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ddreammcatcher · 4 years

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Unknown truth

This has been sittimg in my drafts for months now. I finally got the motivation to finish it. I hope you enjoy it. I hate how they dealt with Spencers addiction.

This fills my lying square for @cmbingo

Warnings: addiction, overdose, drugs, relapse

It started as a normal day. I get up and get ready for work. My body is craving a dose of dilaudid. It’s been 10 months since I’ve had any. I make it to work, but the craving is still there. The cravings have been there for most of the past 10 months. Some days are easier to manage than others. I know that I should talk to someone about it, but that means I have to admit that I am addicted to it.

The day is mostly spent doing paperwork. Having an eidetic memory comes in really helpful for recalling details of the case. I get done with the paperwork before anyone else. I can’t decide if I want to go home or not. I know that at home, it’s harder to ignore the craving. Being at the BAU feels awkward. I’m lying to the team about being better. I feel guilty about lying to them, but this is something I can’t tell them. I decide to go home and deal with the cravings once I get there. Hotch sticks his head out of his office and asks to speak with me.

I head into his office. “Have a seat.” He says as he closes the door. I do. I have no clue what this is about. “What’s up Hotch?” I ask. “You’re not in trouble Spencer.” He says gently. I relax a little bit. “I know that the past year hasn’t been easy. I just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing.” He says. “I’m great. Never better.” I say. He gives me a weird look. “Okay, there’s a meeting that I think would be helpful.” He says. I’m confused. “What type of meeting?” I wonder out loud. “A NA meeting. It meets a couple times a week. I think it would be helpful.” He says. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I say firmly. “Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He says and lets me leave.

I go home and the craving for dilaudid is really strong. I still have a little bit of it hidden in my house. It takes everything in me to not take it. I just want to forget and it helps. I don’t know if I can convince myself to go to a meeting at this point. I’m not ready to put words to what happened.

The next couple of weeks are uneventful. We have a couple cases. I haven’t gone to a meeting yet. I’ve been able to ignore the cravings and not take the doses hidden in my house. Hotch seems to be keeping a closer eye on me. It’s annoying me, but I don’t ask him about it.

I get a phone call in the middle of the day. It’s the facility that my moms staying at. She isn’t doing well. Things are getting worse for her. I’m not done with the paperwork I’m doing, but I decide to head home anyway. Derek gives me a questioning look as I leave.

At home, the cravings are so high. I’m really tempted to take some of the dilaudid that I have hidden. Around 11:30, I call Hotch. He answers with sleep in his voice. “Hotchner.” “Hey Hotch, it’s me.” “What’s going on Spencer?” “Can you come over?” I ask timidly. “Yeah, I’ll be there in 20.” I hang up. I don’t move until he gets to my place.

He knocks and I let him in. “Hi.” I say. “What’s going on Spencer?” He asks with worry. “It’s my mom. She’s not doing well.” I reply. “I’m sorry to hear that.” He says. “Hotch…” I should tell him about the dilaudid hidden in my room. I don’t want to tell him. I know it’s the right thing to do. He doesn’t say anything. He waits for me to say more.

“Hotch, I’ll be right back.” I say and get up. I walk into my bedroom and stand in front of where I hid some of it. It takes me 10 minutes to be able to take it out of the drawer. It takes another 5 minutes for me to get back to the living room. I awkwardly stand against the door frame.

“Spencer, what’s going on?” He asks. “Hotch, I need your help.” I say quietly. He just nods. I walk towards him slowly and open my hand. Sitting on my palm is the dilaudid. “Take it.” I whisper to him. He reaches out and takes it. He puts it in one of his pockets.

I sit down on the couch after that and don’t say anything. “I’m really glad that you gave this to me. Do you have any more of it?” He asks. I shake my head no. I’m lying to him, but I don’t care. It makes it easier to deal with the cravings if I know I have some of it. “Thank you Spencer. Have you given any more thought into going to a meeting?” He asks gently.

