#god i wish i could Finish something

[agentmarcuspike]

last line tag

erin @perotovar tagged me in this like a week ago and i've finally opened my wips again, so here's the last "line" i wrote for a little angsty qz!joel piece i'm working on. idk what it is yet, just toying with emotions and big words i suppose. anyway!

Time has a taste. When it passes quickly, it tastes like liquid iron. Silver, flowing in your mouth and down your throat. Sometimes if you swallow enough you can feel it burn in your chest. Impatience, waiting, has a thicker flavor. Like a mouth full of sawdust, it makes swallowing hard. Filling the familiar spaces between your teeth, like pieces of a toothpick. You pluck at it with your tongue until your mouth bleeds, tricking you into thinking it’s the iron of time passing that you taste. But don’t be fooled. Don’t let the taste of blood on his lips, when he finally returns, device you into thinking you didn’t mind the wait.

(and a little piece of the accompanying moodboard for the vibes:)

(hello @swiftispunk @joelscruff @hier--soir @joelsversion and other angst lovers)

#ebhas #writingroom #god i wish i could finish something :') #wip #joel miller angst

[kikizoshi]

Seeing how many eyes Ludwig has in his beastly form, I really like the headcanon that he was one of the few Hunters who reached a high insight without going insane. Like, on top of trying not to be overtaken by the cursed blood, he also at some point began to see things which shouldn't exist, horrible creatures that would shatter any sane mind.

And yet, through all of this, he clung to his tiny ray of light, stayed strong for his fellow Hunters, fighting alongside them for the sake of his people. Of course, we all know how his story eventually ended, but I find it lovely that even in his final moments, Ludwig remembered fellow Hunters, and hoped their fates to be far kinder than his.

#I also wonder what his 'ray of light' was #the way he talked about it sounded like he eventually learned what it was #'I didn't want to know what it was. Really I didn't.' (proceeds to make the most wretched pained sounds imaginable) #but Ludwig wouldn't let himself succumb until the very end. until all that could be lost was long gone #I wonder if that truth is what makes Hunters go mad in the first place #perhaps the way he learned what it was also had something to do with the insight he gained? #he does refer to moonlight at the end but idk if he could've seen the Moon Presence or not #...one day I'll finish The Paleblood Hunt #... #this is all based on nothing btw #just musings on a fantastic game #(God I wish they'd port it to PC already) #(I want to play it for myself so badly) #bloodborne #ludwig the holy blade #bloodborne ludwig #bloodborne theory #ludwig the accursed

[end-orfino]

ahhhhhh i remember why i dont read comics & books and watch movies as much as I should. Because they make me lose it

#i get suddenly hit with a tsunami of inspiration and an urgency to Make Something #but the urgency isn't about the process of making it's about I Have Stories To Present Too. I have to See Them Realized. #and that hit of urgency is obviously far too short lived to make anything. esp since it comes in a set with a feeling of 'wow this- #-thing was so great' that transforms into intensified perfectionism of No No What Im Doing Here Isnt Good. What Is This. Disgrace- #-to my idea AND to what inspired it AND to my self proclaimed status as an amateur storyteller #which turns into artblock. so like low chances that ill even get a singular good drawing made during this #and the multiple comic or script or whatever ideas that appear in my head during this are out of the question entirely #oh and all of this appears next to the normal feelings caused by a good story like attachment to the characters and having to process it- #-for a while and if its very good then even sometimes rarely i get the need to make fanart #so all of this combined just leads to me not being able to do anything for a while and feeling awful about it. #fun./sar #i wish i was a normal artist people here are so resilient and do stuff even though they dont want to or they DO want to #because idk they enjoy being pissed bcs of a thing not turning out right and they dont mind how tedious it can get- #-and they enjoy sacrificing hours&days&months of their lives without a guarantee that anyone will appreciate it accordingly and itll pay of #its probably the resilience though #im weak like a dried twig both mentally and physically #this sounds like i never enjoyed drawing&writing ever. and to clarify thats far from true. i frequently enjoy it #just never frequently enough and consistently enough to actually make something more 'worthwhile' or linear #it's like a wind that comes & goes that i have no control over. #i try to keep telling myself that in the past i struggled to make anything 'bigger'....& know i even made animatic shitposts #this sounds so stupid god. an animatic shitpost being an achievement. #its not an art skill achievement its a fighting tooth and nail with my own self to actually finish it because its a struggle almost every- #-time achievement #what im saying is im trying to tell myself that i already improved. im doing more than i could have done in the past. #even if the process is so slow and i dont know when ill advance again #if ill advance again. i just gotta believe i guess? thank u parappa

