#i don't really know how long tho | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dreadark · 6 days

Text

that ivan loves till is the most obvious thing about them

but. does ivan know that…?

the ivan that regards his own feelings as shallow, the ivan that learned how emotions are expressed only from copying others… does he even know that the love he’s felt for so long is love? probably not. and part of the reason is the one he loves himself

because the easiest example he has of love is till's feelings to mizi. till outright calls it love, and ivan watches him so much he has to be aware of this and till’s love to mizi is totally unselfish, right. he doesn’t seem to actually want much from her—just that she's still there and still "mizi"

but ivan can't be satisfied with just watching he… wants. ivan wants till’s attention, till’s affection—

surely this selfish wanting can’t be love

...no wonder he was never able to express his feelings straightforwardly when he belittles them so much but he can’t stand not having anything either, so he does… whatever he does instead to get any scraps of attention he can, from someone he's convinced doesn't care about him at all only showing affection when till can't see it, right until he knows he's going to die

but ivan's feelings for till are all he still has of himself... to think of them as shallow...

I've seen this translated as "I should've been kinder" to him (till) or to her (sua)

but really, the one he should've been kinder to was himself

#alien stage #alnst #alnst ivan #ivantill #i have a lot of thoughts on till -> mizi too but this is long enough #just attempting to rewrite my twt rambles more coherently #idk why i wrote this so dramatically tho...#'thank you for being the victim of my shallow emotions' is going to haunt me to my grave #ivan's character is just a careful balance between his natural freak nature and his extreme depths of self-loathing #making him the most miserable guy ever #...really once you realize so much of what went wrong is thanks to ivan just hating himself too much to even think of them as friends. well #c...can we bring him back... don't die like this.....#(also you know. with the implications of how 'pets' are treated #wanting someone physically must feel... even more wrong

542 notes · View notes

ryllen · 8 months

Text

He will never get it next time or anytime,

but in my arms he will be my favorite loser woooo~~

#sdv #stardew valley #sdv alex #stardew alex #sdv farmer #stardew farmer #stardew valley farmer #stardew valley alex #fanart #he can just be instantly emitted from all bachelor polls because we all know his result is (affectionate)#fshdh there's really nothing more unsurprising than sdv bachelor polls - other than how many people actually asking it #it's mostly always the same pattern of result #with seb and shane pitting each other #and he is at the very down bottom fshdh #a h ~ i see now tho elliott u are steadily slipping in between the two #anyhow good night!#lmao everytime people drawing bachelors in a set i just hope they don't hate alex enough to not draw him because i still want to seee~~~#he will only be drawn when people decided to be generous with him #but usually he will be the last if he did get drawn so it took a long wait to see him #RIP me #*closes eyes #there are still 2 artists i wish to see him from #i wonder if the set will ever continue to actually reach him #i was on bed already #but i jumped out of it again to console him

633 notes · View notes

lunarin64art · 14 days

Text

That feeling when he can't stand to see you that way, no matter what you do, no matter what you say😩😭💔

#scott pilgrims precious little life #scott pilgrim vs the world #spvtw #spto #scott pilgrim #wallace wells #lisa miller #scollace #kim pine #natalie adams #envy adams #don't rlly know if I like how this turned out but oh well;;;#hope its obvious that this is based on the song “Scott Pilgrim” which the creation the comics were inspired from #the lyrics always make me think of Wallace and Lisa's feelings for Scott every time I hear it #ofc you could also relate it to Kim especially since the singers voice kind of reminds me of her #but overall the lyrics fit these two much better since Scott never truly “saw them that way” despite how long they've liked him #and they always seem happier to see him compared to Kim #Im surprised tho that I havent yet seen anyone draw these two together now that their dialogue parallels have been acknowledged more lately #also tho I wish more people pointed out that they both got cucked by red heads LOL #and Kim and Envy actually do look really similar when scott first meets them #makes me wonder if Scott subconsciously went for Envy since she reminded him of Kim (which would be fitting given that you could argue that #Envy dated Scott because he reminded her of Todd. Since he and Scott are confirmed to be meant to be seen as similar to one another #so much so that even their first and last names rhyme #last thing I'll add tho is that while Wallace and Lisa are very similar even personality wise #the one big difference is that despite that whole conclusion on vol4 of Scott not cheating on Ramona with Lisa because he loves her #the writers apparently think it would be “organically correct” for him to have an affair with wallace LMAO #but I guess we shouldn't be surprised since Wallace and Ramona are both in the front of the official valentines art which is clearly #a deptiction of Scotts wet dream or smth (oh and you could also argue that Wallace and Lisa parallel on that art since they're both #shirtless with white socks.. which could be a reference to how lisa wears skimpy clothes for Scott and Wallace often only wears boxers #to like sexually frustrate Scott for fun or smth

