#healthy after trauma

[pocket-poly]

I don't like to say things like "forever" & "always" because my life has only shown me that those are lies & broken promises.

When the people who created you both maternal and paternal DNA failed to show you, unconditional love. You struggle with what love is. Between fairy tales and narcissists' love bombing, love becomes a messy emotion to begin to learn on your own.

Who I am today is only a fraction of who I'll be tomorrow or even a few months from now. But it's compiled of all the different versions of me I've been before and will become. Every win, every loss, every love, every heartache. All lessons, tools, and stories.

I don't believe everything happens for a reason, yet oddly enough, I often say,' whatever the universe allows' and recently learned of synchronicity

That being said, the universe decided to allow us to cross paths. That NOW 9mths ago...despite literally crossing each other's paths for the last 24 years was our time to connect. Maybe because we needed to become who we are today to fit together the way we do.

I can't promise forever. It's not mine to grant.

I can't say always because I dont know that i am going to 'always' be what you need or want.

But I can say with complete certainty that I'm going to hold on to every moment I get to have you. And I'm going to strong-arm the universe longer than I should, to keep you in my life for a long as i can.

#polyamory #polyamorous #polyamourous #dating #boyfriend #polyam #poly life #redgrasshopper #butterflies #lover #in love #heal how you need to #healthy after trauma

[under-same-sky]

#redgrasshopper #love deeply #hard love #secure attachment #healthy after trauma

[goldkirk]

I DON'T HAVE TO LIE ANYMORE!

#I DON'T HAVE TO LIE ANYMORE ABOUT ANYTHING #IT DOESN'T HAVE TO OVERRIDE ALL OTHER PROGRAMMING EVER AGAIN #HA #MY GOD THAT FEELS LIKE TWO DECADES OF RELIEF #and I found out yesterday. that this year. next winter. it IS two decades. exactly. this is the year. every day i am shown new reminders #that keep me going in my mission to relearn to fully and instinctually trust my self #ever since [redacted therapist] asked me point blank and my IMMEDIATE response was complete disbelief #a firm 'you think there's any universe where i'd feel like i could trust myself? after my nonstop history of failures and being horrible?' #tone “No!” of disbelief #and a horrible way-too-harsh laugh that bolted out before I could strangle it off and stop it. #that woman never coddled my feelings any time I spoke something alarming or bullshit and that was so helpful to me #and the tone she let exist in her voice when she responded to me with a very uncharacteristic “Oh Katie.” #was so. so much more agonizing for me. than her responding with an immediate logical slam-dunk of the truth about healthy behavior and stuf #anyway ramble over i'm so tired. i've done so much trauma work this week i am Drained emotionally #now i see what the past several months but especially especially #the baffling (to me) infuriating out-of-control-speedrun-somatic-processing + every-health-condition-flaring slog that December and January #were for me when I hadn't expected anything to be wrong #...and the extremely specific way this certain zone and particular incident kept coming up over and over and over and over and OVER was not #a bug. it was a feature. thank goodness i trust myself for little things now bc that's the only way i was able to get to this other side #and look back and suddenly realize that my subconscious and body knew what they needed and had a plan in progress the whole time. just like #i rationally say I trust them to have and do. #and that perhaps maybe. for real for real instead of just TELLING myself hard enough a lie that i trust my self and i trust my body and tha #they always know their own needs and timing if really slow down and listen to them f u l l y #anyway. yeah. bye haha i need to stop oversharing on the internet #trauma evolution #shh katie #personal #my god. i wished for this day more than i wished for anything else my whole life. all these many many many many years. what magic. #add to journal #abuse

[ta-bajna-cerna-okybaca]

Now that I finally got to play TWST diasomnia chapter 1 myself, I'm gonna need everyone who said Malleus was a baby throwing a tantrum for no reason to pay me 2000 dollars each