[kayzero]

I don't think I ever sent you an ask about it or maybe I did but like there was a day I decided to google the name meanings for the first names you picked for the Kurashiki's parents in zwg and I was emotional about Ayaka's meaning having to do both with flowers and colors when that's a theme in Aoi and Akane's as well I was thinking how like you write their reactions to her death into their characters so well Akane's especially since that's what we got to see most of so far she clearly doesn't blame her mom but since she had Aoi to fall back on and also never did a therapy about it every other time the topic of suicide comes up it's clear that she processed it as a form of abandonment and is pretty callous about the subject I think about the Kurashiki's mother way too much my friend just played up to the coffin ending in 999 all day and I just got back home an hour ago and am woozy but need to talk about her with spoilers enabled to someone so I remembered this hi ily 🫶

hi ily2

i’m gonna be real honest i don’t remember looking very hard for their mother’s name (comparative to their father’s name, “hardworking” i think, and then. uh. another name) so it’s entirely possible that i just saw a relevant looking A name and said “yeah that one”

but yeah, akane definitely has some Issues with suicide that definitely link back to her mother. i’m sure these issues would never be exacerbated in a timeline with a rationality virus or in any other timelines haha.

#sui mention #sui ment tw #zero escape spoilers #999 spoilers #zero escape #9 persons 9 hours 9 doors #akane kurashiki #zwg #technically. if you squint. #god i wish i could get to writing but my fucking forearm hurts so goddamn much #i can like. Feel. the tendon by my right elbow #it’s like inflamed or something it fuckin blows #it’s been discouraging me i haven’t even made an attempt to write brother’s burden in a week an some #i hope i can finish writing zwg and that i don’t have to do the ‘this fic is dead here’s what would have happened’ outline thing

[widevibratobitch]

.

#havent really been active on tumblr the last few days but now i came back to post another vent and fuck off again lol hiiiiii #i havent cried in way too long. ngl sobbing hysterically in your bed does hit different lol #anyway. what a great time to remind myself of every single bad thing anyone has ever said about my body and my face <3 #anyway i finished the sobbing till i cant breathe session and now my one eye hurts like there's sth stuck in it but there's nothing #but while i was digging in it trying to find sth under my eyelid that could explain the pain i really really looked at it #my friend once said my eyes are the colour of a swamp and by god she was right. #and like damn. i was never insecure about my eyes but maybe i should add that to the list. #but like whatever. like obv im not gonna start being actually insecure about mu stupid eyes but it did hit me that there is really #not a single thing about my body that i can with all confidence say is nice/pretty/whatever. not a single thing that i genuinely like. #like at best case it's 'not as bad as it could be'. like i have nothing lol. cant even honestly say something as silly as 'i like my eyes' #cause no. they look like a swamp. #idk im just so tired of trying my best all the time and still looking like a rotting leaking bag of garbage. #i try to remind myself that i dress funny and do fun make up and that is what people will notice about me but the truth is #everyone will still always see that under all that bs im just plain ugly and just generally unattractive #and ill never be able to distract anyone from that not really #like ik people who like me dont care about that but thats the thing. #im just tired of being one of the people that will always be liked/loved/whatever 'despite' sth. #like there is nothing of value in me that is NATURAL. its all fucking fake. #anyway. wish i were dead same old same old.

[lewmagoo]

me after adding another wip to my astronomical and ever growing list of wips

#god #i’m insane #i wish i could actually finish SOMETHING

[xnervouscircus]

oh

that's

oh

i'm

i am legitimately tearing up oh wow

#yeah okay i'm pretty much full-on crying at this #i guess i just assume my writing is the kind of thing you read once and maybe go “that was all right/amusing/evil/stupid” #and proceed to forget about entirely #nothing fucks me up more than people saying they've reread something of mine #IN A GOOD WAY #but yeah it's weird and wild #god i miss writing fanfic #i haven't written much of anything since covid first hit the US #and there's been no fandoms i've been like. IN enough to write for. #and lmao i have literally never not once in my life felt like i could write a good crowley or aziraphale so nope not ruining them. probably #but man i wish i could maybe write some beauyasha or widomauk #and i would love to finish a wangxian or snowbaz fic HOW HAVE I NEVER FINISHED A WANGXIAN OR SNOWBAZ FIC #no taibanis?? no catradoras???? i am a failure #but getting a comment like this. mm. makes the not-writing anxiety ease off a bit. #it's always there and Judging me for not really writing anymore #and yeah i would love to write again. anything. #but at least i wrote something once upon a time and it made some people happy #that's still pretty fucking cool #hope i can share something new someday that might make other people happy too #michele.txt #idk where all this rambling in the tags came from i'm emotional and i miss writing!!!!!!!!!!