249 notes · View notes

azaracyy · 3 months

Text

a lesson on good karma digimon survive week 2024 day 4: supporting characters

#digimon #gomamon #digimon survive #survive week #survive week 2024 #rambling ahead. you don't have to read the tags beyond bc there's nothing that important tbh... you can just look at the art...#exhausted from being out and doing housework yesterday. then got a last-minute job with very urgent deadline today #finished everything but yeah basically i did anything but art so #irl do be like that aint it #anyway it's been a long time since i played survive and my memory isn't that good #but i always remember the part where we had to protect the gomamon #and later they showed us a path via the dam allowing the team to continue exploring #it reminded me of just how important it is to be nice and do good things whenever and wherever possible #and be mindful with the not-so-good things you do and say #be it good or bad. karma is real even if you don't know when it will get back at you #and you know in visual novel settings. whatever choice you make really determines what happens later on #yeah believe it or not i end up thinking stuff like that by helping a bunch of adorable seal mons...#mmm i'm officially behind now so i might as well take my time while also rest a bit haha ;;#this week has been fun with survive week tho fr. even though i came in unprepared (when will i change)#gotta keep surviving #png

158 notes · View notes

lloydfrontera · 5 months

Note

In my opinion, the reason the reunion scene was skipped was because the author couldn’t figure out a way to write it non-romantically and gave up after a while

honestly. i kinda agree with you nonnie.

it just. the set up to the scene is sooooo romantic. you have lloyd being absolutely devastated at the thought he's not going to see any of his loved ones ever again and that he's been dropped back into his terrible life, to the place he admitted he'd rather die than go back to,,, and then someone knocks at the door and when he opens it this is the sight that greets him:

his best friend, the person he's closest to, the one he's spent years with, the one he promised a peaceful life at his side, the one he wanted to grow old with, the one he sacrificed everything for, the one he effectively gave his life to save, the one he thought he'd never see again, standing at his door, having crossed literal dimensional barriers to get to him, a soft and teary smile on his face as he tells him "i missed you"

like. c'mon.

i'm all for platonic interpretations, i'm aroace, i love me a good best friendship as much as the next guy, but,,,, isn't this,,, like,,, really fucking romantic??? extremely so??? am i??? reading too much into it?? because it feels really, really romantic to me.

and like you say. where do you go from there. what response could lloyd give that doesn't involve throwing himself at javier and clinging to him with all of his strength. what conversation could these two have that doesn't involve them seeing how truly devoted they are to each other. what resolution does their arc together have that isn't them spending the rest of their lives together, at each other's side, like they so dearly wanted to.

but. alas. that wasn't the story bk moon wanted to tell. and that's very much his right. i just think that if he didn't want me to assume there's no in-character and narratively satisfying version of that conversation that doesn't end with them kissing he should've at least tried to give us something. and not completely skipped it lol

but that's just my opinion too :]

