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kiunlo · 10 months

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I'd love to hear about your ocs seeings as you reblogged that ask post :)

Okay I had to think hard about this because tbh I didn't actually expect anyone to come into my inbox asking me about my OCs after I reblogged that post LMAO it's only recently that people actually send me shit and I'm still trying to get used to it.

In so many different OCs that I have, such as Grokkar (orcish death knight from WoW), Omen (mysterious shadow person who appears as a wolf, from DC) and Baphomet (unknown species of alien who knows nothing about his people, also DC), they all fit the same theme of being alone, being an outcast, and knowing nothing about themselves, and the journey towards trying to understand who and what they are, OR what they used to be. I WAS gonna break down ALL THREE characters backstories and shit, and how they're all similar in their themes of loneliness, but it got WAY too long, so if you wanna hear about the other two, let me know! I focused on Grokkar with this ask. seriously long ass bullshit below!

So as I said, with this particular ask I'm talking Grokkar, one of the characters I actually play as on WoW. He's gone through a lot of bullshit in his life..er…undeath? He is an orc, and a Death Knight, which if you know anything about WoW, you probably can already guess the angst and shit that comes with being a Death Knight, but I became a Batman blog within the past few years so a lot of my followers are Batman fans and might not know shit about WoW, so I'll explain the details of what being a Death Knight actually means. Also keep in mind I'm not like a HUGE ULTRA EXPERT about Death Knights and Wrath of the Lich King (the expansion that introduced them as a class you could play) or anything, I just know some basic shit. So if I get some shit wrong…insert shrug emoji here.

Grokkar was originally just a regular orc guy, but then he fucking died during the war against the Scourge (undead that were trying to destroy and take over the world, lead by the Lich King, Arthas Menethil). The Lich King then raised Grokkar from the dead, and took full control of his actions, feelings, thoughts etc. (as he did with most of the Scourge) and turned him into a merciless killing machine, where Grokkar used unholy and necromantic magic and other abilities to hurt and kill others. If you play through the Death Knight starting zone in WoW, you get to actually play out some of the fucked up things the Death Knights did under the Lich King's control, and how you gain back control of yourself, and deal with the aftermath of your actions.

When you eventually go back to your faction's capital city (either Stormwind or Orgrimmar) to rejoin the rest of Azeroth in the fight against the Lich King and his Scourge…the NPCs in that city will boo at you, throw tomatoes at you, and tell you that YOU are the reason why people are dying, that YOU are responsible for the deaths of their family members, their loved ones, the people they will never see again. They cannot even bury their own family members and give them a proper funeral, because the ones who died fighting against the Scourge…were then raised as undead, to become a part of the Scourge itself.

As a side ramble that's related to the above paragraph, I've been going through the old Ice Crown Citadel raid (trying to farm the Invincible mount lol), and there's a part in that raid where you have to fight a Val'kyr named Sister Svalna, and you are aided by a bunch of Argent Crusade allies, and you kill all the Scourge in your way to get to her, but during the fight a few of the argent crusade fellas die. The allies behind you who are about to join you in the fight against Sister Svalna say something like "Quickly, lets kill her before her reinforcements arrive!" And she says in response "You fool, you've brought my reinforcements with you!" And then proceeds to literally raise some of the ally NPC's that were killed by her during the previous fight, who YOU then have to fight. When you kill them, they will usually say "I'm sorry…" or "Finally, I can be at peace" or something similar to that. It's very fucking grim, but it is why the whole story is SO fucking good. It's this overarching sense of doom, and fear that that enemy you are going up against…might actually win. How the odds are forever in the favour of the enemy, since any one of YOUR allies that are killed become THEIR soldiers. It's an almost never-ending battle that you appear fated to lose.

Anyways I went off topic a little bit, but all of the stuff that I mentioned would be a VERY difficult thing to come to terms with as a Death Knight at the start, having to acknowledge that you did some really fucked up awful things, but also knowing that you had no control over your own actions- your own feelings and thoughts having been corrupted and tainted by the Lich King. For my character Grokkar, despite the many years that went by since the defeat of the Scourge, and the fall of the Lich King, he never really "got over" all of that guilt, all of the pain, and all of that suffering. In a way, it would seem very hard for a Death Knight to move past such a dark time in their uh.."lives", given the fact that the moment a Death Knight is raised by the Lich King, so much about them changes. It is a core moment in their existence that determines how the rest of their "life" is going to pan out. You cannot be raised from the dead like that and have your entire existence twisted in such an unholy and unnatural way without being irrevocably changed somehow. Even when speaking to other Death Knight NPCs in-game, when you click on them, they say "Suffer well". The entire existence of a Death Knight is suffering, and trying to escape that fate is very difficult, and when I created Grokkar as a teenager that was uh…Going Through It, so to speak, this idea of perpetual agony and suffering and the inability to escape it was very relatable to me. lmao.

