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lavenderek · 3 years

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Why were you disappointed by the Howl's Moving Castle movie? I think I read the book years ago, but I don't remember much about it

i'm gonna critique the gibbly movie and it's my understanding that it's a special movie for a lot of people so if that's you feel free to skip this one

so i was delighted and enchanted by the book, which has only twice to date not made the movie a devastating letdown, so my dear friend sending me this book was pretty much signing a contract in her own blood accepting that i would be cranky about the movie. i'm not really a ghibli person either, like i can appreciate the artistry and value in them, and i'll watch it if the people i'm with really need to watch princess mononoke or whatever, but i just don't go out of my way to watch them. (i like reading meta about spirited away, though.)

i did go out of my way to watch this one because i loved the book so much.

it's important to remember the culture in which the movie was made as opposed to the culture in which the book was made. howl is welsh, if that says anything to you. (his name is howell, and he adopted the name howl to run from himself and seem more magical. i love him and movie howl had none of those elements except for when he told us he was a coward and i was like. ok lol, i'll jot that down because i didn't see it in the text)

so i'm not necessarily surprised by the creative changes they made, but i am confused, because those changes drastically affect the characterization, the character motivations, and the pacing of the story.

(i also was only able to get my hands on the dub and i loathe and detest christian bale as howl lmfao but that's subjective)

so first of all, does movie sophie, like, want anything? she's flawless as a character. even though she has a completely different personality as an old lady than she does as a young lady, there's nothing wrong with her. everybody is fond of her, she's shy, she's gentle, she's beautiful, and she's kind, and her only motivation in the whole movie is this vague desire to cure the curse, but even then she doesn't work on it much at all. her life before howl is about being buffeted around like a leaf in the wind, and her life after howl is about being buffeted around like a cow in a twister. sophie in the movie is a blank slate. she is insecure about her looks (seriously, they couldn't even give her like a crooked nose or something, only doll-faced, thin, pale women over here), and her confessing this and crying about it for about four seconds was the first truly deep emotional response i had seen of her. i cried when she cried, who doesn't grapple with feelings of inadequacy? then the kid came out and she was like, okay, i'm done being upset now :)

second of all, howl is a little eccentric, but mostly he's just a glorious gentleman who has a messy room and one (1) overly dramatic depressive episode. it was disturbing to me as a viewer because it was violent and came out of nowhere, and it never comes back again lmao. it was so bizarre, he's introduced as this suave, debonair man in a cape, and he stays that way the entire movie, except for a weird moment in the middle where he screams at sophie naked and then lists the character flaws that we the viewers have never witnessed. why does he like sophie? why does sophie like him?

why did they turn michael into a child? i just don't see what that added to the story lmao. i get them taking out the complexity of secrets involving sophie's decidedly interchangeable sisters and their mystery beaus, it's a lot to fit into a little movie; but like, why did they turn him into a child though lmao

there's a lot of fatphobia in the movie too.

the change that upset me the most, though, was that the element of sophie having the ability to influence things without her knowledge was totally abandoned. like i said, things just sort of happen to her. in the book, her hats are the most lovely because she's inadvertently cast spells on them to make whoever wears them seem alluring or mysterious to people. the witch curses her because she recognizes these little spells and believes sophie's trying and failing to trick her (and also because sophie snaps at her lmao, why is movie sophie only an asshole when she's old? leave my daughter alone).

book sophie unknowingly protects howl by worrying over his cape (which she previously shredded because she got mad at him, i love her), she unknowingly enchants the scarecrow by helping it stand and complimenting it. she does that the entire book. she also starts the book already feeling sort of dull and trapped, and spends the story trying desperately to solve mysteries and protect loved ones. movie sophie doesn't like, sit around and knit demurely, don't get me wrong; but all the major plot points are things that howl makes happen to her lol.

i think the scarecrow is an excellent representation of book sophie's inner struggles. it's something she inadvertently enchanted, and she doesn't understand it, so she runs from it. she's terrified of the thing. in that way it kind of stands in for her own agency: only when she was forcibly in disguise did she feel free to find out what she wants her life to look like, and that kind of power is foreign and frightening to her. i loved that for her.

and very late in the book, howl reveals that he knew all along she was under a spell, that he tried to get rid of it out of curiosity (book howl doesn't seem to notice that he's just as imperious and nosy as sophie is), but she resisted it. he couldn't get the spell off. so he assumed she wanted to stay that way and let her be about it. so basically it's very huck finn on the raft, she realizes that in running to get away, she was already away. she had that agency all along.

all of that was missing from movie sophie. the idea of her inadvertently hanging on to the curse is still there, we see that she sort of fades back to her young self while she's asleep (not the case in the book, we know this because howl doesn't know what she looks like until she turns back in the end); but she doesn't seem to gain any knowledge about herself because of this. the only time she seems to have any personal drive, it's to learn about and help howl. her inner struggles are about howl. and i hated movie howl lmao, i hated his design and i hated his voice and i hated how like, patronizing he was to everyone around him. book howl was a condescending dick at times and just weird and distant at others, but he never came across like he was absolutely positive he was seducing sophie at any given moment. it was clear that he was the star of the movie and sophie was just the audience stand in to be like 🤩🥸🧐

the scarecrow who is a prince was the most hilariously egregious moment in the entire movie. in the book, the missing prince is introduced as a plot in the beginning and is referenced repeatedly throughout. and he's a major player in the climax. in the movie, it's the last like five minutes of the film and the scarecrow turns into a dapper boy with bread for hair and is like, "you've cured me! i'm a prince who went missing from a nearby kingdom and i was cursed but now i'm free." and i was like NICE, so we just found out there's a nearby kingdom that has a prince who's been missing. love that for us

the book had a lot of themes that i don't often encounter in fantasy novels - themes of female agency, of disguise, and of chaos. the chaos is my favorite part, every chapter is equally chaotic at various levels. you'll have michael fretting over some spell, sophie fretting over her own spell, howl trying to get someone in disguise to fall in love with him, THAT someone pining over michael, and all the while sophie and howl are bickering because she is cleaning (it seems like she cleans to clean up her mind) and he doesnt want her to (he is afraid of change and of reality), and he needs a huge favor of her, and she needs to wheedle out of it, and she promised calcifer she would free him, and calcifer is repeatedly promising to die of not being appreciated enough, and everybody is having three arguments at once. it's like that in every chapter, culminating in the moment howl and sophie realize they're in love, and they stand clasping hands and sort of smiling at each other in the middle of a room full of panicking and perplexed people just yelling over each other lmfao. surrounded by chaos and no longer thrown by it, rooted there in the middle of it, stabilizing each other in a way. i loved that. i actually flipped back a few pages so i could read that moment again.

and it seemed to me that the movie tried to imply that with visual chaos, but everything else was really quite linear and simple. everything was very airy. and since the conflama and the general atmosphere and character dynamics of the book is what made me fall in love with it, the movie didn't work for me.

tumblr user door pointed out that the book and the movie are extremely different and she appreciates them both as separate entities, and she's wise and correct; i knew this and i tried so hard to engage with the movie on its own terms. but i couldn't divorce them in my mind. i felt the same way about ella enchanted and practical magic. i cant stop thinking like, i wish they hadn't gotten rid of x, i wish they hadn't added this weird element of y.

also it was boring. i checked to see how much more was left three times. sorry. i can't express enough how little i cared about the plot with the witch and somebody's secretly evil boss and time traveling to yell at howl or something, because i didn't connect with the characters. and the feathers growing out of howl triggered my weird phobia about things being embedded in skin. i'm skeeved just remembering it.

anyway, yeah. the movie was beautifully animated and whatever atmosphere they were going for was pretty consistent throughout. oh and i LOVED calcifer. he was my favorite in both the book and the movie. in fact, he was the only character in the movie who they didn't really change, he was petty and bitchy in both versions. i loved him. he's like, "SHE FED ME SOMETHING YUCKY" my perfect, horrible boy.

oh and. book sophie was a redhead. that's all.

after i finished the book i tried to draw how imagined them:

couldn't finish it though, i wasn't super jazzed about how it was coming out.

she's sitting in like, a window well altering a coat of his without permission. and he's like, i guess i'll have to wear this one instead, and she's like, i guess you will

#haters #who is this even #long post #howell's mobile home #talking out of my ass

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96thdayofrage · 2 years

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A man from New York state who spent about 40 minutes in the U.S. Capitol building on Jan. 6 has been sentenced to intermittent jail time and three years of probation after pleading guilty to a misdemeanor.

Anthony Vuksanaj, 52, made a 10-hour round-trip drive to Washington D.C. from his home in Mahopac, New York, on Jan. 6 with a plan to see Donald Trump speak at his so-called “Stop the Steal” rally. Vuksanaj then joined the hundreds of Trump supporters who marched to the Capitol grounds and ultimately overran the relatively sparse police force there, breaching the Capitol and forcing the temporary evacuation of lawmakers certifying Joe Biden’s 2020 electoral win.