I shake my head no. “That’s okay. Just keep it in mind okay?” He asks. I nod. “I can do that.” We sit in silence for a while. I think he’s waiting for me to say more about how I’m doing. Eventually he decides to leave. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Try to get some sleep Spencer.” He says as he walks out the door.

I sigh once he’s gone. I hate that I lied to him, but I need to have at least one dose I can fall back on. I still have three doses hidden. I know that I should have given him the other doses, but I can’t.

The next couple of weeks are okay. I manage to keep the cravings in check. Some days are easier than others. I know that there will always be harder days. Hotch is still keeping a closer eye on me. I know he’s still worried about me. I thought that giving him some of it would let him relax.

On the next case, it has to do with people that are being killed from an OD. The case is harder for me than usual. I get through it without taking any dilaudid. It helps that it’s not in the same state as I am. Hotch partners us together for the entire case. I know he’s worried about this case affecting me.

The cravings have been really high during the case. Once we get home, I’m considering taking some. I go home alone. I spend a long time overthinking everything that’s happened and I’ve done. After four hours of this, I can’t take it anymore.

I get up and get some of the dilaudid out. I know that I’m going to regret this later, but right now, I need my mind to stop. I roll up my sleeve and insert the needle. As the dilaudid takes over, I feel a relief. The sweet feeling of nothing. My mind is blank and it feels so good. I go to sleep quicker than I have in a long time.

The next morning I wake up to a message from Hotch. I check the time and realize why he called. It’s two hours after I’m supposed to have been in. I call Hotch right away. He answers on the second ring. “Spencer, where are you?” He asks. “I’m sorry Hotch, I overslept. I’ll be there in 20 minutes.” I say as I rush to get ready. “Okay.” He says and hangs up.

20 minutes later I make it to work. I sit down at my desk and open the first file. A couple of hours later, I’m getting ready to leave. Hotch sends me an email saying he wants to talk to me. I walk up to his office and knock. I walk in without waiting for him to answer.

“Hey Hotch, I’m so sorry I was late. I promise it won’t happen again.” I ramble. “It’s okay Spencer. Do you want to tell me why you were late?” He asks. “I stayed up all night reading. I fell asleep a couple of hours before I was supposed to be here. I forgot to set my alarm.” I say. Hotch nods. “Okay, I’ll see you on Monday.” He says as I leave.

I just lied to Hotch. A huge lie that I somehow pulled off. I feel guilty about lying to him, but it had to be done. At home, the cravings are hardly there. The dose I took yesterday is still in my system a little bit. My mind may not be blank, but it’s quieter than it’s been in a while.

The next day is Saturday and we don’t have work. The dilaudid is out of my system by now. After it’s out of my system, I feel horrible. I can’t believe that I just did that. I’m pissed at myself for giving into it. I know that I need to talk to someone about it.

I pick up my phone and slowly dial Hotch's number. “Hotchner” his voice makes me reconsider telling him. He sounds happy, which he usually isn’t. I don’t say anything for a little bit. “Spencer?” He must have looked at caller ID when I didn’t say anything. “What’s wrong?” I can hear the worry in his voice. “Hotch…” my voice breaks. “Spencer, I’m coming over.” He says and hangs up.

20 min later, there’s a knock on my door. I don’t get up to open it. I hear the lock turn. I forgot that I gave Hotch a key a while ago. The syringe I used to take the dilaudid is laying on the floor by the trash can. “Spencer?” He says. He walks into the living room and sees me on the couch.

“Spencer, what happened? Is it your mom?” He wonders. I shake my head no. He doesn’t say anything for a while. I know that I need to tell someone. I’m afraid he’ll be mad and disappointed. “Hotch…” I stop mid sentence. I take a couple of deep breaths. “I relapsed.” I mumble. I can tell by the look in his eyes that he heard what I said.

“Spencer, I thought you said you didn’t have any after you gave me that dose of it.” He says confused. “I lied. I’m sorry.” I drop my head and don’t look at him. “Spencer, I think that you need to go to a meeting.” He says. I glare at him for a second and then my eyes tear up. “Okay.” I choke out.