#twst #twisted wonderland #yes it did take me until the second to last day of the new chapter event to finish book 6 what of it #in my defense i had no good leona&jamil cards for chapters 66 and 67‚ i'm glad i managed to do it at all. robe malleus carried the team <3 #anyways! i haven't seen this take in a while but i remember it popping up a lot earlier this year when we got diasomnia on the jp server #as a member of the malleus defense squad i can't bear all this slander and now i have proof it's baseless #his overblot is one of the most justified ones??? what do you mean no reason #He's already established to be constantly left out and lonely because of it #And now he gets hit with the triple whammy of 1) realizing his fellow students' mortality after book 6 #2) learning that his father figure is dying and in one week fucking off to fantasy china to live out his retirement without him #3) his best friend the MC telling him they found a way to un-isekai themself #Maybe he could have weathered one of those‚ but all three at the same time? #Poor guy stood no chance‚ those are hits straight into the trauma #Of course he's gonna have a breakdown! It's not his fault breakdowns in twisted wonderland come with a side of destructive berserking #And to be fair from what i've heard in spoilers all he did was put the whole school to sleep he didn't even destroy all that much #like yes putting everyone to sleep so they can live forever and never leave him is not a healthy reaction #but this is Unhealthy Reactions The School it's not like he's such an outlier in that #leave my boy alone 😭 #excuse my ranting i'm just insane about twisted wonderland and malleus specifically

[autistichanseo]

This is a long one !! sorry!! here's some true brothers angst thinking (with comfort at the end) for you guys though <33 (also read the tags after reading this if you do read this maybe cos I go on another mini ramble lmao)

Thinking about maybe when Hanseo and Vincenzo live together in Malta, since all Hanseo’s ever known is getting abused (both physically and verbally) and hurt over any mistake he made no matter how small, he automatically assumes Vincenzo will do the same to him (of course he would, that's what he “deserves”, right?).

So he tests the water with Vincenzo a bit.

To see what Vincenzo’s limits were, what to avoid doing to not get hurt, what the unspoken rules were (after all Hanseok had plenty).

It starts with small things, not tidying up after himself, breaking a plate “accidentally”, leaving milk out to spoil (also “accidentally”).

But Vincenzo doesn’t hurt him.

He helps Hanseo clean up the plate he dropped, checking to see for any possible injuries. He casually tells him to remember to put his things away when they’re all over one of the rooms. He only ever lightly scolds him (it was more a reminder than anything) in a light tone to make sure to not leave out the milk out next time for too long because it’ll spoil, but it was fine, that they could just ask a maid to add milk onto the grocery list.

It both confuses and scares Hanseo.

It meant he didn’t know what would set off Vincenzo, and he couldn’t handle the anxiousness that clawed at him whenever he was around him because of it.

Plus he was apart of the literal mafia, who knew what he and his mafia family (that also lived on the island) would do to Hanseo when angered?? He had seen first hand all of the various ways he toyed with Hanseok, and couldn't forget what Vincenzo had done to him before he joined his side, so who knew what methods he'd use when angered?? He needed to find out what to avoid, and fast.

Vincenzo starts noticing and asks if somethings wrong and why he's been avoiding him, to which Hanseo was terrified (and slightly relieved) that this was when the other shoe would drop and Vincenzo would shout at him or hit him.

But that never happened.

When Hanseo told him nothing was up, that he was struggling to sleep a bit lately so because of that he's just been a quite tired recently and out of it, Vincenzo seems to buy it and offered to get him a therapist, as after all it makes sense he’d be restless after everything that happened not too long ago in Korea. He ruffles his hair and leaves and Hanseo is just left shocked.

Why was he being so patient with him?? Hanseok would’ve hurt him at so many points in this test, why didn’t Vincenzo? (“Any other person would’ve by now right?”)

Was he toying with him? Making Hanseo more and more relaxed around him so that a real punishment would sting more and Hanseo would blame himself for it?

No, he shakes off that thought immediately. His hyung wouldn’t do something like that. It had to be something else.

He needs to know when the other shoe will drop. So he escalates things. Better to know now than fuck up later and have his hopes ruined.

So he keeps “forgetting” to go to his therapy appointments. He “tripped” and broke one of Vincenzo’s prized art pieces, he refuses to move his things or clean up after himself. He goes out to drink almost every day and comes home at like 3am, sometimes blasting loud music when Vincenzo's sleeping.

Anything. Anything for the second shoe to drop.

And eventually, Vincenzo can’t take it anymore, but it didn’t go as Hanseo expected it.

Vincenzo and him get in a huge argument, Hanseo’s refusing to listen (the shoe has to drop now right?) and Vin just exasperatedly like “why are you doing this?” but he isn't shouting at him or upset, just… concerned?

What??

Why wasn’t he mad??