Vuksanaj spent about 40 minutes inside the Capitol, at one point making his way up to the second floor. He was seen inside the Rotunda, the Crypt, the Ohio Clock Corridor, Statuary Hall, and other areas. He pleaded guilty in January to a single charge of parading, demonstrating, or picketing in the Capitol.

On Friday, Chief U.S. District Judge Beryl Howell sentenced Vuksanaj to three years of probation, and tacked on 42 days of intermittent jail time as a condition of that probation to be served in three increments of 14 days each within the first year of his probation. The judge further sentenced Vuksanaj to three months of home detention and a $2,000 fine.

Prosecutors had asked for three months in jail and three years of probation. Vuksanaj had requested a sentence of probation only.

“How Are We in Trouble When the Police Let Us In?”

Vuksanaj had told federal investigators that he didn’t see any violence taking place outside the Capitol that day, and if he had, he would have turned around and left.

The sentencing memo from the government, however, suggests otherwise, and included a clip from a video Vuksanaj himself took that showed members of the crowd inside the crypt “violently confronting police officers who denied the crowd’s chants to ‘Let us through, let us through.'”

Although Vuksanaj was not accused of engaging in violence himself during the Capitol riot, pictures and video show that he was at the front of a crowd that was forced back by officers. Prosecutors also said that he joined the crowd in chanting slogans like “Whose house? Our house,” “You serve us,” and calling out the names of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) and Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.).

In court on Friday, Vuksanaj denied chanting those slogans, and said that what he saw at the Capitol was a peaceful protest. He was so insistent on this point that he interrupted Howell repeatedly as she was issuing her sentence.

“No one was trying to do that,” he said as Howell described the riots as an effort to overthrow the government by blocking the peaceful transition of power.

“I saw the videos,” Howell replied.

Vuksanaj insisted that he didn’t see violence when he was at the Capitol.

“You’re not helping yourself,” Howell warned.

“The police let us in, they let us in,” Vuksanaj repeated. “How are we in trouble when the police let us in? I don’t get it.”

On that last point, Vuksanaj appeared to echo an argument made by Matthew Martin, a Jan. 6 defendant whom U.S. District Judge Trevor McFadden, a Trump appointee, ultimately acquitted in a bench trial.

Howell sharply rebuked Vuksanaj on this point.

“It’s important to pause to address this apparent perception that the fact that the police who were overwhelmed at the time didn’t stop someone from engaging in unlawful conduct somehow makes that unlawful conduct of breaching the Capitol lawful,” Howell said. “It does not.”

“[This is] a basic legal principle that I will repeat as often as necessary,” she continued, adding: “No matter what he perceived the police to be doing, police inaction does not somehow make unlawful conduct legal.”

“He Had Great Mobility.”

Howell also expressed skepticism about Vuksanaj’s claim that he was permanently disabled from a 2011 car accident.

“I have to say, he doesn’t look permanently disabled to me,” Howell said. “Not given his five-hour drive to and from his home to Washington, D.C., standing and watching this rally, walking two miles to the Capitol, walking all the way through the Capitol[.]”

“That’s not a man who looks permanently disabled. He had great mobility,” Howell added. She urged prosecutor Alison Prout to refer Vuksanaj’s disability case to the Social Security Administration, which has apparently been sending Vuksanaj monthly payments for a decade.

Howell also cited Vuksanaj’s criminal history as an additional reason for sentencing him to jail, noting that the fact that has received probation sentences for a variety of charges since 2011 “certainly hasn’t deterred him from engaging in criminal conduct.”

Vuksanaj has had eight convictions since 1992, and was facing state charges in New York stemming from two separate arrests in 2019 when he went to the Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021.

“In most of his prior convictions, the defendant has received probation sentences or fines,” Howell said. “All of these interactions with the criminal justice system have not made him pause, perhaps because the previous probation sentences that have been imposed did not make an impression.”

Howell also noted that when Vuksanaj was arrested, he was found with four firearms in his home, including a loaded automatic rifle next to his bed.

Howell’s sentence—probation with a condition of intermittent incarceration—allowed her to dodge the issue of “split sentences,” a legal question that has divided the D.C. district. Howell said that the issue of whether federal law allows for a sentence of both jail and probation for petty misdemeanors, such as the parading and picketing charge, would ultimately have to be decided by an appeals court, perhaps even the Supreme Court of the United States itself.

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g00-daddy · 3 years

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Slaps a combo of [ WAIST ], [ STRADDLE ], [ CUP ], [ ANOTHER ] and [ LEAVE ] here.

[ WAIST ] : sender catches receiver around the waist right before they kiss them.

[ STRADDLE ] : sender straddles receiver while in the process of kissing them.

[ CUP ] : gently cupping the receiver's face in their hands, sender guides them into a tender kiss.

[ ANOTHER ] : following the first kiss, sender places another brief one on the receiver's mouth.

[ LEAVE ] : having just given the receiver a kiss of a lifetime, sender leaves the room, leaving the receiver to wrap their head around what just happened.

//OMG Vinnie you're challenging my writing here, Howell really wants to see Darius turn into a puddle of goop.

Warning, Suggestive underneath. I don't think it's too crazy but it also just seems long from my mobile view while I'm typing this up and I don't wanna clog the dash.

They had only gotten home about an hour ago, both tired from work and ready for bed. Or so he had thought.

Darius had just finished his shower, stepping out of the bathroom in soft pajama bottoms. Haphazardly tossing his dirty clothes into the hamper before eagerly walking into Howell's open arms.

"And how has your day been Sweetling?" He cooed softly.

The arm wrapped around his waist was met with a chuckle, wasting no time in returning his boyfriend's kiss and reaching up to cup his face in his hand. Before, without warning, he was turned and gently pushed down onto their bed.

"H-Howell?? Dearest what are you-"

Clover colored eyes widening in surprise, and his face burning at the bold move, as Howell climbed onto the bed after him. His heart going a mile a minute as the smaller man straddled his waist and cupped his face in his warm palms. The gentle touch sending tingly shocks of lightning across his skin, as his mind was torn between forgetting his own name and desperately scrambling to figure out what could have possibly brought this on? Not that he was complaining mind you-.

It seems the first of the two options was the winner. His hands finding their way to Howell's waist, thumbs gently rubbing circles against his sides as he melted under the other's touch. If his lover wasn't careful, he might quite literally do so.

In his distraction, Howell had leaned down again, closing the space between them to press his lips against his own once more. The tenderness the other showed making him dizzy in the head, in the best of ways. One of his hands parted from Howell's side to comb through sun kissed locks, tousling them as he pulled the other closer down till their chests met. Before Howell parted again, for only long enough to catch his breath it seemed. Then their lips were together once more. Lost in intimacies that would only occur behind the privacy of a closed door in their own home.

The muffled whine that escapes his throat is nothing short of embarrassing as his boyfriend sits up, with him chasing after his lips like a lost puppy. But Howell pulled out of his embrace nonetheless, getting up off him, and the bed, and straight out the bedroom door?!?!

Leaving Darius there on his bed, gapping like a fish as he tried to find his lost voice, eyes half lidded, heart pounding, and cheeks flushed all the way to his now drooping ears as he attempted to piece together what in Titan's name just happen?!? He stayed like that for a good solid minute or two before he finally pulled himself together, huffing and running a hand through his hair. The desire for sleep all but a distant memory in his mind now. Only the phantom feeling of Howell's touch on his skin remained, his lips buzzing with electricity, and wishing to meet their match once more.

Oh that little Minx~

He chuckled, slowly sitting up on his elbows as eyes grew dark. The witch glanced out their bedroom door, after where his darling had snuck off. If this was a game, he wasn't sure who was winning here.

"Oh Sweetling, if you wanted to play a game of chase, all you had to do̰̰̞̻ ̲͙w̼̭͇͞a̠̳̝̟͠s͉̪͞ ҉͖a̯͕͎̜̟̬s̙̺͕̬̬̝̀k̫̺̥̤͕~҉"͟ The witch gave a lazily smirk, chestnut skin melting away into streams of purple as he made his way out the door. Ready to chase after his mischievous little mouse~.

#lawfulwittebaby #//*slams this here and RUNS*#tw: suggestive #//did i make these icons just for this? Yes. yes I did #//Holy shit tho Howell

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campdnp · 3 years

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Day 3: Scavenger Hunt

Welcome Campers to the Norman Howell-Lester Memorial Aquarium! As I’m sure you’re all aware, after their beloved fish Norman passed, Mr Dan Howell and Mr Phil Lester founded our not-for-profit aquarium that rescues, rehabilitates and homes wildlife that need help! Of course I’m sure you're also aware that, as a CampDnP bonus, your tour also comes with a meet and greet with our founders. Now, with all the formalities out of the way, let's start our tour in the Susan section….

After about an hour, it's time for the meet and greet. Your tent starts making their way towards the cafeteria, talking amongst yourselves excitedly, nervous to meet The Dan and Phil, and before you know it you're in the cafeteria with the rest of the campers. The tent leaders shush all the chatter and the admins stand up at the front of the room. They explain that you’re going to meet them one by one, but each tent will go into the room together so that you can get a group picture once everyone has had their turn. Once all the tents have had their turn, everyone will return here to get one Big group picture and have lunch. Great, your tent is going to go last. Well, at least it gives you all time to think over what you want to say….

