#functions. but personal space is where i draw the line because you can't just get into someone's space & insist on being there even when--

[hiiragi7]

Something I feel isn't well-understood in the plural community is differences in disordered and non-disordered plurality - Some experiences are very similar and have heavy overlap or seem to have no differences as far as the "plural" aspect goes, this is very true.

Many disordered systems and non-disordered systems may even appear identical when the trauma symptoms are taken out of the picture.

However, it is simultaneously true that you cannot ignore the huge number of systems who are, arguably objectively, completely different from non-disordered systems' experiences of plurality.

There are many disordered systems who do not view each system member as a complete person - Who, without the trauma aspect, would not exist. Who are not "people with trauma responses", but rather they are the trauma responses. They, themselves, are trauma personified and the trauma cannot be at all removed from their existence for the sake of the argument that "We're all the same if you just take away the trauma, our differences are not related to the plurality, it's just the PTSD symptoms that make us different".

For many of us, the plurality is, inherently, part of the PTSD symptoms. For me and my system, they can't be untangled from each other.

I cannot relate to systems who describe having no distress or no near-constant difficulty regarding being a system.

I can't find myself relating much to systems who talk about having many members with no jobs or roles, because my system is highly structured.

I can't find myself relating much to systems who don't have system members that only exist to be in a constant flashback state.

I can't find myself relating much to systems without organized internal punishment from higher-up system members for "breaking rules".

If it is not poor taste to say each of these examples individually, is it really so harsh to say I often can't relate all that much to most non-disordered systems' experiences with plurality?

No, I don't agree with people who say "Non-disordered systems and disordered systems have absolutely no overlap ever, they're completely different and seperate experiences and they should never even be in shared spaces together or use the same language as each other", but people who go to the complete opposite end of this argument to say that "We're all the same if you just ignore the trauma responses" are also wrong and don't seem to get that for many of us our plurality is the trauma response.

There's a lot of overlap in many areas, for sure. Many non-disordered systems have reported having system members with roles, for example. And many disordered systems don't fit the examples I used above.

However, I also believe it is fine for us to say we have some general overall differences without encouraging either complete seperation or trying to frame us as the exact same group "If you ignore the PTSD".

It is absolutely a spectrum, but it's okay to say many disordered systems' plurality is inherently different from non-disordered systems' experiences because of those disordered systems' experiences being heavily tied to trauma. For those systems this applies to, trauma is not just an add-on that you can easily seperate from the rest of their plurality for the sake of an argument, it is the very foundation of their plurality and how it functions.

This is all just a long way to say it does not have to be so black-and-white and I see no reason for it to be. We are neither completely seperate groups nor are we completely similar.

Complete seperation ignores grey areas and draws thick lines where there are none. It also harms anyone who may accidentally pick the "wrong" group, such as disordered systems who are unaware of their origins or disorder being unable to access resources or community spaces for the disordered aspects of their system. (This is not to say that exclusive spaces should not exist, but rather that both shared and exclusive spaces should exist)

Saying that we are the same, meanwhile, ignores very real, genuine differences we have and also makes it much more difficult to discuss those differences.

As always, it just... well, comes back down to nuance, really. We can have differences without that meaning we are nothing alike or that we are "basically the same".

#syscourse

[crysdrawsthings]

I don't know if you have any more info on Charlotte's adoptive dads, but I'd love to know about them! As well, how do they all end up a part of Sanyas merry group? (ps keep up the fantastic work all your beans are the best <3 I love watching the asks and stories so much)

Oh god bless, this is so exciting to talk about! First, for those new or those who missed, those are Charlotte's adoptive dads - Al and "Billy". Space marine and tech-priest. And also c'toaster is here too.

Secondly, as for how it all happened to be, well, this was quite a ride...

Let's talk about Al first. Al is, not surprisingly, a short for Alpharius. No, he is not the Alpharius, but his whole group of Alpha Legionnaires just called everyone Alpharius. They were quite the bunch. Maybe still are.

Al was the part of their group for some centuries, was in all fairness all-around mediocre at his job, by no means bad, but also sincerely nothing especially noteworthy. Was cycled around through different tasks and job and was honestly feeling like there is something missing in his life. He might not know what fear is, but he did discover midlife crisis.

In terms of hobbies and various neat details of personality, he likes drawing (by no means good at it), reading (comes in handy) and, after he got an opportunity to explore it, surprisingly good with animals. Some years prior to meeting Charlotte he got a space analogue of a tortoise on one of his missions and went through a lot to hide it from others. Al named it Praetorian, because it is very well fortified and (if you squint) yellow. Praetorian is known to decimate cabbages and sleep a lot.

The last task he was doing for his group was to go and retrieve some useful Knight tech from the world under the attack by some actual, 100%, not good for your health heretics. I am not sure exactly about his means of transportation and all this, and I frankly don't know enough about how it works with WH to really put it together.

This is where he met Charlotte.

She, as her world was under attack, was alongside her mother, as Valerie and Adder were making their last stand. Generally speaking, the situation was along the lines of a significant portion of Knight House being on a mission of some kind and their communication sabotaged, so no help was coming.

Valerie was badly wounded, and her last command was more or less "as soon as we can't fight anymore, blow everything up, they won't get our Knight or us" and Charlotte, also in not exactly perfect shape, as this is where her arm got mangled, had every intention on following with this.

Not sure about exact details of how this bit would go, but the end result is that Al and Charlotte met and both got out of there, along with around two-thirds of Adder. This might have involved desperate and determined beyond being scared of anything, Charlotte trying to shoot him at first and Al doing some badass space marine stuff while dispatch of enemies immediately concerned with bringing down Adder.

Following this they left together on their own, not really sure what to do with their lives at the moment, but Charlotte looking for a way to bring Adder back up, Al looking out to make sure Charlotte stay safe, Praetorian eating cabbages and all of them being generally odd, but oddly functional family as far as it goes in Warhammer.

