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starmieknight · 3 years

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Trust: Priceless

Summary: Jeongguk's new owner decides to take him out shopping and he comes closer to changing his opinion of her.

Contents: Hybrid!BTS, Jeongguk is a bit of a brat (he has his reasons), Mavis is out of her element, RabbitHybrid!Jeongguk(?)

Mavis poked her head into the living room and peered silently at Jeongguk.

The hybrid continued watching the TV like he didn’t notice her presence, only the twitching of his long ear betraying him. Mavis still hesitated, her face an unreadable mask as she observed the situation.

Jeongguk looked bored out of his mind, no doubt tired of only having television to watch after three days in her new home. As a kid, Mavis had gotten a thrill from being able to watch cable when she visited her aunt instead of just satellite TV, but she had been an easily entertained child and not as energetic as Jeongguk seemed.

When she asked, her hotel manager, Dobbs, had told her that Jeongguk had yet to use any of the hotel facilities Mavis had told him he was free to at any time, no questions asked. Mavis personally wanted to use the indoor pool, but hadn’t found the time or energy to head down there. But even if he wasn’t interested in the pool, there were basketball and tennis courts, bike trails, a hedge maze and an entire arcade in the hotel for Jeongguk to use.

As far as Mavis could tell, the only thing holding Jeongguk back from finding something to entertain himself was the fact that other than himself, there weren’t many hybrids to be found in the Mountainview Hotel. And even then, not many of the guests brought their hybrids along with them when they vacationed or took their business trips. If Mavis was being honest and allowed her professionalism to lapse some, the hybrids brought along by the higher class guests were rather… bratty. In the way that some spoiled children seemed.

She was sure that they weren’t all bad, but the way your actions are perceived by family and friends often differs from the way you’re seen by strangers.

Even Jeongguk probably seemed bratty to everyone else.

Mavis had to admit, the way he was grouching reminded her of a preteen determined to not have fun on a family trip and trying to make everyone else as miserable as he was.

But she couldn’t fault him for it. She’d be angry too if her whole life was flipped upside down and she was told she now had to live with a stranger and abide by their rules if they wanted to live. For Jeongguk, her ownership could be considered the equivalent of prison while she only felt like she had custody of a child that would need a lifetime of her care.

But even so, life went on and he had to interact with her some time.

And going grocery shopping and clothes shopping was the first way they were going to have to do it.

“Jeongguk,” Mavis called finally, making the hybrid freeze as he waited for her to speak. His eyes remained on the TV even as his ears tilted towards her. “We need to go out. I want to stock up the kitchen and we’ll need to fluff up your wardrobe. I’m sure it’s got to be tiring recycling the same plain clothes every day.”

“White T-shirts are my style.” Jeongguk said flatly. Mavis could only see a fraction of his face from that angle, but she could easily make out the scowl that marred his features.

Internally she winced. Outwardly, she only raised an eyebrow.

“Then I’ll buy you however many you like. But that doesn’t change the fact that the constant wearing and washing is going to wear them down to rags before long.” She walked in between him and the TV, forcing him to look at her. She offered a quirk of her lips in lieu of a smile. “Besides, we can try somewhere new to eat while we’re out. You can pick the place.”

Jeongguk looked put out with her presence, but seemed interested in the idea of food. "Fine."

Mavis smiled encouragingly and offered him a jacket, thankful that she had preferred to buy jackets from the men's section when she still lived in the city. They always seemed thicker, even if they didn't always match the rest of her outfits' styles, and Mavis loved to wear her clothes with sleeves a size or three bigger. They were comfortable and offered her a bigger sense of protection somehow.

Besides, she thought the whole sweater paws concept was very cute.

Jeongguk scowled but accepted the jacket. His hybrid side wasn't exactly built for cold weather, even if he was in denial even to himself about the truth of his species. He loathed to wear anything that carried Mavis' scent. The cabin was barely bearable, only the fact that she had just moved in and spent little time there since putting him at ease. Jeongguk had secretly been going around the cabin and scenting what he could, keeping in mind the fact that Mavis informed him that there would be more hybrids coming at some point. He wanted all of them to know that he was the original, even if he didn't care for their owner.

Jeongguk stayed silent for their short trip to the garage, making Mavis feel a bit nervous. She always hated having people walk behind her where she couldn't see them. It made her self conscious and messed with her sense of security. Typically, she would have slowed down her pace to match his, but thought it would be a bad idea to force Jeongguk to be too close to her. Plus, he didn't know where the garage was and she did.

And again, going into the garage made Mavis' brain short circuit for a moment at the extravagance of it. Had her grandfather really needed so many vehicles?

Jeongguk let out a long, low whistle at the sight. His expression finally changed from indifference to awe.

He knew his new owner was loaded, but this was a rich chick for sure.

Mavis hid her smile at the look of awe on his face and considered her options.

She wanted to take her own car. She was familiar with it and loved it, having bought it all on her own. It wasn't anything new or flashy, but there was pride in driving something you worked hard for. But she knew it wasn't going to be large enough to hold everything they were out to buy today.

Mavis eyed the collection of SUVs, immediately disregarding the ones meant for show or mud riding and decided that the plain, white one with a hatchback was her best choice. Surely they could lay the seats down for more room.

"Do you have a driver's license, Jeongguk?" she asked, noticing his fascination with a bright blue sports car she was too afraid to even think of driving.

"I'm a hybrid."

Mavis shrugged. "That doesn't mean you can't have a driver's license. Independent Hybrids are capable of obtaining them and Owned Hybrids are as well, though I'm sure there's quite a bit of paperwork to go through. We can get you one, if you like, and I'll add you to my insurance so you can drive any car in here that you like."

Jeongguk stared at her like Mavis had been speaking a dead language instead of offering him more independence. He frowned, unsure of her motives. Did she want him to run off and disappear so she'd have a reason to give him up and not feel guilty over his death. "I'd rather not."

Mavis sighed, but allowed the matter to drop. Instead, she moved over to the peg board where all the keys were stored to get the keys to the SUV. If she liked the car well enough for grocery shopping, she might even add its key to her key chain.

She was a bit surprised when Jeongguk tried to climb into the backseat instead of the passenger side and forgot herself for a moment when she reached into the backseat to stop him. They both looked at her outstretched hand incredulously.

“We’ll need the space for our groceries.” she said quietly, clearing her throat in an attempt to also clear out the awkwardness of the moment. She felt a bit guilty at the close call, having promised herself that any contact the two of them shared would be on Jeongguk’s terms. She never wanted to pressure him, even if it meant they never got more than a foot closer to each other.

“You… want me to ride in the front seat? With you?” Jeongguk sounded unsure for once. He eyed her hand like a rabbit facing a snake, making Mavis realize that she’d never dropped it.

She stepped back, avoiding his eyes. Instead, she looked for the button that would lay the backseat down. “Of course.”

Jeongguk looked like he wanted to argue, but merely followed Mavis’ lead and pushed the button on his side, the two of them working together to transform the backseat into a better storage area.

When they were done, he climbed into the passenger’s seat silently, buckling up and fixing his eyes on the window.

The SUV was really too much for her to handle at first, especially the fact that her key… wasn’t really a key and more of a fob.

It took her a moment to actually get the car started, not used to having to press a button instead of turning a key. Jeongguk even turned his head from the window to look at her judgmentally.

“Doesn’t your chauffeur usually pick you up?” he asked, unable to help himself from asking. He wondered if she was trying to show off for him by taking him out herself. It wasn’t working.

Mavis’ brow furrowed as she tried to figure out the car’s features, carefully trying to get the Bluetooth to work before she tried to drive. She wasn’t familiar with the good radio stations in the area yet and couldn’t stand driving in silence, let alone the awkward one that always came with Jeongguk’s presence. “I’m sure that Cooper would have one waiting if I asked, but I’ve never used a chauffeur before.”