Eventually, it's your tent’s turn. The meet and greet as a whole goes by in a blur, and next thing you know, you're all huddled at the front of the cafeteria getting a massive camp photo with Dan and Phil at the center. All too soon they're saying their goodbyes and heading through a door marked “EMPLOYEES ONLY” as everyone settles at the tent tables. Your tent is chatting amongst themselves when someone makes a suggestion - what if you try to follow them to get a *liiiiittle* bit of extra meet and greet time? You vote on it as quickly and quietly as possible, and next thing you know, your tent has snuck through the door into a dark stairwell. You hear the door click behind you. No turning back now. You faintly hear footsteps from somewhere above you, so as a group you decide to follow the sound - it is probably your idols Dan and Phil walking up those stairs after all. After making it up a flight, you hear the footsteps getting fainter, so you step off the stairs and look down the hallway just in time to see that it's just a janitor walking to the closet. Dang. Instead of going back, your tent starts wandering through the labyrinth of the employee area, quickly getting yourselves lost in the seemingly endless corners. After what feels like centuries of searching, you finally give up on trying to find Dan and Phil again, and decide it might be better to just find your way back to the rest of the campers. Unfortunately, no one remembers how you got to where you are…. guess it’s time to find another way back! Eventually, you find yourselves in a small room with a desk and a computer that's wired into the doorframe just opposite you. The wired door has a window on it, and through the window you can see that it leads to the main entryway! You all scramble to be the first to push open the door, dogpilling against it, but despite being a push door it's not opening? Weird. Someone pulls out their phone and checks the time…. and finds out the Aquarium closed a half hour ago - no wonder the door was locked. Your attention turns to the computer, and you see that it’s still unlocked and open to a lock system program. Bingo! However, it's not a normal “input password” lock - judging by the clue on the screen, it appears you’ll have to go through several stages of DnP-themed security questions to get this one open. You begin considering your options when you hear your phone alarm go off. Rude. You check, and - oh no! Your tent’s bus is due to leave soon! You snap your gaze back to the computer. You’d better get started so you can get back before it gets too late!

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Security Question 1

On the screen there is a clue and a textbox, presumably for the answer. Above the textbox is a reminder that if the answer is more than one word long, there's no capitals or spaces. You read the clue aloud to your tent.

“King of the ocean? Not the shark! These animals don't bark, dinosaur or lion who won the mark?”

(Who won Dan and Phil's water race?)

INPUT ANSWER HERE

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(admin's note - due to the use of password-protected blogs, this may not work on mobile! sorry for the inconvenience if so!

if you need a hint, ping the admins in the discord! please only ask for a hint if you and your tent are really not getting it and you've tried everything you can think of.

if you would like this to be timed, ping us when you start and finish. this adds a little bit of competition in, if you're interested in that, but doesn't make it mandatory! you can totally also just chill and do this at your own pace, it's up to you!

if there are any issues with the blogs (there's no question post, 'input answer here' link doesn't work, password that you're 100% sure is right doesn't work, etc) please ping eilidh in the discord!

good luck!

the admins - <3)

#campdnp #day 3

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all-hail-the-witcher · 4 years

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ahem *dan howell voice* hello internet, i did something i n c r e d i b l y stewpid”

guys i just had the absolute worst showering experience of my entire life

tw: blood, me being an idiot, showers, shaving razors, general dumbassery, the loss of my fucking dignity.

let me set the scene. its 8:25pm. i am in the bathroom about to shower. my sister is downstairs, heating up pot pies for us to eat for dinner while we scream at arrow (yes we are eating dinner at 9pm, yes i know thats not good, no i dont care, were home alone theres no one to yell at us.)

i open up youtube to pull up a song to listen to while im showering. and then my friend texts me that she found my blog, as in This Blog (which i explicitly told her not to do but whatever i guess), and im like o shit. but i didn't have time to deal with it because, well, dinner was being heated up, and i needed to shower and my sister was yelling at me to shower, so i was like aright whatever ill deal with it when i get out of the shower.

oh boy was i in for it.

i get in the shower. im jammin to some t swift. and i go to pick up the razor to shave cause i want to wear a skirt tomorrow and you know. but in my carelessness i knocked over the bottle of body wash (which was OPEN) and it landed outside of the shower behind the toilet. and knocked over the plunger. and there was water and soap all over the floor. so i try to pick up the plunger and the soap but the plunger was stuck in the shower curtain and it fell over again and got more soap and water all over the floor. which i will inevitably have to clean.

so i finally start shaving and i was you know, going quickly because dinner and of course i accidentally managed to cut myself. and as anyone who has cut themselves while shaving will know, it bleeds like someone just stabbed you. which was, given my situation, rather unfortunate.

but since that was the first leg i was shaving i somehow managed to forget that i had cut myself by the time i got out of the shower. so i got blood All Over the mat that was on the floor. and i mean like, all fucking over it. and now im pretty annoyed cause theres still water and soap all over the floor and im bleeding everywhere and my phone is blaring a youtube commercial about t mobile and sprint and i was like “of course”

so i run into my room and get a bandaid and then go back to the bathroom to clean up the water and the soap and the blood and the mat and all that. and then after im done i look down and realize that i had decided to bleed through the fucking bandaid and now theres blood all over the floor again!!

by this time my sister had come upstairs cause she wanted to know what was taking so long and i was like “W E L L” and she took one look at the mess and was like “im going to finish my youtube video.”

so then instead of putting a new bandaid on and getting more blood everywhere i decided to just shove a bunch of medical tape onto of the one i already had on. im a dancer i have literally 8 different rolls of medical tape for blisters and shit, but since id moved back in from college id thrown most of my tape god knows where and could only find a roll of paper tape and of course that roll decided to not want to rip cleanly and i ended up accidentally ripping off four layers at once.

and by the time i finally trapped all the blood under the bandaid and cleaned up the fucking bathroom dinner was ready and my sister still hadn't showered.

in conclusion, i now understand exactly what dan howell said when he said “just when you feel like you know how much of a disaster you are, just when you feel like you know how much you can flop in one day, something like this will happen and put you back in your place.”

anyway my sleeves are soaked, theres enough tape on my ankle to fix the electoral college and im fucking starving.

#im just #wow #i have no words #i am quite the dumbass #tw blood #blood

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newstfionline · 3 years

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Monday, May 10, 2021

Higher Prices Leave Consumers Feeling the Pinch (WSJ) Americans accustomed to years of low inflation are beginning to pay sharply higher prices for goods and services as the economy strains to rev back up and the pandemic wanes. Price tags on consumer goods from processed meat to dishwashing products have risen by double-digit percentages from a year ago, according to NielsenIQ. Some consumers are feeling stretched. Costs are rising at every step in the production of many goods. Prices for oil, crops and other commodities have shot up this year. Trucking companies are paying scarce drivers more to take those materials to factories and construction sites. As a result, companies are charging more for foods and consumer products including foil wraps and disposable cups. And consumers are therefore paying more.

As US reopens, campuses tighten restrictions for virus (AP) About a year into mask mandates, nasal swabs and remote classes, the atmosphere turned tense at the University of Vermont as the school cracked down on rules for social distancing and face coverings amid a spike in student COVID-19 cases. Students were handed hundreds of citations for violations like standing in another student’s doorway or walking maskless to a hallway restroom, igniting a student-led petition that blasted “strict and inhumane living conditions.” “You start to feel suffocated like I’m afraid to leave my room,” freshman Patrick Welsh said in an interview on campus. Even as restrictions relax across much of the United States, colleges and universities have taken new steps to police campus life as the virus spreads through students who are among the last adults to get access to vaccines. Administrators say they’ve needed to act urgently to avoid risking an early end to the semester or sending infected students home and spreading COVID-19. In recent weeks, the University of Michigan punished hundreds of students for missing mandatory virus testing by deactivating their access cards to nonresidential buildings, and Cornell University announced that students would lose access to campus Wi-Fi, course materials and facilities for missing virus tests. The University of Chicago locked down residence halls for seven days and shifted classes online after finding more than 50 cases in a matter of days.

Pandemic gives boost as more states move to digital IDs (AP) The card that millions of people use to prove their identity to everyone from police officers to liquor store owners may soon be a thing of the past as a growing number of states develop digital driver’s licenses. With the advent of digital wallets and boarding passes, people are relying more on their phones to prove their identity. At least five states have implemented a mobile driver’s license program. Three others—Utah, Iowa and Florida—intend to launch programs by next year, with more expected to follow suit. Mobile licenses will give people more privacy by allowing them to decide what personal information they share, state officials say. The licenses offer privacy control options that allow people to verify their age when purchasing alcohol or renting a car, while hiding other personal information like their address. Having a mobile driver’s license will allow people to update their license information remotely without having to go to a state’s Department of Motor Vehicles or waiting for a new card in the mail, said Lee Howell, state relations manager at the American Automobile Association. Industry leaders say safeguards will prevent anyone’s information from being stolen, but some critics argue that having so much personal data on a phone is too risky.