Sure, Charlotte only really knew being a Scion and her actual dad wasn't bad, but rather absent in her life and also her House just got destroyed and Al only really knew growing up as an aspirant and then questionably chaotic space marine, but now they also had the opportunity to figure out all the fun family things.

Then they eventually met "Billy".

So, once, maybe a few years later, they found their way to a world in some less-explored bit of the galaxy. It looked promising, perhaps some rare supplies, some old tech or art things perhaps to trade with hunched metal skeleton and his super pompous and extra assistant... They found something better. A new family member. Who is a perpetually angry tech-priest with a sentient toaster.

So "Billy" is a bit fuzzy on his actual biography. He knows for sure that he was a part of an expedition of some sort a long time ago. And that they came to this world in search of something, but now he is the only survivor in a decrepit bunker and ancient buildings, his cogitators slowly rusting away and how he is still alive is surely a miracle from Omnissiah. And a lot of spite.

In fact, he is only called "Billy" because his gun had "B.I.L." engraved on it and Charlotte assigned him a name based on it. Prior to this, he was pretty content not really having any particular way of addressing him.

What he does not remember is that the expedition he was the part of actually found something interesting in the ruins - a weak and degrading c'tan shard, but a shard nonetheless. That in the present time is known as c'toaster and ended up in this diminutive form after being almost destroyed by the expedition, that whoever walked away from it with barely a handful of surviving tech-priests, ship brought down on the planet and no way home. And now there was a sole survivor plagued with the erratic visions of something slumbering in the depth of Mars so, so far away and slowly bonding with ancient and tired and spiteful in the same way c'toaster.

Not that they became buddies overnight, obviously. But they were stuck there for a long time, after all. Until some... certainly not exactly smart people decided to use the remnants of the ship on top of ruins as a temporary camp and somehow the salvation came in a form of Al and Charlotte. They could have used a tech-priest skills and paid no mind to an odd toaster thing (this was a lie, Charlotte was enamored since day one), and "Billy" with c'toaster could have used a boost to get away from accursed space rock.

To bring to light some more details about "Billy" - he was the one to make a proper augmented hand for Charlotte. He is not much in terms of hobbies, but likes doing preventive maintenance and generally watching Al and Charlotte do their fleshling things. Will never admit to actually enjoying their company out loud, though. Helpful and caring toward the tiny human nonetheless. Given his situation, pretty lax on so-called tech-heresy and dreams of seeing Mars again, both as some form of a long-lost home and due to an odd ache for something there he has because of basically hugging a c'tan shard of the Void Dragon for years and years.

Now, how they met with Sanya and crew is very exciting. They escaped an Exterminatus together. And here I would need to elaborate. So, as I mentioned before, Sanya and Lacedrace got daemon-hunters on their tails eventually. And the day came when they caught up with Sanya, Lacedrace and, by this point, two ork kommados, an eldar lady and a carnifex.

Accidentally, or maybe planned in advance by the Lord of Change, it happened to be on the same planet that Al, "Billy", Charlotte and c'toaster were visiting. So they worked together to escape the planet bombardment and this is how they ended up travelling together. Since, well, they have one ship, but only one person able to safely pilot it away from everything that was happening and through rather stormy warp.

Phew. I think this is more or less it! Thank you for reading, god bless your patience if you are still there after all this rambling.

#wh40k #wh 40k #warhammer 40k #imperium of man #alpha legion #imperial knight #of hopes and daemons #sanya the guardsman and friends #blinky the void dragon #crysandthings #cryswritesthings

[alkalinefrog]

hey, so, I had an art related question... if all of this is too much, feel free to ignore it.

the backstory is that I've had the same laptop since early high school but recently I had a birthday (I'm 28 now). my parents got me an HP laptop, and my friend got me a tablet, which she bought off of an online friend for $30. the problem is that I haven't had new technology like... ever? none that was actually mine anyway, and certainly nothing that could handle me using it for art.

and this is especially a problem when it comes to the tablet. my friend helped me get firealpaca onto the laptop, and get the tablet set up with the right drivers, aaaaand... I cannot make one line that looks good using it. I've been using pen and paper for so long and I have a really light touch, and it feels like I have to jam the pen down to get it to register, at which point I might as well have not set the pen sensitivity to anything at all because the thickest line is the only kind I can make?? any lighter and it won't show up on the screen at all. like I can ctrl+z and it doesn't even go back a step, the line didn't get drawn. there's like a 20% chance that any line I try to put down won't actually register. and tbh this isn't really what I had wanted... it's a huion tablet, which is the brand I wanted, but I was gonna buy myself one where you can see what you're drawing on the screen of the tablet itself. not just due to coordination issues, I think I could get used to that part, but because I feel like I wouldn't be having this specific problem with getting things to register. every single line I make looks like crap with this tablet, it makes me feel like I might as well be drawing with my feet, and I've been fidgeting with settings, and it doesn't seem like anything helps. I also still don't have a mouse for the laptop yet, so I can't click and drag anything very well because it has a trackpad, so messing with sliders is already aggravating.