To talk more about Grokkar as a character, he is very much the epitome of loneliness, and of being an outsider. I'd say during the earlier days of Death Knights re-joining their respective factions (either the Alliance or the Horde), things would have certainly been very…rocky, so to speak. Why should the rest of Azeroth have to fight alongside the very individuals they once fought against, even if they were just as much victims of the Lich King as the rest of the people of Azeroth? Especially when you consider the Unholy specialisation of Death Knights (aka what type of DK you are and what abilities you use. There is Frost, Blood and Unholy. Grokkar is an Unholy DK). Unholy Death Knights literally raise the dead as minions and use diseases to kill their enemies, very much still using the same violent and repugnant tactics of the Scourge to…fight the Scourge. I'd say in the earlier days, during Wrath of the Lich King, some people might have still been hesitant to work with Death Knights, but working with them regardless because you needed everything and everyone you could get who would willingly go against the Lich King, and over time I think people would have become more open to existing alongside Death Knights in general.

But for Grokkar, despite the changing times, he is very much still in that same mindset he was in during Wrath. Everything and everyone around him has changed and moved on and healed, and he has still stayed the same, almost unable to move on, unable to see things through a newer perspective, still believing in some way that people do not wish to be near him. This of course causes himself to become distant from others, ensuring that others are unable to get close to him, or decide that trying to do so is too difficult or not worth the energy. It's a cycle of loneliness and self-outcasting that he has a very difficult time trying to escape. He is numb and empty, still continuing to fight for the people of Azeroth when some new threat arrives to try and fuck everything up, but feeling as though each accomplishment is meaningless or of little value, especially when he can barely find any meaning or value within himself as a person. He's essentially on autopilot for a very, very long time after the end of Wrath.

All of this is probably also not helped by the fact that he has no choice but to figure out who he is as a person from scratch. I've done a lot of research about Death Knights and what exactly they "remember" from their old lives, and there seems to be a consensus that Death Knights do in fact remember some amount of their past lives. Some remember all of it, some only remember bits and pieces here and there, and some might remember very little. It seems to be very rare that a Death Knight remembers nothing of their past lives, but for extra angst, I decided very early on that that was going to be Grokkar's experience: remembering nothing of his past life, and having to make a decision on whether he should simply try to move on with his life and allow himself to become a new person, or whether he should try and seek out a way to remember who he once was…and risk being either disappointed in who he is now compared to what he was in the past, or realising he used to have a family who loved him, who most likely would want nothing to do with him now that he is such a completely different individual. There is a lot of stuff going on with Grokkar as a character, a lot of complicated feelings that he has, and his strange determination on remaining in this realm when he truly feels like he has nothing to actually "live" for besides trying to protect Azeroth. He has no friends, he has no idea if he has a family or not, and doesn't know if he would event want to go back to his family if he even knew about them, and the people he does spend time with he does not consider to be friends. They are colleagues, acquaintances, allies. But never friends. Any time HE is called a friend by somebody else it gives him whiplash, and it becomes the catalyst for him trying to actually re-think everything in his head, because over time it becomes clear to him that his inner thoughts do not match the reality of the people and experiences around him.

I think also that some of the reason that Grokkar struggles to move past all of this, is his obsession with his own otherness as a Death Knight, and as somebody who is..well…undead. He is very much not alive, yet his body still moves and functions like it was. He doesn't need to eat, blink, breathe or sleep. His body is cold. If he decided to lie down in a bed and take a nap, you could easily confuse him for an actual corpse. In some of my stories (in my head that I haven't written down yet), the times in which he has been knocked unconscious, his allies who are alive have a difficult time figuring out if he is ACTUALLY dead for real this time, because he displays no signs of life even when he is actually awake, and all of his allies are pulling their hair out trying to decide if they should try and find a way to wake him from unconsciousness…or come to the conclusion that he's dead for realsies this time, lets prepare a funeral lmao.

It's this otherness regarding his own body and how it functions (or doesn't function) that I feel like stops him from thinking more nice things about himself. He feels unable to have proper relationships, especially romantic ones (which he DOES desire, despite everything) because who would want to hold or love someone who was so cold and lifeless? Who would want to lay in bed with what exactly resembles a corpse? Who wants a friend who sits there for 12 hours straight not blinking or breathing or eating or whatever because they needed a little bit of rest? Grokkar obsesses about it to an unhealthy degree, the differences between himself and other people, the things he can and can't do, and how he perceives all these differences to be a bad thing.

Over time, I think Grokkar becomes a less lonely person, but it takes a lot of effort and time for him to come to the conclusion that some people actually DO want to be around him, and I think it's something he will always struggle with. Grokkar very much was a self-insert for ALL of my fears and doubts and struggles and everything else when I was a teenager, and while overtime I've personally gotten a lot better with my feelings of self-worth and shit, he is still a character I go back to a lot because he is the perfect outlet for some of the darkest thoughts I've ever had. Hell, I even wrote a (now not-canon) story about how he fucking dies FOR REAL this time and how his own ghost prepares his own body for his funeral his damn self because of his INTENSE fear of being raised from the dead again, and he wants to prevent it from every occurring again (REALLY GRAPHIC AND DARK STORY, PLEASE READ THE TAGS/WARNINGS). Some of the darkest shit I ever wrote, and it's because Grokkar himself is just…a dark character in general, and the best outlet for all these thoughts and feelings.

Anways. That was some shit about Grokkar. It wasn't EVERYTHING but it was like, the most important shit. If you wanna know more stuff about other characters let me know!!!

#ask #katarascape #grokkar #death knight #world of warcraft #wowposting #ash's personal tag

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