Why an Estimated 100,000 Americans Abroad Face Passport Problems (NYT) About 9 million U.S. citizens currently live abroad, and as the light at the end of the pandemic tunnel finally appears, immigration lawyers estimate more than 100,000 can’t get travel documents to return to the United States. Despite the State Department making headway on a massive backlog of passport applications in the early months of the pandemic, many consulates and embassies abroad, plagued by COVID-19 restrictions and staffing reductions, remain closed for all but emergency services. Travel is restarting, but for American expats who had a baby abroad in the past year or saw their passport expire during the pandemic, elusive appointments for documents are keeping them grounded. “It’s a real mess,” said Jennifer Minear, an immigration attorney and the president of the American Immigration Lawyers Association. “It’s a giant, multilayered onion of a problem and the reduction of staff as a result of COVID at the consular posts has really thrown the State Department for a loop.” Michael Wildes, the managing partner of the law firm Wildes & Weinberg, PC, which specializes in immigration law, estimates that the number of stranded Americans abroad is in the hundreds of thousands.

Scotland’s pro-independence leader promises another bid to break from U.K. after election boost (Washington Post) First Minister Nicola Sturgeon promised Saturday to push ahead with another Scotland independence referendum after her party gained a strong showing in Scottish Parliament elections, setting up a potential clash with Prime Minister Boris Johnson. Sturgeon said that an independence referendum was the “will of the country,,” with her Scottish National Party and pro-independence allies taking a majority of the 129 seats after all the votes were counted. That will probably boost calls to redo a 2014 independence referendum, which could lead to the crackup of the United Kingdom under the strains of Brexit and its deep divisions.

‘Freedom’ fiestas: Spaniards celebrate end of COVID curfew (Reuters) Exhilarated Spaniards danced in streets, chanted “freedom” and partied on beaches overnight as a COVID-19 curfew ended across most of the nation. In scenes akin to New Year’s Eve celebrations, hundreds of mainly young people gathered in Madrid’s Puerta del Sol square to applaud the clock striking midnight while in Barcelona revellers headed to the beach with drinks in hand. Police in Barcelona had the strange task of moving people on after the last curfew began at 10 p.m., only to let them back at midnight when it ended for good.

Putin reviews Russian military might as tensions with West soar (Reuters) President Vladimir Putin reviewed Russia’s traditional World War Two victory parade on Sunday, a patriotic display of raw military power that this year coincides with soaring tensions with the West. The parade on Moscow’s Red Square commemorating the 76th anniversary of the Soviet Union’s victory over Nazi Germany in World War Two featured over 12,000 troops and more than 190 pieces of military hardware, including intercontinental ballistic missile launchers, and a fly-past by nearly 80 military aircraft under cloudy skies. This year’s parade precedes parliamentary elections in September and comes at a time when Moscow’s relations with the West are acutely strained over issues ranging from the conflict in Ukraine to the fate of jailed Kremlin critic Alexei Navalny.

Death toll soars to 50 in school bombing in Afghan capital (AP) The death toll in a horrific bombing at a girls’ school in the Afghan capital has soared to 50, many of them pupils between 11 and 15 years old, the Interior Ministry said Sunday. The number of wounded in Saturday’s attack has also climbed to more than 100, said Interior Ministry spokesman Tariq Arian. Three explosions outside the school entrance struck as students were leaving for the day, he said. The blasts occurred in a mostly Shiite neighborhood in the west of the capital.

China says most rocket debris burned up during reentry (AP) China’s space agency said a core segment of its biggest rocket reentered Earth’s atmosphere above the Maldives in the Indian Ocean and that most of it burned up early Sunday. Harvard astrophysicist Jonathan McDowell, who tracked the tumbling rocket part, said on Twitter, “An ocean reentry was always statistically the most likely. It appears China won its gamble.” People in Jordan, Oman and Saudi Arabia reported sightings of the Chinese rocket debris on social media, with scores of users posting footage of the debris piercing the early dawn skies over the Middle East.

Palestinians fear loss of family homes as evictions loom (AP) When Samira Dajani’s family moved into their first real home in 1956 after years as refugees, her father planted trees in the garden, naming them for each of his six children. Today, two towering pines named for Mousa and Daoud stand watch over the entrance to the garden where they all played as children. She and her husband, empty nesters with grown children of their own, may have to leave it all behind on Aug. 1. That’s when Israel is set to forcibly evict them following a decades-long legal battle waged by ideological Jewish settlers against them and their neighbors. The Dajanis are one of several Palestinian families facing imminent eviction in the Sheikh Jarrah neighborhood of east Jerusalem. It also highlights an array of discriminatory polices that rights groups say are aimed at pushing Palestinians out of Jerusalem to preserve its Jewish majority. The Israeli rights group B’Tselem and the New York-based Human Rights Watch both pointed to such policies as an example of what they say has become an apartheid regime. Settler groups say the land was owned by Jews prior to the 1948 war surrounding Israel’s creation. Israeli law allows Jews to reclaim such lands but bars Palestinians from recovering property they lost in the same war, even if they still reside in areas controlled by Israel. Israeli rights groups say other families are also vulnerable, estimating that more than 1,000 Palestinians are at risk of being evicted.

#headlines #news

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romantic-hero · 4 years

Note

morden romelza au, where ross is getting horny in Isolation😉

Ross was quarantined alone in their London home. Demelza and Caroline had taken the children to the Enys’s vacation house in Cornwall before COVID-19 had hit and now the whole country was on lockdown. London was a virtual ghost town and Ross had promised to self-isolate for as long as the orders to stay home remained in place. Being a loner, Ross was mainly ok with being alone. Their pantry was full and he’d made a schedule. Wake up, workout, coffee and the news. FaceTime with Demelza and the kids, do as much work as he could from his home office, lunch, nap, sneak in a run with Dwight (maintaining the 2 meter distance rule), try to read or watch Netflix, workout, dinner, then call Demelza, then bed. It wasn’t too bad, but Ross missed Demelza and especially missed her in bed. Oh, it wasn’t just the sex. Sure he missed that, but he missed her smell, her touch, her cold feet on his. He missed their nightly talks, the confidences they shared. Her wise advice that kept him sane. He’d do what needed to be done, but he’d give anything if he could drive to Cornwall and bring his precious family home. He missed wrestling with Jeremy and reading Clowance her bedtime stories. Thank God they had a well stocked wine cellar. Brandy was now his bedfellow.

That night as Ross was doing his final 500 push-ups of the day, Demelza’s familiar ringtone gave him the excuse to abandon the last 100. He grabbed his mobile, got in bed and leaned back against the pillows. Happily it was a FaceTime call and seeing her cheerful smile lifted his spirits.

“My love,” he said to her. “Is everything alright? Why are you up so late?”

“Ross, everything is fine! I just wanted to talk to you.” Demelza had a glass of port and Ross watched her take a long drink. “Actually Ross, I wanted to show you something.” And to Ross’s surprise, Demelza drained her glass.

“You wanted me to watch you drink?” he asked.

Demelza laughed and poured another glass full, and chugged it down. “No, silly!” And then In the background Ross heard their favorite hip hop song, Boo’d Up by Ella Mai. It had been their song for the last year and when ever Ross heard Demelza playing it, he knew she was up for some loving.

“God, Demelza! Are you trying to torture me?” His wife had disappeared from the screen but now she came back into view he could see she was only wearing only one of his old flannel shirts and he thought he caught a glimpse of black lace underpants.

As she sang with the song, she began to slowly unbutton her shirt.

“Boy, you do something to me,” she crooned as she let her shirt fall open and indeed all she had on were panties underneath She cupped her full breasts, and came up closer to the phone so Ross could get a good view.

She danced a few steps back, swaying to the music. “ Ooh, no I’ll never get over you until I find something new,” as she ran her hand slowly down her stomach until her fingers disappeared, hidden by that sheer lace. “That get me high like you do, yeah yeah”. Demelza closed her eyes and Ross could clearly see she was turning herself on, which of course made him hot with desire.

Then she started dancing again, slowly rubbing her nipples then closing the shirt as Demelza seductively sang the chorus,

“LListen to my heart go ba-do, boo’d up

Biddy-da-do, boo’d up

Hear my heart go ba-do, boo’d up

Biddy-da-do, it just won’t stop, it go

Ba-do, boo’d up

Biddy-da-do, boo’d up

Hear my heart go ba-do, boo’d up

Biddy-da-do, it just won’t stop, it go”

To Ross’s pure delight, Demelza took off her shirt and threw it across the room then got on her hands and knees and crawled towards the phone’s camera.

“How many ways can I say that I need you? Baby, it’s true

I think I might die without you

Feeling all over my body

You know how I like it

Ain’t gotta tell you what to do, yeah yeah”

Demelza looked into the phone. “Tell me, Ross, what would you like to do?”

“Ravish you, you naughty minx,” he growled.

Demelza lay back and wiggled out of those scraps of lace she dismissively called pants. With one hand she caressed her breasts and with the other fingered herself arching her back as she sang, “Got me boo’d up, boo’d up

Grab me by the waist baby, pull me closer.”

“Damn it, Demelza, I wish you were here.

