#i cant think of any other way to describe it

[communistkenobi]

in that post abt the gender unicorn graphic, in the comments the idea of the “split attraction model” is brought up and you say you dont want to litigate that. however, im really curious what your opinion is bc i have some ideas abt it too. i feel like its sort of an incomplete analysis? like, people feel different ways about others and that cant really be flattened into like two modes of attraction. but i personally would call myself aromantic and bisexual so obviously i have some level of investment of the idea. anyways i just ask because in general i find your analysis and opinions compelling

thank you! re: this graphic

My issue with splitting “physical attraction” and “emotional attraction” is that it does the same naturalising trick that the chromosomes-as-the-symbol-of-sex does - by splitting the emotional from the physical, this implies that physical attraction is natural, without emotion, and by the same token that emotion can exist completely detached from the physical body of the person you emotionally desire. Like I just don’t think this is true! For example, the idea of “casual sex,” ie sex that is devoid of emotion/emotional investment, is a social construction, it is a sexual act that is being contrasted against societal norms of “serious sex” or “invested sex” or whatever you want to call it - sex that is being done in the context of a monogamous, married relationship, or an otherwise exclusive long-term one. the base social unit of much of western society is the nuclear family, and the nuclear family is “ideally” produced by monogamous, cis-heterosexual, racially homogeneous reproductive sex. That is the norm by which all other sexual behaviour and activity is judged by.

and to be clear I’m not using “emotional” in an idealistic or moral sense, I am not using it as a shorthand for romantic feelings, I am purposefully using the language the graphic is using - I mean any emotion. Like just to be super clear, I’m not suggesting that people who have casual sex all secretly love the people they fuck, or that sex has to always be a serious emotional endeavour, or that people who do not feel sexual attraction to the people they have romantic feelings for are secretly lying, but that I don’t think sex is something that can be devoid of emotionality entirely. Like I think we are engaging in this Cartesian body/mind dualism where the physical acts we perform are somehow wholly separate from our emotional states. Pleasure has an emotional component to it, I don’t know how to articulate my experiences with pleasure that do not involve some level of emotionality, and emotionality has a physical character to it. Like in fact I think this graphic is treating emotions as ideal states - it reminds me of like old misogynistic psychological theory that described rationality as an absence of emotion, that to engage in rationality is to move away from emotion. It treats rationality as “out there,” objective, natural, detached from social influence, and emotion as “in here,” in our hearts, ruled by the social. And this distinction is made on the idea that the social world is detached from the physical world, which is pure idealism.

this is not a dismissal or denial of anyone who feels a disconnect between their sexual and romantic desires, such as asexual or aromantic people - while I am neither of those things, I have experienced intense physical desire for the person I’m fucking while actively dissociating during sex as a result of dysphoria/heteronormativity/etc etc. by the same token I have also felt emotionally compelled to be physically attracted to someone without actually feeling physical desire. These are both emotional states that were in conflict with my physical desires, or rather my physical desires as I understood them at the time. our ability to interpret and understand our desires is itself social! otherwise heteronormativity wouldn’t be a thing. We don’t have unmediated, unemotional access to physical desire, which I think this graphic is arguing, intentionally or not.

so having complicated, contradictory, disconnected, or otherwise ‘non-normative’ relationships to our emotional states vis a vis physical desire is obviously very real, and the reason they are real is because physical desire is also socially mediated and constructed. What and who we find attractive, why types of bodies, physical and character traits, etc are attractive to us are all part of (joker voice) society.

now, idk how you easily communicate this in graphic format. perhaps these things are unsuited to the medium of easily digestible graphics, or perhaps I’m limited in my imagination. either way I don’t think bifurcating emotional-desire-as-social and physical-desire-as-natural is particularly helpful

#asks #disabling reblogs because um. well you know what tumblr is like #this is not ‘ace discourse’ or whatever the fuck I’m not doing that shit and if you start on here I’m gonna block you #even old new york was once new amsterdam