#hey i got an ask #Anonymous #tged #the greatest estate developer #tged spoilers #lloyd frontera #javier asrahan #llojavi #ch 401 #and like. god. this really was his favorite scene to write uh.#i just. i don't get it. what was going through his head. what was he thinking. what was the point of all of This.#i just need ten minutes locked in a room with him. preferably with a translator but i am willing to compromise. just gimme ten minutes.#i can make him spill the soup i know this #fuck if i think too long about how this is the. second last chapter we get. before we officially end the novel with the two of them sharing #a relieved smile at the fact they can finally live their lives together without worries. i do go a little crazy.#this would probably be a hot take if there were enough opinions about tged for it to be considered spicy in the first place. but. i don't #love the extra chapters. the one with javier making a wish to a shooting star is acceptable tho it does create more questions than answers.#but the others are. meh. i would've much preferred if tged had ended in ch 401 with an open ending. maybe ch 402 if only because i did want #to see lloyd interact with arcos and marbella as suho. but there would be no last minute shoehorned wedding in my ideal ending.#i just!! i don't like forced romance!!!! i don't like compulsory amato/heteronormativity!!!!!!#i want my fictional relationships to have proper build up and chemistry and to be narratively satisfying!!!!!!! fuck!!!!!!!#i'm good. i'm okay. this is fine. we're all fine.#anyway. yeah

112 notes · View notes

brookheimer · 1 year

Text

the one thing i feel pretty certain about for this episode is that america will not decide the election. a decision will be made, a president will be elected, but america will not be the deciding factor.

succession can’t mimic 2016 or 2020 point blank, that would be boring and have nothing to say. it can’t try to outdo trump because it’ll go too whacky and fall flat like veep’s last season (sorry conheads, no way he’s winning). but what it CAN do is illustrate the immensely corrupt, often arbitrary, and hugely influential nature of news media and conglomerations on political processes. i think probably jimenez will be in the lead, then atn/waystar does something to, i don’t know, discount votes or cast suspicion on jimenez or call the election for mencken early, and the tide will shift, even though the votes are already in. the votes don’t actually matter. the actual result doesn’t actually matter. that’s the power logan (and as an extension, billionaires and CEOs in general) hold. shiv says it herself to logan in s4e2: “just cause you say it’s true doesn’t make it true. everyone just fucking agrees with you and believes you, so it becomes true and then you can turn around and say like, 'oh, you see? see? i was right.'” but it doesn’t matter that logan’s “a human fucking gaslight,” everything he says comes true anyways. not because he was right, but because that’s how it works. he says things and then they happen, regardless of what the truth is or what should actually come to pass. that’s been one of the key throughlines since the very first episode of the entire show when, in response to kendall calling logan out of touch because times are changing and logan isn't changing with them, logan hisses that everyone always says you’re wrong until you do it and prove you were right: “you make your own reality.” you can't miss the bus if you're the one driving it. the election, the votes, the political process? none of that matters. it was always going to come down to the roys and their ilk (allies or enemies, just the top 1%) — that was the whole point of “what it takes” (the mencken episode) last season, after all.

i’ve seen lots of theories about what america will choose and how the candidates will respond and all that and i just don’t think that’s the show’s focus; i think the whole point is to demonstrate the lack of agency, the illusion of democracy. because, i mean, we’ve already seen the fall of democracy via fascist election and fascist election-denial, both in real life and in the countless (usually mid) satires created afterwards. it would be disappointing to see succession use the election to reiterate that same point of 'ohhh alt-right ahhhhh!!!' i don’t think it’ll be about ‘fascism’ at all — at least, not ‘trump-y’ fascism. it’ll be about fascism in the broader sense, the kind that doesn't sport a KKK hood (even when it keeps one tucked away in the attic). it's the fascism that every single roy (very much including shiv and kendall) aid and abet -- the fascism that so many succession fans don't seem to regard as fascism, despite it quite literally being the definition of fascism. trump wasn’t the entrance of fascism into our political process. he wasn’t the lone sign of the failing of american democracy. democracy in america has long been illusory, trump just made it more blatantly evident with his particular brand of hate-speech-ridden masculinist in-your-face fascism.

so i think that’s what this episode will hopefully focus on — america will not decide. corporations, news media, and the roys will. thus, the president will most likely become president not because the country supports his policies the most, but because he’s likely to agree to help block a business deal for a major media empire, and the other candidate is unlikely to. and this will likely come to pass due to said major media empire's interference and influence: they create their own reality. they say it, and everyone agrees with them and believes them, so it becomes true.