As Vincenzo is asking him to explain why he was being like this Hanseo can’t bottle it up anymore and just bursts out with “because you won’t hurt me!!! why wont you hurt me??? just get it over with and scream at me for screwing up or slap me or anything! just do something so I'm not always anxious around you and... scared everything’s going to- I don’t know, straight up collapse at any moment or something!! just tell me what your rules are!!”

And that's when Vincenzo realises.

Oh.

His heart sinks. Because he now knows exactly why Hanseo’s doing this.

He’s trying to figure out what Vincenzo would hurt him for.

He thinks Vincenzo is going to hurt him eventually like Hanseok did.

Oh.

It takes Vincenzo a moment to process this and it's suddenly silent and Hanseo thinks this is when the other shoe has dropped.

He’s filled with fear once again, but this time it spills over any sort of relief he could’ve gotten at finally “finding out what Vincenzo’s limits were” because Hanseo can’t read Vincenzo’s face right now. He associates that unreadability with the unreadable expression Hanseok would have on his face before hurting Hanseo.

He's bracing himself to get shouted at or hurt so he goes back into Hanseok-mode and takes a step back, starting to cave in on himself as he's about to try to apologise and take back what he just said.

Thankfully, Vincenzo realises this and immediately snaps out of his head to reassure Hanseo. "Hanseo... I'm not going to hurt you... I was never planning on ever laying a hand on you. Ever. Nor was I planning to ever shout at you."

And Hanseo is just.

Stunned.

He doesn't know what to say so he's only responds with a meek "Why?"

For Vincenzo to be like "what Hanseok did to you wasn't normal or even okay in the first place, and you'll never get any of that horrible treatment from anyone again." (Vincenzo will make sure of that).

And Hanseo's just. speechless.

He can't figure out what to say or do so he's just there, starting to tear up like "hyung..."

Because this is when Hanseo realises that for the first time in his life, he's truly, truly safe now.

Because now he has a home, and he didn't just mean the island they lived on, but Vincenzo himself. Vincenzo was home to him, and he was more of a home to him than any fancy villa Hanseo had had before could've ever been.

Yeah, he'll be okay now.

After all, no matter what happens, he has his home to go back to.

#I think a lot of people forget #hanseo and vincenzo are Very Traumatised individuals #and Will have trauma responses #a.) they're not as healthy of a brother dynamic as everyone thinks they are (they both need time to heal for that to happen) #and b.) it wont just be happy ever after now that they're living together even tho I wish it was that easy #abuse isn't easy to get over #there will be a Lot of hardships to overcome because of the things ingrained in your brain from it #but they'll be able to overcome their hardships now that they have each other #and the ones they can't overcome they'll face and deal with Together #because Thats what makes people brothers. not a family tree branch or by blood #but by love and appreciation and being there for each other when things get tough #no matter what obstacles arise #thats why the full saying isn't “blood is thicker than water” #but “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” #it's why their dynamic is called true brothers I rest my case #speaking of: #true brothers #jang hanseo #jang han seo #jang hanseok #vincenzo #tvn vincenzo #빈센조 #myposts

[mxwhore]

working on the daunting task of having an earlier bedtime and rising time

#WEIGHT BULLSHIT DISCUSSION AHEAD❗❗❗ #i gained weight lately and it overall doesnt bother besides the practicality of slightly tighter clothing #but me family!!! its all over me!! #and my tests came back a bit wack #i do understand it since my family has a lot of weight troubles related trauma #grandpa died from complications from being diabetic (miss u everyday tata) and some of my aunts cant walk because of their weight #but like bro i walk ~10000 steps everyday so its not like im a sedentary person #anyway. gotta wake up earlier to begin my day exercising #after all i am A Science Guy and all the studies point to that the 7 am exercising is better for the metabolism #eating healthy is not exactly the problem. my diet is very varied! #i just love eating lmao #anyway wish me luck! #the only bad thing about all this is that my art time is gonna be less... gotta reduce my screen time for this to work

[a-passing-storm]

Those were the big things, but I--OH MY GOD WAIT! Also, the way The Last Wish very plainly but not obnoxiously talked about toxic masculinity and how it’s good and okay to be vulnerable with other people and ask for help and be scared. Like! Oh My God!