[0rph1x]

whoever said that the trans experience is beautiful was a fucking liar

#vent #tw dysphoria #tw vent #long tags #tw negative #if theres anything else i should tag pls pls lmk #this shit is not beautiful #this is demeaning and devastating and it fucking sucks #i cant think of any other way to describe it #and then people baby me bc being trans is hard and it makes it ten times worse #i can handle it on my own. i can handle everything on my own. but that doesn't mean im not allowed to be upset about it. #coming to terms with the fact that no matter what i do i will never look how i want to is earth shattering #once i figured out that i was trans i figured it would be simple to look how i want #a haircut a few surgeries and hormones. thats it. what the hell did i know. #its so. so much more. #ill never be the way i want #ill never be enough #and this isnt a confidence issue. its the truth. i will never be the way i want to be. #im too physically femme to ever transition like other guys do #most kids are worrying about their jobs and school at 18. im terrified of moving on with my life. #im running out of time #i will never have enough time #theres no point. its useless. why even start anything when it wont get me where i want. im wasting money and time and energy. #thats enough actually im done talking about this #i needed a second to get it out of my head and im okay now

[mewtwo24]

I just watched s2 episode 10 in the english dub and I have to say. Nothing could have prepared me for Howard's delivery of that final scene where Xie Lian gets worked up about the truth coming out.

The just...sincerely agonized delivery of "That my words were the empty ramblings of a sad child!!" shook me to the core. The absolute self-loathing in that line, the raw emotion. The way concealing the truth was done to spare Lang Qianqiu but also at its heart was about Xie Lian's unresolved feelings of humiliation and shame, the way [redacted] did everything in his power to make Xie Lian lose faith in himself and the possibility of good prevailing in the world.

The way TGCF keeps me up at night, man...

#tgcf #xie lian #lang qianqiu #the runner-up line that devastated me too was: 'it's the least of what I DESERVE!!!' #i dont think there are words to describe how that made hua cheng feel knowing all that he does (from his time as wu ming) #legitimately its on the spectrum of mantis shrimp im guessing bc i can't fathom trying to put it into words either #the way xie lian won't stop punishing himself for wishing for better--for wishing for peace and collaboration--even 800 years later #the way he continues to take responsibility for all the wrongs others commit--the way he deems himself a failure -> #for things he simply could not change or did not purposefully incite. the way he won't stop punishing himself when things go wrong #i honestly cant get over how acutely xl feels like the result of gifted child syndrome #having all of these grandiose expectations placed on him and doing his utmost to uphold them at any cost #doing everything he can to the point of self-destruction to do the right thing #only to end up hated in the end when he proved to have limits--even as a god #and discarded despite his efforts; ultimately deemed worthless for not measuring up to what were impossible/rigged standards from the get g #and like . the way up to this point they made the creative decision to make xie lian's emotional range fairly static #not that he's unfeeling but that he doesn't tend to raise his voice or express anything extreme (for good reason) #until this precise moment where it all comes flying apart with so many old scars torn open #absolutely fantastic im on the ground #honestly i feel like i forget how difficult a decision this had to be for hua cheng #i mean naturally he chose this because he wanted xie lian absolved #and ultimately xie lian really does need to stop the self-flagellation--he takes it too far #but watching him tremble with fear haunted by the echoes of what he almost became #fucking cHRIST

[aria0fgold]

Thinking more about my isat au and I'm gonna need to change a LOT more than I thought. First things first, Siffrin's connection to the wish. Since in Of gems and pages, all the wishes stayed the same. So why is Odile the one looping and not Siff? So basically, what I think I'd do in my au is that the Universe decided to change things up a bit.