I feel so lost and overwhelmed, and like if I buy anything else, I'm just going to end up with more unusable stuff because *I'm* probably the problem. I just don't know anything, and trying is mentally fatiguing me so quickly... my brain knows what I want my art to look like, and my hands can do it with a real pen. I just have absolutely no clue how to make this machine produce anything.

so I guess my questions are stuff like, what equipment do you use? are there tablets that will register a light touch or am I really going to have to be this heavy handed in order to work with one? what resolution/canvas size do you usually work on? any recommendations for what program to use?

overall, I'd really like to get myself something that feels more intuitive than the tablet... honestly, I was finding some success drawing with just my finger on the touch screen of my phone at one point. there were still a lot of problems with that, but the nail in the coffin was that my phone's memory space filled up and I had to get rid of the drawing app to make it functional again (it's an iphone, which is why). maybe I should just get an ipad or something...? though, one more thing on the mountain of potential options is the last thing my crumbling ADHD brain needs. I've been taking a break from art in general because I've still maintained my 40-hours-a-week work schedule through the whole pandemic... I do 10 hour shifts and work overnight, so I technically have free time since I only work 4 days a week, but the type of work I do leaves me with no energy at all. so I've been in an art slump and I've been wanting to get out of it, but this is just making art feel impossible, even though the whole reason why I've always wished I could draw digitally is so that I can color digitally. I had been drawing things in pen and scanning them to color in photoshop, but cleanup takes so long that I literally can't produce finished work anymore. I'm out of options that aren't prohibitively labor intensive and frustrating.

this was probably way too much information, but if you have any advice I'd be really grateful.

Huh, well first off HAPPY BIRTHDAY DUDE!! Congrats on the sweet new tech (even if it's been a bit frustrating) and well-deserved celebration!

From the sounds of it I think the main issue is probably your tablet (this is pure speculation on my end though, so you know, grain of salt and all). You're right in that you shouldn't have to fight against your equipment. I have a really light touch too and I've never had the same issue. I personally don't have any experience with huion tablets, but if you're having trouble getting your lines to register then it might have been worn down by the previous user. It's not so much about buying a monitor (the screen one) vs. tablet so much as getting working equipment.

An iPad is a great alternative!! I've played around with the apple pencil and procreate and it's a super intuitive program with (obviously) super easy set up! You get the drawing on the screen AND really nice pen pressure. I'm really happy seeing it opening up new doors for more people to get into digital art!

In terms of your current laptop/tablet situation:

My set up rn is pretty pricey ngl; I have a PC desktop computer with a 16 inch Wacom Cintiq. Getting started in digital art doesn't mean you have to drop a bag on a ton of equipment right from the get go though! If you're looking for a safe small investment, I'd recommend getting a Wacom Bamboo pen tablet!

This lil' baby right here is what I started with!! I think cost-wise it floats around 70ish bucks, but that's exponentially more affordable than buying a huge monitor. One of my friends who's also a pro artist uses a similar small tablet because it works great! That's an alternative that might be worth looking into.

You can also get free trials on other drawing programs (clip studio paint is a great one!) To test and see if it's a software issue with firealpaca.

You could also try checking online forums to see if anyone else is running into similar issues, or watch some YouTube videos of people reviewing different tablets. I know this might be even more overwhelming, so I'd try and narrow the scope to focus on one thing at a time.

My best advice right now would actually be to get a mouse, or any other accessories you need. I've also been in your shoes where I was completely overwhelmed, and I can say that checking off all the small easy things makes a HUGE difference! It makes you feel more in control of the situation, and even if you're still having trouble with digital art you can at least get more comfortable using your laptop in the mean time.

You got this dude!! I believe in you!!

EDIT:

Thanks @wooliebirds!

#ask #anonymous #advice

[aphrodite-would-be-proud]

@ava-sr said: EE i do apologize that this is late, but maybe a small request because of my moblit-brainrot. which dates he would like to take you on? maybe like one of those guided painting classes? aGh all i know is that man is the absolute sweetest and i love him with all my heart

Types of dates with Moblit pt.1

{ Moblit x reader | tw:none | fluff | modern }

{ "Vanitas Still Life" 1662 by Edwaert Collier c. 1640 - after 1707 London or Leiden }

Ideal dates : these are dates he plans up ahead, makes sure they go smoothly and you're both are having fun. He really looks forward to these dates, they're like an event for him. He saves them up for important occasions like your anniversary, valentine's day, birthday.

I. Cuddling for hours at a time

you have to understand that in Moblit's overworked and stressful life, moments of respite are rare and far. He's so deprived of touch and love that it's a miracle how he has managed to function without even a beep. The thought of having someone to warm his bed, cradle his worries and put them to rest by simply combing through his hair, never crossed his mind despite having a hundred thoughts running through it per minute.

Some days he manages to forget your existence even, not out of some selfish desire or to belittle you, but out of disbelief, after all it's too good to be true.

You're too good to be true to him.

Your tender words pull him back each time he blindly steps closer to the edge, a never-ending spiral of self-destructive work tendencies awaiting him at the bottomless abyss. Your warm embrace shutting out the swarm of nagging voices meant to guilt him out of rest, to act as if the key to curing his sleep deprivation was to not acknowledge its existence, that fatigue symptoms could be erased by his own homemade placebo remedies.

As if your mere touch could turn anything to gold, and in his case, it did. 

It was what made the difference between an anxiety inducing catastrophic day, and a mere rough stepping stone he could easily manoeuvre around leaving his pace steady and undisturbed.

Reminding that it's okay to fail, to give something your best only for it to crumble to dust. It's a process of trial and error, it takes time and patience.

You don't get to choose how well things end up working out, it's not up to you nor is it your place.

And that's why for him, his ideal place in the world is in your arms, to simply let the rise and fall of your chest lull him into comfortable numbness. His features softening as the oxytocin levels rise, courtesy of your warm embrace, soft skin providing just the right pressure against his own.

Laying on your shared bed together, the soft breeze coming from the open windows moves the thin curtains. Moblit is Holding you close as one of his arms sneak around you, fingertips tracing shapes up and down your back. Face buried in your shoulder as yours rests on top of his head, stray hairs almost tickling your nose when you brush against them.

The passing of time does little to his cotton filled mind, occasionally attempting to pull you even more closer as if it's possible. Legs tangled with yours under the heavy blanket despite him hogging most of it.

Every now and then, when a certain amount of time passes, he'd look at you with half-closed eyes, a lidded look of satisfaction before murmuring in his sleepy voice.