Jeongguk stared. “I thought rich people never drove anywhere themselves.”

Mavis snorted and shrugged. “I dunno about that. I’m new to all this, myself. I didn’t really see my grandfather all that often after my great-grandparents passed - there was never a reason to - so my lifestyle was much more humble than all this.” she frowned. “It’s rather unsettling if I’m being honest.”

Jeongguk wanted to ask why she had little reason to see her family. Did someone need a reason to go see the people they were supposed to spend their lives surrounded by? But it wasn’t his business and he didn’t want to know about her personal life. Really.

Even if the question as to why she was unaccustomed to this life was a burning one. She seemed like she had a handle on things and carried herself like a strong and smart business woman with a flourishing hotel and lavish life behind her. He didn’t wonder what she was like before, what she might have been if she didn’t suddenly drop into his life as his newest owner.

Jeongguk turned back to the window and swallowed his questions.

After getting her phone connected to the SUV’s Bluetooth (which took more brainpower than she was willing to admit), Mavis opened her Spotify and handed her phone over to Jeongguk.

“You can play whatever you like.” she told him as she pressed the button on her keyring to open the garage door. “I may need to pull up the GPS to find the grocery store after we get into the city. Though, I think I can use the car’s map system instead of my phone…” Mavis frowned thoughtfully at the display before pulling out of the garage. She paused briefly to shut the door again before heading down the driveway and towards the exit to the hotel grounds.

She couldn’t help but slow down to give the sprawling building a worried look as she passed, much like a new mother leaving her newborn with someone else for the first time.

The hotel wasn’t on fire and would still be intact when she got back. They’d managed without her there before and they could do it again.

… now if only she could convince herself of that.

Mavis waved at the security guard as he let them out, and Jeongguk finally settled on a song as they left the gates.

A low, bass beat began thrumming through the SUV and its passengers were silent, only the voice of the track’s vocalist filling the space between them.

Fortunately for Mavis, the car system’s GPS pulled up easily enough and getting on the highway to the city was simple enough. If they were only going for grocery shopping, Mavis would have headed in the opposite direction for the little town that was a bit closer. She had passed through it the first time she’d made the trip up the mountain to the hotel and found it to be very similar to her own hometown, if a bit newer.

But today she had lots of things in mind to get for the cabin - for both her and Jeongguk - and so they would be getting their groceries from a large chain grocery store instead.

When the music came to a sudden stop, Mavis and Jeongguk both looked at the Bluetooth display in bewilderment. Jeongguk checked Mavis’ phone and frowned at the name. It seemed strangely familiar to him.

“It’s Cooper calling.” he told Mavis flatly, trying to hand the phone over.

She waved him off, not confident in driving and holding the phone at the same time, and accepted the call through the SUV’s Bluetooth.

There was a beat of silence after the phone connected.

“Hello? Ms. Attmore?” Cooper’s slightly staticky voice filled the cab. He sounded nervous.

Mavis hid her amused grin even though Cooper couldn’t see her. It was still funny to her that she was intimidating now. Especially after leaving a job where the people in her care screamed and swatted at her all day long (she missed her toddler class dearly).

The power was a little intoxicating.

“Good morning, Cooper.” Mavis said, sliding into her Boss Lady voice. Even her driving smoothed out, her shoulders straightening and her confidence growing.

Jeongguk did a double take, having grown used to a reserved and almost timid Mavis. This person in the car with him now was the same Ms. Attmore he had met the first day she arrived at the Mountain View.

His ears perked up and his nostrils flared, becoming more attentive of her instinctively. He was curious about this side of her personality.

“Good morning, Ma’am!” Cooper said more brightly. “I was just calling to check in with you. Has the cabin been to your liking? I know it’s been a few days and I was wondering when you’d like me to send the housekeeping service out?”

Mavis tapped her fingers against the steering wheel thoughtfully. “I suppose today would be fine. I’m taking Jeongguk out to pick out some clothes and things for his room.” She glanced over at the Hybrid in question. “Would you like them to straighten your room up a bit, or would that be too uncomfortable?” Mavis lowered her voice a bit to keep it off the call.

Jeongguk hesitated, not used to having so much agency over his own space.

After spending so long in the underground fighting rings, having privacy and personal belongings of his own was a foreign concept. He knew to leave Mavis’ belongings alone, but had just expected her to do as she pleased with the things she had given to him.

“I can clean my own room.” Jeongguk said slowly, watching for any adverse reaction.

Mavis just nodded and raised her voice to address Cooper again. “Have them skip Jeongguk’s room for now. And can you ask them to skip the floral scented stuff? It gives me a headache…”

“Would a citrus scent be more preferable, Ma’am?” Cooper asked anxiously.

“That’s fine. But no coconut or pineapple or mango, please. They make me feel ill.”

“I’ll tell the housekeeper to use an orange or lemon scent from now on, Ma’am.” Cooper promised. Mavis could almost see him in her mind’s eye, scribbling furiously in his planner to keep her preferences marked down for future reference.

“Thank you.” Mavis allowed a small smile to cross her face before it was replaced with a thoughtful frown. “One more thing, Cooper - would you mind adding another smartphone to my plan?”

“Of course, Ma’am!” Cooper said eagerly. “Do you have any preferences for color or brand?”

Mavis shrugged. “It’s for Jeongguk. I’ll have to let you ask him.” She nodded at Jeongguk, wordlessly telling him to go ahead and give Cooper the word.

The Hybrid froze, looking at Mavis like a frightened rabbit.

She offered him a more sincere smile, trying to be as encouraging as she could. “It’s okay.” she whispered. “If you don’t know what you like best yet, you can get a phone like mine in whatever color you want.”

“... the same phone as Ms. Attmore.” Jeongguk said hesitantly, voice just barely loud enough for the phone to pick it up. “In purple?”

“You catch that, Cooper?” Mavis asked, wanting to make sure Jeongguk got exactly what he wanted.

“Should that be a light purple or a dark?” the assistant clarified.

“Either is fine.” Jeonggiuk said, a bit more confidently this time.

“I’ll have it waiting for you when you return home!” Cooper said brightly, happy to finally have something to do for Mavis. “Is there anything else I can help with?”

“I think that covers it for now, Cooper.” Mavis reassured him. “I may need your help arranging deliveries for our bigger items when we get to the store.”

“I’ll be waiting for your call!”

“Thank you,” Mavis reached over to end the call. “Have a good day.”

Jeongguk continued to watch her, no longer trying to ignore her, even after the music resumed on their way to the city.

She was tolerable for the moment, maybe even agreeable after a long period of time, but he would still keep an eye out for any signs that it was all an act.

After all, a hybrid still couldn’t trust a human.

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seoulfulcity · 6 years

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October 2, 2018: Let’s Have Some Kimchi

It’s been almost two months since I left Seoul and had to start adjusting back to my life in Los Angeles. Having experienced multiple culture shocks throughout the summer, I feel obliged to write about my own stories with how I tackled the different environment I had to adjust to in South Korea; and my experience with reverse culture shock after coming back home made me realize that it would also be an interesting blog to write about, since I believe that I was not and will not be the only one to have lived through it. So, in the next few blogs, I will talk about the South Korean culture shock and reverse culture shock.

안녕하세요,

What is culture shock? University of Iowa defines culture shock as “pronounced reactions to the psychological disorientation most people experience when they move for an extended period of time into a culture markedly different from their own”. It is the feeling of not belonging whenever someone transitions to a new place, a new city, a new state, or a new country. It is more than just adjusting to the timezone difference, but encompasses all the changes and adjustment in language, food, weather, people, history, politics, and daily routines. It might be a familiar feeling to those overcome with wanderlust - a feeling that drives their minds to stay open, a signal for more exploration, and a means to gain more knowledge about a country.