The next day, Hotch texts me the time and location of the meeting. I still have two doses of dilaudid left. I decide that I’m not going to go to the meeting. I want to use the dilaudid. It��s stupid to have it and not use it.

Monday morning, Hotch calls me into his office. “How was the meeting?” He asks with a smile. “It was fine. I’m not a fan, but I think it will help.” I admit. He lets me go back to doing my work. I lied to Hotch again. There has been so much lying in the past couple months.

The next couple of months, I pretend that things are going okay. I pretend that I’m going to meetings. In reality, I’ve been sitting at home, staring at the dilaudid. I know that this isn’t a good thing, but at this point, I don’t care.

One Sunday afternoon, when I’m supposed to be at a meeting, my door is knocked on. I open it to see Hotch. “Hey, what’s up?” I wonder. He gives me a weird look. “I thought you would be at a meeting, but I was close by, so I thought I’d see if you were home.” He states. I gulp, realizing my mistake. “Can I come in?” I have no choice but to agree.

Once he’s inside, we sit in awkward silence. I start rambling about random things. After 20 min of rambling, he cuts me off. “I’m worried about you Spencer.” He says. “I’m fine.” I snap. I can see that I’m not convincing him. I sigh. “Hotch, I promise that I’m okay.” I say. I can tell that he doesn’t believe that. I don’t care what he believes. I’m going to do everything I can to get him out of my house. “Spencer, I’m here if you need anything.” He says. I nod. “I’m okay Hotch.” I say. “Okay, I’ll see you later.” Once he leaves, I sigh in relief.

The next couple of days, we’re on a case. It only takes two days to wrap it up. Once we get back to the office, I’m ready to head home and be alone. Before I can leave, Derek corners me. “Spencer, I’m going out tonight and I need a wing man.” He says. “I’m busy, Ask Hotch” I say as I sling my bag over my shoulder. “He already has plans.” Penelope walks up at that time. “Come on Spencer, I’m coming with. It will be fun. We can make fun of Dereks pick up lines.” She says. I sigh, “Fine, but only for a little while.” They cheer.

When I get home, the lights in my house are on. I draw my gun before going in. I open the door slowly. “FBI, come out with your hands up.” I call. “Spencer, it’s me.” Hotch replies. I walk into the living room and put my gun down. Hotch, JJ, and Emily are all sitting on the couch. I sit in the one chair I have. “What’s going on? Is someone hurt?” I ask with panic. “No, no one’s hurt. We’re worried about you. Derek and Penelope taking you out was the setup so we could search your apartment.” Hotch replies. “You had no right to do that.” I say harshly. “I know we should have trusted you, but we are worried about you.” Emily says softly. I don’t like the direction this conversation is headed.

“I’m okay, I promise. I’m going to meetings.” I lie. All three of them give me a look that says they know that’s crap. JJ reaches into a pocket and pulls out the two doses of dilaudid I have left. She sets them on the coffee table. I gulp. I’m screwed. Who realized I was lying to them? “Spencer, you have lied to me about not having any twice now. I don’t believe that you are telling the truth about being okay.” Hotch says. There are tears in the corners of my eyes. I blink, trying to make them go away. “Spencer, have you been going to meetings?” Emily asks. I look at the floor and don’t make eye contact. I shake my head no.

If I was looking at them, I would have seen the worried look they shared. “Spencer, have you been to any meetings?” I shake my head no. I glance up to see them all looking at me. “I’m sorry that I lied to you.” I say. I don’t look up, but turn my head in Hotch’s direction. “It’s okay Spencer, we just want what’s best for you.” He says. I glance at him and mumble okay.

I don’t say anything else for a while. They’re just waiting for me to say something. JJ scoots closer to me. “Hey Spence.” I don’t look at her. “There’s a meeting in an hour. Either me or Hotch are going to take you. It’s your choice which one of us goes.” JJ says. It’s not a question. It’s soft and not demanding, so I decide to push back. “I don’t need to go to a meeting.” I snap at her. “I don’t need anyone’s help.” I see her jaw harden and Hotchs eyes darken.