"Do you want to get up?" And despite his sincere words and warm tone, his body makes no move to detach itself from your side.

Does he know the soothing effect of the circles he keeps drawing up your back? Or how much him talking with his lips still pressed against your neck makes you melt just a bit.

Whatever it is, Moblit seems confident in his ability to keep you snuggled against him, tucked underneath the warm blanket and fluffy pillows almost muffling your answer.

II. Visiting a music bar

Preferably something with soft yellowish lights, small enough spaces not meant for dancing but to create an intimate atmosphere akin to a music venue.

A jazz club, maybe a brewery.

Dimmed sunlight seeping through the thin curtained window, shadow traces of people smoking outside while making small talk, cushioned bar stools placed around the long bar with a mirrored wall behind it as several aged bottles and fancy glasses with signatures decorate the wooden shelves.

The quiet chatter of people blurring behind the mellow music the band is playing on the nearby stage, smooth movement with relaxed postures as if they've done this a hundred times before, and they probably have.

You're sitting in one of the booths near the window, a private spot where you're far enough for people not to notice yet close enough to still hear the music flowing.

The beat is slow, hypnotising even that the minutes blur together. 

Moblit giving you a smile as he comes back with your drinks, sitting opposite of you before handing you the cold glass, ice cubes clinking against each other as you raise the frosted rim to your lips, sugary sweet filling your senses, the cooling sensation of the drink slides down your throat.

There's a hint of citrus in it.

You've learned to trust Moblit's choice in drinks after being together for so long, he just knows what's going to taste good and which kind of drink you seem to need without having to say a word.

He seems comfortable here, even referring to the bartender by his name like they've been friends for a while, and maybe they have judging by the out-of-script welcoming he gave Moblit.

One conversation starts another and both of you find it so easy to talk to each other without boundaries or second thoughts, the smiles and occasional chuckles almost never leaving your features while nursing on your drinks.

He tells you stories from his work and about his co-workers. You find yourself entranced by his seemingly abusered line of work and the amount of chuckle worthy instances a single work day can offer.

That one time Hange knocked the liquid incense oils that someone Levi brought to freshen the place, well to their luck the oils fell directly on an open flame from the nearby scented candle which resulted in the fire spreading through the liquid alcohol between the broken glass.

And despite the feeling of dread, from seeing his files catch on fire this story brings him, the sound of your chocked laughter as you almost spilled your drink over your clothes, made it all worth it for him.

III. Antique shop

There was something to be said about Moblit's yearning for especially old looking things, trinkets, crumpled maps, tea stained letters and silvered mirrors.

You can't miss the gleam in his eyes as he opens the antique store door open for you the chime of the door bells following after. The smell of burning incense lingering in the air alongside the slow ticking of an old wooden clock.

The look on his face is of pure fascination, his eyes following the trail of the objects lined on the tables, from the old oil paintings with hand carved frames to the crystals reflecting sunlight next to the colourful stones. Observing as he carefully walks behind you through the narrow spaces between the tables and shelves. 

Pulling your attention whenever he finds a particular curious thing to show you as if it's an offering, it can range from music boxes with a really familiar melody that you can't quite remember or a beautifully shaped rose quartz stone that feels cool against your palm.

Whatever he brings, it often manages to intrigue you in some way. Moblit could always notice things other people would skip over otherwise, scanning the tables was like a small treasure hunt.

He'd always pick one or two leather journals, almost filled to the brim with ink scribbled pages and tea stained spots, personal diaries dating back to the 90's and if he's lucky they might edge towards the 80'. He likes to read them, live in someone else's shoes even for a split second, puzzle pieces falling in place as he figures out what kind of person the author was.

Of course sharing his discoveries with you while having lunch later, not out of pride nor to show off, but out of genuine respect to other people's lives and their dedication for leaving behind a piece of their soul.

IX. Roadtrip 

It's something he plans months ahead in advance, he genuinely wants to make the best out of the few weeks off both of you got to spend together. Making sure to plan a set of destinations, preparing snacks and food, packing your essentials and renting a big enough van.

A small getaway even, to completely leave everything behind and set out on a carefully planned adventure with the one he loves most, you.

Enjoying the fresh weather, the high sun and fast wind as both of you roll down the windows, fields of green and yellow meet you alongside the road the further away you move from the city.

Although be careful; the Moblit behind the wheel is a much much more different than the one you know, he's using all what remains of his self-restraint not to speed down the highway and swirl, the thought crosses his mind every hour or so and he's visibly agitated when you're forced to drive behind a particularly slow driver.

You might even have to remind him of the speed limit occasionally just so you don't end up with a pile of speeding tickets at the end of the trip.

It's like all his usually cautious and calculating demner evaporates into mist the second he touches the steering wheel, Temptations of just flooring it while high on adrenaline still linger in the back of his mind.

Beside that, the trip is a relatively calm one as you get to bask in all the new and different places you'll get to visit. Try new food and walk through different city streets, just the experience of something out of the usual is enough to satisfy Mobilt. Not to mention the fact he gets to experience it with you and just wander around without a purpose or care as long as you're together.

He'll definitely keep in mind what sort of things you seem to like, what intrigues you and the kind of reactions you show. He even started an album filled with mostly your pictures and the things you've seen.

It's most relaxing and filled with low stakes, nothing too fancy but nothing too boring either. Walking the thin line perfectly.

X. Visiting a museum

But not just any museum you see, one centred around natural history. Displaying everything from ancient fossils to full on skeleton displays of a 122 foot titanosaur, depictions of distant relatives of homosapiens and modern evolution trees of the current animals.

Moblit guiding you through the shiny tile floor and between the exhibits while holding your hand, eyes gleaming with passion as he goes on and on about each thing you glance at. Making all the trivial facts seem more fascinating than they have any right to be.