I am from Los Angeles, which has the highest population of Korean immigrants and Korean-Americans in the United States. I am from an area in Los Angeles that is packed with Asian restaurants, and in which the Korean culture is ever so palpable. Koreatown, which houses the largest Korean population outside of the Korean peninsula after China, is a well-celebrated enclave within Los Angeles. It offers the most delicious restaurants and cafes that are outside the generic American fast food chains and Starbucks; and with the rise of Korean presence in the entertainment industry, the Korean culture is becoming much more celebrated than it already was.

With that said, Korean culture has been part of every Angeleno’s life - mine included. Frankly, I do admit that I enjoy listening to Korean music and find myself having a stronger preference to Korean dramas more than Western songs and television shows. I have a general knowledge of basic Korean etiquette within a home, in a restaurant, and in basic social setting. So, that basically gives me a free pass with the culture shock after arriving in Seoul, right? Wrong! No matter how much Korean dramas or films I’ve seen, or however many Korean barbeque restaurants I’ve eaten in, none of those had ever prepared me for the culture shock that I had to endure in South Korea. Here is my list:

1. Subway Culture

Los Angeles thrives on its car culture. There is a very big stigma regarding public transportation usage, and Angelenos will always rationalize not walking to go to the store that is only ten minutes away.

Fun fact: it’s sunny in Los Angeles all year, though we have a huge population with vitamin D deficiency, since it seems like the only times Angelenos go out and feel the sun is when they leave their cars.

I don’t have to hide the fact that the public transportation in Los Angeles is not to be trusted at all. Silver Line buses arrive 10 minutes late on a regular basis, and sometimes would be almost an hour late. Subway lines, such as the Red Line and Blue line would sometimes miss a schedule entirely. If the Metro schedule tells you that the Metro Rapid bus 770 would arrive at your stop at 1:15 PM, expect it to be there at either 12:48 PM or 1:39 PM. Metro drivers don’t have any regards to schedule or timing, so that’s probably why Angelenos don’t trust the public transportation at all. It’s also very difficult to go from point A to point B without having to take multiple subways and buses, since not all of the locations are accessible via the public transportation.

Contrast that to the Seoul subway station, in which the stigma is basically non-existent. They have less than 15-minute intervals between subways and buses, which minimizes the possibility of crowds, long lines, and insane wait times. Everything is accessible via the subways alone, and with a huge population of citizens incorporating public transportation into their daily lives, the funding for the maintenance of the stations and subway trains is insane.

The floors are very clean and I’m not worried holding on to the metal bars in the subway trains. Expect the subways and buses to arrive on schedule, so you don’t have to worry about missing your ride, even in the middle of the night going home after a long day at work (seriously, the buses in Los Angeles stop working at 9 PM, and it’s so difficult to work around that schedule when I’m trying to stay in the library all night to study - Uber and Lyft are options, but the prices do add up).

Not only the subways are very timely, the people of Seoul themselves are very orderly. There are designated seats for pregnant women (colored pink), the elderly and the disabled people (the seats closest to the subway doors on each opposite end). In Los Angeles, these seats are mainly for priority. If there are no pregnant women, elderly, or disabled people around, the seats would be taken until they arrive; not in Seoul. Even when the subway trains are packed at rush hour, these seats will remain empty until the designated occupants take them.

Important: Don’t disregard this rule since you will be met with angry comments and shame from the Korean subway riders, and that’s never a fun experience.

Also, people form lines to walk up the stairs after getting off the subways in a neat and tidy manner. They don’t rush to walk or run in front of someone with the fear of missing their subways, because once again - Seoul subways have a set schedule that it’s very rare to miss your ride. If you know the time of when your subway leaves the station, expect them to leave at that very minute.

Side note: while taking the escalator, stand on the right side and walk on the left side.

The social life within the subway stations are also reminiscent of Tokyo and Hong Kong’s. There are stores, restaurants, massage parlors, and even a mall in all of Seoul’s subway stations. While waiting for the subway, you can buy croquettes (크로켓) with different fillings in a bakery, heat up some cup noodles or doshirak (Korean lunch boxes) and eat them at the dining sections in the convenience stores, or you can even shop for some clothes, wallets, jewelries, and bags. Try using the subway stations in Los Angeles, and all you’ll see are unpainted gray walls, a group of homeless men stationed by the Tap Card machines, and dirty floors that seem to not have been cleaned since the station was opened.

2. Accessibility

It’s without a doubt a common knowledge that Seoul is obviously a small city, despite its booming economy and huge population; but a small location means that everything is within a walking distance, so that calls for a celebration (let’s pretend Singapore doesn’t exist, since my friend told me you can walk Singapore from end to end in a day).

Everything is spread out in Los Angeles. If you want to buy some snacks at a 7/11, you might have to drive about 10 minutes for the closest one. A quick coffee break? The closest Starbucks is a 5-minute drive! Planning to eat before headed for a night out? The next few eateries are just 20 minutes away via car. Don’t be fooled though! 10 minutes by car is very close for an Angeleno, since everything is far apart from one another. This is not the case in Seoul, and this is very apparent at night.

Night life in Seoul is very accessible. Clubs and bars line each other side-by-side, with a convenience store or two stationed right in front of each one to accommodate the drinkers who can’t afford to buy another glass of alcohol inside the bar.

Convenience stores are another culture on their own, since unlike Los Angeles, they are used as a means for quick social gatherings. Convenience stores in Seoul have a designated dining area, equipped with microwaves and hot water dispensers for whatever item you bought. Since they’re open 24/7 and are ubiquitous, people can just stop by at any time and sit down to eat, may it be to enjoy their time alone or to talk to their friends over cup ramen or tonkatsu.

On top of the clubs, bars, and convenience stores, there is also a large number of pojangmacha tents, although they have been in rapid decline recently due to the rise of trashes they leave. “They don’t look nice and make the city look dirty”, my Korean friends would say. Pojangmacha (포장마차), or temporary tents that serve quick bites and, most importantly, soju, are also found alongside the streets of Seoul if you don’t plan to sit down in a loud bar.

And what’s a Seoul night life without its noraebang (노래방), or the Korean version of karaoke. In Korean, norae (노래) means “song” and bang (방) means “room”. There are two main types of noraebang (노래방): one you pay by the hour and one you pay per song. An hourly rate would be as low as ₩8,000 ($7), or you can opt to pay per song for only ₩500 ($0.45) per song. Compare these prices to the hourly rates in Koreatown in Los Angeles that start from $25-$30 an hour.

Noraebang (노래방) in Seoul has never-ending options of songs to sing along to. Korean songs, Top 100 Western songs, Chinese songs, Japanese songs, Filipino songs, Vietnamese songs, Indonesian songs, Spanish songs, Russian songs, you name it.

Walking along any streets in Seoul, may it be in Hongdae, Myeongdong, Gangnam, Anam, Kondae, there will be the word noraebang (노래방) in flashing neon and LCD lights. You can purchase your soju in a noraebang (노래방), although a little more expensive; but, don’t fret. A convenience store is always there just a few meters from the entrance ready to save your wallet and contribute to making your musical nights much more memorable.

If you and your friend circle are not the types to socialize in a convenience store or a noraebang (노래방) - fear not! There is a huge industry on PC bang (PC방) in Seoul. In Korean, PC means “personal computer” and bang (방) means “room”. PC방 is an Internet gaming center that caters to the gamers, the introverts, and the social media fanatics. You may gain access to a PC방 through membership or one-time uses.

For membership, you just need to apply for one and they would give you a card for your login information, which charges you by the hour every time you use the computers.