#WOOF okay here's my unnecessary ~thematic prediction~ for this episode #i have some more like random thoughts ab what'll happen but those r less thought out and more throwing shit at the wall etc #but i've been thinking a lot ab this ep n idk i just can't see any other way it could be done satisfyingly -- they can't just do 2016/2020 #again. the focus has to be elsewhere. i have some specifics thoughts on details but again those r kinda random n will be in another post #after bizarrely getting a lot of things right this szn i know a lot of people are looking to me to see what i'll say for this ep and let me #remind yall that I AM LITERALLY JUST GUESSING BASED ON MY UNDERSTANDING OF THE SHOW AND HOW NARRATIVES #TEND TO WORK PARTICULARLY IN SUCCESSION! if i am wrong which i very well might be please do not crucify me. i know literally #nothing more than anyone else i'm just a random english/gov major who likes speculating about media ! that said if i end up right again #somehow then yes i am a prophet i am jesse armstrong i have never been wrong about anything in my life. etc #watch this age so poorly tho.#LOL #also fwiw i dont think the Shock etc is going to come from the election results - maybe possibly from the way things happen (i could see a #line of miscommunication resulting in fucked up outcomes etc which i can get into in another post) or a roy sibs moment but i just #don't think there's any way the results themselves cld be surprising. it's jimenez or mencken. it's not gonna be connor guys.#succession #succession spoilers #except not really. just succession speculation more than anything else #long post #succession speculation #100

202 notes · View notes

yayforocs · 3 months

Text

👉👈 so @silverskye13 i saw this and..............

had to make an aron helsmet!!!!!! this was really hecking fun to think about actually like what she'd be like n design (which. is a poke at the rp server she was from actually) and also made me sit down and think more on my other minecraft ocs i have sittin around and why they ended up getting redesigns lkdsfh BUT YEAH i!!!!!!!! aron!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#what do i. tag this as. sdklfjslk #i mean ig since it's like??? she's a concept from it i should???#redstone and skulk #aron #a lotta the stuff aron goes through in her character arc in the rps has to do with like. she has her stuff that she's comfortable doing #and stuff that she's not #and after trying and trying and trying to go outside her comfort zone and help ppl around her in a Better Way #feels like she's just not good at it and should give up and go back to what she was doing before #-only to find out through A Lot Of Events that no she actually was learning even tho she didn't realize it and she was getting better #and she was actually helping #and also. it was. kind of impossible for her to go back anyway. jlsdf.#sO i thought her helsmet would be more of the 'stick with what i know and don't leave that' kinda thing!!!#leaning into her minecraft roots; she was originally a redstoner/demolitionist (i mean she's still a demo but)#so her helsmet would- if following that idea- be Really Hecking Good at redstone #but only stick to redstone bc No I'm Not Trying Anything Else #also aron had a lot of problems trusting people she shouldn't and it really bit her back so there's that aspect too!!!#...also is it just me or does this pic feel very Camish like i don't know what it is about the style bc i tried smth different #and when i finished i looked at it and went 'huh. this looks like camish drew it.'#I WILL ALSO!! make more!! of my other minecrafters!!! i just underestimated how much thought i would be putting into making helsmets sdlkfj #but they are bouncing around in my brain!!! and i will draw them once i can get them to stay still long enough to realize what they are!!!