“Come on Ross, show me what you’ve got,” she purred.

Who was this woman, thought Ross, but they’d gone this far, he might as well go for it and he took off his briefs and got some satisfaction when Demelza’s eyes widened with a little shock.

Demelza ran her tongue over her lips. “I certainly have missed that good friend of mine.” She touched herself and pushed her hips up. “ You know what I want, Poldark.”

And Ross started stroking himself, amazed at how erotic this whole FaceTime thing could be.

“Don’t close your eyes, Ross. Look at me! I want to look at you.”

And as the music played,

“Listen my to heart go ba-dum, boo’d up

Biddy-da-dum, boo’d up

Hear my heart go ba-dum, boo’d up

Biddy-da-dum it just won’t stop, it go

Ba-dum, boo’d up

Biddy-da-dum, boo’d up

Hear my heart go ba-dum, boo’d up

Biddy-da-dum, it just won’t stop, it go”

Ross did as he was told and while he pretended it was Demelza’s hand bringing him to the edge, it was the sight of his wife’s hips in motion as she brought herself pleasure that really had him turned on. He watched mesmerized as she made herself come, calling his name as she boldly seemed to be looking right at him.

“Ross, I wish you were in my mouth,” she panted. “Imagine I’m holding you as my lips…” and Ross interrupted her with a groan as he let go.

“Jesus, Demelza,” he whispered, finding it hard to catch his breath.

“Was it as good for you as it was for me.” she said softly.

“Love, it was wonderful,” he told her.

“Good night, Ross. I’ll call you in the morning. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

He felt a bit sad when the screen went black, but oh, my God. It wasn’t nearly the same as having his wife with him, but he had to give her credit for making this horrible time a bit more tolerable. Ross grabbed the tissue and cleaned himself off then he snuggled down into his bed pulled the covers up. His last thought was of Demelza. He smiled. She never ceased to amaze him. He couldn’t wait to see her, even if it was FaceTime, in the morning. And he fell into the best nights sleep he’d had since this nightmare of a virus had disrupted their lives.

Songwriters: Dijon Isaiah McFarlane / Ella Mai Howell / Joelle Marie James / Larrance Levar DopsonBoo’d Up lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc, Peermusic Publishing, BMG Rights Management, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group

#romeleza #fanfiction #self isolation #poldark

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dvp95 · 5 years

Text

can’t breathe when you touch my sleeve - chapter 7

pairing: dan howell/phil lester

rating: e (eventually)

warnings: none

tags: alternate universe, slow burn, fluff & humour, tiny bit of inner turmoil wrt sexuality but trust me it’s not that deep, eventual smut, idiots in love

word count: 5,009 for this chapter (30,147 total)

summary: Dan keeps making a fool of himself in interviews, to the point where it’s basically a meme. Now he’s got to sit down for the better part of an hour and sell his show to the YouTuber he’d had a massive crush on when he was a teenager.

read from the beginning on ao3 or on tumblr!

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

quick question are you home

I am! Not for long tho. What's up?

Dan swears under his breath and hits the call button on his mobile, looking out the window so he doesn't have to feel the Uber driver's judgemental eyes on him.

"Hey!" Phil answers, bright and happy and god Dan is glad he's doing this.

"Hi," says Dan. He can't help the warmth in his own voice, the barely-suppressed enthusiasm at simply hearing Phil for the second time today. "Sorry I went radio silent for like an hour. I was actually on a plane."

There's a sound like a cupboard door closing, followed by the telltale pouring of either cereal or dog food. With Phil, it really could go either way.

"On a plane?" Phil asks. "Thought you were staying another night."

"I was supposed to," says Dan. His heart is pounding. He is only ten minutes from Phil's front door, if Phil wants him.

"Are you doing a bunk?" Phil laughs, the sound of it warming Dan from his ears to his toes. "Where did you go? Surely saying my name on the radio wasn't so awful that you had to flee the country?"

"It was," says Dan, barking a laugh of his own. "But, no, I'm... back in London. I'm practically round the corner, actually, if you wanna... grab dinner? Or something?"

What feels like an entire minute of silence follows Dan's awkward suggestion, but it's probably more like five seconds. It's enough time for his palms to start sweating, in any case. He's about to laugh and say 'gotcha!' and act like this was all a grand joke before going to a hotel to cry, when Phil responds.

"Oh, Dan," he says, apologetic, and Dan wonders how much he'd have to tip his Uber driver to plunge them both into the Thames.

"Sorry, it's stupid," says Dan. "I wasn't even -"

Phil interrupts him. "It's not stupid, don't be an idiot, I want to see you."

"Oh."

"Yeah," says Phil, "but I have dinner plans with my family. Mum and dad are flying out of Heathrow tomorrow for holiday and wanted to see us before they leave."

"Oh," Dan says again. He doesn't really see why that's an issue. Sure, they won't be able to Talk with a capital T or anything, but he still wants to see Phil so badly that it's going to give him a stomach ache. "Well, I can - I mean, if that's not too weird for you or whatever, I'd - if you want -"

"Are you going to finish one of those sentences?"

"Fuck off." Dan takes a deep, steadying breath. "What I'm saying is that I wouldn't mind meeting your family. Or I could just hang out with Thor until you get back, or whatever."

Another beat of silence, this one longer. Finally, Phil says, "You want to meet my family?", in such a skeptical tone of voice that Dan is offended despite not, in fact, being certain about it at all.

"Well, shit, I don't have to," says Dan, miffed. "You met mine, though."

"I met your coworkers, Dan."

"Yeah, and they're practically my family."

"This is literally my family," says Phil. He exhales, sounding for all the world like he's pinching his nose between his finger and thumb like an overdramatic librarian. "Dan, are you going to be a fucking brat if I say no?"

"Not if you don't really want me there," Dan mumbles. He's a little taken aback by how okay he is with Phil calling him a fucking brat. It hits him right on an edge of shame that could tumble way too easily into arousal if he were to let it.

Phil sighs again. "No, that's not it. I want you there. You wanna drop your stuff off at my place?"

"Yeah," Dan says sheepishly. "I'm almost there, just coming from the airport."

When Dan pulls up to the kerb outside the familiar row of narrow buildings, he sees Phil waiting for him with this resigned, amused sort of smile and his hands in his pockets. He's wearing a plaid shirt and a denim jacket with ripped jeans, looking for all the world like he's stepped out of a 90s grunge band.

He comes over to help Dan with his bags, laughing a bit. "You really came right here, huh? Hi."

"Told you I did," says Dan. On impulse, he wraps an arm around Phil's shoulders in a half-hug. He can smell Phil's cologne so strongly where his nose presses against Phil's neck, and it makes his head spin a bit. "Hi yourself."

It takes all of Dan's self control not to just kiss Phil here on the pavement in front of god and everyone, drag him downstairs by the lapels and make him forget everything that isn't Dan's name. It's very, very tempting, but Dan knows how much Phil loves his parents, how little they get to see each other, so. He pulls away from the hug without doing anything stupid and meets Phil's eyes with a little smile.

"Jaime and Patrick still in Dublin?" Phil asks, leading the way into his home and down the stairs.

The fact that his back is to Dan helps the ease of answering. "Yeah. I came back early because," he says, then pauses. "I missed London."

Phil grins over his shoulder as he gets the flat's door open. "London missed you."

Dan smiles back, wide and open. He's got no reason to hold back now. They don't have time to talk before they leave - Dan doesn't think he'll be able to go anywhere once he's allowed to put his hands on Phil - but that doesn't mean Dan can't already be obvious about why he's here.

The apartment is dimly lit tonight, all the candles blown out in anticipation of Phil leaving for a couple of hours and only a string of fairy lights and one lamp turned on.

Dan's luggage gets dropped unceremoniously in the entry, because both of them are suddenly busy with a very excited dog zooming around their ankles and threatening to trip them up. Dan laughs and sinks to the floor, letting Thor jump up on him and lick his face. He ends up flat on his back, again, giggling helplessly while Thor wiggles around on his chest.

"Why do you rile him up?" Phil asks, doing a very admirable job of sounding exasperated. His soft expression tells Dan how he's really feeling.

"He's cute," says Dan. He noses at one of Thor's ears. "And soft. And I like him."

"Seems like he feels the same way about you," says Phil.

"We're best friends, aren't we, Thor?" Dan coos, sitting up enough to shift Thor's weight to his lap. It's easier to give him pats like this. "Yes we are! We are! You're the cutest dog in the world!"

"That's true," says Phil. He crouches down beside them and scratches behind Thor's ear. His eyes meet Dan's, and they both smile.

This is exactly the kind of domestic fantasy Dan has decided to embrace. He holds himself back from leaning in for a kiss, but only because he knows they have places to be. It's nice to know that if he did lean forward, Phil would let him. He likes that calm certainty.

"Are we going somewhere nice?" Dan thinks to ask. "Should I change?"

"Nowhere fancy," says Phil. He reaches out and tugs at one of Dan's hoodie strings. "But maybe a different top layer, there."

"I don't want to dig through my shit," Dan says, totally aware of how obvious he's being. Whatever, Phil was worse about stealing his sweatpants. "Have you got something I could borrow?"