For one-time users, you pick up a card on the reception that gives you the login information, which gives you access to the computers. The timer starts once you login, and you pay for the total amount right after you logout and give the card back to the receptionist.

The hourly rate is not very expensive. Expensive PC방 are equipped with large screens and more advanced software for the gamers, which have prices ranging from ₩1,200 to ₩1500/hour, or $1 to $1.30. Personally, I don’t need big screens to write my blog or do my assignments in, so I opt out for the regular computer screens, which costs me about ₩900 to ₩1,200 an hour, which is equivalent to $0.80 to $1.

Once again, Seoul thrives on accessibility and since South Koreans spend an average of five hours playing computer games per day, there will be a need for food - and yes, there are a lot of choices of food. There are snack bars, dining areas, and the receptionist even delivers food to your computer. You have options from chips, to finger foods like fries, and to full-course meals like a tonkatsu and bulgogi set. And of course, there are the never-ending supply of soju, if needed.

Soju is very cheap in Seoul, and many convenience stores would sell them for about ₩1,200 to ₩1500, which is about $1 to $1.30 (soju is cheaper than bottled water, just saying). Because of the accessibility of the drinking areas and soju, South Korea’s culture revolves around drinking (sometimes heavy drinking), therefore there are a lot of places where you can sit down with a group of friends and drink after work.

Many of these drinking places are around college campuses to cater towards the students vying for a social circle or are finding ways to de-stress themselves from the university responsibilities. In Los Angeles, the drinking culture are only within certain cities: mainly West Hollywood and Pasadena, two cities on opposite ends of the county. It is very difficult to gain access to social areas when you’re situated in the middle of the county or away from West Hollywood and Pasadena - once again, these cities are very hard to access via public transportation.

Not in Seoul. Even if Anam is considered empty compared to the lively Hongdae, which caters to the students of Hongik University, and Itaewon, which caters to the foreign population, Anam is still packed with social areas that are meant for students and teachers to drink in.

My favorite part is having to drink with friends and getting back to our dormitory or our housing by walking, which proves how close everything really is. Plus, if you are looking to experience Seoul drinking culture, Hongdae and Itaewon are easily accessible via public transportation, so finding the means to get there is never a problem.

Frankly, there will be nights where you just don’t want to go out and stay in (perhaps by yourself or with your friends), and Seoul’s delivery service culture is surreal. Almost every restaurant, if not all of them, have a delivery service that is easily accessible by a tap of a finger. You may call or make an order online (Korean reading skills are required if it’s not ordered through a phone call), and the food will be swiftly delivered via a motorcycle in less than half an hour.

They even write you cute little “thank you” notes in Korean as a token of appreciation, and those always brighten up my day. One of the post-it notes that came with a chicken wing order said “주문해 주셔서 감사합니다. 맛있게 드시고 행복하세요!!^^” (Jumunhae jusheoseo gamsahamnida. Mashitge deushigo haengboghaseyo).

The post-it note translates to “Thank you for ordering. Eat deliciously and be happy!” Translation courtesy of Minki-hyung (민기형).

Accessibility is staple South Korean culture: from convenience stores lining up next to each other blocks on end and to Seoul’s fast delivery service, there’s never an excuse to not spend a day in the country without Korean food and a bottle of soju... or two!

3. Confucianism Culture

There’s one C word you have to fully understand once you land in South Korea, and that is Confucianism. The whole Korean culture revolves around this - from greeting, to talking, to eating, to drinking, and to socializing.

Eldest Culture - when eating and drinking, the eldest member on the table always has to be served first. Don’t pick up your chopsticks, utensils, or drinking glasses until after the eldest does. When drinking alcohol, younger people should never point the bottom of their glasses towards the eldest. Drink facing away, and with both hands.

Refusing an Offer - when someone older than you offer you food or drink, you may not refuse that offer. This is a nice gesture of friendliness, especially if you’re drinking together for the first time. If you refuse the offer, that means you’re refusing the friendship and Koreans take that very personally.

Maknae (막내) Culture - the youngest is always asked to pass down the food or to refill everybody’s drinks. Be familiar with the term, maknae (막내/pronounced mangnae), which means the youngest of the group. Since the Korean culture relies heavily on age order, there are many traits and responsibilities that come with being the maknae (막내) of the group. He/she is expected to be polite, obedient, and respectful to the people order than him/her. Once labelled the maknae (막내), he/she will perform everything his/her elders ask him/her to do. The elders will take care of their maknae (막내) in return.

Don’t be surprised when the first question a Korean asks you when you meet is “몇 살이에요” (myeot salieyo?/how old are you?). This is the main means of establishing where they are in the conversation, since Korean verbs are distinguished based on age and politeness (whether or not they conjugate the verbs as if they’re talking to someone older, someone of the same age, or someone younger).

Addressing people older than you differs based on gender.

If you’re a male, you address older males as 형 (hyung); and older females as 누나 (noona).

If you’re a female, you address older males as 오빠 (oppa); and older females as 언니 (unni).

Basic Dining Etiquette - Korean chopsticks and utensils are longer than its Chinese and Japanese counterparts for a reason. Don’t lift up your bowl to eat your rice or noodles. Absolutely no slurping either.

Korean Table Setup - there is a setup that all Korean tables follow (from the left side to the right side): rice bowl and banchan (side dishes), main dish, spoon, chopstick, then soup. Hot foods, such as soup, are always placed on the right; while cold foods are placed on the left. Banchan, and kimchi, are placed behind the sauces by the rice bowl.

Non-verbal Politeness - don’t ever give or receive anything with one hand. It always has to be done with both hands - if not with both hands, make sure to have your non-receiving hand hold your receiving arm. This goes for shaking hands and paying as well.

4. Fashion

Need I say more? Don’t ever leave your place and walk the streets of Seoul dressed like an American in sweat pants and t-shirt. Not only will you get the disapproving looks of the natives, but you will feel very foreign and different. Everybody knows how much the Koreans love to take care of their looks. From skin care to plastic surgery. If you take the time to pay attention to your surroundings in Seoul, you will notice how much mirrors there are: from restaurants, to noraebang (노래방) rooms, and even in the most random places like the subway stations. Hey! Gotta look good while riding the subway, right?

Korean culture revolves around being fashionable at all times. Don’t be surprised when you see guys wearing makeup, the young Koreans with their hairs dyed, or natives dressing in layers even under the hot and humid summer weather.

It won’t be long until you start wanting to join in the fashion game and walk around Gangnam feeling like you belong in Gangnam.

I have mentioned and talked about this extensively in multiple blogs, such as in “As the Sun Sets - The Final Golden Hours”, but South Koreans have an obsession with pastel shirts with a random English word written across the front side. Reddit User Mr_Bakgwei talked about this East Asian culture of how English looks “cool” in a thread asking the culture behind random English words. The user talks about someone he knows from Chaozhou, a city in Guangdong, China, who makes millions of shirts with random English words, despite quitting school after the ninth grade and does not speak a word in English.

Certain letters are considered “better looking than others, such as J, P, B, Y, and U”. If the word looks “cool” enough to be in a shirt, but contains the “less good looking” letters such as I and O, the designers would swap it out to a more acceptable-looking letter, such as J, T, and V. This is very prominent in shirts in East Asia, where South Korea lies, since you’ll find shirts that will say “Geometry”, “Alaska Whales”, “Paragraph”, and “Babylonian”.