“Spencer, you are going to a meeting. If you don’t, I’m going to bench you.” Hotch says coldly. “Screw you.” I spit at him. He shares a look with JJ and Emily. He and Emily walk outside. I know that they’re talking about me. JJ stays in the room. I try to slowly back into the kitchen so I can go out the fire escape. I trip over a book and swear under my breath.

JJ whirls to look at me. Her jaw is stiff. “Spencer, what are you doing?” She asks. I don’t say anything. She comes over and puts herself between me and the fire escape. A couple minutes later, they walk back in. “Spencer, I’m benching you for a week. We can reevaluate things then.” He says sternly. “Fuck you.” I say to him. He just sighs. Emily leaves then due to it being so late, but Hotch and JJ stay.

I storm into my bedroom and slam the door. I want the dilaudid so bad, but they took all that I had. I’m pissed that I’m in this situation. They just leave me be in my room. After an hour of punching a pillow, I go back to the living room. I’m somewhat calmer than I was.

I sit down and glare at Hotch. “How did you find out?” I ask. “I’ve been keeping an eye on you since you relapsed. I know the signs. You weren’t at a meeting last Sunday, you haven’t come out after work with us in a long time, youve been avoiding me.” He states. I hate working with profilers. It makes hiding things hard. “I’m sorry.” I look at both of them with sadness. “I shouldn’t have lied and I shouldn’t have lashed out at you.” I say.

“It’s okay Spencer.” JJ says lightly. “We both agree that you need to go to a meeting. We can’t force you to go, but we think it will help.” Hotch says. “I’ll think about it.” I say slowly. I hate myself for what I’ve done and said. If I had any dilaudid, I would have taken it already. The two doses of dilaudid are still sitting on the coffee table. I don’t know why no one picked them up.

Hotch gets a phone call while JJ is in the bathroom. I grab the dilaudid and slip it in my pocket. JJ walks back in seconds after I sit back down. She gives me a curious look. “What’s up?” I ask her as calmly as I can. “Something seems different. You seem more relaxed than before I went to the bathroom.” She says. “Nothings different.” I say calmly.

Hotch walks back in. “Are you going to be okay if we leave?” Hotch asks. I nod. “Alright, JJ, can I talk to you outside?” She nods and follows him outside. I know that if I try to hide the dilaudid in my bedroom right now, I’ll be caught. I just wait with it. Hotch and JJ walk back in five minutes later. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay tonight?” Hotch asks. I nod. They collect there stuff. Before they leave, Hotch looks at the coffee table. I know that the dilaudid is still supposed to be on it, but it’s not.

“JJ, did you move it?” He wonders. “Move what?” She has no idea what he’s talking about. “I think Emily took it.” I say. My voice quivers a little bit, giving me away. It’s been too long of a day to keep my lies perfect. Hotch sits back down on the couch and puts his stuff next to him. JJ leans on the back of the couch and looks at me.

“Spencer, hand them over.” He says. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I say. Hotch sighs. He turns and looks at JJ. “You can go, I’ve got this.” He says. She nods and leaves. “Spencer, it’s time to come clean. You’ve done great tonight by answering our questions honestly.” He says. I nod. “I know that you tried to leave earlier and now your hiding the dilaudid. Please give it to me.” He says. I sigh and pull it out of pocket. I hold it close to me and don’t hand it to him. He waits for a couple minutes before saying anything. “Spencer?” I sigh and slowly extend my hand to him. He tries to take it out of my hand and my hand tightens.

We both hold on to it for a minute. I finally let go and let him have it. He puts it in his pocket, so I can’t get it. “Spencer, are you sure you’re going to be okay tonight? I can stay if you need me to.” He says. “I’m fine, you can go.” My voice isn’t steady. “Okay, I’m staying. Jack has a sleepover, so I have no where I need to be.” He says. I sigh. “Thanks.” I whisper. He nods.