The squeaking sound of footsteps echoing on the too clean floors as four children pass you by, racing each other towards the iron suits of armour on display. They almost fall over the red ropes from leaning too close in, their caregiver seemingly busy talking with a security guard over the 'smoking not allowed' sign. 

You spare them a final glance before following Moblit through the corridor leading to the world history & old inventions section. Soon enough he steals your attention again as he begins talking about the first airplane prototype that you can't help but be enamoured by.

Despite there being a sign framed on the wall that sums up the jest of Moblit's lecture, he manages to make it not only less boring but add his own twist and uncommon known facts to it that it feels less of a history trip and of an interesting conversation.

He has so much knowledge that he's so eager not to only share but hear your own opinion and take on it, valuing your view no matter what amount of knowledge you have over the subject.

XI. Painting together

It's an idea that you offhandedly suggested after your museum visit, after all spending an hour in the Impressionism era gallery did leave an impression on you. And so the suggestion of checking out an art store for some acrylics and a couple brushes left your lips on the way home without a second thought.

Well little did you know that the small suggestion managed to latch into Moblit's brain for weeks after, making him spend his free time searching and gaining information on painting and how to start, he even managed to find some really good classes having a limited time course sale

That's how both of you end up in a guided painting class, seated next to each other with aprons on and a pallet to mix paint tubes in. You'll find out how much of a fast learner Moblit is, so much that most of the class he spends guiding your hand through the steps and offering his help whenever possible, although he still remembers not to be overbearing and still gives you space.

Both of you are in your own bubble from the class, being with him makes you feel easy and more reassured. He's like your very own comfort corner that you seek in every party, except that he can walk around with you and always looks out for you.

And whatever you end up putting on that canvas, Moblit will cherish more than any renaissance painting, will even insist on hanging it somewhere in the apartment.

#ava🕯️ #Moblit🕯️ #fluff🕯️ #aot🕯️ #moblit x reader #moblit x you #snk moblit #aot moblit #moblit berner #moblit berner x reader #fluff #aot fluff #moblit fluff #types of dates #aot #snk #aot x reader #snk x y/n #snk x you #snk x reader #aot x y/n #aot x you #attack on titan #aot modern au #modern aot🕯

[elizabethrobertajones]

Hello! Sorry for this stupid question, but here it is... how do you notice subtext?? Like, is it something that is obvious to you or do you know what/where to look for?? Am I dumb for not seeing it by myself, or is it actually okay and you need a skill for it, that's what I would like to know... *sigh*.. but also it's not like I'll accept any explanation that someone gives, I'll take it only if I find it reasonable, but lmao do I even have a right when I can't come up with anything by myself??

Oh gosh, that’s not an easy answer… Good thing I just had a coffee and my brain is nearly back online!

Essentially, it’s just about awareness and willingness to engage with the text on the level of being aware that it’s a text, rather than losing yourself to it. In a very good movie you forget where you are and you’re 100% in there and your thoughts are just absorbing what is in front of you. In a bad movie you’re gossiping and joking about the characters, even in your mind if you are polite in the cinema, and identifying shit like “oh wow what a surprise his sketchy brother is betraying him” or whatever. Aka you are viewing it as a bad movie rather than disappearing into the good one. 

And at that point you are an objective level removed, and your awareness of tropes and storytelling and general themes of the genre means you’re now engaging with the story and its subtext on a higher level than pure indulgent viewership. (Which is a blessed state and extremely important for creators to cause that to happen in us, but if we want to be critical of a text we then need to lovingly make this step back to critique and explore and analyse and understand WHY we liked the thing we liked. Or, of course, hated the thing we hated.)

This is the answer the internet gives on What Are Subtext?

The important thing is that the subtext is an actual, solid, understandable part of the story, but it’s not one that the text will actually announce with words… Unless it’s being extremely post-modern.

(You should watch Jane the Virgin, it’s amazing)

In that example, it’s extremely obvious in context that the situation sucks, and our narrator is telling us, as a voice outside the scene, how it feels for the characters even though it’s blatant on screen, it’s humorous for us to be told this as part of the overall conceit of the show, which is extremely postmodern and constantly types out the details of the story and how the characters feel, things they don’t know, etc, on screen for us to make sure we’re all on board and understand what’s going on. Using the narration like this is making what is subtext in the acted scenes, for example jealous eyebrows and the sort of other micro-expressions we over-analyse, into stated fact about the feelings. The serious nuance comes in other, much more intelligent ways in the story.

Another direct and frequent way we interact with subtext aside from it being just literally anything happening on screen that is not directly commented on but may be evident from the work of acting, camera, and setting-related design and other choices, is dramatic irony, which is a very good use of subtext which draws us in and makes us extremely aware of what we know that the other characters don’t, and plays on that for our attention and investment in the story, but of course MUST go unstated at least to some characters, meaning that any engagement we have with the conceit around said character(s) means we’re seeing the subtext they miss. Growing up reading Lemony Snicket was a masterclass in storytelling and general life so I’ll let him explain:

“Simply put, dramatic irony is when a person makes a harmless remark, and someone else who hears it knows something that makes the remark have a different, and usually unpleasant, meaning. For instance, if you were in a restaurant and said out loud, “I can’t wait to eat the veal marsala I ordered,” and there were people around who knew that the veal marsala was poisoned and that you would die as soon as you took a bite, your situation would be one of dramatic irony.”

When we’re reading a text to identify subtext, we need to have awareness of some pretty basic foundations, such as the major story tropes and styles, and character and setting and a lot of other things… Fortunately as long as you read books, watch films and TV series and otherwise consume tons of media, you will have at least unconsciously absorbed a LOT of the toolbox needed for this. You just need to know enough to know how to expect what happens next, OR to know when a story has done something radical which is NOT what you would have expected, and breaks a mould you thought it was set in.