Initially, I find it very hilarious whenever I see someone wearing a shirt that randomly says “Veracity” or “Cheese”, but I do understand the hype surrounding random English words on shirts. Los Angeles does have a culture equivalent to this one where people wear clothes that have random French words written on it. Words like “Bonjour” and “Merci” are printed across tote bags and laptop covers. Francophilia, the love for all-things French, is a billion-dollar industry in the Western world. Stores like Forever 21 and Anthropologie would sell t-shirts in ridiculously high prices just because it says the phrase “C’est la vie” with a sketch of the Eiffel Tower on the corner. So, this East Asian culture on having random English words printed is not so new and foreign after all. I was just able to be in the feet of the French people when they see Americans wearing a shirt with words that mean so random to them.

I did go back home to Los Angeles with a couple shirts with random English words written though! I caved in to the culture, since some shirts look so nice. I bought clothes that said “Summer vibes” in English and “がんばって” (ganbatte) in Japanese, which is the equivalent to “Fighting” or “I wish you good luck!” with a knitted corgi on the top left side of my shirt. Japanese characters appeal to the Americans too, by the way. My friend in Korean class was wearing a shirt designed with an ad for a squid restaurant written in all Japanese today - so this culture is not just centered around English and French.

I walked around Seoul wearing those shirts feeling like a native.

When in Rome....

5. Cleanliness

Fun fact: public trash cans are a rarity in Seoul, so you better hold on to that trash of yours until the next convenience store. An American reading this would probably think that since there are little to no trash cans in the city, people will be littering every chance they get, but he/she is more than wrong. On top of Seoul natives worrying how they look, they also take a lot of time making sure their city is as clean and tidy. It’s very rare to see cigarette butts or bags of chips on the sidewalks, and this was something I really appreciated while being in South Korea.

Fun fact: Hongdae (pictured above) is always crowded, but it’s never as dirty as Itaewon (pictured below), which is the area in Seoul that houses most of the expatriates and foreigners. There is an unspoken stereotype on how foreigners are very dirty and like to litter a lot.

To further show how clean and organized South Korea is with their trash, in some cases there are trash cans in Seoul that are meant to separate everything.

For example, in McDonald’s in Anam (first picture below), there are seven areas to place your trash: bottles, leftover food, remaining juice and soda, soda cups, plastic lids, straws, and utensils. The bibimbap cup place I frequent in Anam has four areas (second picture below): one for the bibimbap cup, one for the leftovers, one for the water cup, and one for the utensils. In some cases, such as the Dokkaebi Night Market (도깨비야시장) in Banpo Hangang Park, there will be people getting paid to separate the trash for you. Just hand them your tray and cups, and the rest is history.

I find this culture so hard to adjust to - not that I litter myself.

That’s all I will be talking about in this blog, since I plan to expand on other cultural practices that are very unique to Seoul in the next posts:

“Tteokbokki Juseyo!” - an introduction to Korean street food

“The Visuals and the Vibes” - xenophobia, cafe culture, PDA, and the K-entertainment culture

“The Art of Coming Home” - my reverse culture shock experience

Until then!

고마워요, Chris 「크리스」

#study #abroad #seoul #south korea #international summer campus #ku #korea university #isc #summer #culture #shock #culture shock

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foreignquarry · 4 years

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VOICE OVERS

DISCLAIMER:

unfortunately, due to storage limitations and glitches with my computer during the editing process, I lost a lot of the drafts and practice cuts that featured some experimentation. I’ll try to instead describe the different things I tried.

-- voice over --

third person narration -----

the sections of the film that involve third person narrative prose describing scenes at odds with what the viewer sees. initially, i used my own voice for this, in a sort of rough cut just to help with pacing. using this rough cut made me think that using my voice was not the right way forward, just because i wasnt personally happy with the performance i managed.

last year, i did a lot of experimentation with my voice and vocal performance. i developed different techniques to explore the unhuman aspects of communication, especially through a lens of technology. i used a piece of software called Lyrebird to generate a synthetic vocal avatar - an artificial intelligence trained to mimic my own voice. at the time, i used this to distance my physical self and parody my inability to express myself.

SADLY, this software was bought out by some company and is no longer accessible as it was, and no longer for free. it’s hidden behind the facade of this other, new software that im not familiar with and dont care to learn. there are other methods of vocal avatar generation that i may investigate, but this ruled out this option at this stage.

instead, i tried to use some generic text-to-speech programs to generate synthetic voices. i hoped that this would help add to the eeriness of the film, and the feeling of it being abandoned and devoid of humanity. i used a white-sounding male-sounding British-accented posh-sounding voice, to parody this sort of David Attenborough nature/museum documentary. of course, this sort of voice being a voice of God in film, through tradition, speaks to bigotries and patriarchal authoritarianism. like, we need white men to tell us what the things we are seeing are. this was something i was back-of-the-mind-conscious of at the time, but hadn’t fully questioned it. although it’s maybe a conceptually sound idea, it didn’t at all sound good, or right. with this automated voice in particular, the film was lacking a human quality, i felt. there are no humans visually present in the film, and there is a stark absence of humanity in the way the stories are reanimated from the stone. my human arm has been digitally removed, and the traces are all that remain.

the next thing i tried was a more intentional and intimate style of performance, modelled after the recent trend of ASMR videos.

Autonomous sensory meridian response (ASMR), sometimes auto sensory meridian response,[2][3][4] is a tingling sensation that typically begins on the scalp and moves down the back of the neck and upper spine. A pleasant form of paresthesia,[5] it has been compared with auditory-tactile synesthesia[6][7] and may overlap with frisson.

ASMR signifies the subjective experience of "low-grade euphoria" characterized by "a combination of positive feelings and a distinct static-like tingling sensation on the skin". It is most commonly triggered by specific auditory or visual stimuli, and less commonly by intentional attention control.[1][8] A genre of videos which intend to stimulate ASMR has emerged, of which over 13 million are published on YouTube.[9]

I’m interested in this form of vocal performance in the way it attempts to target and illicit a specific physical reaction. Ed Atkins has spoken about the way technology develops, seeks to conquer various physical senses, ie, IMAX cameras making screens too large for one person’s eyesight, or sound systems rattling bones. ASMR attempts to create euphoric physical feelings, comparable to orgasm. as such, there is a sort of unspoken sexual quality to a lot of these videos and to a lot of these vocal stylings. often, and indeed usually, the speakers or performers in these videos are attractive women.

in this episode of the podcast Reasonably Sound, Mike Rugnetta makes the comparison between this sort of work, and the sexist history of the female voice assistant, in early telecoms and switchboard operators, up to the present, female Siri or Google Home. there are, maybe unsuitable or offensive, connections to be made between this sort of outsourced female labour, the sexual qualities of ASMR, and sex work. but, i dont think it’s really my place to touch on it. there’s just some interesting dynamics around service and power in this form.

the episode can be found here:

http://reasonablysound.com/2014/10/02/whisper-quiet/

anyway, technically, this phenomena doesn’t really exist, scientifically. it does exist in the minds of people who watch this stuff. so, there’s a fun pseudo-science sort of thing here, that compels me too. like a sort of witchcraft to do with audio frequencies.

in this vocal performance, then, i tried to allow my voice to take on these ASMR qualities. i whispered the words into my microphone from a very close distance, to encourage uncomfortable mouth sounds, saliva pops, and microphone peaks. these sounds are ASMR triggers, but also betray the audio recording in a few ways. it’s uncomfortable for the viewer to hear mouth and body sounds so loudly. it reveals the work as an unprofessional one, working with what would be considered to be bad recording practices. it also brings qualities of a human body, and particularly gross qualities at that, to the film, lending it a subjective human presence.

i feel mixed about how this has worked overall. i think it totally creates the correct responses in a viewer, but there’s no denying that in being the Voice of God for this film, i am painting myself to be the God of this world. my narration, although at odds with what the viewer sees, speaks to my authorial power, and im not sure this is a power i want to be spoken about!! as a middle class, white man, i think i need to question more thoroughly what it means for me to give myself authority in this context...