He goes out to his car to get his go bag. He comes back in and sees me curled on the couch. “Spencer, I’m here if you want to talk.” He says. I lift my head to look at him. I’m mad at him and he can tell. “No thanks.” I say. I get up and head to my bedroom.

The next morning, I wake up to the smell of coffee. I leave my room to find Hotch sitting at the table with a cup of coffee. “You’re still here.” I say annoyed. “Yeah, I wanted to make sure you were okay before I went to work.” He says. “I have work as well.” The minute I say that, I realize that he benched me last night. I sigh. “Or not.” I mutter.

“Spencer, I want to make sure you have some time to get help before going back.” He says. I sigh and nod. After promising him multiple times that I would be fine, I convince him to leave. Most of the day sucks. I know that I can leave my house, but I know if I do, I’m going to go find more dilaudid.

That night, Hotch comes back over. I jump when the door opens. “Hotch, what are you doing here?” I ask. “I just wanted to see how you are.” He says. “And convince me to go to a meeting?” I ask. “Yes. There’s one that starts in an hour.” He says. I don’t say anything for a couple minutes. “Fine.” I growl at him. He slightly smiles.

An hour later, I’m sitting on a metal chair surrounded by strangers. Hotch actually got me to go to a meeting. The hour passes slowly. They ask if I want to say anything, but I pass. After the meeting Hotch is waiting for me in the parking lot. I get in and sigh. “How was it?” He asks. “It was fine.” I mumble.

The rest of the week doesn’t go well. Two day’s after the meeting, I decide to go get some dilaudid. It takes me a while, but I manage to find some. I buy 4 doses of it. When I get home, I hide it around the house. I put one in my pocket to use later.

Hotch comes over later that night. “Hey Spencer, how was your day?” He asks. I sigh. “I did something bad.” I say. He looks at me curiously for a moment until it clicks. “Hand it over Spencer.” He holds his hand out waiting for me to give it to him. I pull it out of my pocket and hand it to him.

“Thank you. Now, I’m going to search the rest of your house.” He says. “There is no reason to search my house. I don’t have anymore.” I lie. “Spencer, you have lied to me too many times for me to take your word.” He says. I sigh. “Fine.” I wait in the living room as he searches my house.

He walks back into the living room. “Spencer, I would say that this is having more.” He says. He opens his hand to hold out the three vials I hid. I sigh. “I’m sorry Hotch.” I mumble. “It’s okay Spencer. The lying has to stop. I want to be able to trust you, but it’s going to take some time to earn my trust back. The best way to do that is to stop lying to me.” He says kindly. I nod. “I’ll try to be honest with you.” I say. “Thank you Spencer. I want you to feel comfortable telling me things instead of lying to me.” “I’ll try to be more honest with you. I promise I’ll try to stop lying.” I say.

#cmbingo20 #cm fanfic #addiction #overdose #drugs #spencer reid #aaron hotchner #Jennifer Jareau #derek morgan #Penelope Garcia #fanfic #Criminal Minds #Criminal Minds Fanfiction

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adistiany · 3 years

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THE MAGICIAN TRIO

my ocs

Exhausted from the numerous of student council's works, Wizard entered his house with slumped shoulders. He bid his sister good night and walked towards his room, but when he neared the door, he heard a laughter from a boy. And he groaned so loud that he hoped the person, or how his intuition said there are two people, inside his room hear it.

He opened the door and started to confront them. "Don't you two have a house to live?"

The boy turned his head towards his best of friend and waved. "Welcome home, Wizard. How's your day?"

"You didn't answer my question."

"You didn't answer his, neither." The one who replied that was none other than the Witch herself.

"Touché, but that's not important anymore," said Wizard, he blew out a breath from his mouth. "Can we please, not making my ROOM as our MEETING place? Besides, tonight is not our usual schedule!"

"First of all," chirped Witch, she propped her chin with her elbows on the mattress, "to answer your previous question, we do have a house; mine is too spacious while Warlock's is too small to fit three people. Second of all, the first time you suggest our meeting was your house, your room which is neither of both of our houses have. So the last but not least, this is not our meeting place, but our headquarter."