For example, the cold open of 2x03 features a vampire, a panicked, conventionally attractive woman in a white top running through woods, being hunted by Gordon, with the vampire as the typical tropey victim, and Gordon facelessly featured as a seeming hook-handed killer. It LOOKS like it’s going to play into an extremely typical slasher story, but once Sam and Dean realise the victim was a vampire, it turns the entire set up on its head and is immensely unsettling to the foundation of the show (which is how Dean handles the episode). I use that example a lot but it’s one of the most blatantly tropey cold opens on the show which gives away nothing to suggest it will be subverted, because it’s so early in the show their mould is extremely simple, and you could almost not trust that they wouldn’t do another extremely on the nose urban legend, before they have really established themselves beyond the season 1 style.

That whole set up relies on giving us invisible cues we read which are the subtext of the scene, and then using the fact that this set up plays us really hard to believe one thing and the other, in order to make it so complex and confusing and uncertain even for us, as we relied on the cold open to tell us what was what and who was good and who was bad, which if we followed one emotional POV of the episode, could last as long as Dean’s uncertainty that the vampires weren’t bad.

Storytelling is built enormously on this foundation of subtext and stuff, and one of the things that you can tell is bad about Buckleming episodes is that they really don’t put in much subtext: things are fairly straightforward, subterfuge is broadcast, and there’s rarely deeper meanings or connections between events in their stories. It comes across shallow and weird, especially with side characters with bizarre and unexplored motivations, or surface level motivations which are not explored and we can only take it on face value what they actually care about. One of the most hilarious Buckleming scenes to me is the one where Crowley “forces” Lucifer to tell the court of demons that Crowley is the best and he is in charge, while with his back turned to Crowley, Lucifer winks and implies with his tone of voice that he is/will be in charge and is the real king they should be bowing to. This is their idea of dramatic irony, subtlety and subtext in character interactions and it is utterly, truly dreadful to behold, in the sort of way I want to put it in a museum as an example to future children to learn what not to do. You can press a button and Lucifer’s eyes light up in the exhibit!

In any case you’re probably really mostly asking about Destiel and bi Dean subtext etc, because this is what majorly concerns the meta-interested peeps. But to me it is really really essential to know and care about the entire house of cards. Billie’s words about the structure and function and behaviour of the universe in 13x05 are a wonderful description of how writing works, and as a bonus she doesn’t say “this is a writing metaphor” and wink directly into the camera, as Buckleming would have written it, but Yockey leaves this idea in the writing itself for us to interpret and understand. There’s a LOT of commentary in this show about writing but this one in particular really resonates with me when it comes to talking about interpretation, because we really have to understand and handle the entire story in order to really line up any of the pieces in a way that makes sense.

Right now I have that lil lesson in visual subtext floating around, about Ketch and Dean in 13x18 and Dean n Cas in 13x19. I think it’s a great example because Ketch and Dean have a real history, and that’s super important to remember when on the surface it looks like just a joke. The history goes back as far as 2x03, when I’ve written before about seduction and the trap Dean falls into with men filling a space in his life. The tl;dr of this linked meta is that Gordon, the Siren and then Crowley as a main arc over season 9-10 seduced Dean in a very similar pattern. 9x11 is the best example of a Dean seduction episode, but through season 10, Crowley is so successful that he has the dubious honour of having actually managed to bed Dean in the process, while the others failed, though the Siren at least got a proxy-kiss.

Ketch comes on to Dean in 12x14 and there was even a shot or promo image (I can’t remember which this is now) where they had this bottle in the middle of the table between them.

Bottles are suggestive imagery in any case, and we have Cas flirting outrageously (for Cas) with Dean in 9x09 including this action of stroking his bottle in front of Dean:

Ketch’s approach with Dean was a lot like Crowley’s, emphasising their similiarity and trying to get his little adventure with Dean to tap into all the dark parts Dean denies. In the end Ketch went overboard beating up the vampire girl, Dean went into protective mode, and didn’t unleash an inner killer, like Gordon and Crowley in particular had wanted him to, and so this Manly Bonding Over Violence failed to occur, they went their separate ways, and Ketch shacked up with Mary instead because this is a fucked up story :D

Once this incestuous connection to Ketch occurred, he for once is off-limits to Dean now, so he’s having this oddly romantic bonding episode with Dean in a sense - the kind that without this context would be huge alarm bells because it combines the ridiculous homoeroticism of Dean x Cole (thank the fucking lord that stopped short) and the plausible good chemistry of Dean x Crowley in the sense of Jensen and DHJ being a fucking delight when they’re together. This would be EXTREEEEEEEEMELY shippable in other circumstances, but instead Dean knows Ketch slept with Mary, they mother and son killed him and destroyed that gross connection, and then he floated back up like a turd, and so they mostly just talk about when and how they get to kill him again, and not in the “this is a blatant flirtation” way Crowley pointed out it was basically a come on from Dean to threaten to kill him in the closing lines of 9x10 and the opening lines of 9x11 featured Dean threatening to kill Crowley.

So Dean chilling 5ft away from Ketch in a hot tub because he’s not gay in the woods, and telling him flat out he’s not his type, is legit and not connected to subtext telling us that Dean isn’t bi, it’s that Dean in a zillion years is not going to sleep with Ketch, that if he was younger and dumber he would have, but he knows what’s up and now Ketch slept with Mary, this is fucked up in a way that we’re now verging into bizarre John subtext instead. The phallic symbol of a gun - used a lot by Dean from between his legs in humourous or not so humorous scenes and teased as penis subtext a lot (especially in #THINMAN with the “say hello to my little pistola” moment where Dean directly compares dick and gun in coded talk while having it out with Harry) - is therefore presented as Dean with it loose and not pointed at Ketch. Surface level, he’s not gonna shoot Ketch right now. Subtext… He’s… not gonna… shoot……. ketch right now…

And then you go to the kitchen scene with Dean n Cas, the subtext of beer as dicks is also deeply established as well as alcohol as sexual bonding between men, right back to Gordon and the Siren and Crowley, in a bad way, but also positive; Dean bonds with people who share a drink with him and his primary way of picking up women is in bars. In the open of 1x19 he and Sam have full beers on their table, and Dean goes over and buys more beers to talk to the women he wants to pick up, then goes to Sam and puts those beers down - in the end Sam has 4 full, untouched beers on the table in front of him when Dean runs off to go seal the deal at the end of the scene. I find that so utterly hilarious.