26 notes · View notes

synthshenanigans · 8 months

Text

This took like 17 hours i want to explo d e

Alt versions v

#the amount of shading & lighting i had to do bro #hell i wanted to do more but just didn't know how to execute it #also cos i spent fuckin 17 hours on this an i don't wanna make it 20 #i still have another idea to draw for the outfit too #ive been seeing the same shades of pink & blue for so long help me #i actually really like this tho #enjoying my art for once wahooo #i usually dont care much but for my sanity pls don't make this flop my hands and eyeballs beg you/j #chonny jash #-atlas art-

59 notes · View notes

artheresy · 5 months

Text

Yingxing Appreciation 🎉🎉

hi, hello, it's Yingxing appreciation time and I'm dragging you into it bc he is my baby and I need more ppl to talk about him

Y'know I see a lot of people like in awe and hyping up DF and just giving him tons of appreciation while analyzing him specifically as an individual which is all so so valid, DF is amazing and very intriguing as a character and I love him sm, but I sadly don't see the same for Yingxing despite him I think also being so interesting. I also see him more so dismissed in the "literally God and some guy" kind of fashion sometimes

So I'm here to rant just a little bit about Yingxing, why I love him, why he's epic and why he ruins my day every single time I think about him! This is for any of my fellow Yingxing lovers who are also starved of any content of him

Firstly, this man is a genuine genius, like lest we forget this is from Baiheng's travelogue in which she met a young Yingxing who was still a child by this point.

He was a young boy but had already become a craftsman, a sign of his ability to learn exceedingly quick under Huaiyans tutelage. And his ability to work and progress incredible fast continues into his time as a young man on the Luofu.

We know he arrived probably somewhere around 18-21 (in my personal estimate) and by the time he saw Jingliu again (which itself was likely early into his stay on the Luofu given HCQ ages and timing), he had already impressed the Master Craftsmen of the Luofu's Artisanship Commission and earned himself a title.

There are also multiple things in game that emphasize his achievements and creations he crafted, some offhandedly mentioned in a readable or item while others are emphasized with importance.

Casually mentioned in the Discarded Ingenium Parts is his feat in the Great Trial of the Furnace (perhaps that trial is for gaining the furnace master title? Once again signifying an earlier achievement in his legacy) where it took him only a day and night to create a whole mechanical lion that moved and looked just like a real live lion from a bunch of defective parts and waste.

More recently in 1.5, they released a readable, the Ten-Lords Criminal Directory, which mentions an imprisonment method designed by Yingxing that keeps “Mirage” in a perpetual state trapped within a hallucination of their own making. Utilizing it’s own powers in order to keep it imprisoned. Something that with proper maintenance seems to have lasted for around 700 years so far.

And of course, how can we forget his most famous creations

The beautifully crafted weapons of the High Cloud Quintet, from Jingliu’s incredibly heavy sword remarked as being as heavy as three thousand catties, to Dan Feng’s Cloud Piercer with the ability to even cut through dragon scales, and the Devastator Glaive as well as Baiheng’s recurve bow. Each impressive in their own ways and seemingly crafted pretty early as well into his time on the Luofu with the HCQ given the distinction of Jing Yuan who (even if he likely was more a teen than a boy) still wasn’t an exact adult yet. So once again, let me emphasize this man’s skill here. With how many things he managed to do so so early into his time on the Luofu. A genius craftsman who deserved all of the praise he had garnered with his works.

Additionally, I know they keep harping about “ugh arrogant craftsman, ugh he’s so full of himself” but every single time we’ve seen his personality, he just seems like a genuine joy to be around. Bright, charismatic, sure he’s cocky but he also gives the impression of being incredibly fun and a bit silly if you ask me.

His behavior as mirrored by the mirage echo in Scalegorge Waterscape is distinctly playful even in what might be a more tense situation, lightly bantering with Dan Feng and even chuckling in certain languages.