She was bombared at the same time by the two boys from "How did you know my house is too small?" to "Those are just your mere excuses to make me suffer more!"

She smirked and laid her back on the bed, his bed more precisely, then closed her eyes without answering them.

Warlock pouted and looked at Wizard. "How do you think she knows my house's size?"

Wizard rubbed his eyes with his fingers. "Perhaps she somehow has her own method to rummage our personal information."

"Now, do tell me, Warlock," began Wizard as he started to sit on his bed, "why did the two of you c--- OOF!"

All the sudden his bottom was landed on the hard surface of his room's tiles and Warlock can only flinched with the sound it made. "What the--- WITCH! WHY DID YOU---?!"

"You almost sat on my right foot, I didn't want your butt on it," said Witch without opening her eyes.

He frowned. "How did y--- oh, forget it, I know you won't answer anyway." Wizard rubbed his sore bum whilst settled his sittimg position.

"You okay, Bud?" Concerned was flashing on the Warlock's eyes.

Wizard could only sneer. "Yeah, should've known better about the Witch's curse on me. As I was saying before, why did you two come here? Any important stuff to tell me or what?"

Warlock shrugged. "None, actually."

"Then why the hell you're here?" He bewildered. "In the middle of the night?"

"You know, I cannot turn down Witch's suggestions. She always brings me in whenever she wants to put a surprise on you and I always accept because, well, she is the only one who knows how to press your button," Warlock chuckled softly, his eyes landed on her sleeping form then a second after they switched to Wizard. "It's like uncovering another side of you, unlike what people at school say about you being the handsome geek, especially your fangirls gossiping."

Wizard hummed and nodded, thoughtfully. "Yes, I agree she's the only one who can make my temper to the limit." But then his eyes hardened. "But that still didn't answer my question."

Warlock gulped hard and he tried not to show his anxiousness, but it still showed on his voice. "W-What was your question again?"

Wizard didn't reply, instead his eyes started to bore onto Warlock's and the poor boy couldn't move an inch. "I knew it, you both are using my fast network's connection this whole time, am I right?"

Warlock's mouth was agape and it seemed he couldn't form a sentence. Wizard only sighed and got up. "You should have never fall on Witch's allure, note that. Now, you," he said, pulling her feet, "out of my bed, right now!"

And to answer that, she kicked his balls.

"You are such a sore point, Wizard." She narrowed her eyes towards the said male who had both of his hands between his legs, with his face morphed from a handsome to a twitching face.

"You made me sore," his voice was small and a bit squeaky, "in both places."

She stretched her back whilst yawning. "Your welcome, and now I am not sleepy anymore."

Wizard tried to reply her remark but he was stopped when someone handed him an ice pack. He didn't know Warlock grabbed this from the kitchen, how fast was he? When Wizard looked up, his friend's face was unreadable. Now, who was supposed to be angry again?

"Alright, that's it." Warlock's voice was cold, even Wizard could feel the sharpness in it. "Witch, apologise to Wizard."

Witch's face was frowning and there were wrinkles on her forehead. "Why should I?"

"You kicked him in his balls."

"So?"

"That's our vulnerable spot and it hurts us the most."

She snorted in unlady-like. "Yeah? And what about childbirth? Women do that all the time when MEN want their offsprings, forced to be good wives with fertile uterus just for-"

She was halted when Warlock pulled her body forcely from the mattress and put her on his shoulder like a sack. "Wha--- PUT ME DOWN, WARLOCK!"

"You won't apologise, so I'm going to take us home," he said then glanced towards Wizard who has perplexed expression. "Just lay down with the ice pack and you'll be fine. See you tomorrow at school, Wizard."

And they left whilst Wizard forgot about the pain in his core.