Phil rolls his eyes like he sees right through Dan and tugs at the other string, just to be a dick. "Yeah, alright, borrow. Sure. So if I can't find it next week, that's a coincidence?"

"I'm not responsible for you losing shit, mate."

"Fuck off," Phil says warmly. He stands up, wincing as his knees make a funny crick of a noise. "I'll be right back, but then we're leaving, okay? I don't want to be late. Get your puppy cuddles in now."

Dan grins down at Thor and gives him softer pats with both hands, trying to calm him down a bit. His fluffy fur is so soft and his ears are perked up so happily that Dan might actually start crying. He loves dogs, generally, and he loves this dog, specifically.

Kind of like how he likes London, generally, and this apartment, specifically. How he's into guys, generally. Phil, specifically.

Thor does calm down fairly easily once Dan stops matching his high energy. He rests his chin on Dan's thigh, half on Dan's lap and half on the floor, and just hangs out there until Phil comes back from the bedroom area of his flat. He's holding another denim jacket, something Dan doesn't even own but apparently Phil has several of.

"It's just from Topman," Phil says, grinning down at Dan and Thor. "But it's the only black jacket I've got that isn't, like, a blazer. Would you prefer a blazer?"

Dan snorts. "Absolutely not."

It hurts him a bit to dislodge Thor and stand up, but Thor happily trots back to his bed and starts gnawing on one of his toys. Phil grins wider and hands over the jacket, which isn't even black. It's a dark grey, distressed, and the collar is fuzzy. Dan is going to steal this for sure.

Dan tugs his hoodie off over his head and tosses it at Phil. He laughs at the affronted look on Phil's face.

"I'm not your butler," Phil says. He hangs the hoodie up next to Thor's leash, anyway. Dan likes the look of it there. "Are you ready? I'll get a car."

The jacket fits Dan well enough. When he glances at himself in the mirror by the door, he decides that he likes the way it looks on him, too. It doesn't smell like Phil, just some generic detergent, but Dan still likes it anyway. Besides, his Yeezy t-shirt still has the faint scent of Phil clinging desperately to it. Dan wonders what it would be like to live in a world where all his clothes smelled like Phil in some capacity.

"Yeah," he says, still looking at the easy way he fits in this jacket, this flat. "I'm ready."

"Did you warn your family that I'm coming?" Dan asks, coming to a sudden stop before they reach the door of the restaurant and taking Phil's wrist so he stops, too. If he's going to be a surprise tagalong, he ought to know.

Phil blinks, then smiles. "I texted them, yeah."

"And they're, like," says Dan, chewing on his lower lip, "okay with it?"

A quick, reassuring squeeze of Dan's hand before Phil pulls his own hand back. Dan imagines that he is all too aware that they're out on the pavement on a rather busy street. He likes to think that Phil would hold his hand properly if they were somewhere more private and comfortable.

"They're okay with it," Phil assures him. "You'll probably hate how okay with it they are once they start interrogating you."

"They're gonna interrogate me?"

"Probably, I don't really know." Phil stuffs his hands in his pockets and looks away from Dan, into the window of the restaurant. "I've never brought someone to meet them before."

Dan's heart skips a beat. Phil is so carefully not looking at him, his profile lit by the evening sun and streetlights, and Dan can't remember him ever needing to break eye contact to say something. Phil has been the calm, confident one since they met.

Maybe this means something to Phil that Dan hadn't considered. He swallows hard. "Hey. If this is - weird, or whatever, I don't need to be here."

"It's not weird to me," says Phil. "I'm happy to bring you, I just really didn't expect it from you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Dan asks.

Inviting himself to a family dinner just so he could spend more time with Phil was a bit cheeky of him, sure, but Dan doesn't know what the issue is, if Phil doesn't think it's weird.

Phil laughs softly, his eyes flickering back to Dan just for a moment. "You just keep... surprising me. You want me to tag you on Instagram, you want me to hang out with your friends, you want to meet my family. It's just not what I expected, I guess, since I know you're not, like, out."

"I - what?" Dan bleats, his blood rushing to his ears and making it harder to hear the surrounding din of London.

"It's fine," says Phil, misinterpreting the question. "I don't mind taking things slow, but we've been on, like, three and a half dates and you haven't kissed me, but you wanted to come tonight. You can see where I got surprised."

As soon as the initial shock settles, it hits Dan all at once: Phil thinks they've been dating this entire time. He thinks Dan wants to meet his parents as someone who he's been casually seeing, not as a friend who's been gathering the courage to push himself into something less platonic.

Dan has to bite back some hysterical laughter. Phil probably thinks he's the most frigid guy in the fucking world.

He's glad that Phil isn't looking at him, doesn't have to see the shellshocked confusion and inappropriate amusement that he knows is being broadcast across his face.

"Three and a half?" Dan repeats. His voice sounds far too high to his own ears.

"I don't really count drinking with your coworkers as a date," Phil laughs. He turns back to Dan, and Dan uses every ounce of his training to bring his expression back to something less telling. "No need to look so worried. My family's nice."

Dan is sure they are. He considers fleeing for half a second before he remembers that he wants to be with Phil.

He doesn't think this is a conversation that needs to happen on the pavement while people are waiting for them inside, so. He'll let Phil take the lead on the conversation and summon all the acting chops he has to make Phil's parents like him. Then, when they're alone again, Dan will be honest about the misunderstanding.

On the bright side, he can absolutely pitch this concept to a Netflix producer as an oblivious lesbian romantic comedy. He's just annoyed at himself for making him live it.

This is ridiculous. He is in a ridiculous situation right now. Before he follows Phil inside, he texts Jaime a quick, ok so im in a romcom after all and in a shocking twist of events im also very very stupid.

WHAT DID YOU DO

Dan doesn't reply, because he has to get into role now as someone who totally knew that the coffee and the Chinese food and the hungover vegging out were Dates.

Phil's parents do seem nice, which is something of a relief. His mum is a tiny whirlwind of cheer, giving Phil a hug and a few kisses to his pink face before she turns to Dan and exclaims, "You must be Daniel!"

She hugs him, too. It's an odd sensation for Dan, but he awkwardly pats her on the back. "Yeah, uh, hi. Sorry for crashing your party."

"Nonsense," she says, with such feeling that Dan actually believes her.

"Dan, these are my parents," Phil says unnecessarily, sliding into the booth across from a quiet man with Phil's smile. "Kath and Nigel."

"Nice to meet you, Dan," Nigel says, taking the name cue from Phil. He shakes Dan's hand when he sits down next to Phil. It makes Dan a little emotional, seeing these people genuinely pleased to meet him, even though he's a man.

"Daniel, sir," Dan corrects him politely. He gives Phil a sidelong look. "Only this one calls me Dan."

Phil just shrugs, looking a little smug.

"Your brother should be here soon," Kath says, looking over the drink menu. "Any idea if he's bringing Cornelia? I have a scarf to give back to her."

"You could always just give it to Martyn," Phil suggests. They both laugh.

"Yeah, alright, love, if I want it to get lost on the way."

Dan bites his lip and looks at his own menu. Phil is so comfortable with his parents in a way that he doesn't know if he could ever be with his own. Even if he were to let them into his life and they were to accept him for it, he thinks it might be too late for them to really bond.

Now's not the time for this crisis on top of the one he's already having, though. He tunes back into the conversation, which is still on the whereabouts of Phil's brother.

Nigel notices him looking up from the table and gives him a smile that's all Phil, reassuring and a little sheepish. "So, Daniel, tell us about yourself. Phil hasn't told us anything but your name."

"Must be ashamed of us," Kath sniffles, overdramatic, and Dan decides he likes her.

"I'm just not that interesting," Dan laughs.

A little scoff comes from beside Dan. "Shut up," says Phil. "Dad, Dan is one of the stars of that Netflix show Heatwave. He's just being modest."

"Oh, yes," says Nigel, a spark of recognition going off. "It's been in our list for a while, hasn't it, dear?"

"It has," Kath agrees. She beams at Dan in a way that radiates pride, and he almost can't look at her. It's too sincere, too open. He wants to hide away from it. "That's lovely, Daniel, you must work very hard."

Luckily, Dan is saved from having to think of something appropriate to say instead of just crying on her shoulder by the arrival of a lanky man.

"Budge up," he tells Dan. He's got the same air of familiarity that Kath had, that Phil had back when they met. It occurs to Dan that he's been chalking that up to Phil's media training, and the real answer may just be that this is the way he was raised to act. He already feels more comfortable here than he has at a table of his own family members for many, many years.

Dan scoots over, closer to Phil. Their thighs press together through their tight jeans, and Dan wonders if Phil can feel the heat radiating off him in waves. He kind of expects Phil to shuffle along the bench, too, but he stays where he is.

"Manners," Kath scolds as he folds himself into the booth beside Dan.

"Oh, right," says Martyn. He grins and offers a hand for Dan to shake. He has a loose grip, like he doesn't care to make a specific impression. Dan likes that, so used to too-firm handshakes and weird manly pats on the back from the people he interacts with at work. "Alright, mate?"