[warpolomewdarkmatter]

i think that if Lightyear (2022) didn't have the meat-bread-meat sandwich scene i would like the movie way more. the sandwitch gag was just so flabbergasting and honestly gross (so unhygienic!!!) that it yanked me out of the "being immersed in a story with my disbelief suspended" into "Who In Their Right Mind Wrote This Into The Movie Script. Am I, The Viewer, Supposed To Think This Is Funny?" soooo fast (and it was already losing me with all the new watery characters and the lackluster zurg plotline). there's a cool scifi story happening before & after that scene and Those events are always shown as something natural, i guess (within the setting they make total sense, i mean), and i always trust the main character to know what to do and Belong in the story. but the sandwiches were weird and alien even to him and even moreso weird and alien to me by extension... and that feeling of weirdness contributed to nothing re: mood of the moment/overarching plot/character development and it wasnt even FUNNY. if the creators wanted to include the sandwich so bad they needed to have zurg eat it to show what a deranged freak he is.

#i know this is kind of insane nitpicking but i do sincerely believe this. for me that scene is one of the most memorable parts of the movie #origpost #lightyear #oh my god and the cucumbers... the WATERY VEGETABLE SLIDES FROM THE FATTY MEAT!!! THATS OBVIOUS AND DISGUSTING!! #YOU HAVE TO CUSHION IT WITH SOMETHING DRY/TEXTURED LIKE BREAD OR LETTUCE!!! OR SLICE THEM INTO STRIPS NOT CIRCLES!!! #NOT TO MENTION THAT THE BREAD IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CUCUMBER SITUATION WILL BE SO SOPPING WET. #AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THEY USED ANY SAUCE OR SPREAD BECAUSE IF SO THE BREAD WILL GET EVEN MORE MOIST??? #unless the bread is covered on both sides with a fat-based spread eg butter which would prevent it from absorbing water. but who knows. #(echoing mumbling) or you could use cream cheese instead of butter... w/ some spices mixed in... god i wish theyd add some cheese on there. #um in conclusion. love to have characters take a break and enjoy some food that adds some flavor (ha!) to the setting. #like the grub in emperors new groove! or wreck it ralps pacman cherry! or wallace and gromits moon cracker!! #i just think the ly sandwiches underdelivered and the characters didn't even finish them (i mean buzz takes it [hands dirty] and #sets it on the table AND PICKS IT UP [HANDS DIRTY] AND ***TAKES A BITE***???? and LEAVES IT??? which is fucking insane????!?!?!?!) #um. sorry for ranting and nitpicking again. i just have Opinions on food. in scifi. i guess. (suddenly the blogger is weirdly embarrassed.) #the other food items in the vending machine were PICKLES btw. maybe the colony just got really good at growing cucumbers and nothing else..

[buddyapologist]

so stressed i got a stomach ache an hour and a half before we have to film OKAY SURE

#avery.txt #once again. my body betrays me #im so fed up abt this stupid thing we all met on saturday and had four days to finish shit up for recording today and i hdlad #*had a few very simple requests that NOBODY DID #god i wish i could do smth about it but i can't control what other pl #*ppl do. and if something came up for someone just fucking tell us so we can handle it!!!!! #i am not the best student by any means. i do not always do my best. but i do Finish Things. and when other ppl are relying on me i handle it #so im just AAAAAGHHFHG #its fucking GRAD SCHOOL I AM YOUNGER THAN YOU PPL AND I WOULDNT EVEN BE HERE IF I COULD GET HIRED!!!!! #WHY DO I HAVE TO BE CARRYING SHIT /AGAIN/ #why is this just undergrad all over again. hhfhdhdhfhjfhfj!!!!