In Jingliu’s character stories, it even furthers this bright, playful attitude he gives off with his distinct cheekiness shining through especially with that “toothy grin” of his. And if you listen to Jingliu’s (at least her English) voice lines during Clouds Leave No Trace when she speaks about Yingxing before getting into his transformation, there is a distinct fondness or amusement in her voice as she speaks of him especially that cocky nature of his despite her distaste for it at first.

While Baiheng is hailed as this kind figure in the High Cloud Quintet, perhaps their sun even casting light upon them, it doesn’t seem too far off to say Yingxing was a shining star among them in his own right. His easy going nature with them bringing about a bubbly playfulness similar to Baiheng given their closeness from when he was young. I could go into way more especially in regards to the casualness at which Yingxing seems to speak and treat others allowing for a more equal formation of relationships especially with Dan Feng but I’m saving that for another rant.

And all of this about him especially how expressive he seems at certain points he’s been mentioned, really just makes me so incredibly sad when thinking about Blade now. How severely separated he is from this identity. A division that exists from not only his death but from the way his mental state has been severely warped from his time with Jingliu and being affected afterwards by the mara.

The sheer dehumanization and lack of a personal identity in place of seeing himself as a solely a weapon when put next to Yingxing, with such a clear bold individual identity, really makes the transformation of one into the other all the more jarring and tragic. Especially with the emphasis on how Yingxing hated the abominations of Abundance only to become one himself, something that is still implied to have not been by his own hand. Blade is an immensely tragic character, but that tragedy only holds weight because of the life and identity Yingxing had. It is only with Yingxing’s light which shined despite the circumstances of his life that his descent into darkness hits harder, and it makes me so sad that I haven’t found many others talking or expanding upon this despite my searches because he really is such a well written character with so many details in his story that are both interesting and utterly heartbreaking.

And additionally, I want to say that I think there is a lost potential in examining the Xianzhou through Yingxing. Specifically in the way he is treated as a short life species. We know how the relationship between the Vidyadhara and the Natives, especially as it’s changed after Dan Feng, but there is a very interesting relationship to be explored between the Xianzhou and the Short Life Species the end up there, especially through Yingxing’s relationship to the different Artisans guilds whether on the Luofu or the Zhuming.

In the end, it becomes another sad element to Yingxing’s story. Yingxing managed to change his attitude regarding how the Zhuming masters treated him and even grew more of a confidence, but even in the Luofu's Artisanship Commission, he can never truly get as far as he deserves. Just as Jingliu says

Even with his work impressing the master craftsmen of the Luofu, even after more than showing his skill and earning the title of Furnace Master for that skill, he still would be denied higher positions and could only prove his true worth by the High Cloud Quintet.

And just let me say it again, him being a short life species allows for such an interesting examination of the world and people around him based upon that. While we don't know exactly how they met, we do know that Yingxing was Huaiyan's personal disciple and the only one he mentions of the celestial masters to treat him with respect and believe in his capabilities despite knowing he's a short life species. Through his treatment of Yingxing, we learn quite a bit about him. Through Baiheng's treatment of him as well, we learn a lot about her, more than anywhere else.

He's just UGH I need more exploration from Yingxing's perspective, the lack of it feels as if I'm being starved. He's so interesting, he's so fun, he's incredibly tragic, and he makes me cry every single time he crosses my mind. Please do yourselves a favor and think more about his character so you'll end up as sad about him as me. Or don't maybe. I dunno. All I know for sure is that you absolutely need to read Views of the Universe From a Starskiff: The Zhuming if you haven't. Anyways bye, thanks for listening to this rant, I gotta go cry over him.