But yeah. Between Dean n Cas it has a much deeper level of symbolism about their connection, and the major moments are pretty numerous, but I love in 10x18 at the Last Supper, the Kingdom Beer bottle superimposed over the whole of Cas for a moment in the fade between scenes, before Dean picks it up and drinks from it. There’s also moments like 6x03 when Dean is praying to Cas where he’s holding a bottle directly between his legs, as Cas arrives in the room. Details like this always make me laugh. You need a dirty mind for this sort of subtext :P The show itself has a dirty mind… Season 7 is full of Dick jokes, but they’re only the most overt that the show makes. 9x17 is RIDICULOUS because Misha has the foulest mind and spent roughly 50% of the time he was directing doing close ups of Dean’s face as he drinks seductively from a bottle, or with him standing with a pool cue between his legs, running his hand up and down it. I… Am not going to comment further. It was, however, the episode where Crowley thought he had sealed the deal with Dean.

In any case the subtext of the beer in 13x19 is more likely to link directly to 12x10 and “this will do nothing for me but I appreciate the gesture” and the more wholesome theme of Dean trying to be nurturing and inviting Cas into the home and family - 12x10 was basically addressing and fixing an enormous problem of miscommunication about this. In the end despite the gesture - of both not killing Cas just to spite Ishim, or giving Cas a beer when it won’t make him drunk, Cas ended up still leaving on the mission that ended up with him stealing the Colt and then going off with Jack and Kelly. And this season the theme remains of miscommuncation, this time with so much dramatic irony that WE know that the characters don’t that their cross purposes can be seen from space… Hopefully for the sake of addressing it.

But I have a dirty mind and this is an established part of Destiel subtext from other scenes where the beer was more directly in focus, such as 9x09, meaning no harm in highlighting the upwards pointing phallic symbols in the room and grabbing an awkward shot of Dean holding the beer pointed Caswards from his lower torso… :P

I think in the end spotting innuendo is important to know when it is and isn’t intended by signifiers in the story and characters that it is just random. There’s almost certainly accidental moments where characters with no chemistry or emotional subplot have done things which might look suggestive but it’s up to us to use logic and reason to guess they’re not really telling us they have a boner for each other. Since Dean n Cas have romantic subtext and a strong history of innuendo and sexual subtext as well, it’s fair game to at least laugh about unfortunate implications, wonder about the Big O Slush Machine that Cas spilled over the phone to Dean in 9x06, or look stonefaced into the camera and say “that’s a dick.”

#Asks #meta meta #dean is bi #destiel #my stuff #long post for ts

[sagebodisattva]

Existential Nihilism

So when we talk about existential nihilism, we are addressing a fundamental core principle that underlies all of the seemingly different schools of nihilism. To me, honestly, despite the treatment I've given to these categories, I find it sort of silly and absurd that nihilism has been broken up and classified in a fragmented manner as such; as if the deconstruction of the various different inventory items of existence deserve their own distinctions. To me, this is the result of the work of non-nihilists; as, the true nihilist wouldn't have any such purpose for constructing these differentiations; the motivation, of such, being contrary to the very cause of nihilism in the first place.

The nihilist's mission is to uncover the truth of existence, and does so by means of stripping away all that is part of the facade, in order to reveal that which is rudimentary essence, aka the truth, or, the reality, and not illusion. We can draw the line of the true and the untrue at the event horizon of awareness. We are that, which precedes the event horizon of awareness. Beyond this horizon, is all collapsed wave function. It's hard to even begin to be able to realize and understand this line, because the attention is trained to not recognize it; to gloss over it with default oversight, the crux of the conditioning, and to remain stuck on the perceptibles.

And incidentally, this is the same kind of conditional lock that prevents one from realizing the nature of a dream whilst they are dreaming, which prevents lucidity and keeps the clarity of awareness in a fog, until after one has awoken. And I know that, even with this reference, not many have a experiential understanding of dream lucidity, but, even without such clarity, at the very least we can understand that a dream is not an actual reality, but a construct of an imagination. The dream experience is therefor an existential medium, hence, the only real reality is the awareness; which is the same again and again, in countless dreams. In other words, in the dream, what was real, was not the persona, the narrative, the perceptions, the feelings, other beings, animals or creatures, or even the world; it was always, and always will be, just the awareness.

And so, why is this common every day realization about the nature of dreams so difficult to carry over into the context of the so called “waking state?”, Because the attention is getting stuck on perceivables, and as such, the truth of reality becomes un-clarified. It's very hard to refocus the attention when its committed and heavily invested in identifications and associations, aka attachments. But let's look into these binding ties that anchor the awareness in the illusion.

We identify with the world, but the world does not make us what we are, as evidenced by the fact that we could feasibly be put into another world and still be the same person. So you are not the world or any environment.

So what about our thoughts, ideas and concepts? Are we our thinking minds? You have plenty of intellectual data in stored in your brain, but does any of it make you who you are, really? Some may argue that it does, but this is more conditioning, more identification by attachment. You could drop plenty of ideas and still be you. You could change your thoughts and still be you. You could rearrange, add or remove your concepts and still be you. So you are not your thoughts, ideas and concepts.