The first time the Universe granted Siffrin the means to fulfill their wish, things went horribly bad (just look at Loop). So this time, the Universe decided to give this new Siffrin, something a lil different. They still gave Siffrin the timeloop But made Odile his proxy. So that Siffrin may have helpers in this new timeline, with Loop as the guide and Odile helping as well, it Should go better, right??? And since the wish is connected with Siffrin's emotions, the Universe can't just completely make it Odile's problem now, sooo basically... Siffrin can still remember Parts of a previous loop PRIOR to their deaths.

That means during the beginning of canon when Siff was crushed by a boulder, he remembers that. And found Loop as well, but when he accidentally ended up touching a tear, he now Doesn't remember being crushed by a boulder but by being frozen in time. At the same time, he ALSO doesn't remember Anything else prior to it. So he doesn't remember that there's a boulder that can kill him by the entrance of the House, he doesn't remember Loop. All he remembers is that somehow, one way or another, he was frozen in time within the House and needs to be more careful with the tears. And because of the way that the loops affect Siffrin now is faaar too different than how it affected Loop, he can't go forwards or backwards in time. Siff will always awaken back in the meadow and Loop will always have to do their whole speech all over again (which would most likely annoy them immediately cuz why? Why is it so different now? Why can't this Siffrin REMEMBER?)

Odile on the other hand, remembers ALL the loops and finds a lot of discrepancies with Siffrin. It takes awhile for her to meet Loop and they get to talk to each other. Their meeting would be pretty... rocky at first. Loop still getting regarded as a stranger by Odile, Loop finding out that Odile is the one getting affected by the timeloop from their own selfish wish. Even if that Siffrin isn't them, it doesn't change the fact that they both made the same wish. Loop thinkin bout being such a favourite cosmic joke of the Universe that not only were they turned into This, one of their family members are suffering cuz of them. And she doesn't even recognize them. It'd be pretty hard at first too cuz Loop doesn't know that their appearance changed yet, there's no mirror. For Loop, they might still look like Siffrin, right? But Odile's reaction to seeing them says otherwise.

Anyway in this au, stage wise, Odile is the actor, Siffrin is the director, and the Universe is the audience. Book wise, Odile is the character, Siffrin is the writer, and the Universe is the reader. Why is Siffrin the director or the writer and not the Universe? That's because the timeloops are Still connected to his emotions, if something he didn't want to think about happens like, that argument with Bonbon (just as an example. I'm wondering if that'll still happen here considering that only happened because of Siff had memories of all the loops in canon. He doesn't have that in this au anymore), time would loop back still, so in a way, Siff Is writing how the timeloops go.

#aria rants #isat spoilers #isat au #of gems and pages au #ogap au #also why did the Universe choose odile? i like to think that the Universe finds her as being skilled enough to be able #to easily help fulfill that wish considering that she Was able to deduce the timeloop when given enough clues #at the same time. odile also seems to be both really close to siffrin (the fact that they go on secret quests before) #and far away from the party emotionally. odile doesnt regard anyone as ''friends'' and so convinces herself that theyre just colleagues #but deep down. she also knows how much she cares for everyone to the point of willing to do unspeakable things to anyone that #dares harm any of them. she cares so much but doesnt know the word to describe it. friends doesnt cut it. the idea of them #being like family to her hasnt crossed her mind yet when the only family she knows of and have is broken and incomplete (her mom left them) #so shes seems to be emotionally distant from them. she wanted to ask bout continuing traveling with the others but doesnt know How #the Universe sees that and thought that should there be anyone that can easily help siffrin then itd be odile. unfortunately #for the Universe. they didnt quite expect siff being too closed off and dodgy in regards to his own emotions #so it still end up being difficult. even more so now that odile doesnt have the Full picture at all. she has no idea why #this is happening to her in the first place. she only knows it has something to do with siff and during the sequence #before new loop+ happened. the Universe most likely gave odile that chance both out of pity and hope that everything #will finally turn out better This Time. but because of the fact that odile Was dying and she exhausted her craft powers #she cant be brought back to the previous loops easily anymore cuz even if its still connected siff. her ability to be #brought back to loops hinges on craft power as well. siff is just the switch to it. so in a way. shes Supposed to be dead now #but the Universe heard siff's wish and granted the means to save odile as well as grant the previous wish he made #its just that such a wish cant be without a penalty. and that penalty is the timer on odile's life. they have only 99 tries left