Peep the tags also for a rant about my own characterization of YX if you wish to witness my insanity

#Let me rant about my own personal characterization of Yingxing based on this and its OVER #It's OVER #Firsy off We need to acknowledge before we get into anything that YX is severely traumatized #Before becoming a teen (we don't know exactly how long he was at the Zhuming before he met BH so he could have been p young)#He had already lost his entirely family in an incredibly brutal fashion to the Borisin #His home planet was conquered destroyed and turned into a weapons nursery for the Borisin #And he ended up somehow on the Zhuming (it's my hc that Huaiyan himself found him but we don't know the canon details)#And on top of that seemingly only Huaiyan his master was kind to him as the rest of the celestial masters on Zhuming degraded him for being #A shortlife species to the point he A CHILD tells BH he doesn't know if he'll live to see his parents avenged #So yeah he's gone through some shit #And we know his arrogance begins after Baiheng says kind words to him but ngl I don't think he switched up so fast from a few kind gestures #I think that arrogance of his begins as a coping method inspired by her especially given the exaggerated nature of it as jingliu describes #When he was a child #Kind of a fake it til you make it #And by the time he ends up on the Luofu I think it's half genuine confident half fake it til you make it #Specifically in that he does really see the people around him as equals no matter their status or species including someone like HE IL #And in that he's probably pretty judgemental all things considered #But I think the more exaggerated parts especially his outward declarations are played up a bit by him to give off a certain facade or image #In order to garner respect when paired with his actual genuine skill and talent #That's just a reduced summary of my characterization of him tho with his relationship to his confidence I have more to say but #ALSO YINGXING WITH SURVIVORS GUILT #WHERE IS MY YX WITH SURVIVORS GUILT CONTENT *bangs my fist against the floor*#That 100% plays into my personal characterization of his relationship with his confidence #Also I view YX as being AuDHD for so many reasons but esp with what we know in canon of his obsession with crafting and his #Overworking himself tendencies regarding it #Yingxing #Hsr blade #Hsr #Honkai star rail #Don't let me mention how this affects his relationships I'll be even more annoying than I already am

39 notes · View notes

intermundia · 9 months

Text

a couple hours of cloud shadows

#the farm #timelapse #amber waves of grain ass weather #very pretty clouds #my phone died while taking this so honestly i don't know how long this timelapse is of #less than two hours tho #the wind is really howling #flashing tw #flashing video

49 notes · View notes

cicadagaze · 1 year

Text

a redraw of a piece from 2015. always liked the idea that firestar visited smudge after his death.

January 31, 2015 - February 4, 2023

83 notes · View notes

lilywhisperer · 11 months

Text

So fucking pissed at people who say that hyperspecific labels “make the queer community look bad” or “is just pure attention seeking”, NO MF I JUST LIKE HAVING A NAME FOR THINGS I FEEL.

Like, my situation with gender is so fucking complicated that having a person coin something such as “dazegender” was so good to me, and I still have a complicated relationship with gender !! I’m so glad for whoever coined the term “Omnisexual/romantic” because it would've been a living nightmare to do mental gymnastics to feel like I fitted pan or bi.

“But those are spectrums” do people treat them as such ? Do they really ? Plus it's just difficult to my head to grasp the concept of “spectrum” it either is or is not, that's how my brain works personally. (My brain needs to be able to name things, basically. And also to know exactly what to do, if we're talking about chores, per say).

In today's generation so many people (me included) just find it SO HARD to put their feelings into words that it is genuinely a blessing to have labels that can label what we feel so precisely (to us, at least), “but you're overcomplicating something that should be simple” feelings are so far from being simple, honestly, and what is simple to you may not be to me, and that's okay, just don't call me attention seeking or whatever.

Also, also !! Hyperspecific labels/flags just make me (at least) feel more validated, since it makes it clear to me that I'm not alone in the way I feel and it kinda validates me (in a good way) :] And it's the Queer Community after all, so I think it's past the time we start actually acting like that.