this was something Dave Beech mentioned in our crits with him, recently.

this is all in my head as i continue to experiment with the narration and voice over in this film. i dont anticipate i will have brought this any further by the end of the project, but that’s ok. here is a video showing the current way my voice is sounding in this passages:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzgbVBFhvRc

first person stories ---

now, this is also complicated.

at the beginning of the project it felt very important to me that the stories would only appear visually, as text, and not as audio. in the writing i have gone to lengths to recreate, phonetically and visually, regional accents and period grammar. understanding my limited ability as a voice performer, i felt it would be gross and inappropriate for me to perform these texts myself. that it would be sort of equivalent to cultural appropriation, especially as im not actually from the South West (unless u go some ways back down the tree).

however, this being said, i ended up opting for a sort of version of a performance. i experimented with different styles of delivery, attempting accents and different styles of voice. i also experimented with isolating select frequencies. the OM frequency of the tuning fork is the one i chose to isolate, producing a distant-sounding voice that is hard to identify as mine:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hQDgEWFRIM&t=41s

for a necessarily female voice, however, this proved to be tricky. immediately in the crit, it seemed people could identify the recording as a poor attempt at an impression on my part, even though i thought i had done quite well with my shakespearean old woman impression. i ended up taking this audio and distorting it even further. the vocal inflections and sentence patterns are still identifiable, and when watching the text it is easy to follow along with the sound, but it is so distorted and modified i dont feel it can be traced back to me anymore. the femininity and the quality of the accent and the age of the caracter are all identifiable as well, i feel. over the course of this video the clip becomes more distorted, as if the stone tape is losing its fidelity on playback:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2A6jY-C1UA

i find this absolutely successful, especially on the speakers with which i listen to it. although as i continue working i might go back on this idea.

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elwhitestone-blog · 6 years

Text

Alone, shopping, and talking…

Today was the first day this month where my wife is working, and I planned to go out and shop on my own (really - I originally planned to push the boundaries of what I am comfortable with but as noted in the previous post, this thrill is kind of over…or was it)…

I struggled this morning coming up with something to wear - but here it goes:

-A newly purchased mink cashmere sweater I custom ordered - it has flared sleeves and is SUPER fuzzy.

-For the first time, I wore black jeggings (with side zippers). This pair is tight enough that they could appear to be leggings from a distance - nice practice for what I want to wear eventually.

-The women's charcoal wool sneakers with fur edges (no socks).

-A down vest.

-Panties (boy are panties so comfortable!).

-Some rings on various fingers.

-Bracelets on both wrists (covered by the sweater, but fun for the first time).

-A pair of women's glasses with a nice tint to them (readers which is what I need)

-A wallet/wristlet/clutch.

-I went all out with the scents - deodorant, body wash, body lotion (all over) and finally the perfume.

…and off I went. I had some usual errands to perform today, along with the desire to go shopping in a mall for myself and Christmas shopping.

I hit target first - had a carriage and some items and I ended up looking around the women's clothing - pretty much at everything. I didn't buy anything in that department, but the experience was awesome. I was amongst other women shopping, and nobody said a word to me or even looked funny at me. It felt so good, so "normal".

I hit up some other stores (Barnes and Noble) with nothing really eventful and then I hit the mall.

The mall was an interesting experience (being alone). I am wondering if the presence of my wife actually inhibits people talking to me, because today was like a chatterbox (all positive). I started in Macy's - I did get a couple of glances or double takes from some of the older staff there, but nothing extreme and nothing that made me feel uncomfortable. I spent some time there and looked around, found nothing, and then went into the mall itself. This is where the fun started!

-The sweater was a hit overall - it is fuzzy enough that it is just noticeable - SO many store employees commented on it (I love your sweater) and at least 4 asked to touch or pet it.

-I went into Anthropologie - and one of the sales people hit me up at the door and even though I said I was just looking, she actually directed me to some fuzzy cardigans that they had saying I would probably like them. This was great because to me - she noticed what I was wearing, acknowledged that it was a woman's sweater, and offered my suggestions from her store all without judgement. I looked at the cardigans with her and they only had smalls and mediums so nothing would fit (I would have bought one just to support her being helpful and non-judgmental).

-As I LOVE Torrid jeggings, I had to go into their store and look around, if not just to build up my own confidence. It was a small store, and nobody was shopping in it at the time. I was immediately approached - and asked I she could help me. I said no thank you just browsing and she continued (and I was FLOORED) - "Are you shopping for Christmas or yourself?" I was not prepared for this, and she just joked and said that she noticed I was wearing Torrid jeans. I must have turned purple and she noticed it, and tried to calm me down - she said to please not be embarrassed, and that a lot of men shop in the store, and in fact they are a crossdresser friendly company. I was still a bit embarrassed and she asked me what else I had from Torrid. I said a bunch of jeggings, skinny jeans, and that I had ordered a couple of winter coats but hadn't received them. She then noticed my sneakers and asked if I had ever considered shoes from Torrid (they have large and wide sizes). I laughed and said I had a pair of boots, and that there was a pair I really wanted but were sold out. She tried to find them in a store for me with no luck. I didn't end up buying anything, but she said that if I ever wanted to actually try something on, they can always accommodate that discretely. WOW! I walked out with a smile on my face…

-The BEST experience bar none was at Nordstrom. The trip into the store started most quietly - I walked around the lower level and ended up in the winter accessories area. There was a Free People scarf I was wanting to look at, and they had it. As soon as I picked it up, a sales woman asked if she could help me, and I said I was just looking. She said OK and left - much like most store interactions. I left the scarf and went upstairs to the clothing. Wandering from section to section, there was a register with a customer, and three employees (2 female, 1 male). Then I heard them - the guy said - look at his sweater - I love it. One of the female employees said something like "wow - it must be so cozy". The guy comes up to me, asks (jokes) to pet me, and I said sure. I smiled and he said if there was anything I needed to let him or the girls know. I picked up a sweater that looked huge and was looking at it to size it up if it would fit me. Now I had one of the females and the male over helping me - they asked if it was for me and I just said "yes" and they said I could try it on if I wanted. The sweater had flared sleeves, and the female said that they had another sweater that I should take a look at - from Free People. They brought me to it and I was sold without even trying it on - it was knit from alpaca, VERY oversized, and nice flared sleeves. The neck is very wide, intended as an over the shoulder look I think. The female employee said that I had to try it on - and she brought me to a secluded dressing room with both sweaters. I tried them both on (it was really exhilarating) and bought both of them. The girl rang me up and joked "I assume you won't need boxes for these." and I said nope and completed my purchase. I then went back to the accessory section and picked up the scarf to purchase. The same woman from before was there and asked me who I was purchasing the scarf for - I got a little nervous and said "actually - it is for me". She then kind of lit up and said "wow - that is cool - I hope you enjoy it".

INCREDIBLE shopping day!

The first sweater I purchased - nice and soft - big v-neck:

The Free People sweater that I bought - look at the HUGE rose on the front. Definitely a sweater that I will need to build up to wear - doesn’t look anything like a hybrid or unisex sweater - that is an all woman’s sweater:

Free People oversized scarf - I prefer snoods but I couldn’t pass this up - it is HUGE, FUZZY, and SOFT:

#crossdressing #nordstrom #anthropologie #torrid

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ladyyatexel · 7 years

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You wear such adorable clothing and you look so great in the pictures you post. Do you have any shopping advice? I can never find anything flattering and I get annoyed and discouraged quickly whenever I look for clothes.

Thank you very much!