[dallonwrites]

reblogs off bc i dont want to start Conversations based on other peoples posts but re the whole "who is in control you or the character" question, i find it SO interesting because it's by letting myself discovery write that I (for me personally disclaimer) found the perfect balance between intuition and intention. which to preface "intution" is the easiest way to describe how the inside of my writers brain feels bc often i just get vivid characters/stories/images/scenes with little control at first and i have to figure out what they mean. anyway discovery writing is what works for my brain to make intentional decisions because i need to be amidst a draft to get the Story Cogs working, whenever i try to outline before a draft it's always been just throwing things at a wall bc it feels too far away, but because im also using the discovery element to do that it's like. that's where i think the whole i feel like my characters reveal themselves to me comes from. because im always discovering small bits about them even if i've written them for years just but because discovery writing is also what prompts me to be intentional about writing as i write something it's like both are happening at the same time. so the whole "who's in control" it's like...i don't think control is the right word for me at all because its not Me or the Character it's me trying to understand the character to understand + then write my intentions. like neither me or the character are in the drivers seat because there's no car we are in the middle of the story forest and at first i won't know what it means at all except that it is a Story. and my character will start going one way and sometimes i'll follow and pay attention to where they're taking me to figure out if this is the right path/where to go next. and sometimes i'll figure out how to read the compass first and realise i need to drag their ass in another direction

#anyway i just thought this was interesting because i used to think i needed to outline to be intentional/in control of my story #but outlines are too distant for me to feel like im in control so thats why theyre more organisational than creative for me #whilst we're infodumping on process i also dont like the whole are characters Like Real People or just Story Tools #like yes my characters are tools for the story just like how the story is a tool for demonstrating my characters #like again i dont think its one or the other for me #but i treat them as very 'real' (which this can be another tangent in itself) and intuitive is the best way to describe how i process them #but that doesnt mean there isnt intention and control you know #like the reason i describe my characters and stories as 'real' to me is simply bc they are very vivid in my brain #and that vividness often expands the bounds of the story #i want to go on the 'real' tangent the weight of that word one day #i think this makes sense if u know that for me i rarely get 'ideas' i get images #and characters/relationships #and i have to figure out what that means as a story #also no i dont think you need 'intuition' bc thats just the word i use for myself but i do think you need to understand #how intention works w your writing process and what it means for you to be intentional and what helps you be intentional #and sometimes that will be not considering any form of 'intuition' at all #beloved writeblrs i think i need to launch the dallonwrites substack i cant be doing these tag essays anymore!! i need to expand!!! someone #give me a podcast

[hanzajesthanza]

i think the witcher makes me feel a profound sadness every night because it’s about all the things we love so much, or that we wish we had, but can never get back. the tragedy of the uncontrollable. the pain of loss.

ciri, despite her youth and innocence, loses her home and family and then she even her adoptive parents, and then she even loses her youth and her innocence, and is left with nothing but a grotesque scar symbolizing her trauma that doesn’t fit her childlike face and a hardened, green glare. and a sword, which is only a burden.

her parents, despite their incredible love for her, despite all of their agony and sacrifice to get her back, despite their own loss of their honor, their pride, their blood — they lose her too. they lose a child, the most tragic loss of all.

dandelion loses his best friend, clutching at his memories like the weeds growing by loch eskalott, trying to grasp the last twenty years to write his memoires.

milva hears her father’s words when she shoots, and his wheezing echoes in her mind.

regis lost himself, his entire life, all the people he ever loved and chased away.

cahir, despite his large family that loves him more than imperial orders, can never return to darn dyffrya, feel the sun on his face in vicovaro ever again.