[janiedean]

#when you're listening to the radio #this happens #and you go like hey wondering why it always was my fave stones song! #even when I didn't know exactly how relatable those lyrics could be! #maybe i knew deep down or fucking something #god i should be writing a report for second job i finished two weeks ago I managed five lines #why can't i just get my shit together instead of whatever the fuck this is #at times i wish i could clone myself so the other one could do everything i'm not managing #and then i think who tf could handle another me i can barely handle myself on a normal notice #i'll go write the thing and stop wordvomiting whatever this is #i'm gonna answer everyone soon i swear i just really can't even begin to rn #queue of the beam #the rolling stones #music #i'm queueing this so i don't think about it while i'm doing the damned thing #nor get the temptation to add #anyway whatever i just #need to get a grip

[the-fandom-connection]

Plagued by the horrors (shows I’m deeply invested in that are mostly really good but make deeply disappointing writing choices near the end)

#this is about wwdits s4 and also turn a gundam which I know is like 20 years old but my sibling and I have been watching it and #finished it today and aggggghhhhhhh #this is always fucking how it is #I deeply love a show. it’s not perfect but it’s compelling and well-written enough in the good parts to pull it through. #the finale writing choices literally keep me up at night thinking how I could fix them but can’t. #same with ds9. man I just…….. #I cannot abide by them leaving sisko in the wormhole. that’s fucked up. Julian should have gone to cardassia. it would have been full circle #‘frontier medicine’ but having learned not to be a colonizer about it. odo and Kira are both gay like so gay and they NEED to realize it to #reach their character arcs’ conclusions. thinking about quark just makes me so SAD. EZRI DOESN’T EVEN GET TO BE HER OWN PERSON. SHE’S A #YOUNG WOMAN WHO NEVER WOULD HAVE CHOSEN THIS LIFE FOR HERSELF BOUNCED BETWEEN TWO MEN LIVING IN THE ECHO OF A PAST SELF #BOTH HERSELF AND TOTALLY ALIEN TO HER. AND WITH NO SISKO TO GUIDE HER :( #garak’s fate is pretty perfect but it’s also the epitome of ‘careful what u wish for’ #and he’s all ALONE out there. #god. JAKE. JAKE AND CASSIDY!!! #and worf’s relationship with his son was butchered for no good goddamn reason. #ok hold on I’m still rlly upset about wwdits and turn a gundam. I didn’t mean for that to turn into a ds9 rant. #sometimes it’s easier to talk about something that’s not as fresh.. #I hate to even think about it but bbc m*rain was the first one that really killed me with wasted potential as a kid. #and as horribly embarrassing as it is to admit it himym. I read 100ks of words of fix-it. dark times lol. #why does this happen. why does it bother me. why don’t I just start watching movies I know the end to instead lol.. fr

[mrfoox]

Uh you ever.... Feel okay or pretty decent and then you remember your lifes circumstances and then you're at the verge of tears?

#miranda talking shit #Maybe this is too specific but hah yeah ... #I can feel okay and be like ah things are pretty good ! And then i remember how my life 'is' and im close to a breakdown #Trying nit to compare myself to others and so on but like.... Its so hard not to lmao #25 soon and no job havent finished high-school i got no partner (plus i guess a virgin lol) #And all the things i havent done or experienced which is pretty universal? Yeah mmm... Ive lost so much of my time and life to mental #Illness and i cant help but morn that. Like if i didnt have my child trauma id probably have a lot milder anxiety and depression which is #Keeping from doing most things... Id still have my autistic and add struggles but i want to imagine I'd manage to accomplish more if #My dep and anx wasn't this bad bc of my past... I hate how my mentality was wrecked before i even knew how to count to 100 #And sooo many years of my childhood just feeling bad and even suicidal (first time i mentioned wanting to die in my diary i was 10-11...) #Just struggling so many years mentally and since i was so young i couldn't make the connection why i was feeling like it? Like the first #Time i started considering why etc i was already like 16.... I didnt think it was weird to cry every single day as long as i can remember #Now at 25 i am still a crybaby but i do it weekly instead. Its just so ... Weird and sad. You dont understand how serious something was #That happened to you and how it affected you until youre almost an adult... And you start to understand that its not just all on you #Its not just your fault youre struggling so much. Youre not just being lazy and difficult ... God Just wish someone protected me when #It mattered . I know my past could have been worse i could have been treated a lot worse and abused more and still to this day it makes me #Feel iffy or bad to claim i was abused? I mean... I was? But cant help to feel my trauma and experiences is not as serious as others #Like i wasnt sexually abused for example or abused by my parents... And i know many have so i feel its not my ... Right to say anything ? #Like my brothers mentally abused me for years and physically from time to time but it could be so much worse #Idk where im going with this i need to go to my vourses instead im crying in the bathroom like stop #Negative