Everything I can tell you is of my experience, so it may or may not be helpful to you. The biggest thing being that even though I’m a large person which makes it hard to find clothes that fit in general, I’m also lucky enough to have inherited an hour glass body shape/fat distribution, which makes A Lot of things flatter me in a way that we’ve been conditioned to see as ‘flattering’ as long as I can find it in my size. I’m also tall enough that things are never too long on me, but usually not so tall that things are too short, so I don’t have a lot of problems with ‘X item makes me look too stumpy/lanky’. I don’t want to perpetuate the idea that ‘flattering’ has to mean ‘helps you conform to a certain shape,’ but I also understand that it can really feel nice to find things that hide this but accentuate that. So I’m not super interested in ‘don’t do this if you’re fat’ kind of advice and I’ll try to keep it to ‘general’ and ‘having fun’.

Keeping that in mind:

- Try lots of things on. In general, maybe not in a single trip if you get irritated by clothes shopping easily. Sometimes I try things on just because they baffle me on the hanger. I’ve bought several things from just trying shit on for shits and giggles and then finding out it’s actually cute with the structure of a person under it.

- Don’t get hung up on sizes. A lot of people steadfastly refuse to accept a certain number in their pants sizes, no matter what. “Women’s” clothing is by far the worst offender, but all clothes fall victim to ‘vanity sizing’ and other tricks (adding extra inches on men’s pants but still advertising the waist band as the size they started with, making the consumer feel better that they wear a smaller size) so that brands are not consistent sometimes within themselves let alone with each other.

The place this is most useful is a clearance rack or a second hand store, where you’ll find clothes that are made for the ‘junior’s’ section (runs small), the ‘misses’ section (average but inconsistent depending on quality/high end of brands) and ‘women’s’ (plus size) or even things made for older women (which run large but are still technically ‘misses’ or ‘ladies’). A large in junior’s would not fit me, but a large might in misses depending on how it is made, and it would almost definitely fit me in brands made for old women. A 2X in juniors will definitely fit me, but Id’ be drowning in that size in a sweater for older women. The same pattern is largely true for men’s clothes. The older and more conservative a demographic the clothes are aimed for, the larger they are relative to their advertised size. I learned a lot of this not by being obsessed with brands (the opposite, actually! I won’t wear anything with a brand name visible on it), but just by working at a mail order clothing catalog for women over 50 and then a Macy’s for a few years.

So that the best you can do is say you fall within a certain reasonable range and allow yourself room within that. You’re going to look worse in the size 12 that ‘technically’ fits even though it’s a struggle and parts of you are kind of spilling over it than the 14 that actually makes a smooth transition with your body.

- Remember the few things you do find that you find flattering and keep an eye out for them while you’re out, even if you’re not shopping specifically for clothes. I’m not saying memorize brands, but if you find that you really like long shirts, or you really want bold leggings or long necklaces, hold onto that idea and don’t pass up good opportunities to get them.

- On a related note, if you find a store/brand that does have something you like the fit/style of, check out their other things. You may strike gold twice. I personally have a few stores that I know I’ll always fit in a particular size and I always know they’ll carry something in a style I really like.

- Fuck around in discount stores like Ross and TJ Maxx. This is another place where the sizes can be all over the map and it pays to try things on. These stores can end up with unsold stock from previous seasons that proved unpopular even in department store clearance, so you can often find unique things because other people only saw it on the hanger and didn’t see how cool it looks on a real person.

- Take some risks online. This may work better for me because of the hourglass shape, but I’ve found a lot of cool things that I ordered online in a gamble. This works best for me with dresses, leggings, and other tops. I always have to try on jeans. They are my nemesis.

- Don’t be afraid to shop ‘the other side of the store’. If a men’s t-shirt is baggy, go see if a women’s one will fit better because of the way they’re fitted. Alternately, if the women’s shirts pinch, go grab a men’s shirt. Women’s fitted shirts are usually too fitted for me because of my shape, so it gets tight across my chest and under my arms, but men’s tshirts look great (and fitted!) on me, I just have to select a different size.

- Don’t make ‘finding the perfect pair of jeans (or any other clothing thing)’ the sole goal of a shopping trip. Especially with jeans, you could ultimately fail at that for the day, and that’ll increase the feelings of being discouraged or defeated and you’re less likely to go out again. Tack another achievable thing on there, even if it’s something small. Then you don’t feel like you spend time and energy to come back empty handed. At least you got half your list done and with the jeans you can just call it some options you’ve eliminated and try different kinds of stores next time.

- Don’t go shopping when you already feel bad about yourself. At least not for clothes. The first thing that looks funky on you is going to trigger crying in a fitting room or a spiral of self-hate.

-This sounds like a terrible thing to say, but if size is an issue for you like it is for me, honestly avoid going shopping with skinny friends. You usually can’t shop in the same areas of the store or the same stores AT ALL and that can also increase your feelings of frustration. I know I feel a lot less like shopping and spending time even looking at things when everyone else is standing around blandly (or worse, making fun of the clothes size) because everything around them is too large for them. I start feeling bad about myself for even needing clothes when I shop with smaller people. If you’re lucky enough to have either similarly sized friends or people who will sincerely go with you and help out without wanting to buy clothes themselves, take them with you.

- Speaking of helping out, if you have someone who Gets You, ask them for ideas of things to try on while you’re out. They might be seeing something you can’t regarding what would look nice on you. I had both my exes suggest I try things on and I was baffled by the things they chose. Then I tried them on and they looked great and I definitely bought a few of them. And because these were people who knew me at the time, they knew my style and what would appeal to me and I would be comfortable in, even if they were pushing the boundaries a little.

- Invest in some belts, which can totally change the shape of shirts and dresses. This is good for both making a new strange thing into a workable thing or transforming things you already own into new things. Try not to be super hung up on how an item is SUPPOSED to be worn.

- Accessories can also help with necklines that look strange or outfits that look unbalanced.

- Try on things you think are ugly. Maybe laugh at how ugly it is or be surprised that it isn’t as ugly as you thought. Either way, not frustrating because you didn’t have any hopes pinned on it and it is fun perspective.

- Keep in mind clothes are designed for a fictional template of people and not individuals. Clothes look amazing on models and celebs because they’re tailored just for them or pinned and clipped like wild on the back where you can’t see. This is often the case for mannequins in department stores too! Sometimes you have more of a body part than the designer anticipated.

- Have a good time. If you see something that you really like, try it on, no matter what you have heard about ‘these people shouldn’t wear X, those people shouldn’t wear Y’. If you immediately get frustrated, try it in a few other sizes and see if strikes you better that way. Spend some time thinking about ‘flattering’ and how you’d feel about items if you were the only person seeing them and the only one whose opinion on them mattered. It will take a while to think like this and believe it, but one day, you can just buy the things you think are fun and they’ll look flattering on you because you’re enjoying wearing it. This sounds Hallmark as fuck, I don’t blame you if you do not believe a word of that. And this is not to say I don’t reject things I try on because I don’t think they look good on me, but it’s worth it to consider sometimes that it might be a problem with people and not the pants.

I hope some of these help or are new ideas! I’m sorry about the frustration, I am well familiar with it. I’ve honestly found that shopping mostly alone and just grabbing whatever the hell I like has helped a lot, but it coincided with a lot of changes in self-image. I think they ended up fueling each other. Good luck, and please come ask me again if you have some more specific questions! I’ll try to answer like I have any more than ‘I’m winging it’ expertise in this area!

#Anonymous

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male-emporium · 6 years

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The Sunday Series Vol. 6

The weeks seem to come and go so quickly, especially around the holidays, but we’re all about savoring our Sundays. This week we have a wide variety of topics- from jewelry brands to a new favorite menswear line, a great soup recipe and tips on how to make a big move easier. We hope you enjoy today’s post and feel free to let us know about something you discovered/found interesting/learned this week in the comments below!