angoulême wonders if her mother would have loved her had she not abandoned her, imagines what her hand patting her head in praise could have felt like.

and then geralt loses them. all of them, one by one.

and nimue, reading about it all, can never meet the figures of the legend she has obsessed over for years and years… she has her part to play in it, she can know their voices from dialogues and know their faces from etchings, but will never be able to tell them she loves them, tell them how much they mean to her.

even when they find what they’re searching for, even when they find what they’ve desired so — it’s only for a bittersweet moment. they shortly lose it again. everyone in this series is so intertwined together and caught in the same snare of destiny, and at the very same time so very alone and abandoned

#additional edit: this textpost brought to you by carolina in my mind #edit: and no one’s loss is the exact same! even though there are parallels — everyone suffers differently. #i used to feel guilty describing my experience as ‘loss’ because it wasn’t pertaining to death and that’s typically what loss insinuates #but you can lose so many things outside of death. and inside of death i don’t rule that out — but for me at least #the witcher books made me realize there are soooo sooo many ways to suffer and girl i’m not special lol #like all the protagonists experience this horrid sadness and tragedy and they KEEP LIVING and then they SUFFER EVEN MORE and then they DIE #and its like omg thats horrifying but like that didnt make the read any less enjoyable. in fact it made it more so #if they just were happy all the time there would be no story #so it made me realize that even if you are suffering or even if you have lost. life is still worth living #and also that rage and ‘bad’ emotions and selfishness and all these evil things that rise up from within a person are in fact natural #the creation of children of contempt seems almost unavoidable in the world we live in #but the point is that you cant stay a child of contempt. you have to humble yourself or someone else (BONHART) will humble you #dont hurt others or leo bonhart will snatch that beret with the rooster feather right off your ashen-blonde head #the witcher books #txt #analysis #kind of? analysis: a big theme in this is loss. lol kind of obvious not really groundbreaking you’ll have to forgive me #f: a hansa's a hansa #f: i want to see the sky #damn who would think a war saga would be a tragedy smh #obv /s #personal

[heliopixels]

-

#I'm not entirely sure why but I often feel like I'm not really mature in the way that I'm supposed to be at my age ? Like I get very excited #about small things and find it hard to care about things I'm not interested in and have very intense emotions about things that probably #dont matter much and etc. #these CAN be described as just adhd symptoms sure but damn the part of my brain going 'thats stupid grow up' #is. not very nice #i think i shall try to exorcise it. #like. i cant change this. its not even doing any harm and if other people think im a stupid infant for it then thats not my problem

[ruinikaidoexplodedbadly]

also my voice is really grating and inconsistent in pitch and everything it wouldnt be fun listening to autistic trisha paytas voice for like an hour

#i cant really describe my voice any other way i think that gives a vivid enough idea

[paperconsumption]

i like looking at pictures of rei sakuma but doing so for extended periods of time fills me with violent rage. this fucking guy

#i cant describe how i feel about him in any way other than saying i hate him. but its more complicated then that i think

[coldgpa]

Like u guys know when that video of will walking out of the school went around and everyone was like omg yes hes walking like a gay person! And thats just like with eddie- Dude just has gay mannerisms, naturally. The way eddie walks, his tone of voice-- the inflection he has on certain words, the way he emphasizes things hes saying with his dramatic body movement, the way he talks with his hands, the way he sits? Gay man

#the amount of times eddie limp wrists.... i couldnt even put it in one post #stranger things #steddie #eddie munson #thats why it blows me away so much when ppl are like ywah hes straight #im like... dude uve never met a gay person have u #and those gay ppl who think eddies straight or with chrissy? again i cant. you need to get out of here #but ya its funny bc turns out thats just how the noah kid normally walks #so joe quinn... what do u have to say #like i cant make this shit up #how eddie hold his hands and arms to me just screams gay man #i cant describe it any other way

[doggiewoggiez]

I know Tumblr is the worst place to voice an opinion like this but that Dead End show on Netflix was actually the most soulless thing I've ever seen in my life. And it was so unnervingly bad, and every concession was made in the name of marketing to the target 15-20 TikTok Tumblr Twitter demographic and being a poor Gravity Falls ripoff, that the few bits where it genuinely did something really bold and genuine for a kids show like that just add to it, it's like when you call to the noise you heard in the dark and it responds in your own voice. Even fucking Q Force had more integrity unironically.