[inkykeiji]

bf’s dad made me double chocolate walnut brownies!! (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ munching on them as i edit hehehe <333

#they’re sooooooooo good oh my god #crunchy on the outside and gooey on the inside and full of melted chocolate <333 #yum yum yum!!!! i love chocolate!!!!!!! #this is my early halloween treat hehehe c: #documenting this purely because i think someone baking something for you is one of the sweetest loveliest gestures ever #like is there anything better than being gifted a baked good or a homemade meal????????? #honestly same goes with *anything* made specially for someone else #like when someone makes you a mixtape or a friend draws you a piece of art; those are the best gifts in the world in my opinion #funny bcoz i am quite literally finishing up a VERY late (or early i guess depending on how u look at it) gift for a v dear friend of mine #but also!!! it’s true!!! and that’s exactly what i like to gift people too!!! i love creating things for people who are special to me #because i know how wonderful it is to receive a gift specially made for u so i love to do that for all of my friends and family as well <33 #anyway i’m rambling waaah i hope everyone is having a splendid night #i wish i could share some of these brownies with u all!!!! #clari chatters

[amasiusblog]

people will say you need sleep to maintain a certain level of creativity. if that's true why am i thinking 8 different aus right now instead of sleeping?

#god i wish i could take crack or something #very tired #ihave not finished what i wanted mmm going to sleep

[aro-aizawa]

i swear the absolute HEIGHT of total happiness is when a long fic wraps up with a wonderfully happy ending

#shut up danni's talking #it is literally the pure unrestrained delight of wish fulfillment #you've gone on this big huge long journey with these characters through all the struggles and hardships #you've seen every time these characters stumble and you've seen them doubt themselves #and yet. and yet there is always happiness. there will always be happiness. #it makes my heart so overwhelmingly light with joy and it tints my world view with such wonderful shades of roses #my face aches with how much i'm smiling as the story wraps up and how light and free my whole body feels #i want to jump up and skip with how happy i feel #even if usually whenever i do end up finishing these long fics/series/whatever i'm always so tired #because i'd've stayed up and powered through to the very end so i could lay in bed and just... soak in the bliss #i think. it's my life goal to make something that inspires the same thing in others. #i cannot begin to even emphasize how much love i feel in my heart right now for so many things #i want to speak long flowery words of praise for hours because of how overjoyed i feel #and i know its just a shadow of a thing. the biggest escape possible but by god i will take whatever pockets of sheer joy i experience #i'll hold them so tight and i will defend these with great passion because no matter how insignificant the source #i want to bask in this feeling for as long and as often as i like #so here's my recommendation: if you're the kind of person who can get completely absorbed by something like i do #and you have a long thing that you've been eyeing but the length intimidates you then absorb it anyway #take that chance that the thing you're slightly iffy on will be worth it because ohhh chase that feeling whenever you can #that is hopefully my final nugget of words that i give you otherwise i can and will go on forever

[corvidinthewoods]

i am once again feelin the urge to convert but i dont think im at a place in my life where it’s feasible

#crow.txt #for now i will just continue loving and appreciating from afar #last year around this time i checked what day of hanukkah it was any time i had a shift #so i could wish ‘happy Xth night’ to anyone i saw buying jewish stuff #and one day a woman checked out through my line and had a pack of the candles so i said ‘happy 4th night’ to her when the transaction ended #and she responded like ‘ah i knew it!’ in a good way and i think about that #a lot #that maybe she got a vibe from me or something? #and how the philosophy about converts is that they are and have always had jewish souls #even before they finish the conversion process #and #hhhhhh #ever since my cousin’s bar/bat mitzvah #(i forget which cousin it was but i think it was the bar) #a quote that the rabbi said has been like. my Personal Motto #(if ur curious its this: if the Torah says dont drink Draino #that means people were drinking Draino) #and i’ve felt for years (and even told a few ppl) that if i ever were to return to a theistic religion #it would be judaism #oh god this is a lot of tags #but like. when i went to college i moved into a very Catholic area and noticed a lack of jewish ppl #i hadnt fully realized how important the jewish community had felt to me growing up #many of my friends are/were jewish #i went to many b’nai mitzvot #as mentioned i have jewish family #tho none are actually related to me theyre all either inlaws or family friends who are close enough that we call them aunt/uncle/cousin #anyway im yearning i guess #last spring i was looking at conversion classes at two synagogues #one near school and one that ive been too for friends’ bat mitzvahs #talking tags