#puss in boots #the last wish #puss in boots: the last wish #puss in boots spoilers #ngl it also... stung a little personally bc the obvious thing the whole time was like 'tell your friends that death is trying to kill you!' #and puss was having a panic attack and shit and it reminded me so much of me with my trauma and seeing my abuser everywhere #except that for me when i told my friends they didnt give a shit and left me alone with my abuser and told me that its a 'you problem' #it didnt really make me mad at the movie though it just made me pissed at my (ex)friends #its so frustrating that at a time when i needed support from the people around me those people sucked #anyway i also liked that it showed how perspective can... how for puss he was just running from death and fear #but to his friends it looked like he was running away from them #i felt that it both acknowledged that how his friends felt was valid and reasonable and also that his reaction was valid and reasonable #and that giving people second chances is good and healthy and you shouldnt cut them off after one mistake #idk i just felt this movie had a ton of nuance and talked about big emotions in a very good and productive way

[swampndn]

Um, y'all. I think I'm the main character now or something.

Story time.

So, I'm teaching a class this semester. It's cool. It's great. I love it. Anyway, last week I was walking out with a student, and I was telling her the ways I like to stay grounded in this city, i.e. going to the water as much as I can, finding ways to be on the land. She's also Native and was struggling adjusting to this city. We part ways, and I walk out of the building with a random man who was leaving the same time we were. He opens the door for me, introduces himself briefly, and asks me if I teach here regularly. I tell him I do, just the one class though. He tells me that usually he teaches visual art at a local high school but was guest lecturing on his work in Afro-Futurism and public art for a friend's class. It's pleasant. He's nice. No weird vibes. Felt really normal. He walks me to my car out front. We part ways. Entire exchange lasted maybe 2 minutes.

Well, fast forward to today. He reaches out to me on Instagram. He says that he was thinking about me all week, and he wanted to get to know me better. We go back and forth. He's really sweet, funny, clever, charming, wicked smart, and matches my energy (which is RARE) - he also ain't said a single sexual comment to me. The respect. Also, I ain't gonna lie. He's tall, muscular, and fucking hot. And an artist??? Say less. I wouldn't have been mad about some explicit advances, although my traumatized ass probably would have reacted poorly (involuntarily), so good on him.

I give him my number after he makes a silly little joke that Facebook told him his soulmate is an Aries, and I said that he's in luck because I'm an Aries. Then boom. Dropped the number. (I still got it.)

Tell me why the first thing he texted me was a silly gif of John Cena strutting around then said "this me walking into your life as the luckiest man alive", then asks me on a FULLY PLANNED DATE: a PICNIC AT A LAKE NEAR A BOTANICAL GARDEN because he overheard what I was talking about to my student about last week, AND THEN I learn that he's also Native!!! That's really important to me, and he was telling me all about his family (we're here on his ancestral land, actually). And also he's asking me all about my work, and then straight up broke down how he was feeling about me in such a clear, direct way. He laid out his intentions. He may or may not have said he's gonna marry me, but he was trying to be chill about it 😅🫣

Anyway. This has never happened to me before. I'm like what the literal fuck is going on? Am I too traumatized for this? What is happening???

#but yes currently I'm concerned only for ongoing trauma #he was very clear what he was after #and frankly displayed the most healthy emotional availability I've ever witnessed #so I don't know what to dooooooooooooo #send help #my best friend was none #she told me to shut the fuck up and fall in love #but ya bitch ain't never been in love #been too busy being hella traumatized #so idk fam #I'll keep you updated #because if he had his way we'd be getting married on Thursday #we've been talking for 11 straight hours #he even responds hella fast like I do consistently #what the fuck is going on #it was real cute tho #he said that he liked me how grilled cheese likes tomato soup #and I said that's the supreme sandwich-soup combo so that's love #and he said #DIRECT QUOTE #I wasn't going to say this just yet but I may or may not be experiencing love at first sight that has only intensified in talking to you #SOS #HELP ME #WHAT DO I DO

[morblr]

interesting that when i opened up about my struggles coexisting with womanhood, being perceived as inherently vulnerable, and living with a malfunctioning reproductive system many of my trans friends insisted that my living with a female body was akin to "living in hell" and that my key to escape was pursuing HRT once i turned 18

i lived with a sense of desperation and need to escape my own skin for years because those statements fostered such severe self hatred and dysphoria that even studying endocrine functions for my anatomy exams would send me into suicidal spirals. felt numb for years because all i associated any expression of emotion with was disgust; feeling deeply was a "womanly vestige" that testosterone would rid me of someday

interesting that getting out of my head and leaving online spaces behind to live and work with women from different walks of life, especially those who had found a path i could see myself taking was the only thing that brought me back to baseline. i can feel real pride in my capabilities and accomplishments realizing that they've come about from and build upon the legacy of countless women before me instead of trying to sever myself from them. i can actually have long, productive conversations with other women about our shared experiences as women in academia, making our way in the world. there's no miracle drug to escape our struggles here, but i think i'm happier for it