"Alright," says Dan. "I'm Daniel. You must be Martyn, unless you're Cornelia and another tall man is joining us."

"Don't think we can fit another around this table," Martyn says easily. "Nah, Corn's at home. She's feeling a bit ill, sends her love." The last part is directed to Kath and Nigel, who nod in eerie synchronicity.

"I'll have to give her scarf back on our way back," says Kath.

Their waitress arrives then, and Dan finds it entertaining to watch as three Lesters subtly compete to make her laugh while she takes everybody's drink order. He catches Nigel's eye and they exchange a small grin. Dan has never considered himself particularly quiet - he's more like the local class clown, no matter how old he gets - but he's content to sit back and let Phil and Martyn argue around him while Kath asks the waitress about her day.

She looks almost prepared for it when she turns to Dan, so he dimples up at her and says, "I like your nail polish."

"Thank you," she says, still smiling but looking more and more like she wishes she'd given this table to someone else. Dan takes pity on her, doesn't try to drag out the joke longer like he normally would.

"Wish I could pull off that colour," he adds, his heart pounding even though Phil's family probably won't judge him for it. "And, uh, I'll have a mojito, if that's okay?"

"If that's okay?" Phil murmurs into Dan's ear, making him shiver.

"Shut up," Dan whispers back, stepping on Phil's foot under the table. Phil kicks him back lightly.

"Absolutely vile," Martyn says in the sort of easy tone that comes from chirping people you love. He doesn't sound at all like he means it. Dan's shoulders tense anyway. Phil's grin flickers, like he notices.

"Shut up, Mar," Phil suggests, mildly enough that his parents can't reprimand him for it if they were the type to.

Martyn shrugs and starts talking to his mum about something that Dan can't follow, so he doesn't try to. Now that nobody is paying attention to them, Dan drops his hand to Phil's knee and squeezes. It's a thank you and a reassurance that he's fine, all in one.

With a small smile curling at the corners of his lips, Phil puts a hand over Dan's and leaves it there. His palm has got a very slight chill to it, like Phil is somehow cold despite being pressed against Dan in the corner of a booth.

They're practically holding hands. Dan turns his own hand over and links their fingers together in a fit of desire to say that he is holding Phil's hand. Dan is holding a man's hand under a table in public, with that man's family chatting around them, and his heart is fucking pounding like he's trying to run a marathon. He hopes his palm isn't sweaty.

If it is, Phil shows no inclinations of pulling his hand back anyway.

As the evening goes on, Dan finds himself relaxing more and more. The Lesters are warm and funny people to be around, talking over each other comfortably and doing their best to include Dan in jokes. The food is good, too, which is always a core part of Dan's happiness.

But the fact that Phil hasn't let go of his hand this whole time is really what's making Dan feel at peace. Their dominant hands are free to eat with, so they just... don't pull away.

Dan has a silly thought, somewhere in the back of his mind, that he always wants to eat on Phil's left. The mental image of them trying to be pressed this close together on their dominant sides, elbows knocking while they try to eat, is enough to make Dan swallow a giggle.

Phil's family don't ask him too many questions, but Dan finds himself offering the information anyway. He finds that he wants to impress them, make them think that maybe he's good enough for their son.

"I went to uni in Manchester," he says when Nigel says he misses the city sometimes. "I - didn't finish, I moved to Chicago."

"That's quite a long way to move," says Kath. "Whatever drew you there, love?"

For a moment, Dan thinks about lying. Surely Phil's parents would like him more if he was responsible, followed a job or even a relationship to America, but Phil is looking at him so curiously that he has to tell them the truth.

"I wanted to pursue acting in America," says Dan. "And a friend in Chicago said I could stay in their spare room. Then they rented out the spare room before I got there and neglected to tell me, and I ended up couchsurfing for a bit until I could afford to go to L.A., which sucked."

"That's impressive, actually," Martyn says around a mouthful of pasta.

"Manners," Kath scolds again, reaching across the table to swat lightly at Martyn's wrist. She gives Dan a warm smile. "He's right, Daniel, that was very brave of you."

It hadn't felt brave or impressive while it was happening. Dan's early twenties had felt like he was constantly on the edge of a cliff and he was just trying to dig his nails in and pull himself up. The long bouts of depression didn't make it any easier, since Dan would end up isolating himself, not showing up to work, or doing stupid shit just to feel something.

Things didn't change for him in an instant. He didn't find overnight fame or anything like that. After years of staying on that cliff with small parts and long nights, he got lucky with a Netflix gig three years ago.

Still, he supposes it sounds impressive to people who don't know the full story, and it's certainly something to be proud of in any case. Broke on a stranger's sofa in a foreign country to doing a worldwide press tour in less than a decade isn't something Dan takes for granted.

Dan shrugs instead of voicing his internal thoughts, smiling a little. "I miss Manchester too, sometimes, and I was only there for a year. I can't imagine how y'all feel."

"We do miss it occasionally," Nigel says. "But we like where we are now, don't we, dear?"

"Oh, it's perfect for us," says Kath, beaming at him with such obvious affection that it makes Dan's heart clench. He can't remember his mum ever looking at his dad like that. "And so beautiful, too! You should see it in the winter, Daniel."

"The Isle of Man, right?" Dan asks for clarification, and he smiles when the table agrees in a chaotic overlap of each other.

"Mum's right, it's really pretty in the winter," says Phil. "I never want to leave after Christmas."

Martyn snorts. "Sure, it's the Manx views, not the mince pies."

"It can be both!"

"What do you do for Christmas, love?" Kath asks, and Dan startles a bit at the question. He's quiet for a beat too long, maybe, because Phil squeezes his hand and responds for him.

"Mum," he says, almost sounding embarrassed, "it's been two weeks, stop trying to invite him to holidays."

"Just thought I'd ask, Philip," says Kath. She's just as cheerful as she was at the beginning of the night, and Dan thinks her smile actually grows when he starts blushing. "It's not like you've ever introduced us to a boy before, we thought it must be rather serious."

Honestly, Dan would love it to be serious. But it hasn't even been the two weeks Phil thinks it's been. They aren't on the same page at all right now. Dan feels confident they'll get there, but he doesn't want Phil to feel put on the spot now.

He rubs his thumb over the back of Phil's hand in a comforting gesture and grins sheepishly. "Ah, that's my bad, Kath. I'm only in town til Sunday and didn't want to miss a minute, to be honest."

"Where d'you live?" Martyn asks, beautifully giving Dan an out from the Christmas topic.

"Atlanta," Phil answers for him. Dan wonders if Phil has always sounded so wistful when he says the name of Dan's city. The city that doesn't feel like home.

Martyn whistles low, through his teeth, and sympathetically says, "That sucks." It's that, more than anything, that makes Dan physically feel the ache of the Atlantic that's going to be between them. He leans a bit closer into Phil, like that'll help fill the gap that isn't there yet.

It does suck. Dan has finally figured out what he wants and who he wants it with, but his job is four thousand miles away.

Still, he knows what he wants. He knows that Phil, clearly, wants it too. That's a first step.

Dan is feeling warm and loose from the cocktails he'd had with dinner and the easy acceptance of Phil's family. He sways into Phil's personal space on the pavement while Phil waves down a taxi and murmurs, "We gotta talk when we get to your place."

"Okay," Phil says, slow. His brow is furrowed in confusion or anxiety or some combination of the two, and Dan longs to reach out and smooth the lines with his thumb.

He does remember where they are, though, and keeps his hands firmly in the pockets of his borrowed jacket.

The ride back to Phil's isn't very long, but it is quiet. Phil looks out his window the whole time, and Dan looks at Phil. He's so beautiful, it makes Dan's head spin that he could ever want the same thing as Dan.

Phil's family seemed to think Dan would be sticking around, in any case. Kath and Martyn both gave him hugs goodbye after they finished with Phil, and Nigel had squeezed his shoulder tightly in lieu of one. Dan can't believe how welcoming they were to the first man their son had ever brought home.

This certainty of how he feels, how he wants his life to go, is making Dan a bit stupid with bravery. He pulls out his phone and sends some very impulsive texts.

To Jaime, he says, nothing major im just stupid! we'll talk abt it when ur here. To his agent, he says, if HW is ending can we look for work that's in the uk? we should hear back from the producers soon. To his mum, he says, There's something I need to tell you and I don't know if you'll still want me to come over on Saturday. It's a long story, but. Basically I'm gay.

Dan's heart is in his throat. He turns off his phone before anyone can respond, refocusing on Phil's profile.

#phanfic #phanfiction #phan #dnp fic #can't breathe when you touch my sleeve #words words words

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howellunited · 1 year

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thatwriter-leahlolita · 4 years

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Surely not?!

Summary: Avid fans of Dan and Phil have always dreampt of meeting their favourite YouTubers in person. Only a rare few get the opportunity. Never before though, has one (You, the reader) managed to bump into them repetitively.. as if it was fate?