#poorlywritten

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ivy-daily-log-blog · 6 years

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daily log #23 - fri, 16 mar, 2018

today was stressful with alota overthinking for me, but more about that later.

remember the kid with the no name corgi? i asked him about the dog again during science today, and he said still no name. however, straw overheard us, and said that he might be getting a corgi tomorrow! i texted him afterschool to let me know if he gets the corgi or not.

for the first time, he mentioned ish kinda me going to his house. i was talking about my corgi, and hat said how big is ur house? is it like a mansion and i said no and straw said is it bigger than my house and i said ya and he said my house is pretty small and i said it’s nice though but i don’t think he heard me ;-;

during pshe, we watched this documentary thing about drugs, and i was sittimg super close to straw. documentary was pretty boring, so i just started reading my book. i was careful with my actions, cause i knew straw could see them. he’s starting to talk to me a bit more so that’s good ☺︎

ok so other than F1234, i have another friend, who wasn’t involved in the drama, which was why i never mentioned her. she’s one of those quiet people, but once you get to know them, they’re pretty crazy lol. except she’s more quiet than others i guess. well, she knows we eat at the cafeteria, but she doesn’t eat with us anymore. when me and her were walking to our lockers, i said hey i’m gonna eat lunch with you today and she said why and i said because you’re my friend. so where do you eat and she said you’ll have to find me and i said can u wait for me to get my lunch and she said maybe.

twas sorta unfair, since my locker was upstairs and hers is downstairs. i ran to my locker and rushes back downstairs, but she was already gone. i was pretty annoyed at her. i already knew she ate with some other of our friends from another class, but i didn’t know where. me and F12 found out where, and they both went there to see her. but when they came back, they said that the other friends said that she was only there for 5 minutes, then left. this left me with some pretty suspicious theories.

we had music next, and we waited outside the classroom. i asked her where she was, and she wouldn’t tell me. so i took her pencilcase, and said i wouldn’t return it until she told me. it was kinda cruel, but i was really desperate to know. i ended up walking around the line thing, and when we passed straw and shot, she said straw u’re my friend right? get my pencilcase back. i was so fucking shocked when she said that. even though she was talking to straw, it was shot who said first give back the pencilcase followed by straw who said the same thing. neither of them really intimidated me, and they didn’t even step forwards or anything, so i simply said no. i eventually gave up because she simply wouldn’t tell me anything, so i gave it back.

when i got home, i started to think about it a bit more. too much. an hour later, i had an entire theory about how she might be seeing straw without me knowing, even though she knows i like him. i literally texted F1 the whole thing.

first clue was obviously the ‘straw, you’re my friend right?’ why else would she say it?

next, we have the fact that she wouldnt tell me where she was. this is probably the only thing i can think of, that she wouldn’t tell me about

thirdly, she left her other friends after only 5 minutes. suspicious? she probably went off to meet up with straw.

she didn’t want me there, because she knew i would most definitely follow her, and therfore see straw

she’s probably seeing him to get back at me. i haven’t really done anything to her, other than not really include her in the drama, since she’s never really been part of those kind of things.

straw and shot tried to help her out- more about shot later. even though straw didn’t respond to the ‘you’re my friend right’ thing, he also didn’t decline it

shot probably knows about them. he knows i like straw, and he also hates me. it wouldn’t be a surprise to me if he was helping them keep this a secret.

SORRY I’M JUST REALLY PARANOID ABOUT THE WHOLE SITUATION I’M PROBABLY JUST OVERTHINKING IT ALL ☹ her nickname will be heidi

wagon asked F1 out!!! here’s how to convo went:

wagon: wanna go out with me?

F1: is this a joke?

wagon: sadly yes

F1: then obviously not

wagon: that’s good

wagon: ivy (me lol) has been nagging me to do it

F1: u didn’t have to

wagon: yeah

i honestly feel so bad for her, i know how badly she wanted to say yes to him.

song recommendations!!:

rockabye - clean bandit

currently 2 am rn, i’ma go to bed now

hope everyone had a ivy-cular dayy. that might be my new catchphrase, it’s meant to be ivy and spectacular combined whoops

- ivy ✌︎

#theories #2 am #help #overthinking #paranoid #daily #diary #daily diary #diary post #daily logs #daily post #logs #posts #diary entry #diary day #daily day #song rec of the day #song recommendation #lunch

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