#★﹐echos lost into the vastness of space #tldr ; just let people do whatever they want as long as they aren't creating labels such as “MAP” or “animesexual” istg #this post was brought to you by #A Random Video I Saw Talking About How Cupiosexual People Are Not Valid !#not going to tag this because i just won't. know. how to deal with people wanting to fight #i will hear your arguments against this tho #(if you have any)#doesn't mean i will agree #but that's ok. you don't have to agree with me either ! just. be kind. please.#this is kinda vent-ish but it's just something I've been dealing with for a really long time #my brain likes having names to thing such as feelings. attraction. gender. aesthetics. personality traits. etc #i know people are really against this thing of hyperspecific labels (or even aesthetics. i see a lot of discourse on that)#but some people are. just. Like That™#and while i do agree humanity can't be properly labelled #i enjoy having labels ! helps me to not feel insane and actually feel normal and comfortable with myself #also if i can't name a feeling. thing or if i don't have clear instructions on something i'll simply not work #anyways #thanks for coming to my tedtalk #and also happy pride for both people with simple labels and people with hyperspecific labels !! all valid ! :] 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

34 notes · View notes

izzy-b-hands · 5 months

Text

Stoned, working myself up to do my T shot (where's Roach to do it for me when I need him?), and instead of getting that done I wrote this thing* instead.

*thing here meaning a more passiveish voice from Ed's POV mini fix it, focusing on Ed's feelings and thoughts and grief and regret in the immediate Izzy being saved but still in early recovery period. Blackhands with the vaguest hint of potential steddyhands.

Please forgive any formatting errors; I'm publishing this on mobile (and will get this up on AO3 too at some point.) I'll try to check later on desktop and address any errors though.

He hasn't washed his hair yet.

He will, eventually.

But as long as Izzy's blood is in his hair, there's proof that it's all real. That it happened, and that Izzy is still there and breathing.

It was a very, scarily close call, per Roach.

But Izzy is alive. Wounded, hurting, but thus far seemingly on the mend. He spends most of the days resting on the ship (anchored near the little island that holds the rundown house they want to make into an inn. As soon as Izzy is better, at least.) The nights, as Jim, Archie, and Frenchie relay it, are harder. They take turns staying up with Izzy, apparently, when he can't sleep.

He offers to take a turn, be added to the rotation. He means it in genuine goodwill, and out of fear that Izzy might still slip away in the night, somehow.

Jim's knife is at his throat before he can blink, and that's answer enough.

There's a lot of blame. Fair blame, but no easier to bear. On himself and Stede for not checking Ricky over for weapons, for having Izzy and others more or less lead the charge when it should have been them.

On himself, for not moving from Izzy's right away, to let Roach in to work to save him. It hadn't been a conscious choice, though he can't seem to get any of them to understand it.

Roach had shoved him aside just as he'd caught the glimmer of the ring around Izzy's scarf. And it had made him pause, still in the way, as he had realised he wasn't sure where his matching ring was (with a tiny but pretty amethyst stone.) Rings they'd exchanged years ago now, despite never clearly labeling what they had.

Stede's used the term ‘husbands’ when they've talked in the nights since the escape. To clarify and make sure they're settled on the same page about each other and Izzy and how they're going to proceed. It feels the most fitting word, but it hurts the worst.

The ring, he thinks, is still somewhere among what little loot they didn't toss or sell. He wouldn't have gotten rid of it, no matter what. He thinks he knows at least that much about himself for sure.

If he finds it; when he finds it; it might be thin enough to thread into a braid in his hair, or fit over the fabric when he wears Stede's scarf.

He wants to be wearing it when he sees Izzy again. Not when Izzy is sleeping and unaware of his visits during the day, but awake and maybe willing to talk.

To let him apologise, practice in action, because if anyone would let him treat their apology as ‘practice’ it would be Izzy. Just so long as he knows it's real this time.

He fidgets in the wooden chair near Izzy's cot, threading his fingers together, knowing they're clean, but still seeing only Izzy's blood on them.

#text post #long post #do i dare ship tag this #uncertain so the usual 'if u wanna reblog and tag it as the ship name go for it also thank u for the reblog' applies to this #i really need to just get my shot done but that said im glad i put it off to write this #fr tho samba you don't even need to know how to like I'll model how to do the shot just pls someone do it for me lmao

10 notes · View notes