#mine #desisted #radfem #idk. thoughts. was talkinb about this with someone the other day #the more experience i gain just from living in the world the less convinced i am that #something touted as a panacea for my trauma and ills would have helped me #and for someone hesitant to try any substances or even medicate my compulsive habits #my readiness to jump on the wagon and hormonally alter my brain chemistry disturbs me in hindsight #after going through some therapy im gradually seeing/framing my emotions like a period...if im having them im in a healthy state #but anyway idk i think the gendie shit is more damaging than anything #back on that earlier tag i think anything touted as a universal panacea for ills both mental and physical is not to be trusted

[pocket-poly]

I found this.

I cherish it.

It's healing & I'm growing.

However long the universe allows.

#redgrasshopper #polyamory #polyamorous #polyamourous #dating #boyfriend #married dating #butterflies #poly life #polyam #heart and mind #healthy after trauma #heal how you need to #mental health

[under-same-sky]

She wants someone who loves to be around her with everyday that passes.

She wants someone who shows affection towards her ..... because she needs that reassurance right now more than ever.

She wants someone who genuinely cares abour her and shows the world he's happy to call her his.

She wants someone who hurts other people's feeling to protect hers.

She wants someone who understands it's not about giving her the world, but it's about making her feel like she is a priority in his.

She wants someone to the take time to get to know and understand who she truly is as a person.

She wants someone to help her heal from the trauma that nobody apologized for.

She wants someone to protect her and be by her side, if life decides to take an unexpected turn.

She wants someone that can witness her flaws and still think she is the most beautiful woman that he has ever laid his eyes upon.

She wants someone to hold her close and tell her how blessed he truly is to have her come into his life so calmy and unexpectedly.

But most of all .... she wants someone that will hold her heart in ways she never thought was imaginable.

~ Cody Bret

#i have this #redgrasshopper #loved fully #healthy after trauma

[annachum]

Cosette and malnourishment ( a Les Mis drabble )

When Cosette first entered the convent

She doesn't just have bandages from head to toe

She is also malnourished and underweight from all the times she nearly starved to death in her years at Thenardier Inn

So, not only Cosette was in a 3-year suicide watch period

She also is in a one year malnourishment recovery period, where the medical nuns helped design a special recovery diet for her ( like adding in the lack of protein AND vitamins in Cosette from those horrid years at Thenardier Inn )

And sometimes, her panick attacks and nightmares can get so intense, that Cosette had to spend some nights sleeping at the medical wing of the convent for that 3 year suicide watch period

Usually, malnourishment takes 5 or 6 months to recover.

Yet Cosette's malnourishment recovery took longer than expected

That's just how serious Cosette's malnourishment is when she first entered the convent

In fact, when she first entered the convent, her malnourished and underweight self, with bandages head to toe, shocked the nuns, gardeners and the students there to the point that they instantly began treat her with mercy

Some of them even shed some tears over horror and shock, of who could do such cruel things to a young child

Cosette covers her bandaged self with gloves and sleeved clothes from head to toe, even in summer days

As the medic nuns helped heal her injuries, and helped her recovery from malnourishment

At times, when those medic nuns helped her recover from such injuries and sickness

They would weep, with respect over the sheer spiritual strength of the child, and the horror of who could do such cruel things to a child

With these acts of kindness,

At first Cosette is both overwhelmed, terrified and touched at once

She sometimes thought that all these acts of kindness are just a wonderful dream, or that she actually died and went to heaven

Yet Valjean, and those nuns and gardeners, and her convent school friends, told her repeatedly that all these are real, that no child deserves to go through what she been through, and all that she experienced as a kid is not her fault

When Cosette first entered the convent, she was also one of the shortest girls in her class

By the time Valjean and Cosette left the convent, Cosette becomes a beautiful and lovely lady with a curvy figure and rosy cheeks, a stark contrast to her malnourished and underweight self when she first entered the convent

As Cosette grew,

Her heart is filled with so much love,

That she cannot imagine treating someone with such violence and cruelty that Monsieur and Madame Thenardier treated her in those horrid years, no matter who that may be.