Maybe we are the perceptual senses? Everything we can speak about is the result of either sight smell hearing taste or touch, so perhaps our identities can be defined by perception? For those who identify as such, I strongly recommend sensory deprivation tanks. After some experience with these you will soon know first hand that you are not the senses, as also further evidenced by a blind man, or a deaf person. The adding or removal of any sensory instrument does not make us any more or less ourselves.

Ok, so what about our feelings and emotions? Do these solidify some kind of identity? How so, when again, feelings and emotions come and go, change, and fluctuate constantly, none of them ever remaining constant, and yet we still remain who we are throughout them all, so we are not our feelings and emotions.

What about our families, our names our ancestral lineage and bloodlines? Does this define us? This is yet another association. We would not still be who we are even if our family was removed? Would we become something else if we changed our name? If we woke up tomorrow in some other person's life on the other side of the world, would we not still be an individual? So we are not our families or lineage.

Then, of course, comes the physical body. Surely, if anything, we must be the physical body, no? How so exactly? If we removed your foot, would you still be you? What about your hand? Or your liver? Or your left buttock? If you are still you despite the removal of various body parts or organs, then obviously you cannot be the physical body either.

Then so, finally, what about the consciousness, aka the ego, or the persona? Without a doubt, this MUST be what we are. What else is left? The consciousness could be said to be the culmination of all the identifications and associations combined, what we sum up to be a self by adding the world, our thoughts, our perceptions, our emotions, our family history, and our physical bodies together. We call being aware of this confection the consciousness, but if none of the components of this culmination are a true self, then how could the amalgamation of these components be a true self either? By assuming such, we've only just made the ego that much more difficult to untangle. But untangling the persona is crucial to self recognition. And how is this done?

Deconstruction. Subtraction. Detachment. Reduction. Emptying. Nihilism. Destroying untruths, and tearing down false foundations.

When you have disassociated and un-identified with all of the false veneers, you will have arrived at that which could be called the true self; the actual reality, that, which is always so, that, which you are. Pure potentiality. This is the superpositional substratum upon which all distinctions of self awareness are produced. This is why, from this space of clear open awareness, it can be clearly known that, value, meaning and purpose, are existential, and not otherwise. And to further clarify existentiality, this means that these features are created aspects that only have a setting within the momentary facets of being. This is the truth of reality, and yet this truth is called nihilism. Why?

Because of the apparent disapproval of control freaks and dogma defenders, that don't want you to free yourself from your mind enslavement. People are so much easier to manipulate and command when they assume, in ignorance, that value, meaning, and purpose are pre-existing factors that one must find, and then adhere to. And don't worry, you won't have to look very far to find them; for there are plenty of leaches lined up, ready to usher you into a nice little role of subservient obedience; where you will be in the perfect position to be commanded, and used for the greedy selfish purposes of power hungry resource pigs. So fear not; if you are unwilling to create your own value, meaning and purpose, one will be happily supplied to you. If you find the notion of value meaning and purpose not being objective depressing, relax, one can be penetrated into you.

But, if you are one of the few among us that doesn't have a problem with the truth of existentiality, then know that your source is potentiality, your destination is potentiality, and whatever comes in between is completely up to you. You come from nothing, are headed towards nothing, so any value, meaning or purpose that arise, are going to be a result of your own directed action, duty, dedication, and responsibility. Meanings are not derived from theoretical philosophy, but a consequence of function and interaction. When it is said that value, meaning and purpose are not intrinsic or inherent, this is only true insomuch as it applies to value, meaning and purpose residing objectively. Value meaning and purpose are, in fact, inherent and intrinsic, but only so contextually; that is to say, relatively and subjectively so.

And I know why this prospect is daunting and undesirable to most people, for the realization that life is without meaning, purpose and value to be found pre-existing, means that, of itself, life is pretty absurd, and can be outright maddening; if one is searching for such engagements externally, which will often lead to angst and utter despondency in the face of the futility and pointlessness of it all. But it is only futile and pointless because you have invested in value judgements based on misplaced assumptions and erroneous conclusions. Drop them.

What other kind of validation do your values, meanings and purposes need, beyond your own commitment to them? For an atheist, I can't see where any of this causes an issue. If there is no god, then whereof would any of these aspects be derived? The only real people that this would seem to cause a problem for, would be theists. People that are obsessively worried about god, and the possibility that they wouldn't be serving and obeying him properly by not blindly following words in a book written by men of antiquity. What else could it be? I know, I know. You wanna be good and make it into heaven. How profoundly deep of you. But understand this: if you are good because of the promise of reward. or the threat of punishment, you are not good for the right reasons. There is no sky daddy out there to give a blowjob to, so get over it. Take responsibility for your own existence.

There doesn't need to be emotional anguish over the fact that there isn't any objective force out there supplying value, meaning and purpose. This agency is found within yourself, and can become a great wellspring of inspiration towards defining your own value, purpose and meaning. But, just keep in mind that creating your own value, purpose and meaning isn't an indication that your value, purpose and meaning are necessarily justified, and this is why we do need a very simple universal moral compass, despite morality also being a construct; it doesn't automatically follow that creating value purpose and meaning that victimizes other sentience is permissible. It isn't. This is why we shouldn't look past the importance of the existential agency of the entire nihilistic foundation, and understand that, in the face of paradoxical absurdity, it is up to you to define, and make of yourself, what you will; for no amount of external searching will amount to more then quiet desperation and frustrating futility; but, despite the lack of objective supplementation, creating your own intentions within nothingness isn't a license to violate another existential agency.

If you can figure out why this is, as it is an absolute moral distinction relative to sentience, that no existential consciousness wants to be victimized against their will, then you will have a less difficult journey ahead, and will be doing your part to bring peace and harmony to our shared existential paradigm.

#existentialism #existential #nihilism

[fashionforblokes-blog]

$ 500M Negotiation Can't Be Completion Of MSU's Nassar Feedback, Victims Say.

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