#it was so bad and seeing people praise it and make fanart is like #i cant think of any other way to describe it except #how can you *fall* for it #deadendia #dead end paranormal park

[windwenn]

I booked 'the boy and the heron' two days in a row and having seen the first showing and put my thoughts/analysis in order i am a. So glad im seeing it again and b. Absolutely terrified that im going to start bawling immediately

#the whole movie felt like a goodbye #i cant describe it any other way #i'll be thinking about this for WEEKS #plus the animation in the opening scene with the fire???? #i've never seen heat and motion depicted so beautifully #also its the first ghibli movie i've been able to see in theatres im so happy TwT

[n0ct0urn1quet]

i cannot express how badly it sucks that in order to get better at things im scared of i have to actually do them in order to not be scared of them anymore but its just so . hard

what do you mean i (who gets anxious and incredibly distressed and immediately loses all energy for anything and withdraws from talking to anyone) have to socialize with people in order to get better at socializing with people and not getting anxious and upset. hthat is so unfair why cant it just happen overnight

#i dont even want friends at this point #like im fine just having 2 #no id otnt need more ppl to talk to... nor do i want it #i dont like that the mere thought of talking to new people makes me want to never talk to anyone at all ever again #(including my current 2 friends. bc as soon as that topic is brought up abt socializing i lose all energy and dont even want to talk to #them or anyone at all) #idont like Crying when i think about being around new ppl because its just . like #i have no other way to describe it other than it is terrifying #when im around new people i feeljust. instantly unsafe #i dont know you i dontknow you personally you dont know me and i feel like i was just #thrown into a room that i cant get out of stuck with people who i dont know who could harm me at any moment #that is what it feels like and it just . suffocates me #but. Physically. to the point where thinking about it makes it hard to breathe . it Scares me being around people #what do you mean i have to be around people to get better . god. is there anything else i can do #i dont even want new friends i just feel like i have to

[splatfest]

18, 20, 23 (Music asks) <3

from the year that you were born (2002):

+ headfirst for halos - my chemical romance + the fix is in - ok go

that has many meanings to you:

+ cable through your heart - bryan scary

that you think everyone should listen to:

+ sad boys - dazey and the scouts + saturdays for the boys (saturdays for the boys) - 1 trait danger

#i have 2 meanings for most songs bc i terminally misinterpret the artists intent. so ill use the q to explain some fun alt meanings i have #1. clean eyes i take as internal representation of ocd esp intrusive thoughts #'i fear what i dont believe' because the thoughts are against ur values but ur brain convinces you its because you secretly believe them #'you cant change me can you save me' and the references to being cared for are asking for reassurance #also describes not being able to put 'the pieces' back together. ie contamination ocd bc it makes u feel like youre forever dirty #or the notion that if you resist a compulsion the damage is already done + you can only prevent the next thing from happening #'it even has 'i check the lock on the door 3 times' its incredible thats not the intended meaning LMAO #2. i thought cable thru ur heart was about resuscitating someone with an aed T_T i clearly didnt listen to the lyrics and just made stuff u #i cant think of any others but my art captions almost always rely on a slightly different analysis of song lyrics if u wanna check those ou #i struggled a bit w the last one bc i feel that way abt everything i rec LOL #chose ones with an interesting first listening experience #fun fact that 1td song got me into car seat headrest (eventually. genuinely thanks pasta) which is my top artist of all time now #this took so long i had 5:30pm classes lolsies #ask game #catgirltitties #asks