#cosette #les mis #malnourishment #child abuse ptsd #underweight #cosette is LITERALLY MALNOURISHED AND UNDERWEIGHT when she first entered the convent #by the time she left the convent #she became healthy curvy and rosy cheeked #THE STARK CONTRAST BETWEEN HER PRE CONVENT TO POST CONVENT YEARS #like.....i am even more emotional how cosette maintains having such a big heart even after all the shit she seen and been through #DAMN #literally the ENTIRE convent is horrified over what cosette been through as a kid and THAT SPEAKS VOLUMES #petit picpus convent #convent school #trauma and sickness recovery #valjean is indeed a good dad

[splickedylit]

Another day another piece of common medical paraphernalia drawn in a completely bonkers way in some random fanart across my dash. I'm feeling Nurse Emotions, which are like Shrimp Colors but more pedantic.

one of these days I will make a giant reference post of what some common medical devices are in the hospital and what to google to find reference of them and then I will have fixed it, and all the IVs will stop being inserted upside-down, and the nasal cannulas will be accurate, and the EKG/telemetry strips will stop being in weird arrhythmias.

#I'm not actually mad I'm just performing some anger to go with my amused frustration haha #But also: it was a REAL bad nasal cannula #y'know sometimes someone fully renders a picture of a young otherwise healthy character in a hospital after a trauma #and they have a heart monitor and they have no P or T waves at all and a weird enormous QRS complex #HEY HOSS I YOUR NURSE WOULD BE PRETTY CONCERNED IS ALL I'M SAYING #HEY BUD WHY DO YOU HAVE A HEART BLOCK YOU'RE 25

[oatbrew]

loneliness really got me convinced i need to be in a relationship rn and then i download dating apps to make that happen and im like... wow this actually kind of sucks and i don't like this. feels bad feels inorganic

#why cant i fall in love the old fashioned way ie we meet in the heat of battle on opposing sides but circumstances force us to mutually #assure each others survival and then we begrudgingy form a bond through trauma and hardship to the point that we cannot form a healthy #connection with anyone else and then we die in each others arms #after a third act misunderstanding wherein we mistakenly believe that we have betrayed each other #anyway something about the expectations and the construct of online dating the fascimile of intimacy w someone you just met.... im just #so tired

[nature-played-a-trick-on-me]

It's almost funny how I talked with ppl from school like 'fair warning, lots of people overestimate me because I look like I've got it all sorted and I get good grades but please please listen to me when I say I can't cope' 'ohhh no we're not going to overestimate you!'

Guess what happened?

#Iconic!!!! Iconic the pattern of my life #Literally 'knowing how to learn' + having self insight etc? Makes people think I'm healthy normal functioning #When both skills were developed to try to cope with my inability to function in daily life #Studying? I did research for a long time and got to know myself so I can study efficiently bc I don't have a lot of energy. #Self insight comes from navigating group homes and care all by myself because all my mentors would leave within months #Iconic #Being able to sit in a chair and contemplate things does not equal being able to participate in society 🙃 #Unfortunately being on the spectrum + having undiagnosed untreated trauma means i have very little energy #And my ~ compensating by contemplating ~ also takes. Energy. #(Over)thinking to navigate the world is my life lol and I think its okay as long as i can find a place where i can like. Live. #Id like to graduate high school 🤡 start therapy 🤡 reassess after like a year of therapy #To see if i can like. Go to college or get a job i can cope with.

[vzajemnik]

oooooihhgghhhgghhh arctic monkeys the car save me

#🗞️ #guys im sosososososooooo sad and scared to go to sleep. and im so fucking tireeeedsdddd #i wisb i was sane and normal and healthy mentally and just functioned properly and could function under any sort of. mildly strong emotion #in other news i really wanna travel so bad. mutual meetup anyone.... #not that it would happen i have enough money for train tickets sure but as for a place to stay. well thats a different issue #somebody just hold my hand okay. i really need it soooo bad rn......... #i need to get a therapist man ive been. reliving a trauma from a year ago. or like actually finally processing it after all this time #and myyyyy god does it make me wanna die. and i have noone to talk to about it bc it makes me super fucking uncomfortable #auauagahahaghjhgghhgvh. whatver. goodnight