Ship: Dan and Phil

-----------------------

Lately, you've felt tired. But of course that could easily be explained by the number of hours you've spent leaning over a maths textbook in confusion. Not only was it completely impossible to figure out what 'x' was, but in all honesty you couldn't care less. Your teacher is an ass and he has never helped you actually learn anything important in all the years of education you've had to face with him. It's all pointless, all of it!

Deciding this was a great time to attempt escape from another existential crisis, you clumber your legs out from under the kitchen table and stretch. In the living room, you could hear the sound of the television playing "Housewives of Somewhere Expensive". Deciding to save yourself from the horrific scenes that lied before you, should you dare to enter, you walk over to the fridge to grab some milk and make yourself a coffee. It's 6pm, but honestly any form of energy is highly welcomed at this point.

Unfortunately for you, there was no milk. You turn to the coffee pot to see, no coffee.

"Kannst Du Nitch~" You grumble softly under your breath. "Mum/Dad! There's no coffee or milk left!"

Your Mum/Dad, busy wasting their time watching crappy daytime television, yelled back, "Well go to the shop then, you've got legs!"

Grumbling, you stomp over to your Dan Howell Sad Boi hoodie and black converse shoes, and then make your way to the shops.

***

Dan was tired, and grumpy. He hated 6pm because it's always the time he looses energy and wants a nap. But clearly 6pm is too early for bed and too late to nap. His compromise is coffee.

"Where you going Dan?" Phil wined, turning away from the TV to look at him. "You promised you'd watch this with me."

"I will, but first: coffee." Dan waves his hand nonchalantly back at Phil as he makes his way to the kitchen. "Phil!"

Phil tuts, pausing his show. "Yes?"

"Where's the coffee?" Dan replied.

"Oh... yeah, about that..." Phil winced. "I finished it earlier and kind of forgot to get more."

"Well that's just great!" Dan sighed, now facing Phil as he stands in the door frame of the living room. "Come on then!"

"Come on what?" Phil whined.

"You can't expect me to go get coffee alone can you? This is your own doing Lester!" Dan demanded, chucking Phil his coat.

"Fine." He replied. "But we are finishing this episode when we get back!"

***

The shop was quiet, most people at home eating their dinner or watching TV together. The only noise that filmed the building was the beeping of scanners and rustling of shopping trolleys as people wheel them around the store.

(Y/N) was stood at the coffee isle, staring meekly at the coffee's in slight confusion. They was not usually much of a coffee drinker, at least not making it themselves at home. There is a LOT more range then they could have ever imagined... If it was up to (Y/N) they would pick any random one, but their Mum/Dad was a stickler for coffee and would grumble if they picked the wrong one.

A few more moments past, staring at the coffee types, before a strangely familar voiced peaked their attention.

"Listen Phil, I've told you this once and I'll tell you again, Svens Universe is not more of a priority than coffee. Yes, it's a tough choice but honestly, coffee will always win."

Could that be- No... surely not?!

The men themselves, Dan Howell and Phil Lester walk towards the coffee aisle in haste. (Y/N) had absolutely no idea what to do. Should they move to another aisle, smile and continue shopping? They were way too anxious to actually acknowledge them.

When they arrived at the coffee, (Y/N)'s heart stopped. They stared at the coffee for a moment, before Dan leaned over (Y/N) to grab a coffee from a higher shelf that (Y/N) could never possibly reach.

"Dan! You just leant right above that person!" Phil gasped, turning to you in haste. "I'm sorry about that, you see Dan here will probably murder someone for coffee if needed!"

You turn your head up to face Phil, who stood taller than you by a long shot. You then looked over towards Dan, who huffed at Phil, cradling his instant coffee.

Eventually, realising the situation in front of you, you manage a reply: "It's o-okay. I've been here a while struggling myself!" You laugh meekly.

Dan peaked interest in that moment, "Why's that? Need help grabbing something?"

You blush softly, "Well, no, not exactly. You see I have no idea which coffee to get.." you realise this is a wierd conversation to have with strangers, eventhough they surprisingly don't feel like strangers to you. "Nevermind."

"Oh well if that's the case, " Dan smiled. "Here you go!" He passes you the Starsucks brand coffee he's been cradling, and then grabs himself another from the shelf. "This is by far the greatest coffee I've ever had from here."

Phil retorted, "But of course that's his opinion, you don't have to get that one."

"No, I- Thankyou. That's a great help." You smiled, placing the coffe in your basket beside the fresh oat milk.

Dan stuck his tongue out at Phil, "They want it see, I'm always right!"

"Shut up Howell."

"Watch your tongue, Lester!" He retorts.

Standing in bewilderment, you stare at the clearly apparent lovers flirting with eachother right in front of your eyes. Eventually, Phil turns to you again and realises his placement right now.

"Sorry about him," He smiles. "He's cranky when he doesnt get his coffee. Hope you like yours though."

Dan agreed, "Yeah, bye~". Then he hurried over to the self serve counter to pay.

You stood their a few minutes longer, shocked by what just happened in front of you, before heading home to finally have your much delayed coffee break. The least that experience has taught you, is that Dan Howell has amazing taste in coffee.

***

A few days later, you decide since the new "Animal Crusing" has come out, you would go to the game store to pick it up. You would usually just order it online for preorder and anxiously wait for the delivery day to arrive. But in almost some kind of introverted people hate crime, they released the preorder for store pick ups only!

Arriving at the store, you see a long que. "Well, here we go." You grumble, falling into line in the que quietly. This is why it's better to stay at home, cosy and warm, and wait for the delivery man to deliver the goods.

When suddenly, a voice moaned in the distance. "See! Look at that que! Store pick up only, I mean, the makers of "Animal Crusing" must hate us. And why did we choose "GAMING" of all places to pick it up! This place is always busy."

"Phil honestly you always complain about stuff like this, would it kill you to que for a bit for a lifetime of fun?" Dan replied.

"Lifetime my butt!" Phil retorted. "I give it a few months before you loose interest."

"Absolutely no faith." Dan gasped fakingly, bringing a hand to his chest.

Again? How is this even possible?? You wonder, anxiously staring at the two famous YouTubers walking towards you for the second time this week.

They eventually join next in the que behind you, and you barely keep yourself calm as you feel the heat rising up your body. It's like an itch you can't scratch, knowing they are behind you watching your every move. It is scary, to say the least.

"This better go quick." Phil mumbled, kicking a stone on the floor with his shoe.

The stone rolled quickly across the floor and slammed abruptly against the back of your leg. It was small, so you barely felt it. But the awkwardness of the whole situation just took a much more dramatic turn.

"Oh my God!" Phil squeaked. Tapping your shoulder lightly.

You have no choice, he wants your attention. So you turn slowly and act innocent, listening to Phil grovel about how sorry he is for doing something stupid.

Then Dan spoke up, "Wait, aren't you coffee dude from the other day? When we went to get coffee from Bainsburies?"

"Oh, yeah. That's me." You smiled softly, hoping your eyes didn't give away how obvious it was that you knew WHO they were and that you was intensely aware that you saw them 3 days, 4 hours and 27 minutes ago in the coffee aisle in Bainsburies.

"Small world, huh?" Phil smiles. "Sorry again, though. I didn't mean to hit you."

"It's fine, I barely felt it anyways."

"So, you know what they say," Dan interupts, "Once a stranger, twice a friend."

"What now?" Phil quizzes confusingly. "I've never heard someone say that, ever."

Dan shoves Phil slightly, just enough to make him loose his balance slightly. "Anyway... I'm Dan, that loser on my left is Phil. Can I ask your name?"

"(Y/N). Nice to meet you both." You blush, realising that one way or another, Dan freaking Howell just called you his friend.

"You too!" Phil beams, pushing Dan back in revenge. "So you like Animal Crusing?"

"Yeah! I loved the mobile app version, but I've never played it on a real console yet so I'm super excited."

For as long as the que took to shorten, you three talked. About a lot of things. Boredom and a long que made you all relatively good friends by the end of it. And as a nice bonus, you all got the new Animal Crusing game. You was ecstatic. But this was now the end, you had to go home eventually.

But before you left, "Hey guys."

Dan and Phil turn to you, replying "Yeah?" in unison.

You gulp, breath in and out, and then said: "I have a confession." You continue, "I kind of know you guys already a little, as in I am a bit of a fan of your YouTube channels, yanoo."

They sigh, looking slightly releaved. Phil slapped your arm softly and smiled. "You scared us! I thought you was going to tell us that you were secretly stalking us for months or something!" Then he looked nervous, "Wait, you wasn't, was you?"

You laugh. "Of course not! But is that okay, me being your fan and all that?"

Dan smiled at you again and swished your hair out of place. "Of course its fine (Y/N). It was kind of obvious, you WAS literally wearing my merch when we met at Bainsburies the other day, and you seem genuinely kind. Why wouldn't we want a friend like that?"

".. Oh yeah." You laugh.

Your smile couldn't have reached further then that day. You exchanged contact with them, had one final chat, and then headed home.

------------------------

Thankyou all for reading. Hope you enjoy. If you have any requests I'm open to them!

#dan howell #daniel howell #phanfiction #phan #amazingphil #phil lester #reader #x reader #she #him #them #AU #cute #fanfic #fanfiction #writing

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