Julia– I’ve been under the weather (with sinus/ear infections and bronchitis) over the past week and I know I’m not alone in the misery of being sick. I got so many messages from readers saying they were in the same sad boat and we all sort of commiserated together. It’s not a fun time to get sick and there are definitely a mix of things going around knocking a lot of people down. Aside from the help of some prescription meds (which have made me feel 100x better), the one thing that has got me through the week is soup! It’s really the only thing that felt good on my throat/I had an appetite for. And Thomas just so happens to have the best tomato soup recipe (not his own though)…it’s really, really, really good! We’ve been making it for years and it’s still the first thing I ask for when I’m not feeling well. He made a big bowl this week that I kept re-heating and I thought it would be the perfect thing to share since so many others seem to being getting sick, too. Thomas’s favorite cookbook of all time is America’s Test Kitchen and that’s where the recipe for the Creamless Creamy Tomato Soup is from. I love it because like its name states, it’s sans cream, but still tastes like it has cream in it! The secret? You cook bread into it! It helps give that slightly thicker texture rather than a watery canned tomato soup. It’s finally starting to get really cold, so cooking up a fresh pot of homemade soup on a Sunday afternoon sounds like the best plan!

Thomas– Without a doubt, Julia’s love for fashion has rubbed off on me. Though I don’t have nearly the wardrobe she has, I’ve steadily built out my closet over time. Adding higher quality staples that I can keep for years instead of buying budget-friendly styles that I’d most likely dispose of at the end of the season. Though you still have to pull my ear to get me to spend money on myself, I find that I am increasingly spending more money per item on fashion. That has little to do with changes in circumstance but simply because I can get more quality for my buck, even on things that are over $500. This transition has accelerated because unfortunately, some of the brands I used to wear no longer work for me, most notably J. Crew, which made up about 50% of my closet. Sadly their quality (and other brands caught in between fast fashion and contemporary) has receded significantly year over year, to a point where I won’t even try on things anymore.

Mr. Porter has become by far my favorite place to shop for clothing. Ignoring price for a moment, their product mix of an optimal blend of closet staples and statement pieces, outfit styling, supporting content and imagery can’t be beaten for men’s fashion in my opinion. But since price is a factor in every buying decision, Mr. Porter’s luxury price point has always given me this feeling that any purchase I made there was a special treat that I could afford only a couple times per year. I’d still browse expensive items, but then I’d change to Sort By – Price Low, finally ending up buying none other than, you guessed it, a J. Crew Shirt. My guess is I wasn’t the only shopper that did this. Mr. Porter’s luxury selection and impeccable curation on higher priced items create a halo effect on lower-priced items, generating a perception that the lower priced items are of higher quality. Luxury Brands use this strategy all of the time to mess with our value perception calculations, which always take place in our head when shopping. Their big money makers aren’t their apparel but their higher usage items like Shoes, Bags, Accessories, Makeup, and Fragrances.

So when I saw that Mr. Porter launched their own collection called, Mr. P, I was excited to check it out. My excitement continued to build when I saw the price and the mix of product I could see myself wearing day in and day out. I ordered a button down shirt to see if it lived up to the picture, and when I received my shirt in the mail I was ecstatic. It seems they took all of their learnings from selling the best men’s clothing, the customer data and shopping behavior on their site and combined that to create a fantastic collection of closet staples. All while doing it at an unmatched value level. The shirt I got, a white oxford button down, is a shirt I’d live in, fantastic fabric, perfectly cut, I’ve actually slept in it twice, and it’s $160. Comparable shirts would very easily be over $250 (or $450 if you’re Thom Browne) on Mr. Porter. With that, I can’t wait to see what else they roll out with coming seasons of Mr. P. Below are the top items on my wish list, hint Julia, in case there’s a man in your life that might appreciate something from my new favorite clothing brand.

Laura– December 7th marked five months since I packed up my tiny bedroom in my 4-person apartment in Boston and headed South to Charleston! Since I moved here I’ve been asked a lot by new faces or friends from home “How are you liking Charleston? Do you feel settled? How did you make the leap by yourself? I admire your courage!” I’ve loved meeting new people in this charming city and it isn’t until I’m asked these questions that I stop to reflect on this life change. It was just go, go, go from the second I said yes to this unique opportunity and when I have my mind set on something I don’t let anything get in my way. However, in the following months after the move it slowly sunk in that I’m living far from the familiar and I started to feel homesick. This is also my first time living alone (it feels glorious though) so I don’t have a roommate to hang out with and distract me from my homesickness. This feeling would come and go, but then one day I grew tired of it and needed to conquer it. Why am I sharing this? Because I know there may be some people out there who hesitate to make a big life change exactly like this. One thing I dislike is fear being the only reason someone is missing out on an amazing opportunity that will ultimately fulfill him/her. So I want to share three beginner tips that make taking leaps like this completely doable:

Learn to love being alone: Do as many activities/exploring/dining/sightseeing alone. Don’t get me wrong, I’m actually an extrovert, but there is honestly nothing better than having a slow morning/day to yourself. Last weekend I grabbed a latte and scone from my favorite coffee shop and savored every bite while seated on an outdoor bench. I can’t tell you the last time I ever did that. And over the last few months when the weather was beautiful I frequented my nearby beach for solo strolls up and down the shoreline. It’s so serene and my favorite spot to relax and just be.

Decorate your space for you: There were a lot of home decor pieces I brought from Boston with me, but not enough to complete my apartment. I kept thinking “Oh, I’ll just wait to buy something for that corner/wall/area when I actually own a home”, but then everytime I walked into those aforementioned areas it would bug me that it was incomplete. So last month I finally pulled the trigger and bought an accent chair, framed large photos for my walls, added hints of greenery, and even bought my very first Christmas tree. Now I love walking into my home everyday.

Find local tastemakers through Instagram: Take what you like and find local creators who showcase/share that passion. Instagram is all about community and chances are that once you find the one person you admire you’ll be able to find others who share similarities too! Look through the comments section on their posts or the person’s “Following” list to then see who’s in their network that you can also follow. It sounds creepy but it’s not because this platform is about discovery and these other artists want to be discovered, so follow along. Bottom line is, once you find this local group chances are they will advertise events or pop-up shops in their feed/Instastory that you can attend to meet other like minded people! And it’s always nice to support small businesses too. :)

Those are just a few of my tips for settling in. I hope you find them helpful! I’d love to know, have you found yourself hesitant to take the leap because of these things? Or if you have taken the leap, what are some tips you did to settle into your new home?

Margaret– I’ve attended a couple of holiday pop up shops recently, and I find I’m always the most drawn to jewelry lines at these shows. I’m not one to wear a ton of jewelry, but I usually pair a ring and set of earrings with my outfits daily. When it comes to dressing up for events, I love to wear either a creative statement necklace or earrings. I thought I would share my favorite lines, ranging from local Charleston artists to those based elsewhere, to help you find the perfect jewelry gift. Delicate, gold rings one can layer are beautiful, but hard to find. Both Jane Pope Jewelry and Christina Jervey Jewelry have wonderful collections of thin-band jewels. Jane Pope’s recent collaboration with Sally King Benedict boasts unique pieces through a collaboration of fine art and metal work. For vintage pieces, I turn to Croghan’s Jewel Box. This is also one of my favorite shops to bring friends and family to when they visit during the holidays. For creative/ statement pieces, a few of my favorites are Theodosia Jewelry, Lizzie Fortunato , Abby Kent Flythe Fine Art, and Lika Behar. Lizzie Fortunato earrings are on my wish list this year. I love her creative designs that surpass trends. Abby Kent Flythe is my aunt, and she has one of the most incredible collections of vintage and contemporary turquoise jewelry in the country. I wear one of her turquoise rings daily, and each one of her pieces has a unique personality.

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