there? I feel like I’d instantly recognize the sound of you cackling.” 

“Yeah, I kinda hung out in the back, tried to keep a low profile. I just didn’t want you to think I was there to heckle you or anything.” 

For a while, Eddie didn’t say anything. He just kept staring at you with this deeply puzzled expression. You flinched away from it, feeling embarrassed. 

“What?” you finally said. 

“Nothing,” Eddie answered, and shook his head. “I just, uh…” 

The door swung open and Sarah Twinley walked in. As soon as she spotted you and Eddie sitting on the floor, her lips curled with utter disdain and she said, “Are you guys getting high or something?” 

“Yes,” you said. “Yes, we are.” 

She sighed. “Typical.” 

Then she went to the vanity, her pink heels clicking against the tile. You and Eddie stayed perfectly still, neither one of you saying a word, while Sarah fixed her hair, touched up her makeup, and dabbed some perfume behind her ears. Once finished, she closed her matching pink clutch and walked out. “Have fun in here, freaks.” 

As the door closed, you said, “I think I just became a freak by association. All that social climbing for nothing…” 

Then you turned to Eddie. “You don’t have any drugs on you, do you?”

“I thought you didn’t mess around with that stuff.” 

“I don’t normally, but tonight I would make an exception.” 

Eddie smiled a little at that, but said, “Sorry, I’m not carrying tonight.” 

You swung your fist. “Damn… Nobody spiked the punch bowl. Our resident drug dealer’s pockets are empty. What good are you, Munson?” 

You tried to laugh at your own joke, but you couldn’t. There was an awkward tension in the room that wasn’t there before, and it was making you feel restless, like you needed to get up and move. Run a lap. Or a mile. Or a whole damn marathon. 

“You know, security’s probably moved on by now, so this would be the perfect time for you to, uh, skedaddle on outta here.” 

Eddie said, “Are you kicking me out?”

“No… I just figured you’d wanna go.” 

Eddie gazed at you expectantly, hopefully. “So you want me to stay, then?”

“Umm…” You blushed, feeling a little put on the spot. “I mean, I don’t care. You can do what you want.” 

Eddie bent his head and frowned. “Yeah, that’s not what I asked,” he said in a low voice, while his hands fondled every piece of jewelry he was wearing. “I said, do you want me to stay?”

Then his deep brown eyes flicked up to yours, stealing the breath from your lips, making your chest swell and get painfully tight. 

“Yes,” you whispered. “Yes, I want you to stay.” 

____________________

PREV // CURRENT // NEXT

#eddie munson #stranger things #fanfic #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson imagine #chrissy cunningham #jason carver #chrissy x jason #eddie x chrissy #stranger things 4 #st4 #ambrossart #dancing with myself #dwm #fanfiction

[aesthetic-is-life]

GOM Headcanon

Kise

He has very dry skin. He follows his skin care religiously

He has both a huge prize AND degredation kink.

Every thursday he goes to Caribbean dances and has a regular partner for the bachata

He got a degree in something with fashion and marketing. Still working as a model and influencer during the college years.

After he goes works with his sisters in their fashion company

He and Midorima fucked few times between the Teiko and the High school

He's a little bit of a whore (especially at the club half drunk)

Absolutely adores to give orals. Yes let me suck you off sir please

Very good at it

Had a huge crush for Aomine during Teiko, but nothing happened

His romantic relationship never last long (monogamy problem)

He is poly

Feels trapped in a monogamous relationship

Very closed to his sister in the adult age

Vegetarian (vegan at home)

Has a little tattoo for each miracles (like a frog for Midorima, a cherry flower for Momoi..)

Akashi

Lactose intollerant

Aroace King (kise told him about ace people and Midorima confirmed the existence)

Degree in philosophy

Sojio professional player just for saying he has a job (not really need one)

After the winter cup he had pretty bad episodes of depression and eaten alive from his guilt.

But with the power of friendship (Mibuchi had called the miracles for and intervention) and therapy he got better

He would need a heavy session of consensual BDSM (he subs)

He and his dad ignore each other basically

Didn't took well the death of his horse, and after that doesn't want any more pets

He and Midorima suggest books each other

Doesn't drink, but can handle alcool pretty good

He play golf with the mother side of the family

Totally an addicted to

Only the Gom knows that he was diagnoed DID (dissocative identity disorder)

He would be a perfect menwife

Doesn't like to drive

Midorima

Doctor bccouse his daddy told him to

He and Takao got married at some point

His best man was Akashi

His dad was kind of homophobic, but had a change of heart

For each birthday he does the the natal chart of all the Gom + takao and Kagami

Can't hendle alcool (no at all, like half beer and he is WASTED)

Takao is an architect and he designed their house

Doesn't talk before his coffe

Morning person (after the coffe), Takao is not

Still listen to the oroscop every morning and brings the luck item (Takao is forced to have his too)

Has a thing for dirt talk (Takao doesn't complaint)

Still play piano and composes song for Takao

Would like to have a kid or two

Rei Ryugazaki (from free!) are cousins

Every sunday the have a lunch with the over miracles in their home

Aomine

His career in the NBA (because yes he entred) has benn pretty short for injuries

so he come back in Japan and makes the delivery for the flower/ plant shop of Sakurai.

in the US he and kagami lived togher, but they were in diffrent teams

He adoped a dog he found on the side of a road

Really like beers of all kind and flavors

Decent cook

He and Kuroko fucked everywhere in Teiko. But like everywhere, not corridor, bathroom, storege room or class was safe (they enjoyed)

He and Kagami had drunk and angry sex in the US times

Prefers women (boobs)

As an adult he went to therapy and understood what was wrong during the last years in middle school (depression time)

He and Momoi are big fan of horror movies

Very warm person

Can't stand gloves

Kuroko

Cold hands

He and Kagami moved in together, but neither of them belives in marriege

Kuroko would love a cat, but Kagami is allergic

He works in a kindergarten

and come home full of drawings of the kids

Doesn't want to have children though

Exhibitionist kink

Having sex is a park in the middle of the night

Kagami usually cooks and he drives

Brings his kindle everywhere with him

He smokes a little (like two or three cigarette per day)

Murasakibara

Chronic back pain and at the joint because he grew up too fast

Acne and bad skin in general because he eats to much chocolate and sweets in general

Became a pastry chef

He, Himuro and Kagami opened a nice coffe shop

The type with cultural events, book crossing and stuff

Doesn't really like having sex. He finds it really tiring

He and Himuro have an open relationship

Ass eater king. Not a big fan of penetrative sex because he dosent't want to hurt Himuro with his huge cock.

Has a little aquarium and adores stares at the fish

Can't swim

He got diabetes at some point

Momoi

She got a degree in statistic and after a very high paid job

When Baribe went out, she and Kise went all pink

In her highshool years she did something with some girls, but she found it pretty wet. Prefers small and cute boys

Seirously considering breast reduction surgey

She and Sakurai are together

They have an adorable little dog

When Aomine was in US they used to videocall every fucking day

She and Kise are the queens of gossip

Never had smth physical with Kuroko

Very good at videgames (had a youtube chanal)

especially the shooting ones

Wears high heels at work

Adores cherry

Allergic to something stupid like kiwi or apple

During college she made a lot of female friends

Pretty dominant in bed

Good at drawing

#kuroko no basket #knb #gom #knb headcanon #gom headcanon #kise ryōta #akashi seijuro #headcanon akashi #kise headcanon #takao x midorima #midorima headcanon #midorima shintarou #aomine × kagami #aomine daiki #aomine headcanon #aomine x kuroko #kuroko tetsuya #kuroko headcanon #kuroko x kagami #they are so cute #momoi satsuki #momoi headcanon #akashi needs therapy #murasakibara atsushi #himuro x murasakibara

[luxe-pauvre]

it’s become very common for women online to express their identities through an artfully curated list of the things they consume, or aspire to consume — and because young women are conditioned to believe that their identities are defined almost entirely by their neuroses, these roundups of cultural trends and authors du jour often implicitly serve to chicly signal one’s mental illnesses to the public. one girl on your tiktok feed might be a self-described joan didion/eve babitz/marlboro reds/straight-cut levis/fleabag girl (this means she has depression). another will call herself a babydoll dress/sylvia plath/red scare/miu miu/lana del rey girl (eating disorder), or a green juice/claw clip/emma chamberlain/yoga mat/podcast girl (different eating disorder). the aesthetics of consumption have, in turn, become a conduit to make the self more easily consumable: your existence as a Type of Girl has almost nothing to do with whether you actually read joan didion or wear miu miu, and everything to do with whether you want to be seen as the type of person who would. and i understand the appeal. at first, relying on complex female characters (or the real women that we adopt as de-facto fiction) to blueprint my neuroses was liberating; eventually, though, it began to feel like a trap. if i can compare myself to just the right amount of things — place myself at the nexus of enough edgy, vaguely feminist media properties — will that eventually start to feel like actualization? i wonder what romantic love would feel like if i’d never seen a romantic comedy, if i’d been allowed to figure it out before a commodified version was fed to me. i wonder what my own illness would feel like. now, as i put on mascara before crying so i’ll look the right kind of sad when i see myself in the mirror, i think about how nothing feels real at all if it doesn’t look like the movies. […] we consume so much, now, that perhaps we don’t know what it means to exist as something unsellable. i had to give up journalling because i couldn’t stop writing for the people who would read it after i was dead.

rayne fisher-quann, standing on the shoulders of complex female characters

#rayne fisher-quann #standing on the shoulders of complex female characters